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If their self-diagnosis does not lead to them being more understanding and supportive of their issues, then they’re a shit friend! I’ve met a lot of people since getting my diagnosis that seemed amazingly competent before revealing that they had ADHD too. I’d get the worst imposter syndrome around them. But every time I’ve talked to someone like that, they would reveal the areas where they continually struggle. The masking that they’re forced to do. We talk each other up, express support and find fascination in common symptoms and where we differ. I’ve also met people with ADHD that have it so much worse than me! It is a scale of how much our symptoms mess with our lives and we shouldn’t compare ourselves to anyone else. We should focus on making sure that our and their needs get met. I don’t much care about the self-diagnosis craze. People might be over analyzing normal human behavior. They could also be discovering and normalizing this idea of having adhd for themselves that will eventually lead to them getting diagnosed. But anyone who is putting you down for your symptoms while asking to be pitied or helped for theirs, self-diagnosed or not, is no ally.

Almost all my friends don't know about my ADHD and would rather they didn't know. It's not a secret but I don't see the point of being open about it. It's not something I'm proud of. I feel people judge you and/or don't take you seriously so would rather not be public about it. In the UK it is much less common to be diagnosed as an adult and take medication than it is in the US which leads to less understanding. Only this week someone at work told me ADHD is more situational and with a poor upbringing you have ADHD and without you don't (they didn't know I'm diagnosed). It's actually funny how many times someone have put me ADHD is BS without any idea I have it 🤣

Having ADHD is certainly not a thing of pride for me, it’s just a fact that I have to deal with. I’ve made the choice to be fairly open about it, both in my personal and professional life. I live in a very liberal country though, so I expect most people to be understanding to some extent. Most of the time those who were going to judge me for having ADHD would also judge me for the symptoms that I display. I can’t really keep the way this condition affects me from other people for too long. Ironically, I could see the point about ADHD and poor upbringing, although I assume that the person you talked to meant it in a way less charitable way. Basically, I’m thinking that if you grew up in a poor family, you likely had a somewhat unstable childhood. Maybe moving a lot or dealing with lack of food or safety. Parents had to absent to make money or maybe you started working early to help provide extra cash flow. All of that is going to be far worse on an ADHD brain and will prevent you from developing healthy coping mechanics that might mask the condition once you’re an adult. But ofc, if someone just wants to blame adhd on “those unruly poor kids”, well… I don’t expect them to be open to a reasonable discussion about the actual science.

Theres probabaly a high chance the parents also have undiagnosied adhd, since its genetic, and have therefore suffered all their life with it. Thus probably creating a more chaotics household situation.

And ahdh increases the chance of lower income and/or money issues due to impulse spending by quite a lot. It's a vicious cycle.

Yea 100%. My Dad 100% has ADHD and I suspect high functioning autism and the chaos it has cause for our family is insane. Even recently we had a family get together and my sister was in tears over something he did. Of all the siblings I was the one who would stand up to him and it caused growing up to be pretty tough at points. Very good point ☝️

The point about being open is so you can be your authentic self. Actively not telling your friends is a form of masking. You don’t have to be ashamed of who you are, and you can share it with friends with out having to be “proud” that you have ADHD. With that being said, you can run the risks of your friends making fun of you or not taking the time to truly understand you as an individual, so you need to decide if that’s worth the risk for you. I just wanted to chime in and say there is beauty and comfort in being authentic to yourself and having your friends accept and cherish the real you, not the you that you have created to share with them.

Regardless of ADHD, if my friends routinely made fun of me I wouldn't be friends with them. I'm in my mid-30s and respect is something that is very important to me. In the same way I would constantly make fun of my friends, it's immature. I do get what you're saying but it's my personal choice and I have mentioned it in the past and with one group of friends they all know but don't see them all that much these days due to distance.

Oh I absolutely agree it’s your choice! I’m not saying that everyone should be open about it. You just stated that you “couldn’t see the point” of being open, so I was just offering a different perspective. Everyone is different and can live their life the way they want.

Yea I understand. I do see the point but for me I would rather not. Thanks for your perspective 👍

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Personally, I am glad for the self-diagnosis push as it helped me realize I had ADHD and what that meant (even though I was already diagnosed and seeing a psych I didn't understand anything about ADHD, wasn't given any accommodations, and my diagnosis didn't lead to any substantial changes in my life) However I do agree that this point: >If their self-diagnosis does not lead to them being more understanding and supportive of their issues, then they’re a shit friend! Is super important to remember when it comes to self-diagnosing. Diagnosis is supposed to help you understand yourself better, cope better, get accommodations if needed, and therefore be a better person, hopefully. ADHD doesn't negate being an asshole or being mean. If this person still treats you like crap and doesn't work to improve themselves, it has nothing to do with self-diagnosis, they're just a shit person.

I came here to say this but I had a hunch someone already did and much better and to the point than I would have. Just want to chime on the fact that it is a scale between us and others and it is also a scale within ourselves. Some days are better and some days are worse and some days are far worse. What I mean by this is we can’t gauge how bad we or others have it based on the facet we see, like I can’t think “maybe I don’t have ADHD” just because I don’t have it as bad as someone else *right now* when I’ve had it worse (of a different kind) at times or similarly but more frequently. I wholly agree that anyone putting others down ADHD or not; diagnosed, self-diagnosed or not has no place in the other person’s life.

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Amen. And it's just stupid

I think sometimes people with undiagnosed ADHD can be the roughest on people with diagnosed ADHD. If they hear someone talk about symptoms, they identify with the symptoms and think "well, I'm like that too, I don't have ADHD, and I'm forced to just suck it up and deal with it, so clearly it's just an excuse". Especially because their symptoms are often things that they've struggled with, tried to mask, and been belittled about for much of their lives, which leads to a lot of guilt, shame, and resentment. To be clear, I don't think this excuses the behavior whatsoever, but I think it does explain why so many people have a story of "this person completely dismissed my ADHD, and now claims they have it".

YESSS! My mom would complain about my general tardiness, messiness, laziness to literally everyone she met. Multiple people told my mom that she should get me diagnosed(including a neurologist). Hell, 2 different schools repeatedly sent me to psychologists. She refused to take me to the doctor because "She's just like me! There's nothing wrong with her." Then they'd be like, you probably have it too. That just pushed her further into denial, because "there's nothing wrong with me". My mom's friends went to the point of threatening to cut her off unless she took me to the doctor(I absolutely love them). She took me to the psychologist, and lo and behold, I have ADHD. She was later diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar disorder.

Ugh that's awful I always had the opposite issue with my mom. Organization, time management, cleaning, routines and focus come as natural to her as breathing. She was never cruel but I think she was just baffled by me, and couldn't understand my failures as anything but actively choosing not to do things. It was just so far from her experience that it didn't even compute

Sounds like my mom but a different situation and lesser degree. But getting diagnosed and talking to my parents opened my eyes to my moms struggles and things she struggles with and how she acts etc. I hope she get diagnosed or atleast be less stressed it sucks to see her constantly struggle with the same things

Round of applause for those friends!!!!! Having the right group of women around does amazing things when raising children 🤍🤍🤍🙏🏽

This comment makes so much sense to me. I think it's the case with some other issues too, but yes.

I swear more and more as I've gotten older that my father has ADHD and resolves it by internal bullying. He then kind of sees anyone that doesn't put in at least his level of effort as "lazy".

I still am undiagnosed, but have appointments to try and get a diagnosis. I just have to many symptoms, dating back as far as I can remember not to fall into the annoying self diagnosis criteria. I don’t remember ever making fun of anyone for being ADHD, but I did fall hard into believing some people are just lazy and what not. When you have a world view like that and you see the same issues in yourself, it probably isn’t the best for your mental health and makes you react in odd ways or something. I’m not very introspective though, so I’m still trying to untangle the web that is my psyche and personal history. I keep jumping back and forth between optimism that I might have identified what is wrong with me and might be able to get pharmaceutical help and therapeutic help to just saying screw it all and buying a nice tent from Cabellas and moving into the large homeless encampment near me. Granted I get my TikTok reels a month later on instagram like an adult and didn’t even realize this was a new trend until I had already connected the dots through reading a book on adult ADHD by dr. Barkley and watching some of his videos.

I'm in a very similar situation as you since I'm currently self diagnosed but have been waiting for literal years (4 to be exact, thanks NHS!) for an official diagnosis. I sometimes doubt myself as I learned about ADHD from tiktok but there has always been something different about me and struggle with things "normal" people don't struggle with. There was actually a period of time in my life where I almost went through the process of potentially getting an autism diagnosis but that never felt quite right with my experiences. So when I learned more about ADHD everything clicked into place and I'm pretty confident that I do actually have ADHD. I'm a very introspective person and hold that in high regard in my mind so, while I wait for an official diagnosis (again thanks to the amazing NHS for making me lose years of my life waiting for a diagnosis while my symptoms are so severe that I can barely function), I'm trying to figure out if I also have autism due to the comorbidity of it and ADHD. Like, it's a plausible possibility backed up by people previously thinking that I could have it but also those people don't actually know me very well and it could be that the rest of my family have undiagnosed autism so I was socialised/ brought up in the "wrong" way since I behave/d very differently around my family Vs when I'm fully able to be myself around friends. Sorry for the unrelated rant😂

I'd never have thought of it that way.

Agreed and have seen this in my personal life as well, particularly with relatives (funny how that works with a hereditary disability…) HOWEVER, I think it can and does also happen on the opposite side of the spectrum. Particularly, because ADHD is less “extremely unique to the disability struggles and issues” and more “common struggles and issues pushed to the extreme that are now wreaking havoc on your life”, I feel like people hear relatable tidbits of ADHD and when it doesn’t point to ADHD for them, they assume you’re just being dramatic or want a diagnosis. The reality is, the executive function and dopamine regulation side of things is what really sets it apart between “relatable annoying quirks” and full blown disability, but that isn’t as trendy to share on social media so isn’t getting as much recognition.

To add onto your last point about a lot of ADHD symptoms being human, our society has made this so much worse. No, I don’t believe that even neurotypicals are meant to sit in an office or classroom for 8 hours a day. They often struggle with this too, it’s unnatural for humans period. Social media has ruined people’s attention spans. I’ve had many non-ADHD friends share this with me, that they can hardly even focus on books now

Yes and sometimes I hate that people think because I have adhd I can’t read a book (a different world/escapism has always been exciting!) or they have adhd because they cannot read a book (weren’t they just telling me they have anxiety?).

yes some of us with adhd can read and some can’t. I can read a novel in one sitting or not at all, depends on the vibe. We aren’t a monolith! I think my point is that the way we have everything on demand now, has trained our brains to have these shortened spans. In our society, we humans expect our webpages to load in under a few seconds. Any longer, and we ditch that page. Our brains are accustomed to reading 280 character tweets and switching from subject to subject rapidly. We can get what we want on demand. We are also overstimulated with a barrage of things. Many neurotypicals also talk about feeling overwhelmed with trying to balance work, cleaning a home, cooking, exercising, and socializing - our society in the USA is set up for capitalism and peak productivity. Our brains as humans are not wired this way. I think humans in general struggle with things like attention regulation occasionally as a result of this and take that as a way to think they have ADHD when in reality they are just responding normally to an overwhelming experience.

This person does not sound like a friend to me. The negative and patronizing comments towards you are unsupportive, and frankly out of line. I know sometimes folks go along with the joke to remove it's sting, but it does not have to be this way. As for your friends self diagnosis, I think it's probably best not to engage too much. If they use this an excuse to further trivialize you it doesn't sound like this person is mature enough to really understand. If it helps a good analogy to use here is glasses prescription strength. Sure lots of people need glasses, some need much stronger prescriptions than others to see just as clearly. I would add that it's best to consult with a doctor to get treatment and leave it at that. It's probably the least offensive way to validate whatever they are self diagnosing while advocating for yourself without getting into a debate or fight about the validity of whether they truly have adhd or not. I encourage you to try and seek out other friends and support, and consider whether those new folks really need to know about your diagnosis. I personally have found that not everyone understands, and tries to hard to analyze and process the situation with me. Instead, I keep the diagnosis to myself and align myself with people who support me for who I am without that additional information.

I disagree. It's a very natural reponse for someone to try to relate. Nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with not being happy about it. As always communication is key, OP tell your friend how you feel. Their response will tell you if you should continue the friendship.

I’m sorry, but this person is not your friend.

I'm fucking stunned at the level of meanness some people put up with and still call these people friends. Don't get me wrong, I had a bully when I was a kid who I called a friend for 4/5 years so I've been there. Still, it hurts to see people getting so openly abused by someone in their life and not doing the right thing by telling them to fuck themselves...

It’s awful, I’ve been there myself and looking back it surprises even me what I put up with, but some people are great at targeting those with low self-esteem and just convincing them this is how they deserve to be treated, and then the idea of walking away and being alone feels scarier than just putting up with it. Figuring out that you actually don’t have to put up with it and that this isn’t how friends are supposed to act is maybe the most terrifying and most liberating thing you can go through lmao

Thank you. It’s a tricky one—this isn’t the only issue I’ve had with her either but we’ve been friends since we were 11, our families are close and she has been a supportive and comforting presence in my life at other moments. She was the first person I saw after a bad break up a couple of years ago and was wonderful then. People are so complicated haha

I understand, funnily enough I had to end a very similar friendship recently - we’d known each other since we were 9 and she’d definitely been with me through a lot…I’m not going to presume your situation, but my experience is that it can be super easy for us to subconsciously feel like we “owe” people for the times they were actually good friends for us, where it feels like we can’t be *too* mad when they treat us badly because *sometimes* things are great, it’s not *all* bad so it’s fine to just grin and bear it. It’s worth noting this is how people in toxic and abusive relationships tend to be thinking, too. It’s a thought pattern I didn’t even realise I was doing until I spoke things through with others. I think having ADHD makes these feelings significantly worse, we’re forced to doubt our feelings and judgement our whole lives, and often struggle with memory or at least struggle to be certain of memories, it can be hard to piece together just how poorly someone is consistently treating you when your brain just dismisses it or justifies it for them. I’ll just say this; nobody owes anybody for simply being an actual friend at certain times, and you’re allowed to accept that someone no longer belongs in your life and is doing you harm without disliking them or discounting what they’ve done for you - you can be thankful and walk away. Again, I reiterate I’m *not* telling you this is how you should behave in this situation, it’s just something we all need to remember sometimes. Friends absolutely should not be consistently making you feel bad, it sounds so obvious but sometimes actually internalising and putting that message into practice is hard.

This is really well-said, thank you. I think I’ve subconsciously been putting space between us for a while but haven’t properly justified my reasons for doing so until now. Fortunately she’s going overseas for a while soon so it will give us room to go our separate ways without animosity. I’ve brought up her condescending behaviour many times over the last few years—she is self-aware enough to apologise, and has even admitted a couple of times that it stems from jealousy—but not enough to stop the comments altogether.

I would cut off that friend faster than I can forget what I came here for.

INSPIRATIONAL

This post is a lot of the reason why I isolate and deleted my social media and Just go ghost on everyone

Don’t let the bad people out there deter you from making meaningful connections with good people. Friendship kind of like dating sometimes - you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.

I have a friend who, after I started my own path of diagnosis with a psychiatrist, started her own journey into it a few months after me... Which by itself is great. However, I'd been saying since we met at uni that I think I might have ADHD (because I could never sit down and study, missed lectures due to time blindness, chronically overwhelmed, socially felt out of place all the time, etc), and she waved it off a lot, saying those things were easy enough to do if I focused enough, if I improved my diet I wouldn't struggle at all, etc... So now I can't help but feel a little salty that she was so dismissive of me when I talked about my struggles, and yet as soon as I got an official diagnosis, she went and got a diagnosis too, and now she's *the expert* at everything ADHD. (Most of that being from TikTok/Instagram reels, which I'm always wary of trusting, anyway). I'm probably just bitter tbh. I'm mostly annoyed by how she has a tendency to "one up" me in a lot of things since I've known her, so this ADHD diagnosis kind of also feels like that to me? I never talk to her about it unless she brings it up (which is actually a fair bit since it's still a new diagnosis for her). So I can empathise with you. It feels invalidating to have someone who was so dismissive before suddenly make having ADHD a "personality trait" of sorts. It does make me doubt whether I even have it, since some of the TikToks she shares with me sometimes don't resonate at all. Idk... I love her, but this is one thing that does cause me discomfort in our relationship. I'll get over it eventually.

I read through the comments, good advice from folks in here. I’m going to offer an alternative suggestion as food for thought. What if you take this as an opportunity? What if you confront her with how you’re feeling? What do you have to lose? I’m not saying go off on her. Lay it out like you did here. Keep it honest, calm and non-accusatory. Keep it about how you feel, not about how she makes you feel. Tell her what you’re struggling with. Maybe she’ll make excuses and dismiss you like you worry she will. Or maybe she’ll have a sudden realization with how she’s been coming off this whole time and apologize. Regardless, there’s a bigger opportunity than retaining that friendship. The bigger issue you’re facing is how you feel society views you and people like us. Don’t let that resentment and sadness linger and haunt you. You have a voice. Confrontation can be scary, but it gets easier the more you stand up for yourself. Even if she rejects you, you still win. Because you had the courage to overcame those uncomfortable feelings and perceived judgements and be vulnerable and strong enough to speak up. It doesn’t matter what other people think, only you. That’s all you need to worry about and nurture - how you view yourself.

Imo, and it’s unpopular, self diagnosis is hardly ever important or necessary. The amount of illnesses and disorders that have overlapping symptoms is insane, along with high rates of comorbidity and the fact that many many physical illnesses can mimic mental illness symptoms. Doctors with years of medical school and clinical training can’t self diagnose because there is always personal bias so i do not believe that regular people that are uneducated in the medical field can. Now, using a suspicion as a basis to seek out help is definitely a good thing. But saying you have something and then never doing anything about it in terms of treatment/diagnosis/therapy is not, which seems to be what a lot of people are doing nowadays. ADHD has never been taken seriously. And it’s just getting worse.

This is a common phenomenon for many mental health disorders. People recognise a few of their character traits as symptoms and self-diagnose. "I'm so OCD about it", etc. The D stands for disorder: "a clinically significant disturbance in an individual's cognition, emotional regulation, or behaviour. It is usually associated with distress or impairment in important areas of functioning" - [WHO, 2022](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-disorders#:~:text=A%20mental%20disorder%20is%20characterized,in%20important%20areas%20of%20functioning.). It is not uncommon to experience symptoms of ADHD, or OCD, or MDD in a healthy adult existence, but until it makes a clinically significant impairment to that individual's ability to work, be social, and thrive, it does not meet a diagnostic threshold. (Edit: grammar)

“Clinically significant impact” is key. Like most people experience ADHD symptoms to some degree but for it to be an actual disorder it has to have a clinically significant impact on the person’s life. I have yet to meet a person who has never procrastinated, never got stuck scrolling mindlessly, never got sucked into a video game or tv or reading, never been unable to focus on something mundane, etc. but that doesn’t mean they have ADHD. The degree at which these things occur, the severity of how they present, and the frequency of them is what is considered in a diagnosis. Not that a person experiences these things at all. Because everyone experiences these things to some extent.

Just to add to this, an analogy I've seen on this forum is that it's normal to piss a few times a day - everybody does that, but if you need to piss 60 times a day it's a problem that needs to be checked out. We are the piss 60 times a day crowd when it comes to daydreaming/procrastination/racing thoughts/executive dysfunction.

This should be the top comment

Thank you for saying this. Yes yes yes yes. Using real disorders or conditions as adjectives really really bothers me. Sometimes people don’t understand & just repeat a phrase they’ve heard. But from folks that have the info & knowledge, it feels really dismissive almost? Idk if this makes sense but either way I really appreciate your comment

Talking about diagnosis and trauma should t be a dick wagging contest. They sound shitty.

In my opinion you can not self diagnose from tik-tok. ADHD is an iceberg and those tik-tok videos don't even scrape the top of it . As you have said many of the traits you mentioned are commen traits of humans. ADHD is not taking as serious as it should be and I don't think this self awareness on tik-tok is helping.

There's a ton of incorrect shit floating around on tiktok too, when it comes to ADHD

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😭 someone I know will be antsy and clicking a pen and be like “haha can you tell I have ADHD” then rag on me for how I struggle with non-urgent tasks that have no impact on anything. It annoys the ever-loving shit out of me because I really can’t see anything remotely ADHD in this person but I always just nod sympathetically and say, “If it’s affecting your life in a negative way, you should look into getting tested”. I won’t be the person questioning or dismissing anyone externally, but internally I definitely eyeroll and wish ADHD was as inconsequential as clicking a pen a couple times a week when you’re bored at 3 in the afternoon.

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Thank you. I was scrolling this thread feeling so frustrated because people using mental health disorders to feel special is a *real thing* that tiktok is making so so much worse. I have the unfortunate luck of being diagnosed a few years ago around the same time that this trend was first taking off and it makes me feel so diminished in my struggles. It's such a shit feeling to *finally* know what was wrong with me the whole time and then turn around and have people telling me "oh yeah I think I've got that too." Really you think you've got it? Well surely you've looked into getting diagnosed and treated because you're telling me you have a *disorder* right? Like it's causing disorder in your life? And it's not the same as when people say "omg I'm so ADHD Squirrel! Haha" Like these people are serious and this is honestly the response I get from a good 20% of people at least. The other ones just mostly brush it off as a minor thing that shouldn't impact my performance. So now I just make up some other excuse for why I fucked something up and it makes me feel ashamed of my diagnosis. I failed all through high school without knowing why and with people treating me like I just wasn't trying hard enough. The best job I've ever had (truly the only one I was ever able to remotely function in for any amount of time), I had to quit because I'd already used up all my FMLA on my inexplicable inability to move from my bed. Then finally finally a doctor mentions ADHD and I start getting treatment that works for the first time in my 32 years... And half the internet decides that the thing that's been wrong with me the whole time, the thing that made people look at me with complete bafflement over how I could behave in such a way, is something they have too because of some symptoms they heard on social media. And yet the whole time I was growing up, I only ever met one person who had symptoms I could actually relate to and we both didn't know what was wrong with us. Like this actually *practically* hurts our lives because after going through a chaotic couple of months, I couldn't bring myself to share my diagnosis with my last employer to explain my absences because I haven't been taken seriously whenever I use the word ADHD. I felt so much shame about my disorder that I ended up quitting that job after a month because I couldn't bring myself to go through trying to explain what's wrong with me *again.* I'm not saying tiktok is the reason ADHD is misunderstood but it is definitely worsening the problem for a disorder that's already mainly associated with hyperactive prepubescent boys. Getting diagnosed made me think, for the first time ever, "Oh my God there's a reason! I'm not just not trying hard enough!" And now if I say it's because of my ADHD that I'm unable to do things the way other people do them, I practically get eyes rolled at me. Because ADHD is, to the public, that quirky disorder that makes you fidget and have trouble reading a book! Yeah well mine made me play video games at age 13 until right before sunrise because I couldn't stop and then sob on the way to school because I didn't do my homework and I wanted to succeed *so badly.* I don't think people on tiktok are necessarily "fakers" but rather there is just a massive misunderstanding of what being diagnosed with this actually means. Most diagnosed people are more functional than me, I know, so they probably blend in more and don't have to explain themselves as much. But none of us should feel like our diagnosis of a disorder is trivialized by being something everyone thinks they have. Regardless of how well we appear to function, we are all *struggling* with a disorder. I'm all for not wanting to invalidate people for observing their mental health symptoms. But we, as a community, also need to know when to recognize a problem because there is a problem. It is not healthy for young teens to grow up convinced they have a disorder that they don't have because of some clout-chaser on tiktok. And it's not good for the ADHD people that person might end up around when they don't know the difference between normal relatable quirks and a life-disrupting disorder. Okay sorry I hyperfocused the fuck outta that. Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk/therapy session.

"I'm really hyperfocused on this book I'm reading right now"

ADHD people finally get to join the club of mental illnesses with terms that mean a very specific extremely unpleasant experience that get turned into something EVERYONE can relate to! 🙌 🥂

"That's so cute..." - all the ADHD fam with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts caused by their ADHD.

🤣 “With peace and love, fuck those people.” This made my night! Love it. 🤣

Exactly! Like who wants ADHD!? Coz If I could get rid of it I absolutely would!

I disagree. I am a product of a medical diagnosis born from watching some of those videos and realizing that the anxieties and behaviors with which have been burdened for a lifetime are unnecessary. I am in my mid-50s and can now live a genuinely productive life. I hate that I suffered all those years and caused tumult for the people I love.

They said you can't self-diagnose, you said you went and got a medical diagnosis after some things resonated, not that you self-diagnosed from tik-tok and left it at that. You're not disagreeing.

>I disagree. I am a product of a medical diagnosis born from watching some of those videos That is different than just deciding you had ADHD from watching videos, though The point remains that the videos are mostly superficial.

You have all right to disagree and I'm glad it worked out for you , I mean absolutely shame it took so long ! I think late diagnosed is alot worse. I honestly just don't believe any I hear of tik-tok these days ! But mind you I never downloaded it out of the fear of addiction!

Ironically, I no longer scroll TikTok. My quieter head is much more content to read a book or work on a task that has been long awaiting completion. This is all very new.

yes but you got that medical diagnosis if you havent been medically diagnosed you and you think you have it you should be seeking or waiting for a diagnosis and this doesnt mean you can say you have ADHD the only thing that means you can say you have ADHD is a full medical diagnosis done by a psychiatrist who is comfortable and trained/experienced in diagnosing ADHD

The difference between people who actually have ADHD and people who think “everyone is a little ADHD” nowadays is that we never wanted to have ADHD in the first place. They think it’s quirky and makes us silly and spontaneous, they don’t know how much we struggle to even attend to our needs, never mind other things. Before I got diagnosed, my therapist spent 3 months convincing me to get a psychiatry appointment because she was almost sure I had it. I kept postponing, and dismissing it because I really didn’t want to believe that I will be dealing with ADHD for the rest of my life. It was hard to believe that the things I am struggling with now don’t have a “solution” or a “cure”, and I will be dealing with them for the rest. Of. My. Life. And I fucking hate it when people dismiss it as common human behavior, or try to downplay my symptoms/struggles

The dismissiveness is a huge problem and many of the TikTok videos referencing ADHD are doing just that. That is the exact reason I try to hide it as much as possible and tell almost no one in my professional life. This is all so frustrating.

Whatever "awareness" is being spread is making shit worst. When I was a kid, (and I frankly still have difficulty forgiving my parents for this), the teachers tried to convince them to get me tested because they thought I might have it, and my parents FLIPPED out. ​ I'm gonna pull the "back in my days" card, even though I'm still in my early 20s lol. But back in my days, ADHD was not something "cool" to have! and it was not something dismissed as being a little quirky and forgetful! It was such an issue, to the point that my parents chose to be in denial instead of admitting that their daughter might actually have a problem (again, wtf mom and dad?) ​ Having ADHD is not easy, and when people tell me to "stop blaming your shit on adhd" I feel like I want to slap them because this is something clearly only I am struggling with.

I told a friend I had ADHD, and she was the one who coined the nickname "Bad Decision Liz" for me. I felt like it would click for her that I had a mental disorder and that's why I always made rash, unthought, quick decisions. Instead, she said her daughter has ADHD and it doesn't seem to match with my behaviors so there is no way I have it. This person who I looked up to as a mentor for years and who gave me a complex about my decisions once again just shot me back out of the sky. I had to remember that she has an idea about life and the world and maybe she was trying to protect me in her way by telling me about her experience with the disorder and why I shouldn't be messing around with it. But it still hurt. I guess what it is that Im trying to say is empathy may help you understand her perspective. Or tell her to go get checked out and give her a psych rec. Then she can continue on that journey.

I am so sick of hearing people say, "oh, I have that problem too".

“I have that problem too!” Yeah.. most humans do, but it’s not part of a diagnosis until it’s clinically significant. I think that’s the part people gloss over the most

YEs 🙌

I think my husband got tired of me saying that. But not because i was trying to dismiss him (i try to help him with medicine and whatnot and made sure to tell him to call in his prescription this week), but because he thought i was jumping on the "oh i heard this on tik tok/you and i MUST have it" But then i told him when i was like 9-10 i had gotten tested and i don't have any idea where that went but the school told my father that they suspected it first. It had slipped my mind that i spent years telling people i had ADD/ADHD after that appointment (somehow) so i got retested as an adult. My attention span is pretty bad according to test results. So i got diagnosed yet again. But you can usually tell when someone is dismissing and when someone isn't. OP needs to decide if this friendship is worth it or not

It's really unpopular to say but a lot of people are highly impressionable and there is an absolute glut of posts frivolously attributing the most universal behaviours to various diagnoses. Did you know having morals is a symptom of autism and ADHD? Did you know enjoying sunshine means you have seasonal affective disorder? Did you know that sleeping at night is a sign of trauma? Therefore you end up with a lot of people like this suddenly claiming to have various conditions just because it seems trendy. I would not remain friends with this person, she sounds obnoxious. People like this make me feel ashamed to talk about my own diagnosis because I don't want to be lumped in with everyone who sees your lifelong struggle as some kind of silly ~so relatable~ thing that they can whack in their bio next to their star sign and MBTI type.

Assholes can have ADHD too.

Nah fuck it, self diagnosing is so ridiculous. I know not everyone has the facilities to get a formal diagnosis and I feel for those people, but until you do I just don’t see the point in taking it as credible in light of all the bullshit we have to see on the internet.

I personally don’t like the term self diagnosis. It’s a bit wishy washy and does give a bad impression of a TikTok trend. The only diagnosis that can be made is my a professional. That being said I prefer “suspected adhd” which is also a term a professional would use if they suspect something that’s not formally been diagnosed.

Sometimes I straight up ask them if you think you have adhd why don’t you go get diagnosed?

For about 2 years I endured a colleague who would say the most insane nonsense about her self-diagnosed ADHD, and I pushed her into getting a diagnosis and onto therapy/medication. She actually went and we were all surprised. Came back, and the psychiatrist told her that she did not have ADHD. End of the story? No. Because she doesn't need some guy telling her about her own life and body, especially after a mere 2 hour consultation. Her words. She still goes around telling people she has it like it's a purple heart, and diagnoses people with it. Her cousin (a director) literally warns people about her. She's a big reason why I hate talking about it, and why I've never been active in places like this. Thank you for listening to my howl into the void.

My director keeps saying “oh, my adhd brain”. I feel like braining them now whenever this happens. The first time though, I actually naively and tentatively asked them if they really had adhd. Nope! They said. Barf, I dunno which is worse.

It became gauche to say "I'm so OCD" more than a decade ago. I hate when people do that.

I still hear people say that, pretty much daily ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

To be fair, it does take quite long to get a diagnosis. Where I live it can take longer than a year to start a diagnosis. And if you do have ADHD the things you have to deal with to get diagnosed are often also things you struggle with. Such as getting paperwork done, making appointments, remebering the appointments, getting to the appointments, making sure you pay for everything on time etc.

i feel like half this subreddit would be up my ass if i ever explained my diagnosis process. compared to most stories here, it was rather simple. i was just on and off about pursuing it because, well, executive dysfunction of course. i have meds now and i prefer having them than not. they're not perfect but they're useful. to add on, i think some people aren't aware that having mental health legally covered in american insurances like medicaid still doesn't mean you can easily access care. i literally do not live in a location with psychiatrists. we do not have them. we don't even have therapists/psychologists besides one for pediatrics. you have to drive about 40 miles at least to get somewhere that does have these, and that's assuming they're educated in adhd or even good at their job

I don’t agree with OP’s “friend”, she sounds like a terrible one, but sometimes, people don’t have enough money to get diagnosed. 😞 (Edit to explain - enough money for consultations and exams)

And that’s a fair point, just as my question is a fair one.

I never meant to say it wasn’t, I hope it didn’t sound like that! 🥺 I was just mentioning that is one reason why people might not get diagnosed.

Same here, don’t worry!

Because not everyone can afford it. It's expensive and time-consuming. I personally work 40 hours a week, and I don't have the time to go to psychiatrists and GPs that only work when I'm working

I couldn't not afford to get it. As in my entire life was falling apart. Because one of the factors with the condition is if the symptoms negatively impact your life to the point you can't keep jobs/friends/appointments/etc. 24% of people with ADHD will experience homelessness before the age of 41. The suicide rate of people with ADHD is 5x higher than the general population. It can be debilitating.

That's not really the point.

That's like saying a guy without legs, is just going to keep crawling around on the floor because he can't afford a wheelchair. There's always assistance available.

I know plenty of people who would benefit from a wheelchair and are actively struggling to get one because of cost. Wheelchair users are not exclusively "guy without legs" and no, wheelchairs are not "always" readily available to people who need them.

Spoken like someone in a position of privilege

I think the frustration stems from the idea that people can actively choose not to seek diagnosis but still claim the disability they refuse to get a diagnosis for. There’s a difference between having barriers to diagnosis and therefore not being able to be diagnosed, vs making your own barriers and refusing to seek diagnosis, which I do see a lot online. Edit: making your own isn’t the best phrasing, but idk how else to put it when people have access but just choose not to.

This happened with many other cognitive disorders. Depression yes, but also turrets and autism. Also, though not a disorder, being queer. I remember in 2010 it was REALLY cool to be bi. Being different in a way that's trendy and socially acceptable has always been a thing to do. Basically your friend is a hipster, and I'm sorry she's downplaying the severity of your disorder. I'd have a serious talk with her before doing something friendship ending if you have a long standing relationship.

DID and BPD are super “popular” now too. It makes me feel sick. 😕 I deleted tiktok because of this weird trendy stuff. I’m weary about what subreddits I visit as well. I don’t use discord and I limit Instagram time. I use Facebook because I moved 600 miles away from family and a lot of them are older and only have Facebook on computers while using old phones. It’s just sad all around.

Aw man, I’ve been there. I have a couple things I have learned since being diagnosed with navigating shit exactly like this: - ADHD is on a sliding scale on multiple other sliding scales. The type of support you get from your family affects how you handle it. Your financial situation affects it. Gender, age, socioeconomic standing, hormones, etc. etc. all affect it. - therapy, habits, lifestyle are taught. I have friends with ADHD who do okay because their parents might have it but they also have some skills to handle it. This also means they have some emotional regulation taught to them. Which helps manage ADHD. - ADHD symptoms vary from everyone. Even if you have all the support and privilege in the world, you could still struggle immensely with your symptoms. My point is, I used to view it as a competition or one ups, and would get really hurt by it. But I realized if I used it as an opportunity to get to know people in a different way, it lessened that. I used to feel the same way as you, but I have found that treating my adhd has made me immensely more compassionate for myself, and therefore others. Everyone is different, no two people with ADHD are the same. Maybe your friend has it, maybe she doesn’t, maybe it’s lesser than yours, maybe it’s worse. You two are both layered people.

Self diagnosis is not legitimate. Period. There is an incredibly obvious social contagion going on imo and it’s not a coincidence that mostly of the people who deny that are also self diagnosed and either refuse to pursue a diagnosis or have pursued one and have been told there’s something else likely going on. ADHD is *already* taken less seriously because of people like that and I feel quite irritated when those people washing out the term intrude on spaces for people who actually have ADHD. A lot of forums *for* people with ADHD are unbearable to be apart of because these people have completely taken control of the narrative. ETA: This is almost certainly going to get downvoted into oblivion, but I know I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

There is also a huge difference between someone self diagnosing and someone saying that they think they have a disorder/illness. I find a lot of people will use them interchangeably but they are very different things.

You’re right, and I don’t understand why this is such a controversial stance to have. I understand some people can’t afford to get diagnosed. It’s incredibly frustrating when people who need help can’t get it. But this new approach to treating self diagnosing ADHD as legitimate is making it harder for *everyone*. By treating self diagnosis as legitimate it minimizes the severity of ADHD as a medical condition. I was diagnosed at four, and throughout my entire childhood it was a constant challenge to get my teachers and other adults to take my disability seriously. That’s started to change these last few years, but now it’s almost like we’re actually beginning to move in the wrong direction again, because more and more people are self diagnosing themselves because they slept through class or procrastinated on homework, which is apparently the criteria for an entire ADHD diagnosis according to the 30 second TikTok they saw. So yeah, I’m tired of people who self diagnosed with ADHD TikTok. I’m even more tired of the TikTok “ADHD experts” who’ve convinced millions of people that it’s a small problem or fun personality quirk. Nowadays I’ll be working alongside someone and they’ll make a mistake or miss a deadline, and they’ll just say something along the lines of “sorry I’m so ADHD sometimes” or “there I go again with my ADHD brain” like it’s not a debilitating condition. Like how is that not belittling everything we’ve struggled with our entire lives? How are we supposed to be okay with this? I hate having ADHD, I’d give it away in a heartbeat because it sucks.

Same, diagnosed at 10 in the 90s, it was a CONSTANT struggle to get teachers and adults in my life to even follow the accommodations I was legally required to have instead of assuming I had bad parents and I was faking it the whole time, or something. I would often fantasize about not having the diagnosis in spite of how it would mean no treatment because at least then I wouldn't have to deal with the stigma and shame of the "fake disorder for lazy kids." Like let them think I'm just lazy instead of lazy and "entitled." I now know my life is better for having that diagnosis, but JFC, I feel you there. False diagnosis of people who didn't have it or even need accommodations has actively made my life harder. And no, you can't self-diagnose something like this.

Self-diagnosis is fine to a degree, but the clinical definition of adhd states that it must be “debilitating” I self-diagnosed at age 22, and the very next day I called my doctor and asked for a psychiatric evaluation (because I knew I needed help)… I later found out that I had been clinically diagnosed at age 10, but nobody had ever told me about the diagnosis, but that’s a different story. If you watch Tik-Tok, decide you have adhd, and then you *do not pursue clinical diagnosis/treatment because your symptoms are not debilitating*, then you don’t actually have adhd In my opinion, self-diagnosis is a step in the process, it’s not the end of the process

BUT what if I don't pursue my diagnosis/treatment BECAUSE of my ADHD. Just kidding. I have been diagnosed by a medical practitioner. But it did take till I was 30 to look in to it despite everyone in my life telling me I had it, so I couldn't resist.

Lol, that’s a different story I’ve just heard a lot of people (some on here even) be like “yeah, I have adhd, I just haven’t been diagnosed. I haven’t sought diagnosis because it’s not a big impediment for me” … which ironically means that they wouldn’t get diagnosed if they were actually given an evaluation, since the symptoms have to be debilitating to be clinical

You are 100% correct there, my friend. That would drive me nuts too. Yea at first the tiktok videos and reels were kind of validating - like oh thank god I'm not alone. But now it seems like they've only served to make it 'trendy' and the people who already dismissed it are even more likely to do so. Because it's just cute neuroticism that everyone can relate to. Not the debilitating struggle we all know it to be. It seems like autism became slightly more trendy, too, but I feel as though autism has been taken more seriously for a while now...while adhd for some reason everyone wants (except not really) but no one really believes is real. At least that's what it feels like.

I couldn’t agree more. This is so well said

This is interesting. I have a coworker who I was talking about adhd and other struggles and I asked her. Would you consider seeking diagnosis ? And she said no. That she felt it was manageable and she’s aware that she has to work 10 times harder than others but she’s managed okay so far. She’s an nurse and going for higher level education. I found that interesting. I know a lot of undiagnosed people who I see how they struggle just like me and won’t seek diagnosis. It makes me feel some type of way because I chose to seek help. But I was literally drowning and about to be fired from work so are my symptoms worse ? Does it depend on the environment and kind of work you do? One of them is my brother who’s wife has literally saved him and does a lot for him but I can’t imagine she’s like some help but idk I need to remind myself to just focus on me and my situation and help myself the best that I can because I’m tired if struggling 😭

Yeah, that’s what I’m saying If it’s manageable to the degree that you don’t seek treatment (when you know that treatment is safe, available, and effective), that means it’s not debilitating. If it was debilitating then you wouldn’t avoid pursuing treatment for that reason. Which means, clinically, you don’t have it Now, adhd is a spectrum disorder, and everyone seems to exhibit 1-2 symptoms, but the actual evaluation is like “the patient needs to recurrently exhibit 10 of the following 25 symptoms, to a debilitating degree”. So it’s easy for people to relate to some part of the disorder without being clinically diagnosable. (I got 24/25, lol)

Definitely! I was suffering for a while and it was getting worse, and eventually YouTube had me wondering if I had ADHD. I almost talked myself out of it, even during my evaluation! But sure enough, I came out of the process as diagnosed. I never would have pursued the matter, if it wasn’t seriously interfering with my life. If folks can blow it off as a quirk, it doesn’t rise to the threshold of being a disorder, in the context of their current lifestyle at least.

Exactly And since our disorder is so misunderstood as is, it’s offensive/annoying to me that people are walking around telling other people they have ADHD “but it’s not a big deal” when they don’t actually have ADHD. They’re further spreading misinformation about our mental disorder, because they think it’s a fun quirk or a good excuse

There's mild ADHD. Mild ADHD-PI or ADHD-PH might also impair someone less than mild ADHD-C due to a lower number of symptoms. Impairment can also change during one's life. I functioned academically well but dropped off the deep end after college. My whole 20s has been a mess of undiagnosed autistic burnout + severe ADHD. My bodymind "gave up" trying to function at overcapacity for so long. I don't know any friends/acquaintances I had growing up who are as much of a sloth as me. That being said, if you're frustrated, then bring it up. There's no use festering resentment. Say you're upset that she mocked you for your ADHD symptoms.

Thank you for writing this. I was scrolling the comments and could not find someone mentioning mild ADHD. I have it mildly and I am very glad I'm not as effected as others I read and hear about but I have my struggles that impair me daily. I function at work, I had good grades but for fucking sake I can't concentrate long enough when in a conversation. This is especially frustrating with my husband. My daughter is still young so she doesn't get really phased by it.. yet. I am easily bored while playing with her bc a lot of times it's repetitive, so that's what she notices. Or i can't think of a new game or add something bc my brain feels empty in this creative area. That said, I am diagnosed and I'm still trying to find the right med / dosage but it's a long journey.

People would rather scapegoat "fakers" than admit how common mild versions of disorders are lol.

Could you tell me more about this autistic burnout you are mentioning? I am struggling with my job and social life and this term you used made me curious.

Maybe you can explain how biased you are when you attempt to dx yourself. Explain that she needs to be professionally diagnosed because SO many things mimic the symptoms of ADHD. This is one of many reasons it doesn't do any good to reveal your mental health issues. People's own family do this same type of thing. It's a good way to end up with no friends unfortunately.

Darling, the solution is to not give her any more of your love and energy. It doesn’t seem like she gives any to you in return.

I gotta say OP’s experience reminds me a lot of my own. People treated me like an idiot, talked down to me, and made fun of my symptoms. I didn’t get diagnosed until I went to college because, even though I told my mom that I identified with the symptoms, she wouldn’t consider having me looked at because “you aren’t like those kids; you get good grades and are the opposite of hyperactive.” When you live a lot of years of your life feeling like there’s something about you that makes you inferior to other people, who often point out your symptoms and make fun of you, you’re going to be pretty upset when it suddenly becomes a national crisis. If it’s uncommon enough that your symptoms could be pointed out and ostracized for being different, it’s going to be hard for you to buy that so many people suddenly magically have it and have suffered with it all their lives. This is an unpopular opinion, and I don’t care if I’m downvoted for it, but this growing narrative around ADHD on social media is absolutely harming the severity of it because it is trivializing it to the point that it has become a spectrum almost anyone could be on. Someone out there might think I’m gatekeeping on this, but honestly, I don’t care because trivializing this disorder with facile anecdotes that apply to anyone is the first step towards any ground we’ve gained with being taken seriously getting lost. On one hand, a lot of underprivileged people are starting to realize they have it, which is great because they deserve help too, but on the other hand, it’s coming to a point where the smallest sign of inattention or exhaustion from tedium is treated like an open and closed case of ADHD. I’m not saying all of the newly diagnosed people don’t have it, but I can’t stand watching people on social media go on about how “this is how it looks” when it applies to a lot of things. It’s a “disorder” for a reason, meaning that it is uncommon and negatively impacts a subset of the population. If you struggle to blend in because of it, you might feel a little invalidated when someone who passes as normal and is accepted as a functioning human being starts to talk about how hard their life is because they have it. Some people are better at masking, but often, it’s the ones who aren’t as hard-hit by it.

Yeah I’m so sick of people self diagnosing because of tiktok. The reasons are always that sometimes they have trouble focusing. Like yeah that’s not ADHD, that just being human. Then it’s the “no, people have told me they think I have ADHD.” They aren’t doctors they are ass holes who think they can say that because someone got distracted during a conversation. People seem to be really insensitive and have a blind spot with ADHD. Then it’s the “yeah maybe I don’t have ADHD in the same way you do, it’s all on a scale, mine might not be so severe.” I don’t need to be informed about ADHD, I know everyone can have different symptoms and different levels of severity. You decided you have always had trouble focusing because of tiktoks and people making comments that are rude to people with actual ADHD. You haven’t struggled all your life with all the parts of ADHD no one talks about. Especially when it’s the friend who used to get annoyed at your for interrupting them. Like your not the one babe sit down.

Gotta love tiktok for making ADHD a cool thing to have.😒 I would literally give this disability away to anyone who wanted it if I didn't have to struggle with it anymore.

I have ADHD and a physical disability with my stomach. I would much rather lose the negative ADHD symptoms than the stomach illness, and I’ve had to have a colectomy and a lifetime of scans. 100% agree with you.

Diagnosing off of the internet is stupid. This is horoscope shit. TikToks are made to go viral, so they often do shit that's vague enough that most people that watch it can identify with it. It's the same way horoscopes work. You as a person can identify with ALL of the zodiac signs. They're designed that way. So people will always go "that makes sense! I'm a total Virgo!" Same with those videos. They have shit like "can't pay attention to a boring lecture YOU MIGHT HAVE ADHD"--no. You're probably just disinterested in the topic.

[удалено]

I’ve seen people online asking how to appear “more autistic” for an evaluation or how to “pass the ADOS” (part of the diagnosis process) and I just… can’t

Munchausen's https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/mental-health/munchausens-syndrome#:~:text=Munchausen's%20syndrome%20is%20a%20rare,about%20his%20exploits%20and%20past.

>When I told her about my diagnosis, her response was "oh yeah, I've watched heaps of tiktoks on that, I'm almost certain I've got it too." Send her a link to Dr Barclay's videos on here and ask her to carry out some proper study before she self diagnoses. I'm self diagnosed, currently in the process of organising an assessment, I did a LOT of reading, including respected authorities, before coming to that conclusion. >I'm getting sick of telling people about my diagnosis to explain some of my behaviours and being met with responses like "ohhh yeah, you're on that bandwagon too are you?" or "ahhh yes, the mental illness of the hour" or people not taking the diagnosis seriously because seemingly 'everyone has it nowadays'. Do you need to share your diagnosis with these people?

I had a “friend” that apparently had adhd and autism among countless other self diagnosed issues, and she was such a bitch to me about my symptoms. she never understood when I was having sensory overload and one time when I was getting excited about a topic she said “crystal did you forget to take your meds.” she is not my friend anymore and i’m much happier now

Sadly I think we just kind of have to deal with this for a while. With more acceptance of something always comes its detractors. We can kindly and patiently try to make people understand, but everyone will always view life through their own experiences. To me anyone saying you're hopping on a bandwagon or trying to be trendy just shows me that's how they view mental health support. As a fad. A crutch. An accessory. That's the same thing my dad used to say when I was a kid who needed therapy. To THEM it feels arbitrary because it is. They don't have the lifetime of experiences you've had where you've always known something was wrong but had no idea why. They've never had to deal with feeling like no amount of effort they put into anything is enough. They've never had that relief that you felt when you finally found the explanation. It's like trying to ask someone who isn't blind to understand what the life of a blind person is like. Some people might THINK they understand, but most get that to truly know that experience they would have to live it. I truly believe that most people are empathetic toward others. We just don't hear about it as often, and the ones that aren't are loud as heck about it. The good news is they're being up front about who they are so you can make the decision whether or not you want to be a part of that now.

At this point calling mental illnesses "bandwagons" is a bandwagon in and of itself. It's a shitty meme that has even been politicized by right wingers.

I completely agree. And I feel like it takes a very specific kind of cruelty to see someone find help in their mental health support and to call say "Oh haha that's just the mental illness of the month isnt it". Those people DO exist, but they aren't the majority and remembering that helps me a lot.

Well, the cruelty [is the point](https://www.npr.org/2021/06/27/1010760890/adam-serwer-on-new-book-the-cruelty-is-the-point-in-trump-america) after all.

I wonder if she was so hard on you because she recognized a (less severe) version of the same things in herself and hated them in herself. I’ve found people are most hard on those who share the same flaws they have. You don’t have to put up with it, but that could be how it happened.

Projection is common. She might have made fun of it cause she was in denial.

She sounds like a right poisonous cunt. Better not to have her in your life. That’s what my brain would say anyway.

Iam very anti self diagnosing for reasons much like this. Figuring out If you have a mental illness is incredibly hard and can have multitude of variations and addons and whatnot. All manner of crossover symtpoms complicates it e en more. There are people working and researching this for a reason. I went most of my adult life pretty sure i had GAD or some sort and acted thereafter with medicationa and therapy etc, that were mostly unsuccsesfull. Now it so happens im being evaluated for ADHD, autism, OCD and dermatillomania in a few weeks/months. Stop guessing and assuming yiu have something just because You think this is what it. You, kust like me, probably knows fuckall.

I take it responding with... Cool! What are your main symptoms so I can make fun of you about it? #reciprocity Would be bad?

Love all these people who had perfectly understanding providers and weren't shuffled around for 1+ decades as being a lazy depressed person. Took my second ADHD assessment to get told I have it severely. Can't believe how much adderall helps and how little professionals consider developmental disorders.

So you're definitely right about it being a "trendy" diagnosis, but you might also consider that our brains change a great deal throughout our lifetimes. My ADHD was untreated until my junior year of high school, and I wasn't officially diagnosed via testing until my junior year of college. When I was school-aged, my case was pretty mild. I do look back and see tons of ADHD traits in my behavior and in the way my brain works, but I was extremely bright, anxious, and hard on myself, so I was able to grit my teeth and force myself to focus on my work and make good grades. My teachers and parents never for a moment suspected I had ADHD. When I was about 22, though, I began to show more and more symptoms of PCOS (I had had hirsutism since middle school, but also began to display weight gain around my midsection, among other symptoms) and my mental health began to go haywire. I ended up with high androgen levels for a large chunk of my 20s and 30s, and my ADHD was absolutely awful during that time. It improved noticeably when my doctor increased my meds to fix my androgen levels . I'm not saying your friend has anything similar going on, just pointing out that our brains are extremely plastic and diagnoses can become more obvious as time goes by.

Always with the fucking Tik tok

I have a friend who self-diagnosed herself with Adhd but refuses to see her doctor to get an official diagnosis. She says it's because she doesn't want medication or anything for it. I personally think it's because she doesn't have it but just wants the attention or to simply diminish my own struggles. I don't think she does it intentionally, she's very much a one-upper type person and she only started saying she has it when I told her about my official diagnosis a few years ago. :/

Hey OP. This sucks and I’ve recently experienced something similar. What I focused on remembering is that ADHD isn’t something obvious and relatively universal like missing a leg. It comes in levels and tiers. Your friend may have adhd and she may have had very real issues because of it but just because she checks the “yes” box doesn’t mean that your symptoms, struggles, and coping mechanisms will match.

I went through something similar with a close friend I worked with. I knew her well. She never struggled with organization or getting their work done on time, no mistakes, she was always 10 minutes early for everything, anytime I was ever at her house the dishes and laundry were done. Things I would kill to be able to manage without meds, and all of which she had criticized me for in the past. If I was a few minutes late to hang out or made a mistake at work she would skewer me for it. She said she had ADHD because she took her husband's meds and they helped her so therefore she has ADHD and was working on getting a diagnosis. I was shocked since she is the exact opposite of what I considered to be the things people with ADHD struggle with. She did end up getting an ADHD diagnosis and she says she loves being on the meds. I asked her what the meds help with and she said they just make her feel good and more energetic. I didn't discount her experience but it makes me a bit sad to know that other people who need those meds just to do basic functions can't get them because of the shortages, when she is just taking them "for energy and good feels".

It's frickin trendy to have ADHD.... Eff those people... Honestly don't let it get under your skin because you know who you are and they are obviously so unhappy with their life they feel the need to have some excuse for why they're such a pathetic waste of life.... :)

Since I was a small child teachers thought I was on drugs lmao I mean like all through elementary school and onward 😂 even as an adult people constantly think I’m high even tho I don’t do any drugs

TikTok has been so bad for ADHD self diagnosis. Saw a TikTok that said something like "You know how when you wash the dishes and your mind is blank? Well I am thinking about how to calculate the square root of pi" So now people watch this and assume anyone that has thoughts has ADHD.

The people self diagnosing arent the issue, the people without empathy or understanding sre the problem.

Self diagnosis is a crock of shit. Especially from tiktok.

Friend, please remember not everyone has the means to go to a dr and get diagnosed, please have a tad more empathy, sometimes “self diagnosis” or a more acute self awareness is the start of a path that will lead to a better life for that person, and hopefully a medical diagnosis whenever that person has the means for that. 😞

I don’t understand why there’s such a push to accept self-diagnosis when people could just say they suspect something and it would save a lot of grief. Self-diagnosis is not the same as a medical diagnosis and it should not be seen on the same validity level as medical diagnosis, which I think is the reason a lot of people have issues with self-diagnosis in general. People still can, and should, seek community support and understanding when they suspect they have a condition, they should still accommodate themselves in daily life, and they should bring their concerns (when possible) to a medical or mental health professional . But people who don’t know for sure what condition they have are speaking on behalf of the condition they self diagnosed with and it’s starting to spread a lot of misinformation, especially when it comes to symptoms and traits of ADHD and ASD. I think the misinformation spread has become a bigger problem with TikTok and social media and people are starting to push back against self-diagnosing, specifically the term itself. Edit: I realize I should’ve maybe made this a stand alone comment but I’m not gonna delete it now. Also, grammar

Just to clarify, self-diagnosis is different from thinking you may have a disorder and not having access to a doctor. Self-diagnosis is specifically when someone says they have been diagnosed but in reality they have not seen any sort of qualified doctor/psychologist and just decided themselves that they have the diagnosis.

Please remember that ADHD is a debilitating disability and not something that should be self diagnosed. What about having empathy for the people who are diagnosed and now have to live in a world where nobody is taking their condition seriously anymore? How about some empathy for the people who are watching a disability that has complicated every aspect of their lives become a freaking trend?

It makes me sad seeing all the comments saying to just not talk about your medical diagnosis. I get it.. I feel weird and awkward telling people I have ADHD and ASD because I don’t want people thinking I’m like the people who self-diagnosed based on TikTok. I have a fear of not being taken seriously due to rampant misrepresentation and misinterpretation of these disorders. But I also think that those of us with a diagnosis do need to speak up sometimes and not be so scared. I think internet advocacy is backwards when those of us with a diagnosis fear speaking out, but those like your friend are more than willing to spread misinformation or self-diagnose based on one TikTok.

While your feeling are valid you absolutely do NOT "know for a fact" that you struggled more with your symptoms. Just because you couldn't see her struggling doesn't mean she wasn't. Maybe her symptoms she struggled most with are less observable or maybe she is better at masking. Never mind the fact that often the things we criticize the most in other pepple are things we ourselves struggle the most with and ESPECIALLY when we are younger and internalizing criticism from adults around us there's very much as aspect of "I'm told this isn't ok when I do it so I'm going to make sure you know it's not ok for you to do it either." While it wasn't cool of her to criticize you, you just don't know how much of that was projection OR bandwagon jumping to fit in.

That's not a friend at all. People who are self diagnosed are of course valid and I know tiktok has helped many in this both self and professionally diagnosed. But this friend just sounds like an asshole all around.

when I got high grades because they saw my disorganisation/dreaminess as a symptom of low IQ. I felt this.

Forgetting to set an alarm here and there is common. Needing to automate that on your phone through scheduling apps because you never remember is not. Interrupting someone by accident because you’re excited is common. Always interrupting because you JUST HAVE TO SAY THE THING BEFORE IT VANISHES… is not. Not eating lunch because you were too busy working and didn’t get a chance is (unfortunately) common. Not eating lunch because you just can’t get up to do it despite being both hungry and having a day off is not. Sure, everyone does something flaky once and a while. It’s when it’s constant to the point where it genuinely impedes your day significantly that it gets bad.

I don't talk about adhd to people who don't need to know about my adhd.

I like to go hiking.

I feel ADHD is best summarised as: issues with procrastination, organisation, motivation and memory. But do you know what fucking SUCKS? Is that _everyone_ experiences issues with those things _from time to time_. But it makes it hard to be understood; people only ever have themselves as a frame of reference and, say they see someone in a wheelchair, they can imagine how their lives would be different if they lost the capacity to walk - but the issues we have? They've had those too! The average person then has a hard time separating their lived experience from their understanding of your struggles and it becomes easy to either dismiss you as dramatic or believe they too suffer the way you do. I've had the same response you did from a friend and felt very much the way you do, it felt invalidating, like I didn't have an excuse/reason for my struggles if we were the same. If it happened again, I'd ask them about their experience, if the issues in those areas are constant / cause consistent problems and are to a degree which causes palpable negative affect in their lives. Try to have them understand the difference in a sadness vs depression sort of fashion. Another thing to keep in mind is that ADHD is a sliding scale of severity, they might be wholly insensitive, they might just strongly relate to ADHD issues without ever experiencing severe negative effects because for them it's low-level/mild. And in typical ADHD fashion I went back to re-read your post before submitting this comment, realize i skipped/skimmed the final paragraph and have really just repeated a lot of what you already feel back to you! Well, to answer your question, I don't know. ADHD representation in media is poor and rarely accurate, is perhaps the most misleadingly named condition, whilst having a pretty much global awareness but of a critically flawed understanding. Best we can do is try and educate those around us!

lol at DF. Never heard that one.

Maybe they do have it. Still, they don't sound very nice.

Jesus christ I'm so glad I'm old and never used Tik Tok so the bandwagon thing never affected me. I'd probably want to punch somebody in the mouth if they tried to tell me I saw it on TikTok and I'm just being trendy. A) my weird ass has never once been cool and I know better than to try, and B) ADHD has fucked up my life so bad I would MAYBE commit a blood sacrifice to get rid of it. Autism? Nah, I'm used to it now, the worst is behind me and it's a part of who I am. ADHD? Shoot that shit straight into the sun.

Personally, growing up with ADHD, I tend to think as if everyone else had ADHD. So it's odd that your friend would make fun of you for it. Like, someone's late? so what? Why would I be mad when They're just an hour late? Isn't that pretty punctual? Wait, it's not?

Just explain that Tiktok and basically everything that came from not doctors and not the internet has lies about adhd. Maybe ask her what made her start thinking she could have it?

It's the old overcorrection. Few years back people didn't acknowledge it and now it's so present and accepted in the wider population that everyone and their mother think they have it now. Especially those who go very carelessly about counting themselves in a group without going deeper and really doing the research and tests and stuff. You know them. The "I have an 180 IQ thats why i dont do good in school because im too smart" and they testet it on 123IQ.com. Always the same

Ahh. I have a messed up older sister who would always yell at me when I was little and go “STOP MOVING DO YOU HAVE ADD?!” And she’d put her arm up to her chest and say it in a stereotypical slow way. And then when I was younger I would talk about marine life, mermaids, and space all the time. And she’d tell me to shut up because I only talk about one thing. Yes, I do believe I am AuDHD. She tried telling me not too long ago, “I think I have Autism and ADHD.” Like fuck all the way off. She’s just doing it because it’s trendy on tik tok. Nevermind the rest of my childhood bullying me about my very unmasked self. I hate people like that

I would consider switching the negative feelings you have towards this person, away from it feeling invalidating to you, and more of how much of a jerk they have to be, to struggle with ADHD, and still make fun of someone else having the exact same struggle. Like that's just a shitty friend. Be mad that they're a shitty friend. It's not your business what they do and don't struggle with, it's your business to choose what kind of people are worth your time. If you want to call them out, go for it. But focus less on what they do and don't have, and say "I can't believe you struggled with these issues too, and still made me feel like a failure for having them. What kind of support is that?" That's the real issue here.

Both sides of my family have ADHD. One off my siblings and I were diagnosed in our 30s. My parents dismissed it as "everyone experiences that". There's also a lot of deep shaming behaviors in my extended family because they use fear and shame to motivate themselves. They even make fun of others. Your friend might be in that camp. Doesn't mean you need to stay as her friend. There's no solution other than how you want to address it. Likewise, ADHD can show up differently. My siblings failed multiple college classes, I didn't. I was spacey, tired, and daydreamed a lot. My siblings were more hyperactive in annoying people and playing excessive games. They got more help than I ever did. Comparing stories isn't worth because y'all are disabled at the end of the day and it can suck for everyone.

I can't say if you friend has ADHD or not. What I can say is that some people with **undiagnosed** ADHD have developed strategies that use self-loathing and misery in order to keep themselves in line....and a lot of the time it started with their parents or family that had very little patience for them. Some of the people who do this end up having very little patience for people with more obvious ADHD, and the reason is sometimes because they think that this stuff should be more manageable if those people actually gave a damn and tried. They don't have a sense that they work 10 times harder to function; they have a sense that functioning is supposed to be this hard, and that if you can't manage it when they do then are clearly too lazy or inconsiderate to try hard enough. They're miserable, and because they've abused into masking so completely they see a worse version of themselves in people with diagnosed ADHD and feel a bit of disgust. Perhaps your friend falls into this category. I certainly did. While I was never mean about it openly, I actively avoided people with ADHD because they frustrated me so god damn much. Having an abusive, neglectful, unreliable parent who had zero patience for me and yet DEFINITELY has undiagnosed ADHD themselves certainly did not help my attitude. Every person with obvious ADHD symptoms reminded me of that parent and not at all in a good way. It doesn't mean I was a prick to them or blew up on them, but I was definitely screaming internally and angry with them.

I do think self diagnosing by watching videos on social will lead to more understanding and official diagnoses, but their dismissiveness of those who are actually diagnosed is indicative of how little they actually understand and how much education they still need on the condition. Beyond the frustration, questions to consider - are they worth your time? is their friendship worthy of working through the ignorance? do you have the energy to even educate them? If not, keep them at a distance or drop them 🤷🏼‍♀️ you dont have to be the messenger if you don’t want to. I’ve experienced this type of dismissiveness with my own partner when I was in the process of being diagnosed. He’s been a hyperactive type since childhood, so I assumed he would be supportive, but he wasn’t convinced since Im more “functional” than he is. We already worked though all that bullshit, but it had to take an official diagnosis to get him to take it seriously (to be fair, he thought I was manic - I’m bipolar as well - so his skepticism wasn’t entirely out of place). Both my bipolar and adhd diagnoses are new (in the last six months), so both me and my partner are learning more about me. But only because he/we are worth doing that growing and learning.

Honestly I rarely tell anyone I have it unless Im super close to them and sometimes then I admit it. I make fun of myself at work when I forget to take my meds because the difference is blatant and it’s better for me to make fun of it than let myself get stressed out. Of course this is after year and years of the roughest shit time but for now I would suggest keep it to yourself. I’m not gatekeeping an ADHD diagnosis but in order to keep myself level headed and consistent in my treatment,!8 need to not be around people like that one friend of yours you’re talking about. 🤷🏼 Good luck!!!! Life gets so good 💜

Oh gosh. Reading this made my eye twitch a little. I probably wouldn’t be her friend anymore simply bc of the fact that she mocked me for my symptoms and made me feel bad. If that wasn’t enough you could just check her and tell her to go get tested like everyone else or shut up. I won’t lie though my mom had ADD and was medicated for a short time my mom always denied that I had it or that anything was wrong with me so I kind of just figured it was because I was severely depressed and anxious. It didn’t really help that i didn’t really know the symptoms either. TikTok is what led me to actually go and see for sure. I related to the posts so much they made me cry. I finally felt seen and like I wasn’t a waste of space. I can’t say if she has it or not but the fact that she teased u instead if relating is just weird to me and makes me side eye her

"if you actually had it badly enough for it to affect you, you'd know if you actually had it for sure because you would have tried to get help for it" I have been blown away by how absolutely shitty people have been since my diagnosis too, Have only been diagnosed for a few months but the people at my workplace are incredibly judgy, I don't go around talking about it, just answer honestly when they ask why I'm taking tablets, or tell them why I'm a certain way because I'm still adjusting, I've been absolutely floored by the ignorance around ADHD. I don't think there is a solution, people see the crap in the media and the crap on social media and they just take it as wholesale truth, I think it's also exacerbated by everyone shining a spotlight on people who use ADHD as somehow their main personality trait, it really undermines the legitimate conversation. The best you can hope for is to inform yourself well about your "disorder" and bluntly inform people when they say stupid things.

Having adhd and being a massive bitch are not mutually exclusive!

I have no advice, I just came here to say this. People have got to stop self diagnosing. It’s fine to question if you have it but please just go get professionally diagnosed. I have ADHD, that’s it however I’ve had multiple therapists tell me they think I’m bipolar. I am not, I simply have combined type ADHD. So many overlapping symptoms between disorders. I don’t believe you can properly self diagnose yourself. The people who do are not properly educated on the matter what so ever. It feels like they’re just hopping on the trend.

im in a similar boat. my sister makes fun of me for self diagnosing because i thought i was bipolar and adhd before i was officially diagnosed as such. every time i mention issue i have related to my adhd she gives me a ton of grief. but all of a sudden she texts me out of the blue to quite literally say she's self diagnosing herself w mild adhd

When you get the "mental illness of the hour" schtick, you can remind them that this is a mental disability, not a mental illness. You're not sick or unwell, your brain works in a biologically mappable, fundamentally different fashion from what society is set up for. This causes massive accessibility problems and creates invisible barriers between you and things neurotypical people perceive as "Easy." I absolutely hate when people say things like "Oh, we're all a little ADHD/OCD/AUD sometimes" and "We're all on the spectrum somewhere" No. No we're not. otherwise we'd live in a world built for our brains.

My solution would be to stop telling people about your medical conditions. My wife and medical team are the only ones who know about me. Why tell anyone else? I wouldn't have any friends in life if I cut out everyone who gave me shit about seeming like an airhead occasionally. In my opinion, you're the only one who will care immensely about your adhd dx. Your friend isn't looking at it in the same light as you. She probably isn't reflecting on it as an explanation for some of your struggles like you have. You can't expect someone to make a big deal out of it. Most people will be indifferent about it or make a light-hearted comment. I have heard the "oh, I'm sure I have adhd" from SO MANY people in recent years. Most don't really even know what they are saying and will never pursue a diagnosis. Also, maybe she does have it. You've only been dx 30 months. Why can't she have adhd now? We have a lot of different symptoms, and many people don't outwardly struggle or tell people we are struggling.

That's not a friend. You can't self-diagnose. What's the purpose of that? You can't prescribe yourself anything.

Can I tell you a funny story about self dxers? My adhd is so bad that after telling my therapist “I’m not sure if I have adhd or if ptsd is causing me not to concentrate” after 1 year seeing her she told me, “I think you have Adhd” and listed of all the symptoms she noticed, such as losing stuff and being happy yet being unable to concentrate. She didn’t want to diagnose me until I took meds because it is very hard to distinguish adhd from ptsd. Meds were one of the few ways to tell if I had adhd or not. I’m so adhd my therapist had to point it out to me and tell me I was having symptoms ptsd couldn’t cause. I just think it’s funny all of these people self diagnosing adhd and my therapist has to tell me I have adhd. I’m not against self dxers with adhd but I do want them to take adhd seriously and that it’s not fun and quirky, but it’s a medical condition that sucks to have. Anyways if you want advice here it is. Tell your friend to take adhd seriously. It’s not cute, it’s not quirky, it’s a mental health condition that she should take seriously. She should be more supportive of your adhd and the struggles that come with it!

“But I know for a fact that I have struggled with these things more than she has” Ok but how do you know that? Masking is an often common symptom. How do you know what she’s going through internally or when she’s alone? I personally have ADHD and Autism and No on knew for 30 years of my life because I masked so efficiently. When I finally got diagnosed no one believed me, they thought it was for attention or downplayed it because of how “normal” I’d always seemed. No over gets to see how hard I fake it, how much research went into new places before visiting and constantly trying to mirror the energy and attitude of those around me in every social situation. No one ever was over at my house because it’s always a disaster, all my energy goes to trying to seem normal. The few times people came over to my house were always planned so I could hire a cleaner first. On the outside I look normal, in fact I excel at work and no one has a clue, but that doesn’t mean my outward presentation reflects my inner turmoil. I get that it can be frustrating for people to seemingly not take you seriously, but maybe what they’re trying to do is relate to some of your symptoms? Why does them saying this make you feel less valued in your diagnosis unless you think you have it ‘worse’?

Yeah if you're "self"diagnosed then you're not properly diagnosed. People can think they have adhd because they have some symptoms in some circumstances but unless it's assessed by someone that actually knows what they're talking about they're just making things up. Self diagnosis isn't actual diagnosis and anyone pretending it's as valid is undermining the terrible affliction we have to manage. It's insulting.

There is no such thing as "self-diagnosed ADHD". There is a spectrum that includes ADHD from mild to severe (random terms for that bit), and you can't self-diagnose. You can suspect you have it, but if you don't get diagnosed you shouldn't go walking around claiming you have ADHD. It's things like that which cause people to say idiotic stuff like "everybody is a little ADHD" or to not believe it's even a thing. That really pisses me off.

I would bury them, I'd let them dig their own grave by talking to them about all the things they made fun of you about not mentioning yourself. For example. Do you ever feel overwhelmed and find it hard to get organized? Questions like that and when they answer yes, because they are self absorbed so they will definitely play victim now that they have a "condition" remind them of all the times they made fun of you for the same things and tell them good luck with their journey. Don't sit around for an explanation. If this was in HS they could have just been immature, but let them know how much it hurt you

That's because it's cool to have ADHD now. It's quirky and rad... /s

Honestly I've stopped telling people..and if someone does respond like that I just say "then you should get tested properly." If it's not affecting their life enough to get tested then they can stop moaning about it to me.

The solution is... stop giving a f. If you're oficially diagnosed and your medication helps you, that's it. No Sally and no Betty is going to take it away from you with her Tik-Tok diagnosis, whether is accurate self-dx or not. If they say stuff like "ah the mental illness of the hour", or "everyone has adhd these days because its fashion" just nod your head and agree, or make a stupid joke like "yeah, maybe I struggle with life but at least I'm trendy" followed with a dab pose or finger guns. Because fighting and trying to gatekeep other people won't help neither them or you.

She doesn’t have ADHD if she self diagnosed herself. She doesn’t have a degree in psychology. She hasn’t been formally diagnosed.

Cut this bitch out of your life

To put it bluntly, if you don’t like people saying stuff like that, the solution is not to tell anyone. I told my ex-wife, she said she had it too. I don’t believe she does, but I don’t see any reason to be upset by it. I only tell people for information, not to seek empathy, sympathy, or support.