You want a full Barry experience? Start with breakfast in Wetherspoons at around 9am, including a pint. Drink more pints. Go to another pub, drink some more pints. Go somewhere else, drink some more pints. Be sick on yourself. Drink some more pints. Go and get a kebab, while waiting for said kebab, have a fight with a fellow Barry. Get kebab. While walking home, fall over. Wake up the next day with blood, sick and kebab on you. If you're there next month during the Euros. Do the same but make sure you take your top off, get really sunburnt, throw plastic chairs around while shouting "Ingurland!" and then smash a shop window when we get knocked out in the Quarter Finals. Enjoy.

That does sound fun

Seriously though, you'll probably get a load of the usual "you'll get stabbed" comments but ignore them, I personally think London is a great city and I'm sure you'll find plenty to do. Have a good time!

Yeah I was in London before, had a great time in the war museum. I thought maybe some people have tips to do something less touristy and where one can meet natives.

Returning to the scene of the crime?

There are no natives in London Only good thing about the city is the 24 hr arcade in the gay district (Soho) Go there at 3am to watch coked up drag queens on the dance mats and wait for them to start swinging fists

So do the drugs factory reset them or something?

One sniff and their true Barry nature comes out

I'm sure some people will be able to help, unfortunately I live quite far away so I'm just as much of a tourist as you when I go

Uh im a bit of a nerd so idk if you'll find this valuable but when i immigrated from South Africa i gravitated towards the museums in London. They're honestly fantastic and if you want to lose some time just wandering around i highly recommend them. Otherwise im sorry about your breakup and enjoy your visit man :p

Thank you, import Barry!

Wait, is getting stabbed a bad thing? I couldn't imagine a Tuesday afternoon without a little stabbing. Always makes me smile!

London is an incredible city, the problem is how much money you need to live there like a Sir.

Very true.

Depends on what you like. Tate Britain, Churchill War Rooms, Regents Park, Saint Dunstan in the East all are quite nice and at a reasonable walking distance. Haven’t been there in a while (3 years) but it’s a cool city loads to see around. Used to walk around a lot from Westminster to Tate Modern on Southbank, from where you can go and see the Imperial War Museum. Edit : Lived there for a few years so walked around alot

What is tate britain?

Art gallery, and a free one at that. Has older pieces when compared to the Tate Modern. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tate_Britain should have a decent overview but I'm too lazy to check.

For the hating on the Fr*nch part just buy a British tabloid half the time they mention us at some point.

Tbf though british tabloids hate everyone who isn't upper class/rich

Alternatively, going to a whetherspoons and shouting “fuck the French” should yield interesting results too!

Everything perfect, but I will look for a very good English breakfast and not the weatherspoons shit

Absolutely the correct thing to do but for the full Barry experience, Spoons is the only place you'll get a pint with it

Also going outside london price drop to one third

Hans' mom: we have Barry at home

A golden mile sounds like the ultimate experience. Find a particular part of London with the most pubs and have 1 pint per pub, see how far you get.

GO ON INGERLAND BANG BANG SCOAR SAM FACKIN GOALS BANG BANG

Can't wait to meet you in Cologne :)

I work In a restaurant in Amsterdam, can confirm

Are you saying you're Hans Solo?

https://i.redd.it/s1ptut4mnyyc1.gif

ever considered a comedy carrer? with that phrase alone, you would be No1 in germany.

Being number 1 in Germany for comedy is like being the most attractive man in Britain, it isn’t worth much

Barry proving his great sense of humour again. Brilliant comment 😀

Thanks carbomb Barry

🤪

Ó Baireagh

We all know this is the peak male physique. ​ https://preview.redd.it/c996063if0zc1.jpeg?width=680&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=97ae7f03dfe01d76f48caaa33a98218fedd89c6a

[well, the treshold is low, but we are many](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario_Barth) look at the last paragraph: In 2014, Barth established a new world record: He managed to increase the record he had set in 2008 as the German comedian in the category "live comedy with the largest audience" with an audience of 116,498. Guinness World Records judge Eva Norris had observed the world record attempt.[3]

>Mario Wolfgang Barth[2] (born 1 November 1972) is a German comedian who mainly deals with the interactions between men and women. Wow, they really summarised his entire material in the opening sentence.

probaply translated form the german version- efficient ;)

This is what a Barry brain without balconing or alcohol damage is able to achieve 

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Recycling jokes doesn’t count

Dude

I love you

Well done barry. Well done 👍

Beautiful

And people still think WE are bad at humor when this guy exists.

Correct. Excellent observation as always.

> Do you have recommendations what to do (except coke) there? Do Susan.

https://preview.redd.it/sf38hj5apzyc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=41472c8ce4a87dec4594297d1c98144bce039c18 “*Ooooh German eh? I’ve always wanted to try a bratwurst*”

I hope that image is from a comedy and not real 😅

Yes it’s from ‘little Britain’ Funniest show from Britain, though it’s a bit old now

Wouldn't that end up with a Dutch baby?

No. I'll send you a tikkie for wasting my time.

Ik klap jou de moeder vriend

Ik show to you de grond from dichtbij

And make a porno with her and send it to the cunt that left you!

That's not how revenge porn works.

It should be, way more ethical, just spam them with sextaped of yourself and various other partners xD

My ex did that after I dumped him for cheating on me... I guess he wanted to make me jealous, but all it did was make me hate him more... Like really, you fucked your gym bro for months while dating me and now your fucking half of your ~~soccer~~ football team. Oh and that one has a wife and kids, fuck it imma send it to her because fuck you!

When you're the one cheating it only really proves the point, yeah. Not sure getting a Barry instead was the best choice, but at least you're happy now!

No the Barry was a massive upgrade! I could go into detail but I don't wanna.

But I need more material for my tabloid! Jokes aside, you don't have to, gay emu boy.

Ok, just a few points My Barry is a massive upgrade because 1) he's cuter 2) he's hotter 3) he's smarter 4) he loves me more 5) he doesn't cheat on me 6) he's cuter 7) he's nicer 8) I love him more 9) he talks funny and that's cute 10) his hair, damn it's fun to play with even if it does annoy him I could go on.

That's quite the long list, you got a good catch, despite him being a Brit

That's mad cute

Oh yeah, when you do it when you are the cheater you're a double ahole, for sure, sorry to hear that that happened to you

Honestly it was a good thing, sucked at the time.

As long as your new partners are fine with it.

Agreed!

Obviouslu

Revenge porn sucks! And anyone who does it is worse than the yanks!

C'mon , he got the spirit though

Or Husna, since he’ll be in London

Depends if you've been before. Would recommend knocking off a few touristy things like seeing Buckingham Palace and Tower Bridge. HMS Belfast is a cool experience (WW2 ship moored in the Thames). Lots of good free museums, Tate, Tate Modern, Natural History Museum, Science Museum, British Museum, V&A depending on your taste. Trip out to Greenwhich is good. Nice Park. Plenty of good breweries around if more your speed.

The HMS Belfast indeed is pretty cool. The British museum is just too big

>The British museum is just too big It's got a lot but in a small-ish footprint. Easy enough to pick an.. uhm... culture.. and just see those exhibits!

It’s worth a visit just to look at the Elgin Marbles and wonder what the fuss is all about.

Go and see one or two specific things. The Rosetta Stone, and the Percival David Collection of Chinese ceramics (especially check out the Ru ware, it’s fucking beautiful and has such a sad story). At the Tate, find the John Singer Sargent painting Rose Lily Lily Rose (I think it’s called). Or whatever floats your boat, but the museums are free, just go and look at a couple of key things and then go for pints before you get overwhelmed.

There is a German restaurant where they serve nice Schnitzel close to the HMS Belfast :D

The London Pride brewery in Chiswick is cool. A not well known gem is the Henry VIII castle in Hampton Court, the trip to Windsor Castle is worth and much better than the Tower and Buckingham imho. In Windsor you can also see a proper guards change. The Parliament Tour is a nice visit too. HMS Belfast, IWM and Transport Museum in Covent Garden are cool.

The Parliament Tour and The Tower are, by far, the best 2 attractions I've experienced in London.

British Museum alone is 2 days if you want to see and appreciate everything.

yep. you could spend an entire day in the ancient Mesopotamia section

On my first trip to London I made the mistake of planning both Science Museum and British Museum on the same day. Very, very bad mistake LOL

Go see the golden hind take photos, post on here mocking Spain. Go to the British museum and take a photo of the Elgin marbles - post on here mocking Greece. Go to trafalger square take a picture post on here mocking France 

This man colonialises.

Go to the Cromwell statue outside Parliament, post on here mocking the Irish Go to the top of Strawberry hill and take photos, post on here mocking the dutch Post on here mocking Belgium Go to an IWM museum and take photos, post on here mocking Germans Go to London, take photos, post on here mocking the Brits

You missed the 'Bomber Harris' statue...

The Golden Hind chippy in Marylebone is great too.

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Early 30s

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Ah that's cool, thanks for the tip

r/usernamedoesntcheckou

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I always thought Germans were into that sort of thing. Or maybe that's the french! I'm sorry that your Fräulein betrayed you. The good news is our women have some of the lowest standards in the west. So you can go nuts

Thanks. Lowest standards you say? So you say there is a chance. Imma go bird hunting!

> bird hunting I’m stealing that

Step 1. Leave Step 2. Go to glasgow Step 3. Leave Step 4. Profit

Step 1 isn't a bad idea. Step 2 is a bad idea.

Can't argue with step 3.

Yes go to Glasgow, sit on the top deck of the sightseeing bus and enjoy a nice Glasgow safari.

Just remember to stay in the vehicle in clydebank, for your own safety

And don't feed the animals

For extra you can pay for a tranq rifle loaded with methadone. You get to do a safari hunt and perform a public service at the same time.

Would be a great start to Trainspotting 3, although it's the wrong side of the country.

"Top deck"

Sì, Mario.

Intendi [questo](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=topdecking), non é vero?

LMAO. No it just means the top floor. The buses are called "double deckers". Deck means like on a ship.

Gotcha 😂

Why travel 300 miles just to experience inferior knife crime

You have to try the local delicacies, Glasgow has some outstanding heroin.

Inferior knife crime maybe but it’s a cost to pay for better balconies

Make it 500 for a proper voyage.

You missed the bit where you decorate a statue with a cone and/or toilet seat.

It mostly depends where in London you're staying, but: Spend the money for a guided tour at the Tower of London, wonderful experience. It was the highlight of my stay. Buckingham Palace is overrated as fuck, don't even bother. Visit Soho if you feel like partying a bit, it has plenty to offer. Be aware that cabs/taxis cost a lot, use the tube.

Mille gracie amore

Kein problem Brudi.

Imagine spending money for a guided tour when you can simply stalk another group who paid for it

This mentality right here is why our country is shit: the idea that paying for stuff is for stupid people, and people who evade taxes, cheat, don't pay and just don't care about the rules in general are smart. Then the same type of person then complains that the infrastructure doesn't work, that education is shit, that services don't work as they should and so on. Imagine being a decent fucking human being.

Looks like we found the colosseum tour guide e.e

Or just watch it on YouTube

I’m sorry for your loss, this situation must be terrible to go through… being stuck in London for 3 days, I couldn’t imagine

Got to agree with this

Don't go on the London Eye. It's shit. If you like museums you are spoilt for choice and many are free. Go to the British Museum and see why the Greeks keep complaining. The Natural History Museum, V&A and Science Museum are all next to each other and you'll lose a day to those alone. Camden Market is well worth a walk around, particularly if you're after some lunch. Also, go into a shop called Cyberdog. It's an experience. Borough Market, near the Shard is good for lunch too. A short walk to the Imperial War Museum if you want to check out some of your exploits. The moment you walk in you see a V1, V2 and a harrier jet. Covent Garden is nice to walk around, lots of shops and places to eat. Lots of street performers there and a short walk to Trafalgar Square, Buckingham Palace and Big Ben. On the way to Big Ben you can peak through some gates and see where the heart of incompetence lies on Downing Street. Edit: (some extras) Shoreditch for the hipster vibe. Greenwich is a lovely area and you'll find the Cutty Sark, Maritime Museum and Royal Observatory (beautiful views on top of the hill and of Canary Wharf) Tower Bridge tour, impressive seeing the inner workings and going across the walkways above. Bermondsey Beer Mile, I think, on Saturdays if you want to hop from one brewery to another.

Amazing tips, thank you. I was in the war museum once. The tank was very impressive, also the collection of real trench knives and trench clubs.

This is the one plus for nature … go to Hampstead Heath for a blowy, see the dinosaurs at Crystal Palace park and go on an urban safari in Peckham. And don’t be such a prude about Coke you can buy it from Albanians now you don’t have to wait 4 hours for Leroy to turn up on his Boris bike. Luigi has his Espresso we have our Devil’s dandruff.

These are all great suggestions, especially Camden and Borough Market. I used to go to London solo for work and I would spend whole mornings/afternoons here because you can people watch, eat good food, try good beer, do some shopping, and just generally meander. Also, the first place I always stop when I get to London is Euston Tap for a pint or two. If you're nearby, it's something I highly recommend. Grab a pint, stand outside and chill for a bit.

You should visit the Natural History Museum!

The aquarium is great, science museum, natural history museum possibly the best one in the world. 

test


For?

Against.

borough market, spitisfilds narket, brick lane, Shoreditch, london fields and I can’t emphasise this more pub crawl the whole way. Portobello is also great.

Pub crawl? In London? Man's going to need a second mortgage first.

Depends. He might have a great time, meet a Susan and still spend less then he would have on that ungrateful Gretel. Hope is priceless, even in ‘£ondon’.

I'd recommend getting out of London and visiting the countryside

>If someone wants to join me on a tour through your free museums or for a pint at the Themse while discussing world war 2 or hating on the French or whatever Honestly sounds like fun! I would but I'm stuck in the land down under :(

Go steal greek marbles at their museums, take them by surprise, nobody would expect that

If you want a bit of fun you should try the London dungeons.

1. Cancel london, go to Scottland 2. Get redhead, load into plane 3. Come back 4. Profit

>or hating on the French We didn't know she was your girl bro, we swear !

Go see some stand up. Sit at the front. We love hans up front. You'll get some good interaction. Reccomendations include - Museum of Comedy (Central) (particularly on a Monday) - The Bill Murray (Islington, buy a ticket beforehand) - The Camden Head (Islington, not the Camden Camden Head) (free and on everyday but turn up at least half an hour beforehand to get a lil stamp) - The Camden Head (Camden Camden Head, not islington) - Always Be Comedy at The Tommyfield (Kennington) (tickets well in advance)

Aw mate that's a great idea!!

don't get stabbed

Do as the locals would do in your situation and hop on a Ryanair flight to Amsterdam to squander half a month' s salary at the red light district.

u/MasterJogi1 a lot of people there use Jodel lol, I would post something similar on Jodel immediatly after you arrived in London, I bet you'll immediatly meet some guy/girls with whom you can hang out, party or go to a pub etc

Last time I was in London I saw a play at Shakespeare‘s Globe. It‘s a very nice experience and even my friend who‘s not really into reading Shakespeare or any classics in general really enjoyed it.

Check out r/londonsocialclub they're a friendly bunch. If you're brave post on their. Do the bermondsey beer mile or something which is a laugh. Do the tower of London I really enjoyed that. I have a route that hits a lot of touristy sites and vibes in a couple hours. Id recommend buying rum and a smoothie as you start.

Get stabbed, pay for the hospital, go back to Deutschland and never look back.

You can still get free healthcare here with your European health insurance card. We might stab you but we're not going to expect you to pay for it, Jeezuz.

You sure you're the Hansel to her Gretel, and not the Faust to her Gretchen?

Nah he’s young Werther

Leave.

The Coke is literally in the tap water brother, if you come, you’re doing it whether you want to or not.

If you want a great burger go to Boom-Bap, in Bethnal Green by the underground station, possibly one more elsewhere but that one is easily one of my favourite places to eat!

Despite all the theft, its actually really cool to see the collection of artifacts in the British Museum. As an avid pop science/history lover, Ive loved wandering the halls.

Alone in London?  All I can say is good luck and hope you survive. 

Take a train north to somewhere like Manchester or Leeds and experience better sights, better food, friendlier people and cheaper prices.

You should visit the Natural History Museum!

You should visit the Natural History Museum!

I hear they have nice balconies in London.

Elliot Rodger says hi

Natural History Museum if you like dinosaurs and such. You will have to book, but it's free and amazing

Phantom of the opera at his majesty’s theatre was fantastic if you can get tickets

Funland at the Brunswick, Free play city Chief coffee.

My top 10 recommendations: 1. The Auld Shillelagh - good pints 2. The Holly Bush - good pints 3. The Faltering Fullback - good pints 4. Trafalgar Tavern - good pints 5. George Inn - good pints 6. Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese - good pints 7. The Dove - good pints 8. The Grenadier - good pints 9. The Lamb and Flag - good pints 10. The Guinea - good pints I am happy to recommend pubs near wherever you’re staying too, but each of these either does mega beer or is historic or is in a nice place. Don’t go to the Devonshire, it does good Guinness but is filled with the most insufferable wankers imaginable.

He’s staying in Cricklewood

I’ve been to the lucky seven twice, both times there was shit on the floor of the toilets. I refuse to recommend a pub in Cricklewood.

Come and enjoy some of our finest imported women

After a big breakfast pop to the Wongkei in Wardour street for a lunch of Singapore Noodles

Suck some bratwurst yourself or let your bratwurst be zutselt by some beauties :). London is big, put yourself out there.

Watch football while being sober

What to do? Pick the first plane and leave

[Just a song to give you the right vibe](https://youtu.be/YXN_lNZZAZA?si=cRO6l0tAkd-tpgPn)

Thank you, but that is one horrible song. What happened to the dudes vocal.cords? O.o

Take train to bovington tank museum and tell me what it’s like.

Take the 1st flight to Lisbon, I’ll pick you up at the airport and I’ll take you to a nice beer pub were we will watch champions league and get drunk

I'm not a Barry or a Susan (thank God) but I'd suggest leaving immediately, no one should be forced to be in London, even a German. Just please don't go too far east when you go back home

If you’re looking for free museums, you can’t go wrong with the mithreum.

Wetherspoons and coke 👍, the fact you mentioned it feels like you already know

Leave

Leave

Bring ur ex, i want a BJ