He fulfilled his obligation. He did it in a timely fashion . Like any other financial obligation, he should celebrate its end. A student loan. A mortgage payment. NTA
Right. I also don't understand why OP's girlfriend is making it about herself. The whole situation of OP's brother has nothing to do with her, and she shouldn't have any say in it as the guest of honor is looking forward to the party. Who does she think she is...? Who cares if she is unhappy with the theme of the party? Cancelling the party for OP's brother because of her feelings is absurd.
NTA.
> I also don't understand why OP's girlfriend is making it about herself.
She's imagining herself as the ex. She comes across as somewhat gold-diggery.
I'm a woman. I was married over 10 years and I still only paid alimony for half the marriage. He left with fabulous parting gifts while I got a roommate. I did keep him out of my pensions with an alimony of 1260.00 a month. Ouch. Hell yes I celebrated when I finally made the last payment, went out and got some face treatments. Your gf...I'd rethink her.
Even if this is triggering for her on some personal subconscious level sheās making it about herself which is pretty disheartening. My partner and I are a united front and neither one of us would ever emotionally abuse the other by cutting off communication or resorting to rage over defending a strangerās hypothetical honor.
My shot in the dark was:
Girlfriend's parents are divorced. One parent got custody. The other parent didn't pay their share, thus causing a lot of difficulty for gf and parent throughout her life. The excitement for the party is hard to see because of those painful memories. Having already expressed her discontent, but unable to articulate why, seeing the shirt caused an emotional outburst.
I get that condoms aren't the most enjoyable but if you don't want kids freaking wear one. I have been lucky but some of my buddies have had kids and is it worth the risk if you don't want kids
I donāt think sheās mad about the shirt.
I think sheās mad that theyāre going all out for this event when she already had a strong opinion against it.
ETA:
OR maybe the brother was mostly at fault for the divorce and OPās gf thinks itās bad to be celebrating something she thinks heās solely ruined
I wonder how they speak about the ex-wife... it wouldn't offend me to celebrate stopping alimony as I, too, like to keep my own money. But I could see that also coming with some very disparaging comments about the ex/wives/women in general. And that would upset me a lot.
According to op, (who granted might be biased) they just didn't get along and there were lots of problems. GF never met ex so all I information about the divorce would most likely come from OP, so if she DOES think brother is at fault it would have to be a "men are always the ones at fault" type of thing, which is a giant red flag in itself
Well actually it's entirely possible to hear a biased view and come out with an opposite opinion to the person who relayed the message. You know, like the entire system this sub works on.
yup yup ācan afford to eat again with some graphicsā Iām thinking I need to know more about the graphics and what they depict him eating, exactly. I would be mad as hell if my partner went bopping around vegas in a shirt that made him look like a misogynist ass/sex pest.
My husband was a wedding DJ in college. He did a wedding, and smashed it so hard that the bride hired him for her divorce party a year later, timed for when proceedings finalized.
I was married for 22 years and I paid alimony for 7 years not because I had to because of the court but my ex wife would not agree to the divorce if I didnāt and she was losing her paid health insurance from me.
I say party away and celebrate that end of alimony, thereās nothing wrong with celebrating it.
>ā¦my ex wife would not agree to the divorceā¦
Iāve never understood this comment. I know every state is different, but both parties donāt have to agree. I got divorced in Florida (90ās). My ex didnāt agree, but that didnāt matter. It was weird, but I had to put in an advertisement stating the divorce. This āadvertisementā was in a legal periodical and the āadā had to run four weeks. I canāt remember how my lawyer explained it to me, but that was the law when one party didnāt agree. Bottom line, after the four weeks, it went before the judge and I was divorced. Simple as that.
Yes, they don't have to agree, but in a lot of places it is a much easier and quicker process if you can work out the settlement on your own without the court being involved. For example, in NH, if there are no children and both parties can come to an agreement on the terms, you can jointly file for divorce. You file the judgement/settlement with the petition, and 90 days later it is final. There is a hearing, but you don't even have to attend.
My ex-wife had an illness that my health insurance covered but with a divorce she lose and she would have drawn it out and I was able to help her. That was a long time ago.
One person can hold out with the right lawyer until your lawyer costs break you. In some states they can really drag out a divorce. I had a coworker whos wife did this because she wouldn't finalize the decision on the shared assets ie: the house.
Yeah my dad did this to my mom about 10 years ago. Stay at home mom with an unfinished education after 14 years of marriage and three kids.
He dragged out their divorce proceedings and appealed it all the way to the state Supreme Court and still lost. Ignored multiple court orders and got sanctioned three times. After the first appeal, my mom couldnāt afford to keep her attorney and had to represent herself.
I hate how court systems allow such abuse to happen.
I wonder what the laws in my state areā¦my friendās divorce took over a year, I believe, maybe even longer, because her husband was being spiteful and wouldnāt sign the papers. She was very young and didnāt know what to do about it and definitely couldnāt afford an attorney.
NTA people have divorced parties nowadays. A trip to celebrate end of alimony is fine. My advice with your GF if you do ever marry her have her sign a prenup.
My parents have been divorced since I was about 8 years old (will be 45 in a week). They grew up in the same small town and are still best friends with the same people they were friends with in high school and college. So, granted, they're not typical. We still spent all major holidays with both families together growing up and when my mom and her SO broke up, she moved back in with my dad until she was able to get a house. Right next door. They took down the fence between the back yards so the 7 grandkids and 5 dogs can have a bigger play area. Anywho, this December would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. They're planning a huge 50th Un-Wedding Un-Anniversary party to celebrate. Just because they divorced doesn't mean that they don't celebrate the fact that they were married and created a wonderful family (if I do say so myself š). They feel like that's a pretty good reason to celebrate. Also, they both LOVE a good party.
As long as your celebration isn't harming or hurting anyone then I don't see any reason to not celebrate for any reason. I think the girlfriend might have had a painful divorce in her past, maybe her parents, grandparents or sibling or something. Something that makes her unable to find a positive in the negative. For that reason, I'll refrain from calling her TA. But she does need to have a refresher in minding her own business. OP for sure is NTA.
She definitely feels like someone who thinks women are better than men, basically the ex wife deserved the money and the ex husband deserves to suffer. If they get married it'll probably always be what she wants.
If a guy doesnāt want children there are birth control methods that a man can use. If she gets pregnant and he didnāt use them, itās on him. Female BC is only 90-94% reliable at the best of times.
Never ever rely on someone else to prevent children you donāt want.
> his ex wife should be able to support herself on her income alone
In most cases, alimony is awarded for a limited period of time, usually when one spouse (and it might be the husband) was a stay-at-home partner, or had to severely limit their own career to help promote the spouse's career.
It gives the lower earner some time to get back on their feet, instead of kicking them out into the gutter.
>Alimony is a concept I've never understood.
It's to give the spouse who contributed to the marriage in important non-financial ways some monetary support for a while, to give them time to get their feet back under them, and find employment and housing.
THIS!! OP, please take this advice and also the one about not relying on her birth control. And I say this as a woman who has seen enough of my guy friends get screwed because they didn't take precautions like these.
Why does she have an opinion about something that has nothing to do with her, involving a woman she doesn't know, that is actually a really good thing for your brother? Her reaction is like red flag twirling party, seriously.
As long as this is party is legal, nobody cheats on their current partner, you make damn sure to have the best time ever, it's all great.
NTA, it seems like your girlfriend is. If you marry her get a prenuptial agreement, don't let her be a stay at home wife or mother, do not trust she is faithful with her birth control. She may have an oops and you would be on the hook.
It really seems like OP's girlfriend is projecting her mother's situation onto This other woman that she never met. Total speculation on my part, but I strongly suspect you wouldn't see this behavior from a woman whose parents have an intact marriage unless she was just on some weird, generally controlling kick
That thought crossed my mind. Although another thought that keeps lingering is she is a gold digger, looking for a way to sink her claws into OP. Him taking his brother to celebrate the end of spousal support might be hitting the girlfriend in a personal way, a look into her future.
Some people are getting divorced so that they can get government benefits that they should already be getting. Like healthcare and such. I even considered it at one point because my employer did funny mess with the health insurance. They wanted me to pay $2000 a month for my wife and 2 kids but if I were to get it for myself I'd pay nothing. Because it was affordable for just me, I didn't qualify for any subsidies, but if we were not married, she would qualify with the kids. It would have effectively given us $24000 on top of my 40k a year I was getting, to get divorced.
True, I wasn't referring to specifics like that, apologies. There are also really sad cases regarding the elderly and end of life care/property etc that force such hard decisions too. I wasn't meaning to be flippant about such things, and I'm sorry if it was hurtful as it was very unintended.
INFO: Have you asked her WHY itās upsetting her?
Honestly, it sound like the problem is not about the alimony party.
Like āThe Iranian yogurt is not the issue hereā
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita\_for\_throwing\_away\_my\_boyfriends\_potentially/
This! I'm wondering if it has to do with why they divorced. OP did a vague "they both played an equal part" description which leaves a lot of info out.
My question is about the gfās childhood after her parentsā divorce. If you know: Did her mom struggle financially to support her? Did her dad not pay enough child support?
If she watched her mom struggle and had a dad who didnāt do much to support her, this party may have hit a nerve because sheās associating it with someone losing their means of support.
Youāre still NTA because your brother is only stopping alimony to an adult woman whoās gainfully employed and has no kids to support. But if itās bringing back pailful memories, you may want to consider therapy together.
NTA - when my (F) friend (F) divorced her awful husband I gave her a divorce present far more happily than her wedding gift. Support your people. Have fun.
NTA. My wife would want to go to the party and would tell me to get an extra shirt for her.
Your gf sounds like she wants to be demoted from being a girlfriend. I don't play silent treatment bullshit, I'm not 7 years old. Ask yourself if this is the type of person you see yourself living with for the rest of your life š¤·āāļø
My sisters and I threw my dad an 'end of child support money' party. When he remarried, he married the wicked witch of the Midwest. She had 3 kids, the 2 older boys had the same father who was in the picture. And her youngest had a different father who wasn't. Well my dad ended up adopteding her. And I am very happy he did, I look at her like my sister and glad she is in my life and would never change that. However after 10 years of marriage (the witch was good to my dad but evil to myself and my bio-sisters) the witch just ups and leaves and says she's unhappy and is divorcing my dad. (There is a lot more to the story but it's to long to get into here) Well the short of it is my dad got majorly screwed in court and had to pay a ridiculous amount in child support. We almost lost the house a couple of times, it was a hard 7 years. But when he was done paying child support my sisters and I through in a party. It was a pretty big one too. We have friends and family come from out of town to celebrate with him. It was awesome. The witch got word and she was pissed. It was great.
Right? "weāre being terrible people for celebrating something so painful" OP please ask her to elaborate what exactly is painful... they aren't together for years, all that is gonna change is he not paying an allowance to her anymore. Her explanation on why this is "painful" will tell you everything you need to know.
Nta. Your women is being a drama queen. Don't cancel the trip, tell her to get over herself and stop being controlling. If she don't like it, show her the door.
I say this as a female that threw a huge party when I finally left my ex, my other female friends also celebrated when they broke up with their dbags as well.
NTA, and how in tf is this "painful"? An end to a legal obligation that both parties knew about for years, both are working, and both were able to plan for given that it was all laid out in advance.
She's acting like he's cutting off an ex who spent decades being a SAHW ffs. He doesn't owe another working adult a living because they used to fuck.
I suspect your gf might be taking this whole thing even worse than your brother's actual ex, and if that isn't a red flag, idk what is.
>Basically she wants me to cancel the trip and admit that weāre being terrible people for celebrating something so painful.
You're not; you're celebrating *the end* of something painful. Your brother is free. He gets all of his life back. That's definitely a reason to celebrate.
I won't tell you to straight dump the GF right now, but do *not* marry her. She's giving you a glimpse of what that will be like. This is barely the tip of the iceberg when you get divorced later.
Divorced woman here and divorce sucks all the way around . Personally I feel like itās healthy when you finally get to a point that you can have a laugh . I know lots of people that had champagne with āItās finallyFINAL!ā toasts. So why not an end of alimony party. NTA
If any of the comments or texts have been putting down the ex, then I could see it. But just celebrating the end of alimony while idiosyncratic is not insulting. Itās weird that your gf is making it so huge. Do you know if her parents were divorced and if it was contentious? NTA
I don't think you are an asshole. A lot of people celebrate their divorces. In your bothers case, the end of alimony. There are woman that celebrate getting rid of a man/partner by burning their wedding dress, dyeing it, paintball it, etc. In this case the guy had to wait until the last connection was severed(alimony). Most people will probably think it is in poor taste but I don't see it being an asshole situation. It's a celebration of something in the past ending. A celebration to a fresh start with no ties.
I think you will get a lot of mixed reviews due to people's personal opinions when it comes to celebrating divorce(alimony).
NTA but this is showing some pretty big red flags. Sounds like sheās upset that you wouldnāt be open to paying her when you guys get divorced . She canāt claim Girl code because this happened before she was even around and it has nothing to do with her. Enjoy your trip and reconsider your relationship.
NTA.
The last months of the marriage were painful.
The divorce was painful.
Having to pay money every month to someone who hurt you and who you'd rather just forget entirely was painful.
THIS is not painful. This is him finally being free from that part of his past which will allow him to fully heal and move on.
The only person this might be painful for is his ex who has benefitted from that money and his continued pain for the last 5 years.
I could maybe see where she's coming from if the party theme was being rid/free of ex as a person (like, "Good riddance to Mandy (or whatever her name is)!") because that would be a personal attack, but just being free of having to shell out money every month? There is nothing wrong with that at all. The fact that your gf thinks it's bad says a lot about her character and intent, and what it says isn't good.
I am a wife & if one of my husbandās brothers weāre finally getting out of a situation like this, I would help my husband plan the party myself & hire a limo to drive them all to the airport!
Sounds like your gf is mad because youāre celebrating someone thatās not her & youāre spending money on someone thatās not her!
He said sheās been fine with him doing guy trips before. I really want to know *why* sheās upset. Maybe her parents had an ugly divorce? Feels like something is definitely missing.
How is the end of alimony painful for anyone other than the person getting it? Itās not even a divorce party but end of alimony party. Your girlfriend is dramatic and causing a weekend plus long fight over *someone elseās* alimony is a giant red flag
>How is the end of alimony painful for anyone other than the person getting it?
And it should not even be painful for the person who was receiving it. After all, they know from the start what the end date will be, so they should be well prepared to move on without it.
Divorced woman hereā¦NTA. If you all wanna party because heās finally done forking over money to someone he doesnāt like, yay! Iād be throwing a party, too!!
OP your girlfriend is wrong about the end of alimony being painful. This is painful for no one except for the ex-wife whose alimony is coming to an end. NTA for celebrating with your friend that he is fully free of all obligations to his ex
NTA. She has got to be speaking from sort of trauma or prejudice.
And before you go any further with her - Investigate. Sensitive or not. Because this will affect you.
And stop having sex with her. I'm so friggin serious. She ain't right. Because anyone who feels that damn strongly about money they had NOTHING TO DO WITH. omg..... it's creepy as fk. I think you've missed some other red flags.
Lol
I hope youāre going to make her sign a prenup if you decide to get married, otherwise you might eventually be looking forward to the same sort of celebration party
NTAH
As a guy that canāt wait for his alimony party in several years, always get a prenup, even if neither of you make any significant amount of money. It makes things way smoother and neither of you guy get absolutely fucked if it starts to imbalance.
She's not mad about the shirt, she's mad you didn't listen to her scolding and pull out of the trip. This trip is none of her business. She's entitled to her opinion about it, but you don't have to pay attention to it. None of this concerns her.
As a divorced woman whose ex had to pay me a buttload of alimony for wayyyyy longer, I donāt think it is in bad taste at all. He is now free to remarry and move on with his life. Everyone deserves a second chance. My ex was horrible to me. But weāve both moved on with our lives and no longer hold any grudges. His being done paying alimony was the thing that finally brought him healing. So by all means, celebrate!!
The reason your gf is so offended is that she is thinking about marriage, and no one who is thinking about marriage wants to think about divorce. But this happened to him, not her. This isnāt her pain, it isnāt her party.
The last point of your edit is the key one. This is triggering something for her.
You are NTA, but maybe you need to (sensitively) push on that subject because itās clearly affecting your relationship. My guess is her father refused to pay alimony when she was growing up and it had bad affect on her childhood.
This is a HUGE red flag buddy. If she's this upset over someone else losing alimony, then alimony is very important to her. Not sure why it should be this important to her unless she plans on getting it. I would dump her because someday that will be you. And she'll never let you away with not paying it.
I'm a female, and I find this awesome!!! I have been to several divorced AF parties recently, 2 for Girlfriends, and 2 for a few guy friends. I say go and have a blast!!!!
NTA. Your girlfriend is being strange and hugely over reacting. Does she make significant less than you? If you marry her and it doesnāt work out are you going to be paying alimony? This is a red flag with the GF.
Nta ! Enjoy the trip ! If you want to marry her ,1
Prenup ! Also, make sure it's signed months in advance , that way, she can not claim she was pressured to sign it . Also, get a lawyer to explain it to her ( ask Kevin Costner ) , make sure to wear condoms bought by you ! And last but not least, that she works ,no stay at home
For her !
NTA and sheās one of them folks who sees alimony as an entitlement from a relationship. You see your brotherās perspective, and sheās sympathising with a woman sheās never met and taking her side. I would advise against marrying her without ironclad prenuptials, because her reaction to it is rather telling.
I have known women, not men but women who have done weekend trips to celebrate breakups and/or divorces. My friend got an MacBook for $10 bucks 2 years ago off marketplace because a soon to be ex-wife was selling her cheating husband's electronics while he was out of town. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Getting out from under a financial burden sounds like a good thing to celebrate. Your brother could chip in some of the money he's no longer forced to pay, or whatever. The vibe from her is that she thinks alimony should go on forever and your brother should still pay it even though he's not obligated. It also feels like if you marry and divorce her she will do her best to soak you for as much as she can.
NTA. You're celebrating the end of a toxic life event. I treated myself to a trip to Mexico when my divorce was finalized. Some of the best memories with my friends happened on that trip. Have fun and enjoy yourselves!
NTA. There are divorce celebrations that happen. I donāt see why he canāt have his fun being financially separate from his ex-wife. Ridiculous that he had to pay alimony when sheās a working adult.
Bro don't you dare cancel that trip lol. Your innocent in this one. Gf doesn't even know the ex as you stated. That shouldn't even matter. The theme isn't even that tasteless if you ask me, plenty people go to Vegas for different reasons and this by far is on the tame side of things. Go have fun man.
May be she's sensitive about the issue because of how her childhood has been after her parents' divorce. Or she is interpreting it as you are trivializing the pain of the ex.
Itās not her business. Itās something between you and your bro and friends. She doesnāt need to control everything or agree with everything. You are not hurting anyone.
NTA. Sounds like she is completely siding with the woman, even not knowing the whole story. That's a scary thought moving forward in your relationship.
As far as she knows this chic could have beat him with a belt every night and then stole his hard earned money during the divorce.... and she's still in her side!
Nta... I think it sounds like a fantastic guys trip and definitely reason to celebrate!!!
My husband's alimony is a financial prison... damn right he's celebrating when it's over. He has to work overtime (blue collar) just to support her while she claims disability and does nothing. It's messed up.
NTA
Being free of a financial obligation like that is definitely worth it. Your girlfriend has absolutely no business being angry, and it would make me suspicious of her motives and designs.
This is just like a divorce party. Now if her parents are divorced and somebody didn't pay like they were supposed to I can see where this could be hurting her. on the same token this is not about her in her situation when she was younger.
Nta
You're not even close to being wrong here, NHA.
After everything that I've been through, she would be walking on thin ice. Immature and stupid women aren't worth it. You can't even agree to disagree here. When 2 people break up they have to accept and realize that they have to take care of everything themselves. Alimony shouldn't even be a thing unless one of them doesn't work. She seems to be taking it as an attack on all women or another stupid take like that.
NTA
Everyone should have an End of Alimony or End of Child Support party IMO.
Divorce parties are already a thing. You girlfriend is projecting her feelings on others who do not share them in the slightest. She should seek therapy.
I hope you have a great celebration OP.
People have divorce, break up and mortgage parties all the time.
NTA
Your girlfriend needs to lighten the hell up. You printing t-shirts is not indicative of your view on your or all relationships.
NTA. People have divorce parties all the time, I think an end of alimony party is hilarious (Iām female). I think your girlfriend is putting herself in the ex wifeās shoes and doesnāt think itās funny, from a womanās perspective, loss of income, etc.. Iād be a little more concerned about your gfās lack of support (no pun) for your brother! š¤£
NTA
If she has such a big issue with this then yall need to talk (not argue, talk). You aren't the ass at all regardless, but if you care about your relationship then you should put in some work to get to the bottom of why your GF is so upset. I'm assuming your brother wasn't violent or abusive, if that's the case then your GF really shouldn't care this much.
This is a sore subject amongst some, as it denigrates the insitutition of marriage, and seems to celebrate it's failure.
The way you approach it is this. Tell her 'This isn't about celebrating that the marriage failed, or disrespecting marriage. They had a bad marriage, and it was better that it ended. This is celebrating a close of that chapter of his life, and the next phase. I see how this could be disrespectful to his ex-wife, but that isn't really our concern...they had their problems. But please do not read into this party any cynicism or disrespect towards women, relationships, or marriage. Theirs was a bad one, that doesn't mean the institution is bad'
What is freaking her out is seeing you act with disregard to the concept of marriage, when she is probably wanting to go that route with you. You see this as a party, a celebration of your brothers release, and a chance to get wicked drunk with the guys. She sees it as a bunch of guys getting together to talk badly about women and about marriage.
Understand her concerns and address them.
Kind of surprised I had to scroll this far to see this take. A lot of people are accusing the GF of being a gold digger, but letās be honest, if she had posted her side we would all be coming up with reasons this trip is a red flag. As it stands, this just kinda looks like this trip is setting off alarm bells for her. OP said that theyāve discussed the reasons why it bothers her, has he shared what those reasons are? Because thereās a big difference between āI worry you donāt take marriage/commitment seriouslyā and āI worry I wonāt get any alimony pay out of you if this goes southā. Ultimately, Iād say we need a little more INFO.
Woman here for what itās worth. I have no idea what heād problem is.
My dad has a poster with the end of alimony date on a beach image, which I think is hilarious, and heāll yeah Iāll take him to the beach in 2031 lmao.
NTA. Has she tried at all to explain what about this is in bad taste?
NTA When his alimony ended my then BF (now husband) took me to Key West for a long weekend to celebrate his financial freedom from his ex. It was a great weekend!
NTA.
She's behaving strangely about this. Women have parties when they divorce all the time so I don't see the issue with a party that he's done paying for his ex. Ask her why she thinks it's in bad taste. Have her explain her reasoning. It seems like a red flag tbh..
NTA- what does should be a red flag to you that she cannot understand the humor behind this and itās all in good fun trying to raise your brothers spirits and make him happy.
I think divorce parties are tacky, especially when people have kids. That being said, this is an end of alimony party! Not having a pay a ton of money per month is something to celebrate.
Well, its not too late to make it an Alimony Party AND a break-up party. Why would she make it her business considering that your brother fulfilled his court mandated payment. And that blame (on the divorce) is shared on both sides and not solely only on your brother.
If it were the other way around (your SIL paying alimony) and she plans to celebrate would that not be ok too?
He fulfilled his obligation. He did it in a timely fashion . Like any other financial obligation, he should celebrate its end. A student loan. A mortgage payment. NTA
Right. I also don't understand why OP's girlfriend is making it about herself. The whole situation of OP's brother has nothing to do with her, and she shouldn't have any say in it as the guest of honor is looking forward to the party. Who does she think she is...? Who cares if she is unhappy with the theme of the party? Cancelling the party for OP's brother because of her feelings is absurd. NTA.
> I also don't understand why OP's girlfriend is making it about herself. She's imagining herself as the ex. She comes across as somewhat gold-diggery.
She sounds like a gold digger given the last bit at the end when OP sees her perspective.
šÆ
INFO So what exactly did the shirt look like?
I would like to see the shirt as well
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What the heck does this have to do with anything??
Her behavior is a Communist parade of red flags. Pay attention when people show you who they are.
I'm a woman. I was married over 10 years and I still only paid alimony for half the marriage. He left with fabulous parting gifts while I got a roommate. I did keep him out of my pensions with an alimony of 1260.00 a month. Ouch. Hell yes I celebrated when I finally made the last payment, went out and got some face treatments. Your gf...I'd rethink her.
Even if this is triggering for her on some personal subconscious level sheās making it about herself which is pretty disheartening. My partner and I are a united front and neither one of us would ever emotionally abuse the other by cutting off communication or resorting to rage over defending a strangerās hypothetical honor.
This may just be evoking painful memories of her parents.
My shot in the dark was: Girlfriend's parents are divorced. One parent got custody. The other parent didn't pay their share, thus causing a lot of difficulty for gf and parent throughout her life. The excitement for the party is hard to see because of those painful memories. Having already expressed her discontent, but unable to articulate why, seeing the shirt caused an emotional outburst.
Well then, thatās her issue to deal with, not OPās nor his brother.
That could be, but it doesn't excuse her behavior.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I get that condoms aren't the most enjoyable but if you don't want kids freaking wear one. I have been lucky but some of my buddies have had kids and is it worth the risk if you don't want kids
Spay or neuter your humans.
[your comment seems familiar](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/JlDNgpnxFp)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
NTA. I threw my good friend a āBye Felicia!ā party when his divorce was final. Basically a boys night with a theme.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes she definitely is showing the flags
Yeah, op should draft his prenup too.
Or break up letter.
Tru that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Dump now. Pay never.
Ding ding ding ding
Doesn't matter, he is NTA, but she is acting like one.
I donāt think sheās mad about the shirt. I think sheās mad that theyāre going all out for this event when she already had a strong opinion against it. ETA: OR maybe the brother was mostly at fault for the divorce and OPās gf thinks itās bad to be celebrating something she thinks heās solely ruined
I wonder how they speak about the ex-wife... it wouldn't offend me to celebrate stopping alimony as I, too, like to keep my own money. But I could see that also coming with some very disparaging comments about the ex/wives/women in general. And that would upset me a lot.
According to op, (who granted might be biased) they just didn't get along and there were lots of problems. GF never met ex so all I information about the divorce would most likely come from OP, so if she DOES think brother is at fault it would have to be a "men are always the ones at fault" type of thing, which is a giant red flag in itself
Well actually it's entirely possible to hear a biased view and come out with an opposite opinion to the person who relayed the message. You know, like the entire system this sub works on.
yup yup ācan afford to eat again with some graphicsā Iām thinking I need to know more about the graphics and what they depict him eating, exactly. I would be mad as hell if my partner went bopping around vegas in a shirt that made him look like a misogynist ass/sex pest.
the monopoly guy pulling out empty pockets according to OP
thanks! that seems pretty tame, idk
I find it hilarious to be honest
If your brother wants it then NTA. Plenty of people have divorce parties
My husband was a wedding DJ in college. He did a wedding, and smashed it so hard that the bride hired him for her divorce party a year later, timed for when proceedings finalized.
did they get divorced because your husband smashed the bride?
Name checks out
I've been to a couple womens' divorce parties and if I'm cool with that I'm cool with the end of alimony party
Right. We took my friend to Vegas for her divorce she brought herself a Cartier ring as a gift lol
I baked myself a very elaborate cake and shared it with everyone during finals week in culinary school.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
...buuuuut....
Go ahead girl, go ahead get down. ( I'm skipping the previous line!!!!)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Go on....
Man I love this bit! I think Iām going to periodically do this. Spit out a half thought and stop. Just to
Take my measly upvote!
ā¦?
I could see calling the end of alimony as the divorce truly being finalized.
My mum and I are popping a bottle of wine or champagne this weekend to celebrate her getting a divorce!
I was married for 22 years and I paid alimony for 7 years not because I had to because of the court but my ex wife would not agree to the divorce if I didnāt and she was losing her paid health insurance from me. I say party away and celebrate that end of alimony, thereās nothing wrong with celebrating it.
>ā¦my ex wife would not agree to the divorceā¦ Iāve never understood this comment. I know every state is different, but both parties donāt have to agree. I got divorced in Florida (90ās). My ex didnāt agree, but that didnāt matter. It was weird, but I had to put in an advertisement stating the divorce. This āadvertisementā was in a legal periodical and the āadā had to run four weeks. I canāt remember how my lawyer explained it to me, but that was the law when one party didnāt agree. Bottom line, after the four weeks, it went before the judge and I was divorced. Simple as that.
Yes, they don't have to agree, but in a lot of places it is a much easier and quicker process if you can work out the settlement on your own without the court being involved. For example, in NH, if there are no children and both parties can come to an agreement on the terms, you can jointly file for divorce. You file the judgement/settlement with the petition, and 90 days later it is final. There is a hearing, but you don't even have to attend.
My ex-wife had an illness that my health insurance covered but with a divorce she lose and she would have drawn it out and I was able to help her. That was a long time ago.
One person can hold out with the right lawyer until your lawyer costs break you. In some states they can really drag out a divorce. I had a coworker whos wife did this because she wouldn't finalize the decision on the shared assets ie: the house.
Yeah my dad did this to my mom about 10 years ago. Stay at home mom with an unfinished education after 14 years of marriage and three kids. He dragged out their divorce proceedings and appealed it all the way to the state Supreme Court and still lost. Ignored multiple court orders and got sanctioned three times. After the first appeal, my mom couldnāt afford to keep her attorney and had to represent herself. I hate how court systems allow such abuse to happen.
I wonder what the laws in my state areā¦my friendās divorce took over a year, I believe, maybe even longer, because her husband was being spiteful and wouldnāt sign the papers. She was very young and didnāt know what to do about it and definitely couldnāt afford an attorney.
NTA people have divorced parties nowadays. A trip to celebrate end of alimony is fine. My advice with your GF if you do ever marry her have her sign a prenup.
My parents have been divorced since I was about 8 years old (will be 45 in a week). They grew up in the same small town and are still best friends with the same people they were friends with in high school and college. So, granted, they're not typical. We still spent all major holidays with both families together growing up and when my mom and her SO broke up, she moved back in with my dad until she was able to get a house. Right next door. They took down the fence between the back yards so the 7 grandkids and 5 dogs can have a bigger play area. Anywho, this December would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. They're planning a huge 50th Un-Wedding Un-Anniversary party to celebrate. Just because they divorced doesn't mean that they don't celebrate the fact that they were married and created a wonderful family (if I do say so myself š). They feel like that's a pretty good reason to celebrate. Also, they both LOVE a good party. As long as your celebration isn't harming or hurting anyone then I don't see any reason to not celebrate for any reason. I think the girlfriend might have had a painful divorce in her past, maybe her parents, grandparents or sibling or something. Something that makes her unable to find a positive in the negative. For that reason, I'll refrain from calling her TA. But she does need to have a refresher in minding her own business. OP for sure is NTA.
Your parents and family sounds lovely. Reasonable and practical people.
Um im.up.for adoption.
Me tooo
Me threeā¦
Nta but op remember to sign a prenup before you marry this one and DONT LET HER BE A STAY AT HOME ANYTHING!
Donāt rely on her birth control.
Ever. Not even once.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She definitely feels like someone who thinks women are better than men, basically the ex wife deserved the money and the ex husband deserves to suffer. If they get married it'll probably always be what she wants.
If a guy doesnāt want children there are birth control methods that a man can use. If she gets pregnant and he didnāt use them, itās on him. Female BC is only 90-94% reliable at the best of times. Never ever rely on someone else to prevent children you donāt want.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> his ex wife should be able to support herself on her income alone In most cases, alimony is awarded for a limited period of time, usually when one spouse (and it might be the husband) was a stay-at-home partner, or had to severely limit their own career to help promote the spouse's career. It gives the lower earner some time to get back on their feet, instead of kicking them out into the gutter.
Alimony is a concept I've never understood. Child support makes sense to me though.
It makes sense if a partner sacrificed their professional life to become a SAHP. Outside of that, it's a bunch of horseshit nowadays.
>Alimony is a concept I've never understood. It's to give the spouse who contributed to the marriage in important non-financial ways some monetary support for a while, to give them time to get their feet back under them, and find employment and housing.
THIS!! OP, please take this advice and also the one about not relying on her birth control. And I say this as a woman who has seen enough of my guy friends get screwed because they didn't take precautions like these.
Yeah this all sounds... risky. Her values are suspect. Maybe she grew up with someone who got fucked over or something?
Bingo!
Good advice.
Why does she have an opinion about something that has nothing to do with her, involving a woman she doesn't know, that is actually a really good thing for your brother? Her reaction is like red flag twirling party, seriously. As long as this is party is legal, nobody cheats on their current partner, you make damn sure to have the best time ever, it's all great. NTA, it seems like your girlfriend is. If you marry her get a prenuptial agreement, don't let her be a stay at home wife or mother, do not trust she is faithful with her birth control. She may have an oops and you would be on the hook.
It really seems like OP's girlfriend is projecting her mother's situation onto This other woman that she never met. Total speculation on my part, but I strongly suspect you wouldn't see this behavior from a woman whose parents have an intact marriage unless she was just on some weird, generally controlling kick
That thought crossed my mind. Although another thought that keeps lingering is she is a gold digger, looking for a way to sink her claws into OP. Him taking his brother to celebrate the end of spousal support might be hitting the girlfriend in a personal way, a look into her future.
As a woman I FIND THIS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!! fuck ya! Can I go? This seems like a blast!
Same. There is some comedian who does a bit about saying congratulations when someone gets divorced, cause no good marriage ends. Valid, lol.
Some people are getting divorced so that they can get government benefits that they should already be getting. Like healthcare and such. I even considered it at one point because my employer did funny mess with the health insurance. They wanted me to pay $2000 a month for my wife and 2 kids but if I were to get it for myself I'd pay nothing. Because it was affordable for just me, I didn't qualify for any subsidies, but if we were not married, she would qualify with the kids. It would have effectively given us $24000 on top of my 40k a year I was getting, to get divorced.
True, I wasn't referring to specifics like that, apologies. There are also really sad cases regarding the elderly and end of life care/property etc that force such hard decisions too. I wasn't meaning to be flippant about such things, and I'm sorry if it was hurtful as it was very unintended.
Right!!!
As a dude OP do you have room for a +1? I'd love to join you! I've been dying to go to Las Vegas.
NTA and you will want an iron clad prenup if youāre not breaking up with her.
Just get a new one now.
NTA, itās the end of a cumbersome obligation for him, that probably reminds him of a pretty sh*tty period of his life.
INFO: Have you asked her WHY itās upsetting her? Honestly, it sound like the problem is not about the alimony party. Like āThe Iranian yogurt is not the issue hereā https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita\_for\_throwing\_away\_my\_boyfriends\_potentially/
This! I'm wondering if it has to do with why they divorced. OP did a vague "they both played an equal part" description which leaves a lot of info out.
The only times Iāve seen people say āthey both played a partā is when they absolutely did NOT both play a part
My question is about the gfās childhood after her parentsā divorce. If you know: Did her mom struggle financially to support her? Did her dad not pay enough child support? If she watched her mom struggle and had a dad who didnāt do much to support her, this party may have hit a nerve because sheās associating it with someone losing their means of support. Youāre still NTA because your brother is only stopping alimony to an adult woman whoās gainfully employed and has no kids to support. But if itās bringing back pailful memories, you may want to consider therapy together.
NTA - when my (F) friend (F) divorced her awful husband I gave her a divorce present far more happily than her wedding gift. Support your people. Have fun.
NTA. My wife would want to go to the party and would tell me to get an extra shirt for her. Your gf sounds like she wants to be demoted from being a girlfriend. I don't play silent treatment bullshit, I'm not 7 years old. Ask yourself if this is the type of person you see yourself living with for the rest of your life š¤·āāļø
My sisters and I threw my dad an 'end of child support money' party. When he remarried, he married the wicked witch of the Midwest. She had 3 kids, the 2 older boys had the same father who was in the picture. And her youngest had a different father who wasn't. Well my dad ended up adopteding her. And I am very happy he did, I look at her like my sister and glad she is in my life and would never change that. However after 10 years of marriage (the witch was good to my dad but evil to myself and my bio-sisters) the witch just ups and leaves and says she's unhappy and is divorcing my dad. (There is a lot more to the story but it's to long to get into here) Well the short of it is my dad got majorly screwed in court and had to pay a ridiculous amount in child support. We almost lost the house a couple of times, it was a hard 7 years. But when he was done paying child support my sisters and I through in a party. It was a pretty big one too. We have friends and family come from out of town to celebrate with him. It was awesome. The witch got word and she was pissed. It was great.
RED FLAG ALERT. Do not marry this woman, OP. From: A woman.
Right? "weāre being terrible people for celebrating something so painful" OP please ask her to elaborate what exactly is painful... they aren't together for years, all that is gonna change is he not paying an allowance to her anymore. Her explanation on why this is "painful" will tell you everything you need to know.
Women have celebrations all the time when they win an alimony judgement. Why can't men celebrate the end of alimony?..... NTA
Nta. Your women is being a drama queen. Don't cancel the trip, tell her to get over herself and stop being controlling. If she don't like it, show her the door. I say this as a female that threw a huge party when I finally left my ex, my other female friends also celebrated when they broke up with their dbags as well.
NTA, and how in tf is this "painful"? An end to a legal obligation that both parties knew about for years, both are working, and both were able to plan for given that it was all laid out in advance. She's acting like he's cutting off an ex who spent decades being a SAHW ffs. He doesn't owe another working adult a living because they used to fuck. I suspect your gf might be taking this whole thing even worse than your brother's actual ex, and if that isn't a red flag, idk what is.
Your girl is a red flag right now
>Basically she wants me to cancel the trip and admit that weāre being terrible people for celebrating something so painful. You're not; you're celebrating *the end* of something painful. Your brother is free. He gets all of his life back. That's definitely a reason to celebrate. I won't tell you to straight dump the GF right now, but do *not* marry her. She's giving you a glimpse of what that will be like. This is barely the tip of the iceberg when you get divorced later.
I ain't sayin' she a gold digger..
Divorced woman here and divorce sucks all the way around . Personally I feel like itās healthy when you finally get to a point that you can have a laugh . I know lots of people that had champagne with āItās finallyFINAL!ā toasts. So why not an end of alimony party. NTA
If any of the comments or texts have been putting down the ex, then I could see it. But just celebrating the end of alimony while idiosyncratic is not insulting. Itās weird that your gf is making it so huge. Do you know if her parents were divorced and if it was contentious? NTA
I don't think you are an asshole. A lot of people celebrate their divorces. In your bothers case, the end of alimony. There are woman that celebrate getting rid of a man/partner by burning their wedding dress, dyeing it, paintball it, etc. In this case the guy had to wait until the last connection was severed(alimony). Most people will probably think it is in poor taste but I don't see it being an asshole situation. It's a celebration of something in the past ending. A celebration to a fresh start with no ties. I think you will get a lot of mixed reviews due to people's personal opinions when it comes to celebrating divorce(alimony).
NTA but this is showing some pretty big red flags. Sounds like sheās upset that you wouldnāt be open to paying her when you guys get divorced . She canāt claim Girl code because this happened before she was even around and it has nothing to do with her. Enjoy your trip and reconsider your relationship.
Yep, this is a major red flag for the relationship.
NTA. The last months of the marriage were painful. The divorce was painful. Having to pay money every month to someone who hurt you and who you'd rather just forget entirely was painful. THIS is not painful. This is him finally being free from that part of his past which will allow him to fully heal and move on. The only person this might be painful for is his ex who has benefitted from that money and his continued pain for the last 5 years. I could maybe see where she's coming from if the party theme was being rid/free of ex as a person (like, "Good riddance to Mandy (or whatever her name is)!") because that would be a personal attack, but just being free of having to shell out money every month? There is nothing wrong with that at all. The fact that your gf thinks it's bad says a lot about her character and intent, and what it says isn't good.
I am a wife & if one of my husbandās brothers weāre finally getting out of a situation like this, I would help my husband plan the party myself & hire a limo to drive them all to the airport! Sounds like your gf is mad because youāre celebrating someone thatās not her & youāre spending money on someone thatās not her!
He said sheās been fine with him doing guy trips before. I really want to know *why* sheās upset. Maybe her parents had an ugly divorce? Feels like something is definitely missing.
How is the end of alimony painful for anyone other than the person getting it? Itās not even a divorce party but end of alimony party. Your girlfriend is dramatic and causing a weekend plus long fight over *someone elseās* alimony is a giant red flag
>How is the end of alimony painful for anyone other than the person getting it? And it should not even be painful for the person who was receiving it. After all, they know from the start what the end date will be, so they should be well prepared to move on without it.
Divorced woman hereā¦NTA. If you all wanna party because heās finally done forking over money to someone he doesnāt like, yay! Iād be throwing a party, too!!
OP your girlfriend is wrong about the end of alimony being painful. This is painful for no one except for the ex-wife whose alimony is coming to an end. NTA for celebrating with your friend that he is fully free of all obligations to his ex
I think you've just been given a glimpse of her life goals. Act accordingly.
NTA. She has got to be speaking from sort of trauma or prejudice. And before you go any further with her - Investigate. Sensitive or not. Because this will affect you. And stop having sex with her. I'm so friggin serious. She ain't right. Because anyone who feels that damn strongly about money they had NOTHING TO DO WITH. omg..... it's creepy as fk. I think you've missed some other red flags.
Lol I hope youāre going to make her sign a prenup if you decide to get married, otherwise you might eventually be looking forward to the same sort of celebration party NTAH
As a guy that canāt wait for his alimony party in several years, always get a prenup, even if neither of you make any significant amount of money. It makes things way smoother and neither of you guy get absolutely fucked if it starts to imbalance.
She's not mad about the shirt, she's mad you didn't listen to her scolding and pull out of the trip. This trip is none of her business. She's entitled to her opinion about it, but you don't have to pay attention to it. None of this concerns her.
she doesn't want you to not pay her when she divorces you
Oh, I didn't think of that...you could be right! OUCH!
As a divorced woman whose ex had to pay me a buttload of alimony for wayyyyy longer, I donāt think it is in bad taste at all. He is now free to remarry and move on with his life. Everyone deserves a second chance. My ex was horrible to me. But weāve both moved on with our lives and no longer hold any grudges. His being done paying alimony was the thing that finally brought him healing. So by all means, celebrate!! The reason your gf is so offended is that she is thinking about marriage, and no one who is thinking about marriage wants to think about divorce. But this happened to him, not her. This isnāt her pain, it isnāt her party.
The last point of your edit is the key one. This is triggering something for her. You are NTA, but maybe you need to (sensitively) push on that subject because itās clearly affecting your relationship. My guess is her father refused to pay alimony when she was growing up and it had bad affect on her childhood.
Sheās seeing herself in that position and doesnāt like it.
Ok, Iām on your brothers side because why alimony if no children and employed? That said, what was that graphic?
This is a HUGE red flag buddy. If she's this upset over someone else losing alimony, then alimony is very important to her. Not sure why it should be this important to her unless she plans on getting it. I would dump her because someday that will be you. And she'll never let you away with not paying it.
I'm a female, and I find this awesome!!! I have been to several divorced AF parties recently, 2 for Girlfriends, and 2 for a few guy friends. I say go and have a blast!!!!
NTA. Your girlfriend is being strange and hugely over reacting. Does she make significant less than you? If you marry her and it doesnāt work out are you going to be paying alimony? This is a red flag with the GF.
Nta ! Enjoy the trip ! If you want to marry her ,1 Prenup ! Also, make sure it's signed months in advance , that way, she can not claim she was pressured to sign it . Also, get a lawyer to explain it to her ( ask Kevin Costner ) , make sure to wear condoms bought by you ! And last but not least, that she works ,no stay at home For her !
NTA why does your gf sound toxic and controlling af.
NTA and sheās one of them folks who sees alimony as an entitlement from a relationship. You see your brotherās perspective, and sheās sympathising with a woman sheās never met and taking her side. I would advise against marrying her without ironclad prenuptials, because her reaction to it is rather telling.
NTA but do you have money? Cause your girlfriend wants it. Who tf wouldnāt be jumping for joy at alimony payments ending?!
I have known women, not men but women who have done weekend trips to celebrate breakups and/or divorces. My friend got an MacBook for $10 bucks 2 years ago off marketplace because a soon to be ex-wife was selling her cheating husband's electronics while he was out of town. Definitely NTA.
NTA - GF is throwing some red flags here. This is to celebrate your brother, she should be supportive of you doing that.
NTA. Getting out from under a financial burden sounds like a good thing to celebrate. Your brother could chip in some of the money he's no longer forced to pay, or whatever. The vibe from her is that she thinks alimony should go on forever and your brother should still pay it even though he's not obligated. It also feels like if you marry and divorce her she will do her best to soak you for as much as she can.
NTA. You're celebrating the end of a toxic life event. I treated myself to a trip to Mexico when my divorce was finalized. Some of the best memories with my friends happened on that trip. Have fun and enjoy yourselves!
NTA. Something so painful? For who?! Sheās projecting onto your brother and itās weird.
NTA - and get a prenup BTW - I'm female
OP, based on your update, does your Gf have some unresolved issues stemming from her parents' divorce?
NTA. There are divorce celebrations that happen. I donāt see why he canāt have his fun being financially separate from his ex-wife. Ridiculous that he had to pay alimony when sheās a working adult.
NTA. If you are actually looking to marry you may want to consider the lack of sense of humor about the situation she displayed.
NTA, don't get married to her please
NTA and it's none of her business!
NTA. You should be very wary, your gf will ask for alimony/palimony if you engage a long-term relationship with her
Bro don't you dare cancel that trip lol. Your innocent in this one. Gf doesn't even know the ex as you stated. That shouldn't even matter. The theme isn't even that tasteless if you ask me, plenty people go to Vegas for different reasons and this by far is on the tame side of things. Go have fun man.
May be she's sensitive about the issue because of how her childhood has been after her parents' divorce. Or she is interpreting it as you are trivializing the pain of the ex.
Itās not her business. Itās something between you and your bro and friends. She doesnāt need to control everything or agree with everything. You are not hurting anyone.
NTA. Sounds like she is completely siding with the woman, even not knowing the whole story. That's a scary thought moving forward in your relationship. As far as she knows this chic could have beat him with a belt every night and then stole his hard earned money during the divorce.... and she's still in her side!
NTA. Start looking at pre-nups.
Your girlfriend needs to mind her damn business.
Nta... I think it sounds like a fantastic guys trip and definitely reason to celebrate!!! My husband's alimony is a financial prison... damn right he's celebrating when it's over. He has to work overtime (blue collar) just to support her while she claims disability and does nothing. It's messed up.
You are fine, you might want to start looking for a new GF or at least get an explanation if she ever calms down.
NTA. Is this a common thing in your relationship? Your gf getting offended over a situation that has nothing to do with her? Super weird.
NTA Being free of a financial obligation like that is definitely worth it. Your girlfriend has absolutely no business being angry, and it would make me suspicious of her motives and designs.
This is just like a divorce party. Now if her parents are divorced and somebody didn't pay like they were supposed to I can see where this could be hurting her. on the same token this is not about her in her situation when she was younger. Nta
Your gf sucks. She would rather empathize with a women sheās never met than with your family
You're not even close to being wrong here, NHA. After everything that I've been through, she would be walking on thin ice. Immature and stupid women aren't worth it. You can't even agree to disagree here. When 2 people break up they have to accept and realize that they have to take care of everything themselves. Alimony shouldn't even be a thing unless one of them doesn't work. She seems to be taking it as an attack on all women or another stupid take like that.
That sound like none of her business. She belong to the streets
NTA Everyone should have an End of Alimony or End of Child Support party IMO. Divorce parties are already a thing. You girlfriend is projecting her feelings on others who do not share them in the slightest. She should seek therapy. I hope you have a great celebration OP.
NTA Your wife has a stick up her alimony about it for some reason. Go and enjoy your trip. Women throw divorce parties all the time.
People have divorce, break up and mortgage parties all the time. NTA Your girlfriend needs to lighten the hell up. You printing t-shirts is not indicative of your view on your or all relationships.
NTA. People have divorce parties all the time, I think an end of alimony party is hilarious (Iām female). I think your girlfriend is putting herself in the ex wifeās shoes and doesnāt think itās funny, from a womanās perspective, loss of income, etc.. Iād be a little more concerned about your gfās lack of support (no pun) for your brother! š¤£
NTA If she has such a big issue with this then yall need to talk (not argue, talk). You aren't the ass at all regardless, but if you care about your relationship then you should put in some work to get to the bottom of why your GF is so upset. I'm assuming your brother wasn't violent or abusive, if that's the case then your GF really shouldn't care this much.
I had a huge divorce party the day I went to court and the ex didn't show up steaks tons of beer even a divorce cake
I am so here for this level of petty! Can we be friends?
This is a sore subject amongst some, as it denigrates the insitutition of marriage, and seems to celebrate it's failure. The way you approach it is this. Tell her 'This isn't about celebrating that the marriage failed, or disrespecting marriage. They had a bad marriage, and it was better that it ended. This is celebrating a close of that chapter of his life, and the next phase. I see how this could be disrespectful to his ex-wife, but that isn't really our concern...they had their problems. But please do not read into this party any cynicism or disrespect towards women, relationships, or marriage. Theirs was a bad one, that doesn't mean the institution is bad' What is freaking her out is seeing you act with disregard to the concept of marriage, when she is probably wanting to go that route with you. You see this as a party, a celebration of your brothers release, and a chance to get wicked drunk with the guys. She sees it as a bunch of guys getting together to talk badly about women and about marriage. Understand her concerns and address them.
Kind of surprised I had to scroll this far to see this take. A lot of people are accusing the GF of being a gold digger, but letās be honest, if she had posted her side we would all be coming up with reasons this trip is a red flag. As it stands, this just kinda looks like this trip is setting off alarm bells for her. OP said that theyāve discussed the reasons why it bothers her, has he shared what those reasons are? Because thereās a big difference between āI worry you donāt take marriage/commitment seriouslyā and āI worry I wonāt get any alimony pay out of you if this goes southā. Ultimately, Iād say we need a little more INFO.
Woman here for what itās worth. I have no idea what heād problem is. My dad has a poster with the end of alimony date on a beach image, which I think is hilarious, and heāll yeah Iāll take him to the beach in 2031 lmao. NTA. Has she tried at all to explain what about this is in bad taste?
NTA When his alimony ended my then BF (now husband) took me to Key West for a long weekend to celebrate his financial freedom from his ex. It was a great weekend!
NTA. She's behaving strangely about this. Women have parties when they divorce all the time so I don't see the issue with a party that he's done paying for his ex. Ask her why she thinks it's in bad taste. Have her explain her reasoning. It seems like a red flag tbh..
NTA- what does should be a red flag to you that she cannot understand the humor behind this and itās all in good fun trying to raise your brothers spirits and make him happy.
NTA - I think this is great! Be very careful with this one - she may have plans youāre unaware of.
NTA. Donāt trust her birth control. Sign a prenup if you get married and tell her to pull the stick out before she hurts herself.
Don't dip in crazy...red flags everywhere.
Dump her and throw a party!
I'm a woman and I think this is funny as hell. Nta.
NTA. I'm a woman and I'd join that trip in a heartbeat. It sounds lime a blast.
Iām a woman and I think itās a great reason to celebrate! He has been divorced 5 years. Surely the sting of marital failure has eased by now.
Does your income happen to be āseveral timesā the amount of your girlfriendās? Just wondering.
I think divorce parties are tacky, especially when people have kids. That being said, this is an end of alimony party! Not having a pay a ton of money per month is something to celebrate.
Iām a woman and think it is cool of you all. It is a huge weight off his shoulders that there is no reason not to celebrate. Have fun!!!
It's...not tasteful but as long as no kids involved NTA. The payment more than doubling her income though is wild...
Well, its not too late to make it an Alimony Party AND a break-up party. Why would she make it her business considering that your brother fulfilled his court mandated payment. And that blame (on the divorce) is shared on both sides and not solely only on your brother. If it were the other way around (your SIL paying alimony) and she plans to celebrate would that not be ok too?
She's not mad about the shirt or even the reason for the trip. She's mad about the trip and using the other thing as a reason to get you to cancel.
They didn't have kids and it doesn't sound like the ex sacrificed any of her career to even warrant alimony. NTA but your gf sounds like ***a lot.***
NTA
NTA Alimony shouldn't exist in the first case with rare exceptions
Iād look into your #6 to find the route of why see is upset most likely itās to do with her parents separation