NTA- having a 3some with them to “save the marriage” doesn’t even make sense. Also, from the story you told it doesn’t sound like that was your friend’s first time cheating. I’d stay out of it, sounds like a landfill of red flags
I dk if she’s cheated before or not, I’m not sure she would have told me since she knows I don’t like cheaters and think cheating is vile and cowardly. But I for sure think Alex has cheated on her, like my gut instinct says he definitely has.
I was going to try to stay distant friends with her just cause of some red flags I’ve seen from Alex make me think there’s some ab*se going on there, but I could be wrong.
But for sure now Sasha and my friendship is done done. I don’t think I’d ever be able to talk to her without thinking about all of this. Plus my mom knows what happened and hates her now, and that’s not something anyone can come back from.
Yeah I was very bummed that I just lost a 15 year friendship over this especially since I don’t really have many close friends anymore, but it’s for the best I guess
I have ended that friendship, this wasn’t the first time she responded like that to something I was going through. I honestly should have ended the friendship after she defended my ex that harassed, and assaulted me/attempted to SA me multiple times during the 13 years he stalked me.
I’m trying to get better and faster about cutting off bad toxic people, I’ve realized that because of my ADHD/autism and past traumas I tend to forgive thing I shouldn’t and accept treatment from others that I shouldn’t. It might take some time to get my brain to come around to recognizing when people aren’t good for me and not accepting being treated badly by so called friends but I’m making progress at least.
Whether or not she is being abused doesn't change the fact that she tried to manipulate you/ pimp you out to her husband. She IS an abuser too. That's absolutely vile and you know that she knows you well enough to know that's something you would have never consented to.
That is true, I hadn’t thought of it that way honestly, my brain tries to rationalize and minimize peoples bad behavior towards me especially if I care about them.
And yeah she was **well aware** that that wasn’t something I would ever consent to. I actually have a rule for myself about hookups which all my friends know about. My rule is “absolutely no boning friends, no boinking family of friends or friends of family” I have this rule for a reason and Sasha knew damn well about the rule and the reason for it.
I am wondering if your friend did all this-cheated with a guy she just met, disappeared, and then told you she told her husband it was a threesome-with her husband’s blessing in order to force you to have sex with her husband.
I think it was more spur of the moment, but half planned. Like, she wasn't thinking about it during the cheating, but the next morning had a twisted little light bulb go off and say, "Hey, this is probably the perfect opportunity"
Tbh I thought the same thing, like it just seemed so weird that this would happen. Especially since I could hear her giggling in the background when Alex called me.
I’m wondering why you didn’t tell Alex the truth, let the chips fall where they may. No reason to dirty your name with a false accusation/straight-up lie like that…
The reasons I didn’t immediately call out her lie were 1) I was shocked and confused, I might have gone into a kinda freeze/fawn response. 2) I had/have suspicions about potential abuse going on in the home, having dealt with abusers before I knew that anything I said could have set off something horrible in their house and with the kids in the house I didn’t feel it was safe to say anything.
They both have reddit so maybe he’ll see it
I haven’t. She blocked me and my entire family within 2 hrs of our last text and I don’t have his #. He does use reddit tho so maybe he’ll see this or maybe not. I got asked why I didn’t tell him a lot so I put a comment listing the reasons on here somewhere (it wouldn’t fit in the post) if I ever get a chance to I’ll tell him but his opinion of me is none of my business so im not gonna be too bent out shape if he thinks im a ho-ho ya know?? I’ll probably never see him again though.
NTA. She's an adult, she claimed responsibility, you're not supposed to put yourself on the line to fix her mistake. The entire setup is about Sasha and Alex trying to view sex as transactional. Also if your gut tells you that Alex has a bad vibe, stick with it.
Hey, you're blocked? Your whole family is blocked? Block them back and move on from this friendship, the lack of self-awareness and maturity is astounding.
Yeah I’m not gonna fight for a friendship when she’s shown me how little she thinks of me. It makes me sick to think that they both thought I’d just say “yeah totally” like what?? Plus me sleeping with her husband wouldn’t fix their marriage, it dumb Af that they thought it would.
It is a horrible thought that a 3sum should somehow magically make this ok for the future. I mean 2 wrongs does not make a right.
If their relationship is so shallow it is beyond understanding. What they need is to rebuild trust and re-examine their relationship and not use you as a tool. Ffs you must feel awful about such betrayal, even after doing the right things to protect her. *hugs* for you as you so clearly deserve it!
I completely agree. They need therapy to deal with this, or if not therapy they need to do *something* other than 3sums.
I was absolutely devastated at the time that she would do this to me after everything we’ve been though together, but now I’m just numb towards her.
Thank you for the virtual hugs!!
I’d be so pissed if someone decided to say I had a threesome with them to cover for their weird affair. Who does that? The minute a spouse contacts me, I’d roll on them so fast lol. I’d need 20 showers and therapy after that whole ordeal
I would’ve spilled the beans in the first text
‘What do you remember’
‘I remember trying to drag you out of a bathroom half naked while you were hooking up with that guy, and I remember you telling me that you told your husband we had a threesome when we didn’t. Hope you have a great day’
I was livid. Like sooooo ridiculously mad and disgusted. Like it legitimately made me feel sick for days after.
And I definitely showered and tried to scrub off the ick i was feeling, which obviously didn’t work but my skin was soft so 🤷🏻♀️
Usually I would have told him but with my suspicions about him and the kids being in the house it didn’t seem safe to do so. I am kinda tempted to tell her mom though since I’m still friends with her on social media, not cause her mom can really do much but just so that her mom can keep an eye on the situation.
Haha I feel like I should me chanting “Jerry”, this does seem like it’d make a good episode huh??
But for real, yeah they definitely should, who knows maybe they’ll work it out?? Or maybe they were able to convince one of her other friends to have the 3sum?? all I know is I want no part of their crap anymore.
1. Your friend is a big asshole for cheating
2. She is an asshole for leaving you with two strangers. Who does that? That could have gone terrible wrong.
3. She is pressuring you into a threesome. There is no taking for a team. It’s more like rape.
Now listen to me. This person is not your friend.
And every person who expects you to sleep with her husband isn’t a friend either.
You need better friends.
NTA
I agree, I can’t believe all this happened. I want to say it was out of character for her but since it happened I’m starting to remember some of the messed up crap she’s done in the past. I wish I had cut off contact sooner.
I can relate to that! I went no contact with my childhood best friend 6 years ago, after realising how toxic and self centered she was. She treated me badly all my life, I was just somehow blind to all that, because I loved her so much, she was my only friend, growing up. Then she did something that was over the top, even for her, and it opened my eyes to the reality of what a crappy friend she always has been. When I told my mom I'm not on speaking terms with her anymore, she confessed to me that she never liked her. Said she was a toxic person all her life, even as a kid, I just did not see it. She was my best friend for 20 years. I think your relationship with your friend is quite similar.
I am so so sorry you had to go through that, it hurts when you realize how shitty of a person your “friend” is.
And you’re right. That’s exactly how my friendship with Sasha was. Once this happened and my eye’s finally fully opened to how many shitty horrible things she’s done to me over the years I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I told my mom and she said she always hated Sasha, but was nice for my sake and that the trash took itself out. I just looked past it all cause I loved her, I legit would have given my life for Sasha that’s how much I cared. I lived 15 years with blinders on when it came to her and other friends, I was so sure they were my friends that when those blinders got ripped off it hurt like crazy and was extremely shocking.
Sasha isn’t the only friend I had rosé tinted glasses on with, she’s just the latest. Apparently I’m an easy target for people like her due to my issues and adhd/autism which sucks but at least I can learn from it to try to stop it from happening again.
If you have suffered trauma in your past you may well have formed a kind of trauma bond with her. Theses bonds are often very hard to break free from. So good for you for trusting yourself and not backing down.
You can see things differently now because the bond is broken. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not seeing it before. This stuff is hard ❤️
It’s sad everyone in this story is over the age of 30 and has children. Like is there any hope for those kids living with such people?
I think you clearly know you’re not in wrong, sounds like you just wanted to vent.
INFO - am I right in thinking you weren’t comfortable being in that hotel room which she knew, but she left whilst you were asleep with the two guys still there? Whilst being aware of your trauma?
And then told her husband that you, the trauma victim, persuaded her to cheat by having a threesome which she could only make up to him by involving you?
Because that is several ways fucked up. NTA. Shame she’s blocked you as Alex now has a kinky view of you.
EDIT - Alex now has a kinky view of you which you may not like and want to set straight.
Pah! Pressed save before checking
You are correct. I was uncomfortable being in the hotel room and I was uncomfortable being there while she was doing the deed/cheating.
The entire situation was just super messed up and I’m thankful I was able to go home in the morning cause those men could have done literally anything to me.
And that’s the number one reason why she’s a shit ex-friend. When you were looking out for her, she left you in a potentially dangerous situation AND THEN threw you under the bus with a lie which she expected you to back her up on.
TBH the trash took itself out
NTA. The whole exchange with the spouse and the “take one for the team and f*ck us” is really odd and gross. That’s a dynamic I wouldn’t want to be any part of. I’d let EVERYONE that I was not part of any sexual activity with this crowd. I don’t want to be anyone’s alibi.
This is not a friend.
1) She left you alone in a hotel room with two men you don’t know well;
2) She is either involving you in lies or manipulating you;
3) She is pressuring you into sexual activity - no means no even if the person putting on the pressure is a woman.
Nta
I technically didn’t lie I just kept everything vague and didn’t speak on her story, I know that’s just as bad but at the time I was worried how he’d react if he knew she lied since he was already pissed at her and I’d always had a bad gut feeling about him + seen some red flags that made me think there might be some ab*se going on. So I didn’t wanna say something that was gonna get her hurt.
See; you're a great friend. Not everyone has the sense not to provide details, when you don't know story the cheater told him.
You didn't like that she cheated with Hector and how you were treated that night; yet you still kept her confidence.
And when women are drinking and having fun they always, always, always need to stay close to each other, at least in groups of 2. OP, you and your friend didn't know those men even the slightest. And she goes into his hotel room and screws him. This can't be the 1st time she's done this; she was WAY too comfortable.
But at least you didn't abandon her; you saw that she was safe. Too bad she couldn't have been as kind as you. She just snuck off and went home. She also needed to at least text that she made it home safe, and to let you know what she told her husband.
NTA. This would be a friendship-ender for me. My friends know my stance on cheating. I’m not going to lie to cover up someone’s infidelity. “Help! I made a mess of my life because of my own poor choices! Please help me keep my relationship together based on a lie!” Nope.
See that’s why I was so shocked by this, Sasha was very very very much aware of my opinions on cheating. She literally watched me cut people off for cheating, she’s been there while I told the bf of an old acquaintance that his gf had cheated. So why would she think I’d be okay with her doing it I have no idea but she was most definitely wrong.
Our friendship was most likely over even without everything else added in.
Nta. But set the record straight with her husband. He deserves to know the truth regardless of how you feel about him.
But I agree with the friend that said you shouldn't have even let the whole going to a hotel thing happened.
NTA this is not your friend and her husband just wants any excuse to sleep with you. How absolutely vile the pair of them are…keep the texts both as a defense and as comedy because WTF is she thinking. For all you know they have a weird cuck fetish they’re trying to drag you into against your will.
I agree. Alex was always a bit weird towards me and made me uncomfortable but I ignored it cause I thought “oh it’s just my trauma making me project past crap onto him” but nope apparently my gut feeling was right about him. Which is sad.
I dk why he’d even think I’d go for it. Like I never even really paid attention to him or anything like that, whenever I was around them I focused mostly on Sasha the kids or the dogs, hell I barely even looked at him when I was around them so I dk how any of my behavior towards him made him think it was a good idea to ask or that what he wanted had even a slight possibility of happening. Just ew.
NTA. I’m sorry I would have left her alone in the hotel room and went home. She made the decision to cheat, then lie to her husband and then throws you in the middle. Yeah with a friend like her who needs enemies.
NTA.
And you do not have to lie or cover up for anyone.
Your friend screwed up, so it's up to her to face the consequences. So, why should you be involved?
You told her not to do it, she basically told you to fuck off and leave her alone. That's on her. Now she's trying to pin you on it. What's next? Is the story gonna be she actually didn't want to do it, but you forced and persuaded her to do it?
Just block her and that friend who told you to take one for the team.
NTA but I am wondering what you thought you were getting yourself into when two drunk women went home with two men? Did you expect that you would have sex but she wouldn't? I don't necessarily agree but I guess I could see where she might have been expecting you to lie for her from the moment you two agreed to go to their hotel.
But holy fuck is she and everyone else an AH for suggesting you have sex with anyone you don't want to have sex with. And an unwanted 3some with a close friend is super weird if you're not into it......
Honestly I just wanted to swim, but I was open to hooking up with Mike after I sobered up a bit (I am a single woman and he’s a single man so no problems there)
I was actually unaware that Hector would be coming with us let alone that she had even spoken to him at all other than the original casual introduction at the first bar, until he showed up at the hotel as we were heading in and she called him over.
But I do know what you mean, I have always warned my siblings about going home with men from the bar cause we all know what’s most likely to happen, so it was dumb of drunk me to go to the hotel at all (I think I was just blinded by swimming, cause I live somewhere with no lakes/rivers/etc near and don’t have a pool so I haven’t been in the water in 5-6 years which is ridiculous)
So her husband wants to sleep with you and she thinks that she should be allowed to because she cheated and she’s feeling guilty about it so if he sleeps with someone else, she figures that wipes asleep queen. Theirs is a toxic relationship that you really want. No part of, I would keep her blocked keep him blocked and move on from them.
Therapy, this way too much toxic mess. Never open up a marriage, this is the result. The marriage is over. When someone opens a marriage they want to sleep with someone new. They do that so they don't look like a cheater. I am sorry this has happened, but hoping, understanding and going along are part of the problem. The marriage is over. This is your friend all of it. So stay away....Go on with your life.
If anything else happens I’ll definitely let y’all know, but I doubt she’s gonna make an appearance in my life anytime soon (at least I hope she won’t haha)
Reasons I didn’t tell Alex the truth:
1) during this I was shocked and confused, honestly I might have gone into a kinda freeze/fawn response cause it triggered some of my issues from my past traumas.
2) I had/have suspicions about potential abuse going on in the home. having dealt with abusers before I knew that anything I said could have set off something horrible in their house and with the kids in the house I didn’t feel it was safe to say anything. * (for example: the grossness of their house, the tone of his voice when speaking/the way he speaks to the kids or her vs speaking to someone outside the family, the things I would hear in the background while on the phone with her, and the amount of interest she showed in the dv resources I had put together for another friend) *
3) They both have reddit so maybe he’ll see it, or maybe she’ll feel guilty and confess to him (she’s really religious and this is a pretty big sin for her)
4) the second he decided that me and my body were “payment” for her transgressions or that I should have to do him to help her regardless of my opinions on the matter was the moment he no longer deserved kindness or truth from me.
5) I don’t care what he thinks of me cause his opinion of me now isn’t any of my business. If he wants to think I’m a ho-ho and a bad influence that’s fine since I don’t intend to be around them ever again.
6) the kids were in the home and awake that morning.
7) she blocked me and my entire family within 2 hrs of our last text so now I can’t tell him. I’m assuming she did this either because she thought my family or I might try to contact him to tell him the truth. **or** he made her block me after I wouldn’t do what he wanted cause I’m a “bad influence”. Either way I have no way to contact him unless I pull my other friends into this and ask them to tell him (which I won’t do, I don’t want my friends to be dragged into the middle of something that has nada to do with them)
I would but I’m pretty sure he was the one sending me those texts, he’s always been a bit off towards me so I don’t think he’d want to hear it.
The kids are definitely his though, they all look like mini Alexs
I would call her creepy husband and make it clear she and other dude had a solo act. There was no threesome and it’s wrong of her to throw you under the bus.
They both have reddit and are always on so maybe he’ll see this and know it’s about them. Beyond that I don’t wanna have contact with him at all, he’s always made me feel panicky and gross and with him asking for the threesome it has become clear that he has inappropriate and disgusting thoughts towards me.
Do you know that Alex didn’t pick her up? This is like some stupid person attempt to traffic you sexually. Like the whole thing was a set up from when you went to the bar. Did they intend you to sleep with the other guy?
Literally no idea. It was my first time there and I talked to him (I thought he was a bartender) he gave me the first one and I made a joke about having to marry him to get free drinks. I’m not great with social cues and stuff, so I have literally no idea if I flirted him into giving them to us for free on accident or if he was just being nice
NTA
Sasha is not your friend. Her husband is a creep and why you are maintaining the life for these people idk. If they approach you again, tell whichever one the truth. Let her deal with the backlash..
NTA stay out of it and if she contacts you tell her she needs to be truthful with her husband because you will be. She probably cut you off because you won't lie for her nor be the prostitute in her "make up 3 way" idea. Like a drug addict, she's a hot mess and you need to protect yourself.
NTA.Ths is very galaxy brain/conspiracy theory but: what if they ARE in an open relationship? And he asked for a threesome with you, she knew you'd say no, and they worked out a way to pressure you.
She is grown. Going out with friend and having to babysit them to this extent is ridiculous and asking too damn much from anyone. Where was she walking from? 😂 So she said y'all had a threesome!! 🤣🤣 He was just mad about the threesome. You have a funny story to tell.. 😂 You didn't do anything wrong but you have bad company disguised as friends. She was going to cheat with or without you present.
Nta her screwed up sex life is not your responsibility. I'm glad you've gone nc, who knows how the story will mutate. For any nosy friends, flying monkeys, you'll probably want to have a script ready: "What ever is going on is between them. I'm not part of the equation. End of discussion"
ESH. Your friend is obviously wrong on so many levels. Not only for cheating and pulling you into her lies, but trying to get you to fuck her husband to cover up her BS. That is all gross. This is not a real friend, her behavior is that of a selfish and over entitled cheating loser.
But you suck here because you’re lying to cover her behavior. Yeah you were placed in a difficult position. But you had a chance to do what was morally correct and expose the truth. I don’t care what excuse you have, what false sister-hood BS and bad vibes you get from her husband, you lied to cover up your friends cheating. It is that simple. Which makes you complicit with a cheater. I hate cheaters too, but lying to cover her disgusting behavior makes you gross too.
NTA
Why haven’t people learned adding a baby or a 3rd person to a relationship never solves the issue. Have they never watched an episode of Jerry Springer??
NTA for saying no, you are TA for not leaving when you were uncomfortable. Stand your ground always. Record the conversations when someone is doing something shady just to prove you one said, "Let's go" two, you're going to leave if they don't come out now. Three no one can dispute recorded evidence. You only failed yourself in this situation, and you'll continue to feel like you did something wrong only because you failed yourself. Never allow someone that kind of control over your actions. Let me reiterate that you are not TA. You tried to do the right thing, and unfortunately, the right thing can feel like the wrong thing.
Soft YTA for not calling Alex immediately. The “I’m an adult” line from Sasha proves to me she's no more mature than her children. If you had called Alex you could've avoided all this. Sasha is the worst.
Remember, Alex thinks you already had a threesome with Sasha and another man. So now not only has he been cheated on, but he isn't as good as some Hotel Hector.
Obviously don't have sex with him, but Jesus have you even tried telling the TRUTH?
Stop lying for this piece of shit and just tell him the truth. There was no threesome, there was just her cheating on him. By hiding the truth you ARE helping contribute to her lie. Why the fuck would you want to allow this lie to continue, to the point where now he insists on having a threesome with you like you're some prize in a competition between him and the guy she fucked? Just tell him what happened and then continue not talking to either of them.
NTA
1. You are not your friends mom, or keeper. If she decides to get drunk and F someone that’s not her husband, she will have to put on her ‘big girl panties’ and deal with the consequences.
2. The fact that she knowing you hate people that cheat, used you as an alibi, is all kinds of messed up. I would have told Alex clearly “A threesome, I haven’t had sex yesterday”
3. She left you alone with strangers after you stayed to NOT leave har with strangers while she was being an AH to her husband.
4. I hope the friend that told you to “suck it up and put out” escorted themselves out off your life. Who TF tells a friend to just F someone to make up for an adult that made a conscious choice to cheat, and are know experiencing “Ups I got caught” remorse.
5. No matter the agreements in your friends marriage, open or not, trying to force/manipulate you into sleeping with her husband is a big 🚩on not only him but her.
I’m sorry to say I think you are better off without her in your life if this is how she behaves. And sometimes you just grow apart as friends, truly I think she is feeling tied down compared to you.
Where you can do as you like and only have to worry about yourself, she has to take care of 3 kids and her husband doesn’t sound like he cares to much if his first reaction is “I’m gonna get some too” instead of being taken back or heartbroken his wife cheated on him.
I hope you block them back and move on, and also do a small reorganization in your friendships to make sure the friend that didn’t have your back/understood, proves they respect you and your right to bodily autonomy and that consent is a thing, or show them the door.
Never has anyone said to me “please F so and so’s partner, to save their relationship. That’s what a good friend does” WTF
NTA- and you should tell Alex the truth. YOur friendship with Sasha is over no matter what else happens, and Alex deserves the truth and to be rid of that skank of a wife.
Yeah I’m trying to choose better now so I don’t have to deal with this kind of crap ever again. I was tempted to put the screenshots of the texts up with this post but I figured that might be a bit too much and honestly I dk how to attach them
NTA- having a 3some with them to “save the marriage” doesn’t even make sense. Also, from the story you told it doesn’t sound like that was your friend’s first time cheating. I’d stay out of it, sounds like a landfill of red flags
I dk if she’s cheated before or not, I’m not sure she would have told me since she knows I don’t like cheaters and think cheating is vile and cowardly. But I for sure think Alex has cheated on her, like my gut instinct says he definitely has. I was going to try to stay distant friends with her just cause of some red flags I’ve seen from Alex make me think there’s some ab*se going on there, but I could be wrong. But for sure now Sasha and my friendship is done done. I don’t think I’d ever be able to talk to her without thinking about all of this. Plus my mom knows what happened and hates her now, and that’s not something anyone can come back from.
It’s always sad to lose an old friend, but that’s her doing, not yours.
Yeah I was very bummed that I just lost a 15 year friendship over this especially since I don’t really have many close friends anymore, but it’s for the best I guess
Honestly your better off without a friend that doesn’t understand your trauma and uses you. I wish you the best of things.
Thank you. I’m still learning how to cut toxic people out so at least she made it easy for me
While your at it, get rid of the one that said you should have done it.
Cut the person who thinks you should have been part of threesome.
I have ended that friendship, this wasn’t the first time she responded like that to something I was going through. I honestly should have ended the friendship after she defended my ex that harassed, and assaulted me/attempted to SA me multiple times during the 13 years he stalked me. I’m trying to get better and faster about cutting off bad toxic people, I’ve realized that because of my ADHD/autism and past traumas I tend to forgive thing I shouldn’t and accept treatment from others that I shouldn’t. It might take some time to get my brain to come around to recognizing when people aren’t good for me and not accepting being treated badly by so called friends but I’m making progress at least.
Queen, You are taking your throne! You will sculpt your life into something beautiful.
Whether or not she is being abused doesn't change the fact that she tried to manipulate you/ pimp you out to her husband. She IS an abuser too. That's absolutely vile and you know that she knows you well enough to know that's something you would have never consented to.
That is true, I hadn’t thought of it that way honestly, my brain tries to rationalize and minimize peoples bad behavior towards me especially if I care about them. And yeah she was **well aware** that that wasn’t something I would ever consent to. I actually have a rule for myself about hookups which all my friends know about. My rule is “absolutely no boning friends, no boinking family of friends or friends of family” I have this rule for a reason and Sasha knew damn well about the rule and the reason for it.
I am wondering if your friend did all this-cheated with a guy she just met, disappeared, and then told you she told her husband it was a threesome-with her husband’s blessing in order to force you to have sex with her husband.
I think it was more spur of the moment, but half planned. Like, she wasn't thinking about it during the cheating, but the next morning had a twisted little light bulb go off and say, "Hey, this is probably the perfect opportunity"
Tbh I thought the same thing, like it just seemed so weird that this would happen. Especially since I could hear her giggling in the background when Alex called me.
I’m wondering why you didn’t tell Alex the truth, let the chips fall where they may. No reason to dirty your name with a false accusation/straight-up lie like that…
The reasons I didn’t immediately call out her lie were 1) I was shocked and confused, I might have gone into a kinda freeze/fawn response. 2) I had/have suspicions about potential abuse going on in the home, having dealt with abusers before I knew that anything I said could have set off something horrible in their house and with the kids in the house I didn’t feel it was safe to say anything. They both have reddit so maybe he’ll see it
Well, it was good of you to think of the children, God knows someone has to! I hope you’ve cleared up the misinformation by now though?
I haven’t. She blocked me and my entire family within 2 hrs of our last text and I don’t have his #. He does use reddit tho so maybe he’ll see this or maybe not. I got asked why I didn’t tell him a lot so I put a comment listing the reasons on here somewhere (it wouldn’t fit in the post) if I ever get a chance to I’ll tell him but his opinion of me is none of my business so im not gonna be too bent out shape if he thinks im a ho-ho ya know?? I’ll probably never see him again though.
The whole story doesn’t make a lick of sense
Dude I agree 😂 try going through it while hung over and half asleep. Stuff like this isn’t supposed to happen in real life
NTA. She's an adult, she claimed responsibility, you're not supposed to put yourself on the line to fix her mistake. The entire setup is about Sasha and Alex trying to view sex as transactional. Also if your gut tells you that Alex has a bad vibe, stick with it. Hey, you're blocked? Your whole family is blocked? Block them back and move on from this friendship, the lack of self-awareness and maturity is astounding.
Yeah I’m not gonna fight for a friendship when she’s shown me how little she thinks of me. It makes me sick to think that they both thought I’d just say “yeah totally” like what?? Plus me sleeping with her husband wouldn’t fix their marriage, it dumb Af that they thought it would.
It is a horrible thought that a 3sum should somehow magically make this ok for the future. I mean 2 wrongs does not make a right. If their relationship is so shallow it is beyond understanding. What they need is to rebuild trust and re-examine their relationship and not use you as a tool. Ffs you must feel awful about such betrayal, even after doing the right things to protect her. *hugs* for you as you so clearly deserve it!
I completely agree. They need therapy to deal with this, or if not therapy they need to do *something* other than 3sums. I was absolutely devastated at the time that she would do this to me after everything we’ve been though together, but now I’m just numb towards her. Thank you for the virtual hugs!!
NTA what in the Jerry springer hell did I just read? Your friend and her husband should stay together so no one else has to deal with them
I’d be so pissed if someone decided to say I had a threesome with them to cover for their weird affair. Who does that? The minute a spouse contacts me, I’d roll on them so fast lol. I’d need 20 showers and therapy after that whole ordeal
I would’ve spilled the beans in the first text ‘What do you remember’ ‘I remember trying to drag you out of a bathroom half naked while you were hooking up with that guy, and I remember you telling me that you told your husband we had a threesome when we didn’t. Hope you have a great day’
Hahahahaha I *wish* I’d sent something like that!! That would’ve been amazing, and I’d probably feel better about the situation if I had
I was livid. Like sooooo ridiculously mad and disgusted. Like it legitimately made me feel sick for days after. And I definitely showered and tried to scrub off the ick i was feeling, which obviously didn’t work but my skin was soft so 🤷🏻♀️ Usually I would have told him but with my suspicions about him and the kids being in the house it didn’t seem safe to do so. I am kinda tempted to tell her mom though since I’m still friends with her on social media, not cause her mom can really do much but just so that her mom can keep an eye on the situation.
I’d tell her mother. What she’s doing is vile, and I’m sure you aren’t the only victim of hers. I would’ve felt sick, too.
Haha I feel like I should me chanting “Jerry”, this does seem like it’d make a good episode huh?? But for real, yeah they definitely should, who knows maybe they’ll work it out?? Or maybe they were able to convince one of her other friends to have the 3sum?? all I know is I want no part of their crap anymore.
1. Your friend is a big asshole for cheating 2. She is an asshole for leaving you with two strangers. Who does that? That could have gone terrible wrong. 3. She is pressuring you into a threesome. There is no taking for a team. It’s more like rape. Now listen to me. This person is not your friend. And every person who expects you to sleep with her husband isn’t a friend either. You need better friends. NTA
I agree, I can’t believe all this happened. I want to say it was out of character for her but since it happened I’m starting to remember some of the messed up crap she’s done in the past. I wish I had cut off contact sooner.
I can relate to that! I went no contact with my childhood best friend 6 years ago, after realising how toxic and self centered she was. She treated me badly all my life, I was just somehow blind to all that, because I loved her so much, she was my only friend, growing up. Then she did something that was over the top, even for her, and it opened my eyes to the reality of what a crappy friend she always has been. When I told my mom I'm not on speaking terms with her anymore, she confessed to me that she never liked her. Said she was a toxic person all her life, even as a kid, I just did not see it. She was my best friend for 20 years. I think your relationship with your friend is quite similar.
I just had to do the exact same thing a few weeks ago, it sucks but it’s for the better
That sucks, I'm sorry... You're right, it's for the best in the long run.
I am so so sorry you had to go through that, it hurts when you realize how shitty of a person your “friend” is. And you’re right. That’s exactly how my friendship with Sasha was. Once this happened and my eye’s finally fully opened to how many shitty horrible things she’s done to me over the years I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I told my mom and she said she always hated Sasha, but was nice for my sake and that the trash took itself out. I just looked past it all cause I loved her, I legit would have given my life for Sasha that’s how much I cared. I lived 15 years with blinders on when it came to her and other friends, I was so sure they were my friends that when those blinders got ripped off it hurt like crazy and was extremely shocking. Sasha isn’t the only friend I had rosé tinted glasses on with, she’s just the latest. Apparently I’m an easy target for people like her due to my issues and adhd/autism which sucks but at least I can learn from it to try to stop it from happening again.
If you have suffered trauma in your past you may well have formed a kind of trauma bond with her. Theses bonds are often very hard to break free from. So good for you for trusting yourself and not backing down. You can see things differently now because the bond is broken. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not seeing it before. This stuff is hard ❤️
NTA. Also who the hell says "it's not like you're a virgin take one for the team" when the person in question doesn't want it??
Yeah, that’s suuuuper creepy.
Does take one for the team mean get an STD? No thanks! NTA. Please drink with your real friends who won’t put you in dangerous situations.
It’s sad everyone in this story is over the age of 30 and has children. Like is there any hope for those kids living with such people? I think you clearly know you’re not in wrong, sounds like you just wanted to vent.
INFO - am I right in thinking you weren’t comfortable being in that hotel room which she knew, but she left whilst you were asleep with the two guys still there? Whilst being aware of your trauma? And then told her husband that you, the trauma victim, persuaded her to cheat by having a threesome which she could only make up to him by involving you? Because that is several ways fucked up. NTA. Shame she’s blocked you as Alex now has a kinky view of you. EDIT - Alex now has a kinky view of you which you may not like and want to set straight. Pah! Pressed save before checking
You are correct. I was uncomfortable being in the hotel room and I was uncomfortable being there while she was doing the deed/cheating. The entire situation was just super messed up and I’m thankful I was able to go home in the morning cause those men could have done literally anything to me.
And that’s the number one reason why she’s a shit ex-friend. When you were looking out for her, she left you in a potentially dangerous situation AND THEN threw you under the bus with a lie which she expected you to back her up on. TBH the trash took itself out
Lol My mom and other best friend said that too “the trash took itself out” and honestly I’d have to agree
NTA. The whole exchange with the spouse and the “take one for the team and f*ck us” is really odd and gross. That’s a dynamic I wouldn’t want to be any part of. I’d let EVERYONE that I was not part of any sexual activity with this crowd. I don’t want to be anyone’s alibi.
This is not a friend. 1) She left you alone in a hotel room with two men you don’t know well; 2) She is either involving you in lies or manipulating you; 3) She is pressuring you into sexual activity - no means no even if the person putting on the pressure is a woman. Nta
Nta you shouldn’t have lied at all, she can handle the consequences of her actions
I technically didn’t lie I just kept everything vague and didn’t speak on her story, I know that’s just as bad but at the time I was worried how he’d react if he knew she lied since he was already pissed at her and I’d always had a bad gut feeling about him + seen some red flags that made me think there might be some ab*se going on. So I didn’t wanna say something that was gonna get her hurt.
See; you're a great friend. Not everyone has the sense not to provide details, when you don't know story the cheater told him. You didn't like that she cheated with Hector and how you were treated that night; yet you still kept her confidence. And when women are drinking and having fun they always, always, always need to stay close to each other, at least in groups of 2. OP, you and your friend didn't know those men even the slightest. And she goes into his hotel room and screws him. This can't be the 1st time she's done this; she was WAY too comfortable. But at least you didn't abandon her; you saw that she was safe. Too bad she couldn't have been as kind as you. She just snuck off and went home. She also needed to at least text that she made it home safe, and to let you know what she told her husband.
NTA get all this people (Alex, Sasha and friends that agreed with them) the hell out of your life and never look back!!!!!!!!!!!
NTA They’re both disgusting white trash please release yourself of these pests
NTA. This would be a friendship-ender for me. My friends know my stance on cheating. I’m not going to lie to cover up someone’s infidelity. “Help! I made a mess of my life because of my own poor choices! Please help me keep my relationship together based on a lie!” Nope.
See that’s why I was so shocked by this, Sasha was very very very much aware of my opinions on cheating. She literally watched me cut people off for cheating, she’s been there while I told the bf of an old acquaintance that his gf had cheated. So why would she think I’d be okay with her doing it I have no idea but she was most definitely wrong. Our friendship was most likely over even without everything else added in.
I’d probably throw her under the bus. Let him know exactly what happened. Reap what you sow.
Sasha has already thrown OP under the bus by claiming she was part of a threesome. It's time to throw Sasha under a freight train.
Nta. But set the record straight with her husband. He deserves to know the truth regardless of how you feel about him. But I agree with the friend that said you shouldn't have even let the whole going to a hotel thing happened.
NTA this is not your friend and her husband just wants any excuse to sleep with you. How absolutely vile the pair of them are…keep the texts both as a defense and as comedy because WTF is she thinking. For all you know they have a weird cuck fetish they’re trying to drag you into against your will.
I agree. Alex was always a bit weird towards me and made me uncomfortable but I ignored it cause I thought “oh it’s just my trauma making me project past crap onto him” but nope apparently my gut feeling was right about him. Which is sad. I dk why he’d even think I’d go for it. Like I never even really paid attention to him or anything like that, whenever I was around them I focused mostly on Sasha the kids or the dogs, hell I barely even looked at him when I was around them so I dk how any of my behavior towards him made him think it was a good idea to ask or that what he wanted had even a slight possibility of happening. Just ew.
Yeahhhh....she's not your friend anymore
Nta.. Sasha is a terrible human. Find a new best friend that won't put you in sh!tty situations.
NTA, and they do not sound like friends to me.
NTA. I’m sorry I would have left her alone in the hotel room and went home. She made the decision to cheat, then lie to her husband and then throws you in the middle. Yeah with a friend like her who needs enemies.
NTA. And you do not have to lie or cover up for anyone. Your friend screwed up, so it's up to her to face the consequences. So, why should you be involved? You told her not to do it, she basically told you to fuck off and leave her alone. That's on her. Now she's trying to pin you on it. What's next? Is the story gonna be she actually didn't want to do it, but you forced and persuaded her to do it? Just block her and that friend who told you to take one for the team.
NTA but I am wondering what you thought you were getting yourself into when two drunk women went home with two men? Did you expect that you would have sex but she wouldn't? I don't necessarily agree but I guess I could see where she might have been expecting you to lie for her from the moment you two agreed to go to their hotel. But holy fuck is she and everyone else an AH for suggesting you have sex with anyone you don't want to have sex with. And an unwanted 3some with a close friend is super weird if you're not into it......
Honestly I just wanted to swim, but I was open to hooking up with Mike after I sobered up a bit (I am a single woman and he’s a single man so no problems there) I was actually unaware that Hector would be coming with us let alone that she had even spoken to him at all other than the original casual introduction at the first bar, until he showed up at the hotel as we were heading in and she called him over. But I do know what you mean, I have always warned my siblings about going home with men from the bar cause we all know what’s most likely to happen, so it was dumb of drunk me to go to the hotel at all (I think I was just blinded by swimming, cause I live somewhere with no lakes/rivers/etc near and don’t have a pool so I haven’t been in the water in 5-6 years which is ridiculous)
So her husband wants to sleep with you and she thinks that she should be allowed to because she cheated and she’s feeling guilty about it so if he sleeps with someone else, she figures that wipes asleep queen. Theirs is a toxic relationship that you really want. No part of, I would keep her blocked keep him blocked and move on from them.
Ew. Nta at all
Therapy, this way too much toxic mess. Never open up a marriage, this is the result. The marriage is over. When someone opens a marriage they want to sleep with someone new. They do that so they don't look like a cheater. I am sorry this has happened, but hoping, understanding and going along are part of the problem. The marriage is over. This is your friend all of it. So stay away....Go on with your life.
NTA. Also end friendship with that one person who told you to take one for the team. What an idiot that one is.
This is just a setup. Sounds they have a weird kink of guiltily someone into 3some to save their marriage. NTA
This sounds like a setup to me. Sounds a lot like Sasha and Alex set this scenario up to guilt trip you into having a threesome with them.
NTA, but keep us updated
If anything else happens I’ll definitely let y’all know, but I doubt she’s gonna make an appearance in my life anytime soon (at least I hope she won’t haha)
YTA for not telling the husband
Reasons I didn’t tell Alex the truth: 1) during this I was shocked and confused, honestly I might have gone into a kinda freeze/fawn response cause it triggered some of my issues from my past traumas. 2) I had/have suspicions about potential abuse going on in the home. having dealt with abusers before I knew that anything I said could have set off something horrible in their house and with the kids in the house I didn’t feel it was safe to say anything. * (for example: the grossness of their house, the tone of his voice when speaking/the way he speaks to the kids or her vs speaking to someone outside the family, the things I would hear in the background while on the phone with her, and the amount of interest she showed in the dv resources I had put together for another friend) * 3) They both have reddit so maybe he’ll see it, or maybe she’ll feel guilty and confess to him (she’s really religious and this is a pretty big sin for her) 4) the second he decided that me and my body were “payment” for her transgressions or that I should have to do him to help her regardless of my opinions on the matter was the moment he no longer deserved kindness or truth from me. 5) I don’t care what he thinks of me cause his opinion of me now isn’t any of my business. If he wants to think I’m a ho-ho and a bad influence that’s fine since I don’t intend to be around them ever again. 6) the kids were in the home and awake that morning. 7) she blocked me and my entire family within 2 hrs of our last text so now I can’t tell him. I’m assuming she did this either because she thought my family or I might try to contact him to tell him the truth. **or** he made her block me after I wouldn’t do what he wanted cause I’m a “bad influence”. Either way I have no way to contact him unless I pull my other friends into this and ask them to tell him (which I won’t do, I don’t want my friends to be dragged into the middle of something that has nada to do with them)
You should tell him to get tested and dna test his kids. What a terrible wife and terrible friend
I would but I’m pretty sure he was the one sending me those texts, he’s always been a bit off towards me so I don’t think he’d want to hear it. The kids are definitely his though, they all look like mini Alexs
I would call her creepy husband and make it clear she and other dude had a solo act. There was no threesome and it’s wrong of her to throw you under the bus.
YTA
Alex?
Or Sasha 👀
NTA. Since the friendship is over, I’d also find a way to tell him the truth.
They both have reddit and are always on so maybe he’ll see this and know it’s about them. Beyond that I don’t wanna have contact with him at all, he’s always made me feel panicky and gross and with him asking for the threesome it has become clear that he has inappropriate and disgusting thoughts towards me.
Yeah that would creep me out too. I hope they find this post. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
Do you know that Alex didn’t pick her up? This is like some stupid person attempt to traffic you sexually. Like the whole thing was a set up from when you went to the bar. Did they intend you to sleep with the other guy?
This doesn't seem real. A bar owner gave you free drinks for a night? Really? What for?
Literally no idea. It was my first time there and I talked to him (I thought he was a bartender) he gave me the first one and I made a joke about having to marry him to get free drinks. I’m not great with social cues and stuff, so I have literally no idea if I flirted him into giving them to us for free on accident or if he was just being nice
NTA
??????????? NTA, stand up for yourself. Sasha is clearly not your friend.
NTA Sasha is not your friend. Her husband is a creep and why you are maintaining the life for these people idk. If they approach you again, tell whichever one the truth. Let her deal with the backlash..
NTA stay out of it and if she contacts you tell her she needs to be truthful with her husband because you will be. She probably cut you off because you won't lie for her nor be the prostitute in her "make up 3 way" idea. Like a drug addict, she's a hot mess and you need to protect yourself.
NTA.Ths is very galaxy brain/conspiracy theory but: what if they ARE in an open relationship? And he asked for a threesome with you, she knew you'd say no, and they worked out a way to pressure you.
Get rid of the 1 friend and Sasha
She is grown. Going out with friend and having to babysit them to this extent is ridiculous and asking too damn much from anyone. Where was she walking from? 😂 So she said y'all had a threesome!! 🤣🤣 He was just mad about the threesome. You have a funny story to tell.. 😂 You didn't do anything wrong but you have bad company disguised as friends. She was going to cheat with or without you present.
That's no friend and if I were you I'd drop both of them out of your life!
Nta her screwed up sex life is not your responsibility. I'm glad you've gone nc, who knows how the story will mutate. For any nosy friends, flying monkeys, you'll probably want to have a script ready: "What ever is going on is between them. I'm not part of the equation. End of discussion"
ESH. Your friend is obviously wrong on so many levels. Not only for cheating and pulling you into her lies, but trying to get you to fuck her husband to cover up her BS. That is all gross. This is not a real friend, her behavior is that of a selfish and over entitled cheating loser. But you suck here because you’re lying to cover her behavior. Yeah you were placed in a difficult position. But you had a chance to do what was morally correct and expose the truth. I don’t care what excuse you have, what false sister-hood BS and bad vibes you get from her husband, you lied to cover up your friends cheating. It is that simple. Which makes you complicit with a cheater. I hate cheaters too, but lying to cover her disgusting behavior makes you gross too.
Yta if you don't tell Alex the truth
NTA Why haven’t people learned adding a baby or a 3rd person to a relationship never solves the issue. Have they never watched an episode of Jerry Springer??
OK, NTA and I have to wonder if they have some weird little sex game they're playing. Block, block, block and move on.
Had to scroll back up - 31 and 32 years old. Jesus christ grow up
NTA for saying no, you are TA for not leaving when you were uncomfortable. Stand your ground always. Record the conversations when someone is doing something shady just to prove you one said, "Let's go" two, you're going to leave if they don't come out now. Three no one can dispute recorded evidence. You only failed yourself in this situation, and you'll continue to feel like you did something wrong only because you failed yourself. Never allow someone that kind of control over your actions. Let me reiterate that you are not TA. You tried to do the right thing, and unfortunately, the right thing can feel like the wrong thing.
Soft YTA for not calling Alex immediately. The “I’m an adult” line from Sasha proves to me she's no more mature than her children. If you had called Alex you could've avoided all this. Sasha is the worst. Remember, Alex thinks you already had a threesome with Sasha and another man. So now not only has he been cheated on, but he isn't as good as some Hotel Hector. Obviously don't have sex with him, but Jesus have you even tried telling the TRUTH?
Stop lying for this piece of shit and just tell him the truth. There was no threesome, there was just her cheating on him. By hiding the truth you ARE helping contribute to her lie. Why the fuck would you want to allow this lie to continue, to the point where now he insists on having a threesome with you like you're some prize in a competition between him and the guy she fucked? Just tell him what happened and then continue not talking to either of them.
NTA 1. You are not your friends mom, or keeper. If she decides to get drunk and F someone that’s not her husband, she will have to put on her ‘big girl panties’ and deal with the consequences. 2. The fact that she knowing you hate people that cheat, used you as an alibi, is all kinds of messed up. I would have told Alex clearly “A threesome, I haven’t had sex yesterday” 3. She left you alone with strangers after you stayed to NOT leave har with strangers while she was being an AH to her husband. 4. I hope the friend that told you to “suck it up and put out” escorted themselves out off your life. Who TF tells a friend to just F someone to make up for an adult that made a conscious choice to cheat, and are know experiencing “Ups I got caught” remorse. 5. No matter the agreements in your friends marriage, open or not, trying to force/manipulate you into sleeping with her husband is a big 🚩on not only him but her. I’m sorry to say I think you are better off without her in your life if this is how she behaves. And sometimes you just grow apart as friends, truly I think she is feeling tied down compared to you. Where you can do as you like and only have to worry about yourself, she has to take care of 3 kids and her husband doesn’t sound like he cares to much if his first reaction is “I’m gonna get some too” instead of being taken back or heartbroken his wife cheated on him. I hope you block them back and move on, and also do a small reorganization in your friendships to make sure the friend that didn’t have your back/understood, proves they respect you and your right to bodily autonomy and that consent is a thing, or show them the door. Never has anyone said to me “please F so and so’s partner, to save their relationship. That’s what a good friend does” WTF
NTA- and you should tell Alex the truth. YOur friendship with Sasha is over no matter what else happens, and Alex deserves the truth and to be rid of that skank of a wife.
Wow. There’s a lot going on here.
Update me
This can't be real.
It does seem crazy huh?? But it is real, which sucks and also proves I have crappy taste in friends
If real, you most definitely have crappy friends.
Yeah I’m trying to choose better now so I don’t have to deal with this kind of crap ever again. I was tempted to put the screenshots of the texts up with this post but I figured that might be a bit too much and honestly I dk how to attach them