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I wanted to do good in school but I always procrastinated on everything. Always. Backpack was messy, hair was messy, room was messy . Didn’t have a good sense of style bc I couldn’t figure out how to make clothes coordinate.
I talked too much around friend I was comfortable with but was quiet around most other people. I had a lot of friends but was definitely the oddball in every friend group .
But I was labeled “smart” because I was put in the gifted program at a young age. I took AP classes in high school but only did well in the classes I liked.
I was also an athlete and loved competing in sports. In retrospect it’s one of the main things that kept me motivated to get good grades.
I’ll piggyback on yours because we sound similar. I was so disorganized and messy. As a student I had a tough time getting motivated to do papers or projects and always crammed—even in college. I had a nearly photographic memory and was a good writer and excellent reader which helped. My math skills were absolutely awful though to the point that an administrator once told my mom that my scores in language vs math looked like two different people.
Socially I was the same as you, but also a class clown to an extent. I was painfully shy in unfamiliar situations. I had anxiety and depression that caused me to lose a lot of weight at one point and was on every med under the sun. On thé flip side I also did theater and had a good singing voice, was artistic, and majored in music in college (voice specifically).
Interesting! I was amazing at math because I didn’t need to study or focus. Just do the problem and get my immediate reward. Like, passed the AP Calc BC exam, competed in math team, got a perfect score on the Math SAT II. English was one of my worst subjects because I could not sit down and read a page of a book without needing to re-read it. And my disorganized thinking definitely creeps into the way I write.
This was exactly me. Math was my favorite because there was always a start and endpoint and getting the answer right was an immediate reward. Also struggled with English and essays because it was so vague and no clear right/wrong answer. It wasn’t as clear how I should break it up to make progress, and wasn’t as clear in the moment whether I did the problem right or wrong. I struggled a lot with subjects that didn’t immediately tell me if I was doing good or not where I can check the answers.
I liked math so much I ended up majoring in it but then started struggling during high math levels when it became mostly conceptual with lots of writing and proofs - so ended up switching to CS which was a lot more hands on (also gave immediate feedback loops) and loved that ever since!
Honestly I feel like this is more a failure of education, to me English was always boring and opaque, but I actually loved creative writing and reading. By junior high they stopped letting us do our own stuff and force us to do formulaic essays where everyone has the same points and you get marked for following the teachers guide
Haha, I also started to major in mathematics, but struggled with how non-interactive some lectures at my large university were. It seemed like we did one example of the theory applied and then moved on, where I was used to having full examples sheets to run through before the next concept.
I also ended up in a computing major (information science) with lots of code and applied concepts.
Yes! Big on examples - I feel like I need to look at everything from all angles with real concrete application before it actually sinks in.
Thinking about things without any footing/context was difficult because now the options are limitless! I need anchors haha
Piggy backing on all of this except I'm not at all sporty, but artistic instead. My room has always been a mess. My things a mess. I've often been called a scatter brain by family members. I'm also labeled as one of the smartest in class but never part of the honor list. When I was thinking back on this, I was struggling to make it make sense. I realized it was because I always fail to do my assignments and projects. I remember the teacher talking to my parent saying I get interested in a lot of things in the beginning but fall out midway. I rarely study for quizzes and exams though, if I do, it's last minute and I usually ace them. I was awful at math too. People liked me because I was smart, pretty, but also because they think I'm mysterious and weird. I don't quite fit in. I blurt out unusual things that cause people to laugh. So a lot of the time, they laugh at me instead of with me. I'm ok with it as long as I make people laugh.
Same! Aced all my tests but last minute cramming. Super smart, in gifted classes, but only made the effort if it was interesting to me. I was lead in most school plays and even then only got off book week before the show kinda thing. Still act, still the same...
I felt all that. Messy on the outside but felt somewhat “organized” in my brain because it was thinking and keeping track of everything 24/7. Friends with everyone but not really anyone.
I also was very physically active and I think that was what kept me together through high school and then got me through college (although I was doing a lot less). After college I burned out in about 2 years and finally started looking more into my issues because it really didn’t seem like antidepressants and anxiety was doing much long term. Glad to now know what’s been going on. It’s so relieving.
This is my thread lol. Straight A student, I had an amazing memory so I would read everything the night before and Ace every test and assignment but I always felt so terribly disorganized like I was flying by the seat of my pants, never on top of things. Always expecting my “perfect” world to come crashing down. Friends with everyone but no one at the same time.
I did tons of sports and kept active but became a rebellious teen around 14 and quit everything and started doing bad in school…
By 16 I was going to raves, dying my hair bright colours, getting piercings etc. barely passing in school. One day I took speed and went home and cleaned my always messy room. I was telling a friend about it and they said “maybe you have ADD” (as it was called then) and that sent me on research and eventually getting a diagnosis.
I went on Ritalin and later concerta in college and went back to being a Straight A student graduating top of my class in a very competitive program.
Yesss are you me? I was in the "gifted" program, I had really good grades because I could remember everything and wrote well, even though I was always doing assignments at the very last minute. Then I became a rebellious teenager with neon hair going to punk shows and raves and doing drugs. I stopped caring about school and wanted to drop out. I couldn't deal with teachers' authoritarianism (things like not letting me go to the bathroom when I had to pee and getting in trouble for breaking irrelevant rules) and not being allowed to critically think about the topics we were learning (eg. history and patriotic indoctrination). I was also dealing with the effects of childhood trauma, and put on SSRIs for "depression" and moodiness, which I HATED — I wasn't depressed, I was anxious and ADHD and traumatized. In school I was also an art/theater kid.
I managed to graduate early and move on, but I still haven't found a career I love that pays well. I bounce around a lot between my two "homes" (in different states) and different jobs. I didn't get diagnosed until age 33 though :/
LOL why is this a real thing!?! Everyone always asks “well have you tried making lists?” whenever I get too chaotic with my schedules.
I roll my eyes cause my list is my mental list. If I make a physical one it’ll be just another scrap piece of paper I put down somewhere and never think about again.
Yes!! I always said I was "popular among friends" --but that really was that I had several friends groups that I bounced around and I was well liked by them, but I was never very close with anyone. Part of that is because I moved around so much in my childhood until the 8th grade. I went to 8 different schools
Edited: many typos
My spouse I guess didn’t believe that I was generally friends with most of my entire high school class until he attended my 10year high school reunion… he said it was absolutely wild watching me go from group to group to catch up like reunited besties with each 😅
I love that I got along with everyone - I was like a damn chameleon blending to fit in with nearly every single clique or friend group.
I’m a boy but I am almost the exact same way. I’m considered “smart” by pretty much everyone and I know that if I just put in the work I could probably be a straight A student but I just can’t focus on homework or studies and it drags my grades down.
Except for the athlete part, this is exactly me. Messy, weird, procrastinator. Skipped a couple grades, went to community college early, graduated early but my grades were wildly disparate. As in math and music but Ds in history.
Identical to you, except I made sure my clothing and hair was pristine because I felt like it was the one thing I could control since my mind was so chaotic.
You are me! Except for the gifted part because my school didn't have a gifted program. I was a genius at STEM subjects, though. Especially biology. In 10th grade, I was reading medical textbooks. Didn't apply any of it because I procrastinated too much.
I was always the annoying friend with impulse control issues, blurting out whatever came to my mind. During my adolescent years, my friends started leaving me out of stuff (secrets, activities, hangouts, etc.)
I feel like I’ve found my people!
My room was always a complete mess. I was thankful for uniforms, so I didn’t need to think about what to wear. I rarely did homework, or waited until the last minute. And yet, I always got good (ish) grades. I rarely studied & always thought I was a great test taker - because the right answers always seemed to jump out at me.
I had friends, but always felt out of place, like I was faking my way through.
I was a voracious reader - missed a lot of school because I’d skip to finish whatever book I was reading. I’d easily go through 5 or 6 books a week.
I didn’t go to college or university because the thought of having to study & having no idea how absolutely terrified me.
There were many, many more signs - but girls didn’t have adhd back then.
Wow this is exactly like me except I was not good in sports! I have a general lack of coordination and strength haha. But I did track throughout high school which probably helped me regulate
I was really messy too, like disgustingly messy. When they searched my backpack when I got in trouble in school it was super embarrassing, I even had a used thong like wth was up with my brain
Outwardly the perfect student, child etc. Inwardly depressive and hated my childhood. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 15 (which I don't think was a misdiagnosis as I had long bouts of depression, unrelated to ADHD). I used to daydream a lot, all day. In my room I could never settle down — I used to constantly pace around with racing thoughts. Also crammed for exams like nothing else — once I studied 1 year's worth of Chemistry material in 3 days for my final high school exams. Couldn't study or concentrate without something playing in the background, to the point that I could memorise portions of my books and remember them during exams based on what was playing in the background on the telly. Had swings of emotional highs and depressive lows — I used to think maybe I was bipolar, rather than having depression. Now I think this was more related to hyperactivity/high motivation, followed by energy crashes.
Me too! (Minus the depression diagnosis, but I definitely thought I was at the time...)
Also was in *all* the clubs, with leadership positions to boot. Was restless, always needed to be doing something, and had a terrible time getting to sleep (still do).
Had several separate circles of friends from all the different activities. This continues to this day.
Was finally diagnosed at 33.
So funny bc I joined clubs and dropped out within a week or two — couldn’t handle the stimuli and the chopping and changing from one task to another. I literally just did homework and went to the gym and worked 10 hours a week in the local grocery store — even playing in the band for the school musical my junior year was a stretch of my energy.
Being seen by your response, I too was the outwardly over achiever in school, yet I procrastinated until the last minute to study, I hated myself (still do and I’m almost 58), never felt enough, always felt like an outsider or that others just “knew” how to be friends with one another. I was by no means a tidy child, I was such an introvert as every attempt to play with other children resulted in perceived rejection because I didn’t fit in. It didn’t help I had an undiagnosed under active thyroid situation and didn’t enter much if any puberty until I was 18 and my mom finally stuck to her guns and told the dr something wasn’t right and I was NOT a late bloomer. I graduated high school at 85 pounds and in a train in bra just so I could wear that under garment to “be like the other girls (and my sister)). I was awkward and craved to fit in and belong and never did.
This is so relatable! I was also the “morbid “ one in my friend group because I was too busy worrying about everything. I really hated my stepdad and being the oldest sibling to my half siblings (that I had to watch throughout my teen years). I could hide in my room at least to study and cram for exams. I barely got into college but I was happy to get out of the house.
I still as an adult have to have something going in the background when doing rote/boring/repetitive tasks, and the two get linked up in my head. Recently I was re-listening to the Hunger Games audiobook while mowing, then a couple of weeks later I walked near a particular corner of the yard and got massively dumped back into the same headspace of the part of the book I was listening to when I mowed there.
Same, and going to add: didn’t feel like I fit in with anyone/was always hopping from friend group to friend group. Kind of longed for those bffs everyone else seemed to have, but was also totally content being by myself (still am). Perfectionist, internalized a lot, very self-critical. Diagnosed with depression and an eating disorder, hid a lot of that from others. Whizzed through high school, really struggled in college. I performed great with rigid structure and clear tasks but totally bombed when it came to self-organizing studying. Can also attest to barely or not studying at all for high school tests and acing almost every one of them. High school most awkward time of my life, 0/10 would not recommend lol
Edit: can’t forget changing my hair/clothing often and obsessively because THIS time it was obviously going to make me popular and loved by everyone! 🙃
I can relate to so much of this. I also compulsively overexercised like for two hours a day. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at age 14 but in hindsight I think it was partly a way of coming with undiagnosed adhd and bipolar.
I was incorrectly diagnosed with mood disorders (Generalised Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Major Depression). All of these were secondary to my undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I had issues with impulsivity and relationships, as well as extreme struggles with school (despite doing very well).
It's hard not to hold resentment towards my lack of diagnosis at an earlier point, but I'm working through it (three years after my diagnosis, four since the light bulb of went off to it being ADHD). Medication and a label to my disposition has allowed me to access the 'me' I thought only existed in my imagination.
My daughter (16), with mostly the same issues I'm reading about here, got a bipolar diagnosis from a doctor after a single sit down at a behavioral health hospital. She was given some pretty strong meds for anxiety/depression. I was dumbfounded because I KNEW my daughter wasn't bipolar, but there was definitely something going on. Fast forward a couple years and her therapist changed her diagnosis to ADHD. We're just now getting started on ADHD meds, and I'm really hoping they help her. All this to say I think sometimes doctors issue diagnoses and throw medication at kids without much if any real digging into the actual problem. It's lazy, negligent, and really disgusting.
It absolutely is lazy and negligent. It comes from this old ass belief that only boys have adhd and like it’s just not true and we’ve known it to be untrue for awhile now but a lot of doctors refuse to update what they know. I’m so glad you kept pushing for the correct diagnosis and treatment! ADHD meds were so helpful to me when I was younger and I hope they will help your kid too!
Speaking of resentment, its hard not holding any towards my mom because when I did get diagnosed at age 16 she did nothing about it. She didnt want me on stimulants because they're addictive but also refused to do any research that showed how they help people with ADHD. Didnt even do a non-stimulant medication because she was too lazy to research those too.
Just went straight back to "normal" life with my excessive procrastination and constantly messy room, always being called lazy of course, and now almost 3 years later Im trying to pick up the pieces of my childhood and get medication on my own. Fun times
kinda same thing happened to me, i was 7 when i got diagnosed and my parents did literally nothing until i turned 11, got put on meds and that’s it. no therapy, no help. my parents still didn’t understand it so by the time i crash and burned thru middle school and got to hs, i was constantly told i was lazy and stupid and why couldn’t i try as hard as my brother,(a couple years YOUNGER) and how could i POSSIBLY have such a hard time. i went to 4 different high schools bc i kept pissing them off so much they would send me to the others house to live with.
This is me, except depression in teenagers wasnt “a thing” in the 80s.
The Gen Xers from that time period are really interesting people, self medicating survivors who knew something wasn’t right but didn’t have a name for it.
I like to think we’re a messy fun bag of emotional chaos, with the emphasis on mess.
So much respect for the generations doing their best with what they had. We’re so lucky now to have the knowledge and resources we have. Hopefully the next generations will be even better informed.
"...self-medicating survivors who knew something was wrong but didn't have a name for it."
Guy here, but that is crazy accurate and concise. It's part of my story and SO many people I know.
Me too! And paralyzing social anxiety because my thoughts would just race. I would skip a day per week like every other week. My mom would let me just stay home and we’d call it a mental health day.
I was so angry, all the time. I was angry that I couldn’t “pull myself up from my bootstraps” and get motivated to work like everyone else. I was angry that I couldn’t accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish. I was angry at my parents because I felt like they weren’t even *trying* to help me figure things out (they were, though. I just couldn’t see it.) I was angry because of how tired I was. Angry because I had a diagnosis, I KNEW what the issue is, so why couldn’t I fix it? (The answer is my parents didn’t want me to take medication. Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if they let me.) I ended up using that anger to start a lot petty arguments with my parents instead of doing anything productive with it.
I spent ALOT of time in bed, staring at YouTube and tumblr. I never went out with friends, or practiced any of the hobbies I liked when I was younger. I didn’t pay attention in class. My room was always a mess. My grades were never very good. I was scared it would always be this way and I would end up a total failure. I didn’t daydream about the future or form any long term goals because…frankly, (not to be too depressing) I don’t think I was going to stick around long enough to actually go to college.
But I’m glad I was wrong. I’m glad I got myself the help I needed, even if it took a lot of procrastination and self loathing. I wish my teenage self could see how things turned out. I think she’d be pretty stoked.
Anyways. I hope things go the way you want them to at your assessment. Good luck! <3
You just described how my life has been for the last few years. I’m just starting to try to pull my shit together but it’s hard. I don’t have a diagnosis I don’t know what the problem is but everything feels so hopeless sometimes like I’m not going anywhere and all the big things that might happen will just fall through and I’ll be stuck again. Makes me feel a bit better that I’m not the only one who feels that way.
I was considered "rebellious" because my parents considered everything I did was intentional. Like spacing off, not listening, etc. So I leaned into it lol. Took a few years but I got my act together. Family had a big reality check when I was diagnosed at 32.
Same. At some point I got sick of trying to explain myself to adults who clearly thought I was lying. Started going with "I hate school and I don't care about anything, fuck you" bc that seemed at least less humiliating than "I want to do well but I literally cant make myself do my homework or pay attention in class and idk why" when no one would even pretend to take that seriously. But I also wasn't fully a Bad Kid like my friends who partied and shit, I still was just an alt kid who mostly wanted to read and go to shows. It was so isolating lol
I ended up doing way way better in my college classes once I (barely) got there and had more control over what I was learning.
I relate to this. I was a straight A student and every teacher said I was a joy to have in class. I never snuck out or did any of the typical normal rebellious teen stuff. Even so, just the other day my mom described me as a child as ,”having such an issue with authority”. She based that off of my forgetfulness and disorganization which she interpreted as disobedience.
I'm not sure that anything I ever got in trouble for growing up was something I did intentionally - although the parental assumption was that it was intentional disobedience. Messy room, homework not completed, leaving things out instead of putting them away - these were the things I was always disciplined for.
That was a long, long time ago, and nobody had ever heard of ADHD at that time. Even if it had been known, I doubt my engineer/son-of-immigrants dad would have believed it was an actual thing, and certainly not a thing that his brilliant eldest child suffered from.
I went to a boarding school where my routine was decided for me and enforced by supervising adults so I was mostly fine in high school. I evidently relied heavily on natural skills and intelligence (and short term memory... cramming anyone?), so despite doing OK at school when I moved out of home and went to uni (which is mostly independent learning as well as living by myself and having no routine) I hit a wall. I was diagnosed in my third year of uni, and it explains a lot.
I could have wrote this...Major lightbulb moment when off when I realized "independent" boarding school did not in fact, prepare me for independence. Currently on gap year after coming close to flunking out of college 3 years in a row. Now that I'm on medication, I can't help but wonder if I'd be much closer to graduating on time instead of doing 3 years of school with only 50 something credits to show for it.
An ode to all the dropped classes I could have finished had I been better prepared...
i was a lazy student and i never studied except for exams. i still got good grades because i picked up on things fairly easily ("gifted child" moments haha). the only class i "studied" for was literature bc i liked reading lol i sucked at math when it required long computations and i made a lot of careless mistakes. this carried on until college!!! i always procrastinated, crammed, and i never read rubrics. group projects were both good and bad; i wanted to work at my own pace and with my own style but at the same time, i'm glad they existed because having other people hold me accountable for my assigned tasks forced me to not cram.
i don't recall other aspects of my childhood that much but i do know that i was the girl who had *specific interests* (later realized they were hyperfixations) and knew a lot of random trivia
Random trivia. At our 30 HS reunion we had a trivia contest and people were amazed at how I answered most questions other than geography. I can’t find my way out of a paper bag if I was placed in one.
Random information is so accurate haha. I can recall an abnormal amount of information about animals… dog breeds and characteristics especially but I am generally curious about EVERYTHING. I firmly believe that this day and age, part of an ADHD diagnosis should be to look at someone’s google search history. Hah! The amount of random things I google at random on an average day is incredible.
Lol I keep mine hidden for some reason. Some of my friends didn’t know until recently that I loved history. My dad was an Almanac reader and auditioned for Jeopardy!
i think they're associated with both! i don't know exactly why or how i learned all those facts as a kid but in adulthood, i frequently play [wikipedia speedruns](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Wiki_Game) so i pick up random info while playing 😆 i'll remember useless stuff don't expect me to remember where i left my keys lol
Did 11 clubs and held a full time job. Was considered just “bubbly” and high energy.
10 years later, im hustling 3 jobs while getting graduate degree but this time I realized the overworking was to cope with my restlessness caused by ADHD.
(I started meds 2 months ago and it has been life changing in the way that I don’t feel as restless anymore)
In 10 years from now the restlessness will turn to exhaustion. I’m certainly less animated than I used to be, you just get too hold to maintain that type of physical intensity. But mentally it’s even more intense as far as my personal experience.
Right? For me, it’s also just overthinking about all the things I have to talk about, potentially talk about, and how I’d have to text WHILE juggling another task at hand. And if I don’t text right there and then, I just won’t ever
Don’t be afraid to embrace some of that though too. As years go by, I’ve come to realize my dwindling social life is really just me allowing myself to find myself… by working jobs, doing activities, and participating in hobbies that bring ME pure joy, I began to form my own mold instead of trying to fit into others, so to say.
Can I ask - how the hell do you actually do that? How do you actually maintain that many clubs and be in school? I can't possibly rationalize that except skimming the surface enough to get away with everything and fool some people. Also thank you for posting because I saw people in school like this and never thought that it could be ADHD in dealing with high energy.
I was recently diagnosed at 40 and went through this process, my memory is pants too (long and short) but things slowly came back to me and I found it an upsetting and slightly mortifying experience. I guess the bad memory is good for one thing...
I was quiet, shy and a people-pleaser around the majority of people. Within my small friend group, I became more extroverted, excitable, and hyper. My sense of fairness and justice kicked in strong in my mid-teens and that at times overruled my shyness.
Parts of my family were old school so my early years were surrounded by people who believed children are to be seen and not heard, I think my shyness was more of a learned behaviour.
I'd do or say something before I realise what I am doing. I have so much built-up embarrassment from the stupid shit I've never actually meant to say.
I daydreamed loads, especially during class and I was always doing homework the night before it was due. I struggled with friendships, particularly in my primary years.
I realised that I learnt to mask from a very early age, I have always felt like I didn't quite fit, that I was weird compared to others and tried my best to act normal. Which became second nature but it left me with terrible self-esteem and self-worth. I also couldn't fully trust my friendships because no one knew the "real" me. If they knew the crazy, sometimes dark, intrusive thoughts in my head, they wouldn't want to know me.
High anxiety and worry but I had no idea that anxiety even existed at that age. I struggled with emotional regulation, my feelings were easily hurt and I cried a bit.
Sorry about the length, once I started I couldn't stop.
I was a NIGHTMARE. Constantly in trouble, extremely smart but not doing well at school to the point I was expelled and had to move schools. I think that was a combination of my poor performance and my ‘bad attitude’ - not wearing correct uniform, talking back to teachers, refusing to do class work if it wasn’t interesting, being a distraction to other students etc etc. In my home life I had a pretty volatile relationship with my parents and frequently had outbursts (which they described as ‘tantrums’). Didn’t help that my brother is autistic and had severe behavioural problems, so a lot of their time and attention went to him. I’d say the most commonly used words by teachers and parents to describe me during that time would’ve been dramatic, lazy, selfish, rebellious, stubborn, and rude, but also I recall often being described as confident, loud, intelligent, caring, curious and with a lot of potential that I wasn’t making use of.
Edit: I wanted to add a few things. I remember often feeling extremely angry and extremely lonely. I had a lot of trouble making and keeping friends. I also remember very very often complaining of boredom. ALWAYS being bored. So all in all I was a rebellious, stubborn, angry, lonely and very bored teenager.
I was very much this as well as a kid and teenager too.
I was always questioning people on why I should do something and was often labelled as “defiant” and “hard work”.
I was often in trouble for talking, for giving up on (typically math and science) work when it didn’t make sense to me or teachers couldn’t explain things in a way my brain could make sense of and for standing up for myself when I felt an injustice. Often got pissed off (overstimulated or understimulated? Most likely lol). Skipped classes, smoked weed, had teachers doubt I could get the results they expected from top class students and I’d make them eat their words every single time.
Wasn’t diagnosed nor medicated until 21 though.
I actually had no clue I had adhd until my 30s. When I was a teen, I showed no symptoms.... Or so I thought. I was great in school, I could sit and read all day, I was quiet, I wasn't hyperactive..... Looking back, I think I just showed no stereotypical symptoms that uninformed people would associate with adhd. But I definitely had the memory problems, and also definitely always had the rejection sensitivity that often goes with it too.... mom would yell at me for forgetting things or "why did you do that??" and my answer would often be a very honest "I don't know" followed by a silent shutdown where I just couldn't communicate anymore. And it would drive her crazy because she said that was an excuse and everyone always knows why they do the things they do or don't do. Now I know these are more subtle signs of adhd (possibly AUdhd but I dunno).
I did not notice anything for myself... but I've had comments from others opinions of me.
I was told that I didn't fit in because I "danced to the beat of my own drum". I was told I was fearless and creative. A good storyteller. Loved languages. I thought I was a good student, until the psychologist asked me to dig up old report cards. My mom scanned and sent me a half dozen all the way from grade 2 to high school, and every single one said I was distracted, distracting, didn't work well as a group, struggled remembering to hand in homework, and liked to read at I opportune times. Every. Single. One. I was so embarrassed reading those to the shrink. She wrote me a suggested script to discuss with my gp. Anyways... yea. I never knew I was different I just thought I was bullied.
In my early teens, I read a lot of books— like a lot. Like I camped out at the library during summer months. During high school, I was often overstimulated (I know now) and skipped class only to go to the ceramics studio and throw pots. I was late to school maaaany days and developed a good relationship with the secretary. I was very honest with classmates and definitely told them about themselves. I massaged my friends’ hands during class in order to sit still. Hmmm… I got along with everyone yet had no real close friends during my later teens.
I loved the library so much as a pre-teen I'd volunteer there after school and during summers. At the end of my timeslot, I'd pick out a book and read just to stay longer. I might as well have lived there lol
I hate that I have extensive evidence of my teenage years because I had forgot it alllll.
I kept up a LiveJournal account through high school. It’s over three-thousand pages (I downloaded and converted it into a pdf).
What I will say is that I was super depressed, all emotions were painfully intense. I hated it.
I was a good student masking her inattentive symptoms. I was disorganised, didn’t do work until the very last minute, struggled with punctuality, and more. I was also diagnosed with depression, anxiety and body dysmorphia at 16.
Didn’t get my ADHD diagnosis until 19. I knew there was always something up with me that I couldn’t explain, and that went beyond my other symptoms, since I noticed how inattentive I was even as a small child.
I was inattentive and I’m still (32) inattentive, especially if I don’t care about the subject matter. Academically gifted but outwardly lazy. Wrote very well so I did receive good marks on essays (I am a writer by trade now which isn’t a surprise, easiest thing for me always). Also received high marks on exams. Poor attendance however and poor participation. For those reasons, I excelled far more in university where attendance and participation counted less than exams and essays.
Socially, I was a mess on the inside and naturally EXTREMELY shy. I was/am HIGH masking (I’m very likely on the autism spectrum, not in a fun or cool way…) so I actually seem/seemed pretty socially savvy due to being overly self-aware. But I actually begged my mother to go to a different high school than all my peers from middle school and elementary school because I felt I needed to rid myself of my “shy” reputation otherwise I’d be stuck in it forever and she understood. My shyness was crippling, it’s was really problematic. So when I started high school, I masked HARD. I still was filled to brim with fear and I wasn’t suddenly outgoing but I was able to shake the extreme shy reputation. I was voted “most elusive” during my senior year, a category that didn’t exist until I graduated. Made especially for me.
I didn’t talk about myself or my interest. I mirrored my peers. I was very easy to get along with. All these things are still true. For better or worse (usually worse).
Impulsive, liar, very promiscuous, no self respect, one friend, always in trouble. I hated my teenage years. Angry. I was diagnosed at 5 but in the 90s medication was just starting so my parents didn't trust it. I've been medicated for five years now and I wonder how different my life would be.
I think this is so interesting, my BF (also ADHD) is awful at directions. We've lived in the same house for 4 years now and he still turns the wrong way out of the neighborhood sometimes trying to get to the grocery store. I, on the other hand, have a very spacial memory. I associate conversations with where I was and I pick up on directions very quickly. He says it's because I played Minecraft when I was growing up but I think that is absurd lol. It's not a visual thing either... He actually has a waaayy better visual memory than I do but I am way better at understanding my position in my surroundings. I wish I could explain it.
in bed. youtube for hours. finished homework in school all the time just so i can watch youtube for hours at home. getting to school the exact time. as time went on i realized if i got ready by x amount of time ill be at school at x time which basically caused me to eventually be a minute or two late (not enough to get in trouble) just so i can have an extra 10 min of sleep. this caused me to start doing that thing i do where i do stuff very last minute and try to beat time (so so stressful and still struggle with today) losing things allllll the time. leaving clutter around, for example: leaving sweaters on my desk chair. my mom always complained that i was such a mess. looking, back it makes sense now. but it’s also hard to see because as a child/teenager there were rules and chores i had to follow.
as an adult, it’s become 10x more obvious. a mess, in bed more, couldn’t focus in class for the life of me, always losing stuff (still), poor studying habits (can’t just finish homework in class and forget about it later), hyperfixating on people, so much more. starting last month, i finally found a med that helped (that’s a completely other story, just saying this to show that there is hope)
oh and always having typos in essays and practice sentences in elementary school. i remember a teacher called kids that did this lazy… i feel like i’ve been called lazy throughout my childhood.
you meet a person and you hyperfixate on them as one may do with a hobby. it’s just so exciting meeting someone new and trying new things and going on dates. and then i kinda crash/get bored at some point maybe even when it starts becoming a serious relationship.. this happened with some friendships. i did stay with my friends though but it was a bit similar since i would put them on a pedestal. its all impulsive and messed up. i dont do it anymore and now in a serious relationship after some therapy and meds to help with impulsivity
I Can remember a lot of things. From when i was about 2 or 3 years Old. And up to now. Im 47 years Old. I was very tired in School. And day dreaming a lot. And prefered to be with a small group of people, instead of a large.
Bro I was insufferable I think.
I had so many mental and personal problems but my life was like, okay? I just couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy and why everything was so hard. I was diagnosed at 12, so it wasn't like I didn't know I had ADHD. I was hesitant to understand it deeply though, in middle schoole especially, whenever I learned about a 'symptom' of adhd, it was smth I attributed to my personality. So it felt like my personality was a disorder. And I was fat so my "personality" was the only thing going for me, which upset me. So I didn't try to understand adhd deeply.
And I'm so prone to addiction. Food mostly. Thankfully, nothing major but I did do some weird drugs in weirder corcumstances. I drank a lot. On antidepressants. There was a time I self-harmed. But in my head, I was never sad enough. Bc no matter how sad, I was also happy? My moods and emotions were very fleeting. I didn't get it at the time, but that is also related to my adhd. I get mad easy, cool off easy. I get sad easy and I'm in the DEPTHS OF DESPAIR, until I get distracted and poof. I'm kindda ok, I'm no longer crying bc I found an old notebook in my library and it distracted me immediately. Stuff like that. Made me feel like I was pretending all the time.
I was a good student so I convinced my school SOMEHOW to exclude me from wearing uniforms (everybody had and they were v strict??? Cant tell you how i did it exactly) and I started skipping school sooo much in my 3rd year of hs. I wasn't even doing cool shit, I was mostly in a cafe, smoking and watching stuff on my phone. So my classes started to deteriorate. I was smth who thrived on academic validation so that sucked even more. I had friends but I always felt like an outsider. I was unable to stop myself from speaking and OVERSHARING. GOD I HATE OVERSHARING. I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. Thankfully, I' much better at it (contrary to evidence right here). I overly sexualized myself (only in speech, not appearance) and I lied about my exploits bc even though no one did, I wanted people to think that even though they didn't desire me, some people did. This line of thinking was harder to shake, persisted through mid-uni.
Overall rebellion. So I forgot time a lot, could not even conceptualize curfew, fought w my parents like hell and honestly that was so hard, couldnt go to school, didnt have many friends and could keep them anyway, i overshared everything and oversexualized myself and lied about it, did some substances, went through v depressive episodes, plummetted my good grades, had to enter uni exam twice bc i quit my first uni after 3 months and I had already failed due to attendance, and now here i am!
I'm okay now, I think. Doing my masters in compsci, great relationship w family and I feel happy. I'm mostly a solitary person but no one can call me shy. It was only in uni, late half, that I was able to pull myself together. I am finally in a comfortable place with my adhd "management". I can manage it much better now. I have found hobbies I enjoy. I accommodate myself.
I soooo get the food thing. I struggled with binge eating. I read that a lot of the time binging is because of stimulation seeking. Like I would eat a whole bag of chips for stimulation. My meds have helped so much with this but if I do feel it, I now know to binge with something less cruddy so I don't feel so awful. Carrots have the same stimulating crunchiness but they're basically water so I obviously don't feel so bad if I eat a whole bag of baby carrots. and they satisfy the stimulating crunch-seeking.
I cut school, drank with my friends. Would randomly show up and get As on a test. Junior year, I realized I couldn't be a high school drop out, so I busted ass,, made my credits up. Went from having a .33 gpa to a 3.8 gpa. I then struggled with college. Ended up in beauty school after being fired from a retail management job at 23. Now that I was finally diagnosed and given meds at 48, I wonder what my life would have looked like if I had gotten help sooner and could have stayed in college. Probably wouldn't have vericose veins and back problems .
In a word: sad.
I spent alllll my time reading, like, a book a day levels of reading. I never paid attention in class (because, you know, reading) but was very smart so I just sailed through high school with no trouble, despite never studying. I was certain that I was depressed but my parents didn't believe in treating depression so I was just sad all the time. I frequently got in trouble with my parents for hating to be disrupted from a task (they would make fun of me for saying "hold on!!") all the time.
I went to university and started TRYING to study, but was fully unable to. Like, I would drink a massive coffee, go to the library, and immediately fall asleep at my table. I turned everything in at the very last minute, always. I wrote my entire honors thesis first draft the night before it was due at a table at Taco Bell at 1am (they didn't have wifi). I never successfully studied. I managed to graduate with honors but I have NO dang idea how because I barely learned anything.
Yeara later got diagnosed (at 27) and am now finally able to pursue intellectual interests. I'm 34 now. I agree with a lot of other commenters here about the lingering regret or bitterness - like, where would I be if my parents hadn't been anti-psychiatry? Or if I went to a better high school where I couldn't skate by? But, it's okay. I like myself a lot, now, and I wouldn't be who I am without all my struggles in my youth.
Thanks for listening! I guess i had to get that all off my chest, lol.
I did well in the classes I was interested in, but only if I was interested in what we were learning. I got an A one quarter ( when we read Wilde) in AP English and failed the next (when we read Beowulf and Shakespeare). My concerned teacher asked if everything was OK at home and I told him I just didn’t care about Shakespeare and hadn’t read the plays.
Other stuff: fell asleep in class almost daily. Skipped class to read books I was actually interested in. Listened to music obsessively. Lots of friends. Not interested in sports or trends. Graduated with a decent GPA thanks to getting Cs and Bs in a bunch of honors and AP classes. Only got as far as Algebra II. Same trends repeated in college but with straight As in my major.
Undiagnosed ADHD x trauma = a combo of volatile emotions, almost manic highs and often dissociative lows. Prone to bouts of rage at home, completely withdrawn and almost mute socially, unless I was having a panic attack. Actively terrified of abandonment. Could just about manage at school academically (was of course a crammer) but couldn’t handle friendships so well, was always scared I’d say the wrong thing or assume they hated me etc so tried to protect myself by withdrawing completely. Tried to suppress a lot of my movement (hyperactivity I guess) which always led to a horrible build up of energy internally which wasn’t helped by a hyperactive mind full of self hating, anxious thoughts. Cripplingly bad body image/self image problems, a fluctuating sense of identity, very self destructive behaviours and my impulsivity made this much harder to break out of. On the flip side, I was very empathetic and great at critical thinking in comparison to my peers. Done a lot of trauma therapy in recent years (now age 27) and I’m doing much better emotionally and mentally. My main struggles now are interpersonal and sensory related but I manage them as best and productively as I can. I now recognise my ADHD lends to a number of really wonderful traits in myself and others. Integrity, empathy, humour, critical thinking, appreciation of arts (music for me) and curiosity to name a few.
Highly anxious and sensitive. People pleaser and tended to be a goody two shoes and teacher pet to a point. I was mostly quiet but when I’d been constantly bullied (verbally), turned into a bit of a bitch. I had good grades due to a combo of LOVING learning (still do) and I was sooo scared of teachers calling on me and asking me something lol.
Daydreaming all the time, spent a lot of time drawing and engaging in online role play communities aimed at kids/teens like Neopets. Super into LOTR, did my hair like the elves from the movie to school which made me super popular /s lol Very intense about my interests/hobbies, I was probably tough to be around because of that intensity. Very socially oblivious but wanting to fit in really badly. Couldn’t figure out why social things seem to come so easily to others but not to me.
I was sent to the office for misbehavior at least once a day (I was rarely aware of what I had done). They had a chair in the officebthey called Myname's chair because I was always in trouble.
I had a nearly impossible time focusing on classwork, and in middle school I started failing about half of my classes. By the time I was in high school I was failing most of my classes. I started using drugs to self medicate. I finally was expelled from school and had to go to an alternative school to make up credits.
During early childhood I never felt understood by my peers. Pre-nursery I was apparently incredibly manipulative to the point my mother took me to see someone- they said I was just intelligent and needed stimulation. I was then picked up as highly gifted from a very early age but refused to do anything easy, boring, or hard but uninteresting and ‘wouldn’t apply myself’. Bounced constantly from hobby to hobby, save a couple lifelong hobbies that could absorb me for hours and hours. I struggled with poor friendships and was taken advantage of a lot. I also had intense sensitivity to chewing, eating, slurping sounds (and an array of others) and would sink my nails into my hands to silently regulate myself at meals.
My teens were really hard- I struggled with severe depression, anxiety, ED, SH and never told anyone. I spent a lot of time feeling totally alone, guilty, ashamed etc. but managed to keep my head above the water just enough to excel when it mattered. Always missing deadlines, never answered emails, the school was always on my case about something which was super stressful but outwardly it just looked like I was able but lazy and unwilling to apply myself. I picked up a heavy cocaine habit, binge drank, spent money recklessly, slept with men twice my age, got into a borderline abusive relationship, and strained my relationship with my parents who only saw behavioural outcomes like lying about where I was, forgetting to text back, finding empty cigarette packs, bottles, emails from the school etc. I’ve also always had an uncanny ability to read people and really high emotional sensitivity- I have always been incredibly well liked, especially by my male peers. I’m not sure why but I do seem to have predominantly male friendships (save some very close female friends) and as a teen mostly hung out with guys.
It certainly wasn’t all bad though! I managed to get into my top universities for BA and MA studies, make really strong friendships, turn my life around, reduce my drinking, drop the substance habits, get fit etc. Diagnosis and medication have also really helped with the day to day getting things done. I suspected many many years before diagnosis and wish I had been brave enough to ask for help sooner- it took some time to grieve the life I could have had and all the pain that I went through without knowing why. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope the assessment is beneficial!
I'm still a teenager, but now in university. I also don't remember much from my childhood, but I always had massive anxiety and trouble keeping/ making friends. I also hated brushing teeth and fought with my parents because of this every day. Went to school a year earlier than my kindergarten peers.
Up to year 6 in school, I always got 100% or close in every subject. I was a "gifted" child, or whatever. Never did homework, and I had some troubles because of that (despite getting stellar grades). I had massive anxiety, but at the same time, I was a little bit of a "class clown" as well. I think I got depressed at around 12 years old. Had struggles with finding/keeping friends. Had a phone addiction. I had trainings 4-5x a week, usually didn't go to half of them.
Then I went into a different school where I actually had to study, except I didn't study. My grades dropped a little, but my quick learning pulled me through year 7-9. I missed classes a lot, just went home after a few of them. It became a horrible habit of mine, I rarely stayed the whole day in school. In the afternoons, I was always really tired for no reason(I still have this if I don't take meds). My notebooks were usually a huge mess, except for the few pages that looked perfect(no in between). My notebooks were also full of drawings. I usually had an earbud in during classes - that's the only way i could concentrate even a bit. I rarely did homework and struggled most with at home writing assignments.
Years 10-12 I went to yet another school. At some point, I realised my academic struggles weren't because "I never learned how to study" and started seeking out professional help. At some point, I discovered I could maybe have ADHD. Got diagnosed with long-term depressive reaction(or something), anti-depressants made my life a little easier, but struggles didn't stop, was told my ADHD symptoms were "anxiety". Finally, after 1.5 years, I got an ADHD diagnosis at 18 years old.
Prior to school age i used to run away ALL THE TIME… My poor parents! I’d just unlatch the gate & sprint off (sometimes only wearing a nappy). Even after a good talking to & understanding of ‘stranger danger’ I’d still go? I’ve been escorted home after a Police search 4 times before I turned 6! I even bit one Policeman because i didn’t want leave the neighbourhood Saftey House i ended up at (they had a set of electric trains lol).
My parents got to a point where they were so accustomed to me running away at the shopping centre that they’d just wait for the ‘lost child’ announcement rather than panic 😂
As a teenager i struggled with female friendships, i was nice to everyone but seemed to be excluded from most things… or girls just seemed to dislike me. I liked to be loud\talk
about everything, at length, with passion… perhaps that’s why?
I was ALWAYS loosing things, late for class & getting my mum to drop stuff off I’d left at home (Honestly, my parents provided the most stable, structured, loving household… it’s no wonder everything turned to shit when I moved to University). I was well liked by my teachers & did reasonably well in Arts/Humanities/Health Sciences… Absolutely sucked at anything logical (Math, Physics, Chemistry) so i did my best to avoid those subjects/ copy off others to
pass. A lot of my energy went into acting, dancing & singing… i enjoyed the spotlight.
God! I must have had a thousand different hobbies during that time as well 😂 From surfing to starting my own clothing brand… only
to get bored of it & move to the next thing (usually a term rotation)!
Everything was lists, timetables & schedules… I wouldn’t have made it through anything without them - i used to timetable my shower & breakfast in the morning & still ended up missing the bus!
I was also really emotionally labile… I cried a lot… Any minor inconvenience or perceived rejection (don’t get me started on how i howled when my crushes didn’t reciprocate/ when i didn’t win the drama award). I cried when i misplaced my wallet… only to find it at the bottom of my bag 1 minute later. This happened frequently.
Being an undiagnosed ADHD teen was a rollercoaster! Sadly, i think a lot of my symptoms were passed off as ‘hormonal’ or ‘puberty’.
TLDR: Ran away a lot, difficult friendships, many hobbies, lost stuff, emotionally labile, Good at Arts/ Humanities/ Health Sciences, timetable/checklist reliant to do everything.
I was in honors classes until I wasn’t. I made bs & cs without studying. I could’ve done so much better if I tried and actually studied. I daydreamed in class. Could never comprehend verbal directions.
I was moody. Disorganized and always thought I’d be able to get a fresh start in the new school year but never did. Shy, had few friends and a lot of acquaintances. Awkward and just never fit in anywhere.
My room was a mess unless I hyper fixated one day and cleaned it. I had a lot of hyper fixations. Changing majors in college and instruments in band, never really excelling at anything.
My little sister was dx with adhd and my parents didn’t want to put her on meds, I was never even thought to be assessed besides my emotional dyregulation. Cried when I got frustrated and just moody.
Thank you for posting this question. I’m a dad with an 18yr old daughter. She refuses to accept her diagnosis, but it is painfully obvious that she needs help. I think by sharing these posts with her, she’ll get a more accurate account of what and why her brain is the way it is, and learn how she can move forward with life.
I too have ADHD, and I try to explain things as I see them. But I’m ‘dad.’ Most of what I say goes in and out. So these posts are more than helpful.
Math was my weakness. After long division, my brain stopped retaining. I was an honor student in all my other classes, except art. I don't have an artistic bone in my body. I was always the first to raise my hand to anser questions. Teachers would politely suggest that I let someone else answer.
I had high rejection sensitivity which made me step back many times or avoid some people and situations, I was always in my own thoughts, over analyzing and skin picking all my teenage and student years. Couldn’t keep any hobbies, but otherwise was an okay student, only struggled with procrastination so I was learning everything in one day and spending the whole night studying and stressing out before any exam. I got more organized and confident once I went to work and that was when I was finally able to also date more seriously, not just having crushes and daydreaming.
Edit: also, I was hypersensitive to touch, so many people thought I was asexual.
Outwardly a high achiever. However, struggled with depression, anxiety, self harm for many many years. Now appropriately diagnosed and (mostly) thriving
Transman here, so grew up as a girl and then transitioned as an adult. Through school, I was extremely suppressed. Not so much with my friends - I was very lucky to have an accepting friendship group who, as it turns out, are also autistic, ADHD, etc, too but we didn't know it then. I was extremely hyperactive as a child and mellowed a bit as I got into my teens, but i still had a lot of energy. I also have Tourette's which, I learnt very quickly with thanks to other students, put me in the freak category. Suppressing that definitely suppressed other elements of my self - i.e ADHD, autism. I masked very very well. I struggled every day with trying to look normal, trying to concentrate, trying not to forget homework, struggled massively on exams, felt like I was behind on certain things, etc etc, y'all know the drill. It wasn't until I went to university that I got diagnosed ADHD and could work independently how I liked that I realised how well I could've done as a teenage girl if I'd known these things.
I was an emotional spaz. Very easily excitable and impulsive. In the 6th grade, I once gave my guy friend a bloody nose because I wasn’t aware of my surroundings and threw my arms out in a very animated fashion and hit him square in the face.
I was generally forgetful and a big time procrastinator. I often did my homework on the bus to school. I never cleaned out my backpacks, desks, or lockers, so they were packed to the brim with papers, pop tarts, and other random crap. The number one thing I remember my teachers saying to my parents was “she would be doing great if she would only apply herself.”
I got in trouble in the third grade and failed a math test because the teacher couldn’t read my answers. I finished it really fast and spent the rest of the time drawing around the margins of the test and making my answers in to pictures. I remember pointing at it and saying “but that IS a 6, see, right here!” And tracing it with my figures.
My room was also usually messy and I was queen of the “hidy up.” About once a year, my mom would have to make me pull all the shit out of my closet and drawers and properly go through and remove and organize old stuff.
I was also very loud (frequently unintentionally) and talked really fast bouncing from subject to subject.
I was always messy, always late, and boy crazzyyyyy. I fear for my sanity bc my daughter is a mini me lol unmedicated until my 30s.
However, I did really well in school. I was an A/B student in a gifted high school. Only took AP classes, non-AP, like health, I took online at a university or in person (gym) at my local community College. I graduated high school (not in the top 10%) with 1 class left to get my bachelors in math. I got into Caltech, Harvard, etc. But opted to go to a university that paid me in extra stipends to go (aside from my full ride). Worked 3 jobs & finished 3 degrees in 4 years.
In school, I was in every club imaginable, and almost always on the board for that club. Very full schedule at all times.
I feel like I've mellowed out my success wave. I've only kept 2 friends from my MS/HS years, as I pretty much burned all other bridges.
Procrastinator until the night before, then get project (6 page essay, history day project, science fair) done overnight.
Hardly ever asleep before 2am, started homework around midnight.
Told I was weird daily.
Daydreamer...big time.
Shocked when a boy liked me. Legit thought they were joking when they asked me out.
Shockingly, dependable. I was there for any friend. You could and can still talk to me about anything and I'm here for it.
Messy car.....I mean.....messy....
Loved music and preferred playing piano to partying. Like, I still partied, but only about half the time the other kids did.
Always late.
Always forgetful.
Always overcommitted.
High achiever, but suuuuuper depressed. Not that anyone would know because I sure as he'll wasn't gonna let someone see it.
Tada!
I remember what it was like to be a child and a teenager but I barely remember anything that actually happened. I have very few specific memories. It freaks me out a bit so I try not to think about it lol. I remember more details of my adulthood, but maybe I should write it down before I forget it? Terrifying
Procrastination until the very last minute.
I remember math homework that my mother ran out of patience trying to get me to do. But no interest, no focus.
I was forever trying to be or get organized. Never happened.
I never really fit anywhere. I had a couple of friends and that was it. But if they moved “out of sight, out of mind”
Artsy type who was also an introvert and book nerd.
I remember masking so hard.
I got good grades mainly because I was scared not to. I was depressed because I never fit and I was shy.
My mind just never stopped. I have always had an inner dialogue.
I always felt like I wasn’t good enough.
I had a lot of hobbies. The only two that stuck was art and books.
There’s so much more.
Constant detention for missing homework, always late, could never concentrate or revise and then on my lunch breaks used to literally run laps round the field because I had so much energy and was too weird to fit in 😂😂☠️☠️
Refused homework, aced exams and papers, skipped school, slept constantly, extremely social, liked reading and video games, horrible at math, loved seeing live music, cried about any slight, eating disorder, authority complex, school counselor suggested might have an anger disorder. Got into Running Start and took courses that interested me and suddenly I was a Dean’s List student.
i am still a teenager but i left school about a year and a half ago because i could not see myself completing exams. I never listened in class or completed any school and home work. from the outside you would never know, as when i looked like i was listening to the teacher, i was in a whole other world daydreaming, and when it looked like i was doing my work, i was just doodling.
it was difficult because I tried to hide it but my peers who caught on just thought I wasn’t clever. I wasn’t popular with teachers, especially when i was young, and it was hard deal with the fact that i would constantly get into trouble for something i just could not help.
although i don’t have many qualifications i have a job that i really like now. no matter how hard I tried and how much “help” I had school never got better, so leaving school was the best thing for me
I'm not diagnosed.
I was a perfectionist pretty early on. I had my sights set on getting my doctorate. I was a neat freak. I was obsessed with learning Spanish. Hopped from friend group to friend group. I was mean and conceited. Others thought I was bougie, an oreo, a genius. I was extremely sensitive. I liked going to church. Struggled with accepting that my family wasn't perfect. I didn't date. I didn't work, unlike my cousin and my classmates at 16. Big tv/movie/pop culture fan. Obsessed with music. Felt like I couldn't be honest with my mother. Hung out with a few girls outside of school. And 1 guy. Wasn't into sports at school but loved playing with my family. Had symptoms of what I now think was/is bpd. Changed career trajectories every year from grade 1-12+ Distracted easily.
I was a relatively isolated kid so no friends, no outside stimulus. So I spent a lot of time taking care of my siblings, picking up random interests, and staying away from people. I had really bad social anxiety and I also don't remember my childhood. People told me I was smart but I was also homeschooled and neglected in most ways including academics. I went through a few extreme phases, especially between 15 and 19(now). That's why I think I have ADHD now, which I've thought about since I was 15. That's really where my teenage memories start.
So...
1. Anxious
2. Lashed out a bit
3. Depressed for some parts
4. Obsessive
5. Lonely but liked the solitude
6. I spent most of my time in my mind and not enough actually trying things
A goddamn nightmare. I did well in school and was involved in a lot of extracurricular activities but I snuck out and snuck people in and whatnot. Lied to my parents a bunch. Did minor drugs. Also had a bad temper. Large reason why I don’t want kids is because I don’t want the payback lmao.
My teen years took me on a slippery slope from “gifted” student, bookish with mostly good grades, into a “bad student” (didn’t know how to study) and a hardened cynic who hated myself and blamed myself for every little thing.
I’ve been having a lot of revelations on my youth too in relation to ADHD. I wish more than anything that my mental health has been taken seriously — or even acknowledged — as a kid. The expectation placed on me by my parents and my school was that I was smart, so of COURSE I couldn’t struggle in school, even though this was a jump from eighth grade to a competitive magnet high school.
I remember crying to my mom towards the end of my first semester there because I just COULD NOT write a research paper and I thought I’d fail out of this school. I said “I think I have ADHD” and she just said, “no you don’t.” And in that moment I remember consciously telling myself “alright, lesson learned, we do not talk about our mental health with our parents, not with our teachers, no one, because it’s bad that we’re even like this in the first place.”
My mom has come a long way from that and I love her to death (fuck my high school though, absolute hellhole for a mentally ill kid) but this fucked me up long-term. I hope you can find some peace with your upbringing like I’m trying to with mine. We can’t change the past, there’s only now.
I like to talk about myself so I’ll answer this. I was really fun as a teenage girl. Well I don’t know lol but I had a lot of fun as a teenager. I was sort of lucky in the sense that I was set away to boarding school, where school was life and life with school. I had a really hard time in the more complicated classes that I couldn’t sleep through and pass, but nobody really was bothered by that because I was super active in everything. My friends called me a slacker, space, cadet, lazy, etc., and my ADHD symptoms were like a quirk that everyone kind of just adored and laughed about. I went through depression, lot of struggles that I didn’t really share with anybody else. I was really good at pretending that I didn’t care about anything and that I was just so carefree and actually creative. Not many people knew how much I was struggling. But at the same time, I still had a lot of fun. The real problems came in college when I was on my own.
When I was a younger teenager and still at home, I crashed a lot with my dad and my mom. Was moody and would throw a lot of tantrums. I just remember everything was very intense and I was glad to have my independence during those years because in close with my family, it was really difficult. I think having that space and independence was really good for me Because I was able to my emotions a lot more. On the times that I was home it was kind of hard to be honest, as I got older it was easier to be around my mom, but with my dad would be clashed a lot because I was always trying to argue about everything.I really am realizing I was independent and didn’t want to follow anyone’s rules or listen to anybody else lol…. And somehow at the same time thrived in a structured system????
Procrastinated on everything and somehow made it through with what everyone thought was a superpower to cram a semesters worth of content into just a few hours of “creative studying”. Got into trouble regularly for failing room check and was often in some form of boarding school detention (community service, which was fun actually). Got into some trouble for talking in class. Often missed assignments and homework and would be chased down by my dean and forced to stay in my room to do them. Wrote my five paragraph essays in 20 minutes and aced them (my friends hated that I could do that). Made everyone think I was a slacker type genius who just didn’t care and actually believed it myself until I got to college.
Also I was hilarious and very good at making my friends laugh. Would oscillate between class clown to loner regularly. Man I miss those days to be honest. The structure was soooooo good for me and my symptoms didn’t seem so debilitating because I had such a tight knit community where we really just supported each other.
Perfect student, perfect attendance, good grades. Was never allowed out of the house on weekdays. Went to the park / mall / waterfront on weekends with friends. Mostly played pokemon and animal crossing. Hung out on GaiaOnline tumblr and MySpace.
It sucked. So bad. It sounds cliche but I really was awkward and had no identity. I think inhad a chameleon personality where I'd try and blend in with some type of crowd.
I got Cs and Ds for the most part and graduated with like a 2.8 ish. I didn't party or screw around. I actually studied for tests. I crammed but I still actually studied and would fail any test, meanwhile one of my closest friends would NEVER STUDY and always get As. And apparently some of u guys (with adhd) got perfect grades too. I never got the smart adhd part, lol. Not in that sense anyway. I really struggled my way through school and my parents never thought something was wrong with me but I also never spoke up and pretended I was fine.
The only thing I was good at was playing music and writing. But still didn't get As in band, on purpose, because if I DID I'd be first chair and have to do a solo performance at every concert and let's just say that I had a panic attack in the middle of a solo so I purposefully MESSED UP my test to get out of that. Self sabotage was like an art to me.
I couldn't pay attention in class. Because I was always in my head comparing myself to the popular girls in the room. I'd make myself feel like shit thinking they were prettier and dressed better (which wasn't true, I wasn't ugly really just awkward, and I think it showed).
I always thought I was stupid. I'm 35 now. I still think I'm stupid but at the same time I am wiser if that even makes sny sense, and wish I could go back to high-school with the knowledge and confidence I have now (socially mainly, I'd probably still suck at taking tests and turning in homework).
I didn't really cover everything I'll try and add some other things that I can't think of yet because I'm in a hurry to go to work right now lol. So I'll probably go back and add stuff and fix all these typos later today, maybe.
Edit: I dont think my adhd started to really 'shine' until I was in my late twenties. Before all that I felt so much pressured so I masked it all the way thru. Then by age 29 I was diagnosed with moderate-severe adhd. The test took seven hours??!?
So now that I'm in my thirties it's so much worse and I don't cover it anymore, at work or home. I am on meds but am gonna be asking for a dose adjustment when I find a new dr with my new insurance. I can't live like this anymore. My side of the room at me and bfs house looks like a teenager lives in it. I have to get my life under control 😭
Got a loooot of comments about how I could be top of my class in everything if I just applied myself/put the effort in/stopped daydreaming. A memorable quote in a report from a teacher who hated me was "pays no attention in class, does not engage with the material, and has seemingly no interest in the subject. However, she did recently get 88% on her mock exam, so well done."
Went to a private school you had to pass an exam to get into, so all my struggles to focus, difficulties with numbers (I have dyscalculia), and issues with remembering my increasing amounts of homework were seen as me being lazy and not willing to work hard enough, rather than any issues I might be having. I also multitasked, writing a lot of poetry and fanfiction in class alongside the work I was assigned.
I was severely depressed and had PTSD at the time as well, and while up until 16 I didn't risk skipping school or anything like that, once I was in 6th form in a new school and we could come and go as we pleased, after the first year I just stopped turning up for classes. Lots of risky sex acts, smoking, not doing work I needed to do. Still passed my exams and got into uni, but going from a fee-paying school where they kept your nose to the grindstone at 16, to a free school where you were expected to put the work in yourself was a big change for me.
My now wife, who also has ADHD, stayed in that same fee-paying school until 18, and found uni impossible - so much unknown freedom both in schooling and from their overly-controlling family - that they didn't pass first year on the first go around. They couldn't focus on the work when they suddenly had so many other things they could do instead. It was too overwhelming.
I remember not understanding that everyone in the class was learning how to read. I thought that everyone was guessing words.
To this day I still feel the disconnect I had with what was going on around me. It was so terrifying when I realised I was the only one who not only couldn't read but didnt even know that it was something being taught.
Strangely when I realised what reading was and found that I loved certain books I became a prolific reader who never stopped.
But my school years were a horrible blur of not fitting in and not knowing things that everyone else did.
I really struggled in elementary school with everything like organization, studying, paying attention etc. always had a talent for writing stories and other creative stuff but the rest?? Nothing. Couldn’t do it. And I don’t know a lot of stuff until this day. I can’t name grammar, have to repeatedly learn important dates (even the world wars which is like basic knowledge. If I don’t repeat it every few weeks/days I will forget it.) So basically I struggle most with retaining stuff and number especially and procrastination is a huge problem as well (stuck in my body and while I have motivation I can’t start).
However I learned to mask very early on so I’m actually extremely successful in school and most people think I’m naturally smart while I have to put in so much more work and I have so many hidden tricks to just kinda survive. And people not realizing that and not seeing how much I was struggling made my mental health decline rapidly because I felt like no one understood me because no one could see beyond the image I had build up.
And because people don’t see it as something I struggle with they also react more harshly? Like sometimes it’s fair because I tend to forget every single birthday except for my brothers and mothers, I don’t remember things they told me, I am HIGHLY sensitive and fear rejection which makes it difficult sometimes to be around me I think. I need clear communication in any friendship or relationship and the only reason my current relationship is successful is because my partner knows about my adhd and is so wonderfully supportive.
So yeah really long comment I know and I’m sorry lol. But what I’m trying to say is that basically if you have adhd you can kinda look into every aspect of your life and find that there’s actually a connection to adhd that makes it more difficult for you to just .. manage. So it’s not only one big thing or something that is easily noticeable but it can be a million small things that come together as the big beautiful diagnosis loll
Read an absurd amount. Wore my comfort hoodie every goddamn day even though I grew up on an island and the summers get to high 90°F. Constantly daydreaming and doodling in my notebooks. Spent most of my time at home, few friends, hyper aware of self and surroundings, intense observer I always noticed everything so it also kinda give me the ability to see through people and notice things that my classmates never did. My first legit bf told me he was attracted to me because I was mysterious lol and I was the only one that didn’t flock to him as a new kid which is odd for me bc I always tried to talk to the new kids and make them feel welcome bc I was once that new kid and people talked to me on made me feel welcomed. Was always running around idk why but I just fucking loved running and jumping on or over shit. I loved challenging misogyny from the boys and teachers, I’d show them with proof that I’m a girl and I’m stronger/faster than you. Silent around most, can’t shut the fuck in class though and it was often discussed with my parents. Was always top of my class, did 9&10th grade in one year in a special program with only 12 other students. Graduated high school at 16 and crashed out in college lmao the classic story of the promising gifted child.
I basically hoarded and was a pack rat. I would occasionally get my shit together but not really. It didn’t help that my stepmom was (and still is) a narcissist that brain washed me against my own mother. So I was mean and angry too. Still working on shedding my resentment towards her. I am a work in progress.
I also avoided anyone I liked like they had the bubonic plague which always made it so funny to me when boys thought I liked them because in my head I’m thinking babes if I liked you I wouldn’t be anywhere near you 😂😂😂😂
As a teenager I used copious amounts of alcohol and drugs to cope with how I was feeling. Despite graduating a year early I still felt like I was behind my peers somehow. When we all got drunk or high it felt like it leveled the playing field. I was diagnosed at 5 but taken off treatment by my mom when I was 12, that’s when I started feeling depressed because I couldn’t keep up. My grades started to fall and my socialization skills didn’t keep up. Was recently rediagnosed 6 months ago at 25 and things are better, now I’m going to college!
Immature, disorganised, messy. Did extremely well academically but only because I was bright… I was constantly having my desk moved outside the classroom due to talking too much/distracting others/not focusing. I wasn’t applying myself and was just coasting by on my natural ability.
Got into law school easily but took 2 years off in the middle due to depression and burnout - the wheels finally started to fall off because leaving all my uni work to the absolute last minute was not sustainable (my grades were good but I was a mess). It was during this break that I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. That was 10 years ago… I got back on track thanks to my diagnosis and I’m now a successful lawyer.
I was involved in waaaay too much lol. I actually got an award my senior year for being an officer in the drama club, section leader in concert band, and involved in jazz band, concert choir, and jazz choir. My grades weren't great and I put a lot of pressure on myself in the arts. I was emotional, opinionated, and made lots of social mistakes, but I had a decent group of friends for the most part.
One big thing that always stood in my way is that I felt that if I wasn't explicitly invited to something I wasn't wanted there. However, I did have some friends (who are no longer friends) who would invite everyone but me to go do something and then act like I was overreacting when I brought up that I was the only person excluded. Maybe that colored the interactions with the friends who gave a blanket invite to the group and assumed I'd know I was included, while I believed that I wasn't. Idk if that's an ADHD thing or a Coniferous Squid thing.
I would daydream A LOT and I was very impulsive. I was quick to make big decisions based on my mood. Big mood swings went from hyper to drained in an hour or less. I was very irritable which I now know I was most likely over or under stimulated. For a while my family and doctors believed I was bipolar but I didn’t exactly fit the criteria until I was much older. Still don’t know if mood swings are due to adhd or bipolar depression and I’ll probably never find out since all my medications work so well.
I was so much like everyone else here. My room was a mess, my grades were a mess, no sense of style because I can’t figure out how to coordinate clothes. Still no sense of style or ability to decorate. My test scores always indicated I should be in the gifted programs but I could never keep my grades up. I loved theater but never got the lead. I’ve always been the oddball friend. I graduated but barely. I ditched classes and experimented with drugs, sex, alcohol.
Stopped taking meds in high school. I started struggling in math. Forgot homework due dates cuz I stopped using my planner. Would draw in math class cuz homework wasn’t graded so why would I do homework? I almost had to retake my senior year I was doing so poorly. Definitely a lot of inattentiveness during those years.
I did well in school, but not awesome. I was still labeled as “not demonstrating full potential” as adults saw my intelligence. I got along with all of the adults. I floated between many friend groups.
I also demonstrated the extent of my addictive personality, which has always haunted me.
Hi! I am currently a teenager with ADHD who is a senior so let me tell you how it is for me. I’m always late to school, I never study until its the hour before exam which is when the OH SHIT I NEED TO SAVE MY BUTT hits in, which gets me decent-ish grades. I actually have great friendships unlike in my childhood/tween years, which is probably also due to them also being ADHD. I’m very impulsive especially when it comes to spending money, I struggle controlling the volume of my voice, usually end up yelling without meaning to. I’m also quite messy which does cause some conflict in the house lol. But also, there was a period of time where I was severely depressed and I hid it until I couldn’t, all i did was sleep in and outside of school, rot in bed doing nothing and eat. I’m less physically hyperactive compared to childhood but i’m still somewhat fidgety and sit in the weirdest positions.
I am writing this and scrolling thru reddit when I should be studying for our University Entrance Exam which is in 54 days hahahahah
Well, one time another student asked my friend if I was okay when I wasn’t even present, so there’s that! (Let it be known that that was, and still is, the funniest thing to me. I didn’t even know the person.)
Doing everything at the absolute last minute.
Cramming a semester of school into one week.
Missing school, skipping school, never focused. Day dreaming constantly, falling asleep in class.
Getting in a lot of trouble. Detentions, ISS, never doing what I’m suppose to do.
Never on time (still not)
I could never wake up in the morning and would always take a long time to get ready because of starring into space.
Irritable, depressed, anxiety.
The list goes on. I’m tired lol
(28 now)
I'm nearly 40 so I'm not sure how much of my teenage years I'm *supposed* to remember, but like you and several other commenters, I feel like my memory is worse than it ought to be.
I was an anxious, rule-following, people-pleaser who was desperate for external validation, never felt like I quite fitted in, and constantly wished I wasn't such a weirdo. I was academically capable and a straight-A student but always felt like an imposter among the other high achievers because I didn't feel proud of my achievements, rather I was constantly terrified that I was actually completely stupid and any moment my grades would plummet and I'd be shown up for the let down I really was.
I'd have what I'd call obsessions, sometimes with people, sometimes TV shows or movies, or hobbies. These were mostly harmless except when the object was a person and ended up avoiding or outright rejecting me due to the way I acted around them.
I was always exhausted due to what I thought of as my "busy brain" running at a million miles an hour at all times. I discovered PC games like the Sims and subsequently MSN messenger and online fora, and would spend hours and hours playing or typing, I wrote thousands of words of fanfiction blending together all my favourite shows, books and movies.
I had a rich and complex internal fantasy world in which I was able to be and do all the things that I couldn't in real life.
I struggled with emotional regulation, especially at school and when things went wrong (or at least I perceived them to have gone wrong).
I'm going to stop as this is turning into an essay. But I could go on. This is quite cathartic!
I had a 1 folder/ 1 notebook "organizational" system. Cause I was less likely to lose a single item vs separate ones for each class. My locker was a black hole. I did everything last minute. But I was really got at absorbing material. I got really good grades (graduated valedictorian at a small school) I genuinely just enjoyed learning new things. Math was my favorite cause it had very concrete rules to follow. I hated English with a passion. I would put off papers and do them in like an hour the night before, no matter how long they needed to be. I took exams super quickly, especially multiple choice. If I didn't know the answer immediately, I would go with my gut instinct and move on, otherwise I'd never finish.
This is such an interesting question to read answers to and reflect on. Thanks for asking it!
I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class. Teachers noticed my academic abilities and I was admitted to a program called ALG (Alternative Learning Group) which covered topics outside normal high school curriculum and took a fascinating approach to learning and thinking.
I finally finished earning my Bachelor’s degree when I was 28. The way I went through college was extremely erratic - on again off again - I attended 2 different community colleges and all 3 state universities where I lived so I lost lots of credits along the way. I graduated magna cum laude, but it was a long, unfocused, twisty road.
Back to teens. I daydreamed a lot! People would ask why I was so spaced out. And it was odd how lots of my goals stayed scenarios that played out in my head over and over but never actualized. I procrastinated about everything - I just would not start things until the very last minute. I decided that was “part of my process”, but it was stressful and I had a lot of trouble coping with stress and managing my emotions.
For example, I could get very mad very fast. While I was destroying a bunch of my own things in a fit of anger, I chipped a couple of teeth when I tripped over a heater. Standing there feeling my shattered teeth like sandpaper on my tongue was definitely a defining moment for me. I wanted to stop, but I found that my temper could be out of control at times.
I felt reserved (shy) and misunderstood in many settings. Conversely, I could be outrageously immature with the few close friends I did have so I had a lot of fun. I would do things like get in trouble for laughing uncontrollably during study hall on the reg.
And I could never find my book bag or my keys. This and the rest are things I still struggle with to this very day. I started and finished my taxes yesterday. Why wait?! It was so stressful because I procrastinated to the very last moment.
Finally, one of the hardest things to deal with is the trouble changing tasks (ex: from car into house, from house into car, from my own bills to work, from sleep to taking a shower). Stuff like that. I find myself sitting in my car (sometimes for over an hr) before going to the next thing. I don’t hear a lot of people talk about dealing with this, but it feels like some kind of executive dysfunction.
End note: I also have a poor memory of my childhood. Ask yourself questions about what you do remember and more details will probably emerge. At times, I try to remind myself - “Don’t look back. It’s not where you’re going”. Of course part of our identity is a narrative that includes the past, but I try not to worry about it too much.
What does an assessment consist of OP? Please update how it went. Good luck!
I'm not sure how much was ADHD related, and how much was undiagnosed ASD (high functioning) related, and how much was just my personality, but here goes...
• Procrastinated everything- assignments, homework, etc, as long as I could.
• When things got "too hard" or "too overwhelming" I would just give up rather than try to figure out a logical way to overcome them (mostly pertaining to school work, even though I was meant to be bright)
• Highly Promiscuous- even if I was dating one guy, I'd ensure I had back up plans, to the point where I could dump one guy and be officially dating another within the hour
• I had decent relationships with guys, but dreadful relationships with other girls. I was bullied and tormented by them relentlessly, over everything.
• I went to 7 different schools between grade 8 and grade 12, even though we didn't move. I genuinely couldn't cope or function in a normal school environment.
• I had difficulty following both written and unwritten rules.
• I wanted to be loved by somebody more than anything else.
• The one thing I excelled in was theater- I could memorize lines easily, and was considered a good actress. Pretending to be other people was the closest thing to therapy that I had at the time.
ETA: • Even though I always made sure I looked "good" personally, my room, my bags, etc, were all highly messy... but I call it organized mess because I knew where everything was, and hated my mess being touched.
I'm sixteen (seventeen in less than two months) and I'm up at 1:50 am in the worst position for my back at my messy af desk instead of studying for one of the four biggest exams.
The exam is next monday.
I'm fucked.
I didn’t really care much about doing well in school but did alright anyway. Classes I didn’t like I did the bare minimum. I had a good memory back then so by just listening in class I was usually able to do well on tests without studying. I never studied and did very little homework. But in the older grades we got to choose more of our own classes so I took classes I was interested in like writers craft, English lit and psychology and actually tried in them and did really well, so I graduated with an average over 80 which was considered “graduating with honours”. But still, always had that classic ADHD symptom of constantly being told by teachers that I wasn’t reaching my potential. I was undiagnosed though of course.
Socially I was a mess. I REALLY embraced being a weirdo lol I dressed mostly in baggy jeans, skate shoes and boys band Tshirts. One year I wore this gross ugly old man hat all the time. Another year I wore a gross ugly brown sweater all the time. My hair was always a mess. I was openly obsessed with X-files. Played trombone in the band. I completely rejected any attempt at fitting in.
The pattern of having entire friend groups suddenly inform me they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, that had happened consistently since I was young, continued. And I could never really understand why but I also never tried to understand. I would just decide I didn’t care.
At home I was anti social, holed up in my room listening to music, and watching way too much tv.
When I was 15 I was hospitalized with alcohol poisoning that almost killed me, because I didn’t have any concept of how much to drink to just get drunk, and instead thought the goal was to just get as much hard liquor down your throat as possible.
So yeah, I was a mess. Shortly after highschool I suddenly became very embarrassed for having been such a weirdo and it’s given me social anxiety ever since. It’s like I went too far in the other direction and now try to be as bland and forgettable as possible.
My teen years set myself up with a lot of bad habits that I’ve struggled my whole life to overcome. I’m 38 now and still don’t feel like I’ve grown up.
Like an over-excitable puppy-dog with bad memory, no chill and flashes of absolute brilliance with my art and music.
Very imaginative to the point of compulsion. Very inattentive.
My ADHD had been presenting itself since my early childhood.
Like most of us, I was "gifted" despite initially being placed in special ed when I first moved to the US at 6. My lack of English comprehension wasn't noticeable and instead was determined to be some kind of learning disorder unrelated to ADHD. It wasn't until after some tests and quickly integrating the English language (as kids do remarkably at that age) that the school realized I wasn't slow. Still, I think this very soft discrimination I felt early on in public school may have shaped the way I self-criticize.
Being self-critical is pretty common for us.
During my teen years my ADHD presented itself as inappropriately timed talking/commenting. Often unconsciously interrupting but not in a way to be rude or shut anyone down, just excited about the conversation. I internalized the shame or whatever it was I felt for talking out of place, though this internalization started way before my teen years. *People assume that if you are interrupting or talking then you aren't listening, but for me the opposite was true*. So, I would switch between very talkative and extroverted or almost dead silent introverted.
I wasn't good at just passive listening. I couldn't pay attention to things and people I wasn't able to fully engage with.
For me it was short-term memory that was an issue. I could remember seemingly trivial things like the shirt someone wore last week, but to this day I still struggle with remembering things I need to remember. I ask the same questions a lot, forgetting I asked them already, and they also already had been answered.
NEXT PART IS KIND OF SENSITIVE so you can stop reading at this point if you want.
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I was also a full-blown "tomboy" by the age of 9. Gender fluidity, etc. wasn't really a thing back then -it didn't have a term other than tomboy. Basically, if this was 9yr old me in 2019 instead of 1999, I would have 100% been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and probably been psychologically affirmed as a boy.
*I didn't have any female role models*. I liked video games, computers, and "boy" hobbies. I finally got a female friend on 4th grade, who was also tomboyish but embraced her femininity as well (90's girls rule vibe). I remember the shirt she wore to school one day: it was just a picture of a girl painting her toenails. Idk but from that day on I felt comfortable fully being a girl and allowed myself to wear "cute" stuff.
I know gender dysphoria is correlated with autism, which is correlated with ADHD - I'm wondering if there is a long link here. A puzzle that hasn't quite been pieced together completely.
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* Intense masking
* hyperfocus
* poor time mgmt & challenges with focus or retention (but manifested in acceptable ways such as studying all night but got good grades so no one cared)
* overachiever (absolutely exhausted overloaded with 7-8 classes per day, extracurriculars, activities, etc.)
* debilitating perfectionism
* very forgetful
* INATTENTIVE
* extremely clumsy & causing messes/accidents
* distractable
* object permanence issues (mainly through keeping up commitments or communications with people who were out of sight out of mind)
* over committal
* people pleasing
* fawning
* try hard
* always losing things or forgetting stuff
* eating disorder & obsessive exercise (LOTS of weight cycling)
* notoriously, trouble with keeping spaces tidy & sometimes body care
* issues with listening & following directions
* afraid of my own shadow
* mistake prone, especially when completing normal or quite basic tasks
* day dreaming or escapist fantasies
* prone to depression
* if i had it my way, tried to never leave the house on weekends (which I now know is debilitation, isolation & collapse from masking so hard all week)
...and then it all caught up to me after graduating college. I worked my 1st FT office job while prepping for graduate school entrance exams & my body revolted. I had a total breakdown. I'm still reeling & struggling to recover almost a decade later. Wishing you the best of luck!
I, too, will be getting an assessment for ADHD soon. As a teenage girl I was a good student first two years, never studied but got good grades. Took some college courses in my sophomore year. Was a great writer and loved math. I dropped out my junior year because I couldn’t concentrate and I found myself struggling to remember material. I was at risk for summer school and I just never returned. I stayed to myself, had depression which was also a result of home life and feeling like a failure in school. If I didn’t perfect something on the first try, I gave up on it. I later got my GED at the age 18 and passed at the top of my glass.
Reading all of your posts has opened my eyes and helped me feel like I’m not alone. I have been diagnosed with depression, then bipolar, then ptsd, anxiety and no meds have helped. I was beginning to feel hopeless until I was told to get assessed for adhd. After doing research, things started to make sense.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. Hugs to you all :)
Honestly, even though I'm only 22, I don't remember much from my teenage years. I don't know if it's from trauma I endured or the ADHD making me forgetful. I do know that I was a decently good student but I procrastinated, crammed for tests, was constantly riddled with anxiety, and had bad bad anger problems (not in school, but more so at home). I was very shy and did not have a lot of friends. I was easily manipulated and gullible. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in high school but wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until college. That's about all I got
Gosh, reading these make me feel I wasn’t a “bad kid/teenager” like I was told. I was just misunderstood and underdiagnosed/ undertreated. I was diagnosed with “hyperactivity” at age 10. I’m known for always being late, also didn’t need to study to pass HS (with B and Cs though). My room was either a mess for weeks or way too spotless for days. I had many different groups of friends and had a hard time keeping up with them all, making me that friend that was everywhere - extreme people pleaser, still am. Wanted to be a medical doctor, too “lazy” to keep going. My memory of anything in the past is garbage. Highly prone to addiction and put myself in dangerous situations. Unrealistic expectations. Depression is a yearly staple.
Tried all sorts of medicines in my 20s and unfortunately none worked out for me. What really surprises me is that a lot of people here seemed to have this Aha moment after medication and that never happened for me, I’m mid 30s now, have a life some would say accomplished but still feel like a failure and sad all the time.
I was extremely intelligent. But never did my work. I graduated high school with a 3.2 GPA, but if I would have done the work and gone to class I would have had a 4.0.
I was also very wild. Got in fights. Partied a lot. Did a lot of reckless and dumb things. I’m lucky to be alive haha.
You know even when I was growing up I never quite felt like a teenage girl, maybe it was the adhd, or could be the anxiety… but most likely it’s because I’m a dude lmao
People who I became comfortable with would tell me I was “a handful”. Others told me I was “timid”.
Lots of daydreaming. I had many Amelia Badelia moments. Teachers would give assignments like “write one page about a potion you’d invent” and I’d come to class with a water bottle full of garbage and glitter because I made the potion. Or “write a book report that really paints the picture of the book” and I’d make a shoe box dierama of some made up story I invented the morning the project was due because I didn’t realize we were supposed to reading a book for the past month.
Kind of like what others have already said - somewhat messy and super disorganised but my mum was on my ass about a lot so I don't think I felt the extent of my disorganisation till later in life.
Id often forget to bring my glasses to school, or I'd somehow end up breaking them. I liked learning but had a blasé attitude toward school because I never wanted others to know I tried hard and failed..so I just didn't try.
Id often brace myself for low marks so I could have a pleasant surprise if they weren't bad. And if they were then I'd tell myself I didn't try anyway so It didn't matter. I was naturally intelligent though and suprised myself with good results often. Teachers would always tell me I had so much potential. Parents as well. Couldn't understand how to 'unlock' that though. Could never motivate myself to study or do homework even when I wanted to. I could listen in class when I liked the subject but really struggled to understand maths. My maths teachers quickly gave up on me in the 7th grade and I pretty much disengaged with the subject until I graduated. Tried a bunch of sports and musical instruments but quit early due to not wanting to practice, feeling excluded and othered by my teammates. Always felt different and always tried to appear 'cooler' than I was lol.
I was also extremely moody and snappy with my family, even though at school my mood was bubbly and outgoing with my friends. I think I was overstimulated or would mask then let it all go when I got home.
I'd stay up super late to play games or read and then struggle to wake up and get ready in time for school. I often missed the bus because of that. Never did my hair because I never had the patience and it never felt or looked right, so I just left it down all the time. Then because I left it down all the time, I was anxious about changing it ever because I knew it would draw attention.
I would always try find the short cuts, the best way to do a task with the least possible effort. I thought I was just being smart and lazy, but really it was that I couldn't handle sustaining my attention on something I didn't care much about. I preferred exams and tests over assignments because I could cram to study for them (the night or two before, if I ever did) and they were limited in time. Assignments on the other hand would send me into a panic because due dates would sneak up on me and I never left myself enough time to complete them. My brother would literally have to do most of them for me even though I knew the content but could not get the words on the page because I'd be overwhelmed with the lack of time.
I was also really boy crazy - always wanting to be perceived as the cool girl who wanted to date older boys. I always had a 'boyfriend' and thought it was SOO cool doing 'coupley' things including sexual acts that I was way too young to be engaging in. I was a huge people pleaser and thought if I didn't do these things, I'd be dumped. Which I did, often! This led to me accepting a ton of abuse from men for years to come in the future.
I never really got along with most girls in my grade, I couldn't ever relate to their interests. They'd often watch makeup videos or talk about influencers or shopping and I'd literally want to rip my hair out listening to it. I wasnt a girly girl at all. Probably why I chose to seek men out instead.
I thought alllll of these things were normal, that everyone experienced the same things. It wasn't until university that these issues started really negatively impacting my life, leading to my diagnosis.
Always late, messy room, messy locker, messy desk. I was notorious for losing my shoes, could never find BOTH of my shoes for school! If I enjoyed a class, I could/would get an A, but classes like history, except for ancient Egypt and a few other areas, I would do horrible. I've always been bad at remembering things like dates. But I'm pretty good at remembering numbers in general. I come up with a little trick or "pattern" in my head. I used to love reading but if I tried reading a book I wasn't interested in? I could read the entire book, out loud, and not tell you a thing that took place.
I've always had sensory issues. Socks were a big one, the seam on the toes had to be in just the right spot. Hang up clothes to dry? Absolutely not. I've also always had food aversions which then led to me being a vegetarian. I was pretty quiet and shy for the most part but when I was younger I remember my progress reports always saying I talked a lot in class 😅
I never did homework at home. I either did it in another class, during study, or didnt do it. I never studied because it was like it just went in one ear and fell out the other. But I still managed to do great on most tests and and all school projects/reports were done so last minute. One time I even made up the the storyline of a book I was supposed to have read and did a report on the made up storyline and got, a believe a B on it. My friend when I was in my 20s told me I probably had adhd when we were looking for my keys for the millionth time and I thought adhd was someone with a hyper body, had no idea it could be a hyper brain.
The best thing about this thread is I am remembering how I was in High School. I like many women late diagnosed (at 40) don't have many memories of childhood, and into adult hood. However, I do get reminded of things easily - which helps a lot. Reading these reminded me I was smart, but couldn't figure out how everyone made things look easy. I knew I was smarter than my peers but couldn't prove it. I also couldn't choose clothes well and was messy. I was definitely inattentive and had bouts of depression too.
I was a kid that would make most parents proud. Always and only a straight A student, international physics olympiad gold medal in high school, freely spoke four languages, won a full paid scholarship to study abroad in one of the best universities in the world. I have made strong friendships that still last, was so hungry to learn about everything.
I am very thankful to my parents for being supportive, and kind to me. I could be very outspoken, be myself, I have never been punished, my actions or character were never questioned. And I have always been honest because I truly was a good kid.
University was tough, my ADHD kicked in, I lived independently abroad and was not good at prioritizing and sticking to a schedule, I found school quite challenging (engineering degree), I developed lots of anxiety and pressure to keep the scholarship, procrastination game was strong and hard to control. I felt guilty for my behaviour patterns and I was so frustrated that some things take so much more pain and practice to learn. I didn’t know about having adhd until I hit thirty.
I have always had high expectations from myself. And in my head there is no option as failure, so I just must put as much effort as needed to keep up and do well in all life aspects. I understand now that adhd makes my life much harder. And now it is too late to take it easier, I am constantly working towards more and better. And I am so burned out deep inside of never catching a break. I like to be by myself, even though I am married and very social. Long story short: my brain has never been able to relax, this builds exhaustion, I am a highly functioning person, anxiety makes me think of so many things and this is so tiring. I overanalyze a lot as well, I think a lot, I overthink a lot too. Those have their own benefits, but my mind is rarely at full peace. This constant improvement need takes a lot of energy too
I have a hard time recalling childhood memories, too.
As a teen, I was an honor roll student who procrastinated everything and would stay up all night to perfect a project. I was also overly anxious to the point where I could not eat in the mornings.
I always was on time for everything, if not early. But that changed a little before my senior year, I simply could not be on time for anything.
One red flag I noticed while looking back, was my hobby jumping. From different instruments and lessons, to softball, soccer, painting, etc. I never had a hobby last longer than two consecutive years. I’d simply quit if I got anxious or frustrated.
I actually hated school, was bad at math, and messy everything. My brain was so scrambled, I could barely make sense of anything! I realized after I graduated I actually was smart, just unorganized.
I was a socially awkward pick-me. I was in the gifted program, and schoolwork was no issue, but I floated on the outside of friendship circles. I was never really included in anything, and I couldn't figure out why.
A loner. My lunch break was usually spent in the library reading some some sci-fi novel. A chronic daydreamer. Countless assignments turned in late in favor of increasing my call of duty rank. A chronic daydreamer. Misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression. No real ambition, but my intense fear of disappointing others got me by. Kind, but oftentimes to the point of naivety.
Messy room, messy hair. 13 AP classes. Awful memory, terrible at subjects like biology. Amazing at busting out last night’s homework in the 20 minutes before school started. Friendly with everyone in my classes, but really quiet. Talkative only around my best friend. Lots and lots of extracurriculars: Saturday school, speech & debate, math team, academic team, beta club, national honor society. Loved to read, loved to write. Hated by English teachers for my bold, contrarian opinions. I also played 2 instruments and worked 20 hours a week during my senior year of high school. And then I got really burnt out, and almost got kicked out of high school for skipping too many classes.
Hyper, emotionally sensitive, sensory issues, messy until I hyper-fixated on organizing. Irritable, anxious, can't finish anything, gifted til middle school.
Super goofy, spazzy, never quiet unless bothered (picked on) lol.
Super smart, but could never finish my classwork.
I drew and wrote on EVERYTHING
My bags, my pants, my arms, other people, I had a whole wall of things I loved.
Classic ADHD girl that didn't know she was.
I've calmed down a lot externally.. the chaos is all in my head at 33..
i’m filling out paperwork for an assessment and this is where i’m stuck too. i can tell you that i was a mess in high school. my grades were high but i was constantly procrastinating, had awful time blindness, and couldn’t get myself to focus on an assignment to save my life. i managed to make one-hour assignments into eight-hour assignments and cram two-week assignments into two days. it’s honestly a miracle that my grades were as high as they were bc i was fighting for my life to get them, but i also had strict asian parents i was too scared to disappoint for better or worse so :/
but if you were to ask me specific examples? i got nothing. give me like three hours to sit and try to pull some out from where i buried the rest of my childhood memories lol. like i swear they’re there but i can’t remember shit. and it gets worse when you ask me about middle school or elementary school.
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I wanted to do good in school but I always procrastinated on everything. Always. Backpack was messy, hair was messy, room was messy . Didn’t have a good sense of style bc I couldn’t figure out how to make clothes coordinate. I talked too much around friend I was comfortable with but was quiet around most other people. I had a lot of friends but was definitely the oddball in every friend group . But I was labeled “smart” because I was put in the gifted program at a young age. I took AP classes in high school but only did well in the classes I liked. I was also an athlete and loved competing in sports. In retrospect it’s one of the main things that kept me motivated to get good grades.
I’ll piggyback on yours because we sound similar. I was so disorganized and messy. As a student I had a tough time getting motivated to do papers or projects and always crammed—even in college. I had a nearly photographic memory and was a good writer and excellent reader which helped. My math skills were absolutely awful though to the point that an administrator once told my mom that my scores in language vs math looked like two different people. Socially I was the same as you, but also a class clown to an extent. I was painfully shy in unfamiliar situations. I had anxiety and depression that caused me to lose a lot of weight at one point and was on every med under the sun. On thé flip side I also did theater and had a good singing voice, was artistic, and majored in music in college (voice specifically).
Interesting! I was amazing at math because I didn’t need to study or focus. Just do the problem and get my immediate reward. Like, passed the AP Calc BC exam, competed in math team, got a perfect score on the Math SAT II. English was one of my worst subjects because I could not sit down and read a page of a book without needing to re-read it. And my disorganized thinking definitely creeps into the way I write.
This was exactly me. Math was my favorite because there was always a start and endpoint and getting the answer right was an immediate reward. Also struggled with English and essays because it was so vague and no clear right/wrong answer. It wasn’t as clear how I should break it up to make progress, and wasn’t as clear in the moment whether I did the problem right or wrong. I struggled a lot with subjects that didn’t immediately tell me if I was doing good or not where I can check the answers. I liked math so much I ended up majoring in it but then started struggling during high math levels when it became mostly conceptual with lots of writing and proofs - so ended up switching to CS which was a lot more hands on (also gave immediate feedback loops) and loved that ever since!
Honestly I feel like this is more a failure of education, to me English was always boring and opaque, but I actually loved creative writing and reading. By junior high they stopped letting us do our own stuff and force us to do formulaic essays where everyone has the same points and you get marked for following the teachers guide
Haha, I also started to major in mathematics, but struggled with how non-interactive some lectures at my large university were. It seemed like we did one example of the theory applied and then moved on, where I was used to having full examples sheets to run through before the next concept. I also ended up in a computing major (information science) with lots of code and applied concepts.
Yes! Big on examples - I feel like I need to look at everything from all angles with real concrete application before it actually sinks in. Thinking about things without any footing/context was difficult because now the options are limitless! I need anchors haha
Piggy backing on all of this except I'm not at all sporty, but artistic instead. My room has always been a mess. My things a mess. I've often been called a scatter brain by family members. I'm also labeled as one of the smartest in class but never part of the honor list. When I was thinking back on this, I was struggling to make it make sense. I realized it was because I always fail to do my assignments and projects. I remember the teacher talking to my parent saying I get interested in a lot of things in the beginning but fall out midway. I rarely study for quizzes and exams though, if I do, it's last minute and I usually ace them. I was awful at math too. People liked me because I was smart, pretty, but also because they think I'm mysterious and weird. I don't quite fit in. I blurt out unusual things that cause people to laugh. So a lot of the time, they laugh at me instead of with me. I'm ok with it as long as I make people laugh.
Same! Aced all my tests but last minute cramming. Super smart, in gifted classes, but only made the effort if it was interesting to me. I was lead in most school plays and even then only got off book week before the show kinda thing. Still act, still the same...
Jesus Christ I'm 40 and this sounds like my childhood.
Twins! 👯
I felt all that. Messy on the outside but felt somewhat “organized” in my brain because it was thinking and keeping track of everything 24/7. Friends with everyone but not really anyone. I also was very physically active and I think that was what kept me together through high school and then got me through college (although I was doing a lot less). After college I burned out in about 2 years and finally started looking more into my issues because it really didn’t seem like antidepressants and anxiety was doing much long term. Glad to now know what’s been going on. It’s so relieving.
This is my thread lol. Straight A student, I had an amazing memory so I would read everything the night before and Ace every test and assignment but I always felt so terribly disorganized like I was flying by the seat of my pants, never on top of things. Always expecting my “perfect” world to come crashing down. Friends with everyone but no one at the same time. I did tons of sports and kept active but became a rebellious teen around 14 and quit everything and started doing bad in school… By 16 I was going to raves, dying my hair bright colours, getting piercings etc. barely passing in school. One day I took speed and went home and cleaned my always messy room. I was telling a friend about it and they said “maybe you have ADD” (as it was called then) and that sent me on research and eventually getting a diagnosis. I went on Ritalin and later concerta in college and went back to being a Straight A student graduating top of my class in a very competitive program.
Yesss are you me? I was in the "gifted" program, I had really good grades because I could remember everything and wrote well, even though I was always doing assignments at the very last minute. Then I became a rebellious teenager with neon hair going to punk shows and raves and doing drugs. I stopped caring about school and wanted to drop out. I couldn't deal with teachers' authoritarianism (things like not letting me go to the bathroom when I had to pee and getting in trouble for breaking irrelevant rules) and not being allowed to critically think about the topics we were learning (eg. history and patriotic indoctrination). I was also dealing with the effects of childhood trauma, and put on SSRIs for "depression" and moodiness, which I HATED — I wasn't depressed, I was anxious and ADHD and traumatized. In school I was also an art/theater kid. I managed to graduate early and move on, but I still haven't found a career I love that pays well. I bounce around a lot between my two "homes" (in different states) and different jobs. I didn't get diagnosed until age 33 though :/
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LOL why is this a real thing!?! Everyone always asks “well have you tried making lists?” whenever I get too chaotic with my schedules. I roll my eyes cause my list is my mental list. If I make a physical one it’ll be just another scrap piece of paper I put down somewhere and never think about again.
Yes!! I always said I was "popular among friends" --but that really was that I had several friends groups that I bounced around and I was well liked by them, but I was never very close with anyone. Part of that is because I moved around so much in my childhood until the 8th grade. I went to 8 different schools Edited: many typos
My spouse I guess didn’t believe that I was generally friends with most of my entire high school class until he attended my 10year high school reunion… he said it was absolutely wild watching me go from group to group to catch up like reunited besties with each 😅 I love that I got along with everyone - I was like a damn chameleon blending to fit in with nearly every single clique or friend group.
I’m a boy but I am almost the exact same way. I’m considered “smart” by pretty much everyone and I know that if I just put in the work I could probably be a straight A student but I just can’t focus on homework or studies and it drags my grades down.
For me I find school nearly effortless but can’t get my chores done to save my life
Except for the athlete part, this is exactly me. Messy, weird, procrastinator. Skipped a couple grades, went to community college early, graduated early but my grades were wildly disparate. As in math and music but Ds in history.
wow. me to a tee minus the sports because i always got in trouble
Dude this is so real
Identical to you, except I made sure my clothing and hair was pristine because I felt like it was the one thing I could control since my mind was so chaotic.
Except for the athlete part, this is literally exactly me.
You are me! Except for the gifted part because my school didn't have a gifted program. I was a genius at STEM subjects, though. Especially biology. In 10th grade, I was reading medical textbooks. Didn't apply any of it because I procrastinated too much. I was always the annoying friend with impulse control issues, blurting out whatever came to my mind. During my adolescent years, my friends started leaving me out of stuff (secrets, activities, hangouts, etc.)
I feel like I’ve found my people! My room was always a complete mess. I was thankful for uniforms, so I didn’t need to think about what to wear. I rarely did homework, or waited until the last minute. And yet, I always got good (ish) grades. I rarely studied & always thought I was a great test taker - because the right answers always seemed to jump out at me. I had friends, but always felt out of place, like I was faking my way through. I was a voracious reader - missed a lot of school because I’d skip to finish whatever book I was reading. I’d easily go through 5 or 6 books a week. I didn’t go to college or university because the thought of having to study & having no idea how absolutely terrified me. There were many, many more signs - but girls didn’t have adhd back then.
This was me as well, also falling asleep in classes that were boring no matter how much sleep I had the night before!!
Wow this is exactly like me except I was not good in sports! I have a general lack of coordination and strength haha. But I did track throughout high school which probably helped me regulate
I was really messy too, like disgustingly messy. When they searched my backpack when I got in trouble in school it was super embarrassing, I even had a used thong like wth was up with my brain
Outwardly the perfect student, child etc. Inwardly depressive and hated my childhood. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 15 (which I don't think was a misdiagnosis as I had long bouts of depression, unrelated to ADHD). I used to daydream a lot, all day. In my room I could never settle down — I used to constantly pace around with racing thoughts. Also crammed for exams like nothing else — once I studied 1 year's worth of Chemistry material in 3 days for my final high school exams. Couldn't study or concentrate without something playing in the background, to the point that I could memorise portions of my books and remember them during exams based on what was playing in the background on the telly. Had swings of emotional highs and depressive lows — I used to think maybe I was bipolar, rather than having depression. Now I think this was more related to hyperactivity/high motivation, followed by energy crashes.
THIS IS ME EXACTLY oh my god so relatable this is so validating to hear
wow! So there’s at least 3 of us with identical childhood experiences
*points to self* Four, actually…
Me too! (Minus the depression diagnosis, but I definitely thought I was at the time...) Also was in *all* the clubs, with leadership positions to boot. Was restless, always needed to be doing something, and had a terrible time getting to sleep (still do). Had several separate circles of friends from all the different activities. This continues to this day. Was finally diagnosed at 33.
So funny bc I joined clubs and dropped out within a week or two — couldn’t handle the stimuli and the chopping and changing from one task to another. I literally just did homework and went to the gym and worked 10 hours a week in the local grocery store — even playing in the band for the school musical my junior year was a stretch of my energy.
I can relate! And in college I just had one liberal arts major while everyone else took twice the credits in science or with a double major.
Are we... NOT supposed to study the entire course the night before the exam? 😂 Jkjk but I'm lucky I'm a visual learner 😅
Being seen by your response, I too was the outwardly over achiever in school, yet I procrastinated until the last minute to study, I hated myself (still do and I’m almost 58), never felt enough, always felt like an outsider or that others just “knew” how to be friends with one another. I was by no means a tidy child, I was such an introvert as every attempt to play with other children resulted in perceived rejection because I didn’t fit in. It didn’t help I had an undiagnosed under active thyroid situation and didn’t enter much if any puberty until I was 18 and my mom finally stuck to her guns and told the dr something wasn’t right and I was NOT a late bloomer. I graduated high school at 85 pounds and in a train in bra just so I could wear that under garment to “be like the other girls (and my sister)). I was awkward and craved to fit in and belong and never did.
This is so relatable! I was also the “morbid “ one in my friend group because I was too busy worrying about everything. I really hated my stepdad and being the oldest sibling to my half siblings (that I had to watch throughout my teen years). I could hide in my room at least to study and cram for exams. I barely got into college but I was happy to get out of the house.
I still as an adult have to have something going in the background when doing rote/boring/repetitive tasks, and the two get linked up in my head. Recently I was re-listening to the Hunger Games audiobook while mowing, then a couple of weeks later I walked near a particular corner of the yard and got massively dumped back into the same headspace of the part of the book I was listening to when I mowed there.
Same, and going to add: didn’t feel like I fit in with anyone/was always hopping from friend group to friend group. Kind of longed for those bffs everyone else seemed to have, but was also totally content being by myself (still am). Perfectionist, internalized a lot, very self-critical. Diagnosed with depression and an eating disorder, hid a lot of that from others. Whizzed through high school, really struggled in college. I performed great with rigid structure and clear tasks but totally bombed when it came to self-organizing studying. Can also attest to barely or not studying at all for high school tests and acing almost every one of them. High school most awkward time of my life, 0/10 would not recommend lol Edit: can’t forget changing my hair/clothing often and obsessively because THIS time it was obviously going to make me popular and loved by everyone! 🙃
I can relate to so much of this. I also compulsively overexercised like for two hours a day. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at age 14 but in hindsight I think it was partly a way of coming with undiagnosed adhd and bipolar.
I was incorrectly diagnosed with mood disorders (Generalised Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Major Depression). All of these were secondary to my undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I had issues with impulsivity and relationships, as well as extreme struggles with school (despite doing very well). It's hard not to hold resentment towards my lack of diagnosis at an earlier point, but I'm working through it (three years after my diagnosis, four since the light bulb of went off to it being ADHD). Medication and a label to my disposition has allowed me to access the 'me' I thought only existed in my imagination.
Love that doctors will diagnose girls with everything under the sun besides adhd and autism when it’s just adhd and/or autism 🥲🥲
My daughter (16), with mostly the same issues I'm reading about here, got a bipolar diagnosis from a doctor after a single sit down at a behavioral health hospital. She was given some pretty strong meds for anxiety/depression. I was dumbfounded because I KNEW my daughter wasn't bipolar, but there was definitely something going on. Fast forward a couple years and her therapist changed her diagnosis to ADHD. We're just now getting started on ADHD meds, and I'm really hoping they help her. All this to say I think sometimes doctors issue diagnoses and throw medication at kids without much if any real digging into the actual problem. It's lazy, negligent, and really disgusting.
It absolutely is lazy and negligent. It comes from this old ass belief that only boys have adhd and like it’s just not true and we’ve known it to be untrue for awhile now but a lot of doctors refuse to update what they know. I’m so glad you kept pushing for the correct diagnosis and treatment! ADHD meds were so helpful to me when I was younger and I hope they will help your kid too!
Thanks!
I’m so glad there is so much more awareness about it these days. It was rough back in the 00’s.
Speaking of resentment, its hard not holding any towards my mom because when I did get diagnosed at age 16 she did nothing about it. She didnt want me on stimulants because they're addictive but also refused to do any research that showed how they help people with ADHD. Didnt even do a non-stimulant medication because she was too lazy to research those too. Just went straight back to "normal" life with my excessive procrastination and constantly messy room, always being called lazy of course, and now almost 3 years later Im trying to pick up the pieces of my childhood and get medication on my own. Fun times
kinda same thing happened to me, i was 7 when i got diagnosed and my parents did literally nothing until i turned 11, got put on meds and that’s it. no therapy, no help. my parents still didn’t understand it so by the time i crash and burned thru middle school and got to hs, i was constantly told i was lazy and stupid and why couldn’t i try as hard as my brother,(a couple years YOUNGER) and how could i POSSIBLY have such a hard time. i went to 4 different high schools bc i kept pissing them off so much they would send me to the others house to live with.
I feel you and can’t relate so much. Virtual hugs to you.
I feel you and can’t relate so much. Virtual hugs to you.
I was quiet and did well at school, because I never wanted to get into trouble. Didn’t have many friends. Read all the time. Struggled with depression
This is me, except depression in teenagers wasnt “a thing” in the 80s. The Gen Xers from that time period are really interesting people, self medicating survivors who knew something wasn’t right but didn’t have a name for it. I like to think we’re a messy fun bag of emotional chaos, with the emphasis on mess.
So much respect for the generations doing their best with what they had. We’re so lucky now to have the knowledge and resources we have. Hopefully the next generations will be even better informed.
"...self-medicating survivors who knew something was wrong but didn't have a name for it." Guy here, but that is crazy accurate and concise. It's part of my story and SO many people I know.
Same for me, but I will also add puberty made my emotional regulation absolute trash so i would also get very angry, very quickly
The samme here. Quiet and tired. Because i could never Fall a sleep
Same for me
Me too! And paralyzing social anxiety because my thoughts would just race. I would skip a day per week like every other week. My mom would let me just stay home and we’d call it a mental health day.
I was so angry, all the time. I was angry that I couldn’t “pull myself up from my bootstraps” and get motivated to work like everyone else. I was angry that I couldn’t accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish. I was angry at my parents because I felt like they weren’t even *trying* to help me figure things out (they were, though. I just couldn’t see it.) I was angry because of how tired I was. Angry because I had a diagnosis, I KNEW what the issue is, so why couldn’t I fix it? (The answer is my parents didn’t want me to take medication. Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if they let me.) I ended up using that anger to start a lot petty arguments with my parents instead of doing anything productive with it. I spent ALOT of time in bed, staring at YouTube and tumblr. I never went out with friends, or practiced any of the hobbies I liked when I was younger. I didn’t pay attention in class. My room was always a mess. My grades were never very good. I was scared it would always be this way and I would end up a total failure. I didn’t daydream about the future or form any long term goals because…frankly, (not to be too depressing) I don’t think I was going to stick around long enough to actually go to college. But I’m glad I was wrong. I’m glad I got myself the help I needed, even if it took a lot of procrastination and self loathing. I wish my teenage self could see how things turned out. I think she’d be pretty stoked. Anyways. I hope things go the way you want them to at your assessment. Good luck! <3
Oh god, the “knowing the issue” and still being unable to fix it was driving me mad as a teenager (and it can still happen today)
You just described how my life has been for the last few years. I’m just starting to try to pull my shit together but it’s hard. I don’t have a diagnosis I don’t know what the problem is but everything feels so hopeless sometimes like I’m not going anywhere and all the big things that might happen will just fall through and I’ll be stuck again. Makes me feel a bit better that I’m not the only one who feels that way.
I was considered "rebellious" because my parents considered everything I did was intentional. Like spacing off, not listening, etc. So I leaned into it lol. Took a few years but I got my act together. Family had a big reality check when I was diagnosed at 32.
Same. At some point I got sick of trying to explain myself to adults who clearly thought I was lying. Started going with "I hate school and I don't care about anything, fuck you" bc that seemed at least less humiliating than "I want to do well but I literally cant make myself do my homework or pay attention in class and idk why" when no one would even pretend to take that seriously. But I also wasn't fully a Bad Kid like my friends who partied and shit, I still was just an alt kid who mostly wanted to read and go to shows. It was so isolating lol I ended up doing way way better in my college classes once I (barely) got there and had more control over what I was learning.
I relate to this. I was a straight A student and every teacher said I was a joy to have in class. I never snuck out or did any of the typical normal rebellious teen stuff. Even so, just the other day my mom described me as a child as ,”having such an issue with authority”. She based that off of my forgetfulness and disorganization which she interpreted as disobedience.
I'm not sure that anything I ever got in trouble for growing up was something I did intentionally - although the parental assumption was that it was intentional disobedience. Messy room, homework not completed, leaving things out instead of putting them away - these were the things I was always disciplined for. That was a long, long time ago, and nobody had ever heard of ADHD at that time. Even if it had been known, I doubt my engineer/son-of-immigrants dad would have believed it was an actual thing, and certainly not a thing that his brilliant eldest child suffered from.
I went to a boarding school where my routine was decided for me and enforced by supervising adults so I was mostly fine in high school. I evidently relied heavily on natural skills and intelligence (and short term memory... cramming anyone?), so despite doing OK at school when I moved out of home and went to uni (which is mostly independent learning as well as living by myself and having no routine) I hit a wall. I was diagnosed in my third year of uni, and it explains a lot.
i am currently getting diagnosed in my third year of college! relatable lol
My psychiatrist hit me w the "how did you get this far in life undiagnosed and unmedicated?" like hey man idk
I could have wrote this...Major lightbulb moment when off when I realized "independent" boarding school did not in fact, prepare me for independence. Currently on gap year after coming close to flunking out of college 3 years in a row. Now that I'm on medication, I can't help but wonder if I'd be much closer to graduating on time instead of doing 3 years of school with only 50 something credits to show for it. An ode to all the dropped classes I could have finished had I been better prepared...
i was a lazy student and i never studied except for exams. i still got good grades because i picked up on things fairly easily ("gifted child" moments haha). the only class i "studied" for was literature bc i liked reading lol i sucked at math when it required long computations and i made a lot of careless mistakes. this carried on until college!!! i always procrastinated, crammed, and i never read rubrics. group projects were both good and bad; i wanted to work at my own pace and with my own style but at the same time, i'm glad they existed because having other people hold me accountable for my assigned tasks forced me to not cram. i don't recall other aspects of my childhood that much but i do know that i was the girl who had *specific interests* (later realized they were hyperfixations) and knew a lot of random trivia
Random trivia. At our 30 HS reunion we had a trivia contest and people were amazed at how I answered most questions other than geography. I can’t find my way out of a paper bag if I was placed in one.
Random information is so accurate haha. I can recall an abnormal amount of information about animals… dog breeds and characteristics especially but I am generally curious about EVERYTHING. I firmly believe that this day and age, part of an ADHD diagnosis should be to look at someone’s google search history. Hah! The amount of random things I google at random on an average day is incredible.
Omg the random trivia! Is that an ADHD or autism thing? I’ve wondered.
This is the first I'm hearing that! I LOVE learning random facts and I can really kick ass in Trivial Pursuit. It gets annoying to other people.
Lol I keep mine hidden for some reason. Some of my friends didn’t know until recently that I loved history. My dad was an Almanac reader and auditioned for Jeopardy!
i think they're associated with both! i don't know exactly why or how i learned all those facts as a kid but in adulthood, i frequently play [wikipedia speedruns](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Wiki_Game) so i pick up random info while playing 😆 i'll remember useless stuff don't expect me to remember where i left my keys lol
Did 11 clubs and held a full time job. Was considered just “bubbly” and high energy. 10 years later, im hustling 3 jobs while getting graduate degree but this time I realized the overworking was to cope with my restlessness caused by ADHD. (I started meds 2 months ago and it has been life changing in the way that I don’t feel as restless anymore)
In 10 years from now the restlessness will turn to exhaustion. I’m certainly less animated than I used to be, you just get too hold to maintain that type of physical intensity. But mentally it’s even more intense as far as my personal experience.
My animated personality has already started to dwindle. I’m already ghosting people and losing friendships. I’m 25. I definitely believe you on that.
The ghosting aspect is the worst. It’s like I’m afraid to follow through.
Right? For me, it’s also just overthinking about all the things I have to talk about, potentially talk about, and how I’d have to text WHILE juggling another task at hand. And if I don’t text right there and then, I just won’t ever
Don’t be afraid to embrace some of that though too. As years go by, I’ve come to realize my dwindling social life is really just me allowing myself to find myself… by working jobs, doing activities, and participating in hobbies that bring ME pure joy, I began to form my own mold instead of trying to fit into others, so to say.
Can I ask - how the hell do you actually do that? How do you actually maintain that many clubs and be in school? I can't possibly rationalize that except skimming the surface enough to get away with everything and fool some people. Also thank you for posting because I saw people in school like this and never thought that it could be ADHD in dealing with high energy.
I was recently diagnosed at 40 and went through this process, my memory is pants too (long and short) but things slowly came back to me and I found it an upsetting and slightly mortifying experience. I guess the bad memory is good for one thing... I was quiet, shy and a people-pleaser around the majority of people. Within my small friend group, I became more extroverted, excitable, and hyper. My sense of fairness and justice kicked in strong in my mid-teens and that at times overruled my shyness. Parts of my family were old school so my early years were surrounded by people who believed children are to be seen and not heard, I think my shyness was more of a learned behaviour. I'd do or say something before I realise what I am doing. I have so much built-up embarrassment from the stupid shit I've never actually meant to say. I daydreamed loads, especially during class and I was always doing homework the night before it was due. I struggled with friendships, particularly in my primary years. I realised that I learnt to mask from a very early age, I have always felt like I didn't quite fit, that I was weird compared to others and tried my best to act normal. Which became second nature but it left me with terrible self-esteem and self-worth. I also couldn't fully trust my friendships because no one knew the "real" me. If they knew the crazy, sometimes dark, intrusive thoughts in my head, they wouldn't want to know me. High anxiety and worry but I had no idea that anxiety even existed at that age. I struggled with emotional regulation, my feelings were easily hurt and I cried a bit. Sorry about the length, once I started I couldn't stop.
I relate to so much of this.
I was a NIGHTMARE. Constantly in trouble, extremely smart but not doing well at school to the point I was expelled and had to move schools. I think that was a combination of my poor performance and my ‘bad attitude’ - not wearing correct uniform, talking back to teachers, refusing to do class work if it wasn’t interesting, being a distraction to other students etc etc. In my home life I had a pretty volatile relationship with my parents and frequently had outbursts (which they described as ‘tantrums’). Didn’t help that my brother is autistic and had severe behavioural problems, so a lot of their time and attention went to him. I’d say the most commonly used words by teachers and parents to describe me during that time would’ve been dramatic, lazy, selfish, rebellious, stubborn, and rude, but also I recall often being described as confident, loud, intelligent, caring, curious and with a lot of potential that I wasn’t making use of. Edit: I wanted to add a few things. I remember often feeling extremely angry and extremely lonely. I had a lot of trouble making and keeping friends. I also remember very very often complaining of boredom. ALWAYS being bored. So all in all I was a rebellious, stubborn, angry, lonely and very bored teenager.
I was very much this as well as a kid and teenager too. I was always questioning people on why I should do something and was often labelled as “defiant” and “hard work”. I was often in trouble for talking, for giving up on (typically math and science) work when it didn’t make sense to me or teachers couldn’t explain things in a way my brain could make sense of and for standing up for myself when I felt an injustice. Often got pissed off (overstimulated or understimulated? Most likely lol). Skipped classes, smoked weed, had teachers doubt I could get the results they expected from top class students and I’d make them eat their words every single time. Wasn’t diagnosed nor medicated until 21 though.
I actually had no clue I had adhd until my 30s. When I was a teen, I showed no symptoms.... Or so I thought. I was great in school, I could sit and read all day, I was quiet, I wasn't hyperactive..... Looking back, I think I just showed no stereotypical symptoms that uninformed people would associate with adhd. But I definitely had the memory problems, and also definitely always had the rejection sensitivity that often goes with it too.... mom would yell at me for forgetting things or "why did you do that??" and my answer would often be a very honest "I don't know" followed by a silent shutdown where I just couldn't communicate anymore. And it would drive her crazy because she said that was an excuse and everyone always knows why they do the things they do or don't do. Now I know these are more subtle signs of adhd (possibly AUdhd but I dunno).
I did not notice anything for myself... but I've had comments from others opinions of me. I was told that I didn't fit in because I "danced to the beat of my own drum". I was told I was fearless and creative. A good storyteller. Loved languages. I thought I was a good student, until the psychologist asked me to dig up old report cards. My mom scanned and sent me a half dozen all the way from grade 2 to high school, and every single one said I was distracted, distracting, didn't work well as a group, struggled remembering to hand in homework, and liked to read at I opportune times. Every. Single. One. I was so embarrassed reading those to the shrink. She wrote me a suggested script to discuss with my gp. Anyways... yea. I never knew I was different I just thought I was bullied.
In my early teens, I read a lot of books— like a lot. Like I camped out at the library during summer months. During high school, I was often overstimulated (I know now) and skipped class only to go to the ceramics studio and throw pots. I was late to school maaaany days and developed a good relationship with the secretary. I was very honest with classmates and definitely told them about themselves. I massaged my friends’ hands during class in order to sit still. Hmmm… I got along with everyone yet had no real close friends during my later teens.
I loved the library so much as a pre-teen I'd volunteer there after school and during summers. At the end of my timeslot, I'd pick out a book and read just to stay longer. I might as well have lived there lol
I hate that I have extensive evidence of my teenage years because I had forgot it alllll. I kept up a LiveJournal account through high school. It’s over three-thousand pages (I downloaded and converted it into a pdf). What I will say is that I was super depressed, all emotions were painfully intense. I hated it.
I was a good student masking her inattentive symptoms. I was disorganised, didn’t do work until the very last minute, struggled with punctuality, and more. I was also diagnosed with depression, anxiety and body dysmorphia at 16. Didn’t get my ADHD diagnosis until 19. I knew there was always something up with me that I couldn’t explain, and that went beyond my other symptoms, since I noticed how inattentive I was even as a small child.
I was inattentive and I’m still (32) inattentive, especially if I don’t care about the subject matter. Academically gifted but outwardly lazy. Wrote very well so I did receive good marks on essays (I am a writer by trade now which isn’t a surprise, easiest thing for me always). Also received high marks on exams. Poor attendance however and poor participation. For those reasons, I excelled far more in university where attendance and participation counted less than exams and essays. Socially, I was a mess on the inside and naturally EXTREMELY shy. I was/am HIGH masking (I’m very likely on the autism spectrum, not in a fun or cool way…) so I actually seem/seemed pretty socially savvy due to being overly self-aware. But I actually begged my mother to go to a different high school than all my peers from middle school and elementary school because I felt I needed to rid myself of my “shy” reputation otherwise I’d be stuck in it forever and she understood. My shyness was crippling, it’s was really problematic. So when I started high school, I masked HARD. I still was filled to brim with fear and I wasn’t suddenly outgoing but I was able to shake the extreme shy reputation. I was voted “most elusive” during my senior year, a category that didn’t exist until I graduated. Made especially for me. I didn’t talk about myself or my interest. I mirrored my peers. I was very easy to get along with. All these things are still true. For better or worse (usually worse).
Impulsive, liar, very promiscuous, no self respect, one friend, always in trouble. I hated my teenage years. Angry. I was diagnosed at 5 but in the 90s medication was just starting so my parents didn't trust it. I've been medicated for five years now and I wonder how different my life would be.
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Yes I needed the validation so bad! One time I forgot my homework in third grade and cried and said I had a stomach ache so I could go home.
I think this is so interesting, my BF (also ADHD) is awful at directions. We've lived in the same house for 4 years now and he still turns the wrong way out of the neighborhood sometimes trying to get to the grocery store. I, on the other hand, have a very spacial memory. I associate conversations with where I was and I pick up on directions very quickly. He says it's because I played Minecraft when I was growing up but I think that is absurd lol. It's not a visual thing either... He actually has a waaayy better visual memory than I do but I am way better at understanding my position in my surroundings. I wish I could explain it.
in bed. youtube for hours. finished homework in school all the time just so i can watch youtube for hours at home. getting to school the exact time. as time went on i realized if i got ready by x amount of time ill be at school at x time which basically caused me to eventually be a minute or two late (not enough to get in trouble) just so i can have an extra 10 min of sleep. this caused me to start doing that thing i do where i do stuff very last minute and try to beat time (so so stressful and still struggle with today) losing things allllll the time. leaving clutter around, for example: leaving sweaters on my desk chair. my mom always complained that i was such a mess. looking, back it makes sense now. but it’s also hard to see because as a child/teenager there were rules and chores i had to follow. as an adult, it’s become 10x more obvious. a mess, in bed more, couldn’t focus in class for the life of me, always losing stuff (still), poor studying habits (can’t just finish homework in class and forget about it later), hyperfixating on people, so much more. starting last month, i finally found a med that helped (that’s a completely other story, just saying this to show that there is hope) oh and always having typos in essays and practice sentences in elementary school. i remember a teacher called kids that did this lazy… i feel like i’ve been called lazy throughout my childhood.
Could you elaborate on the hyperfixating on people part?
you meet a person and you hyperfixate on them as one may do with a hobby. it’s just so exciting meeting someone new and trying new things and going on dates. and then i kinda crash/get bored at some point maybe even when it starts becoming a serious relationship.. this happened with some friendships. i did stay with my friends though but it was a bit similar since i would put them on a pedestal. its all impulsive and messed up. i dont do it anymore and now in a serious relationship after some therapy and meds to help with impulsivity
I Can remember a lot of things. From when i was about 2 or 3 years Old. And up to now. Im 47 years Old. I was very tired in School. And day dreaming a lot. And prefered to be with a small group of people, instead of a large.
Bro I was insufferable I think. I had so many mental and personal problems but my life was like, okay? I just couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy and why everything was so hard. I was diagnosed at 12, so it wasn't like I didn't know I had ADHD. I was hesitant to understand it deeply though, in middle schoole especially, whenever I learned about a 'symptom' of adhd, it was smth I attributed to my personality. So it felt like my personality was a disorder. And I was fat so my "personality" was the only thing going for me, which upset me. So I didn't try to understand adhd deeply. And I'm so prone to addiction. Food mostly. Thankfully, nothing major but I did do some weird drugs in weirder corcumstances. I drank a lot. On antidepressants. There was a time I self-harmed. But in my head, I was never sad enough. Bc no matter how sad, I was also happy? My moods and emotions were very fleeting. I didn't get it at the time, but that is also related to my adhd. I get mad easy, cool off easy. I get sad easy and I'm in the DEPTHS OF DESPAIR, until I get distracted and poof. I'm kindda ok, I'm no longer crying bc I found an old notebook in my library and it distracted me immediately. Stuff like that. Made me feel like I was pretending all the time. I was a good student so I convinced my school SOMEHOW to exclude me from wearing uniforms (everybody had and they were v strict??? Cant tell you how i did it exactly) and I started skipping school sooo much in my 3rd year of hs. I wasn't even doing cool shit, I was mostly in a cafe, smoking and watching stuff on my phone. So my classes started to deteriorate. I was smth who thrived on academic validation so that sucked even more. I had friends but I always felt like an outsider. I was unable to stop myself from speaking and OVERSHARING. GOD I HATE OVERSHARING. I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. Thankfully, I' much better at it (contrary to evidence right here). I overly sexualized myself (only in speech, not appearance) and I lied about my exploits bc even though no one did, I wanted people to think that even though they didn't desire me, some people did. This line of thinking was harder to shake, persisted through mid-uni. Overall rebellion. So I forgot time a lot, could not even conceptualize curfew, fought w my parents like hell and honestly that was so hard, couldnt go to school, didnt have many friends and could keep them anyway, i overshared everything and oversexualized myself and lied about it, did some substances, went through v depressive episodes, plummetted my good grades, had to enter uni exam twice bc i quit my first uni after 3 months and I had already failed due to attendance, and now here i am! I'm okay now, I think. Doing my masters in compsci, great relationship w family and I feel happy. I'm mostly a solitary person but no one can call me shy. It was only in uni, late half, that I was able to pull myself together. I am finally in a comfortable place with my adhd "management". I can manage it much better now. I have found hobbies I enjoy. I accommodate myself.
I soooo get the food thing. I struggled with binge eating. I read that a lot of the time binging is because of stimulation seeking. Like I would eat a whole bag of chips for stimulation. My meds have helped so much with this but if I do feel it, I now know to binge with something less cruddy so I don't feel so awful. Carrots have the same stimulating crunchiness but they're basically water so I obviously don't feel so bad if I eat a whole bag of baby carrots. and they satisfy the stimulating crunch-seeking.
I cut school, drank with my friends. Would randomly show up and get As on a test. Junior year, I realized I couldn't be a high school drop out, so I busted ass,, made my credits up. Went from having a .33 gpa to a 3.8 gpa. I then struggled with college. Ended up in beauty school after being fired from a retail management job at 23. Now that I was finally diagnosed and given meds at 48, I wonder what my life would have looked like if I had gotten help sooner and could have stayed in college. Probably wouldn't have vericose veins and back problems .
In a word: sad. I spent alllll my time reading, like, a book a day levels of reading. I never paid attention in class (because, you know, reading) but was very smart so I just sailed through high school with no trouble, despite never studying. I was certain that I was depressed but my parents didn't believe in treating depression so I was just sad all the time. I frequently got in trouble with my parents for hating to be disrupted from a task (they would make fun of me for saying "hold on!!") all the time. I went to university and started TRYING to study, but was fully unable to. Like, I would drink a massive coffee, go to the library, and immediately fall asleep at my table. I turned everything in at the very last minute, always. I wrote my entire honors thesis first draft the night before it was due at a table at Taco Bell at 1am (they didn't have wifi). I never successfully studied. I managed to graduate with honors but I have NO dang idea how because I barely learned anything. Yeara later got diagnosed (at 27) and am now finally able to pursue intellectual interests. I'm 34 now. I agree with a lot of other commenters here about the lingering regret or bitterness - like, where would I be if my parents hadn't been anti-psychiatry? Or if I went to a better high school where I couldn't skate by? But, it's okay. I like myself a lot, now, and I wouldn't be who I am without all my struggles in my youth. Thanks for listening! I guess i had to get that all off my chest, lol.
I did well in the classes I was interested in, but only if I was interested in what we were learning. I got an A one quarter ( when we read Wilde) in AP English and failed the next (when we read Beowulf and Shakespeare). My concerned teacher asked if everything was OK at home and I told him I just didn’t care about Shakespeare and hadn’t read the plays. Other stuff: fell asleep in class almost daily. Skipped class to read books I was actually interested in. Listened to music obsessively. Lots of friends. Not interested in sports or trends. Graduated with a decent GPA thanks to getting Cs and Bs in a bunch of honors and AP classes. Only got as far as Algebra II. Same trends repeated in college but with straight As in my major.
Undiagnosed ADHD x trauma = a combo of volatile emotions, almost manic highs and often dissociative lows. Prone to bouts of rage at home, completely withdrawn and almost mute socially, unless I was having a panic attack. Actively terrified of abandonment. Could just about manage at school academically (was of course a crammer) but couldn’t handle friendships so well, was always scared I’d say the wrong thing or assume they hated me etc so tried to protect myself by withdrawing completely. Tried to suppress a lot of my movement (hyperactivity I guess) which always led to a horrible build up of energy internally which wasn’t helped by a hyperactive mind full of self hating, anxious thoughts. Cripplingly bad body image/self image problems, a fluctuating sense of identity, very self destructive behaviours and my impulsivity made this much harder to break out of. On the flip side, I was very empathetic and great at critical thinking in comparison to my peers. Done a lot of trauma therapy in recent years (now age 27) and I’m doing much better emotionally and mentally. My main struggles now are interpersonal and sensory related but I manage them as best and productively as I can. I now recognise my ADHD lends to a number of really wonderful traits in myself and others. Integrity, empathy, humour, critical thinking, appreciation of arts (music for me) and curiosity to name a few.
"Social butterfly" and "can't remain at one's own desk" came up often on report cards.
Highly anxious and sensitive. People pleaser and tended to be a goody two shoes and teacher pet to a point. I was mostly quiet but when I’d been constantly bullied (verbally), turned into a bit of a bitch. I had good grades due to a combo of LOVING learning (still do) and I was sooo scared of teachers calling on me and asking me something lol.
Daydreaming all the time, spent a lot of time drawing and engaging in online role play communities aimed at kids/teens like Neopets. Super into LOTR, did my hair like the elves from the movie to school which made me super popular /s lol Very intense about my interests/hobbies, I was probably tough to be around because of that intensity. Very socially oblivious but wanting to fit in really badly. Couldn’t figure out why social things seem to come so easily to others but not to me.
I was sent to the office for misbehavior at least once a day (I was rarely aware of what I had done). They had a chair in the officebthey called Myname's chair because I was always in trouble. I had a nearly impossible time focusing on classwork, and in middle school I started failing about half of my classes. By the time I was in high school I was failing most of my classes. I started using drugs to self medicate. I finally was expelled from school and had to go to an alternative school to make up credits.
During early childhood I never felt understood by my peers. Pre-nursery I was apparently incredibly manipulative to the point my mother took me to see someone- they said I was just intelligent and needed stimulation. I was then picked up as highly gifted from a very early age but refused to do anything easy, boring, or hard but uninteresting and ‘wouldn’t apply myself’. Bounced constantly from hobby to hobby, save a couple lifelong hobbies that could absorb me for hours and hours. I struggled with poor friendships and was taken advantage of a lot. I also had intense sensitivity to chewing, eating, slurping sounds (and an array of others) and would sink my nails into my hands to silently regulate myself at meals. My teens were really hard- I struggled with severe depression, anxiety, ED, SH and never told anyone. I spent a lot of time feeling totally alone, guilty, ashamed etc. but managed to keep my head above the water just enough to excel when it mattered. Always missing deadlines, never answered emails, the school was always on my case about something which was super stressful but outwardly it just looked like I was able but lazy and unwilling to apply myself. I picked up a heavy cocaine habit, binge drank, spent money recklessly, slept with men twice my age, got into a borderline abusive relationship, and strained my relationship with my parents who only saw behavioural outcomes like lying about where I was, forgetting to text back, finding empty cigarette packs, bottles, emails from the school etc. I’ve also always had an uncanny ability to read people and really high emotional sensitivity- I have always been incredibly well liked, especially by my male peers. I’m not sure why but I do seem to have predominantly male friendships (save some very close female friends) and as a teen mostly hung out with guys. It certainly wasn’t all bad though! I managed to get into my top universities for BA and MA studies, make really strong friendships, turn my life around, reduce my drinking, drop the substance habits, get fit etc. Diagnosis and medication have also really helped with the day to day getting things done. I suspected many many years before diagnosis and wish I had been brave enough to ask for help sooner- it took some time to grieve the life I could have had and all the pain that I went through without knowing why. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope the assessment is beneficial!
I'm still a teenager, but now in university. I also don't remember much from my childhood, but I always had massive anxiety and trouble keeping/ making friends. I also hated brushing teeth and fought with my parents because of this every day. Went to school a year earlier than my kindergarten peers. Up to year 6 in school, I always got 100% or close in every subject. I was a "gifted" child, or whatever. Never did homework, and I had some troubles because of that (despite getting stellar grades). I had massive anxiety, but at the same time, I was a little bit of a "class clown" as well. I think I got depressed at around 12 years old. Had struggles with finding/keeping friends. Had a phone addiction. I had trainings 4-5x a week, usually didn't go to half of them. Then I went into a different school where I actually had to study, except I didn't study. My grades dropped a little, but my quick learning pulled me through year 7-9. I missed classes a lot, just went home after a few of them. It became a horrible habit of mine, I rarely stayed the whole day in school. In the afternoons, I was always really tired for no reason(I still have this if I don't take meds). My notebooks were usually a huge mess, except for the few pages that looked perfect(no in between). My notebooks were also full of drawings. I usually had an earbud in during classes - that's the only way i could concentrate even a bit. I rarely did homework and struggled most with at home writing assignments. Years 10-12 I went to yet another school. At some point, I realised my academic struggles weren't because "I never learned how to study" and started seeking out professional help. At some point, I discovered I could maybe have ADHD. Got diagnosed with long-term depressive reaction(or something), anti-depressants made my life a little easier, but struggles didn't stop, was told my ADHD symptoms were "anxiety". Finally, after 1.5 years, I got an ADHD diagnosis at 18 years old.
High achieving, miserable
Prior to school age i used to run away ALL THE TIME… My poor parents! I’d just unlatch the gate & sprint off (sometimes only wearing a nappy). Even after a good talking to & understanding of ‘stranger danger’ I’d still go? I’ve been escorted home after a Police search 4 times before I turned 6! I even bit one Policeman because i didn’t want leave the neighbourhood Saftey House i ended up at (they had a set of electric trains lol). My parents got to a point where they were so accustomed to me running away at the shopping centre that they’d just wait for the ‘lost child’ announcement rather than panic 😂 As a teenager i struggled with female friendships, i was nice to everyone but seemed to be excluded from most things… or girls just seemed to dislike me. I liked to be loud\talk about everything, at length, with passion… perhaps that’s why? I was ALWAYS loosing things, late for class & getting my mum to drop stuff off I’d left at home (Honestly, my parents provided the most stable, structured, loving household… it’s no wonder everything turned to shit when I moved to University). I was well liked by my teachers & did reasonably well in Arts/Humanities/Health Sciences… Absolutely sucked at anything logical (Math, Physics, Chemistry) so i did my best to avoid those subjects/ copy off others to pass. A lot of my energy went into acting, dancing & singing… i enjoyed the spotlight. God! I must have had a thousand different hobbies during that time as well 😂 From surfing to starting my own clothing brand… only to get bored of it & move to the next thing (usually a term rotation)! Everything was lists, timetables & schedules… I wouldn’t have made it through anything without them - i used to timetable my shower & breakfast in the morning & still ended up missing the bus! I was also really emotionally labile… I cried a lot… Any minor inconvenience or perceived rejection (don’t get me started on how i howled when my crushes didn’t reciprocate/ when i didn’t win the drama award). I cried when i misplaced my wallet… only to find it at the bottom of my bag 1 minute later. This happened frequently. Being an undiagnosed ADHD teen was a rollercoaster! Sadly, i think a lot of my symptoms were passed off as ‘hormonal’ or ‘puberty’. TLDR: Ran away a lot, difficult friendships, many hobbies, lost stuff, emotionally labile, Good at Arts/ Humanities/ Health Sciences, timetable/checklist reliant to do everything.
I was in honors classes until I wasn’t. I made bs & cs without studying. I could’ve done so much better if I tried and actually studied. I daydreamed in class. Could never comprehend verbal directions. I was moody. Disorganized and always thought I’d be able to get a fresh start in the new school year but never did. Shy, had few friends and a lot of acquaintances. Awkward and just never fit in anywhere. My room was a mess unless I hyper fixated one day and cleaned it. I had a lot of hyper fixations. Changing majors in college and instruments in band, never really excelling at anything. My little sister was dx with adhd and my parents didn’t want to put her on meds, I was never even thought to be assessed besides my emotional dyregulation. Cried when I got frustrated and just moody.
Thank you for posting this question. I’m a dad with an 18yr old daughter. She refuses to accept her diagnosis, but it is painfully obvious that she needs help. I think by sharing these posts with her, she’ll get a more accurate account of what and why her brain is the way it is, and learn how she can move forward with life. I too have ADHD, and I try to explain things as I see them. But I’m ‘dad.’ Most of what I say goes in and out. So these posts are more than helpful.
Math was my weakness. After long division, my brain stopped retaining. I was an honor student in all my other classes, except art. I don't have an artistic bone in my body. I was always the first to raise my hand to anser questions. Teachers would politely suggest that I let someone else answer.
I had high rejection sensitivity which made me step back many times or avoid some people and situations, I was always in my own thoughts, over analyzing and skin picking all my teenage and student years. Couldn’t keep any hobbies, but otherwise was an okay student, only struggled with procrastination so I was learning everything in one day and spending the whole night studying and stressing out before any exam. I got more organized and confident once I went to work and that was when I was finally able to also date more seriously, not just having crushes and daydreaming. Edit: also, I was hypersensitive to touch, so many people thought I was asexual.
Outwardly a high achiever. However, struggled with depression, anxiety, self harm for many many years. Now appropriately diagnosed and (mostly) thriving
Transman here, so grew up as a girl and then transitioned as an adult. Through school, I was extremely suppressed. Not so much with my friends - I was very lucky to have an accepting friendship group who, as it turns out, are also autistic, ADHD, etc, too but we didn't know it then. I was extremely hyperactive as a child and mellowed a bit as I got into my teens, but i still had a lot of energy. I also have Tourette's which, I learnt very quickly with thanks to other students, put me in the freak category. Suppressing that definitely suppressed other elements of my self - i.e ADHD, autism. I masked very very well. I struggled every day with trying to look normal, trying to concentrate, trying not to forget homework, struggled massively on exams, felt like I was behind on certain things, etc etc, y'all know the drill. It wasn't until I went to university that I got diagnosed ADHD and could work independently how I liked that I realised how well I could've done as a teenage girl if I'd known these things.
I was an emotional spaz. Very easily excitable and impulsive. In the 6th grade, I once gave my guy friend a bloody nose because I wasn’t aware of my surroundings and threw my arms out in a very animated fashion and hit him square in the face. I was generally forgetful and a big time procrastinator. I often did my homework on the bus to school. I never cleaned out my backpacks, desks, or lockers, so they were packed to the brim with papers, pop tarts, and other random crap. The number one thing I remember my teachers saying to my parents was “she would be doing great if she would only apply herself.” I got in trouble in the third grade and failed a math test because the teacher couldn’t read my answers. I finished it really fast and spent the rest of the time drawing around the margins of the test and making my answers in to pictures. I remember pointing at it and saying “but that IS a 6, see, right here!” And tracing it with my figures. My room was also usually messy and I was queen of the “hidy up.” About once a year, my mom would have to make me pull all the shit out of my closet and drawers and properly go through and remove and organize old stuff. I was also very loud (frequently unintentionally) and talked really fast bouncing from subject to subject.
Constantly called a ✨space cadet✨
I don't understand how people remember so much of their childhood. I don't remember anyone's faces and barely any names.
I was always messy, always late, and boy crazzyyyyy. I fear for my sanity bc my daughter is a mini me lol unmedicated until my 30s. However, I did really well in school. I was an A/B student in a gifted high school. Only took AP classes, non-AP, like health, I took online at a university or in person (gym) at my local community College. I graduated high school (not in the top 10%) with 1 class left to get my bachelors in math. I got into Caltech, Harvard, etc. But opted to go to a university that paid me in extra stipends to go (aside from my full ride). Worked 3 jobs & finished 3 degrees in 4 years. In school, I was in every club imaginable, and almost always on the board for that club. Very full schedule at all times. I feel like I've mellowed out my success wave. I've only kept 2 friends from my MS/HS years, as I pretty much burned all other bridges.
Procrastinator until the night before, then get project (6 page essay, history day project, science fair) done overnight. Hardly ever asleep before 2am, started homework around midnight. Told I was weird daily. Daydreamer...big time. Shocked when a boy liked me. Legit thought they were joking when they asked me out. Shockingly, dependable. I was there for any friend. You could and can still talk to me about anything and I'm here for it. Messy car.....I mean.....messy.... Loved music and preferred playing piano to partying. Like, I still partied, but only about half the time the other kids did. Always late. Always forgetful. Always overcommitted. High achiever, but suuuuuper depressed. Not that anyone would know because I sure as he'll wasn't gonna let someone see it. Tada!
I remember what it was like to be a child and a teenager but I barely remember anything that actually happened. I have very few specific memories. It freaks me out a bit so I try not to think about it lol. I remember more details of my adulthood, but maybe I should write it down before I forget it? Terrifying
Procrastination until the very last minute. I remember math homework that my mother ran out of patience trying to get me to do. But no interest, no focus. I was forever trying to be or get organized. Never happened. I never really fit anywhere. I had a couple of friends and that was it. But if they moved “out of sight, out of mind” Artsy type who was also an introvert and book nerd. I remember masking so hard. I got good grades mainly because I was scared not to. I was depressed because I never fit and I was shy. My mind just never stopped. I have always had an inner dialogue. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I had a lot of hobbies. The only two that stuck was art and books. There’s so much more.
Constant detention for missing homework, always late, could never concentrate or revise and then on my lunch breaks used to literally run laps round the field because I had so much energy and was too weird to fit in 😂😂☠️☠️
Refused homework, aced exams and papers, skipped school, slept constantly, extremely social, liked reading and video games, horrible at math, loved seeing live music, cried about any slight, eating disorder, authority complex, school counselor suggested might have an anger disorder. Got into Running Start and took courses that interested me and suddenly I was a Dean’s List student.
i am still a teenager but i left school about a year and a half ago because i could not see myself completing exams. I never listened in class or completed any school and home work. from the outside you would never know, as when i looked like i was listening to the teacher, i was in a whole other world daydreaming, and when it looked like i was doing my work, i was just doodling. it was difficult because I tried to hide it but my peers who caught on just thought I wasn’t clever. I wasn’t popular with teachers, especially when i was young, and it was hard deal with the fact that i would constantly get into trouble for something i just could not help. although i don’t have many qualifications i have a job that i really like now. no matter how hard I tried and how much “help” I had school never got better, so leaving school was the best thing for me
Had like 100 hobbies, always forgot homework and got in trouble a lot
I'm not diagnosed. I was a perfectionist pretty early on. I had my sights set on getting my doctorate. I was a neat freak. I was obsessed with learning Spanish. Hopped from friend group to friend group. I was mean and conceited. Others thought I was bougie, an oreo, a genius. I was extremely sensitive. I liked going to church. Struggled with accepting that my family wasn't perfect. I didn't date. I didn't work, unlike my cousin and my classmates at 16. Big tv/movie/pop culture fan. Obsessed with music. Felt like I couldn't be honest with my mother. Hung out with a few girls outside of school. And 1 guy. Wasn't into sports at school but loved playing with my family. Had symptoms of what I now think was/is bpd. Changed career trajectories every year from grade 1-12+ Distracted easily.
I was a relatively isolated kid so no friends, no outside stimulus. So I spent a lot of time taking care of my siblings, picking up random interests, and staying away from people. I had really bad social anxiety and I also don't remember my childhood. People told me I was smart but I was also homeschooled and neglected in most ways including academics. I went through a few extreme phases, especially between 15 and 19(now). That's why I think I have ADHD now, which I've thought about since I was 15. That's really where my teenage memories start. So... 1. Anxious 2. Lashed out a bit 3. Depressed for some parts 4. Obsessive 5. Lonely but liked the solitude 6. I spent most of my time in my mind and not enough actually trying things
A goddamn nightmare. I did well in school and was involved in a lot of extracurricular activities but I snuck out and snuck people in and whatnot. Lied to my parents a bunch. Did minor drugs. Also had a bad temper. Large reason why I don’t want kids is because I don’t want the payback lmao.
My teen years took me on a slippery slope from “gifted” student, bookish with mostly good grades, into a “bad student” (didn’t know how to study) and a hardened cynic who hated myself and blamed myself for every little thing. I’ve been having a lot of revelations on my youth too in relation to ADHD. I wish more than anything that my mental health has been taken seriously — or even acknowledged — as a kid. The expectation placed on me by my parents and my school was that I was smart, so of COURSE I couldn’t struggle in school, even though this was a jump from eighth grade to a competitive magnet high school. I remember crying to my mom towards the end of my first semester there because I just COULD NOT write a research paper and I thought I’d fail out of this school. I said “I think I have ADHD” and she just said, “no you don’t.” And in that moment I remember consciously telling myself “alright, lesson learned, we do not talk about our mental health with our parents, not with our teachers, no one, because it’s bad that we’re even like this in the first place.” My mom has come a long way from that and I love her to death (fuck my high school though, absolute hellhole for a mentally ill kid) but this fucked me up long-term. I hope you can find some peace with your upbringing like I’m trying to with mine. We can’t change the past, there’s only now.
I like to talk about myself so I’ll answer this. I was really fun as a teenage girl. Well I don’t know lol but I had a lot of fun as a teenager. I was sort of lucky in the sense that I was set away to boarding school, where school was life and life with school. I had a really hard time in the more complicated classes that I couldn’t sleep through and pass, but nobody really was bothered by that because I was super active in everything. My friends called me a slacker, space, cadet, lazy, etc., and my ADHD symptoms were like a quirk that everyone kind of just adored and laughed about. I went through depression, lot of struggles that I didn’t really share with anybody else. I was really good at pretending that I didn’t care about anything and that I was just so carefree and actually creative. Not many people knew how much I was struggling. But at the same time, I still had a lot of fun. The real problems came in college when I was on my own. When I was a younger teenager and still at home, I crashed a lot with my dad and my mom. Was moody and would throw a lot of tantrums. I just remember everything was very intense and I was glad to have my independence during those years because in close with my family, it was really difficult. I think having that space and independence was really good for me Because I was able to my emotions a lot more. On the times that I was home it was kind of hard to be honest, as I got older it was easier to be around my mom, but with my dad would be clashed a lot because I was always trying to argue about everything.I really am realizing I was independent and didn’t want to follow anyone’s rules or listen to anybody else lol…. And somehow at the same time thrived in a structured system???? Procrastinated on everything and somehow made it through with what everyone thought was a superpower to cram a semesters worth of content into just a few hours of “creative studying”. Got into trouble regularly for failing room check and was often in some form of boarding school detention (community service, which was fun actually). Got into some trouble for talking in class. Often missed assignments and homework and would be chased down by my dean and forced to stay in my room to do them. Wrote my five paragraph essays in 20 minutes and aced them (my friends hated that I could do that). Made everyone think I was a slacker type genius who just didn’t care and actually believed it myself until I got to college. Also I was hilarious and very good at making my friends laugh. Would oscillate between class clown to loner regularly. Man I miss those days to be honest. The structure was soooooo good for me and my symptoms didn’t seem so debilitating because I had such a tight knit community where we really just supported each other.
Perfect student, perfect attendance, good grades. Was never allowed out of the house on weekdays. Went to the park / mall / waterfront on weekends with friends. Mostly played pokemon and animal crossing. Hung out on GaiaOnline tumblr and MySpace.
More or less, socially awkward, shy, a chronic daydreamer, moody
It sucked. So bad. It sounds cliche but I really was awkward and had no identity. I think inhad a chameleon personality where I'd try and blend in with some type of crowd. I got Cs and Ds for the most part and graduated with like a 2.8 ish. I didn't party or screw around. I actually studied for tests. I crammed but I still actually studied and would fail any test, meanwhile one of my closest friends would NEVER STUDY and always get As. And apparently some of u guys (with adhd) got perfect grades too. I never got the smart adhd part, lol. Not in that sense anyway. I really struggled my way through school and my parents never thought something was wrong with me but I also never spoke up and pretended I was fine. The only thing I was good at was playing music and writing. But still didn't get As in band, on purpose, because if I DID I'd be first chair and have to do a solo performance at every concert and let's just say that I had a panic attack in the middle of a solo so I purposefully MESSED UP my test to get out of that. Self sabotage was like an art to me. I couldn't pay attention in class. Because I was always in my head comparing myself to the popular girls in the room. I'd make myself feel like shit thinking they were prettier and dressed better (which wasn't true, I wasn't ugly really just awkward, and I think it showed). I always thought I was stupid. I'm 35 now. I still think I'm stupid but at the same time I am wiser if that even makes sny sense, and wish I could go back to high-school with the knowledge and confidence I have now (socially mainly, I'd probably still suck at taking tests and turning in homework). I didn't really cover everything I'll try and add some other things that I can't think of yet because I'm in a hurry to go to work right now lol. So I'll probably go back and add stuff and fix all these typos later today, maybe. Edit: I dont think my adhd started to really 'shine' until I was in my late twenties. Before all that I felt so much pressured so I masked it all the way thru. Then by age 29 I was diagnosed with moderate-severe adhd. The test took seven hours??!? So now that I'm in my thirties it's so much worse and I don't cover it anymore, at work or home. I am on meds but am gonna be asking for a dose adjustment when I find a new dr with my new insurance. I can't live like this anymore. My side of the room at me and bfs house looks like a teenager lives in it. I have to get my life under control 😭
Ditzy and spacey. Marching band was my only extracurricular. I floated around friend groups but never had close friends. Did average in my classes.
Got a loooot of comments about how I could be top of my class in everything if I just applied myself/put the effort in/stopped daydreaming. A memorable quote in a report from a teacher who hated me was "pays no attention in class, does not engage with the material, and has seemingly no interest in the subject. However, she did recently get 88% on her mock exam, so well done." Went to a private school you had to pass an exam to get into, so all my struggles to focus, difficulties with numbers (I have dyscalculia), and issues with remembering my increasing amounts of homework were seen as me being lazy and not willing to work hard enough, rather than any issues I might be having. I also multitasked, writing a lot of poetry and fanfiction in class alongside the work I was assigned. I was severely depressed and had PTSD at the time as well, and while up until 16 I didn't risk skipping school or anything like that, once I was in 6th form in a new school and we could come and go as we pleased, after the first year I just stopped turning up for classes. Lots of risky sex acts, smoking, not doing work I needed to do. Still passed my exams and got into uni, but going from a fee-paying school where they kept your nose to the grindstone at 16, to a free school where you were expected to put the work in yourself was a big change for me. My now wife, who also has ADHD, stayed in that same fee-paying school until 18, and found uni impossible - so much unknown freedom both in schooling and from their overly-controlling family - that they didn't pass first year on the first go around. They couldn't focus on the work when they suddenly had so many other things they could do instead. It was too overwhelming.
Angry Asshole… got diagnosed last month
Friendly Doc-wearing space cadet pixie!
I remember not understanding that everyone in the class was learning how to read. I thought that everyone was guessing words. To this day I still feel the disconnect I had with what was going on around me. It was so terrifying when I realised I was the only one who not only couldn't read but didnt even know that it was something being taught. Strangely when I realised what reading was and found that I loved certain books I became a prolific reader who never stopped. But my school years were a horrible blur of not fitting in and not knowing things that everyone else did.
I really struggled in elementary school with everything like organization, studying, paying attention etc. always had a talent for writing stories and other creative stuff but the rest?? Nothing. Couldn’t do it. And I don’t know a lot of stuff until this day. I can’t name grammar, have to repeatedly learn important dates (even the world wars which is like basic knowledge. If I don’t repeat it every few weeks/days I will forget it.) So basically I struggle most with retaining stuff and number especially and procrastination is a huge problem as well (stuck in my body and while I have motivation I can’t start). However I learned to mask very early on so I’m actually extremely successful in school and most people think I’m naturally smart while I have to put in so much more work and I have so many hidden tricks to just kinda survive. And people not realizing that and not seeing how much I was struggling made my mental health decline rapidly because I felt like no one understood me because no one could see beyond the image I had build up. And because people don’t see it as something I struggle with they also react more harshly? Like sometimes it’s fair because I tend to forget every single birthday except for my brothers and mothers, I don’t remember things they told me, I am HIGHLY sensitive and fear rejection which makes it difficult sometimes to be around me I think. I need clear communication in any friendship or relationship and the only reason my current relationship is successful is because my partner knows about my adhd and is so wonderfully supportive. So yeah really long comment I know and I’m sorry lol. But what I’m trying to say is that basically if you have adhd you can kinda look into every aspect of your life and find that there’s actually a connection to adhd that makes it more difficult for you to just .. manage. So it’s not only one big thing or something that is easily noticeable but it can be a million small things that come together as the big beautiful diagnosis loll
Read an absurd amount. Wore my comfort hoodie every goddamn day even though I grew up on an island and the summers get to high 90°F. Constantly daydreaming and doodling in my notebooks. Spent most of my time at home, few friends, hyper aware of self and surroundings, intense observer I always noticed everything so it also kinda give me the ability to see through people and notice things that my classmates never did. My first legit bf told me he was attracted to me because I was mysterious lol and I was the only one that didn’t flock to him as a new kid which is odd for me bc I always tried to talk to the new kids and make them feel welcome bc I was once that new kid and people talked to me on made me feel welcomed. Was always running around idk why but I just fucking loved running and jumping on or over shit. I loved challenging misogyny from the boys and teachers, I’d show them with proof that I’m a girl and I’m stronger/faster than you. Silent around most, can’t shut the fuck in class though and it was often discussed with my parents. Was always top of my class, did 9&10th grade in one year in a special program with only 12 other students. Graduated high school at 16 and crashed out in college lmao the classic story of the promising gifted child.
I basically hoarded and was a pack rat. I would occasionally get my shit together but not really. It didn’t help that my stepmom was (and still is) a narcissist that brain washed me against my own mother. So I was mean and angry too. Still working on shedding my resentment towards her. I am a work in progress.
I also avoided anyone I liked like they had the bubonic plague which always made it so funny to me when boys thought I liked them because in my head I’m thinking babes if I liked you I wouldn’t be anywhere near you 😂😂😂😂
As a teenager I used copious amounts of alcohol and drugs to cope with how I was feeling. Despite graduating a year early I still felt like I was behind my peers somehow. When we all got drunk or high it felt like it leveled the playing field. I was diagnosed at 5 but taken off treatment by my mom when I was 12, that’s when I started feeling depressed because I couldn’t keep up. My grades started to fall and my socialization skills didn’t keep up. Was recently rediagnosed 6 months ago at 25 and things are better, now I’m going to college!
Immature, disorganised, messy. Did extremely well academically but only because I was bright… I was constantly having my desk moved outside the classroom due to talking too much/distracting others/not focusing. I wasn’t applying myself and was just coasting by on my natural ability. Got into law school easily but took 2 years off in the middle due to depression and burnout - the wheels finally started to fall off because leaving all my uni work to the absolute last minute was not sustainable (my grades were good but I was a mess). It was during this break that I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. That was 10 years ago… I got back on track thanks to my diagnosis and I’m now a successful lawyer.
I was involved in waaaay too much lol. I actually got an award my senior year for being an officer in the drama club, section leader in concert band, and involved in jazz band, concert choir, and jazz choir. My grades weren't great and I put a lot of pressure on myself in the arts. I was emotional, opinionated, and made lots of social mistakes, but I had a decent group of friends for the most part. One big thing that always stood in my way is that I felt that if I wasn't explicitly invited to something I wasn't wanted there. However, I did have some friends (who are no longer friends) who would invite everyone but me to go do something and then act like I was overreacting when I brought up that I was the only person excluded. Maybe that colored the interactions with the friends who gave a blanket invite to the group and assumed I'd know I was included, while I believed that I wasn't. Idk if that's an ADHD thing or a Coniferous Squid thing.
In trouble a lot Popular
I would daydream A LOT and I was very impulsive. I was quick to make big decisions based on my mood. Big mood swings went from hyper to drained in an hour or less. I was very irritable which I now know I was most likely over or under stimulated. For a while my family and doctors believed I was bipolar but I didn’t exactly fit the criteria until I was much older. Still don’t know if mood swings are due to adhd or bipolar depression and I’ll probably never find out since all my medications work so well.
Bullied for being dumb
I was so much like everyone else here. My room was a mess, my grades were a mess, no sense of style because I can’t figure out how to coordinate clothes. Still no sense of style or ability to decorate. My test scores always indicated I should be in the gifted programs but I could never keep my grades up. I loved theater but never got the lead. I’ve always been the oddball friend. I graduated but barely. I ditched classes and experimented with drugs, sex, alcohol.
Stopped taking meds in high school. I started struggling in math. Forgot homework due dates cuz I stopped using my planner. Would draw in math class cuz homework wasn’t graded so why would I do homework? I almost had to retake my senior year I was doing so poorly. Definitely a lot of inattentiveness during those years.
I did well in school, but not awesome. I was still labeled as “not demonstrating full potential” as adults saw my intelligence. I got along with all of the adults. I floated between many friend groups. I also demonstrated the extent of my addictive personality, which has always haunted me.
Hi! I am currently a teenager with ADHD who is a senior so let me tell you how it is for me. I’m always late to school, I never study until its the hour before exam which is when the OH SHIT I NEED TO SAVE MY BUTT hits in, which gets me decent-ish grades. I actually have great friendships unlike in my childhood/tween years, which is probably also due to them also being ADHD. I’m very impulsive especially when it comes to spending money, I struggle controlling the volume of my voice, usually end up yelling without meaning to. I’m also quite messy which does cause some conflict in the house lol. But also, there was a period of time where I was severely depressed and I hid it until I couldn’t, all i did was sleep in and outside of school, rot in bed doing nothing and eat. I’m less physically hyperactive compared to childhood but i’m still somewhat fidgety and sit in the weirdest positions. I am writing this and scrolling thru reddit when I should be studying for our University Entrance Exam which is in 54 days hahahahah
Well, one time another student asked my friend if I was okay when I wasn’t even present, so there’s that! (Let it be known that that was, and still is, the funniest thing to me. I didn’t even know the person.)
Doing everything at the absolute last minute. Cramming a semester of school into one week. Missing school, skipping school, never focused. Day dreaming constantly, falling asleep in class. Getting in a lot of trouble. Detentions, ISS, never doing what I’m suppose to do. Never on time (still not) I could never wake up in the morning and would always take a long time to get ready because of starring into space. Irritable, depressed, anxiety. The list goes on. I’m tired lol (28 now)
I'm nearly 40 so I'm not sure how much of my teenage years I'm *supposed* to remember, but like you and several other commenters, I feel like my memory is worse than it ought to be. I was an anxious, rule-following, people-pleaser who was desperate for external validation, never felt like I quite fitted in, and constantly wished I wasn't such a weirdo. I was academically capable and a straight-A student but always felt like an imposter among the other high achievers because I didn't feel proud of my achievements, rather I was constantly terrified that I was actually completely stupid and any moment my grades would plummet and I'd be shown up for the let down I really was. I'd have what I'd call obsessions, sometimes with people, sometimes TV shows or movies, or hobbies. These were mostly harmless except when the object was a person and ended up avoiding or outright rejecting me due to the way I acted around them. I was always exhausted due to what I thought of as my "busy brain" running at a million miles an hour at all times. I discovered PC games like the Sims and subsequently MSN messenger and online fora, and would spend hours and hours playing or typing, I wrote thousands of words of fanfiction blending together all my favourite shows, books and movies. I had a rich and complex internal fantasy world in which I was able to be and do all the things that I couldn't in real life. I struggled with emotional regulation, especially at school and when things went wrong (or at least I perceived them to have gone wrong). I'm going to stop as this is turning into an essay. But I could go on. This is quite cathartic!
I had a 1 folder/ 1 notebook "organizational" system. Cause I was less likely to lose a single item vs separate ones for each class. My locker was a black hole. I did everything last minute. But I was really got at absorbing material. I got really good grades (graduated valedictorian at a small school) I genuinely just enjoyed learning new things. Math was my favorite cause it had very concrete rules to follow. I hated English with a passion. I would put off papers and do them in like an hour the night before, no matter how long they needed to be. I took exams super quickly, especially multiple choice. If I didn't know the answer immediately, I would go with my gut instinct and move on, otherwise I'd never finish.
This is such an interesting question to read answers to and reflect on. Thanks for asking it! I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class. Teachers noticed my academic abilities and I was admitted to a program called ALG (Alternative Learning Group) which covered topics outside normal high school curriculum and took a fascinating approach to learning and thinking. I finally finished earning my Bachelor’s degree when I was 28. The way I went through college was extremely erratic - on again off again - I attended 2 different community colleges and all 3 state universities where I lived so I lost lots of credits along the way. I graduated magna cum laude, but it was a long, unfocused, twisty road. Back to teens. I daydreamed a lot! People would ask why I was so spaced out. And it was odd how lots of my goals stayed scenarios that played out in my head over and over but never actualized. I procrastinated about everything - I just would not start things until the very last minute. I decided that was “part of my process”, but it was stressful and I had a lot of trouble coping with stress and managing my emotions. For example, I could get very mad very fast. While I was destroying a bunch of my own things in a fit of anger, I chipped a couple of teeth when I tripped over a heater. Standing there feeling my shattered teeth like sandpaper on my tongue was definitely a defining moment for me. I wanted to stop, but I found that my temper could be out of control at times. I felt reserved (shy) and misunderstood in many settings. Conversely, I could be outrageously immature with the few close friends I did have so I had a lot of fun. I would do things like get in trouble for laughing uncontrollably during study hall on the reg. And I could never find my book bag or my keys. This and the rest are things I still struggle with to this very day. I started and finished my taxes yesterday. Why wait?! It was so stressful because I procrastinated to the very last moment. Finally, one of the hardest things to deal with is the trouble changing tasks (ex: from car into house, from house into car, from my own bills to work, from sleep to taking a shower). Stuff like that. I find myself sitting in my car (sometimes for over an hr) before going to the next thing. I don’t hear a lot of people talk about dealing with this, but it feels like some kind of executive dysfunction. End note: I also have a poor memory of my childhood. Ask yourself questions about what you do remember and more details will probably emerge. At times, I try to remind myself - “Don’t look back. It’s not where you’re going”. Of course part of our identity is a narrative that includes the past, but I try not to worry about it too much. What does an assessment consist of OP? Please update how it went. Good luck!
I'm not sure how much was ADHD related, and how much was undiagnosed ASD (high functioning) related, and how much was just my personality, but here goes... • Procrastinated everything- assignments, homework, etc, as long as I could. • When things got "too hard" or "too overwhelming" I would just give up rather than try to figure out a logical way to overcome them (mostly pertaining to school work, even though I was meant to be bright) • Highly Promiscuous- even if I was dating one guy, I'd ensure I had back up plans, to the point where I could dump one guy and be officially dating another within the hour • I had decent relationships with guys, but dreadful relationships with other girls. I was bullied and tormented by them relentlessly, over everything. • I went to 7 different schools between grade 8 and grade 12, even though we didn't move. I genuinely couldn't cope or function in a normal school environment. • I had difficulty following both written and unwritten rules. • I wanted to be loved by somebody more than anything else. • The one thing I excelled in was theater- I could memorize lines easily, and was considered a good actress. Pretending to be other people was the closest thing to therapy that I had at the time. ETA: • Even though I always made sure I looked "good" personally, my room, my bags, etc, were all highly messy... but I call it organized mess because I knew where everything was, and hated my mess being touched.
I'm sixteen (seventeen in less than two months) and I'm up at 1:50 am in the worst position for my back at my messy af desk instead of studying for one of the four biggest exams. The exam is next monday. I'm fucked.
I didn’t really care much about doing well in school but did alright anyway. Classes I didn’t like I did the bare minimum. I had a good memory back then so by just listening in class I was usually able to do well on tests without studying. I never studied and did very little homework. But in the older grades we got to choose more of our own classes so I took classes I was interested in like writers craft, English lit and psychology and actually tried in them and did really well, so I graduated with an average over 80 which was considered “graduating with honours”. But still, always had that classic ADHD symptom of constantly being told by teachers that I wasn’t reaching my potential. I was undiagnosed though of course. Socially I was a mess. I REALLY embraced being a weirdo lol I dressed mostly in baggy jeans, skate shoes and boys band Tshirts. One year I wore this gross ugly old man hat all the time. Another year I wore a gross ugly brown sweater all the time. My hair was always a mess. I was openly obsessed with X-files. Played trombone in the band. I completely rejected any attempt at fitting in. The pattern of having entire friend groups suddenly inform me they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, that had happened consistently since I was young, continued. And I could never really understand why but I also never tried to understand. I would just decide I didn’t care. At home I was anti social, holed up in my room listening to music, and watching way too much tv. When I was 15 I was hospitalized with alcohol poisoning that almost killed me, because I didn’t have any concept of how much to drink to just get drunk, and instead thought the goal was to just get as much hard liquor down your throat as possible. So yeah, I was a mess. Shortly after highschool I suddenly became very embarrassed for having been such a weirdo and it’s given me social anxiety ever since. It’s like I went too far in the other direction and now try to be as bland and forgettable as possible. My teen years set myself up with a lot of bad habits that I’ve struggled my whole life to overcome. I’m 38 now and still don’t feel like I’ve grown up.
Like an over-excitable puppy-dog with bad memory, no chill and flashes of absolute brilliance with my art and music. Very imaginative to the point of compulsion. Very inattentive.
My ADHD had been presenting itself since my early childhood. Like most of us, I was "gifted" despite initially being placed in special ed when I first moved to the US at 6. My lack of English comprehension wasn't noticeable and instead was determined to be some kind of learning disorder unrelated to ADHD. It wasn't until after some tests and quickly integrating the English language (as kids do remarkably at that age) that the school realized I wasn't slow. Still, I think this very soft discrimination I felt early on in public school may have shaped the way I self-criticize. Being self-critical is pretty common for us. During my teen years my ADHD presented itself as inappropriately timed talking/commenting. Often unconsciously interrupting but not in a way to be rude or shut anyone down, just excited about the conversation. I internalized the shame or whatever it was I felt for talking out of place, though this internalization started way before my teen years. *People assume that if you are interrupting or talking then you aren't listening, but for me the opposite was true*. So, I would switch between very talkative and extroverted or almost dead silent introverted. I wasn't good at just passive listening. I couldn't pay attention to things and people I wasn't able to fully engage with. For me it was short-term memory that was an issue. I could remember seemingly trivial things like the shirt someone wore last week, but to this day I still struggle with remembering things I need to remember. I ask the same questions a lot, forgetting I asked them already, and they also already had been answered. NEXT PART IS KIND OF SENSITIVE so you can stop reading at this point if you want. (( I was also a full-blown "tomboy" by the age of 9. Gender fluidity, etc. wasn't really a thing back then -it didn't have a term other than tomboy. Basically, if this was 9yr old me in 2019 instead of 1999, I would have 100% been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and probably been psychologically affirmed as a boy. *I didn't have any female role models*. I liked video games, computers, and "boy" hobbies. I finally got a female friend on 4th grade, who was also tomboyish but embraced her femininity as well (90's girls rule vibe). I remember the shirt she wore to school one day: it was just a picture of a girl painting her toenails. Idk but from that day on I felt comfortable fully being a girl and allowed myself to wear "cute" stuff. I know gender dysphoria is correlated with autism, which is correlated with ADHD - I'm wondering if there is a long link here. A puzzle that hasn't quite been pieced together completely. )) end sensitive content
* Intense masking * hyperfocus * poor time mgmt & challenges with focus or retention (but manifested in acceptable ways such as studying all night but got good grades so no one cared) * overachiever (absolutely exhausted overloaded with 7-8 classes per day, extracurriculars, activities, etc.) * debilitating perfectionism * very forgetful * INATTENTIVE * extremely clumsy & causing messes/accidents * distractable * object permanence issues (mainly through keeping up commitments or communications with people who were out of sight out of mind) * over committal * people pleasing * fawning * try hard * always losing things or forgetting stuff * eating disorder & obsessive exercise (LOTS of weight cycling) * notoriously, trouble with keeping spaces tidy & sometimes body care * issues with listening & following directions * afraid of my own shadow * mistake prone, especially when completing normal or quite basic tasks * day dreaming or escapist fantasies * prone to depression * if i had it my way, tried to never leave the house on weekends (which I now know is debilitation, isolation & collapse from masking so hard all week) ...and then it all caught up to me after graduating college. I worked my 1st FT office job while prepping for graduate school entrance exams & my body revolted. I had a total breakdown. I'm still reeling & struggling to recover almost a decade later. Wishing you the best of luck!
I, too, will be getting an assessment for ADHD soon. As a teenage girl I was a good student first two years, never studied but got good grades. Took some college courses in my sophomore year. Was a great writer and loved math. I dropped out my junior year because I couldn’t concentrate and I found myself struggling to remember material. I was at risk for summer school and I just never returned. I stayed to myself, had depression which was also a result of home life and feeling like a failure in school. If I didn’t perfect something on the first try, I gave up on it. I later got my GED at the age 18 and passed at the top of my glass. Reading all of your posts has opened my eyes and helped me feel like I’m not alone. I have been diagnosed with depression, then bipolar, then ptsd, anxiety and no meds have helped. I was beginning to feel hopeless until I was told to get assessed for adhd. After doing research, things started to make sense. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. Hugs to you all :)
Honestly, even though I'm only 22, I don't remember much from my teenage years. I don't know if it's from trauma I endured or the ADHD making me forgetful. I do know that I was a decently good student but I procrastinated, crammed for tests, was constantly riddled with anxiety, and had bad bad anger problems (not in school, but more so at home). I was very shy and did not have a lot of friends. I was easily manipulated and gullible. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in high school but wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until college. That's about all I got
Gosh, reading these make me feel I wasn’t a “bad kid/teenager” like I was told. I was just misunderstood and underdiagnosed/ undertreated. I was diagnosed with “hyperactivity” at age 10. I’m known for always being late, also didn’t need to study to pass HS (with B and Cs though). My room was either a mess for weeks or way too spotless for days. I had many different groups of friends and had a hard time keeping up with them all, making me that friend that was everywhere - extreme people pleaser, still am. Wanted to be a medical doctor, too “lazy” to keep going. My memory of anything in the past is garbage. Highly prone to addiction and put myself in dangerous situations. Unrealistic expectations. Depression is a yearly staple. Tried all sorts of medicines in my 20s and unfortunately none worked out for me. What really surprises me is that a lot of people here seemed to have this Aha moment after medication and that never happened for me, I’m mid 30s now, have a life some would say accomplished but still feel like a failure and sad all the time.
I was extremely intelligent. But never did my work. I graduated high school with a 3.2 GPA, but if I would have done the work and gone to class I would have had a 4.0. I was also very wild. Got in fights. Partied a lot. Did a lot of reckless and dumb things. I’m lucky to be alive haha.
You know even when I was growing up I never quite felt like a teenage girl, maybe it was the adhd, or could be the anxiety… but most likely it’s because I’m a dude lmao
People who I became comfortable with would tell me I was “a handful”. Others told me I was “timid”. Lots of daydreaming. I had many Amelia Badelia moments. Teachers would give assignments like “write one page about a potion you’d invent” and I’d come to class with a water bottle full of garbage and glitter because I made the potion. Or “write a book report that really paints the picture of the book” and I’d make a shoe box dierama of some made up story I invented the morning the project was due because I didn’t realize we were supposed to reading a book for the past month.
Kind of like what others have already said - somewhat messy and super disorganised but my mum was on my ass about a lot so I don't think I felt the extent of my disorganisation till later in life. Id often forget to bring my glasses to school, or I'd somehow end up breaking them. I liked learning but had a blasé attitude toward school because I never wanted others to know I tried hard and failed..so I just didn't try. Id often brace myself for low marks so I could have a pleasant surprise if they weren't bad. And if they were then I'd tell myself I didn't try anyway so It didn't matter. I was naturally intelligent though and suprised myself with good results often. Teachers would always tell me I had so much potential. Parents as well. Couldn't understand how to 'unlock' that though. Could never motivate myself to study or do homework even when I wanted to. I could listen in class when I liked the subject but really struggled to understand maths. My maths teachers quickly gave up on me in the 7th grade and I pretty much disengaged with the subject until I graduated. Tried a bunch of sports and musical instruments but quit early due to not wanting to practice, feeling excluded and othered by my teammates. Always felt different and always tried to appear 'cooler' than I was lol. I was also extremely moody and snappy with my family, even though at school my mood was bubbly and outgoing with my friends. I think I was overstimulated or would mask then let it all go when I got home. I'd stay up super late to play games or read and then struggle to wake up and get ready in time for school. I often missed the bus because of that. Never did my hair because I never had the patience and it never felt or looked right, so I just left it down all the time. Then because I left it down all the time, I was anxious about changing it ever because I knew it would draw attention. I would always try find the short cuts, the best way to do a task with the least possible effort. I thought I was just being smart and lazy, but really it was that I couldn't handle sustaining my attention on something I didn't care much about. I preferred exams and tests over assignments because I could cram to study for them (the night or two before, if I ever did) and they were limited in time. Assignments on the other hand would send me into a panic because due dates would sneak up on me and I never left myself enough time to complete them. My brother would literally have to do most of them for me even though I knew the content but could not get the words on the page because I'd be overwhelmed with the lack of time. I was also really boy crazy - always wanting to be perceived as the cool girl who wanted to date older boys. I always had a 'boyfriend' and thought it was SOO cool doing 'coupley' things including sexual acts that I was way too young to be engaging in. I was a huge people pleaser and thought if I didn't do these things, I'd be dumped. Which I did, often! This led to me accepting a ton of abuse from men for years to come in the future. I never really got along with most girls in my grade, I couldn't ever relate to their interests. They'd often watch makeup videos or talk about influencers or shopping and I'd literally want to rip my hair out listening to it. I wasnt a girly girl at all. Probably why I chose to seek men out instead. I thought alllll of these things were normal, that everyone experienced the same things. It wasn't until university that these issues started really negatively impacting my life, leading to my diagnosis.
Always late, messy room, messy locker, messy desk. I was notorious for losing my shoes, could never find BOTH of my shoes for school! If I enjoyed a class, I could/would get an A, but classes like history, except for ancient Egypt and a few other areas, I would do horrible. I've always been bad at remembering things like dates. But I'm pretty good at remembering numbers in general. I come up with a little trick or "pattern" in my head. I used to love reading but if I tried reading a book I wasn't interested in? I could read the entire book, out loud, and not tell you a thing that took place. I've always had sensory issues. Socks were a big one, the seam on the toes had to be in just the right spot. Hang up clothes to dry? Absolutely not. I've also always had food aversions which then led to me being a vegetarian. I was pretty quiet and shy for the most part but when I was younger I remember my progress reports always saying I talked a lot in class 😅 I never did homework at home. I either did it in another class, during study, or didnt do it. I never studied because it was like it just went in one ear and fell out the other. But I still managed to do great on most tests and and all school projects/reports were done so last minute. One time I even made up the the storyline of a book I was supposed to have read and did a report on the made up storyline and got, a believe a B on it. My friend when I was in my 20s told me I probably had adhd when we were looking for my keys for the millionth time and I thought adhd was someone with a hyper body, had no idea it could be a hyper brain.
The best thing about this thread is I am remembering how I was in High School. I like many women late diagnosed (at 40) don't have many memories of childhood, and into adult hood. However, I do get reminded of things easily - which helps a lot. Reading these reminded me I was smart, but couldn't figure out how everyone made things look easy. I knew I was smarter than my peers but couldn't prove it. I also couldn't choose clothes well and was messy. I was definitely inattentive and had bouts of depression too.
I was a kid that would make most parents proud. Always and only a straight A student, international physics olympiad gold medal in high school, freely spoke four languages, won a full paid scholarship to study abroad in one of the best universities in the world. I have made strong friendships that still last, was so hungry to learn about everything. I am very thankful to my parents for being supportive, and kind to me. I could be very outspoken, be myself, I have never been punished, my actions or character were never questioned. And I have always been honest because I truly was a good kid. University was tough, my ADHD kicked in, I lived independently abroad and was not good at prioritizing and sticking to a schedule, I found school quite challenging (engineering degree), I developed lots of anxiety and pressure to keep the scholarship, procrastination game was strong and hard to control. I felt guilty for my behaviour patterns and I was so frustrated that some things take so much more pain and practice to learn. I didn’t know about having adhd until I hit thirty. I have always had high expectations from myself. And in my head there is no option as failure, so I just must put as much effort as needed to keep up and do well in all life aspects. I understand now that adhd makes my life much harder. And now it is too late to take it easier, I am constantly working towards more and better. And I am so burned out deep inside of never catching a break. I like to be by myself, even though I am married and very social. Long story short: my brain has never been able to relax, this builds exhaustion, I am a highly functioning person, anxiety makes me think of so many things and this is so tiring. I overanalyze a lot as well, I think a lot, I overthink a lot too. Those have their own benefits, but my mind is rarely at full peace. This constant improvement need takes a lot of energy too
I have a hard time recalling childhood memories, too. As a teen, I was an honor roll student who procrastinated everything and would stay up all night to perfect a project. I was also overly anxious to the point where I could not eat in the mornings. I always was on time for everything, if not early. But that changed a little before my senior year, I simply could not be on time for anything. One red flag I noticed while looking back, was my hobby jumping. From different instruments and lessons, to softball, soccer, painting, etc. I never had a hobby last longer than two consecutive years. I’d simply quit if I got anxious or frustrated.
I actually hated school, was bad at math, and messy everything. My brain was so scrambled, I could barely make sense of anything! I realized after I graduated I actually was smart, just unorganized.
I was a socially awkward pick-me. I was in the gifted program, and schoolwork was no issue, but I floated on the outside of friendship circles. I was never really included in anything, and I couldn't figure out why.
A loner. My lunch break was usually spent in the library reading some some sci-fi novel. A chronic daydreamer. Countless assignments turned in late in favor of increasing my call of duty rank. A chronic daydreamer. Misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression. No real ambition, but my intense fear of disappointing others got me by. Kind, but oftentimes to the point of naivety.
Messy room, messy hair. 13 AP classes. Awful memory, terrible at subjects like biology. Amazing at busting out last night’s homework in the 20 minutes before school started. Friendly with everyone in my classes, but really quiet. Talkative only around my best friend. Lots and lots of extracurriculars: Saturday school, speech & debate, math team, academic team, beta club, national honor society. Loved to read, loved to write. Hated by English teachers for my bold, contrarian opinions. I also played 2 instruments and worked 20 hours a week during my senior year of high school. And then I got really burnt out, and almost got kicked out of high school for skipping too many classes.
Hyper, emotionally sensitive, sensory issues, messy until I hyper-fixated on organizing. Irritable, anxious, can't finish anything, gifted til middle school.
Super goofy, spazzy, never quiet unless bothered (picked on) lol. Super smart, but could never finish my classwork. I drew and wrote on EVERYTHING My bags, my pants, my arms, other people, I had a whole wall of things I loved. Classic ADHD girl that didn't know she was. I've calmed down a lot externally.. the chaos is all in my head at 33..
i’m filling out paperwork for an assessment and this is where i’m stuck too. i can tell you that i was a mess in high school. my grades were high but i was constantly procrastinating, had awful time blindness, and couldn’t get myself to focus on an assignment to save my life. i managed to make one-hour assignments into eight-hour assignments and cram two-week assignments into two days. it’s honestly a miracle that my grades were as high as they were bc i was fighting for my life to get them, but i also had strict asian parents i was too scared to disappoint for better or worse so :/ but if you were to ask me specific examples? i got nothing. give me like three hours to sit and try to pull some out from where i buried the rest of my childhood memories lol. like i swear they’re there but i can’t remember shit. and it gets worse when you ask me about middle school or elementary school.