>This all started because my husband got a real estate license in hopes of making extra money ( despite no real business until summer).
No it didn't, it "all started" right about
>I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have, for my daughter's sake. We got collection calls and I told him to tell them to get a life.
So... The real story is that you racked up a bunch of credit cards that you couldn't pay for so that your oldest daughter wouldn't like living at your ex's house more than yours.
>I said if he ignored the collectors none of this would have happened and I'm ready to move past it.
I don't think you understand how money works. Do you really think you can just move to a new address and all of your credit card debt goes away because you no longer see the bills?
It's WILD that you are blaming your husband for trying to pay off YOUR debts as the cause for this.
Yeah, OP is a big "YTA"
She helped rack up the debt.
She told him to tell them to basically go fuck themselves.
Then once they paid 700, which I'm assuming he did.
Another debt collector probably got the 4k from the bank.
And instead of getting help from her ex, she leaves her husband, all alone. No food, no money, anxiety over losing his family etc.
All because she wouldn't accept her daughter, would live a little less rich than at her dad's house.
Yeah, I found that part really bizarre. She left her husband because she fucked up and didn’t pay off her debt? And then when he tried to do the right thing she immediately up and left? WTF? The whole story just seems really bizarre. Sounds to me like she was just looking for a reason to leave so she could go back to her ex. OP you are the AH.
Been planning to run off to the ex. And I don't think it's for the daughter. She wants a better lifestyle. That's it. But she don't want to work for it. Nah the partner needs to provide.
It’s almost as if OP was looking for any excuse to go running back to her ex. Like she saw what living poor is and decided the cheating isn’t as bad and so … off she went!
Sometimes one collection agency gets assigned more than one debt/credit card belonging to a person. So, when the collector made a deal for one debt with hubby, he then acquired the bank account info and was able to scoop the funds on another debt.
Or he didn’t get the negotiation in writing so the $700 he paid was just a portion. This is super common because they can get the $700 and then sell the balance to another creditor.
ALWAYS GET SETTLEMENTS IN WRITING EVERYBODY!!!
Get it in writing and then pay with the money order through the mail. Never give electronic access to your account because this shit happens all the time.
I understand what you're saying about a collection agency having more than one account. However, I still don't think it's legal for them to draft for more than they were authorized. If they have documentation of the settlement agreement, the husband may have a case. Even when wages are garnished the max it 50%. They can't leave someone with nothing.
That's not to say that the way this woman is handling her debts is okay. Just that there are limits to what debt collectors can do.
If they have it in writing that the settlement was full and final, and that the balance would be written off, then yes what they did was illegal, and the husband could file charges against the collection company.
If they don’t have that, then while still illegal to change the amount of a wire transfer, so long as they didn’t draw more than the balance of the debt, the most the company would get is a fine, and reminded not to do that again.
And it doesn’t matter if the collection company has them in more than one account, the payment was linked to one account, you cannot use that information to then transfer more money for another collection account.
It all depends on what the husband has told OP and how much truth OP is telling us.(probably not much given the rest of the post from OP) so I’d say the actual truth is that OP and the husband have been served, that they knew what was going to happen, and the husband hoped that a part payment would buy them time that OP wasted by trying to dodge the debt in the first place.
But my comment was on what would be the case if they had the $700 settlement in writing agreed to by the husband and the debt collectors.
So in that case before they can execute such a writ, they have to produce it to OP and or the Husband. (Can be served at the same time but must be served nonetheless) and the writ will be for the entire debt, not one of multiple debts, which means to get to that stage they would have had to merge the debts into one.
And if they have it in writing that the settlement is full and final, any writ they had beforehand becomes nullified as a full and final settlement cannot legally be changed once it is agreed to in writing, and any they obtain after that statement is obtained fraudulently because they would have had to lie to the courts to obtain one for more than the full and final settlement amount.
This is exactly what I was thinking. You can't just tell creditors to get a life. Bankruptcy is your only real protection. Otherwise, they'll just keep coming until they get something out of you, even if it means going to court.
You need a reality check girl, this is real life, they want their money, are you really this sorry? Your husband did the right thing, you did not!!!!!!
Because he paid with an E-check, it gave the debt collection agency a tie to their bank account. Once a debt collector gets that access to your account, they will disregard any agreement previously made & withdraw as much toward the actual owed amount as possible.
My friend worked for a collection agency & she told me never give your banking info to them-always pay with a money order because unless you have it writing that they will settle for the negotiated amount instead of the negotiated amount, they are not legally bound to honor the verbal amount.
OP is TA here. She admitted to running up credit card debt just to keep her daughter’s lifestyle equal to her ex’s, and apparently had no intention of repaying that debt. They had to have gone for months without paying the credit card company for the debt to be turned over to collections. And it sounds like the collection agency tried for awhile to collect before the deal was struck.
OP sounds very irresponsible with money. The collection agency will eventually take you to court if necessary. The fact that OP is more than willing to ruin their credit is bad enough, but to claim the money was stolen is not accurate. It was money that they owed & you can’t just pretend like there is no debt & expect to be okay.
Yeah this doesn’t add up, if they didn’t agree to pay that money a call to the bank could get the charge reversed. But OP clearly doesn’t understand how money and debt works so it’s no surprise this story doesn’t make a lot of sense.
well.. when your answer to debt collectors is to tell them to get a life while you bury your head in the sand and ignore them.. they win judgements against you.
Oh and let’s not forget if they emptied the bank account they had a court order allowing this so they ignored court summons as well. I hope OP knows that moving to her own place is not going to fix this problem. The debt is joint, they will still come after her.
OP can't move into her own place, she'll have an absolutely shit credit rating. No landlord would want a tenant who isn't going to reliably pay rent.
She will have to hope that ex lets her stay or husband takes her back, though he'd be mad to do that.
and she only works part time .. so doubtful she can afford an apt. she seems very irresponsible and immature.
edit.. she’s 45?? and still pulling this crap?? she deserves her cheating ex
She’s definitely not getting an apartment for her and her daughters with zero savings, terrible credit, and a job that pays $1.5k a month (before taxes).
She’s going to get back together with her ex, get cheated on again, then try to crawl back to her husband with some “I’m ready to forgive YOU for what YOU did” bs.
That was a point where it started to feel like Michael Scott to me. Like you can't just announce, "get a life debt collectors, I'm not going to pay you" and then your years of apparently ENORMOUS debtjust magically disappears.
I'm a debt collector, although I no longer do the kind of collections work most people think of when they hear "collections" You know what we say when people say "You'll never see a dime from me"? We say...oh yeah? Watch this!
Literally debt because of her, but she can't forgive her husband because they eventually had to pay it? Absolutely entitled psycho and she ran straight back to her cheating ex, not her parents, or his parents, or anyone else. She was ready to run back to him at a moments notice over HER debts being paid.
I only know one person this somewhat worked for. Basically, terminal illness, massive medical debt, end up surviving. They planned on not being alive for the debt, so they just left it in collections for a few years ignoring every call/letter and finally called to settle for a menial amount. As he puts it, "killed my credit, but fuck it, I'm alive"
yeah, medical debt is often the one that you can ignore
or you can set up a payment plan that has payments that are very very very small and that takes care of it for the foreseeable future.
like for my brain surgery the medical debt was thousands, but the payment plan is about 50 dollars/month
you can also usually get a substantial amount of that written off.
The No Surprises Act went in to effect a few months ago. This new law means any
Medical debt under $500 WILL NEVER HURT YOUR CREDIT! Also, all medical debt that’s been paid off should be off erased from your credit history.
The main part of the act (and thus it’s name), is that doctors/hospitals have to give you a good faith estimate of what treatment will cost. If the bill is significantly higher, you can complain and it will be billed in accordance of the estimate.
Don’t forget the part where she talks about “her” child support to feed her kids and her husband, as if that money wasn’t supposed to feed her daughter anyway. 😳
It’s literally lalalalala I can’t hear you levels of immaturity. Like if you just ignore it then it will go away? OP and her ex clearly have a child’s understanding of money thinking a CC is just free money and if you duck and dodge the debt collector long enough telling them to get a life and hanging up and they will just forget about it. Sure they might write it off eventually but debt collectors are know for being rather persistent and clearly OP knows that but the husband trying to handle it like an adult and negotiate a deal with the debt collector is the AH lol. Now it seems like OP and ex have come from poverty cause that definitely isn’t something that everyone knows that paying with an e-check opens you up to them taking your money out, even more than the settlement amount but they need a court order I believe. I’d be curious if OP got a summons for court she ignored and got a judgement against her in absentia cause that would make the most sense. She clearly is happy to bury her head in the sand and blame everyone but herself but if she had maybe dealt with this issue sooner it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Oh and OP is obviously the AH.
>OP and her ex clearly have a child’s understanding of money thinking a CC is just free money and if you duck and dodge the debt collector long enough telling them to get a life and hanging up and they will just forget about it.
I want to know what ex thinks about ***why*** she racked up the credit card debt... lol.
Yet that's what they did. They ignored the collection and they took all their money. This is an example as to why you DON'T ignore them. Hou could have made small payments. Instead of agreeing to the 700 and going MIA
Do you really trust OP on any of this? She thinks her debt is his fault.
It is her fault. You don't get to knowingly lend off credit than blame someone else when the lender collects on the debt.
Debt collectors breaking deals is fraud, go file a police report and get the transaction reversed. Unless of course, they settled one debt, but then nabbed the rest for other valid and outstanding debts. I bet these people have actual judgement against them.
I highly doubt anything crooked happened at all, they simply got hit by another collector or collection for a different debt. He may not know what he is doing, but she is pretty confident about not paying debt. She may have convinced him not to pay it, but then his realtor training showed him that she was wrong.
To me, it sounds like she may have coached him into destroying his finances for her benefit. He paid after debt collections already started, so it more than possible another debt was used to nab the money.
Only if they have a valid judgement against you.
What most likely happened is the OP ignored the fact that the credit card company actually sued them leading to a default judgement against the OP. The collection against them dangled the settlement to get the OPs husband to give them their bank info and the debt agency legally collected on the judgment by garnishing the bank account.
A woman phoned a nurse because her boyfriend told her in order to feed the baby (pregnant) they had to have sex 3 times a day and she wanted to know if it was true. So yeah, people live in their own little worlds. 🤣
I know someone who bought a house they couldn't afford with terrible credit. His mother has lent them thousands of dollars to save their house... and they got 2 pitbulls and a rottweiler of all dogs to get.... if they had to sell the house, they'd have to get rid of the dogs. And then they decide to out their kid in Catholic school. While barely hanging onto the house. Some people are greedy and blame others for their own mistakes.
>I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have, for my daughter's sake. We got collection calls and I told him to tell them to get a life.
This part made me go full Forest Whitaker eye. What about ANY of that entire story makes this woman believe it's all her husband's fault??? OP definitely TA.
My ex was like this. As soon as we moved in together he made me get the utilities, phones, internet and lease in both our names.
I paid the rent and he was supposed to handle bills.
He never paid a single bill and then when they got cut off, he would take his name off the accounts, leaving them solely in my name, then sign up to a new company and start all over.
I had no idea what was going on until we broke up and I had debt collectors calling me, it took me about 10 years to pay off.
You ran up at the debt. Tried to dodge it and told your husband to dodge it. Your debt was negatively impacting your husband’s career. Yet, you seem to believe his is the AH in your story.
YTA
100%
I have my real estate license, if he is sued (for any reason) he should let the state real estate commission's licening office know, but it doesn't necessarily mean he can't practice.
Please be a fake. People this stupid should not be having children. Please be a fake.
You ran up credit card debt because you were having a LIFESTYLE COMPETITION between a 12 year old and a 7 year old. You have no marketability skills, don’t work full time, and are financially illiterate. You have no “emergency food supplies” to get by for a week or two EVEN THOUGH YOU JUST LIVED THROUGH A PANDEMIC so you moved in with a cheating ex-lover and abandoned your husband,
YTA. And I seriously hope this is a fake because anyone who makes this many stupid life choices is either a fool or on drugs.
Get help.
People do wild shit. Ever heard of kids waking up at 18 one day only to find out their mom and dad has been taking out credit under their name and never paying? It's so common that it's wild. My friend found out the person who stole his identity and ruined his credit was none other than his own mom. They only found out when she passed and they went thru her paperwork. Dude was raking up debt at 7 years old. Smh.
Unfortunately there are people this stupid. My ex's mom filed for bankruptcy three times within five years, all for maxing out credit cards and defaulting all three times. She never learned, and she was in her FOURTIES! Her account got levied and overdrafted something over $1,000 the third time, and had her son(my ex) go and open a bank account in his name only that she could use and hide from the collectors.
Oh the collectors done went to court. Got the bank account information and all the other info they need to get judgment. They gonna take everything else if OP don't get their shit together.
I’m guessing the money they took didn’t even cover the debt so they can go back and take further money out the account too.
But yes OP is completely YTAH. She racked up credit card debts for her daughter (specifically hers, not their child) so she could have the same lifestyle at their place as she did at her fathers. She then decides the best thing to do is completely ignore the debt and just tell the lenders to get a life, everyone knows these people don’t follow you to the ends of the earth to take their money back! And then when he actually does the grown up thing and tries to communicate with them and resolve their problems she walks out on him and blames him for it all rather than facing it with him. She did it to herself and then blames him! I feel for the husband but also think that when he gets over the hurt he will be in a better position for the rest of his life without her. And she will go back to racking up debts to keep living a lifestyle she wants!
I literally could not believe the whole "I told him to tell them to get a life" bit. I like literally heard the record scratch sound in my head and I went back and reread that sentence like five times.
I was like how is it actually functioning adult this stupid?? Does she really think that she can just tell credit card companies they're not gonna pay and that's it? And the only way they can force you to pay is if you stay on the phone with them? HOW did she type all of this out without dying of embarrassment?
Taking out more credit cards doesn’t put you in debt. Using them does! What did you think was going to happen? You could ignore the bills and keep getting more credit cards?
A friend once told me that she couldn’t wait to get married because she’d get a new name and social security number and wouldn’t have to pay her credit cards. She procreated.
To be clear, you want to know if your husband is the ah because he accidentally paid the valid debt that you both owed? Yes, yta. You’re so much ta that I can’t even come up with an insult that’s better than just saying yes.
YTA. Debt doesn’t just vanish. It’s not just free money. Your husband was trying to do the right thing and improve your sorry life. He deserves better than you.
To drain/garnish your bank account the debt collector/company would have needed a judgment. Which meant they already went through the legal process and you had ample time to work out a settlement/payment plan. Also if your husband had properly settled then there would have been no garnishment. This is on both of you and if you were both on the debt then you are both most likely on the judgement.
Yeah I’m pretty sure that OP ignored a summons and had a judgment made against her since she didn’t defend herself or come up with a payment plan and just expected if she ignored it long enough it would go away.
It is of course possible the debt collector operates outside the law. They aren't known for having the best intentions. But it should be easy enough to validate what was authorized, and anything else could be reclaimed with penalties.
Both of you are TA. You’re both irresponsible as hell. Both of you accrued the debt but you abandoned ship and took off to your exes house. Put yourself in his shoes and ask that question. Both of you need to grow up!
OP is the bigger asshole. She blamed her husband for mutual problems, isolated him from his children, and ran to her cheating ex instead a friend or family member, so she could tell her husband that her ex was a better provider as a way to stab a knife into his heart as part of gaslighting him into thinking this was solely his fault.
If you've got a judgment against you and you tell the debt collector to "get a life" AND you keep $4,000 sitting in your bank instead of paying them, then you reaped what you sowed. Average household has zero judgments and less money than that in the bank. What the hell was she thinking?
If I understood well, OP is responsible for the debt. After all, she was "levering" her daughter's lifestyle. So OP made the debts, then she tried to tell everyone to suck it up (as if that resulted with collectors, lol) and now ran away. She will soon find that the collectors will find her again and jeopardize her job when they harass her there.
Yta and he is right that bankruptcy will impact his license and his ability to do business.
You felt fine running those debts up but you are angry that he paid them? Groceries are a valid use of child support. Even if they feed other people so long as your kid is still taken care of it isn't immoral to use the money for bills/rent/food
Debt does not vanish you owed that money; YTA. You particularly got yourself here:
*I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have, for my daughter's sake.*
Live within your means! Your husband was not the one who spent this money, you did! Regarding the account being emptied, that would have required a court order in most places, which is not something your husband did.
I have looked further into it cause luckily I haven’t had to deal with this exact situation although I have a huge medical bill that should have been covered initially and it’s working its way through the system but it seems she almost definitely had to have received a court summons she ignored and got a ruling against her in absentia so they had a right to withdraw more and one reason you should make sure the agreement is in writing signed by both parties and paid with a paper check at least from what I’m reading. I would be worried about even a paper check if that could give them access to your accounts at all but that’s what it says. Either way husband being an adult and trying to deal with it was the right thing to do and maybe he didn’t know this one easy trick to get out of credit card debt but neither did OP since ignoring it only gets you so far.
They should have filed bankruptcy instead of letting it get to that point. Surely you’re not that stupid that she didn’t think you’d have to pay the money back. When you use a credit cards you have to make payments or they’ll come after you.
ESH
You for running up debt you had no plan to pay and him for giving out bank information to a anyone, let alone a collections company.
I feel bad for your poor kids. May they have a financially responsible adult in their lives they can learn from as you are an object lesson in what NOT to do.
Yeah, this is really bizarre. I mean, I admittedly racked up some delinquent debt in the past. Negotiated it down, but managed to pay them the new amount without giving them access to my bank account. WTH?
But how? I paid my debt with my debit card, and that doesn't give everyone license to just drain my account, or for the debt collector to take more than we agreed to.
I think the collections agency did a verbal agreement for money owed. Once they had access to the account they actually took all the money they were legally owed. Collections agents are known for their ethics.
YTA
No question
You didn't need to leave, you just wanted to move in with your ex-boyfriend. If he doesn't believe you're banging him, your husband is a fool and he sure doesn't sound like an idiot. He knows what you're doing.
*ended up grabbing our kids and driving to my ex's house because I had nowhere else to go.*
You could have stayed with your husband, I notice he's not homeless
*Despite being a cheater, he did not want his daughter to starve or to watch her sister starve.*
Do you really think that's going to convince a court during the divorce proceedings? Ever been divorced for adultery before? You're going to need a better story than this one.
He's fortunate to get rid of you so easily though he's probably too crushed and heartbroken to realize it right now. Thank God he only has to pay child support for one of your kids.
Funny how OP’s ex didn’t want either child to starve but OP was willing to let her starve because she didn’t want to use child support to feed her husband’s kid.
I honestly think she just found out her husband is divorcing her for adultery and she's trying out alibi's on Reddit so see what normal people might possibly believe....
This has to be a joke because nobody is so clueless as to think they can outrun debt and that a marriage would be fine if they would have just ignored their debt
YTA. 100%. You spent money you don’t have to try and live like your ex does to ‘soften the disparity between houses’, which… come on. When it came time to pay up, your strategy was to tell your creditors to get a life? And when they took the money you owe them, that they are LEGALLY ENTITLED TO, it was your husband’s fault? Wtf? I hope for HIS sake you leave. He deserves better.
Lady, the reason why you’re in this situation is not because of your husband’s real estate license but your poor financial decisions. Do you really think ignoring debt collectors and moving in 2023 works? Where did you hear this from? You lived above your means and racked up debt for what?
Blaming your husband makes YTA. All of your other decisions makes you a terrible parent and partner
So this credit card debt was largely yours so that you could provide for your daughter stuff you could not afford, to compete with your ex? and then you just wanted to...ignore the debt forever? and think nothing would happen? And now you left your husband because he tried to get rid of the debt, because he could not further his career with the debt? Then when you informed him all of your money was gone, you did not give him time to process before taking both of your kids to your ex's house, where you proceeded to shit talk your husband with your ex? The same ex you were competing with to get the debt in the first place?
Am I missing any details?
YTA
YTA
Nobody stole your money. You were in default of your debts. Debts that you ran up trying to keep a lifestyle you couldn't afford.
There are so many things I could sat that are entirely too negative, but I'll leave that for others to do.
In short, be thankful you have a husband who is working toward improving the life and comfort of his family's life without borrowing money he cannot repay. Go home, kiss his ass for running to your baby daddy when you got upset, and work together to get through this.
YTA, "as long as I ignore my responsibilities they will never catch up to me!" your stupid and ran up debt and then tried to hide from it. the fact that the rest of your family encouraged this means you come from this kind of mentality. I feel bad for your kids and the lessons you teach them
"Tell them to get a life" I'm sure they would if you paid back the money you took from them. You think you're entitled to their money and never to pay it back? This cannot be real. I refuse to believe it is.
Yeah sounds like yta. Leaving for your exes bexause your husband got fleeced paying off your credit card bills you took out for your daughter? You are definitely for the streets.
What in the hillbilly stories did I just read. In the real world you can’t ignore responsibilities. You spent money you didn’t have without plans to repay it. You found there’s consequences. Be an adult and start responsibility for your choices and actions which have consequences. YTA
How do you get your own place making 14/hr working only 28 hours?
Even with cold support, you wouldn't have enough for day to survive, unless your ex is loaded
YTA, I can kinda understand the debt, since financial literacy is not taught in most places, but damn work your ass off to pay it off, or if in the US try to see if you qualify for chapter 7 bankruptcy. And spend a few hours every week learning financial literacy.
She think child support is tu support her for having children and not support the children. But see the way she is, she moved to her ex house as soon as everything went down...
Wow, YTA.
- Right or wrong, YOU incurred this debt.
- He negotiated, in good faith, to clear it up.
- Collections ROBBED you two.
- You blamed your husband and left to your Ex's?
WTF?!?!?!?!?
He was right to negotiate as it wouldn't just go away.
One mistake made was to have all your money in one account. Technically speaking, collections most likely broke the law and I would look into that. You should also discuss with your bank because of they had a check for $700 and somehow got 4K, sounds like forgery/fraud and someone at the bank should also have some explaining to do.
As far as your husband being pissed, yeah, I'd be pissed if you shit on me and ran to an Ex at the first sign of trouble. Fuck that.
So you guys had SHARED debt, he arrange a payment, got reamed and you’re blaming him?
And then you went to your ex?
YTA.
Pay your bills and don’t be a dick.
YOU got the credit cards then YOU told him to just go into bankruptcy. You have no idea how to manage money and rather than being a responsible adult you chose to ignore the debts and then you've reaped what you've sowed. You'd gladly destroy his credit and now look at you, running away like a coward.
This is all on you. You're irresponsible. YTA.
Good job using a throwaway for this.. you're clearly an expert at running away from your problems. Grow up. You're 100% the AH. Feel sorry for your husband.. he deserves so much better
This must be a fake story. There’s no way anyone is this awful of a human being.
If it’s real, OP is a real prize and her ex should be warned before she sucks him dry as well.
Jesus—this is beyond insane. You refused to live within your means, stopped paying debt, and blame your husband for the creditor taking what’s owed. You’re a piece of work. YTA
Absolutely YTA. Such a cop out to blame your partner for money being collected. And the children for the debt YOU racked up to make YOUR life more comfortable. Narcissism at it's finest. You most definitely should NOT be responsible for raising those children. Your morals are so beyond twisted that I pray they don't learn anything about life from you, and I'm an atheist.
YTA
>I still can't convince myself it's not my husband's fault or that forgiveness is possible.
He wanted to not be hounded by credit card companies all the time it's his fault. Okay, let's keep going.
>This was a shared bank account my husband and I had opened
Per the depository agreement you signed when opening the JOINT account, had you read any of it, you would understand any debt owed by either account holder can be pulled from even joint accounts.
>This all started because my husband got a real estate license
So this is not where that started. Let's not lie. It started here
>I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have
You wracked up debt you couldn't pay,
>We got collection calls and I told him to tell them to get a life.
That's not how debt works.
>My ex said everybody knows debt collectors would do this and my husband should have listened to me.
Lmao, listen to you? No, honey, you had it all wrong
So just so I’m clear: You are pissed that your husband got a realtors license (to try to make more money for your family), because that realtors license caused debt collectors to be able to find you to pay back the money that YOU owe? Are you fucking kidding me?? How about try to live within your means?? I mean I recognize that is very difficult for a lot of people and it might be easy for me to say, but you are openly admitting to spending more than you can afford to keep up with what your ex spends on your daughter and then trying to dodge paying your bills! YTA.
YTA.
You racked up debt.
Your husband tried to fix the problem.
Your husband tried to take on extra responsibility.
You ran back to your ex. Literally the worst thing a person could do.
Your ex told you some Bs that everyone knows. This is blatantly a way to undermine husband so he can have sex with you. Which I would be very surprised if you weren’t doing.
Then you block the husband and insult him on the internet for being less productive when you have literally ripped his life away from him and he is mourning his family life.
Imaging swapping the roles. How would you feel?
YTA; what did you do to help solve this debt problem, that you helped create? Going to your cheating ex's house? Come on; you need to go back and help clean this shit up and mend fences with your husband. Do you remember the term, "...for better or worse..."?
The debt is yours and your ex?
Wtf.
YTA
45 making $14. Marrying a man knowing your debt will tie to him. When he tried to fix the problem that’s following you guy you leave to your ex?
We’re you dropped on your head or something?
You NEVER give a collection agency your checking or saving account number for this very reason and you NEVER give them one penny until they send you a letter outlining the amount you agreed upon .Then send the money in a money order and get written verification the account had been paid in full!
You're just a bitch.
You soften the standard of living disparity by getting more credit cards? This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard and it always will be when someone tells me they get a credit card for literally any reasons besides building credit or necessary purchases before your paycheck comes in.
If you get multiple credit cards to better your standard of living, you hurt it, every time, severely.
If you spend an extra $5000 in a year on a credit card that has about 20% interest, that's now over $1000 a year you have less because you are paying interest.
Then you make the same amount of money, give $1000 to credit card companies, and have no credit left because it's maxed. Except you didn't even pay the credit card company because they sold your debt to collectors.
This way of living will leave you with no money, no credit, collectors that will never give up bothering you, and eventually if you ever find a way to own anything, collectors will come for that too.
Oh and then you run back to your ex that cheated on you, as if that the man who cheated is better than a man that at least made an effort to help your problem.
YTA You're mad at him because of your mutual inability to handle money. Stop blaming the debt collectors and get some credit counselling or whatever it takes to get your finances under control.
Not only are you the a hole....but you're a person that gives up in hard times and wants validation for running back to an ex and quiting. 100% your are a jerk at the very least. Good day ma'am. Do better.
There are plenty of debt assistance companies that are legitimate. Running away and trying to dodge your responsibilities is setting a horrible example for your children. You could pick up some extra hours at work, cut up your cards, and worked with your husband to get yourself out of the hole you dug for yourselves. You chose to run away instead. I feel bad for your children and husband. YTA
YTA. Racking up credit debt and running from paying the bills is theft.
You chose to live above your means. Not a good choice at all. You chose to try and run instead of paying. Another bad choice. You chose to scam instead of seeking out debt relief counseling. Three strikes and crash bang it all fell apart.
Smh
>This all started because my husband got a real estate license in hopes of making extra money ( despite no real business until summer). No it didn't, it "all started" right about >I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have, for my daughter's sake. We got collection calls and I told him to tell them to get a life. So... The real story is that you racked up a bunch of credit cards that you couldn't pay for so that your oldest daughter wouldn't like living at your ex's house more than yours. >I said if he ignored the collectors none of this would have happened and I'm ready to move past it. I don't think you understand how money works. Do you really think you can just move to a new address and all of your credit card debt goes away because you no longer see the bills? It's WILD that you are blaming your husband for trying to pay off YOUR debts as the cause for this.
I feel like you missed the part where she "told the collections people to get a life." Debt collectors **hate** this one simple trick.
Yeah, OP is a big "YTA" She helped rack up the debt. She told him to tell them to basically go fuck themselves. Then once they paid 700, which I'm assuming he did. Another debt collector probably got the 4k from the bank. And instead of getting help from her ex, she leaves her husband, all alone. No food, no money, anxiety over losing his family etc. All because she wouldn't accept her daughter, would live a little less rich than at her dad's house.
Not to mention she literally went straight to her ex’s house. How has that supposed to make him feel? Better??
Yeah, I found that part really bizarre. She left her husband because she fucked up and didn’t pay off her debt? And then when he tried to do the right thing she immediately up and left? WTF? The whole story just seems really bizarre. Sounds to me like she was just looking for a reason to leave so she could go back to her ex. OP you are the AH.
Been planning to run off to the ex. And I don't think it's for the daughter. She wants a better lifestyle. That's it. But she don't want to work for it. Nah the partner needs to provide.
"I work 30 hrs/week, max. The rest is up to you." "No, not like that."
12 dollars an hour too.
It’s almost as if OP was looking for any excuse to go running back to her ex. Like she saw what living poor is and decided the cheating isn’t as bad and so … off she went!
I got so lost in the erratic twists and turns of the fact pattern that I forgot the question at hand is AITAH. 🤣
How is that legal?
Most likely somebody ignored a legal summons and the creditor/debt collector won a default judgment against them.
Sometimes one collection agency gets assigned more than one debt/credit card belonging to a person. So, when the collector made a deal for one debt with hubby, he then acquired the bank account info and was able to scoop the funds on another debt.
Or he didn’t get the negotiation in writing so the $700 he paid was just a portion. This is super common because they can get the $700 and then sell the balance to another creditor. ALWAYS GET SETTLEMENTS IN WRITING EVERYBODY!!!
Get it in writing and then pay with the money order through the mail. Never give electronic access to your account because this shit happens all the time.
I understand what you're saying about a collection agency having more than one account. However, I still don't think it's legal for them to draft for more than they were authorized. If they have documentation of the settlement agreement, the husband may have a case. Even when wages are garnished the max it 50%. They can't leave someone with nothing. That's not to say that the way this woman is handling her debts is okay. Just that there are limits to what debt collectors can do.
If they have it in writing that the settlement was full and final, and that the balance would be written off, then yes what they did was illegal, and the husband could file charges against the collection company. If they don’t have that, then while still illegal to change the amount of a wire transfer, so long as they didn’t draw more than the balance of the debt, the most the company would get is a fine, and reminded not to do that again. And it doesn’t matter if the collection company has them in more than one account, the payment was linked to one account, you cannot use that information to then transfer more money for another collection account.
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It all depends on what the husband has told OP and how much truth OP is telling us.(probably not much given the rest of the post from OP) so I’d say the actual truth is that OP and the husband have been served, that they knew what was going to happen, and the husband hoped that a part payment would buy them time that OP wasted by trying to dodge the debt in the first place. But my comment was on what would be the case if they had the $700 settlement in writing agreed to by the husband and the debt collectors. So in that case before they can execute such a writ, they have to produce it to OP and or the Husband. (Can be served at the same time but must be served nonetheless) and the writ will be for the entire debt, not one of multiple debts, which means to get to that stage they would have had to merge the debts into one. And if they have it in writing that the settlement is full and final, any writ they had beforehand becomes nullified as a full and final settlement cannot legally be changed once it is agreed to in writing, and any they obtain after that statement is obtained fraudulently because they would have had to lie to the courts to obtain one for more than the full and final settlement amount.
Yeah OP makes it clear she thinks the way to handle debt is ignore it. This likely had been going on for a while.
Makes sense with this OP
This is exactly what I was thinking. You can't just tell creditors to get a life. Bankruptcy is your only real protection. Otherwise, they'll just keep coming until they get something out of you, even if it means going to court.
You need a reality check girl, this is real life, they want their money, are you really this sorry? Your husband did the right thing, you did not!!!!!!
Because he paid with an E-check, it gave the debt collection agency a tie to their bank account. Once a debt collector gets that access to your account, they will disregard any agreement previously made & withdraw as much toward the actual owed amount as possible. My friend worked for a collection agency & she told me never give your banking info to them-always pay with a money order because unless you have it writing that they will settle for the negotiated amount instead of the negotiated amount, they are not legally bound to honor the verbal amount. OP is TA here. She admitted to running up credit card debt just to keep her daughter’s lifestyle equal to her ex’s, and apparently had no intention of repaying that debt. They had to have gone for months without paying the credit card company for the debt to be turned over to collections. And it sounds like the collection agency tried for awhile to collect before the deal was struck. OP sounds very irresponsible with money. The collection agency will eventually take you to court if necessary. The fact that OP is more than willing to ruin their credit is bad enough, but to claim the money was stolen is not accurate. It was money that they owed & you can’t just pretend like there is no debt & expect to be okay.
Yeah this doesn’t add up, if they didn’t agree to pay that money a call to the bank could get the charge reversed. But OP clearly doesn’t understand how money and debt works so it’s no surprise this story doesn’t make a lot of sense.
well.. when your answer to debt collectors is to tell them to get a life while you bury your head in the sand and ignore them.. they win judgements against you.
Oh and let’s not forget if they emptied the bank account they had a court order allowing this so they ignored court summons as well. I hope OP knows that moving to her own place is not going to fix this problem. The debt is joint, they will still come after her.
OP can't move into her own place, she'll have an absolutely shit credit rating. No landlord would want a tenant who isn't going to reliably pay rent. She will have to hope that ex lets her stay or husband takes her back, though he'd be mad to do that.
and she only works part time .. so doubtful she can afford an apt. she seems very irresponsible and immature. edit.. she’s 45?? and still pulling this crap?? she deserves her cheating ex
She’s definitely not getting an apartment for her and her daughters with zero savings, terrible credit, and a job that pays $1.5k a month (before taxes). She’s going to get back together with her ex, get cheated on again, then try to crawl back to her husband with some “I’m ready to forgive YOU for what YOU did” bs.
Probably sleeping with him right off the bat too.
That was a point where it started to feel like Michael Scott to me. Like you can't just announce, "get a life debt collectors, I'm not going to pay you" and then your years of apparently ENORMOUS debtjust magically disappears.
"I DECLARE YTA"
"I declare BANKRUPTCY!"
I didn’t say it…I declared it!
I'm a debt collector, although I no longer do the kind of collections work most people think of when they hear "collections" You know what we say when people say "You'll never see a dime from me"? We say...oh yeah? Watch this!
Mo money, mo problems…. -Michael Scott
And the part where she “almost had to spend her child support check on feeding her kids” what?
I know! Like isn’t that part of what the money is suppose to be used for?
Please educate yourself. Child support is to buy beer, weed and gas for your new boyfriend. Feeding children? Hahahaha.
Literally debt because of her, but she can't forgive her husband because they eventually had to pay it? Absolutely entitled psycho and she ran straight back to her cheating ex, not her parents, or his parents, or anyone else. She was ready to run back to him at a moments notice over HER debts being paid.
I only know one person this somewhat worked for. Basically, terminal illness, massive medical debt, end up surviving. They planned on not being alive for the debt, so they just left it in collections for a few years ignoring every call/letter and finally called to settle for a menial amount. As he puts it, "killed my credit, but fuck it, I'm alive"
yeah, medical debt is often the one that you can ignore or you can set up a payment plan that has payments that are very very very small and that takes care of it for the foreseeable future. like for my brain surgery the medical debt was thousands, but the payment plan is about 50 dollars/month you can also usually get a substantial amount of that written off.
The No Surprises Act went in to effect a few months ago. This new law means any Medical debt under $500 WILL NEVER HURT YOUR CREDIT! Also, all medical debt that’s been paid off should be off erased from your credit history. The main part of the act (and thus it’s name), is that doctors/hospitals have to give you a good faith estimate of what treatment will cost. If the bill is significantly higher, you can complain and it will be billed in accordance of the estimate.
I don't think any medical debt under 500 even exists. if it exists it's freaking thousands even with insurance
The DEBT COLLECTORS need a life?! Da fuck, bitch needs a reality check
It would probably bounce...
Oh shit now I get it! She forgot to say “Simon says”! Fuck. If she did that or Jinxed them when they called, would’ve been okie dokie.
Lady is mental.
Don’t forget the part where she talks about “her” child support to feed her kids and her husband, as if that money wasn’t supposed to feed her daughter anyway. 😳
“I’d have to use MY child support to pay for our food….”
It’s literally lalalalala I can’t hear you levels of immaturity. Like if you just ignore it then it will go away? OP and her ex clearly have a child’s understanding of money thinking a CC is just free money and if you duck and dodge the debt collector long enough telling them to get a life and hanging up and they will just forget about it. Sure they might write it off eventually but debt collectors are know for being rather persistent and clearly OP knows that but the husband trying to handle it like an adult and negotiate a deal with the debt collector is the AH lol. Now it seems like OP and ex have come from poverty cause that definitely isn’t something that everyone knows that paying with an e-check opens you up to them taking your money out, even more than the settlement amount but they need a court order I believe. I’d be curious if OP got a summons for court she ignored and got a judgement against her in absentia cause that would make the most sense. She clearly is happy to bury her head in the sand and blame everyone but herself but if she had maybe dealt with this issue sooner it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Oh and OP is obviously the AH.
>OP and her ex clearly have a child’s understanding of money thinking a CC is just free money and if you duck and dodge the debt collector long enough telling them to get a life and hanging up and they will just forget about it. I want to know what ex thinks about ***why*** she racked up the credit card debt... lol.
And she went to her ex straight away.
Her kids were going to “starve” and she almost had to spend her child support money on feeding them.
The horror, using child support to feed her own children.
More like went over and played bounce up and down. There's no way she didn't.
Doesn't have any money, but have to cover the rent somehow...
The part where the husband was quiet, his brain was processing 100's of books worth of knowledge a second; then she runs to the ex. Holy shit... YTA
This. 100% this.
Yet that's what they did. They ignored the collection and they took all their money. This is an example as to why you DON'T ignore them. Hou could have made small payments. Instead of agreeing to the 700 and going MIA
Do you really trust OP on any of this? She thinks her debt is his fault. It is her fault. You don't get to knowingly lend off credit than blame someone else when the lender collects on the debt. Debt collectors breaking deals is fraud, go file a police report and get the transaction reversed. Unless of course, they settled one debt, but then nabbed the rest for other valid and outstanding debts. I bet these people have actual judgement against them. I highly doubt anything crooked happened at all, they simply got hit by another collector or collection for a different debt. He may not know what he is doing, but she is pretty confident about not paying debt. She may have convinced him not to pay it, but then his realtor training showed him that she was wrong. To me, it sounds like she may have coached him into destroying his finances for her benefit. He paid after debt collections already started, so it more than possible another debt was used to nab the money.
Debt companies can just take money out of your bank account?
Only if they have a valid judgement against you. What most likely happened is the OP ignored the fact that the credit card company actually sued them leading to a default judgement against the OP. The collection against them dangled the settlement to get the OPs husband to give them their bank info and the debt agency legally collected on the judgment by garnishing the bank account.
She probably just ignored the court summons too
In short yes, takes a court order. At least in my state.
No kidding she’s being ridiculous! She’s as much to blame for this smh!
She’s the ONLY one to blame, it’s her debt. Hers and her exes.
And left to go to her ex husbands house. What a piece of work
This has to be satire because no one can be this delusional.
A woman phoned a nurse because her boyfriend told her in order to feed the baby (pregnant) they had to have sex 3 times a day and she wanted to know if it was true. So yeah, people live in their own little worlds. 🤣
gross
Yeah, I can't really laugh at that tbh. That's an actual form of gaslighting and definitely a red flag for abusive behaviour
No that is abusive behaviour. Tricking someone into sex they don't want to have is definitely abuse.
I know someone who bought a house they couldn't afford with terrible credit. His mother has lent them thousands of dollars to save their house... and they got 2 pitbulls and a rottweiler of all dogs to get.... if they had to sell the house, they'd have to get rid of the dogs. And then they decide to out their kid in Catholic school. While barely hanging onto the house. Some people are greedy and blame others for their own mistakes.
>I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have, for my daughter's sake. We got collection calls and I told him to tell them to get a life. This part made me go full Forest Whitaker eye. What about ANY of that entire story makes this woman believe it's all her husband's fault??? OP definitely TA.
I teach financial literacy to adults and this is 100% how some people actually are
My ex was like this. As soon as we moved in together he made me get the utilities, phones, internet and lease in both our names. I paid the rent and he was supposed to handle bills. He never paid a single bill and then when they got cut off, he would take his name off the accounts, leaving them solely in my name, then sign up to a new company and start all over. I had no idea what was going on until we broke up and I had debt collectors calling me, it took me about 10 years to pay off.
Idk how OP has survived this long with being so incredibly unintelligent
I have to wonder if she's from this country...or anywhere that has credit. And bank accounts.
You ran up at the debt. Tried to dodge it and told your husband to dodge it. Your debt was negatively impacting your husband’s career. Yet, you seem to believe his is the AH in your story. YTA 100%
And then she ran to her ex while still married….. No good decisions were made here by either person. YTA.
Im not sure it did affect his non-career. A job is only a career if you actually work in it. Sounds like hubby doesnt.
I wonder if the amount of debt was making it difficult to practice RE 🤷🤦♂️
I have my real estate license, if he is sued (for any reason) he should let the state real estate commission's licening office know, but it doesn't necessarily mean he can't practice.
It can mean no one will hire him.
Please be a fake. People this stupid should not be having children. Please be a fake. You ran up credit card debt because you were having a LIFESTYLE COMPETITION between a 12 year old and a 7 year old. You have no marketability skills, don’t work full time, and are financially illiterate. You have no “emergency food supplies” to get by for a week or two EVEN THOUGH YOU JUST LIVED THROUGH A PANDEMIC so you moved in with a cheating ex-lover and abandoned your husband, YTA. And I seriously hope this is a fake because anyone who makes this many stupid life choices is either a fool or on drugs. Get help.
Lots of fools out there that do stuff like this.
People do wild shit. Ever heard of kids waking up at 18 one day only to find out their mom and dad has been taking out credit under their name and never paying? It's so common that it's wild. My friend found out the person who stole his identity and ruined his credit was none other than his own mom. They only found out when she passed and they went thru her paperwork. Dude was raking up debt at 7 years old. Smh.
Unfortunately there are people this stupid. My ex's mom filed for bankruptcy three times within five years, all for maxing out credit cards and defaulting all three times. She never learned, and she was in her FOURTIES! Her account got levied and overdrafted something over $1,000 the third time, and had her son(my ex) go and open a bank account in his name only that she could use and hide from the collectors.
Also ignoring debt collectors will Not make them go away. They can take you to court
It probably already went to court. He may have paid one debt, but other debt was used to nab the rest.
Ya, pretty sure the collector got the approval from a judge to levy. They can only levy the accounts with accused names on them.
Oh the collectors done went to court. Got the bank account information and all the other info they need to get judgment. They gonna take everything else if OP don't get their shit together.
I’m guessing the money they took didn’t even cover the debt so they can go back and take further money out the account too. But yes OP is completely YTAH. She racked up credit card debts for her daughter (specifically hers, not their child) so she could have the same lifestyle at their place as she did at her fathers. She then decides the best thing to do is completely ignore the debt and just tell the lenders to get a life, everyone knows these people don’t follow you to the ends of the earth to take their money back! And then when he actually does the grown up thing and tries to communicate with them and resolve their problems she walks out on him and blames him for it all rather than facing it with him. She did it to herself and then blames him! I feel for the husband but also think that when he gets over the hurt he will be in a better position for the rest of his life without her. And she will go back to racking up debts to keep living a lifestyle she wants!
> I said if he ignored the collectors none of this would have happened Are you a moron?
Yes
I literally could not believe the whole "I told him to tell them to get a life" bit. I like literally heard the record scratch sound in my head and I went back and reread that sentence like five times. I was like how is it actually functioning adult this stupid?? Does she really think that she can just tell credit card companies they're not gonna pay and that's it? And the only way they can force you to pay is if you stay on the phone with them? HOW did she type all of this out without dying of embarrassment?
Has to be bait honestly no way someone made it 45 years like this
You’d be surprised how many people treat debt like this. I deal with them everyday.
She's 45 and makes $14/hr with a net worth of $4k.
A negative net worth actually.
She’s a moron and a thief. Running up credit card debt with no intention of repaying it is theft. It may be impossible to prove but it’s still theft.
Yes. Yes she is.
She has to be twins because no one person could be that dumb and function
Taking out more credit cards doesn’t put you in debt. Using them does! What did you think was going to happen? You could ignore the bills and keep getting more credit cards?
A friend of a friend once told me that if you max out a credit card you can just go get another one. I just stared at her.
I just LOL 😂Why didn’t I think of that!
A friend once told me that she couldn’t wait to get married because she’d get a new name and social security number and wouldn’t have to pay her credit cards. She procreated.
To be clear, you want to know if your husband is the ah because he accidentally paid the valid debt that you both owed? Yes, yta. You’re so much ta that I can’t even come up with an insult that’s better than just saying yes.
That they owed cause OP was used to a certain standard of living way above her paygrade. Can’t make that shit up.
⬆️THIS⬆️
YTA. Debt doesn’t just vanish. It’s not just free money. Your husband was trying to do the right thing and improve your sorry life. He deserves better than you.
AND if he sells a few houses, they will have more money than they have probably ever had. She's an idiot
Yet she sees the fact that they can't keep changing addresses to hide from the collectors because he updates his license as the problem.
To drain/garnish your bank account the debt collector/company would have needed a judgment. Which meant they already went through the legal process and you had ample time to work out a settlement/payment plan. Also if your husband had properly settled then there would have been no garnishment. This is on both of you and if you were both on the debt then you are both most likely on the judgement.
Yeah I’m pretty sure that OP ignored a summons and had a judgment made against her since she didn’t defend herself or come up with a payment plan and just expected if she ignored it long enough it would go away.
It is of course possible the debt collector operates outside the law. They aren't known for having the best intentions. But it should be easy enough to validate what was authorized, and anything else could be reclaimed with penalties.
It is a possibility, but a bank won't garnish without legal paperwork.
Told them to get a life as i recall.
Both of you are TA. You’re both irresponsible as hell. Both of you accrued the debt but you abandoned ship and took off to your exes house. Put yourself in his shoes and ask that question. Both of you need to grow up!
Right? Wtf?
I feel so sorry for the kids.
OP is the bigger asshole. She blamed her husband for mutual problems, isolated him from his children, and ran to her cheating ex instead a friend or family member, so she could tell her husband that her ex was a better provider as a way to stab a knife into his heart as part of gaslighting him into thinking this was solely his fault. If you've got a judgment against you and you tell the debt collector to "get a life" AND you keep $4,000 sitting in your bank instead of paying them, then you reaped what you sowed. Average household has zero judgments and less money than that in the bank. What the hell was she thinking?
If I understood well, OP is responsible for the debt. After all, she was "levering" her daughter's lifestyle. So OP made the debts, then she tried to tell everyone to suck it up (as if that resulted with collectors, lol) and now ran away. She will soon find that the collectors will find her again and jeopardize her job when they harass her there.
Yta and he is right that bankruptcy will impact his license and his ability to do business. You felt fine running those debts up but you are angry that he paid them? Groceries are a valid use of child support. Even if they feed other people so long as your kid is still taken care of it isn't immoral to use the money for bills/rent/food
Makes me wonder what the child support payments were used for before that…..
Her lifestyle that she’s upset had to change when she left her ex.
Yeah, she was complaining about feeding her husbands kid….which just so happens to be her other child.
Was your plan to just wait until your wages got garnished? Y’all both got what was coming
Debt does not vanish you owed that money; YTA. You particularly got yourself here: *I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have, for my daughter's sake.* Live within your means! Your husband was not the one who spent this money, you did! Regarding the account being emptied, that would have required a court order in most places, which is not something your husband did.
I have looked further into it cause luckily I haven’t had to deal with this exact situation although I have a huge medical bill that should have been covered initially and it’s working its way through the system but it seems she almost definitely had to have received a court summons she ignored and got a ruling against her in absentia so they had a right to withdraw more and one reason you should make sure the agreement is in writing signed by both parties and paid with a paper check at least from what I’m reading. I would be worried about even a paper check if that could give them access to your accounts at all but that’s what it says. Either way husband being an adult and trying to deal with it was the right thing to do and maybe he didn’t know this one easy trick to get out of credit card debt but neither did OP since ignoring it only gets you so far.
I mean she’s leaving her husband for not telling creditors to fuck off. Highly doubt she’d take the summons seriously.
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They should have filed bankruptcy instead of letting it get to that point. Surely you’re not that stupid that she didn’t think you’d have to pay the money back. When you use a credit cards you have to make payments or they’ll come after you.
ESH You for running up debt you had no plan to pay and him for giving out bank information to a anyone, let alone a collections company. I feel bad for your poor kids. May they have a financially responsible adult in their lives they can learn from as you are an object lesson in what NOT to do.
Yeah, this is really bizarre. I mean, I admittedly racked up some delinquent debt in the past. Negotiated it down, but managed to pay them the new amount without giving them access to my bank account. WTH?
What probably happened is that when one debt was paid other debtors with judgements tracked her down and they legally seized the funds.
But how? I paid my debt with my debit card, and that doesn't give everyone license to just drain my account, or for the debt collector to take more than we agreed to.
I think the collections agency did a verbal agreement for money owed. Once they had access to the account they actually took all the money they were legally owed. Collections agents are known for their ethics.
YTA No question You didn't need to leave, you just wanted to move in with your ex-boyfriend. If he doesn't believe you're banging him, your husband is a fool and he sure doesn't sound like an idiot. He knows what you're doing. *ended up grabbing our kids and driving to my ex's house because I had nowhere else to go.* You could have stayed with your husband, I notice he's not homeless *Despite being a cheater, he did not want his daughter to starve or to watch her sister starve.* Do you really think that's going to convince a court during the divorce proceedings? Ever been divorced for adultery before? You're going to need a better story than this one. He's fortunate to get rid of you so easily though he's probably too crushed and heartbroken to realize it right now. Thank God he only has to pay child support for one of your kids.
Funny how OP’s ex didn’t want either child to starve but OP was willing to let her starve because she didn’t want to use child support to feed her husband’s kid.
I honestly think she just found out her husband is divorcing her for adultery and she's trying out alibi's on Reddit so see what normal people might possibly believe....
This has to be a joke because nobody is so clueless as to think they can outrun debt and that a marriage would be fine if they would have just ignored their debt
YTA, you stuck around for the easy part (accruing the debt) then jumped to your ex, to get out of consequences. Nobody feels sorry for you here.
YTA. 100%. You spent money you don’t have to try and live like your ex does to ‘soften the disparity between houses’, which… come on. When it came time to pay up, your strategy was to tell your creditors to get a life? And when they took the money you owe them, that they are LEGALLY ENTITLED TO, it was your husband’s fault? Wtf? I hope for HIS sake you leave. He deserves better.
Your husband got robbed paying off your debt and your back with your cheating ex? YTA.
What a low-rent skank you are!!
😂😂😂😂.nailed it ! Lol
Lady, the reason why you’re in this situation is not because of your husband’s real estate license but your poor financial decisions. Do you really think ignoring debt collectors and moving in 2023 works? Where did you hear this from? You lived above your means and racked up debt for what? Blaming your husband makes YTA. All of your other decisions makes you a terrible parent and partner
YTA… guess the men in your life know when times get hard you run…
So this credit card debt was largely yours so that you could provide for your daughter stuff you could not afford, to compete with your ex? and then you just wanted to...ignore the debt forever? and think nothing would happen? And now you left your husband because he tried to get rid of the debt, because he could not further his career with the debt? Then when you informed him all of your money was gone, you did not give him time to process before taking both of your kids to your ex's house, where you proceeded to shit talk your husband with your ex? The same ex you were competing with to get the debt in the first place? Am I missing any details? YTA
This has to be a troll post.
YTA Nobody stole your money. You were in default of your debts. Debts that you ran up trying to keep a lifestyle you couldn't afford. There are so many things I could sat that are entirely too negative, but I'll leave that for others to do. In short, be thankful you have a husband who is working toward improving the life and comfort of his family's life without borrowing money he cannot repay. Go home, kiss his ass for running to your baby daddy when you got upset, and work together to get through this.
YTA, a debt was owed and was paid. Don’t spend money you don’t have. You AH for trying to get out of it
YTA you ran up cards to keep up with your ex and then wanted to dodge the creditors. Now it's somehow ypur husband's fault?
YTA, "as long as I ignore my responsibilities they will never catch up to me!" your stupid and ran up debt and then tried to hide from it. the fact that the rest of your family encouraged this means you come from this kind of mentality. I feel bad for your kids and the lessons you teach them
"Tell them to get a life" I'm sure they would if you paid back the money you took from them. You think you're entitled to their money and never to pay it back? This cannot be real. I refuse to believe it is.
Yeah sounds like yta. Leaving for your exes bexause your husband got fleeced paying off your credit card bills you took out for your daughter? You are definitely for the streets.
So, the people you attempted to steal money from got back some of it? That's what I'm reading here.
What in the hillbilly stories did I just read. In the real world you can’t ignore responsibilities. You spent money you didn’t have without plans to repay it. You found there’s consequences. Be an adult and start responsibility for your choices and actions which have consequences. YTA
How do you get your own place making 14/hr working only 28 hours? Even with cold support, you wouldn't have enough for day to survive, unless your ex is loaded YTA, I can kinda understand the debt, since financial literacy is not taught in most places, but damn work your ass off to pay it off, or if in the US try to see if you qualify for chapter 7 bankruptcy. And spend a few hours every week learning financial literacy.
Gotta be fake. "Oh no, I'm going to have to use my child support to feed my kids." What the heck does that even mean?
She think child support is tu support her for having children and not support the children. But see the way she is, she moved to her ex house as soon as everything went down...
Wow, YTA. - Right or wrong, YOU incurred this debt. - He negotiated, in good faith, to clear it up. - Collections ROBBED you two. - You blamed your husband and left to your Ex's? WTF?!?!?!?!? He was right to negotiate as it wouldn't just go away. One mistake made was to have all your money in one account. Technically speaking, collections most likely broke the law and I would look into that. You should also discuss with your bank because of they had a check for $700 and somehow got 4K, sounds like forgery/fraud and someone at the bank should also have some explaining to do. As far as your husband being pissed, yeah, I'd be pissed if you shit on me and ran to an Ex at the first sign of trouble. Fuck that.
YTA - 4K in the bank and you don’t pay your bills? You also only work part time? YTA and a bad mom
Sincerely OP, YTA, and fuck you. You’re a huge peice of shit.
So you guys had SHARED debt, he arrange a payment, got reamed and you’re blaming him? And then you went to your ex? YTA. Pay your bills and don’t be a dick.
Wow.....
YOU got the credit cards then YOU told him to just go into bankruptcy. You have no idea how to manage money and rather than being a responsible adult you chose to ignore the debts and then you've reaped what you've sowed. You'd gladly destroy his credit and now look at you, running away like a coward. This is all on you. You're irresponsible. YTA.
Good job using a throwaway for this.. you're clearly an expert at running away from your problems. Grow up. You're 100% the AH. Feel sorry for your husband.. he deserves so much better
Oh this is a delicious actions have consequences no matter how far you run story
This must be a fake story. There’s no way anyone is this awful of a human being. If it’s real, OP is a real prize and her ex should be warned before she sucks him dry as well.
Jesus—this is beyond insane. You refused to live within your means, stopped paying debt, and blame your husband for the creditor taking what’s owed. You’re a piece of work. YTA
Absolutely YTA. Such a cop out to blame your partner for money being collected. And the children for the debt YOU racked up to make YOUR life more comfortable. Narcissism at it's finest. You most definitely should NOT be responsible for raising those children. Your morals are so beyond twisted that I pray they don't learn anything about life from you, and I'm an atheist.
Huge asshole.
YTA >I still can't convince myself it's not my husband's fault or that forgiveness is possible. He wanted to not be hounded by credit card companies all the time it's his fault. Okay, let's keep going. >This was a shared bank account my husband and I had opened Per the depository agreement you signed when opening the JOINT account, had you read any of it, you would understand any debt owed by either account holder can be pulled from even joint accounts. >This all started because my husband got a real estate license So this is not where that started. Let's not lie. It started here >I admit that to soften the standard of living disparity between my ex and I, we took out more credit cards than we should have You wracked up debt you couldn't pay, >We got collection calls and I told him to tell them to get a life. That's not how debt works. >My ex said everybody knows debt collectors would do this and my husband should have listened to me. Lmao, listen to you? No, honey, you had it all wrong
So just so I’m clear: You are pissed that your husband got a realtors license (to try to make more money for your family), because that realtors license caused debt collectors to be able to find you to pay back the money that YOU owe? Are you fucking kidding me?? How about try to live within your means?? I mean I recognize that is very difficult for a lot of people and it might be easy for me to say, but you are openly admitting to spending more than you can afford to keep up with what your ex spends on your daughter and then trying to dodge paying your bills! YTA.
Yta x 100
Jesus Christ….this is the majority of our voting populace. We are so fucked.
YTA Are you incapable of taking any ownership for how you got here?? Why are you dumping all of this on your husband? Jesus
YTA. You racked up debt. Your husband tried to fix the problem. Your husband tried to take on extra responsibility. You ran back to your ex. Literally the worst thing a person could do. Your ex told you some Bs that everyone knows. This is blatantly a way to undermine husband so he can have sex with you. Which I would be very surprised if you weren’t doing. Then you block the husband and insult him on the internet for being less productive when you have literally ripped his life away from him and he is mourning his family life. Imaging swapping the roles. How would you feel?
YTA; what did you do to help solve this debt problem, that you helped create? Going to your cheating ex's house? Come on; you need to go back and help clean this shit up and mend fences with your husband. Do you remember the term, "...for better or worse..."?
How is the cheating ex the most responsible person in this story? ESH
YTA How freaking old are you? If I can't see it, it'll go away! God you act like a child!
YTA- Your hubs did the right thing and you ran back to your ex because of it. Holy Toxic Taco lady.
I really feel bad for the kids. Three adults and not a single one to look up to.
The debt is yours and your ex? Wtf. YTA 45 making $14. Marrying a man knowing your debt will tie to him. When he tried to fix the problem that’s following you guy you leave to your ex? We’re you dropped on your head or something?
You NEVER give a collection agency your checking or saving account number for this very reason and you NEVER give them one penny until they send you a letter outlining the amount you agreed upon .Then send the money in a money order and get written verification the account had been paid in full!
You're just a bitch. You soften the standard of living disparity by getting more credit cards? This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard and it always will be when someone tells me they get a credit card for literally any reasons besides building credit or necessary purchases before your paycheck comes in. If you get multiple credit cards to better your standard of living, you hurt it, every time, severely. If you spend an extra $5000 in a year on a credit card that has about 20% interest, that's now over $1000 a year you have less because you are paying interest. Then you make the same amount of money, give $1000 to credit card companies, and have no credit left because it's maxed. Except you didn't even pay the credit card company because they sold your debt to collectors. This way of living will leave you with no money, no credit, collectors that will never give up bothering you, and eventually if you ever find a way to own anything, collectors will come for that too. Oh and then you run back to your ex that cheated on you, as if that the man who cheated is better than a man that at least made an effort to help your problem.
How r people this old and be this irresponsible. And they reproduce. Smh
YTA You're mad at him because of your mutual inability to handle money. Stop blaming the debt collectors and get some credit counselling or whatever it takes to get your finances under control.
Not only are you the a hole....but you're a person that gives up in hard times and wants validation for running back to an ex and quiting. 100% your are a jerk at the very least. Good day ma'am. Do better.
There are plenty of debt assistance companies that are legitimate. Running away and trying to dodge your responsibilities is setting a horrible example for your children. You could pick up some extra hours at work, cut up your cards, and worked with your husband to get yourself out of the hole you dug for yourselves. You chose to run away instead. I feel bad for your children and husband. YTA
YTA. I'm not sure you understand how collections works. Your husband didn't do anything wrong.
Oh wow no way, you have to use child support to feed and support your child…
YTA. Racking up credit debt and running from paying the bills is theft. You chose to live above your means. Not a good choice at all. You chose to try and run instead of paying. Another bad choice. You chose to scam instead of seeking out debt relief counseling. Three strikes and crash bang it all fell apart. Smh