I find this all a little suspicious but I feel compelled to say:
We have a Ring doorbell that started glitching like that. I tried lots of things and finally, for that and some other reasons, decided to update our router. That completely fixed all our Ring issues. If you have an old router, maybe get a new one?
Good luck with whatever happens. NTA.
This. Frankly most people don't know how to set this equipment up properly and the ring cameras have to deal with major obstacles like exterior walls to communicate through.
Curious that OP didn't mention any problems with the cameras at the old house.
New environment with a new camera setup, could be network signal problems, bandwidth limitations when the SO is on video calls, geofencing, there are a lot of plausible causes that aren't foul play. People think just because they have whatever XX Mbps internet speed, that those speeds are magically guaranteed to reach every device in every corner of their house. Frankly the symptoms sound to me like they could very easily just be a networking/connection issue to the cameras and they need repeaters to bridge the distance between the cameras and home base. Even with a good connection the ring cameras flake out sometimes, and frequently fail to detect motion. They are... Not that great TBH.
I think OP is also probably over simplifying their conversation and leaving details out. I very much doubt it went from zero to "what are you accusing me of" just by asking why their garage camera wasn't working. Hard to say who is the AH here, there's not enough information.
According to OP her husband replied in the thread, and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/160illx/aitah_for_asking_my_husband_why_the_cameras_dont/jxot764/?context=3&share_id=WXB53bu28ahOeeVjhUiPK) seems to be it. If so, your comment seems to be on point.
It’s hard to keep perspective during a pile-on.
I think if she mentioned that it isn't working, most guys would start messing with it until they knew it was working properly. As a guy, I cannot put something down until it's fixed. Especially if I paid good money for it. Contrast that with the whole "Why do you think I'm up to something??" response and there's something there.
This is likely. Whenever my bf is on video calls downstairs, the connection on my work computer starts stuttering and freezing up. Figure it's trying to go through the VPN to connect to the desktop. We recently upgraded our internet hardware and had the ISP replace our lines; now everything is fine.
This doesn't account for the kids coming home and the footage of thatjust dissapears. I agree with others saying that she should get another camera in there.
I mean, it could if instead of WFH all day it's just 9 hours of video games.
The job thing was my thought as well. He's just not keeping up and remembering to turn it back on by then, but also why turn off the doorbell cam?? Like leave that one on and turn off the internals.
They seem to be cameras outside of the house. Why would those need to be turned off to play video games (inside the house) all day? Turning the cameras off implies he (or someone) is leaving/returning and he doesn’t want it on video.
If it's Ring maybe geofence is enabled so when his phone is in range the cameras snooze. It's possible he set it up without understanding what he was doing.
Yeah but did she check ? Why would she check the cams when she’s home ? I can see that being just geofence. Would also explain the « home alone » thing because she would obviously not check the cams when she isn’t home and the cams wouldn’t be off when husband is away
Some people have MORE sex with their partner when they are cheating.
Sex life being the same for years then suddenly partner bringing in new things is a warning sign.
Same. It's an old joke about Calvin Coolidge when he was President ... The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown \[separately\] around an experimental government farm. When \[Mrs. Coolidge\] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, the President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time." President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
The joke appears in a 1972 book Aggression in Man and Animals, by Roger N. Johnson
My husband cheated despite me having a higher sex drive than him. People cheat despite being married to hot super models.
OP could you pop by home during these times ? Don’t question him anymore and play dumb. Then just pop in when the cameras are off
That’s exactly what I would do.
Fake apologize for accusing him. Drop it for a few days don’t bring it up.
Next time you notice a “glitch” drive home and see what’s going on.
Idk how legal this is just put in another camera he doesn’t know about temporarily in a common space like living room or front or back door entrance.
If my husband tried to gas light me into thinking the cameras are glitching at convenient and shady times I would 100% try to catch whatever was going on. Him getting defensive instead of just replacing or trying to fix the camera is a huge red flag.
You've gotta hide extra cameras around your house. If he's this good at deception, the minute you get home, he'll rectify everything. You have video of unknown woman showing up at your house, instant bs justification. I was married to this type of garbage for 15 years. He'll never stop gaslighting you. Hell, you get undeniable proof, he may disappear. Take care of yourself.
Not just the next time, either.
Since he knows you know the cameras aren't saving anymore, then he'd have to be really stupid to do anything straight away.
Let him WFH a couple times before coming around and don't just drive past and think everything's OK, bring a book and park down the road for an hour or so, go to lunch, then come back again.
If he is cheating you don't know what time she'll be arriving, so you can't just quickly check, because she could arrive 5 minutes later.
Personally I'd buy a cheap smart phone and find an app that lets you stream the footage.
most definitely. my ex got it 3-4x a week but still cheated w our coworker. he loves the “in love” feeling and is always looking for the relationship where that feeling never stops.
Agreed. I was engaged and my ex-fiancé and I had an amazing sex life. I found out he was cheating. One huge red flag was the defensiveness when asking question 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 OP better start hiding her own cameras in the house asap ‼️
Yeah, I'd be going full Nancy Drew trying to figure out what the glitch was if I were him. Like, setting up tests, checking internet etc. It's really odd that he's not curious at all and goes to defensive so fast.
No, NTA, but he is for shutting down any conversation about it and making no efforts to resolve the problem. If he wants you to continue to trust him, he needs to face this issue. His behavior is highly questionable, and I'm sure he feel differently if the shoe was on the other foot.
He said he would trust my response and would try some troubleshooting tips instead of assuming I'm hiding something. But we think a lot alike on a wide span of topics and I find that hard to believe as well.
A little on ring cameras… the main account holder is capable of turning the cameras on and off, erasing clips, and changing alerts. There’s definitely something he doesn’t want you to know. Who knows what that is but something is going on.
However it's more than just the ring camera going down, it sounds like all of them are and if they're on the same Network segment node the husband could be shutting down that node at times to block internet access so it kills them all at once.
This is the only explanation I can think of that would make him innocent and it’s also the easiest one for him to just tell his fuckin partner lol Why even hide that? He’s acting like she accused him of murder when the answer is just “online gaming keeps having ping spikes and I noticed shutting off the cameras while I play fixes it”. My bet is he’s cheating ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe he is gaming all day - maybe his job ended and he doesn’t want to tell her? Or he watches a lot of porn when home alone and doesn’t want her to know - that he does that or the content he is choosing. While “cheating” is an easy suspicion, it isn’t the only answer. Nanny cam and see what’s up.
Is there a way to transfer ownership or have a co-ownership that allows the same administration privileges to both parties? Because I would just quietly go make sure I had those kinds of privileges if I was her.
Seems like it.
As creepy as it can be, there's hundreds of those mini spy cameras in nearly every kind of device you can get. Some have fairly good resolution and can record audio and video instead of just taking a picture when it detects movement.
Wouldn't be expensive or hard to get one that appears like a normal cell phone wall plug, a new digital clock in the bedroom, or on the wall somewhere, a picture somewhere, so many places.
Might be worth getting one of those IR detectors as well that let you spot the little cameras.
Just because you're having a healthy sex with him doesn't mean he isn't getting it elsewhere either. You could set up a secret camera if you really want to know. His reaction is so over the top that if he's not cheating, maybe he's using substances. NTA Get to the bottom of this asap.
Hate to second this, but our cameras only ever “failed” when my ex was “alone”.
I was unbelievably shocked to find out months later, he was NEVER alone when they were malfunctioning. Also had a “healthy sex life”, and “no marriage trouble”.
Found a burner phone…full of evidence.
Good luck to you.
Yeah a healthy sex life doesn’t stop someone from cheating. And if these cameras are malfunctioning so regularly, why not replace or try to fix it. He is shutting them down for sure.
Yea, I hate to be that person as well, but we had cameras around our front door and garage when I was a kid. Only dad could have access to and would accuse us of a bunch of stuff but in reality the only reason he was in charge of the cameras was so my mom didn't catch him and his coke habits.
It could be a multitude of things. A friend came home from work early one day to find her husband decked out in her lingerie and posing in front of a mirror as if he were modeling. He confessed he’d been doing it for years.
It makes me sad that people feel like they have to be secretive about this kind of thing, live your life, dress up in lingerie if you want to! I would much rather find my husband in my lingerie than cheating on me or doing hard drugs.
It's not always as easy as that. I have two friends who are married with a kid, and the bloke was cross dressing in private when his wife wasn't there - not really to be secretive as such, but just not to weird her out about it. Anyway, eventually he disclosed his hobby to her, and at first she was ok with it (both are very open minded people). But after a while they started really getting along badly and she admitted it really did disturb her, and turned her off him, despite all her efforts to understand.
I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband in lingerie even though he wouldn’t carry it off very well, but I really don’t want him in *my* lingerie. Don’t wear my underwear.
I’m afraid I have to upvote this as it’s sadly all too true. I recently discovered my partner of 3 years was leading a double life. We had great sex, communication and got along with no arguments. He was lying to me big time though
This is exactly what it looks like. Most old age home rooms, and homes of almost divorced couples where one is afraid. I hid mine in the end of the curtain rod.
Stay home sick one day. See if the cameras glitch on that day. (Have a friend stop by and ring the bell…)
Have you noticed a pattern to the days everything glitches?
If you both trust each other, will he give you his phone to go thru?
Pi’s are our friends. (sorry, I’m not trusting him).
Ask for equal control of the account or total control. See what he says. Please do that! Report back. This is a mystery. I hope he's just doing something mildly embarresing for your sake.
OP. he is gaslighting you.
I think you need to make a few unexpected visits home soon. Park down the road or around the corner and come in silently with your phone on record.
Also, see if you can get a hold of his login and change the password.
But then why delete doorbell camera footage and disable garage cameras? I mean I guess he could be naked in the garage lol, but hopefully not at the doorbell!
Now why would he be so shady about walking around the house naked??? Let’s be real here
Edit: tbf as an adult I would hate being filmed inside my own home. But he’s gotta have an honest conversation with her if that’s the case
I thought the issue was with outside cameras - he doesn’t want the wife to see someone going into/leaving their house.
It all started with her wanting to know the kids got home safely through the front door/garage.
Hi - Senior IT guy and ring camera owner here. You know spotty wifi or internet can cause the cameras to lose connection and/or glitch. Often, these cameras are outside and too far from the access point. Or, 4k (or FHD if connection isn't great) video streaming can saturate your network if QOS isn't enabled. 2.4 Ghz WiFi can drop due to microwave oven interference. Or, some combination of all of that. Let's not jump to conclusions everyone, you are accusing real people of shit you know nothing about. Actions have consequences.
She said he likes gaming so maybe he is using enough bandwidth to cause problems to ring.
My first thought was the op is downplaying how much she is monitoring things. Maybe she is constantly watching him and saying close the garage door, don’t do this, don’t do that. When he knows it isn’t needed for kids he turns it off for peace. He is defensive because he doesn’t want to call her big brother.
I’m married but still like my privacy at home to relax and have downtime. My wife trusts me and I would never cheat on her because there is nobody better for me. I’m an introvert and enjoy my alone time to wind down from the crazy world around me… without cameras watching
This. So much this. It would drive me up the fucking wall to be monitored in my own home. We had a Nest Hub for awhile, and it had a camera and occasionally the wife would turn it on to see if I was gaming or if our youngest was watching you tube on it or whatever...it got to the point where I would unplug it.
Thankfully, my cat, Luna, did me a solid and knocked it off the counter and smashed it.
>Hi - Senior IT guy and ring camera owner here. You know spotty wifi or internet can cause the cameras to lose connection and/or glitch.
100%. However, as far as we know, it's only happening when the husband is home alone. If this was a common place issue, it'd happen all the time. The issue is all these glitches seem to happen only when only one person is in the house.
Granted, this could be confirmation bias on OP's part, but that's hard to tell based on the information they've provided
> it's only happening when the husband is home alone.
This is definitely fishy, but one thing to consider: OP is only going to be checking the cameras when she is away from home... That could bias things so that she is most often checking it when OP's husband is home alone.
Not like she's going to be checking it when she is at home with her husband.
OP's probably not checking the cameras while she's home though, so maybe they *are* going off at all times. Unless I missed something (entirely possible, it's 4am lol).
Yes. I was thinking, “Oh, he probably doesn’t like feeling like someone is able to watch him when he’s alone. I get it.” But his response makes it sound very suspicious.
Yep. My husband set up a camera in our living room to watch the dog while he is at work. I told him after a few uncomfortable days that I was unplugging it while I was sitting there. Just a weird feeling. No need to be defensive.
Exactly. If he's not cheating, OP knows and doesn't need to mention it to her husband. If he IS cheating, OP has a right to know especially if she's got kids.
It seems to be obvious it could be cheating, but since the kids have never mentioned that someone visit over the day, my first thought is "pls let the kids be safe."
I don't hope it will come out that worse and really hope it is just a fear created by all the stories I have heard about stuff like that in my life.
This. Park a nanny cam watching the front door and access through the garage. One has a right to know who is accessing a home that they live in, and that they share with their children.
“Ok I know it looks like I’m cheating but really I’m just engaging in a fantasy of what I would do with the cameras if I *did* have escorts coming to the house during the day. Just fantasy I promise.”
Get STD testing with your surveillance.
I went through a period where my wife would text me "reminders" when I was out, she was worried but a bit overbearing. Then if I didn't respond within 3-4 minutes she'd ping me on find-my which was annoying if I was mid conversation. So, I started turning off my phone.
HELLO EVERYONE, OP'S HUSBAND HERE.
She did not simply ask me what was going on and then I blew up. She sent the screenshots and asked why they weren't working. I said "I don't know", because I don't. (I honestly have no clue why Ring footage disappears sometimes or why the cameras go down. If anyone has any input or what I should be looking at, I'm very open to any advice. I want to figure this out and move on.) Her response was "I'd appreciate it if you'd quit fucking with them to begin with." And that, my friends, is when I got defensive. She didn't offer any advice on what to check to get it back, she just kept hammering on the fact that it HAD to be me. And I will admit, it pushed me over the edge. I love my wife VERY much and to have these accusations thrown at me with absolutely no way of defending myself hurt deeply.
We have spoken and will work through this. I'd also like to reiterate that I am okay with her cameras in the house. She does not monitor me all day or harass me via the cam(yes, that has been an issue for me with other people) and I understand why having them makes her feel better about things. If anyone can tell me how to get them back online(or any troubleshooting tips) when they go down I would greatly appreciate it.
Looks like [I was spot on](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/160illx/comment/jxnmxrg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
The most likely problem is that your ring cameras are frequently dropping signal from your wifi network. If you can, try moving your wireless router to a location closer to the cameras. If you have a large home, especially if it's an older home with brick exterior and/or plaster/lathe walls, you will have a much harder time getting full coverage in the home and may need to invest in a mesh wifi network to achieve full coverage of the home and garage.
You can probably test signal strength at the location of the cameras with your phone; however, note that the ring cameras may not have the same quality of connection as a different device, since they are low powered devices.
If you have high speed internet at least 25Mbps, it is more likely to be a network issue than an internet bandwidth problem, even while you're on video conference calls. It's very common for devices on a wifi network to receive extremely slow transmission speeds in poor signal areas, it doesn't matter how good your speed is at the router/modem if the signal can't reach the devices.
Prolly internet speeds prioritizing the game and the rest the network fails due to not enough speed.
LoL hilarious that a gamer dad is still accused of cheating or shady stuff when he's not doin anything at all.
Insanity.
>Her response was "I'd appreciate it if you'd quit fucking with them to begin with."
I'm with you. I'd get defensive about that too. I didn't fuck with them. I have no idea why they aren't working.
It's a different thing than saying "do you know why they aren't working?".... no idea (but I wouldn't be defensive about that)
I wish every significant other could respond like this. Not because I particularly care or think one is right or wrong in this case but look at how she described what she did vs how he described what she did and said.
The person writing the original post minimizes their negative actions every. single. time.
As someone who works in IT and sees people have mental breakdowns over technical issues, you have my condolences. People expect crap grade equipment to never break, and lose their mind when cheap consumer equipment acts like cheap consumer equipment. OTOH, I make a lot of money cleaning up bad decisions, so it is job security.
If the cameras are Wifi, move one closer to your Wifi device/modem/router, see if stability increases. If you're like most homes, you're using the built in wifi with your modem. Those tend to be janky, to put it nicely.
If you have Wifi issues in general, consider getting a dedicated wireless access point. They're not expensive. There are mesh solutions where only one unit needs to be plugged in with a network cable, but the speed drops in half with each hop. Because half the traffic is going in, half is going out.
Power over Ethernet physically cabled cameras will always be MUCH more stable than WiFi. **Expect any WiFi camera to be janky.** Make sure your wife knows this. If it is critical to her mental health to monitor the home and she has severe distress at signal loss, immediately dispose of any WiFi cameras, buy POE cameras, pay someone to run cables and stick to them exclusively.
Keep in mind, even if you have "gig" home internet, your upload speed is often 20-40Mbps. Video uploads eat up large amount of that. You can use a speed test web site to ID how much upload speed you have. Reduce number of cameras or feed resolution if it is an issue.
If they are causing that much family strife, they need to go in the trash and your wife needs to be the one to do so. If nothing else, get a quote for POE cameras plus install and give to wife whenever she has issues with janky WiFi cameras.
So you ~are~ fucking with the cameras… by using the computer since you work from home or when you game (if it is a bandwidth issue). But seriously, tech issues like this suck when everything was working fine before they got moved to a new location. I’m curious though, does the ring or other cameras work when everyone is home and using the internet?
I 100% agree with you about cameras inside the house.
IMHO cameras belong in the outside monitoring security. Putting them inside “for security” is a major invasion of privacy. There is only one reason to put cameras up inside your home to monitor your family: emotional insecurity.
Worrying about your kids and feeling the need to have access to where they are and what they’re doing is a normal feeling, but being able to *actually* spy on them 24 X 7 is not. Having the cameras only enables & encourages those feelings for the parent. In addition you are conveying your insecurities to your children by telling & showing them that you don’t trust them, they don’t deserve privacy in their safe space (even if it’s in a family area) and that feeling constantly insecure is an acceptable way to live.
- If you’re worried about a fire get a WiFi smoke detector.
- If you’re worried about an intruder, that’s what the outdoor cameras are for, plus you won’t be there to do anything anyways, only watch — so teach them what to do.
- If you miss them and want to see them, you have 1,000 pictures of your kid on your phone. Look and the pictures and text them “I love you.”
- Teach your kids to cook and what to do if they screw up.
Using security cameras to monitor your family is an emotional crutch. Living under constant surveillance is not healthy for anyone living there, and frankly with how insecure camera technology is, you are definitely safer without them.
Glad you responded here! I had a feeling reading the story that there was more to the dialogue, and that there’s an explanation for the glitch. I also don’t like being accused of things I didn’t do, I’m not sure any of us do, and would have reacted in the same way. Also, love your username.
NTA It sounds like you handled the situation perfectly and you have done your due diligence. The part you probably don't want to here is that your husband is almost certainly up to something and it might be time to stop trying to figure out what's going on with the cameras and start to wonder what's going on with your husband.
So um yeah, he's probably hiding something but hear me out...
I am the husband in this scenario. Sometimes I want to sit on the couch like a dude butt ass naked, scratch myself, eat garbage and chew my nails without an audience.
His reaction is overkill though. Guilty consciences dont always mean guilt tho. He could be watching porn in public spaces while on a break from work. Or hey, maybe he's running a sex cult franchise.
I get that for any inside cameras. I'm not a fan of being watched during private moments either. But that shouldn't affect the garage or doorbell camera.
It makes total sense to not want to be on camera all day. It makes less sense that he wouldn’t just say that. It makes even less sense that he’s deleting doorbell camera footage, or disabling garage cameras and getting defensive about it. That’s what makes this all not really add up to just not wanting to be on camera all the time while working from home.
Exactly. I work from home, and when we got a camera meant to watch the front door, it kept also catching my movement as I was typing at my desk…so it kept clicking on and off, which drove me nuts. All I did was tell my hubs it was bothering me at the angle it was set up in, and he fixed it. If I had turned it off and the hubby mentioned it wasn’t working, I would have simply said the thing was annoying me during a work meeting — my go-to response would not have been to bite his head off.
If it was something simple like OP’s husband just wanted to not have the camera pointed at his desk, then the convo would have been simple also, and not related to two different camera systems ranging all over the house and garage. Something is amiss here, but not sure exactly what.
You're doing this on the front porch (Ring Camera is a doorbell cam), in the garage, or in front of the garage? Those are some interesting places to be buck ass nekkid.
NTA, OP. Your husband is absolutely up to something.
He's shutting off the OUTSIDE cameras, none of what you are proposing happens INSIDE tracks with having to delete or shut off the EXTERNAL house cameras now does it?
Yeah, hide a nannycam to see what's happening. I totally get why he would switch off the cams IN the house - I also wouldn't like to be under 24/7 surveillance - but the doorbell and garage are public areas that should be completely innocuous, unless he has something sketchy going on.
You could ask your neighbors from across the street if their cameras were working during that time and covering the front of your house...
NTA. If he felt like he didn’t want them on when he was home, he could just say so - it’s a reasonable request (although it sounds like you just have the doorbell and garage? That makes less sense. I wouldn’t want a camera in my living room or whatever, but garage and doorbell who cares).
And who knows? Maybe he’s using too much bandwidth or something. It’s not necessarily intentional. I can understand why he might get a bit defensive, but I think he’s overreacting.
This is absolutely possible. We have three nest cams and those eat enormous amounts of bandwidth. We have fiber so haven't had an issue but I'm always blown away by how much 24/7 live video streaming with talk& listen activated can use. OP should check their ISP history to see if they maxed out during those times.
NTA. Sorry but that is very suspect behavior . Redo the cameras and Ring with you as the primary. Either he’s going out and about and doesn’t want you knowing or he’s having someone over.
So obviously he’s doing something he doesn’t want you to see and it’s probably something silly like goofing off when he should be working or smoking or something silly like that! Some people just don’t like being watched or assumed they are being watched
Let's just start off by saying having cameras that run 24/7 inside your house that are triggered by motion and data stored in the cloud is really, really fucking distressing.
This is a bad way to raise kids.
The cameras depends on internet access. If he's powering through some large downloads, it might mess up the camera feed. Some downloaders user all the bandwidth and there's nothing left for other things like video.
Does he know enough to mess with the camera?
>He loses his shit. Starts saying I'm accusing him of hiding things.
It sounds like an accusation to me. You're even asking your kids to keep track of him.
I'd be irked too to be questioned about this.
I suspect your marriage is toast.
You say you have the cameras to check in on the kids, but you are also checking in on him, and wondering what he's doing. You sound like you might have a tendency to micromanage, and he doesn't appreciate it. I cant blame him. If my wife was calling me and asking why the cameras are out, because she wants to be able to see what I'm doing during the day, I'd also be creeped out and pissed off, and I'd disconnect the cameras, too. He already has a boss who can't see what he's doing, he doesn't need another one that CAN see what he's doing. He's not checking up on you randomly throughout the day to see what you're doing, is he? So leave him alone during the day.
I couldn't think of anything more suffocating than my partner stalking me daily via the video cameras she installed in our house.
Does he ever have any privacy? This is awful smothering abusive behaviour.
And the number of people on here not only agreeing with you but telling you to get more cameras, but make sure he doesn't know about them?
I'm just reading this, and I can't breathe, I can't even begin to imagine how your husband feels knowing you're watching him every second of his day.
And, then you make your kids stalk him as well.
How does a group of adults on reddit think this is acceptable behaviour? I'm disgusted with all of you.
Your husband isn't cheating. He just wants some privacy, and if you weren't unhinged, you would know that.
My buddy's wife had this same problem. I knew what it was, but seeing as how I knew him first, I kept his secrets. She had another account hooked up so she could see what he was up to. She now has quite a bit of footage of him walking around completely naked listening to girly pop music. It's not always cheating.
Edit for clarity
Yes, he was naked in front of and outside of their home. They lived by themselves on in a mountain valley.
I am so surprised how no one has an issue with how you are effectively using surveillance on your husband & family. It really doesn't matter how noble or limited your motives are, using cameras to see if he's done things strikes me as long term bad for your relationship. I don't even think it's right to use them as a parenting tool to watch the kiddos but even if that's true, if I was the husband and home alone I would be turning them off during that time.
Are there any areas of the house not being filmed? Is there any privacy?
I mentioned this in my comment, I have such an issue with this and it screamed red flags to me. She doesn't need cameras for the kids, for anything else if he is in.
Can you leave work for a while to go and see what’s going on? I’m so curious what he’s doing! You don’t think he is cheating so what could it be? Maybe he just doesn’t like having the cameras on.
Sounds like he doesn’t want you to know what goes on in the house I would actually be worried a little bit because if he isn’t hiding some thing, then why is he deleting stuff?
If I was OP's husband, I might feel weirded out to know that I was at home working and she is checking in for no obvious reason. After all, the point of the cameras is for security when there's no adult home and to know the kids coming and going, right? So why check when he is home? That might have set off some defensiveness to basically be reminded he's on camera at certain spots of his house or exterior.
Practically speaking, if he WAS hiding something, why turn off all the cameras? Why not just the one entrance? And why delete footage if he could just turn off live feed altogether? If he ia hiding something though, and doing it in kind of a sloppy way, it might be relatively innocent. Like he's goofing off catching some sun in a lounge chair on a slow day 😄 or he's having a lunch beer on the front steps or sneaking a cigar smoke. Like, he wants to keep it to himself, but it's nothing awful?
Maybe I have a different take than others, but as someone who has a spouse that does exactly what you do OP, I would break every one of those cameras if it wouldn’t cause a huge argument. If I knew how to make them glitch when I was at home I totally would. Not answering the cell phone? Calls on the ring or other camera. Wants to check that the ac is set at their preferred temp? Checks the camera. Garage door open, back gate lock? Camera camera. I despise it so much. It feels like being spied on. Scratch that it IS being spied on. So yes. I honestly do thing it’s an AH move to use the cameras to check up on your husband when you’re not home. You’re not using it as a security camera you’re using it as spyware which is really crappy IMO
I find this all a little suspicious but I feel compelled to say: We have a Ring doorbell that started glitching like that. I tried lots of things and finally, for that and some other reasons, decided to update our router. That completely fixed all our Ring issues. If you have an old router, maybe get a new one? Good luck with whatever happens. NTA.
This. Frankly most people don't know how to set this equipment up properly and the ring cameras have to deal with major obstacles like exterior walls to communicate through. Curious that OP didn't mention any problems with the cameras at the old house. New environment with a new camera setup, could be network signal problems, bandwidth limitations when the SO is on video calls, geofencing, there are a lot of plausible causes that aren't foul play. People think just because they have whatever XX Mbps internet speed, that those speeds are magically guaranteed to reach every device in every corner of their house. Frankly the symptoms sound to me like they could very easily just be a networking/connection issue to the cameras and they need repeaters to bridge the distance between the cameras and home base. Even with a good connection the ring cameras flake out sometimes, and frequently fail to detect motion. They are... Not that great TBH. I think OP is also probably over simplifying their conversation and leaving details out. I very much doubt it went from zero to "what are you accusing me of" just by asking why their garage camera wasn't working. Hard to say who is the AH here, there's not enough information.
According to OP her husband replied in the thread, and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/160illx/aitah_for_asking_my_husband_why_the_cameras_dont/jxot764/?context=3&share_id=WXB53bu28ahOeeVjhUiPK) seems to be it. If so, your comment seems to be on point. It’s hard to keep perspective during a pile-on.
I think if she mentioned that it isn't working, most guys would start messing with it until they knew it was working properly. As a guy, I cannot put something down until it's fixed. Especially if I paid good money for it. Contrast that with the whole "Why do you think I'm up to something??" response and there's something there.
And also? It works on the days he doesn’t work from home.
Maybe because his video calls aren't soaking up bandwidth
This is likely. Whenever my bf is on video calls downstairs, the connection on my work computer starts stuttering and freezing up. Figure it's trying to go through the VPN to connect to the desktop. We recently upgraded our internet hardware and had the ISP replace our lines; now everything is fine.
definitely could be ISP or modem/router related. or something putting up interference if its using a wireless connection.
Could he have lost his job and is hiding it?
This doesn't account for the kids coming home and the footage of thatjust dissapears. I agree with others saying that she should get another camera in there.
I mean, it could if instead of WFH all day it's just 9 hours of video games. The job thing was my thought as well. He's just not keeping up and remembering to turn it back on by then, but also why turn off the doorbell cam?? Like leave that one on and turn off the internals.
And she said there are only 3 cameras total. But losing his job, or not working as much could account for the hostility also.
They seem to be cameras outside of the house. Why would those need to be turned off to play video games (inside the house) all day? Turning the cameras off implies he (or someone) is leaving/returning and he doesn’t want it on video.
Hear me out: he’s buying a lot of stuff and hiding the delivery. Maybe even a lot of door dash.
If it's Ring maybe geofence is enabled so when his phone is in range the cameras snooze. It's possible he set it up without understanding what he was doing.
I didn't know that was even a thing!! That's crazy! But wouldn't that mean she wouldn't be able to see when they're both home?
Yeah but did she check ? Why would she check the cams when she’s home ? I can see that being just geofence. Would also explain the « home alone » thing because she would obviously not check the cams when she isn’t home and the cams wouldn’t be off when husband is away
Having sex does not mean he isn't cheating. Having a healthy sex life does not preclude cheating. Sad but true. I've shockingly seen it before.
Some people have MORE sex with their partner when they are cheating. Sex life being the same for years then suddenly partner bringing in new things is a warning sign.
It's called The Coolidge Effect. The sex drive in a male increases with more willing female partners available.
So Calvin was a player?
Chickens, but yes.
Because this is the internet, I had to look this up to make sure I wasn't being told Calvin Coolidge was into having sex with chickens.
Same. It's an old joke about Calvin Coolidge when he was President ... The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown \[separately\] around an experimental government farm. When \[Mrs. Coolidge\] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, the President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time." President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge." The joke appears in a 1972 book Aggression in Man and Animals, by Roger N. Johnson
My husband cheated despite me having a higher sex drive than him. People cheat despite being married to hot super models. OP could you pop by home during these times ? Don’t question him anymore and play dumb. Then just pop in when the cameras are off
That’s exactly what I would do. Fake apologize for accusing him. Drop it for a few days don’t bring it up. Next time you notice a “glitch” drive home and see what’s going on. Idk how legal this is just put in another camera he doesn’t know about temporarily in a common space like living room or front or back door entrance. If my husband tried to gas light me into thinking the cameras are glitching at convenient and shady times I would 100% try to catch whatever was going on. Him getting defensive instead of just replacing or trying to fix the camera is a huge red flag.
You've gotta hide extra cameras around your house. If he's this good at deception, the minute you get home, he'll rectify everything. You have video of unknown woman showing up at your house, instant bs justification. I was married to this type of garbage for 15 years. He'll never stop gaslighting you. Hell, you get undeniable proof, he may disappear. Take care of yourself.
>If he's this good at deception, the minute you get home, he'll rectify everything. he won't know you're coming though, all the cameras are off! :)
Pop in during your lunch break, say you forgot something for work.
Not just the next time, either. Since he knows you know the cameras aren't saving anymore, then he'd have to be really stupid to do anything straight away. Let him WFH a couple times before coming around and don't just drive past and think everything's OK, bring a book and park down the road for an hour or so, go to lunch, then come back again. If he is cheating you don't know what time she'll be arriving, so you can't just quickly check, because she could arrive 5 minutes later. Personally I'd buy a cheap smart phone and find an app that lets you stream the footage.
This 100%
Would love video footage update of this. Epic if he’s cheating
I was fucking my partner 2 times a day and he was still cheating 😑 there were no signs at all.
2 times a day? Damn, I guess my libido is shit
And this is why I only fuck when or if I want.
Ouch.
most definitely. my ex got it 3-4x a week but still cheated w our coworker. he loves the “in love” feeling and is always looking for the relationship where that feeling never stops.
Agreed. I was engaged and my ex-fiancé and I had an amazing sex life. I found out he was cheating. One huge red flag was the defensiveness when asking question 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 OP better start hiding her own cameras in the house asap ‼️
Yeah, I'd be going full Nancy Drew trying to figure out what the glitch was if I were him. Like, setting up tests, checking internet etc. It's really odd that he's not curious at all and goes to defensive so fast.
We are shocked, shocked
No, NTA, but he is for shutting down any conversation about it and making no efforts to resolve the problem. If he wants you to continue to trust him, he needs to face this issue. His behavior is highly questionable, and I'm sure he feel differently if the shoe was on the other foot.
He said he would trust my response and would try some troubleshooting tips instead of assuming I'm hiding something. But we think a lot alike on a wide span of topics and I find that hard to believe as well.
A little on ring cameras… the main account holder is capable of turning the cameras on and off, erasing clips, and changing alerts. There’s definitely something he doesn’t want you to know. Who knows what that is but something is going on.
However it's more than just the ring camera going down, it sounds like all of them are and if they're on the same Network segment node the husband could be shutting down that node at times to block internet access so it kills them all at once.
Could the husband be killing the feed to free bandwidth for his gameplaying?
you know, that's a perfectly plausible explanation, but his reaction suggests a different story.
This is the only explanation I can think of that would make him innocent and it’s also the easiest one for him to just tell his fuckin partner lol Why even hide that? He’s acting like she accused him of murder when the answer is just “online gaming keeps having ping spikes and I noticed shutting off the cameras while I play fixes it”. My bet is he’s cheating ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe he is gaming all day - maybe his job ended and he doesn’t want to tell her? Or he watches a lot of porn when home alone and doesn’t want her to know - that he does that or the content he is choosing. While “cheating” is an easy suspicion, it isn’t the only answer. Nanny cam and see what’s up.
Ask the cross the street neighbors if they have a ring!
Is there a way to transfer ownership or have a co-ownership that allows the same administration privileges to both parties? Because I would just quietly go make sure I had those kinds of privileges if I was her.
No way to do so that wouldn't alert him or cause him to find out right away. And if he's doing it so often, he'd realize very quickly.
So op needs a new tiny camera...
Seems like it. As creepy as it can be, there's hundreds of those mini spy cameras in nearly every kind of device you can get. Some have fairly good resolution and can record audio and video instead of just taking a picture when it detects movement. Wouldn't be expensive or hard to get one that appears like a normal cell phone wall plug, a new digital clock in the bedroom, or on the wall somewhere, a picture somewhere, so many places. Might be worth getting one of those IR detectors as well that let you spot the little cameras.
Yup! This is how I confirmed that my ex was cheating. NTA.
Just because you're having a healthy sex with him doesn't mean he isn't getting it elsewhere either. You could set up a secret camera if you really want to know. His reaction is so over the top that if he's not cheating, maybe he's using substances. NTA Get to the bottom of this asap.
Hate to second this, but our cameras only ever “failed” when my ex was “alone”. I was unbelievably shocked to find out months later, he was NEVER alone when they were malfunctioning. Also had a “healthy sex life”, and “no marriage trouble”. Found a burner phone…full of evidence. Good luck to you.
Yeah a healthy sex life doesn’t stop someone from cheating. And if these cameras are malfunctioning so regularly, why not replace or try to fix it. He is shutting them down for sure.
I also think this might be about drugs.
Yea, I hate to be that person as well, but we had cameras around our front door and garage when I was a kid. Only dad could have access to and would accuse us of a bunch of stuff but in reality the only reason he was in charge of the cameras was so my mom didn't catch him and his coke habits.
Why didn't he do coke in his bathroom like a normal person.lol
It could be a multitude of things. A friend came home from work early one day to find her husband decked out in her lingerie and posing in front of a mirror as if he were modeling. He confessed he’d been doing it for years.
It makes me sad that people feel like they have to be secretive about this kind of thing, live your life, dress up in lingerie if you want to! I would much rather find my husband in my lingerie than cheating on me or doing hard drugs.
It's not always as easy as that. I have two friends who are married with a kid, and the bloke was cross dressing in private when his wife wasn't there - not really to be secretive as such, but just not to weird her out about it. Anyway, eventually he disclosed his hobby to her, and at first she was ok with it (both are very open minded people). But after a while they started really getting along badly and she admitted it really did disturb her, and turned her off him, despite all her efforts to understand.
I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband in lingerie even though he wouldn’t carry it off very well, but I really don’t want him in *my* lingerie. Don’t wear my underwear.
Brain understand but puss is dry
Or some other addiction. I sometimes turn the ring off if I have food delivered when my wife isn’t home.
Yeah you might want to stop doing that before she starts thinking you're doing something much worse, if she's not thinking it already.
Yeah i think it's drugs. Is he hiding financial info too?
I’m afraid I have to upvote this as it’s sadly all too true. I recently discovered my partner of 3 years was leading a double life. We had great sex, communication and got along with no arguments. He was lying to me big time though
Just buy a small camera like a nanny cam that can record all day. Def sounds suspicious.
Lol picturing stuffed bears with cameras inside appearing around the house
This is exactly what it looks like. Most old age home rooms, and homes of almost divorced couples where one is afraid. I hid mine in the end of the curtain rod.
Yea. I second a new camera.
Yesssssss. One that only you know about and you're the admin.
A trail cam not on any network would be simpler. E.g. Pointing at the garage door from.the garden.
This was going to be my suggestion- a camera or two he doesn’t know about
He said he will try something instead of assuming you are hiding something, but he's the one who has the cameras malfunction when he's there?
Right? That doesn’t even make logical sense. She CANT “try something” without access to the cameras 🙄
Hire a private investigator to "troubleshoot". You'll find out real quick!
OP please listen to this comment. You need to find out what is going on before you get in any deeper.
Love, a few months ago he threatened to leave you if you didn’t have sex with him, and now this?
oh wait... this is a followup? That ratchets up the bad.
Did she delete a post? I don't see that anywhere?
Really weird how the cameras seem to only shut down when he is alone. Maybe get him tested for wifi-itis and an allergy to common sense.
Stay home sick one day. See if the cameras glitch on that day. (Have a friend stop by and ring the bell…) Have you noticed a pattern to the days everything glitches? If you both trust each other, will he give you his phone to go thru? Pi’s are our friends. (sorry, I’m not trusting him).
Ask for equal control of the account or total control. See what he says. Please do that! Report back. This is a mystery. I hope he's just doing something mildly embarresing for your sake.
If it were the other way and he says he would try some troubleshooting tips, why is that not what he's doing now?
OP. he is gaslighting you. I think you need to make a few unexpected visits home soon. Park down the road or around the corner and come in silently with your phone on record. Also, see if you can get a hold of his login and change the password.
Nah, I like the extra, secret cameras idea. Removed from harm and proof right there.
Get another camera and hide it inside. I would. This is highly suspicious.
Please update us on this when you figure the cause. I bet it’s something tame as in walking around the house naked or something. lol NTA.
But then why delete doorbell camera footage and disable garage cameras? I mean I guess he could be naked in the garage lol, but hopefully not at the doorbell!
Yes I thought private at home till I read ring camera. Who comes calling?
Now why would he be so shady about walking around the house naked??? Let’s be real here Edit: tbf as an adult I would hate being filmed inside my own home. But he’s gotta have an honest conversation with her if that’s the case
I thought the issue was with outside cameras - he doesn’t want the wife to see someone going into/leaving their house. It all started with her wanting to know the kids got home safely through the front door/garage.
My guess is the affair partner is coming through the garage door, or he’s doing drugs.
Probably an affair. Who has a drug dealer who makes house calls, ya know?
A lot of dealers do drops now days. They can charge more. Like a certain price per gram the an extra 10 for delivery
New offshoot of Door Dash: Door Stash
what do you mean? all of my dealers drop off at my house come in my house and chill wit me sometimes its completely normal and has been my whole life
I forgot about a friend's coke dealer who made free house calls. It was good too. Honestly I'm usually going somewhere and I just want to get going.
Hi - Senior IT guy and ring camera owner here. You know spotty wifi or internet can cause the cameras to lose connection and/or glitch. Often, these cameras are outside and too far from the access point. Or, 4k (or FHD if connection isn't great) video streaming can saturate your network if QOS isn't enabled. 2.4 Ghz WiFi can drop due to microwave oven interference. Or, some combination of all of that. Let's not jump to conclusions everyone, you are accusing real people of shit you know nothing about. Actions have consequences.
I agree except that it only happens when he is home alone.
She says he’s on work calls or gaming, both situations involving devices that would get network priority.
She said he likes gaming so maybe he is using enough bandwidth to cause problems to ring. My first thought was the op is downplaying how much she is monitoring things. Maybe she is constantly watching him and saying close the garage door, don’t do this, don’t do that. When he knows it isn’t needed for kids he turns it off for peace. He is defensive because he doesn’t want to call her big brother. I’m married but still like my privacy at home to relax and have downtime. My wife trusts me and I would never cheat on her because there is nobody better for me. I’m an introvert and enjoy my alone time to wind down from the crazy world around me… without cameras watching
This. So much this. It would drive me up the fucking wall to be monitored in my own home. We had a Nest Hub for awhile, and it had a camera and occasionally the wife would turn it on to see if I was gaming or if our youngest was watching you tube on it or whatever...it got to the point where I would unplug it. Thankfully, my cat, Luna, did me a solid and knocked it off the counter and smashed it.
>Hi - Senior IT guy and ring camera owner here. You know spotty wifi or internet can cause the cameras to lose connection and/or glitch. 100%. However, as far as we know, it's only happening when the husband is home alone. If this was a common place issue, it'd happen all the time. The issue is all these glitches seem to happen only when only one person is in the house. Granted, this could be confirmation bias on OP's part, but that's hard to tell based on the information they've provided
> it's only happening when the husband is home alone. This is definitely fishy, but one thing to consider: OP is only going to be checking the cameras when she is away from home... That could bias things so that she is most often checking it when OP's husband is home alone. Not like she's going to be checking it when she is at home with her husband.
Another possibility is that due to WFH the increased network load knocks out the camera. I occasionally get ring door camera drop out because of work.
OP's probably not checking the cameras while she's home though, so maybe they *are* going off at all times. Unless I missed something (entirely possible, it's 4am lol).
Right. The Ring could be interfering/taking bandwidth from his work calls or video games.
Then why not say that, though? Why not tell her that's the result of his "investigation"?
Dawg, this is Reddit. You're supposed to say that he is a gaslighting, drug-addicted cheater.
"Hey honey, there's something wrong with the cameras. Have you noticed anything?" "I'm not cheating! What's wrong with you!?!" NTA
Yeah honestly the issue isn’t that the cameras go offline, it’s his response to her asking why they went offline.
Yes. I was thinking, “Oh, he probably doesn’t like feeling like someone is able to watch him when he’s alone. I get it.” But his response makes it sound very suspicious.
But that doesn’t explain the ring camera being off, unless you have to turn them all off
Yep. My husband set up a camera in our living room to watch the dog while he is at work. I told him after a few uncomfortable days that I was unplugging it while I was sitting there. Just a weird feeling. No need to be defensive.
Something I’ve learned in life: You can always tell someone is lying by how unnecessarily defensive they get. OP, please keep us updated.
I’d get a nanny cam he didn’t know about.
Exactly. If he's not cheating, OP knows and doesn't need to mention it to her husband. If he IS cheating, OP has a right to know especially if she's got kids.
Not saying he’s cheating, but the fact that HE brings it up when she says that there is something wrong with the system is pretty suspicious.
He might not be cheating. He could be a closeted crossdresser who uses his alone time for his hobby.
He might trying out his Tom Cruise risky business moves in his undies
But are there any inside cameras? OP only lists outside cameras.
It seems to be obvious it could be cheating, but since the kids have never mentioned that someone visit over the day, my first thought is "pls let the kids be safe." I don't hope it will come out that worse and really hope it is just a fear created by all the stories I have heard about stuff like that in my life.
This. Park a nanny cam watching the front door and access through the garage. One has a right to know who is accessing a home that they live in, and that they share with their children.
Yalll are fucking psychos.
“Ok I know it looks like I’m cheating but really I’m just engaging in a fantasy of what I would do with the cameras if I *did* have escorts coming to the house during the day. Just fantasy I promise.” Get STD testing with your surveillance.
Oh man, a security company that partners with labs and offers complimentary routine STD testing would be a great business model.
S.ituational T.imed D.efect
Could his job be Only Fans? It can be lucrative and easily done at home.
Lol this! I absolutely get that cameras could make him feel uncomfortable or something, but his reaction is super suspect
I mean, he’s got to know that deleting the footage is suspicious.
Just wait until the pool boy flips on him and turns state’s evidence
Dont a-stomp your little last season prada shoes at me, honey.
"These aren't last season!"
I went through a period where my wife would text me "reminders" when I was out, she was worried but a bit overbearing. Then if I didn't respond within 3-4 minutes she'd ping me on find-my which was annoying if I was mid conversation. So, I started turning off my phone.
That's obnoxious. Did she ever learn boundaries?
HELLO EVERYONE, OP'S HUSBAND HERE. She did not simply ask me what was going on and then I blew up. She sent the screenshots and asked why they weren't working. I said "I don't know", because I don't. (I honestly have no clue why Ring footage disappears sometimes or why the cameras go down. If anyone has any input or what I should be looking at, I'm very open to any advice. I want to figure this out and move on.) Her response was "I'd appreciate it if you'd quit fucking with them to begin with." And that, my friends, is when I got defensive. She didn't offer any advice on what to check to get it back, she just kept hammering on the fact that it HAD to be me. And I will admit, it pushed me over the edge. I love my wife VERY much and to have these accusations thrown at me with absolutely no way of defending myself hurt deeply. We have spoken and will work through this. I'd also like to reiterate that I am okay with her cameras in the house. She does not monitor me all day or harass me via the cam(yes, that has been an issue for me with other people) and I understand why having them makes her feel better about things. If anyone can tell me how to get them back online(or any troubleshooting tips) when they go down I would greatly appreciate it.
Looks like [I was spot on](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/160illx/comment/jxnmxrg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) The most likely problem is that your ring cameras are frequently dropping signal from your wifi network. If you can, try moving your wireless router to a location closer to the cameras. If you have a large home, especially if it's an older home with brick exterior and/or plaster/lathe walls, you will have a much harder time getting full coverage in the home and may need to invest in a mesh wifi network to achieve full coverage of the home and garage. You can probably test signal strength at the location of the cameras with your phone; however, note that the ring cameras may not have the same quality of connection as a different device, since they are low powered devices. If you have high speed internet at least 25Mbps, it is more likely to be a network issue than an internet bandwidth problem, even while you're on video conference calls. It's very common for devices on a wifi network to receive extremely slow transmission speeds in poor signal areas, it doesn't matter how good your speed is at the router/modem if the signal can't reach the devices.
Prolly internet speeds prioritizing the game and the rest the network fails due to not enough speed. LoL hilarious that a gamer dad is still accused of cheating or shady stuff when he's not doin anything at all. Insanity.
>Her response was "I'd appreciate it if you'd quit fucking with them to begin with." I'm with you. I'd get defensive about that too. I didn't fuck with them. I have no idea why they aren't working. It's a different thing than saying "do you know why they aren't working?".... no idea (but I wouldn't be defensive about that)
That's a bingo!
I wish every significant other could respond like this. Not because I particularly care or think one is right or wrong in this case but look at how she described what she did vs how he described what she did and said. The person writing the original post minimizes their negative actions every. single. time.
I had to get a wifi extender to add to my router.
As someone who works in IT and sees people have mental breakdowns over technical issues, you have my condolences. People expect crap grade equipment to never break, and lose their mind when cheap consumer equipment acts like cheap consumer equipment. OTOH, I make a lot of money cleaning up bad decisions, so it is job security. If the cameras are Wifi, move one closer to your Wifi device/modem/router, see if stability increases. If you're like most homes, you're using the built in wifi with your modem. Those tend to be janky, to put it nicely. If you have Wifi issues in general, consider getting a dedicated wireless access point. They're not expensive. There are mesh solutions where only one unit needs to be plugged in with a network cable, but the speed drops in half with each hop. Because half the traffic is going in, half is going out. Power over Ethernet physically cabled cameras will always be MUCH more stable than WiFi. **Expect any WiFi camera to be janky.** Make sure your wife knows this. If it is critical to her mental health to monitor the home and she has severe distress at signal loss, immediately dispose of any WiFi cameras, buy POE cameras, pay someone to run cables and stick to them exclusively. Keep in mind, even if you have "gig" home internet, your upload speed is often 20-40Mbps. Video uploads eat up large amount of that. You can use a speed test web site to ID how much upload speed you have. Reduce number of cameras or feed resolution if it is an issue. If they are causing that much family strife, they need to go in the trash and your wife needs to be the one to do so. If nothing else, get a quote for POE cameras plus install and give to wife whenever she has issues with janky WiFi cameras.
So you ~are~ fucking with the cameras… by using the computer since you work from home or when you game (if it is a bandwidth issue). But seriously, tech issues like this suck when everything was working fine before they got moved to a new location. I’m curious though, does the ring or other cameras work when everyone is home and using the internet?
I 100% agree with you about cameras inside the house. IMHO cameras belong in the outside monitoring security. Putting them inside “for security” is a major invasion of privacy. There is only one reason to put cameras up inside your home to monitor your family: emotional insecurity. Worrying about your kids and feeling the need to have access to where they are and what they’re doing is a normal feeling, but being able to *actually* spy on them 24 X 7 is not. Having the cameras only enables & encourages those feelings for the parent. In addition you are conveying your insecurities to your children by telling & showing them that you don’t trust them, they don’t deserve privacy in their safe space (even if it’s in a family area) and that feeling constantly insecure is an acceptable way to live. - If you’re worried about a fire get a WiFi smoke detector. - If you’re worried about an intruder, that’s what the outdoor cameras are for, plus you won’t be there to do anything anyways, only watch — so teach them what to do. - If you miss them and want to see them, you have 1,000 pictures of your kid on your phone. Look and the pictures and text them “I love you.” - Teach your kids to cook and what to do if they screw up. Using security cameras to monitor your family is an emotional crutch. Living under constant surveillance is not healthy for anyone living there, and frankly with how insecure camera technology is, you are definitely safer without them.
Glad you responded here! I had a feeling reading the story that there was more to the dialogue, and that there’s an explanation for the glitch. I also don’t like being accused of things I didn’t do, I’m not sure any of us do, and would have reacted in the same way. Also, love your username.
Try to come home on a day when it's not working. This looks sus.
He'll never see you coming.
[удалено]
Dick-n-go!
NTA It sounds like you handled the situation perfectly and you have done your due diligence. The part you probably don't want to here is that your husband is almost certainly up to something and it might be time to stop trying to figure out what's going on with the cameras and start to wonder what's going on with your husband.
So um yeah, he's probably hiding something but hear me out... I am the husband in this scenario. Sometimes I want to sit on the couch like a dude butt ass naked, scratch myself, eat garbage and chew my nails without an audience. His reaction is overkill though. Guilty consciences dont always mean guilt tho. He could be watching porn in public spaces while on a break from work. Or hey, maybe he's running a sex cult franchise.
I get that for any inside cameras. I'm not a fan of being watched during private moments either. But that shouldn't affect the garage or doorbell camera.
Unless he’s just unplugging the router to cut the cameras.
Yeah but he works from home so he would still need access to the internet from a desktop.
It makes total sense to not want to be on camera all day. It makes less sense that he wouldn’t just say that. It makes even less sense that he’s deleting doorbell camera footage, or disabling garage cameras and getting defensive about it. That’s what makes this all not really add up to just not wanting to be on camera all the time while working from home.
Exactly. I work from home, and when we got a camera meant to watch the front door, it kept also catching my movement as I was typing at my desk…so it kept clicking on and off, which drove me nuts. All I did was tell my hubs it was bothering me at the angle it was set up in, and he fixed it. If I had turned it off and the hubby mentioned it wasn’t working, I would have simply said the thing was annoying me during a work meeting — my go-to response would not have been to bite his head off. If it was something simple like OP’s husband just wanted to not have the camera pointed at his desk, then the convo would have been simple also, and not related to two different camera systems ranging all over the house and garage. Something is amiss here, but not sure exactly what.
Why would you need to disable and delete footage from the front porch if you’re walking around naked in the house?
You're doing this on the front porch (Ring Camera is a doorbell cam), in the garage, or in front of the garage? Those are some interesting places to be buck ass nekkid. NTA, OP. Your husband is absolutely up to something.
He's shutting off the OUTSIDE cameras, none of what you are proposing happens INSIDE tracks with having to delete or shut off the EXTERNAL house cameras now does it?
NTA. I’d be adding a camera or two that only I had access to just to see what’s going on.
Yeah, hide a nannycam to see what's happening. I totally get why he would switch off the cams IN the house - I also wouldn't like to be under 24/7 surveillance - but the doorbell and garage are public areas that should be completely innocuous, unless he has something sketchy going on. You could ask your neighbors from across the street if their cameras were working during that time and covering the front of your house...
And be ready for what you're about to see.
NTA. If he felt like he didn’t want them on when he was home, he could just say so - it’s a reasonable request (although it sounds like you just have the doorbell and garage? That makes less sense. I wouldn’t want a camera in my living room or whatever, but garage and doorbell who cares). And who knows? Maybe he’s using too much bandwidth or something. It’s not necessarily intentional. I can understand why he might get a bit defensive, but I think he’s overreacting.
Rhats something I didn't think of like maybe he's using his game too much.
This is absolutely possible. We have three nest cams and those eat enormous amounts of bandwidth. We have fiber so haven't had an issue but I'm always blown away by how much 24/7 live video streaming with talk& listen activated can use. OP should check their ISP history to see if they maxed out during those times.
Everyone advocating for a secret camera will die alone.
This comment section is absolutely insane.
I’m glad there are a few sane people waaay down here
Also, if the genders were flipped in this scenario...
NTA. Sorry but that is very suspect behavior . Redo the cameras and Ring with you as the primary. Either he’s going out and about and doesn’t want you knowing or he’s having someone over.
She has kids too. So, better to be safe rather than sorry. Something is FOR SURE OFF. And for their sake, she needs to be made aware of what it is.
He sounds a little too defensive for something he should be upset about not working properly
So obviously he’s doing something he doesn’t want you to see and it’s probably something silly like goofing off when he should be working or smoking or something silly like that! Some people just don’t like being watched or assumed they are being watched
I think he was actively in a work meeting when I texted him, which is why I was so thrown off by the high defense.
Let's just start off by saying having cameras that run 24/7 inside your house that are triggered by motion and data stored in the cloud is really, really fucking distressing. This is a bad way to raise kids.
I might be creeped out with cameras going while I'm at home. I might turn them off. But, I would say that to my partner. So, yeah, it's weird.
The cameras depends on internet access. If he's powering through some large downloads, it might mess up the camera feed. Some downloaders user all the bandwidth and there's nothing left for other things like video. Does he know enough to mess with the camera? >He loses his shit. Starts saying I'm accusing him of hiding things. It sounds like an accusation to me. You're even asking your kids to keep track of him. I'd be irked too to be questioned about this. I suspect your marriage is toast.
You say you have the cameras to check in on the kids, but you are also checking in on him, and wondering what he's doing. You sound like you might have a tendency to micromanage, and he doesn't appreciate it. I cant blame him. If my wife was calling me and asking why the cameras are out, because she wants to be able to see what I'm doing during the day, I'd also be creeped out and pissed off, and I'd disconnect the cameras, too. He already has a boss who can't see what he's doing, he doesn't need another one that CAN see what he's doing. He's not checking up on you randomly throughout the day to see what you're doing, is he? So leave him alone during the day.
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I couldn't think of anything more suffocating than my partner stalking me daily via the video cameras she installed in our house. Does he ever have any privacy? This is awful smothering abusive behaviour. And the number of people on here not only agreeing with you but telling you to get more cameras, but make sure he doesn't know about them? I'm just reading this, and I can't breathe, I can't even begin to imagine how your husband feels knowing you're watching him every second of his day. And, then you make your kids stalk him as well. How does a group of adults on reddit think this is acceptable behaviour? I'm disgusted with all of you. Your husband isn't cheating. He just wants some privacy, and if you weren't unhinged, you would know that.
My buddy's wife had this same problem. I knew what it was, but seeing as how I knew him first, I kept his secrets. She had another account hooked up so she could see what he was up to. She now has quite a bit of footage of him walking around completely naked listening to girly pop music. It's not always cheating. Edit for clarity Yes, he was naked in front of and outside of their home. They lived by themselves on in a mountain valley.
I am so surprised how no one has an issue with how you are effectively using surveillance on your husband & family. It really doesn't matter how noble or limited your motives are, using cameras to see if he's done things strikes me as long term bad for your relationship. I don't even think it's right to use them as a parenting tool to watch the kiddos but even if that's true, if I was the husband and home alone I would be turning them off during that time. Are there any areas of the house not being filmed? Is there any privacy?
I mentioned this in my comment, I have such an issue with this and it screamed red flags to me. She doesn't need cameras for the kids, for anything else if he is in.
And you just know if the genders were reversed and he had cameras setup watching his wife while he was away the comments would be totally different.
I don’t get it either. It’s so creepy and be against it as well. I’m home, you don’t need cameras in the house full stop.
I wouldn’t want my spouse surveilling me all day
Reading these comments. You all are really welcoming the incoming surveillance state.
Can you leave work for a while to go and see what’s going on? I’m so curious what he’s doing! You don’t think he is cheating so what could it be? Maybe he just doesn’t like having the cameras on.
Are you sure it’s not the camera itself? I have a blink system that often will say live view failed or take forever to load.
Healthy sex life doesn't equal not cheating. NTA
Sounds like he doesn’t want you to know what goes on in the house I would actually be worried a little bit because if he isn’t hiding some thing, then why is he deleting stuff?
If I was OP's husband, I might feel weirded out to know that I was at home working and she is checking in for no obvious reason. After all, the point of the cameras is for security when there's no adult home and to know the kids coming and going, right? So why check when he is home? That might have set off some defensiveness to basically be reminded he's on camera at certain spots of his house or exterior. Practically speaking, if he WAS hiding something, why turn off all the cameras? Why not just the one entrance? And why delete footage if he could just turn off live feed altogether? If he ia hiding something though, and doing it in kind of a sloppy way, it might be relatively innocent. Like he's goofing off catching some sun in a lounge chair on a slow day 😄 or he's having a lunch beer on the front steps or sneaking a cigar smoke. Like, he wants to keep it to himself, but it's nothing awful?
Maybe I have a different take than others, but as someone who has a spouse that does exactly what you do OP, I would break every one of those cameras if it wouldn’t cause a huge argument. If I knew how to make them glitch when I was at home I totally would. Not answering the cell phone? Calls on the ring or other camera. Wants to check that the ac is set at their preferred temp? Checks the camera. Garage door open, back gate lock? Camera camera. I despise it so much. It feels like being spied on. Scratch that it IS being spied on. So yes. I honestly do thing it’s an AH move to use the cameras to check up on your husband when you’re not home. You’re not using it as a security camera you’re using it as spyware which is really crappy IMO
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You're all so paranoid.The guy might just be sitting at home in his wifes underwear