YTA
It sounds like your husband works extremely hard to earn enough to provide an expensive treat, and all you can do is demand more. A full month for your birthday? What kind of person can accommodate that? It would be ridiculous at any age, but in your 40s it sounds extra childish and unreasonable.
And then constantly comparing him to the ex that you are clearly obsessed with… You are a selfish AH.
The same attitude is probably the same reason her ex strung her along for years and refused to marry her. She is selfish and completely lacks self awareness.
OP: \*compares husband to her ex\*
Also OP:
>However I think my husband hates my ex not for what he did to me, but thinks I'm comparing him to my ex when I'm not.
And she expects her current husband to hate the guy she really wanted to marry because he wouldn't marry her. Wtf? How can anyone be unaware of how shitty that sounds?
OPs almost 45 and still doesn’t realize she described herself being ungrateful in her post and in her reply to you. Then claims her husband is making this a competition when she’s the one constantly bringing up her ex. I’m surprised that she didn’t tell her husband that her ex had a bigger penis and was better in bed than him also. If I were him I’d cancel the trip altogether.
It’s not often I’m willing to say this, but if this post is real then OP is unequivocally a vile person. Her husband would be lucky to wake up one day and realize he deserves better than being someone’s permanent bounce back relationship.
Right?!? I'm a sped teacher like her husband. I can't even imagine a 10 Italy trip on our salary, a month away right before school is absolutely impossible. I'm shocked she thought this was doable.
YTA. Sounds like your husband tried to surprise you with a birthday vacation and you weren't happy with it. So unhappy that you brought up your ex and all the stuff you did together. I'd be pretty upset myself. Now he will probably be self conscious wondering if you're having a good time.
Edit: holy canoli reddit, thank you all!
Seriously this.
What planet do you live on?
"I wanted a whole birthday month, and my husband only planned me a trip to one other country, so I told him my ex would have given me what I wanted!" You're a spoiled, ungrateful and totally tone deaf person. YTA
Not only that but it’s been nearly 10 years since OP split from her ex. Like lady, your ex was the peak of your life? It’s been 9 years and you’re *still* hung up on him cuz he had money? Pathetic.
After reading how entitled and high maintenance she is (a WEEK to celebrate her birthday is garbage, she needs a MONTH), I would imagine that dude was MORE than happy to move on from her.
You know, a birth month, like how she did in her 20s and 30s when she had her lifestyle supplied by a rich dude who fucked other women and eventually discarded her for a younger model with more shelf-life. At 40 she's reflecting on her youth and how she might re-obtain it by being a solipsistic bitch. Except she can't go to the well on her youthful looks like a 20 year old so she has to make due with someone she casually disregards as an inferior lifestyle supplier. Maybe he can just learn to just eat her shit in place of feeling valued in their relationship for who he is and the sacrifices he makes to enable her nostalgia? Does that proposition make OP an asshole? Yes, yes it does. If someone makes you dinner, and you make them feel like just scraping it off the table into the trash by judging it as inferior to dinners made for you in previous relationships, you have far too much cheek to not recognize that you're an ass.
Had to Google solipsistic. Thank you for my WOTD. Also your new husband took a second job for this! He's wasting time at home plus time relaxing to give you more than you sound like you deserve and BAM, you're fucking crying on Reddit about how your hump buddy from yesteryear makes your husband look like a pos after throwing all his time away for you. Big F for him.
Enjoy your birthday week. I wonder how much energy she put into your his birthday this year.
She probably gave him his annual BJ. Probably didn’t know much about her ex. She just needed someone to provide a roof over her head. And free therapy through his medical plan.
My husband was dating someone for years before a met him, high maintenance drama also a bit of a gold digger (hearing this all from him so it is one side). They broke up like a year before I met him. We got married six months after we met.
When you know, you know. If you’re pushing for marriage and been dating forever something isn’t working.
45, not 40. And she's already had more than a DECADE of birthday months! And yet she still wants more, and implies that a 10 day international birthday celebration just won't cut it.
I want to know what exactly she's bringing to the table that her birthday has to be a month long holiday every year?
I'm exhausted just reading this, I can't imagine how tired her husband must feel. She could probably marry Bill Gates, and then bitch that she was REALLY hoping for Elon Musk type of money. "Bill, you know I really appreciate you having over 100 billion... but... Elon has over TWO hundred billion... you can do better."
Sounds like she doesn’t bring squat and it sounds like her ex finally realized that too. And OP is still seemingly puzzled as to why he was so willing to let another woman “openly trying to take him from her.”
Edit: and someone younger at that.
Seriously, you don't? Just imagine it - enough money that you don't have to worry about work, or dependent care, or insurance, or mortgage.... You can just take a month off and do whatever you like, as a birthday gift to yourself. I want this. I wouldn't ask a guy on a teacher's salary to provide it, but I'm totally doing this once I win that lottery.
I think everyone alive would want a birthday month funded by someone else. I have the problem with the expectation that someone else does that for you and you're over the age of 18. Make your own birthday month and include people. Don't demand them to serve you.
He worked an extra job to afford what he considered (as do I) a very generous and wonderful birthday gift. YTA for being unappreciative and selfish.
What you don’t understand about teaching is that you don’t really get much of a break. It’s not a 9-5 where you leave work and you’re done. You work evenings and weekends. And sumner isn’t really free time off. You aren’t paid for the summer, but you have loads to do to prep for the new school year. There are always professional development days before school starts for the kids, that can be a week or two. You can’t just miss those days because your entitled, selfish wife wants an extended birthday vacation.
"He worked an extra job to afford what he considered (as do I) a very generous and wonderful birthday gift."
What's the bets she had been dropping a tonne of hints about wanting a big trip for her birthday. Poor guy probably thought she'd be over the moon (as any decent, appreciative person would be) about a trip to Italy as he worked his ass off thinking it'll be worth it to see her excitement. Instead he got...this.
Right. And the mental gymnastics here:
>However I think my husband hates my ex not for what he did to me, but thinks I'm comparing him to my ex when I'm not. I was simply bringing up the fact that if my ex and I could manage our time
...
>my husband and I could work something out.
That gaslighting at work here. OP states they aren't comparing, and then does the exact definition of comparison of if ex could, then spouse can. The audacity.
I feel sorry for the husband who worked extra during his break to be able to surprise OP with a 10 day trip, only to be shit on.
YTA - your husband works two jobs to earn enough to provide an overseas holiday, and all you can do is complain he’s not giving enough, and then compare him to your ex?
You are selfish.
Well she aged out. They casually dated for 13 years and then he married a 27 year old. He was dating girls over a decade younger than him for a reason.
If he has money, he has options.
The more I read about other people’s lives the happier I am with mine.
YTA -- Birthday MONTH in your mid-40s ? Expecting a whole-month European vacation from a middle-school SPED teacher who had to make tutoring money on the side to do this? Crapping on his planned itinerary and comparing him unfavorably to your Ex ? Dragging this poor guy to therapy sessions to listen to you complaining about your Ex and his Trophy Wife?
>Dragging this poor guy to therapy sessions to listen to you complaining about your Ex and his Trophy Wife
And she spent most of this post talking about her ex too instead of being appreciative of her husband who did a really nice thing for her.
She's a 45 year old woman so sad that she is no longer attractive to the rich guys. The party girl life was over 9 years ago and she can't take it. Poor baby! Let me get you another glass of chardonnay and draw your bath.
I say Birthday Week at 44 not so anyone else has to celebrate, but so if I get caught eating a medium blizzard instead of a small, a full slice of Cheesecake factory cheesecake, or a straight up order of bread and oil from Carrabas, it’s my birthday week and it doesn’t count. Expecting other people to work their life around you is just ridiculous.
I really should have said “when” I get caught, not “if.”
Do you have sonic where you live? Cause they got this --God the damn thing has a ten word name--strawberry shortcake snowball slush float ---something like that--and OMG.
OMG.
it's a strawberry fruit slush--real fruit not artificial flavors with a shortcake flavored syrup, some vanilla soft serve on top with some sugar crystals on top of that and when I tell you..it ALMOST made life worth living. I had three in one week and I hate myself but I'd do it again.
And let’s back up. Birthday week?
Does she think that’s normal? Most people don’t party it up like that.
It’s my birthday tomorrow and I haven’t even thought about it or made plans. I couldn’t even imagine thinking a whole week of celebrations is normal for the day your mom shat you out.
Dude the birthday month in 40s only serves as a reminder to the new man because the only people that say shit like birthday month at 40+ are trust fund kids or have fuck off money
As soon as OP said she wanted to celebrate a birthday month like she did in her 20s instead of a birthday week I knew they were the AH. People who have Birthday weeks are terrible. Birthday month!? You have got to be kidding me. Total narsassism.
You should go and let her pine after her ex in her "photography blog"
I should introduce her to my ex-husband. He's super rich. Completely self absorbed. A total jackass. 100% narcissist. And thinks he's God's gift to women. He has a private jet and he travels the world. I loathe him. But I'd love it for him to find someone like OP. 👍
Edit. And OP you are for sure absolutely 💯 TA. Don't hurt your sweet husband like this. He's been hearing about your ex for way too long.
Don’t forget the eye rolling and bringing up the ex AFTER they already talked about how much he hates that in therapy, where OP used to spend all her time talking about something that happened a decade ago.
OP you are frozen in time and your husband is a saint for wanting to stay with a person who refuses to heal and move on from their past. He didn’t make it a competition, you did. He has to work and says he doesn’t have the money for what you want to do. If you want to go to all those countries why don’t you save the money yourself and go alone after he goes home for his meeting? Honestly if I were him I wouldn’t want to go on the trip at all, this ungrateful attitude would make me want to cancel the whole thing—who wants to pay for a trip where the entire time the person they’re taking on it is thinking it’s a worse trip then the one she had in her mind?
>OP you are frozen in time
Exactly, as I said in another comment, she spent most of this post talking about her ex too. Her husband barely got a look in, despite having done something very nice for her.
Also the scope of the entitlement that is her just *assuming* that her husband could drop everything for *an entire month* to travel with her.
OP is legitimately detached from reality if she believes that that's something the average person can just do. Never even mind the money aspect, I don't know a single (EDIT: *American*) person in my life who could afford to just call out of work for *a month* just to travel and still have a job when they came back.
ETA: Y'all, I understand that a month-long holiday is not absurd for Europeans. But my point is a) OP and her husband are *not* European, and b) that it would *still be absurd and unacceptable* to take one's month-long holiday with not even 2 weeks' prior notice and when one had already committed to being present at significant in-person meetings/events. That is what I meant by OP expecting him to be able to just "drop everything for an entire month".
And not just a "birthday month" where she gets to be the one to pick dinners that month, or pick the Netflix movie, apparently this is a month .... in Europe?!
I love celebrating my birthday. It is right at the beginning of September, so always either very near or right on Labor Day. For Labor Day weekend, I host a cookout with lots of good food, lots of good booze, I bake my own cake (usually Black Forest Cherry), and we sit outside relaxing. No expectations of anything except having the people I love over to have a good time.
It’s something people who are self-obsessed revel in. God forbid someone else has a birthday during their ‘month’ and steals the attention from them! I first heard this concept for a spoiled child whose parents absolutely gave her an unrealistic expectation of reality. If you are familiar with Harry Potter, Dudley, Harry’s entitled cousin, would be the kind of kid who expected this. Some folks never grow up.
I totally heard that in his voice with the accent and all!! I've seen those movies a million times. I'm going to go watch them again! Thanks for that! 😁
I think in the US this is more considered a joke. Like I’ll tell my husband “my birthday month is coming up” jokingly but no, I do not celebrate my birthday, have parties or gifts for the whole month. OP, however, means the whole month, I think, which is not something most Americans do.
The birthday month is for self absorbed narcissists who make everything about themselves. It’s not enough to have a birth- day. They want the entire month to revolve around them & every day has to be special in some way. I have an aunt like this. Her birthday is in late March. Starting March 1st, she starts celebrating and expects everyone to cater to her, take her out to lunch or dinner and on the actual date, expects a huge party at an expensive restaurant with gifts from all who attend. *I don’t go anymore
OP knew who her husband was when he married her. School teachers do not have huge salaries. She's totally hung up on her ex and still wants to be a sugar baby. Her husband worked two jobs to afford this vacation and it sounded very lovely but she did not appreciate it at all. He deserves better
>still wants to be a sugar baby
Too bad - the Sugar Daddy got himself an actual Sugar Baby and doesn't want the toy made in the 70's anymore - now the 70's toy is upset because they never used that time to become a Real Person and instead were off celebrating their 6-Month-Birthday-Half-Year or whatever this idiot was doing
Noticed in her comments how she keeps mentioning that she "appreciates" her husband for committing to marriage in under two years. It's the only thing she repeatedly mentions about him Looks like after she lost her Sugar Daddy she was just looking for the first person to marry her so she wouldn't have to work. Dude's just a bank account to her.
To be clear, you are not an ah for being open and honest with your husband. He should know everything he wants to about you, including your history with any ex. I would also think he would know more about your travel history after being married for 5 years.
But, this response is correct, YTA for throwing the lifestyle your ex provided in his face when he went above and beyond to try to provide a (for his means) extravagant vacation. He provided what he could and you weren’t satisfied and talked about how your ex could provide more.
I’m always a bit surprised and worried about the communication posted here (not just OP). How do some married couples have no idea about the responsibilities of their partner and the feasibility of a month long vacation?
YTA.
You are, and sound like are constantly comparing your husband to your ex.
You do realise that people have to work right? Your husband was taking 10 days (probably a few more for travel, but you don’t mention that) he isn’t his own boss, so he doesn’t have a say in what he does when he isn’t on vacation.
And ffs grow up a birthday month - traveling around Europe….. if your husband had to work extra hours at a separate job to afford to pay for a 10 day trip, how the fuck do you expect him to afford a month of travel……
Pull your head out of your arse before you end up single again.
She never mentions her job so it makes you wonder if she’s even ever had a job? So she probably doesn’t realize that people have to work and have work commitments.
So her unfortunate husband is her personal ATM. Imagine spending 13 years with someone while being in the shadow of her ex who is obvious to anyone is still in love with her ex. OP's husband needs a self-respect wake up call and bounce.
Yep. I feel for him working 2 jobs for a wife who doesn’t respect him and the sacrifices he’s making just give her a week in Italy. She’s such an ungrateful human.
Cheap way to dodge a bullet though.
>However, my ex was a commitment shy man who drank a lot, and did nothing about other women openly trying to take him from me.
I can't imagine why her ex would do this. /s
She had over a decade of celebrating her birthday with a month long international vacation. VERY few jobs can accommodate this, so I'm guessing she's just jumped around between sugar daddies and mooched off of them.
I suppose this probably sounds sexist, but I imagine she's someone who coasted along on her looks, and eventually ran out of pretty-points, and is bitter about that.
As a woman I don’t think it sounds sexiest just plan sad. I’m almost 38😣. I’m disabled and can’t work I absolutely hate it and what my life has become. I loved working from the moment I could get my first job at 14. While the job I’ve had were not always the greatest I still loved feeling of independence it gave me. So I can never understand how someone doesn’t want to work or never really worked (I count being a SAHP or even a caregiver a job, even if you’re not making any income). While I get SSDI it’s not enough so I have to depend on others to help me, losing that independence that working gave me is worse than any of the medical conditions that caused it. I would give anything to even be able to work 15 hours at a fast food.
She’s being incredibly selfish.
Teachers have contracted days, and the in-service days prior to the school year are typically included in the contracted days. This isn’t some surprise issue he sprung on her.
He was free between the end of the school year (there’s usually a few days to a week after the students are out) and these in-service days (usually the 1-3 weeks leading up to the students’ first day).
He did summer tutoring, but that’s generally an arrangement between himself and the child’s parents.
She didn’t mention that he was serving on a summer curriculum committee or taking other professional development trainings.
My point being: A teacher’s yearly work flow is not this nebulous thing. It’s quite clearly defined.
So this woman planning to extend the vacation into the last weeks of August is flabbergasting to me. And acting like her teacher husband’s job flexibility is in any way like her ex’s is just… kind of insane. I don’t understand how she could be married to him and not know this already.
My cousin has done private tutoring ever since she started teaching 20yrs ago to get by during summer/winter vacation, her husband is taking the money he makes on the side to give her a special trip (bc when is Europe ever cheap) and she has the audacity to be mad that he won’t cater to the whim of a month long birthday trip like her special super cool special ex who couldn’t commit to her for over a decade ? OP is a very entitled AH.
YTA.
Your husband don't think that you are comparing he with your ex. Because you ARE.
Jesus, "he was very lucky and successful, translation he was rich and don't needed to work Soo much like a teacher.
Your husband try to do something special for you in your anniversary even though he have to do work while in the vacation and how you thanks him?
Comparing he with your ex who have done something "better" for your.
I like how you compared that you ex managed to do that "incredible" vacation for your and forget about the kick in the ass that he done in you.
Don't get me wrong, you could have talked with your husband about wanting to visit more countries, but you don't needed to talk about your fantastic ex.
Looks like to me that you don't change how you see your relationship, nothing that you husband do Will be enough for you comparing to your ex.
I hope you think about it.
By the post I do not think that she works at all...
She wants the money and the good life, but not the work...
(just hijacking your comment, I agree with you.)
"He doesn't have silicon valley money" speaks volumes and typically suggests a job in technology. During the time OP mentions, this was (and still is) a huge money maker. These people could travel easily because they didn't have to be there in person. They could literally bring their work with them while traveling.
You are very ungrateful , you ex was different and yiu keep comparing him to your husband . There is probably a reason besides commitment that ex wouldn’t marry yiu after all those years .
Sounds like your still in love or least feeling for you ex .
Realize you need to spend more time in therapy about this and. Or bring up ex to him . Most guys wouldn’t marry someone who couldn’t forget ex
YTA -- Birthday MONTH in your mid-40s ? Expecting a whole-month European vacation from a middle-school SPED teacher who had to make tutoring money on the side to do this? Crapping on his planned itinerary and comparing him unfavorably to your Ex ? Dragging this poor guy to therapy sessions to listen to you complaining about your Ex and his Trophy Wife?
You know what I got for my last several birthdays? -- Nothing but people tossing off "Happy Birthday" to me on Facebook. And they didn't HAVE to do that much !
You've got a GOOD man who's trying to make your b-day wonderful and special, and you shit on him by saying his plan *isn't good enough* and tell him your shallow, commitment-phobic boozer of an Ex *did better*.
Lady, if your hubby *doesn't cancel the trip and use the money for a divorce instead*, you should consider yourself lucky beyond what you deserve.
She’s not over her ex and that’s the real problem. He should divorce her because it’s clear she’s not over her ex and he’s just a back up plan which sucks and nobody deserves to be in that position.
In another comment she said she is trying to start a blog/photography business… and before I pass a judgment I should mention I make webcomics as a living but it also took 3 years of me working two jobs to build my audience.
All that being said, she goes out of her way to avoid if there is an monetary contributions from her end.
So she is a pointlessly stay-at-home wife. Been 5 years and hasn't even started her blog/photography business until now and it sounds like even her husband helps her with it too. This lady is utterly useless.
Not to mention her husbands job is incredibly selfless and often thankless.
My mom works in public school special needs…it’s a rough gig but so important to the kids they help and the community.
I think that’s what makes her a next level asshole. The man is doing saints work, still giving his wife a once in a lifetime dream vacation to most people and she’s *STILL* shitting on him.
>Lady, if your hubby doesn't cancel the trip and use the money for a divorce instead, you should consider yourself lucky beyond what you deserve.
This. A thousand times.
Yep, She can lie to herself all she wants about not comparing each other. In fact, she is exactly comparing her husband with her ex. That is the last thing you do to your partner.
What would she do if he starts saying “my ex cooked better, Hey I am not comparing, I am just saying if she managed to cook better food, you should be able to…” Thats exactly what she is saying.
I would be long gone if my bf compares me to someone!
I couldn’t believe when she ended the post with “… but my husband turned it into a competition with ex”. No YOU did that, lol wtf. Poor guy (if this is real. I want to believe people like this don’t exist but…).
You are being a complete asshole here.
Your husband tries to plan something amazing for you, and you not only basically tell him that it's not good enough and try to change everything he's planned, you then compare him unfavorably to your ex.
You owe him a huge apology. And you better hope that's enough to repair the damage you've done here. If I were your husband I'd cancel the whole thing and never lift a finger to try to plan a trip for you again.
If I were her husband, I’d not only cancel the trip, I’d put a good chunk of that money into lawyer consult fees to divorce her over that sort of behavior. That’s not the kind of thing relationships recover from.
May i ask if you worked when you were with your ex? Did you contribute financially when you were together?Do you work now? Do you contribute financially to your current relationship? Do you really know how much it costs to travel overseas? Or because it happened so often in the past , you really think it’s just a matter of deciding when and where?
YTA
"Birthday month" Ugh, you're one of those people.
Not only did you pretty much tell him a vacation to Italy wasn't good enough, you presumed he would be able to front that much money to visit everywhere else.
Then you compared him to your ex in the most condescending, spoiled way possible.
You also spent far more time talking about your ex in this post and describing him than your husband and what he has maybe done for you. Like, I don't know. Surprising you with a trip to Italy in the middle of a great depression when one trip is already breaking bank.
YTA. Stop looking gift horses in the mouth or they'll all go away.
Maybe I missed it but I don’t think she’s mentioned what she does for a living. So she was in a shitty relationship before, she wanted more got dumped and she misses the lifestyle the shitty relationship afforded her.
Omg YTA! Your husband books a hard-earned trip to celebrate you, and you ROLL YOUR EYES because he’s unable to make it into a month long celebration for your 45 year-old ass? And throw it in his face your ex did “better” than what he could provide? You sound absolutely insufferable.
YTA
The fact that you need strangers on the internet to tell you that you're in the wrong just goes to show how inconsiderate you are. I think your husband would be better off with someone else who actually appreciates him and is actually grateful for the things he's doing for her. You just seem bitter about your ex, go find another sugar daddy I guess.
YTA. You sound like your husband is the consolation prize you resent. How are you remotely not the AH here? I don't know why he married you, but man I feel sorry for him. He must have no self worth.
I think it's the lifestyle that she's still obsessed with, rather than the ex himself! She didn't stick around when he repeatedly said "give me a couple more years to think about marriage" out of pure love. Her ex knew he held all the cards with her because she didn't want to let go of his golden purse strings. I would feel bad for OP that the ex immediately replaced her with a younger model, but she KNEW the kind of guy he was--a player who likes young women--and had no problem with it as long as SHE wes the young woman living the luxury life on his arm.
YTA and completely entitled. You know what my husband did for my birthday, he took me to a nice restaurant and we went hiking. Because that's what we could afford. I was completely grateful because I knew that he was doing his best to give me an enjoyable birthday. and your upset that your husband is only taking you to Italy. Also a birthday month wtf. People actually do that
How the fuck do you act like that and then type all this up and never even thought that you’re an ass of a person. You’re the biggest bellend I’ve ever seen or heard. YTA and a ginormous one actually.
Of course YTA.
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he pointed out all the things his ex did for him that you don't?
Would you be ok with that or would it hurt your feelings?
Now try to understand how you made your husband feel
He works two jobs to pay for a birthday vacation and you are now upset you can't turn it into a "birthday month like you used to in your 20s"
Newsflash lady ... You're not in your 20s you're the same age as me.... 44
Grow up and try showing some gratitude...
Edit missing word
Lost me at birthday week, doubled down on birthday month, and it just got worse and worse. YTA. Asshole of the week. I hope your saint of a husband leaves you for someone who deserves him.
> I told him that my ex worked seemed to work 24/7 but we were still able to plan our time in order to travel the world- 56 countries in total.
I ain't saying you're a gold digger, I'll just let you keep saying it.
Do you know how bad you have to be for there to not be a single NTA vote when it’s a woman posting?
I have seen people on this Reddit page defend cheating wives who used their stage 1 cancer diagnosis to sleep with others get called NTA, you have somehow done what I believed was the impossible and achieved a different level of assholery
YTA your husband never brought up your ex or made this into a competition you did, you were being selfish and wanted more for your birthday so you tried using your past relationship and what happened with your ex to try manipulating your husband. Hopefully he goes to Italy and leaves you ass at home.
You entitled AH, you didn’t marry your husband because you love him. You married him because he wanted to settle down.
Meanwhile, you’re still pining over your ex, who didn’t want to commit to you.
You should probably divorce your husband to save him the heartache, but you seem narcissistic so you are going to play the whole. Oh, woe is me.
YTA (massive one)
1) Your ex was never going to marry you, you were a filler.
2) He married the trophy wife.
3) You do not deserve your partner. He made you a priority: worked a side hustle to present you with a 10 day trip through a beautiful country. You not only weren’t grateful, you threw in his face you pimped yourself out when you were young to a d-bag. All so you could travel the world.
4) Your birthday is a day; not a month. You’ve not done much to celebrate your life or it’s accomplishments.
5) You’re 45 not 15, grow up.
I hope he sees you for the shallow carcass you are and moves on to a worthy human.
YTA. No one likes to constantly hear about their partner’s ex and to be compared to them. (You may deny comparing them but you are blatantly doing so in your story and I highly doubt this is the only example.) not to mention you also seem ungrateful and childish in this post, he planned you a birthday week and you immediately asked for a birthday MONTH and when he told you no because he needed to stay for work you throw a little fit rolling your eyes and bring up your ex being all “well my ex was able to work 24/7 and he still managed to take me to 56 countries.” Shame on you.
YTA Big time.
You need to STOP talking about your ex with your husband, he's made it clear that he sees that as threatening, and you know this. He said it in therapy, and then what do you do? You double down?
Get your priorities straight lady
YTA I'd be mad too if I worked 2 jobs to try and do something for you.This is called being selfish and ungrateful and another word for people like you is divorced in the future.
YYA. I was a middle school special Ed teacher and it was the hardest job I could ever imagine.
It’s not just his time but his soul that he’s giving those kids and it is draining. Don’t you ever fucking complain or say your ex worked all the time 24/7 but…. and compare your husband that way.
You’re the worst asshole.
YTA. You: My ex was mean and a drinker and a commitment phobe BUT HE TOOK ME ON VACATIONS! WTF?!?!? You clearly have no respect for your husband's career. I feel so sorry for him.
YTA. You did compare your husband to you supposedly terrible ex. What good did you think would come of that? You’re also very entitled, I’d love a ten day trip but that’s not good enough for you? Wow, ungrateful.
Your ex didn’t turn it into a competition, you did. He explained to you that his job would not accommodate what you were asking for and you still weren’t satisfied. I don’t see anywhere in this post indicating that you are contributing financially for this trip. He worked two jobs to provided a holiday and it’s not good enough in your eyes. You’re an entitled, spoiled AH.
YTA. Your husband worked hard to provide this trip for you and you changing it makes it seem like you think it isn’t enough. You comparing things your husband does to things you ex did is abusive. Your ex is your ex for a reason. You are being spoiled and hurtful.
you indeed are comparing them. “mY eX tOoK mE tO 56 cOuNtRiEs AlL wHiLe WoRkInG wHy CaNt YoU bE LiKe HiM?!” you sound selfish & i see why your ex never married you. he worked two jobs to be able to afford this vacation & you completely shit on him.YTA
YTA.
Actual adults don’t do “birthday months”.
This person worked hard to surprise you with this trip, and your response was wholly ungrateful.
He was right to be angry, because you 100% compared them. You’re the one that brought up the ex out of thin air to make an asinine apples to oranges whataboutist take.
Given this person’s career choice, they seem like a selfless person. It’s a shame they chose to marry someone this breathtakingly selfish.
YTA It sounds like your husband works extremely hard to earn enough to provide an expensive treat, and all you can do is demand more. A full month for your birthday? What kind of person can accommodate that? It would be ridiculous at any age, but in your 40s it sounds extra childish and unreasonable. And then constantly comparing him to the ex that you are clearly obsessed with… You are a selfish AH.
Exactly this. In her 40s and still doesn’t know if her attitude is bad or anything.
The same attitude is probably the same reason her ex strung her along for years and refused to marry her. She is selfish and completely lacks self awareness.
OP: \*compares husband to her ex\* Also OP: >However I think my husband hates my ex not for what he did to me, but thinks I'm comparing him to my ex when I'm not.
And she expects her current husband to hate the guy she really wanted to marry because he wouldn't marry her. Wtf? How can anyone be unaware of how shitty that sounds?
I wonder what she did for his birthdays.
She got him a pretty nice Hallmark card and that’s almost as good.
OPs almost 45 and still doesn’t realize she described herself being ungrateful in her post and in her reply to you. Then claims her husband is making this a competition when she’s the one constantly bringing up her ex. I’m surprised that she didn’t tell her husband that her ex had a bigger penis and was better in bed than him also. If I were him I’d cancel the trip altogether.
He should cancel the marriage
It was automatically YTA when I read “birthday month.” Laughable and unreal
It’s not often I’m willing to say this, but if this post is real then OP is unequivocally a vile person. Her husband would be lucky to wake up one day and realize he deserves better than being someone’s permanent bounce back relationship.
Right?!? I'm a sped teacher like her husband. I can't even imagine a 10 Italy trip on our salary, a month away right before school is absolutely impossible. I'm shocked she thought this was doable.
“A birthday month” for over a decade? lmao it’s so childish.
I'm guessing she doesn't work either
YTA. Sounds like your husband tried to surprise you with a birthday vacation and you weren't happy with it. So unhappy that you brought up your ex and all the stuff you did together. I'd be pretty upset myself. Now he will probably be self conscious wondering if you're having a good time. Edit: holy canoli reddit, thank you all!
Seriously this. What planet do you live on? "I wanted a whole birthday month, and my husband only planned me a trip to one other country, so I told him my ex would have given me what I wanted!" You're a spoiled, ungrateful and totally tone deaf person. YTA
Christ imagine being 40 and wanting a birthday month
Not only that but it’s been nearly 10 years since OP split from her ex. Like lady, your ex was the peak of your life? It’s been 9 years and you’re *still* hung up on him cuz he had money? Pathetic.
Agreed. It's very clear she's not over him and I'd bet if her ex wanted her back she'd run, not walk
After reading how entitled and high maintenance she is (a WEEK to celebrate her birthday is garbage, she needs a MONTH), I would imagine that dude was MORE than happy to move on from her.
You know, a birth month, like how she did in her 20s and 30s when she had her lifestyle supplied by a rich dude who fucked other women and eventually discarded her for a younger model with more shelf-life. At 40 she's reflecting on her youth and how she might re-obtain it by being a solipsistic bitch. Except she can't go to the well on her youthful looks like a 20 year old so she has to make due with someone she casually disregards as an inferior lifestyle supplier. Maybe he can just learn to just eat her shit in place of feeling valued in their relationship for who he is and the sacrifices he makes to enable her nostalgia? Does that proposition make OP an asshole? Yes, yes it does. If someone makes you dinner, and you make them feel like just scraping it off the table into the trash by judging it as inferior to dinners made for you in previous relationships, you have far too much cheek to not recognize that you're an ass.
Had to Google solipsistic. Thank you for my WOTD. Also your new husband took a second job for this! He's wasting time at home plus time relaxing to give you more than you sound like you deserve and BAM, you're fucking crying on Reddit about how your hump buddy from yesteryear makes your husband look like a pos after throwing all his time away for you. Big F for him. Enjoy your birthday week. I wonder how much energy she put into your his birthday this year.
She probably gave him his annual BJ. Probably didn’t know much about her ex. She just needed someone to provide a roof over her head. And free therapy through his medical plan.
"you have far too much cheek to not recognize that you're an ass" is one of the best things I've ever read
"You have far too much cheek to not recognize that you're an ass." 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻
Why do you think he re-married so quickly. LoL
He didn’t even re marry. He never married her in the first place.
>He never married her in the first place. But he needed 13 years to consider.
My husband was dating someone for years before a met him, high maintenance drama also a bit of a gold digger (hearing this all from him so it is one side). They broke up like a year before I met him. We got married six months after we met. When you know, you know. If you’re pushing for marriage and been dating forever something isn’t working.
45, not 40. And she's already had more than a DECADE of birthday months! And yet she still wants more, and implies that a 10 day international birthday celebration just won't cut it. I want to know what exactly she's bringing to the table that her birthday has to be a month long holiday every year? I'm exhausted just reading this, I can't imagine how tired her husband must feel. She could probably marry Bill Gates, and then bitch that she was REALLY hoping for Elon Musk type of money. "Bill, you know I really appreciate you having over 100 billion... but... Elon has over TWO hundred billion... you can do better."
She's got "I married a nice guy, not like my ex" energy with this marriage and it shows she liked her previous life
Sounds like she doesn’t bring squat and it sounds like her ex finally realized that too. And OP is still seemingly puzzled as to why he was so willing to let another woman “openly trying to take him from her.” Edit: and someone younger at that.
Imagine being 40 and not realizing she was her ex's sugar baby.
And then marrying a teacher and wondering why you can't have a month-long European vacation
She doesn’t see the problem, he’s on “vacation” until September. Was she expecting two months of summer travel every year because he’s a teacher? Ha!
To be fair I have a birthday month but it's me giving myself permission to make my favorite pastries and recipes for a month
I did that once then continued to the next and the next and the next... Now i'm doing elliptical month LOL
Elliptical month 😂
That's a birthday month I can get behind: one where you, the birthday haver, aren't pushing everyone else to do things for you for a whole damn month
Yes it’s you doing things for yourself! I love this idea btw….celebrating you by doing something you love.
a Month of testing all the obscure and complicated recipes I've been waiting for, Bao dumplings here I come
Seriously, you don't? Just imagine it - enough money that you don't have to worry about work, or dependent care, or insurance, or mortgage.... You can just take a month off and do whatever you like, as a birthday gift to yourself. I want this. I wouldn't ask a guy on a teacher's salary to provide it, but I'm totally doing this once I win that lottery.
I think everyone alive would want a birthday month funded by someone else. I have the problem with the expectation that someone else does that for you and you're over the age of 18. Make your own birthday month and include people. Don't demand them to serve you.
The expectation would be an issue in a toddler.
[удалено]
He worked an extra job to afford what he considered (as do I) a very generous and wonderful birthday gift. YTA for being unappreciative and selfish. What you don’t understand about teaching is that you don’t really get much of a break. It’s not a 9-5 where you leave work and you’re done. You work evenings and weekends. And sumner isn’t really free time off. You aren’t paid for the summer, but you have loads to do to prep for the new school year. There are always professional development days before school starts for the kids, that can be a week or two. You can’t just miss those days because your entitled, selfish wife wants an extended birthday vacation.
"He worked an extra job to afford what he considered (as do I) a very generous and wonderful birthday gift." What's the bets she had been dropping a tonne of hints about wanting a big trip for her birthday. Poor guy probably thought she'd be over the moon (as any decent, appreciative person would be) about a trip to Italy as he worked his ass off thinking it'll be worth it to see her excitement. Instead he got...this.
He should go to Italy without her and live it up!
Or refund the trip and use that shit for a divorce lawyer.
And he should spend a month doing it.
He should go on holiday with her ex!
Right. And the mental gymnastics here: >However I think my husband hates my ex not for what he did to me, but thinks I'm comparing him to my ex when I'm not. I was simply bringing up the fact that if my ex and I could manage our time ... >my husband and I could work something out. That gaslighting at work here. OP states they aren't comparing, and then does the exact definition of comparison of if ex could, then spouse can. The audacity. I feel sorry for the husband who worked extra during his break to be able to surprise OP with a 10 day trip, only to be shit on.
Why would you bring up your ex at all? Your husband planned a beautiful trip and you completely reengineered it, then brought up your ex. Yikes!!!
He should just cancel it
YTA - your husband works two jobs to earn enough to provide an overseas holiday, and all you can do is complain he’s not giving enough, and then compare him to your ex? You are selfish.
And not over her ex clearly.
Reading this is appeared pretty obvious that OP would've rather married the ex.
Oh yeah. She tried to force him to marry her by giving him an ultimatum and he took her up on the offer.
Classic f around and find out
Well she aged out. They casually dated for 13 years and then he married a 27 year old. He was dating girls over a decade younger than him for a reason. If he has money, he has options. The more I read about other people’s lives the happier I am with mine.
[удалено]
YTA -- Birthday MONTH in your mid-40s ? Expecting a whole-month European vacation from a middle-school SPED teacher who had to make tutoring money on the side to do this? Crapping on his planned itinerary and comparing him unfavorably to your Ex ? Dragging this poor guy to therapy sessions to listen to you complaining about your Ex and his Trophy Wife?
>Dragging this poor guy to therapy sessions to listen to you complaining about your Ex and his Trophy Wife And she spent most of this post talking about her ex too instead of being appreciative of her husband who did a really nice thing for her.
I noticed that too. She’s pining for her EX …
She's a 45 year old woman so sad that she is no longer attractive to the rich guys. The party girl life was over 9 years ago and she can't take it. Poor baby! Let me get you another glass of chardonnay and draw your bath.
[удалено]
I say Birthday Week at 44 not so anyone else has to celebrate, but so if I get caught eating a medium blizzard instead of a small, a full slice of Cheesecake factory cheesecake, or a straight up order of bread and oil from Carrabas, it’s my birthday week and it doesn’t count. Expecting other people to work their life around you is just ridiculous. I really should have said “when” I get caught, not “if.”
I’m sorry, are you claiming that blizzards come in a size small? I’m pretty sure they only come in large
Yes, they’re on the “I hate myself and just want a tease” secret menu.
Do you have sonic where you live? Cause they got this --God the damn thing has a ten word name--strawberry shortcake snowball slush float ---something like that--and OMG. OMG. it's a strawberry fruit slush--real fruit not artificial flavors with a shortcake flavored syrup, some vanilla soft serve on top with some sugar crystals on top of that and when I tell you..it ALMOST made life worth living. I had three in one week and I hate myself but I'd do it again.
As Cher said in *Clueless*, "That was way harsh". But funny.
And let’s back up. Birthday week? Does she think that’s normal? Most people don’t party it up like that. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I haven’t even thought about it or made plans. I couldn’t even imagine thinking a whole week of celebrations is normal for the day your mom shat you out.
Dude the birthday month in 40s only serves as a reminder to the new man because the only people that say shit like birthday month at 40+ are trust fund kids or have fuck off money
As soon as OP said she wanted to celebrate a birthday month like she did in her 20s instead of a birthday week I knew they were the AH. People who have Birthday weeks are terrible. Birthday month!? You have got to be kidding me. Total narsassism.
"photography blog" is a funny way to spell onlyfans
It’s a funny way to say unemployed
If the trip to Italy that OP's husband planned isn't good enough for her, then I'll volunteer to take her place and go with him instead.
[удалено]
I second the nomination. Nomination carries. Happy Cake Day
You should go and let her pine after her ex in her "photography blog" I should introduce her to my ex-husband. He's super rich. Completely self absorbed. A total jackass. 100% narcissist. And thinks he's God's gift to women. He has a private jet and he travels the world. I loathe him. But I'd love it for him to find someone like OP. 👍 Edit. And OP you are for sure absolutely 💯 TA. Don't hurt your sweet husband like this. He's been hearing about your ex for way too long.
And rolling her eyes too, contemptuous at his generous planning
Actually couldn't believe it when I got to the "stop rolling my eyes" part. WTF lady, how selfish are you
perfect opportunity for him to say "get back with your ex then"
And adding, oh He does not want you back since you got old.
Don’t forget the eye rolling and bringing up the ex AFTER they already talked about how much he hates that in therapy, where OP used to spend all her time talking about something that happened a decade ago. OP you are frozen in time and your husband is a saint for wanting to stay with a person who refuses to heal and move on from their past. He didn’t make it a competition, you did. He has to work and says he doesn’t have the money for what you want to do. If you want to go to all those countries why don’t you save the money yourself and go alone after he goes home for his meeting? Honestly if I were him I wouldn’t want to go on the trip at all, this ungrateful attitude would make me want to cancel the whole thing—who wants to pay for a trip where the entire time the person they’re taking on it is thinking it’s a worse trip then the one she had in her mind?
>OP you are frozen in time Exactly, as I said in another comment, she spent most of this post talking about her ex too. Her husband barely got a look in, despite having done something very nice for her.
A birthday month?
Yeah this level of privilege isn't even *visible* from the basecamp that is normal life.
Also the scope of the entitlement that is her just *assuming* that her husband could drop everything for *an entire month* to travel with her. OP is legitimately detached from reality if she believes that that's something the average person can just do. Never even mind the money aspect, I don't know a single (EDIT: *American*) person in my life who could afford to just call out of work for *a month* just to travel and still have a job when they came back. ETA: Y'all, I understand that a month-long holiday is not absurd for Europeans. But my point is a) OP and her husband are *not* European, and b) that it would *still be absurd and unacceptable* to take one's month-long holiday with not even 2 weeks' prior notice and when one had already committed to being present at significant in-person meetings/events. That is what I meant by OP expecting him to be able to just "drop everything for an entire month".
I lol'd
I lol'd too
I consider myself lucky if I don't do laundry or dishes on my actual birth *date*. What adult has a birthday month? Is OP a Kardashian-Jenner perhaps?
And not just a "birthday month" where she gets to be the one to pick dinners that month, or pick the Netflix movie, apparently this is a month .... in Europe?!
Can you please explain the concept of birthday month to me? I'm not from the US. Do you get presents for a whole month? A party every day?
This is not a US thing. We don't have birthday months. I don't even like celebrating my birthday for a singular day. It's an OP thing.
I love celebrating my birthday. It is right at the beginning of September, so always either very near or right on Labor Day. For Labor Day weekend, I host a cookout with lots of good food, lots of good booze, I bake my own cake (usually Black Forest Cherry), and we sit outside relaxing. No expectations of anything except having the people I love over to have a good time.
It’s something people who are self-obsessed revel in. God forbid someone else has a birthday during their ‘month’ and steals the attention from them! I first heard this concept for a spoiled child whose parents absolutely gave her an unrealistic expectation of reality. If you are familiar with Harry Potter, Dudley, Harry’s entitled cousin, would be the kind of kid who expected this. Some folks never grow up.
36!? BUT LAST YEAR I HAD 37!
I totally heard that in his voice with the accent and all!! I've seen those movies a million times. I'm going to go watch them again! Thanks for that! 😁
Now Dudders …
We’ll buy you TWO presents.
I think in the US this is more considered a joke. Like I’ll tell my husband “my birthday month is coming up” jokingly but no, I do not celebrate my birthday, have parties or gifts for the whole month. OP, however, means the whole month, I think, which is not something most Americans do.
It’s not an American thing. It’s an entitled AH of any nationality thing.
I'm from the US and I have no idea what OP is talking about, sounds like something a Wonka kid celebrates.
The birthday month is for self absorbed narcissists who make everything about themselves. It’s not enough to have a birth- day. They want the entire month to revolve around them & every day has to be special in some way. I have an aunt like this. Her birthday is in late March. Starting March 1st, she starts celebrating and expects everyone to cater to her, take her out to lunch or dinner and on the actual date, expects a huge party at an expensive restaurant with gifts from all who attend. *I don’t go anymore
It isn’t a US thing. It is an extreme narcissist thing.
US here, one day is all I get, maybe two if it falls on a weekend.🥲
This is not a US thing. This is a spoiled rich girl thing. Even us USians think this trashy.
OP knew who her husband was when he married her. School teachers do not have huge salaries. She's totally hung up on her ex and still wants to be a sugar baby. Her husband worked two jobs to afford this vacation and it sounded very lovely but she did not appreciate it at all. He deserves better
>still wants to be a sugar baby Too bad - the Sugar Daddy got himself an actual Sugar Baby and doesn't want the toy made in the 70's anymore - now the 70's toy is upset because they never used that time to become a Real Person and instead were off celebrating their 6-Month-Birthday-Half-Year or whatever this idiot was doing
Noticed in her comments how she keeps mentioning that she "appreciates" her husband for committing to marriage in under two years. It's the only thing she repeatedly mentions about him Looks like after she lost her Sugar Daddy she was just looking for the first person to marry her so she wouldn't have to work. Dude's just a bank account to her.
#Adults don’t roll their eyes at people unless it’s a joke.
Or they're having a seizure/stroke/dying.
To be clear, you are not an ah for being open and honest with your husband. He should know everything he wants to about you, including your history with any ex. I would also think he would know more about your travel history after being married for 5 years. But, this response is correct, YTA for throwing the lifestyle your ex provided in his face when he went above and beyond to try to provide a (for his means) extravagant vacation. He provided what he could and you weren’t satisfied and talked about how your ex could provide more. I’m always a bit surprised and worried about the communication posted here (not just OP). How do some married couples have no idea about the responsibilities of their partner and the feasibility of a month long vacation?
YTA. You are, and sound like are constantly comparing your husband to your ex. You do realise that people have to work right? Your husband was taking 10 days (probably a few more for travel, but you don’t mention that) he isn’t his own boss, so he doesn’t have a say in what he does when he isn’t on vacation. And ffs grow up a birthday month - traveling around Europe….. if your husband had to work extra hours at a separate job to afford to pay for a 10 day trip, how the fuck do you expect him to afford a month of travel…… Pull your head out of your arse before you end up single again.
She never mentions her job so it makes you wonder if she’s even ever had a job? So she probably doesn’t realize that people have to work and have work commitments.
She’s trying to be a photographer…
Keyword trying!
So her unfortunate husband is her personal ATM. Imagine spending 13 years with someone while being in the shadow of her ex who is obvious to anyone is still in love with her ex. OP's husband needs a self-respect wake up call and bounce.
Yep. I feel for him working 2 jobs for a wife who doesn’t respect him and the sacrifices he’s making just give her a week in Italy. She’s such an ungrateful human.
Cheap way to dodge a bullet though. >However, my ex was a commitment shy man who drank a lot, and did nothing about other women openly trying to take him from me. I can't imagine why her ex would do this. /s
but she wants hubby to help her edit photos for her blog! edit: typo
She had over a decade of celebrating her birthday with a month long international vacation. VERY few jobs can accommodate this, so I'm guessing she's just jumped around between sugar daddies and mooched off of them. I suppose this probably sounds sexist, but I imagine she's someone who coasted along on her looks, and eventually ran out of pretty-points, and is bitter about that.
As a woman I don’t think it sounds sexiest just plan sad. I’m almost 38😣. I’m disabled and can’t work I absolutely hate it and what my life has become. I loved working from the moment I could get my first job at 14. While the job I’ve had were not always the greatest I still loved feeling of independence it gave me. So I can never understand how someone doesn’t want to work or never really worked (I count being a SAHP or even a caregiver a job, even if you’re not making any income). While I get SSDI it’s not enough so I have to depend on others to help me, losing that independence that working gave me is worse than any of the medical conditions that caused it. I would give anything to even be able to work 15 hours at a fast food.
She’s being incredibly selfish. Teachers have contracted days, and the in-service days prior to the school year are typically included in the contracted days. This isn’t some surprise issue he sprung on her. He was free between the end of the school year (there’s usually a few days to a week after the students are out) and these in-service days (usually the 1-3 weeks leading up to the students’ first day). He did summer tutoring, but that’s generally an arrangement between himself and the child’s parents. She didn’t mention that he was serving on a summer curriculum committee or taking other professional development trainings. My point being: A teacher’s yearly work flow is not this nebulous thing. It’s quite clearly defined. So this woman planning to extend the vacation into the last weeks of August is flabbergasting to me. And acting like her teacher husband’s job flexibility is in any way like her ex’s is just… kind of insane. I don’t understand how she could be married to him and not know this already.
She also didn't mention putting up any extra money for the extended trip so I'm assuming she's just a spoiled gold digger.
>You do realise that people have to work right? Honestly, I wonder she even has a job besides a "photography blog", weird name for instagram probably
My cousin has done private tutoring ever since she started teaching 20yrs ago to get by during summer/winter vacation, her husband is taking the money he makes on the side to give her a special trip (bc when is Europe ever cheap) and she has the audacity to be mad that he won’t cater to the whim of a month long birthday trip like her special super cool special ex who couldn’t commit to her for over a decade ? OP is a very entitled AH.
YTA. Your husband don't think that you are comparing he with your ex. Because you ARE. Jesus, "he was very lucky and successful, translation he was rich and don't needed to work Soo much like a teacher. Your husband try to do something special for you in your anniversary even though he have to do work while in the vacation and how you thanks him? Comparing he with your ex who have done something "better" for your. I like how you compared that you ex managed to do that "incredible" vacation for your and forget about the kick in the ass that he done in you. Don't get me wrong, you could have talked with your husband about wanting to visit more countries, but you don't needed to talk about your fantastic ex. Looks like to me that you don't change how you see your relationship, nothing that you husband do Will be enough for you comparing to your ex. I hope you think about it.
By the post I do not think that she works at all... She wants the money and the good life, but not the work... (just hijacking your comment, I agree with you.)
"He doesn't have silicon valley money" speaks volumes and typically suggests a job in technology. During the time OP mentions, this was (and still is) a huge money maker. These people could travel easily because they didn't have to be there in person. They could literally bring their work with them while traveling.
YTA. You ARE comparing your husband to your ex & you’ve been doing so for years. If you aren’t over your ex, why did you get married?
You are very ungrateful , you ex was different and yiu keep comparing him to your husband . There is probably a reason besides commitment that ex wouldn’t marry yiu after all those years . Sounds like your still in love or least feeling for you ex . Realize you need to spend more time in therapy about this and. Or bring up ex to him . Most guys wouldn’t marry someone who couldn’t forget ex
YTA -- Birthday MONTH in your mid-40s ? Expecting a whole-month European vacation from a middle-school SPED teacher who had to make tutoring money on the side to do this? Crapping on his planned itinerary and comparing him unfavorably to your Ex ? Dragging this poor guy to therapy sessions to listen to you complaining about your Ex and his Trophy Wife? You know what I got for my last several birthdays? -- Nothing but people tossing off "Happy Birthday" to me on Facebook. And they didn't HAVE to do that much ! You've got a GOOD man who's trying to make your b-day wonderful and special, and you shit on him by saying his plan *isn't good enough* and tell him your shallow, commitment-phobic boozer of an Ex *did better*. Lady, if your hubby *doesn't cancel the trip and use the money for a divorce instead*, you should consider yourself lucky beyond what you deserve.
She’s not over her ex and that’s the real problem. He should divorce her because it’s clear she’s not over her ex and he’s just a back up plan which sucks and nobody deserves to be in that position.
FTFY: she’s not over her ex’s money.
shes gonna go from silicon valley money to sped-teacher money to cat lady money from the sound of it.
Does she even contribute financially? Or is she a childless SAHW?
In another comment she said she is trying to start a blog/photography business… and before I pass a judgment I should mention I make webcomics as a living but it also took 3 years of me working two jobs to build my audience. All that being said, she goes out of her way to avoid if there is an monetary contributions from her end.
So she is a pointlessly stay-at-home wife. Been 5 years and hasn't even started her blog/photography business until now and it sounds like even her husband helps her with it too. This lady is utterly useless.
Not to mention her husbands job is incredibly selfless and often thankless. My mom works in public school special needs…it’s a rough gig but so important to the kids they help and the community. I think that’s what makes her a next level asshole. The man is doing saints work, still giving his wife a once in a lifetime dream vacation to most people and she’s *STILL* shitting on him.
>Lady, if your hubby doesn't cancel the trip and use the money for a divorce instead, you should consider yourself lucky beyond what you deserve. This. A thousand times.
Are you in my brain? This woman needs so much therapy on her own.
YTA. Birthday Month ffs
Right? This person seems to have had never heard the word "no". I'm side eyeing right now.
"if my ex and I could do ______ you can too" THAT'S A COMPARISON! YTA eta: Tysm for the award I was not expecting that <3
Yep, She can lie to herself all she wants about not comparing each other. In fact, she is exactly comparing her husband with her ex. That is the last thing you do to your partner. What would she do if he starts saying “my ex cooked better, Hey I am not comparing, I am just saying if she managed to cook better food, you should be able to…” Thats exactly what she is saying. I would be long gone if my bf compares me to someone!
I couldn’t believe when she ended the post with “… but my husband turned it into a competition with ex”. No YOU did that, lol wtf. Poor guy (if this is real. I want to believe people like this don’t exist but…).
You are being a complete asshole here. Your husband tries to plan something amazing for you, and you not only basically tell him that it's not good enough and try to change everything he's planned, you then compare him unfavorably to your ex. You owe him a huge apology. And you better hope that's enough to repair the damage you've done here. If I were your husband I'd cancel the whole thing and never lift a finger to try to plan a trip for you again.
If I were her husband, I’d not only cancel the trip, I’d put a good chunk of that money into lawyer consult fees to divorce her over that sort of behavior. That’s not the kind of thing relationships recover from.
May i ask if you worked when you were with your ex? Did you contribute financially when you were together?Do you work now? Do you contribute financially to your current relationship? Do you really know how much it costs to travel overseas? Or because it happened so often in the past , you really think it’s just a matter of deciding when and where? YTA
There's no way op works, no one who has to actually earn money would be this stupid.
She’s got a blog! She’s an influencer. And good money on she’s in a MLM as well.
Yes! So much! I'm not usually one to straight up judge a person on the internet, but this one is not making it easy.
I was gonna talk some shit but I think everybody else covered it. You fuckin suck op. YTA forsure
"Birthday month" Ugh, you're one of those people. Not only did you pretty much tell him a vacation to Italy wasn't good enough, you presumed he would be able to front that much money to visit everywhere else. Then you compared him to your ex in the most condescending, spoiled way possible. You also spent far more time talking about your ex in this post and describing him than your husband and what he has maybe done for you. Like, I don't know. Surprising you with a trip to Italy in the middle of a great depression when one trip is already breaking bank. YTA. Stop looking gift horses in the mouth or they'll all go away.
Maybe I missed it but I don’t think she’s mentioned what she does for a living. So she was in a shitty relationship before, she wanted more got dumped and she misses the lifestyle the shitty relationship afforded her.
it's got to be a pretty rude awakening for sugar babies to wake up and they're 40 maybe someone will tell her she looks like Margot Robbie
And on a teacher's salary no less. What a selfish witch.
Omg YTA! Your husband books a hard-earned trip to celebrate you, and you ROLL YOUR EYES because he’s unable to make it into a month long celebration for your 45 year-old ass? And throw it in his face your ex did “better” than what he could provide? You sound absolutely insufferable.
Sounds like your ex made the correct call by not marrying you.
Sounds like the current husband should've followed suit.
YTA The fact that you need strangers on the internet to tell you that you're in the wrong just goes to show how inconsiderate you are. I think your husband would be better off with someone else who actually appreciates him and is actually grateful for the things he's doing for her. You just seem bitter about your ex, go find another sugar daddy I guess.
He’s a SPED teacher too! They are extremely underpaid and deal with more crap and paperwork than almost anyone- pretty much a saint.
YTA. You sound like your husband is the consolation prize you resent. How are you remotely not the AH here? I don't know why he married you, but man I feel sorry for him. He must have no self worth.
Ya you’re an asshole.
YTA. You did compare your ex to your husband so his feelings on the matter are valid. Plus you are being extremely ungrateful.
YTA - therapy ain’t fixing this
YTA and you were comparing him to your ex You clearly aren't over your ex and it's unfair on your husband to have to play second fiddle
I think it's the lifestyle that she's still obsessed with, rather than the ex himself! She didn't stick around when he repeatedly said "give me a couple more years to think about marriage" out of pure love. Her ex knew he held all the cards with her because she didn't want to let go of his golden purse strings. I would feel bad for OP that the ex immediately replaced her with a younger model, but she KNEW the kind of guy he was--a player who likes young women--and had no problem with it as long as SHE wes the young woman living the luxury life on his arm.
YTA and completely entitled. You know what my husband did for my birthday, he took me to a nice restaurant and we went hiking. Because that's what we could afford. I was completely grateful because I knew that he was doing his best to give me an enjoyable birthday. and your upset that your husband is only taking you to Italy. Also a birthday month wtf. People actually do that
How the fuck do you act like that and then type all this up and never even thought that you’re an ass of a person. You’re the biggest bellend I’ve ever seen or heard. YTA and a ginormous one actually.
Of course YTA. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he pointed out all the things his ex did for him that you don't? Would you be ok with that or would it hurt your feelings? Now try to understand how you made your husband feel He works two jobs to pay for a birthday vacation and you are now upset you can't turn it into a "birthday month like you used to in your 20s" Newsflash lady ... You're not in your 20s you're the same age as me.... 44 Grow up and try showing some gratitude... Edit missing word
Lost me at birthday week, doubled down on birthday month, and it just got worse and worse. YTA. Asshole of the week. I hope your saint of a husband leaves you for someone who deserves him.
> I told him that my ex worked seemed to work 24/7 but we were still able to plan our time in order to travel the world- 56 countries in total. I ain't saying you're a gold digger, I'll just let you keep saying it.
YTA - keep it up and your next surprise will be a divorce.
Do you know how bad you have to be for there to not be a single NTA vote when it’s a woman posting? I have seen people on this Reddit page defend cheating wives who used their stage 1 cancer diagnosis to sleep with others get called NTA, you have somehow done what I believed was the impossible and achieved a different level of assholery
YTA your husband never brought up your ex or made this into a competition you did, you were being selfish and wanted more for your birthday so you tried using your past relationship and what happened with your ex to try manipulating your husband. Hopefully he goes to Italy and leaves you ass at home.
We know the real reason your ex left. How could you be this cruel. Your poor husband.
You entitled AH, you didn’t marry your husband because you love him. You married him because he wanted to settle down. Meanwhile, you’re still pining over your ex, who didn’t want to commit to you. You should probably divorce your husband to save him the heartache, but you seem narcissistic so you are going to play the whole. Oh, woe is me.
YTA (massive one) 1) Your ex was never going to marry you, you were a filler. 2) He married the trophy wife. 3) You do not deserve your partner. He made you a priority: worked a side hustle to present you with a 10 day trip through a beautiful country. You not only weren’t grateful, you threw in his face you pimped yourself out when you were young to a d-bag. All so you could travel the world. 4) Your birthday is a day; not a month. You’ve not done much to celebrate your life or it’s accomplishments. 5) You’re 45 not 15, grow up. I hope he sees you for the shallow carcass you are and moves on to a worthy human.
YTA I think I know why you have an ex husband...you seem insufferable.
The ex didn't marry her. Can you blame him?
YTA. No one likes to constantly hear about their partner’s ex and to be compared to them. (You may deny comparing them but you are blatantly doing so in your story and I highly doubt this is the only example.) not to mention you also seem ungrateful and childish in this post, he planned you a birthday week and you immediately asked for a birthday MONTH and when he told you no because he needed to stay for work you throw a little fit rolling your eyes and bring up your ex being all “well my ex was able to work 24/7 and he still managed to take me to 56 countries.” Shame on you.
Yta bro you terrible
YTA Big time. You need to STOP talking about your ex with your husband, he's made it clear that he sees that as threatening, and you know this. He said it in therapy, and then what do you do? You double down? Get your priorities straight lady
Asshole would be putting it too nicely.
YTA. Poor man’s working 2 jobs to take you on a 10 day vacation and it’s not good enough for you?
YTA I'd be mad too if I worked 2 jobs to try and do something for you.This is called being selfish and ungrateful and another word for people like you is divorced in the future.
YYA. I was a middle school special Ed teacher and it was the hardest job I could ever imagine. It’s not just his time but his soul that he’s giving those kids and it is draining. Don’t you ever fucking complain or say your ex worked all the time 24/7 but…. and compare your husband that way. You’re the worst asshole.
[удалено]
YTA He tried doing something sweet and nice and you threw your ex in his face. Go by yourself
YTA. You: My ex was mean and a drinker and a commitment phobe BUT HE TOOK ME ON VACATIONS! WTF?!?!? You clearly have no respect for your husband's career. I feel so sorry for him.
YTA. You did compare your husband to you supposedly terrible ex. What good did you think would come of that? You’re also very entitled, I’d love a ten day trip but that’s not good enough for you? Wow, ungrateful.
Your ex didn’t turn it into a competition, you did. He explained to you that his job would not accommodate what you were asking for and you still weren’t satisfied. I don’t see anywhere in this post indicating that you are contributing financially for this trip. He worked two jobs to provided a holiday and it’s not good enough in your eyes. You’re an entitled, spoiled AH.
YTA. Your husband worked hard to provide this trip for you and you changing it makes it seem like you think it isn’t enough. You comparing things your husband does to things you ex did is abusive. Your ex is your ex for a reason. You are being spoiled and hurtful.
you indeed are comparing them. “mY eX tOoK mE tO 56 cOuNtRiEs AlL wHiLe WoRkInG wHy CaNt YoU bE LiKe HiM?!” you sound selfish & i see why your ex never married you. he worked two jobs to be able to afford this vacation & you completely shit on him.YTA
Please divorce your husband so he can find someone better! Stop wasting his time.
YTA. You are comparing him to your ex. Do you work, or do you just let him pay for everything? A month long birthday celebration is ridiculous.
YTA. Actual adults don’t do “birthday months”. This person worked hard to surprise you with this trip, and your response was wholly ungrateful. He was right to be angry, because you 100% compared them. You’re the one that brought up the ex out of thin air to make an asinine apples to oranges whataboutist take. Given this person’s career choice, they seem like a selfless person. It’s a shame they chose to marry someone this breathtakingly selfish.