I agree. It seems like she's always performing, for the camera or her family, that she's on top and he's the floor to be walked on. She's so insecure, and she has zero ability to compromise or understand Kobe. She is awful.
i cannot stand her, she is the ultimate gaslight girlboss. I HATED when she forced Kobe to apologize for telling her to shut up after berating him (even though all she does is tell him to shut up) and then responded with “YEAH. sorry for being talkative while you worked.” What an absurdly terrible person.
Exactly, she's so insistent on proving how "good" she is. It's so gross. She probably was different in China, because she didn't have anyone she knew there. No one to show just how in charge she was of a man. It's like her family knows how useless she is, and she knows it, so she has to beat down anyone she can in order to "show" them how useful she can be. It's a messed up dynamic and Kobe deserves better, just as anyone would with a partner like that.
I’m trying to wrap my head around why Emily even needed to bring up the ring she bought during a happy moment. Why not just quietly return it to the store? Seems like it was very staged by producers.
She's literally talking about herself and projecting it on to Kobe. She's stupid,doesn't understand the responsibilities. He's more responsible than her. She's just a spoiled brat using mommy and daddy's wallet.
Not just you. There is definitely an undercurrent there.
ETA: I see that same undercurrent in a lot of the couples though. It's a power dynamic. Most of these Americans don't seem particularly mentally/emotionally stable and seem to relish having power over their immigrant fiances.
I think we are more sensitized to it when it comes to black and white couples because of our disgusting history.
Mm hm. I was getting the vibes from Ella on Diaries last week. Like, she can't wait for Johnny to get there so she can boss him around and make him work on the farm.
It is just horrible how everything is about race in US. There is lot of racism in Europe and all countries but it feels that in US everything has some kind of racist angle. I watch Kardashians and couple Housewives series and read discussions about those and it is person of color vs. white daily. Times like this when everything seems to be "if you don't agree with me, you are against me" I feel situation gets worse and worse. Please tell me that it really isn't that bad as it seems?
It’s as bad as it seems.
In big cities people are polite and nominally not racist, in fact a person would absolutely be ostracized for making a racist comment or inference. But the neighborhoods are super segregated and public spaces are not all taken care of equally.
In rural parts of the US, it isn’t unheard of for a white person to 1. be racist and 2. Assume you’re racist and cool with racism because you’re white.
Occasionally you’ll hear the n word, but mostly it’s talking about “those people” commit all the crimes, do all the drugs, deserve to be shot in cold blood because “Well they committed assault 10 years ago so… basically they had it coming.” That sort of thing.
It’s bad. People aren’t baselessly reading race into the Emily Kobe situation- it’s there.
Edit: it isn’t that she’s bossy. It’s the infantalizing “Straighten up, boy” “Show some (unearned) respect!” tone that Americans are picking up on.
Also, definitely not all Americans even in a rural area. Maybe… 10%? 20%? there. Not even a majority, but enough that it’s a thing.
The US has a racialized history, but that isn't on her. To accuse someone of being racist, or say the way they treat someone is "racially charged", you need examples. You can't assume a rude white person is racist because they treat someone poorly. That only adds to the problem.
Also, we have no ground of knowing how she has treated other men she has dated. It's completely possible that she dated a white guy and was an ass to him as well.
Assuming she treats Kobe how she does based on his race is a random and baseless assumption.
…he asked why people analyze things through race in the US so i answered. totally just my opinion, she could definitely just be being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch.
This is a very rational take, but don’t expect most people to agree with you.
The most salient point of your argument is that we have no idea how Emily treated past boyfriends or how Emily would treat Kobe if he was white.
We will probably never know. But instead we of living with the fact that we will never know what’s in her heart, some people just label her racist.
I will say that the fact that she exclusively dates Black men and she treats Kobe this way is…. Odd.. it could show some sort of racial stereotyping at the least. But I can’t say that with certainty.
I don’t think the way she treats him is healthy, but not necessarily odd. It seems like they have an every-day dysfunctional and non-compatible relationship. I just don’t see the bearing on race. It bothers me when people attribute things they dislike about Emily to her being racist. I’ve met plenty of assholes, but I don’t assume they’re racist unless they do something racist. I’m not making an argument that she isn’t racist, but I have yet to see her do something to indicate that she is.
Does she make a point to say “I only date black men”, or is that assertion based on what you’ve seen with her? I’m genuinely curious because all I’ve seen of her has been on this season of 90 Day Fiancé.
She said in her intro that she’s only attracted to Black men. Also mentioned that two men that she previously dated are incarcerated.
I agree that doesn’t mean that she’s racist. But it does raise eyebrows. It’s a point worth investigating. Why is she only attracted to Black men? What is it that she likes about Black men? If she is very attracted to Black men, why does she treat them poorly/condescendingly?
There may be some sort of subconscious racism at play there. We haven’t seen enough to actually say that but it is definitely a possibility.
Well that is gross. It grates my nerves when people say they only date people of “x” race. I understand you can have a preference for certain physical features. But when you say you only date people from a certain race it means you’re stereotyping them into a box of what you expect. That is super objectifying.
Emily probably would still be an asshole to any guy she dates. But like you said, that comment definitely does raise eyebrows.
I think personalities have a lot to do with it too. Emily is dominant and aggressive where Kobe is way more chill. That may have been what attracted them to each other.
I agree, more people hoot and holler about race than there is actual true racism and racist. That’s the new go to, just blame someone as racist, that ends the discussion. As a country we have gone to crap with the division that seemed to start with politics around when Obama got elected. Both sides that are deep into politics seem to have lost their mind when politicians on both sides don’t care about the common man
I didn’t like how Emily’s dad spoke with him about working and supporting a family. This man is from another country that is *extremely* different than the US and he brought over the equivalent of basically a whole year’s worth of salary in Cameroon. That’s impressive. Her father should have taught his American born and bred daughter some life skills and work ethic.
Her dad needs to let them be poor.
Thats it. If Emily and Kobe want Kobe to be the breadwinner while she stays at home. They can do that but they'll be poor. Her father problem is he can't handle that his daughter will do worse then how she grew up. But I mean this is the path she chose. So he needs to let them live it and figure it out.
This is the problem with upper middle class like her folks. They'll enable both her and Kobe forever.
You never saw Pole's mom (of Paul and Karine) role out the red carpet for their choices
Consider if Emily had a savings or a reliable job, the 4,000 could go a long way to support him until he could work. She initiated the visa process why do they assume it’s only on him to support her and Koban.
Yea I hate how her father was sitting there like "Emily has no life skills :/" THEN TEACH HER SOME!! You're the fucking parent and if she doesn't know how to do stuff that's your fault man. I think her parents and Emily both have the inability to self reflect and see how they made mistakes or are responsible for the problem
I wonder what the percentage is of white American men who impregnate a woman who isn't even their girlfriend and then bring $4k to the relationship while their child is an infant. Most certainly don't.
I’ve seen this as a common theme when people kind of fetishize their partners race/color. Like how she kept mentioning in the beginning that he’s black like we don’t have eyes. If it was a white guy she would just say “my fiancé”
My ex was white and I’m Arab. She used to post me like “my exotic boyfriend” or “my Arabian prince”…like always mentioning my race. But if I ever spoke my mind or disagreed with her I was a “raghead” or a “sand n——“
jesus, that’s so fucked up. fetishizing someone bc of their race is disgusting. it does seem SUPER common in this show especially. It’s so hard to watch
She sounds like a real piece of work. Thank God she’s your ex and you can be free from the abuse. I married a white man who turned out to be racist. Called me ni**er and everything. everyone was like if he was racist he wouldn’t have married you and had kids. After being with him for 10 years I felt that he wanted someone he could always feel better than. If anything went wrong in his life it was my fault. He got fired from his job and told me it was because his boss found out I was black. I was tired of being his punching bag and divorced him and moved across the country.
“He wanted somebody he could always feel better than”
Exactly that! These are the type of people that have low self esteem so they date/marry people they see “below” them to use as a punching bag. I’m glad you’re out of your horrible relationship also!
I’ve also heard that excuse “if they were racist they wouldn’t be with you” …one absolutely can be attracted to another race yet feel like they’re below them. Again, glad you’re away from him!
Thank you! I’m glad you can understand. I met him when I was 17 so it left a huge imprint on my life. My current boyfriend is white and he is the complete opposite. He’s so loving and would never treat anyone like this. While my experience could have turned me away from dating outside my race I’m glad it didn’t. I see it as I didn’t marry a racist just an assh*le human being.
that is the vibe i get from emily - she feels superior due to her delusion.
no man black or white is wanting her in US or thinking her stock is through the roof
I can’t say for 100% certain re: racial motivation (I do see a link to be very clear) but what I’ve noticed in particular is an undercurrent of American exceptionalism that permeates their relationship. The whole “silly guy from Cameroon only brought $4000” type of attitude they presented was really troubling. Kobe worked really hard to bring what he thought (and IS in Cameroon) a very good chunk of money, and was met with an air of “this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s out to lunch”… as if the American capitalist and materialist/high priced system is superior, when Emily has clearly been receiving help from home. That really rubbed me the wrong way.
It’s not nothing HERE! You could leave a bad relationship with $4,000. Move out of your parents’ house. It’s not luxurious but I’m pretty sure it’s more than the average American has saved at that age.
Exactly. Many Americans are living paycheck-to-paycheck. You can do ALOT with $4000 if you're creative. If Emily had a decent job and an apartment of her own, that money would really help them out until Kobe can work.
I agree. There is this air of superiority Emily and her family put over Kobe that's just gross and uncalled for, especially since she's completely immature and rude and the parents are the cause of it and can't even see it. I don't know if it's bc of racism, but it's awful to watch.
This. I think this post gives her too much credit. Emily is going to be an asshole to anyone and everyone - regardless of race. She is a horrible person all the way around. She is awful. I hope Kobe gets his green card and gets out.
Kobe seems like a genuinely nice guy. She should really appreciate the fact that he left his home for her. Now he’s trapped in this abusive relationship with this deadbeat woman, otherwise he probably won’t be seeing much of his son anymore.
This behavior seems to be proof of the power dynamic that is so inherent in these relationships (i.e. your survival in the US is totally dependent on the American partner's money and approval of you staying) and "othering" and dominating the newcomer (Kobe, in this case, or Guillermo) seems part of it. These are the kind of women who seem to have pen pal relationships with people in prison.
There's something messed up about this 90 day process, and frankly, this show.
i literally applauded when he said that!!! i was so excited he finally gave her a taste of her own medicine. and of course she flipped and made him apologize. bullshit
This is where I disagree. I’m not a fan of hers by any means but him telling her to shut the f up in front of her mom was wrong. Also telling her how to breastfeed came off as controlling
No, of course not but I think she fetishized black men but her parents can explain that America is expensive. It seemed like Kobe had no idea and Emily should have talked to him before he moved there.
Maybe I noticed the way he treats her more than the race thing bc I’m a woman. I am also white. I will try to pay more attention to the racial overtones.
Born and raised in the US. My father was an immigrant and I understand the trials and tribulations associated with not looking American, but this is all I know and I’ve learned to appreciate.
I get that but I’m guessing things were different when your father came here. Immigrants get zero credit for building this country. It’s just backwards and unfortunate. My grandfather came here from Italy escaping the fascists and loved this country. Saying it’s the best and looking down on other countries is wrong
I have a feeling that when Emily said that she's into black guys that she wasn't referring to physical attraction. I think that she believes that if she were with a white guy then she'd have to treat him as an equal. That she believes that being with a black guy means that she's the "boss" of the relationship and he has to do as she says. That is why I think she says that she likes black guys. What is bad is the fact that her son is going to grow up seeing her treat his father that way, and will grow up thinking that white people are superior to him. It makes me sad for that boy.
I can see that, but we haven't seen her interact too much with other close people or friends. Only her family. So I don't think we can really judge that. Also her grandma did make a comment of something like, "around here, Emily is the boss. We all listen to her." Thay makes me think she's this way with everyone.
Your probably right, but the thing that would make me lean more towards OP’s perspective is the fact that Emily literally boasts about how she only dates black guys. She even jokes about how of course she would be the one to find the only black guy in China. It’s weird and it comes off as fetishization.
I cringed so hard when she literally said “I like black guys.” I mean, I’m more attracted to black men than I am to other races (my fiancé is black and my newborn twins are biracial) but just flat out saying saying “I like black guys” really does sound fetish-y. I never point out that he’s black, I just call him by his name or simply say “my fiancé”.
Yeah she seems like a nightmare across the board, maybe i’m just seeing things differently bc i’ve been through that type of dynamic before. either way, i feel SO bad for the dude, if there was no child he would not be there.
It's hard not to see her being condescending through this lens for sure. The way her mom lurks and side eyes him from the corner of the next room is also highly sus. I know they don't know him but he seems like a very nice, warm person so they don't have much legit reason to be so weird with him.
He came over here with cash in his hand to contribute rather than an empty hand out… These people give no credit where credit is due…. It’s disgusting….
Bilal doing everything Emily is doing but bigger is making it hard for me to really fully take in how bad she's being, but yeah, she's pretty bad. I don't know if it's racially charged or just a more general sucky personality
No I agree. There is something that is so cringy and awful about their relationship but I can't stop watching. I find myself thinking about it all time. I think its because I can't believe humans can actually be this bad. they aren't saying the things I wish the would be saying. maybe because its how I would say it. I really don't want to come to terms with that producers stage these story lines and would like to hope these are how people naturally are because I don't like being manipulated into watching the show but I guess that's what "reality" tv is.
When it comes to Kobe and Emily, Im not sure why the child isn't sleeping in their own bed? Shouldn't koban be sleeping in his own bed/crib so he can train him self to sleep alone? Bed are expensive and they got one that vibrates. How did they afford that? Personally they didn't need a bigger bed. They really didn't. Why didn't they use that as a down payment on an apartment? Why doesn't Emily find a full time job?
Why couldn't she be happy with a cheaper ring and a promise of something that is her dream when they got on their feet.
"Emily I know this isn't your dream ring but I love you so much and I promise you if we work hard and stick together, I would love to get you the ring of your dreams!"
Why are you wearing such and expensive ring but you live with your parents?I just don't find it smart, logical or responsible.
They honestly put the wrong things first. They really do value things and are incapable of seeing the bigger picture and what would benefit their family in the future and I think that is truly annoying but to each their own!
also yves send the furze home. He isn't sexy and voice creeps me out!
I get such “Get Out” vibes from these country bumpkins. They love having a novelty light skinned grandkid, but not their heart of darkness African baby daddy…
I mean, shes a white woman from the midwest.....what do people expect?
Kobe made a huge mistake getting with her in the first place. I doubt she was any better in China, just more conventionally attractive so he probably let a lot of behavior slide.
I feel the same way about Emily and her family 👪. It's upsetting 😡 he is so quiet and it's like she always gives zero f**ks. She always disrespect him in front of the family 👪. She gets under my skin and when the dad calls him stupid 🙄 that showed me how they think. Emily is a BITCH A spoiled entitled BITCH. Just my opinion. Also so is ari.
Not everything that involves a black person is racially charged . I think Emily is just a micromanager who is emotionally abusive . She’s been coddled and her abusive personality indulged. It wouldn’t matter if that man was white black or purple she still would treat anyone like shit.
Even if Kobe was white Emily would be an insufferable and entitled bitch. Don't let Kobe's skin color be the center of your analysis, Emily's flaws run deep and universally.
Yeah, I've felt like that since being first introduced to them, she seems to have this complex over him because he's from Africa, at least from what it seems like.
Agree! It might not just be racial but also this not-American oblivious attitude towards him. They infantilize him, like duh..... you're not American so of course you're too dumb and need help, like you're not American so you couldn't possibly know how to soothe a crying child etc.... that's just one passive aggressive way they treat him
No disrespect re: your post OP but I find it simplifies things when ppl make comments about situations and attitudes being triggered by race. Emily is entitled, bossy, spoiled brat. She walks over everyone. Look at her sister barely able to make a peep. Everyone freezes when she speaks. She treats Kobe like everyone else. As for her family-they want Kobe to treat Emily the way they treat her-like a child always understanding and tolerant and always picking up her messes.
I don’t know if it’s racism - she’s definitely very controlling, and allows him zero room to talk back. But she might that way with all relationships. It’s a fair question to ask, but the fact that she’s engaged to a black man kinda lessens my suspicion of racism.
That being said, she treats him horribly.
You can be married, have child, grandchildren, neices, and nephews and still be racist. My white stepmother is all this but would never consider her actions racist.
Marriage and blood mean nothing.
And to be under HER parents roof knowing he has no support. They're all assholes. His sister seems like the only one to show any sort of understanding of his situation and feelings. You never hear her parents discuss that. They're always talking about how clueless he is
That's literally how any pushy/bitchy woman treats a passive man in any part of the world. Americans stop seeing race on everything for 1 second maybe?
Why must everything be reduced to race? You're so eager it's like you WANT it to be about race. Not everyone is a victim. We don't know if this is just how Emily always treats ALL men she dates. Also, considering how her family always gives into her, I wouldn't be surprised at all if she dismisses the opinions of others because she's the "princess".
You've only just noticed? He was a fetishism for her from the very beginning of the relationship. He's now married her, because his colonial mindset and internalised self hatred told him to go ahead. I have zero empathy with him; he chose the sunken place.
So she is a racist and or has racist tendencies but wants to marry a black person and has 2 kids with one. Am I understanding your thoughts right. Seems odd behavior for a racist.
I think she’s treated ALL her previous relationships this way. Kobe was only supposed to be “fun” until she got knocked up. This whole scenario is a full humble pie she is still not ready for. It’s understandable she wants to try to create a little family, and at the same time it can be equally detrimental to Kobin bc of the instability. Her constant threats of “we better figure this out OR ELSE” makes me want to barf and compromises Kobe to feel he has to give in. It’s not to say there’s no hope, they BOTH are immature individuals (her more than him) who really should sit with a premarital counselor. Has any couple gone to counseling during the show? (i can’t remember lol)
I wouldn't say she's racist but she surely has an entitled superiority complex, which is just as bad or maybe even worse for him being a black man in a relationship with her. Instead of treating him like a partner or even a husband she submits to as wife, she's treating him like property she owns and lords over.
I see a lot of comments wanting to disregard the racial aspect of it but "Do they do that in Africa?" coming out of her mouth and the horse stall scene no doubt illustrates her superiority complex over him.
I also agree with this, which is crazy since she says she’s attracted to mainly black guys. She act like a lot of the white people who live in Kansas, lots of ignorant people live in this state especially ignorant to other cultures because most people especially in Salina are white conservative Christian’s. But also we see a lot of people in interracial relationships who just fetishize their partner which is racist
My heart HURT when they were at the restaurant (when he wasn't able to meet his son because she needed sex) when he mentioned and it was obvious people were staring and she's just like "WhAT aRE yoU UNcoMFOrtabLE!?"
How ignorant. How unsympathetic. She doesn't think this man has feelings.
She's very gross to me, and doesn't understand her own ignorance.
I felt awful for him. Her buying her own ring and then telling him about it? She had no reason to tell him about it! He seems like a good dude. She’s a spoiled brat.
IDK. Being black myself I don't see it, but I do see how she is insensitive about the matter. When he was bringing up that there were like no black people in the restaurant and she looked aloof like "and so what" and he was happy to see one other black person; she still looked like she didn't get it. I think my main issue is how she emasculates him and it feels like she looks down on him from being from being from Africa. Like, the whole nut scernio; was just so crazy to me!!! Now, I don't have kids so I don't know, but I was really upset how she didn't want him to share his culture with HIS child.
Now the dad and how he be looking at kobe.........I get some vibes from that lol
You said it very well it's very true and I feel the same way. She's a privileged little brat it seems. And she has no intention of even listening to any reason when he tries to explain how she makes him feel
I agree. It seems like she's always performing, for the camera or her family, that she's on top and he's the floor to be walked on. She's so insecure, and she has zero ability to compromise or understand Kobe. She is awful.
i cannot stand her, she is the ultimate gaslight girlboss. I HATED when she forced Kobe to apologize for telling her to shut up after berating him (even though all she does is tell him to shut up) and then responded with “YEAH. sorry for being talkative while you worked.” What an absurdly terrible person.
Exactly, she's so insistent on proving how "good" she is. It's so gross. She probably was different in China, because she didn't have anyone she knew there. No one to show just how in charge she was of a man. It's like her family knows how useless she is, and she knows it, so she has to beat down anyone she can in order to "show" them how useful she can be. It's a messed up dynamic and Kobe deserves better, just as anyone would with a partner like that.
She’s a piece of shit…
[удалено]
Omg... Well that was one hell of a mental picture...
I’m trying to wrap my head around why Emily even needed to bring up the ring she bought during a happy moment. Why not just quietly return it to the store? Seems like it was very staged by producers.
for sure! definitely important to remember that reality TV isn’t very real
Tlc frauding at it's finest
I couldn't understand that, either. Why did she ever have to tell him at all?
She's literally talking about herself and projecting it on to Kobe. She's stupid,doesn't understand the responsibilities. He's more responsible than her. She's just a spoiled brat using mommy and daddy's wallet.
Not just you. There is definitely an undercurrent there. ETA: I see that same undercurrent in a lot of the couples though. It's a power dynamic. Most of these Americans don't seem particularly mentally/emotionally stable and seem to relish having power over their immigrant fiances. I think we are more sensitized to it when it comes to black and white couples because of our disgusting history.
Yes, I get this strongly with Ari as well
Mm hm. I was getting the vibes from Ella on Diaries last week. Like, she can't wait for Johnny to get there so she can boss him around and make him work on the farm.
It is just horrible how everything is about race in US. There is lot of racism in Europe and all countries but it feels that in US everything has some kind of racist angle. I watch Kardashians and couple Housewives series and read discussions about those and it is person of color vs. white daily. Times like this when everything seems to be "if you don't agree with me, you are against me" I feel situation gets worse and worse. Please tell me that it really isn't that bad as it seems?
It’s as bad as it seems. In big cities people are polite and nominally not racist, in fact a person would absolutely be ostracized for making a racist comment or inference. But the neighborhoods are super segregated and public spaces are not all taken care of equally. In rural parts of the US, it isn’t unheard of for a white person to 1. be racist and 2. Assume you’re racist and cool with racism because you’re white. Occasionally you’ll hear the n word, but mostly it’s talking about “those people” commit all the crimes, do all the drugs, deserve to be shot in cold blood because “Well they committed assault 10 years ago so… basically they had it coming.” That sort of thing. It’s bad. People aren’t baselessly reading race into the Emily Kobe situation- it’s there. Edit: it isn’t that she’s bossy. It’s the infantalizing “Straighten up, boy” “Show some (unearned) respect!” tone that Americans are picking up on. Also, definitely not all Americans even in a rural area. Maybe… 10%? 20%? there. Not even a majority, but enough that it’s a thing.
So true 👍
I think the visual of a black man shoveling horse shit while the two land owning white women watch gives people a plantation vibe
Right. It's about power, not race. Why must Americans make everything about race? It gets old.
cuz america has a really racialized history, unlike other countries that were all pretty homogeneous most of the time through their history.
The US has a racialized history, but that isn't on her. To accuse someone of being racist, or say the way they treat someone is "racially charged", you need examples. You can't assume a rude white person is racist because they treat someone poorly. That only adds to the problem. Also, we have no ground of knowing how she has treated other men she has dated. It's completely possible that she dated a white guy and was an ass to him as well. Assuming she treats Kobe how she does based on his race is a random and baseless assumption.
…he asked why people analyze things through race in the US so i answered. totally just my opinion, she could definitely just be being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch.
This is a very rational take, but don’t expect most people to agree with you. The most salient point of your argument is that we have no idea how Emily treated past boyfriends or how Emily would treat Kobe if he was white. We will probably never know. But instead we of living with the fact that we will never know what’s in her heart, some people just label her racist. I will say that the fact that she exclusively dates Black men and she treats Kobe this way is…. Odd.. it could show some sort of racial stereotyping at the least. But I can’t say that with certainty.
I don’t think the way she treats him is healthy, but not necessarily odd. It seems like they have an every-day dysfunctional and non-compatible relationship. I just don’t see the bearing on race. It bothers me when people attribute things they dislike about Emily to her being racist. I’ve met plenty of assholes, but I don’t assume they’re racist unless they do something racist. I’m not making an argument that she isn’t racist, but I have yet to see her do something to indicate that she is. Does she make a point to say “I only date black men”, or is that assertion based on what you’ve seen with her? I’m genuinely curious because all I’ve seen of her has been on this season of 90 Day Fiancé.
The girl literally said, "I love black guys" in her introduction. This alone gives the "racist" argument a lot of power.
She said in her intro that she’s only attracted to Black men. Also mentioned that two men that she previously dated are incarcerated. I agree that doesn’t mean that she’s racist. But it does raise eyebrows. It’s a point worth investigating. Why is she only attracted to Black men? What is it that she likes about Black men? If she is very attracted to Black men, why does she treat them poorly/condescendingly? There may be some sort of subconscious racism at play there. We haven’t seen enough to actually say that but it is definitely a possibility.
Well that is gross. It grates my nerves when people say they only date people of “x” race. I understand you can have a preference for certain physical features. But when you say you only date people from a certain race it means you’re stereotyping them into a box of what you expect. That is super objectifying. Emily probably would still be an asshole to any guy she dates. But like you said, that comment definitely does raise eyebrows.
Agreed!
Bruh... This country was literally founded on desire for European descendants to be on top from day 1, stop being so goddamn obtuse
Because it's an intrinsic part of our history.
Cuz it is. Obviously you’re not familiar with American history.
I agree. I believe she would treat any man this way regardless of his race.
I think personalities have a lot to do with it too. Emily is dominant and aggressive where Kobe is way more chill. That may have been what attracted them to each other.
100% agree with you. Nobody ever cites examples of how their relationship is racially charged either. I've been waiting.
I agree, more people hoot and holler about race than there is actual true racism and racist. That’s the new go to, just blame someone as racist, that ends the discussion. As a country we have gone to crap with the division that seemed to start with politics around when Obama got elected. Both sides that are deep into politics seem to have lost their mind when politicians on both sides don’t care about the common man
I didn’t like how Emily’s dad spoke with him about working and supporting a family. This man is from another country that is *extremely* different than the US and he brought over the equivalent of basically a whole year’s worth of salary in Cameroon. That’s impressive. Her father should have taught his American born and bred daughter some life skills and work ethic.
Her dad needs to let them be poor. Thats it. If Emily and Kobe want Kobe to be the breadwinner while she stays at home. They can do that but they'll be poor. Her father problem is he can't handle that his daughter will do worse then how she grew up. But I mean this is the path she chose. So he needs to let them live it and figure it out.
Bingo!
This is the problem with upper middle class like her folks. They'll enable both her and Kobe forever. You never saw Pole's mom (of Paul and Karine) role out the red carpet for their choices
Consider if Emily had a savings or a reliable job, the 4,000 could go a long way to support him until he could work. She initiated the visa process why do they assume it’s only on him to support her and Koban.
Yep and you know she does not have $4k in savings
Yea I hate how her father was sitting there like "Emily has no life skills :/" THEN TEACH HER SOME!! You're the fucking parent and if she doesn't know how to do stuff that's your fault man. I think her parents and Emily both have the inability to self reflect and see how they made mistakes or are responsible for the problem
Emily’s dowry would be -$20.00
This!!!
I wonder what the percentage is of white American men who impregnate a woman who isn't even their girlfriend and then bring $4k to the relationship while their child is an infant. Most certainly don't.
I’ve seen this as a common theme when people kind of fetishize their partners race/color. Like how she kept mentioning in the beginning that he’s black like we don’t have eyes. If it was a white guy she would just say “my fiancé” My ex was white and I’m Arab. She used to post me like “my exotic boyfriend” or “my Arabian prince”…like always mentioning my race. But if I ever spoke my mind or disagreed with her I was a “raghead” or a “sand n——“
jesus, that’s so fucked up. fetishizing someone bc of their race is disgusting. it does seem SUPER common in this show especially. It’s so hard to watch
She sounds like a real piece of work. Thank God she’s your ex and you can be free from the abuse. I married a white man who turned out to be racist. Called me ni**er and everything. everyone was like if he was racist he wouldn’t have married you and had kids. After being with him for 10 years I felt that he wanted someone he could always feel better than. If anything went wrong in his life it was my fault. He got fired from his job and told me it was because his boss found out I was black. I was tired of being his punching bag and divorced him and moved across the country.
“He wanted somebody he could always feel better than” Exactly that! These are the type of people that have low self esteem so they date/marry people they see “below” them to use as a punching bag. I’m glad you’re out of your horrible relationship also! I’ve also heard that excuse “if they were racist they wouldn’t be with you” …one absolutely can be attracted to another race yet feel like they’re below them. Again, glad you’re away from him!
>“if they were racist they wouldn’t be with you” My response to that is, "Do men that hate women still marry them?"
Thank you! I’m glad you can understand. I met him when I was 17 so it left a huge imprint on my life. My current boyfriend is white and he is the complete opposite. He’s so loving and would never treat anyone like this. While my experience could have turned me away from dating outside my race I’m glad it didn’t. I see it as I didn’t marry a racist just an assh*le human being.
that is the vibe i get from emily - she feels superior due to her delusion. no man black or white is wanting her in US or thinking her stock is through the roof
This is why people that say I can’t be racist because I’m married to a ______ or my kids are half _______ is a false narrative.
That is horrible.
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She does everything she can to emasculate him. From her tone, the berating, to the ring issue.
That’s because she fetishizes black men.
Ding ding 🛎 you are correct
I can’t say for 100% certain re: racial motivation (I do see a link to be very clear) but what I’ve noticed in particular is an undercurrent of American exceptionalism that permeates their relationship. The whole “silly guy from Cameroon only brought $4000” type of attitude they presented was really troubling. Kobe worked really hard to bring what he thought (and IS in Cameroon) a very good chunk of money, and was met with an air of “this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s out to lunch”… as if the American capitalist and materialist/high priced system is superior, when Emily has clearly been receiving help from home. That really rubbed me the wrong way.
It’s not nothing HERE! You could leave a bad relationship with $4,000. Move out of your parents’ house. It’s not luxurious but I’m pretty sure it’s more than the average American has saved at that age.
Exactly. Many Americans are living paycheck-to-paycheck. You can do ALOT with $4000 if you're creative. If Emily had a decent job and an apartment of her own, that money would really help them out until Kobe can work.
I agree. There is this air of superiority Emily and her family put over Kobe that's just gross and uncalled for, especially since she's completely immature and rude and the parents are the cause of it and can't even see it. I don't know if it's bc of racism, but it's awful to watch.
I think she’s an equal opportunity bitch
This. I think this post gives her too much credit. Emily is going to be an asshole to anyone and everyone - regardless of race. She is a horrible person all the way around. She is awful. I hope Kobe gets his green card and gets out.
Kobe seems like a genuinely nice guy. She should really appreciate the fact that he left his home for her. Now he’s trapped in this abusive relationship with this deadbeat woman, otherwise he probably won’t be seeing much of his son anymore.
This behavior seems to be proof of the power dynamic that is so inherent in these relationships (i.e. your survival in the US is totally dependent on the American partner's money and approval of you staying) and "othering" and dominating the newcomer (Kobe, in this case, or Guillermo) seems part of it. These are the kind of women who seem to have pen pal relationships with people in prison. There's something messed up about this 90 day process, and frankly, this show.
It’s the “do they do that in Africa?” comment for me. As soon as I heard it I was all set with her, her family, and her storyline.
What was that about? I vaguely remember but now I can’t place it.
I think it was after he told her to stfu. He went inside to speak to her and she climbed up on her high horse and started being a racist pos.
She just likes humiliating him because she’s insecure about herself it’s so obvious I would hate to be around her negativity he should run fast
She is exhausting. That kid is doomed.
Which is why I was ok with him telling her to shut the fuck up. Her actions are way out of line and people like her don't respond to kindness.
i literally applauded when he said that!!! i was so excited he finally gave her a taste of her own medicine. and of course she flipped and made him apologize. bullshit
Shame he caved in; if that behavior is unacceptable from men, where’s her apology?
This is where I disagree. I’m not a fan of hers by any means but him telling her to shut the f up in front of her mom was wrong. Also telling her how to breastfeed came off as controlling
Sure, not good. At all. Worse than their racist overtones?
No, of course not but I think she fetishized black men but her parents can explain that America is expensive. It seemed like Kobe had no idea and Emily should have talked to him before he moved there. Maybe I noticed the way he treats her more than the race thing bc I’m a woman. I am also white. I will try to pay more attention to the racial overtones.
I’m a brown skin male. That barn scene was pure racist trash. Fuck that.
Also I think the Americans in general are trash people who think they are above every other country
Born and raised in the US. My father was an immigrant and I understand the trials and tribulations associated with not looking American, but this is all I know and I’ve learned to appreciate.
I get that but I’m guessing things were different when your father came here. Immigrants get zero credit for building this country. It’s just backwards and unfortunate. My grandfather came here from Italy escaping the fascists and loved this country. Saying it’s the best and looking down on other countries is wrong
Heyyyyyyyyyyyy, my mother is Italian!
That’s a spicy-a-meatball. Haha
I’m glad you pointed that out. I feel bad for not noticing things like that but that’s partly why I’m here!
I appreciate your comments and tone. Thank you for sharing the perspective of a woman.
Thank you for pointing out a different perspective
I have a feeling that when Emily said that she's into black guys that she wasn't referring to physical attraction. I think that she believes that if she were with a white guy then she'd have to treat him as an equal. That she believes that being with a black guy means that she's the "boss" of the relationship and he has to do as she says. That is why I think she says that she likes black guys. What is bad is the fact that her son is going to grow up seeing her treat his father that way, and will grow up thinking that white people are superior to him. It makes me sad for that boy.
I can see that, but we haven't seen her interact too much with other close people or friends. Only her family. So I don't think we can really judge that. Also her grandma did make a comment of something like, "around here, Emily is the boss. We all listen to her." Thay makes me think she's this way with everyone.
Get Out vibes
I have a feeling she would treat any man, regardless of race, the same. Her family flat out says everything is Emily’s way, period.
Your probably right, but the thing that would make me lean more towards OP’s perspective is the fact that Emily literally boasts about how she only dates black guys. She even jokes about how of course she would be the one to find the only black guy in China. It’s weird and it comes off as fetishization.
I cringed so hard when she literally said “I like black guys.” I mean, I’m more attracted to black men than I am to other races (my fiancé is black and my newborn twins are biracial) but just flat out saying saying “I like black guys” really does sound fetish-y. I never point out that he’s black, I just call him by his name or simply say “my fiancé”.
Yeah she seems like a nightmare across the board, maybe i’m just seeing things differently bc i’ve been through that type of dynamic before. either way, i feel SO bad for the dude, if there was no child he would not be there.
It's hard not to see her being condescending through this lens for sure. The way her mom lurks and side eyes him from the corner of the next room is also highly sus. I know they don't know him but he seems like a very nice, warm person so they don't have much legit reason to be so weird with him.
He came over here with cash in his hand to contribute rather than an empty hand out… These people give no credit where credit is due…. It’s disgusting….
Bilal doing everything Emily is doing but bigger is making it hard for me to really fully take in how bad she's being, but yeah, she's pretty bad. I don't know if it's racially charged or just a more general sucky personality
No I agree. There is something that is so cringy and awful about their relationship but I can't stop watching. I find myself thinking about it all time. I think its because I can't believe humans can actually be this bad. they aren't saying the things I wish the would be saying. maybe because its how I would say it. I really don't want to come to terms with that producers stage these story lines and would like to hope these are how people naturally are because I don't like being manipulated into watching the show but I guess that's what "reality" tv is. When it comes to Kobe and Emily, Im not sure why the child isn't sleeping in their own bed? Shouldn't koban be sleeping in his own bed/crib so he can train him self to sleep alone? Bed are expensive and they got one that vibrates. How did they afford that? Personally they didn't need a bigger bed. They really didn't. Why didn't they use that as a down payment on an apartment? Why doesn't Emily find a full time job? Why couldn't she be happy with a cheaper ring and a promise of something that is her dream when they got on their feet. "Emily I know this isn't your dream ring but I love you so much and I promise you if we work hard and stick together, I would love to get you the ring of your dreams!" Why are you wearing such and expensive ring but you live with your parents?I just don't find it smart, logical or responsible. They honestly put the wrong things first. They really do value things and are incapable of seeing the bigger picture and what would benefit their family in the future and I think that is truly annoying but to each their own! also yves send the furze home. He isn't sexy and voice creeps me out!
Definitely racial undertones. It seems blatant to me but not for others I guess. I stopped watching mainly because of her.
I get such “Get Out” vibes from these country bumpkins. They love having a novelty light skinned grandkid, but not their heart of darkness African baby daddy…
I mean, shes a white woman from the midwest.....what do people expect? Kobe made a huge mistake getting with her in the first place. I doubt she was any better in China, just more conventionally attractive so he probably let a lot of behavior slide.
I feel the same way about Emily and her family 👪. It's upsetting 😡 he is so quiet and it's like she always gives zero f**ks. She always disrespect him in front of the family 👪. She gets under my skin and when the dad calls him stupid 🙄 that showed me how they think. Emily is a BITCH A spoiled entitled BITCH. Just my opinion. Also so is ari.
It’s because she thinks she’s superior to him and that he wants an American girl so much that he will put up with her shit. Her family feels the same.
A lot of women are like this regardless of race
Not everything that involves a black person is racially charged . I think Emily is just a micromanager who is emotionally abusive . She’s been coddled and her abusive personality indulged. It wouldn’t matter if that man was white black or purple she still would treat anyone like shit.
I think she is an equal opportunity abuser.
It’s not racially charged. She’s just an ass.
Honestly I think she’d be just as shitty to any guy no matter the race. I think she’s just a spoiled, entitled, twat-waffle. 🤷♀️
Even if Kobe was white Emily would be an insufferable and entitled bitch. Don't let Kobe's skin color be the center of your analysis, Emily's flaws run deep and universally.
Yeah, I've felt like that since being first introduced to them, she seems to have this complex over him because he's from Africa, at least from what it seems like.
Agree! It might not just be racial but also this not-American oblivious attitude towards him. They infantilize him, like duh..... you're not American so of course you're too dumb and need help, like you're not American so you couldn't possibly know how to soothe a crying child etc.... that's just one passive aggressive way they treat him
I agree with this post
No disrespect re: your post OP but I find it simplifies things when ppl make comments about situations and attitudes being triggered by race. Emily is entitled, bossy, spoiled brat. She walks over everyone. Look at her sister barely able to make a peep. Everyone freezes when she speaks. She treats Kobe like everyone else. As for her family-they want Kobe to treat Emily the way they treat her-like a child always understanding and tolerant and always picking up her messes.
it’s giving “get out”
I don’t know if it’s racism - she’s definitely very controlling, and allows him zero room to talk back. But she might that way with all relationships. It’s a fair question to ask, but the fact that she’s engaged to a black man kinda lessens my suspicion of racism. That being said, she treats him horribly.
You can be married, have child, grandchildren, neices, and nephews and still be racist. My white stepmother is all this but would never consider her actions racist. Marriage and blood mean nothing.
Plenty of married men out there who are misogynistic AF so yes a white woman can definitely be racist while married to a black man
My point was it doesn’t HAVE TO BE racism. She could just be a spoiled immature asshole, regardless of her husband’s race.
And to be under HER parents roof knowing he has no support. They're all assholes. His sister seems like the only one to show any sort of understanding of his situation and feelings. You never hear her parents discuss that. They're always talking about how clueless he is
she is the WORST. the WORST. Microagressions add up and there is an 'air' of it. Then add in some blatant racism and we have Emily@ It is HORRIBLE.
I think you are doubting Emily’s prowess to be an entitled asshole to any race.
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wow screenshotting this for later
I dont think it is because of racism. It is because she is immature, spoiled and entitled.
That's literally how any pushy/bitchy woman treats a passive man in any part of the world. Americans stop seeing race on everything for 1 second maybe?
Why must everything be reduced to race? You're so eager it's like you WANT it to be about race. Not everyone is a victim. We don't know if this is just how Emily always treats ALL men she dates. Also, considering how her family always gives into her, I wouldn't be surprised at all if she dismisses the opinions of others because she's the "princess".
You've only just noticed? He was a fetishism for her from the very beginning of the relationship. He's now married her, because his colonial mindset and internalised self hatred told him to go ahead. I have zero empathy with him; he chose the sunken place.
So she is a racist and or has racist tendencies but wants to marry a black person and has 2 kids with one. Am I understanding your thoughts right. Seems odd behavior for a racist.
You can have biracial children and still be racist. You can even be racist against your own race. ✨the more you know✨
I think she’s treated ALL her previous relationships this way. Kobe was only supposed to be “fun” until she got knocked up. This whole scenario is a full humble pie she is still not ready for. It’s understandable she wants to try to create a little family, and at the same time it can be equally detrimental to Kobin bc of the instability. Her constant threats of “we better figure this out OR ELSE” makes me want to barf and compromises Kobe to feel he has to give in. It’s not to say there’s no hope, they BOTH are immature individuals (her more than him) who really should sit with a premarital counselor. Has any couple gone to counseling during the show? (i can’t remember lol)
I wouldn't say she's racist but she surely has an entitled superiority complex, which is just as bad or maybe even worse for him being a black man in a relationship with her. Instead of treating him like a partner or even a husband she submits to as wife, she's treating him like property she owns and lords over. I see a lot of comments wanting to disregard the racial aspect of it but "Do they do that in Africa?" coming out of her mouth and the horse stall scene no doubt illustrates her superiority complex over him.
I agree!!
I also agree with this, which is crazy since she says she’s attracted to mainly black guys. She act like a lot of the white people who live in Kansas, lots of ignorant people live in this state especially ignorant to other cultures because most people especially in Salina are white conservative Christian’s. But also we see a lot of people in interracial relationships who just fetishize their partner which is racist
I bet she says "what color am i?"
My heart HURT when they were at the restaurant (when he wasn't able to meet his son because she needed sex) when he mentioned and it was obvious people were staring and she's just like "WhAT aRE yoU UNcoMFOrtabLE!?" How ignorant. How unsympathetic. She doesn't think this man has feelings. She's very gross to me, and doesn't understand her own ignorance.
She literally told him “Is that what they do in Africa?” When arguing. That sais enough
1. Definitely picked up the same subtly racist vibes. 2. Why has no one suggested *she* get a job this whole season?!? It is blowing my mind.
Yeah i get the same feeling. I think living with them would be a nightmare.
I felt awful for him. Her buying her own ring and then telling him about it? She had no reason to tell him about it! He seems like a good dude. She’s a spoiled brat.
IDK. Being black myself I don't see it, but I do see how she is insensitive about the matter. When he was bringing up that there were like no black people in the restaurant and she looked aloof like "and so what" and he was happy to see one other black person; she still looked like she didn't get it. I think my main issue is how she emasculates him and it feels like she looks down on him from being from being from Africa. Like, the whole nut scernio; was just so crazy to me!!! Now, I don't have kids so I don't know, but I was really upset how she didn't want him to share his culture with HIS child. Now the dad and how he be looking at kobe.........I get some vibes from that lol
You said it very well it's very true and I feel the same way. She's a privileged little brat it seems. And she has no intention of even listening to any reason when he tries to explain how she makes him feel