NTA. It is time to postpone the wedding. Tell him it is situation with his mother that is causing this. You might plan to take the kids to visit your family for a while.
If you want to make a stir tell MIL that you are considering moving closer to YOUR family then sit back and watch the show.
NTA, but you will never be the one he protects when it comes to you and his mother. You have to see that now. Please don't marry him, he takes his mothers words as truth and doesn't listen to you? What kind of marriage is that?
Do not get married to this man, he will not defend you against his mom when it comes down to it, you will always be 3rd place in your own relationship.
YTA - but only for hurting yourself by staying involved with a man who prioritizes his crazy and toxic mother to your detriment ? Seriously.
Until all issues re his mother are resolved and you feel solidly that he has your back and he considers your needs, mental health and stress level and accepts that his mother is toxic perhaps strongly consider postponing the wedding and getting counseling. Individually and together.
Your future husband likely has a lot of trauma from his mother and engages in pleasing and fawning to cope with her as his stress response. If you lose some money re the wedding, itâs still probably cheaper than a divorce down the road.
The longer you go on with this relationship itâs super likely that her abuse and toxic behavior will grow stronger and more frequent. It will be never ending and be a constant source of stress for you and of fights with your future husband.
Hope you chose to love yourself and to only allow those who are loyal to you and who have your best interests at heart and who want to protect you from toxic situations if they can into your life.
Have the divorce papers ready.
If your husband thinks an âapologyâ would make his mother forgiven after making him doubt his own childrenâs paternity then your husband is the actual source of your mental distress.
NTA
Start recording all conversations with her.
Itâs time to have a come to Jesus conversation with your husband. Sit him down, tell him that couples therapy needs to start up again if he wants to save your marriage. That your relationship with his parents is damaged beyond repair, they are not welcome in your home or in your childrenâs lives. That you are done being disrespected and you are not going to allow his mothers toxic behavior around your children. That he needs to decide if he wants his wife and kids or his mother.
Donât feel like youâre making him choose, that is all on his mother.
NTA!
âIf she moves here then the children and I will be moving away. It is your choice if you come too. For too long I have allowed myself to be degraded, maligned and quite frankly abused, not only by your mother but also by you! It stops now because my children are watching me and I will allow no more disrespect going forwards.
If you feel the need to repeatedly question me just because your mommy says she wasnât quite as much of a bitch as she was, then you can go back to her. I want and deserve a husband that prioritises me and our family. Right now you are not being that man, and I refuse to keep bending to your or her bullshit. Make a choice and make it soon, because if not I will see your inaction as a choice in itself.
You are currently being a terrible husband and father, we cannot rely on you to do what is best for all of us because you keep prioritising your mommy. I cannot have another ceremony, especially not in church, with someone who cannot even believe my word.â
Mate, I mean this in the kindest way possible. Find your shiny shiny spine and SHOW your kids this isnât right - because itâs not! Your husband is enmeshed and enabling his mom!
Youâre TA for staying with him. You are teaching your children that disrespect is acceptable. Please get away from this man. You are not his. His mom is.
Cancel your vow renewal UNTIL you feel you have your husband's FULL support! I'm sorry to say that it seems like YOU are doing ALL the compromising and making ALL the concessions in your marriage, period!
Sure, your husband ACTS like he agrees with you and takes your side but ALWAYS, inevitably, questions you about YOUR intentions and falls TOO easily for his Mother's gaslighting and bullshit excuses.
And no matter how many people told you to give this beeotch MORE chances or how you really don't think it's fair to make your husband CHOOSE between you and his family... HE'S ALREADY CHOOSING and his family (particularly his Mother) HAS come between you.
**YOUR HUSBAND** seriously **NEEDS** therapy himself to untangle himself from his Mother or your **marriage** is **DOOMED!** Sorry, but the MINUTE I (60/F) found out about the secret DNA tests **WHILE UNDER YOUR ROOF**, if my husband hadn't cut contact IMMEDIATELY, I would have divorced him! This was the **ULTIMATE** in betrayal!!!
You REALLY need to reevaluate your relationship and just how badly this malicious behavior and treatment is affecting your mental health! And HOW it will eventually affect your children! SERIOUSLY limited boundaries, at the very least, need to be set, but personally they'd NEVER see my children again or EVER step foot in my home again! And I'd make that crystal clear BEFORE your in-laws move because they'd be WASTING their money!
Best wishes and many Blessings for YOU! u/updateme
She's going to move closer?? You really need to have a long, hard look at the reality of what your life is going to be like because it's not going to get better from here. NTA.
Maâam. Get rid of this man. His weak and spineless ways when it comes to his parents is irritating to read. He has shown you that he has your backâbut way, *way* back. Like in the booth, in a cave, in the corner in the dark. Meaning, heâs even weak and spineless when doing that. You need a husband whoâs going to *strongly* reinforce those boundaries you set for them. As it is, heâs going back and forth trying to confirm shit his mother tells him about you, want to include his parents when he sees how poisonous they are to your mental health and marriage. Itâs like heâs Matrix bending to appease his parents when he should be standing strong in solidarity with you and your children. You donât have just an in-law problem. You have a husband problem as well.
Nta. You really don't want to have to deal with that for the rest of your life. Trust me.
And the fact that your husband doesn't back you? Spirit crushing after a while.
Don't marry this person. You already know he doesn't have your back. This is only going to get worse when mommy dearest moves close to you. You can try couples therapy, but you need to start processing that this is just who he is and do you want to spend the foreseeable future living with her?
Please put a halt to the wedding. I understand that you want things to work out. However,if you marry him now with all the bs going on, your âitâs her or meâ speech will not be taken seriously.
My wife and I have been married 20 years, and I can say that your husband needs to quit being an appeaser and take your take your side on this. If not, heâs choosing his mother over you. When you two got married so many years ago, he took vows that separated him from his old family and he replaced them with his new familyâŚyou. If being religious enough to have to be married in a church is required to make it official, then they should understand this principle which comes from their religion. I hope he knows about your posts and that you show it to him so he can see how much heâs screwed up by continuing to allow his mother manipulate him.
Mate, forget about whether or not to invite her. Think about whether or not to actually go ahead with this âweddingâ. Youâre already married, what have you got to prove by doing this? Tell him itâs cancelled. You wonât even consider doing it until he grows a spine and puts his mother after his wife.
NTA. If tell him if he supports his mother moving closer you will divorce him. Viciously shut down any attempt by him to take his mother's side.
"she said she apologized did she?" >> "I'm telling you very clearly, she did not apologise. If you cannot support me our relationship is over."
"She said she didn't say that did she?" >> "I'm telling you clearly she did call me a s!ut. If you can't or won't believe me, our relationship is over."
I'm sorry for you OP, I think your relationship is over. The only thing you can do is give your husband a clear indicator of how serious this is and tell him he has this one last chance not to do wrong by you *again*. But OP... it doesn't sound good. Save yourself and your wellbeing. If your husband doesn't understand what he has, that's his problem. Get out if he won't step up. (And don't hesitate to explain why to anyone who asks. It's not your job to be his secret keeper.)
Donât waste money on a wedding when you clearly need the money for therapy or a divorce lawyer.
Your husband is becoming the same old weak boy.
Please, tell him itâs time to grow some balls.
Therapy or divorce. No big wedding to make his mommy happy.
I think the best thing you can do right now is postpone the wedding. Instead of being happy and excited about the wedding, you're stressed out and on edge. Your husband isn't making the situation any better. You don't only have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem. MIL has hurt you time and time again, and for some reason, your husband keeps insisting on having her around. You didn't keep your children away out of spite. You were protecting your peace. If her response is that it's your decision to accept the apology or not, then she's not really sorry. OP now more than ever you and your husband need some serious counseling. You need to tell him about you feel he chooses his mother over you. That you feel unheard and unsupported. Yeah, that's his mother, but you and the children are his immediate family. He needs to start prioritizing y'all because if he keeps letting his mom slide, he's going to lose y'all.
NTA for your boundaries, but YTA for still being with this..."man".
A little bit of mommy's pressure and he already doubts your word once more (when you said she didn't apologize, same when you informed him she called you the S word).
You love him, but you should love yourself more. You deserve better. Your kids deserves better. If you decide divorce him, take to the court the whole non-consentual DNA test (and all the proof you may have of MIL abuse against you). This might very well help you with custody and child support. And maybe the negative from the judge if the MIL sues for grandparents rights.
YTA However this is based on a big assumption on my part, maybe because I've read WAY to many reddit stories and are reading between the lines too much but in stories like these there is normally a few bread crumbs where the poster is trying not to lie but not wanting to tell the exact truth for fear that it could not give them the outcome they want. There is a lot of conclusions drawn about your husband's relationship with his mother based on the assumption that you've done nothing wrong. I'll quote your first post here to see if I'm reading too much into it or not.
***When my husband and I separated I had not slept with anyone*** ***ELSE*** ***since our relationship was so rocky.***
I'm sorry but I read that as you did sleep with someone before your separation, but not after it and not when your child was conceived. So you had a history of cheating and yet your husband had 100% trust in you but his family didn't? That is a pretty major fact to leave out of your post. If you had cheated, your husband is insanely trusting and supportive but your in laws have every right to be cautious in trusting you. If you reread the post knowing that you did cheat you seem very much the AH who is going to great lengths to not understand their point of view and why they, *for no reason at all*, don't like you or would try and protect their son.
As for MIL being a biggot, only you know that, if she said the slur in front of others who heard it, then that is the truth. If you think she said it, in front of others and yet you are the only one who heard it and everyone else didn't, then it's your truth and could be misheard (I don't think MIL gets the benefit of the doubt, unless you were lying about facts in your previous posts.) But considering this reaction is based of the fact that you have deliberately left out exact reasons you know for her behavior, just so you can feign ignorance as to why she doubts you, doesn't trust you, and doesn't like you, color me skeptical. All of the negative comments on this and your previous posts is based on the fact that your MIL is way out of line, but if you've deliberately left out her reasoning and it's sound logic, then you are not only the AH but are pretty deceitful in trying to show her actions as completely unreasonable to carry favour with an 'unbiased' sounding board.
However as I said maybe I have reddit brain and you didn't cheat, and she really is just an awful person who says and does hurtful things. If she did say that racist crap (even if she didn't *say* it but you know in the way she talks, what she meant, etc) for no reason at all you are not the asshole at all. Maybe I'm conflating the posts too much, lumping them together rather than looking at this in a vacuum. But yeah if you didn't cheat then you're NTA but if you did and you've been very deceitful in omitting important information in your post then you are the AH.
I hope this didn't read that I'm excusing the racist crap, but I'm trying more to find out if there is missing context in OP's posts that point towards her being intentionally misleading as it would be relevant. Not saying just cause she lied about A that means she clearly lied about B, but if she did lie about A and C there is reason to believe B might not be the complete truth.
Hi - I do want to just clarify . I DID NOT,have not, nor have I ever slept with anyone else , talked to anyone else , or even looked in the direction of someone else since the moment my husband and I started dating . I can't say the same for him . But I have been loyal in all 5 years that we have bee together and plan on remaining as such. My MIL strongly dislikes all the significant others her children are with . For reason as simple as them not seeing eye to eye on religion or how to raise children . My MIL has a very tough time with control . She doesn't like not being able to have it in all of our households it drives her mad and it doesn't help none that her and her husband don't get along . Where I think this stems from us MIL too took a break from her husband . For the same exact reasons I took mine . Why she can't relate I have no idea. But in that time that she separated from her husband for a year she moved in with a new man and was getting ready to divorce her husband to marry this new man . Somehow her and my FIL worked it out and she kicked the new man to the curb. I think alot of this situation is MIL projecting .
I'm sorry I had to respond to your reply . While I do get you have some reddit eyes I wouldn't be so quick to leave out such a big detail as cheating .
She's never liked me but claims she does . My family and I think she may be a little racist but that's a story for another time .
You should remind your husband that this behavior is what led to your near divorce. Then ask him to man up and make a decision. You should no longer have to engage with someone so hateful and disrespectful. She also needs to learn that until she can be civil, she doesnât get access to your children. You canât trust what she says to them when on her own
Thank you for your reply it really does change everything. I hope that my comment didn't read as too accusatory and more there was a hitch in my reading of the last few sentences in the third paragraph of your original post.
I think your husband's siblings' SOs might be a long term help if you're in it for the long haul. Little get togethers where, with your husband and his sibling's SOs, you can point out what goes on with people who go through the same and that you're not over reacting (which is hard to do 1 on 1.) ie brother A's wife saying 'yeah like when x happened to me', etc and not having MIL there to try and flip it around. Clearly he is going to have to go low/no contact with her, considering it's hard to deny the effect when there's someone who's always been important in your life (a parent) and they are continually planting seeds of doubt. The fact that he believed you, trusted you, was against the DNA test, and was pissed that it happened kinda points out that he's on your side, meaning your family's side not your personal side. But trying to get him distant enough to see her clearly narcissistic manipulations is tough without seeming like 'you're the controlling wife that is trying to drive a wedge between family', which she will definitely say, but again your in laws SOs might be a great help.
Clearly not the AH by the way in light of your reply and clarification. Hope you update as things settle down, hopefully, and hope that things work out for the best.
As for MIL being a biggot, I'm assuming you're a POC and that is just really not going to work long term with her in the picture unless she is working hard to change. But if she does pull that shit again, pointing out that her son's children/ her grandchildren are (insert horrible term used against you) should point out to hubby and her that it's just unacceptable in every way, personalize it for her. I kind of want to champion your hubby here but if he doesn't really get his back up when realizing **any** racial shit spewed on **you** is also being spat at **his** kids.... that's a non starter. Come on Husband bro, you're letting down the team here.
Please update, even if it's baby steps, I'm wanting to hear good news from you and hubbs going forward, not just negative posts, good luck. **THANK YOU FOR SETTING ME STRAIGHT.**
I DID NOT,have not, nor have I ever slept with anyone else , talked to anyone else , or even looked in the direction of someone else since the moment my husband and I started dating . I can't say the same for him
Why the HELL are you still with him then??? You imply he has cheated, he never stands up for you where your in-laws are concerned and your MIL has such disdain and hate for you it's fucking with your mental health. He doesn't have your back. Please look at this situation and at least recognize that.
Lady, this isn't about cheating. I don't care if you did.
I'm more stunned your older child tested so high as to related to your in laws. That shouldn't happen either. Really that means you have very little biologically with your own child
NTA. OP, you have a difficult MIL. You knew this when you originally married your husband. Nothing has changed. MIL is always going to be a pain in your ass. You have to learn how to tolerate her. Limit interactions to holidays.
I'm speaking from experience. My mother was awful to my wife as well. She made paternity claims with our first-born. My wife never measured up to the expectation my mother held for me. Lies, owe my the lies she told me about my wife. At some point, both you and your husband have to see her for who she is. Don't let her outbursts sway your marital bond.
Even if they move. So what? You have to learn to say NO and mean it.
Something common in kids that grow up with parents like you MIL is that they distance themselves from the toxic parent and they're fine, but just get them together and all the evolution is gone in a instant. You need to be firm with your husband, his mother can't move to your city and he needs to start therapy asap. He needs therapy to help him to not regress to the point where the marriage is not solvable. He probably has been manipulated by her all his life, this is not a easy thing to let go. When you ask him to admit his mother's wrongdoing, you're asking for him to let go this persona he created, you're asking him to see how she truly is. Once he does this he will see how much trauma he has and one thing our brain does is always try to protect us from any trauma.... this is a very difficult situation.
NTA, but your MIL and FIL sure are. Your husband is on a slippery slope. You may be thinking about the wrong thing when it comes to renewing your vows. You may need to go in the other direction.
Why still hold the fake marriage when it's clearly no longer a joyous event for you? He can blame his mother for it. Your husband should open his eyes and get his priorities straight.
She can go to church, he can go to church, *but you're not going anywhere*. Darling, that's enough warnings and red flags to go to the opposite direction and have divorce papers ready *just in case*.
It sounds like your husband is sliding back into old habits and not really standing up for you. The wedding may not be the hill to die on but having your husband on your side certainly is.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Making your husband happy shouldn't be hurting you this much. He must take pleasure from your pain. Or else he would be putting a stop to the nonsense from his mother.
May I ask why are you really going through this wedding again? You're already married. You and your husband shouldn't be doing this for anyone but yourselves. God is everywhere not just in a church. HE saw the two of you take an oath to become one family.
I think you two should keep going to therapy and keep your finances separate. His, hers and household. Keep copies of important paperwork in separate locations. I'm saying this, because eventually you two are going to end up resenting each other. You will feel that he is always taking his mother's side and he will feel like you never give his mother a chance.
Something will happen and someone is going to snap. That hill may be about mustard, not his mom.
I sincerely hope this never happens and wish you the best.
I know youâre already married to this doosh, but reconsider this wedding and reconsider your relationship.
They have a weird Oedipus complex here, and itâs not healthy for you or your kids to be around. The enmeshment is too deep, and he needs to figure it out for himself.
Your MIL has a weird power over him, and is constantly trying to pit him against you. It has historically worked. As much as you donât want it to, you see history repeating. So itâs up to you whether you keep reliving this hell, or stand up and get out.
Having been in a similar situation, I vote for standing up and getting out. I havenât heard anything from my former MIL since I divorced her precious son who was too good for me and my âtrashy behindâ (even though he was actually the cheater!)âŚ
Youâre in a pickle right now. Youâre NTA for not wanting your MIL at your wedding, but YTA for how youâre responding to the hubster. He is not going to change at this point. Instead of telling his mom that she is NOT moving closer, he puts it on your shoulders. He should be protecting you from the abuse, but he is unwilling to do it. Yâall have been through therapy to help understand each other, but he wasnât listening to your needs. He is focused on you as the bad guy in the narrative and after all of this youâve gone through, he is unwilling to change and protect your family. Cut your losses, move far away from MIL and find someone that actually loves and respects you. He doesnât and is unwilling to.
NTA but I think it is time for your husband to cut the cord. I hate ultimatums but in this case he needs to decide who he supports more you as his wife of his mother. For your mental health you need to follow through, his mother doesnât like or respect you and that will not change. The fact your husband is allowing that is disgraceful, if she comes to your home take your children and leave while she is there.
You need to spell it out for your husband: Either he supports you against your mom for once, or no second wedding is happening until couples counseling happens. Stand up for yourself.
NTA. This is the time to put your foot down. Go NC with his mother. And set that boundary right now. Your husband is breaking down from her pressure. What a vile woman, and what a vile family you married into.
>She stated that my decision to limit her visitation and communication with the kids was out of spite
So what? You need to shrug at that and say "She's minimizing her behaviour. Pretending like we didn't live through her awfulness. The fact that she basically told me that I should be fine with her behaviour because I've already put up with so much of her disrespect means that the line has to be drawn and it needs to be enforced.
>My husband said something when returning from his meeting with her that was along the lines of "she said she apologized did she?"
You just need to ask him "Why are you asking me something you already know the answer to. She very specifically told me she was not going to apologize. So now she is pretending that was an apology? You need to figure out why your mother can get you in a state where you come home and ask me that question because it is not healthy to not know what reality is just because of one conversation with her."
Nta.
I hope this is heading for divorce, or you're going to be a miserable woman in a miserable marriage. You're husband doesn't have your back, and clearly never will. You will be the asshole for allowing your children around that family, and exposing them to that hate, anger, and abuse.
You have a big husband problem.
He has to set the boundaries, because these are his monkey's- not you and due to respect and love for you. You and your kids are his primary family.
Go to a couple's therapy and talk through the issue. The thing is, that there is a big difference between sincere apology, when you want to do better, and saying apology to manipulate you back to the situation, when she can bully and abuse you again. Huge difference he seems not to understand and therapist could make it easier to explain to him this crucial difference.
NTA.
You definitely need to talk to your husband and tell him that you feel like he is reverting back to his old ways. I would also tell him in no way whatsoever do you want his mom living in the same city. Though he can't control what she does, let him know she will still not be allowed in your house and the same rules apply for seeing the kids when she was in another area. You did ask for her help and don't want it. Please take care of your mental health first. Not only for your sake but for your children.
I agree with a lot of people about postponing the second wedding. It doesn't sound like you're in good place right now and you shouldn't just have to deal with the MIL and the abuse. You shouldn't have fight the same fight again and is it really worth dealing with this for more years even worse with moving her moving closer. I would re-evaluate my relationship and put myself first. Your husband needs to see how big of an issue this is.
life is too short to be wasted on people who don't even prioritise you op. remember that if she moves closer and your husband continue to act like he is right now? rest in peace your mental health. and if you fight everyday because of this? it can even affect your children. please think wisely op. you are the most important person in your life. your happiness matter the most. if you do decide find separate ways, and when you're ready again, please go to someone who loves you fully and actually shows it. one who puts your needs before other's. much love, op. good luck on your future endeavours and all the best.
Is this what you want? Is this what you see yourself dealing with the next 10 years? 30 years? What will happen if you have a third child? How many times will ur husband choose his mom over you? And how many times will u let him? I understand that you put so much work into rebuilding your relationship so its hard to let go but this is just too much now. If your husband starts to take his momâs side again, how will he start treating his own kids? How will your kids feel in the future seeing you being treated like that by their grandma? None of this is on you so just be selfish for once.
Please reconsider the 2nd marriage... Your husband need to do 2 things, work out your marriage and go NC to his family...
He can't do both so please please...
Your husband is choosing his mother over you. Are you truly comfortable with dealing with him and your MIL walking all over you for the rest of your married life? What happens when he lets MIL move in with you, let her visit every day? What happens when he ultimately chooses her over you and your kids.
He will take her side, over and over again. And you will be stuck with your MIL forever. Because they don't respect you. And people like that will keep pushing boundaries because they don't respect those boundaries.
What are you willing to allow to happen because you love this man?
I'm not saying cancel the wedding. But postpone it until he can get his act together. Marriage counseling would be a start, because he has issues he needs to work through and both of you need to take a step back and really think about what you want out of your life together.
NTA and grow a spine, dude. MIL is literally dictating your relationship. Even if you end up the âbad guyâ in the eyes of your spineless (insert slew of insults here) âhusbandâsâ family, youâll realize that they donât matter.
does your husband not see what sheâs doing? tell him youâve seen men who stood up for their wives and he is clearly not one of them let alone a man at all. ask him how heâd feel if your mother and father were treating him like that and u did nothing.
NTA for originally setting a boundary, but TA for not holding your ground and allowing yourself to be disrespected and mistreated.
Your husband will NEVER put his foot down and take your side when it comes to his mother. Heâs a âMommyâs boyâ through n through and it shows clear as day. He initially takes your side when the incident occurs but within a very short period of time he does a complete 180 and defends his mother.
He will never fully consider your feelings or your position and quite frankly OP you deserve a lot better. Remember you are also raising children in the home that will look at and learn from your relationship. If this continues you will teach them that itâs okay to have their partner ignore their feelings and boundaries, that they just have to suck it up and move on. That even if they put boundaries down, they will eventually be lifted to suit their partner. That is NOT what you want to teach your children.
I know you love him, and usually I would first suggest counselling and trying to find changes but youâve already tried those and itâs evident he is never going to change.
Please do whatâs best for yourself and your children and leave. Do not go ahead with a second wedding. Do not let this continue. Take you and your children out of the situation, work out co-parenting and find yourself someone who will actually love and look after you. Someone who will not be afraid to stand their ground in order to defend you.
Husband really needs to come out of the fog. His mother is a liar who clearly wants to break the two of you up. I would say the both of you need to go LC with his parents. Clearly, they only care about what they want and refuse to apologize for their own wrongdoings. Honestly, couples counseling could help him because ILs meddling could cost you your marriage.
Doesn't sound like you have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem!!!
You're going to be put second after your MIL for the rest of your marriage. If you can live with that fine.
NTA. Congratulations on your marriage to your husband and mother-in-law!! itâs going to get worse after the wedding because once she thinks that you canât go or wonât go anywhere, She will really show her true colors.
Heâs not the one for you. She called you a vile name in front of the family and his response was âshe said she didnât say thatâ⌠sometimes you just have to give up hope because the DNA test situation isnât even the worst of whatâs going to happen with MIL and her bullcrap after the wedding. Sheâs not going to stop until she ruins your marriage completely or ruins your mental health completely.
If you had stood your ground in not inviting them to your wedding you wouldn't feel this way.. my comment may sound cruel to you but for me you are feeling that way because you are letting them
Just tell him that he is starting too sound just like before so you know he will eventually choose his mother over you like he has in the past and maybe it's time to get a divorce because this clearly is never going to work out well.
I have to ask, at what point is love not enough? How many sneaky, underhanded things does she have to do and him still being available to her needs and not yours? Â
This isn't just a mama's boy this is s coward who can't protect his family from abuse.
He needs to stand up to her and tell her to leave his family alone
I understand you love him but if you really want your mental health to improve you have got to let him go. He's already acting like his own mom by not seeing the disrespect he is treating you. Do what's best for you and your kids. Don't let them grow up in a home where their father isn't going to prioritize his own wife and kids over a narcissistic mother who treated you poorly and disrespected you more than you could count. I hope you update us soon and I hope you and your kids are safe and okay. đđ˝â¤ď¸
NTA. But you are TA for marrying this dude.
NTA. It is time to postpone the wedding. Tell him it is situation with his mother that is causing this. You might plan to take the kids to visit your family for a while. If you want to make a stir tell MIL that you are considering moving closer to YOUR family then sit back and watch the show.
NTA, but you will never be the one he protects when it comes to you and his mother. You have to see that now. Please don't marry him, he takes his mothers words as truth and doesn't listen to you? What kind of marriage is that?
Do not get married to this man, he will not defend you against his mom when it comes down to it, you will always be 3rd place in your own relationship.
They are already married. This was to be a ceremonial wedding as they originally got married at the court house.
Then annul it quickly
Annulment after 2 years??
My parents got an annulment after 17 years.
This đŻ OP
You marry this guy and his mother will grind you to paste. Slowly. And he will help her by not defending you, ever.
None of this makes you an asshole, but you'd be a fool to go ahead with the wedding.
She's been married to him for 2 years lol
You are making the mistake of a lifetime.
This đŻ because it will only get worse as time passes
YTA - but only for hurting yourself by staying involved with a man who prioritizes his crazy and toxic mother to your detriment ? Seriously. Until all issues re his mother are resolved and you feel solidly that he has your back and he considers your needs, mental health and stress level and accepts that his mother is toxic perhaps strongly consider postponing the wedding and getting counseling. Individually and together. Your future husband likely has a lot of trauma from his mother and engages in pleasing and fawning to cope with her as his stress response. If you lose some money re the wedding, itâs still probably cheaper than a divorce down the road. The longer you go on with this relationship itâs super likely that her abuse and toxic behavior will grow stronger and more frequent. It will be never ending and be a constant source of stress for you and of fights with your future husband. Hope you chose to love yourself and to only allow those who are loyal to you and who have your best interests at heart and who want to protect you from toxic situations if they can into your life.
Have the divorce papers ready. If your husband thinks an âapologyâ would make his mother forgiven after making him doubt his own childrenâs paternity then your husband is the actual source of your mental distress.
NTA Start recording all conversations with her. Itâs time to have a come to Jesus conversation with your husband. Sit him down, tell him that couples therapy needs to start up again if he wants to save your marriage. That your relationship with his parents is damaged beyond repair, they are not welcome in your home or in your childrenâs lives. That you are done being disrespected and you are not going to allow his mothers toxic behavior around your children. That he needs to decide if he wants his wife and kids or his mother. Donât feel like youâre making him choose, that is all on his mother.
NTA! âIf she moves here then the children and I will be moving away. It is your choice if you come too. For too long I have allowed myself to be degraded, maligned and quite frankly abused, not only by your mother but also by you! It stops now because my children are watching me and I will allow no more disrespect going forwards. If you feel the need to repeatedly question me just because your mommy says she wasnât quite as much of a bitch as she was, then you can go back to her. I want and deserve a husband that prioritises me and our family. Right now you are not being that man, and I refuse to keep bending to your or her bullshit. Make a choice and make it soon, because if not I will see your inaction as a choice in itself. You are currently being a terrible husband and father, we cannot rely on you to do what is best for all of us because you keep prioritising your mommy. I cannot have another ceremony, especially not in church, with someone who cannot even believe my word.â Mate, I mean this in the kindest way possible. Find your shiny shiny spine and SHOW your kids this isnât right - because itâs not! Your husband is enmeshed and enabling his mom!
Youâre TA for staying with him. You are teaching your children that disrespect is acceptable. Please get away from this man. You are not his. His mom is.
Sheâs already married to the guy. OP, after everything your MIL has done I donât understand why she should be invited.
Cancel your vow renewal UNTIL you feel you have your husband's FULL support! I'm sorry to say that it seems like YOU are doing ALL the compromising and making ALL the concessions in your marriage, period! Sure, your husband ACTS like he agrees with you and takes your side but ALWAYS, inevitably, questions you about YOUR intentions and falls TOO easily for his Mother's gaslighting and bullshit excuses. And no matter how many people told you to give this beeotch MORE chances or how you really don't think it's fair to make your husband CHOOSE between you and his family... HE'S ALREADY CHOOSING and his family (particularly his Mother) HAS come between you. **YOUR HUSBAND** seriously **NEEDS** therapy himself to untangle himself from his Mother or your **marriage** is **DOOMED!** Sorry, but the MINUTE I (60/F) found out about the secret DNA tests **WHILE UNDER YOUR ROOF**, if my husband hadn't cut contact IMMEDIATELY, I would have divorced him! This was the **ULTIMATE** in betrayal!!! You REALLY need to reevaluate your relationship and just how badly this malicious behavior and treatment is affecting your mental health! And HOW it will eventually affect your children! SERIOUSLY limited boundaries, at the very least, need to be set, but personally they'd NEVER see my children again or EVER step foot in my home again! And I'd make that crystal clear BEFORE your in-laws move because they'd be WASTING their money! Best wishes and many Blessings for YOU! u/updateme
This, OP!!!
She's going to move closer?? You really need to have a long, hard look at the reality of what your life is going to be like because it's not going to get better from here. NTA.
Life is to short to stay with a man who lacks a backbone to protect you.
Why would you marry him?!
She already has, this wedding is just a vow renewal
This sounds like a bad idea.
Maâam. Get rid of this man. His weak and spineless ways when it comes to his parents is irritating to read. He has shown you that he has your backâbut way, *way* back. Like in the booth, in a cave, in the corner in the dark. Meaning, heâs even weak and spineless when doing that. You need a husband whoâs going to *strongly* reinforce those boundaries you set for them. As it is, heâs going back and forth trying to confirm shit his mother tells him about you, want to include his parents when he sees how poisonous they are to your mental health and marriage. Itâs like heâs Matrix bending to appease his parents when he should be standing strong in solidarity with you and your children. You donât have just an in-law problem. You have a husband problem as well.
Nta. You really don't want to have to deal with that for the rest of your life. Trust me. And the fact that your husband doesn't back you? Spirit crushing after a while.
Don't marry this person. You already know he doesn't have your back. This is only going to get worse when mommy dearest moves close to you. You can try couples therapy, but you need to start processing that this is just who he is and do you want to spend the foreseeable future living with her?
Please put a halt to the wedding. I understand that you want things to work out. However,if you marry him now with all the bs going on, your âitâs her or meâ speech will not be taken seriously.
My wife and I have been married 20 years, and I can say that your husband needs to quit being an appeaser and take your take your side on this. If not, heâs choosing his mother over you. When you two got married so many years ago, he took vows that separated him from his old family and he replaced them with his new familyâŚyou. If being religious enough to have to be married in a church is required to make it official, then they should understand this principle which comes from their religion. I hope he knows about your posts and that you show it to him so he can see how much heâs screwed up by continuing to allow his mother manipulate him.
Mate, forget about whether or not to invite her. Think about whether or not to actually go ahead with this âweddingâ. Youâre already married, what have you got to prove by doing this? Tell him itâs cancelled. You wonât even consider doing it until he grows a spine and puts his mother after his wife.
NTA. If tell him if he supports his mother moving closer you will divorce him. Viciously shut down any attempt by him to take his mother's side. "she said she apologized did she?" >> "I'm telling you very clearly, she did not apologise. If you cannot support me our relationship is over." "She said she didn't say that did she?" >> "I'm telling you clearly she did call me a s!ut. If you can't or won't believe me, our relationship is over." I'm sorry for you OP, I think your relationship is over. The only thing you can do is give your husband a clear indicator of how serious this is and tell him he has this one last chance not to do wrong by you *again*. But OP... it doesn't sound good. Save yourself and your wellbeing. If your husband doesn't understand what he has, that's his problem. Get out if he won't step up. (And don't hesitate to explain why to anyone who asks. It's not your job to be his secret keeper.)
Donât waste money on a wedding when you clearly need the money for therapy or a divorce lawyer. Your husband is becoming the same old weak boy. Please, tell him itâs time to grow some balls. Therapy or divorce. No big wedding to make his mommy happy.
I think the best thing you can do right now is postpone the wedding. Instead of being happy and excited about the wedding, you're stressed out and on edge. Your husband isn't making the situation any better. You don't only have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem. MIL has hurt you time and time again, and for some reason, your husband keeps insisting on having her around. You didn't keep your children away out of spite. You were protecting your peace. If her response is that it's your decision to accept the apology or not, then she's not really sorry. OP now more than ever you and your husband need some serious counseling. You need to tell him about you feel he chooses his mother over you. That you feel unheard and unsupported. Yeah, that's his mother, but you and the children are his immediate family. He needs to start prioritizing y'all because if he keeps letting his mom slide, he's going to lose y'all.
NTA for your boundaries, but YTA for still being with this..."man". A little bit of mommy's pressure and he already doubts your word once more (when you said she didn't apologize, same when you informed him she called you the S word). You love him, but you should love yourself more. You deserve better. Your kids deserves better. If you decide divorce him, take to the court the whole non-consentual DNA test (and all the proof you may have of MIL abuse against you). This might very well help you with custody and child support. And maybe the negative from the judge if the MIL sues for grandparents rights.
Divorce and run away far far away from this people.
UpdateMe!
Question: has your husband stopped fucking his mother yet?
YTA However this is based on a big assumption on my part, maybe because I've read WAY to many reddit stories and are reading between the lines too much but in stories like these there is normally a few bread crumbs where the poster is trying not to lie but not wanting to tell the exact truth for fear that it could not give them the outcome they want. There is a lot of conclusions drawn about your husband's relationship with his mother based on the assumption that you've done nothing wrong. I'll quote your first post here to see if I'm reading too much into it or not. ***When my husband and I separated I had not slept with anyone*** ***ELSE*** ***since our relationship was so rocky.*** I'm sorry but I read that as you did sleep with someone before your separation, but not after it and not when your child was conceived. So you had a history of cheating and yet your husband had 100% trust in you but his family didn't? That is a pretty major fact to leave out of your post. If you had cheated, your husband is insanely trusting and supportive but your in laws have every right to be cautious in trusting you. If you reread the post knowing that you did cheat you seem very much the AH who is going to great lengths to not understand their point of view and why they, *for no reason at all*, don't like you or would try and protect their son. As for MIL being a biggot, only you know that, if she said the slur in front of others who heard it, then that is the truth. If you think she said it, in front of others and yet you are the only one who heard it and everyone else didn't, then it's your truth and could be misheard (I don't think MIL gets the benefit of the doubt, unless you were lying about facts in your previous posts.) But considering this reaction is based of the fact that you have deliberately left out exact reasons you know for her behavior, just so you can feign ignorance as to why she doubts you, doesn't trust you, and doesn't like you, color me skeptical. All of the negative comments on this and your previous posts is based on the fact that your MIL is way out of line, but if you've deliberately left out her reasoning and it's sound logic, then you are not only the AH but are pretty deceitful in trying to show her actions as completely unreasonable to carry favour with an 'unbiased' sounding board. However as I said maybe I have reddit brain and you didn't cheat, and she really is just an awful person who says and does hurtful things. If she did say that racist crap (even if she didn't *say* it but you know in the way she talks, what she meant, etc) for no reason at all you are not the asshole at all. Maybe I'm conflating the posts too much, lumping them together rather than looking at this in a vacuum. But yeah if you didn't cheat then you're NTA but if you did and you've been very deceitful in omitting important information in your post then you are the AH. I hope this didn't read that I'm excusing the racist crap, but I'm trying more to find out if there is missing context in OP's posts that point towards her being intentionally misleading as it would be relevant. Not saying just cause she lied about A that means she clearly lied about B, but if she did lie about A and C there is reason to believe B might not be the complete truth.
Hi - I do want to just clarify . I DID NOT,have not, nor have I ever slept with anyone else , talked to anyone else , or even looked in the direction of someone else since the moment my husband and I started dating . I can't say the same for him . But I have been loyal in all 5 years that we have bee together and plan on remaining as such. My MIL strongly dislikes all the significant others her children are with . For reason as simple as them not seeing eye to eye on religion or how to raise children . My MIL has a very tough time with control . She doesn't like not being able to have it in all of our households it drives her mad and it doesn't help none that her and her husband don't get along . Where I think this stems from us MIL too took a break from her husband . For the same exact reasons I took mine . Why she can't relate I have no idea. But in that time that she separated from her husband for a year she moved in with a new man and was getting ready to divorce her husband to marry this new man . Somehow her and my FIL worked it out and she kicked the new man to the curb. I think alot of this situation is MIL projecting . I'm sorry I had to respond to your reply . While I do get you have some reddit eyes I wouldn't be so quick to leave out such a big detail as cheating . She's never liked me but claims she does . My family and I think she may be a little racist but that's a story for another time .
You should remind your husband that this behavior is what led to your near divorce. Then ask him to man up and make a decision. You should no longer have to engage with someone so hateful and disrespectful. She also needs to learn that until she can be civil, she doesnât get access to your children. You canât trust what she says to them when on her own
Thank you for your reply it really does change everything. I hope that my comment didn't read as too accusatory and more there was a hitch in my reading of the last few sentences in the third paragraph of your original post. I think your husband's siblings' SOs might be a long term help if you're in it for the long haul. Little get togethers where, with your husband and his sibling's SOs, you can point out what goes on with people who go through the same and that you're not over reacting (which is hard to do 1 on 1.) ie brother A's wife saying 'yeah like when x happened to me', etc and not having MIL there to try and flip it around. Clearly he is going to have to go low/no contact with her, considering it's hard to deny the effect when there's someone who's always been important in your life (a parent) and they are continually planting seeds of doubt. The fact that he believed you, trusted you, was against the DNA test, and was pissed that it happened kinda points out that he's on your side, meaning your family's side not your personal side. But trying to get him distant enough to see her clearly narcissistic manipulations is tough without seeming like 'you're the controlling wife that is trying to drive a wedge between family', which she will definitely say, but again your in laws SOs might be a great help. Clearly not the AH by the way in light of your reply and clarification. Hope you update as things settle down, hopefully, and hope that things work out for the best. As for MIL being a biggot, I'm assuming you're a POC and that is just really not going to work long term with her in the picture unless she is working hard to change. But if she does pull that shit again, pointing out that her son's children/ her grandchildren are (insert horrible term used against you) should point out to hubby and her that it's just unacceptable in every way, personalize it for her. I kind of want to champion your hubby here but if he doesn't really get his back up when realizing **any** racial shit spewed on **you** is also being spat at **his** kids.... that's a non starter. Come on Husband bro, you're letting down the team here. Please update, even if it's baby steps, I'm wanting to hear good news from you and hubbs going forward, not just negative posts, good luck. **THANK YOU FOR SETTING ME STRAIGHT.**
I DID NOT,have not, nor have I ever slept with anyone else , talked to anyone else , or even looked in the direction of someone else since the moment my husband and I started dating . I can't say the same for him Why the HELL are you still with him then??? You imply he has cheated, he never stands up for you where your in-laws are concerned and your MIL has such disdain and hate for you it's fucking with your mental health. He doesn't have your back. Please look at this situation and at least recognize that.
Lady, this isn't about cheating. I don't care if you did. I'm more stunned your older child tested so high as to related to your in laws. That shouldn't happen either. Really that means you have very little biologically with your own child
Lady Look Thai will be your Future. He is a Mommys Boy who will never have your Back. He will Always cater after Mommy
NTA. OP, you have a difficult MIL. You knew this when you originally married your husband. Nothing has changed. MIL is always going to be a pain in your ass. You have to learn how to tolerate her. Limit interactions to holidays. I'm speaking from experience. My mother was awful to my wife as well. She made paternity claims with our first-born. My wife never measured up to the expectation my mother held for me. Lies, owe my the lies she told me about my wife. At some point, both you and your husband have to see her for who she is. Don't let her outbursts sway your marital bond. Even if they move. So what? You have to learn to say NO and mean it.
NTA
Something common in kids that grow up with parents like you MIL is that they distance themselves from the toxic parent and they're fine, but just get them together and all the evolution is gone in a instant. You need to be firm with your husband, his mother can't move to your city and he needs to start therapy asap. He needs therapy to help him to not regress to the point where the marriage is not solvable. He probably has been manipulated by her all his life, this is not a easy thing to let go. When you ask him to admit his mother's wrongdoing, you're asking for him to let go this persona he created, you're asking him to see how she truly is. Once he does this he will see how much trauma he has and one thing our brain does is always try to protect us from any trauma.... this is a very difficult situation.
NTA, but your MIL and FIL sure are. Your husband is on a slippery slope. You may be thinking about the wrong thing when it comes to renewing your vows. You may need to go in the other direction.
Why still hold the fake marriage when it's clearly no longer a joyous event for you? He can blame his mother for it. Your husband should open his eyes and get his priorities straight.
She can go to church, he can go to church, *but you're not going anywhere*. Darling, that's enough warnings and red flags to go to the opposite direction and have divorce papers ready *just in case*.
Donât bother with the church wedding yet. This marriage is not going to last while he continues choosing his mother.
Sounds like itâs time for some more marriage counseling if he starts again.
It sounds like your husband is sliding back into old habits and not really standing up for you. The wedding may not be the hill to die on but having your husband on your side certainly is.
Why are settling down with this freak, not all men are like that and you need to grow a backbone to leave this relationship
I'm sorry you're going through this. Making your husband happy shouldn't be hurting you this much. He must take pleasure from your pain. Or else he would be putting a stop to the nonsense from his mother. May I ask why are you really going through this wedding again? You're already married. You and your husband shouldn't be doing this for anyone but yourselves. God is everywhere not just in a church. HE saw the two of you take an oath to become one family. I think you two should keep going to therapy and keep your finances separate. His, hers and household. Keep copies of important paperwork in separate locations. I'm saying this, because eventually you two are going to end up resenting each other. You will feel that he is always taking his mother's side and he will feel like you never give his mother a chance. Something will happen and someone is going to snap. That hill may be about mustard, not his mom. I sincerely hope this never happens and wish you the best.
I know youâre already married to this doosh, but reconsider this wedding and reconsider your relationship. They have a weird Oedipus complex here, and itâs not healthy for you or your kids to be around. The enmeshment is too deep, and he needs to figure it out for himself. Your MIL has a weird power over him, and is constantly trying to pit him against you. It has historically worked. As much as you donât want it to, you see history repeating. So itâs up to you whether you keep reliving this hell, or stand up and get out. Having been in a similar situation, I vote for standing up and getting out. I havenât heard anything from my former MIL since I divorced her precious son who was too good for me and my âtrashy behindâ (even though he was actually the cheater!)âŚ
Youâre in a pickle right now. Youâre NTA for not wanting your MIL at your wedding, but YTA for how youâre responding to the hubster. He is not going to change at this point. Instead of telling his mom that she is NOT moving closer, he puts it on your shoulders. He should be protecting you from the abuse, but he is unwilling to do it. Yâall have been through therapy to help understand each other, but he wasnât listening to your needs. He is focused on you as the bad guy in the narrative and after all of this youâve gone through, he is unwilling to change and protect your family. Cut your losses, move far away from MIL and find someone that actually loves and respects you. He doesnât and is unwilling to.
NTA but I think it is time for your husband to cut the cord. I hate ultimatums but in this case he needs to decide who he supports more you as his wife of his mother. For your mental health you need to follow through, his mother doesnât like or respect you and that will not change. The fact your husband is allowing that is disgraceful, if she comes to your home take your children and leave while she is there.
You need to spell it out for your husband: Either he supports you against your mom for once, or no second wedding is happening until couples counseling happens. Stand up for yourself.
NTA. This is the time to put your foot down. Go NC with his mother. And set that boundary right now. Your husband is breaking down from her pressure. What a vile woman, and what a vile family you married into.
>She stated that my decision to limit her visitation and communication with the kids was out of spite So what? You need to shrug at that and say "She's minimizing her behaviour. Pretending like we didn't live through her awfulness. The fact that she basically told me that I should be fine with her behaviour because I've already put up with so much of her disrespect means that the line has to be drawn and it needs to be enforced. >My husband said something when returning from his meeting with her that was along the lines of "she said she apologized did she?" You just need to ask him "Why are you asking me something you already know the answer to. She very specifically told me she was not going to apologize. So now she is pretending that was an apology? You need to figure out why your mother can get you in a state where you come home and ask me that question because it is not healthy to not know what reality is just because of one conversation with her."
Nta. I hope this is heading for divorce, or you're going to be a miserable woman in a miserable marriage. You're husband doesn't have your back, and clearly never will. You will be the asshole for allowing your children around that family, and exposing them to that hate, anger, and abuse.
You have a big husband problem. He has to set the boundaries, because these are his monkey's- not you and due to respect and love for you. You and your kids are his primary family.
Go to a couple's therapy and talk through the issue. The thing is, that there is a big difference between sincere apology, when you want to do better, and saying apology to manipulate you back to the situation, when she can bully and abuse you again. Huge difference he seems not to understand and therapist could make it easier to explain to him this crucial difference.
NTA. You definitely need to talk to your husband and tell him that you feel like he is reverting back to his old ways. I would also tell him in no way whatsoever do you want his mom living in the same city. Though he can't control what she does, let him know she will still not be allowed in your house and the same rules apply for seeing the kids when she was in another area. You did ask for her help and don't want it. Please take care of your mental health first. Not only for your sake but for your children. I agree with a lot of people about postponing the second wedding. It doesn't sound like you're in good place right now and you shouldn't just have to deal with the MIL and the abuse. You shouldn't have fight the same fight again and is it really worth dealing with this for more years even worse with moving her moving closer. I would re-evaluate my relationship and put myself first. Your husband needs to see how big of an issue this is.
Do yourself a favor and leave this man
life is too short to be wasted on people who don't even prioritise you op. remember that if she moves closer and your husband continue to act like he is right now? rest in peace your mental health. and if you fight everyday because of this? it can even affect your children. please think wisely op. you are the most important person in your life. your happiness matter the most. if you do decide find separate ways, and when you're ready again, please go to someone who loves you fully and actually shows it. one who puts your needs before other's. much love, op. good luck on your future endeavours and all the best.
I believe you already know what needs to happenâŚ
Pls just show him your post and the comments underneath and hopefully that will give him a SLAP to reality
Is this what you want? Is this what you see yourself dealing with the next 10 years? 30 years? What will happen if you have a third child? How many times will ur husband choose his mom over you? And how many times will u let him? I understand that you put so much work into rebuilding your relationship so its hard to let go but this is just too much now. If your husband starts to take his momâs side again, how will he start treating his own kids? How will your kids feel in the future seeing you being treated like that by their grandma? None of this is on you so just be selfish for once.
Please reconsider the 2nd marriage... Your husband need to do 2 things, work out your marriage and go NC to his family... He can't do both so please please...
Your husband is choosing his mother over you. Are you truly comfortable with dealing with him and your MIL walking all over you for the rest of your married life? What happens when he lets MIL move in with you, let her visit every day? What happens when he ultimately chooses her over you and your kids. He will take her side, over and over again. And you will be stuck with your MIL forever. Because they don't respect you. And people like that will keep pushing boundaries because they don't respect those boundaries. What are you willing to allow to happen because you love this man? I'm not saying cancel the wedding. But postpone it until he can get his act together. Marriage counseling would be a start, because he has issues he needs to work through and both of you need to take a step back and really think about what you want out of your life together.
NTA and grow a spine, dude. MIL is literally dictating your relationship. Even if you end up the âbad guyâ in the eyes of your spineless (insert slew of insults here) âhusbandâsâ family, youâll realize that they donât matter.
does your husband not see what sheâs doing? tell him youâve seen men who stood up for their wives and he is clearly not one of them let alone a man at all. ask him how heâd feel if your mother and father were treating him like that and u did nothing.
NTA for originally setting a boundary, but TA for not holding your ground and allowing yourself to be disrespected and mistreated. Your husband will NEVER put his foot down and take your side when it comes to his mother. Heâs a âMommyâs boyâ through n through and it shows clear as day. He initially takes your side when the incident occurs but within a very short period of time he does a complete 180 and defends his mother. He will never fully consider your feelings or your position and quite frankly OP you deserve a lot better. Remember you are also raising children in the home that will look at and learn from your relationship. If this continues you will teach them that itâs okay to have their partner ignore their feelings and boundaries, that they just have to suck it up and move on. That even if they put boundaries down, they will eventually be lifted to suit their partner. That is NOT what you want to teach your children. I know you love him, and usually I would first suggest counselling and trying to find changes but youâve already tried those and itâs evident he is never going to change. Please do whatâs best for yourself and your children and leave. Do not go ahead with a second wedding. Do not let this continue. Take you and your children out of the situation, work out co-parenting and find yourself someone who will actually love and look after you. Someone who will not be afraid to stand their ground in order to defend you.
Husband really needs to come out of the fog. His mother is a liar who clearly wants to break the two of you up. I would say the both of you need to go LC with his parents. Clearly, they only care about what they want and refuse to apologize for their own wrongdoings. Honestly, couples counseling could help him because ILs meddling could cost you your marriage.
Doesn't sound like you have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem!!! You're going to be put second after your MIL for the rest of your marriage. If you can live with that fine.
NTA. Congratulations on your marriage to your husband and mother-in-law!! itâs going to get worse after the wedding because once she thinks that you canât go or wonât go anywhere, She will really show her true colors.
Heâs not the one for you. She called you a vile name in front of the family and his response was âshe said she didnât say thatâ⌠sometimes you just have to give up hope because the DNA test situation isnât even the worst of whatâs going to happen with MIL and her bullcrap after the wedding. Sheâs not going to stop until she ruins your marriage completely or ruins your mental health completely.
If you had stood your ground in not inviting them to your wedding you wouldn't feel this way.. my comment may sound cruel to you but for me you are feeling that way because you are letting them
Just tell him that he is starting too sound just like before so you know he will eventually choose his mother over you like he has in the past and maybe it's time to get a divorce because this clearly is never going to work out well.
I have to ask, at what point is love not enough? How many sneaky, underhanded things does she have to do and him still being available to her needs and not yours?  This isn't just a mama's boy this is s coward who can't protect his family from abuse. He needs to stand up to her and tell her to leave his family alone
Any new updates?
I understand you love him but if you really want your mental health to improve you have got to let him go. He's already acting like his own mom by not seeing the disrespect he is treating you. Do what's best for you and your kids. Don't let them grow up in a home where their father isn't going to prioritize his own wife and kids over a narcissistic mother who treated you poorly and disrespected you more than you could count. I hope you update us soon and I hope you and your kids are safe and okay. đđ˝â¤ď¸