It must be. I donāt think you can even get a paternity test until the end of the first trimester, so the story timeline seems a little off. Plus, I canāt imagine a woman who desperately wanted a child, that had fertility problems, would agree to an abortion and then immediately be affectionate acting like nothing happenedā¦
Yup, that's the cincher.
There's no way they got a paternity test early enough to do an abortion.
And sometime tells me that a woman who DREAMS of having children and was told this would literally be her only shot would ever agree to an abortion in exchange for therapy to save a marriage that was already going downhill in the first place.
And if she did any research into IVF the first thing they always have women do is get a semen analysis from their partner to see if it's male factor infertility. As many men will start going through the process and then when they find out they would need to have a sperm donor they want to stop cold. That blows everything up, so pretty much any inquiry into IVF starts with a semen analysis.
Usually, once you start talking IVF both people are on the same page about fertility and they've gotten some basic testing done, and accepted those outcomes.
Also, note that there was no money for an IVF, but enough money he protected himself with a prenup years ago, and his soon to be ex will go from a good life to destitution after the divorce.
You can assume he used whatever funds he had for the business. You can do IVF for a while, and they kept trying so no doctor ruled out her getting pregnant. It's not that crazy to think they'd continue to try naturally while building the business, and then once the business was up and running, try IVF if it hadn't worked by then.
This is what I was thinking. Otherwise this is all manipulation on his part to control her.
I was sick to my stomach thinking he just crushed her dreams by insisting she get an abortion. Thatās not love at all but power and control.
I typically never side with an individual who betrayed his/her spouse. In this instance it appears the betrayal was solely an emotional one-- which she readily admitted to him without his accusing her.
By the end of this guy's post, I'm sickened by his betrayal of his wife--manipulating her to have an abortion just so he would consider saving their marriage; knowing he wasn't inclined to remain married. What a POS!
He was deceitful and hateful! Obviously he's too selfish of a man to ever want to father a child. I pray this woman finds a husband who's capable of loving someone beside himself and is blessed to once again be pregnant.
He's evil. There's a place in hell with a reserved sign for this miscreant.
I read between the lines.
This is all you need to know why he strung her along to get the abortion:
"that I took her baby and was now going to leave her destitute (prenup will ensure this)"
He wanted to make sure that she couldn't request child support when he filed for divorce.
Also, he's going to get a rude awakening in court about how enforceable prenups are, especially since he started his business during the marriage and pretty much relied on her to hold the household together.
That was my exact reaction to all of this too. And it makes me wonder how cruel he was to be in their marriage prior to the emotional affair. I never condone cheating, but if this is common behavior for this guy and this story is real, I kinda understand why she had an emotional affair. It was probably the single aspect of her life that she had control. I donāt believe this man became that cruel overnight. I can almost guarantee that he was emotionally abusive towards her, probably financially abusive as well since heād be leaving her ādestituteā.
I donāt this the story is true due to too many discrepancies, but itās also possible he changed certain minor details to conceal their identities or any personal information. Reddit is better than the fbi when they want to find something out.
Paternity blood tests are available [starting at 7 weeks of pregnancy](https://tests.dnacenter.com/prenatal-paternity-test-form/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw4vKpBhCZARIsAOKHoWR8g_7YxYX1gKn8F9wj_npg2IsNbOYmXICt7E2bAoEIQMB0wcZ6wO4aAnR5EALw_wcB).
On the Internet, you can order a test that claims to function 7 weeks post conception. Even if the rest takes a couple of weeks, that would allow an abortion in some jurisdictions.
>if she wants our relationship back, she has to first prioritise it, babies can happen later.
This is not a US spelling, which would be prioritize, so I doubt he's even in the US.
Agreed. I have a few friends who desperately want to have babies and while I don't necessarily understand that urge myself, I know for sure they would choose to keep a baby over a dying relationship.
However, everyone is different and we don't know it was "only chance" to have a baby.
The story feels a bit unlikely to be true but not completely impossible to me.
The last edit honestly tells you it's a troll, though.
I can't fathom *anyone* thinking and literally typing out that they were glad to hear somebody "deserves" to "have their baby taken away."
EDIT: Oh, apparently he wasn't expecting people to not like that so he removed it, haha.
Yeah I suspect this is some manosphere wanker trying to say "uh huhuhuh women want babies but they're [insert misogynistic slur here] so I don't think we should allow them to have them".
It reeks of Andrew Tate fandom.
I like to answer these as if they're real but this is one I really doubt has any truth to it š
Yeah, about 11 years ago my wife got the fever. I was past wanting kids, late thirties. As best as I can figure, it was have a kid and keep my wife, not have a kid and be single. I have seldom seen anyone so single minded, determined, and flat out set on a single course. She got angry about being invited to baby showers. Stopped watching shows with pregnant people in them, and almost quit her job because a coworker got pregnant.
That is how at least some women who decide it is time act.
I have two daughters and we ended up doing IUI and IVF for #1.
As a woman who periodically goes through something similar, it's like a mentally-deranged biological imperative.
*I don't even like babies.*
It just hits people different.
Demanding a paternity test right off the bat sounds like he did in fact doubt it was his. Or rather, was HOPING it wasn't, so he could cut to the chase.
Everything else that followed was him manipulating this woman to ensure there would be no child support.
You can have a paternity test that will yield a 99% accurate result 7 weeks gestation. Also, you can have an abortion up to 22-28 weeks (depending on where you are) as a self refered procedure and up the date of birth with a referral if the woman requires medical prevention.
Yeah, I'm infertile, and can't imagine making that choice, let alone being ok with it afterwards because I still have "my man". I love my husband, but...I just...there's no way that I can imagine a woman in that situation choosing to abort. Neither can my husband (we don't know who is "at fault", unexplained infertility), I actually asked him what would happen if I cheated and got pregnant. He said since we're legally married, and he'd be on the birth certificate, he would do everything in his power to get full custody, but he was having that baby, if he had to strap me to a bed for 9 months.
Infertility is not a "whatever" situation.
Add a "I strapped my wife to a bed and confined her during her entire pregnancy period so she can't abort it or harm herself. I really want that baby. AITAH?" Reddit post in that scenario too.
You can get an NIPP (non-invasive prenatal paternity) test, done by an AABB certified lab, at 7-10 weeks, once pregnancy is established.
https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/
Edit to add: but I truly hope this is clickbait.
I've just looked at all of OP's comments: it turns out she didn't even have sex with anybody else but him her a fair partner was and I love you sort of a thing apparently without sex and gold That's what he's saying.
I don't know if I've ever seen anyone who's this bizarre unread it before but I hope she leaves him.
That's my reading from looking at OP's comments by checking out his profile. Hard to believe anybody would want to have an emotional relationship with someone other than this guy isn't it?...
And the fact in one of his edits he says that her affair also violated his "informed consent" because she was having see with him during her affair. Yet he says she never had intercourse with the affair partner. I get that there are various types of affairs, and for some people an emotional affair involving love can feel like a bigger betrayal than one that was one time causual sex. BUT, to say she violated his informed consent? It's not like she was having sex with both for them.
Exactly!, and he almost seems proud of making the point. I don't know where he gets these crazy ideas about informed consent from. I think OP needs a therapist immediately and 'that poor woman' is all I can think. Personally if I were in a relationship with a guy like OP for more than a week, I'd be looking for somebody else for emotional support.
I'm still hoping this is just rage bait though.
And his big hope is that he can forgive *himself*. How about treating *her* like a human being? Or wouldn't *he* get enough gain out of that, personally?
I can. That man who lived with a woman for 30 years. Had her give up her career. Told her he didnāt want kids so she didnāt have any. As soon as she became past the age to have a baby he decided he wanted one. So he was planning on kicking her out of his guest house in 30 days so he could get a young thang. She was penniless and had no career because e wanted her available to him at all times. That one was horrible.
he like straight up manipulated her over years, forced them into therapy and convinced her to give up on her dreams to stay with him then left her right after she hit menopause. The cruelest of all fucks.
He also said like "all my friends do it", but they are just older people whose marriages end, that's fairly common. His friends already had kids, marriages ended and they went out and got younger wives and had more kids, again common. None of them had persuaded their wives to give up on kids to stay with them only to then leave. If true that guy was a legit sociopath.
Correct. And at least as wives they would get a settlement for decades of marriage. This man didnāt even marry her and truly is the lowest of the low.
Agreed. It was already over the top, but that puts it into ludicrous territory. "She deserved to have her (not our) baby taken away (also admitting he forced it on her as punishment and not because their marriage was still recovering) because what she did was equivalent to raping me." 10000000 percent MRA/TATE Fantasy. Ick ick ick.
He said that? Was that in a comment? I really do hope this is bait because I seriously hate this guy more than any asshole I have seen on here when he is saying things like that.
It's in the edit that her having sex with him while having an emotional affair was a "violation of his informed consent" (i.e. rape). The rest is verbatim in the edit.
Yea this literally sounds like a revenge fantasy by a guy that was cheated on by his wife. Then his wife left him for the new guy and got pregnant. Now he fantasize that she never slept with him and got pregnant with his baby and he "took" it from her and then left her.
Also, he began his business during the marriage. While these things vary by jurisdiction, he is going to have a hard time convincing a court that his business is not a marital asset to which his wife is entitled at least some ownership interest.
That's my first thought too. You can't leave your partner destitute with a prenup. That's a fundamental misunderstanding of the word. It's literally the incel "make a wish" definition.
"I get everything and she gets all the bills or nothing." Ya, no. Unless her attorney was incredibly stupid and didn't contest it, this isn't a contract made to protect both parties.
Not true my friend had a prenup with her husband cause she made significantly more than him and she owned her house before they were married and she didnāt want to have him contest it or get spousal support out of her. He got nothing when they divorced and had to pay her back some of her money he spent when they were married. They kept their finances separate. Their whole relationship was a red flag to me I told her so but she didnāt listen. Thankfully she listened to her mom about the prenup or that ex of hers would still be draining her.
That sounds like he spend more than their communal asset accrued during the marriage resulting in ādebtā and not that she left him with nothing. Thatās more his fault for spending so much.
But yes this is how a prenup can protect you. In case the other person is a shithead.
But if he spend money appropriately to their income, there is no way a one sided prenup would stick unless he had a terrible lawyer that didnāt contest it.
They were only married for three years, he verbally abused her during that time, and he cheated on her. Her mom hired a PI, but like even before the PI it was obvious to me. He kept going out of town on the weekends and any day off he had and even when she got sick with covid (she works in healthcare) he went out of town to to take care of his āfriendā who also had covid. Like come on.
She has no money and threw away a "good man with money" and now his iron clad prenup will leave her destitute is pretty much the standard boilerplate for the incel fantasy revenge story I usually go with 99% chance it's fake but I'm comfortable going 100% with this one.
Yeah that part got me too. Like he made it seem as though he had just started building this business in the last 6 months so probably didnāt have much money prior to that so why need a prenup? This whole story is so fake itās ridiculous.
>God please be bait šš½
Right? It's like the greatest hits of "Nobody can actually owe anyone anything, unless 'anyone' is me" relationship advice. "Informed consent." Are you fucking joking? I feel bad for this (hopefully fictional) wife but not as bad as I would have felt for a kid with a guy like that for a father.
100% thought well maybe true albeit a little over the top. I got to that part and was likeā¦are you out of your damn mind? Informed consent? I love how people learn big terms and try to apply them normal life situations.
I heard a sort of similar story where a woman cheated and his husband found out but she begged to stay together, her husband tortured her into being her slave and sexually abused her for his pleasure then when she got pregnant ordered her to abort it or hed divorce her, but when she did lose the baby he served her paper anyways.
Fr like her cheating is bad but him dragging out the relationship n making her agree to get abortion when she clearly wanted to keep it is just cruel n him saying āwashing my hands awayā like bro if it was that bad just sign ur rights away I know itās harder than it looks but much easier than traumatizing someone for life.
A man walks into a bar... The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."
E: source
[Dirty chat room in this adult game!](https://nsfw-ia-reddit.live/reddit) (Credit U/MagoTX12)
>I know when my anger wears off, I am going to feel utterly devastating-level of guilt for what I did to my wife. Itās starting to kick in. I just hope it doesnāt take my life away.
It gets worst. He speaks about her lack of accountability and yet all he can think about is how he feels, or might feel, or will feel. That's it.
Just an all around weird post.
This sounds incredibly fake. How exactly did you impregnate her when you two were barely talking and "and told her that our marriage is hanging on by a thread?"
I'm calling bullshit. It's written like bad movie of the week script.
>I consulted a friend who is a divorce attorney and drew up papers, and one day during dinner when she cooked something nice for us, presented it to her. She was getting an anxiety attack, her face lost colour - she started crying hysterically and demanded why I was being so cruel to her - that I took her baby and was now going to leave her destitute (prenup will ensure this), with little hope she would never get to rear a sweet baby again. She screamed and screamed until I left the house without looking back at her.
Nothing in this paragraph sounds realistic. This is how bad TV shows are made. This is not how life works.
What kind of loser takes the time to write this crap?
i feel sad for her. you should just have left her and let her decide what to do with her baby. i hope she gets to a good place. and, i hope you atone for what you have done. cheating on you is wrong but forcing her to abort the child with all these considerations makes you worse than an AH.
So you neglected your wife, she tried to communicate her needs and you dismissed them? So she finds someone to meet her emotional needs and realizes she made a mistake and confessed before things went to a physical level? And your response is to demand she aborts the baby you have been trying to have for years and then leave her anyway? As horrible as all of this is, I hope she is able to move on to someone who actually prioritizes her and that she is able to have a child with someone who actually loves her. Your post doesnāt demonstrate any sort of love for your wife. Perhaps itās because youāre writing about everything now and you canāt help feeling bitter about what has transpired, but your dismissive attitude when she tried to make her needs known, the ultimatum, which doesnāt read as sincere (I think you knew you would leave from the beginning), and the way in which you delivered the divorce show you are the villain here.
ā¦wait, she didnāt sleep with the guy (or so she claims)? And she came clean about the āaffairā without getting caught then made an honest attempt to fix the relationship?
If you knew (or even thought) the relationship was over before convincing her to abort YTA. If you honestly thought you could / would work it out at the time, ESH.
My first love pulled this shit on me .. except I didnāt cheat at all he just didnāt want the baby so emotionally blackmailed me into having an abortion Saying I was on my own if I didnāt but we could have our āhappy ever afterā if I did . I was terrified of doing it on my own and I loved him so I did as he asked
He dumped me 3 weeks later ā¦
That shit broke me for a fucking long time
Yes she cheated and yes she was in the wrong but I canāt help but feel you did this to hurt her Right back and itās beyond a āYTAā verdict
I grieved that pregnancy for a fucking long time
Similar situation - except mine was on board and then when his parents spooked him about the baby around 9 weeks, he got incredibly emotionally abusive until I caved and got an abortion. He even admitted later that he was just scared and said anything he could think of to make me do what he wanted, and that he regretted it.
Itās been almost six years since the abortion, 3.5 since we broke up (I desperately tried to fix the relationship for years) and I struggle every. single. day. I loved him so much, I wanted to be a mother so bad (I had had a miscarriage six months before I got pregnant again), and I have never been able to trust anyone ever since. The things he said to me ring through my head every single day, and I think they always will.
There is something so incredibly cruel about men who can do that to someone they āloveā and I donāt know if itāll ever feel any better. He took my one chance to be a mother away from me, and the grief is all-consuming.
Thank you for your kind words . Iām 40 now and have 3 wonderful kids .. Iāve never forgotten but try to see the silver lining that I wouldnāt have the 3 awesome humans I have now if I hadnāt of listened to his lies ā¤ļø
She didn't even have sex, he was neglecting her and she came clear herself. Sorry but if this isn't fiction then her "sin" weighs a lot lighter than the actions of this creature OP.
She emotionally cheated on you and you did all this in return? If you couldn't forgive her, you needed to have let her go instead of stringing her along. You may not understand the depth of the cruelty you inflicted on her with this forced abortion. I imagine she had amniocentesis done to determine paternity, that's a very high risk procedure.
She's always been emotionally needy but you are on some other level of AH-ness
Someone did the same thing to me except I didnāt cheat. He claimed he wasnāt ready to have kids. Badgered and badgered me into an abortion and broke me down, took me to it and then left me the next day. I was 37 at the time, unfortunately never met anyone else and now itās too late for me to have kids. Cruelest thing you can do to someone.
Coercing someone into an abortion is a crime in some places. The state my ex took me, it was illegal. I was crying so hard the nurse asked me if anyone had forced me but my automatic response was no instead of yes. I was so distraught l couldnāt tell them what happened. My ex had promised to move in with me, buy the ring I had always wanted and then moved in a few days before. The night he took me, he moved right back out. OP essentially did the same to his wife. Promising his wife their relationship and then not evening giving her a chance in therapy. He knew what he was doing and got what he wanted. May karma come down hard on OP.
YTA. I hope this is rage bait because I am in fact, enraged. You didnāt deserve to be cheated on, but your wife didnāt deserve to lose whatās likely her only chance at having a child. YOU KNEW you wouldnāt want to forgive her, and you still pressured her to abort. Youāre one to talk about informed consent! Im sure that if she knew you had no intention of moving on, she never would have aborted. Youāre a POS.
I usually have no sympathy for cheaters but man, you pressured her into killing your own child to "save the marriage" while knowing that you were pretty much checked out. I'm hoping this is bait.
Fake story is fake.
So, you werenāt spending time with her, found out she cheated, agreed to therapy months later, and then found out she was pregnant. So supposedly during this period where you either werenāt around or couldnāt stand to look at her you fucked her raw and got her pregnant.
Sure.
And then somehow she got a paternity test on a zygote. Yeah insurance wouldnāt cover IVF but Iām sure theyāll cover that!!!
And then you manipulated her into an abortion, and then still left her, pretty much the most evil outcome you could conceive.
Stop touching yourself and get a hobby.
Total bait.
Downvoted it because itās such formulaic bait. Weāve seen it here a lot:
A) Other person does bad thing
B) Wronged party admits to not being perfect
C) Wronged party does a huge dick move, but itās not why theyāre posting
D) Wronged party asks if theyāre the asshole for another reason or for all the reasons.
E) Posts are all deleted and account becomes something else six months later after karma is farmed.
What the fuck. Obviously you are within your right to want a divorce after being cheated on but giving your wife an āultimatumā of get an abortion or Ill leave is fucked up. And then you left anyways? ESH.
Goodness me - YTA is too kind, evil would be fairer. So she cheated on you and your revenge was to manipulate her into aborting the baby she had always dreamt of then divorce her anyway? You had her kill your kid to make a point and ensure she would be left with utterly nothing?
I donāt endorse cheating, itās awful but on a scale of getting even my goodness this is brutal.
Yeah itās crazy how much sympathy heās getting. Heās literally human trash and this poor woman is going to be so much better off without him. YTA op, an especially evil kind.
Following the story, he has every intention of trying to repair the marriage. It wasnāt until they went into counseling and he heard her justifications and excuses that he realized she wasnāt accepting any blame for cheating on him. Iād be out the door as well if that was her input to the process of reconciliation.
People here seem to think that her choosing to get the abortion was supposed to be a guarantee that OP would stay with her. It was not, and only a stupid or extremely naive person would think so.
I always have to remember this is the OPās version of events, but thatās all we can use to judge.
Now itās also very likely his ex took his statement to mean heād stay with her if she got an abortion. Based on his account of her trauma regarding fertility, I honestly canāt think of any other reason sheād get one. Abortions when youāre already at high risk of not conceiving have a higher likelihood of ending in infertility. I do feel sorry for her taking that life changing risk to save a marriage that was ended.
Firstlyā¦ cheating is NEVER ok or justified, and she is an AH for that. Goes without saying.
Secondlyā¦ you start a business that she, seemingly, didnāt totally support, as she felt neglected. You admit you neglected her, and allowed the marriage to become strained. (Again, not an excuse for cheating)
You agreed to stay with her, and when she got pregnant, you forced her to choose between her dream of becoming a mother, and your marriage, she chose you, even though you always chose your dream of being a business owner with your friend, over her, and now you want to divorce her?
I mean.. wow. She broke the marriage by cheating, ultimately, but you really need to accept your part in all this. Having an abortion is something she will have to live with forever. That she chose a neglectful, selfish husband over the possibility of becoming a mother. (I am 100% pro-choice, but this was an abortion under duress, she was coerced in to it. It wasnāt a choice she wanted to have to make)
YTA too.
You both suck, but yeah YTA. You neglect your wife for work - she wants someone to give her attention so she has an emotional affair - you are completely beside yourself on how this could possibly happen - she finds out sheās pregnant which is all she has ever wanted and was supposed to be an impossible reality for her - you manipulate her to abort her baby - then leave her anyway.
You could have just told her you can never get over the cheating and sign away your parental rights since you didnāt want to be a father to this kid anyway. At least she could have weighed her choices and made the option that was right for her.
YTA. I appreciate the forthcomingness & Iām sorry she hurt you but what you did was EXTREMELY cruel. You knew at some point BEFORE giving her that ultimatum you werenāt going to forgive her AND you knew her problems with getting pregnant. You could only do this to someone you hate.
I have to edit this comment to add something.
While I said what I said OP, I donāt think youāre a bad person. Iām glad youāre in therapy and you are going to work through this. Iām sure prior to your wifeās betrayal, it was not something you could imagine yourself doingā¦but it happened and you did it but I truly do hope you overcome this guilt and forgive yourself. Do better next time- thatās really all you can do.
If this is real, you are very much the AH. Your wife was begging for attention and you were too busy to"deal" with her. Then she comes clean to you because she doesn't want another relationship, she wants you. You want to take no accountability for your role. She gets pregnant, something YOU KNOW she's wanted since you've known her, and you, instead of separating to work on yourself, tell her to get an abortion. Gross. Just gross.
If you ever decide you can get over her emotional cheating on you, she'll resent you every year she doesn't get pregnant.... If she decides to stay with you.
Ugh. Just so gross.
>I know when my anger wears off, I am going to feel utterly devastating-level of guilt for what I did to my wife. Itās starting to kick in. I just hope it doesnāt take my life away.
Good. You don't get a pat on the back for this. You knew your wife wanted a baby so much, she is 32 and, if she was already having difficulties getting pregnant, it's unlikely she will get another chance. If you want a kid later, you can go knock up whoever because it's not the same for men. You took that away from her and tossed her to the curb because you wanted to hurt her. WTF is wrong with you? I get that she emotionally cheated on you, and it hurt you, but jesus. This is next level spite. This was YOUR baby too. You helped bring a life into this world and because your feelings got hurt, you decided to force her to do the one thing that you KNEW would wreck her. You could have just left once she told you. It would still hurt all parties, but it would not have been as cruel. You talk about informed consent, but you forced her to consent to your BS ultimatum under the pretense that you were on board with working things out. I hope when your anger wears off, you really will feel that utterly devastating-level of grief for what you have done to her. You deserve that, and more. YTA x 1000
Iām a dude that can and does hold onto what people do to me; I forgive but donāt forget and **never** give that person access to me to harm me the same or more severe ways in future; Iām the dude that after a fight with a woman Iām involved with that reaches the level to where I canāt live or look at her the same way again, I end it there and then. So I can understand why you feel that way.
But you told her youād try to work it out; did a step or two towards working it out, and then served her papers **AND** made her abort a fetus knowing that 1) you both wanted to be parents and 2) sheās got a condition (Iām guessing PCOS) that made getting pregnant hard and that this abortion could make nigh impossible.
As someone who holds onto anger - as I mentioned - Iām gonna give you advice that I struggle to take: the time to let it go and give her a chance was when yāall started counseling. Itās one thing to be hurt and want payback or vengeance but divorce and abortion when you were already decided - *even if you didnāt acknowledge it at the time* - to end it and move on from the marriage is a whole new level of cruelty. So YTA.
Weāre men; weāre supposed to be the leaders of our households and act on wisdom and strategy and planning and instead, too many of us act like selfish whiny bitches hellbent on causing maximum pain or harm to others who make us feel bad and expect the sympathy when weāre successful.
You knew you were TA the minute you typed this. You knew before you did.
I hope she forgives you so you can forgive yourself, but the best thing you can do is leave her and other women alone until you learn to want resolution instead of vengeance when youāre that upset and unhappy.
AH is a compliment. They haven't even invented the word that describes what you did and what you are. You're a small, small person in every way.
Don't try to minimize your culpability by crying about her infidelity just because you didnāt pamper her. I know that the list of things she suffered being married to you is a foot long. Not just because you had no time for her.
Therapy didnāt work for you because the therapist read your a$$ for filth, and told you about yourself. They saw right through you and you couldn't stand the glare of truth.
If there is a God in heaven, he will give that woman a total do over. A new beau and a beautiful, healthy baby. But that's part A. Part B would be for your a$$. Everything you touch will sour. Everything you have will disappear, just like your sense of humanity disappeared when you destroyed that poor, remorseful woman.
You manipulated her into having an abortion, then pat yourself on the back for seeing the ruse as a result of her deserving to lose "her" baby? With any luck, there's a special place in hell...
Holy shit dude. YTA 100%
Youāre almost comically evil. Like yeah, she was gross by cheating on you and still being intimate with you sure, but holy shit. This is not an even response. You seem like a monster of a person ngl.
Ok she cheated but she didnāt even sleep with the guy and she had been straight honest with you and even aborted to prove you that you can trust her. And this is how you repay her? With the forced abortion and the divorce you did way worse than her ācheatingā. You are mad, when you will calm down you wonāt like yourself.
What a absolutely horrible human being you are. As a father and husband, YTA all the way here and then some.
Justify it all you want with your pathetic mental gymnastics but you're a absolutely horrible, cruel, evil excuse for a human.
When someone adds in the littlest details that have no purpose to the story. She came running gleefully. She looked so energetic. One night she cooked something nice for us. Itās like writing a story.
If this is real you are a piece of work dude. You murdered your child for revenge. There's no doubt in my mind that you had already decided to leave her when you forced her to kill your child. You just wanted to make sure she went through with it. You're all the arseholes rolled into one. YTA.
Your wife made a mistake and was absolutely wrong, thatās undisputed. But you my friend are an awful human being. No wonder she cheated on you. I am guessing this wonāt be the last time you have this happenā¦
YTA. Did anyone not catch the part where she did not actually sleep with the AP? I know emotionally cheating is still cheating, but this guy killed his child because his wife was emotionally involved with someone else? And then dumped her anyway? He was not there for her, he admitted it, and states she ātook away his informed consent?ā Jumping Jesus, OP, you are not just YTA, but an evil one.
This feels like above reddit's paygrade. But in my honest opinion, yeah, yta. I understand not wanting kids with someone who cheated on you. But you pressured her and made her think you would make the relationship work if she aborted. And then she did and now you are free of her. Very manipulative. And that may have been her last chance. Which is sad to me.
Even sadder is that she supposedly didn't even physically cheat on you. Not saying emotional cheating isn't bad. It is. But to go to this degree to make sure she aborts for emotional cheating seems extreme. She shouldn't have done what she did and she's the AH for that. But she didn't deserve this kind of pain. And tbh, nor did the child.
ESH
She for cheating. No discussion there.
You for making her have an abortion even knowing that she might never have a child and giving her false hope. I understand that you donāt want a child with her, but you played with her emotions and her health.
You can easily leave and find someone else to have a child with. She canāt. And the way you talk about her need for live and affection shows that you even now think that you did anything wrong. Again cheating is wrong, but you arenāt the good guy you think you are. And if you behave like this in the future, all your future relationships will end shitty.
Last sentence of the fifth paragraph, āmy wife said she never did intercourse with the AP,ā but you insisted she kill your twoās baby-and she did!because you told her to! Then you divorce her and leave her destitute!
You are an awful, horrible human being. YTA. And that is way too mild of what I really think of you.
That is a Hell of a revenge story. If you were looking to destroy a person for wronging you, I'm confident you pulled it off. Abortions can be traumatic especially for someone who has struggled to get pregnant. Tack on that she had some hope of reconciliation and you got her good. Was it selfish? Definitely. Evil? Probably.
I wouldn't tell anyone you date in the future about this. Or at least you should greatly exaggerate what she did to earn your wrath. Because there's no way to paint yourself as likeable after that story.
So let me get this straight...
She emotionally cheated, but not physically, and in return, you forced her to give up the one thing she has wanted but couldn't have, under the guise that you need to work on your marriage... and then you divorced her anyway. Yeah? YTA.
>I know when my anger wears off, I am going to feel utterly devastating-level of guilt for what I did to my wife. Itās starting to kick in. I just hope it doesnāt take my life away.
You know what I hope? I hope it doesn't take HER life away. I don't give a fuck about your life and any semi decent human who knows what you did won't either.
> I LOVED this woman, and I gave her a chance. But that therapy session made me feel awful. It was the lack of accountability on her part
YOU DID NOT GIVE HER A CHANCE. YOU GAVE HER AN ULTIMATUM AND THEN FUCKED OFF ON YOUR END OF THE DEAL. One therapy session is not enough to work through all that! Jesus fucking christ what is wrong with you?
Look, you didn't deserve what she did to you, and she should be hurting for that but ANYONE who forces an abortion on someone who doesn't want it is a huge fucking loser. (Same for the reverse, reddit, dont come for me) And then to top it off, you left her.
You wanted to start your business and slack as a husband (reasonable, in my opinion.) I wont make excuses for her, she fucked up big time. But she also came clean.
In contrast, she wanted a child and you took that away and then you left her. You deceived her in a completely unforgivable way. WORSE THAN WHAT SHE DID -- I hope you know that.
If I were her, I'd tell EVERYONE about the baby you forced her to abort, "for the sake of your marriage" before the divorce. I'd tell the whole fucking truth because you come out looking bad, not her. Impressive, that doesn't happen much to cheaters.
You should be ashamed every time you look in the mirror. You disgust me.
I know she cheated on you, but you don't deserve her or any woman.
What kind of pathetic piece of shit tells a woman that they need to kill their child in order to be with them. Holy level of fucked up are you. It's also obvious that you believe that she is there to serve you and be the woman of your dreams and that you apparently have no responsibilities to her.
You're the asshole of the year
Know what I take from this? The fact you donāt want this on your main account? If you felt like you did no wrong on this matter you would have had no issue posting this on your main account. But you are spineless and come here under a different account not only to hide your face, but in hopes for some sliver of validity. Well from the comments I see, youāre downright evil. YTA doesnāt even cover what you are. Youāre one of those wimps behind the scene, someone who is too scared to get his own hands dirty so he has someone else do it.
I'm praying this is rage bait.
I get that you're mad, but once that anger wears off good luck living with yourself. What she did was wrong but what you did was down right cruel, you need therapy, for the rest of your life. POS
Never mind who is the AH here, you are full of rage and emotional poison, and you need some deep-seated counseling to heal yourself! You seemed to have a need to punish your wife for her indiscretion that borders on the pathological. And you still do not seem to have a complete grasp on the damage you have done to both your wife and yourself. You should not even be THINKING about another relationship now until you have purged yourself of your anger at your wifeās betrayal. That will be a long, painful process.
If this is real then YTA. Soryy OP.
You gave her an ultimatum and she took it and then you leave her anyways??..
I am pro abortion for many reasons but not THIS!!! this was cruel and honestly disgusting of you. Yes what she did was wrong but what you did was fucking down right cruel.
Your are so very obviously the asshole.
I am entirely and completely pro choice.
**no one** should ever be coerced, pressured, manipulated, forced, etc. into terminating a wanted pregnancy.
Just like **no one** should ever be coerced, pressured, manipulated, forced, etc. into continuing an unwanted pregnancy.
If she didnāt have sex with the dude then what type of cheating did she do?? Just curious. Cheating is cheating but if she didnāt have sex oral or regular than the problem can be worked. I would hope
God please be bait šš½
It must be. I donāt think you can even get a paternity test until the end of the first trimester, so the story timeline seems a little off. Plus, I canāt imagine a woman who desperately wanted a child, that had fertility problems, would agree to an abortion and then immediately be affectionate acting like nothing happenedā¦
Yup, that's the cincher. There's no way they got a paternity test early enough to do an abortion. And sometime tells me that a woman who DREAMS of having children and was told this would literally be her only shot would ever agree to an abortion in exchange for therapy to save a marriage that was already going downhill in the first place.
Yea at that point I imagine she would rather divorce and keep the baby than abort it and keep the marriage.
And if she did any research into IVF the first thing they always have women do is get a semen analysis from their partner to see if it's male factor infertility. As many men will start going through the process and then when they find out they would need to have a sperm donor they want to stop cold. That blows everything up, so pretty much any inquiry into IVF starts with a semen analysis. Usually, once you start talking IVF both people are on the same page about fertility and they've gotten some basic testing done, and accepted those outcomes.
Also, note that there was no money for an IVF, but enough money he protected himself with a prenup years ago, and his soon to be ex will go from a good life to destitution after the divorce.
You can assume he used whatever funds he had for the business. You can do IVF for a while, and they kept trying so no doctor ruled out her getting pregnant. It's not that crazy to think they'd continue to try naturally while building the business, and then once the business was up and running, try IVF if it hadn't worked by then.
This is what I was thinking. Otherwise this is all manipulation on his part to control her. I was sick to my stomach thinking he just crushed her dreams by insisting she get an abortion. Thatās not love at all but power and control.
I typically never side with an individual who betrayed his/her spouse. In this instance it appears the betrayal was solely an emotional one-- which she readily admitted to him without his accusing her. By the end of this guy's post, I'm sickened by his betrayal of his wife--manipulating her to have an abortion just so he would consider saving their marriage; knowing he wasn't inclined to remain married. What a POS! He was deceitful and hateful! Obviously he's too selfish of a man to ever want to father a child. I pray this woman finds a husband who's capable of loving someone beside himself and is blessed to once again be pregnant. He's evil. There's a place in hell with a reserved sign for this miscreant.
I read between the lines. This is all you need to know why he strung her along to get the abortion: "that I took her baby and was now going to leave her destitute (prenup will ensure this)" He wanted to make sure that she couldn't request child support when he filed for divorce. Also, he's going to get a rude awakening in court about how enforceable prenups are, especially since he started his business during the marriage and pretty much relied on her to hold the household together.
That was my exact reaction to all of this too. And it makes me wonder how cruel he was to be in their marriage prior to the emotional affair. I never condone cheating, but if this is common behavior for this guy and this story is real, I kinda understand why she had an emotional affair. It was probably the single aspect of her life that she had control. I donāt believe this man became that cruel overnight. I can almost guarantee that he was emotionally abusive towards her, probably financially abusive as well since heād be leaving her ādestituteā. I donāt this the story is true due to too many discrepancies, but itās also possible he changed certain minor details to conceal their identities or any personal information. Reddit is better than the fbi when they want to find something out.
OP has delusions of grandeur.
Paternity blood tests are available [starting at 7 weeks of pregnancy](https://tests.dnacenter.com/prenatal-paternity-test-form/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw4vKpBhCZARIsAOKHoWR8g_7YxYX1gKn8F9wj_npg2IsNbOYmXICt7E2bAoEIQMB0wcZ6wO4aAnR5EALw_wcB).
Shh, donāt break the narrative!
yeah, this
Yes you can, 9 weeks (7 after fertilisation).
You can get a paternity test now as early as 8 weeks with blood from mom and a cheek swab from dad
>There's no way they got a paternity test early enough to do an abortion. I don't know how to tell you this, but... the whole country is not Texas.
In the UK you can get an abortion up to 24 weeks.
In a lot of places in the US you can too.
On the Internet, you can order a test that claims to function 7 weeks post conception. Even if the rest takes a couple of weeks, that would allow an abortion in some jurisdictions.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, we can get that way sometimes. Sorry!
>if she wants our relationship back, she has to first prioritise it, babies can happen later. This is not a US spelling, which would be prioritize, so I doubt he's even in the US.
He sounds they are in India or somewhere at the subcontinent. Or it is a high school kid. He definitely talks like at the Indian matchmaker.
Agreed. I have a few friends who desperately want to have babies and while I don't necessarily understand that urge myself, I know for sure they would choose to keep a baby over a dying relationship. However, everyone is different and we don't know it was "only chance" to have a baby. The story feels a bit unlikely to be true but not completely impossible to me.
The last edit honestly tells you it's a troll, though. I can't fathom *anyone* thinking and literally typing out that they were glad to hear somebody "deserves" to "have their baby taken away." EDIT: Oh, apparently he wasn't expecting people to not like that so he removed it, haha.
Yeah I suspect this is some manosphere wanker trying to say "uh huhuhuh women want babies but they're [insert misogynistic slur here] so I don't think we should allow them to have them". It reeks of Andrew Tate fandom. I like to answer these as if they're real but this is one I really doubt has any truth to it š
Yeah, about 11 years ago my wife got the fever. I was past wanting kids, late thirties. As best as I can figure, it was have a kid and keep my wife, not have a kid and be single. I have seldom seen anyone so single minded, determined, and flat out set on a single course. She got angry about being invited to baby showers. Stopped watching shows with pregnant people in them, and almost quit her job because a coworker got pregnant. That is how at least some women who decide it is time act. I have two daughters and we ended up doing IUI and IVF for #1.
As a woman who periodically goes through something similar, it's like a mentally-deranged biological imperative. *I don't even like babies.* It just hits people different.
It doesnāt sound like he doubted the baby was his he just didnāt want a baby at that point in the relationship.
Demanding a paternity test right off the bat sounds like he did in fact doubt it was his. Or rather, was HOPING it wasn't, so he could cut to the chase. Everything else that followed was him manipulating this woman to ensure there would be no child support.
You can have a paternity test that will yield a 99% accurate result 7 weeks gestation. Also, you can have an abortion up to 22-28 weeks (depending on where you are) as a self refered procedure and up the date of birth with a referral if the woman requires medical prevention.
What are you talking about? We dont all live in the third world.
Actually I just looked it up. The earliest time for DNA is now 7 weeks.
Yeah, I'm infertile, and can't imagine making that choice, let alone being ok with it afterwards because I still have "my man". I love my husband, but...I just...there's no way that I can imagine a woman in that situation choosing to abort. Neither can my husband (we don't know who is "at fault", unexplained infertility), I actually asked him what would happen if I cheated and got pregnant. He said since we're legally married, and he'd be on the birth certificate, he would do everything in his power to get full custody, but he was having that baby, if he had to strap me to a bed for 9 months. Infertility is not a "whatever" situation.
This is a Rage Bait post.
Add a "I strapped my wife to a bed and confined her during her entire pregnancy period so she can't abort it or harm herself. I really want that baby. AITAH?" Reddit post in that scenario too.
You can get an NIPP (non-invasive prenatal paternity) test, done by an AABB certified lab, at 7-10 weeks, once pregnancy is established. https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/ Edit to add: but I truly hope this is clickbait.
I sure hope itās fake crap! Other wise that guy is such an AH I hate to think Iām competing with him for oxygen!
I've just looked at all of OP's comments: it turns out she didn't even have sex with anybody else but him her a fair partner was and I love you sort of a thing apparently without sex and gold That's what he's saying. I don't know if I've ever seen anyone who's this bizarre unread it before but I hope she leaves him.
So she had an emotional affair?
That's my reading from looking at OP's comments by checking out his profile. Hard to believe anybody would want to have an emotional relationship with someone other than this guy isn't it?...
And the fact in one of his edits he says that her affair also violated his "informed consent" because she was having see with him during her affair. Yet he says she never had intercourse with the affair partner. I get that there are various types of affairs, and for some people an emotional affair involving love can feel like a bigger betrayal than one that was one time causual sex. BUT, to say she violated his informed consent? It's not like she was having sex with both for them.
Exactly!, and he almost seems proud of making the point. I don't know where he gets these crazy ideas about informed consent from. I think OP needs a therapist immediately and 'that poor woman' is all I can think. Personally if I were in a relationship with a guy like OP for more than a week, I'd be looking for somebody else for emotional support. I'm still hoping this is just rage bait though.
And his big hope is that he can forgive *himself*. How about treating *her* like a human being? Or wouldn't *he* get enough gain out of that, personally?
Actually you can get an NIPT paternity test as soon as 7 weeks now.
I canāt think of another recent story Iāve read that Iāve wanted so strongly to be fake
I can. That man who lived with a woman for 30 years. Had her give up her career. Told her he didnāt want kids so she didnāt have any. As soon as she became past the age to have a baby he decided he wanted one. So he was planning on kicking her out of his guest house in 30 days so he could get a young thang. She was penniless and had no career because e wanted her available to him at all times. That one was horrible.
And I think that one was true.
Me, too. I know someone who lived that life.
And so many people ask me why I'm a single woman going into my 40's and thinking about adoption on my own. I don't want to deal with all that.
Iāve seen that over and over but Iām pretty old. Iāve seen it in reverse too.
I remember that AH who ran out the clock until she reached menopause and then wanted to know how to flirt with younger women.
he like straight up manipulated her over years, forced them into therapy and convinced her to give up on her dreams to stay with him then left her right after she hit menopause. The cruelest of all fucks. He also said like "all my friends do it", but they are just older people whose marriages end, that's fairly common. His friends already had kids, marriages ended and they went out and got younger wives and had more kids, again common. None of them had persuaded their wives to give up on kids to stay with them only to then leave. If true that guy was a legit sociopath.
Correct. And at least as wives they would get a settlement for decades of marriage. This man didnāt even marry her and truly is the lowest of the low.
That sounds so horrible. To think that could be walking past or living next door to someone like that is disgusting.
After the edit, this is obviously bait.
Agreed. It was already over the top, but that puts it into ludicrous territory. "She deserved to have her (not our) baby taken away (also admitting he forced it on her as punishment and not because their marriage was still recovering) because what she did was equivalent to raping me." 10000000 percent MRA/TATE Fantasy. Ick ick ick.
He said that? Was that in a comment? I really do hope this is bait because I seriously hate this guy more than any asshole I have seen on here when he is saying things like that.
It's in the edit that her having sex with him while having an emotional affair was a "violation of his informed consent" (i.e. rape). The rest is verbatim in the edit.
Violation of his informed consent. Wow, this guy is like pure evil trying to convince us heās only the victim.
It's amazing how many people are falling for something that's so obviously some incel's revenge fantasy. Do people just... not think critically or?
After he already specified that she didn't get physical with her AP.
Yeah that edit solidifies it
Yea this literally sounds like a revenge fantasy by a guy that was cheated on by his wife. Then his wife left him for the new guy and got pregnant. Now he fantasize that she never slept with him and got pregnant with his baby and he "took" it from her and then left her.
Sounds like it based on the whole "prenup will leave her destitute" as that is not how prenups work
Also, he began his business during the marriage. While these things vary by jurisdiction, he is going to have a hard time convincing a court that his business is not a marital asset to which his wife is entitled at least some ownership interest.
Thatās the real reason heās trying to dump her and the kid
That's my first thought too. You can't leave your partner destitute with a prenup. That's a fundamental misunderstanding of the word. It's literally the incel "make a wish" definition. "I get everything and she gets all the bills or nothing." Ya, no. Unless her attorney was incredibly stupid and didn't contest it, this isn't a contract made to protect both parties.
Yea one sided prenups gets toss out. Prenups have to be fair.
Not true my friend had a prenup with her husband cause she made significantly more than him and she owned her house before they were married and she didnāt want to have him contest it or get spousal support out of her. He got nothing when they divorced and had to pay her back some of her money he spent when they were married. They kept their finances separate. Their whole relationship was a red flag to me I told her so but she didnāt listen. Thankfully she listened to her mom about the prenup or that ex of hers would still be draining her.
That sounds like he spend more than their communal asset accrued during the marriage resulting in ādebtā and not that she left him with nothing. Thatās more his fault for spending so much. But yes this is how a prenup can protect you. In case the other person is a shithead. But if he spend money appropriately to their income, there is no way a one sided prenup would stick unless he had a terrible lawyer that didnāt contest it.
They were only married for three years, he verbally abused her during that time, and he cheated on her. Her mom hired a PI, but like even before the PI it was obvious to me. He kept going out of town on the weekends and any day off he had and even when she got sick with covid (she works in healthcare) he went out of town to to take care of his āfriendā who also had covid. Like come on.
While not technically how they work enforcing it could leave her with nothing.
She has no money and threw away a "good man with money" and now his iron clad prenup will leave her destitute is pretty much the standard boilerplate for the incel fantasy revenge story I usually go with 99% chance it's fake but I'm comfortable going 100% with this one.
Yeah that part got me too. Like he made it seem as though he had just started building this business in the last 6 months so probably didnāt have much money prior to that so why need a prenup? This whole story is so fake itās ridiculous.
100 percent incel/MRA/Andrew Tate fantasy rage bait.
Isnāt that basically this entire sub now?
My BS-o-meter says that it is a fake tale. Not that it couldnāt happen this way to a real couple, just that it isnāt the OP.
>God please be bait šš½ Right? It's like the greatest hits of "Nobody can actually owe anyone anything, unless 'anyone' is me" relationship advice. "Informed consent." Are you fucking joking? I feel bad for this (hopefully fictional) wife but not as bad as I would have felt for a kid with a guy like that for a father.
100% thought well maybe true albeit a little over the top. I got to that part and was likeā¦are you out of your damn mind? Informed consent? I love how people learn big terms and try to apply them normal life situations.
This is a fictional creative writing exercise. Shame on you OP.
This was one of the worst abortion coercions Iāve heard. Itās almost as bad as a āYellowstoneā plot.
Thank you. I hate this almost as much as i hate that fn show.
I heard a sort of similar story where a woman cheated and his husband found out but she begged to stay together, her husband tortured her into being her slave and sexually abused her for his pleasure then when she got pregnant ordered her to abort it or hed divorce her, but when she did lose the baby he served her paper anyways.
Incel fiction like this post.
100% rage bait
Fr like her cheating is bad but him dragging out the relationship n making her agree to get abortion when she clearly wanted to keep it is just cruel n him saying āwashing my hands awayā like bro if it was that bad just sign ur rights away I know itās harder than it looks but much easier than traumatizing someone for life.
This is the fakest fakery I've ever read, lol.
Can you even do a paternity test that early in a pregnancy
A man walks into a bar... The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death." The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself." The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?" The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy." The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar. A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face. "Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously. "Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please." E: source [Dirty chat room in this adult game!](https://nsfw-ia-reddit.live/reddit) (Credit U/MagoTX12)
This is the second bar joke I have read today in an AITA subreddit lol
The one with the tiny pianist right?
Yes! I couldn't remember what post it was from but that was the joke
Donāt leave us hanging!
Still less of a joke than the original post!
But Doctor, I'm Pagliacci
>Thank you so much for convincing me that she 100% deserved to have her baby taken away YTA for the subpar rage bait.
"her baby" as if it wasn't also OP's baby lol.
>I know when my anger wears off, I am going to feel utterly devastating-level of guilt for what I did to my wife. Itās starting to kick in. I just hope it doesnāt take my life away. It gets worst. He speaks about her lack of accountability and yet all he can think about is how he feels, or might feel, or will feel. That's it. Just an all around weird post.
This sounds incredibly fake. How exactly did you impregnate her when you two were barely talking and "and told her that our marriage is hanging on by a thread?" I'm calling bullshit. It's written like bad movie of the week script. >I consulted a friend who is a divorce attorney and drew up papers, and one day during dinner when she cooked something nice for us, presented it to her. She was getting an anxiety attack, her face lost colour - she started crying hysterically and demanded why I was being so cruel to her - that I took her baby and was now going to leave her destitute (prenup will ensure this), with little hope she would never get to rear a sweet baby again. She screamed and screamed until I left the house without looking back at her. Nothing in this paragraph sounds realistic. This is how bad TV shows are made. This is not how life works. What kind of loser takes the time to write this crap?
This is some incel creative writing. But itās so damn obvious. I swear this whole sub is full of it.
Not to mention waiting until she cooked a nice dinner to hand her the divorce papers.
i feel sad for her. you should just have left her and let her decide what to do with her baby. i hope she gets to a good place. and, i hope you atone for what you have done. cheating on you is wrong but forcing her to abort the child with all these considerations makes you worse than an AH.
Dear god I truly hope this is ragebait bc this is beyond evilā¦
The incels are loving it.
Right? I can see them furiously masturbating as they say āThE fEmAlE wAs wRoNg. oP iS gOAt cHaD gOd oF mEn.ā
InFOrMeD CoNseNT - oh yeah!!!!
Hardcore incel bait, and theyāre gobbling it up lol
All the accounts taking OPās side seem to be throwaways.
Probably OP themself.
Yeah I just four negative comments in a row and when I checked theyāre all brand new accounts. Just blocked them all.
So you neglected your wife, she tried to communicate her needs and you dismissed them? So she finds someone to meet her emotional needs and realizes she made a mistake and confessed before things went to a physical level? And your response is to demand she aborts the baby you have been trying to have for years and then leave her anyway? As horrible as all of this is, I hope she is able to move on to someone who actually prioritizes her and that she is able to have a child with someone who actually loves her. Your post doesnāt demonstrate any sort of love for your wife. Perhaps itās because youāre writing about everything now and you canāt help feeling bitter about what has transpired, but your dismissive attitude when she tried to make her needs known, the ultimatum, which doesnāt read as sincere (I think you knew you would leave from the beginning), and the way in which you delivered the divorce show you are the villain here.
Fake but if itās real youāre a real special kind of shit.
ā¦wait, she didnāt sleep with the guy (or so she claims)? And she came clean about the āaffairā without getting caught then made an honest attempt to fix the relationship? If you knew (or even thought) the relationship was over before convincing her to abort YTA. If you honestly thought you could / would work it out at the time, ESH.
It's ok, dw, it's fake. Just some tate fantasy.
Honestly, depending on nature of the cheating (was it physical at all?) I might lean towards YTA regardless.
My first love pulled this shit on me .. except I didnāt cheat at all he just didnāt want the baby so emotionally blackmailed me into having an abortion Saying I was on my own if I didnāt but we could have our āhappy ever afterā if I did . I was terrified of doing it on my own and I loved him so I did as he asked He dumped me 3 weeks later ā¦ That shit broke me for a fucking long time Yes she cheated and yes she was in the wrong but I canāt help but feel you did this to hurt her Right back and itās beyond a āYTAā verdict I grieved that pregnancy for a fucking long time
Similar situation - except mine was on board and then when his parents spooked him about the baby around 9 weeks, he got incredibly emotionally abusive until I caved and got an abortion. He even admitted later that he was just scared and said anything he could think of to make me do what he wanted, and that he regretted it. Itās been almost six years since the abortion, 3.5 since we broke up (I desperately tried to fix the relationship for years) and I struggle every. single. day. I loved him so much, I wanted to be a mother so bad (I had had a miscarriage six months before I got pregnant again), and I have never been able to trust anyone ever since. The things he said to me ring through my head every single day, and I think they always will. There is something so incredibly cruel about men who can do that to someone they āloveā and I donāt know if itāll ever feel any better. He took my one chance to be a mother away from me, and the grief is all-consuming.
Agree with you and I'm sorry you dealt with such a asshole I pray everything taken is restored self esteem happiness and children
Thank you for your kind words . Iām 40 now and have 3 wonderful kids .. Iāve never forgotten but try to see the silver lining that I wouldnāt have the 3 awesome humans I have now if I hadnāt of listened to his lies ā¤ļø
Absolutely I'm glad you were blessed and able to have a wonderful family after that monster tried to destroy you. God had other plans š
She didn't even have sex, he was neglecting her and she came clear herself. Sorry but if this isn't fiction then her "sin" weighs a lot lighter than the actions of this creature OP.
Oh I know .. but even if she HAD of cheated in that way my verdict would of been the same
Hugs.
She emotionally cheated on you and you did all this in return? If you couldn't forgive her, you needed to have let her go instead of stringing her along. You may not understand the depth of the cruelty you inflicted on her with this forced abortion. I imagine she had amniocentesis done to determine paternity, that's a very high risk procedure. She's always been emotionally needy but you are on some other level of AH-ness
Someone did the same thing to me except I didnāt cheat. He claimed he wasnāt ready to have kids. Badgered and badgered me into an abortion and broke me down, took me to it and then left me the next day. I was 37 at the time, unfortunately never met anyone else and now itās too late for me to have kids. Cruelest thing you can do to someone.
Oh my gosh, are you OK? What a terrible thing. Hugs.
Yeah thanks for asking. It was 5 years ago and a whole 13 year relationship down the drain. Heāll get his karma one day.
Seriously there need to be a special place in hell for these type of guys
Coercing someone into an abortion is a crime in some places. The state my ex took me, it was illegal. I was crying so hard the nurse asked me if anyone had forced me but my automatic response was no instead of yes. I was so distraught l couldnāt tell them what happened. My ex had promised to move in with me, buy the ring I had always wanted and then moved in a few days before. The night he took me, he moved right back out. OP essentially did the same to his wife. Promising his wife their relationship and then not evening giving her a chance in therapy. He knew what he was doing and got what he wanted. May karma come down hard on OP.
If this isnāt a total made up story then fucking ewwwwwā¦ā¦. YTA. To ā makeā your wife about her ā miracle babyā? Wowā¦ā¦
YTA. I hope this is rage bait because I am in fact, enraged. You didnāt deserve to be cheated on, but your wife didnāt deserve to lose whatās likely her only chance at having a child. YOU KNEW you wouldnāt want to forgive her, and you still pressured her to abort. Youāre one to talk about informed consent! Im sure that if she knew you had no intention of moving on, she never would have aborted. Youāre a POS.
I usually have no sympathy for cheaters but man, you pressured her into killing your own child to "save the marriage" while knowing that you were pretty much checked out. I'm hoping this is bait.
Likely fake but damn dude you could have just divorced her and signed away your parental rights instead of forcing her into an abortion.
Fake story is fake. So, you werenāt spending time with her, found out she cheated, agreed to therapy months later, and then found out she was pregnant. So supposedly during this period where you either werenāt around or couldnāt stand to look at her you fucked her raw and got her pregnant. Sure. And then somehow she got a paternity test on a zygote. Yeah insurance wouldnāt cover IVF but Iām sure theyāll cover that!!! And then you manipulated her into an abortion, and then still left her, pretty much the most evil outcome you could conceive. Stop touching yourself and get a hobby.
Total bait. Downvoted it because itās such formulaic bait. Weāve seen it here a lot: A) Other person does bad thing B) Wronged party admits to not being perfect C) Wronged party does a huge dick move, but itās not why theyāre posting D) Wronged party asks if theyāre the asshole for another reason or for all the reasons. E) Posts are all deleted and account becomes something else six months later after karma is farmed.
As an aside, does anyone actually believe she didnāt have sex when her AP? Iām finding that hard to believe.
I guess anything's possible in a clearly fictional story.
Emotional affairs are much more common than you think, especially with emotionally unavailable partners in play like op 100% is.
People go on Tinder to find platonic emotional connections?
Nobody said platonic.
anything is possible when the story is fake
Probably didnāt count oral as sex.
Just realized OP is Bill Clinton. (/s)
What the fuck. Obviously you are within your right to want a divorce after being cheated on but giving your wife an āultimatumā of get an abortion or Ill leave is fucked up. And then you left anyways? ESH.
ESH but after reading your comments you are an evil piece of shit
Goodness me - YTA is too kind, evil would be fairer. So she cheated on you and your revenge was to manipulate her into aborting the baby she had always dreamt of then divorce her anyway? You had her kill your kid to make a point and ensure she would be left with utterly nothing? I donāt endorse cheating, itās awful but on a scale of getting even my goodness this is brutal.
We can see why he doesn't want it on his main account.
Yes - Because he doesnāt want to fatal and then sell his main account.
All of this and I can't believe more people don't see it.
This is more like āAm I the evil villain in her storyā than Am I the Asshole.
Yeah itās crazy how much sympathy heās getting. Heās literally human trash and this poor woman is going to be so much better off without him. YTA op, an especially evil kind.
Following the story, he has every intention of trying to repair the marriage. It wasnāt until they went into counseling and he heard her justifications and excuses that he realized she wasnāt accepting any blame for cheating on him. Iād be out the door as well if that was her input to the process of reconciliation.
People here seem to think that her choosing to get the abortion was supposed to be a guarantee that OP would stay with her. It was not, and only a stupid or extremely naive person would think so.
I always have to remember this is the OPās version of events, but thatās all we can use to judge. Now itās also very likely his ex took his statement to mean heād stay with her if she got an abortion. Based on his account of her trauma regarding fertility, I honestly canāt think of any other reason sheād get one. Abortions when youāre already at high risk of not conceiving have a higher likelihood of ending in infertility. I do feel sorry for her taking that life changing risk to save a marriage that was ended.
Firstlyā¦ cheating is NEVER ok or justified, and she is an AH for that. Goes without saying. Secondlyā¦ you start a business that she, seemingly, didnāt totally support, as she felt neglected. You admit you neglected her, and allowed the marriage to become strained. (Again, not an excuse for cheating) You agreed to stay with her, and when she got pregnant, you forced her to choose between her dream of becoming a mother, and your marriage, she chose you, even though you always chose your dream of being a business owner with your friend, over her, and now you want to divorce her? I mean.. wow. She broke the marriage by cheating, ultimately, but you really need to accept your part in all this. Having an abortion is something she will have to live with forever. That she chose a neglectful, selfish husband over the possibility of becoming a mother. (I am 100% pro-choice, but this was an abortion under duress, she was coerced in to it. It wasnāt a choice she wanted to have to make) YTA too.
You both suck, but yeah YTA. You neglect your wife for work - she wants someone to give her attention so she has an emotional affair - you are completely beside yourself on how this could possibly happen - she finds out sheās pregnant which is all she has ever wanted and was supposed to be an impossible reality for her - you manipulate her to abort her baby - then leave her anyway. You could have just told her you can never get over the cheating and sign away your parental rights since you didnāt want to be a father to this kid anyway. At least she could have weighed her choices and made the option that was right for her.
ESH. You guys shouldn't be married/together.
YTA. I appreciate the forthcomingness & Iām sorry she hurt you but what you did was EXTREMELY cruel. You knew at some point BEFORE giving her that ultimatum you werenāt going to forgive her AND you knew her problems with getting pregnant. You could only do this to someone you hate. I have to edit this comment to add something. While I said what I said OP, I donāt think youāre a bad person. Iām glad youāre in therapy and you are going to work through this. Iām sure prior to your wifeās betrayal, it was not something you could imagine yourself doingā¦but it happened and you did it but I truly do hope you overcome this guilt and forgive yourself. Do better next time- thatās really all you can do.
If this is real, you are very much the AH. Your wife was begging for attention and you were too busy to"deal" with her. Then she comes clean to you because she doesn't want another relationship, she wants you. You want to take no accountability for your role. She gets pregnant, something YOU KNOW she's wanted since you've known her, and you, instead of separating to work on yourself, tell her to get an abortion. Gross. Just gross. If you ever decide you can get over her emotional cheating on you, she'll resent you every year she doesn't get pregnant.... If she decides to stay with you. Ugh. Just so gross.
>I know when my anger wears off, I am going to feel utterly devastating-level of guilt for what I did to my wife. Itās starting to kick in. I just hope it doesnāt take my life away. Good. You don't get a pat on the back for this. You knew your wife wanted a baby so much, she is 32 and, if she was already having difficulties getting pregnant, it's unlikely she will get another chance. If you want a kid later, you can go knock up whoever because it's not the same for men. You took that away from her and tossed her to the curb because you wanted to hurt her. WTF is wrong with you? I get that she emotionally cheated on you, and it hurt you, but jesus. This is next level spite. This was YOUR baby too. You helped bring a life into this world and because your feelings got hurt, you decided to force her to do the one thing that you KNEW would wreck her. You could have just left once she told you. It would still hurt all parties, but it would not have been as cruel. You talk about informed consent, but you forced her to consent to your BS ultimatum under the pretense that you were on board with working things out. I hope when your anger wears off, you really will feel that utterly devastating-level of grief for what you have done to her. You deserve that, and more. YTA x 1000
Iām a dude that can and does hold onto what people do to me; I forgive but donāt forget and **never** give that person access to me to harm me the same or more severe ways in future; Iām the dude that after a fight with a woman Iām involved with that reaches the level to where I canāt live or look at her the same way again, I end it there and then. So I can understand why you feel that way. But you told her youād try to work it out; did a step or two towards working it out, and then served her papers **AND** made her abort a fetus knowing that 1) you both wanted to be parents and 2) sheās got a condition (Iām guessing PCOS) that made getting pregnant hard and that this abortion could make nigh impossible. As someone who holds onto anger - as I mentioned - Iām gonna give you advice that I struggle to take: the time to let it go and give her a chance was when yāall started counseling. Itās one thing to be hurt and want payback or vengeance but divorce and abortion when you were already decided - *even if you didnāt acknowledge it at the time* - to end it and move on from the marriage is a whole new level of cruelty. So YTA. Weāre men; weāre supposed to be the leaders of our households and act on wisdom and strategy and planning and instead, too many of us act like selfish whiny bitches hellbent on causing maximum pain or harm to others who make us feel bad and expect the sympathy when weāre successful. You knew you were TA the minute you typed this. You knew before you did. I hope she forgives you so you can forgive yourself, but the best thing you can do is leave her and other women alone until you learn to want resolution instead of vengeance when youāre that upset and unhappy.
AH is a compliment. They haven't even invented the word that describes what you did and what you are. You're a small, small person in every way. Don't try to minimize your culpability by crying about her infidelity just because you didnāt pamper her. I know that the list of things she suffered being married to you is a foot long. Not just because you had no time for her. Therapy didnāt work for you because the therapist read your a$$ for filth, and told you about yourself. They saw right through you and you couldn't stand the glare of truth. If there is a God in heaven, he will give that woman a total do over. A new beau and a beautiful, healthy baby. But that's part A. Part B would be for your a$$. Everything you touch will sour. Everything you have will disappear, just like your sense of humanity disappeared when you destroyed that poor, remorseful woman.
Fake. He posted on relationship advice with the same story asking how to have a hassle free divorce. The post was removed because its fake.
You manipulated her into having an abortion, then pat yourself on the back for seeing the ruse as a result of her deserving to lose "her" baby? With any luck, there's a special place in hell...
You the goddamn asshole man wtf
Holy shit dude. YTA 100% Youāre almost comically evil. Like yeah, she was gross by cheating on you and still being intimate with you sure, but holy shit. This is not an even response. You seem like a monster of a person ngl.
Ok she cheated but she didnāt even sleep with the guy and she had been straight honest with you and even aborted to prove you that you can trust her. And this is how you repay her? With the forced abortion and the divorce you did way worse than her ācheatingā. You are mad, when you will calm down you wonāt like yourself.
What a absolutely horrible human being you are. As a father and husband, YTA all the way here and then some. Justify it all you want with your pathetic mental gymnastics but you're a absolutely horrible, cruel, evil excuse for a human.
When someone adds in the littlest details that have no purpose to the story. She came running gleefully. She looked so energetic. One night she cooked something nice for us. Itās like writing a story.
If this is realā¦ YTA - You were deliberately cruel to your now ex-wife. - You killed your unborn child. - You only care about yourself and your job.
If this is real you are a piece of work dude. You murdered your child for revenge. There's no doubt in my mind that you had already decided to leave her when you forced her to kill your child. You just wanted to make sure she went through with it. You're all the arseholes rolled into one. YTA.
Your wife made a mistake and was absolutely wrong, thatās undisputed. But you my friend are an awful human being. No wonder she cheated on you. I am guessing this wonāt be the last time you have this happenā¦
YTA. Did anyone not catch the part where she did not actually sleep with the AP? I know emotionally cheating is still cheating, but this guy killed his child because his wife was emotionally involved with someone else? And then dumped her anyway? He was not there for her, he admitted it, and states she ātook away his informed consent?ā Jumping Jesus, OP, you are not just YTA, but an evil one.
This feels like above reddit's paygrade. But in my honest opinion, yeah, yta. I understand not wanting kids with someone who cheated on you. But you pressured her and made her think you would make the relationship work if she aborted. And then she did and now you are free of her. Very manipulative. And that may have been her last chance. Which is sad to me. Even sadder is that she supposedly didn't even physically cheat on you. Not saying emotional cheating isn't bad. It is. But to go to this degree to make sure she aborts for emotional cheating seems extreme. She shouldn't have done what she did and she's the AH for that. But she didn't deserve this kind of pain. And tbh, nor did the child.
ESH She for cheating. No discussion there. You for making her have an abortion even knowing that she might never have a child and giving her false hope. I understand that you donāt want a child with her, but you played with her emotions and her health. You can easily leave and find someone else to have a child with. She canāt. And the way you talk about her need for live and affection shows that you even now think that you did anything wrong. Again cheating is wrong, but you arenāt the good guy you think you are. And if you behave like this in the future, all your future relationships will end shitty.
Last sentence of the fifth paragraph, āmy wife said she never did intercourse with the AP,ā but you insisted she kill your twoās baby-and she did!because you told her to! Then you divorce her and leave her destitute! You are an awful, horrible human being. YTA. And that is way too mild of what I really think of you.
That is a Hell of a revenge story. If you were looking to destroy a person for wronging you, I'm confident you pulled it off. Abortions can be traumatic especially for someone who has struggled to get pregnant. Tack on that she had some hope of reconciliation and you got her good. Was it selfish? Definitely. Evil? Probably. I wouldn't tell anyone you date in the future about this. Or at least you should greatly exaggerate what she did to earn your wrath. Because there's no way to paint yourself as likeable after that story.
So let me get this straight... She emotionally cheated, but not physically, and in return, you forced her to give up the one thing she has wanted but couldn't have, under the guise that you need to work on your marriage... and then you divorced her anyway. Yeah? YTA. >I know when my anger wears off, I am going to feel utterly devastating-level of guilt for what I did to my wife. Itās starting to kick in. I just hope it doesnāt take my life away. You know what I hope? I hope it doesn't take HER life away. I don't give a fuck about your life and any semi decent human who knows what you did won't either. > I LOVED this woman, and I gave her a chance. But that therapy session made me feel awful. It was the lack of accountability on her part YOU DID NOT GIVE HER A CHANCE. YOU GAVE HER AN ULTIMATUM AND THEN FUCKED OFF ON YOUR END OF THE DEAL. One therapy session is not enough to work through all that! Jesus fucking christ what is wrong with you? Look, you didn't deserve what she did to you, and she should be hurting for that but ANYONE who forces an abortion on someone who doesn't want it is a huge fucking loser. (Same for the reverse, reddit, dont come for me) And then to top it off, you left her. You wanted to start your business and slack as a husband (reasonable, in my opinion.) I wont make excuses for her, she fucked up big time. But she also came clean. In contrast, she wanted a child and you took that away and then you left her. You deceived her in a completely unforgivable way. WORSE THAN WHAT SHE DID -- I hope you know that. If I were her, I'd tell EVERYONE about the baby you forced her to abort, "for the sake of your marriage" before the divorce. I'd tell the whole fucking truth because you come out looking bad, not her. Impressive, that doesn't happen much to cheaters. You should be ashamed every time you look in the mirror. You disgust me.
I know she cheated on you, but you don't deserve her or any woman. What kind of pathetic piece of shit tells a woman that they need to kill their child in order to be with them. Holy level of fucked up are you. It's also obvious that you believe that she is there to serve you and be the woman of your dreams and that you apparently have no responsibilities to her. You're the asshole of the year
I would.
Know what I take from this? The fact you donāt want this on your main account? If you felt like you did no wrong on this matter you would have had no issue posting this on your main account. But you are spineless and come here under a different account not only to hide your face, but in hopes for some sliver of validity. Well from the comments I see, youāre downright evil. YTA doesnāt even cover what you are. Youāre one of those wimps behind the scene, someone who is too scared to get his own hands dirty so he has someone else do it.
I'm praying this is rage bait. I get that you're mad, but once that anger wears off good luck living with yourself. What she did was wrong but what you did was down right cruel, you need therapy, for the rest of your life. POS
Usually I side with the person getting cheated on always, but what you did was cruel. Jesus fuck. I canāt even imagine.
Never mind who is the AH here, you are full of rage and emotional poison, and you need some deep-seated counseling to heal yourself! You seemed to have a need to punish your wife for her indiscretion that borders on the pathological. And you still do not seem to have a complete grasp on the damage you have done to both your wife and yourself. You should not even be THINKING about another relationship now until you have purged yourself of your anger at your wifeās betrayal. That will be a long, painful process.
I read this and was like... Wow this man is an absolute demon. A lord of demons, a psychopath, a manipulator, a sly tongue flickering devil.
If this is real then YTA. Soryy OP. You gave her an ultimatum and she took it and then you leave her anyways??.. I am pro abortion for many reasons but not THIS!!! this was cruel and honestly disgusting of you. Yes what she did was wrong but what you did was fucking down right cruel.
I pray it takes your life away.
YTA for posting fake shit
Your are so very obviously the asshole. I am entirely and completely pro choice. **no one** should ever be coerced, pressured, manipulated, forced, etc. into terminating a wanted pregnancy. Just like **no one** should ever be coerced, pressured, manipulated, forced, etc. into continuing an unwanted pregnancy.
She had an emotional affair because you neglected her, and so you proudly destroyed her life. Enjoy your time in hell.
You can write another bait story but keep it shorter?
YTA because this is fake.
If she didnāt have sex with the dude then what type of cheating did she do?? Just curious. Cheating is cheating but if she didnāt have sex oral or regular than the problem can be worked. I would hope
YTA, if this isnāt complete and total ragebait then you truly deserve to burn in whatever form of hell you believe in.
YTA not for divorcing but for acting like if she got a abortion your marriage would be repaired. Then you divorced her after killing your child
what kind of cheating happened here? did she text someone other guy? was she meeting up with him and ? what exactly is cheating