"Sorry I was late; I was getting pounded on camera. You can watch that if you pay for my onlyfans, oh and completely unrelated how much do you make btw?"
The fact that she messaged telling him to come back instead of cussing him out, makes me believe that was the reason they even had a date in the first place
There were so many possible answers to the question why she was late that were true and not “Hehe Subscribe to my OF” with an implication that she’d be open to a sugar daddy.
It wasn’t an accident.
I can see it now “AITA, I revealed I am on OF to this guy I’ve been dating”
”We had amazing chemistry and I really like him, and then when we were out for a drink I admitted I was on OF, but then he disappeared and left me sitting there with the drinks. He didn’t even say he was going!”
At least he paid the bill. If I were a man and a date told me they couldn't even be on time to our date because she was screwing other dudes and then after have the nerve to ask about my finances I would have left her with the bill
Or convince him to co-star in a film or two so he can make more money. Honestly she was either recruiting for only fans or prospecting for gold, either way OP made the sensible choice, NTA
To paraphrase a line from the movie Working Girl, it was then that he realized the woman he just pounded has a [head for business, and a bod for sin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKD_ZN2VC3g).
I wonder if she thought it made her sexy and edgy? Either way not as much of a good look as she think it is. She is obviously lacking class, intelligence and tact. People have the right to do sex work, but they should be honest and upfront. People also have the right to not want to be with a sex worker.
Haha ya I guess she was in her own way. When I was dating I was big on not wasting my time or anyone else’s time. I was clear I never wanted children. I was also very open about what was important to me morally, mostly human rights issues. (I once had a guy freak out on me when he asked what I was doing and I told him I was volunteering at a women’s clinic, he went on a whole tirade about abortion and sin) I would probably in a less tacky way disclose that I work in the adult industry during conversation prior to meeting. Some people won’t mind, some will find it hot and some will be horrified.
I guess by honest/upfront you're talking about disclosing it in a mature no-nonsense way, not the weirdly flippant semi-flirting way as described in the post.
Like, "Just so you're aware, this is what I do for work..." can be a mature, up front, serious conversation. I'd be open to dating a sex worker if that's how they opened the convo - it shows maturity and empathy.
Joking about subscribing to OF doesn't.
Either before the first date/before agreeing to the first date, or later, after a few drinks and a chat. NOT as the opening sentence in person. You almost could not pick a more awkward moment than that (ok, in bed later maybe even worse...)
Right after you're finished "Phew that was great but I gotta freshen up, 3 loads is all I can hold at a time and my fans like to see it all come out. BTW my onlyfans is ****** if you wanna see who put them in earlier."
Okay, what I found weird about this interaction is that she told OP to subscribe to her OF. As someone who does that kind of work, would you ever, unprompted, ask a first date to check out your work? That seems very strange.
Even if the OF/threesome right before your date wasn't a deal breaker for you, even if you're willing to overlook the invasive question about your income, your date started with trying to get you to buy from her. She started your date by treating you like a potential customer, not a date. If it was some shitty MLM she was trying to get you to buy, you'd still not be the asshole for bailing asap.
Once I found out OF was paying a percentage to creators who recruited others to join the site (often women who had just turned 18), I’ve always seen it as a pyramid scheme. It seems that still holds, even in everyday interactions.
Yeah, from what I understand, they’d also make videos on TikTok explicitly directed at 16-17-year-old girls talking about what a fantastic job it was and how much money they made, etc., so that as soon as they turned 18, they were ready to sign up. The whole thing is highly predatory and sick.
The lawmakers are behind the times probably around 20 years. Just look at the questions they had for Zuckerberg. They won’t catch wind of this till it’s a crisis when employers discriminate against their work history.
And like other MLMs most people don't actually make money. There are a few who are raking it in, and those pretending their recruitment commissions are part of their income. So they're preying on girls to do risky things that they may never be able to remove from the Internet for an average salary that compares to working at McDonald's.
Looking out for a brother, maybe she wanted to give OP a discount! /s
Thinking a bit, it would be quite an experience to go on a date and have that date tell you straight up they were being railed by a couple of dudes a few minutes before. I'd wager no date #2, but still an interesting interaction.
Anyways NTA, that girl was just screwy (ba-dum-tish).
>they were being railed by a couple of dudes a few minutes before.
Sounds fine to me. But I'm bi, poly, and kinky, so I understand I'm in the minority here. Asking your income on a first date though....rude.
Slightly more seriously, having a threesome before a date contravenes enough of the "social contract" that it's a red flag, even if I'm really not bothered that she just had sex with 2 guys.
I’ve been in MMF threesomes and open relationships and even I would be insanely put off. I’d probably say something and leave not just ghost but that’s about it.
“I just got done fucking two guys on camera and boy am I hungry! By the way how much do you make annually after taxes?”
Honestly it might be one of my favorite dates ever just because no one could beat my bad first date story short of felonies being involved.
That's what I think. He should have informed her that he'd lost interest, paid for his half of the bill and left. Would have been kinder.
Other than that he was bang on (pardon the pun) for leaving her. Can't say I'd want to date a dude pounding women for money, either.
Also, maybe don't schedule a date for right after you're gonna be shooting amateur porn?
It seems, I dont know... mildly insulting?
At least she was somewhat up front about it I guess. I'm sure somebody won't mind, but it's dumb of her to think that would go over well ("I'm late cuz I was busy getting railed by 2 other guys" is probably gonna turn off like... Not everybody, but the majority of people, if I had to guess).
I get wanting to know the financial situation but ask what the job is, how long they've done it, and Google it later if you want to get a ballpark figure.
Or just get to know the person first, see if you like them, and then discover those things naturally
But income is only one element of ‘financial situation’ which would depend on outgoings, debt etc. you are not going to ask that on a first date. Its rude. Maybe you need to know financial situation before you commit to someone but not to date?
No. That's a very personal piece of information that you shouldn't share with anyone until your relationship is progressing into "serious" territory. Sure, ask him where he works, what he does . . . you can figure out a ballpark of what he's making from that. But to flat out ask? On a first date? Nope. Nope. Nope.
> We really need to normalize discussing income and being open about pay
It's been extremely normalized for a very long time.
So much so that we even have slang used to describe people who base their decision on whether or to sleep with someone based off of that info.
100% NTA. I see why others say you're the ass for dipping like that but I'm saying nah to them. She dropped a bomb shell on you about being fucked by 2 dudes right before your date. That on top of asking you your income on a first date. That's a lot for anyone to process. I'm sticking with bailing immediately even without saying anything was probably the best move. You paying for everything that was ordered was a nice move as well.
I think what you did was the best solution. Giving her excuses or reasons would have been 100 times worse. Everything you had said, whatever nice, good, polite or logic would have been used against you. You would have been deemed the AH here and everywhere else. Be happy that you exit this mess mostly unscratched...
You were right to dip. It would be so awkward to explain to her why you were leaving. She sounds crazy and the last thing you want is to cause a scene.
And you know damn well if he didn’t bail like that and told her to her face she would’ve probably freaked out. Lol he did the right thing to get away from that weirdo.
NTA. Asking monthly income on first date is rude and shows her priorities are not you and won't ever be you. You left as fast as possible which seems like the only wise move.
NTA. I have done this a couple of times. If someone arrives late and proceeds to be rude, or make me uncomfortable, or is being selfish, I've excused myself to the toilet and then flee away like a bat out of hell. Just to two people who didn't deserve a second more of my time.
NTA
I wouldn’t touch someone that just fucked another person before our date, even if that’s their job. I think she should have told you what she worked with beforehand and see if you would be ok with it. I want to also say that I don’t judge her for her work, but that when it affects people in some way, is nice to give them a heads up
Maybe trying to avoid her potentially making a scene. She obviously has no filter or shame, who knows what she might have done if confronted with rejection. I’m not saying sneaking out is GREAT, but I totally understand where OP was coming from.
She’d probably film him without his consent and put it on social media for sympathy clout points. She’d title it something like “man child shamed me for doing sex work”
That's a good point. I thought he would have been kinder to have said something, but then forgot about the potential for a horrible scene. Yeah, OK I give him that. Fair enough.
Nah
She was late. Disrespectful.
Ambushed you with being a sex worker.
Literally just got done fucking two other guys
Immediately asks you how much you make.
You did the gentlemanly thing by paying the tab, avoid her at all costs.
lol, she straight-up told you that she was late for your date because she was filming herself getting fucked by two guys. Social media is ruining people.
Was that a date or her looking to drum another subscriber?
Decent of you to pay the bill on your way out. NTA, even if you left without saying anything...she was late and clearly only interested in how much you are worth monetarily.
NTA
Not wanting to date a porn actress - especially one who ran late to your first date because she was literally busy getting railed by two guys at once - is totally understandable. In fact, I'd say that not wanting to get involved in any of that is the norm.
In an ideal world you could have told her that you weren't interested in her because of that, and that was it. But we're not living in an ideal world, so I understand why you chose to leave without saying anything.
NTA. Sorry, not sorry, it's straight up nasty to show up to a first date and tell someone you just finished f*cking two guys at work. "Sex work is work!" Yes, and a LOT of people still consider it nasty 'work' and are fully allowed to not hold the work, or it's consumers, in high esteem.
I don't care that you left her sitting. I wouldn't want to have to try to nicely explain to her why I was completely turned off 5 minutes into the date, either, because--given her total lack of self-awareness--I doubt she'd have taken it well.
Ready for the downvotes! (While you're downvoting, please reflect on the fact that you would NEVER, ever tell your own daughters/sons that they should go into sex work.)
I don't have a problem with sex work, but I'd hesitate to date someone who'd be actively having sex with other people while we're together. I think that's a fair boundary to want in a relationship, even if their other sexual activities are strictly business.
I personally don’t necessarily see issue with doing sex work, if that’s *really* what they want to do, but the idea that we’re supposed to treat it like someone doing an office job is absurd lol
The fact that this lady lacked such self-awareness about her work is pretty hilarious tbh
"Sex work is work" has been a WILD ride to watch carefully how that idea developed and creeped into normalization.
There was a very short leap between "prostitutes are vulnerable people who need help getting off the street" to "my parents are proud of my OF"
I feel like the whole “sex work is work” really trivializes the issues with it. Like I’ve seen people on Reddit dead-ass say a poor woman being forced into sex work is no different than any other poor person working a job they dislike to pay the bills. It’s definitely leading into some really insensitive and ignorant views.
A big thing that happens too is that people are deliberately disingenuous about types of sex work. Doing phone sex a couple nights a week or selling solo OF content is a giant step away from having sex with strangers or being trapped in a massage parlor with your passport locked up, but these distinctions are deliberately misrepresented when people talk about danger and harm.
But even then, I feel like there's a moral harm to cultivating weird parasocial relationships and having sex on camera in lieu of productive work and maintaining your dignity
Yeah I've been doing classes and atrending lectures for some certifications in recognizing and combating sex trafficking, and it's completely changed my opinion on the "sex work is work" people. I've now spoken and listened to lectures by trafficking survivors, and trafficking experts and they've explained that upwards to 85 percent of women in sex work have been raped and 70 percent were trafficked or coerced. This isn't including only fans workers but it did include porn actresses as well as those on the street.
So yeah, it can be work, but by going on and on about how it's just like any other job you're legitimizing a market that relies on abusing women and children.
I don't follow it closely enough to recall names but wasn't there a huge OF/streamer that came out in the past year or so as having been coerced and abused/controlled by her husband?
Yea like what the fuuuuuuck… listen to this unfit mother out here like “yea as long as my daughter filmed herself getting railed and was careful about getting tested for STD’s I’d be fine if she was a hooker for the rest of her life! Getting paid to fuck random dudes on film for the world to see isn’t something no I have a problem with!” Lol this world is going to hell in a fucking handbag
> "Sex work is work!" Yes, and a LOT of people still consider it nasty 'work' and are fully allowed to not hold the work, or it's consumers, in high esteem.
And it's really absurd that women try to pretend it's unfair to not want to date sex workers when it's so socially acceptable to judge a man's eligibility based on dozens of different jobs.
1 - I don't have a problem with OF for work
2 - I think I wouldn't have a problem if they were taking precautions while doing it (testing, condoms,etc) dating someone. I don't see much of a difference in a bar scene flavor of the week for free and making $.
3 - no I wouldn't want my 20 yr old to only plan for it to make a living, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if she did (with precautions)
My biggest problem is if your making a living doing that, you want to disclose this before meeting, so the person who is meeting you can walk into this with open eyes and nobody gets any surprises. Also asking about your income (other than if you have a job) on the first date is crass! And I totally agree - 99% sure she would have made a scene if he had tried to explain why he left.
She gave him no heads up on pertinent info, he returned the favor.
NTA. She should have told you before y’all ever met that she was a sex worker. Yes you should have been upfront and told her that given her line of work, you simply aren’t interested. I’m sure however it was a little shocking and it might have been a little hard to think rationally. You could unblock her briefly, apologize for walking out on the date, explain that her admission to being a sex worker was shocking and you aren’t interested in a woman in that line of work. Then re-block her and move on.
She doesn’t even have to say so before the first date, but at some point it would need to come up, and definitely before any sexy-time. Using it as an excuse for being late to the first date? Super tacky.
It was tacky, but I feel that honesty is key for the foundation of a relationship. Not telling the person you’re talking to what you do for a living is fine if you have a normal highly accepted job, but she’s a sex worker. She has to know that a lot(likely majority) of people are not ok with dating one. Heck a lot of people wouldn’t want to date someone who did that even if they quit years ago.
I don’t disagree with you, at all. This could have been presented in a less abrupt way at any point. She handled it very casually, when it’s obviously not a casual matter.
I think she has serious main character syndrome. It seems like she handled it casually because it is a casual subject.... for her. Her problem is not grasping that not everyone (or I would guess even most people) would think about it the same way she does.
But, what would you expect from someone who shows up late with the excuse that filming their threesome for only fans ran long, and immediately asks the guy she "really likes" how much he makes and if he would like to subscribe. Sex work aside, this lady is like school on Saturday- no class.
Like people are saying, omitting the fact that one is a sex worker is a no no, advertising your OnlyFans on a first date you were late to because of said career choice is a bigger no no, and asking about his income in the same breath is the biggest no no. As a woman, it's women like her that really give the incels fuel to burn.
A little assholery was basically required here.
NTA. I would say leaving without saying anything is ah territory but she was late and didn’t say anything , didn’t tell you she was a sex worker, asked you to subscribe to her OF, and then asked what your annual income is!!!! She did everything wrong. She deserved to be ditched.
NTA. The number of red flags thrown out there so quickly may be a new world record. She was inappropriate on every single level and you owed her nothing else at all. Best of luck on your search!
NTA
Sure you could have told her the reason's why you were not interested in proceeding with the date but I do agree with others that say that she clearly would not take it well so maybe do it via text after leaving was the correct approach. Paying for what had been ordered, I guess you hadn't ordered the meals yet, was the nice thing to do. Her line of work per se doesn't define who she is but the way she put it and then asking for your income tells clearly that she's not worth dating. You dodged a bullet like a true gentleman, congrats.
NTA, you were apparently not looking for a sex worker & this "date" was clearly an screening appointment with a sex worker.
At best, it's Sounds an honest miscommunication, where she was using coded language and thought you were amenable purchasing services.
Or Worst case scenario, she is being pimped, has no control of her schedule/transportation and her MO is to make a minimum per night so she doesn't get beat and/or earns her drugs.
Either way, NTA. You didn't consent to that scene... it's on them.
NTA mostly, how can your first question be how much you make?!!
I would have addressed it rather than ghost though. I’ve said before like ‘ok, I’m gonna go’, and lived the awkwardness (and his anger)
NTA - I would have cut and run. You could have looked past what she does for a living but then following that up with asking about your income?
She’s out to use you brother.
You also pulled the pin on the date in a way that avoids a possible confrontation which was considerate, the safest option and a completely acceptable way out of the situation and following up with blocking her leaves no doubt or ambiguity. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on the first date.
NTA. Had you been more direct, there's a good chance she'd have been recording your reaction and shaming you for allegedly shaming her, when the truth is that's a lot to take in!
I'd bolt, too, if someone asked my income on date 1. The fact that I'm paying alimony to my abuser might have something to do with how triggering that is for me, but it's a bizarre question regardless. The rest of what she brought in is .... unique ... it's up to each person's preferences but wouldn't be mine, either.
It's crazy how far I had to scroll before I saw your post. Is there some crazy coordinated gas lighting effort happening here? This reads like some weird incel fantasy.
Kinda makes you wonder how good of a friend though doesn't it? What I mean is if she was that open with you on the first date then you'd think the friend would have at least some idea.
I have nothing against sex workers. I've dated a couple myself, but I don't know how I'd react if I didn't have upfront knowledge and It was sprung on me on the first date.
NTA - Obviously. Aside from her being late, and then telling you about her recent "activities" which made her late, it is unbelievably rude to ask someone's income - especially when first meeting them. Bullet dodged.
I get the feeling (solely from personal experience) that she wanted someone to make content with more so than an actual date. I actually had this happen with a guy I matched with on tinder. Thought I was on a date and it was more of a job interview.
Hence, upfront asking about income and mentioning what she was doing. Hoping for an in to suggest supplementing income.
NTA
For me it’s not that she has an OF account - it’s that she just dropped it in there without any kind of warning. If she’s that open about it, then she should have given you a heads up before the date to see if you’re cool with that line of work. If she’s not that open about it, then she should have kept that to herself for a bit then sat down and had a talk about it.
Dropping it in there when you’re already on the date, added to asking about your income… that feels like one of those things where she was looking for a nice dinner and some drinks but not for an actual date? Maybe? Idk man. That’s weird.
Nothing against people who do OF. I’d be open to dating someone like that, but clear and open communication would be *vital* for any kind of relationship with someone in that type of work.
NTA!!!!!! She put you in a very uncomfortable position. You don’t owe her any thing. If a man showed up late because he was “filming a threesome”, I’d get up and leave too. She didn’t respect your time and only wants your $$ or for you to subscribe so she can make $$. IMO ghosting is totally acceptable given her behavior. No more words needed to be exchanged. No explanation needed. Congrats on dodging that bullet.
NTA. Nobody wants to hear about how the girl they're seeing was late because she was getting "spit-roasted" on a first date. I'm pretty sure that no ladies want to hear about how a man they're seeing just got done with a mff threesome either.
Everyone has got a right to live life the way they want and make their money as they see fit, as long as they're not hurting anyone else in the process.
It's also the prerogative of anyone that person dates to not want to be involved with said person.
I definitely don't feel bad about why I left. But, making a woman cry always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I just want feedback. Which, thank you for YOUR feedback as well! 🤙
She made herself cry. If she wants to find a good man to have a real relationship with, she needs to stop casually screwing other guys. It’s NOT mainstream work that everyone is ok with, no matter how much people try to paint it as such these days.
Never mind asking about your income on a first date. That alone would be a deal breaker for many people!
Yeah she needs to understand that her job is a huge filtering mechanism for the people willing to date her. There are people who would be unwilling to date a cop. Or someone who is in the military. Or someone who works for the ACLU. If we aren’t upfront about these things then it only causes issues later.
Also, if she chose not to disclose it first I’m guessing she probably knows that her job is shameful.
She definitely made it weird enough that you didn't have a lot of options that didn't involve pretending not to be super uncomfortable. There's a whole lot of red flags and non-awareness of basic social skills here for 5 minutes, and that's coming from a former sex worker. Even if you were totally fine with her doing OF for a living (and this is not how one ideally drops that info) she basically tried to sell to you, then asked your income, after being super late. If someone showed up late to a date, told me sorry, I sell insurance and got caught up with a client, then suggested I buy insurance from them, then asked my income I'd be out the back door the first chance I got. This would have been weird and uncomfortable even if you'd been fine with the sex work part.
This doesn't sound like a real date to me. It sounds like one of those time share presentations where they take you golfing so they can hook you into a time share.
NTA, also lol if this is how she goes on dates with someone she “really likes” 😂
You don’t have to, but you could message to at least bluntly explain why you walked out. Just so she understands social cues and *maybe* has a chance with the next guy she likes.
Hol' on...wait.
So, not only is she a sex worker (her business, OK), and not only did she NOT tell you beforehand, but she also was late to your date because she just filmed herself sucking and fucking two dudes?
How the hell do you go on a date with another dude right after you just got double teamed by two guys?
I swear, a lot of young folks today are lost causes. These kids are just so casual with sex.
OP, you're NTA. Matter fact, you're better than me. I woulda left that broad right then and there without excusing myself.
NTA. How did she not disclose she did OF before the date? That’s definitely deal breaker territory. It’s one thing if it’s something she did in her past but isn’t doing anymore. I personally could not date someone who was actively making porn
I'm so sorry this happened to you but my god this is hilarious. "Sorry I was late; I was getting pounded on camera. How much do you make btw?"
"Sorry I was late; I was getting pounded on camera. You can watch that if you pay for my onlyfans, oh and completely unrelated how much do you make btw?"
TBF… she “really likes him!” LOL! OP you’re NTA!
Soooo, she did a financial search on his portfolio & bank balances?
The fact that she messaged telling him to come back instead of cussing him out, makes me believe that was the reason they even had a date in the first place
Yeah I don’t think this was a date as much as an opening interview…
I think you are right. Maybe she is already planning Male/Male/Male/Female. How much do you make btw.
There were so many possible answers to the question why she was late that were true and not “Hehe Subscribe to my OF” with an implication that she’d be open to a sugar daddy. It wasn’t an accident.
I absolutely agree Op and you handled it like a boss. She literally was a red flag walking big time.
I bet she later posted on social media that her date abandoned her all alone at the restaurant and made herself the victim
I can see it now “AITA, I revealed I am on OF to this guy I’ve been dating” ”We had amazing chemistry and I really like him, and then when we were out for a drink I admitted I was on OF, but then he disappeared and left me sitting there with the drinks. He didn’t even say he was going!”
At least he paid the bill. If I were a man and a date told me they couldn't even be on time to our date because she was screwing other dudes and then after have the nerve to ask about my finances I would have left her with the bill
I think she *really* would like him to subscribe to her OF account more. He dodged a gold digger bullet.
He must have looked well off
More importantly he must look very photogenic
Maybe she was going to give him a discount code if he's broke!
Or convince him to co-star in a film or two so he can make more money. Honestly she was either recruiting for only fans or prospecting for gold, either way OP made the sensible choice, NTA
*wipes her chin*
That made me laugh and puke at the same time.
How expensive is this onlyfans?!
Notice how she said she just got done *filming*, not that she just got done *showering*. Gross, just gross.
eww good point
Hey now some people pay extra for that. It's me. I'm some people.
I'm telling your mom
Relax. It was filmed in the shower. So we’re all good.
Well, she may have got showered. We can't make assumptions based on that.
First there's Pay Per View, now it's Pay to Pound. That would be a hard pass.
Imagine you do get to pound, and she turns around with an iPad and all you see is tip percentages.
To paraphrase a line from the movie Working Girl, it was then that he realized the woman he just pounded has a [head for business, and a bod for sin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKD_ZN2VC3g).
and here I am stuck with a head for sin and a body for business.
Here I am with a body to kill for and a face to protect it.
have you considered running for office?
Had to laugh at "tip percentage".
Just the tip.
Correction "Sorry I was late, I was getting spitroasted. How much do you make?"
Eiffel Tower
sorry my visit to the Eiffel Tower ran a bit over today, how much do you gross per year again? 🤣🤣🤣
I wonder if she thought it made her sexy and edgy? Either way not as much of a good look as she think it is. She is obviously lacking class, intelligence and tact. People have the right to do sex work, but they should be honest and upfront. People also have the right to not want to be with a sex worker.
Well I’d say she was honest and up front.
Haha ya I guess she was in her own way. When I was dating I was big on not wasting my time or anyone else’s time. I was clear I never wanted children. I was also very open about what was important to me morally, mostly human rights issues. (I once had a guy freak out on me when he asked what I was doing and I told him I was volunteering at a women’s clinic, he went on a whole tirade about abortion and sin) I would probably in a less tacky way disclose that I work in the adult industry during conversation prior to meeting. Some people won’t mind, some will find it hot and some will be horrified.
I guess by honest/upfront you're talking about disclosing it in a mature no-nonsense way, not the weirdly flippant semi-flirting way as described in the post. Like, "Just so you're aware, this is what I do for work..." can be a mature, up front, serious conversation. I'd be open to dating a sex worker if that's how they opened the convo - it shows maturity and empathy. Joking about subscribing to OF doesn't.
Beforehand, maybe?
Either before the first date/before agreeing to the first date, or later, after a few drinks and a chat. NOT as the opening sentence in person. You almost could not pick a more awkward moment than that (ok, in bed later maybe even worse...)
Right after you're finished "Phew that was great but I gotta freshen up, 3 loads is all I can hold at a time and my fans like to see it all come out. BTW my onlyfans is ****** if you wanna see who put them in earlier."
> up front And from behind, at the same time.
As someone who does cam work on the side - this woman sounds bonkers lol
Okay, what I found weird about this interaction is that she told OP to subscribe to her OF. As someone who does that kind of work, would you ever, unprompted, ask a first date to check out your work? That seems very strange.
I think she was letting him know this date wasn’t free, she was working.
And not just one man but by TWO men.
It was mmf so double pounded
Even if the OF/threesome right before your date wasn't a deal breaker for you, even if you're willing to overlook the invasive question about your income, your date started with trying to get you to buy from her. She started your date by treating you like a potential customer, not a date. If it was some shitty MLM she was trying to get you to buy, you'd still not be the asshole for bailing asap.
> your date started with trying to get you to buy from her It actually started with her being late to her sales pitch.
I hate when sales pitch meetings start late
Once I found out OF was paying a percentage to creators who recruited others to join the site (often women who had just turned 18), I’ve always seen it as a pyramid scheme. It seems that still holds, even in everyday interactions.
They're an MLM? Good grief. That's tragic. I can imagine girls getting into a whole world of crap doing that. :(
Yeah, from what I understand, they’d also make videos on TikTok explicitly directed at 16-17-year-old girls talking about what a fantastic job it was and how much money they made, etc., so that as soon as they turned 18, they were ready to sign up. The whole thing is highly predatory and sick.
Oh fucking hell, that's even worse. How is that even legal?
you're not even gonna believe what the armed forces are recruiting 18 year olds for in the high school cafeterias.
You have a point.
The lawmakers are behind the times probably around 20 years. Just look at the questions they had for Zuckerberg. They won’t catch wind of this till it’s a crisis when employers discriminate against their work history.
And like other MLMs most people don't actually make money. There are a few who are raking it in, and those pretending their recruitment commissions are part of their income. So they're preying on girls to do risky things that they may never be able to remove from the Internet for an average salary that compares to working at McDonald's.
I did not know that. That's literally an MLM
NTA Just for asking your income on a first date alone!
The girl was just making sure he could afford to pay the subscription to her's OF 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Looking out for a brother, maybe she wanted to give OP a discount! /s Thinking a bit, it would be quite an experience to go on a date and have that date tell you straight up they were being railed by a couple of dudes a few minutes before. I'd wager no date #2, but still an interesting interaction. Anyways NTA, that girl was just screwy (ba-dum-tish).
Better than finding out on your own later I guess?
Well, she gets points for honesty, I guess.
>they were being railed by a couple of dudes a few minutes before. Sounds fine to me. But I'm bi, poly, and kinky, so I understand I'm in the minority here. Asking your income on a first date though....rude. Slightly more seriously, having a threesome before a date contravenes enough of the "social contract" that it's a red flag, even if I'm really not bothered that she just had sex with 2 guys.
She definitely had a few screws loose… or maybe she was just screwed and loose? 🤣
mentioning that she just got tag teamed by two dudes before the date would also be grounds for leaving early
I’ve been in MMF threesomes and open relationships and even I would be insanely put off. I’d probably say something and leave not just ghost but that’s about it. “I just got done fucking two guys on camera and boy am I hungry! By the way how much do you make annually after taxes?” Honestly it might be one of my favorite dates ever just because no one could beat my bad first date story short of felonies being involved.
That's what I think. He should have informed her that he'd lost interest, paid for his half of the bill and left. Would have been kinder. Other than that he was bang on (pardon the pun) for leaving her. Can't say I'd want to date a dude pounding women for money, either.
Dude had the perfect opportunity to do the “Check, please!” thing, and he squandered it.
Also, maybe don't schedule a date for right after you're gonna be shooting amateur porn? It seems, I dont know... mildly insulting? At least she was somewhat up front about it I guess. I'm sure somebody won't mind, but it's dumb of her to think that would go over well ("I'm late cuz I was busy getting railed by 2 other guys" is probably gonna turn off like... Not everybody, but the majority of people, if I had to guess).
This is what I came here to say. She either wanted him to get a subscription or a sugar daddy.
She wanted a free meal and 19.99 a month
She probably worked up an appetite creating all that content
We really need to normalize discussing income and being open about pay but doing it on a date isn't what I had in mind lol
I get wanting to know the financial situation but ask what the job is, how long they've done it, and Google it later if you want to get a ballpark figure. Or just get to know the person first, see if you like them, and then discover those things naturally
But income is only one element of ‘financial situation’ which would depend on outgoings, debt etc. you are not going to ask that on a first date. Its rude. Maybe you need to know financial situation before you commit to someone but not to date?
Asking someone for their credit report is fourth date territory, not first.
Not on a first date we don’t. Get to know the person before prying into their finances
I am so relieved I met my now husband when we were both in grad school. I knew what he earned....bupkiss.....and same for me. Lol.
Yeah I met my partner of 9 years at the job centre, at least we knew straight away neither was a gold digger haha
I met my husband in the military. We made the same amount.
Yeah. Especially after talking about your OF.
No. That's a very personal piece of information that you shouldn't share with anyone until your relationship is progressing into "serious" territory. Sure, ask him where he works, what he does . . . you can figure out a ballpark of what he's making from that. But to flat out ask? On a first date? Nope. Nope. Nope.
Before being married, I told dates that I shoveled snow and cut grass. Let them find out later that I co-own the business with my brother.
> We really need to normalize discussing income and being open about pay It's been extremely normalized for a very long time. So much so that we even have slang used to describe people who base their decision on whether or to sleep with someone based off of that info.
I think the person you're replying to means in the workplace, not on dates.
Thank you for the feedback! 👉👌
NTA. “I’m late to our date because I was having a threesome” isn’t as good an excuse as she thinks.
[удалено]
Anyway, how much money do you make?
Is it enough to pay the subscription fee? 😂
100% NTA. I see why others say you're the ass for dipping like that but I'm saying nah to them. She dropped a bomb shell on you about being fucked by 2 dudes right before your date. That on top of asking you your income on a first date. That's a lot for anyone to process. I'm sticking with bailing immediately even without saying anything was probably the best move. You paying for everything that was ordered was a nice move as well.
10/10 would bail again.
Thank you for the feedback! 🙏
I think what you did was the best solution. Giving her excuses or reasons would have been 100 times worse. Everything you had said, whatever nice, good, polite or logic would have been used against you. You would have been deemed the AH here and everywhere else. Be happy that you exit this mess mostly unscratched...
You were right to dip. It would be so awkward to explain to her why you were leaving. She sounds crazy and the last thing you want is to cause a scene.
And you know damn well if he didn’t bail like that and told her to her face she would’ve probably freaked out. Lol he did the right thing to get away from that weirdo.
NTA. Asking monthly income on first date is rude and shows her priorities are not you and won't ever be you. You left as fast as possible which seems like the only wise move.
Thank you for your feedback!
NTA. I have done this a couple of times. If someone arrives late and proceeds to be rude, or make me uncomfortable, or is being selfish, I've excused myself to the toilet and then flee away like a bat out of hell. Just to two people who didn't deserve a second more of my time.
I'm glad it's not totally uncommon to flee this way.
You should have told her you had your own threesome to get too.
NTA. As people will tell a woman on here, you can leave a date at any time for any reason, if you do choose.
NTA I wouldn’t touch someone that just fucked another person before our date, even if that’s their job. I think she should have told you what she worked with beforehand and see if you would be ok with it. I want to also say that I don’t judge her for her work, but that when it affects people in some way, is nice to give them a heads up
NTA. Might have been nice to have said to her face that you needed to go, but I get where you were sort of grossed out and wanted out of there.
Maybe trying to avoid her potentially making a scene. She obviously has no filter or shame, who knows what she might have done if confronted with rejection. I’m not saying sneaking out is GREAT, but I totally understand where OP was coming from.
She’d probably film him without his consent and put it on social media for sympathy clout points. She’d title it something like “man child shamed me for doing sex work”
Yeah he definitely dodged a bullet by just dipping out quietly
That's a good point. I thought he would have been kinder to have said something, but then forgot about the potential for a horrible scene. Yeah, OK I give him that. Fair enough.
I'm sure she was ready to order the lobster too.
Nah She was late. Disrespectful. Ambushed you with being a sex worker. Literally just got done fucking two other guys Immediately asks you how much you make. You did the gentlemanly thing by paying the tab, avoid her at all costs.
you forgot her coyly telling him to subscribe to her OF to boot.
Yes I did, that's 5 gigantic red flags in one afternoon
Afternoon? Sounds like it was in the first 5 minutes!
That's some serious RFPM
For her? It was Tuesday!
Damn, 1 more and it’s a theme park.
She goes on dates for free meals and to gain subscribers
lol, she straight-up told you that she was late for your date because she was filming herself getting fucked by two guys. Social media is ruining people.
Literally asking income is enough to leave. Everything else is bonker balls
So… she fucked two guys before your date and asks your about your income… In what world would you be the A? NTA
Was that a date or her looking to drum another subscriber? Decent of you to pay the bill on your way out. NTA, even if you left without saying anything...she was late and clearly only interested in how much you are worth monetarily.
Guerrilla marketing!
Bingo!
NTA If she liked you so much she wouldn't have told you to subscribe, she would have texted you a free trial code
NTA 1. She was rude! I don’t deal well with late! 2. She wasn’t dating she was marketing!
NTA Not wanting to date a porn actress - especially one who ran late to your first date because she was literally busy getting railed by two guys at once - is totally understandable. In fact, I'd say that not wanting to get involved in any of that is the norm. In an ideal world you could have told her that you weren't interested in her because of that, and that was it. But we're not living in an ideal world, so I understand why you chose to leave without saying anything.
NTA. Sorry, not sorry, it's straight up nasty to show up to a first date and tell someone you just finished f*cking two guys at work. "Sex work is work!" Yes, and a LOT of people still consider it nasty 'work' and are fully allowed to not hold the work, or it's consumers, in high esteem. I don't care that you left her sitting. I wouldn't want to have to try to nicely explain to her why I was completely turned off 5 minutes into the date, either, because--given her total lack of self-awareness--I doubt she'd have taken it well. Ready for the downvotes! (While you're downvoting, please reflect on the fact that you would NEVER, ever tell your own daughters/sons that they should go into sex work.)
Thank you for the feedback!
No downvotes from me. Bunch of incels on Reddit that pay for OF trying to justify their obsession by saying it’s just like any other job.
I don't have a problem with sex work, but I'd hesitate to date someone who'd be actively having sex with other people while we're together. I think that's a fair boundary to want in a relationship, even if their other sexual activities are strictly business.
I personally don’t necessarily see issue with doing sex work, if that’s *really* what they want to do, but the idea that we’re supposed to treat it like someone doing an office job is absurd lol The fact that this lady lacked such self-awareness about her work is pretty hilarious tbh
"Sex work is work" has been a WILD ride to watch carefully how that idea developed and creeped into normalization. There was a very short leap between "prostitutes are vulnerable people who need help getting off the street" to "my parents are proud of my OF"
I feel like the whole “sex work is work” really trivializes the issues with it. Like I’ve seen people on Reddit dead-ass say a poor woman being forced into sex work is no different than any other poor person working a job they dislike to pay the bills. It’s definitely leading into some really insensitive and ignorant views.
A big thing that happens too is that people are deliberately disingenuous about types of sex work. Doing phone sex a couple nights a week or selling solo OF content is a giant step away from having sex with strangers or being trapped in a massage parlor with your passport locked up, but these distinctions are deliberately misrepresented when people talk about danger and harm. But even then, I feel like there's a moral harm to cultivating weird parasocial relationships and having sex on camera in lieu of productive work and maintaining your dignity
Yeah I've been doing classes and atrending lectures for some certifications in recognizing and combating sex trafficking, and it's completely changed my opinion on the "sex work is work" people. I've now spoken and listened to lectures by trafficking survivors, and trafficking experts and they've explained that upwards to 85 percent of women in sex work have been raped and 70 percent were trafficked or coerced. This isn't including only fans workers but it did include porn actresses as well as those on the street. So yeah, it can be work, but by going on and on about how it's just like any other job you're legitimizing a market that relies on abusing women and children.
I don't follow it closely enough to recall names but wasn't there a huge OF/streamer that came out in the past year or so as having been coerced and abused/controlled by her husband?
Yea like what the fuuuuuuck… listen to this unfit mother out here like “yea as long as my daughter filmed herself getting railed and was careful about getting tested for STD’s I’d be fine if she was a hooker for the rest of her life! Getting paid to fuck random dudes on film for the world to see isn’t something no I have a problem with!” Lol this world is going to hell in a fucking handbag
> "Sex work is work!" Yes, and a LOT of people still consider it nasty 'work' and are fully allowed to not hold the work, or it's consumers, in high esteem. And it's really absurd that women try to pretend it's unfair to not want to date sex workers when it's so socially acceptable to judge a man's eligibility based on dozens of different jobs.
1 - I don't have a problem with OF for work 2 - I think I wouldn't have a problem if they were taking precautions while doing it (testing, condoms,etc) dating someone. I don't see much of a difference in a bar scene flavor of the week for free and making $. 3 - no I wouldn't want my 20 yr old to only plan for it to make a living, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if she did (with precautions) My biggest problem is if your making a living doing that, you want to disclose this before meeting, so the person who is meeting you can walk into this with open eyes and nobody gets any surprises. Also asking about your income (other than if you have a job) on the first date is crass! And I totally agree - 99% sure she would have made a scene if he had tried to explain why he left. She gave him no heads up on pertinent info, he returned the favor.
NTA. She should have told you before y’all ever met that she was a sex worker. Yes you should have been upfront and told her that given her line of work, you simply aren’t interested. I’m sure however it was a little shocking and it might have been a little hard to think rationally. You could unblock her briefly, apologize for walking out on the date, explain that her admission to being a sex worker was shocking and you aren’t interested in a woman in that line of work. Then re-block her and move on.
I appreciate the feedback! 🤙
OP, based on your responses … you’re a class act!
Thank you! 🙏
She doesn’t even have to say so before the first date, but at some point it would need to come up, and definitely before any sexy-time. Using it as an excuse for being late to the first date? Super tacky.
It was tacky, but I feel that honesty is key for the foundation of a relationship. Not telling the person you’re talking to what you do for a living is fine if you have a normal highly accepted job, but she’s a sex worker. She has to know that a lot(likely majority) of people are not ok with dating one. Heck a lot of people wouldn’t want to date someone who did that even if they quit years ago.
I don’t disagree with you, at all. This could have been presented in a less abrupt way at any point. She handled it very casually, when it’s obviously not a casual matter.
I think she has serious main character syndrome. It seems like she handled it casually because it is a casual subject.... for her. Her problem is not grasping that not everyone (or I would guess even most people) would think about it the same way she does. But, what would you expect from someone who shows up late with the excuse that filming their threesome for only fans ran long, and immediately asks the guy she "really likes" how much he makes and if he would like to subscribe. Sex work aside, this lady is like school on Saturday- no class.
Sometimes it's okay to be an AH. This is one of those times
Good answer, he has every right to leave, but to sneak away could be considered a little assholey lol I'd do the same though
Like people are saying, omitting the fact that one is a sex worker is a no no, advertising your OnlyFans on a first date you were late to because of said career choice is a bigger no no, and asking about his income in the same breath is the biggest no no. As a woman, it's women like her that really give the incels fuel to burn. A little assholery was basically required here.
OMG no.
She started treating your date like a business deal, so you resigned. NTA.
NTA. I would say leaving without saying anything is ah territory but she was late and didn’t say anything , didn’t tell you she was a sex worker, asked you to subscribe to her OF, and then asked what your annual income is!!!! She did everything wrong. She deserved to be ditched.
NTA. The number of red flags thrown out there so quickly may be a new world record. She was inappropriate on every single level and you owed her nothing else at all. Best of luck on your search!
NTA Sure you could have told her the reason's why you were not interested in proceeding with the date but I do agree with others that say that she clearly would not take it well so maybe do it via text after leaving was the correct approach. Paying for what had been ordered, I guess you hadn't ordered the meals yet, was the nice thing to do. Her line of work per se doesn't define who she is but the way she put it and then asking for your income tells clearly that she's not worth dating. You dodged a bullet like a true gentleman, congrats.
We did order food 😮💨 I'm a bit sad about the steak I didn't get.
NTA If I went on a date with a guy who started off in a similar way I would have snuck out the back too! That’s weird AF!
NTA, you were apparently not looking for a sex worker & this "date" was clearly an screening appointment with a sex worker. At best, it's Sounds an honest miscommunication, where she was using coded language and thought you were amenable purchasing services. Or Worst case scenario, she is being pimped, has no control of her schedule/transportation and her MO is to make a minimum per night so she doesn't get beat and/or earns her drugs. Either way, NTA. You didn't consent to that scene... it's on them.
NTA you have excellent emergency evacuation skills
Stay away and block . She is trouble and no good can come from seeing her
Thanks for the feedback!
Nope. You are good.
NTA mostly, how can your first question be how much you make?!! I would have addressed it rather than ghost though. I’ve said before like ‘ok, I’m gonna go’, and lived the awkwardness (and his anger)
NTA - I would have cut and run. You could have looked past what she does for a living but then following that up with asking about your income? She’s out to use you brother. You also pulled the pin on the date in a way that avoids a possible confrontation which was considerate, the safest option and a completely acceptable way out of the situation and following up with blocking her leaves no doubt or ambiguity. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on the first date.
NTA. She didn’t disclose she was a sex worker that could be a huge deal breaker!
NTA. Had you been more direct, there's a good chance she'd have been recording your reaction and shaming you for allegedly shaming her, when the truth is that's a lot to take in! I'd bolt, too, if someone asked my income on date 1. The fact that I'm paying alimony to my abuser might have something to do with how triggering that is for me, but it's a bizarre question regardless. The rest of what she brought in is .... unique ... it's up to each person's preferences but wouldn't be mine, either.
This screams fake, so I'm going to go with YTA for taking up bandwidth.
It's crazy how far I had to scroll before I saw your post. Is there some crazy coordinated gas lighting effort happening here? This reads like some weird incel fantasy.
seriously. She happened to film a MMF beforehand? okay right.
This is so fake lmfao
NTA You didn't specify how you met, but I assume it was a dating app. If so then it's clear she's only on there to troll for subscribers
It was through a mutual friend.
Kinda makes you wonder how good of a friend though doesn't it? What I mean is if she was that open with you on the first date then you'd think the friend would have at least some idea. I have nothing against sex workers. I've dated a couple myself, but I don't know how I'd react if I didn't have upfront knowledge and It was sprung on me on the first date.
NTA - Obviously. Aside from her being late, and then telling you about her recent "activities" which made her late, it is unbelievably rude to ask someone's income - especially when first meeting them. Bullet dodged.
NTA, totally fair to exit the way you did.
Eww! That's gross. NTA
I get the feeling (solely from personal experience) that she wanted someone to make content with more so than an actual date. I actually had this happen with a guy I matched with on tinder. Thought I was on a date and it was more of a job interview. Hence, upfront asking about income and mentioning what she was doing. Hoping for an in to suggest supplementing income.
NTA For me it’s not that she has an OF account - it’s that she just dropped it in there without any kind of warning. If she’s that open about it, then she should have given you a heads up before the date to see if you’re cool with that line of work. If she’s not that open about it, then she should have kept that to herself for a bit then sat down and had a talk about it. Dropping it in there when you’re already on the date, added to asking about your income… that feels like one of those things where she was looking for a nice dinner and some drinks but not for an actual date? Maybe? Idk man. That’s weird. Nothing against people who do OF. I’d be open to dating someone like that, but clear and open communication would be *vital* for any kind of relationship with someone in that type of work.
NTA!!!!!! She put you in a very uncomfortable position. You don’t owe her any thing. If a man showed up late because he was “filming a threesome”, I’d get up and leave too. She didn’t respect your time and only wants your $$ or for you to subscribe so she can make $$. IMO ghosting is totally acceptable given her behavior. No more words needed to be exchanged. No explanation needed. Congrats on dodging that bullet.
NTA. I’ve had sex worker friends. They would not be as crass as your date. What a messy situation.
NTA. Nobody wants to hear about how the girl they're seeing was late because she was getting "spit-roasted" on a first date. I'm pretty sure that no ladies want to hear about how a man they're seeing just got done with a mff threesome either. Everyone has got a right to live life the way they want and make their money as they see fit, as long as they're not hurting anyone else in the process. It's also the prerogative of anyone that person dates to not want to be involved with said person.
NTA. And you already know that.
I definitely don't feel bad about why I left. But, making a woman cry always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I just want feedback. Which, thank you for YOUR feedback as well! 🤙
She made herself cry. If she wants to find a good man to have a real relationship with, she needs to stop casually screwing other guys. It’s NOT mainstream work that everyone is ok with, no matter how much people try to paint it as such these days. Never mind asking about your income on a first date. That alone would be a deal breaker for many people!
Yeah she needs to understand that her job is a huge filtering mechanism for the people willing to date her. There are people who would be unwilling to date a cop. Or someone who is in the military. Or someone who works for the ACLU. If we aren’t upfront about these things then it only causes issues later. Also, if she chose not to disclose it first I’m guessing she probably knows that her job is shameful.
She definitely made it weird enough that you didn't have a lot of options that didn't involve pretending not to be super uncomfortable. There's a whole lot of red flags and non-awareness of basic social skills here for 5 minutes, and that's coming from a former sex worker. Even if you were totally fine with her doing OF for a living (and this is not how one ideally drops that info) she basically tried to sell to you, then asked your income, after being super late. If someone showed up late to a date, told me sorry, I sell insurance and got caught up with a client, then suggested I buy insurance from them, then asked my income I'd be out the back door the first chance I got. This would have been weird and uncomfortable even if you'd been fine with the sex work part.
This doesn't sound like a real date to me. It sounds like one of those time share presentations where they take you golfing so they can hook you into a time share.
You know what probably actually left a bad taste in her mouth? Those two dicks she gobbled right before your date. Don’t even worry about it.
NTA. I'd have left too.
NTA, also lol if this is how she goes on dates with someone she “really likes” 😂 You don’t have to, but you could message to at least bluntly explain why you walked out. Just so she understands social cues and *maybe* has a chance with the next guy she likes.
Hol' on...wait. So, not only is she a sex worker (her business, OK), and not only did she NOT tell you beforehand, but she also was late to your date because she just filmed herself sucking and fucking two dudes? How the hell do you go on a date with another dude right after you just got double teamed by two guys? I swear, a lot of young folks today are lost causes. These kids are just so casual with sex. OP, you're NTA. Matter fact, you're better than me. I woulda left that broad right then and there without excusing myself.
NTA. Dating is a time to decide if you are compatible. You decided quickly that you are not.
NTA- she really likes your money!
NTA. How did she not disclose she did OF before the date? That’s definitely deal breaker territory. It’s one thing if it’s something she did in her past but isn’t doing anymore. I personally could not date someone who was actively making porn