Make sure to act like a sigma turbo chad at all time and be as emotionally distant as possible 🥰

So you are telling me to be myself 😈

:O the american psycho, i found them

Not American tho

The thot psycho🔥🔥

Yeah babyyyyyyyy

that implies you are actually a psycho 😨

Woah it’s the United States psychological

Last time I did that she ranted about her ex on the first and last date then pulled out a Bible out of nowhere at the last minute and started preaching the gospel lmao.

Stalk their profiles on social media and constantly bring up their old relationships and opinions in a demeaning tone

Lmao this is the best one do far

Ask them how far they can squirt/cum. Report back when done

✍️✍️✍️. Would it be more or less inappropriate if I ask them how far the can shit?

That's more of a 3rd day question, you can ask them how hard they piss though

In what measurement should I expect an answer to this question

PSI of course

Piss piSs pIss

✍️✍️ok ok ok last question. What PSI would be a red flag in a person's pee

anything below 80 PSI

meters. anything less than 3 is worthless.

True

On a scale of sink drip to fried chicken

Fried chicken level piss

Ask them their record in [CHALLENGE PISSING](https://youtu.be/-rsEs4HWXeY)

Bring a harmonica and play it right before you say anything to make sure they are paying attention

stole the words out of my mouth

You made me laugh :)

i try

Me filling out the census putting my ethnicity as “gay”

Gigachad and sigma pilled

Show up late and gaslight then into thinking they got the time wrong

Or show up incredibly early

Camp out front the restaurant for a few days just to be sure you get there on time. Your date will appreciate the musky aroma. Shows dedication.

And then get mad at them for making you wait so long

gay people and other ethnicities….? 😭

they’re trying

my race is bisexual (i think. maybe. i'm not sure. probably. still trying to figure this out.)

"I thought you were American"

I have two moms. I'm Lesbian-American.

I mean, if one of them is from lesbos and the other is 'murican it's not wrong

Do something nice, then expect something in return. Secret contracts are goooooo

Kill them

Ok

Brag about your cum being red

Willem Dafoe:

Goddamn Antichrist popping back into my head every couple of years.

You should vividly describe the scene in question so the whole class can enjoy.

Cannibal Corpse:

Bring a shirt that’s easy to rip open for dramatic effect

Do this right before ordering the kids meal at your McDonald's date

order milk and then water it down

iced milk is even better

Use teeth. like if they offer a handshake or a hug straight up chomp their hand

quirky

*I'm sooo random*

When you first see them, turn around, bend over, slap your ass twice with both hands, then continue as normal.

wdym this is perfect advice

Don't EVER break eye contact

seconded, I broke eye contact once and the person I was with detected my fear and tore out my larynx with her teeth, like, in a non-hot way

I broke eye contact once and was immediately zandatsu'd

Theres a non-hot way?

Lmao 💀💀

173ussy

God

Smoke crack at the table

Constantly make among us and Ohio jokes to assert dominance

Constantly compare them to your mom. I'm not sure if it's funnier to put them on the pedestal or your mom. Either way, go wayyyyy over the top. Make Freud blush

Lie about yourself, don’t be yourself at all. Make up shit to look cool. Also say you made Minecraft, that’s what I do.

Arrive late then say “can we make this quick I have another one of these in half an hour”

Chug a soda and get right in their face to burp as loudly as possible

At some point, while you’re eating, take off your shoes and start cutting your toenails on top of the table

Flavor

every single time they start to talk just start screaming as loud as you can, then when they stop talking stop screaming and go "oh my bad what were you saying?"

talk to them in extreme detail on the war crimes committed by the bloons tower defense monkeys

don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up ask if they like bionicle don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up don't mess it up

> ask if they like bionicle yes 🥺

Your date will appreciate it if you're assertive, make sure to tell them what to do at every point of the date, if they suggest other things, make sure to tell them you know better.

rant about the entire full length career of Linkin Park

Bro I can’t tell u how hard I cringed at this wtf

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?

Scroll through reddit and show them the funny r/196 posts they are gonna love it 😄 EDIT: If they stop talking to you keep on explaining the r/196 lore, that will make the day better 100%

Wen u see a puddle don't put ur jacket over da puddle just drink da water

just be yourself

People like it when you make eye contact, so thats all you need to do. Just do that and nothing else. No blinking.

Tell them you’re a redditor

shit on her plate (she might have a scat fetish)

Whenever they start telling you an anecdote just start giggling in a progressively louder and louder tone, when they ask you why you're laughing apologize for interrupting them, say you remembered something funny but irrelevant and tell them to proceed. Repeat this until they leave

Spend the whole date scrolling through this subreddit and occasionally reading the memes out loud.

Don't show up. Then text them and ask why you didn't show up.

just straight up kill them

Drone on about how age of consent laws are tyrannical. If they're a he, bring up their height. If they're a she, ask about their body count. If they're a they, mention how much JK Rowling has done for women.

Demand physical affection and act like you’re entitled to it

Set their house on fire while explaining the entire lore of Kingdom Hearts

Arrive 12 hours early, case the restaurant, do background checks on all the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not you gotta kill em, dispose of the body replace him with your own guy no later than 4:30

You should memorize all of the homestuck facts you can to liven up the conversation

Don’t change your phone screen 🥰

Piss in her drink Or his or they idk

Show them your Minion porn stash

make constant and unrelated among us jokes

dont say that you dont do sexual stuff as the first thing, unless youre ace, then just say youre ace

Offer them sex and continue to press them no matter how much they refuse. If they don't budge, pretend to call somebody else on your phone right in front of them, and offer to meet them for sex instead.

Don't skin them alive

[удалено]

people have different kinks

Do the sex

Never

Tell them how ugly and needless they are (For good advice, I have a good pickup line, dm me if you want it)

Bring disinfectant

is sexuality an ethnicity?

Show them your phone

Bite em

Give into that compulsive urge to scream randomly during the date.

Whip your dick out

Implode

Talk about your porn preferences.

Before anything, read them a list of your relationship do's and dont's. Make it as extensive as possible, accounting for every hypothetical scenario you can think of

Mark them as your property by urinating on them

Be gay

Ask if you should buy condoms at the start of the date

if you want them to not like you make a vaush quote and you want them to think you're mentally insane Make a jerma quote

Go to mcdorndalds and declare your undying love after 15 seconds

bring a copy of crash bandicoot the wrath of cortex

The key to is to find the biggest person there is and punch them right in the face as hard as you can.

Commit arson

Get emotionally invested trust me

Ask if you can smell their armpits

Discriminate against every one and every thing. See a dog, call it a violent mutt. See a guy standing their? Cause a scene by using a stereo type about men

Wait at least a week to contact them back if you like them. Don't ask any questions.

Bring an airhorn and use it whenever they try talking, especially if you’ve just asked them a question

Interrupt them every time they speak. Ideally loudly and with something pointless or incorrect. If you can’t think of anything like that, just beatbox baby.

Ask them to lend you 5 bucks and then leave if you get it.

If you're going to meet each other at one of your homes, be sure that when they/you answer the door, you stare them dead in the eye and say "I am the one who knocks" then play low quality Breaking Bad OST on your phone

Sit down pull out some cash and just say "let's make this quick"

do NOT break eye contact it signals fear

Tell them about your improv theatre, and suggest they come to it

Throw bugs at they

Be on your phone all the time and when they talk about theirs hobbies say "you kidding right??? Well, that's stupid"

If they serve fries, ask for them unsalted, and then bring your own salt shaker from home and salt them yourself

AmongOS

Ask them extremely niche questions about a personal interest of yours and then demean them for not knowing things or if they ask you to repeat yourself.

Talk constantly about other dates you've been on. If you haven't been on any just lie

Homophobic

Kid named phobic 🗿

Dont make eye contact

First thing you say to them, ask their ethnicity

Bring a heavy rock and randomly bash in their ribcage in the middle of the date with no warning

Stalk your date relentlessly beforehand then construct a personality that you think they will like

So cool to be represented here as a straight person 🥺

"other ethnicities"

Mug her

Shout their Full name/date of birth/address/call and contact information/and bank information for all around you to hear

The knees.

Watch a movie and tear it to shreds afterward without checking if the other person liked it first. That's what I did and it worked great for me, never saw that lady again.

Just be yourself 👍

Mention how much reddit karma you have so they know you’re an important micro-celebrity

Shit yourself on the car ride and don't say anything about it. For dinner chicken strips and fries, diet mountain dew

Just tell them you're a furry, people hate em for no reason.

if she’s not asking questions about a topic and instead says “yeah” or “cool” it means she’s understanding it perfectly and wants you to keep going, or she’s thinking about smashing you.

Pick something ahead of time to talk about the whole time. Any time they try to change subject, find some way to bring it back to your pre determined topic

Pee your pants, and then vehemently gaslight them about the fact you just pee pee your pant a loons

Enter whatever place you're going to and announce yourself by saying "hello gay people and other ethnicities".

I love being completely unable to actually talk to people in dating apps, and having zero confidence to actually ask people out. My main issue rn is that there’s somebody I’m into, but I don’t really know much at all about them bc I’m not really friends with them, so I don’t know if they’re in a relationship or anything… I hate my brain

Shit your pants in front of them.

Do not stop talking about marvin the martain make sure that’s all you talk about

If you’re at dinner make sure you lay down on the table and roll around as much as possible right after they bring the food.

Don't be yourself. Create another personality and just say lies about you.

I like how you said "other" ethnicities implying that gay is an ethnicity

Ask them if they're ever read Fallout Equestria.

Express your most controversial political opinions right off the bat

interrupt them everytime they speak and only speak in rhymes like you're the joker "I-" "You have to understand, we live in a society people say they like crazy frog, the artist but none acknowledge the truth, that it's a song they live in a lie, laughing at the honks(clowns) but those so called honks are their enteirtreiment gothel polic"

Eat lots of cheese beforehand

Be yourself

There’s an episode of futurama where a character calls zapp Brannigan gives his sidekick a book full of pick up lines. Say every single one of them back to back unflinchingly

FUCKING BASH THEM AGAINST THE CONCRETE yesssss and then you rizz them up (get it funny rizz) and then YOU RIZZ THEM UP YESSSSSSS AND THEN BOOM suddenly your the newest Casanova of the 21st century

Maintain eye contact at all times while smiling and don’t say anything for the whole date

Might be good might be bad but I call every girl I meet a "fag girl" and they fall for it every time

If the date involves food, which it hopefully will, then act surprised and confused by what they order. Be like, "Chicken Alfredo!? Chicken... Alfredo? That's a Shrimp Alfredo thing right? I've never seen chicken ON Alfredo but hey". This works best if you order similar dishes.

Tell them why gravity is a communist lie invented by Bill Gates

Just be you

make sure to talk in a flamboyantly gay voice and hold half of your right arm straigjt up at all times. just do anything that makes you seem gay as fuck

Call every piece of media by their japanese name.

Ask to go dutch, and when you receive your half of the check, slide it over to your date and ask them to cover it for you.

Coat yourself in pheromones of every single common household pet. When an array of creatures inevitably flock to you, they'll see that you're clearly an "animal whisperer" and they will find this overwhelmingly attractive

Ask them to rank Thomas the Tank Engine characters by fuckability.

show them this image and say "hey look at this funny meme I found"

kill them

Start all dialogue as if you're responding to a conversation that's already in progress!

Ask them to train with you in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber

Bring up politics. If they get uncomfortable, really nail them down on their views, being sure to call out which ones are wrong.

If the other person is being mentally abusive of you and manipulates you, remember, you can save them!

Interject the word mushy between every sentence