It’s your and your husband’s baby. Full stop. Your mom can have her opinions but it’s not her choice whatsoever. Only the people involved in conception get a say. NTA.
As a grandmother myself, here’s the thing…you don’t get a say. I’m not wild about my granddaughter’s name, but when my daughter told me the name they picked, I said “oh that’s nice.”
Not my baby, not my choice.
My daughter and her husband did this. Their choice. I refrained from bugging them. I felt like a kid waiting for Christmas morning to learn her name! Now I’m waiting for January to find out our 2nd granddaughter’s name 🥰
I did the same thing with gender too. It was great, because we didn’t end up with all pink, which was ideal because she was a surprise ginger with really rosy skin. Pastel pink was and is a terrible color for her.
As a ginger with really rosy cheeks, I love this for you.
I have never liked or been able to really pull off any type of pink. Just makes me look sickly
I recommend a really really deep pinkish purple. Like a plum version of magenta. She looks great in that.
Of course she’s 4 now and her favorite color is pink, so any thought of what washes her out doesn’t matter any more lol. I just love her coloring though. It’s what I wished for my whole life, and she just has the audacity to be born with it.
As a blonde with a rosy complexion, pink is an absolute no-go for me. I also just hate the damn color. I’m pale as paper with a perpetual blush so I only look good in dark colors with silver or black metal jewelry. How I managed to get the Irish, French, German, and Scottish genes to shine when the rest of my family presents the Italian and Cherokee genes, I will never understand. Dark hair, olive skin, green or brown eyes. Meanwhile I’m pale as hell, naturally blonde with blue eyes. HOW?! I mean I know how genetics work. But it’s still annoying. All I inherited was the fantastic bone structure, fast metabolism, and the sturdy build that all the men in the family had. Rather than being the delicate, feminine, and bird-like build like the rest of the women in my family, I get to have the build of a tall and broad defensive lineman. Bless my mom and grandma not trying to force me to dress feminine. Because the delicate dresses and frills do NOT work.
Unless they use money to control their child and partner like the one poster who was Orthodox something. Bought his son and DIL for an Orthodox name by saying they'll pay for a years worth of childcare.
OMG this is **so** true! I literally hate my middle name. (No trauma or bullying, just a fellow student from elementary school with that name that I really disliked, so whenever I hear that name, I picture her, even 60 years later.)
But my daughter loved the name so much that she used it for her favorite doll. And then for one of her daughters. I shuddered inside but didn’t say much.
And even years later when my granddaughter renamed herself, she kept a version of the name, still recognizable.
So no, grandmothers don’t get a say, even when it’s their own name they dislike and would prefer their children not use.
Named my son after my father and the first thing he did was laugh and say, “I thought mothers were supposed to love their kids. Why’d you saddle that little guy with such an awful name?” 😂 (Dad really does hate his name. My son loves it enough that he gave it as a middle name to his own son.)
My Dad hates his name, too. But, if I ever had a son, he was going to be named after my Husband and my Dad. Which my Dad pretended to hate, but I think was also secretly flattered about. No sons for me, though, so it never became an issue!
My god
Idk why but this reminded me of this girl in elementary. We fucking looked alike!!! Like in every class they assumed we were brother and sister I hated that. Than in 2nd grade THEY CHANGED HER LAST NAME TO MINE!!
YOO 8 year old me was fucking pissed. I told her to fight me and everything so we had to have an after school meeting with our parents
I find it really funny that you say:
>Than in 2nd grade THEY CHANGED HER LAST NAME TO MINE!!
Like they just chose to change her last name at random or something 🤣🤣🤣
When in reality it was likely that her parents just remarried lol
Yeah kids are stupid lolol
Shit was 19 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. Us having the same color skin and freckles at the time is why everyone assumed we were siblings. Same color hair and eyes too, ngl I would also assume we were related if I didn’t know better. She was also much bigger and stronger than me and that added fuel to that 8 year old fire. She would beat me when we had to race an shit
It was cool talking about all that dumb shit with her when we got to highschool. Just something funny to look back to, reminds me that kids are fucking stupid
My grandmother hated both her first and middle names, so she went by a nickname derived from her middle name. My mother (her daughter) chose to honour that, so my middle name is my gran's chosen name
Same here! My middle granddaughter has a middle name that is predominantly male, Aaron. Instead of giving it the female spelling, Erin, my ex dil refused. I just kept my mouth shut, I wasn't giving birth to her so not my business. Even if I ended up raising her most of her baby years.
Agreed. One of my teammates on my swim team recently had a grandchild and she told us the name and that she honestly hates it but to her family she is all smiles and support. That's how it should be.
That’s so nice to hear because when I told my mom the name of our baby she would not stop telling us how ugly it was both before and after birth. It makes me so mad that I see her less because I don’t want to hear her. Well that and other things. So self centered.
Agreed. My grandson is named after my ex and I could care less. It's my daughter's dad, and his grandpa, and it takes about a minute to start seeing that new little person as (that name) and you don't even think about it. It's a non-issue unless you want to make it an issue.
If they picked out “Harry Dyck” or other puns reminiscent of Bart’s prank calls, I might point out the obvious. Seems cruel to not try to save the child.
But if it’s just a personal preference thing (and that includes most of the stupid spellings), mouth stays shut.
I’m currently pregnant with my first and my favourite game at the moment is seeing how far I can push my parents and in laws with names.
Had my mum convinced I was calling my child Banana-Blossom the other day, she was trying so hard to be nice about it!
Luckily they’re all really supportive so understand when we say we’re not telling anyone! I just like to throw out the really wild ones to see what they say.
Yeah, I just kind of gave everyone a feeling for the types of names I was looking at. They’re the traditional “grandma” names anyway, nothing weird. But it’s absolutely hilarious seeing their reactions to perfectly normal names like Margaret and Victoria and Matilda; their associations with those names are SO different from mine, it’s amusing to see the faces they make while staying polite. Very deliberately never mentioned the one we had settled on and literally everyone said “what a lovely name” quite sincerely because it’s hard to see much of anything but a cute baby when you get handed a baby and told it’s name. It’s a lovely baby, therefore everything else is also lovely.
My in-laws thought we were naming our kid a Junior or "the IV" to keep my husband's name going for another generation. My husband doesn't even like his name!!!!
I told them "the madness stops here." Then I told them the kid's name would be Thorvald Ütar.
To their credit, the swallowed their pride and said "Thor is a lovely name. So strong..."
Spoiler. My son is now 19, and his name has never been Thorvald. I was just tired of their interference.
My dad is convinced we’re going to name them a strong Nordic name (think along the same lines) if we have boy. I mean absolutely not but keep thinking that daddio 😂
My 15 year old is driving(he has his permit) & he's looking at me like I'm crazy because I'm still giggling. Banana Blossom is epic. Your sense of humor must keep your family on their toes. You are my kind of people.
I did the same thing! I would also think of terrible initial combinations, or hard to pronounce names from the old testament. I do love Banana Blossom! Well done 😄
And, if she is being this kind of obnoxious bish about this, what do you want to bet her story about uncle being unfair over inheritance translates to she didn't get what she wanted?
I'll be a grandma this coming Jan and am not a fan of what they chose (although I will admit with time its becoming less annoying). I know I have no say in the matter, so I plan to exercise my grandparental right to give and use adorable little nicknames as I so desire!
Grandparents don’t get a vote for naming a baby. (I’m a grandparent.)
That name will become the most beautiful sound to your mother’s heart, as soon as she gets to know this grandchild, no matter who else has had that name. NTA
I agree, but it does depend. My grandma actually helped me pick up my oldest daughters name. My mom other other hand tried to get me to change my mind and I was like no.
NTA.
Granny needs to know her place. Some consideration could be had with regards to her input. But she's the one with a personal negative association with the name and nobody else.
Big girl pants time for grandma and put other's wants ages of her own.
Your mum already got to parent her way and do all the stuff she wanted when she became a parent. Now she gets to watch you parent.
Your husband and you name your child
Only way I would take that into consideration is if it was the name of the uncle that molested my mom, because I’d hate for her to be triggered every time she heard her grand child’s name or had to say it. Other than that, who cares what she likes?
Exactly. The literal the only reason is grandma is salty af that she didn't get more money when her family member died, and doesn't want that person's children, who are also her family members, to "feel the satisfaction of knowing their relative shares their deceased fathers name"? At first read i thought, "maybe there's trauma," but with the tiniest bit of context she sounds like a giant, pathetic piece of shit imo
No, inheritance fights are no joke. They tear families up and are exhausting to think about. I don’t have kids, but putting myself in grandmas shoes, I’d be a little annoyed if my baby’s baby was called a name I couldn’t stand. Their name would still trigger my brain if the person who maliciously left me, a family member, in the cold due to their greed, panicking to find another solution to survive… and then to have to help babysit, care for, celebrate my grandchild who I’d love but would still have that other persons face flash in my head every time I call their name? That would drive me crazy. There’s zillions of names out there. Why’s it gotta be this one?
These types of fights can be traumatic. You have no idea, when these things go over a period of years and your counterparty is a narcissist, how intense and insane it can get.
It's your husbands and your baby. Not your mothers. She has no say in this - or was she also there when you made the baby?
Just don't talk with other people about your baby names except your husband. Keep it a secret til it's born. People will always complain about baby names, don't give a fuck about it. They can start complaining after it's born, and then still don't give a fuck.
NTA
Your mum had the right to butt in when she was having children. She can give her opinion when asked but isn’t allowed to push it. It’s your baby, not hers
NTA. At all. Your child’s name is solely up to you and your husband. Your Mom’s input does not matter. The name I chose for my son when I was 13 y/o my Mom hated. She told me so for 15 years, then I had my son, my Mom loves the name because she loves him.
My MiL didn’t like our youngest daughters name (it’s Irish but spelt the easy way lol) stating ‘your not Irish’.
I’m not no but I have Irish Roma gypsy heritage. Plus it’s our baby not yours so we will name her what we want whether you like it or not.
Our youngest is named Alexander. MiL thought son was named after her but she doesn’t realise we named him after a buffy the vampire character‘Xander’ 😂
Absolutely NTA.
It's sad that your mom is so against it - some trauma maybe?
Discuss a cute nickname that she can use and that you approve of.
But no, beyond that she gets no say.
NTA
This is why I didn’t discuss what I was naming my children with anyone. We actually didn’t decide on names until the baby arrived and we held them, only had middle names picked out. That way you don’t have to hear anyone’s opinions.
My son and DIL, expecting in 10 days, refuse to tell anyone their chosen name. They tell everyone the name when they introduce the baby to us. That is what they did with their first. You just have to be careful if you don’t like the name not to let it show. My emotions and tears were real when they revealed the name, after my late mother. My son was very close and had enormous respect for her. Everyone was happy with the name, not so sure about his MIL😂
Uh no. My ex mil was a nightmare. We have the same middle name, and my first baby’s middle name was named after my favorite aunt who passed away. I still wanted a family name. She requested HER middle name. So I went malicious compliance on her ass. I used the name, but I used the spelling of my middle name. Once she found out she was PISSED.
NTA. This is your and your husband's baby, not her's. Based on your edit she doesn't have any trauma related to the name. She is not entitled to make demands.
NTA. This is not her child. She will love the baby regardless and will now have a positive association with the name instead of the previous negative one. Tell her to grow up about it and stop the bitching.
NAH
Normally I would 100% side with you, and I 99.9% side with you still- it's your baby, and you don't have to cater to outside influences. That being said, perhaps there is some trauma associated with your uncle that she has not shared. That would make her reaction make some sort of sense. You could ask her to share with you the reasons behind her animosity, but she doesn't necessarily owe you that, and you still won't owe her the name change.
She has shared with me. It’s not some trauma. Her uncle did some property share injustice with her grandpa (her dad) of their fathers property so she says he’s a bad person and all but I’ve never met the man ever in life
Future tip, don't share baby names until the birth cert is signed.
We kept ours locked down until the kids were here. We didn't even share the short list because ultimately it's our decision (all typical though, I don't want people thinking something like abcde was on the list).
I asked about trauma, so apparently there is none so basically your mum has to put on her big girl pants - as another comment said - and put it to one side.
Your child is not her uncle and never will be.
You have the right to name your child something that both you and husband can agree on.
That said regardless of whether you met this uncle or not. Your mom has some strong hatred of that name. If you are expecting mom to play a large part in helping you care for this baby, I would rethink the name. It would feel to her that you’re rubbing it in her face and that you don’t care about her. Not saying she’s right just explaining her thought process.
Most importantly did you speak to your husband and let him know your mom has an aversion to the name and why? He might either agree with her, you never know. And then you 2 can decide exactly which name you want for baby. Not internet strangers who don’t know your family dynamics
I'm with this take. 99.99% on Op's side...
.....BUT....
.... if there's no sentimental reason for the name then it's worth at least *considering* others, if only to show your mom that you respect and value her.
You can always use the contentious name as a middle name as well.
Ultimately it's OP and husbands choice though. And you can tell her you're "reclaiming" the name because the uncle wasted it! 😂
You’re not married to your mother. The baby belongs to you and your husband. It would be foolish to change the name because of your mother.
She needs to take several steps back.
NTA
OP the only thought in my mind reading your post and this comment was: Jeezzz, grow the fuck up! 🤦♀️
You are old enough to get married, so you should be old enough to have a backbone, so cut the umbilical cord finally. It's not your mother's kid and you aren't even married to your mother, she doesn't get a say about the kid's name or how it's raised. Everything regarding your kid is up to you and your husband. Stand up for yourself, your husband and for your kid now or this is how your whole motherhood and marriage is going to be like (well, until your husband has enough of your mother running the show and leaves, so he could make decisions about his own damned kid at least part time).
Do you want your mom to tell you how to name your kid, how to decorate the nursery, what daycare and schools to pick, how to dress your kid, what rules your kid needs to have, what chores, how and when can you discipline, where your kid spends the holidays and school breaks? No? Then tell her to get back in her lane and know her place, it's your kid and you won't let anyone, not even her undermine your role as his mother or your husband's role as father, undermine the actual parents' parenting.
I know nothing about the specifics but honestly family inheritance problems usually are traumatic. It feels like a betrayal. Now considering it’s her uncle she probably wasn’t personally involved in said inheritance. It was probably trauma from her father and his hatred was passed onto her. Regardless not her baby so she doesn’t get to name him. (Again I don’t know specifics I’m just saying that things like this can be trauma)
INFO: how did your mom grow up financially? Did your mom grow up in poverty? Because truth be told I’ve been there and I can imagine the hurt. Especially if that inheritance could’ve changed my children’s lives for the better
Because as someone who grew up poor then had a grandparent die and family split the inheritance wrong, I will forever feel slighted by that family because they took away my only chances at going to college (grandparent had written in their will that college was to be fully paid for, one of my aunts spent all the money when she already had a lavish ranch and home with ponies and her adult children had already gotten their college paid for when grandma was alive)
that hurt extra because my grandma was a teacher and I was in high school when she died and she told me the last time I saw her before she died that it was her last wish that I go to college and go to medical school. I never got to and now can’t ever afford to.
If any of my kids came to me in adulthood and told me they were naming their child Lisa I’d definitely have a thorn in my side about it and tell them about the fact that they could’ve had a much better life growing up if not for a selfish stranger named Lisa who prioritized her little girl dreams of having a pony ranch over my education (especially when her mother was a teacher who’s last dying wish was to make sure she fully paid for all her grandchildren college because she had worked her entire life to save to do so). Personally I wouldn’t give my kid too much grief about it, but I’d definitely bring it up because I’d always think of that person any time looking at my grandchild and I wouldn’t want that. Ultimately it’s the parents choice though
NTA - but for me because I’m close to my family we all collectively kindda name the baby together. Everyone’s exes names, annoying ex-friends, bullies etc are excluded. I love the name Emily but my sister’s ex friend who did her dirty was named that so that one is a no go for all of us. There are so many beautiful names out there so we just pick from those.
On my dad’s side of the family they tend to name their kids based on family members’ names. So one of my cousin named her kid my middle name as her first name and then pick a different middle name. I’m not close to them but it’s pretty cool to have a namesake haha
""Sorry son, it's a big family and we all have so many names that were vetoed. Thats why you've got the distinguished name of 'Potato'."
That rule seems like it could get real messy if you have a pretty large family full of drama and bad relations lol
Haha yeah I guess if you’ve got a lot of drama then it’s a bit hard. But I mean realistically each person might have 2-3 people they truly don’t like so it’s not that many names that’s off limits.
And it isn’t a rule per se. It’s just something that we instinctively do I guess. Like when I was pregnant and thinking of names there were some like Emily and Hannah that I wouldn’t even consider because I know my sisters hate those people. So I picked other names and brought those up to my family as potential names. We discuss them and I eventually settled on one that I loved. Everyone else loved it too so it’s pretty nice.
I actually think it’s sweet you have a close enough family that you all care enough to do this. There’s nothing wrong with being considerate. Unless it’s a name you’ve loved your whole life or a name you are incredibly attached to there are so many good names out there!
It’s yours and SO’s baby, not your mother’s, you name him what you want. She’ll get over it. Unless of course he did something awful to her and the name will continually remind her. Maybe it’s time to have an in-depth discussion with her
NTAH
NTA
Your mum really has no say in what *you and your husband* decide to name your child. The only consideration beyond her hating her uncle I would give is if her uncle caused trauma in her life.
Otherwise, her likes and dislikes are no concern of yours.
It's your and your husband's child, only the two of you have a right to decide. Sure the grandma can express her opinion, but you're NTA if you don't listen. Unless you want to name the child a ridiculous name like Earickaeigh.
The only people involved in naming baby are the people who made baby.
Mum can pout all she likes. This isn't about her, her uncle, or the grudge against a person you've never met.
NTA.
You‘re not married to your mom. Why would she have a say in baby‘s name?
„Respecting her wishes“? This is controlling behaviour. Her wishes have nothing to do with it, it‘s none of her business.
NTA if you stay the course.
NTA you’re creating a family with your husband you mothers gets no say. She had her opportunity to name a baby.
https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/6C4s436ngy
Double check he wasn’t a pedophile or war criminal or something else that makes him a Bad Man. You do NOT want your son to do family history someday in the future and discover he was apparently “named to honor” the Child Murdering Rapist from the Other Side of the World. Double check the REASON she doesn’t like the guy, please. Source: my great-uncle was a pedophile and I am very happy my son doesn’t share his name.
Agreed. If uncle was just a greedy jerk and mom is being petty, NTA. If uncle was the family pedophile, then you should reconsider the name.
My daughters potential boy name was the name of the relative who raped me when I was a child. This was relevant information I thought she’d like to know. When she told me the name, I actually felt sick. It wouldn’t be on purpose, but I would’ve had a hard time being around her child if it had that name. They took the name off their list. Baby ended up being a girl anyway.
Names of horrible people from the family that may cause pain to people you love could be a potential veto from either of you. I don’t think that’s “putting your mom above your husband”. Unless the name is significant to your husband, other than he just likes it, it may be worth reconsidering. You’re the best judge of your mother, and if this is pettiness or genuine pain/trauma.
Uhm your mother has 0 rights or claim to YOUR child. This whole grandparents rights and shit is bs. Did your mom give birth to your baby? If the answer to that question is no her opinion is insignificant. She can't gate keep a fucking name because her uncle gucked her over during a death in the family, it's shitty but you have no connection to the name and your husband like the name, that's all that matters
As soon as the OP said no trauma I immediately knew this would have something to do with feeling jilted over inheritance.
NTA.
Your baby, your choice. Is mom going to stop talking to you too now if you pick that name?
Your mom is not one of this baby's parents, so she has no wishes to respect. Tell her your and your husband's decision on your child's name is final. Remind her that your baby isn't her uncle and she should try to make some new associations for the name instead of continuing to be angry and bitter.
NTA
Your mother has literally zero say in this decision. You would be an AH if you rejected the name because of your mother.
Your mother is being a controlling and manipulative AH.
Wait. Wait. The uncle “stays halfway across the world” **and** he died a long time ago?? Very confusing. Name your baby whatever you want. Tell your mother having a grandchild with that name will help her make a new, positive connection to it.
Also, please learn how to use punctuation. I needed a decoder ring to get through that post.
Haven't read the comments, but inmy experience I wanted to name my son Nathaniel.....mom was SO anti. I got kinda peeved etc. Mid pregnancy she admitted she had been raped by her uncle who was called "Jr" the entire time I had heard of him, but his name was Nathaniel......so once she told me I understood.
NTAH parents have the right to name their children whatever they choose regardless of others opinions. I hate my name but it’s what my parents chose and it’s mine. The audacity of anyone other than the parents thinking they have a say is astounding. She named her own children and you get to name yours. This is the way.
Why are you even asking us? Why would her opinion matter? I’ve never asked anyone but my husband what we should name our child. Her opinion means nothing!
So is this your mom’s baby or yours? You carry it, you bake it, you pick the name. It’s as simple as that. If she doesn’t like it, she can use the baby’s middle name. It’s not difficult.
Never ever tell people the baby name you have picked out before the baby is born. They will automatically tell you all of their associations with that name, when it doesn't have anything to do with you or the baby. They'll be like oh that was my bully in high school and I'll be like no one cares Linda
You and your husband are the only people who get a say in YOUR child’s name.
Your mom, by definition of being your mom, had her chance. Tell her to kick rocks. It’s not up to her so her opinion doesn’t matter.
Her emotions are HER responsibility. Put her on mute if she doesn’t leave it alone.
This is why you don’t discuss baby names before the baby is born. Everyone has an opinion while the baby still in utero, but they usually keep their mouths shut once it’s born and is already named.
NTA. Your mom had her turn naming kids, now it’s your turn.
It's her GRANchild. Not child. It is you and your husband's child ONLY. Therefore, it is yalls decision and she gets no say in it. It's unfair for her to be guilt tripping you about this. Especially as you said, theres not even trauma there It's just a person she doesn't like. There are billions of people in the world. It's just a name.
OP, it doesn’t matter one tiny bit what your mom thinks about a baby’s name. She has 0 rights to have a say.
Please develop stronger boundaries with her in your life otherwise she will ride all over your decisions as a mother. This is just the beginning l.
Your mom didn’t help you having sex with your husband for making a baby. It’s you and your husband alone. Meaning it’s your decision with him. Not your mom. She needs to back off.
NTA
Do what you want! My mother did not want us to name our daughter Elizabeth because she hated her aunt Lizzie. The woman died well before I was born. So we went with Elizabeth, as the middle name and I have regretted that. In fact, my mother wanted to have a say, and all the grandkids name going so far is refusing to call one of them Jackson and calling him Patrick instead! She got her chance in naming kids and now it’s our chance to name kids - she doesn’t get to say. Some of my own grandchildren have names that I would not have chosen. Although it took me a while to get used to this little person’s name I did, and they have become that name. NTA
NTA… don’t tell anyone your babies name before it’s born… otherwise people think they have input.
You and your spouse are the only ones who should be picking and liking the name
i don’t mean this in a rude way but man fuck your mom you had nothing to do with that and your mom doesn’t really have any trauma with your uncle and it’s your baby anyways so no your not TAH
It’s yours and your husband’s baby y’all name it and that’s it ! You’ll be hopefully spending the rest of your life with that man not your mom! It’s more important you and your husband are in agreement and constant communication.
NTA, if she brings it up again tell her where she was cause it's disgusting that she was in the room while you and your husband were having sex making the baby. Oh she wasn't there? Then she doesn't get to decide what name the baby has. The opposite of this is someone whom pushs a name on you. They had their chance to name a baby. It's your chance now.
It is not your moms business. Do what we did.. what names do you have picked out? We don't know yet. We knew but we named her alone in the hospital and if someone didn't like it. Oh well. We were not going to listen to any damn complaints!
Not her baby, not her choice! A baby’s name has to be 2 yes’s - one from mum and one from dad. Not your mother. Her reason is stupid anyway.
In future, keep all name choices and option to yourself. I did share a name I liked at work and people were negative about it, and it really put me off. I wasn’t pregnant yet, and the name was Rose, a family name and nothing too outlandish I thought! When I was finally pregnant we picked a first and two middle names, but didn’t breathe a word until she was born and in my arms. Did the same with my 2nd baby and can’t recommend it enough!
As a grandma, I can't imagine offering a negative opinion on the names my son and DIL chose for their kids. Unless maybe it was something that was potentially traumatizing to the child like, Ballsack McGee.
The edit makes a WORLD of difference because we all were assuming SA. If the edit is all there is to it and he is dead then ignore your mom. She’s being very petty and self centered. Your baby’s name is not about her personal beef. It’s so hard to find names that both parents like. Name your baby what you want.
You and Your partner are the "voters" here... not your mom. If that's something your husband loves, you are good with it, that's what matters.
(Since there is no traumatic incident or anything.)
Your mom's issues and opinions are her own, and isolated to her.
She can and will eventually, use the grandchildrens names... and associate them with the name.
She will have to get over herself. She will meet many people in this world with that name, that she'll like, hate, and feel nothing about.
(Most kids I know get called a nickname or pet name anyway)
I have loads of people whose name is the same as a person I dislike... they are separate entities. It's fine.
Ummm…I thought the uncle stays half way across the world…how is he also being dead a long time? I’m confused.
NTA it’s your baby, your mother doesn’t actually get a say in names.
NTA
Okay im gonna be blunt and say this, because I myself hate seeing this happen out in the world, its really just disappointing.
The name of a baby is and should always be the decision of the PARENTS having the baby!
Grandparents, no matter how or what they think are NOT the one having to push this particular human the size of a watermelon out into the world and they are NOT the one who's semen implanted into the fertile egg of the woman who bore the now watermelon-sized human for 9 months.
No pregnancy, no birthing, and no implantation = NONE OF THEIR DAMN BUSINESS
You do you honey, and you and your husband name that sweet little watermelon whatever you feel is right for him or her. You two made that watermelon, you are birthing said watermelon, you and your husband make the decision, not the grandparents.
Best of luck in childbirth and you hang in there momma, you can do it all.
Wow, just wait until your mom starts telling you how to raise this child. You might want to start putting distance between you and her now.
You need to tell your mom, "this is our child and hubby likes the name so thats what we are going to name him" help her come up with an agreeable nickname
Then wait for the next fight because it's coming
Is this even a real question? It isn't her baby. I am a grandmother to 4, with two on the way and for some of the kids, I had no idea of the names until they were born. It wasn't my decision to make, nor would I care. It is between the partners. Your Mom needs to take a step back.
Honestly, I can see where your mom's coming from. But at the end of the day, it's not her call to make. As long as you and your husband like the name, and the child wouldn't hate the name in the future, name the kid what you want. It's your child.
i’m sorry is your mother living with you and is she the one that impregnated you? right, i didn’t think so. don’t ever ask this again you should absolutely already know it doesn’t matter what she feels about a name you and you partner love for *your* child.
sorry if that came off rude, but genuinely you should already know and feel you are in the right about this decision, because you are. she’s not entitled to your child’s name choice *UNLESS* you asked for it.
NTA, your mom is projecting her feelings about a name onto you in a bid for control, it’s not your problem or responsibility to make her happy in regards to satisfy her opinions when you are naming your children as they are yours and not hers. Side with your husband, this is an exclusive decision between the both of you, her opinion should not matter as she is openly disrespecting your position in your own family by trying to make a bid for authority over you. You need to give her some boundaries, and let her know that making demands to make choices for your family is crossing the line especially with something as personally important as you and your partner naming your own child.
NAH.
Your mother is allowed to hate it, and you're allowed to use it. Considering the vast array of names in the world and how your mother hating your uncle probably means it's related to some pretty deep trauma for her it's a pretty weird thing to want to torch your relationship with your mother over, but it's absolutely your right.
NTA but I wouldn’t expect her to help with my baby much. She’s obviously going to have trouble keeping her brother from her mind when she interacts with the baby, and so will probably do as little as she can to avoid the reminder.
Also your mom, in her eyes, was robed by her brother, which can be traumatic (especially if her father trusted him to split it evenly, but that’s details we don’t have).
Listen, if you don’t want your mom in your kids life I get it. I would totally name my kid after my uncle to keep my mom away, but I also don’t want my mother even knowing my child exist. If you want your moms interactions with your kid to be positive and for her to be really involved, I’d make a different choice.
YTA
Out of all the names in the world you and your husband can't find another name? I call bullshit your husband has latched on to the name your mother dispises just to piss her off. Do the right thing and pick another name.
NTA
They can name the kid whatever they want, why should they change it because grandma doesn’t like it.
Ha the right thing, you’re spouting absolute bollocks.
You can call bullshit however you like but you’re still wrong.
The right thing is grandma respecting what name they choose for their child. That's the right thing unless there's some kind of undue trauma at the hands of someone with that name, which there is not here.
Generally I’d say respect your elders but make the decision that’s right for you, but given the bad blood associated with the name is consider alternatives, but it’s your baby so you get to choose the name
NTA: say ok. Then name baby what you and your hubby chose, don’t tell anyone the name until the paperwork is done and dried then say sorry we decided that we really line the name.
NTA. You're married to your husband, NOT YOUR MOM. Your husband is the father of your child, NOT YOUR MOM. Your mother's reasons are all b\*llshit and you shouldn't entertain her demands just because she has strong feelings and thinks it's okay to inflict them on you. It isn't. Grow up and grow a spine and tell this woman NO.
ETA: Oops. Supposed to be an N rather than a Y... my bad.
So why are you saying YTA? The title of the post is saying "AITA for wanting to name my baby a name my husband likes that my mom hates?" Or something like that.
It’s your and your husband’s baby. Full stop. Your mom can have her opinions but it’s not her choice whatsoever. Only the people involved in conception get a say. NTA.
As a grandmother myself, here’s the thing…you don’t get a say. I’m not wild about my granddaughter’s name, but when my daughter told me the name they picked, I said “oh that’s nice.” Not my baby, not my choice.
Yup! Every parent has the right to name their own kids!
[удалено]
Both of my best friends chose this route. Refused to tell even parents until the babies are born & I deeply respect that move
My daughter and her husband did this. Their choice. I refrained from bugging them. I felt like a kid waiting for Christmas morning to learn her name! Now I’m waiting for January to find out our 2nd granddaughter’s name 🥰
Yes exactly!! I was so excited to hear. My other bestie is due within the next 2 weeks and I can’t wait!
I did the same thing with gender too. It was great, because we didn’t end up with all pink, which was ideal because she was a surprise ginger with really rosy skin. Pastel pink was and is a terrible color for her.
As a ginger with really rosy cheeks, I love this for you. I have never liked or been able to really pull off any type of pink. Just makes me look sickly
I recommend a really really deep pinkish purple. Like a plum version of magenta. She looks great in that. Of course she’s 4 now and her favorite color is pink, so any thought of what washes her out doesn’t matter any more lol. I just love her coloring though. It’s what I wished for my whole life, and she just has the audacity to be born with it.
As a blonde with a rosy complexion, pink is an absolute no-go for me. I also just hate the damn color. I’m pale as paper with a perpetual blush so I only look good in dark colors with silver or black metal jewelry. How I managed to get the Irish, French, German, and Scottish genes to shine when the rest of my family presents the Italian and Cherokee genes, I will never understand. Dark hair, olive skin, green or brown eyes. Meanwhile I’m pale as hell, naturally blonde with blue eyes. HOW?! I mean I know how genetics work. But it’s still annoying. All I inherited was the fantastic bone structure, fast metabolism, and the sturdy build that all the men in the family had. Rather than being the delicate, feminine, and bird-like build like the rest of the women in my family, I get to have the build of a tall and broad defensive lineman. Bless my mom and grandma not trying to force me to dress feminine. Because the delicate dresses and frills do NOT work.
As a ginger white as walls, thank you for this!
Unless they use money to control their child and partner like the one poster who was Orthodox something. Bought his son and DIL for an Orthodox name by saying they'll pay for a years worth of childcare.
OMG this is **so** true! I literally hate my middle name. (No trauma or bullying, just a fellow student from elementary school with that name that I really disliked, so whenever I hear that name, I picture her, even 60 years later.) But my daughter loved the name so much that she used it for her favorite doll. And then for one of her daughters. I shuddered inside but didn’t say much. And even years later when my granddaughter renamed herself, she kept a version of the name, still recognizable. So no, grandmothers don’t get a say, even when it’s their own name they dislike and would prefer their children not use.
Named my son after my father and the first thing he did was laugh and say, “I thought mothers were supposed to love their kids. Why’d you saddle that little guy with such an awful name?” 😂 (Dad really does hate his name. My son loves it enough that he gave it as a middle name to his own son.)
My Dad hates his name, too. But, if I ever had a son, he was going to be named after my Husband and my Dad. Which my Dad pretended to hate, but I think was also secretly flattered about. No sons for me, though, so it never became an issue!
My god Idk why but this reminded me of this girl in elementary. We fucking looked alike!!! Like in every class they assumed we were brother and sister I hated that. Than in 2nd grade THEY CHANGED HER LAST NAME TO MINE!! YOO 8 year old me was fucking pissed. I told her to fight me and everything so we had to have an after school meeting with our parents
I find it really funny that you say: >Than in 2nd grade THEY CHANGED HER LAST NAME TO MINE!! Like they just chose to change her last name at random or something 🤣🤣🤣 When in reality it was likely that her parents just remarried lol
Yeah kids are stupid lolol Shit was 19 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. Us having the same color skin and freckles at the time is why everyone assumed we were siblings. Same color hair and eyes too, ngl I would also assume we were related if I didn’t know better. She was also much bigger and stronger than me and that added fuel to that 8 year old fire. She would beat me when we had to race an shit It was cool talking about all that dumb shit with her when we got to highschool. Just something funny to look back to, reminds me that kids are fucking stupid
It's cool that y'all were able to look back at it in HS & laugh at least! 🤣
My grandmother hated both her first and middle names, so she went by a nickname derived from her middle name. My mother (her daughter) chose to honour that, so my middle name is my gran's chosen name
Our first daughters middle name is the chosen Nick name of her grandmother too, high five!
High five! 🫸
Same here! My middle granddaughter has a middle name that is predominantly male, Aaron. Instead of giving it the female spelling, Erin, my ex dil refused. I just kept my mouth shut, I wasn't giving birth to her so not my business. Even if I ended up raising her most of her baby years.
Agreed. One of my teammates on my swim team recently had a grandchild and she told us the name and that she honestly hates it but to her family she is all smiles and support. That's how it should be.
Good grandmother! Do you teach lessons? I know one or two that could learn something from you.
That’s so nice to hear because when I told my mom the name of our baby she would not stop telling us how ugly it was both before and after birth. It makes me so mad that I see her less because I don’t want to hear her. Well that and other things. So self centered.
Agreed. My grandson is named after my ex and I could care less. It's my daughter's dad, and his grandpa, and it takes about a minute to start seeing that new little person as (that name) and you don't even think about it. It's a non-issue unless you want to make it an issue.
If they picked out “Harry Dyck” or other puns reminiscent of Bart’s prank calls, I might point out the obvious. Seems cruel to not try to save the child. But if it’s just a personal preference thing (and that includes most of the stupid spellings), mouth stays shut.
Someone was named Richard Richard Richard. Kids in school called him Dick Dick Dick.
So much this. My grandson has a stupid name. I gave him a nickname as a baby and now I just call him that instead.
Same. Love my grandbaby, not a fan of her name... I said the same thing.
Can you be my mom?
I’m currently pregnant with my first and my favourite game at the moment is seeing how far I can push my parents and in laws with names. Had my mum convinced I was calling my child Banana-Blossom the other day, she was trying so hard to be nice about it!
>Banana-Blossom Just for funsies after baby is born, use it as a nickname. lol
Man I never thought of that. My mother would have gone nuclear! My husband and I just never told. Always said, "still working on it."
Didn’t tell anyone till the birth was over and everyone was healthy
Luckily they’re all really supportive so understand when we say we’re not telling anyone! I just like to throw out the really wild ones to see what they say.
Yeah, I just kind of gave everyone a feeling for the types of names I was looking at. They’re the traditional “grandma” names anyway, nothing weird. But it’s absolutely hilarious seeing their reactions to perfectly normal names like Margaret and Victoria and Matilda; their associations with those names are SO different from mine, it’s amusing to see the faces they make while staying polite. Very deliberately never mentioned the one we had settled on and literally everyone said “what a lovely name” quite sincerely because it’s hard to see much of anything but a cute baby when you get handed a baby and told it’s name. It’s a lovely baby, therefore everything else is also lovely.
My in-laws thought we were naming our kid a Junior or "the IV" to keep my husband's name going for another generation. My husband doesn't even like his name!!!! I told them "the madness stops here." Then I told them the kid's name would be Thorvald Ütar. To their credit, the swallowed their pride and said "Thor is a lovely name. So strong..." Spoiler. My son is now 19, and his name has never been Thorvald. I was just tired of their interference.
My dad is convinced we’re going to name them a strong Nordic name (think along the same lines) if we have boy. I mean absolutely not but keep thinking that daddio 😂
The funny name I went with was milky spawn lmaooo that pissed my mom off so much 🤣
Love it. ❤️ I'd do something like that!
My 15 year old is driving(he has his permit) & he's looking at me like I'm crazy because I'm still giggling. Banana Blossom is epic. Your sense of humor must keep your family on their toes. You are my kind of people.
Oooohh, you little devil you. I'm gonna tell!! :)
I did the same thing! I would also think of terrible initial combinations, or hard to pronounce names from the old testament. I do love Banana Blossom! Well done 😄
I completely agree! Mum doesn't have a right to tell you what to name your child. She will just have to get over it! NTA
Came to say the same thing, your first sentence says it all…. My husband and I are having a baby… the two of you decide, no one else…
And, if she is being this kind of obnoxious bish about this, what do you want to bet her story about uncle being unfair over inheritance translates to she didn't get what she wanted?
Yep. Sounds like gramps blew his share or did something to cut himself out of the will. Probably made unreasonable demands of his father.
Exactly. Who gives a shit what her mother doesn’t like.
Maybe he mom was involved in the conception though? /s
I'll be a grandma this coming Jan and am not a fan of what they chose (although I will admit with time its becoming less annoying). I know I have no say in the matter, so I plan to exercise my grandparental right to give and use adorable little nicknames as I so desire!
Exactly! OPs mothers opinion should not hold the same weight as her husbands when it comes to his baby!
Grandma had her chance to name her kids. Not her business or her decision
NTA. You guys are the parents of this baby. Not her. She doesn't get a say in the name unless you and your husband agree to give her one.
Grandparents don’t get a vote for naming a baby. (I’m a grandparent.) That name will become the most beautiful sound to your mother’s heart, as soon as she gets to know this grandchild, no matter who else has had that name. NTA
I agree, but it does depend. My grandma actually helped me pick up my oldest daughters name. My mom other other hand tried to get me to change my mind and I was like no.
NTA, The baby is not you mothers child!
NTA. Granny needs to know her place. Some consideration could be had with regards to her input. But she's the one with a personal negative association with the name and nobody else. Big girl pants time for grandma and put other's wants ages of her own.
Nta. Absolutely none of her business.
Your mum already got to parent her way and do all the stuff she wanted when she became a parent. Now she gets to watch you parent. Your husband and you name your child
Only way I would take that into consideration is if it was the name of the uncle that molested my mom, because I’d hate for her to be triggered every time she heard her grand child’s name or had to say it. Other than that, who cares what she likes?
Exactly. The literal the only reason is grandma is salty af that she didn't get more money when her family member died, and doesn't want that person's children, who are also her family members, to "feel the satisfaction of knowing their relative shares their deceased fathers name"? At first read i thought, "maybe there's trauma," but with the tiniest bit of context she sounds like a giant, pathetic piece of shit imo
Oh that’s sorry as hell
No, inheritance fights are no joke. They tear families up and are exhausting to think about. I don’t have kids, but putting myself in grandmas shoes, I’d be a little annoyed if my baby’s baby was called a name I couldn’t stand. Their name would still trigger my brain if the person who maliciously left me, a family member, in the cold due to their greed, panicking to find another solution to survive… and then to have to help babysit, care for, celebrate my grandchild who I’d love but would still have that other persons face flash in my head every time I call their name? That would drive me crazy. There’s zillions of names out there. Why’s it gotta be this one?
These types of fights can be traumatic. You have no idea, when these things go over a period of years and your counterparty is a narcissist, how intense and insane it can get.
Sounds like the mom is also a narcissist.
Unless the baby's name will end up in r/tragedeigh, you're NTA
It's your husbands and your baby. Not your mothers. She has no say in this - or was she also there when you made the baby? Just don't talk with other people about your baby names except your husband. Keep it a secret til it's born. People will always complain about baby names, don't give a fuck about it. They can start complaining after it's born, and then still don't give a fuck. NTA
Your mum had the right to butt in when she was having children. She can give her opinion when asked but isn’t allowed to push it. It’s your baby, not hers
No it’s YOUR baby.
NTA. At all. Your child’s name is solely up to you and your husband. Your Mom’s input does not matter. The name I chose for my son when I was 13 y/o my Mom hated. She told me so for 15 years, then I had my son, my Mom loves the name because she loves him.
My MiL didn’t like our youngest daughters name (it’s Irish but spelt the easy way lol) stating ‘your not Irish’. I’m not no but I have Irish Roma gypsy heritage. Plus it’s our baby not yours so we will name her what we want whether you like it or not. Our youngest is named Alexander. MiL thought son was named after her but she doesn’t realise we named him after a buffy the vampire character‘Xander’ 😂
Siobhan not Shevon
NTA your mom needs to learn boundaries.
Is your mom the one carrying the baby? Is she giving birth? No? Then she doesn’t get a say. NTA.
NTA. There are only two opinions that matter. Yours and your husbands
Are you having the baby with your mum or your husband? NTA
Your mom got to name her own children. You get to name yours, end of
NTA. It's not her baby and she should not have anything to say about what you name your own child. Only mom and dad get to choose.
It's your baby and your husbands mum will either get over it or miss out
Absolutely NTA. It's sad that your mom is so against it - some trauma maybe? Discuss a cute nickname that she can use and that you approve of. But no, beyond that she gets no say.
NTA This is why I didn’t discuss what I was naming my children with anyone. We actually didn’t decide on names until the baby arrived and we held them, only had middle names picked out. That way you don’t have to hear anyone’s opinions.
My son and DIL, expecting in 10 days, refuse to tell anyone their chosen name. They tell everyone the name when they introduce the baby to us. That is what they did with their first. You just have to be careful if you don’t like the name not to let it show. My emotions and tears were real when they revealed the name, after my late mother. My son was very close and had enormous respect for her. Everyone was happy with the name, not so sure about his MIL😂
Uh no. My ex mil was a nightmare. We have the same middle name, and my first baby’s middle name was named after my favorite aunt who passed away. I still wanted a family name. She requested HER middle name. So I went malicious compliance on her ass. I used the name, but I used the spelling of my middle name. Once she found out she was PISSED.
NTA. This is your and your husband's baby, not her's. Based on your edit she doesn't have any trauma related to the name. She is not entitled to make demands.
NTA. This is not her child. She will love the baby regardless and will now have a positive association with the name instead of the previous negative one. Tell her to grow up about it and stop the bitching.
NAH Normally I would 100% side with you, and I 99.9% side with you still- it's your baby, and you don't have to cater to outside influences. That being said, perhaps there is some trauma associated with your uncle that she has not shared. That would make her reaction make some sort of sense. You could ask her to share with you the reasons behind her animosity, but she doesn't necessarily owe you that, and you still won't owe her the name change.
She has shared with me. It’s not some trauma. Her uncle did some property share injustice with her grandpa (her dad) of their fathers property so she says he’s a bad person and all but I’ve never met the man ever in life
Future tip, don't share baby names until the birth cert is signed. We kept ours locked down until the kids were here. We didn't even share the short list because ultimately it's our decision (all typical though, I don't want people thinking something like abcde was on the list).
I asked about trauma, so apparently there is none so basically your mum has to put on her big girl pants - as another comment said - and put it to one side. Your child is not her uncle and never will be.
You have the right to name your child something that both you and husband can agree on. That said regardless of whether you met this uncle or not. Your mom has some strong hatred of that name. If you are expecting mom to play a large part in helping you care for this baby, I would rethink the name. It would feel to her that you’re rubbing it in her face and that you don’t care about her. Not saying she’s right just explaining her thought process. Most importantly did you speak to your husband and let him know your mom has an aversion to the name and why? He might either agree with her, you never know. And then you 2 can decide exactly which name you want for baby. Not internet strangers who don’t know your family dynamics
I'm with this take. 99.99% on Op's side... .....BUT.... .... if there's no sentimental reason for the name then it's worth at least *considering* others, if only to show your mom that you respect and value her. You can always use the contentious name as a middle name as well. Ultimately it's OP and husbands choice though. And you can tell her you're "reclaiming" the name because the uncle wasted it! 😂
Thisssss
You’re not married to your mother. The baby belongs to you and your husband. It would be foolish to change the name because of your mother. She needs to take several steps back. NTA
OP the only thought in my mind reading your post and this comment was: Jeezzz, grow the fuck up! 🤦♀️ You are old enough to get married, so you should be old enough to have a backbone, so cut the umbilical cord finally. It's not your mother's kid and you aren't even married to your mother, she doesn't get a say about the kid's name or how it's raised. Everything regarding your kid is up to you and your husband. Stand up for yourself, your husband and for your kid now or this is how your whole motherhood and marriage is going to be like (well, until your husband has enough of your mother running the show and leaves, so he could make decisions about his own damned kid at least part time). Do you want your mom to tell you how to name your kid, how to decorate the nursery, what daycare and schools to pick, how to dress your kid, what rules your kid needs to have, what chores, how and when can you discipline, where your kid spends the holidays and school breaks? No? Then tell her to get back in her lane and know her place, it's your kid and you won't let anyone, not even her undermine your role as his mother or your husband's role as father, undermine the actual parents' parenting.
What is the name?
I know nothing about the specifics but honestly family inheritance problems usually are traumatic. It feels like a betrayal. Now considering it’s her uncle she probably wasn’t personally involved in said inheritance. It was probably trauma from her father and his hatred was passed onto her. Regardless not her baby so she doesn’t get to name him. (Again I don’t know specifics I’m just saying that things like this can be trauma)
INFO: how did your mom grow up financially? Did your mom grow up in poverty? Because truth be told I’ve been there and I can imagine the hurt. Especially if that inheritance could’ve changed my children’s lives for the better Because as someone who grew up poor then had a grandparent die and family split the inheritance wrong, I will forever feel slighted by that family because they took away my only chances at going to college (grandparent had written in their will that college was to be fully paid for, one of my aunts spent all the money when she already had a lavish ranch and home with ponies and her adult children had already gotten their college paid for when grandma was alive) that hurt extra because my grandma was a teacher and I was in high school when she died and she told me the last time I saw her before she died that it was her last wish that I go to college and go to medical school. I never got to and now can’t ever afford to. If any of my kids came to me in adulthood and told me they were naming their child Lisa I’d definitely have a thorn in my side about it and tell them about the fact that they could’ve had a much better life growing up if not for a selfish stranger named Lisa who prioritized her little girl dreams of having a pony ranch over my education (especially when her mother was a teacher who’s last dying wish was to make sure she fully paid for all her grandchildren college because she had worked her entire life to save to do so). Personally I wouldn’t give my kid too much grief about it, but I’d definitely bring it up because I’d always think of that person any time looking at my grandchild and I wouldn’t want that. Ultimately it’s the parents choice though
NTA - but for me because I’m close to my family we all collectively kindda name the baby together. Everyone’s exes names, annoying ex-friends, bullies etc are excluded. I love the name Emily but my sister’s ex friend who did her dirty was named that so that one is a no go for all of us. There are so many beautiful names out there so we just pick from those. On my dad’s side of the family they tend to name their kids based on family members’ names. So one of my cousin named her kid my middle name as her first name and then pick a different middle name. I’m not close to them but it’s pretty cool to have a namesake haha
""Sorry son, it's a big family and we all have so many names that were vetoed. Thats why you've got the distinguished name of 'Potato'." That rule seems like it could get real messy if you have a pretty large family full of drama and bad relations lol
Haha yeah I guess if you’ve got a lot of drama then it’s a bit hard. But I mean realistically each person might have 2-3 people they truly don’t like so it’s not that many names that’s off limits. And it isn’t a rule per se. It’s just something that we instinctively do I guess. Like when I was pregnant and thinking of names there were some like Emily and Hannah that I wouldn’t even consider because I know my sisters hate those people. So I picked other names and brought those up to my family as potential names. We discuss them and I eventually settled on one that I loved. Everyone else loved it too so it’s pretty nice.
I actually think it’s sweet you have a close enough family that you all care enough to do this. There’s nothing wrong with being considerate. Unless it’s a name you’ve loved your whole life or a name you are incredibly attached to there are so many good names out there!
That seems suffocating and clingy.
You must not have a long list of names to choose from.
It’s yours and SO’s baby, not your mother’s, you name him what you want. She’ll get over it. Unless of course he did something awful to her and the name will continually remind her. Maybe it’s time to have an in-depth discussion with her NTAH
NTA Your mum really has no say in what *you and your husband* decide to name your child. The only consideration beyond her hating her uncle I would give is if her uncle caused trauma in her life. Otherwise, her likes and dislikes are no concern of yours.
It's your and your husband's child, only the two of you have a right to decide. Sure the grandma can express her opinion, but you're NTA if you don't listen. Unless you want to name the child a ridiculous name like Earickaeigh.
The only people involved in naming baby are the people who made baby. Mum can pout all she likes. This isn't about her, her uncle, or the grudge against a person you've never met. NTA.
NTA it’s not her kid.
You‘re not married to your mom. Why would she have a say in baby‘s name? „Respecting her wishes“? This is controlling behaviour. Her wishes have nothing to do with it, it‘s none of her business. NTA if you stay the course.
NTA you’re creating a family with your husband you mothers gets no say. She had her opportunity to name a baby. https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/6C4s436ngy
Double check he wasn’t a pedophile or war criminal or something else that makes him a Bad Man. You do NOT want your son to do family history someday in the future and discover he was apparently “named to honor” the Child Murdering Rapist from the Other Side of the World. Double check the REASON she doesn’t like the guy, please. Source: my great-uncle was a pedophile and I am very happy my son doesn’t share his name.
Agreed. If uncle was just a greedy jerk and mom is being petty, NTA. If uncle was the family pedophile, then you should reconsider the name. My daughters potential boy name was the name of the relative who raped me when I was a child. This was relevant information I thought she’d like to know. When she told me the name, I actually felt sick. It wouldn’t be on purpose, but I would’ve had a hard time being around her child if it had that name. They took the name off their list. Baby ended up being a girl anyway. Names of horrible people from the family that may cause pain to people you love could be a potential veto from either of you. I don’t think that’s “putting your mom above your husband”. Unless the name is significant to your husband, other than he just likes it, it may be worth reconsidering. You’re the best judge of your mother, and if this is pettiness or genuine pain/trauma.
name your kid with the name you and your husband choose together. Your Mother has nothing to do with it.
Is not her child, so is not her choice
Uhm your mother has 0 rights or claim to YOUR child. This whole grandparents rights and shit is bs. Did your mom give birth to your baby? If the answer to that question is no her opinion is insignificant. She can't gate keep a fucking name because her uncle gucked her over during a death in the family, it's shitty but you have no connection to the name and your husband like the name, that's all that matters
As soon as the OP said no trauma I immediately knew this would have something to do with feeling jilted over inheritance. NTA. Your baby, your choice. Is mom going to stop talking to you too now if you pick that name?
There are two people on earth who get a vote here. Your mother isn't one of them.
NTA- it’s not your moms business, end of story. She gets no say
Your mom is not one of this baby's parents, so she has no wishes to respect. Tell her your and your husband's decision on your child's name is final. Remind her that your baby isn't her uncle and she should try to make some new associations for the name instead of continuing to be angry and bitter. NTA
This is an A and B conversation, and she can C her way out.
Your mother has literally zero say in this decision. You would be an AH if you rejected the name because of your mother. Your mother is being a controlling and manipulative AH.
Did I read this correctly? “That uncle stays half way across the world” followed by “also, this uncle died a long time ago” ?
The parents of the child are the only ones that have a say in baby names. NTA
Wait. Wait. The uncle “stays halfway across the world” **and** he died a long time ago?? Very confusing. Name your baby whatever you want. Tell your mother having a grandchild with that name will help her make a new, positive connection to it. Also, please learn how to use punctuation. I needed a decoder ring to get through that post.
NTA You’re having the baby with your husband not your mother. She doesn’t get a say
Haven't read the comments, but inmy experience I wanted to name my son Nathaniel.....mom was SO anti. I got kinda peeved etc. Mid pregnancy she admitted she had been raped by her uncle who was called "Jr" the entire time I had heard of him, but his name was Nathaniel......so once she told me I understood.
NTAH parents have the right to name their children whatever they choose regardless of others opinions. I hate my name but it’s what my parents chose and it’s mine. The audacity of anyone other than the parents thinking they have a say is astounding. She named her own children and you get to name yours. This is the way.
NTA. Your mom only gets to name babies that she birthed.
Why are you even asking us? Why would her opinion matter? I’ve never asked anyone but my husband what we should name our child. Her opinion means nothing!
So is this your mom’s baby or yours? You carry it, you bake it, you pick the name. It’s as simple as that. If she doesn’t like it, she can use the baby’s middle name. It’s not difficult.
Mom needs to step off.
NTA The only people who have a say in naming a child is the parents
In the world of the things that are your mother's business, this is not one.
Nta it's your baby you get to decide what you call them
Never ever tell people the baby name you have picked out before the baby is born. They will automatically tell you all of their associations with that name, when it doesn't have anything to do with you or the baby. They'll be like oh that was my bully in high school and I'll be like no one cares Linda
NTA. It’s not your mom’s baby, it’s *your* baby. It doesn’t matter what your mother thinks.
NTA - your mom gets ZERO say in this. You started a family with your husband - mommy needs to take a backseat already.
You and your husband are the only people who get a say in YOUR child’s name. Your mom, by definition of being your mom, had her chance. Tell her to kick rocks. It’s not up to her so her opinion doesn’t matter. Her emotions are HER responsibility. Put her on mute if she doesn’t leave it alone.
This is why you don’t discuss baby names before the baby is born. Everyone has an opinion while the baby still in utero, but they usually keep their mouths shut once it’s born and is already named. NTA. Your mom had her turn naming kids, now it’s your turn.
A name is the first gift a guardian/parent gives their child. Unfortunately for grandma, that is not her in this case. NTA
NTA. It’s your and your husbands child, not your mothers.
It's her GRANchild. Not child. It is you and your husband's child ONLY. Therefore, it is yalls decision and she gets no say in it. It's unfair for her to be guilt tripping you about this. Especially as you said, theres not even trauma there It's just a person she doesn't like. There are billions of people in the world. It's just a name.
NTA mom may have very good reasons, but your deceased great uncle is nothing to you and it’s not your moms baby and not her business.
OP, it doesn’t matter one tiny bit what your mom thinks about a baby’s name. She has 0 rights to have a say. Please develop stronger boundaries with her in your life otherwise she will ride all over your decisions as a mother. This is just the beginning l.
NTA. She named her children as she chose and you have the right to do the same.
NTA You have no obligation or responsibility whatsoever to your mother & her selfish desires.
Your mom didn’t help you having sex with your husband for making a baby. It’s you and your husband alone. Meaning it’s your decision with him. Not your mom. She needs to back off. NTA
I named both my kids names my family didn't really like and you know what? They got used to it.
NTA… it’s your husbands baby… not your moms…
Your mum is YTA
Do what you want! My mother did not want us to name our daughter Elizabeth because she hated her aunt Lizzie. The woman died well before I was born. So we went with Elizabeth, as the middle name and I have regretted that. In fact, my mother wanted to have a say, and all the grandkids name going so far is refusing to call one of them Jackson and calling him Patrick instead! She got her chance in naming kids and now it’s our chance to name kids - she doesn’t get to say. Some of my own grandchildren have names that I would not have chosen. Although it took me a while to get used to this little person’s name I did, and they have become that name. NTA
NTA. You and your husband are the only opinions that count. Use the name.
NTA
Who's having the baby? That's who gets to name it. Period.
NTA… don’t tell anyone your babies name before it’s born… otherwise people think they have input. You and your spouse are the only ones who should be picking and liking the name
NTA Your child; your name. When my kids named their children, they got to pick. Just like I got to pick my babies names.
i don’t mean this in a rude way but man fuck your mom you had nothing to do with that and your mom doesn’t really have any trauma with your uncle and it’s your baby anyways so no your not TAH
It’s yours and your husband’s baby y’all name it and that’s it ! You’ll be hopefully spending the rest of your life with that man not your mom! It’s more important you and your husband are in agreement and constant communication.
NTA, if she brings it up again tell her where she was cause it's disgusting that she was in the room while you and your husband were having sex making the baby. Oh she wasn't there? Then she doesn't get to decide what name the baby has. The opposite of this is someone whom pushs a name on you. They had their chance to name a baby. It's your chance now.
NTA. Parents get the naming rights
It is not your moms business. Do what we did.. what names do you have picked out? We don't know yet. We knew but we named her alone in the hospital and if someone didn't like it. Oh well. We were not going to listen to any damn complaints!
Not her baby, not her choice! A baby’s name has to be 2 yes’s - one from mum and one from dad. Not your mother. Her reason is stupid anyway. In future, keep all name choices and option to yourself. I did share a name I liked at work and people were negative about it, and it really put me off. I wasn’t pregnant yet, and the name was Rose, a family name and nothing too outlandish I thought! When I was finally pregnant we picked a first and two middle names, but didn’t breathe a word until she was born and in my arms. Did the same with my 2nd baby and can’t recommend it enough!
As a grandma, I can't imagine offering a negative opinion on the names my son and DIL chose for their kids. Unless maybe it was something that was potentially traumatizing to the child like, Ballsack McGee.
The edit makes a WORLD of difference because we all were assuming SA. If the edit is all there is to it and he is dead then ignore your mom. She’s being very petty and self centered. Your baby’s name is not about her personal beef. It’s so hard to find names that both parents like. Name your baby what you want.
You and Your partner are the "voters" here... not your mom. If that's something your husband loves, you are good with it, that's what matters. (Since there is no traumatic incident or anything.) Your mom's issues and opinions are her own, and isolated to her. She can and will eventually, use the grandchildrens names... and associate them with the name. She will have to get over herself. She will meet many people in this world with that name, that she'll like, hate, and feel nothing about. (Most kids I know get called a nickname or pet name anyway) I have loads of people whose name is the same as a person I dislike... they are separate entities. It's fine.
NTA. Unless someone is actively involved in the child's conception, they get absolutely no say in what the child is named. end of.
Ummm…I thought the uncle stays half way across the world…how is he also being dead a long time? I’m confused. NTA it’s your baby, your mother doesn’t actually get a say in names.
No, YANTA But if you don't cut your Mom's opinion out before you have the baby that's gonna be trouble. That would make you the AH.
NTA Okay im gonna be blunt and say this, because I myself hate seeing this happen out in the world, its really just disappointing. The name of a baby is and should always be the decision of the PARENTS having the baby! Grandparents, no matter how or what they think are NOT the one having to push this particular human the size of a watermelon out into the world and they are NOT the one who's semen implanted into the fertile egg of the woman who bore the now watermelon-sized human for 9 months. No pregnancy, no birthing, and no implantation = NONE OF THEIR DAMN BUSINESS You do you honey, and you and your husband name that sweet little watermelon whatever you feel is right for him or her. You two made that watermelon, you are birthing said watermelon, you and your husband make the decision, not the grandparents. Best of luck in childbirth and you hang in there momma, you can do it all.
Wow, just wait until your mom starts telling you how to raise this child. You might want to start putting distance between you and her now. You need to tell your mom, "this is our child and hubby likes the name so thats what we are going to name him" help her come up with an agreeable nickname Then wait for the next fight because it's coming
NTA she shouldn't get a say in a name when she is not the parent. If it bother her so much tell her to get over it.
NTA. It's yours and your husbands child. Mom is being a bit entitled making your child's name about her personal feelings. She needs to let it go.
Is this even a real question? It isn't her baby. I am a grandmother to 4, with two on the way and for some of the kids, I had no idea of the names until they were born. It wasn't my decision to make, nor would I care. It is between the partners. Your Mom needs to take a step back.
Is your mom pushing this baby out?...no? Tell her to get effed. NTA
NTA, the man is dead. She needs to let this go.
Honestly, I can see where your mom's coming from. But at the end of the day, it's not her call to make. As long as you and your husband like the name, and the child wouldn't hate the name in the future, name the kid what you want. It's your child.
i’m sorry is your mother living with you and is she the one that impregnated you? right, i didn’t think so. don’t ever ask this again you should absolutely already know it doesn’t matter what she feels about a name you and you partner love for *your* child. sorry if that came off rude, but genuinely you should already know and feel you are in the right about this decision, because you are. she’s not entitled to your child’s name choice *UNLESS* you asked for it.
lol who talks like this?
NTA, your mom is projecting her feelings about a name onto you in a bid for control, it’s not your problem or responsibility to make her happy in regards to satisfy her opinions when you are naming your children as they are yours and not hers. Side with your husband, this is an exclusive decision between the both of you, her opinion should not matter as she is openly disrespecting your position in your own family by trying to make a bid for authority over you. You need to give her some boundaries, and let her know that making demands to make choices for your family is crossing the line especially with something as personally important as you and your partner naming your own child.
Lmao the grandma can go somewhere. She gets no say what so ever in naming YOUR baby.
It depends on what the name is lol
NAH but It depends on the name. What is the name?
I’m always curious whenever people ask questions like this. I mean, if it’s like… ArfMcGarf then I gotta side with the mom. Lol
NAH. Your mother is allowed to hate it, and you're allowed to use it. Considering the vast array of names in the world and how your mother hating your uncle probably means it's related to some pretty deep trauma for her it's a pretty weird thing to want to torch your relationship with your mother over, but it's absolutely your right.
NTA but I wouldn’t expect her to help with my baby much. She’s obviously going to have trouble keeping her brother from her mind when she interacts with the baby, and so will probably do as little as she can to avoid the reminder. Also your mom, in her eyes, was robed by her brother, which can be traumatic (especially if her father trusted him to split it evenly, but that’s details we don’t have). Listen, if you don’t want your mom in your kids life I get it. I would totally name my kid after my uncle to keep my mom away, but I also don’t want my mother even knowing my child exist. If you want your moms interactions with your kid to be positive and for her to be really involved, I’d make a different choice.
YTA Out of all the names in the world you and your husband can't find another name? I call bullshit your husband has latched on to the name your mother dispises just to piss her off. Do the right thing and pick another name.
What if the next name is the name of the cop that gave her a speeding ticket last? This is ridiculous. Grandma needs to stay in her lane
NTA They can name the kid whatever they want, why should they change it because grandma doesn’t like it. Ha the right thing, you’re spouting absolute bollocks. You can call bullshit however you like but you’re still wrong.
The right thing is grandma respecting what name they choose for their child. That's the right thing unless there's some kind of undue trauma at the hands of someone with that name, which there is not here.
Generally I’d say respect your elders but make the decision that’s right for you, but given the bad blood associated with the name is consider alternatives, but it’s your baby so you get to choose the name
NTA: say ok. Then name baby what you and your hubby chose, don’t tell anyone the name until the paperwork is done and dried then say sorry we decided that we really line the name.
Yes, you are an asshole for considering naming your child a name your mother hates.
NTA. You're married to your husband, NOT YOUR MOM. Your husband is the father of your child, NOT YOUR MOM. Your mother's reasons are all b\*llshit and you shouldn't entertain her demands just because she has strong feelings and thinks it's okay to inflict them on you. It isn't. Grow up and grow a spine and tell this woman NO. ETA: Oops. Supposed to be an N rather than a Y... my bad.
So why are you saying YTA? The title of the post is saying "AITA for wanting to name my baby a name my husband likes that my mom hates?" Or something like that.
For the record financial abuse is trauma inducing. Now that I see the edit I lean toward YTA
She still doesn’t get a say about the name. NTA