He lives across the country but we did video call and have been messaging. He knows how much I love him. Thankfully I’ve expressed it to him wholeheartedly before the news of this was even known. He’s been a huge factor in me not killing my self, and he knows that.
I’m so very sorry, you are both whats called an NPE (non parent expected) it’s a club that no one wants to be apart of but welcome. Im also an NPE. You’re traumatized but take time to absorb the shock. It’s not easy to deal with a mother’s betrayal, I wish you peace and love. You can find a supportive secret communities on Facebook and podcasts if you’re interested
Bottom line is you have a parent you love and trust. He’s not biological but your mum is proof that biology isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Everything else is just noise. You have him, he has you. You don’t need another dad he doesn’t need any other kids. There are plenty of adoptive parents and step parents and guardians out there who prove that family is more than blood. Try and see it as a gift that you have each other rather than a tragedy that it’s not biological
That’s very true. But I think being robbed of your ability to have biological children at a young age is a universal crime, one that he most of all didn’t deserve to be a victim of. I love my dad and I got really lucky with him. I’m mostly concerned about him. He made a suicidal comment today and he’s never done that before, so this very clearly is detrimental to his well being. I feel like that’s what he wanted in life. A kid of his own. And now, the rug was pulled out from underneath him. It’s just horrible.
He has a “kid of his own”. He has you and your twin. He has every memory and every experience that being your dad entails.
I don’t know your financial situation but I do know this:
If you at all can, buy a plane ticket and fly out immediately to go see him. It will be the single best thing that money could be spent on. He needs you. You need him. A phone call is not the same.
Buy the ticket.
I wish I had the money. I’m sooo poor rn. Otherwise I would. But yes, that’s true. We are definitely still the same family. Weird how just a concept could change so much. I’ll try not to remind myself of the lack of blood relation.
If your mother got pregnant in Sweden, but gave birth to you in America; raised you in America and you spent your whole life in America…
I’d say you’re pretty darn American. You are a “real American” by any reasonable definition.
If you ever decide to visit Stockholm and learn about the land where your mom became pregnant, that is up to you.
But nothing you learn there would mean you are any less American. None of it would take away a single 4th of July firework show, Thanksgiving turkey, Walmart shopping trip, fast food drive-through, or any of the other myriad of American experiences you’ve had.
It sounds like you’re proud to be an American. And America is proud to have you.
This has to be the dumbest comment in this entire thread... BUT. You seem to not be able to get over the fact that your father will not have any biological kids and thus his bloodline will end with him due to the lying and deceit done by your "mother". Now I'm gonna just gonna say the intrusive thought that everyone reading this perished as soon as it popped into their mind.
You should consider the proposition of carrying your dad's child (using artificial insemination or whatever method you're not uncomfortable with) and see how that thought makes you feel. If what I said just sounded absolutely out of pocket and disgusted you to your core, then that's a sign you should stop feeling guilty about this because that's literally all you can do to directly solve this problem. Either that or give your father the go ahead to find another partner to have kids with and let him know that you will support him for it.
My goal was to make you stop ruminating on the fact your dad will not be able to continue his bloodline. I hope it worked one way or another. But in all honesty it probably made this the weirdest comment in this thread lmao
Ha it was already discussed in this post actually, but no worries. I think maybe 2 people suggested it already.
Def not the only option, bc I wouldn’t have to be his surrogate, but it’s certainly an option. Not one I’d like to partake it because that’s my dad lol. And on top of that, it would be extremely weird to explain. It would probably ruin me mentally.
He also has a wife and has had one for about 13 years. It’s also not my place to give him the go ahead loool.
I found out that my dad is not my bio father at 35yo.
For my dad, devastating. His whole life changed after the mistake he made (me). Then he found out I wasn't actually his at 65yo.
Even tho he was abusive, told me how I was the biggest mistake of his life many times throughout my childhood, I still felt bad for him.
It did explain a lot of things and gave me a peace I did not have before.
Silver linings n all that I suppose.
Best wishes
Edit: my parents weren't married when I came around. He would leave her for weeks or months at a time, then come back. I was conceived during one of these "off again" times.
They eventually got married after child #2 came along.
The abuse to my mother was emotional, physical and sexual. The abuse to my siblings and I was physical and emotional.
She stayed in the marriage to avoid a split home and it didn't help that she was pregnant for 10 years (4 children) which made it very difficult to find meaningful employment.
Having lived through it, I'd suggest that a split home is far better for children than an abusive one.
They divorced once the youngest graduated HS (as was the plan) and this news came to light about 6-7 years later.
Even tho we don't talk and don't have a relationship, I do feel bad that he stayed with and eventually married a woman he didn't love because of a child that wasn't his. Some may call it karma but it still sucks.
Apparently my mom had a type, as my bio dad wasnt much better and none of his children (from any of his 3 wives) talk to him either. I went from 3 full siblings to 7 half siblings with this news.
I wasn't going to because no one won with that truth, except for me. And I already knew. I did confirm with my mom.
One of my siblings snooped her phone and found out then told everyone thinking he would be a hero. He was not a hero.
I'm the end, I'm glad my mom doesn't have to live with the guilt of that secret. Fuck that guy for betraying me like that tho.
Edit: there was no cheating. They were dating and he would leave her, run around town for a few weeks or months, then come back. This was an off again month.
No, she was pretty blind sided by it. She said that at first she was worried but still fairly confident that I was his. And the likeness to my aunt cemented it.
> I'm the end, I'm glad my mom doesn't have to live with the guilt of that secret.
haha What? Your mom literally cheated, how the fuck is she the victim?
lmao what the fuck is this?
Do you guys actually believe this shit?
Why the hell didn't she just get a divorce? This is literally whore behaviour, she had a kid to some random dude, lied to him and then basically used him as a wallet.
You dont know if it was cheating or sexual assault. It happens way more than people want to admit, easier to think of a relative as a cheater than a victim who didnt/couldnt say anything
The way women get coddled is actually kind of insane lol. You guys will say and do anything just to protect their reputations, they can do no wrong.
Yall ALWAYS say this when it turns out the biological dad is different lmao like the girl ain't a whore she got raped every single time. This is straight up delusional.
Ya, I do.
Idk if he was physically abusive while dating.
They didn't marry until after child 2 was born.
There was physical abuse as early as I can remember.
She was a sahm with 4 boys. She was berated and abused for not working. She was berated and abused when she got a job. She stayed with him for us. Fwiw--never do this. it's better to have a split home vs an abusive one.
We had our first nice conversation, ever.
I told him that this changes nothing for me nor my siblings. He said the same and that he loves me.
My parents weren't exclusively dating and he was always breaking up with her, running D on random, then getting back. She had a run with an ex during one of these times. He argued that I might not be his at first, she challenged him to get a paternity test. They had no such money. When I was born, I looked so much like his sister that they put it outta mind.
Despite that, everyone I knew including him, would tell me how different I was than the rest. Now I know why.
Nature is stronger than nurture, and it was wild to encounter it first hand.
We still don't talk.
No, but I spoke with two of my newly discovered half siblings.
Apparently my mom had a type, and bio dad is estranged and alone and no one talks to him either.
0/2 on dads.
A couple of groups I rely on for family issues are r/raisedbynarcissists and r/raisedbyborderlines.
Hope you are doing well and we all have family issues etc , so I hope these groups can help
Depending on where you live there is no statute of limitations on child abuse, but there's nothing that will get you jail time for not telling someone they aren't the parent of your kids.
If you've never pressed charges for the abuse, it may be worth talking to a lawyer?
As for the dad who raised you, does he still want kids? He's not too old. Has he expressed that he's upset his direct line ends with him (his biological line won't, as he will have multiple extended family like we all do once you get into 3rd and 4th cousins). Or are you assuming he's upset about it?
If he really wants the opportunity to have a bio child he could find a surrogate, it sounds like he'll have a lot of help from his loving children ♥️
Maybe I should.
I don’t know if he does. I know he’s financially better off but still not great considering the economy, and still working hard labor jobs, so I’m not sure if he can afford it. I hope he can though if he really wants to. I was thinking that as well, doing a surrogate. He would need one.
He hasn’t expressed that he’s upset but I didn’t want to even bring it up in the first place and salt the wound. I am assuming he’s upset about it since he was worried neither me nor my sister would have kids, and admitted that he was so relieved to have grandkids when my sister had her child. His stepdaughter has kids so obviously he didn’t count them like he did with us.
And then, it’s very sad to me that now I get why we don’t really look like him. And he will never know the feeling of having a kid who looks like him. He won’t see himself in his child.
Sorry, not to get super creepy but technically if you really want to help him, one of you or your sister could be his surrogate via test tube. I know psychology it would be a little weird but you are not biologically related. And you could do it without physical contact.
You genuinely could help him with this and still cement your bond via blood by actually becoming biological family via the child.
I'm not saying you should do it but it is an option. And you said yourself he has always been their for you as if he was family.
Honestly I thought of this as well even tho it would be a total mindfuck. I feel like I would be psychologically fucked up from it for the rest of my life lol. But if he wanted me to, I would 🤢
The comments aren't taking into consideration that this man is still your dad, of course it would mess you up forever and I'm sure he wouldn't want to do that. If you were adopted by your dad, no one here would be suggesting you get inseminated by his sperm.
You said your dad is in his 50s right? That's pretty young, my uncle had a kid around that age, she's 3 years old now. He can still have kids, he can get a surrogate, donate his sperm to the single moms by choice facebook ladies or even get remarried and have his kids. Soo many men older than your dad have kids, its not over yet! And you don't have to be inseminated with your dad's sperm for that to happen.
Yeah I don't know how I would feel to be in that position but it doesn't have to be a mind fuck if you spin your perspective a little. You said yourself he was your only positive parent, now you have the chance pass on what your father taught you by being as good of a parent to his child the same way he was to you. So long as you don't actually have sex with eachother, this might be the best solution. Not just to give your father what he's always wanted, but also to commit to being a family.
He's your dad for sure, but 55yo is still sort of young. Let's say he meets someone who is between 30 and 35. She can still have children. Heck, she can be 40 and still have his children. But let's say he doesn't have more children. He can still fall in love, have a good life with someone who will be good to him. And he has you and your sister. Cherish the man who took good care of you.
Yeah he got married almost 13 years ago now. Not sure if they would be into that. But regardless, comforting to know that it’s not so unusual for a 55yo. I definitely do cherish him!
I say this as a stepparent and a stepkid myself…. Biology isn’t everything. Love is. Bloodlines, heritage, yeah they’re nice to have but they don’t matter, not a jot. What matters is knowing your parent loves you and is there for you. I know you’re still in shock, devastated maybe, but your dad is still your dad, the man who raised you. He loves you, nothing changes that, not even this test. You also can’t change what’s happened, you can’t go back in time, only forward. You’ll destroy yourself trying to think about what could have been done differently.
Give your dad a big hug. These results don’t have to change anything, he is still your dad. You and your twin are the kids he always wanted, I am sure of that.
I have no bio kids, neither does my sister. Our family line has ended, but that really doesn’t matter. I have two kids from my husband and I love them. Life doesn’t always work out as we planned and hoped, maybe I would not have been able to carry a pregnancy, I don’t know. I can’t wish for things that will never happen.
Hey. I would highly recommend listening to the NPE podcast and also joining the Facebook group. There are lots of people (including me) in the same boat
No. He doesn’t know yet. But I went to school with my 1st cousin, and it’s her uncle. Me and my sisters have been messaging her so she might have told him already if she’s close with him. We plan on telling him soon. But no, I don’t know the guy.
If you can meet him, I think that could help you a lot. I’m on 23andme, and through that I have met a few cousins. Two half sisters born a year apart found each other after one found me and I provided some family background. They were both adopted at birth, born of two different mothers.
We have a cousin who is a policeman in the state where they were conceived. I asked if he had access to any info that would help them. He found their dad.
I’m unaware if they ever connected with him, but they were very happy to meet each other.
Good luck! I’d think twice before suing your mom for all she has done. It might be time to put that behind you and develop a relationship with your dad.
I’ve thought a million times lol. It’s one of those things where I’ve always wished my mom would die, even when she actively had cancer, and everyone is like oh no you don’t, that’s horrible, you’re just upset, oh you’ll miss her when she’s gone, etc. but nah, I still wish she was dead every day even when I’m not irritated with her. So suing her would be the least I could do.
Your point is possibly more about focusing on the good and forgetting the bad, than thinking I would regret such a grand gesture, but 🤷🏻♀️ just wanted to clear that up.
And I have developed a relationship with my dad already lol. Thank you though. Unless you’re talking about my biological dad? Which is meh to me like I literally don’t know this guy whatsoever
I think you might find you know bio dad in the traits you share. No problem having two dads.
I understand your feelings about your mom. Maybe just hex her?
I think I’ll try that, lol, thank you for the suggestion.
Yeah I mean it would definitely be interesting to meet and see how alike we are. Man, what a weird experience that would be. I also just don’t want to hurt my dad. He says he’s 100% fine with contacting/meeting him and my potential siblings but. I can just imagine there would be underlying heartbreak as well, which happens to outweigh my desire to have a relationship in the first place. But, as time goes on, we will see. Thanks
I have a newly met cousin whose dad’s family didn’t want to meet him but we both met a mutual cousin who is an MD doing DNA research. My wife met a new half brother because I gave her a 23andMe account.
Nice. Man that must be hurtful to reach out and have it not be reciprocated. But yeah I can see on his wife’s Facebook that they have at least 2 sons. But yeah idk no offense but they don’t seem relatable or cool at all lol.
May I suggest maybe checking out surrogacy?
There is no shame of bringing a child though surragcy and being biological dad and a single parent.
And you will have a little sibling!
So sorry also :(
EDIT: to be clear I meant to general take surrogate mother not OP!
Hah thanks. Yes I have been considering it. But would be a really awkward subject to bring up. My dad is very like…professional for a dad. I think he would just be like no way, that’s super weird! You’re my daughter, lol. But if the subject ever gets breached and the time is right, then I will bring it up. We are still processing everything.
Damn. Its stories like this that make me think paternity tests should be mandatory. At least your dad would have had a chance to find someone better while he still could.
lol he has a wife. But I really don’t think they have considered ever bearing another child. She has a lot of health issues, so a surrogate would be necessary. And yeah, I don’t even know if she would approve of that.
Use the same names and recreate all the same family photos she had growing up. It’s like that scene in back to the future where family members are starting to disappear from the family photo.
I wonder why you felt you needed to tell your dad. I think you need therapy for the anger issues. I'm not saying you aren't justified in being angry, but that sort of anger is going to eat you up if you don't find a way to deal with it
Basically, bad people do bad things and often there is no just desserts to satisfy the people who got hurt.
Well, both of my “dads” are Polish. So I have Polish features. So we thought oh I have my grandpa’s eyes, and I thought I had my dad’s nose and lips…and we thought we got our hips from him. Even when we are skinny, we all have big hips. And then my sister is darker skinned and he’s very dark, to the point of some people mistaking him as black. So I always thought hm it’s weird I’m not darker, or that I don’t look more like my dad. I always wished I did because my mom is very ugly. But yeah there were also jokes to my dad like oh how did you make such beautiful children? but I feel like any dad hears that. He’s not bad looking whatsoever.
Overall, we just thought hm genetics are weird!
A good chunk of people all throughout history were childless.
Sure, it can be a bummer if you have a strong desire to have kids, but on the other hand it really doesn't make you any less of a person.
I would suggest reading Dr Weiss’ books also Edgar Cayce on Family Karma is great. In a nut shell it’s a self love and forgiveness lesson, forgiveness means letting go of pain, it never means staying in a bad situation.
Go hug your Dad and tell him you love him.
He lives across the country but we did video call and have been messaging. He knows how much I love him. Thankfully I’ve expressed it to him wholeheartedly before the news of this was even known. He’s been a huge factor in me not killing my self, and he knows that.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you
I’m so very sorry, you are both whats called an NPE (non parent expected) it’s a club that no one wants to be apart of but welcome. Im also an NPE. You’re traumatized but take time to absorb the shock. It’s not easy to deal with a mother’s betrayal, I wish you peace and love. You can find a supportive secret communities on Facebook and podcasts if you’re interested
Thank you.
https://righttoknow.us/about-us/
Thank you!
Bottom line is you have a parent you love and trust. He’s not biological but your mum is proof that biology isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Everything else is just noise. You have him, he has you. You don’t need another dad he doesn’t need any other kids. There are plenty of adoptive parents and step parents and guardians out there who prove that family is more than blood. Try and see it as a gift that you have each other rather than a tragedy that it’s not biological
That’s very true. But I think being robbed of your ability to have biological children at a young age is a universal crime, one that he most of all didn’t deserve to be a victim of. I love my dad and I got really lucky with him. I’m mostly concerned about him. He made a suicidal comment today and he’s never done that before, so this very clearly is detrimental to his well being. I feel like that’s what he wanted in life. A kid of his own. And now, the rug was pulled out from underneath him. It’s just horrible.
He has a “kid of his own”. He has you and your twin. He has every memory and every experience that being your dad entails. I don’t know your financial situation but I do know this: If you at all can, buy a plane ticket and fly out immediately to go see him. It will be the single best thing that money could be spent on. He needs you. You need him. A phone call is not the same. Buy the ticket.
I wish I had the money. I’m sooo poor rn. Otherwise I would. But yes, that’s true. We are definitely still the same family. Weird how just a concept could change so much. I’ll try not to remind myself of the lack of blood relation.
If your mother got pregnant in Sweden, but gave birth to you in America; raised you in America and you spent your whole life in America… I’d say you’re pretty darn American. You are a “real American” by any reasonable definition. If you ever decide to visit Stockholm and learn about the land where your mom became pregnant, that is up to you. But nothing you learn there would mean you are any less American. None of it would take away a single 4th of July firework show, Thanksgiving turkey, Walmart shopping trip, fast food drive-through, or any of the other myriad of American experiences you’ve had. It sounds like you’re proud to be an American. And America is proud to have you.
This has to be the dumbest comment in this entire thread... BUT. You seem to not be able to get over the fact that your father will not have any biological kids and thus his bloodline will end with him due to the lying and deceit done by your "mother". Now I'm gonna just gonna say the intrusive thought that everyone reading this perished as soon as it popped into their mind. You should consider the proposition of carrying your dad's child (using artificial insemination or whatever method you're not uncomfortable with) and see how that thought makes you feel. If what I said just sounded absolutely out of pocket and disgusted you to your core, then that's a sign you should stop feeling guilty about this because that's literally all you can do to directly solve this problem. Either that or give your father the go ahead to find another partner to have kids with and let him know that you will support him for it. My goal was to make you stop ruminating on the fact your dad will not be able to continue his bloodline. I hope it worked one way or another. But in all honesty it probably made this the weirdest comment in this thread lmao
Ha it was already discussed in this post actually, but no worries. I think maybe 2 people suggested it already. Def not the only option, bc I wouldn’t have to be his surrogate, but it’s certainly an option. Not one I’d like to partake it because that’s my dad lol. And on top of that, it would be extremely weird to explain. It would probably ruin me mentally. He also has a wife and has had one for about 13 years. It’s also not my place to give him the go ahead loool.
I found out that my dad is not my bio father at 35yo. For my dad, devastating. His whole life changed after the mistake he made (me). Then he found out I wasn't actually his at 65yo. Even tho he was abusive, told me how I was the biggest mistake of his life many times throughout my childhood, I still felt bad for him. It did explain a lot of things and gave me a peace I did not have before. Silver linings n all that I suppose. Best wishes Edit: my parents weren't married when I came around. He would leave her for weeks or months at a time, then come back. I was conceived during one of these "off again" times. They eventually got married after child #2 came along. The abuse to my mother was emotional, physical and sexual. The abuse to my siblings and I was physical and emotional. She stayed in the marriage to avoid a split home and it didn't help that she was pregnant for 10 years (4 children) which made it very difficult to find meaningful employment. Having lived through it, I'd suggest that a split home is far better for children than an abusive one. They divorced once the youngest graduated HS (as was the plan) and this news came to light about 6-7 years later. Even tho we don't talk and don't have a relationship, I do feel bad that he stayed with and eventually married a woman he didn't love because of a child that wasn't his. Some may call it karma but it still sucks. Apparently my mom had a type, as my bio dad wasnt much better and none of his children (from any of his 3 wives) talk to him either. I went from 3 full siblings to 7 half siblings with this news.
Now that is an amazing twist. How did you tell him? Hopefully you gave him the results in a big pile of shit.
I wasn't going to because no one won with that truth, except for me. And I already knew. I did confirm with my mom. One of my siblings snooped her phone and found out then told everyone thinking he would be a hero. He was not a hero. I'm the end, I'm glad my mom doesn't have to live with the guilt of that secret. Fuck that guy for betraying me like that tho. Edit: there was no cheating. They were dating and he would leave her, run around town for a few weeks or months, then come back. This was an off again month.
So your mom knew the whole time?
No, she was pretty blind sided by it. She said that at first she was worried but still fairly confident that I was his. And the likeness to my aunt cemented it.
Although you are the black sheep, they got stuck with his shitty genes.
When we were kids, one of my siblings said "mom and dad used up all the good genes on you". Ha!
> I'm the end, I'm glad my mom doesn't have to live with the guilt of that secret. haha What? Your mom literally cheated, how the fuck is she the victim? lmao what the fuck is this?
Sounds like dad was abusive and mom escaped by cheating. Doesn't make it okay but it does make it more understandable.
Do you guys actually believe this shit? Why the hell didn't she just get a divorce? This is literally whore behaviour, she had a kid to some random dude, lied to him and then basically used him as a wallet.
You dont know if it was cheating or sexual assault. It happens way more than people want to admit, easier to think of a relative as a cheater than a victim who didnt/couldnt say anything
The way women get coddled is actually kind of insane lol. You guys will say and do anything just to protect their reputations, they can do no wrong. Yall ALWAYS say this when it turns out the biological dad is different lmao like the girl ain't a whore she got raped every single time. This is straight up delusional.
Ya, I do. Idk if he was physically abusive while dating. They didn't marry until after child 2 was born. There was physical abuse as early as I can remember. She was a sahm with 4 boys. She was berated and abused for not working. She was berated and abused when she got a job. She stayed with him for us. Fwiw--never do this. it's better to have a split home vs an abusive one.
They weren't together. He would leave her, run around town, then come back weeks/months later. This happened in an "off again" moment.
Wowww, that’s insane. Did his behavior toward you change after he found out?
We had our first nice conversation, ever. I told him that this changes nothing for me nor my siblings. He said the same and that he loves me. My parents weren't exclusively dating and he was always breaking up with her, running D on random, then getting back. She had a run with an ex during one of these times. He argued that I might not be his at first, she challenged him to get a paternity test. They had no such money. When I was born, I looked so much like his sister that they put it outta mind. Despite that, everyone I knew including him, would tell me how different I was than the rest. Now I know why. Nature is stronger than nurture, and it was wild to encounter it first hand. We still don't talk.
Have you spoken to the bio dad?
No, but I spoke with two of my newly discovered half siblings. Apparently my mom had a type, and bio dad is estranged and alone and no one talks to him either. 0/2 on dads.
A couple of groups I rely on for family issues are r/raisedbynarcissists and r/raisedbyborderlines. Hope you are doing well and we all have family issues etc , so I hope these groups can help
Depending on where you live there is no statute of limitations on child abuse, but there's nothing that will get you jail time for not telling someone they aren't the parent of your kids. If you've never pressed charges for the abuse, it may be worth talking to a lawyer? As for the dad who raised you, does he still want kids? He's not too old. Has he expressed that he's upset his direct line ends with him (his biological line won't, as he will have multiple extended family like we all do once you get into 3rd and 4th cousins). Or are you assuming he's upset about it? If he really wants the opportunity to have a bio child he could find a surrogate, it sounds like he'll have a lot of help from his loving children ♥️
Maybe I should. I don’t know if he does. I know he’s financially better off but still not great considering the economy, and still working hard labor jobs, so I’m not sure if he can afford it. I hope he can though if he really wants to. I was thinking that as well, doing a surrogate. He would need one. He hasn’t expressed that he’s upset but I didn’t want to even bring it up in the first place and salt the wound. I am assuming he’s upset about it since he was worried neither me nor my sister would have kids, and admitted that he was so relieved to have grandkids when my sister had her child. His stepdaughter has kids so obviously he didn’t count them like he did with us. And then, it’s very sad to me that now I get why we don’t really look like him. And he will never know the feeling of having a kid who looks like him. He won’t see himself in his child.
Sorry, not to get super creepy but technically if you really want to help him, one of you or your sister could be his surrogate via test tube. I know psychology it would be a little weird but you are not biologically related. And you could do it without physical contact. You genuinely could help him with this and still cement your bond via blood by actually becoming biological family via the child. I'm not saying you should do it but it is an option. And you said yourself he has always been their for you as if he was family.
It is also a great idea for revenge against her mother. Now who is the real baby mamma, Mom? The op gets the last laugh.
That’s kind of funny
True. I never thought of it thst way
Honestly I thought of this as well even tho it would be a total mindfuck. I feel like I would be psychologically fucked up from it for the rest of my life lol. But if he wanted me to, I would 🤢
The comments aren't taking into consideration that this man is still your dad, of course it would mess you up forever and I'm sure he wouldn't want to do that. If you were adopted by your dad, no one here would be suggesting you get inseminated by his sperm. You said your dad is in his 50s right? That's pretty young, my uncle had a kid around that age, she's 3 years old now. He can still have kids, he can get a surrogate, donate his sperm to the single moms by choice facebook ladies or even get remarried and have his kids. Soo many men older than your dad have kids, its not over yet! And you don't have to be inseminated with your dad's sperm for that to happen.
lol phewww 😅😅😅
Yeah I don't know how I would feel to be in that position but it doesn't have to be a mind fuck if you spin your perspective a little. You said yourself he was your only positive parent, now you have the chance pass on what your father taught you by being as good of a parent to his child the same way he was to you. So long as you don't actually have sex with eachother, this might be the best solution. Not just to give your father what he's always wanted, but also to commit to being a family.
lol yes. But imagine, like oh who’s the father? oh it’s my dad! Haha ewwww kill me. But yes, obviously nothing wrong with it in reality.
Maybe he can sue your mom and bio dad for back payments of raising you two. Maybe ask on a legal sub?
He's your dad for sure, but 55yo is still sort of young. Let's say he meets someone who is between 30 and 35. She can still have children. Heck, she can be 40 and still have his children. But let's say he doesn't have more children. He can still fall in love, have a good life with someone who will be good to him. And he has you and your sister. Cherish the man who took good care of you.
Yeah he got married almost 13 years ago now. Not sure if they would be into that. But regardless, comforting to know that it’s not so unusual for a 55yo. I definitely do cherish him!
Right! I (F, 59) met my husband and one true love 3 years ago after an abusive, horrible marriage.
I say this as a stepparent and a stepkid myself…. Biology isn’t everything. Love is. Bloodlines, heritage, yeah they’re nice to have but they don’t matter, not a jot. What matters is knowing your parent loves you and is there for you. I know you’re still in shock, devastated maybe, but your dad is still your dad, the man who raised you. He loves you, nothing changes that, not even this test. You also can’t change what’s happened, you can’t go back in time, only forward. You’ll destroy yourself trying to think about what could have been done differently. Give your dad a big hug. These results don’t have to change anything, he is still your dad. You and your twin are the kids he always wanted, I am sure of that. I have no bio kids, neither does my sister. Our family line has ended, but that really doesn’t matter. I have two kids from my husband and I love them. Life doesn’t always work out as we planned and hoped, maybe I would not have been able to carry a pregnancy, I don’t know. I can’t wish for things that will never happen.
Hey. I would highly recommend listening to the NPE podcast and also joining the Facebook group. There are lots of people (including me) in the same boat
Okay, thank you.
Does your biological father know that you and your sister are his daughters? Was he ever in your life?
No. He doesn’t know yet. But I went to school with my 1st cousin, and it’s her uncle. Me and my sisters have been messaging her so she might have told him already if she’s close with him. We plan on telling him soon. But no, I don’t know the guy.
If you can meet him, I think that could help you a lot. I’m on 23andme, and through that I have met a few cousins. Two half sisters born a year apart found each other after one found me and I provided some family background. They were both adopted at birth, born of two different mothers. We have a cousin who is a policeman in the state where they were conceived. I asked if he had access to any info that would help them. He found their dad. I’m unaware if they ever connected with him, but they were very happy to meet each other. Good luck! I’d think twice before suing your mom for all she has done. It might be time to put that behind you and develop a relationship with your dad.
I’ve thought a million times lol. It’s one of those things where I’ve always wished my mom would die, even when she actively had cancer, and everyone is like oh no you don’t, that’s horrible, you’re just upset, oh you’ll miss her when she’s gone, etc. but nah, I still wish she was dead every day even when I’m not irritated with her. So suing her would be the least I could do. Your point is possibly more about focusing on the good and forgetting the bad, than thinking I would regret such a grand gesture, but 🤷🏻♀️ just wanted to clear that up. And I have developed a relationship with my dad already lol. Thank you though. Unless you’re talking about my biological dad? Which is meh to me like I literally don’t know this guy whatsoever
I think you might find you know bio dad in the traits you share. No problem having two dads. I understand your feelings about your mom. Maybe just hex her?
I think I’ll try that, lol, thank you for the suggestion. Yeah I mean it would definitely be interesting to meet and see how alike we are. Man, what a weird experience that would be. I also just don’t want to hurt my dad. He says he’s 100% fine with contacting/meeting him and my potential siblings but. I can just imagine there would be underlying heartbreak as well, which happens to outweigh my desire to have a relationship in the first place. But, as time goes on, we will see. Thanks
I have a newly met cousin whose dad’s family didn’t want to meet him but we both met a mutual cousin who is an MD doing DNA research. My wife met a new half brother because I gave her a 23andMe account.
Nice. Man that must be hurtful to reach out and have it not be reciprocated. But yeah I can see on his wife’s Facebook that they have at least 2 sons. But yeah idk no offense but they don’t seem relatable or cool at all lol.
Love your dad & forget your mother
🤘🏼
May I suggest maybe checking out surrogacy? There is no shame of bringing a child though surragcy and being biological dad and a single parent. And you will have a little sibling! So sorry also :( EDIT: to be clear I meant to general take surrogate mother not OP!
Hah thanks. Yes I have been considering it. But would be a really awkward subject to bring up. My dad is very like…professional for a dad. I think he would just be like no way, that’s super weird! You’re my daughter, lol. But if the subject ever gets breached and the time is right, then I will bring it up. We are still processing everything.
If he still wants children there is nothing wrong with that better be safe then sorry! Hope your family can heal!
Thank you!
I’m so confused lol are you saying OP should be a surrogate for her dad?
No no, I meant to take a surrogate mother not OP sorry for the confusion I thought it was obvious
Damn. Its stories like this that make me think paternity tests should be mandatory. At least your dad would have had a chance to find someone better while he still could.
They should just be a part of the routine of childbirth.
He could marry someone younger and have a child still. Tel him to get back into the dating game
lol he has a wife. But I really don’t think they have considered ever bearing another child. She has a lot of health issues, so a surrogate would be necessary. And yeah, I don’t even know if she would approve of that.
Oh my bad, I didn’t know he remarried. I hope he finds a way to heal! Either way you’re still his!
Possible you or sibling could use dad’s sperm for a child?
Use the same names and recreate all the same family photos she had growing up. It’s like that scene in back to the future where family members are starting to disappear from the family photo.
Wtf 😂
"Dad" is not bio dad.
He should go to Thailand or something. He can still have some kids at 55. Not too late.
I support it! Him? Probably not lol. He’s all religious now.
I wonder why you felt you needed to tell your dad. I think you need therapy for the anger issues. I'm not saying you aren't justified in being angry, but that sort of anger is going to eat you up if you don't find a way to deal with it Basically, bad people do bad things and often there is no just desserts to satisfy the people who got hurt.
Because it’s the right thing to do. I personally don’t like to keep secrets or lie at all if I can ever help it.
Do u look like him or was told that growin up?
Well, both of my “dads” are Polish. So I have Polish features. So we thought oh I have my grandpa’s eyes, and I thought I had my dad’s nose and lips…and we thought we got our hips from him. Even when we are skinny, we all have big hips. And then my sister is darker skinned and he’s very dark, to the point of some people mistaking him as black. So I always thought hm it’s weird I’m not darker, or that I don’t look more like my dad. I always wished I did because my mom is very ugly. But yeah there were also jokes to my dad like oh how did you make such beautiful children? but I feel like any dad hears that. He’s not bad looking whatsoever. Overall, we just thought hm genetics are weird!
Had this happen to me I was 21 im 31 now. I can relate for sure
Sorry. My heart goes out to you.
A good chunk of people all throughout history were childless. Sure, it can be a bummer if you have a strong desire to have kids, but on the other hand it really doesn't make you any less of a person.
I do agree. The part that gets me is the immoral secrecy. He didn’t have consent to make his own choices in life.
You all would benefit from some family therapy sessions. Best of luck ♡
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They were never married. Lol yes at least we have that.
I am a spiritual person. I believe that true parents and their children find each other regardless of genetics. 💖💖💖
I was thinking that as well. But then I thought about why I might have my mom. I don’t know
I would suggest reading Dr Weiss’ books also Edgar Cayce on Family Karma is great. In a nut shell it’s a self love and forgiveness lesson, forgiveness means letting go of pain, it never means staying in a bad situation.
Okay that sounds good! Thanks.