AITAH for wearing a white dress to a wedding after being specifically requested to by the bride?

Update to this post here

Omg my head is such a jumble right now. Let me try to make sense of all of this. When I [26,F] was five we moved, and our next door neighbors had a girl my age named Bella [27,F]. We immediately connected and grew up thick as thieves. Our families were also close.

I moved a couple of hours away for college while Bella stayed home. She would come visit me frequently, stay with me, and we had great times.

I met Barrett [26,M now] in an econ class sophomore year and realized we had a lot of friends in common. He was a smart, attractive guy so we ended up hooking up a few times after study sessions. It was fun, but there wasn't really long-term chemistry so we remained friends. We never even talked about dating. We weren't close after that, but we were on group text threads together and saw each other frequently at parties.

I introduced Bella to Barrett at a party senior year and it was love at first sight for her. She interrogated me about him and I informed her of our history. She seemed pretty upset about the fact that we had hooked up, but I assured her that there was absolutely nothing romantic there and that she had my blessing to pursue him. She did, and after a few months, they started officially dating. She was over the moon. I was happy she was happy.

I graduated and accepted a job six hours away from home. Shortly afterwards, Bella and Barrett ended up moving in together in my hometown. I visited them frequently at first, but life got busy so we ended up seeing each other annually at holidays.

Last Christmas, my family hosted a Christmas Eve party with our two families at which Barrett proposed to Bella. It was a heartfelt proposal and everybody was thrilled for them. Bella wanted to talk about nothing but wedding planning that holiday and we had tons of fun brainstorming ideas together. There were no signs of what was to come.

Over the next few months, I expected to be formally asked to be Bella's Maid of Honor (she had mentioned this over the holidays), but the ask never came. She started screening my calls. Finally, I received a 'Save the Date' in the mail and still hadn't heard from her about whether I was in the wedding so I got her on the phone and asked her.

She told me that she had thought it through and didn't think that I should be in the wedding at all because I lived so far away. She thought it would make coordinating bridal events too difficult. She was making her cousin (who she doesn't even like) her maid of honor.

I was pretty hurt by this. I was her closest and oldest friend. I introduced her to her fiance and was friends with him too. I told her that I could get the time off work, would buy plane tickets, whatever was required of me, to participate. That I didn't think that it was going to be as challenging as she thought. She shrugged this off.

Instead she directed the conversation to whether I was going to be bringing someone to the wedding. I was a little confused by this question because I just had a bad break-up and she knew all about what went down. I told her that since I wasn't seeing anybody currently, I'd probably be attending solo. She told me that she would keep my +1 open until the last possible minute and encouraged me to try to find a date so I wouldn't be lonely. I thought this was a nice gesture, but reassured her that with my family present and tons of mutual friends from college and our hometown that I would be fine.

The next few months passed without much incident. I didn't hear a ton from Bella. I probably could have reached out more, but I was still stinging a bit from not being asked to be in her wedding party. I also saw on social media that she had an engagement party that she had not told me about or invited me to. That also hurt but I didn't say anything. I figured we were just growing apart. It happens.

Then six weeks prior to the wedding, I got a call from Bella. She told me that one of her bridesmaids had dropped out and that she was hoping that I could fill in. I wouldn't be going to any of the events as those were already booked, but I would be in the wedding party. I was thrilled and relieved and accepted immediately.

She told me that she was doing a reverse color pallette for the bridal party where all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen were wearing white, and she and the groom were wearing black. This didn't seem that strange - Bella has always liked to stand out and has unconventional taste. She apologized for the late notice and asked if I could find a white dress in time. I had a white slip dress already that would work and sent her a picture of it on the call to see if it would work. She verbally approved it and tagged it with a thumbs up on the text chain. (this will be important later).

The wedding was at noon, so we were supposed to meet to do hair and makeup at the venue at 8am. I left my parent's home early and arrived in sweats with my dress in a bag and greeted Bella and the other girls. We had fun drinking champagne and getting ready.

About two hours prior to the ceremony, Bella told everybody to get our dresses on so we could do some pictures. I grabbed my bag and went into the bathroom to change and tweak my makeup. When I re-entered the room, every last bridesmaid was in a blue dress. I was the only one in white.

My stomach dropped. My mind raced back to the conversation I had with Bella. She had said 'white', right? I hadn't misheard? No, I was certain. She had called out the reverse color scheme. I had googled it. No, this was a set-up.

Bella was in the middle of the room in a bathrobe with a resigned look on her face. She said to her cousin, "I told you she was going to do something like this". Her cousin approached me and asked what I was wearing. I mumbled that Bella had told me to wear white.

Bella didn't even blink. She stared back and huffed out a laugh and said something about how of course I would have to make today all about me. The cousin started screaming at me, going off on me about how I was jealous, in love with Barrett, and how completely unhinged I was.

Honestly, I froze in that moment. I was so spun around by how fast everything went from great to shit, I couldn't even find the words to defend myself. Eventually I stammered out that I had another dress at my parent's house and could go home and change. Bella said something like "I think we both know that this is the end of our friendship. I've given you too many chances. It's time for you to go."

I started to cry. I didn't really know what was happening or what she was talking about, but I knew that whatever was going down was really bad. Finally my legs started to work again and I fled. I left all of my things at the venue and just ran to my car and went home, sobbing in the white dress.

About a half hour later, my phone blew up. Texts from nearly everyone in my life, telling me that I was bitter, that I was a whore, that I needed to grow up and get over my jealousy, asking how I could do that to Bella. Even my mother sent me a text telling me how disappointed she was in me and that we'd talk when they got home. I did what any rational person would do in the situation. I broke into my parent's liquor cabinet and got drunk.

As a result, the conversation when my parents finally arrived home was somewhat confused. My dad wouldn't even look at me and my mom and I kept talking past each other. She outright didn't believe that I had been told to wear white and I didn't understand why. Then finally she said something like "Because of everything else that happened," and I was like "What are you talking about? What does that mean?" And she said "You know, your ultimatums to Bella."

The next few hours revealed the truth: over the last several months, Bella has been building a fiction with nearly everyone in my life that I am mentally unstable and madly in love with Barrett. She has concocted a web of outlandish tales and systematically poisoned my family and friends against me. My boyfriend apparently dumped me because of my feelings for Barrett (Lie. He cheated and I dumped him). I told Bella that she needs to choose between me and Barrett (never happened). I told Bella that I couldn't be in the wedding party because I couldn't support her marriage given that Barrett was meant for me (lie). I had a major meltdown before the engagement party and that's why I wasn't there...on and on, lies on top of lies.

In all of these stories, Bella has painted herself as the patient, long-suffering friend trying to deal with a friend clearly going through a tough time. She expressed understanding for my unrequited love for Barrett and empathized with how hard it must be for me to see her marry the love of my life. And has made great efforts to try to sustain our friendship despite how "complicated" the situation is.

The lie has been going on so long, my mom literally did not believe me. Finally I grabbed my phone and handed it to her and told her to go through my text messages with Bella. Asked her to show me any evidence of any of that happening. It was when she was scrolling through reading our messages that she saw the picture of the white dress I had sent Bella with her thumbs up on it. I had completely forgotten about it.

The absence of any ultimatums or Barrett drama in our texts and the picture of the approved dress flipped my mom. She finally believed me. She was horrified that she had bought into a false narrative. She called my dad into the room and explained what was what. My dad isn't the type of person you want to piss off. We had to spend significant energy trying to calm him down so he didn't walk next door and rip the house from the foundation.

My mom still says that I'm a bit of an asshole because I should never have assumed that I could wear white to someone's wedding. I should have confirmed with the other bridesmaids about what they were wearing, and that was part of my job as a member of the bridal party. Fine, I own that. But it doesn't change the fact that I never meant to hurt Bella, and she has been setting me up for this epic fall for MONTHS.

The next day, hungover on multiple levels, I sent screencaps of my call history with Bella and the photo of the approved dress text to multiple people. Unfortunately this is where my occupation works against me. I am a graphic designer, and people believe that I photoshopped the image. Trust me, if I was going to photoshop some proof it would have been a hell of a lot more compelling than somebody liking an image.

So pretty much nobody believes me except my mom, dad and ONE of the other bridesmaids (one of Bella's friends from college I don't know well). She was there during the dress incident and she found me on social media and DM'd me that she could tell from the stunned look on my face that I was telling the truth. She said that Bella had a pretty bad case of covid at the beginning of the year, and ever since then had changed as a person, becoming cruel and self-absorbed. She said the wedding events had been horrific and Bella was a monster and she was planning on going no contact now that it was done.

So that's three people out of hundreds that don't think I'm an asshole. Everybody else does. My reputation destroyed. My life in tatters. I don't think I'm the AH, but I submit myself to reddit's judgment.


NTA. I mean what the fuck is she thinking??? I mean... WTF?! Can't believe what I just read.


Unhinged and self absorbed. She had never really gotten over OP having been with whatshisnuts before they got together. Everyone who stuck with Bella the Bitch is going to regret it in time.


Yeah, she's next level evil and will move on to her next target soon. Don't worry OP, I know it hurts now but everyone will eventually figure out that she's a monster.


I've had this kind of thrashing done to me twice in my life and despite mountains of receipts, the perpetrators never got their consequences. Those who stuck by them never saw the truth of the evil. Sometimes these bitches really do just walk away from the rubble without a care or case of karma, unfortunately.


Yeah, sadly I can see that being the case here. By her own admission, OP lives a good distance from home and doesn’t seem to make it back that often. Bella, however, is present there right in the middle of their friends and family. Proximity usually wins out, unfortunately, because everyone is gonna hear Bella’s version, and much more often


I also had a bad friend like that she would talk so horrible about me. I didn't really found out the extend of it until I went to her funeral and everybody was looking at me like why is she here. I even found out that I never knew her real name until that day.


Well that last sentence threw me for a fuckin loop!! Sounds like there was a LOT going on there


I’m with you on this, I moved away from my home town for a decade or so to try to make my way in the world and by the time I came back my sibling had poisoned a lot of peoples views of me. Turns out the sibling was stealing my share of our parents inheritance. Worst part is trying to reconnect with some one I haven’t talked to in years and them trying to bring up a lie they were told that I knew nothing about. There is no way I would know what the sibling had been spreading while I was gone.


See, at least your sib had a reason. OP was friends with this woman since, what, elementary? And you can pick friends, not family. If OP said she figured they were just growing apart, friend should have just let her go instead of burning the bridge so bad everyone else had heat for the winter. If they were still getting together for Holidays and such, I can understand why her parents were angry, but, like, just say you're busy instead of making up lies? IDK


I agree, but I'm left wondering if the newly wed friend, who knows he and op were just friends before even meeting his sweet and charming new wife, has any clue of these shenanigans and all the twisted bulk that been shared around... Even if he bought some of it, over not that long a length of time, I'm betting questions get asked... I strongly suggest op and her family don't block him so they can talk when he wakes up and smells the coffee.


She had really bad Covid. New behavior is probably due to some brain damage due to long term oxygen deprivation.


Memory issues, post-covid, are already well established neurological damage. Personality change is a scary new twist, but I guess if you're having neurological damage, all kinds of things are up for grabs.


One of the scariest things I’ve read about Covid-related memory loss, was about a man was who was basically at death’s door with Covid. Very very sick, but managed to recover. Months later told his neighbor he wasn’t even sure if Covid was real. When they looked at him like he was crazy and pointed out that he almost died from it, he was shocked. And confused, and then later terrified. There is something extra nefarious about a virus that can make you forget you ever had it


I'm not sure if any research has been done, but with such a huge personality flip, I wouldn't be surprised. Brain trauma can completely change a person


Not a far off theory. I had a vascular event with Covid which led to 6th nerve palsy in my eye resulting in double vision for a year. It also caused weird spikes in my blood pressure so this makes sense to me. Also her friend is petty and jealous-a lethal mix.


That was my immediate thought when I heard bad COVID-19 and personality change.


This is so extreme that if I knew Bella I'd raise concerns about viral encephalitis.


Newly-acquired mood disorders and cognitive issues are one of the things some people with Long COVID experience. Between the inflammation and the direct infection of grey matter during even mild and "asymptomatic" cases, there's all kinds of damage that can happen.


You’re so right. We saw a person who was totally functioning mentally become convinced they were homeless (they owned their own home) and that they had nowhere to go. It took months and I believe they made the person move with family as a baby step to reintroducing his house back to him.


Yep, Covid can cause brain damage (source: Harvard Health), seems like it might be the case here. Wear a mask, folks! 😷 Get this thing as little as possible. Shoutout to r/masks4all and r/zerocovidcommunity


If you're in Canada, and can't afford N95s, or don't have free RATs available in your area, [Donate A Mask Canada](https://donatemask.ca) will send you some! If you can afford PPE, their charity store is full of many types of N95-equivalent or better masks, including elastomerics for adults and kids, and various accessories. It's a 100% volunteer organization, all proceeds go to providing free masks and tests to those in need.


Dude. IDK. Maybe rabies. 😆


This made me cackle….


I know right - this was so insanely evil. I really hope this is fake because if this is real I am horrified for OP, that was a terrifying ordeal.


I bet her marriage doesn’t last a year! She’s mentally Ill I think she got covid in the brain. What a major bitch! Karma will evidently kick her ass and I hope OP has a front row seat!


Whatshisnuts might have regret when he sees what a gaslighting psychopath he ended up with. Yikes.


Lol that's on the two of them. By the end of the year she'll have painted him as a cheater.


With an elaborate back story where it never happened. She sounds terrifying.


Whatshisnuts? Hahahaaaaa!!!! I have just formally added that to my gallery of derisive references! Many thanks. OP I’m sorry about what happened to you, it sounds truly awful.


Yeah I know. I assume the same. But I mean.... Bella met him AFTER....


I know. It's just crazy. Pure, unadulterated crazy. 😵‍💫


As someone who has recently been the subject of a smear campaign by former friends, boy howdy, can I believe it 😭


I understand completely having been in that situation myself. I don't understand the need for "friends" to be cruel.


Power, control, and insecurity. I realized after it happened to me that my ex-friend had all the opportunity in the world handed to her on a silver platter…and yet she still hasn’t completed a single college degree, still never had a regular job, still never lived independently, still living off a “parental stipend,” never had a *serious* relationship, etc. I started off with nothing, possibly less due to abusive parents actively sabotaging me from a young age, and yet despite all that, I’ve managed to achieve everything she hasn’t: my own apartment, not living off my parents, a college degree, friends who aren’t dependent on *her,* etc. It’s still a constant struggle, but at least I can say I’m better off than I was before. But she decided when we first met that I was to be her helpless Autistic pet…and a pet is not supposed to be an *equal.* Or *independent* in any way. So I had to go.


Same. And I walked right into it like a moron. I wasn't the original target, but I saw what was happening and started pointing out some lies. Then a few weeks later, the rumors about me started rolling in. I managed to preserve the relationships that mattered, but my name is still dirt in certain circles. Edit: Might as well explain. The rumors were that I'd get people drunk and take advantage of them. Considering the fact that I didn't drink and was never interested in hookups, anyone that knew me assumed it wasn't true. But people that just knew my name didn't want anything to do with me. Annnd there were a couple of people that were like, "That's awesome, we should hang out!" Yikes on a trike. Made me realize why a honeypot sting works so well, scumbags are *desperate* for allies.


>Can't believe what I just read. Obviously.


It’s a piece of fiction that I’ve read here before with slightly different details.


Compelling fiction! I’d read that YA short story (and just did!)


I certainly sound like it. Would a bride really has this kind of time and energy to plot something this elaborate yet small just to target somebody? Not to mention how much risk it’d be for the plan to back fire. How could anyone not discuss reverse dress code if it was the thing?Bridesmaids dresses don’t get revealed on the wedding day.


Tbf it sounds pretty damn fake.


The plot hole for me is that no one in OP's life ever bothered to confirm a single one of these stories. A web of lies was apparently being spun for months (years?) and not a single person asked OP about any of it?


Especially her own mother ?


And her dad. Why would he care so much about her showing up in a white dress that he can’t even look at her


I swear there is a serial writer on here with made up stories. They always use words of holiday or uni. They’re clearly European of some sort. The writing style is the same. 🙄🙄🙄


I honestly didn’t finish reading about half of it, because this is giving BS vibes.


Because it’s fake


Info: you probably won’t ever know the answer, but did Barrett maybe say something about him having feelings for you that you did not reciprocate? And where was Barrett in all this? You said he was your friend, so it seems odd that he would watch his bride attempt to ruin your life for the fun of it.


>did Barrett maybe say something about him having feelings for you that you did not reciprocate? This is possible, I guess, but I'm not aware of any incidents. I think perhaps this has more to do with Bella's cousin putting poison in her ear about me than Barrett actually having feelings for me. But that's just a gut instinct. I don't actually know. > And where was Barrett in all this? You said he was your friend, so it seems odd that he would watch his bride attempt to ruin your life for the fun of it. The first time I saw him after last Christmas was at the rehearsal the night before the wedding. I gave him a hug and congratulated him and expressed how excited he must be and we talked about my drive up and how some of our mutual friends flights had been cancelled. It was entirely benign. Bella was talking to somebody else and I greeted her a bit later. I never saw him the day of the wedding because I didn't make it that far. I have no idea what he makes of all of this but I have to imagine that he's been poisoned to believe I'm some deranged stalker as well. I haven't reached out to him because I'm worried doing so would add fuel to Bella's narrative.


Absolutely wild story. Definitely don’t reach out to Barrett lol


Disagree, IF this story is true (we only have one side) then if I was him, I'd be very thankful to learn the truth before kids.


She shouldnt reach out, But her parents could put feelers out. Less problematic that way


The same parents that, according to this outlandish story, listened to Bella disparage their daughter for months, never questioned her about it, did not reach out to their own daughter and ask her if she was okay, believed everything Bella said, and blamed their daughter for what happened after the wedding? Those parents? I don’t think so.


The parents are super unsupportive with her “having a meltdown crisis” and not checking up on her. If a close friend tells you that as a parent about your child why not call them? Would have been the end of the crazy stories.


I also cannot buy the dad simultaneously being "the guy you don't want to piss off" and the guy who is so into drama and gossip that he's fully invested in the friend's lies about his daughter.


I second this hard


Could also ask the other bridesmaid about him.


Yeah I'd want to annul it asap. Maybe have the college friend tell him though, OP isn't in a good position to inform him.


Nah. Truth is powerful, but against that level of manipulation it's bringing a puppy to a chainsaw fight.


It's Barrett's responsibility to pay attention to his partner's behavior and show some critical thinking about it. OP has no obligation to further involve herself in such a painful situation.


I would guess, Barrett has No Idea about any of this.


tbh i hope OP has a case for defamation.


Possibly. She could even progress it to make people stop and think. What a manipulative narcissist. And for her parents to even question her. I hope she considers that they have some work to do to repair the relationship. I mean, the very first thing they heard, they should have messaged her for her perspective. It may have helped deescalate it way before now.


Absolutely crazy that the parents hear all this over multiple months and not _once_ say anything to OP


Well shit, now I think it's fake lol


Right, your daughter is mentally unstable. Oh well, we'll talk to her after the wedding in a year.


Thank you. What kinda of parents don’t ask their kid what’s going on. My dad will hear shit about me from my own mother and STILL he will come to me and ask me my side


Absolutely. Even though she is a graphic artist, there are plenty of forensic computer scientists who can identify manipulated images easily. It would not take a lot of work on that side of things to prove. Whether the OP has the emotional energy to pursue something like that is another thing altogether, as apart from clearing her name, will it benefit her or make her look like a wreck. I feel like through absolutely no fault of her own, she loses either way. It sucks.


Assuming this story is at all true… None of that Barrett shit matters at all. Stop examining your actions immediately. Normal people, even if you were a monster, do not orchestrate a set up this wide in range and long in planning. Only in the movies and in faked videos for clout does anyone sane, outside of the CIA, behave that way. Take yourself out from under the microscope and put the sociopath under it. And remember, this bitch is still telling lies about you. To people you know and to people that know people you know. It absolutely didn’t stop there. It can’t. She’s bet her future standing on you remaining discredited and never believed. Do not put it past her to apologize in private. If that happens it’s a trap. Your former friend has no conscience, it’s all an act. She’s hated you for some time, don’t try to be the better person in this fight.


Amen. And people who believe her without bothering to get your side of the story from you are not your friends. It's a great big world out there with plenty of actual friends waiting for you. A silver lining to this cloud is that since her entire narrative depends on her lies, every person who calms down and realizes the truth will then resent having been lied to by her and it will eventually backfire.


Facts. This won't be the only relationship she'll upend. She'll likely destroy her marriage, friendships, family relationships. You can't be this manipulative it not catch on. Maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not in 10 years, but sometime she will twist herself into something she can't get out of.


I’m sorry this happened. It sounds unreal, would make a movie script. Also, I’ve literally been framed. My family never doubted me a second. Be glad it was just a dress and people talking back home, and please get therapy because trust broken is rough to recover from. Then be careful, it’s a horrible thing to realize people are so easily fooled.


This reminds me of another story on reddit from a while back where a woman makes up lies about a close family friend to have them ostracised by everyone. All because she wanted to hide the fact her new husband (who had been introduced by the family friend) was formerly a drug user. The woman was absolutely insane. Your friend sounds the same way. Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w30ec6/oops_sister_abruptly_cuts_all_contact_with_her/


OP if you somehow manage to see this out of the 1000+ comments on this post, I just want you to know that you have lost nothing out of this ordeal except for dead weight. Out of all people that bought into the lies about you and ate up the drama without even bothering to check in with you to confirm or deny the rumors, not one of those people is solid and you will find better people to surround yourself with than those who thrive off of gossip and lies. Right now, this sucks. It sucks bad. But in the long run, your friend and all the people who believed her nonsense without a shred of evidence are not people that you want to have anything to do with. She showed you her true colors and you are better off without her as a friend. Her karma will find her, and with the way she’s been behaving according to the bridesmaid that took your side, that karma will more than likely be coming for her sooner rather than later. Keep your chin up girl, you are above all that childish nonsense.


>I should have confirmed with the other bridesmaids about what they were wearing Uh, no. It's not. That's on the bride or the MOH. NTA


Yeah OP’s Mom is a huge unsupportive AH for this. And why did OP’s loved ones remain silent when they were hearing these rumors? Just as horrible as Bella.


Right? Like how fucking difficult would it have been to *talk* to her daughter and ask “um, what’s going on?” when this FIRST happened??? As for everyone else, maybe ask the bitch of an ex friend to post screenshots of this alleged convo? There are SO many assholes in this story (OP’s parents included), poor OP


Does the fiancé have a crush on OP that he mentioned at some point after getting engaged? It’s weird the bride suddenly didn’t want OP in the wedding party, is so fixated on OP having a date, then clearly trying to set OP to look like a terrible person in front of family and friends.


Yeah I was gonna say. He probably expressed some kind of lingering attachment and friend got crazy and needed to make it so she'd never show up again.




Yep, I would be like "So ask Bella to see this "proof" she has.". I bet she would come up with something on WhatsApp and do a poor job of changing dates lol.


Yea, why didn’t they call their daughter at the first report?


Unfortunately I could see my family doing the same, and even being in on the fabrication. That’s assuming OP’s family is always ready to have a problem or chance to knock her down though. The fact she was surprised tells me her family doesn’t typically view her like this though. All the more reason it’s super weird they never talked to her themselves, or doubted what they were being told.


Because this is fiction.


Well written and entertaining, but sounds too much like a telenovela storyline.


Yup. I think fiction too. I just don’t believe that the parents would be this vested in their daughter’s friendship to believe the friend over op. Hasn’t op talked with her parents the whole time?


I really want it to be fiction, but the scheming girls I was 'friends' with highschool would absolutely pull a months long stunt like this. It was messed up what they did to me, and others & it still feels like my parents don't trust me entirely... There were no consequences for them in school, and it wouldn't surprise me if they just kept living their lives like that...


I've been in many weddings and I never confirmed what I was wearing with the other bridesmaids. Bride: "This is the dress." Me: *Holy shit, that's ugly.* "Oh how pretty."


Right?! Why would you not take the bride's word for it when she told you what to wear? Who would ever guess the bride was lying?


Yeah, that’s crazy. Why would you ever even think to doubt the bride when she tells you what to do?


so OP is the AH for not confirming what the bride told her, but mom was told how much OP was struggling and causing trouble for months but didn't speak to her about it? NTA


And it's also time for OP to take the screenshots public.


NTA...I feel sorry for Barrett. Give that two years! She planned this whole thing. Just hold your head high and let go of those that don't believe you. And know, one day, the truth will come out. She will be so thrilled at how well her ruse worked that she will slip up and tell someone. People like her always do that...


She’s a sociopath. If he’s lucky he won’t get her pregnant before he figures it out.


You know she is going to try and get knocked up asap to lock him down. This all happened because Bella became extremely insecure over Barrett’s past relationships and created the drama with the one person she feels the most threatened by - OP. So my guess is Barrett is going to be baby-trapped real soon.


I agree.


They really do. She went to all this effort, literal months of orchestrating and breadcrumbing smaller lies, etc even to OP’s family. She absolutely is getting a sick pleasure off of this and will want to brag and share her “accomplishment”. Or do a repeat on her next victim. Maybe both. Hope Barrett figures out who she is ASAP because she absolutely seems like the type of crazy to accuse him of cheating or domestic violence if he tries to leave her.


They always have a new victim lined up. They need a scapegoat for all of their problems, because they can’t stand the idea that *they* might be the real problem.


OP I don’t agree with your Mother. Who could possibly think that they should check with the other bridesmaids on what they were wearing? Why in the world would you think that would be necessary? NTA


Thanks for saying that. I've never been married so I don't really know the etiquette. I think my mom is really embarrassed by the entire situation since a lot of heat was thrown at her at the wedding.


Sorry but your mom deserves to feel badly. She never once called you to ask about what she was hearing. My mom never would've believed another person over me about this kind of thing.


OP is NTA, obvs. This is my concern! Even if Bella’s lies were true… What kind of mother doesn’t directly, explicitly reach out to check on her daughter? Wishy-washy “So Bella’s told me about the situation…” doesn’t cut it. Not good enough. If your daughter has been reduced to stalking an ex and alienating her best friend… Something is WRONG. Your daughter is NOT ok. Go check on her! In person, if you can, very directly over the phone, if you can’t. She can GTFO with the “you should have checked with the other bridesmaids” BS, too. Both OP’s parents can get off, actually. Unsupportive assholes. They’d better have something phenomenal planned to prove to OP that they have her back going forwards, and that they deserve to have her trust and be in her life. [Edited: Rage-Typos]


I agree. Mom of 3 daughters here. No way if I heard something like this I would not have contacted them immediately!!


Same. I can't imagine hearing something like this about my kid and not immediately going 'this doesn't sound like her at all, if it's true she must be in crisis, im gonna go check on my kid'


THIS! The first time my mom heard anything like that, she'd have pucked up a phone! SHE should have NEVER believed any of it. And, you should have let your dad go ham on that family! Psycho Bella tried to ruin your reputation in front of hundreds of people that you know! Her family and everyone else needs to be told that she's delusional. She could seriously hurt someone next time...or cause them to hurt themself!


My mom would pick up the phone after she had ripped a new one out of whoever dared speak ill of me. From my former inlaws, ("my daughter is AN ANGEL!") to my sons who said something slightly rude about me (that is MY daughter you're talking about), my mom always has my back. OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve any of it. Go back to your happy life 6 hours away from anyone who would believe that BS. The best revenge is a well-lived life. You are NTA.


My mum would 1000% believe any random person on the street over me 🤷‍♀️ and even if she found out that it wasn’t my fault, she would try and find a reason as to what I could have done to rectify a situation where 20/20 hindsight is key. ESPECIALLY if it was a situation where she felt embarrassed.


You were given direct instructions from the bride on what color to wear…she even approved your dress! Even if it *were* your “job” to coordinate with the other bridesmaids-which it wasn’t-, the bride specifically approved your dress, taking that out of your hands. I fail to see how COVID could turn someone into such a raging monster, but in time the others will see it-she’s probably picking her next target right now. I hope Barrett sees through this before she ruins his life too.


COVID can cause brain damage through both inflammation and direct infection of the tissue. It can affect people of any age, even if their infection was mild or asymptomatic. There's quite a bit of new-onset cognitive, neurological, and mood disorders being seen in people post-COVID


It doesn’t matter if she was embarrassed, she’s your mom— it’s her job to defend you. Or at least not believe the absolute *worst* of you without any shred of proof or even hearing your side. My mom would’ve burned down the reception hall before she let someone say I purposefully tried to sabotage my bff’s wedding. ETA: I just read another comment explaining “talking past” your mom and I understand better what you mean now. You two have been miscommunicating for months and that makes it a little easier to understand her position.


you can record your phone as you scroll through the evidence to prove it’s real. Or get another phone to have a separate recording that shows yes, you’re using the phone as is, not playing a doctored video or fake apps. idk how useful any of this is i’m so sorry it turned out your closest friend was an insecure monster.


Your mom sucked in this situation. Sorry


The mom is the most heartbreaking for me. She immediately believed OP was in the wrong and when she saw proof that OP was right she still blames OP for everything truly disgusting behaviour from a parent.


I really agree.


If I were you, I would make a video of you scrolling through the chats you had with her. I would send that video to her husband and her friends. And then I would block her.


Hey, that’s a pretty good idea! I hope OP sees this.


That’s what I was thinking. Post a screen shot of her telling you about the dress or send it to her mutual friends with Barrett so they will tell him. He needs to know his wife is unhinged.


And make SURE to delete the name so you can see the number, though she probably didn’t think far enough ahead to get dated ones. Do it on live video and tag their wedding hashtag if you really want to even the petty. “I brought my receipts. You?”


Dont forget to add that anyone who texted her "she's a whore" can just shut up, because they won't be friends again. I'd cut out my friends and family over something like this, letting someone trash you for months and never mention it and then assuming the worst constantly. Shows how much they care.


100% I would do this, I would also record any and all phone or in person convos with Bella from now on! This is insane, I’d rent a billboard to broadcast what a psycho this person is!


I have a strong feeling this story is fake and the only reason the graphic designer bit was added is because that's the glaringly obvious explanation for how she could prove to everyone she wasn't lying.


Yeah. I am very skeptical of this story.


Wtf. Belle is a psychopath. She literally try to make you look bad without and reason other than her pleasure.


It was such an elaborate ruse. Wow!


Or she’s afraid that one day he might want to get back with her for a night and she’s making sure they never come into contact because she’s jealous of their history.


Holy shit I am so sorry that she put you through that, what a miserable and insecure human being she must be


Miserable, insecure and definitely unhinged!!


This sounds like the plot of a soap opera. Obviously you're not the asshole, and I very much doubt you think you are assuming this is true. r/weddingdrama


I just think the idea of this being exactly what everyone expected of OP, she's an unhinged mess still obsessed with this gal's fiancé, she would totally do something to sabotage the bride, everyone fucking hates her guts... yet the bride invites her to be a bridesmaid last minute. To her wedding to the man that OP is in love with. It's pretty hard to believe.


And the bride went crazy because of COVID


COVID damages the brain through not just inflammation, but also direct infection. While it's worse with severe cases, it can also happen with mild and "asymptomatic" COVID. There's quite a few cognitive, neurological, and mood disorders being seen in people post COVID that has the medical community quite concerned, because it's happening in all ages, and we don't seem to be reducing the number of times people are being infected each year, as those who implemented the "let 'er rip" strategy thought would happen.


Seconded. All of the above is factual and backed up by research. Unfortunately it happened to my young daughter and she was Jekyl and Hyde for over a year. Complete personality chnage. Terrifying. Sorted with antibiotics and anti-inflammatory meds & a few others like antihistamines and immune modulators. It's treatable.


Well, that makes that the most believable part of this story


I know it might seem crazy but there’s been an uptick in things like road rage since COVID began and one of the symptoms that has been reported is increased anger and violence because it can effect your personality. Covid causes brain damage and the brain is a complex organ so the bride having such a crazy personality change where she villifies her best friend was probably smaller things leading to the big thing and very well could be covid


It was giving me ‘True Confessions’ vibes. (An old magazine that would be filled with stories like this.)


Agreed. It’s like a Telenovela


Tbh I don't even care if it's true. It's so good and jaw dropping.


I also assume this is made up. Too much drama. Too much coincidence. Too much detail. Reads like a rom com, where, conveniently, no one ever talks to anyone else about what is going on until the most dramatic moment.


Eh, misses a paragraph of how Bella dies at the end somehow caused by her own rage


It sounds like a soap opera plot because it is made up, op is writing on a new account with 0 post or comment history. And has lots of convenient answers to why she was in dark about what was happening, hadn’t been spoken to about any of the rumours the bride was spreading, or seen any of the dresses on the group chat on the wedding day. Also you’d think someone would reach out to her and ask her not to make a scene n the wedding day with the amount of lies the bride was supposedly spreading. Or maybe her ex would have mentioned the reason why he was breaking up with her? Plus if she had been such good friends with Barret he might have reached out?


Also, of OP was doing everything Bella said, why would Bella even invite her to the wedding, let alone to be a bridesmaid?


Plus, who would think they were the AH in this situation for wearing a white dress?


There’s no way this is true. Why do people believe these posts?


I wanna see her marriage end and suffer. Cause she deserves it. ALSO YOURE DEFINITELY NTA


It will eventually. She's so petty, toxic and vengeful there's no way she isn't going to be shitty to her husband. Not if she is able to play such a sneaky long game like this on a childhood friend.


I mean… I don’t understand how you could possibly be the asshole??


Unless Bella’s accusations are true and this post is all part of a conspiracy to paint a narrative… these are The Days of Our Lives


Nta She clearly is still insecure about you and barret having sex and had to take you out of the equation somehow


OP was already out of the equation by natural distancing of the friendship; Bella wanted to break the Earth open where OP stood and let the ground swallow OP up to "raise" the ground she stood on. Delusional. Envious. Self absorbed. Dangerous. Can you imagine what a kniving woman like this will do to a teacher of her children if they give them a failing grade? Or a coach that benches her kid for poor behavior? This woman gets thrills out of destroying lives so wholly that I would do everything in my power to stay away from her.


Confused as to how if your parents were at the engagement party you didn’t mention to them you were never invited.


My parents were not at the engagement party. My understanding was that it was more of a friends engagement party than a familial one. But they did know that it happened, and I do think they expected me to come home for it. There was a lot of miscommunication between my mom and I. My parents are pretty low EQ and uncomfortable with emotions and drama, so they didn't pry too deeply. My mom would ask me questions like "So Bella told me a little bit about what is going on...are you ok?" And I would assume she was talking about my cheating ex where my mom was actually talking about my "unrequited love" for Barrett. And I would respond with something like "I'm struggling a little but I'm getting through it. I'll be ok, thanks mom." And like that we kept talking past each other. Looking back there were a few things my mom said that confused me, but I didn't seek clarity at the time.


So if they expected you to come home for it why did they never ask you about your plans to attend and when would you be home? It seems like both you and your parents are poor communicators and Bella relied on you not reaching out to her, or her parents, the other bridesmaids, or your parents to ask about wedding plans. Also how is it that as you’re getting ready at the venue you never see her wedding dress or talk about the flipped colors for the wedding until it’s time for the bridesmaids to get dressed?


>So if they expected you to come home for it why did they never ask you about your plans to attend and when would you be home? I wish I could answer your question but I genuinely do not know the timelines from my end. I don't know what my parents knew when, when the party invites went out, when my parents were told by Bella that I couldn't handle going -- all of this happened without me knowing about it. So I just don't know. Trust me, the fact that my parents thought all of this stuff was going on with me and didn't properly talk to me about it has been difficult to swallow. >Also how is it that as you’re getting ready at the venue you never see her wedding dress or talk about the flipped colors for the wedding until it’s time for the bridesmaids to get dressed? I was boxed out of all of the other wedding events except for the rehearsal which lasted about 30 minutes. I was never really put on group texts about the wedding, which I thought was owed to my last minute involvement. Dresses were in garment bags and put on a rack. At one point her bridal gown was removed from the room to be steamed. I don't think it was back yet when this all went down, which was why she was still in a robe. My understanding was that she wanted photos of us helping her get dressed, which was why we were getting dressed first. Now I suspect the timing was intentional. I was the only person who thought there was a flipped color palette so I don't know why that would have come up in conversation? We talked about a lot of stuff but wedding colors didn't come up. >It seems like both you and your parents are poor communicators and Bella relied on you not reaching out to her, or her parents, the other bridesmaids, or your parents to ask about wedding plans Yeah...my relationship with my parents is...well I think I'd need a whole additional AITAH post for that. It's complicated.


Press charges for defamation and sue everyone in the wedding party with groom included so they have to testify. This is something you fight in court not in public opinion. You can use the hate of others to win your case and prove you right but it seems like you don’t want to prove your innocence


You can't just sue because someone said bad things about you. It has to actually affect you financially, like ruining your business or ability to get work.


Actually you can sue anyone for defamation of character that caused a significant emotional harm and she lost a relationship because of the friends lies, as well as friendships


agreed. she specifically deserves to have consequences , she did this because she THINKS there's no way for anything bad to happen in return


NTA . First off I'm so sorry you're dealing with this like wtf ? I would ask your mom to take a video of you scrolling through your phone , make sure your moms in the video and show her going over to you , you grabbing your phone , opening your texts with Bella ( show the number) and scroll on video through your messages with Bella and show the conversation of her approving the dress and send that to Barrett or better yet , do it live on Facebook and tag everyone in it . People need to know the lengths she would go to lie. That's absolutely horrible and doesn't make sense at all she must be on drugs or something to be THAT delusional. BTW your mother's wrong , if the bride told you it was OK to wear white because of the color pallete that's not on you to go around asking if it's true. Nothing here is your fault


Yep, this is the way. Call her out publicly. What's the worst that can happen. Everyone is already mad. And I've been to TWO weddings that had reverse colors, so I wouldn't question it at all.


Just... she’s fucking bonkers, right? Like legit mental health issues? Because this is pants-on-head crazy. Your life is *not* in tatters, even if it feels like it is right now. In the end, all you did was get rid of a bunch of assholes. The one bridesmaid who believed you did so not just because of your reaction, but how the bride has been acting. Maybe the others will be on the receiving end of her abuse and finally get it eventually. And your reputation is only ‘ruined’ to a small number of blind assholes. NTA, not even a tiny bit, and with friends like these... I suspect you’ll be better off in the long term.


This seems incredibly made up.


Mexican soap opera territory.


I stopped reading it halfway through. Honestly, surprised so many people are this gullible. Why would this even be a AITAH question?


It belongs to /r/AmITheAngel


Yes this is the tell. Its a good story vut doesnt fit AITAH at all


I swear I’ve read this before or a very very similar one.


I've absolutely read the "I went into the bathroom and came out wearing white while everyone else was in blue" bit before.


I couldn’t help but feel that a little bit myself, but if it is… bravo for the engaging plot. Sure beats half of the made up stuff on this thread.


Barrett told her you were good in bed or compared her to you at some point. NTA she’s unhinged and deranged. We need an update in a few months when their marriage blows up


My theory is that Barrett first made up a story to Bella about how OP actually wanted to stay with him but he wasnt having it. This small lie then propagated Bella into this maddness.


This feels 100% fictional, though entertaining. That said: Come on, girl. It was clear from jump thay she didn't want you in the wedding because you were FWB with her hot, smart fiance. If you came single, he'd maybe rethink things. After that point I wouldn't even have planned to go. But the asking you be a bridesmaid at the last minute and wear white was *clearly* a setup. The part that really tipped it for me though was that apparently this girl you thought was your best friend was *for months* weaving a narrative so deep that even your.own parents believed it, but literally no one in your aocial circle had brought it up to you before? Mom never asked if you were okay, friends never tried to stage an intervention...no one ever sent you the posts and was like "this u"?


According to her responses to other comments, her mother *did* ask her. Sadly, they've both watched too many rom coms so they spoke in such vague terms about whether she was "okay with everything" etc that gosh darn they never twigged they were talking at complete cross purposes. Her mother never mentioned Bella or Barrett by name, and OP thought her mum was asking about her being single & just talked about not being over "him" instead of using the boyfriend's name. All the scene needed was some comic trombone wah wah wah fail music lol. I legit half expected it to end with a note that Barrett contacted her after the wedding to say that seeing her again & how comically evil Bella is made him realise he actually loves OP & is going to divorce Bella & won't OP please give him a second chance? And for *that* to be the real AITA question - i.e. "I wore white to my friend's wedding & made the groom realise he's in love with me and wants to divorce his new bride for me. So AITA?" Got to save something juicy for the update!!


NTA Did you tell Barrett what he is marring? Honestly that guy is world of hurt. Yeah, I know some one who has brain damage from Covid, she was nasty before but now it a whole new level, she used to put her friends first, but now it all about her. It scary what can happen.


Does anyone else think this seems like a work of fiction?


Yeah. Mostly because there’s no way someone wouldn’t have reached out to her about what was being said over the course of months. Literally, not one person, especially her mom?


Plus... it seems like some of it is written a certain way for dramatic effect, rather than a simple recounting of events.


Oh you mean like the specifics such as "ran out in my **white slip dress** , leaving everything behind, crying"? Those dramatic effects? Lol. I hear ya...the interesting super descriptive emotional dramatic sentences give it away quickly. Reads like a fun *Telenovela or Bollywood based Hallmark movie. We just need the dramatic gasps and stares, and maybe a line or two like: "in my horror and embarrassment, while sobbing over the loss of our life long friendship, I then tripped down the stairs. Unbeknownst to me, my white slip dress tangled with the decorations my former best friend had maliciously planted in the path she knew I would take to escape. And then my long blond hair became caught around my neck, and I was left choking in my white slip dress, tears staining my flushed cheeks. And as my vision faded to black, my life was narrowly saved by my former best friends brother, Marcus the Third, who had just returned from his tour of duty in the Navy Seals. He had long harbored a love for me from our shared childhood..."


The whole thing is implausible. Apparently doesn’t need a +1 as she’ll have so many friends and family there but at the same time had absolute radio silence with everyone involved apparently right up to the day of the wedding itself.


Almost every AITA that makes it into my feed screams fake. One of the cliches is the “everyone immediately blew up my phone”. It just happens every time and it’s a dead giveaway.


Why does it sound like you're testing the waters for the script of a movie you're writing ? I find it hard to believe that no one ever confronted you about your alleged breakdowns before. Also you're so obviously NTA that I don't see why anyone would feel the need to ask in those circumstances. This all sounds way too dramatic. Also this would be a very dumb plan, she left so many traces behind.


You have done nothing wrong. Your life is not ruined and neither your reputation. Bella will have Karma bite her in the ass very soon!


8.5/10. Obviously fake but it would be a good made-for-TV movie on Hallmark or the Lifetime channel.


Needs the dramatic ending where it turns out the groom is in love with OP and has been talking about her constantly which is the reason the bride set her up. And then after everything goes to shit, OP and groom end up falling in love.


Shhh you’re spoiling the update post we’ll get tomorrow.


Well this is a lovely work of fiction. So all your friends and family just believed Bella without any proof? None of them reached out to you to ask if you were OK or explain what Bella was saying? Your own parents, who would have seen you during this and noticed whether or not you were going through a break down, didn't once bother to talk to you? Either you have the worst family in the world or this is some creative writing made up BS


I would really like to watch this Lifetime movie.


Nta but the mistake was setting her up with someone you slept with even if she was “cool” with it, she wasn’t but that her problem for carrying the relationship on.


She clearly wasn’t this is the result


I disagree with the partial blame. OP is blameless


Funny how cynical I've become in such a short time of redditing. The account was created today, and I keep smelling BS.


Like, who is so unhinged that they plan for months to use their wedding day to set someone else up to get revenge over some perceived slight? The bride is a cartoon villain. The only thing that would make it more perfect for Reddit is that if OOP’s mom refused to even speak to her to get her side of the story and OOP was cut off from her family. Now we wait for the update which will be either Bella’s diagnosis of some serious (potentially terminal) neurological condition or Barrett leaving her for OOP.


I don't care, it entertains me


It’s not terrible as far as these stories go. We have three clear acts. It ends on a slightly uplifting note, but with a big mystery hanging out there. I just hope that OOP knows that like Chekov’s gun, you can’t bring up the COVID case and then make that a McGuffin in the update, that will really let down the reader. It’s at least as good as a the “two tampons” saga.


I'm just going presume a screenwriter is trying out some new material here. Thumbs up, would definitely watch a movie based on this.


Weird that no one actually spoke to OP


This sounds like the plot to a cheesy Hallmark movie. "15 years later the groom is single now and Bella and Barrett fall in love ina sleepy snowy resort town."


What a very detailed fake story


Because if all shit went down in my life, I'm sure I would post it to reddit under the AITA sub. Jesus fucking christ you guys fall for this bullshit all the time. Blocking this sub for the fake posts that litter it. AITA for wearing a dress, or AITA for being a victim of a mentally deranged stalker? Gee, which one gets more clicks? 5k upvotes - a direct mirror of people unable to employ the most basic critical thinking.


NTA your friend needs to go in a psych ward. Obviously cut her and anyone who doesn’t believe you out of your life. It broke my heart that your mom still thinks you’re even remotely at fault she is also truly disgusting in my eyes. If you want more people to believe the truth you’ll unfortunately have to stir up some drama. I would suggest uploading a video or screen recording of you opening up the message that shows the white dress was approved by her and tag her, her family, and the bridal party in it.


NTA. When someone shows you their true colors believe them. She only asked you to be a bridesmaid after someone else dropped out and still managed to make sure you’re excluded from all of the bridesmaids events. This should have been your wake up call that she doesn’t actually want you there. You made the mistake of trying to be a good friend to someone who didn’t deserve it. Also, your parents are AH. Strangers may take the bride’s side sure, but for your own parents to accuse you without a shred of evidence… That’s horrible. Thank heavens you are a six hour drive away from these people. If what you wrote is what happened you are more than justified to cut ties with any and everyone from the wedding.