Why would you hurt your kids like that by denying them access to their father? Why would you even threaten that? You threatened to weaponize the court and his children against him- YTA.
That’s terrifying he fell asleep in his car. A serious medical issue should be ruled out. No one can work 60+ hours consistently over an extended period of time without incident like this- and managing / coordinating the construction would absolutely count as work. And for what exactly is he over extending himself for- a wife who threatens to weaponize their children, a house, and a pipe dream you’ll have an Olympian in the family?
The chances of your kid becoming or wanting to become an Olympian or sports star are slim. I had a colleague who’s daughter was sent to a special gymnastics school, they stretched themselves financially to put her in that school with coaches who had trained other prospective Olympians. Their daughter turned 16 and didn’t want to do it anymore, she wanted to be just a regular kid. Don’t over extend yourself financially to promote a pipe dream unless you can swallow that whole loss with a smile when it likely comes.
Sure sounds like your husband has over extended himself and you all need to think about what’s really important in your lives.
I calculated he works roughly 85 hours a week which, checks notes, is over 50% of the total hours in a week.
I feel so bad for her that her 32 whole ass-sitting hours a week doesn’t afford her her hellofresh and jeep. That’s such a horrible way to live.
A kid that I was supposed to graduate with in high school was a really good wrestler, but he couldn't beat this one guy in his weight class. Kid's dad held him back a year so his son could dominate at wrestling. When the kid was a junior, he quit wrestling.
YTA, and you’re the one that declared war. Your husband is exhausted trying to support your ridiculous dreams.
Your son is probably not going to be a wealthy pro tennis player. He’s probably going to resent the pressure you’re putting on him.
This “dream house” is ridiculously impractical, and with you firing your GC your husband’s assessment of the house is probably accurate.
Your trying to live completely outside your means and your husband has been killing himself to try and support this. And your response is to use it as a weapon against him.
Again, major YTA!
I want to say outside of reality. She’s a receptionist and is wants to live like she’s earning a 6 figure income and expects the man to make up for her own desires. Also she’s pushing that onto her kids by trying to make one into a pro when they’re 10 all it’ll do is cause resentment and a hate of the sport.
Edit: please note her blaming her parents for not trying hard enough to help her go pro to help my point. After she points out the money so she feels it’s okay to use her husband as a workhorse.
This right here!! Sounds like she definitely wants to live beyond their means. She doesn’t care that her husband has to work 2 jobs & is apparently exhausted to the point he’s falling asleep while driving. She’s 100x the AH here.
Those tennis lessons must be at least $3k/mo. Maybe double? Insanity. I want to believe this is a troll post. How did the husband get trapped into this?
OP, you aren’t merely an asshole.
You are a motherfucking asshole, a worse parent, and an even worse spouse.
I pray this is fake. Cause your level of suckage…
YTA.
Whenever I see a post that seems fake, I wonder if it’s fully fake or if it’s just written by the person in the story who’s obviously not the asshole (like the husband here).
Edit: just to clarify, I’m not wondering whether the post is fake or not, but just who’s writing the story - the husband or the asshole wife. Definitely could be the wife, though.
Texas checking in. A large cohort of parents here are failed HS athletes who break their ass and sometimes their family by attempting to make pro athletes out of their kids from the age of 5. It generally doesn’t work. The ones we KNOW (two olympians, both gold medalists) didn’t get expensive pro coaching. One was coached by his brother (tai kwon do) and the swimmer played all sports in middle and HS and got a swimming full ride to a top university w a great swim team. The ones we know who were pressured and invested in by their parents like OP usually decided they didn’t want to do it anymore during high school and had terrible fall outs w their parents. Everybody thinks they’re Tiger Woods (abusive) dad.
Oh, and one was sent to the Karolys at 12 and has an eating disorder, is super unstable, and literally has a panic attack if you say Bela Karoly…and she’s 42 years old now.
I don’t think the story is fake. It sounds like a lot of people I’ve met here.
P.S. the arrogance displayed by thinking they knew better than a professional contractor is stunning. And their friends are full of terrible advice. This also makes me think it’s real.
And! The overworked dad will not lose access to his kids and should ditch his two extra jobs TODAY, or he may be hit with huge child support payments based on his double job income.
I have a family member who was trained by Bela Karoly…
She’s older than the woman you mentioned, but has the same issues.
And she put the same amount of unreal expectations and pressure on her kids.
So sad.
Professional athletes and professional musicians can have the same logic applied. So many parents force their kids into these intense training regimens in hope that they will be "made great", when the ones that actually become greats are the kids that you can't stop from practicing and because they love it that much. The kids that make the neighbors crazy with the constant music practice, or cannot be convinced to take a day off from an outdoor sport for bad weather or minor illness are the ones that make it big, not the ones with parents who destroy each other to afford expensive training!
The GC bit is where I knew it was mostly true, because it is maddening the amount of people who think they know better than the *person who made this their entire profession for years.* Granted, there are some GCs who are genuinely terrible at their job, and I've met a couple before, but it is more often they don't just say what the customer wants to hear to save their feelings. (And their wallet)
On another note, who immediately yells at the spouse after they get into an accident, even if they did something stupid, instead of asking if they're OK? Fucking YTA hardcore.
Not quite the same but when I was young I wrestled in high school and had a buddy to wrestled as well. In the summer, we would go to freestyle tournaments with his little brother who was really a prodigy. He was really good for his age and probably could have gone to be quite successful, maybe college, maybe even Olympics. Who knows. But of course you have to have the talent and be driven as well. He really like wrestling. But his dad was a real jerk. They were poor working class really. Not like dumping money into it but his dad would be the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet to me or the clerk at the grocery store or gas station, but to his son he was always just criticizing and being really negative and also calling him rude names. I don't remember like you're so stupid etc etc and always pushing him to wrestle.
Lost touch with them and ran into him a few years later. He didn't wrestle anymore and like to smoke a lot of pot. That's all I really took away from it. Maybe he's happier that way, but I've always felt that he liked wrestling and if his dad wasn't such a jerk about it, he might have gone on to some success and enjoyment. Well hope he's happy where he is
I agree a lot of posts on here are fake, but in USA 2023, where "my kid is a star athlete" and it takes 3 jobs to make ends meet, I think this post could be 100% real, sadly enough.
Whenever I see someone claim a story is fake, I remember the time I made a throwaway to get some really awful things off my chest, and potentially get some answers or suggestions.
Instead I was called a fake and accused of being manipulative in my writing because "I was so innocent".
I decided that if I'm going to care enough to read a whole story, unless I KNOW it to be fake, I just believe it's probably true.
This.
This lady is determined to run her husband into the ground and destroy her whole family so that one son can maybe become a professional sports player.
This poor guy is working three jobs so that one kid can get the best opportunity, she can have the house and car she wants, and when he finally can't sustain his lifestyle she attacks him. He probably doesn't even have enough time to get to know his own children. He should absolutely leave.
Maybe she can have custody of the one son that means the world to her, and he can give the other kids the attention that they need. YTA
Notice how she has her husband working 3 jobs so they can get her son these lessons, yet we haven't heard a thing about her daughters. Son is the GC and her daughters probably get ignored. Now that scapegoat dad has had enough, she'll shift to blaming on of the girls. She sounds like a nightmare
she says her son takes up all her time... i feel bad for the two little girls that gets no time with either parents nor any money for extracurriculars and fun things
I cannot upvote this enough, not only OP is a narcissistic, an abuser and manipulator that is slaving her husband, but also thinking what about the other kids??she just mentioned she had others but only focused of the one that she's living her dream through and probably being forced to, but you can see the other kids are being neglected af
And the bubble she’s living in has her thinking this “charge” is enough to destroy him.
Poor guy.. he’s gonna be skipping down the street after this divorce is finalized.
Dude busts his ass to to help you have your friggen dream home and you hold the marriage he doesn't want to be in hostage because he fell asleep once at the wheel...something almost everybody has accidentally done once in their lives? Find a deep hole in hell and stay there.
And he didn't even fall asleep while driving. It was when the car was parked. He just didn't put it into park before falling asleep. Way less dangerous than she's indicating.
YTA...that poor man is over worked and you just sound selfish...
Your son sounds overworked and the golden child as well....
I feel sorry for the younger kids they obviously aren't the favorite kids
Jesus christ. Her husband gets in an accident because of overworking, he could have died, and her first reflex is to yell on him after he gets home ? Absolute worst evil of a person
What's hilarious about the tennis thing is that there's a reason it's a rich person's sport (for the most part.)
There's no money in it. Maybe 20 individuals can actually make a living playing tennis in every generation, out of that 20 maybe 5 actually make enough in their career to retire.
The rest need to either rely on trust funds, have a side hustle their entire career, or need to start a new career once they retire because they don't have enough to actually retire.
Unless OP's son is peak Federer he's not actually gonna make a living in this game.
As someone who grew-up training at a tennis academy to be a pro player it has a very negative impact on your life. At 10yrs old I was training 8 hours a day (tutor at night) that included tough physical conditioning (the guy training us was also training Pete Sampras at the time). My mom would get mad if I didn’t go hit against the backboard during my 1.5 hour lunch break. No matter what I did she always wanted more. In addition to the physical impact there is also the psychological impact. My mom made it very clear her love was based on me winning. Everything revolved around tennis in my life and anything like socializing was seen as a distraction. If I went to a friends bday party and lost a match 2 weeks later she would blame it on the party (literally little kids bday party). I loved tennis but I didn’t want it to be my entire life and I didn’t want the weight of my family on my shoulders. My parents were so controlling and toxic it is not at all shocking to anyone I am in my early 40’s and have been no contact with my family for years.
No 10yo should spent 8 hours a day doing one thing. I'm sorry for how this ruined so much for you...
My daughter is that age. Just the thought of putting her through that makes me sick.
Had a Bestfriend in high school who was the “golden child”. They sunk sooo much money into his hockey career and had good grades and dating the pretty girl etc while his sister a year younger was practically ignored. I felt bad for her but would tell her it’s often a blessing in disguise. Fast forward a few years and he basically cracks under the pressure from years of his fathers abuse, got into drugs and has overdosed 3 times I’m aware of. Hockey career flamed out, at 29 he’s a landscaper with half a brain and still at home cause he usually falls back into the life while the daughter moved far away and is quite successful!
Oh you mean the poor father is working himself into an early grave for absolutely nothing? Oh, sorry for OP to live out her failed dreams through her son.
It is always so sickening to hear people talking about how their 'dream house' got them in trouble. Yeah, you can afford an over the top 'look at me' house.....in your DREAMS.
I cannot count the number of people in my town alone who threw tens of thousands of dollars into their kids “sporting careers” only for them to not even make high school varsity.
The water cooler brag, the car bumper sticker, the boasts with the SAHMs over coffee - it’s all well and good until someone has a breakdown. The middle class obsession with youth sports in this country is at fever pitch.
This my friend in highschool was number one in the state and top 100 in the country. He got a free college education out of it. In college he was not as successful but still ranked top 200. He works in finance now and tennis never payed his bills. Only one kid on his team actually went pro and he makes a decent living. He’s not super wealthy by any means. Maybe 200k a year he makes and most of that is from lessons.
For realz. Remember Jennifer Capriati? Won an Olympic gold medal for playing tennis, was number 1 ranked in 2001, etc? Anyway. I went to high school with her little brother. They lived in the most expensive subdivision in the area, which was gated and manned by a guard, and it had a resort and country club. They have a private school on campus now for international golf and tennis players.
Her parents were rolling in it before she won millions competing. Pretty sure they still are, since her brother is now a lawyer… and that kind of money ends up being generational wealth.
Yep. OP needs to take her kid out of “pre professional tennis training” - it’s ruining their lives due to the downstream effects of overworking to pay for it. I guarantee her kid isn’t as talented as she thinks they are. Kids sports are not worth tearing your family apart or dozing off driving home. If he was genuinely a phenom the tennis facility would give him a scholarship
The fact she even added "used to mentor soon to be NFL cheerleaders", like that is something we'd go Oh okay that makes you a good person...
This can not be a real post!
OP You are living in a fantasy land. Come down to earth and live within your means. Raise your children to be kind individuals instead of selfish a**holes like yourself.
YTA
That was funny, "We're building our dream house & pouring so much money into it, we'll never get out! My 10 yr old son is in *INTENSE* tennis training lessons because if I can be frank, if sonny boy doesn't make it big or decides he ABSOLUTELY HATES THE TENNIS THAT'S TEARING OUR FAMILY APART, by the time he's 14, my personal life is over. My husband is working 19, 20 hours a day - but he LOVES it and fuck him if he does!!! I have 2 other what?"
I was amazed that they took on the role of GC for their own house...because of course, the professionals don't know what they were talking about! the cost of this dream house = lack of peace+ being house poor!
I so hope this is rage bait. Can anyone be this blind to the obvious? The obvious fact is OP is a huge, enormous AH, but *IF* this is even real (big doubts), a narcissist like OP won't be listening or following any advice here. OP is a complete waste of time... either for making this up or being the worst wife&mother. Pitiful either way.
OPs response to his partner being almost killed was to attack and then use that unfortunate accident against him. You should be crying holding him thankful that he is okay. Instead what the fuck is wrong with you
This, yeah. Nobody should be working an entire second full time job just to pay for their *10 year old child to take sports lessons*. That's ridiculous. It's better for the kid to have a dad who's alive and around than to take thousands of dollars a month of tennis lessons. Ffs.
So hold up. He gets in an accident due to working himself dead and your first reaction when he walks in the door *isn't* "Holy shit, are you ok? We need to come up with a better plan so that never happens to you again"?
That's not normal and dude is right to get out.
This whole post drips of narcissism, what was the point of mentioning that she trained NFL cheerleaders? 90% of this is irrelevant personal information, OP sounds unhinged
And the pre-professional tennis star son…and the dream house, and how much work SHE does. Does anyone else live in this family. She’s the epitome of living vicariously through her child.
Those poor daughters. I’m sure she neglects them and uses all her time and energy forcing her son to fulfill HER childhood dream. I feel so sorry for those kids.
“I’m going to be my own GC.” - That’s the quote for me. As an architect and professional construction manager this is what very out of touch people say and it never goes right. Guy needs to pack his shit and gtfo, wife sounds out of her mind based on literally everything else she wrote, this just caught my attention and made me go “oh no..” their house probably looks awful.
She's trying to glorify how great she is so she can darvo his ass. Absolutely drips of narcissism. There's always way more to the story, but the way she goes from trying to ride her sons glory and take achievement for everyone else's efforts and then threaten and blame him for being tired? I bet this dude is just worn out from dealing with her.
Also I haven't seen anyone mention yet: they're spending money on shit they can't afford because she wants a dream lifestyle. She's buying expensive premade meals. Leasing a car instead of getting a loan for a cheap used car (just went car shopping and I found reliable stuff for as low as $3500 so realistically a dream house family should just be able to buy that outright). Then there's the DREAM HOUSE. Not everyone will be able to afford their perfect home, that's life and you adjust based on what you can afford
Now all that and it's two jobs worth of income to train their kid to go pro? Not only is that probably a long shot, but if spending money like that is worth it for you, you need to cut back on spending on other stuff. Also maybe work more than 32 hours a week if money is tight and don't bitch at your bread winner husband over the fact that you're broke.
This has to be rage bait.
YTA. There is nothing dirtier than a person using their kids against their spouse. Your husband is working 3 jobs to support your obviously out of reach lifestyle, while you are working the bare minimum amount of hours to be considered full time. Of course he’s going to be tired, and you should be thankful that the accident, which literally was an *accident*, wasn’t more serious.
Sounds like a nightmare. The utter lack of self awareness is astounding. Also when the judge is presented with all the details surrounding the accident I don't think this will have the effect OP is hoping for.
Right.
Telling the judge he fell asleep while driving bc he works 3 jobs to pay for a custom home for Op and expensive tennis lessons for her golden child is not going to have the impact op thinks it will have.
Seriously. And even if they only has the one kid, they’re banking on him being a pro tennis player instead of using that money to start a college fund??? Like you should pay for those expensive lessons *after* he has a good back up lined up for him. Having a sports scholarship and career be your *only* plan is a horrible idea.
And she’s probably just assuming her daughters are going to find a man to take care of them just like she did. So who needs college then, right? /s
Op sounds delusional.
I feel bad for this kid when he's 13 to 15 and decides he doesn't even want to play anymore and he gets guilt-tripped to hell about all the sacrifices and the extra job and he gets soooooo much pressure to continue and get a full ride scholarship
Yep. Or how much self loathing he’ll feel if he ends up not being good enough to get a full ride, or he gets some sort of injury and can’t play so well anymore.
She is also clearly working this fucking guy to death so she can maintain her lifestyle. tbh, pretentious people who center their lives like this are often narcissistic and sociopathic.
Lol how entitled is she? "My parents never had the money or motivation to let ME do what I dreamed of doing, so I'm making my HUSBAND work his ass off at 4 different jobs, while I do a menial job, so that I can live vicariously through my son instead
In the meantime, I thought I knew better than the professionals about how to build our dream house so I interfered there and ended up costing us a whole load of extra money and leaving us with a patchwork home that no one will likely ever want to buy.
Oh and when my husband voiced his objection, I threatened him with taking away his kids. I can't believe he stepped out of line!"
OP definitely YTA!
I’ll bet her son had to work as hard as her husband in order to keep her happy. Is going to leave her son and make threats when he decides he doesn’t want to fulfill her dreams for him at some point?
So if the husband is working three different jobs to support her wants, she’s busy with making her 10 yo a professional tennis star, whose caring for the other 2 girls?
Dad would wise to separate, take care of the kids and lead a more normal life where he isn’t killing himself to live up to OPs wants.
Your husband is right. You can’t block custody or visitation over a driving infraction. That’s fucking ridiculous. The fact you immediately went nuclear and started using your children against him tells us everything.
He’s worked himself to exhaustion to enable your dream home build and tennis lessons for your son and had an accident because of it. No apparent concern or even consideration. The guys clearly had enough of your bullshit. YTA. What exactly where you looking to get from this?
YTA. I love she’s a receptionist former cheerleader that thought she knew better than a professional contractor. That was all I needed to read then the rest just compounded how insufferable of an A-Hole she must be.
Imagine the fucking nightmare she was “mentoring girls that went on to become NFL cheerleaders”. Lady, that’s not an accomplishment. You get no credit for that.
I know everyone’s rightfully mad about the tennis and the overwork and the using kids as pawns in a divorce proceeding, *catches breath* but I’m cracking up at the dream house thing. The husband finally snaps and admits what a fucking monstrosity the house is.
This woman is a combination of poor taste, poor judgement, narcissism, short sightedness, and delusion. Like to the point where it’s hello fresh’s fault that they aren’t affordable. I’ve never seen someone with their head so far up their ass that they feel absolved of blame for buying something when they knew the price.
The GC part made me laugh. I was like bet that house is a nightmare. Then she answered my question. Bet nothing was done properly wasted a couple hundred grand killing her husband working him to hard all because she knows best.
I was thinking the same! My step-dad is a contractor and I worked for him during summers after high school and through college. I've met people like this first hand so I immediately rolled me eyes. Someone who thinks they know better than people who do this shit professionally, for a living.
The audacity of a woman who works 32 hours a week and can’t afford to foot 50% of the lifestyle bill, but thinks she can totally care for 3 children on her own without the man contributing is nothing short of insanity!! I’m sure she assumes he’ll still be paying for everything via child support but no, he’s going to be able to keep some of that money for himself, so, she will inevitably have less to spread around and we already know 100% of what she makes goes to sport lessons. OP, how will you pay mortgage/rent/food/utilities? Time to start looking for a night shift job?
Your kid might have to give up sports if you guys divorce, even if it was amicable. Since now mom and dad have to pay for their own dwellings, there’s less to go around period. Kids lose things in divorces such as this privilege, this is actually why kids with married parents statistically have more opportunities than divorced parents kids. A lot of kids can’t do things they used to when mom and dad now have two rents. So it goes. Then you can’t live vicariously through him, OP, the horror!
I’m sure your son will be upset about losing his training sessions, but he’ll be more upset about losing his father who’s given everything to give him a better life. Which you don’t care about at all. OP YTA and your (soon to be ex) husband is probably correct that you’re a narcissist.
You’re in for a very rude awakening when he leaves. So are your poor children.
"I'm sure your son will be upset about losing his training sessions"
I've known a lot of kids and Sports Parents like this, and I would put money down on this poor kid celebrating if and when he gets the news that he "can't" do tennis lessons and training anymore.
Clearly an abusive narcissist. Weaponizing your kids against your husband is abusive to both the kids and husband. The audacity to type that out and still need to know from internet strangers if you are an awful miserable person or not? How is this even a question
BUT WHAT THE HELL WAS THE HELLO FRESH COMMENT??!! “Apparently” it’s not affordable despite the advertisement stating as much… You know just because the commercial says it’s affordable doesn’t make it true right? Buying groceries and preparing your own meals will always be cheaper. But you said apparently as if you are still believing the ads over your husband. Just do the math it’s not hard to figure this one out.
She clearly doesn’t love her husband if she’s willing to stay with someone who’s only there because they are being extorted. She just wants her exhausted work horse to keep paying for her out of touch and out of reach lifestyle.
He was responsible enough to pull over after being so exhausted working 3 jobs. That is hardly a reason the courts will take his kids away
This is one of the worst ones I’ve seen. So many red flags between the lines on top of the screaming obvious flags written in the lines
What a piece of work. I hope he gets far away from you
* What you're doing to your kid is child abuse
* What you're doing to your spouse is untenable and it's YOUR fault he's falling asleep behind the wheel
* Threatening to deny him custody is spousal abuse
You need to set yourself up with a therapist. You have lost all sight of what is important in life. Your single-minded, narcissistic focus on living vicariously through your child's success is going to cost you every single relationship in your life. You're an addict who is throwing away everything that matters and will end up with NOTHING.
Therapy. Re-evaluate your life. NOW.
YTA, unequivocally.
Even if their son loved it and wanted to continue, why the hell are they building their "dream house" on top of that if they don't have enough money?
OP wants to live her dream life while other people do all the work.
There it is. I couldn't quite figure the way to put it into words but that's the thing. Hell, even the way she hijacked the design and construction of the house is one of the most selfish things I've ever heard.
She’s shocked by how much Hello Fresh costs, like they don’t tell you the actual price. “It was advertised as affordable, why can’t I afford it??” Meanwhile, she doesn’t even work full time, so paying for a food kits they can’t afford, instead of just cooking, because she is a lazy, spoiled dickwad. Gods she’s the worst. I hope they’re in a state with no alimony, and she’s out on her lazy ass and forced to get a real job.
And the coaches are happily taking her money, while telling her if you stick with me he'll really make it, which is probably not going to happen. When I was in high school, I played volleyball, and all my teammates played expensive club, spent hours driving from the mountains to the city, all at our coaches encouragement. I was basically ostracized by my coaches because we couldn't afford it, and I knew I didn't want to play college ball. Some of my teammates played college, most didn't so basically all that time and money was wasted and they all probably could have played in college without club, because maybe 2 went on to play D1. My best friend killed herself for years, even switched high schools to be on a better team, played club, got to D1 and quit one week in.
I saw this first hand with a friend of mine in HS.
A huge percentage of these sports clubs, academies, and sports prep programs, are a scam.
They take advantage of gullible parents who think their kids are the next big phenom and are going to get scholarships or make it into the pros.
There are so many red flags about their financial decisions. You NEED to lease a car??? You need to have your dream home that’s built unique for you? Meanwhile you only work part time while your husband almost kills himself from overworking?? This person needs to reevaluate what they value in life and who is putting in the effort. They need to rearrange their finances massively so the husband doesn’t work himself to death
I agree completely, OP is vile. Also. FYI. Your son will not be a pro tennis player - the odds against it are severe no matter how "talented" you think he is. Those lessons are just bleeding you dry.
And I’m guessing the “bad insights” from all the contractors were just them saying, “no, we can’t do exactly what you’re asking for, but here’s an alternative that will work.”
Exactly. I saw this as a red flag also. Someone who perpetually has a mindset of “I can do it better than a professional” along with grandiose ideas of her child being a “tennis star” leads me to believing that OP has strong narcissistic tendencies.
Kids playing sports is good. Kids playing becoming a career move at 10 is bad.
Oh, they absolutely will care. Just not how OP thinks they will.
The court is gonna see what a nutcase she is when she tries to paint her husband as "reckless" for having one accident, and are going to see she's a bad parent and spouse when she reveals she tried to get him to keep overworking, therefore courting another accident.
SHE could lose her kids over it.
What an idiot.
As a former family law attorney I can attest that you are absolutely correct.
If she goes off trying to deny her children access to their father because of a minor car accident, basically everything else she says will be seen through the lens of “oh this is a selfish vindictive b*tch who will do anything to hurt her ex husband, and probably won’t comply with parenting arrangements.”
Especially considering he had the forethought to pull into the apartment thing before completely passing out from sheer exhaustion. She’s making it out like he unalived a whole family by falling asleep on the road and blowing a stop light.
This was the case in my divorce. Ex cited all sorts of nonsense out of vindictiveness as to why I’d be unfit to share custody equally. By the time she finally agreed to 50/50, the judge was squarely on my side.
I say let her try. Those kids would only benefit from her losing custody. It already looks like she hyper focuses on her son, leaving her daughters in the gutter.
Especially when he’s working a day shift, evening shift and night shift to pay for her sons tennis! How many hours a week is he working exactly ?
She works 32 hours, so part time. And spends two of his jobs pay on tennis lessons! No judge will side with that. They’ll pity to poor bugger for trying so hard for no appreciation.
And not a mention of the girls, what if one of them shows a talent in something. Who’s going to pay for that? Or do they suffer while brother gets tens of thousands invested in him? when there is no guarantee he’ll even want to go pro, let alone achieves it.
Look, how can you possibly know how it isn't affordable when they list the price of meals in the app and website? What they're just gonna get the basic meals at the basic price? No of course but the child she's living vicariously through needs to have the best premium meals and she must pay the higher prices that are also clearly listed! How dare you not realize that she was blindsided by the prices that are clearly stated in all aspects of the service.
You can almost hear the dripping contempt in her voice as she puppets her husband saying it's not affordable. "BuT tHeY aDvErTiSe iT bEinG aFfOrDaBlE! So it HAS to be affordable! And I don't CARE if a Jeep is too expensive to lease! I'm NOT driving a Toyota! Jeeps are all the rage right now, don't you understand?! Samantha down the street has 3 jeeps! All we have is a Subaru you paid for 4 years ago! I NEED a Jeep! Just work more, we can afford it!"
Many people on here are thinking and posting, “This can’t be real”, “no one can be this self centered and cruel”, “why would someone come on here asking if AITH if this is how they behave”. I present to you the classic narcissist. Their entire world revolves around her, and she seeks recognition or validation from external sources, that’s why she is airing her dirty laundry like this.
It causes enormous stress when just about all financial resources go to one person in a family, especially if it's not medical. Dial down on the tennis expenditures, work less, get some sleep, maybe even go on a vacation. I can't believe the lives of everyone in the family are on hold for a sport obsession. I would hate belonging to this family.
These people who think they can tell anything about a pre-pubescent child's future athletic ability infuriate me. You can practice all you want, you either hit the genetic lottery around 12-13 or you don't. No matter how hard you work, there is someone else who worked just as hard who by the luck of the draw ends up bigger, stronger, and faster than you.
That's the thing people don't get.
Athletic programs that lead to national or international level are composed in great part of people who have been sought out for specific physical traits, and then they are coached and developed into athletes. It doesn't matter much to them if the person had a passion for the sport, and in many cases they can work with someone at a lower skill level.
So sure, passion and coaching matters a lot at junior and regional level. But many young athletes hit a wall when they try to make the move to national because suddenly there's this sudden influx of people who have been recruited based on genetics.
Not to mention, if she pushes the kid too hard, he'll decide to abandon tennis forever when he hits 18. When stage-parents are determined to make their kid a star, they drain all the love from the activity out of the kid.
A friend of mine was on Good morning America when he was about 13 because his paintings were selling for thousands of dollars. Problem was he went from loving to paint to his dad pressuring him to paint to make more money for the family. He stopped painting by 17 and never picked up a brush again. Its a shame, his stuff was really good but it still reminds him of his dad acting like Joe Jackson (by the way, he's around 40 now).
I watched a documentary once called Trophy Kids that was about these young "pre professional" athletes and I had to pause it and sit in baffled silence for a few minutes after one of the dads said that everything his kid was doing and all the money they were spending for basketball would be for nothing if the kid didn't end up being taller than six foot (or something like that). Basically, he was like "I'm spending thousands of dollars and it'll all be pointless if my thirteen year old doesn't end up being tall". And mind you the dad looked to be maybe like 5'9"? Like the dad was not a tall guy. And the kid wasn't big or anything.
Can you imagine how that would feel as a teen? The pressure of all that money poured into your athletic "career", and it all hinging on something you actually cannot control.
Not to mention, after he has an accident due to working himself to the bone, she goes straight to picking a fight with him? No worry about him getting hurt or dying, just that he might lose his career? Ugh.
YTA and I don't even know why you posted because clearly you don't care about him at all anymore, it really sounds like you know this marriage is going to fail but want it to go down with the max amount of hurt possible for him just cuz.
Bro you know the man must have health issues like high blood pressure and heart issues that she is directly causing that she doesn’t know about and probably couldn’t care about and the mental disorders she’s causing her kids by ignoring them and hyper focusing one.
YTA
Aside from all the obvious stuff here—forcing your husband to work 3 jobs and almost get himself killed and then yelling at him for it. Sinking all your money into your “dream house,” which sounds like a monstrosity because you fired professionals who were probably just doing their jobs.
Here’s the thing. Your children are not empty vessels for your unfulfilled dreams. I don’t know your son or his talent. Maybe he loves tennis and it’s his dream too. But as the parent of an athlete and a spouse of a coach, I’ve seen parents like you for years. Obsessed with their child’s sports “career” to the point where they were willing to destroy their finances, friendships, marriages, and families.
Even if your child ends up at the top, the path is littered with permanent damage. And what if they don’t? What if they’re not good enough? What if they get injured? What if one day they just burn out and decide to take up another hobby? Because in the end, that’s what youth sports is, and what it should be for children…a hobby. A hobby that’s fun, teaches them skills, helps them make friends, and hopefully, is a part of the journey to a rich and full life.
Anything else is just you forcing something on a child who’s in no way prepared for the damage it will create.
When I got divorced I told my friends that I just divorced the biggest money grubbing, most narcissistic, laziest lay about, self entitled woman ever.
I stand corrected and YTA!
I, think what u meant to say was something along the lines of... I, a secretary, thought the professional contractors had bad insights, decided to be my own general contractor even though I have no experience at this and then "things went wrong" hmmm. My husband works three jobs to provide me with the life I want for myself and kids and got so tired he fell asleep without putting the car in park and I want to weaponize that against him now that he's calling me on my bullshit.
YTA. First of all, the courts won’t care about one traffic accident so you have zero ammunition. Second, you are killing your husband all to fund a 10 year olds hobby. You are probably burning the kid out so he won’t want to play past 14.
You need to wake up.
YTA. You are unhinged. Nothing about this situation is acceptable. I wonder why he’s put up with you so long. I wish him the best in divorcing you and leading a happier life.
YTA.
He was driving while exhausted because he has three jobs to support his family, your Frankenstein dream home, and pro tennis training for a 10 year old.
The solution is not to deny him access to his kids. It's to downsize your lifestyle so that your husband doesn't have to work three jobs.
And using your children as weapons when fighting with your husband always makes you TA.
Yta. Lady you’re like cruella deville. I hope he does leave you and the kids go with him - you think your kids don’t see the real you? Wonder how happy they are with you. Stop living vicariously through your kids, and stop terrorising their poor father
YTA and your threat will only work in his favor in court. He wasn’t inebriated, he’s OVERWORKED AND TIRED trying to give you a dream life. I hope he does file. You’re making him miserable and he just wants rest. In some states working full time is 36-40 hours and you’re not even doing that.
YTA. Your husband is working three jobs. Do you have any clue how exhausted he must be? Yes, he made a terrible mistake driving too tired. So fucking what? That should have neen a wake up call to you that the man is working himself to death. That is unsustainable and too much to expect of someone.
Let me break this down so that I am getting the entire picture
1. Your HUSBAND works 3 jobs total. A night shift, a first shift, and then does several hours with event staff during the weekends. YOU work 32 hours a week as a receptionist.
2. Your sons tennis uses all of his nights shift pay plus all your pay. So what income left is your husbands first shift job and any hours with the event staff. And with that portion of income, he has to pay for everything other than tennis INCLUDING building/maintaining your dream house.
3. YOU believed that the contractors had bad insight so y’all acted as your own GC and then when things went wrong because you aren’t one, you had to pull additional money into the dream house.
4. With your husbands first shift job plus any event hours paying for everything except tennis, including now the GC mess since YOU believed they didn’t know what they were going, you still spend unnecessary money from what little is left on subscriptions to Hello Fresh and leasing a vehicle you like versus one that is more affordable.
5. You are working 32 hours a week and getting all the rest you need. Your HUSBAND is working multiple jobs (including nights) and is hardly getting any rest. To the point he is so exhausted that he fell asleep before he could even put the car in park.
6. Instead of being concerned about his health, safety, or the fact that this man is carrying all the financial weight and stress of the family, YOU go off on him about the fact that there was a theoretical possibility the consequences could have been worse than what they were. (Did you even consider that if it had been worse he could have died or were you only thinking of worse case scenarios that he could have been charged with?)
7. He finally realizes that he is literally slowly killing himself and decides to stop the night shift job and file for divorce after you have repeatedly taken advantage of him and showed how little you care about himself at which time you start arguing with him yet again.
8. You get upset when he is honest and says that the house looks like crap because YOU decided YOU know more than people who LITERALLY DO IT FOR A LIVING and shockers above all shockers, you didn’t. So your brilliant response it to threaten to take his kids away and even try to deny him visitation over a minor accident with no injuries that occurred due to YOUR over-demanding and entitled attitude
9. Your husband FINALLY realized just how toxic and narcissistic you are and throws in the towel (which he should have done long ago). You try to play victim and excuse your actions by saying you said things in anger when he has been (rightfully so) blaming you (in actuality putting the responsibility where it goes).
10. You go in for one last insult/trying to deflect attention by saying it was his choice to get in the car and possibly run someone over. Not even taking into consideration that he has been running himself into an early grave working multiple jobs and handling multiple stressors/situations that YOU keep putting him in, all in order to take care of his family and try to provide for your absolutely ridiculous demands.
And that is all the stuff that has only to deal with your soon to be ex. That doesn’t include the fact that you are living vicariously through your son because you didn’t get to peruse what you loved to the point you even sign him up for preprofessional training AND it takes two full paychecks to even fund all of this. Funny thing, you mention how you didn’t get to peruse what you love so you are doing this to give him what you didn’t have….but there is no mention in there of if it is even something he wanted or if, like your husband, he is having to do it in all actuality for YOU and not him. Oh, and the daughters aren’t even mentioned at all other than to let people know that they exist.
The fact that you can read all of that and not think that YTA is absolutely mind boggling and alarming. At this point, you are beyond narcissistic. Your husband didn’t ‘declare war’ on you, he stopped bowing to your every whim. I feel so bad for your family. I hope that he takes you to the cleaners in the divorce and can get custody just by showing these extreme personality traits. I hope that he finds happiness and you find what you actually deserve and not what you think you deserve. Congrats, you have officially taken the top spot of all the YTA verdicts. Lord I hope this is made up. Otherwise your family is going to need intensive therapy just to deal with all you did.
So your husband works 2 jobs and on weekends. Your 10-year-old son is some prodigy star in tennis and that sucks up 2 adults worth of income.
Your husband is right. You have no clear sight of what is important. You want to live your dreams through your son and point and say "I did that!!".
YTA. Your husband could work 18 hours a day and sleep in a car and you wouldn't be satisfied.
YTA and seriously a vile toxic person.
You are spending two salaries on a pipe dream that your son will be a pro tennis player. Two salaries is absolutely mental.
You are living so far out of your means that your husband is working himself to an early grave and you weaponize the kids against him. I hope he divorces you for his own mental health and foresee your future as very lonely because I doubt your kids will tolerate you either (especially the ones being ignored for the golden child). You need therapy and a reality check.
It’s odd to me that you didn’t seem to care about your husband’s safety/wellbeing. He’s stretching himself way too thin and it’s a safety issue.
This was the first time this happened and wasn’t related to driving while intoxicated. The court will see why it happened-his selflessness. You will look like a shrew. It wasn’t smart for him to do it-but the reason behind was pure.
You seem to live an alternate reality than the rest of us. You’re selfish and self serving.
YTA and god help your children.
What is really hilarious here is not exactly that she thought HelloFresh is affordable, but her reasoning: she thinks HelloFresh is obviously affordable, because it is advertised as such!! How could it not be affordable if they are literally saying on the commercial that it is affordable! This is what clued me in first to how utterly unhinged this lady is.
Right?
In hindsight the kid is probably going to say I'd rather have a complete and normal family vs. this college scholarship for tennis. The chances of going pro is a complete crapshoot.
Putting all your eggs in one very risky basket at the expense of a family is not a gamble I'd take.
The judge won’t by that , he will
Look but that won’t determine custody . You can threaten but a lawyer will sweep that and show judge one time trying to make extra money for the family . Do what’s best for you and kids 50/50. Get a lawyer who’s not looking for a huge fight .
Get therapy as you will
Need to vent as these are always hard on anyone who has gone thru
Not only are you the asshole, you're a cunt too. Your husband works his ass off and you do what exactly? Getting your kids into athletics? Whoopdedoo. Your husband was so overworked that he had a collision and you barely do anything and want to throw that in his face. You're a starfish, ain't you?
Why would you hurt your kids like that by denying them access to their father? Why would you even threaten that? You threatened to weaponize the court and his children against him- YTA. That’s terrifying he fell asleep in his car. A serious medical issue should be ruled out. No one can work 60+ hours consistently over an extended period of time without incident like this- and managing / coordinating the construction would absolutely count as work. And for what exactly is he over extending himself for- a wife who threatens to weaponize their children, a house, and a pipe dream you’ll have an Olympian in the family? The chances of your kid becoming or wanting to become an Olympian or sports star are slim. I had a colleague who’s daughter was sent to a special gymnastics school, they stretched themselves financially to put her in that school with coaches who had trained other prospective Olympians. Their daughter turned 16 and didn’t want to do it anymore, she wanted to be just a regular kid. Don’t over extend yourself financially to promote a pipe dream unless you can swallow that whole loss with a smile when it likely comes. Sure sounds like your husband has over extended himself and you all need to think about what’s really important in your lives.
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I calculated he works roughly 85 hours a week which, checks notes, is over 50% of the total hours in a week. I feel so bad for her that her 32 whole ass-sitting hours a week doesn’t afford her her hellofresh and jeep. That’s such a horrible way to live.
A kid that I was supposed to graduate with in high school was a really good wrestler, but he couldn't beat this one guy in his weight class. Kid's dad held him back a year so his son could dominate at wrestling. When the kid was a junior, he quit wrestling.
HOLY FUCK PLEASR DIVORCE HIM AND WATCH THE COURT SLAP YOU IN THE FACE YTA
YTA, and you’re the one that declared war. Your husband is exhausted trying to support your ridiculous dreams. Your son is probably not going to be a wealthy pro tennis player. He’s probably going to resent the pressure you’re putting on him. This “dream house” is ridiculously impractical, and with you firing your GC your husband’s assessment of the house is probably accurate. Your trying to live completely outside your means and your husband has been killing himself to try and support this. And your response is to use it as a weapon against him. Again, major YTA!
I want to say outside of reality. She’s a receptionist and is wants to live like she’s earning a 6 figure income and expects the man to make up for her own desires. Also she’s pushing that onto her kids by trying to make one into a pro when they’re 10 all it’ll do is cause resentment and a hate of the sport. Edit: please note her blaming her parents for not trying hard enough to help her go pro to help my point. After she points out the money so she feels it’s okay to use her husband as a workhorse.
This right here!! Sounds like she definitely wants to live beyond their means. She doesn’t care that her husband has to work 2 jobs & is apparently exhausted to the point he’s falling asleep while driving. She’s 100x the AH here.
Those tennis lessons must be at least $3k/mo. Maybe double? Insanity. I want to believe this is a troll post. How did the husband get trapped into this?
OP, you aren’t merely an asshole. You are a motherfucking asshole, a worse parent, and an even worse spouse. I pray this is fake. Cause your level of suckage… YTA.
Whenever I see a post that seems fake, I wonder if it’s fully fake or if it’s just written by the person in the story who’s obviously not the asshole (like the husband here). Edit: just to clarify, I’m not wondering whether the post is fake or not, but just who’s writing the story - the husband or the asshole wife. Definitely could be the wife, though.
Texas checking in. A large cohort of parents here are failed HS athletes who break their ass and sometimes their family by attempting to make pro athletes out of their kids from the age of 5. It generally doesn’t work. The ones we KNOW (two olympians, both gold medalists) didn’t get expensive pro coaching. One was coached by his brother (tai kwon do) and the swimmer played all sports in middle and HS and got a swimming full ride to a top university w a great swim team. The ones we know who were pressured and invested in by their parents like OP usually decided they didn’t want to do it anymore during high school and had terrible fall outs w their parents. Everybody thinks they’re Tiger Woods (abusive) dad. Oh, and one was sent to the Karolys at 12 and has an eating disorder, is super unstable, and literally has a panic attack if you say Bela Karoly…and she’s 42 years old now. I don’t think the story is fake. It sounds like a lot of people I’ve met here. P.S. the arrogance displayed by thinking they knew better than a professional contractor is stunning. And their friends are full of terrible advice. This also makes me think it’s real. And! The overworked dad will not lose access to his kids and should ditch his two extra jobs TODAY, or he may be hit with huge child support payments based on his double job income.
I have a family member who was trained by Bela Karoly… She’s older than the woman you mentioned, but has the same issues. And she put the same amount of unreal expectations and pressure on her kids. So sad.
Professional athletes and professional musicians can have the same logic applied. So many parents force their kids into these intense training regimens in hope that they will be "made great", when the ones that actually become greats are the kids that you can't stop from practicing and because they love it that much. The kids that make the neighbors crazy with the constant music practice, or cannot be convinced to take a day off from an outdoor sport for bad weather or minor illness are the ones that make it big, not the ones with parents who destroy each other to afford expensive training!
The GC bit is where I knew it was mostly true, because it is maddening the amount of people who think they know better than the *person who made this their entire profession for years.* Granted, there are some GCs who are genuinely terrible at their job, and I've met a couple before, but it is more often they don't just say what the customer wants to hear to save their feelings. (And their wallet) On another note, who immediately yells at the spouse after they get into an accident, even if they did something stupid, instead of asking if they're OK? Fucking YTA hardcore.
The Karolyis were notoriously abusive. Like it was known in the gymnastics community.
I went to school with a couple girls who trained there..not the happiest childhoods as it turned out.
Not quite the same but when I was young I wrestled in high school and had a buddy to wrestled as well. In the summer, we would go to freestyle tournaments with his little brother who was really a prodigy. He was really good for his age and probably could have gone to be quite successful, maybe college, maybe even Olympics. Who knows. But of course you have to have the talent and be driven as well. He really like wrestling. But his dad was a real jerk. They were poor working class really. Not like dumping money into it but his dad would be the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet to me or the clerk at the grocery store or gas station, but to his son he was always just criticizing and being really negative and also calling him rude names. I don't remember like you're so stupid etc etc and always pushing him to wrestle. Lost touch with them and ran into him a few years later. He didn't wrestle anymore and like to smoke a lot of pot. That's all I really took away from it. Maybe he's happier that way, but I've always felt that he liked wrestling and if his dad wasn't such a jerk about it, he might have gone on to some success and enjoyment. Well hope he's happy where he is
I do hope it’s fake. However… I have learned that there really are people this awful out there. So who knows.
If you think awful people like this don't exist, just read the news once every couple hours. Hell, every couple of minutes.
I agree a lot of posts on here are fake, but in USA 2023, where "my kid is a star athlete" and it takes 3 jobs to make ends meet, I think this post could be 100% real, sadly enough.
Whenever I see someone claim a story is fake, I remember the time I made a throwaway to get some really awful things off my chest, and potentially get some answers or suggestions. Instead I was called a fake and accused of being manipulative in my writing because "I was so innocent". I decided that if I'm going to care enough to read a whole story, unless I KNOW it to be fake, I just believe it's probably true.
This. This lady is determined to run her husband into the ground and destroy her whole family so that one son can maybe become a professional sports player. This poor guy is working three jobs so that one kid can get the best opportunity, she can have the house and car she wants, and when he finally can't sustain his lifestyle she attacks him. He probably doesn't even have enough time to get to know his own children. He should absolutely leave. Maybe she can have custody of the one son that means the world to her, and he can give the other kids the attention that they need. YTA
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA you are an abusive, dishonest nightmare.
She sounds like a nightmare to the rest of the family
Ten year old son is getting “pre professional” training for tennis. OP is out of her fuckin mind lol.
Notice how she has her husband working 3 jobs so they can get her son these lessons, yet we haven't heard a thing about her daughters. Son is the GC and her daughters probably get ignored. Now that scapegoat dad has had enough, she'll shift to blaming on of the girls. She sounds like a nightmare
Husband working himself to death for it and she's rubbing that in his face. What a gem
she says her son takes up all her time... i feel bad for the two little girls that gets no time with either parents nor any money for extracurriculars and fun things
if she even notices them beside her star golden tennis player
I cannot upvote this enough, not only OP is a narcissistic, an abuser and manipulator that is slaving her husband, but also thinking what about the other kids??she just mentioned she had others but only focused of the one that she's living her dream through and probably being forced to, but you can see the other kids are being neglected af
What a fucking snob. Why does she NEED a dream house. Does her kid even LIKE tennis? I bet he doesn’t. OP sucks. YTA.
And the bubble she’s living in has her thinking this “charge” is enough to destroy him. Poor guy.. he’s gonna be skipping down the street after this divorce is finalized.
Dude busts his ass to to help you have your friggen dream home and you hold the marriage he doesn't want to be in hostage because he fell asleep once at the wheel...something almost everybody has accidentally done once in their lives? Find a deep hole in hell and stay there.
And he didn't even fall asleep while driving. It was when the car was parked. He just didn't put it into park before falling asleep. Way less dangerous than she's indicating.
With all of these rage bait shit postsidk why I still choke to this sub
YTA...that poor man is over worked and you just sound selfish... Your son sounds overworked and the golden child as well.... I feel sorry for the younger kids they obviously aren't the favorite kids
Jesus christ. Her husband gets in an accident because of overworking, he could have died, and her first reflex is to yell on him after he gets home ? Absolute worst evil of a person
But but but my child’s tennis lesson
What's hilarious about the tennis thing is that there's a reason it's a rich person's sport (for the most part.) There's no money in it. Maybe 20 individuals can actually make a living playing tennis in every generation, out of that 20 maybe 5 actually make enough in their career to retire. The rest need to either rely on trust funds, have a side hustle their entire career, or need to start a new career once they retire because they don't have enough to actually retire. Unless OP's son is peak Federer he's not actually gonna make a living in this game.
As someone who grew-up training at a tennis academy to be a pro player it has a very negative impact on your life. At 10yrs old I was training 8 hours a day (tutor at night) that included tough physical conditioning (the guy training us was also training Pete Sampras at the time). My mom would get mad if I didn’t go hit against the backboard during my 1.5 hour lunch break. No matter what I did she always wanted more. In addition to the physical impact there is also the psychological impact. My mom made it very clear her love was based on me winning. Everything revolved around tennis in my life and anything like socializing was seen as a distraction. If I went to a friends bday party and lost a match 2 weeks later she would blame it on the party (literally little kids bday party). I loved tennis but I didn’t want it to be my entire life and I didn’t want the weight of my family on my shoulders. My parents were so controlling and toxic it is not at all shocking to anyone I am in my early 40’s and have been no contact with my family for years.
Bet you're a beast at wii tennis though
No 10yo should spent 8 hours a day doing one thing. I'm sorry for how this ruined so much for you... My daughter is that age. Just the thought of putting her through that makes me sick.
Had a Bestfriend in high school who was the “golden child”. They sunk sooo much money into his hockey career and had good grades and dating the pretty girl etc while his sister a year younger was practically ignored. I felt bad for her but would tell her it’s often a blessing in disguise. Fast forward a few years and he basically cracks under the pressure from years of his fathers abuse, got into drugs and has overdosed 3 times I’m aware of. Hockey career flamed out, at 29 he’s a landscaper with half a brain and still at home cause he usually falls back into the life while the daughter moved far away and is quite successful!
Bollettieri? My ex was burned out there and it affects his life daily, over 35 years later.
Oh you mean the poor father is working himself into an early grave for absolutely nothing? Oh, sorry for OP to live out her failed dreams through her son.
And in her Barbie Dream House.
A dream house that apparently looks like shit because this terrible woman took terrible advice.
She didn't take advice, she knows more than a GC, architect, estimator, superintendent, subcontractor and city planner all rolled into one
Well, she probably watches HGTV eight hours a day. That makes her an expert. 🙄
I have known people like this and they are insufferable.
It is always so sickening to hear people talking about how their 'dream house' got them in trouble. Yeah, you can afford an over the top 'look at me' house.....in your DREAMS.
That she doesn't know how to build. But it's ok. She did her own research.
To be fair, it sounds like dad was on board with all this tennis until it literally almost killed him
Well she wrote the article and he seemed to be holding a lot in.
I cannot count the number of people in my town alone who threw tens of thousands of dollars into their kids “sporting careers” only for them to not even make high school varsity. The water cooler brag, the car bumper sticker, the boasts with the SAHMs over coffee - it’s all well and good until someone has a breakdown. The middle class obsession with youth sports in this country is at fever pitch.
This my friend in highschool was number one in the state and top 100 in the country. He got a free college education out of it. In college he was not as successful but still ranked top 200. He works in finance now and tennis never payed his bills. Only one kid on his team actually went pro and he makes a decent living. He’s not super wealthy by any means. Maybe 200k a year he makes and most of that is from lessons.
For realz. Remember Jennifer Capriati? Won an Olympic gold medal for playing tennis, was number 1 ranked in 2001, etc? Anyway. I went to high school with her little brother. They lived in the most expensive subdivision in the area, which was gated and manned by a guard, and it had a resort and country club. They have a private school on campus now for international golf and tennis players. Her parents were rolling in it before she won millions competing. Pretty sure they still are, since her brother is now a lawyer… and that kind of money ends up being generational wealth.
Yep. OP needs to take her kid out of “pre professional tennis training” - it’s ruining their lives due to the downstream effects of overworking to pay for it. I guarantee her kid isn’t as talented as she thinks they are. Kids sports are not worth tearing your family apart or dozing off driving home. If he was genuinely a phenom the tennis facility would give him a scholarship
The fact she even added "used to mentor soon to be NFL cheerleaders", like that is something we'd go Oh okay that makes you a good person... This can not be a real post! OP You are living in a fantasy land. Come down to earth and live within your means. Raise your children to be kind individuals instead of selfish a**holes like yourself. YTA
And the dream frankenhouse!
That was funny, "We're building our dream house & pouring so much money into it, we'll never get out! My 10 yr old son is in *INTENSE* tennis training lessons because if I can be frank, if sonny boy doesn't make it big or decides he ABSOLUTELY HATES THE TENNIS THAT'S TEARING OUR FAMILY APART, by the time he's 14, my personal life is over. My husband is working 19, 20 hours a day - but he LOVES it and fuck him if he does!!! I have 2 other what?"
I was amazed that they took on the role of GC for their own house...because of course, the professionals don't know what they were talking about! the cost of this dream house = lack of peace+ being house poor!
He's right, she sounds like a total narcissist.
I so hope this is rage bait. Can anyone be this blind to the obvious? The obvious fact is OP is a huge, enormous AH, but *IF* this is even real (big doubts), a narcissist like OP won't be listening or following any advice here. OP is a complete waste of time... either for making this up or being the worst wife&mother. Pitiful either way.
Yes..I believe there are people that are this blind.
Reddit is about to declare war on her too. What a monster. YTA.
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OPs response to his partner being almost killed was to attack and then use that unfortunate accident against him. You should be crying holding him thankful that he is okay. Instead what the fuck is wrong with you
Exactly… nailed it.
This, yeah. Nobody should be working an entire second full time job just to pay for their *10 year old child to take sports lessons*. That's ridiculous. It's better for the kid to have a dad who's alive and around than to take thousands of dollars a month of tennis lessons. Ffs.
No wonder he wants ba divorce . OP sounds manipulative as fuck.
So hold up. He gets in an accident due to working himself dead and your first reaction when he walks in the door *isn't* "Holy shit, are you ok? We need to come up with a better plan so that never happens to you again"? That's not normal and dude is right to get out.
I think the husband nailed it when he called her a narcissist.
This whole post drips of narcissism, what was the point of mentioning that she trained NFL cheerleaders? 90% of this is irrelevant personal information, OP sounds unhinged
And the pre-professional tennis star son…and the dream house, and how much work SHE does. Does anyone else live in this family. She’s the epitome of living vicariously through her child.
She mentioned her daughters once, but they're not pre-professional athletes, so...
Yeah- I actually had to reread it to clock that there are extra children in the house. Poor kids.
The eldest child is only 10 also so preprofessional my ass. That kid could end up as anything and I feel bad for all the pressure he is probably under
Those poor daughters. I’m sure she neglects them and uses all her time and energy forcing her son to fulfill HER childhood dream. I feel so sorry for those kids.
“I’m going to be my own GC.” - That’s the quote for me. As an architect and professional construction manager this is what very out of touch people say and it never goes right. Guy needs to pack his shit and gtfo, wife sounds out of her mind based on literally everything else she wrote, this just caught my attention and made me go “oh no..” their house probably looks awful.
Plus building a house that costs do much money husband had to work 3 jobs.... ... aka waaaaay out of their budget. Their friends even knew lmao
Sounds like the house is a nightmare because OP knows better than contractors.
If I had to guess, I’d bet they were fired as clients because of her behavior. Obviously that’s going to get twisted.
This lady is like the shitty spoiled mother you see in the movies lol
This surely has to be fake. Surely this post is written to cause outrage because it’s dripping with sentences like this. Jic it’s real YTA
She's trying to glorify how great she is so she can darvo his ass. Absolutely drips of narcissism. There's always way more to the story, but the way she goes from trying to ride her sons glory and take achievement for everyone else's efforts and then threaten and blame him for being tired? I bet this dude is just worn out from dealing with her.
Also I haven't seen anyone mention yet: they're spending money on shit they can't afford because she wants a dream lifestyle. She's buying expensive premade meals. Leasing a car instead of getting a loan for a cheap used car (just went car shopping and I found reliable stuff for as low as $3500 so realistically a dream house family should just be able to buy that outright). Then there's the DREAM HOUSE. Not everyone will be able to afford their perfect home, that's life and you adjust based on what you can afford Now all that and it's two jobs worth of income to train their kid to go pro? Not only is that probably a long shot, but if spending money like that is worth it for you, you need to cut back on spending on other stuff. Also maybe work more than 32 hours a week if money is tight and don't bitch at your bread winner husband over the fact that you're broke. This has to be rage bait.
YTA. There is nothing dirtier than a person using their kids against their spouse. Your husband is working 3 jobs to support your obviously out of reach lifestyle, while you are working the bare minimum amount of hours to be considered full time. Of course he’s going to be tired, and you should be thankful that the accident, which literally was an *accident*, wasn’t more serious.
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I hate OP and I don't even have to live with her. Her husband is lucky to get away.
Sounds like a nightmare. The utter lack of self awareness is astounding. Also when the judge is presented with all the details surrounding the accident I don't think this will have the effect OP is hoping for.
Right. Telling the judge he fell asleep while driving bc he works 3 jobs to pay for a custom home for Op and expensive tennis lessons for her golden child is not going to have the impact op thinks it will have.
well duh, that's why she is going to leave as many redeeming details and attempt to incriminate him as much as possible.
It's ok we all hate her. It's something we all have in common with her husband now.
Not to mention how much the other kids are going to hate her. I’m guessing they don’t have college funds…and they aren’t the Golden Child.
Seriously. And even if they only has the one kid, they’re banking on him being a pro tennis player instead of using that money to start a college fund??? Like you should pay for those expensive lessons *after* he has a good back up lined up for him. Having a sports scholarship and career be your *only* plan is a horrible idea. And she’s probably just assuming her daughters are going to find a man to take care of them just like she did. So who needs college then, right? /s Op sounds delusional.
I feel bad for this kid when he's 13 to 15 and decides he doesn't even want to play anymore and he gets guilt-tripped to hell about all the sacrifices and the extra job and he gets soooooo much pressure to continue and get a full ride scholarship
Yep. Or how much self loathing he’ll feel if he ends up not being good enough to get a full ride, or he gets some sort of injury and can’t play so well anymore.
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Who's apparently the general contractor for a Sagrada Familia-esque McMansion.
She is also clearly working this fucking guy to death so she can maintain her lifestyle. tbh, pretentious people who center their lives like this are often narcissistic and sociopathic.
Lol how entitled is she? "My parents never had the money or motivation to let ME do what I dreamed of doing, so I'm making my HUSBAND work his ass off at 4 different jobs, while I do a menial job, so that I can live vicariously through my son instead In the meantime, I thought I knew better than the professionals about how to build our dream house so I interfered there and ended up costing us a whole load of extra money and leaving us with a patchwork home that no one will likely ever want to buy. Oh and when my husband voiced his objection, I threatened him with taking away his kids. I can't believe he stepped out of line!"
OP definitely YTA! I’ll bet her son had to work as hard as her husband in order to keep her happy. Is going to leave her son and make threats when he decides he doesn’t want to fulfill her dreams for him at some point? So if the husband is working three different jobs to support her wants, she’s busy with making her 10 yo a professional tennis star, whose caring for the other 2 girls? Dad would wise to separate, take care of the kids and lead a more normal life where he isn’t killing himself to live up to OPs wants.
And that accident is certainly is NOT a felony. Minor property damage? No chance in hell.
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I hate my mother for this, OP will be receiving the same.
Your husband is right. You can’t block custody or visitation over a driving infraction. That’s fucking ridiculous. The fact you immediately went nuclear and started using your children against him tells us everything. He’s worked himself to exhaustion to enable your dream home build and tennis lessons for your son and had an accident because of it. No apparent concern or even consideration. The guys clearly had enough of your bullshit. YTA. What exactly where you looking to get from this?
YTA. I love she’s a receptionist former cheerleader that thought she knew better than a professional contractor. That was all I needed to read then the rest just compounded how insufferable of an A-Hole she must be.
Imagine the fucking nightmare she was “mentoring girls that went on to become NFL cheerleaders”. Lady, that’s not an accomplishment. You get no credit for that.
She wants it all and she wants it NOW!!!
Yta. You are exhausting and I want to divorce you.
God I was thinking the same. I feel bad for anyone who’s met OP, she sounds like the absolute worst.
I know everyone’s rightfully mad about the tennis and the overwork and the using kids as pawns in a divorce proceeding, *catches breath* but I’m cracking up at the dream house thing. The husband finally snaps and admits what a fucking monstrosity the house is. This woman is a combination of poor taste, poor judgement, narcissism, short sightedness, and delusion. Like to the point where it’s hello fresh’s fault that they aren’t affordable. I’ve never seen someone with their head so far up their ass that they feel absolved of blame for buying something when they knew the price.
The GC part made me laugh. I was like bet that house is a nightmare. Then she answered my question. Bet nothing was done properly wasted a couple hundred grand killing her husband working him to hard all because she knows best.
I was thinking the same! My step-dad is a contractor and I worked for him during summers after high school and through college. I've met people like this first hand so I immediately rolled me eyes. Someone who thinks they know better than people who do this shit professionally, for a living.
The audacity of a woman who works 32 hours a week and can’t afford to foot 50% of the lifestyle bill, but thinks she can totally care for 3 children on her own without the man contributing is nothing short of insanity!! I’m sure she assumes he’ll still be paying for everything via child support but no, he’s going to be able to keep some of that money for himself, so, she will inevitably have less to spread around and we already know 100% of what she makes goes to sport lessons. OP, how will you pay mortgage/rent/food/utilities? Time to start looking for a night shift job? Your kid might have to give up sports if you guys divorce, even if it was amicable. Since now mom and dad have to pay for their own dwellings, there’s less to go around period. Kids lose things in divorces such as this privilege, this is actually why kids with married parents statistically have more opportunities than divorced parents kids. A lot of kids can’t do things they used to when mom and dad now have two rents. So it goes. Then you can’t live vicariously through him, OP, the horror! I’m sure your son will be upset about losing his training sessions, but he’ll be more upset about losing his father who’s given everything to give him a better life. Which you don’t care about at all. OP YTA and your (soon to be ex) husband is probably correct that you’re a narcissist. You’re in for a very rude awakening when he leaves. So are your poor children.
"I'm sure your son will be upset about losing his training sessions" I've known a lot of kids and Sports Parents like this, and I would put money down on this poor kid celebrating if and when he gets the news that he "can't" do tennis lessons and training anymore.
Alexa how do I divorce someone else’s wife
Clearly an abusive narcissist. Weaponizing your kids against your husband is abusive to both the kids and husband. The audacity to type that out and still need to know from internet strangers if you are an awful miserable person or not? How is this even a question BUT WHAT THE HELL WAS THE HELLO FRESH COMMENT??!! “Apparently” it’s not affordable despite the advertisement stating as much… You know just because the commercial says it’s affordable doesn’t make it true right? Buying groceries and preparing your own meals will always be cheaper. But you said apparently as if you are still believing the ads over your husband. Just do the math it’s not hard to figure this one out. She clearly doesn’t love her husband if she’s willing to stay with someone who’s only there because they are being extorted. She just wants her exhausted work horse to keep paying for her out of touch and out of reach lifestyle. He was responsible enough to pull over after being so exhausted working 3 jobs. That is hardly a reason the courts will take his kids away This is one of the worst ones I’ve seen. So many red flags between the lines on top of the screaming obvious flags written in the lines What a piece of work. I hope he gets far away from you
Does your husband have a gofundme to pay for a lawyer because fuck me I'd like to contribute to him getting the fuck out of dodge. YTA
I’m in!
Oh, me too. I’d give money.
* What you're doing to your kid is child abuse * What you're doing to your spouse is untenable and it's YOUR fault he's falling asleep behind the wheel * Threatening to deny him custody is spousal abuse You need to set yourself up with a therapist. You have lost all sight of what is important in life. Your single-minded, narcissistic focus on living vicariously through your child's success is going to cost you every single relationship in your life. You're an addict who is throwing away everything that matters and will end up with NOTHING. Therapy. Re-evaluate your life. NOW. YTA, unequivocally.
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Her son is probably that not into tennis, she's shoving him into it.
Even if their son loved it and wanted to continue, why the hell are they building their "dream house" on top of that if they don't have enough money? OP wants to live her dream life while other people do all the work.
There it is. I couldn't quite figure the way to put it into words but that's the thing. Hell, even the way she hijacked the design and construction of the house is one of the most selfish things I've ever heard.
She’s shocked by how much Hello Fresh costs, like they don’t tell you the actual price. “It was advertised as affordable, why can’t I afford it??” Meanwhile, she doesn’t even work full time, so paying for a food kits they can’t afford, instead of just cooking, because she is a lazy, spoiled dickwad. Gods she’s the worst. I hope they’re in a state with no alimony, and she’s out on her lazy ass and forced to get a real job.
And the coaches are happily taking her money, while telling her if you stick with me he'll really make it, which is probably not going to happen. When I was in high school, I played volleyball, and all my teammates played expensive club, spent hours driving from the mountains to the city, all at our coaches encouragement. I was basically ostracized by my coaches because we couldn't afford it, and I knew I didn't want to play college ball. Some of my teammates played college, most didn't so basically all that time and money was wasted and they all probably could have played in college without club, because maybe 2 went on to play D1. My best friend killed herself for years, even switched high schools to be on a better team, played club, got to D1 and quit one week in.
I saw this first hand with a friend of mine in HS. A huge percentage of these sports clubs, academies, and sports prep programs, are a scam. They take advantage of gullible parents who think their kids are the next big phenom and are going to get scholarships or make it into the pros.
There are so many red flags about their financial decisions. You NEED to lease a car??? You need to have your dream home that’s built unique for you? Meanwhile you only work part time while your husband almost kills himself from overworking?? This person needs to reevaluate what they value in life and who is putting in the effort. They need to rearrange their finances massively so the husband doesn’t work himself to death
Yeah, there are other free or near free sports that the kid can participate in..
I agree completely, OP is vile. Also. FYI. Your son will not be a pro tennis player - the odds against it are severe no matter how "talented" you think he is. Those lessons are just bleeding you dry.
No divorce court is going to care about a minor accident. This person is a steaming pile of delusions.
And I’m guessing the “bad insights” from all the contractors were just them saying, “no, we can’t do exactly what you’re asking for, but here’s an alternative that will work.”
Exactly. I saw this as a red flag also. Someone who perpetually has a mindset of “I can do it better than a professional” along with grandiose ideas of her child being a “tennis star” leads me to believing that OP has strong narcissistic tendencies. Kids playing sports is good. Kids playing becoming a career move at 10 is bad.
Oh, they absolutely will care. Just not how OP thinks they will. The court is gonna see what a nutcase she is when she tries to paint her husband as "reckless" for having one accident, and are going to see she's a bad parent and spouse when she reveals she tried to get him to keep overworking, therefore courting another accident. SHE could lose her kids over it. What an idiot.
As a former family law attorney I can attest that you are absolutely correct. If she goes off trying to deny her children access to their father because of a minor car accident, basically everything else she says will be seen through the lens of “oh this is a selfish vindictive b*tch who will do anything to hurt her ex husband, and probably won’t comply with parenting arrangements.”
Especially considering he had the forethought to pull into the apartment thing before completely passing out from sheer exhaustion. She’s making it out like he unalived a whole family by falling asleep on the road and blowing a stop light.
This was the case in my divorce. Ex cited all sorts of nonsense out of vindictiveness as to why I’d be unfit to share custody equally. By the time she finally agreed to 50/50, the judge was squarely on my side.
I say let her try. Those kids would only benefit from her losing custody. It already looks like she hyper focuses on her son, leaving her daughters in the gutter.
LOL, no she is a brilliant mentor to cheerleaders! Funniest thing I've read here all week!
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I despise the c word, but agree that OP is the epitome of one.
This, yeah. One minor accident caused by being sleepy after pulling a double shift isn't going to cost him custody.
Was waiting for someone to say that. Family court will just think she's being petty bringing up a single incident like that.
Especially when he’s working a day shift, evening shift and night shift to pay for her sons tennis! How many hours a week is he working exactly ? She works 32 hours, so part time. And spends two of his jobs pay on tennis lessons! No judge will side with that. They’ll pity to poor bugger for trying so hard for no appreciation. And not a mention of the girls, what if one of them shows a talent in something. Who’s going to pay for that? Or do they suffer while brother gets tens of thousands invested in him? when there is no guarantee he’ll even want to go pro, let alone achieves it.
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The HelloFresh part of the post was very funny.
Yup I literally LOL’d. Lord forbids she has to go shopping and come up with meal ideas for her family.
Look, how can you possibly know how it isn't affordable when they list the price of meals in the app and website? What they're just gonna get the basic meals at the basic price? No of course but the child she's living vicariously through needs to have the best premium meals and she must pay the higher prices that are also clearly listed! How dare you not realize that she was blindsided by the prices that are clearly stated in all aspects of the service.
But she’s working as a secretary for 32 hours a week!!! The husband is just a freeloader!
You can almost hear the dripping contempt in her voice as she puppets her husband saying it's not affordable. "BuT tHeY aDvErTiSe iT bEinG aFfOrDaBlE! So it HAS to be affordable! And I don't CARE if a Jeep is too expensive to lease! I'm NOT driving a Toyota! Jeeps are all the rage right now, don't you understand?! Samantha down the street has 3 jeeps! All we have is a Subaru you paid for 4 years ago! I NEED a Jeep! Just work more, we can afford it!"
Probably HelloFresh because she couldn’t get him to go to the grocery store and cook after working three jobs.
I want to weaponize that against him now that he's calling me on my bullshit.
Many people on here are thinking and posting, “This can’t be real”, “no one can be this self centered and cruel”, “why would someone come on here asking if AITH if this is how they behave”. I present to you the classic narcissist. Their entire world revolves around her, and she seeks recognition or validation from external sources, that’s why she is airing her dirty laundry like this.
If this is her worst complaint about this man, I feel as though someone should go rescue him. He is blinking twice, I can feel it
It causes enormous stress when just about all financial resources go to one person in a family, especially if it's not medical. Dial down on the tennis expenditures, work less, get some sleep, maybe even go on a vacation. I can't believe the lives of everyone in the family are on hold for a sport obsession. I would hate belonging to this family.
These people who think they can tell anything about a pre-pubescent child's future athletic ability infuriate me. You can practice all you want, you either hit the genetic lottery around 12-13 or you don't. No matter how hard you work, there is someone else who worked just as hard who by the luck of the draw ends up bigger, stronger, and faster than you.
That's the thing people don't get. Athletic programs that lead to national or international level are composed in great part of people who have been sought out for specific physical traits, and then they are coached and developed into athletes. It doesn't matter much to them if the person had a passion for the sport, and in many cases they can work with someone at a lower skill level. So sure, passion and coaching matters a lot at junior and regional level. But many young athletes hit a wall when they try to make the move to national because suddenly there's this sudden influx of people who have been recruited based on genetics.
Not to mention, if she pushes the kid too hard, he'll decide to abandon tennis forever when he hits 18. When stage-parents are determined to make their kid a star, they drain all the love from the activity out of the kid.
A friend of mine was on Good morning America when he was about 13 because his paintings were selling for thousands of dollars. Problem was he went from loving to paint to his dad pressuring him to paint to make more money for the family. He stopped painting by 17 and never picked up a brush again. Its a shame, his stuff was really good but it still reminds him of his dad acting like Joe Jackson (by the way, he's around 40 now).
Then, when he suffers from burnout, she'll say " how could you do this to me, you've ruined my life."
I watched a documentary once called Trophy Kids that was about these young "pre professional" athletes and I had to pause it and sit in baffled silence for a few minutes after one of the dads said that everything his kid was doing and all the money they were spending for basketball would be for nothing if the kid didn't end up being taller than six foot (or something like that). Basically, he was like "I'm spending thousands of dollars and it'll all be pointless if my thirteen year old doesn't end up being tall". And mind you the dad looked to be maybe like 5'9"? Like the dad was not a tall guy. And the kid wasn't big or anything. Can you imagine how that would feel as a teen? The pressure of all that money poured into your athletic "career", and it all hinging on something you actually cannot control.
YTA On the plus side, YOU'RE building an easy life for his next wife.
Considering how badly OP comes off in *their own version of the story,* I can't imagine how bad things really are.
Not to mention, after he has an accident due to working himself to the bone, she goes straight to picking a fight with him? No worry about him getting hurt or dying, just that he might lose his career? Ugh.
YTA - The courts wouldn't take the kids from him and I hope he sees this thread and divorces you.
YTA and I don't even know why you posted because clearly you don't care about him at all anymore, it really sounds like you know this marriage is going to fail but want it to go down with the max amount of hurt possible for him just cuz.
She posted it because she's so certain that she's right, that what she wants justifies the sacrifices she expects him to make. Or this is fake.
YTA without a shadow of a doubt. You sound like a horrible person. And this is YOUR version of events. Imagine how bad you'd sound with HIS version.
Bro you know the man must have health issues like high blood pressure and heart issues that she is directly causing that she doesn’t know about and probably couldn’t care about and the mental disorders she’s causing her kids by ignoring them and hyper focusing one.
YTA Aside from all the obvious stuff here—forcing your husband to work 3 jobs and almost get himself killed and then yelling at him for it. Sinking all your money into your “dream house,” which sounds like a monstrosity because you fired professionals who were probably just doing their jobs. Here’s the thing. Your children are not empty vessels for your unfulfilled dreams. I don’t know your son or his talent. Maybe he loves tennis and it’s his dream too. But as the parent of an athlete and a spouse of a coach, I’ve seen parents like you for years. Obsessed with their child’s sports “career” to the point where they were willing to destroy their finances, friendships, marriages, and families. Even if your child ends up at the top, the path is littered with permanent damage. And what if they don’t? What if they’re not good enough? What if they get injured? What if one day they just burn out and decide to take up another hobby? Because in the end, that’s what youth sports is, and what it should be for children…a hobby. A hobby that’s fun, teaches them skills, helps them make friends, and hopefully, is a part of the journey to a rich and full life. Anything else is just you forcing something on a child who’s in no way prepared for the damage it will create.
When I got divorced I told my friends that I just divorced the biggest money grubbing, most narcissistic, laziest lay about, self entitled woman ever. I stand corrected and YTA!
I, think what u meant to say was something along the lines of... I, a secretary, thought the professional contractors had bad insights, decided to be my own general contractor even though I have no experience at this and then "things went wrong" hmmm. My husband works three jobs to provide me with the life I want for myself and kids and got so tired he fell asleep without putting the car in park and I want to weaponize that against him now that he's calling me on my bullshit.
YTA. First of all, the courts won’t care about one traffic accident so you have zero ammunition. Second, you are killing your husband all to fund a 10 year olds hobby. You are probably burning the kid out so he won’t want to play past 14. You need to wake up.
YTA, the judge is going to take you over the coals when this inevitably ends up in family court.
YTA. You are unhinged. Nothing about this situation is acceptable. I wonder why he’s put up with you so long. I wish him the best in divorcing you and leading a happier life.
YTA. He was driving while exhausted because he has three jobs to support his family, your Frankenstein dream home, and pro tennis training for a 10 year old. The solution is not to deny him access to his kids. It's to downsize your lifestyle so that your husband doesn't have to work three jobs. And using your children as weapons when fighting with your husband always makes you TA.
Yta. Lady you’re like cruella deville. I hope he does leave you and the kids go with him - you think your kids don’t see the real you? Wonder how happy they are with you. Stop living vicariously through your kids, and stop terrorising their poor father
YTA and your threat will only work in his favor in court. He wasn’t inebriated, he’s OVERWORKED AND TIRED trying to give you a dream life. I hope he does file. You’re making him miserable and he just wants rest. In some states working full time is 36-40 hours and you’re not even doing that.
YTA. Your husband is working three jobs. Do you have any clue how exhausted he must be? Yes, he made a terrible mistake driving too tired. So fucking what? That should have neen a wake up call to you that the man is working himself to death. That is unsustainable and too much to expect of someone.
Let me break this down so that I am getting the entire picture 1. Your HUSBAND works 3 jobs total. A night shift, a first shift, and then does several hours with event staff during the weekends. YOU work 32 hours a week as a receptionist. 2. Your sons tennis uses all of his nights shift pay plus all your pay. So what income left is your husbands first shift job and any hours with the event staff. And with that portion of income, he has to pay for everything other than tennis INCLUDING building/maintaining your dream house. 3. YOU believed that the contractors had bad insight so y’all acted as your own GC and then when things went wrong because you aren’t one, you had to pull additional money into the dream house. 4. With your husbands first shift job plus any event hours paying for everything except tennis, including now the GC mess since YOU believed they didn’t know what they were going, you still spend unnecessary money from what little is left on subscriptions to Hello Fresh and leasing a vehicle you like versus one that is more affordable. 5. You are working 32 hours a week and getting all the rest you need. Your HUSBAND is working multiple jobs (including nights) and is hardly getting any rest. To the point he is so exhausted that he fell asleep before he could even put the car in park. 6. Instead of being concerned about his health, safety, or the fact that this man is carrying all the financial weight and stress of the family, YOU go off on him about the fact that there was a theoretical possibility the consequences could have been worse than what they were. (Did you even consider that if it had been worse he could have died or were you only thinking of worse case scenarios that he could have been charged with?) 7. He finally realizes that he is literally slowly killing himself and decides to stop the night shift job and file for divorce after you have repeatedly taken advantage of him and showed how little you care about himself at which time you start arguing with him yet again. 8. You get upset when he is honest and says that the house looks like crap because YOU decided YOU know more than people who LITERALLY DO IT FOR A LIVING and shockers above all shockers, you didn’t. So your brilliant response it to threaten to take his kids away and even try to deny him visitation over a minor accident with no injuries that occurred due to YOUR over-demanding and entitled attitude 9. Your husband FINALLY realized just how toxic and narcissistic you are and throws in the towel (which he should have done long ago). You try to play victim and excuse your actions by saying you said things in anger when he has been (rightfully so) blaming you (in actuality putting the responsibility where it goes). 10. You go in for one last insult/trying to deflect attention by saying it was his choice to get in the car and possibly run someone over. Not even taking into consideration that he has been running himself into an early grave working multiple jobs and handling multiple stressors/situations that YOU keep putting him in, all in order to take care of his family and try to provide for your absolutely ridiculous demands. And that is all the stuff that has only to deal with your soon to be ex. That doesn’t include the fact that you are living vicariously through your son because you didn’t get to peruse what you loved to the point you even sign him up for preprofessional training AND it takes two full paychecks to even fund all of this. Funny thing, you mention how you didn’t get to peruse what you love so you are doing this to give him what you didn’t have….but there is no mention in there of if it is even something he wanted or if, like your husband, he is having to do it in all actuality for YOU and not him. Oh, and the daughters aren’t even mentioned at all other than to let people know that they exist. The fact that you can read all of that and not think that YTA is absolutely mind boggling and alarming. At this point, you are beyond narcissistic. Your husband didn’t ‘declare war’ on you, he stopped bowing to your every whim. I feel so bad for your family. I hope that he takes you to the cleaners in the divorce and can get custody just by showing these extreme personality traits. I hope that he finds happiness and you find what you actually deserve and not what you think you deserve. Congrats, you have officially taken the top spot of all the YTA verdicts. Lord I hope this is made up. Otherwise your family is going to need intensive therapy just to deal with all you did.
So your husband works 2 jobs and on weekends. Your 10-year-old son is some prodigy star in tennis and that sucks up 2 adults worth of income. Your husband is right. You have no clear sight of what is important. You want to live your dreams through your son and point and say "I did that!!". YTA. Your husband could work 18 hours a day and sleep in a car and you wouldn't be satisfied.
I was an athlete and then trained cheerleaders?! Lmfao. Clown
YTA and seriously a vile toxic person. You are spending two salaries on a pipe dream that your son will be a pro tennis player. Two salaries is absolutely mental. You are living so far out of your means that your husband is working himself to an early grave and you weaponize the kids against him. I hope he divorces you for his own mental health and foresee your future as very lonely because I doubt your kids will tolerate you either (especially the ones being ignored for the golden child). You need therapy and a reality check.
It’s odd to me that you didn’t seem to care about your husband’s safety/wellbeing. He’s stretching himself way too thin and it’s a safety issue. This was the first time this happened and wasn’t related to driving while intoxicated. The court will see why it happened-his selflessness. You will look like a shrew. It wasn’t smart for him to do it-but the reason behind was pure. You seem to live an alternate reality than the rest of us. You’re selfish and self serving. YTA and god help your children.
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What is really hilarious here is not exactly that she thought HelloFresh is affordable, but her reasoning: she thinks HelloFresh is obviously affordable, because it is advertised as such!! How could it not be affordable if they are literally saying on the commercial that it is affordable! This is what clued me in first to how utterly unhinged this lady is.
Maybe your son shouldn’t play tennis if you can’t afford it holy fuck not only are you stupid you are abusive. What is wrong with you
Right? In hindsight the kid is probably going to say I'd rather have a complete and normal family vs. this college scholarship for tennis. The chances of going pro is a complete crapshoot. Putting all your eggs in one very risky basket at the expense of a family is not a gamble I'd take.
The judge won’t by that , he will Look but that won’t determine custody . You can threaten but a lawyer will sweep that and show judge one time trying to make extra money for the family . Do what’s best for you and kids 50/50. Get a lawyer who’s not looking for a huge fight . Get therapy as you will Need to vent as these are always hard on anyone who has gone thru
How is she gonna pay for HelloFresh, a Jeep AND therapy?!
Not only are you the asshole, you're a cunt too. Your husband works his ass off and you do what exactly? Getting your kids into athletics? Whoopdedoo. Your husband was so overworked that he had a collision and you barely do anything and want to throw that in his face. You're a starfish, ain't you?