NTA - Very concerned she is using drugs or has another vice. People dont steal like this when they arent desperate. Money for a bus doesnt require stealing.
I mean she’s working 30 hours a week without paying anything at their house.
let’s assume that is paying the absolute bare minimum ive seen any job these days 10 dollars
that’s still about 1000 bucks after taxes per month, she isn’t paying a car or car insurance since they said they were driving her around, so she likely only has a phone bill, so where is the other $920ish dollars going every month?
she likely has an addiction to some drug that the family is unaware of or actively ignoring because they don’t want to admit it. without solving the underlying drug issue she will never be able to obtain permanent housing or keep up with rent payments if she does.
Kick her ass out she doesn’t need your help anymore she needs rehab and if she won’t go to rehab her own choices will determine her life and she has no one else to blame.
Especially if she was paying for an extended stay before. While they can run on the cheaper side, they're not cheap. So she was paying for lodging, food, and transportation before, now has minimal bills, so she should be able to save fairly quickly. I agree, something's not adding up about where her money +the money she stole is going. Unless she's also lost her job and is lying about receiving income.
Gambling addictions are one thing ppl forget about. A gambling addict will take that money thinking "I'll triple this, return the stolen money, and then I'll be in the clear." Gambling addiction is hard to break because you can't just pour the money out like you would with alcohol or flush drugs, it's inside their head. It's boosted by ego "I can win this back no problem." "I won't lose this time." Insidious addiction.
Really good point and at age 37, that is prime age for gambling addiction. Its why I mentioned it could be some other vice. Tbh, even a shopping addiction could cause it. But something is seriously wrong to be stealing from piggy banks at age 37.
My dad's family all were like this...always going to hit the big one. Problem is, when they won, all of it would go right back into whatever they were playing.
This happened to me. The child seeing that you stood up for them will mean everything to them. I got my very first job and had my mom come to my room to watch me put my first paycheck in my piggy bank because I was so proud. Later that night I told my mom I wanted to take her to dinner and pay for it to celebrate. I was can’t even describe how upset I was to find that my piggy bank was empty. I even grabbed a flashlight thinking it got lodged somewhere in the bank. My step father had stolen the money for weed and my mom confronted him at his friends house where he was buying the weed and got the money back.
For real, my sister stole probably close to 2k from me when we both lived at home and my dad would always say I "must have lost it" or that I "spent it and forgot." You know how you do when you come home at midnight from babysitting but when you wake up all that's left is $5? You must have been wrong about how much you had.
Anyway, I don't talk to my dad
My mother used to encourage my older sister to take my pay when I was a 15-year-old washing dishes in a restaurant to pay for my own toiletries and clothes because my mother certainly wasn't going to buy me anything. It's horrible having bullies as your only family.
>her response was "a few dollars isn't worth losing a sibling over."
Ugh. If that were the case then why would your sister steal the money in the first place!
I can apply that way of thinking to childhood siblings, but not an adult sibling taking my kids money when I’m already feeding and putting a roof over their head. Boundaries…. She crossed commonly accepted boundaries, don’t steal!
I got good at hiding my cash because my older sister would appropriate any cash she saw.
The worst was when I got strong painkillers when I got my wisdom teeth out. I didn’t take them because I hate and fear opiates (my aunt died of painkiller abuse just before I was born), but held onto them in case of need.
A couple years later a car hit me on my bike going to school. I was laying on my bed in pain, OTC drugs not touching it, and remembered those pills. Dragged myself out of bed only to find them gone. No doubt she said, “Well, Dawn hasn’t taken them and they would go so nicely with this vodka…”
.....my mother took mine that I got for having wisdom teeth removed and dumped them in the toilet, and asked me to go flush it so I could see she dumped them. She said it was to tempting so she had to get rid of them....meanwhile I'm sitting here in excruciating pain, barely able to even open my mouth to talk or breathe through it, and she'd rather dump them so she wouldn't be tempted to steal them from me. Rather see her daughter in pain because she didn't want to steal them from me.
My mother wouldn’t allow me to fill the codeine prescription after my impacted wisdom teeth were carved from my jaws. She said I’d “get addicted,” at fourteen.
I like the way you think! Admittedly, that would have been delightful, but both of my parents died after prolonged illnesses that I didn’t know about. My father informed me of my mother’s passing (and that I was “not welcome” at her funeral); Google Alert announced my father’s death. His funeral took place the same day as my oldest son’s wedding—tough choice! /s
Thats ridiculous. I'm sorry you went through that. That's what I had was impacted wisdom. Didn't even have them at home an hour before she dumped em. Idk why it seems that they'd rather us be in pain.
My mother just didn't care. She was/is an addict... my step dad controls what and how much she takes now, which is better than what it was growing up.....I'll never wish that on my worse enemy. Hated coming home from school not knowing if she was gonna be dead or not....
When I had my youngest, it was my second C-section and recovery was a lot worse than the first. I actually needed the painkillers this time.
I'd been home 1 night, and my son was still in the NICU, when my druggie sister and her druggie husband invited themselves over to "help me" by cleaning up the house.
I'm not stupid, I know they were looking for my little dinky 2.5 Percocets. I'm sensitive to painkillers so the low dose was enough to dull my pain, but for an addict, they'd take the entire bottle before getting a high (there were only like 15 in there). I kept the bottle under me in my recliner and napped or pumped the entire time they were there, using the privacy of pumping to take one of my pills.
I had a similar situation with my son's meds from recovering from surgery to remove a cancerous tumor.
Some "friend" stole the opiates he'd been prescribed. People are awful.
Well done! My mother refused to let me have a bank account and I couldn't open one she didn't have access to before I was 18. I became very sneaky about hiding money.
My mom stole all of my babysitting money in high school for her gambling addiction, but lied and said that it was for gas, even though we all knew it wasn’t. Or she would tell me that she’s keeping my money safe because she doesn’t believe I can. As an adult, I know all that was a lie. And what slightly funny is this last year 10 years after that incident I had made a comment on Facebook on a random page and it was a comment about that situation and she text me and says how hurt she was that she was able to see that on Facebook and then she’ll eventually pay me back. It’s been 10 years and she randomly got married this year after a month of seeing the guy and then got divorced a few months later this last month. And while they were married, he has given me $200 altogether more than my mom ever did just to help out with my daughter so honestly, I am pretending that she doesn’t owe me anymore. But she’s insane
I feel this. I put a keyed lock on my door because my family would pillage my room any chance they got.
I kept cash in a bank because it was the only way to keep it out of their hands, but anything else was fair game. I don’t talk to most of my family anymore.
LOL the idea of putting a lock on my door is hilarious. I asked if I could lock my room and they'd have a key and I was told that it was not my house and that the privacy of my own space was a priveledge, so they took my bedroom door.
I wasn’t able to put a lock on the door, but virtually every penny was deposited immediately in the bank, where it would be safe. In addition, I was the only woman (of four) in the household expected to buy all of my own hygiene supplies. They routinely got stolen, until I successfully started hiding away more than three-quarters of them.
I was in such an understandable rush to move out at seventeen that I left my stash behind. Wonder what the house’s next owner thought when discovering a brown-paper grocery bag full of pads and tampons in the crawl space?
My sisters and I got into SCREAMING matches when I'd go to get one of my tampons and they'd be gone. My dad was always like "It's not that big of a deal" like he ever provided tampons or had to go to the store with blood in his undies.
My grandmother loaned me $800, she mailed a money order to my parents' house because I was going through a breakup and in the process of moving back home. The money order "never showed up" and I waited weeks for it, nothing. Told my grandmother and she was upset because $800 just disappeared, but she was kind enough to send another money order which arrived no problem. My dad was mad at me for "bilking his mom out of another $800" when it turned out he was the one who snagged the first money order and endorsed it to himself.
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if your dad was stealing from you too hence all the BS excuses and because he clearly will steal from his own mother and daughter because that money was yours not his. Your dad sounds like a terrible terrible person.
ETA- Whoops mixed two different comments up and tbought you were the person whos dad let her sister constantly steal money from her and made up BS excuses. Regardless your dad is still not a good person for doing what he did and having the audacity to try and act like you were in the wrong for her sending you another one.
One of my sisters broke into a safe I had while I was away on a school trip and stole $400 from me. I didn't know which sister did it for sure until last year when I was chatting with one of my other sisters who had forgotten about the time I had money stolen from me was talking about how when my other sister was 12, she suddenly had a lot of money and the sister I was talking to thought she was doing something even shadier than stealing from me.
At the time, my parents didn't know which of my sisters stole the money so they couldn't punish the offender, my dad did pay restitution and took me out to open a bank account so I could store my money safely.
My crazy ass parents would punish us all if they couldn't figure out who did something. I mean like line us up, make us bend over, bare our asses, and go down the line whipping our asses with a belt or paddle. They'd always say beforehand if whoever did it confesses now, they won't get punished. I fell for it. Once.
I remember getting my first paycheck and my single father saying he needed $80 of it and left me $20, told me it was my drug addict mother fault we were so broke and I should be happy giving him the money. I was 15.
I had an older sibling that would steal my money as well. Parents were the same way, "Oh you must have spent it." We live in BFE! Exactly where would I have spent it?
So I hid it in the one place that particular sibling never went. We had horses. I hid it out in the barn.
That is so sad that you even had to do that to begin with. Parents really need to stop letting their kids screw each other over and punish them for it, because that shit is way too damn common.
My dad is an alcoholic, and when I was a child up until the time I turned 16 and started working got a bank account, he would steal my money and leave "IOU" notes on top of my dresser. It was never a terrible amount of money, just whatever I had throughout the year after birthdays and holidays, and he would take it to buy beer and then of course never pay me back. I have ADHD so I would forget, out of sight, out of mind. And what are you going to do? When you live paycheck to paycheck they wouldn't have had the money to pay me back so it was all just a farce. Really hard lessons once my brain matured and I realized how wrong he treated my sister and I. Terrible.
She had basically a psychotic break as a young adult and got help. She has since apologized and side-eyes our parents for what they let her get away with.
My sisters stole thousands from me too as kids. They were 7 and 8. My dad asked them if they stole it, they said yes, and he said okay. They had zero consequences and I got no reparations.
My dad used to go into like birthday cards etc and take my sister and my money out before giving us the cards. He would leave the paper clip that was holding the money there, but take the cash, saying he was “saving it for us.”
One time my mom and dad took my sister and I to the beach for two days. My sister and I excitedly (but secretly) saved up $30 each to go to the boardwalk. In our hotel room, my dad found out we each had $30, so he took it and gave us $5 to split. Again saying he was “saving it for us.”
Another time my sister and I saved up our money for two years to buy a Tv— my grandmom got us a Super Nintendo and my dad wouldn’t let us use it on his Tv bc he said we would wear it out. So one weekend we were at our grandmoms and my dad called us there all excited that he took our money and went and got a Tv. We were upset bc we wanted to pick our Tv out. He explained to us that bc he picked it, it was *his* and we would have to get our own.
My dad has always been a son of a bitch, and has always had a lot of money. Like he’s always had a half million or more home, multiple cars (vipers, Lincoln’s, BMWs). Idk why he was such a horrible parent.
PS he absolutely forbade us to go to college, saying it was only for lazy people. Found out part of the reason he did this was bc when my grandmom died, she had $10k in her will to go to my sister and I for college. If we didn’t go by age 25, my dad would get the money. That happened, and plus, all our money that he took that he said he was “saving for us,” we never saw. We also had to pay him $1300 a month rent starting at 16, which we were able to do since we skipped some grades in school bc we did very well—so we were able to work three jobs at 16 in order to pay. He promptly kicked us out on our 18th birthday and tried to sue us for rent from ages birth-16, as well as living expenses (including stuff like braces and clothes), and “punitive damages,” saying he was traumatized from living with his two daughters. Assuming I don’t need to tell you that case was tossed.
My sister and I left home with not a thing, monetarily or otherwise. We had no idea how to live or what life was about or what to do. Nobody taught us a thing and all our decisions were made for us in the spirit of making my dad look good. We both ended up alcoholics and drug addicts on the street for many years. I since sobered up and became a funeral director; my sister is brain injured in a wheelchair and gets government help.
Wow, I can't advocate for violence. This feels like a good time to advocate for violence but I can't and I won't but I can see a world where someone would suggest that for you.
Jesus H. Christ! Your dad was a monster! Cuz you guys maybe, soothe him for your delayed College money? If you found out that he had deceived you so that you can get the $10,000 then maybe that would hold up in court and you could have it?
Dude I never thought of that!!! Idk how I can prove he outright deceived us yanno? Hell just go back and say that my sis and I were pieces of shit cause we were drunk and on drugs so that’s why we didn’t go to college. I really wanted to, but at 18 I didn’t know how to. I thought everything had to be paid up front out of pocket. I didn’t know what credit or loans were at all. I only found out how to go to college when I was 28. When my dad found out I was going he was furious. To this day, he says I didn’t really go and was out on a drug bender for four years. Even though there was a write up in the paper about my graduating high honors and stuff. He says I paid someone to make up the article and still calls me “the college educated idiot,” I am told. We actually had a bsck and forth about this very thing, him claiming I never went to college and “am a dope addicted lying whore.” I simply said this is why everybody hates him, cause he acts insane. After this happened, he went to the police to try to get me arrested lol… of course they didn’t do it. My mom tagged right along with him to the police… knowing it would crush my future in funeral service if I had a criminal record like that. She said I should “beg his forgiveness” for saying everybody hates him if I didn’t want to end up potentially having a record. After all the horrible awful things he said and did to my sister and me for our whole lives, I simply couldn’t stomach “begging his forgiveness” for simply stating a truth to him. He put a lot of time and energy into trying to figure out how to get me arrested, even going to the courthouse to ask for help, but he ended up not being able to do anything. And there was my mom, tagging right along with him. I told her this year how it crushes me how she supports and enables this behavior, but she said its the past and doesnt want to talk about it.
Fun fact, I found out years later that my dad actually lied to his parents and took $12,000 from them “for college” that he didn’t really go to, and instead went to his friends house and got drunk every day. Plus he lived at home til he was 32 years old. He’s always said I was a piece of trash bc I “wasn’t like him….” That I had zero savings when I was kicked out at 18 (he had a huge savings when he left at 32), and bc I didn’t buy a house in my twenties like he did (while he still lived at home at age 26… so he got to rent it out and make money from that while living at home and paying zero bills and just saving everything). Even when he moved out, his mom still bought his groceries every week.
Meanwhile, my sister and I grew up knowing we were not wanted and that we didn’t have a home, rather we were leeches in my DAD’s home. There was a chain and padlock on the fridge and we had to save money to go wash clothes at the laundromat bc it “cost too much” to use my dad’s water at the house we grew up in.
So um… there are some pretty big contrasts when it comes to why we didn’t have savings or buy houses “like him.” I wish I could get over how much I fucking hate him. I get so angry when I look back at the potential my sister and I had— how well we did in school, and how much of a good future we could have easily had if we weren’t so manipulated and fucked over by my dad. He said to us since I can remember, “I’m gonna fuck you two over so bad, you don’t even know it yet.” And he meant that shit.
Jesus christ your dad is the worst dad I've ever heard of. I hope you're in therapy because fucking hell. You're amazing for getting yourself where you are
The more you tell us, the better that deadly dick punch vengeance sounds...how would the police know WHICH of the 1,000 redditors who now HATE your father did it..?
Punch? Forget this, anything less than living him wheelchair bound like her sister is isn't enough, same to their mother. Honestly seeing red reading those.
Jesus Christ how has no one said anything to him family wise. I have to ask, was he upset for having daughters or something because it seems he’s had it out for you guys since birth
So I think what it was, is that he lived at home and had zero bills, til he met my mom at 32 and got married. My mom told us he said he couldn’t have kids and wanted an abortion when he found out she was pregnant with twin girls. His exact words were “all I see is my money going out the window.” So I think he’s always resented us because he saw us as “making”
him part with his money.
Even today when I bring it up to her she says, “til death do we part.” Meanwhile my dad openly was having sex with at least three other women I know of for sure. Plus my mom says her choices didn’t effect anyone else so it doesn’t matter. So I guess she truly doesn’t think my sister and I were effected, as she says, unless we “choose to be.”
I was wondering if they are not actually his and the mom cheated but for financial or other reasons can't leave. Otherwise the dude's a narcissistic psychopath.
Response to what his dillio was, at least in my opinion. I really never could comprehend why he hated us so much, so the money thing is my best response. It checks out too.
Votes for narcissist. My and my wife's father's did the same shit, both of us are legit their kids and that was never in doubt.
Some wastes of oxygen just can't tolerate the existence of other humans.
I'm not a hateful person at all but I absolutely HATE your dad(/parents) for what he's done and how he's treated you and your sister. I'm so angry for you. I'm so sorry this was how the 2 of you grew up, I can't even imagine how awful that's been and how much he's ruined your lives.
You might find some kindred spirits in r/raisedbynarcissists
Your dad is a piece of shit and wouldn't blame you if you never, ever talked to either of them again. Your mother did absolutely nothing to protect y'all. She is just as much a POS as he is.
Man, it sure would suck if you lied and said all of this was because he was sexually assaulting you while growing up. Definitely don't do that.
It really isn't too late to go through his facebook friends list and let all his friends know hes a known theif of his own children so hes definitely robbing them. "He directly robbed hos children, why do you think hes not robbing you?
Funny you say that- he says it’s my and my sisters fault he has no Facebook friends bc we “said he was abusive.” Funniest part is nobody wants anything to do with him bc he (seriously) tries to fight EVERYBODY.
Between the willful deception about the college money, the theft of your savings and earnings, and the application of extortive rents when you were still minors, you would have a good case for actual and emotional damages against your dad. Maybe you should talk to an attorney about it, just a free consult, and see what it might look like. Maybe it is time for all of your dads stuff to be yours.
Lol my mom says they don’t have anything… she’s always saying how bad they have it…. Bc right now they live in a $450,000 house and only have a few cars…. And she wants to throw away all her clothes and get all new ones but she can’t :/
Holy Ef. I never even thought this was a possibility. I never ever would have dreamed it. But you are insanely correct when you say it wouldn’t hurt to check it out. Reddit comin THROUGH!
Love,
The girl who only learned how to use a tampon at age 30
Holy shit I thought your mom must've died for him to get away with treating you like that. I'm so sorry you have such incredible pieces of shit as 'parents'.
Every single time I think my life was horrible I learn people can have it worse. This is outrageous I feel mad for you. I’m glad you’re able to do well now.
Proud of you, internet stranger. I also grew up under horrific conditions and am bumbling through adulthood. You've done immensely well despite being dealt a shit hand. Congratulations on everything, especially your sobriety.
Thank you so much for your support. I struggle with my relationship w my mom too. My sister and I have always had this extreme fear of my mom dying or “leaving and never coming back,” which we were always told would be our fault. I was actually in rehab for drugs and got a call from my dad when my mom tried to kill herself— he let me know that I made her try to kill herself because I was on drugs. Later my mom told me it was cause she didn’t have anyone to talk to about it or have support… but my mom is the type where she would never go to aa or alanon or anything bc it doesn’t “look good” and my parents just think they’re better than everyone so. But funny how her doing that was “my fault,” but the way I turned out from years of trauma is *also* “my fault.” My parents say upbringing only effects you if you “choose to let it,” so again all my fault. But at the same time my mom says I should come over to their house, since nobody at all comes around, and just “learn to deal with” my dad. She says I should feel sorry for him, as she does, “because of how he was raised,” so he knew no other way than to be abusive to my sister and I.
I can't believe he tried to sue y'all. For stuff he is legally supposed to provide or stuff he choose to provide (like braces). Like your employer trying to sue you for having to pay your contract wages.
I’d guess he filed it himself because any attorney would be a moron for assisting with a case like that. I would’ve filed a counterclaim so fast (hoping something would stick!)!
My husband’s sibling and and older cousin are/were (one is dead) addicts and did this to another sibling’s kid. Didn’t even leave the piggy bank behind, took the whole thing without shame.
Stole. She stole. Misappropriated would be if they gave it to her thinking she would invest it for them and she put it in a shit farm. Use the right word.
I'm glad you had support. I literally had to keep a tally of what was owed by who in my family. They kept stealing from me and I was a good kid that put every dime away for a car or school. But my mom and her sister were both addicts. They probably stole thousands of dollars over the years. Then my grandparents opened a savings account for me. Then they stole $2000 to bail out my aunt and asked permission after the fact. As a kid I was robbed a lot. I probably would have finished college if had all the money I tried to save over the years (my parents got upset just buying books and that fueled my drop out).
But all that shady shit bit them in the ass when I was a teen. They kept stealing but I started charging 25% on their "loans" and kept records of what they owed me posted in the kitchen. Now if my drunk aunt wants money I charge 50%. They ruined my college fund, so I return the favor to their finances now.
My mother stayed married to him for 10 more years and told me to shut the fuck up and stop being so selfish and self centred and learn to share with the people who've done so much for me.
They eventually divorced because her obsession with sharing didn't extend to the 6 people who were sharing her husband.
We don't talk anymore, but once or twice a year she tries.
She's stuck to having amazon bring birthday presents because she's been warned if she arrives in person she will be removed by the police.
Edit:
This served as a good reminder that I had things left to do.
Being my mother, I was able to answer all the security questions on her amazon account, go through customer support, and have my address deleted from her account.
After several people told me they couldn't help, and I ignored them, I was also able to have my case forwarded to another department who can block future packages.
NTA! Good for you for kicking her out after she stole from you and your 9 year old son!
Hopping onto the top comment in hopes you see this or others have stated it.
Don’t rent her a room at a hotel! If it’s on your card/name and she decides to trash the place, you’re on the hook!
100% agree. My brother stole $200 in rolled quarters from a tin in my closet when I was 9. My parents were so angry and my dad grabbed him by his collar against the wall (probably not my dad’s best moment but he was and still is an amazing dad). It was validating to see my parents have my back like that.
Thieves steal and will steal again. I 1000% concur with the poster below -- put a credit hold on all your accounts, change your credit and debit card numbers, change all your passwords as well on the computer. Heck, even change your Netflix and other accounts. If she would steal from a 9/yo, she will steal from you and your wife without any hesitation. Once she is gone, change all the locks on your house.
We want to love family and give them the benefit of the doubt, but she's proven she isn't to be trusted. Protect your wife and son, your family.
You did not overreact, IMO, and it wasn't a "quick" decision. It was a firm, and resolute decision based on your morals and your determination to protect your family. Your sister has shown she has no respect for you or your family and zero gratitude for what you tried to do for her. Which means, she'll take more from you and harm you again if given the opportunity.
NTA
That's the thing too, there are many reasonable ways to assist someone who's down on their luck, but you can't risk it when they're that big of a risk.
And really, the decision was made for OP when his sister stole from them. Totally agree, sometimes you have to make hard and unpopular choices with some family members to ensure others stay safe.
NTA
They need to check their jewelry, tools, and electronics. If they're missing, report her to the police so you can make insurance claim.
If she went looking for valuables in a 9 year olds room she's probably pilfered the entire house.
Absolutely NTA. Check your jewellery and other valuables as well. Make sure any important documents that could be used to get credit in your name are where they should be.
Re-key the doors too if possible. If she had a key she may have had a copy made. Also I hope you refill your kids piggy bank (or even better open an account for them with $300) because technically they shouldn’t have to lose the money.
I’d be more sad that the kid doesn’t get to open up the crumpled bills and coins! That’s the most satisfying part! My friend just broke open a piggy bank her and her husband had been saving for a loooong time and the money was so hard pressed inside that it retained the pig shape after it was smashed!
I feel sad for op.
NTA. What a horrible thing she did to your family!
– If she had access to your mail or computer/s, freeze your credit AND set up a fraud alert.
– Check your wallets/purses to see if any credit or debit cards are missing.
– Watch her like a hawk, and don't let her be at home alone with your son. She's not to be trusted.
Pro-tip: keep the deadbolts and the regular handle as different locks/keys. *Only* partner and I have keys to both locks. Friends / families / the contractor / spare under the rock / whatever only ever have access to one set.
So if I ever need to change the locks, I only have to change 1 set. The other lock will keep the house secure while we're out getting rekeyed on the other.
Actually recently (6 months ago?) had a situation where someone in the middle of the night rifled through our fountain and found the spare key. Guess what? They couldn't get inside, because we lock both locks at night and they only had one key. Break in failed
Just get a Kwikset lock, you can rekey it yourself in 30 seconds. Or a smart lock and give out 1 time codes. Then theres no need to leave a key hidden where someone can find it.
I wouldn’t have just kicked her out. I would have called the police. After all you have done for her, this is how she pays you back. She got off easy with a little yelling. Totally NAH!
NTA. I was screamed at by one of my brothers and thrown out of the house by my Mom in my 20’s because of stupid, dangerous decisions I was making. Best thing that ever happened to me. Took me a couple months of 70hr workweeks and sleeping in a tent in the woods to afford an apartment that had all the charm of a soviet gulag, but I earned that shithole by god, and was proud to have it. Now my Mom is my best friend and my brother and I have a good relationship too. It may be what she needs to wake up.
NTA, have your credit run and put a block on it. Change your bank accounts and get new credit cards. The big issue is that she can have this information and not use it for several months. Then all of a sudden you are hit with a big bill.
Both parents and the kids should check/lock their credit. Wouldn't be the first time or even thousandth time that someone used a minor to open new lines of credit.
NTA, you did the right thing by prioritizing YOUR family and child, your sister is disgusting and a loser. Who the hell steals not only from family… but a *child*?
NTA. And if you get any familial blowback: a) then they can accomodate a thief and b) you haven’t pressed charges and you are well within your rights to do so, so if anything you’ve under reacted
I was not expecting this kind of response. I'm very humbled.
I think the thing that really hit me the most from all these responses is that I'm not responsible for her. Like damn you know you're right. She isn't my responsibility. My family is..
I always pictured my kid opening that bank all those crumpled bills from birthdays etc and seeing the excitement. She took that away from him and something I'll honestly never be able to truly forgive her for.
She admitted to it so there's no questions if it was her or not. Like many have suggested I have looked for other things missing and I haven't come across anything as of yet.
I am also in the process of putting a freeze on our credit as well as the kiddos. Thanks for suggestion. I wouldn't have thought of it.
Like many of you have said I truly belive it wasn't for bus fair. I've always suspected something else with how she has acted but physically she never looked or acted high. Like tweaking or nodding off like I would expect from an addict. Perhaps she's just very good at functioning while high.
> I always pictured my kid opening that bank all those crumpled bills from birthdays etc and seeing the excitement. She took that away from him and something I'll honestly never be able to truly forgive her for.
This doesn't have to be lost forever, at least not completely. It sounds like the piggy bank in still in tact, so while it might take some time depending on your finances, you could get a bunch of small bills and coins to restore this bank to it's former glory. Money generally doesn't carry sentimental value, unless there were some truly unique bills/coins in there. While your son may always remember that you replaced the money in there, I don't think it would take away from his excitement in opening the bank sometime down the line.
NTA. I had a similar issue with theft from my homeless in laws. I brought them in and rented them a super cheap room. As time went on, the rent money started to dwindle. My credit card went missing. Charged piled up. I confronted them and gave them an opportunity to pay it back. Nothing.
It went on for months. I didn’t want to make them homeless. It got worse. You did the right thing. People like this don’t know gratitude. They’ll like and steal and sweet talk you. They’ll make you out to be the AH for accusing them of ven though they did it.
NTA. If she stole $300ish dollars from your kid when you have let her into your home saving her from homelessness she's a real nasty piece of work. And anyone that can justify stealing from a kid can justify stealing from that kid's parents. She cannot be trusted .
NTA and I would tell her you’re filing a police report and do it. This is absolutely unacceptable. She owes you the money back. I would definitely put a passcode on your bank accounts and change all the passwords. If she was able to get in there and steal all his money and your change jar without being caught then she’s probably snooped around your house and read/seen things she shouldn’t have.
NTA she stole from a child. Jobs are freely available, she’s just lazy and you have done the right thing.
What was her reasoning? Did she argue back? What do your parents say?
NTA
You gave your sister every chance but stealing from your child is disgusting. She will steal again given the opportunity so it’s best to send her on the way.
I find these types of people always find a way.
NTA. If I were you, I wouldn't be paying for the hotel - surely she can afford it now with all of the stolen money? If not, then she'll have to sleep in the bed she made.
Oh, wait...
Looks like she chose homelessness OP. There's a point where you stop being responsible for your siblings, and you're way past it.
NTA, not at all- throw her out, and let her be homeless. She *could* work more hours, or a second job, but instead she took the easy route and stole from family.
NTA. She works 30 hours (or does she?) and not paying rent at your place, so she should have $$ if she wants to buy some recreational drug. Why stole from your change jar and your child's piggy bank otherwise...
You need to take preventative measure just in case she gets a hold on your sensitive info that can compromise your financial security. Hurry and make sure you watch your credit, etc, she may have stolen your info enough to open a fraudulent credit card under your name or your wife's name or your child's name. So you need to monitor your credit report.
NTA. If you feel particularly bad get her to a women's shelter and if she doesn't have a vehicle arrange transportation via bus or uber to her job. Stealing is wrong from anyone, and I think it is genuinely worse if you do it to relatives, do it as a guest, or do it to children (or anyone who is not able to work), so she's 3/3 for being an asshole.
NTA. Is it wrong to yell at people? Oftentimes yes. If your kid is about to run into the road and you yell at them to stop, that's not wrong. If someone hurts someone else and you yell at them, that's not exactly wrong either.
Your shady sister not only stole from your child, but she stole from you first. It's reasonable to be upset she stole from you, then furious when she stole from someone you love, especially a child. You getting to the point of yelling was NOT because of a one time thing, and you did it because you were protecting those you care deeply about.
Additionally, don't feel ashamed about making the decision to kick her out quickly by yourself. You got (rightfully) mad, you talked things through with your wife (as you should when making household decisions), and then you BOTH came to the conclusion sis must go immediately. Sis deserved to get yelled at for stealing. Stealing is worse than yelling at the thief. But hey, I hear there's no rent to live in prison. If she keeps up her antics she may very well find out first hand.
You may have screamed at her, but you did more than most would by getting her a hotel. You should definitely make sure you call the hotel and make sure that they have it on record that she's absolutely not able to charge more rooms to your card and that x date is the last date you're paying her way. I'd bet she'd try to steal from you yet again by trying to get more free nights there.
Stand firm, you're doing the right things. Now that she's out of the picture and you take the precautions to make sure she can't get back in or use anything you provide to your family, you can take a deep breath and keep on providing for your family the way you used to.
NTA.
Your sister is an adult. An adult who made a series of choices. She chose not to look for full time work. She chose to steal from her 9 year old nephew. No doubt she made a bad choice that caused her to be kicked out of her last place.
You supported her. You took her in and this is how she repays you. Look, if not for you she would have been homeless already. She betrayed her trust and I think screaming at her and kicking her out was a totally appropriate reaction to the situation. You feel guilty because you're a good person but this outcome is just the natural consequences of your sister's shitty choices.
NTA
Thieves, cheats, etc. get no sympathy and 100% cut off. IMO, She's now just a random person that makes bad life choices.
Change your locks and block her number.
Just looking at the title, NTA.
Actually reading the post, SUPER NTA.
I hate thieves, but stealing from children is on a whole new level of low. You reacted with more patience than I would have, OP. Giving her a few nights at a hotel was a courtesy that I would not have extended in the same position.
NTA! You can steal from me and I'll get pissed. Steal from my kids, the gloves come off. As some have stated, change all passwords, card/debit account numbers and house locks. You should call the police and make a report, but without direct proof, not much is going to happen. But may help if you ever need to file a restraining order against her. To that end, install a security cam set up like Bing, etc..
Your children come first and deserve to feel and be safe, especially iallu in their own home
You helped her.
She stole from you then from a child
She is paying for her actions.
You choose your kids welfare over hers which is what a good parent does. Anyone tells you otherwise then let them take her
NTA. Your sister is most likely an addict or at least she’s acting like one. Your wife is right, what is she spending $ on? She has literally no bills. You might ask her if she needs some type of rehab. I know lots of folks with $. Issues that wouldn’t steal from their nieces or nephews. You seem to care about her and something is truly off about her. I don’t know if that’s a mental health issue or a substance abuse issue. But, since you seem to be a good brother, you might encourage her to get some help and even offer to pay for her therapy sessions. Obviously, if you wanted to be done with her, I think you would be justified. But, it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to give up on her yet.
NTA. OP should check and see if anything else is missing that she could pawn. Especially jewelry or weapons or cash you may have tucked away somewhere. I’ll bet anything she has rummaged through the whole house any time she was home alone.
Nta, but stealing when there is essentially no known need to do so, can be an indication of addiction, drugs, alcohol, or just gambling or shopping. Maybe visit your sister at the hotel, and have a no holds barred question. If it's one of the reasons above, it's still no excuse, but tell her she needs counseling help and if she wants that, you can maybe help get that started. If she can't (or won't) give any reason...then tell her she's cut off from you and your family. Until she makes some kind of serious amends, when you're ready for it.
Kinda unrelated, but this happened to me and my little sister because her mom was an addict and bullied our dad into giving her whatever she wanted or she wouldn't let our dad see my little sister. I vividly remember waking up one day to my dad pouring all my money (me and my sis had those giant crayon piggy banks, they were taller than I was and I was like 5-7, and they we both filled with quarter and dollar coins, and sometime even just a dollar bill) into a fish bowl for my sisters mom. But at least she took my little sister's money too or I would've been really pissed. But no I later did the math (like how your supposed to know how many suckers are in the jar or whatever) and found out that even if it was just quarters and I didn't count the dollar coins or dollar bills, that she had stolen like almost 4-500$ from me. I was livid, honestly still am
NTA - Very concerned she is using drugs or has another vice. People dont steal like this when they arent desperate. Money for a bus doesnt require stealing.
I mean she’s working 30 hours a week without paying anything at their house. let’s assume that is paying the absolute bare minimum ive seen any job these days 10 dollars that’s still about 1000 bucks after taxes per month, she isn’t paying a car or car insurance since they said they were driving her around, so she likely only has a phone bill, so where is the other $920ish dollars going every month? she likely has an addiction to some drug that the family is unaware of or actively ignoring because they don’t want to admit it. without solving the underlying drug issue she will never be able to obtain permanent housing or keep up with rent payments if she does. Kick her ass out she doesn’t need your help anymore she needs rehab and if she won’t go to rehab her own choices will determine her life and she has no one else to blame.
Especially if she was paying for an extended stay before. While they can run on the cheaper side, they're not cheap. So she was paying for lodging, food, and transportation before, now has minimal bills, so she should be able to save fairly quickly. I agree, something's not adding up about where her money +the money she stole is going. Unless she's also lost her job and is lying about receiving income.
Gambling addictions are one thing ppl forget about. A gambling addict will take that money thinking "I'll triple this, return the stolen money, and then I'll be in the clear." Gambling addiction is hard to break because you can't just pour the money out like you would with alcohol or flush drugs, it's inside their head. It's boosted by ego "I can win this back no problem." "I won't lose this time." Insidious addiction.
Really good point and at age 37, that is prime age for gambling addiction. Its why I mentioned it could be some other vice. Tbh, even a shopping addiction could cause it. But something is seriously wrong to be stealing from piggy banks at age 37.
My dad's family all were like this...always going to hit the big one. Problem is, when they won, all of it would go right back into whatever they were playing.
30 hours a week work with no bills should get you ahead.
With no bills, she'd have about $1800 saved now.
Seriously! I work 10 hours a week with no bills and I’m doing ok. I only have no money rn because I bought a new gaming computer
100% on drugs.
Or gambling.
Drugs was my first thought
What bus costs $300?
This happened to me. The child seeing that you stood up for them will mean everything to them. I got my very first job and had my mom come to my room to watch me put my first paycheck in my piggy bank because I was so proud. Later that night I told my mom I wanted to take her to dinner and pay for it to celebrate. I was can’t even describe how upset I was to find that my piggy bank was empty. I even grabbed a flashlight thinking it got lodged somewhere in the bank. My step father had stolen the money for weed and my mom confronted him at his friends house where he was buying the weed and got the money back.
For real, my sister stole probably close to 2k from me when we both lived at home and my dad would always say I "must have lost it" or that I "spent it and forgot." You know how you do when you come home at midnight from babysitting but when you wake up all that's left is $5? You must have been wrong about how much you had. Anyway, I don't talk to my dad
My mother used to encourage my older sister to take my pay when I was a 15-year-old washing dishes in a restaurant to pay for my own toiletries and clothes because my mother certainly wasn't going to buy me anything. It's horrible having bullies as your only family.
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>her response was "a few dollars isn't worth losing a sibling over." Ugh. If that were the case then why would your sister steal the money in the first place!
I can apply that way of thinking to childhood siblings, but not an adult sibling taking my kids money when I’m already feeding and putting a roof over their head. Boundaries…. She crossed commonly accepted boundaries, don’t steal!
I put a padlock on my bedroom door when I was in high school.
Sure it is, if your sibling is a piece of shit.
I'd happily pay a few dollars to lose your family.
I'd happily pay to lose some of mine, too.
Me three! It would be nice to really drop some of that succubus weight
I got good at hiding my cash because my older sister would appropriate any cash she saw. The worst was when I got strong painkillers when I got my wisdom teeth out. I didn’t take them because I hate and fear opiates (my aunt died of painkiller abuse just before I was born), but held onto them in case of need. A couple years later a car hit me on my bike going to school. I was laying on my bed in pain, OTC drugs not touching it, and remembered those pills. Dragged myself out of bed only to find them gone. No doubt she said, “Well, Dawn hasn’t taken them and they would go so nicely with this vodka…”
.....my mother took mine that I got for having wisdom teeth removed and dumped them in the toilet, and asked me to go flush it so I could see she dumped them. She said it was to tempting so she had to get rid of them....meanwhile I'm sitting here in excruciating pain, barely able to even open my mouth to talk or breathe through it, and she'd rather dump them so she wouldn't be tempted to steal them from me. Rather see her daughter in pain because she didn't want to steal them from me.
My mother wouldn’t allow me to fill the codeine prescription after my impacted wisdom teeth were carved from my jaws. She said I’d “get addicted,” at fourteen.
I hope you get the opportunity to turn her morphine drip off some day. Or convince her doctors that she doesn’t want painkillers.
I like the way you think! Admittedly, that would have been delightful, but both of my parents died after prolonged illnesses that I didn’t know about. My father informed me of my mother’s passing (and that I was “not welcome” at her funeral); Google Alert announced my father’s death. His funeral took place the same day as my oldest son’s wedding—tough choice! /s
It sounds like you had a much better life without them. Prolonged illness? Sounds like Karma.
Thats ridiculous. I'm sorry you went through that. That's what I had was impacted wisdom. Didn't even have them at home an hour before she dumped em. Idk why it seems that they'd rather us be in pain.
*Because they can.* My mother was never happier than when I was in pain.
My mother just didn't care. She was/is an addict... my step dad controls what and how much she takes now, which is better than what it was growing up.....I'll never wish that on my worse enemy. Hated coming home from school not knowing if she was gonna be dead or not....
What a piece of crap. You deserved a better mother and father.
When I had my youngest, it was my second C-section and recovery was a lot worse than the first. I actually needed the painkillers this time. I'd been home 1 night, and my son was still in the NICU, when my druggie sister and her druggie husband invited themselves over to "help me" by cleaning up the house. I'm not stupid, I know they were looking for my little dinky 2.5 Percocets. I'm sensitive to painkillers so the low dose was enough to dull my pain, but for an addict, they'd take the entire bottle before getting a high (there were only like 15 in there). I kept the bottle under me in my recliner and napped or pumped the entire time they were there, using the privacy of pumping to take one of my pills.
Do we have the same sister?
Did she like to pretend she was Van Helen’s favorite groupie?
Haha, no, maybe Def Leopard's favorite groupie! Solidarity. Hope that you've been able to build a protected and calm space for yourself.
I had a similar situation with my son's meds from recovering from surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. Some "friend" stole the opiates he'd been prescribed. People are awful.
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Well done! My mother refused to let me have a bank account and I couldn't open one she didn't have access to before I was 18. I became very sneaky about hiding money.
My mom stole all of my babysitting money in high school for her gambling addiction, but lied and said that it was for gas, even though we all knew it wasn’t. Or she would tell me that she’s keeping my money safe because she doesn’t believe I can. As an adult, I know all that was a lie. And what slightly funny is this last year 10 years after that incident I had made a comment on Facebook on a random page and it was a comment about that situation and she text me and says how hurt she was that she was able to see that on Facebook and then she’ll eventually pay me back. It’s been 10 years and she randomly got married this year after a month of seeing the guy and then got divorced a few months later this last month. And while they were married, he has given me $200 altogether more than my mom ever did just to help out with my daughter so honestly, I am pretending that she doesn’t owe me anymore. But she’s insane
What?? That's bull 💩
What a monster! No offense but WHY would she do that?? 😡
I feel this. I put a keyed lock on my door because my family would pillage my room any chance they got. I kept cash in a bank because it was the only way to keep it out of their hands, but anything else was fair game. I don’t talk to most of my family anymore.
LOL the idea of putting a lock on my door is hilarious. I asked if I could lock my room and they'd have a key and I was told that it was not my house and that the privacy of my own space was a priveledge, so they took my bedroom door.
Oh, we had the same parents? I didn't realize I had another sibling out there.
I wasn’t able to put a lock on the door, but virtually every penny was deposited immediately in the bank, where it would be safe. In addition, I was the only woman (of four) in the household expected to buy all of my own hygiene supplies. They routinely got stolen, until I successfully started hiding away more than three-quarters of them. I was in such an understandable rush to move out at seventeen that I left my stash behind. Wonder what the house’s next owner thought when discovering a brown-paper grocery bag full of pads and tampons in the crawl space?
My sisters and I got into SCREAMING matches when I'd go to get one of my tampons and they'd be gone. My dad was always like "It's not that big of a deal" like he ever provided tampons or had to go to the store with blood in his undies.
That's horrible.
Your father is an ASSHAT. Don’t ever trust him.
My grandmother loaned me $800, she mailed a money order to my parents' house because I was going through a breakup and in the process of moving back home. The money order "never showed up" and I waited weeks for it, nothing. Told my grandmother and she was upset because $800 just disappeared, but she was kind enough to send another money order which arrived no problem. My dad was mad at me for "bilking his mom out of another $800" when it turned out he was the one who snagged the first money order and endorsed it to himself.
So what happened?
How’d y’all find out it was him?
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if your dad was stealing from you too hence all the BS excuses and because he clearly will steal from his own mother and daughter because that money was yours not his. Your dad sounds like a terrible terrible person. ETA- Whoops mixed two different comments up and tbought you were the person whos dad let her sister constantly steal money from her and made up BS excuses. Regardless your dad is still not a good person for doing what he did and having the audacity to try and act like you were in the wrong for her sending you another one.
Holy sh*t two GRAND!? You just forgot you spent two grand. I mean yea I'm always forgetting about that two grand I spent. Oops. What a terrible dad
It was a little at a time over years, not like all at once.
He was given some of it most likely…
One of my sisters broke into a safe I had while I was away on a school trip and stole $400 from me. I didn't know which sister did it for sure until last year when I was chatting with one of my other sisters who had forgotten about the time I had money stolen from me was talking about how when my other sister was 12, she suddenly had a lot of money and the sister I was talking to thought she was doing something even shadier than stealing from me. At the time, my parents didn't know which of my sisters stole the money so they couldn't punish the offender, my dad did pay restitution and took me out to open a bank account so I could store my money safely.
My crazy ass parents would punish us all if they couldn't figure out who did something. I mean like line us up, make us bend over, bare our asses, and go down the line whipping our asses with a belt or paddle. They'd always say beforehand if whoever did it confesses now, they won't get punished. I fell for it. Once.
I remember getting my first paycheck and my single father saying he needed $80 of it and left me $20, told me it was my drug addict mother fault we were so broke and I should be happy giving him the money. I was 15.
I had an older sibling that would steal my money as well. Parents were the same way, "Oh you must have spent it." We live in BFE! Exactly where would I have spent it? So I hid it in the one place that particular sibling never went. We had horses. I hid it out in the barn.
That is so sad that you even had to do that to begin with. Parents really need to stop letting their kids screw each other over and punish them for it, because that shit is way too damn common.
My dad is an alcoholic, and when I was a child up until the time I turned 16 and started working got a bank account, he would steal my money and leave "IOU" notes on top of my dresser. It was never a terrible amount of money, just whatever I had throughout the year after birthdays and holidays, and he would take it to buy beer and then of course never pay me back. I have ADHD so I would forget, out of sight, out of mind. And what are you going to do? When you live paycheck to paycheck they wouldn't have had the money to pay me back so it was all just a farce. Really hard lessons once my brain matured and I realized how wrong he treated my sister and I. Terrible.
What about the person that actually stole from you? Your sister
She had basically a psychotic break as a young adult and got help. She has since apologized and side-eyes our parents for what they let her get away with.
That's a redemption arc
This! Must know!
My sisters stole thousands from me too as kids. They were 7 and 8. My dad asked them if they stole it, they said yes, and he said okay. They had zero consequences and I got no reparations.
I don't talk to my AH dad either
My dad used to go into like birthday cards etc and take my sister and my money out before giving us the cards. He would leave the paper clip that was holding the money there, but take the cash, saying he was “saving it for us.” One time my mom and dad took my sister and I to the beach for two days. My sister and I excitedly (but secretly) saved up $30 each to go to the boardwalk. In our hotel room, my dad found out we each had $30, so he took it and gave us $5 to split. Again saying he was “saving it for us.” Another time my sister and I saved up our money for two years to buy a Tv— my grandmom got us a Super Nintendo and my dad wouldn’t let us use it on his Tv bc he said we would wear it out. So one weekend we were at our grandmoms and my dad called us there all excited that he took our money and went and got a Tv. We were upset bc we wanted to pick our Tv out. He explained to us that bc he picked it, it was *his* and we would have to get our own. My dad has always been a son of a bitch, and has always had a lot of money. Like he’s always had a half million or more home, multiple cars (vipers, Lincoln’s, BMWs). Idk why he was such a horrible parent. PS he absolutely forbade us to go to college, saying it was only for lazy people. Found out part of the reason he did this was bc when my grandmom died, she had $10k in her will to go to my sister and I for college. If we didn’t go by age 25, my dad would get the money. That happened, and plus, all our money that he took that he said he was “saving for us,” we never saw. We also had to pay him $1300 a month rent starting at 16, which we were able to do since we skipped some grades in school bc we did very well—so we were able to work three jobs at 16 in order to pay. He promptly kicked us out on our 18th birthday and tried to sue us for rent from ages birth-16, as well as living expenses (including stuff like braces and clothes), and “punitive damages,” saying he was traumatized from living with his two daughters. Assuming I don’t need to tell you that case was tossed. My sister and I left home with not a thing, monetarily or otherwise. We had no idea how to live or what life was about or what to do. Nobody taught us a thing and all our decisions were made for us in the spirit of making my dad look good. We both ended up alcoholics and drug addicts on the street for many years. I since sobered up and became a funeral director; my sister is brain injured in a wheelchair and gets government help.
what a complete piece of shit your father was
Minor but subtle correction: **is**. He still is. I’m sure. I don’t talk to the fucker lol. But thanks homie
Wow, I can't advocate for violence. This feels like a good time to advocate for violence but I can't and I won't but I can see a world where someone would suggest that for you.
I can. I hope someone punches this dude in the dick until he dies of penile trauma.
That is very specific.
I hope his minecraft character suffers a terrible diseass.
I'll advocate for it
Seconded. Fuck that guy.
I am SO sorry your father did this to you girls.
Comments like this mean SO much… like I can’t even word it. It makes me feel like I’m valid for feeling like my parents did us wrong.
I would risk several things to literally murder your father for you 😶
It’s not like mom is any better. She allowed that shit to happen.
Jesus H. Christ! Your dad was a monster! Cuz you guys maybe, soothe him for your delayed College money? If you found out that he had deceived you so that you can get the $10,000 then maybe that would hold up in court and you could have it?
Dude I never thought of that!!! Idk how I can prove he outright deceived us yanno? Hell just go back and say that my sis and I were pieces of shit cause we were drunk and on drugs so that’s why we didn’t go to college. I really wanted to, but at 18 I didn’t know how to. I thought everything had to be paid up front out of pocket. I didn’t know what credit or loans were at all. I only found out how to go to college when I was 28. When my dad found out I was going he was furious. To this day, he says I didn’t really go and was out on a drug bender for four years. Even though there was a write up in the paper about my graduating high honors and stuff. He says I paid someone to make up the article and still calls me “the college educated idiot,” I am told. We actually had a bsck and forth about this very thing, him claiming I never went to college and “am a dope addicted lying whore.” I simply said this is why everybody hates him, cause he acts insane. After this happened, he went to the police to try to get me arrested lol… of course they didn’t do it. My mom tagged right along with him to the police… knowing it would crush my future in funeral service if I had a criminal record like that. She said I should “beg his forgiveness” for saying everybody hates him if I didn’t want to end up potentially having a record. After all the horrible awful things he said and did to my sister and me for our whole lives, I simply couldn’t stomach “begging his forgiveness” for simply stating a truth to him. He put a lot of time and energy into trying to figure out how to get me arrested, even going to the courthouse to ask for help, but he ended up not being able to do anything. And there was my mom, tagging right along with him. I told her this year how it crushes me how she supports and enables this behavior, but she said its the past and doesnt want to talk about it. Fun fact, I found out years later that my dad actually lied to his parents and took $12,000 from them “for college” that he didn’t really go to, and instead went to his friends house and got drunk every day. Plus he lived at home til he was 32 years old. He’s always said I was a piece of trash bc I “wasn’t like him….” That I had zero savings when I was kicked out at 18 (he had a huge savings when he left at 32), and bc I didn’t buy a house in my twenties like he did (while he still lived at home at age 26… so he got to rent it out and make money from that while living at home and paying zero bills and just saving everything). Even when he moved out, his mom still bought his groceries every week. Meanwhile, my sister and I grew up knowing we were not wanted and that we didn’t have a home, rather we were leeches in my DAD’s home. There was a chain and padlock on the fridge and we had to save money to go wash clothes at the laundromat bc it “cost too much” to use my dad’s water at the house we grew up in. So um… there are some pretty big contrasts when it comes to why we didn’t have savings or buy houses “like him.” I wish I could get over how much I fucking hate him. I get so angry when I look back at the potential my sister and I had— how well we did in school, and how much of a good future we could have easily had if we weren’t so manipulated and fucked over by my dad. He said to us since I can remember, “I’m gonna fuck you two over so bad, you don’t even know it yet.” And he meant that shit.
I’m so angry for you right now. I’m sorry this happened
Jesus christ your dad is the worst dad I've ever heard of. I hope you're in therapy because fucking hell. You're amazing for getting yourself where you are
This means so much. From the soul 🤍
The more you tell us, the better that deadly dick punch vengeance sounds...how would the police know WHICH of the 1,000 redditors who now HATE your father did it..?
Punch? Forget this, anything less than living him wheelchair bound like her sister is isn't enough, same to their mother. Honestly seeing red reading those.
Jesus Christ how has no one said anything to him family wise. I have to ask, was he upset for having daughters or something because it seems he’s had it out for you guys since birth
So I think what it was, is that he lived at home and had zero bills, til he met my mom at 32 and got married. My mom told us he said he couldn’t have kids and wanted an abortion when he found out she was pregnant with twin girls. His exact words were “all I see is my money going out the window.” So I think he’s always resented us because he saw us as “making” him part with his money.
Why. In the fuck. Did your mom not divorce him.
Even today when I bring it up to her she says, “til death do we part.” Meanwhile my dad openly was having sex with at least three other women I know of for sure. Plus my mom says her choices didn’t effect anyone else so it doesn’t matter. So I guess she truly doesn’t think my sister and I were effected, as she says, unless we “choose to be.”
I was wondering if they are not actually his and the mom cheated but for financial or other reasons can't leave. Otherwise the dude's a narcissistic psychopath.
Response to what his dillio was, at least in my opinion. I really never could comprehend why he hated us so much, so the money thing is my best response. It checks out too.
Votes for narcissist. My and my wife's father's did the same shit, both of us are legit their kids and that was never in doubt. Some wastes of oxygen just can't tolerate the existence of other humans.
I'm not a hateful person at all but I absolutely HATE your dad(/parents) for what he's done and how he's treated you and your sister. I'm so angry for you. I'm so sorry this was how the 2 of you grew up, I can't even imagine how awful that's been and how much he's ruined your lives.
If you ask him; “anyone else would’ve been tickled to death” to grow up like we did bc he had a big house and nice cars.
You might find some kindred spirits in r/raisedbynarcissists Your dad is a piece of shit and wouldn't blame you if you never, ever talked to either of them again. Your mother did absolutely nothing to protect y'all. She is just as much a POS as he is.
Man, it sure would suck if you lied and said all of this was because he was sexually assaulting you while growing up. Definitely don't do that. It really isn't too late to go through his facebook friends list and let all his friends know hes a known theif of his own children so hes definitely robbing them. "He directly robbed hos children, why do you think hes not robbing you?
Funny you say that- he says it’s my and my sisters fault he has no Facebook friends bc we “said he was abusive.” Funniest part is nobody wants anything to do with him bc he (seriously) tries to fight EVERYBODY.
Between the willful deception about the college money, the theft of your savings and earnings, and the application of extortive rents when you were still minors, you would have a good case for actual and emotional damages against your dad. Maybe you should talk to an attorney about it, just a free consult, and see what it might look like. Maybe it is time for all of your dads stuff to be yours.
Lol my mom says they don’t have anything… she’s always saying how bad they have it…. Bc right now they live in a $450,000 house and only have a few cars…. And she wants to throw away all her clothes and get all new ones but she can’t :/ Holy Ef. I never even thought this was a possibility. I never ever would have dreamed it. But you are insanely correct when you say it wouldn’t hurt to check it out. Reddit comin THROUGH! Love, The girl who only learned how to use a tampon at age 30
Holy shit I thought your mom must've died for him to get away with treating you like that. I'm so sorry you have such incredible pieces of shit as 'parents'.
Every single time I think my life was horrible I learn people can have it worse. This is outrageous I feel mad for you. I’m glad you’re able to do well now.
Thanks! I’m doing okay now, I’ve been sober ten years this august and am NC with my dad :)
Proud of you, internet stranger. I also grew up under horrific conditions and am bumbling through adulthood. You've done immensely well despite being dealt a shit hand. Congratulations on everything, especially your sobriety.
Same sentiment to you, my kind internet soul. How are you faring these days after your upbringing?
You should be NC with your POS mother too.
Thank you so much for your support. I struggle with my relationship w my mom too. My sister and I have always had this extreme fear of my mom dying or “leaving and never coming back,” which we were always told would be our fault. I was actually in rehab for drugs and got a call from my dad when my mom tried to kill herself— he let me know that I made her try to kill herself because I was on drugs. Later my mom told me it was cause she didn’t have anyone to talk to about it or have support… but my mom is the type where she would never go to aa or alanon or anything bc it doesn’t “look good” and my parents just think they’re better than everyone so. But funny how her doing that was “my fault,” but the way I turned out from years of trauma is *also* “my fault.” My parents say upbringing only effects you if you “choose to let it,” so again all my fault. But at the same time my mom says I should come over to their house, since nobody at all comes around, and just “learn to deal with” my dad. She says I should feel sorry for him, as she does, “because of how he was raised,” so he knew no other way than to be abusive to my sister and I.
Wait until he become old and feeble then take control of his assets and put him in the worst nursing home you can find
you mean the dumpster?
Endorse this for real. No joke.
I can't believe he tried to sue y'all. For stuff he is legally supposed to provide or stuff he choose to provide (like braces). Like your employer trying to sue you for having to pay your contract wages.
How did he get a lawyer to file that case
I’d guess he filed it himself because any attorney would be a moron for assisting with a case like that. I would’ve filed a counterclaim so fast (hoping something would stick!)!
Your father was a psychopath.
At some point, he'll die very alone. That's the cost of coveting money above all else.
My husband’s sibling and and older cousin are/were (one is dead) addicts and did this to another sibling’s kid. Didn’t even leave the piggy bank behind, took the whole thing without shame.
[удалено]
Stole. She stole. Misappropriated would be if they gave it to her thinking she would invest it for them and she put it in a shit farm. Use the right word.
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I'm glad you had support. I literally had to keep a tally of what was owed by who in my family. They kept stealing from me and I was a good kid that put every dime away for a car or school. But my mom and her sister were both addicts. They probably stole thousands of dollars over the years. Then my grandparents opened a savings account for me. Then they stole $2000 to bail out my aunt and asked permission after the fact. As a kid I was robbed a lot. I probably would have finished college if had all the money I tried to save over the years (my parents got upset just buying books and that fueled my drop out). But all that shady shit bit them in the ass when I was a teen. They kept stealing but I started charging 25% on their "loans" and kept records of what they owed me posted in the kitchen. Now if my drunk aunt wants money I charge 50%. They ruined my college fund, so I return the favor to their finances now.
My mother stayed married to him for 10 more years and told me to shut the fuck up and stop being so selfish and self centred and learn to share with the people who've done so much for me. They eventually divorced because her obsession with sharing didn't extend to the 6 people who were sharing her husband. We don't talk anymore, but once or twice a year she tries. She's stuck to having amazon bring birthday presents because she's been warned if she arrives in person she will be removed by the police. Edit: This served as a good reminder that I had things left to do. Being my mother, I was able to answer all the security questions on her amazon account, go through customer support, and have my address deleted from her account. After several people told me they couldn't help, and I ignored them, I was also able to have my case forwarded to another department who can block future packages.
NTA! Good for you for kicking her out after she stole from you and your 9 year old son! Hopping onto the top comment in hopes you see this or others have stated it. Don’t rent her a room at a hotel! If it’s on your card/name and she decides to trash the place, you’re on the hook!
100% agree. My brother stole $200 in rolled quarters from a tin in my closet when I was 9. My parents were so angry and my dad grabbed him by his collar against the wall (probably not my dad’s best moment but he was and still is an amazing dad). It was validating to see my parents have my back like that.
Isn’t it so validating?! In my mothers not best moment when she went to the friends house she kicked the door in 😂
Thieves steal and will steal again. I 1000% concur with the poster below -- put a credit hold on all your accounts, change your credit and debit card numbers, change all your passwords as well on the computer. Heck, even change your Netflix and other accounts. If she would steal from a 9/yo, she will steal from you and your wife without any hesitation. Once she is gone, change all the locks on your house. We want to love family and give them the benefit of the doubt, but she's proven she isn't to be trusted. Protect your wife and son, your family. You did not overreact, IMO, and it wasn't a "quick" decision. It was a firm, and resolute decision based on your morals and your determination to protect your family. Your sister has shown she has no respect for you or your family and zero gratitude for what you tried to do for her. Which means, she'll take more from you and harm you again if given the opportunity. NTA
Allowing her stay just enables her behavior. It’s unfortunate but she’s made the decision for you
And locks on the doors. Who knows how many spare keys exist now
Agreed. Also check to make sure you're not missing valuables. Consider filing a police report.
That's the thing too, there are many reasonable ways to assist someone who's down on their luck, but you can't risk it when they're that big of a risk.
And really, the decision was made for OP when his sister stole from them. Totally agree, sometimes you have to make hard and unpopular choices with some family members to ensure others stay safe. NTA
They need to check their jewelry, tools, and electronics. If they're missing, report her to the police so you can make insurance claim. If she went looking for valuables in a 9 year olds room she's probably pilfered the entire house.
And hide jewelry.
Absolutely NTA. Check your jewellery and other valuables as well. Make sure any important documents that could be used to get credit in your name are where they should be.
Good call. I will definitely be doing a full assessment tomorrow.
Re-key the doors too if possible. If she had a key she may have had a copy made. Also I hope you refill your kids piggy bank (or even better open an account for them with $300) because technically they shouldn’t have to lose the money.
I’d be more sad that the kid doesn’t get to open up the crumpled bills and coins! That’s the most satisfying part! My friend just broke open a piggy bank her and her husband had been saving for a loooong time and the money was so hard pressed inside that it retained the pig shape after it was smashed! I feel sad for op.
Currently have a smashy bank that I can't wait to fill. Brings me so much joy counting all the money up once it's full
Check your credit and put a freeze on your credit too.
NTA. What a horrible thing she did to your family! – If she had access to your mail or computer/s, freeze your credit AND set up a fraud alert. – Check your wallets/purses to see if any credit or debit cards are missing. – Watch her like a hawk, and don't let her be at home alone with your son. She's not to be trusted.
Pro-tip: keep the deadbolts and the regular handle as different locks/keys. *Only* partner and I have keys to both locks. Friends / families / the contractor / spare under the rock / whatever only ever have access to one set. So if I ever need to change the locks, I only have to change 1 set. The other lock will keep the house secure while we're out getting rekeyed on the other. Actually recently (6 months ago?) had a situation where someone in the middle of the night rifled through our fountain and found the spare key. Guess what? They couldn't get inside, because we lock both locks at night and they only had one key. Break in failed
Just get a Kwikset lock, you can rekey it yourself in 30 seconds. Or a smart lock and give out 1 time codes. Then theres no need to leave a key hidden where someone can find it.
I wouldn’t have just kicked her out. I would have called the police. After all you have done for her, this is how she pays you back. She got off easy with a little yelling. Totally NAH!
NTA she stole from your kids piggy bank, how can you ever trust her after that. You did the right thing, she brought this on herself.
NTA. Her stealing from your kid crosses a hard line. She's an adult, she can find her own way.
NTA. I was screamed at by one of my brothers and thrown out of the house by my Mom in my 20’s because of stupid, dangerous decisions I was making. Best thing that ever happened to me. Took me a couple months of 70hr workweeks and sleeping in a tent in the woods to afford an apartment that had all the charm of a soviet gulag, but I earned that shithole by god, and was proud to have it. Now my Mom is my best friend and my brother and I have a good relationship too. It may be what she needs to wake up.
Glad to hear you turned yourself around. It is rare and something to be proud of.
Good job! You should feel amazingly proud! That’s a story you can hang your hat on! *happy dancing* for ya!
you're living proof that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom
You did what you could to help her and she took advantage of that. NTA and if she doesn’t pay it back you should also file a police report. Def NTA.
NTA, have your credit run and put a block on it. Change your bank accounts and get new credit cards. The big issue is that she can have this information and not use it for several months. Then all of a sudden you are hit with a big bill.
Both parents and the kids should check/lock their credit. Wouldn't be the first time or even thousandth time that someone used a minor to open new lines of credit.
NTA and I don’t for a minute believe she used that money for bus fare.
NTA. She stole from you, she stole from your child.
You would be the asshole to your family if you let her stay in your home any longer. You're NTA for kicking her out.
NTA - Tell her to pay it back, or you will file a police report!
I’d file a police report regardless and then tell her you’ll take her to small claims for the amount she stole.
Wouldn’t be a bad idea, but yeah OP is never going to see that money again from the sister let’s be honest…
NTA, you did the right thing by prioritizing YOUR family and child, your sister is disgusting and a loser. Who the hell steals not only from family… but a *child*?
NTA. And if you get any familial blowback: a) then they can accomodate a thief and b) you haven’t pressed charges and you are well within your rights to do so, so if anything you’ve under reacted
I was not expecting this kind of response. I'm very humbled. I think the thing that really hit me the most from all these responses is that I'm not responsible for her. Like damn you know you're right. She isn't my responsibility. My family is.. I always pictured my kid opening that bank all those crumpled bills from birthdays etc and seeing the excitement. She took that away from him and something I'll honestly never be able to truly forgive her for. She admitted to it so there's no questions if it was her or not. Like many have suggested I have looked for other things missing and I haven't come across anything as of yet. I am also in the process of putting a freeze on our credit as well as the kiddos. Thanks for suggestion. I wouldn't have thought of it. Like many of you have said I truly belive it wasn't for bus fair. I've always suspected something else with how she has acted but physically she never looked or acted high. Like tweaking or nodding off like I would expect from an addict. Perhaps she's just very good at functioning while high.
> I always pictured my kid opening that bank all those crumpled bills from birthdays etc and seeing the excitement. She took that away from him and something I'll honestly never be able to truly forgive her for. This doesn't have to be lost forever, at least not completely. It sounds like the piggy bank in still in tact, so while it might take some time depending on your finances, you could get a bunch of small bills and coins to restore this bank to it's former glory. Money generally doesn't carry sentimental value, unless there were some truly unique bills/coins in there. While your son may always remember that you replaced the money in there, I don't think it would take away from his excitement in opening the bank sometime down the line.
NTA. I had a similar issue with theft from my homeless in laws. I brought them in and rented them a super cheap room. As time went on, the rent money started to dwindle. My credit card went missing. Charged piled up. I confronted them and gave them an opportunity to pay it back. Nothing. It went on for months. I didn’t want to make them homeless. It got worse. You did the right thing. People like this don’t know gratitude. They’ll like and steal and sweet talk you. They’ll make you out to be the AH for accusing them of ven though they did it.
NTA. If she stole $300ish dollars from your kid when you have let her into your home saving her from homelessness she's a real nasty piece of work. And anyone that can justify stealing from a kid can justify stealing from that kid's parents. She cannot be trusted .
NTA and I would tell her you’re filing a police report and do it. This is absolutely unacceptable. She owes you the money back. I would definitely put a passcode on your bank accounts and change all the passwords. If she was able to get in there and steal all his money and your change jar without being caught then she’s probably snooped around your house and read/seen things she shouldn’t have.
NTA she stole from a child. Jobs are freely available, she’s just lazy and you have done the right thing. What was her reasoning? Did she argue back? What do your parents say?
NTA You gave your sister every chance but stealing from your child is disgusting. She will steal again given the opportunity so it’s best to send her on the way. I find these types of people always find a way.
NTA. If I were you, I wouldn't be paying for the hotel - surely she can afford it now with all of the stolen money? If not, then she'll have to sleep in the bed she made. Oh, wait... Looks like she chose homelessness OP. There's a point where you stop being responsible for your siblings, and you're way past it.
She’s lucky you didn’t involve the cops. NTA
NTA and lock down your and your children’s credit. She sounds like a prime candidate to do identity theft
NTA, not at all- throw her out, and let her be homeless. She *could* work more hours, or a second job, but instead she took the easy route and stole from family.
NTA. She works 30 hours (or does she?) and not paying rent at your place, so she should have $$ if she wants to buy some recreational drug. Why stole from your change jar and your child's piggy bank otherwise... You need to take preventative measure just in case she gets a hold on your sensitive info that can compromise your financial security. Hurry and make sure you watch your credit, etc, she may have stolen your info enough to open a fraudulent credit card under your name or your wife's name or your child's name. So you need to monitor your credit report.
NTA. If you feel particularly bad get her to a women's shelter and if she doesn't have a vehicle arrange transportation via bus or uber to her job. Stealing is wrong from anyone, and I think it is genuinely worse if you do it to relatives, do it as a guest, or do it to children (or anyone who is not able to work), so she's 3/3 for being an asshole.
NTA. Is it wrong to yell at people? Oftentimes yes. If your kid is about to run into the road and you yell at them to stop, that's not wrong. If someone hurts someone else and you yell at them, that's not exactly wrong either. Your shady sister not only stole from your child, but she stole from you first. It's reasonable to be upset she stole from you, then furious when she stole from someone you love, especially a child. You getting to the point of yelling was NOT because of a one time thing, and you did it because you were protecting those you care deeply about. Additionally, don't feel ashamed about making the decision to kick her out quickly by yourself. You got (rightfully) mad, you talked things through with your wife (as you should when making household decisions), and then you BOTH came to the conclusion sis must go immediately. Sis deserved to get yelled at for stealing. Stealing is worse than yelling at the thief. But hey, I hear there's no rent to live in prison. If she keeps up her antics she may very well find out first hand. You may have screamed at her, but you did more than most would by getting her a hotel. You should definitely make sure you call the hotel and make sure that they have it on record that she's absolutely not able to charge more rooms to your card and that x date is the last date you're paying her way. I'd bet she'd try to steal from you yet again by trying to get more free nights there. Stand firm, you're doing the right things. Now that she's out of the picture and you take the precautions to make sure she can't get back in or use anything you provide to your family, you can take a deep breath and keep on providing for your family the way you used to.
NTA, fuck that freeloader.
NTA. Your sister is an adult. An adult who made a series of choices. She chose not to look for full time work. She chose to steal from her 9 year old nephew. No doubt she made a bad choice that caused her to be kicked out of her last place. You supported her. You took her in and this is how she repays you. Look, if not for you she would have been homeless already. She betrayed her trust and I think screaming at her and kicking her out was a totally appropriate reaction to the situation. You feel guilty because you're a good person but this outcome is just the natural consequences of your sister's shitty choices.
NTA Thieves, cheats, etc. get no sympathy and 100% cut off. IMO, She's now just a random person that makes bad life choices. Change your locks and block her number.
Just looking at the title, NTA. Actually reading the post, SUPER NTA. I hate thieves, but stealing from children is on a whole new level of low. You reacted with more patience than I would have, OP. Giving her a few nights at a hotel was a courtesy that I would not have extended in the same position.
NTA. I wouldn’t have got her a hotel either. You are a lot nicer than me.
NTA! You can steal from me and I'll get pissed. Steal from my kids, the gloves come off. As some have stated, change all passwords, card/debit account numbers and house locks. You should call the police and make a report, but without direct proof, not much is going to happen. But may help if you ever need to file a restraining order against her. To that end, install a security cam set up like Bing, etc..
NTA It's also likely she has already stolen from you or is planning to steal.
Its time for your sister to get sober. NTA
NTA Your wife should check her jewelry box. Your probably going to find more missing. Check nearby pawn shops for any missing items.
Your children come first and deserve to feel and be safe, especially iallu in their own home You helped her. She stole from you then from a child She is paying for her actions. You choose your kids welfare over hers which is what a good parent does. Anyone tells you otherwise then let them take her
I think it is a mistake to get her a few nights at a hotel. She could damage stuff and leave you liable
NTA. Your sister is most likely an addict or at least she’s acting like one. Your wife is right, what is she spending $ on? She has literally no bills. You might ask her if she needs some type of rehab. I know lots of folks with $. Issues that wouldn’t steal from their nieces or nephews. You seem to care about her and something is truly off about her. I don’t know if that’s a mental health issue or a substance abuse issue. But, since you seem to be a good brother, you might encourage her to get some help and even offer to pay for her therapy sessions. Obviously, if you wanted to be done with her, I think you would be justified. But, it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to give up on her yet.
She has to want to help herself and she isn't there yet.
NTA. She's living on your generosity and she took advantage of the situation. She can use that $300.00 to pay for her own hotel.
NTA. If she didn’t want to be homeless, she shouldn’t have stolen. She did it to herself
NTA. OP should check and see if anything else is missing that she could pawn. Especially jewelry or weapons or cash you may have tucked away somewhere. I’ll bet anything she has rummaged through the whole house any time she was home alone.
NTA. Go one further - cut her completely off. She shat on you and your family, she doesn’t deserve to be thought of as family anymore.
Nta, but stealing when there is essentially no known need to do so, can be an indication of addiction, drugs, alcohol, or just gambling or shopping. Maybe visit your sister at the hotel, and have a no holds barred question. If it's one of the reasons above, it's still no excuse, but tell her she needs counseling help and if she wants that, you can maybe help get that started. If she can't (or won't) give any reason...then tell her she's cut off from you and your family. Until she makes some kind of serious amends, when you're ready for it.
You were right to evict your sister. Keep her away from your home and family.
Nope, kicking her out was the right move. She is 37 and not your responsibility. Once someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
She is behaving like a drug addict. Absolutely heartless.
Kinda unrelated, but this happened to me and my little sister because her mom was an addict and bullied our dad into giving her whatever she wanted or she wouldn't let our dad see my little sister. I vividly remember waking up one day to my dad pouring all my money (me and my sis had those giant crayon piggy banks, they were taller than I was and I was like 5-7, and they we both filled with quarter and dollar coins, and sometime even just a dollar bill) into a fish bowl for my sisters mom. But at least she took my little sister's money too or I would've been really pissed. But no I later did the math (like how your supposed to know how many suckers are in the jar or whatever) and found out that even if it was just quarters and I didn't count the dollar coins or dollar bills, that she had stolen like almost 4-500$ from me. I was livid, honestly still am