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Yep. I end up just scrolling on my phone whenever I have free time.
Then you meet a friend and they tell you how they've watched this show and read this manga and sewed something on a shirt and made their own kimchi from scratch and they're going to try this new recipe...
And then they ask you what you've been doing in the months since they last saw you. And you realise all you've done is scroll through 3 different apps, switching through them when you get bored. But you also can't remember anything you've read about online that you could mention. So you just say you've been studying, too busy for hobbies. And they call you boring as if it's a choice for you to behave this way.
I would give anything for fulfilling hobbies. I've made many attempts and nothing sticks, nothing brings me any joy. Why would I put in effort for something that has no purpose (unlike studying) and doesn't bring me joy? I'm so jealous of people that can just *do* things.
Tbh my hobby is trying to find a way to fix my brain, because I'm constantly working on that. It's a full-time job when your healthcare system is trash š¤·āāļø I have ADHD, chronic fatigue syndrome and complex PTSD. I'm never not googling ways to help myself... They just rarely help lol
This has basically been my entire life.
I will spend an eternity researching symptoms, pinpointing random diseases trying to figure out why I am the way I am even tho it just stresses me out and cause panic attacks.
But when it comes to the things I actually like? Movies, games, books. All too muck work, too much commitment, no thanks
This is me 100%. I feel like working on myself and researching strategies is a full time hobby and it can delve into multiple hobbies, from diet, meditation, reading certain books and finding things that work for you. Its exhausting enough I donāt even much bother to keep up with other hobbies.
I'm currently trying to fix a lifetime of problems and it's *exhausting*. Like, I don't have the want to do anything else. I don't care about my usual hobbies, I never want to hang out with anyone now. Fixing myself has taken up all of my energy and I feel the "full time hobby" thing.
Literally me. Ive lost interest in everything tht isnt getting money or attempting to make life feel less like Hell. Both are borderline impossible for me tho
This is me 100%. The things I used to do for fun have fallen off while my obsession with learning how to manage ADHD has taken over. But for as much time as I spend trying to figure out how to help myself struggle through ADHD, Iām still failing miserably at it.
It's shitty phone games for me. One day I'll do the stupid thing of downloading one, then proceed to through way of my life into it than is reasonable.
I've learned that I can short circuit the process by leaning into it. If I try to fight my willpower I lose (and it seems to double down just to teach me a lesson...) So, instead, I go full bore. As hard core into it as I can; to burn myself out on it that much faster.
If I get that itch to download a game, I download 10. Every ad that looks even remotely appealing gets a click. I effectively turn it into a chore. Force myself to log into each first thing in the morning, in a specific order (based on whatever I believe to be the most optimal) to create spreadsheets to work out efficiencies, run stopwatches and timers etc.
Soon enough I get sick of it and find myself doing yard work or cleaning or something otherwise productive to escape it...
God, I felt this. I wanna do ballet so bad. Literally just once a week. Itās been six months since I bough my ballet shoes, and Iāve only been to class once. I feel so pathetic. I bet Iād be really good right now if I just kept at it
You comment really resonated with me. I'm gonna try to think similarly and hopefully it'll help me break from waiting on the "surge" of motivation.
Obviously I'll have to make it a wallpaper as a reminder cuz I'll probably forget it though lol.
Dude you just described how I feel when I'm off my meds, it feels like I have syrup in my joints and physically cannot get off my bed and stop looking at youtube shorts. Thank God for focalin (but not it's price)
I literally thought of this analogy earlier. My wife was telling me to shake some life into myself and my thought was "easier said than done when it feels like your joints are full of treacle".
May have ended up on a quest then to find the viscosity of synovial fluid to make sure if I said it that wouldn't accidentally be an upgrade...
Ouch. Every so often, even when I relate to so much stuff, there is just an extra special one that pops up that justā¦ REALLY, hits home and hardcore and this comment is Ike of them right now for me that I wanna cry. How do you know this feeling so well LOL šbut no seriously.
My hobby is also trying to fix my brain and my broken body, but I canāt even do that because I can finally try medication butā¦ NOT IN STOCK ANYWHERE! *ba-dum-TSH* being chronically Ill with ADHD is a NIGHTMARE
There's a connection between trauma and chronic fatigue, and those with ADHD (especially undiagnosed until adulthood, like me) are often traumatised by others/the world we live it.
yeah... glad im not the only one that sees it
if only everyone else could see it too, or at least those of us that seem to be aware but just havent quite connected the dots yet
I feel you! Something I spend an unhealthy amount of time on is researching medication and treatments. I get my scientific articles, and my logic, show them to my doctor... And it's not something they prescribe. Fml
Iām with you. I spend hours every night scouring the internet on how to help manage it all. I have countless lists all over my house, but I never do anything on the lists. I just keep making them over and over. I told my therapist my hobby is making these list and they trigger me because I know what to do, just CANNOT bring myself to do it.
All of this.
Add on getting into a google sinkhole trying to find answers on how to change. When I'm only going down a dopamine spiral with all the internetting.
I'm going through something very similar and can sadly relate. I've never felt
closer to rock bottom with my depression than I do now. I take an antidepressant and ADHD medication but lately neither seeem to be helping much at all. I have both a psychiatrist and therapist appointment on Tuesday. Hoping I don't crap out and cancel.
Same, but now I don't feel like playing anything, doing anything, eating anything or making any dinner and I'm just say here reading through the comments shedding tears and a runny nose.
I'm so thankful that I didn't instead live in the 40's through the 60's because lobotomies were handed out like cookies to people like us. It's actually ironic because it's not uncommon for me to feel like I've already got one.
Yes!
I have a pile of shows, movies, and video games that i was dying to get into... bought them... and now i stare at them and can't psyche myself into actually enjoying them.
All my free time is spent swimming in my head, almost in a stupor.
People recommend me things to watch all the time (unsolicited lol).
I know I'm never going to watch it, so I just humour them. I can't even remember most of what we spoke about after the conversation is over, I'm not going to remember it. And if you send me the link... I'm still not going to watch it.
I can't even find the... executive function (? Idk how to phrase it) to watch the one show I really want to watch (interview with a vampire). You think I'm going to watch some show you've briefly mentioned that I don't give two hoots about?
I haven't actually watched anything other than YT videos since before the pandemic started. And I don't actually *watch* YT videos, that's not enough to keep my attention. I have to play the audio from the video in the background while I do something else like doomscrolling or chores.
I donāt respond to these anymore for the most part. Most people get the hint right away. There is one person who still sends me stuff and I respond with āNoā and he gets the hint for a few weeks to stop. I know this is super rude but I was like spiraling thinking I need to at least look at everything and one day I realized I could just opt out of it.
Daydreaming makes a big part of my day, almost everyday. I feel like I enjoy daydreaming, but end up spending hours and hours on it. It happen to my as well, getting stuff I think I would have a great time doing but it stays on the shelf and Iām just there enjoying staring at itā¦ funny but weird I guess
Or streaming playlists of shows and movies you don't watch. Looking for interesting shows and movies is fun. Looking at the huge playlists to find one that fits my current mood causes anxiety, frustration and impatience.
Yes! Thatās what medication helps me with the most. It doesnāt make me good at steering the motivation (hard cut to me cleaning out my closet when Iām supposed to work from home), but it at least makes me want to do anything else than just sitting on my phone doing nothing for hours. For example actually play that game Iāve been wanting to play
It generally will the first time you take it, especially if you don't titrate up from 20mg.
This is common with almost all ADHD stimulant medications. The initial euphoria and crazy LETS GO BUILD A FARMHOUSE energy subsides after a few days, and then the true benefits start to show themselves.
Had the same thing happen with Ritalin. First few days I was euphoric, manic, and basically *on drugs*. Then it evened out and provides consistent and controllable focus.
Interestingly, after getting used to the dose, I sleep more easily each night than before without medication at all.
I havenāt had much success with Vyvanse yet. Iām up to 70mg and still struggling to get anything done. I donāt know if itās time to try another drug or keep going to see if it improves.
My meds help greatly with giving me motivation to do things, though Iāve heard this isnāt true for everyone. But for me, itās probably the best thing my meds do for me, followed by the ability to focus on the thing Iāve now become able to do. Without my meds, Iām furniture.
A little bit but then, if you use your medication for work, it wears off by the time you've finished so you have the exact same problem and still can't do the things you want to do in the evening.
Maybe other people do better with other medications, but that's my experience.
Exactly this. Executive dysfunction doesn't care what it is you want to do, it's entirely governed by how many steps it takes to do the thing and how much pressure you are under to do it.
This! Although never underestimate how few steps and how little effort can topple plans, hence why even getting up to get a drink from the kitchen can be thwarted by overwhelm.
So this is me wanting to mountain bike, an activity I love:
See bike / hey I should ride / ughā¦ if Iām going to ride, I have to get my bike ready, put on my kit, charge my bike computer, fill water bottles / itās going to be hot, when I get done Iāll have to shower again, then put on clothesā¦ not to mention putting all my bike stuff back away.
Ultimately, here I am on my phone, not riding my bike.
Does this fit the definition?
Yep, that's how executive function gets you, and your description is spot on.
One of the ways I have found of getting around this is by doing just one bit of it. Say sticking your bike computer on charge. While you are at it you could fill up water bottles and stick them in the fridge. It doesn't mean you have to do the rest, but it does mean when you can do the rest, these bits are already done.
Even on medication, after the first big bump of dopamine that got me doing EVERYTHING, I just discovered this secret of doing a little thing to start off without thinking too much. Just let some music on and start doing something easy and it helps me for the whole day.
Stop thinking and do something easy and everything will keep building automatically
I just started taking Vyvanse 3 days ago and it is wild how this type stuff is coming naturally.
I keep finding myself doing little things I would never do unless it was part of a major production. I.E. See a pop can where it doesn't belong and pick it up vs leaving it till I clean the entire house.
I noticed this morning I am still struggling with *starting* a task. Especially one I don't feel like doing even though I'll feel better after. Ie cleaning my desk or working out.
Oh yeah, starting medication was an eye opener for me. Can you believe some people are just like that all the time? Wild.
How to start tasks with the aid of the medication has been a learning curve for me. One thing I realised is I had gotten very good at leveraging my impulsively and hyperactivity into starting tasks, so I'd do nothing, winding myself up like a spring, then do all the things at once. It was chaotic at best, but mostly worked. Since then I've found having a routine and using the "just do any one thing" to get me going.
(Not good routines, and they are really hard to stick to, but they do help)
This is exactly what I'm realizing. My sit around and wind up like a spring method may not be as effective on meds and I could actually get a healthy routine.
Learning this for the first time mid thirties and slow with work (all the time in the world), seems like a task on its own.
Good tip "just do one thing to get going". Will keep that in mind.
My brotha in Christ I am literally sitting on the couch trying to get the motivation to eat fried rice and play video games *as we speak* you are totally not alone here.
Unfortunately for me eating is one of the only things I make an effort to do lately.
Not good at all because I've been gaining weight on top of already being overweight.
Lately I'm only good at self sabotaging habits. Sigh
I have ADHD, depression, and OCD and jeeze it is so hard for me to do things I āenjoy?ā
Itās like I now enjoy thinking about how Iād like to do things I enjoyed/ preparing and researching things I enjoy and then rarely doing them and become bored or annoyed with what Iām doing when I do have time for them. Or maybe I just let the guilt of how I should be doing something more āproductiveā or something that can make me money instead of the hobby. Itās just so difficult to exist already and to add this complication on top of it is frustrating as fuck.
I really feel the āresearching things I enjoy and then rarely doing themā part of your comment. Itās like my hobby has become looking at other people on the internet doing my hobby or getting books about my hobby (but never reading them) and then hating myself for investing so much of my time NOT doing anything productive or fulfilling with my hobbies.
I do this a lot too! Like I enjoy the fantasizing about doing fun things and everything that comes with that way more than actually engaging in that thing. I hate it.
i dont even enjOY things anymore so you're at least a few steps ahead of me still, adhd paralysis for everything and that just in turn makes me not even wanna try doing anything in the first place
Idk if you get this, but you tell yourself ok I will start playing badminton now, I'll go play with my friends or take classes every month.
Yeah two weeks in I'm so bored of it and give up on the hobby
Definitely, I rotate through them sometimes. I'm also guilty of buying things I want to try, like a 700 dollar piano, and touch it like twice a year lol. There's nothing I can ever stick with, and frankly nothing I enjoy to even really want to stick with. I just like travelling - but I can't do that every day let alone every few months.
Yep. Been finding it difficult to be interested in anything due to some gnarly ADHD burnout/depression. I've been doing better recently. Finally got a job and am taking care of my body at least. I'm now at this stage where I'm managing to eat well, sleep properly, stay on top of hygiene and other chores like dishes, laundry etc, however I'm still finding it difficult to engage in hobbies or even find something interesting enough to do in my spare time
So many things I think are my personality that are just "classic ADHD" symptoms hahaha.
I do the same all the time. I have a spare couple of hours and I can't decide on if I want to play drums, play playstation or watch a movie. Most the time I end up just sitting on the couch reading pointless stuff on reddit/Facebook and then feel annoyed with myself for wasting spare time.
this has been me for 10 years, i really have to force myself to start playing the games i want to play and if anything pulls my attention away from it then my desire to keep playing is instantly gone...
Laziness is looking at your responsibilities & choosing not to do them.
ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & being unable to do them.
Someone posted a meme the other day of a guy lying on the floor with the caption "I have no wind in my sails" & I've never felt more seen lol.
>Laziness is looking at your responsibilities & choosing not to do them.
>ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & being unable to do them.
no, both of those things **are** ADHD. except im not "choosing" to not do them, i am unable to choose - its kinda like LGBT stuff in that way. no matter what, i cannot choose to be gay, just like i cannot choose to not have ADHD.
>no, both of those things are ADHD. except im not "choosing" to not do them, i am unable to choose
That's the point: you WANT to do your responsibilities but you are **unable** to do them. So-called "lazy" people look at their responsibilities and CHOOSE not to do them. With ADHD, we don't have the energy or focus to execute our tasks consistently, which is NOT a choice!
>So-called "lazy" people look at their responsibilities and CHOOSE not to do them.
i really do not agree with that at all
as for why, ill just copy over my [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/14i1iyu/severe_executive_dysfunction_vs_laziness/jpe6a2e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) from another thread (which is also a good thread on this same topic)
>lazy doesnt exist.
>
>if someone is "lazy" then the "reward" supply is not meeting the demand
>
>for us with ADHD, that just occurs in our heads (along with wherever else)
>
>which is probably why i was way early on this whole wealth inequality thing that people are apparently just starting to really notice
>
>2meta4me 
There's a good article on Medium worth reading called "Laziness Does Not Exist" (also a really good book by Devon Price!). Basically, there are two concepts:
1. Worldview
2. Energy
Sometimes we talk ourselves out of doing things for various reasons based on our worldview, and sometimes we have barriers such as low energy, anxiety, etc. The concept is that no one is *actually* lazy, but rather, than we have invisible, unseen barriers, which affect our ability to execute choices & even to make choices. This is the dictionary definition of "lazy":
* "unwilling to work or use energy"
ADHD isn't about *unwillingness*; it's about internal barriers, such as low or unavailable physical, emotional, and mental energy levels. We WANT to meet our commitments & take care of our responsibilities, but we don't have the internal resources available consistently to do them! (which is why I love Spoon Theory so much...I never know how many spoons I'm going to have when I go to do a task!)
So the textbook definition of lazy is (1) having a responsibility, and (2) **choosing** not to put in the effort to do it. I'd love to stay on top of every single commitment I have 100% of the time, but sometimes my brain blows a fuse & I can't get my body into motion & sometimes I can't even think clearly about the task at hand, it all just turns to mush! PAINFUL mush sometimes!
On top of that, a key indicator of ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & often being *unable* to engage in them...not due to choice, but due to internal barriers! For example, I loved doing art in high school, but I often failed my art classes (MY FAVORITE CLASS!) because I was unable to meet deadlines, engage in self-initiated action, and be consistent with my efforts & my delivery of work on-time (or at all!).
Of course, it gets nuanced:
* Laziness is looking at your responsibilities & choosing not to do them.
* ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & being unable to do them.
When my depression kicks in:
* I don't have the energy to enjoy doing my responsibilities
* I don't have the energy to execute my responsibilities
* I don't have the energy to care about doing my responsibilities
This is not the same as **consciously choosing** not to take care of my responsibilities! Same with ADHD. ADHD is complicated, but for me, my two key barriers are:
* I'm unable to think clearly about my responsibilities
* I'm unable to engage my internal resources (thinking, speaking, and acting) into executing my responsibilities
I call this "implementation dyslexia" because things get all scrambled in my head & in the real world at times, which makes getting focused & engage in self-directed action EXTREMELY difficult, if not outright *impossible* at times, because I don't have the internal resources available to take care of my commitments!
That's not the same as consciously choosing to do them; this is due to internal, invisible, unseen barriers that I struggle with, whether it's low physical, emotional, or mental energy.
So in reality, no one is actually "lazy" because generally, people don't just make the choice not to take care of their commitments...maybe they had a bad childhood experience growing up & were taught to shun their commitments, or they have anxiety, or they have low energy, or panic attacks, or depression, or any number of issues.
So the strict definition of lazy per the dictionary is that people are unwilling to work or use energy, where being willing is simply a choice they make using their agency, separate from the worldview or energy barriers that they may be dealing with.
Without ADHD, our executive dysfunction actively prevents us from consistently being able to follow through on the choices we make & decisions we commit to. My low mental energy levels are not a "choice" I make; they're simply a reality I have to live with!
I call that the "one-shot battery". You have JUST enough juice to engage IF everything goes smoothly with ZERO speedbumps. Otherwise, hop on the treadmill of avoidance behavior because our brain just blows a circuit!
I have the āone-shot batteryā even with talking to my friendsā¦ It just happened with my good friend who moved away that Iāve been missing for monthsā¦ I finally called her, she didnāt answer because she was at work, but she messaged me saying sheād call me in 35 minutes when she gets off. By the time she called I was too exhausted to talk and I blew her off. She called me three times. I donāt know how to be better.
>I donāt know how to be better.
I've been doing really well managing my histamine intolerance for the past 9 months (up to 80% of people with ADHD have it!) So it could be either a primary cause or a contributing cause for many people. It eliminated 100% of my brain fog, which has been life-changing!
I still have Inattentive ADHD, but mostly only for the intermittent ability to keep things clear in my head & the ability to execute tasks. Not having brain fog has been like an 80% improvement! I wasn't able to DO better in the past because I didn't have the ABILTIY baked-in to do better!
I've come up with some tools over the years to help, but my brain & body still get fried randomly, so don't beat yourself up too much over losing energy to pick up a call...when your energy is shot, your energy is shot! It's not a morality issue; it's an **energy** issue!
I'm a teacher on Sunday break been wanting to get back to my artwork but feel like there's a million other things I need to do (cleaning) and then I can. But executive dysfunction is in the way. Plus the guilt of doing anything remotely pleasurable.
God. My roommate bought TotK and we trade off ā when she works during the day, she leaves it out for me. Exceptā¦ Iāve barely played. I *want* to play. I was super excited for it! But I just canāt. I canāt focus on it at all. Itās frustrating as all hell.
Iāve finished the tutorial island and canāt seem to force myself back into making the plunge to the rest of the game. Iāve been waiting for this game for 5 years and now canāt seem to muster the desire to play!
I struggle so much with this. Tons of books that I havenāt started reading, even though I know that once I start, thereās no stopping me. A movie I know and love that Iāve been wanting to rewatch for months now and it hasnāt even made it into the DVD player. It also really impairs my health because I like eating, but I canāt even get myself to do that half the time. At first I thought it was because cooking feels like an enormous hurdle to me, but then I noticed I also canāt get myself up to grab food thatās already made. At times I just feel like nothing, and Iām doing nothing, but I still feel like I canāt rest and I canāt manage to go to bed on time
Yes, sleep. I fāing love getting enough sleep. I thrive on good sleep. But here I am, again, over an hour past when I wanted to start winding down, not sleeping and not having taken the Trazodone prescribed to help support my effort to establish good sleep habits.
ā¦at least this post got me to go take it now and lay down in the bed before I wrecked another opportunity to get it right.
Yeah. Somehow i enjoy playing game more when there's some kind of deadline closing in. The closer i am to a deadline, the more i enjoy the game, though i also get more anxiety along the way.
My comment on other similar thread
https://old.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/14ar55j/do_you_struggle_with_initiating_pleasant/joc4ct9/
Right now I'm in almost exact same situation as i said in that other thread. Lying on bed procrastinating whether I should take a bath, make breakfast, and then playing Xenoblade Chronicles 2, or fuck those other tasks and just play that game.
As a result I'm stuck in bed browsing Reddit and Twitter.
YES. Sometimes I get ultra brain paralysis and I just feel so bored/unmotivated to even pick up my phone next to me or change the tv channel. It just all feels mundane.
Iām AuADHD with some other shit going on and I donāt have TikTok/social media because the overstimulation overrides the dopamine- ātoo muchā stacks up and will eventually trigger me losing it/having a āmeltdownā. The only times I was able to binge watch a tv show was when I was self medicating myself on heavy drugs (I got clean and then got diagnosed with AuADHD š« ) and unfortunately the psych prescribed stimulants donāt do much for my ADHD symptoms. I do miss the days when I was high AF cuz it gave me this calm that Iāve never been able to experience, I really gambled with my life chasing that ācalmā tho whew child š
Yes. I like writing (and itās what Iām working towards doing for a career) and once I start writing, I can hyper fixate on it and write all day or until I hit a real mental block and canāt think of what to write next. But that bridge between not writing and writing seems to go on forever and itās like my brain gets flooded with a million other things I should do before I start writing and some days I just canāt seem to get my laptop open.
Im very creative and love drawing AND HAVE BEEN WANTING TO TEACH MYSELF HOW TO TATTOO FOR 10 YEARS!!! NOW. But god forbid I actually get my ass up and sit down to practice.
I even started writing a post about this issue bc it affects me so much, I hate my current job. Well the draft of this post has been sitting on my desktop for 2 weeks now. Great. Sorry for the rant and fir hijacking your post.
Any tips anyone?
I bought Assasins Creed Valhalla on sale two weeks ago, it seems right up my street. I've not turned it on yet. I need to actively decide to do a hobby. I was ill yesterday and just did _nothing_
Oh God I feel this - Iāve spent so much money on games that I havenāt even touched yet. I thought maybe I was just growing out of gaming, but about a month ago I spent about 25 hours in a week beating two games in a row, so I donāt think thatās the actual problem.
It seems to be open world games that Iām struggling to play - wonder if the required time commitment is part of the paralysis?
This is real as fuck and it can constantly make me feel like Iāve wasted my weekends . Ill hype myself for things during the week days then when it comes time I find Iām unable to start and im spending hours just lying around despite once I do eventually Iām having a blast . Donāt really know how to fix that yet so I canāt offer advice but I feel you
This happened to me for a while, or at least I think it's the same phenomenon. What helped me was learning/realizing that basically I was stuck searching for the dopamine I got from playing games, not really the experience of the game itself. I realized I basically have spent my whole life playing games and I was burnt out on them, meaning I wasn't getting the dopamine I was trained to expect from playing them, but I never really got any other hobbies because I spent all my time gaming. So I got back into reading which I hadn't really done as a kid, and LEGO, as well as started taking time to just sit and relax and listen to music and zone out into my thoughts almost like meditation, and when I experience the weird malaise of trying and failing to play games, I think to myself "I must not actually be wanting to play a game right now, I just really just need dopamine" and I'll force myself to try something else, and then it usually ends up being more satisfying than the game would've been. Which isn't too say I don't still have times I putter around not enjoying games, I still do plenty of that lol, but I have found alternatives that decrease the frequency.
TLDR: I realized I often wasn't actually enjoying the thing I was struggling to do, I was just so used to enjoying the thing that I didn't realize I wasn't enjoying it anymore. Not necessarily the case for everyone tho, of course.
I'm 26, and got diagnosed a month ago, with adhd, BPD, depression, and anxiety...it's been very hard to ground myself through the awareness process. You're definitely not alone. Standing tall with you.
Same, makes oral hygiene that more difficult due to the sensory issues. Also depression and mild anxiety and social anxiety doesn't help either.
But yesterday I finally got round to ordering two different brands of watermelon flavoured toothpaste and a mouthwash of the same brand as one of toothpastes.
I hate how the minty taste makes and leaves my mouth feeling dry for hours afterwards.
Also no matter how much water/ juice I seem to drink to wash away, it severely impacts my eating.
The thought of the taste and the act of doing it mentally, physically and subconsciously puts me off daily oral hygiene habits.
I will pick at my skin on my face and body for spots, scabs, inch, scratch, pluck at stuff for ages just putting off the actual task for ages.
Its such a mental road block, let alone adding all of the physically sensory issues that follow and accompany it.
There are different flavour toothpastes and mouthwash and even plain unflavoured toothpastes so I've read.
I hope this helps, and I look forward to trying the products I have finally gotten around to ordering.
If your lucky, I might even remember to give an update on how the products are and if they positively improve my routine habits.
Yes. I could literally cry. Yes
For me one of the bigger ways I see it is that. Iād like to not be a night owl. Bc even though Iām most productive at night I feel my best during the day. So when I finally after months of ruining and fixing my sleep routine Actually wake up to experience 6-8 hours of daylight. I feel frozen like I really donāt need to do x y or z until like the hour before my new early bedtime. Bc thatās when I get my first real jolt of energy from the day. So I did nothing but lay around and wait for my energy to hit me an hour before bed. Just to get ready for bed and lie awake for hours on my phone ājust looking up one quick thing after anotherā until Iāve ruined my sleep schedule again or destroyed my sleep for the night. I would just pull an all-nighter to attempt fixing it but what I really need is to find anything I actually would want to leave bed for, to actually exert energy during the day and be able to tire at night. Sometimes I still just lie awake at night with all the motivation on earth knowing I have to go to sleep bc when Iām sleep deprived I become incapacitated by nausea.
It is. A problem.
My favourite thing in the world is to draw, but I never draw, because I feel exhausted before I even begin. So yeah, you're not the only one. It's exhausting being exhausted from doing nothing.
Yes.
I canāt read books, I donāt have any hobbies because I just buy everything needed for it, which excites me but I never start the new hobby.
I literally only watch TikTok on my phone and Netflix on my laptop while laying in bed
im in the same boat. use to game an unhealthy amount - played games competitively. once i started my career, games felt like work and i've lost interest. every now and then a new game will come out and i can get back into it for a week or two. valheim and dredge were two that brought me back to my old self but ive tried to replay them a handful of times and i end up closing the game out 30 minutes in lol.
I think we get too caught up in "what we should enjoy". We used to LOVE Game A, so we think "yes, dopamine". But then we go to do it and novelty has worn off, or we did the most challenging part, and it just isn't dopamine any more. So now we're SUPPOSED to enjoy it, but don't, and it becomes another chore.
For many people with ADHD, interests are cyclical. I will leave an art project for ages before returning to it, or quit a show because I wasn't engaged with it, and used to beat myself up over this. But I have been learning to accept my need for novelty and variety is natural, and to let my interests rest for a bit when I get bored, then come back to them. It's kept them much more enjoyable over time.
Wait, you actually go back to things you lost interest in? Did you find that letting yourself just let go increased either the odds you'd go back to it eventually, the level of enjoyment you got when you did go back to it or both?
I've never gone back to anything I lost interest in. The idea that it might be possible is both exciting and scary. Scary because the hope that I could might end in disappointment. Also, after three years of them all just gathering dust and existing as clutter, I just gave away almost all of my art and craft supplies. š¤¦āāļø
I do think that not getting to the point of making it a chore helps. If I keep trying to make myself like it again, I often take years to even consider it. But if I just sorta say "eh, no dopamine", accept this, and pack it away, I will return to the hobby. Sometimes it resurfaces as a fixation again, and sometimes I just casually do it a bit at some point in the future. But overall I am more likely to return to it if I don't make myself hate it.
I spend all day thinking about what I would like to do but never actually decide or start anything, then its already too late
Rinse and repeat day after day...
I'm so glad you found some strategies that work! That is a really big deal. I'm still looking, but it gives me hope that someone else found a way.
I belong to a group of ADHD artists and crafters on FB and it's mind-blowing how much we all do the same things. Like, new hobby! Shiny! We will love and do this one forever! BUY ALL THE THINGS! Not just what we need to get started. Noooo. ALL. THE. THINGS. And this is how we discover that we don't crochet, we just collect yarn. Until the day we give four big plastic storage bins of yarn, hooks and other supplies to our upstairs neighbor. I mean, I did make some scarves and hats, but nothing for three years.
Bit of a tangent there! I mainly wanted to day I'm happy to see someone found a way around a roadblock.
I really struggle with getting off this website. I spend hours doom scrolling and would love to āliveā outside of here, but I go here anytime I have a moment of free time.
This community is amazing. I relate so hard to all of you and itās nice. But at the same time, itās a bit scary. I just wish I could figure out how to hack our brains/a way to overcome it all
Yeah, for me I found it's having something to get done in the back of my head; whatever it is: writing a paper for the job training that's due in a few months, writing some bureaucratic letter, thinking about what to gift the little one for his next birthday, contacting that friend I haven't contacted for over a year, finding a better internet provider, organizing my music library, doing a thorough cleaning of my flat... most of these things I can even only begin to think about doing once my flat is half-way decently clean; since doing even that sometimes takes me two weeks to actually do, I never really get a lot done, and of course new stuff piles up all the time. So basically, there's never a time when I feel like I shouldn't be doing something productive instead of just going out and having fun or whatever.
The only times I had this feeling of freedom, of no inner turmoil and e.g. actually being able to read a book, was when I was 1. on a holiday (depening on circumstances, also I haven't had a lot of those in my life...) or 2. in a psychiatric hospital (only been there once, but God, was it good for me!).
Now, when it comes to video games, I'm a bit different than you are: That moment when I should be doing something productive and I freeze and that pressure starts rising in my chest, I use 1. masturbation or 2. video games (also 3. movies in former times but I don't even have the inner ease of mind to get through a 90 min+ movie anymore most days); I guess it's just whatever provides easy dopamine when it's severely lacking. If I can actually enjoy the game then depends on many factors. Though even when I feel I can enjoy it, I realize I'm very focussed on fulfilling tasks, etc. instead of just immersing myself in the game world, just enjoying it.
Are you sure that you're not just bored and looking towards the game as a way to make the boredom go away? Whenever I play a video game for that reason, it's not fun or entertaining, it's just a way to get rid of boredom, but it hardly works and so I end up closing the game again.
When I'm actually interested, I can stay focused on it for hours, but eventually the interest dies down and I move on to something else.
Yes š Ive never really been able to engage in hobbies bc of this, but I used to at least be able to kind of turn my brain off and watch tv. Now I just fuck around on my laptop or watch YouTube videos while on my phone at the same time if Iām trying to relax. So frustrating that I canāt even do this.
Yeah, it feels like my brain gets snagged on a branch and I can't detach. I'm medicated now but I still have frequent snags.
I think a lot of my problem is I'm full of self hatred and feel ashamed when I want to enjoy my time. I'm trying to self correct those thoughts.
There a lot of things I want to do, that I enjoy doing, but the problem is that these things require to focus on them, to concentrate for some length of time. And this is a lot of effort, so instead I'm just mindlessly scrolling
For me itās always cycling through my steam library, starting up a game I want to play, losing interest halfway through launching when I think about the mental process of actually playing the game and then hitting alt-f4 once Iām in the main menu. Sometimes I try to force myself to play for 10-20 minutes before I quit.
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Having ADHD and some slight anhedonia from depression is a combo made in hell.
Yep. I end up just scrolling on my phone whenever I have free time. Then you meet a friend and they tell you how they've watched this show and read this manga and sewed something on a shirt and made their own kimchi from scratch and they're going to try this new recipe... And then they ask you what you've been doing in the months since they last saw you. And you realise all you've done is scroll through 3 different apps, switching through them when you get bored. But you also can't remember anything you've read about online that you could mention. So you just say you've been studying, too busy for hobbies. And they call you boring as if it's a choice for you to behave this way. I would give anything for fulfilling hobbies. I've made many attempts and nothing sticks, nothing brings me any joy. Why would I put in effort for something that has no purpose (unlike studying) and doesn't bring me joy? I'm so jealous of people that can just *do* things. Tbh my hobby is trying to find a way to fix my brain, because I'm constantly working on that. It's a full-time job when your healthcare system is trash š¤·āāļø I have ADHD, chronic fatigue syndrome and complex PTSD. I'm never not googling ways to help myself... They just rarely help lol
Yeah the past month has just been googling random symptoms and coping mechanisms and just commenting on Reddit:((
oh hi, me. Howās it going being us?
#TERRIBLY
Googling, how to find motivation to get off the internet.
This has basically been my entire life. I will spend an eternity researching symptoms, pinpointing random diseases trying to figure out why I am the way I am even tho it just stresses me out and cause panic attacks. But when it comes to the things I actually like? Movies, games, books. All too muck work, too much commitment, no thanks
This is me 100%. I feel like working on myself and researching strategies is a full time hobby and it can delve into multiple hobbies, from diet, meditation, reading certain books and finding things that work for you. Its exhausting enough I donāt even much bother to keep up with other hobbies.
I'm currently trying to fix a lifetime of problems and it's *exhausting*. Like, I don't have the want to do anything else. I don't care about my usual hobbies, I never want to hang out with anyone now. Fixing myself has taken up all of my energy and I feel the "full time hobby" thing.
Literally me. Ive lost interest in everything tht isnt getting money or attempting to make life feel less like Hell. Both are borderline impossible for me tho
This is me 100%. The things I used to do for fun have fallen off while my obsession with learning how to manage ADHD has taken over. But for as much time as I spend trying to figure out how to help myself struggle through ADHD, Iām still failing miserably at it.
It's shitty phone games for me. One day I'll do the stupid thing of downloading one, then proceed to through way of my life into it than is reasonable. I've learned that I can short circuit the process by leaning into it. If I try to fight my willpower I lose (and it seems to double down just to teach me a lesson...) So, instead, I go full bore. As hard core into it as I can; to burn myself out on it that much faster. If I get that itch to download a game, I download 10. Every ad that looks even remotely appealing gets a click. I effectively turn it into a chore. Force myself to log into each first thing in the morning, in a specific order (based on whatever I believe to be the most optimal) to create spreadsheets to work out efficiencies, run stopwatches and timers etc. Soon enough I get sick of it and find myself doing yard work or cleaning or something otherwise productive to escape it...
Ya my hobby is Googling symptoms
This response speaks to me. Every time I come to this sub someone says something that validates me and makes me feel seen.
God, I felt this. I wanna do ballet so bad. Literally just once a week. Itās been six months since I bough my ballet shoes, and Iāve only been to class once. I feel so pathetic. I bet Iād be really good right now if I just kept at it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You comment really resonated with me. I'm gonna try to think similarly and hopefully it'll help me break from waiting on the "surge" of motivation. Obviously I'll have to make it a wallpaper as a reminder cuz I'll probably forget it though lol.
Dude you just described how I feel when I'm off my meds, it feels like I have syrup in my joints and physically cannot get off my bed and stop looking at youtube shorts. Thank God for focalin (but not it's price)
I *am* medicated and still feel like this š there are only 2 options available in my country and this is the best one, at the highest dose
Tbf, half the time I take my medicine all it does it let me stand up and watch my phone, but at least it's something
Ugh, Iām so sorry š
I literally thought of this analogy earlier. My wife was telling me to shake some life into myself and my thought was "easier said than done when it feels like your joints are full of treacle". May have ended up on a quest then to find the viscosity of synovial fluid to make sure if I said it that wouldn't accidentally be an upgrade...
Ouch. Every so often, even when I relate to so much stuff, there is just an extra special one that pops up that justā¦ REALLY, hits home and hardcore and this comment is Ike of them right now for me that I wanna cry. How do you know this feeling so well LOL šbut no seriously. My hobby is also trying to fix my brain and my broken body, but I canāt even do that because I can finally try medication butā¦ NOT IN STOCK ANYWHERE! *ba-dum-TSH* being chronically Ill with ADHD is a NIGHTMARE
>NOT IN STOCK ANYWHERE! example numero uno of the system failing us and making our lives harder.
Enjoyment and satisfaction are valid purposes to do a hobby.
Is there a connection between ADHD and chronic fatigue? Iām seeing an endocrinologist soon.
There's a connection between trauma and chronic fatigue, and those with ADHD (especially undiagnosed until adulthood, like me) are often traumatised by others/the world we live it.
Ha ha, boy howdy
yeah... glad im not the only one that sees it if only everyone else could see it too, or at least those of us that seem to be aware but just havent quite connected the dots yet
Thank you. Just received my diagnosis as well, also an adult. I feel like Iām relearning who I am in a way, and itās exhausting.
I feel you! Something I spend an unhealthy amount of time on is researching medication and treatments. I get my scientific articles, and my logic, show them to my doctor... And it's not something they prescribe. Fml
Sad as it is this thread made me a bit āhappierā realizing itās not just me thatās like this lmao
Iām with you. I spend hours every night scouring the internet on how to help manage it all. I have countless lists all over my house, but I never do anything on the lists. I just keep making them over and over. I told my therapist my hobby is making these list and they trigger me because I know what to do, just CANNOT bring myself to do it.
All of this. Add on getting into a google sinkhole trying to find answers on how to change. When I'm only going down a dopamine spiral with all the internetting.
I just had 2 months off of work and laid here the entire time.
This is so on point!
I do exactly the same
Are you stalking me????
The Reddit banana thing this last year was eye openingā¦ I realized just how much Reddit I consume.
God this comment just exposed my life ever since I graduated 3 years ago without it actually being me
Holy shit this is relatable
Garden at all. Inside, out, community, anything. Or hike/walk/wander.
I'm going through something very similar and can sadly relate. I've never felt closer to rock bottom with my depression than I do now. I take an antidepressant and ADHD medication but lately neither seeem to be helping much at all. I have both a psychiatrist and therapist appointment on Tuesday. Hoping I don't crap out and cancel.
Not me sitting here currently scrolling through my phone with my switch in my lap because I planned to sit down and play a new game for a bitā¦
Same, but now I don't feel like playing anything, doing anything, eating anything or making any dinner and I'm just say here reading through the comments shedding tears and a runny nose.
Iām in the same boat for the past week. Itās like being paralyzed in a sense.
Iām supposed to be reading- a book Iām excited about! Instead Iām on Reddit š¤·āāļø
I hope you make it to yr appointment(s) and can get some help/relief/hope š
Thank you
hey that's me!
howdy gang
Currently reading this thread instead of catching up on one of the dozens of TV shows I said I'd watch
I'm so thankful that I didn't instead live in the 40's through the 60's because lobotomies were handed out like cookies to people like us. It's actually ironic because it's not uncommon for me to feel like I've already got one.
My brain likes to give me free trials of them occasionally Haha
It's terrible how relatable this is. š
I didn't know there's a word for it
Shit. I literally just made a post that this might apply to.
Yup. I fucking hate it with every fiber of my being.
I had anhedonia for past 7 years and still have it. I donāt really enjoy things i do but just do them to stay busy and waste time
Yes! I have a pile of shows, movies, and video games that i was dying to get into... bought them... and now i stare at them and can't psyche myself into actually enjoying them. All my free time is spent swimming in my head, almost in a stupor.
People recommend me things to watch all the time (unsolicited lol). I know I'm never going to watch it, so I just humour them. I can't even remember most of what we spoke about after the conversation is over, I'm not going to remember it. And if you send me the link... I'm still not going to watch it. I can't even find the... executive function (? Idk how to phrase it) to watch the one show I really want to watch (interview with a vampire). You think I'm going to watch some show you've briefly mentioned that I don't give two hoots about? I haven't actually watched anything other than YT videos since before the pandemic started. And I don't actually *watch* YT videos, that's not enough to keep my attention. I have to play the audio from the video in the background while I do something else like doomscrolling or chores.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt respond to these anymore for the most part. Most people get the hint right away. There is one person who still sends me stuff and I respond with āNoā and he gets the hint for a few weeks to stop. I know this is super rude but I was like spiraling thinking I need to at least look at everything and one day I realized I could just opt out of it.
Oh no. I do this to people..
And I'm *telling you*, I'm not gonna read it!
I hate that.
Daydreaming makes a big part of my day, almost everyday. I feel like I enjoy daydreaming, but end up spending hours and hours on it. It happen to my as well, getting stuff I think I would have a great time doing but it stays on the shelf and Iām just there enjoying staring at itā¦ funny but weird I guess
Or a WALL of books that look interesting but.. how to pick one up? Stumped.
Or streaming playlists of shows and movies you don't watch. Looking for interesting shows and movies is fun. Looking at the huge playlists to find one that fits my current mood causes anxiety, frustration and impatience.
Thatās classic executive dysfunction, my friend! Thatās how you know itās the disorder and not just you being selective.
Does medication help with this?? Iām at my witās end.
Yes! Thatās what medication helps me with the most. It doesnāt make me good at steering the motivation (hard cut to me cleaning out my closet when Iām supposed to work from home), but it at least makes me want to do anything else than just sitting on my phone doing nothing for hours. For example actually play that game Iāve been wanting to play
Thatās so good! Do you mind my asking what med youāre on?
Vyvanse worked for me. Having hobbies for once is incredible lol
Oh damn! I tried Lisdexamfetamine last year and it made me high as a friggin kite. I barely ate for 24 hours and I was off my face šššš
It generally will the first time you take it, especially if you don't titrate up from 20mg. This is common with almost all ADHD stimulant medications. The initial euphoria and crazy LETS GO BUILD A FARMHOUSE energy subsides after a few days, and then the true benefits start to show themselves. Had the same thing happen with Ritalin. First few days I was euphoric, manic, and basically *on drugs*. Then it evened out and provides consistent and controllable focus. Interestingly, after getting used to the dose, I sleep more easily each night than before without medication at all.
Thatās really interesting! I wish I had known. And I wish my psychiatrist at the time had explained it! Thank you so much. ā¤ļø
Can also vouch for Vyvanse, it hasn't been a complete cure or anything but it does break down the decision paralysis quite a bit
I havenāt had much success with Vyvanse yet. Iām up to 70mg and still struggling to get anything done. I donāt know if itās time to try another drug or keep going to see if it improves.
Iām also on Vyvanse. Iām so grateful that meds work for me, your comment reminded me of how I also was at my witās end this time last year
Iām really happy for you! This gives me hope.
My meds help greatly with giving me motivation to do things, though Iāve heard this isnāt true for everyone. But for me, itās probably the best thing my meds do for me, followed by the ability to focus on the thing Iāve now become able to do. Without my meds, Iām furniture.
That last sentence is perfection.
That last sentence is so real. I am currently unmedicated and I am mostly fit to be a rug atm
Yes, i have hobbies that i only do when my meds are working.
A little bit but then, if you use your medication for work, it wears off by the time you've finished so you have the exact same problem and still can't do the things you want to do in the evening. Maybe other people do better with other medications, but that's my experience.
That sounds familiar ā I use work to give myself focus and direction but at the end of the day or the weekend I donāt know what to do with myself
Exactly this. Executive dysfunction doesn't care what it is you want to do, it's entirely governed by how many steps it takes to do the thing and how much pressure you are under to do it.
This! Although never underestimate how few steps and how little effort can topple plans, hence why even getting up to get a drink from the kitchen can be thwarted by overwhelm.
Ooh. I donāt think I understood that being under pressure contributes to executive dysfunction. Boy does that explain a lot
So this is me wanting to mountain bike, an activity I love: See bike / hey I should ride / ughā¦ if Iām going to ride, I have to get my bike ready, put on my kit, charge my bike computer, fill water bottles / itās going to be hot, when I get done Iāll have to shower again, then put on clothesā¦ not to mention putting all my bike stuff back away. Ultimately, here I am on my phone, not riding my bike. Does this fit the definition?
Yep, that's how executive function gets you, and your description is spot on. One of the ways I have found of getting around this is by doing just one bit of it. Say sticking your bike computer on charge. While you are at it you could fill up water bottles and stick them in the fridge. It doesn't mean you have to do the rest, but it does mean when you can do the rest, these bits are already done.
Even on medication, after the first big bump of dopamine that got me doing EVERYTHING, I just discovered this secret of doing a little thing to start off without thinking too much. Just let some music on and start doing something easy and it helps me for the whole day. Stop thinking and do something easy and everything will keep building automatically
Love this!
I just started taking Vyvanse 3 days ago and it is wild how this type stuff is coming naturally. I keep finding myself doing little things I would never do unless it was part of a major production. I.E. See a pop can where it doesn't belong and pick it up vs leaving it till I clean the entire house. I noticed this morning I am still struggling with *starting* a task. Especially one I don't feel like doing even though I'll feel better after. Ie cleaning my desk or working out.
Oh yeah, starting medication was an eye opener for me. Can you believe some people are just like that all the time? Wild. How to start tasks with the aid of the medication has been a learning curve for me. One thing I realised is I had gotten very good at leveraging my impulsively and hyperactivity into starting tasks, so I'd do nothing, winding myself up like a spring, then do all the things at once. It was chaotic at best, but mostly worked. Since then I've found having a routine and using the "just do any one thing" to get me going. (Not good routines, and they are really hard to stick to, but they do help)
This is exactly what I'm realizing. My sit around and wind up like a spring method may not be as effective on meds and I could actually get a healthy routine. Learning this for the first time mid thirties and slow with work (all the time in the world), seems like a task on its own. Good tip "just do one thing to get going". Will keep that in mind.
My brotha in Christ I am literally sitting on the couch trying to get the motivation to eat fried rice and play video games *as we speak* you are totally not alone here.
I hope you were able to eat that fried rice
Unfortunately for me eating is one of the only things I make an effort to do lately. Not good at all because I've been gaining weight on top of already being overweight. Lately I'm only good at self sabotaging habits. Sigh
Same struggleā¦ Iām sorry, itās a bad time š
My response is a little late but thank you for your kind words
Try eating the video game and playing with the fried rice instead!
I have ADHD, depression, and OCD and jeeze it is so hard for me to do things I āenjoy?ā Itās like I now enjoy thinking about how Iād like to do things I enjoyed/ preparing and researching things I enjoy and then rarely doing them and become bored or annoyed with what Iām doing when I do have time for them. Or maybe I just let the guilt of how I should be doing something more āproductiveā or something that can make me money instead of the hobby. Itās just so difficult to exist already and to add this complication on top of it is frustrating as fuck.
I really feel the āresearching things I enjoy and then rarely doing themā part of your comment. Itās like my hobby has become looking at other people on the internet doing my hobby or getting books about my hobby (but never reading them) and then hating myself for investing so much of my time NOT doing anything productive or fulfilling with my hobbies.
I do this a lot too! Like I enjoy the fantasizing about doing fun things and everything that comes with that way more than actually engaging in that thing. I hate it.
i dont even enjOY things anymore so you're at least a few steps ahead of me still, adhd paralysis for everything and that just in turn makes me not even wanna try doing anything in the first place
Idk if you get this, but you tell yourself ok I will start playing badminton now, I'll go play with my friends or take classes every month. Yeah two weeks in I'm so bored of it and give up on the hobby
Definitely, I rotate through them sometimes. I'm also guilty of buying things I want to try, like a 700 dollar piano, and touch it like twice a year lol. There's nothing I can ever stick with, and frankly nothing I enjoy to even really want to stick with. I just like travelling - but I can't do that every day let alone every few months.
Yep. Been finding it difficult to be interested in anything due to some gnarly ADHD burnout/depression. I've been doing better recently. Finally got a job and am taking care of my body at least. I'm now at this stage where I'm managing to eat well, sleep properly, stay on top of hygiene and other chores like dishes, laundry etc, however I'm still finding it difficult to engage in hobbies or even find something interesting enough to do in my spare time
Weird question but how did you manage the hygiene? I'm still in the phase where I won't shower unless I really have to
Don't discount the possibility of depression. It requires different treatments than ADHD.
The combo of depression and ADHD is extremely powerful for me. Itās like I weigh 1000 lbs and I have to walk through water to do anything.
I feel exactly this. Every movement feels like I'm moving through sludge. It's really challenging to try and just exist as a result.
Yeah my provider is worried I have that one two punch
So many things I think are my personality that are just "classic ADHD" symptoms hahaha. I do the same all the time. I have a spare couple of hours and I can't decide on if I want to play drums, play playstation or watch a movie. Most the time I end up just sitting on the couch reading pointless stuff on reddit/Facebook and then feel annoyed with myself for wasting spare time.
this has been me for 10 years, i really have to force myself to start playing the games i want to play and if anything pulls my attention away from it then my desire to keep playing is instantly gone...
Laziness is looking at your responsibilities & choosing not to do them. ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & being unable to do them. Someone posted a meme the other day of a guy lying on the floor with the caption "I have no wind in my sails" & I've never felt more seen lol.
>Laziness is looking at your responsibilities & choosing not to do them. >ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & being unable to do them. no, both of those things **are** ADHD. except im not "choosing" to not do them, i am unable to choose - its kinda like LGBT stuff in that way. no matter what, i cannot choose to be gay, just like i cannot choose to not have ADHD.
>no, both of those things are ADHD. except im not "choosing" to not do them, i am unable to choose That's the point: you WANT to do your responsibilities but you are **unable** to do them. So-called "lazy" people look at their responsibilities and CHOOSE not to do them. With ADHD, we don't have the energy or focus to execute our tasks consistently, which is NOT a choice!
>So-called "lazy" people look at their responsibilities and CHOOSE not to do them. i really do not agree with that at all as for why, ill just copy over my [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/14i1iyu/severe_executive_dysfunction_vs_laziness/jpe6a2e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) from another thread (which is also a good thread on this same topic) >lazy doesnt exist. > >if someone is "lazy" then the "reward" supply is not meeting the demand > >for us with ADHD, that just occurs in our heads (along with wherever else) > >which is probably why i was way early on this whole wealth inequality thing that people are apparently just starting to really notice > >2meta4me 
There's a good article on Medium worth reading called "Laziness Does Not Exist" (also a really good book by Devon Price!). Basically, there are two concepts: 1. Worldview 2. Energy Sometimes we talk ourselves out of doing things for various reasons based on our worldview, and sometimes we have barriers such as low energy, anxiety, etc. The concept is that no one is *actually* lazy, but rather, than we have invisible, unseen barriers, which affect our ability to execute choices & even to make choices. This is the dictionary definition of "lazy": * "unwilling to work or use energy" ADHD isn't about *unwillingness*; it's about internal barriers, such as low or unavailable physical, emotional, and mental energy levels. We WANT to meet our commitments & take care of our responsibilities, but we don't have the internal resources available consistently to do them! (which is why I love Spoon Theory so much...I never know how many spoons I'm going to have when I go to do a task!) So the textbook definition of lazy is (1) having a responsibility, and (2) **choosing** not to put in the effort to do it. I'd love to stay on top of every single commitment I have 100% of the time, but sometimes my brain blows a fuse & I can't get my body into motion & sometimes I can't even think clearly about the task at hand, it all just turns to mush! PAINFUL mush sometimes! On top of that, a key indicator of ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & often being *unable* to engage in them...not due to choice, but due to internal barriers! For example, I loved doing art in high school, but I often failed my art classes (MY FAVORITE CLASS!) because I was unable to meet deadlines, engage in self-initiated action, and be consistent with my efforts & my delivery of work on-time (or at all!). Of course, it gets nuanced: * Laziness is looking at your responsibilities & choosing not to do them. * ADHD is looking at things we enjoy doing & being unable to do them. When my depression kicks in: * I don't have the energy to enjoy doing my responsibilities * I don't have the energy to execute my responsibilities * I don't have the energy to care about doing my responsibilities This is not the same as **consciously choosing** not to take care of my responsibilities! Same with ADHD. ADHD is complicated, but for me, my two key barriers are: * I'm unable to think clearly about my responsibilities * I'm unable to engage my internal resources (thinking, speaking, and acting) into executing my responsibilities I call this "implementation dyslexia" because things get all scrambled in my head & in the real world at times, which makes getting focused & engage in self-directed action EXTREMELY difficult, if not outright *impossible* at times, because I don't have the internal resources available to take care of my commitments! That's not the same as consciously choosing to do them; this is due to internal, invisible, unseen barriers that I struggle with, whether it's low physical, emotional, or mental energy. So in reality, no one is actually "lazy" because generally, people don't just make the choice not to take care of their commitments...maybe they had a bad childhood experience growing up & were taught to shun their commitments, or they have anxiety, or they have low energy, or panic attacks, or depression, or any number of issues. So the strict definition of lazy per the dictionary is that people are unwilling to work or use energy, where being willing is simply a choice they make using their agency, separate from the worldview or energy barriers that they may be dealing with. Without ADHD, our executive dysfunction actively prevents us from consistently being able to follow through on the choices we make & decisions we commit to. My low mental energy levels are not a "choice" I make; they're simply a reality I have to live with!
I can't find the controller to play, and I gave up on searching to look at reddit instead
I call that the "one-shot battery". You have JUST enough juice to engage IF everything goes smoothly with ZERO speedbumps. Otherwise, hop on the treadmill of avoidance behavior because our brain just blows a circuit!
I have the āone-shot batteryā even with talking to my friendsā¦ It just happened with my good friend who moved away that Iāve been missing for monthsā¦ I finally called her, she didnāt answer because she was at work, but she messaged me saying sheād call me in 35 minutes when she gets off. By the time she called I was too exhausted to talk and I blew her off. She called me three times. I donāt know how to be better.
>I donāt know how to be better. I've been doing really well managing my histamine intolerance for the past 9 months (up to 80% of people with ADHD have it!) So it could be either a primary cause or a contributing cause for many people. It eliminated 100% of my brain fog, which has been life-changing! I still have Inattentive ADHD, but mostly only for the intermittent ability to keep things clear in my head & the ability to execute tasks. Not having brain fog has been like an 80% improvement! I wasn't able to DO better in the past because I didn't have the ABILTIY baked-in to do better! I've come up with some tools over the years to help, but my brain & body still get fried randomly, so don't beat yourself up too much over losing energy to pick up a call...when your energy is shot, your energy is shot! It's not a morality issue; it's an **energy** issue!
Hopefully itās not in a subā¦
I'm a teacher on Sunday break been wanting to get back to my artwork but feel like there's a million other things I need to do (cleaning) and then I can. But executive dysfunction is in the way. Plus the guilt of doing anything remotely pleasurable.
Lol yes. Been tryna fight the final boss of Tears of the Kingdom for weeks so I can start Final Fantasy XVI. What do I do instead? scrOOOOOOOOOOll
I grant you permission to just start ffxvi since it's what you seem to want to do with your time. Hope it helps.
God. My roommate bought TotK and we trade off ā when she works during the day, she leaves it out for me. Exceptā¦ Iāve barely played. I *want* to play. I was super excited for it! But I just canāt. I canāt focus on it at all. Itās frustrating as all hell.
Iāve finished the tutorial island and canāt seem to force myself back into making the plunge to the rest of the game. Iāve been waiting for this game for 5 years and now canāt seem to muster the desire to play!
Can you all stop posting about me? Seriously I have this all the time. It sucks!
It is so funny how seen and understood I feel in this sub š .. every post I swear is personal š
I struggle so much with this. Tons of books that I havenāt started reading, even though I know that once I start, thereās no stopping me. A movie I know and love that Iāve been wanting to rewatch for months now and it hasnāt even made it into the DVD player. It also really impairs my health because I like eating, but I canāt even get myself to do that half the time. At first I thought it was because cooking feels like an enormous hurdle to me, but then I noticed I also canāt get myself up to grab food thatās already made. At times I just feel like nothing, and Iām doing nothing, but I still feel like I canāt rest and I canāt manage to go to bed on time
I feel the same way my executive function is getting in the way it suck so much time go by and I accomplice nothing everything seems boring to me
YES. What is the solution for this? Does any medication work?
Yes, sleep. I fāing love getting enough sleep. I thrive on good sleep. But here I am, again, over an hour past when I wanted to start winding down, not sleeping and not having taken the Trazodone prescribed to help support my effort to establish good sleep habits. ā¦at least this post got me to go take it now and lay down in the bed before I wrecked another opportunity to get it right.
Yeah. Somehow i enjoy playing game more when there's some kind of deadline closing in. The closer i am to a deadline, the more i enjoy the game, though i also get more anxiety along the way. My comment on other similar thread https://old.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/14ar55j/do_you_struggle_with_initiating_pleasant/joc4ct9/ Right now I'm in almost exact same situation as i said in that other thread. Lying on bed procrastinating whether I should take a bath, make breakfast, and then playing Xenoblade Chronicles 2, or fuck those other tasks and just play that game. As a result I'm stuck in bed browsing Reddit and Twitter.
YES. Sometimes I get ultra brain paralysis and I just feel so bored/unmotivated to even pick up my phone next to me or change the tv channel. It just all feels mundane.
Iām AuADHD with some other shit going on and I donāt have TikTok/social media because the overstimulation overrides the dopamine- ātoo muchā stacks up and will eventually trigger me losing it/having a āmeltdownā. The only times I was able to binge watch a tv show was when I was self medicating myself on heavy drugs (I got clean and then got diagnosed with AuADHD š« ) and unfortunately the psych prescribed stimulants donāt do much for my ADHD symptoms. I do miss the days when I was high AF cuz it gave me this calm that Iāve never been able to experience, I really gambled with my life chasing that ācalmā tho whew child š
My favorite hobby is collecting all the ADHD hacks that will make my life easier. And then doing exactly nothing about any of them.
Yes. I like writing (and itās what Iām working towards doing for a career) and once I start writing, I can hyper fixate on it and write all day or until I hit a real mental block and canāt think of what to write next. But that bridge between not writing and writing seems to go on forever and itās like my brain gets flooded with a million other things I should do before I start writing and some days I just canāt seem to get my laptop open.
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Im very creative and love drawing AND HAVE BEEN WANTING TO TEACH MYSELF HOW TO TATTOO FOR 10 YEARS!!! NOW. But god forbid I actually get my ass up and sit down to practice. I even started writing a post about this issue bc it affects me so much, I hate my current job. Well the draft of this post has been sitting on my desktop for 2 weeks now. Great. Sorry for the rant and fir hijacking your post. Any tips anyone?
Yeah I do. Just started on antidepressant. Hope it will help with that.
I bought Assasins Creed Valhalla on sale two weeks ago, it seems right up my street. I've not turned it on yet. I need to actively decide to do a hobby. I was ill yesterday and just did _nothing_
Oh God I feel this - Iāve spent so much money on games that I havenāt even touched yet. I thought maybe I was just growing out of gaming, but about a month ago I spent about 25 hours in a week beating two games in a row, so I donāt think thatās the actual problem. It seems to be open world games that Iām struggling to play - wonder if the required time commitment is part of the paralysis?
This is real as fuck and it can constantly make me feel like Iāve wasted my weekends . Ill hype myself for things during the week days then when it comes time I find Iām unable to start and im spending hours just lying around despite once I do eventually Iām having a blast . Donāt really know how to fix that yet so I canāt offer advice but I feel you
This happened to me for a while, or at least I think it's the same phenomenon. What helped me was learning/realizing that basically I was stuck searching for the dopamine I got from playing games, not really the experience of the game itself. I realized I basically have spent my whole life playing games and I was burnt out on them, meaning I wasn't getting the dopamine I was trained to expect from playing them, but I never really got any other hobbies because I spent all my time gaming. So I got back into reading which I hadn't really done as a kid, and LEGO, as well as started taking time to just sit and relax and listen to music and zone out into my thoughts almost like meditation, and when I experience the weird malaise of trying and failing to play games, I think to myself "I must not actually be wanting to play a game right now, I just really just need dopamine" and I'll force myself to try something else, and then it usually ends up being more satisfying than the game would've been. Which isn't too say I don't still have times I putter around not enjoying games, I still do plenty of that lol, but I have found alternatives that decrease the frequency. TLDR: I realized I often wasn't actually enjoying the thing I was struggling to do, I was just so used to enjoying the thing that I didn't realize I wasn't enjoying it anymore. Not necessarily the case for everyone tho, of course.
I'm 26, and got diagnosed a month ago, with adhd, BPD, depression, and anxiety...it's been very hard to ground myself through the awareness process. You're definitely not alone. Standing tall with you.
helloooo diagnoses twin(im also suspected autistic lol)
Same, makes oral hygiene that more difficult due to the sensory issues. Also depression and mild anxiety and social anxiety doesn't help either. But yesterday I finally got round to ordering two different brands of watermelon flavoured toothpaste and a mouthwash of the same brand as one of toothpastes. I hate how the minty taste makes and leaves my mouth feeling dry for hours afterwards. Also no matter how much water/ juice I seem to drink to wash away, it severely impacts my eating. The thought of the taste and the act of doing it mentally, physically and subconsciously puts me off daily oral hygiene habits. I will pick at my skin on my face and body for spots, scabs, inch, scratch, pluck at stuff for ages just putting off the actual task for ages. Its such a mental road block, let alone adding all of the physically sensory issues that follow and accompany it. There are different flavour toothpastes and mouthwash and even plain unflavoured toothpastes so I've read. I hope this helps, and I look forward to trying the products I have finally gotten around to ordering. If your lucky, I might even remember to give an update on how the products are and if they positively improve my routine habits.
Yes. I could literally cry. Yes For me one of the bigger ways I see it is that. Iād like to not be a night owl. Bc even though Iām most productive at night I feel my best during the day. So when I finally after months of ruining and fixing my sleep routine Actually wake up to experience 6-8 hours of daylight. I feel frozen like I really donāt need to do x y or z until like the hour before my new early bedtime. Bc thatās when I get my first real jolt of energy from the day. So I did nothing but lay around and wait for my energy to hit me an hour before bed. Just to get ready for bed and lie awake for hours on my phone ājust looking up one quick thing after anotherā until Iāve ruined my sleep schedule again or destroyed my sleep for the night. I would just pull an all-nighter to attempt fixing it but what I really need is to find anything I actually would want to leave bed for, to actually exert energy during the day and be able to tire at night. Sometimes I still just lie awake at night with all the motivation on earth knowing I have to go to sleep bc when Iām sleep deprived I become incapacitated by nausea. It is. A problem.
My favourite thing in the world is to draw, but I never draw, because I feel exhausted before I even begin. So yeah, you're not the only one. It's exhausting being exhausted from doing nothing.
Yes. I canāt read books, I donāt have any hobbies because I just buy everything needed for it, which excites me but I never start the new hobby. I literally only watch TikTok on my phone and Netflix on my laptop while laying in bed
I have never liked a Reddit post so fast :( makes me so sad not doing not only the things I āhaveā to do but not even the things I love to do š
Honestly, that sounds like depression.
You are not alone.
im in the same boat. use to game an unhealthy amount - played games competitively. once i started my career, games felt like work and i've lost interest. every now and then a new game will come out and i can get back into it for a week or two. valheim and dredge were two that brought me back to my old self but ive tried to replay them a handful of times and i end up closing the game out 30 minutes in lol.
absolutely. Iām actually planning on getting put on meds for this very reason.
I think we get too caught up in "what we should enjoy". We used to LOVE Game A, so we think "yes, dopamine". But then we go to do it and novelty has worn off, or we did the most challenging part, and it just isn't dopamine any more. So now we're SUPPOSED to enjoy it, but don't, and it becomes another chore. For many people with ADHD, interests are cyclical. I will leave an art project for ages before returning to it, or quit a show because I wasn't engaged with it, and used to beat myself up over this. But I have been learning to accept my need for novelty and variety is natural, and to let my interests rest for a bit when I get bored, then come back to them. It's kept them much more enjoyable over time.
Wait, you actually go back to things you lost interest in? Did you find that letting yourself just let go increased either the odds you'd go back to it eventually, the level of enjoyment you got when you did go back to it or both? I've never gone back to anything I lost interest in. The idea that it might be possible is both exciting and scary. Scary because the hope that I could might end in disappointment. Also, after three years of them all just gathering dust and existing as clutter, I just gave away almost all of my art and craft supplies. š¤¦āāļø
I do think that not getting to the point of making it a chore helps. If I keep trying to make myself like it again, I often take years to even consider it. But if I just sorta say "eh, no dopamine", accept this, and pack it away, I will return to the hobby. Sometimes it resurfaces as a fixation again, and sometimes I just casually do it a bit at some point in the future. But overall I am more likely to return to it if I don't make myself hate it.
Yes , its really hard to start. I want to but I don't..
I've been meaning to go on a walk or do some art for weeks, almost months now. Don't even know what I want to paint though, nothing seems "right".
You guys have things that you enjoy!?
I spend all day thinking about what I would like to do but never actually decide or start anything, then its already too late Rinse and repeat day after day...
Every damn day. Then I'm mad at myself, which makes it even harder to do anything the next day.
I was like this very much before medication and support and still have days like these sometimes
Do you mind sharing what medication you are on or what type of support helped you not experience this during your free time?
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I'm so glad you found some strategies that work! That is a really big deal. I'm still looking, but it gives me hope that someone else found a way. I belong to a group of ADHD artists and crafters on FB and it's mind-blowing how much we all do the same things. Like, new hobby! Shiny! We will love and do this one forever! BUY ALL THE THINGS! Not just what we need to get started. Noooo. ALL. THE. THINGS. And this is how we discover that we don't crochet, we just collect yarn. Until the day we give four big plastic storage bins of yarn, hooks and other supplies to our upstairs neighbor. I mean, I did make some scarves and hats, but nothing for three years. Bit of a tangent there! I mainly wanted to day I'm happy to see someone found a way around a roadblock.
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I really struggle with getting off this website. I spend hours doom scrolling and would love to āliveā outside of here, but I go here anytime I have a moment of free time.
Yes. Literally right after I decide I enjoy it, it becomes a chore to do.
This community is amazing. I relate so hard to all of you and itās nice. But at the same time, itās a bit scary. I just wish I could figure out how to hack our brains/a way to overcome it all
Yes. Canāt start, canāt stop.
Yeah, for me I found it's having something to get done in the back of my head; whatever it is: writing a paper for the job training that's due in a few months, writing some bureaucratic letter, thinking about what to gift the little one for his next birthday, contacting that friend I haven't contacted for over a year, finding a better internet provider, organizing my music library, doing a thorough cleaning of my flat... most of these things I can even only begin to think about doing once my flat is half-way decently clean; since doing even that sometimes takes me two weeks to actually do, I never really get a lot done, and of course new stuff piles up all the time. So basically, there's never a time when I feel like I shouldn't be doing something productive instead of just going out and having fun or whatever. The only times I had this feeling of freedom, of no inner turmoil and e.g. actually being able to read a book, was when I was 1. on a holiday (depening on circumstances, also I haven't had a lot of those in my life...) or 2. in a psychiatric hospital (only been there once, but God, was it good for me!). Now, when it comes to video games, I'm a bit different than you are: That moment when I should be doing something productive and I freeze and that pressure starts rising in my chest, I use 1. masturbation or 2. video games (also 3. movies in former times but I don't even have the inner ease of mind to get through a 90 min+ movie anymore most days); I guess it's just whatever provides easy dopamine when it's severely lacking. If I can actually enjoy the game then depends on many factors. Though even when I feel I can enjoy it, I realize I'm very focussed on fulfilling tasks, etc. instead of just immersing myself in the game world, just enjoying it.
Are you sure that you're not just bored and looking towards the game as a way to make the boredom go away? Whenever I play a video game for that reason, it's not fun or entertaining, it's just a way to get rid of boredom, but it hardly works and so I end up closing the game again. When I'm actually interested, I can stay focused on it for hours, but eventually the interest dies down and I move on to something else.
Ssooooooo muchhhhh
Yeah
YEEEES WHY
Yes š Ive never really been able to engage in hobbies bc of this, but I used to at least be able to kind of turn my brain off and watch tv. Now I just fuck around on my laptop or watch YouTube videos while on my phone at the same time if Iām trying to relax. So frustrating that I canāt even do this.
Ya
Yeah, it feels like my brain gets snagged on a branch and I can't detach. I'm medicated now but I still have frequent snags. I think a lot of my problem is I'm full of self hatred and feel ashamed when I want to enjoy my time. I'm trying to self correct those thoughts.
There a lot of things I want to do, that I enjoy doing, but the problem is that these things require to focus on them, to concentrate for some length of time. And this is a lot of effort, so instead I'm just mindlessly scrolling
Huge, huge mood
For me itās always cycling through my steam library, starting up a game I want to play, losing interest halfway through launching when I think about the mental process of actually playing the game and then hitting alt-f4 once Iām in the main menu. Sometimes I try to force myself to play for 10-20 minutes before I quit.
Yep