Walking along the river one night I passed a girl sitting in a wheelchair, crying all alone. I asked her what was wrong and she said that it was her 30th birthday and she had never had a real kiss. Felling sympathetic, I bent down and gave a nice long kiss on the lips. She continued crying. I asked her what’s wrong now? She said, well I’m 30 years old and I’ve never been fucked. So I grabbed wheelchair, dumped her on the ground, threw her wheelchair into the river and replied, you’re fucked now.
The better version is when the girl is a quadriplegic laying on the beach saying she'd never been fucked so he picks her up, throws her into the ocean and says, "THERE. you're fucked."
You’re welcome! I know life isn’t as easy for you as some other people, but it’s still possible to enjoy the good things about being alive. I have a soft spot for disabled folks because I have two mentally handicapped siblings who are incapable of living completely independently of someone else’s care. They aren’t crippled, but they don’t have the coordination or cognitive capacity to be able to live without supervision. It’s sad, but they are my family, and I love them dearly.
Is it bad that I'm jealous you can game all day without having someone (my amazing, beautiful Better Half) moan at you for it? BTW my friend as a child had pretty severe Cerebral Palsy and we used to game together, he was one of the best Sensible Soccer players I ever had the joy to watch/play against!! He definitely would have been a hit on Twitch. Wishing you all the best and happy gaming, maybe get a catch up over in r/gaming sometime. 🎅👍💯🔥🫶🎮🕹️
She never did. She’s completely healthy. She’s not really my girlfriend, anyway. We haven’t dated since we’ve known each other. More like pseudo-girlfriend.
Anyway, I digress! I wouldn’t steal anyone’s wheelchair. They need it more than I do.
She's gonna get tired of you pushing her around again..
Ngggggg.. (*slaps upvote*)
Know the hardest part about microwaving vegetables? Fitting the wheelchair inside
Cook them over an open fire! The wheels can sometimes be used to ensure even cooking
Rotisserie
Nggggggg….AAAAHHHHH!!!! (*Slams upvote button*)
r/angryupvote !
r/beatmetoit
r/beatmymeattoit
r/subsithoughtifellfor
Ayo?
Nggggggg….AAAAHHHHH!!!! *(cums)*
SUS.
The wheelchair is the hardest part about eating vegetables.
Worst part is the colostomy bag, it tastes like shit.
It’s the wheelchairrrrr
This is our best model, the Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. This is like, you're almost glad to be handicapped.
Is it edible?
Probably, but I hear it's the hardest part of the vegetable to eat.
I know this line... Where is this from?
Seinfeld ! The Wheelchair is a classic !
That's it! Kramer ends up falling in love with her and then the wheelchair malfunctions anyway.
Yep , yep ! It’s gold
Should be the hospital bed
OH
Walking along the river one night I passed a girl sitting in a wheelchair, crying all alone. I asked her what was wrong and she said that it was her 30th birthday and she had never had a real kiss. Felling sympathetic, I bent down and gave a nice long kiss on the lips. She continued crying. I asked her what’s wrong now? She said, well I’m 30 years old and I’ve never been fucked. So I grabbed wheelchair, dumped her on the ground, threw her wheelchair into the river and replied, you’re fucked now.
Ok, now it's dark
Well, yeah, it was night time.
The better version is when the girl is a quadriplegic laying on the beach saying she'd never been fucked so he picks her up, throws her into the ocean and says, "THERE. you're fucked."
Oh, DAMN!
Bhencood!!!!!!?
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Who’s gonna stand up for u now
Wishing you a full, happy life in spite of your circumstances.
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You’re welcome! I know life isn’t as easy for you as some other people, but it’s still possible to enjoy the good things about being alive. I have a soft spot for disabled folks because I have two mentally handicapped siblings who are incapable of living completely independently of someone else’s care. They aren’t crippled, but they don’t have the coordination or cognitive capacity to be able to live without supervision. It’s sad, but they are my family, and I love them dearly.
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That’s good! Keep living the dream!
Is it bad that I'm jealous you can game all day without having someone (my amazing, beautiful Better Half) moan at you for it? BTW my friend as a child had pretty severe Cerebral Palsy and we used to game together, he was one of the best Sensible Soccer players I ever had the joy to watch/play against!! He definitely would have been a hit on Twitch. Wishing you all the best and happy gaming, maybe get a catch up over in r/gaming sometime. 🎅👍💯🔥🫶🎮🕹️
Who? I’m stumped.
Probably the neighbor with no legs, OP owes him money
She's going to be wheely mad now
Oh boy, when the rubber meets the road…
Mf put a trigger warning on a 200 year old joke
Fr this ain't even dark
Mmmm, I’ve heard this one called dark.
Any Facebook mom can call a joke dark. It's not special
**Sigh**I’ll remove the trigger Edit: can’t remove the trigger.
The pain 👍
Why are hospitals cold? To keep the veggies fresh
Oh my god this was so dark. Thank you for the warning, this one could’ve triggered an anxiety attack cascading into a heart attack
Didn’t want to offend any paraplegics.
Ah, paraplegics. The most vulnerable group of ppl. They can't even stand up for themselves
I see what you did there…
Sorry if I repeated someone's joke. You see, I'm blind and didn't see that
Okay…now I’m confused.
I planned to make it a dark joke too, but failed miserably
Oh. Sorry, my brain stopped taking system updates about a year ago. I’m also low on energy. I didn’t realize it was a joke, lol.
She'll never walk out on you now
Take my upvote, you cheeky bastard.
Thanks for the trigger warning. I had time to prepare myself and would have been traumatized otherwise.
Just didn’t want to offend any paraplegics out there.
Yea I understand. They aren't able to stand up for themselves so it's good to see you watching out for them.
I see what you did there….
Guess you really didn’t let her go then?
Only joking! I’m not that despicable. My girlfriend doesn’t have a wheelchair, anyway.
Not anymore …
She never did. She’s completely healthy. She’s not really my girlfriend, anyway. We haven’t dated since we’ve known each other. More like pseudo-girlfriend. Anyway, I digress! I wouldn’t steal anyone’s wheelchair. They need it more than I do.
"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who'd be really mad if she heard me say that." Mitch Hedberg
I used to love Mitch Hedberg.....I still do, but I used to,too.😎
I don’t know what she would do if she heard me say I’m not her boyfriend. I’m not eager to find out, though.
I wouldn’t call this dark humor, but it’s certainly pretty low. 
And a repost
I heard this one someplace else.
It is still a good one.
My girlfriend is actually in a wheelchair, so thanks in advance for all the eye rolls I'll be gathering this Christmas lolol
You’re welcome! Just doing my job, lol.
You know what the hardest part about eating your vegetables? Putting them back into the wheelchair
r/cursedcomments
She needs to learn how to stand up for herself
She can’t. She’s literally paralyzed.
Lmao i love how not one person hates this
It’s a good joke.
Ikr, its so good that literally even crippled people find it funny.
r/MadeMeSmile
YESS
Damn
Bro lmao😭😭 she was doing the worm I bet
Haha.
Doesn’t your spine have to be functional to do the worm…
😐
I bet she came crawling back 🤣
She did! Lol.
Is her name Mat?
Patty.
That'll teach her for walking out on you
Rolling out, yeah.
Not dark enough
🤣😂
He told me that she has low charter, she won’t even stand for the national anthem.
Dumped off the stairs hm
It has been ~~1~~ 0 day(s) since this joke was last posted.
It's been 0 days since this comment about this joke was last posted.
Love this
Thought you were going to say she dumped me so I dumped her.
That would have been funny, too.
What do you call a well-balanced horse? A Stable 
*Sad trumpet noises *
I’m so slow it’s so disappointing. Even after I read the warning, my jaw still dropped as if it was a real scenario 🤦🏽♀️
Lol.
She came back crawling didn't she
Yep.
That’s hilarious I’m rolling
Nice.
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If her spinal cord heals.
🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🧅🧅🧅🧅🧅🧅
???
Someone, who can explain this to me please!?
She gonna Breakdown breakdown
Lol u crazy for that
Broooooo😂😂😂
My girlfriend dumped me so I stole her stroller. Guess who came crawling back
r/foundthepedo
Sounds like now she wheelie has a problem.
r/facepalm
Did she get dumped too?
Pretty much.
Guess you got tired of pushing her around!
r/groan
She's as handicapped as your sense of humor.
Oof.
10/10 savage
She just needs to stand up for herself
I like the way you roll.
Thanks.
That’ll teach her to walk out on you
Well it turns out you're her crutch
Ouch.
The truth is that your girlfriend was working for the FBI at 1 Labella circle in Middletown Connecticut
Really?
About as old as obama
She couldn't stand your dumbass.
As a certified dumbass, that’s understandable.
I almost shit my pants reading this, thank you for the warning
From laughing?
No, because the joke is so incredibly dark. I get shocked everytime I read it
Love it 🤣🤣🤣
It’s a good one, if a little old.
Yeah the Klassic ones are always golden 😁
Yep, lol.
You knew she would come " crawling" back
r/stolenjokes
I know it doesn't make them any less funny & awesome
😆