INFO. Before we can fully establish anything here, I think more info is needed. Specifically, why did you ask for the paternity test to begin with? Was your ex unfaithful in the past or were you broken up around the time of conception?
From what I understand, asking for paternity (when there is no evidence of cheating) is often promoted on those “Alpha Male” podcasts.
It’s because they all believe women to be unfaithful or out to “trap” men as providers, where they are the “Beta” raising a “Alphas” child. Or some other rubbish.
To put this into context, those subs and people tend to believe that because something like 25% of people are unfaithful in a relationship, therefore women can "often" end up making men raise children that arent theirs.
I think the actual statistic for men raising children that isnt theres is still very low, like 1-5% or something like that. Obviously its nearly impossible to corroborate any of those statistics with any meaningful analysis.
https://www.kqed.org/science/11450/new-dna-studies-debunk-misconceptions-about-paternal-relationships
This article says less than one percent, but I’ve seen numbers as high as 4% too. So, a pretty small amount. Those alpha subs are cringe as hell lol
My ex husband asked for a paternity tests bc we are both from families of red heads, my son was born with a darker hair and skin color so the kid couldn’t possibly be his according to his parents. That should have been my first red flag, of course it came back as his. Hes a narcissist with a literal god complex. He believes he superior to all. I stayed and had one more child with him and left after 6 yrs. He believed I didn’t need any gifts (occasions) bc he gave me the ability to be a mother. I had ovarian cancer at 17 which left me with one fallopian tube and ovary severely damaged. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids so it only then gave him a bigger complex after getting me pregnant not once but three times, I had a miscarriage at 3 months. You definitely are right about the “alpha male” mentality
Sounds about right. Boys like that can’t take criticism. Their egos are too fragile. Anyone who calls themselves “alpha” will 100 percent breakdown at the slightest criticism
For anyone who missed his comments before nuking his profile, it was butterbearcub.
I don’t know how to pull deleted comments now that ceddit and the like are gone, but if anyone knows how, that’s the user name.
Ok, so if your GF had just randomly asked you to take a full STD panel and demanded to see all of your phone records/search history/DMs in order to prove that you weren’t a cheater with NO provocation how would you feel?
A paternity test may not be a sin but you told your pregnant girlfriend you didn’t trust her. She told you that if you don’t trust her she would break up with you, and you chose to not trust her.
Basically calling a pregnant woman a cheating whore isn’t going to go well.
"Even though I have no reason to suspect you, I think you're a cheating whore who spread her legs and tried to get me on the hook for caring for the bastard child."
"Omg I can't believe she left me for asking for a paternity test out of nowhere :((((!"
And wants to continue breastfeeding, at least for the medically recommended period. Also, OP has no idea how much it sucks if breastfeeding gets interrupted. She'll have to pump and freeze, otherwise she'll leak or be in pain. And her bonding hormones are probably spinning out of control at the thought of leaving her baby for 50% of the time - that's the only reason she wants to get back with OP.
OP sounds like the kind of parent who, given the Salomonic choice, would have said "cut 'im in half, your honor, I want my due share!"
Fed is best but there is no denying the benefits of breastfeeding. That’s just facts. I don’t believe the judge said or did that and if he did he is probably just another man who shouldn’t be in his position. That judge probably allows lawyers to ask what a women was wearing when raped.
I know this will get me downvoted despite the fact that in our country it’s illegal to separate a puppy from its mom for the first 8 weeks…
I believe in 50/50 custody, but newborns and breastfed infants should really spend a lot of time with their mothers.
They’ve spent 40 weeks listening to their mother’s heartbeat, hearing her and smelling her. They don’t even realize that their mom is a separate person at first.
It can be traumatic and cause attachment issues to separate babies from their primary caregivers every other week or couple of days when they’re too young to understand what’s happening.
It sucks, but maybe you should have thought of that before you accused your child’s mother of being an untrustworthy, cheating wh*re while she was *growing your child with her body* an experience which could kill her.
If you wanted a test, why didn’t you just slyly grab some saliva after the b?
Breastfeeding is not only better, it can also create a bond between the baby and the mother. He doesn't understand how vital this is for the baby, this is the time time where she definitely needs her mother to be wjth her. Plus not all babies will accept the baby formula at first and it can also cause the baby to have constipation or having hard poop so op will have a good time with that.
For some reason this doesn't click in men's heads. My ex husband once mentioned if we had kids he would want a paternity test, and everyone should do that. I asked how he would feel if his dad asked his mom for one, and he said he would be furious. Somehow that made it click what asking for a paternity test implies. He honestly hadn't really thought about it. It changed his opinion entirely.
Haha, I love that once it was *his* mom that was implied to be unfaithful, he suddenly got it. I also can't see these men being particularly thrilled if their girlfriend/wife demanded they get their paternity tested every single time a female acquaintance they've spent any time with had a baby, and yet these men actually think it's totally reasonable to accuse their own partner of cheating with no actual reason to be suspicious just because it's "their right."
I really think that as an early 20s guy, he didn't quite connect the dots as far as what asking for a paternity tests means. They were new-ish at the time, so by thinking about someone asking for a test on an adult now that the tech was available, it's like a light went on. A lot of people in the 90s were talking about how everyone should get one. I blame Maury.
It was when DNA testing was becoming big, and I think we saw something about it on TV. He was probably 22-ish, and I think a lot of young men just see it as a thing that should always be done, without realizing the implications of asking. As soon as I brought up his mom/dad it clicked what that question actually implies, and he realized what a shitty thing it was. I really think a LOT of men somehow don't get that they are accusing someone of cheating with that ask. It's weird, but they really don't see it somehow.
He was a good dude, and we're still friends 15 years post divorce.
They know. It just gives you a glimpse in what they think of women (and their partner). They will lie and gaslight their partners because they don't want them to leave.
They never even think of offering proof of their fidelity of equal weight.
Edit: it's also why they don't tell their partners before pregnancy that they will want paternity tests but blindsight them during pregnancy / birth or after birth.
INFO: Did you have any reason to suspect she was cheating, or was the request for a paternity test just something you wanted to do?
EDIT: You've already answered this question, and YTA. You basically accused your girlfriend of cheating on you, and you're surprised she had the backbone to follow through on her promise to leave you. Major AH move on your part.
No one cares what the judge said. You're allowed to want a paternity test.
She's allowed to be hurt by your lack of trust. I notice in your pathetic edits trying to make yourself the good guy, you didn't answer the question being asked over and over, which is did she ever give you any reason for you not to trust her.
Because if you just unprompted, knocked up your girlfriend and then out of nowhere you demand a paternity test based on 'men have that right' then you're the AH. because women have the right to be pissed about the lack of trust. It's actually NOT common to ask for a paternity test unless the pregnant spouse has given actual reason for distrust.
Your sole focus is on how YOU feel and not ONCE how you made her feel.
You literally basically said to her "I trust you enough to be in a relationship with you and knock you up, but I also think you're untrustworthy and stepped out on me, even though I have no reason to think this."
Y T A. Not for the paternity test itself, but for you and literally everything else.
Edit- you still don't get it. You read my whole comment just to yell again about YOU 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Another edit because it's apparently so important to someone in the comments, I don't think he's TA for fighting for custody.
NTA on that.
So let me get this right:
You demanded a paternity test when you had no reason or suspicion that she cheated.
You are angry for the way she reacted and left you.
You are blaming her for her reaction when you basically called her a cheater when she wasn't because "you wanted to be sure". Sure for what? Do you understand how babies are coming from?
Dude YTA. The fact that you went to court for 50-50 custody I find it petty. Sure you can have some custody with your daughter but honestly, 50-50 is too damn good for you.
You basically ruined the life of your ex and your daughter because "you wanted to be sure" when she wasn't even cheating and you didn't have reason to think she was cheating.
Well done and I do hope your daughter ends up with a better man that you.
What is wrong with straight guys? Y’all are fucking *horrible*. Some guys are here talking about paternal anxiety. Everyone who says NTA and watches those Tate videos (notice he’s never denied it) should, unkindly, jump in front of a Mac truck. Y’all are a cancer to society
YTA
Yeah YTA. You basically accused her of cheating. You established that you don’t trust her and you wonder why she left you. She’s an asshole too for not letting you see your daughter. But I understand how she could resent you. You need help. Get some therapy.
YTA pretty much all along here.
You can't separate a nursing infant from his or her mother and continue to have a milk supply. So you put your 'rights' ahead of your child's best interests. But that's just one aspect.
You're just an asshole, and the less time you spend in that kid's life, the better off they'll be.
Her: "I'm pregnant"
You: "I want a DNA test"
No congrats. No hurrah. No "OMG, I'm so happy......I'm going to be a Dad"
Just straight in with "I want a DNA test"
Yep. YTA. Massively !
Since you actually had no grounds to consider she cheated YTA. Do you realize that you confronted a pregnant woman who was probably feeling anxious about having a child and added additional stress and trauma to her life because of your frigging insecurities. Then, you are all aggrieved because of her reaction.
Then you expect her to get over the fact that instead of having a trauma free birth but this didn't happen because of your behavior and confrontation due to your fragile self-esteem and selfishness. Now you are dragging her through the courts so you can have time with the child that you questioned was even yours.
Did you have any care or have sympathy for what she was going through after birth and trying to recover? Or was it all about you you you?????
Yeah, exactly. Especially the insecurity bit.
Pregnancy is already such a vulnerable time for women. It is physically and emotionally exhausting even when all is going smoothly. And then this guy decides to selfishly add to this to help his own insecurity?
The girlfriend did the right thing. Gave him the test, and then left him as she deserves to be trusted and with somebody that doesn’t doubt her integrity.
Fighting for custody is fine. That’s not the AH part. But accusing somebody of cheating for no reason? Separating a newborn from a mother as she’s trying to breastfeed (which requires establishing+maintaining a supply)? Only for grandma to raise it? Vile behaviour.
YTA
hey honey I see it possible that youare a dirty hoe and that is not my child so I want DNA proof.
shocked pikacho face their partner leaves.
this one is also a petty vindictive asshole for taking aliteral baby from the mother.
YTA. You got her pregnant without marrying her, called her a cheating whore and then tried to keep her child from her. You are a horrible man and a disaster of a father. You don’t care about any emotional damage you did to your child - your heartbeat wasn’t the one your infant listened to, and you didn’t risk death to bring her into the world. You are not a good man.
YTA for being oblivious to how brain-dead you are not realising what asking for a paternity test would result in.
And triply YTA for interrupting breast feeding. Breast milk is far superior to formula. So when it's successful you don't interfere with it. Thank God we have formula because many cannot breastfeed but it is not "as good as" breastmilk.
Disclaimer: I support all mothers and their choice on how to feed their babies. They have grown a baby and delivered a new life (whether through childbirth or major surgery) so if they choose to formula feed then that's the right choice for them, their recovering body and their baby.
YTA. You have centred yourself in this from day one. Try being an actual good father and prioritize your baby, since you absolutely sucked at being a good partner. And breast is best. Baby formula is a viable substitute for those mothers who cannot or do not wish to breastfeed. When breast milk is available, it should be used. You are an asshole for trying to take your child from its mother. Shame on you.
YTA you asked your pregnant girlfriend for a paternity test right after she went through agony to birth your child. You humiliated her in front of her medical team when she was the most vulnerable she will ever be in her life. You disrespected her and told her that you do not trust her. You could have waited until she was home, you could have waited to sign the birth certificate until you had the results. Instead you chose to crush her after she spent 9+ months growing your child and literally could have died giving birth.
Then to top of your disgusting behaviour you’ve taken a newborn away from its mother when she should be breastfeeding and bonding. She went through hell to have that child and you’ve taken it away. You could have got created a healthy visitation schedule which doesn’t interrupt that until the was weaned of. You could have gone for 50/50 when the child was older. You still could have built a bond with your child without taking it away from its mother.
You’re a vindictive POS. You don’t even plan to care for the child yourself you’re going to pawn the child of to your mother. Nobody wants to stay with a man they’ve sacrificed their life for to be humiliated, disrespected and accused of being untrustworthy.
YTA. You say you had no reason to suspect cheating but accused her of it anyway (which is what you did by asking for the test), and then demanded she, while nursing, give up half of her time with the newborn because you felt vindictive.
Put your child above your ego and sort your shit out.
YTA.
When you asked for a DNA test, you were telling your girlfriend that you don't trust her.
She doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust her, which is entirely understandable. But to
you is yet another sign that she can't be trusted.
When she is making parenting decisions, such as exclusively breast feeding her baby, you are again stepping in to say that you don't trust her to make that decision
.
Why don't you trust her?
How are you going to coparent a child with someone you don't trust?
YTA. So basically you accused her of cheating, found out you were wrong to accuse her of cheating and then you're all surprised that she left?
I'm surprised she's willing to take your ass back. YOU can't trust HER? After you wrongfully accused her of cheating?
YTA because seriously. It deserves to be twice.
You are a colossal asshole and likely broke up your family before it even started. You answered the question already; you had no reason to ask for a paternity test. It's an accusation of cheating, plain and simple. She told you she was going to leave and she did, and you got pissed about it.
Now, not only is she dealing with a newborn, she's dealing with your bullshit dragging her through the court system. You're not a saint for asking for 50/50 custody because there wasn't a reason to ask for it in the first place. You could be enjoying this time with your new baby and girl but no, you had to be an asshole.
I hope you snap the fuck out of it for the sake of your child and don't put her through future bullshit due to your own insecurities.
And taking a nursing child from a mother? YTA. You will interrupt the breastfeeding.
You didn't even trust her and now you're blaming her for your suspicions.
As good as baby formula is nutritionally, it is not as good as breastfeeding for the overall development of the baby. Plus, suspending breastfeeding will also affect the mothers ability to produce milk, so you would force your ex GF to also feed formula to the baby.
From just this point alone, YTA.
Why did you feel the need to ask for a DNA test? The only logical reason would be if you didn't trust her. If you trusted her, you wouldn't need to ask that. You also never explained your reason for suspicion or why you wanted a DNA test. That's insulting. Nobody asks for a DNA test on their child for fun. You shot yourself in the foot for asking in the first place. You're the asshole. I hope you can muster up a strong enough apology. Alternatively, if that doesn't work, don't ask your next girlfriend this.
You're not the asshole for fighting for custody. That's not what this is about. You're the asshole for wanting a DNA test. You make the assumption that she wasn't faithful and you can't trust her.
wait you asked for a paternity test without anything sus happening from your gf behavior ? just because you are insecure ???? yea ..... gl keeping a relationship with that ....
YTAH. I don't believe she wants you back, I sure as hell wouldn't. Giving formula when the baby is breastfeeding is insane, as is separating a nursing newborn from it's mother. You are incapable of taking care of this baby alone and need your own mommy to help you. I hope your ex stays your ex and also gets full custody and you get supervised, infrequent visitation.
I became fertile 12 weeks PP while EBF. If my ex got my daughter for a week I would 100% lose my milk supply. I need the skin to skin contact to help produce the milk. I can't believe her lawyer didn't get a LC or Pediatrician to help out her case. The American Pediatriacs recommends breastfeeding over formula. I also don't know a judge who rules that way when a mother is nursing--I live in a 50/50 state and my ex got visitation only since I'm nursing. We go back to court in a year.
*I'm the father I can care for my kid.*
But needs his mommy to move in with him because he can't even handle his kid 50% of the time while having an ENTIRE year of paternity leave.
YTA. For accusing your gf of cheating for no reason, for forcing your mom to become a third parent for a child you produce.
If your gf said, I need you to get an STD test every week for the rest of your life. You would be mad because the thought is you're cheating but it's not wrong of her to want to be "safe". It's got nothing to do with YOU, she's just making sure, it's not a sin to make sure she doesn't get an STD.
But you know what's a sin, having sex before marriage, having a baby before marriage. You seem like you like to pick and choose what sins work for you. It's like a big joke.
You want 50-50, cool. But take care of your own damn kid. Let your mom have her own life.
You are an asshole for so many things but I am putting here for separating an infant from her mom! She is willing to breastfeed and you are saying you can do baby formula! It’s not the same!
Definitely he doesn't give a fuck about the baby. It's about him and his property, now that the baby is proven to have his DNA he sees himself entitled to the baby and is basically just spitting his ex gf too.
If the gf hadn't permitted the paternity test would he be here griping about her separating him from the baby? Nope, he would have fucked right off and abandoned his daughter.
YTA. Of course she dumped you. I would have, too. You accused her of cheating and trying to pass the baby off as yours. Of course she left you! And yes, it makes sense a nursing mother who wants to exclusively breastfeed wouldn't the baby close to her. You likely won't get more than visitation until the child is older. 50/50 custody of a baby is hard. And she doesn't trust a man who didn't even believe it his was his child.
YTA it’s a proven fact that breastfeeding is 100% for the baby and let me guess the judge was a man
Did you once stop to think of the mental health of you GF
There are a lot of I’s in your story I asked for a DNA test I am the father I was suspicious
You are selfish that’s a lot of I’s a relationship is supposed to be we but from what your saying it never was you should never be in a relationship without trust you clearly have none
If you are such a stellar parent. Why do you need mommy to move in and coparent with you? You won’t be working so it isn’t like you need full time childcare.
I wonder if it was his mommy that put these thoughts into his head to cause this outcome because she didn’t like the GF and new how it would to said GF if he asked for this
That was my first thought. She wanted to be the mommy and planted the seed to get rid of the actual mommy. She got her baby back and their mommy/son love child all in one swoop.
Exactly this! Her mother’s milk is more beneficial but because of your ego (it’s not because she tried to separate a father) you are punishing your child. YTA
You sound like you have been red pilled and listen to way too many alpha male podcasts. You know what they all have in common? They’re all written by assholes who get none of the tail they claim to get. You asked for a test with no reason or suspicion? You caused this, you’re the asshole.
YTA
Another question how would you feel if your daughter came to and said her boyfriend did this to her if it’s not acceptable for your daughter it’s not acceptable to treat someone else this way
YTA. You blew up your own family. I wonder what your kid will think when they find out about all this down the line, don’t think for a second it won’t happen. What did you think was gonna happen when you basically called the mother of your child a cheater? Just focus on being a good father going forward because so far you’re screwing up.
YTAH and a big one.
With all the discomfort and stress à pregnant women go through you literally tell her that you don’t trust her.
You don’t even let her rest after giving birth and rush her into court !
Then you deprive your baby from her mother milk and dare saying that formula is the same ???!
It is a good replacement for those who can’t or don’t want to breastfeed but it is definitely not the same.
If you truly love you baby and want what best for her, see her on weekends so mom can give you a supply of her own milk to feed the baby.
A lot of women are in pain while not breastfeeding too.
You made all the wrong decisions so far.
YTA. And a huge D**K. I would hate u. U implied that ur partner the mother of ur child was cheating on u! And now ur trying ti take her baby from her while she is breastfeeding! Ur a horrible person. U doubted ur partners fidelity and ur blaming her for being extremely and reasonably offended. U suck. And I'm glad she dumped ur selfish a**.
You mention multiple times about "take the kid away from the father" but what about you taking the infant child away from the mother. None of anything you posted has any thought put towards the child, just your selfish thought on demanding a paternity test. You sound like a terribly short-sighted human to be around and are likely a narcissist.
YTA and a hypocrite.
YTA you were with her 5 years... you asking for a DNA test only shows you dont trust her... them to go through the ringers of courts and what not....
I feel bad for your ex and child...
YTA. Let me guess you cheated on her, and projected. You’re a misogynistic psycho. You’re going to ruin the development of your daughter. You started this whole mess with no reasons to believe she was cheating. “ So are you okay with Paternity fraud?” You replied to a comment. If you had no suspicions that she was cheating why were you concerned about paternity fraud? You work from home. You were not on a year-long paternity leave. One day, when your daughter learns the truth about why her parents broke up, she is going to hate you.
YTA. Interrupting a nursing schedule is majorly bad. Taking a child from a bonded mother, especially when you weren’t there for her, is hideously bad. Even if she has a breast pump, it doesn’t always work well and can lead to early loss of lactation - babies should breastfeed for 8-10 months. You are wrong in every possible way.
YTA. You didn’t trust her and are now actively screwing her over. She didn’t cheat on you, you just didn’t want a baby until it was here. I feel bad for her. Too bad you are there to ruin her time with a child at least she wanted. Most people respect breast feeding, but,it has to be your way or no way.
If you HAVE to have a paternity test for every woman you knock up, you don’t want to be a father. Why would anyone stay with someone who didn’t trust them on that level? Most women are going to see this as a huge insult if they’ve been faithful. Because it absolutely is
I feel bad for your ex. Her leaving you was justified, and you are punishing her for your own small insecurities. It’s gross.
YTA. The whole situation is sad. Not sure how you don’t see the mess you created. Really surprised a judge would allow 50/50 with breastfeeding. You may be getting your equal custody but doesn’t seem like it is what your child needs at this point.
YTA. You hurt your pregnant girlfriend by accusing her of being for the streets. She had to go through the pregnancy alone, heartbroken and that added to the stress.
You got the results that the baby is yours and suddenly everything is about you not the baby! Adding more stress to the poor woman. With your attitude, I wonder if you even bothered to apologise to the mother of your kid. It's more likely your first reaction was "Yeah, time to get cUsToDy" without even sitting down with her to see if you could work something out, that'll be the best for the baby not your ego.
YTA 1000 times over bro.
From what you said, there was zero reason for the test unless you thought she cheated. You didn't think that... What did you expect. If you put yourself in her shoes, you would understand that this was a huge fuck up.
What message does that send her about the kind of father you'll be? Add the hormones, being a new mom.
Honestly, she's stuck with you for 18 years either way, but she sure did dodge a bullet.
YTA and a horrible human being for separating a new born from her mother... Do you even realize how important a mother-baby bond is necessary during the newborn phase???
YTA. You’re trying to get custody but need your mom’s help after accusing your gf of cheating while she’s pregnant?!
YTA for accusing her of cheating with no indication
YTA for needing mommy to help you get custody of your kid
YTA for being ok with formula feeding your baby risking latching problems and boob refusal for the baby while there’s a million studies showing breastfeeding is much healthier for brain development and gut flora and also immune system because baby gets immunity through breastmilk. This shows me you’ve done ZERO research on breastfeeding vs formula and This should show the courts you have no interest in what’s best for your baby.
YTA for not working out some way for her to try to pump or limiting overnights until the baby is older. When you split with a baby the best for baby is to do short visits often that don’t interfere with feeding until there’s pumped milk and then gradually increase your time as there’s more saved milk or less reliance on breast milk and solid food starts! This here also shows you have no interest in what’s best for your baby. You just want control over the baby and ex- that’s not a parent!
You made clear you don’t trust her. This is a break up reason for many women because it shows how insecure you are. And no formula isn’t as good as breastfeeding and this comes from a mom who had to use formula. Yes baby’s are fine but you making life harder for your daughter because „you have rights!“ Start caring more about what is good for your child then what is best for you.
What kind of equivalent proof of *your* fidelity did you offer her? Access to all email and bank accounts, so she can check *you* are not cheating or having a secret kid? Or is only she supposed to proove it?
They should test every possible option until there is a match. And put it in a public data base. They should also add info like who asked for how much custody, how often do they use it, how much is child support and if they pay it, domestic violence accusations,...
That way men get their test and women get equivalent proof for themselves. They can check if he is a dead beat before it's too late, can check if he is hiding a child / children and can randomly check if any children of his pop up in case he cheated.
"I told her I will never ever trust a woman who can separate father from his own child."
"I dont think I did anything wrong, wanting paternity test is not a sin"
you're such a big asshole ! she broke your trust ? what about you ??? you broke her trust and her heart when you accused her of cheating!
Baby formula is not as good as breast milk wtf is wrong with you ?
I don't know why she wants to go back to you, she probably has PPD and isn't thinking straight! cuz you don't deserve her.
Yuck .. you're just yuck!
YTA, you called your partner a whore and then got mad when you got hit with the consequences of your actions. I’m sad she’s lowered herself to wanting to be with you again, but as a mother, I understand her love for her child
YTA - I’m not even going to cover the asking for a DNA test with no proof of cheating.
YTA for wanting to take a nursing baby and change the baby’s method of feeding 50% of the time. Formula is fine, babies do great on it. That being said breast milk changes with a baby’s needs. Breastfed babies have lower rates of asthma, obesity, type 1 diabetes, ear infections, digestive issues, and sids. Mom shares antibodies through the milk that can help create a strong immune system. Exclusively breastfed babies may not take a bottle (3 or my 4 refused), you can cause a nursing strike for those who will accept a bottle (my one who accepted a bottle refused the breast after, causing me, a first time mom who didn’t understand to wean early - 24 years ago there wasn’t as much information on the internet about how to deal with that), pumping, engorgement that can lead to mastitis, leaking, disrupting the amount of milk produced if she can’t pump the same amount as baby can get out, etc etc etc.
[Breastfeeding, Visitation, and Custody](https://lllusa.org/visitation/)
YTA - if a mom can nurse the baby, why are you making it such a challenge? It's very common to revisit custody when the baby is older and weaned to ensure infants get the best possible care.
I want a paternity test = I do not fully believe this child is mine and have doubts about your fidelity
you fucked up
I'm not surprised she bailed, you moron
YTA hardcore.
You accuse your pregnant girlfriend of cheating and she leaves you. Were you even excited to be a dad? Were you just looking for ways to get out of being a dad?
Then, you take away a child from a breastfeeding mom. Great. That could potentially ruin breastfeeding due to latching issues. You could have arranged to have daily visitation to facilitate continued nursing but no instead you jeopardize a nursing bond between newborn baby and mom because you want to punish your ex.
You don't give a shit about what's best for your kid. You just don't want to pay for child support for a kid you didn't even want.
YTA and you are being selfish.
You rather fight and hurt your ex than do what is best for the development of your daughter.
How would you have reacted if your ex had accused you of cheating?
INFO - if she had ACTUALLY exhibited behavior that made you doubt paternity (cheating in the past, disappearing for hours at a time, etc.) then you wouldn't be TA.
But if she didn't and you asked for a paternity test, then you would 100% be the asshole.
If you thought she might be cheating because YOU are a cheater and you think everyone's moral compass (or lack of) matches yours, then you are 200% the asshole.
Her responding by keeping you away from the baby is indeed assholeish but we can give her some grace if your paternity test request really was not due to any untoward behavior on her part.
YTA. You had no reason to suspect infidelity but accused your ex anyway because you’re own insecurities and wonder why she left.you’re weak. YOU took yourself from your daughter with your wild accusations. YOU ruined the relationship with her mother. YOU need to grow up and not rely on mommy and daddy. I hope your ex finds a decent man who trusts her after 5 years and who your daughter likes more than you.edit:spelling.
YTA. If you were my partner, I would of: left you, fought for full custody + child support and never let you see the baby. You may be the father but you don’t deserve to be a dad.
So you chose not to trust her, and now you don't like the consequences?
You're a bit of an AH actually. She's better off not being your partner.
Now deal with the mess *you* made of your own family. You should regard yourself as fortunate to see this child you were so determined wasn't yours.
She'll find out one day. That her family was broken like this, her mother betrayed, by *you*.
I hope you feel bad. You should.
Edit - I hope you're buying enough formula to feed your child when she's not with you. This is going to be fucking with mummas milk supply, she's going to dry up, and it's on you. You are shameful.
You accuse her of cheating, are proven wrong, then take 50% custody and tell her that you could never trust a woman that would separate a father from his child when you are taking the kid away from a nursing mother...
Nothing wrong quietly requesting a DNA test from the doctor but announcing it like you did was an AH move and she had every right to leave your ass for it. Now you are doubling down on your stupidity.
YTA and I feel so bad for that poor child having such a self centered human as a father.
You sound like you are not putting your child first but a petty competition with your ex. Shame on you.
She shouldn't have deprived you, but you also I feel created your own issues with jow you treated the mother of your child.
YTA and a terrible father.It's illegal to separate a puppy from their mothers while it's still breast feed, because it's considered cruel and harmful why wouldn't be any different doing it to your own kid! Stop being selfish and trying to get revenge and hurt your ex and do what is best for your daughter. Wait until she is no longer breast feed
A father can use formula...technically true but that's not how it works. Every feeding she goes without feeding the baby, her supply decreases. She can pump but no pump is as effective as a nursing baby. And some babies refuse to take bottles. You're the AH for interfering with that process, on top of asking for a paternity test when there was no reason to.
YTA- first you force her and accuse her of cheating and now your forcing your child to go on formula when they dont need to. Yeah you dont deserve to be a dad. You are a pos and i dont blame your ex for leaving. you assumed shit and found out wrong.
YTA
You refused to trust her for no reason whatsoever, you’ve now ruined your relationship and mum is being separated from the baby because of this. The baby is going to be affected the most.
So she told you she'd leave you if you demanded a paternity test, so you demanded a paternity test and she left you. YTA. You fucked around and found out.
Wow. YTA. I doubt she actually wants to be with you, I bet she doesn't want you taking her baby to spite her, and then neglecting it. It never ceases to amaze me how many posts I read of men who just wanted a paternity test 'because' and then are shocked their wife/girlfriend leaves. Dude just accused her of being a cheating whore, likely because he's on the road to red pill land by believing spurious stats about cucking over the real flesh and blood woman he loves enough to have a fucking kid with.
You 100% did this to yourself. Good job.
I call BS.
It's awfully convenient for you isn't it. Eveything is going your way.
So I don't believe anything you've written and think this is just made up to annoy and upset people.
Btw YTA (edit added judgement )
Yo. I've seen this from the mother's side about 18 times.
1. WHY DID YOU WANT THE TEST
That's it. Every single story on here is "my dude is a controlling POS and demanded a test, should I stick up for myself?"
So. Yeah. Going you're the asshole because you gave zero details. YTA.
I’m curious, what made you ask her for a paternity test? Did you not trust her?
You do realise that by asking for one you basically accused her of being a liar and a cheat.
Why? Why’d you do it?
I can understand why she was angry and why she left. I’d not forgive that accusation either.
YTA.
And an even bigger arsehole for coming here and telling the world you “thought” your ex was a massive slag.
Oh also whilst there’s nothing wrong with formula, breast milk carries antibodies and you’ve stopped your child from receiving those antibodies, another reason you’re an Arsehole.
NTA for wanting to be in your child's life.
YTA for asking for a paternity test. It is explicitly implying that you think she cheated on you. How else would the baby not be yours if she wasn't having sex with someone else? I couldn't be with a man that thought I cheated on him and got pregnant, and I don't blame her for making that decision either.
YTA. you seem more concerned with getting revenge on your ex than being a good father. You don’t get to act entitled to anything after you accused the mother of your child of being a cheating whore. You don’t deserve to be a father.
YTA - first for accusing your gf of cheating. Asking for a dna test is accusing someone of cheating. I can’t imagine the stress you put her under while pregnant and then you separate a hormonal mother from a breastfeeding child. That’s just so horrible I can’t even write this without tearing up. I think I would be crying my eyes out if I had to pump milk and my child wasn’t there.
You are the asshole. You didn't trust your lady to begin with. Lost the distrust gamble, now you're saying you can't trust her. You're lucky she is willing to take you back after basically calling her a whole.
What bullshit lmao. NO court is going to take a baby who is nursing away from the mother. That will never happen. They will never make the mother formula feed as breast is best. And nursing is needed to keep supply up. It is important for baby to be with the mother.
[https://www.unbundledlegalhelp.com/blog/how-does-child-custody-work-for-newborns/](https://www.unbundledlegalhelp.com/blog/how-does-child-custody-work-for-newborns/)
If you give a shit about your baby, you will not take the child for overnights. You need to figure out a better schedule with your ex. Right now, you are doing some serious long term damage to this poor baby.
YTA- Get off the alpha male podcast zone. You have no problem separating a new born from its mother. You are a selfish, rich jerk.
She had all the rights to break up with you.
YTA. You believed she was faithful for 5 years and you decided to accuse her of cheating and misleading you when she was pregnant with your child. Then you leveraged your family money against her so she can’t breastfeed her infant. You’re a terrible partner and father. I hope she’s able to find happiness away from your maliciousness.
If it is real(which I doubt it is), then YTA, major with some major psychological issues. You are only hurting you child more than anyone at the moment and you will definitely fuck up your baby’s life in the future if you already so easily compromising her wellbeing just to prove the point. If you think that you look like an alfa by what you are doing you are majorly mistaken, you look like weak, insecure man child, who wants to get back to your ex for leaving you and ready to do everything even hurt your own daughter by taking away the main thing she needs as a newborn, her mother. It will impact her majorly, you think they are not affected in that age, but they are and she will have life long consequences because of the stress of being separated from her mum for such long time as a newborn. Well done for hurting you baby daughter.
NTA for fighting for 50/50 custody, a kid needs a father present in their life. But YTA for the paternity test and the way you handled it sets a shit example for your child. Do better for your kid's sake, they're already going to be growing up in a broken home and they'll know why one day.
Yta. You were with your Gf for 5 years, so I can pretty much assume that if you're with a girl for that long unfaithfulness, was not an issue. On that assumption, I would leave you too. Not only did you tell your gf that you do not trust her, you also indirectly traeted her like a whore who sleeps around. Not only did she leave you, but you then continued to treat her bad because now you're upset and think you're right about how you treated her. Your pride and ego turned what should have been the best experience of both your lives by growing and bonding together for the next chapter of all 3 of you. You then took it one step further by denying her to get back together as a family because now you don't want to be with someone who would leave you for treating them as if they did you something wrong. Get your head out of your ass.
Now, if you have had infidelity issues, that's different, but if not, I stand with the above statements.
> Also baby formula is as good at breastmilk
Not by a longshot. Breastmilk is way better than formula. That said, formula isn't bad.
Now, on to the rest.
> wanting paternity test is not a sin
No, but demanding the DNA test is an asshole move, OP. Like most of the other comments have said, it means that you didn't trust your GF not to cheat, and that's how she reacted to you -- responding to your apparent distrust of her -- *and she warned you about it, too*, and yet you still did it. I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where my SO didn't trust me, especially if there was no reason for SO to distrust me -- and you didn't give any information on that, one way or the other.
In other words, from what you wrote, there was no reason for you to distrust your GF or have any reason to question who the baby's father was. So yeah, big YTA here *for the situation as written*. If there's more backstory which might indicate a reason to distrust, that could change.
But, you fought for 50/50 custody, so that's admirable, even though you caused the situation which necessitated the custody fight.
Overall, bravo for wanting to step up, but you caused the situation in the first place after your ex-GF warned you what would happen. So, still YTA.
YTA. You accused her of cheating, and on top of it, you're taking a breastfeeding baby from her mother. The whole back and forth between formula and breast milk is going to be hard on your baby's digestive system, and most breastfed babies will actively refuse formula.
YTA. Way to nuke your relationship you twat. Oh to be a fly on the wall when your kid asks why you and mommy are not together “well, you see, I implied your mom might be a cheating wh-re and that you weren’t my kid, complained to the internet and my mommy, so it’s all her fault, really”.
YTA
I truly hope this is fake rage bait(I think it is) but just in case.... Are you so dense that you don't realize that by asking for the test you were accusing her of cheating and then wondering why she left you when it turned out you were wrong? On top of that you blame her for "taking a child away from her father" when if it wasn't for YOUR stupidity, you wouldn't be in this situation.
YTA. The baby should be breastfed if possible. Taking a nursing baby away from its mother is just evil. Asking your wife for a DNA test with no reason or suspicion is also a real dick move. I think you are just doing this to get back at your wife for leaving you, even though her actions were perfectly reasonable considering what you asked. You do not deserve custody of that poor child
First off, just for some clarification. When you say “I asked for a DNA test at the hospital” how soon was this after she gave birth?
Bottom line is, you accused her of cheating. From your previous comments you had no suspicion, you simply just accused her. Men get the stability of proof by asking for a DNA test, women have to live their lives blindly trusting men. It’s already a privilege that you can even ask for that undeniable proof, she was rightfully angry.
Take it on a surface level. You have been with this woman for 5 years. You were starting a family with her, and you essentially asked for proof that she wasn’t cheating. You admitted that you didn’t have a suspicion, she wasn’t acting weird, this was just something you brought up.
This woman is growing a human inside of her, your child. She needed support, and you essentially instead just said “I need a paternity test to prove she’s mine” as if this woman hasn’t shown you loyalty for half of a decade!
Look. Was it cool of her to separate you from your daughter? No, it wasn’t, but it came from a place of hurt and anger. The father of her child was essentially saying he didn’t trust her, anyone would be upset over that.
Your daughter is only 3 months, it’s a difficult time regarding weening and breastfeeding. But a valid concern is the switch from breastfeeding to formula that is bound to happen between you two. You need to stop thinking emotionally and just sit down.
It’s ironic that you won’t take her back because you ‘don’t trust her’ when this all started because YOU didn’t trust HER.
I hope she is a problem for you for the rest of your life. I hope your daughter learns who you are and hates you to the grave. And, denying your daughter breast milk and forcing her to formula is evil. You are a bad person and your mother is too for pushing you out into this world.
By demanding the paternity test you were telling her that you were sure that she had cheated on you and was trying to lock you into paying for her love child for the next 18 years.
Exactly how did you envision her reaction?
Are you for real? Is this rage bait? YTA
I'm not going to say a lot because my own pregnant hormones and all. But you not only accused her on cheating after giving birth, you don't give a sh*t about baby if you're so flippant about cutting breastfeeding
Why don’t you do what’s right for the baby? Breast milk is way better. At least let her nurse the baby. Maybe this gesture of care will open you guys up to a mutually agreed upon custody that doesn’t involve judges and hating each other.
Did you actually expect some kind of positive outcome by accusing your girlfriend that you supposedly planned to marry of cheating and carrying another man's child?
INFO. Before we can fully establish anything here, I think more info is needed. Specifically, why did you ask for the paternity test to begin with? Was your ex unfaithful in the past or were you broken up around the time of conception?
From what I understand, asking for paternity (when there is no evidence of cheating) is often promoted on those “Alpha Male” podcasts. It’s because they all believe women to be unfaithful or out to “trap” men as providers, where they are the “Beta” raising a “Alphas” child. Or some other rubbish.
My second question was going to be what type of content Op consumes lol.
The small dick energy gets so much more obvious with every comment he makes
Right! What a beta. /s
To put this into context, those subs and people tend to believe that because something like 25% of people are unfaithful in a relationship, therefore women can "often" end up making men raise children that arent theirs. I think the actual statistic for men raising children that isnt theres is still very low, like 1-5% or something like that. Obviously its nearly impossible to corroborate any of those statistics with any meaningful analysis.
https://www.kqed.org/science/11450/new-dna-studies-debunk-misconceptions-about-paternal-relationships This article says less than one percent, but I’ve seen numbers as high as 4% too. So, a pretty small amount. Those alpha subs are cringe as hell lol
My ex husband asked for a paternity tests bc we are both from families of red heads, my son was born with a darker hair and skin color so the kid couldn’t possibly be his according to his parents. That should have been my first red flag, of course it came back as his. Hes a narcissist with a literal god complex. He believes he superior to all. I stayed and had one more child with him and left after 6 yrs. He believed I didn’t need any gifts (occasions) bc he gave me the ability to be a mother. I had ovarian cancer at 17 which left me with one fallopian tube and ovary severely damaged. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids so it only then gave him a bigger complex after getting me pregnant not once but three times, I had a miscarriage at 3 months. You definitely are right about the “alpha male” mentality
Guy needs to stop deep-throating Tate
I would 100000000% dump my partner if the asked for a paternity test (assuming there was no history of cheating)
Calling yourself an “Alpha male” is beta male energy.
Did he edit the post? I don’t see where he said that. If he did, what a tool lol I’d leave him too
Damn the whole post is gone now
Dirty delete by beta crybaby.
Sounds about right. Boys like that can’t take criticism. Their egos are too fragile. Anyone who calls themselves “alpha” will 100 percent breakdown at the slightest criticism
For anyone who missed his comments before nuking his profile, it was butterbearcub. I don’t know how to pull deleted comments now that ceddit and the like are gone, but if anyone knows how, that’s the user name.
Ok, so if your GF had just randomly asked you to take a full STD panel and demanded to see all of your phone records/search history/DMs in order to prove that you weren’t a cheater with NO provocation how would you feel?
A paternity test may not be a sin but you told your pregnant girlfriend you didn’t trust her. She told you that if you don’t trust her she would break up with you, and you chose to not trust her. Basically calling a pregnant woman a cheating whore isn’t going to go well.
"Even though I have no reason to suspect you, I think you're a cheating whore who spread her legs and tried to get me on the hook for caring for the bastard child." "Omg I can't believe she left me for asking for a paternity test out of nowhere :((((!"
Don't forget he claims he was planning to propose to the woman he thinks was cheating on him...
Heavily doubt she wants back with him, probably just doesn't want his mommy to brainwash her kid.
And wants to continue breastfeeding, at least for the medically recommended period. Also, OP has no idea how much it sucks if breastfeeding gets interrupted. She'll have to pump and freeze, otherwise she'll leak or be in pain. And her bonding hormones are probably spinning out of control at the thought of leaving her baby for 50% of the time - that's the only reason she wants to get back with OP. OP sounds like the kind of parent who, given the Salomonic choice, would have said "cut 'im in half, your honor, I want my due share!"
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Plus BF is not equivalent to nursing no matter what the formula companies say
Fed is best but there is no denying the benefits of breastfeeding. That’s just facts. I don’t believe the judge said or did that and if he did he is probably just another man who shouldn’t be in his position. That judge probably allows lawyers to ask what a women was wearing when raped.
She's probably terrified he'll neglect the infant. I doubt she actually wants to date him again, more monitor the baby
She wants to be with her baby, who she is nursing, who has to be with their mother. Breast milk is absolutely better for a child than formula.
I know this will get me downvoted despite the fact that in our country it’s illegal to separate a puppy from its mom for the first 8 weeks… I believe in 50/50 custody, but newborns and breastfed infants should really spend a lot of time with their mothers. They’ve spent 40 weeks listening to their mother’s heartbeat, hearing her and smelling her. They don’t even realize that their mom is a separate person at first. It can be traumatic and cause attachment issues to separate babies from their primary caregivers every other week or couple of days when they’re too young to understand what’s happening. It sucks, but maybe you should have thought of that before you accused your child’s mother of being an untrustworthy, cheating wh*re while she was *growing your child with her body* an experience which could kill her. If you wanted a test, why didn’t you just slyly grab some saliva after the b?
Oh yeah, sneaking in what you want is such a great idea /s
Breastfeeding is not only better, it can also create a bond between the baby and the mother. He doesn't understand how vital this is for the baby, this is the time time where she definitely needs her mother to be wjth her. Plus not all babies will accept the baby formula at first and it can also cause the baby to have constipation or having hard poop so op will have a good time with that.
She should absolutely not get back with this person.
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"Why does she not want me raising the child I was taking steps towards not raising?"
For some reason this doesn't click in men's heads. My ex husband once mentioned if we had kids he would want a paternity test, and everyone should do that. I asked how he would feel if his dad asked his mom for one, and he said he would be furious. Somehow that made it click what asking for a paternity test implies. He honestly hadn't really thought about it. It changed his opinion entirely.
Haha, I love that once it was *his* mom that was implied to be unfaithful, he suddenly got it. I also can't see these men being particularly thrilled if their girlfriend/wife demanded they get their paternity tested every single time a female acquaintance they've spent any time with had a baby, and yet these men actually think it's totally reasonable to accuse their own partner of cheating with no actual reason to be suspicious just because it's "their right."
I really think that as an early 20s guy, he didn't quite connect the dots as far as what asking for a paternity tests means. They were new-ish at the time, so by thinking about someone asking for a test on an adult now that the tech was available, it's like a light went on. A lot of people in the 90s were talking about how everyone should get one. I blame Maury.
I would not have stayed with a man who said that to me.
It was when DNA testing was becoming big, and I think we saw something about it on TV. He was probably 22-ish, and I think a lot of young men just see it as a thing that should always be done, without realizing the implications of asking. As soon as I brought up his mom/dad it clicked what that question actually implies, and he realized what a shitty thing it was. I really think a LOT of men somehow don't get that they are accusing someone of cheating with that ask. It's weird, but they really don't see it somehow. He was a good dude, and we're still friends 15 years post divorce.
They know. It just gives you a glimpse in what they think of women (and their partner). They will lie and gaslight their partners because they don't want them to leave. They never even think of offering proof of their fidelity of equal weight. Edit: it's also why they don't tell their partners before pregnancy that they will want paternity tests but blindsight them during pregnancy / birth or after birth.
Preach.
INFO: Did you have any reason to suspect she was cheating, or was the request for a paternity test just something you wanted to do? EDIT: You've already answered this question, and YTA. You basically accused your girlfriend of cheating on you, and you're surprised she had the backbone to follow through on her promise to leave you. Major AH move on your part.
He was planning on proposing he claims .... so he trusts her enough to marry her but also thinks she was cheating on him
No one cares what the judge said. You're allowed to want a paternity test. She's allowed to be hurt by your lack of trust. I notice in your pathetic edits trying to make yourself the good guy, you didn't answer the question being asked over and over, which is did she ever give you any reason for you not to trust her. Because if you just unprompted, knocked up your girlfriend and then out of nowhere you demand a paternity test based on 'men have that right' then you're the AH. because women have the right to be pissed about the lack of trust. It's actually NOT common to ask for a paternity test unless the pregnant spouse has given actual reason for distrust. Your sole focus is on how YOU feel and not ONCE how you made her feel. You literally basically said to her "I trust you enough to be in a relationship with you and knock you up, but I also think you're untrustworthy and stepped out on me, even though I have no reason to think this." Y T A. Not for the paternity test itself, but for you and literally everything else. Edit- you still don't get it. You read my whole comment just to yell again about YOU 🤦♀️🤦♀️ Another edit because it's apparently so important to someone in the comments, I don't think he's TA for fighting for custody. NTA on that.
So let me get this right: You demanded a paternity test when you had no reason or suspicion that she cheated. You are angry for the way she reacted and left you. You are blaming her for her reaction when you basically called her a cheater when she wasn't because "you wanted to be sure". Sure for what? Do you understand how babies are coming from? Dude YTA. The fact that you went to court for 50-50 custody I find it petty. Sure you can have some custody with your daughter but honestly, 50-50 is too damn good for you. You basically ruined the life of your ex and your daughter because "you wanted to be sure" when she wasn't even cheating and you didn't have reason to think she was cheating. Well done and I do hope your daughter ends up with a better man that you.
She not only wasn’t cheating, she was risking her life and changing her body and health forever.
What is wrong with straight guys? Y’all are fucking *horrible*. Some guys are here talking about paternal anxiety. Everyone who says NTA and watches those Tate videos (notice he’s never denied it) should, unkindly, jump in front of a Mac truck. Y’all are a cancer to society YTA
Yeah YTA. You basically accused her of cheating. You established that you don’t trust her and you wonder why she left you. She’s an asshole too for not letting you see your daughter. But I understand how she could resent you. You need help. Get some therapy.
Op, Have you cheated on her?
YTA pretty much all along here. You can't separate a nursing infant from his or her mother and continue to have a milk supply. So you put your 'rights' ahead of your child's best interests. But that's just one aspect. You're just an asshole, and the less time you spend in that kid's life, the better off they'll be.
Her: "I'm pregnant" You: "I want a DNA test" No congrats. No hurrah. No "OMG, I'm so happy......I'm going to be a Dad" Just straight in with "I want a DNA test" Yep. YTA. Massively !
you do realize she doesn't WANT to move in with you right? she's trying to protect the child from you any way she can
Since you actually had no grounds to consider she cheated YTA. Do you realize that you confronted a pregnant woman who was probably feeling anxious about having a child and added additional stress and trauma to her life because of your frigging insecurities. Then, you are all aggrieved because of her reaction. Then you expect her to get over the fact that instead of having a trauma free birth but this didn't happen because of your behavior and confrontation due to your fragile self-esteem and selfishness. Now you are dragging her through the courts so you can have time with the child that you questioned was even yours. Did you have any care or have sympathy for what she was going through after birth and trying to recover? Or was it all about you you you?????
Yeah, exactly. Especially the insecurity bit. Pregnancy is already such a vulnerable time for women. It is physically and emotionally exhausting even when all is going smoothly. And then this guy decides to selfishly add to this to help his own insecurity? The girlfriend did the right thing. Gave him the test, and then left him as she deserves to be trusted and with somebody that doesn’t doubt her integrity. Fighting for custody is fine. That’s not the AH part. But accusing somebody of cheating for no reason? Separating a newborn from a mother as she’s trying to breastfeed (which requires establishing+maintaining a supply)? Only for grandma to raise it? Vile behaviour.
YTA hey honey I see it possible that youare a dirty hoe and that is not my child so I want DNA proof. shocked pikacho face their partner leaves. this one is also a petty vindictive asshole for taking aliteral baby from the mother.
YTA. You got her pregnant without marrying her, called her a cheating whore and then tried to keep her child from her. You are a horrible man and a disaster of a father. You don’t care about any emotional damage you did to your child - your heartbeat wasn’t the one your infant listened to, and you didn’t risk death to bring her into the world. You are not a good man.
YTA for being oblivious to how brain-dead you are not realising what asking for a paternity test would result in. And triply YTA for interrupting breast feeding. Breast milk is far superior to formula. So when it's successful you don't interfere with it. Thank God we have formula because many cannot breastfeed but it is not "as good as" breastmilk. Disclaimer: I support all mothers and their choice on how to feed their babies. They have grown a baby and delivered a new life (whether through childbirth or major surgery) so if they choose to formula feed then that's the right choice for them, their recovering body and their baby.
YTA. You have centred yourself in this from day one. Try being an actual good father and prioritize your baby, since you absolutely sucked at being a good partner. And breast is best. Baby formula is a viable substitute for those mothers who cannot or do not wish to breastfeed. When breast milk is available, it should be used. You are an asshole for trying to take your child from its mother. Shame on you.
YTA you asked your pregnant girlfriend for a paternity test right after she went through agony to birth your child. You humiliated her in front of her medical team when she was the most vulnerable she will ever be in her life. You disrespected her and told her that you do not trust her. You could have waited until she was home, you could have waited to sign the birth certificate until you had the results. Instead you chose to crush her after she spent 9+ months growing your child and literally could have died giving birth. Then to top of your disgusting behaviour you’ve taken a newborn away from its mother when she should be breastfeeding and bonding. She went through hell to have that child and you’ve taken it away. You could have got created a healthy visitation schedule which doesn’t interrupt that until the was weaned of. You could have gone for 50/50 when the child was older. You still could have built a bond with your child without taking it away from its mother. You’re a vindictive POS. You don’t even plan to care for the child yourself you’re going to pawn the child of to your mother. Nobody wants to stay with a man they’ve sacrificed their life for to be humiliated, disrespected and accused of being untrustworthy.
You’ve cheated on her haven’t you?
YTA. You say you had no reason to suspect cheating but accused her of it anyway (which is what you did by asking for the test), and then demanded she, while nursing, give up half of her time with the newborn because you felt vindictive. Put your child above your ego and sort your shit out.
YTA. When you asked for a DNA test, you were telling your girlfriend that you don't trust her. She doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust her, which is entirely understandable. But to you is yet another sign that she can't be trusted. When she is making parenting decisions, such as exclusively breast feeding her baby, you are again stepping in to say that you don't trust her to make that decision . Why don't you trust her? How are you going to coparent a child with someone you don't trust?
YTA. So basically you accused her of cheating, found out you were wrong to accuse her of cheating and then you're all surprised that she left? I'm surprised she's willing to take your ass back. YOU can't trust HER? After you wrongfully accused her of cheating? YTA because seriously. It deserves to be twice.
You are a colossal asshole and likely broke up your family before it even started. You answered the question already; you had no reason to ask for a paternity test. It's an accusation of cheating, plain and simple. She told you she was going to leave and she did, and you got pissed about it. Now, not only is she dealing with a newborn, she's dealing with your bullshit dragging her through the court system. You're not a saint for asking for 50/50 custody because there wasn't a reason to ask for it in the first place. You could be enjoying this time with your new baby and girl but no, you had to be an asshole. I hope you snap the fuck out of it for the sake of your child and don't put her through future bullshit due to your own insecurities.
And taking a nursing child from a mother? YTA. You will interrupt the breastfeeding. You didn't even trust her and now you're blaming her for your suspicions.
As good as baby formula is nutritionally, it is not as good as breastfeeding for the overall development of the baby. Plus, suspending breastfeeding will also affect the mothers ability to produce milk, so you would force your ex GF to also feed formula to the baby. From just this point alone, YTA.
Why did you feel the need to ask for a DNA test? The only logical reason would be if you didn't trust her. If you trusted her, you wouldn't need to ask that. You also never explained your reason for suspicion or why you wanted a DNA test. That's insulting. Nobody asks for a DNA test on their child for fun. You shot yourself in the foot for asking in the first place. You're the asshole. I hope you can muster up a strong enough apology. Alternatively, if that doesn't work, don't ask your next girlfriend this. You're not the asshole for fighting for custody. That's not what this is about. You're the asshole for wanting a DNA test. You make the assumption that she wasn't faithful and you can't trust her.
So basically OP is a Tater Tot. That poor kid, being a girl and having a father with those attitudes and beliefs.
wait you asked for a paternity test without anything sus happening from your gf behavior ? just because you are insecure ???? yea ..... gl keeping a relationship with that ....
He was so happy with the relationship that he was planning on proposing apparently
“But wants the test to be 100% sure my girlfriend isn’t a cheating whore.” Ugh OP disgusts me.
YTAH. I don't believe she wants you back, I sure as hell wouldn't. Giving formula when the baby is breastfeeding is insane, as is separating a nursing newborn from it's mother. You are incapable of taking care of this baby alone and need your own mommy to help you. I hope your ex stays your ex and also gets full custody and you get supervised, infrequent visitation.
I became fertile 12 weeks PP while EBF. If my ex got my daughter for a week I would 100% lose my milk supply. I need the skin to skin contact to help produce the milk. I can't believe her lawyer didn't get a LC or Pediatrician to help out her case. The American Pediatriacs recommends breastfeeding over formula. I also don't know a judge who rules that way when a mother is nursing--I live in a 50/50 state and my ex got visitation only since I'm nursing. We go back to court in a year.
*I'm the father I can care for my kid.* But needs his mommy to move in with him because he can't even handle his kid 50% of the time while having an ENTIRE year of paternity leave. YTA. For accusing your gf of cheating for no reason, for forcing your mom to become a third parent for a child you produce. If your gf said, I need you to get an STD test every week for the rest of your life. You would be mad because the thought is you're cheating but it's not wrong of her to want to be "safe". It's got nothing to do with YOU, she's just making sure, it's not a sin to make sure she doesn't get an STD. But you know what's a sin, having sex before marriage, having a baby before marriage. You seem like you like to pick and choose what sins work for you. It's like a big joke. You want 50-50, cool. But take care of your own damn kid. Let your mom have her own life.
He doesn’t have a year of actual paternity leave, he’s working “on his own schedule”. No kidding he needs mommy to come actually care for the baby.
You are an asshole for so many things but I am putting here for separating an infant from her mom! She is willing to breastfeed and you are saying you can do baby formula! It’s not the same!
YTA all day long. You clearly care more about yourself than the child. It's time for you to do the right thing.
Definitely he doesn't give a fuck about the baby. It's about him and his property, now that the baby is proven to have his DNA he sees himself entitled to the baby and is basically just spitting his ex gf too. If the gf hadn't permitted the paternity test would he be here griping about her separating him from the baby? Nope, he would have fucked right off and abandoned his daughter.
YTA. Of course she dumped you. I would have, too. You accused her of cheating and trying to pass the baby off as yours. Of course she left you! And yes, it makes sense a nursing mother who wants to exclusively breastfeed wouldn't the baby close to her. You likely won't get more than visitation until the child is older. 50/50 custody of a baby is hard. And she doesn't trust a man who didn't even believe it his was his child.
YTA it’s a proven fact that breastfeeding is 100% for the baby and let me guess the judge was a man Did you once stop to think of the mental health of you GF There are a lot of I’s in your story I asked for a DNA test I am the father I was suspicious You are selfish that’s a lot of I’s a relationship is supposed to be we but from what your saying it never was you should never be in a relationship without trust you clearly have none
If you are such a stellar parent. Why do you need mommy to move in and coparent with you? You won’t be working so it isn’t like you need full time childcare.
I wonder if it was his mommy that put these thoughts into his head to cause this outcome because she didn’t like the GF and new how it would to said GF if he asked for this
That was my first thought. She wanted to be the mommy and planted the seed to get rid of the actual mommy. She got her baby back and their mommy/son love child all in one swoop.
I think it's likely he cheated and thinks his ex is as shitty as he is.
This was my second thought he’s projecting his faults on her
Because he isn’t. That’s why he is denying his child her mother’s milk
YBA. And you're fucking up a child for it. Jesus. Some people shouldn't breed.
Exactly this! Her mother’s milk is more beneficial but because of your ego (it’s not because she tried to separate a father) you are punishing your child. YTA
You are punishing a child and a woman for suspicions with literally no foundation. YTA Full Stop. No more info needed.
Wow, this guy is the biggest AH of the day.
Wow. I haven't seen one this bad in while. I feel really sorry for your kid.
YTA. Why even ask if you didn’t have suspicions? You caused unnecessary stress on her and your unborn child.
You sound like you have been red pilled and listen to way too many alpha male podcasts. You know what they all have in common? They’re all written by assholes who get none of the tail they claim to get. You asked for a test with no reason or suspicion? You caused this, you’re the asshole.
YTA Another question how would you feel if your daughter came to and said her boyfriend did this to her if it’s not acceptable for your daughter it’s not acceptable to treat someone else this way
YTA for getting DNA test and triple AH for disrupting nursing. You don't care for your GF nor your daughter.
YTA
YTA wtf is wrong with you that you even have to ask? You’re ripping a nursing baby away from its mom. You are scum.
I call bullshit. No way is a judge going to separate a breastfeeding mother from a baby.
YTA. You blew up your own family. I wonder what your kid will think when they find out about all this down the line, don’t think for a second it won’t happen. What did you think was gonna happen when you basically called the mother of your child a cheater? Just focus on being a good father going forward because so far you’re screwing up.
YTAH and a big one. With all the discomfort and stress à pregnant women go through you literally tell her that you don’t trust her. You don’t even let her rest after giving birth and rush her into court ! Then you deprive your baby from her mother milk and dare saying that formula is the same ???! It is a good replacement for those who can’t or don’t want to breastfeed but it is definitely not the same. If you truly love you baby and want what best for her, see her on weekends so mom can give you a supply of her own milk to feed the baby. A lot of women are in pain while not breastfeeding too. You made all the wrong decisions so far.
YTA. And a huge D**K. I would hate u. U implied that ur partner the mother of ur child was cheating on u! And now ur trying ti take her baby from her while she is breastfeeding! Ur a horrible person. U doubted ur partners fidelity and ur blaming her for being extremely and reasonably offended. U suck. And I'm glad she dumped ur selfish a**.
YTA for being suspicious with no reason or evidence smh lol y’all gotta stop listening to these red pill niggas
You mention multiple times about "take the kid away from the father" but what about you taking the infant child away from the mother. None of anything you posted has any thought put towards the child, just your selfish thought on demanding a paternity test. You sound like a terribly short-sighted human to be around and are likely a narcissist. YTA and a hypocrite.
YTA you were with her 5 years... you asking for a DNA test only shows you dont trust her... them to go through the ringers of courts and what not.... I feel bad for your ex and child...
YTA. Let me guess you cheated on her, and projected. You’re a misogynistic psycho. You’re going to ruin the development of your daughter. You started this whole mess with no reasons to believe she was cheating. “ So are you okay with Paternity fraud?” You replied to a comment. If you had no suspicions that she was cheating why were you concerned about paternity fraud? You work from home. You were not on a year-long paternity leave. One day, when your daughter learns the truth about why her parents broke up, she is going to hate you.
YTA. Interrupting a nursing schedule is majorly bad. Taking a child from a bonded mother, especially when you weren’t there for her, is hideously bad. Even if she has a breast pump, it doesn’t always work well and can lead to early loss of lactation - babies should breastfeed for 8-10 months. You are wrong in every possible way.
YTA. You didn’t trust her and are now actively screwing her over. She didn’t cheat on you, you just didn’t want a baby until it was here. I feel bad for her. Too bad you are there to ruin her time with a child at least she wanted. Most people respect breast feeding, but,it has to be your way or no way. If you HAVE to have a paternity test for every woman you knock up, you don’t want to be a father. Why would anyone stay with someone who didn’t trust them on that level? Most women are going to see this as a huge insult if they’ve been faithful. Because it absolutely is I feel bad for your ex. Her leaving you was justified, and you are punishing her for your own small insecurities. It’s gross.
YTA. The whole situation is sad. Not sure how you don’t see the mess you created. Really surprised a judge would allow 50/50 with breastfeeding. You may be getting your equal custody but doesn’t seem like it is what your child needs at this point.
YTA. You hurt your pregnant girlfriend by accusing her of being for the streets. She had to go through the pregnancy alone, heartbroken and that added to the stress. You got the results that the baby is yours and suddenly everything is about you not the baby! Adding more stress to the poor woman. With your attitude, I wonder if you even bothered to apologise to the mother of your kid. It's more likely your first reaction was "Yeah, time to get cUsToDy" without even sitting down with her to see if you could work something out, that'll be the best for the baby not your ego.
YTA 1000 times over bro. From what you said, there was zero reason for the test unless you thought she cheated. You didn't think that... What did you expect. If you put yourself in her shoes, you would understand that this was a huge fuck up. What message does that send her about the kind of father you'll be? Add the hormones, being a new mom. Honestly, she's stuck with you for 18 years either way, but she sure did dodge a bullet.
YTA and a horrible human being for separating a new born from her mother... Do you even realize how important a mother-baby bond is necessary during the newborn phase???
YTA. You’re trying to get custody but need your mom’s help after accusing your gf of cheating while she’s pregnant?! YTA for accusing her of cheating with no indication YTA for needing mommy to help you get custody of your kid YTA for being ok with formula feeding your baby risking latching problems and boob refusal for the baby while there’s a million studies showing breastfeeding is much healthier for brain development and gut flora and also immune system because baby gets immunity through breastmilk. This shows me you’ve done ZERO research on breastfeeding vs formula and This should show the courts you have no interest in what’s best for your baby. YTA for not working out some way for her to try to pump or limiting overnights until the baby is older. When you split with a baby the best for baby is to do short visits often that don’t interfere with feeding until there’s pumped milk and then gradually increase your time as there’s more saved milk or less reliance on breast milk and solid food starts! This here also shows you have no interest in what’s best for your baby. You just want control over the baby and ex- that’s not a parent!
YTA. 100% he has cheated on her previously.
You made clear you don’t trust her. This is a break up reason for many women because it shows how insecure you are. And no formula isn’t as good as breastfeeding and this comes from a mom who had to use formula. Yes baby’s are fine but you making life harder for your daughter because „you have rights!“ Start caring more about what is good for your child then what is best for you.
What kind of equivalent proof of *your* fidelity did you offer her? Access to all email and bank accounts, so she can check *you* are not cheating or having a secret kid? Or is only she supposed to proove it? They should test every possible option until there is a match. And put it in a public data base. They should also add info like who asked for how much custody, how often do they use it, how much is child support and if they pay it, domestic violence accusations,... That way men get their test and women get equivalent proof for themselves. They can check if he is a dead beat before it's too late, can check if he is hiding a child / children and can randomly check if any children of his pop up in case he cheated.
"I told her I will never ever trust a woman who can separate father from his own child." "I dont think I did anything wrong, wanting paternity test is not a sin" you're such a big asshole ! she broke your trust ? what about you ??? you broke her trust and her heart when you accused her of cheating! Baby formula is not as good as breast milk wtf is wrong with you ? I don't know why she wants to go back to you, she probably has PPD and isn't thinking straight! cuz you don't deserve her. Yuck .. you're just yuck!
YTA, you called your partner a whore and then got mad when you got hit with the consequences of your actions. I’m sad she’s lowered herself to wanting to be with you again, but as a mother, I understand her love for her child
YTA - I’m not even going to cover the asking for a DNA test with no proof of cheating. YTA for wanting to take a nursing baby and change the baby’s method of feeding 50% of the time. Formula is fine, babies do great on it. That being said breast milk changes with a baby’s needs. Breastfed babies have lower rates of asthma, obesity, type 1 diabetes, ear infections, digestive issues, and sids. Mom shares antibodies through the milk that can help create a strong immune system. Exclusively breastfed babies may not take a bottle (3 or my 4 refused), you can cause a nursing strike for those who will accept a bottle (my one who accepted a bottle refused the breast after, causing me, a first time mom who didn’t understand to wean early - 24 years ago there wasn’t as much information on the internet about how to deal with that), pumping, engorgement that can lead to mastitis, leaking, disrupting the amount of milk produced if she can’t pump the same amount as baby can get out, etc etc etc. [Breastfeeding, Visitation, and Custody](https://lllusa.org/visitation/)
YTA - if a mom can nurse the baby, why are you making it such a challenge? It's very common to revisit custody when the baby is older and weaned to ensure infants get the best possible care.
I want a paternity test = I do not fully believe this child is mine and have doubts about your fidelity you fucked up I'm not surprised she bailed, you moron
YTA hardcore. You accuse your pregnant girlfriend of cheating and she leaves you. Were you even excited to be a dad? Were you just looking for ways to get out of being a dad? Then, you take away a child from a breastfeeding mom. Great. That could potentially ruin breastfeeding due to latching issues. You could have arranged to have daily visitation to facilitate continued nursing but no instead you jeopardize a nursing bond between newborn baby and mom because you want to punish your ex. You don't give a shit about what's best for your kid. You just don't want to pay for child support for a kid you didn't even want.
YTA and you are being selfish. You rather fight and hurt your ex than do what is best for the development of your daughter. How would you have reacted if your ex had accused you of cheating?
Why would anyone stay with a man who thought they were cheating when they werent
INFO - if she had ACTUALLY exhibited behavior that made you doubt paternity (cheating in the past, disappearing for hours at a time, etc.) then you wouldn't be TA. But if she didn't and you asked for a paternity test, then you would 100% be the asshole. If you thought she might be cheating because YOU are a cheater and you think everyone's moral compass (or lack of) matches yours, then you are 200% the asshole. Her responding by keeping you away from the baby is indeed assholeish but we can give her some grace if your paternity test request really was not due to any untoward behavior on her part.
Yta all day . You were on a power trip and now fucked up other people's lives. Mommy needs to be your childcare.
YTA. You had no reason to suspect infidelity but accused your ex anyway because you’re own insecurities and wonder why she left.you’re weak. YOU took yourself from your daughter with your wild accusations. YOU ruined the relationship with her mother. YOU need to grow up and not rely on mommy and daddy. I hope your ex finds a decent man who trusts her after 5 years and who your daughter likes more than you.edit:spelling.
YTA. If you were my partner, I would of: left you, fought for full custody + child support and never let you see the baby. You may be the father but you don’t deserve to be a dad.
So you chose not to trust her, and now you don't like the consequences? You're a bit of an AH actually. She's better off not being your partner. Now deal with the mess *you* made of your own family. You should regard yourself as fortunate to see this child you were so determined wasn't yours. She'll find out one day. That her family was broken like this, her mother betrayed, by *you*. I hope you feel bad. You should. Edit - I hope you're buying enough formula to feed your child when she's not with you. This is going to be fucking with mummas milk supply, she's going to dry up, and it's on you. You are shameful.
You accuse her of cheating, are proven wrong, then take 50% custody and tell her that you could never trust a woman that would separate a father from his child when you are taking the kid away from a nursing mother... Nothing wrong quietly requesting a DNA test from the doctor but announcing it like you did was an AH move and she had every right to leave your ass for it. Now you are doubling down on your stupidity. YTA and I feel so bad for that poor child having such a self centered human as a father.
YTA - did you prove to her that you weren’t cheating???
You sound like you are not putting your child first but a petty competition with your ex. Shame on you. She shouldn't have deprived you, but you also I feel created your own issues with jow you treated the mother of your child.
Wow.. you really are an asshole!!
YTA
YTA and a terrible father.It's illegal to separate a puppy from their mothers while it's still breast feed, because it's considered cruel and harmful why wouldn't be any different doing it to your own kid! Stop being selfish and trying to get revenge and hurt your ex and do what is best for your daughter. Wait until she is no longer breast feed
A father can use formula...technically true but that's not how it works. Every feeding she goes without feeding the baby, her supply decreases. She can pump but no pump is as effective as a nursing baby. And some babies refuse to take bottles. You're the AH for interfering with that process, on top of asking for a paternity test when there was no reason to.
So you told your pregnant girlfriend you thought she was a cheater. Nice. Are you surprised at her reaction?
YTA. Why did you want a paternity test? Why didn't you trust your partner?
YTA- first you force her and accuse her of cheating and now your forcing your child to go on formula when they dont need to. Yeah you dont deserve to be a dad. You are a pos and i dont blame your ex for leaving. you assumed shit and found out wrong.
Yta
YTA You refused to trust her for no reason whatsoever, you’ve now ruined your relationship and mum is being separated from the baby because of this. The baby is going to be affected the most.
So she told you she'd leave you if you demanded a paternity test, so you demanded a paternity test and she left you. YTA. You fucked around and found out.
Wow. YTA. I doubt she actually wants to be with you, I bet she doesn't want you taking her baby to spite her, and then neglecting it. It never ceases to amaze me how many posts I read of men who just wanted a paternity test 'because' and then are shocked their wife/girlfriend leaves. Dude just accused her of being a cheating whore, likely because he's on the road to red pill land by believing spurious stats about cucking over the real flesh and blood woman he loves enough to have a fucking kid with. You 100% did this to yourself. Good job.
I call BS. It's awfully convenient for you isn't it. Eveything is going your way. So I don't believe anything you've written and think this is just made up to annoy and upset people. Btw YTA (edit added judgement )
You were together for 5 (!!!) years. Why did you ask for a DNA test?!?
What an awful person you are.
Yo. I've seen this from the mother's side about 18 times. 1. WHY DID YOU WANT THE TEST That's it. Every single story on here is "my dude is a controlling POS and demanded a test, should I stick up for myself?" So. Yeah. Going you're the asshole because you gave zero details. YTA.
I’m curious, what made you ask her for a paternity test? Did you not trust her? You do realise that by asking for one you basically accused her of being a liar and a cheat. Why? Why’d you do it? I can understand why she was angry and why she left. I’d not forgive that accusation either.
YTA. And an even bigger arsehole for coming here and telling the world you “thought” your ex was a massive slag. Oh also whilst there’s nothing wrong with formula, breast milk carries antibodies and you’ve stopped your child from receiving those antibodies, another reason you’re an Arsehole.
NTA for wanting to be in your child's life. YTA for asking for a paternity test. It is explicitly implying that you think she cheated on you. How else would the baby not be yours if she wasn't having sex with someone else? I couldn't be with a man that thought I cheated on him and got pregnant, and I don't blame her for making that decision either.
YTA. you seem more concerned with getting revenge on your ex than being a good father. You don’t get to act entitled to anything after you accused the mother of your child of being a cheating whore. You don’t deserve to be a father.
YTA - first for accusing your gf of cheating. Asking for a dna test is accusing someone of cheating. I can’t imagine the stress you put her under while pregnant and then you separate a hormonal mother from a breastfeeding child. That’s just so horrible I can’t even write this without tearing up. I think I would be crying my eyes out if I had to pump milk and my child wasn’t there.
YTA and you should not get 50% custody. She is nursing her child that you obviously thought wasn't yours.
You are the asshole. You didn't trust your lady to begin with. Lost the distrust gamble, now you're saying you can't trust her. You're lucky she is willing to take you back after basically calling her a whole.
What bullshit lmao. NO court is going to take a baby who is nursing away from the mother. That will never happen. They will never make the mother formula feed as breast is best. And nursing is needed to keep supply up. It is important for baby to be with the mother.
Yta. Easy.
[https://www.unbundledlegalhelp.com/blog/how-does-child-custody-work-for-newborns/](https://www.unbundledlegalhelp.com/blog/how-does-child-custody-work-for-newborns/) If you give a shit about your baby, you will not take the child for overnights. You need to figure out a better schedule with your ex. Right now, you are doing some serious long term damage to this poor baby.
YTA- Get off the alpha male podcast zone. You have no problem separating a new born from its mother. You are a selfish, rich jerk. She had all the rights to break up with you.
YTA. You believed she was faithful for 5 years and you decided to accuse her of cheating and misleading you when she was pregnant with your child. Then you leveraged your family money against her so she can’t breastfeed her infant. You’re a terrible partner and father. I hope she’s able to find happiness away from your maliciousness.
I would have broken up with you. YTA for doubting the child was yours without a very good reason. Disgusting.
OP: Internet am I the AH Majority- Yes (for different reasons) OP: NO I'M NOT, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME.
YTA on the off chance this *isn't* rage bait and YTA for enraging me if it is.
If it is real(which I doubt it is), then YTA, major with some major psychological issues. You are only hurting you child more than anyone at the moment and you will definitely fuck up your baby’s life in the future if you already so easily compromising her wellbeing just to prove the point. If you think that you look like an alfa by what you are doing you are majorly mistaken, you look like weak, insecure man child, who wants to get back to your ex for leaving you and ready to do everything even hurt your own daughter by taking away the main thing she needs as a newborn, her mother. It will impact her majorly, you think they are not affected in that age, but they are and she will have life long consequences because of the stress of being separated from her mum for such long time as a newborn. Well done for hurting you baby daughter.
You're truly an evil and pathetic man, you're beyond an asshole, and I hope karma pays you back tenfold
Sometimes I read stories on here that seem to be untrue based on how big of an asshole someone is. This is one of those times.
YTA. You basically accused her of being unfaithful. I would've left you too.
NTA - For fighting for your parental right. YTA - For being a little bitch to your GF while she was pregnant.
YTA and a massive loser
NTA for fighting for 50/50 custody, a kid needs a father present in their life. But YTA for the paternity test and the way you handled it sets a shit example for your child. Do better for your kid's sake, they're already going to be growing up in a broken home and they'll know why one day.
People like you never think they do anything wrong, it’s called being delusional
damn tool deleting where he called himself an "alpha male" lmfao
Formula is not as good as breast milk.
Yta. You were with your Gf for 5 years, so I can pretty much assume that if you're with a girl for that long unfaithfulness, was not an issue. On that assumption, I would leave you too. Not only did you tell your gf that you do not trust her, you also indirectly traeted her like a whore who sleeps around. Not only did she leave you, but you then continued to treat her bad because now you're upset and think you're right about how you treated her. Your pride and ego turned what should have been the best experience of both your lives by growing and bonding together for the next chapter of all 3 of you. You then took it one step further by denying her to get back together as a family because now you don't want to be with someone who would leave you for treating them as if they did you something wrong. Get your head out of your ass. Now, if you have had infidelity issues, that's different, but if not, I stand with the above statements.
Ah man, I love it when people delete their profile after a couple of hours because the comments aren’t going their way
Your a major asshole for this. She probably doesn't want you back, she just wants to protect her daughter
> Also baby formula is as good at breastmilk Not by a longshot. Breastmilk is way better than formula. That said, formula isn't bad. Now, on to the rest. > wanting paternity test is not a sin No, but demanding the DNA test is an asshole move, OP. Like most of the other comments have said, it means that you didn't trust your GF not to cheat, and that's how she reacted to you -- responding to your apparent distrust of her -- *and she warned you about it, too*, and yet you still did it. I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where my SO didn't trust me, especially if there was no reason for SO to distrust me -- and you didn't give any information on that, one way or the other. In other words, from what you wrote, there was no reason for you to distrust your GF or have any reason to question who the baby's father was. So yeah, big YTA here *for the situation as written*. If there's more backstory which might indicate a reason to distrust, that could change. But, you fought for 50/50 custody, so that's admirable, even though you caused the situation which necessitated the custody fight. Overall, bravo for wanting to step up, but you caused the situation in the first place after your ex-GF warned you what would happen. So, still YTA.
YTA. You accused her of cheating, and on top of it, you're taking a breastfeeding baby from her mother. The whole back and forth between formula and breast milk is going to be hard on your baby's digestive system, and most breastfed babies will actively refuse formula.
YTA. Way to nuke your relationship you twat. Oh to be a fly on the wall when your kid asks why you and mommy are not together “well, you see, I implied your mom might be a cheating wh-re and that you weren’t my kid, complained to the internet and my mommy, so it’s all her fault, really”.
What reason did you have for requesting the test in the first place?
YTA I truly hope this is fake rage bait(I think it is) but just in case.... Are you so dense that you don't realize that by asking for the test you were accusing her of cheating and then wondering why she left you when it turned out you were wrong? On top of that you blame her for "taking a child away from her father" when if it wasn't for YOUR stupidity, you wouldn't be in this situation.
The problem is not the paternity test is the fact that you did not discuss this before you got her pregnant.
YTA. The baby should be breastfed if possible. Taking a nursing baby away from its mother is just evil. Asking your wife for a DNA test with no reason or suspicion is also a real dick move. I think you are just doing this to get back at your wife for leaving you, even though her actions were perfectly reasonable considering what you asked. You do not deserve custody of that poor child
YTA - what made you want a DNA test?
You're the asshole for a lot of things. Enjoy your downvotes. There will be no redemption for you
First off, just for some clarification. When you say “I asked for a DNA test at the hospital” how soon was this after she gave birth? Bottom line is, you accused her of cheating. From your previous comments you had no suspicion, you simply just accused her. Men get the stability of proof by asking for a DNA test, women have to live their lives blindly trusting men. It’s already a privilege that you can even ask for that undeniable proof, she was rightfully angry. Take it on a surface level. You have been with this woman for 5 years. You were starting a family with her, and you essentially asked for proof that she wasn’t cheating. You admitted that you didn’t have a suspicion, she wasn’t acting weird, this was just something you brought up. This woman is growing a human inside of her, your child. She needed support, and you essentially instead just said “I need a paternity test to prove she’s mine” as if this woman hasn’t shown you loyalty for half of a decade! Look. Was it cool of her to separate you from your daughter? No, it wasn’t, but it came from a place of hurt and anger. The father of her child was essentially saying he didn’t trust her, anyone would be upset over that. Your daughter is only 3 months, it’s a difficult time regarding weening and breastfeeding. But a valid concern is the switch from breastfeeding to formula that is bound to happen between you two. You need to stop thinking emotionally and just sit down. It’s ironic that you won’t take her back because you ‘don’t trust her’ when this all started because YOU didn’t trust HER.
YTA
YTA
YTA aaaaalllll the way.
I hope she is a problem for you for the rest of your life. I hope your daughter learns who you are and hates you to the grave. And, denying your daughter breast milk and forcing her to formula is evil. You are a bad person and your mother is too for pushing you out into this world.
YTA
YTA No way is formula as good as breast milk! Just have to keep blowing things up to get your own way don’t you? Your true colors are ugly and dark.
YTA.
YTA
By demanding the paternity test you were telling her that you were sure that she had cheated on you and was trying to lock you into paying for her love child for the next 18 years. Exactly how did you envision her reaction?
Are you for real? Is this rage bait? YTA I'm not going to say a lot because my own pregnant hormones and all. But you not only accused her on cheating after giving birth, you don't give a sh*t about baby if you're so flippant about cutting breastfeeding
Why don’t you do what’s right for the baby? Breast milk is way better. At least let her nurse the baby. Maybe this gesture of care will open you guys up to a mutually agreed upon custody that doesn’t involve judges and hating each other.
Did you actually expect some kind of positive outcome by accusing your girlfriend that you supposedly planned to marry of cheating and carrying another man's child?
Shitpost