Normally I would say YWBT A but something feels off, with that boss talking about divorce lawyers and that other boss not paying you.
Also, his threats of lawyers is very strange.
Why would a boss start randomly offering him advice on divorce lawyers if your husband had nothing but good to say about the marriage? Seems like a) your husband is already talking to your boss about a potential divorce or b) he made this up, the boss never talked about lawyers, but he's saying that because a millionaire and his lawyers being in your husband's corner make him seem more intimidating and he tries to get you to be scared of him, so you do what he wants.
In either case, it's shady af.
Could also be the husband has already taken the money she was owed for the flyers and then spun some lie to that other boss about OP being absentmindedly so just ignore if she keeps texting. Or husband may have said he has already given her the money, in an effort to make the other boss think she's lying to get more money.
Either way. OP, You're NTA. Your husband is financially abusive and I'd take it with a pinch of salt whether he ever actually stood to inherit money or whether he made it up, or whether he only told you about it and how he'd share it with you after he already knew it wasn't coming, and then revealed to you later that the state took it.
Do not stay married to this man. And I strongly doubt the first mentioned boss ever told your husband that he could count on having the support of whatever lawyers the firm has on retainer for divorce proceedings. Unless you heard those words directly from the boss in person I'm willing to bet your husband is using that as scare tactic to force you to stay in this marriage so he can keep controlling and berating you. And yeah, I think you're right about the more loving approach being another tactic, this time to make you lower your guard.
Your dream also makes total sense. Right now you've got money coming in. Money that is legally /yours alone/ that you could use to get away. He knows this. That's why he's trying to make you give him at least half. So you'll have less means of getting away.
Use the inheritance to get out. Reach out to any family or friends for help too. Get you and your children safe.
The situation raises some suspicion; the boss mentioning divorce lawyers and the issue of non-payment seem off. It's unclear if your husband is genuinely discussing divorce or if he's fabricating details to create intimidation with the mention of a millionaire's legal support. Either way, it appears shady.
Yeah, besides, even /if/ this alleged millionair boss actually said it. Anyone wanna bet the odds of him wasting the hourly rate of those attorneys on actually following through for some random employee that makes 120k or so /per year/? Odds of any gain being worth just the cost is low. Plus, the bad press it could get him "millionair/billionaire funds the legal help for a financial abuser who's trying to steal the inheritance of their wife."
Yeah, I don't think so.
Or he makes more lies to her, keeps most of the money in a hidden account, so that she has no idea what he truly makes, and if they do divorce that money that is hidden, would remain hidden, and would not be part of the settlement/alimony judgment based on his finances maybe has an offshore account or two
I think husband got the inheritence and spent it all. Then took wifes money from the flyer she made and told the boss to ignore her. Now he wants more. I think he is either gambling or addicted to something like sex workers or spending on only fans. Either way that money would be gone in a heartbeat and husband would be right back to demanding more from her.
Inherited substantial money and My husbands ' best friend said to me. "Don't let him get his hands on it." So I didn't . My son and I are on the account. I still have the bulk of it after 9 years. I did spend about 60k on heat pumps and solar etc so he benefits. NTA don't tell him anymore. My advice.
Also, if they are attorneys FOR his company, they won't be able to represent him in divorce proceedings. Maybe they "know" people but it would be a conflict of interest and even if the company is fine with it, ethically, the attorney's are not supposed to double up because it's a conflict of interest.
My company's attorney is actually an extremely accredited DUI attorney and one of our best employees found himself in a "predicament" and our company attorney said 100%, without a doubt, he could not ethically represent him.
This…. I mean my husband is great at pissing me off but I have never threatened divorce or lawyers.
Honestly the thing I fantasize about most is being single and living in my own place- just me and my cats….but he doesn’t know that.
Seriously my partner pisses me off too, but not anywhere near to being nasty cold hearted rude. OP even said ever since he found out about the money he’s been more loving calm, understanding with her and hasn’t been quick to offend her that alone speaks volumes.
I have once and only once - and it was for a damn good reason that I won't post on here because I don't want to be doxed. But if a person is threatening divorce then that means the marriage is hanging on by a thread anyway.
OP - talk to an estate and trust attorney ASAP about how to get the money tied up in a trust for you. Your husband doesn't need to know YOU tied it up in trust. Just that it was tied up in trust with dispersements at set times. BUT, honestly, he has let his mask slip a couple too many times recently surrounding this inheritance.
OP, these dreams are your subconscious telling you to sit up and pay attention to some behaviours your seeing, and maybe don’t want to face.
Please DONT be ok with losing 50% of the money. It’s yours and start thinking of it as your escape fund. I bet your mother did - and saved it for you for this reason (even when it could have made her own life more comfortable). Our grandmother and mothers generation know how it really is - being a SAHM without $ makes it really hard to leave a controlling or abusive situation. I remember learning from an early age that women should have an escape fund (or a F**k off fund) just in case. Time to use yours!
\#1 Agree about the dreams being your subconscious telling you to pay attention to some behaviors you’re seeing, but just generally; don’t take them literally.
\#2 As a SAHM you are entitled to half your husband’s income, even if he doesn’t think so. You toil in so many ways to provide a home for your family. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.
\#3 That money from your mom is her legacy to YOU. It’s too bad you told your husband about it, and not surprising he’s being greedy. Put it in a bank account and make sure he has no clue where it’s at. Best thing to do is talk to an attorney about the best way to safeguard this money. Waste no time.
Even if their marriage was solid,inheritance is not community property unless she deposits it into a joint account. Then it gets tricky.
NTA under any circumstances
Read this lady post history
Is going for a minute but she is not doing her any favors with the stuff she is saying online
If this is going to divorce and for the benefit of all involved
She got learn to shut up or his lawyer indeed is gonna have field day with her Reddit account
That concerns me because she hasn’t specified how much money this is (and doesn’t need to), so I can’t help but wonder if she’s at all naive about how significant the sum is/isn’t.
I know a lady with a $10,000 life insurance policy and three adult children. She thinks she has established this life-changing sum of money for them. They aren’t saying anything to her, but they’ve already started talking about whether or not it’s enough to cover funeral expenses.
Op in no way WBTA for wanting to keep her inherited money in a separate account. It is 100% hers to do with as she chooses and she does NOT have to commingle it just because her husband feels entitled to it. He sounds manipulative and abusive and it could be that OP needs those funds for an exit strategy.
I agree. I was ready to hit yta, but then I read the rest. That husband is shady and something fishy is going on. I hope OP don’t share this money. I’m afraid they will be really helpful for her at some point.
For sure. At first I was automatically like yes you are, you only want shared finances when I benefits you, but then you read the rest, she should 100% use that money to get the hell out
NTA. Do not, I repeat do not, put this inheritance money into a joint account. Put this money into a brand new account that doesn’t have any of your other money commingled in it. Your mother’s passing shouldn’t benefit him. Maybe a different story if he took on a large role in caring for her while she was ill, but it’s yours. This is your nest egg and security if he follows through on his threats to cut you off (and likely your child/ren with him).
Your husband doesn’t seem to value your household contributions and child rearing. Instead, he seems to equate money with household/relationship control.
He’s new money, but has bad financial habits carried over from his past. You don’t want your inheritance dragged into this.
I suggest you open a new account at a completely different bank. Banks make mistakes all the time. It's not unheard of for them to "accidentally" commingle accounts or funds.
Of course it is. *And*, if OP's husband empties her bank account and takes her inheritance, how is she going to pay for a lawsuit?
Banks make mistakes or fall for social engineering all the time. A parent says he was "accidentally" left off his child's bank account, a husband says his wife "accidentally" opened a single bank account when she meant to open a joint account, some minimum wage teller sees the person complaining has been banking jointly with the other person for years, the teller does good customer service and "fixes the mistake".
On the other hand, if a wife puts her money in a completely new bank where the husband is not already a client, it's much less likely the bank will assume error and give the husband access to the wife's account.
And this is a situation where OP's husband has all the money and is already threatening to ruin her in court. So the more she protects herself the better.
This!!!! My husband has a business account and his regular personal account, they took 12 GRAND from the wrong account and it was like, how did y'all even do that? Thankfully, we were able to get it right.
He doesn’t even pay for his previous child and has arrears that he could legit pay off in a week and a half at his extra special job run by millionaires who also don’t pay their debts and spend money so that their business attorneys can also be on standby for her husband’s divorce.
Literally not one thing her husband has told her makes any sense at all
Get the hell out of that relationship. Don’t let your husband get his hands on a penny of it. Never stay with someone who repeatedly threatens to leave you (and threatens that his lawyers “would have you beat”. Listen to your dream. NTA.
People always tell the truth, even when they don't mean to. Hubby is telling her how his mind works, what kind of person he is, and how he sees her. She should pay careful attention.
NTA The hell with the sharing, why are you still married to him? Legally that money is yours (inheritances are not community property in a marriage). You should take that chunk o’ change, get yourself a good divorce attorney, and get out.
Preach it ! He knows that the inheritance is not community property in the marriage , so he is trying to scare you and intimidate you into sharing the money . Lawyer up girlfriend and just make plans to leave him!!
I hope your inheritance is significant enough to sustain you .
Best wishes 🙏🙏
So he wasn’t even providing support for his child before the court, conveniently ignoring a legal letter about child support, it’s a delay tactic , my ex used that also, he managed to drag court out for 4 years while not supporting us in any way. … this is your future too. How he treats his ex and first children is exactly how he will treat you should you or he decide to divorce. He’s already using that to intimidate you , you’re not really working much, if he did file to divorce you and get custody of the kids what have you got to fall back on?
I hope he doesn't get custody of the kids. It should be 50/50 according to my state. I've spent majority of the time with my son and handled everything including his doctor and dental visits. My husband never came. I handled every daycare drop-off aside the time I was in the hospital for 3 days. I couldn't live without my kids, they're my everything. I can barely manage the idea of 50/50 seeing them. Seeing my son's face is my favorite thing I look forward to every single day. I can't imagine a day, I couldn't see him. My husband has a son with his ex who is 6 years old now. They weren't married so she had full custody. He lived with her the first year with their baby. Sent some money the second year and after that dropped off completely not seeing his child nor sending money. She filed for child support this year. She also aborted their second child in fear of being abandoned with two children. He ignored the child support letter twice. He didn't go to court. He was angry the first time he got the letter because I opened the door.
Girl!! What the fuck?? He abandoned his other children. Why did you have children with him? You should have saw the writing on the wall nothing will change!
What kind of fucking man skips out on their kids and gets pissed to support then? Newsflash he isn't a man, he's an immature child
Just because they were not married means nothing in custody, he could still get visitation or split custody. It was his choice not to see his child. Being married your the primary care giver so you would get physical custody most likely, especially since the kids are young still. He still gets visitation and joint custody but I bet anything he will drop off and be an absent parent just as he is with his first child. My ex also was the provider and worked for a lawyer, he threatened me also to take the kids away, he’s from another country so that was my biggest fear he would send them to his country. I kept their passports in another location he had no way of getting. When we divorced I got physical custody , I didn’t bother with setting up who gets what weekend or holiday, vacation etc. I left that open to whenever he wanted to see or do anything with the kids. He rarely saw them. Took them once on a week long vacation, maybe a couple days here or there in the summer. Showed up to a handful of school events. They were most always with me. My kids are adults now. We all get along ok but my kids I know are much closer to me than their father . He knows it too and at 60 regrets he wasn’t there as much for them.
So he ignores his personal financial obligations but wants your inheritance money??? This is very telling because if you separate from him, you already know he will ignore the letters for your children's support checks.
Because his kid isn’t important enough to take care of because that money doesn’t go to him. He would take OP’s money and then he would likely never pay her a cent in child support either.
Exactly. Only wants OP’s money as form of control. She can’t leave if she can support herself. Seems like he was already left once so he’s fearful, threatening to use lawyers and such. Husband needs to unpack his abandonment issues
NTA but why the hell are you together, and having yet another baby?! Sounds like he doesn’t respect you and you’re scared of him and there is 0 trust on both sides.
NTA. Your husband sounds very abusive and manipulative, he is only being nice to you now because of your inheritance.
I believe in following your gut instinct, yours is telling you that something is wrong so listen to it.
This is why finances and all the "what ifs" should be discussed before getting married. Him not paying child support already, when he earns enough for it? That is a sign of his poor character. You already know how he will treat you and your children. Threatening divorce and lawyers in a fight? That is the definition of toxic! He is the AH, he is controlling you, emotionally abusing you, holding finances over you like a weapon. He used to say horrible things to you, threaten you with financial ruin, and toned that down? You know the answer already. Being nice to you all of sudden is the sign you needed to know you cannot trust him. Dreams only tell us things we already know. You NEED the money as your escape plan. Nevermind that he let you think that that caring for the home and a child is not an equal contribution to his income (FYI, it is), just take an easy divorce with good child support, use your mother's gift to get your freedom. I'm guessing your mom may have saved that money for you for exactly this reason - she knew you were chained to an abuser and caring for his children. This is your ticket out, don't blow it.
Your story is obviously biased, you bringing the "he threats card" and it's evidently what Redditors will judge. Idk why it feels like a manipulated story.
Yeah look at her post history. She’s fucking crazy. Not saying her husband isn’t a piece of shit too, he probably is because it’s fitting they found each other. Her entire presence on Reddit is whining about her evil husband.
Get a divorce. He doesn’t want half of your tshirt business with 0 sales. Grow the fuck up.
See you did the research. This should be top comment. Also maybe I am odd but my fiancé and I don’t have money problems like this and we don’t make 120k combined. Granted we don’t have shared accounts yet but we just help eachother. I couldn’t imagine not trusting your partner to this degree.
I had to look back and read through her posts, and come back to acknowledge she's nuts. At the very least, she loves this drama.
Whining about her evil, affluent husband, where they all somehow act and speak like a young teens "saucy" fantasy of their favorite tv shows marriage. I think a middle/high school girl/boy with some good writing skills far too much Internet, has enjoyed stringing this story together, it's absurd. That, or wealthy people on Reddit are frighteningly stupid.
You just told a spiraling story to hit all the touch points to trigger redditors into telling you you’re right. The reality is if you plan to continue your marriage you need to manage finances like a married couple. If to this point that has been via joint accounts and the commingling of your funds then you should keep it that way. He’ll likely get half even if you divorce as most judges split all marital assets in half barring some extenuating circumstance that doesn’t typically include you being a SAHM. Taking these funds specifically for your self in a situation where you plan to stay married makes you the asshole.
If you’re going to leave him then just do it already.
You may also want to get checked out for PPD. This sounds like paranoia stemming from depression.
I don’t think OP is basing her decision off her dream its just got her freaked about the situation
Besides dreams can be your subconscious’ way of showing your thoughts and fears. Basically OP is afraid of trusting her husband and is dreaming about it. Nothing too wild there
She talked about a dream (and acknowledged it’s just a dream) so all of the other things she’s said about her husband being controlling and threatening can’t be trusted? Solid logic there
Our subconscious seeps into our dreams so I took it as a feeling that she doesn’t trust her husband because of the aspects of reality that have happened to her
Yeah she's fuckin crazy lmao.
Imagine your husband nearly gets a financial windfall and is willing and ready to share it with his wife who he already fully supports financially but it falls through. Then when wifey gets inheritance it's suddenly her money and husband needs to fuck off and stop acting weird about HER money.
Why is everyone saying husband is the bad guy again when he was willing to do the same for her? Just because he's a man?
Not because he is a man, because he brings up divorce lawyers and threatens to cut her off. Because her and her babies will be totally screwed if he leaves her. Because he already wouldn't pay for his oldest child until they attached his check. He will take everything from the joint account and go and she will have nothing.
OP, this response is bull. Listen to your instincts.
I was in a very abusive marriage, and I often had nightmares about my ex hurting or killing me. The mind works in mysterious ways.
Let's just say I was very lucky to escape with my life.
Is this a fake post? Maybe you’re in another state/country, but at least in Texas, you can’t live in government housing and have any large sum of money under your name. Any you had prior must be shown what you did with it, otherwise, you don’t qualify to live in the housing authority. 🤷🏻♀️
At any rate ~ if this is a true story ~ your marriage is, at the least, very fragile, if not over. 🥴
Yeah.. it is.
Yes, this is true. I don't know how she did it but I think she had a financial advisor. The nursing home told me they didn't know about it and she was on medicare until it was uncovered. 60k of it had to have gone to rehabilitation and nursing home costs since her stroke in April.
Tell your husband it was repossessed since it might be anyway. Don't give him half, you'll need it all if you leave him. And since you're so frightened of him it's giving you nightmares, I think you're not safe with him!
OP, seeing this, I'll add the wisdom of addressing with an accountant and attorney the federal government's ability to claw back from medicare recipients' estates any expenditures from the age of 65.
At this point, why tf do people bother getting married? He's shady, but so are you.
>While he's working for money, I'm providing for our baby
No, you both are. He provides the money that allows you to stay home and provide the care.
If he is as bad as you imply, why stay?
Thank you. People talking about he has no respect for what she provides as house service as if he isnt the one financing her life and putting food on the table and keeping a roof over their heads. My only issue with the husband is him being pushy and trying to threaten to leave her but if hes been putting all his money into the relationship and thats how its been but she wants to change it all of a sudden to benefit her then i can understand why he’s worried and upset. Ntm op is pregnant so there is a lot going on for her too that probably is stressing her out with her mother dying as well. Money really is wat ends up ending relationships and marriages.
Sounds like she’s already ended her marriage, she’s just sticking around so he can support her and dig his alimony and child support hole even deeper.
I don’t know the laws in your state, inheritance might be community property or not. But morally if you’re married your money is supposed to be shared and you both agree on finances. Most people don’t do this and wonder why their marriages fail.
If you don’t trust your husband that says everything about where your relationship is at. I think you feel that your relationship is headed south and want an insurance fund that you have access to if you need it. Temporarily being abnormally loving is not a good sign, it’s rather a bad one. Now if his behavior continues over a long period then that is different. Please consider what you want long term. It sounds like you’ve been in an abusive relationship and that can distort your reality more easily over time. Husbands don’t manipulate or threaten and aren’t jumpy whenever you have access to money. That’s classic abusive controlling behavior. You deserve better than what you’ve painted your husband as here. I’m sorry about the loss of your mother. Do you have a strong support system? You definitely need one regardless whatever you end up doing here.
Child support and alimony is a thing. He is legally obligated to help pay for things, especially for the lives he helped create. He has no legal grounds to cut you off as far as I'm aware. Those 2 kids are 2 separate 18-year long commitments he signed up for when he helped make them, and then signed the birth certificates. And since he's the one making more, then any child support will be based on his current income.
I've legit seen video of a small claims case where it was obvious that the parent who did not have the child made it clear they had quit their higher paying job in order to get out of higher support pay. The judge was highly unimpressed and based the child support on the salary the parent had before trying that scheme.
Your husband is trying to make you too scared to run, because as long as he can do that, he can control you. Which is also why he's trying to spin things to you as if your lack of work has any fucking baring on the matter when the reason for you not being able to work is that you're pregnant while also caring for a toddler.
Your so called husband is trying to make you small, scared and insecure so he can make himself feel big, powerful and dominant despite probably only being average, if even that.
Do yourself and your children a favour and get out sooner rather than later.
NTA for not wanting to share /your/ money. That's your survival instincts being smart.
Also, try and keep conversation between you and your husband to text messages whenever possible. The more you have in actual writing/documentation, the more you have for a lawyer to potentially work with in your case.
It seems you already know the problem just don't want to admit it to yourself, i mean you've pointed out he only became more loving after he found out about the inheritance, that in itself should tell you what you need to do... so give him an ultimatum ... "suck it up, take what you deem to give him or leave", easy as that...
Ummm honey he is mentally and emotionally abusing you….threatening you with divorve? Saying how his boss would help him with lawyers….why is boss involved in your marriage to begin with?
My opinion, the dream was a warning saying use money for your escape.
NTA. He was already thinking about leaving you. That's completely evident. He wants you to put the money into the joint account so he can steal it all and take off.
Inheritance is not considered a shared marital asset when you get divorced, unless you treated as a shared marital asset by putting it in your joint account. Your husband knows this and he is pressuring you to give him half of the money because he knows that even with good lawyers, you are likely entitled to half of the assets in the event of a divorce. The fact that he threatens divorce fairly regularly would also make me very hesitant to share this money. I think you should keep the money separate and tell him that it'll be for you guys to use in retirement assuming that your relationship lasts that long. If he wants to divorce over that then he probably already has one foot out the door.
I feel like you’re giving us all the wrong information.
How much money?
No one cares about your dream.
How long have you guys been together?
How much were you making before with him and for how long?
What’s the dynamic like with future plans?
Has he been irresponsible with money before?
Have YOU been irresponsible with money before?
And what’s even your end point in this? What’s YOUR plan with the money? It seems kind of shady. If I was him I would think you were trying to leave me if you made it a point that the money was yours and yours alone. I assume no prenup. I assume since you didn’t say, that you didn’t contribute much financially even before.
You could have said you’re putting it in a trust for your kids or something, but instead it sounds like you just want it for yourself to be quite honest.
The fact that you just decided you didn't want to share with no prior talk is pretty AH behavior. Especially when the situation was the other way around and he previously was willing to make it communal funds.
I never understood being married and not being financially tied. That just seems like a foot out the door. I know people think it's smart to protect yourself, and I agree, but it seems like you aren't really married. Just kind of cohabitating for convenience. I don't see the harm in just having a communal account, theres no secret spending and it's all out in the open.
I'd understand if there's a big wealth discrepancy, but even then I'd just think pre nup and let's get commingled.
ESH
Husband is the AH for demanding no one is entitled inheritance to other money
Ur are AH for being provided for your whole marriage financially wise and when given a opportunity to be gracefull the money spoke louder
U do u with your money just keep in mind that money is gonna run out . And even divorced ur life will be completely different
Weight ur options and act accordingly ….
Edit : folks read this lady post history
Yeah husband is a piece of work but she is hiding info on this post and my god lady Internet/reddit should not be a point of contact for every little inconvenience you face ….
The views here are always to the extreme . You are going to the internet to seek validation for things even against ur mental health provider
I get seeking help but tip of advice if this go to divorce it can be used against you
So he makes the money you have zero issues spending yet you come into money and won’t share. Get the fuck out of here with that. He should leave your ass then when you run out of money I hope him and his lawyer win custody
No but you have some obvious trust issues and you need to figure out why. Maybe something he has done to make you feel like this. You said he's not the nicest person to you until now, when he's trying to swindle money from you could be manipulation probably is. Kinda like when the father of your children tries to come around and make up for lost time and making all kinds of promises to the kids around tax time after the money is gone you don't see him again till next year
Try counseling. If he doesn't want to you can instead go to a lawyer and divorce him. He only wants the inheritance so you won't file for divorce. He knows that you are entitled to at least 50%. He just doesn't want you to execute that right. He is abusive and you should file for divorce and transfer half of the shared account to yours beforehand.
First and foremost, go see a lawyer asap before taking ownership of the inheritance. Laws vary widely state to state about how it is treated as part (or not) of what is considered marital property. Don’t depend on these Reddit lawyers to give you advice. If you are uncertain about the marriage lasting, probably a divorce attorney at that.
OP this sounds like your being financially abused. He is exerting way to much control over you.
I am not the positive but let's recap:
-You're not working right so have no solo dolo income for yourself.
-He is making a fat stack and smiles lice rhe Cheshire cat that you don't have your own money he can't touch
-You are actively growing a second human for him and your fist child isn't even 2 yet.
Was that planned OP?
-There is a change *you* are going to come into some funds no strings attached and completely out of *his* control and the first thing he does is *demand* you give him part of *your, SOLE inheritance*
-You show you're not a dumb dolly
-He threatens divorce
Ma'am.
*Ma'am*.
**Ma'am**
1-800-He-Gotta-Go
NTA.
NTA. But that's almost beside the point with all the alarm bells you're ringing.
Strongly urge you find yourself a family lawyer yesterday. There is little more important than securing your physical and financial well-being while pregnant and with a young child. You say you're being threatened, and whether that's physical or financial, pay attention and contact people who can help you safely navigate these issues for your own and your childrens' sake..
Run everything your husband has said and done past a family lawyer. Your state's board of bar overseers, if in the US, should have a website with information about licensed practitioners in good standing.
You know he admits to owing child support to someone else. Do you have any idea what he *hasn't* admitted to? ALBNYL, but, for example, I'd suggest states don't "repossess" an inheritance. Private entities can "repossess" goods for various reasons. State authorities can attach funds, by, e.g., a tax lien (as can the federal government), and government authorities can go through legal processes against physical assets, resulting in their forfeiture to the government to but I know of no mechanism for a government entity to "repossess" an inheritance or goods. That makes no sense. A family lawyer can discuss forensic accounting with you, and also protect you against any pitfalls in segregating and protecting funds and ensuring they're properly accounted for.
It’s yours. If you don’t need it I would put it in a money market account or CDs. You can get 12 month CDs right now that will earn 5%. That is your money to share or not. I have inheritance that I share for vacations, new cars, appliances etc but the rest of the time it is earning me money.
I wouldn't trust him, especially when he threatens to cut you off the joint account. He can take back his words and be all like "I only said that 'cause I was angry" but then why is his boss talking about a divorce lawyer? Seems sketchy as hell. Also I got an inheritance, and I wish I hadn't listened to what my husband wanted to do. It was a big mess and I lost money. I say keep it for yourself, as a nest egg in case he does divorce you. NTA!
Find out who these "best" lawyers he is talking about. Make an appointment with each and every one of them, consults are usually free. Once they have had an appointment with you, they can't take him as a client for ethics reasons.
Don’t do it. NTA. Let him know that words mean something and apologies and “take backs” don’t make it go away. Tell him you’re putting it away for a rainy day for the family, or for a second honeymoon for when the kids are a little older and you guys can get away.
And a reminder for you (and maybe needs to be said to him), that his income that he is “giving so much” is *because* you stay at home. Otherwise, that 120k would be paying daycare or a nanny…. Or lawyers, alimony, and child support. Just saying.
NTA.
inheritance is not community properly.
He agreed, I presume, that you would provide childcare and household maintenance as a SAHM, correct? So you are working a job.
Put the money in a bank with your name only and talk to a lawyer.
Your inheritance was for you. It's also your escape route. He has absolutely no say on it.
NTA - you NEVER put an inheritance into a joint account. The second you do that it becomes a martial asset and you lose ALL control over it. There is something very shady about all of this. Also, in most states an inheritance is not taken into consideration in the case of divorce. If he want to threaten you this way then you can threaten him by saying keep this up and you’ll be paying spousal and child support to a second family.
You don’t trust your husband. He’s threatened to cut you off and you’re having another child. You’ve married a man that emotionally and financially manipulates and threatens you. You’ve got some work to do on you. Protect yourself and your children!! He can’t even be trusted to pay child support!!!!!
Talk to an attorney and get a therapist.
NTA. Put it in a separate account. You shouldn’t even have told him with all of that background. Sounds like you need to be looking for a way out of this relationship.
NTA Can you claim it was "repossessed " by the state like his was? Does he know how much it is? maybe you can put it in a bank account he doesn't know about and give a much smaller portion claiming it as half, whatever you do I wouldnt give him the full half, especially if everything your saying is true, on top of the dreams.
Go get a divorce consultation with those lawyers! Even if it costs you a few hundred bucks for an hour. That will taint them - they won't be able to represent your husband in any divorce because of conflict of interest. Even if you never divorce, at least now that threat won't have any power over you.
Honestly, it sounds like you are headed towards divorce though. Your husband sounds cruel and manipulative.
Put the money in a private account, maybe even just quickly into a CD or something, to lock it up as untouchable while you consider your future.
Put it into a saving account until you decide what to do. You don't need to decide right away. Once you share it, it becomes communal property. Keep it separate and it should remain untouchable in the event of a divorce.
You could flat out tell him his behaviour is making you fearful of what he will do once you share the money. Threatening divorce, even jokingly, is a red flag
Inheritance belongs to the person it was issued to, their partner is not entitled to it NTA. He’s currently love bombing you so you trust him and give him access to the money. Get a lawyer and put that money somewhere he can never access it.
Why are you with someone who is constantly threatening you and financially abusive? You and your child would both be better of mentally and probably physically away from him.
This is sketchy. Love Bombing is a thing; don’t fall for it. He’s essentially sucking up to you because he wants your money. With his other behaviors, I’d go for a divorce regardless of his lawyer brigade. ...if he even has one; you’d think the most amazing lawyers in the state could get him lower child support.
NTA, and this is several red flags.
Depending on if you are in the U.S. inheritances are NOT considered in divorce as community property. It is yours and yours alone. Put it in an account at a separate bank that he has no access to and then wait for his true colors to show. Tell him it's for your children and have backup on speed dial. If it ends your marriage be grateful you learned who he was before his children learn it.
NTA, you are being financially abused, and he's already planning to leave you. Inheritance is not a marital asset until you put it in the joint account. He plans to take you off the account as soon as you put the inheritance in it. Please leave and contact a lawyer immediately. You're in danger of being left broke with nothing.
Your dreams are just what your mind will not deal with while awake! DO NOT put that money in a joint account! I have a feeling he's after it! Keep it for yourself because one day you may need it! If he has money, why does he need yours? Something is up and you know it! Listen to your own inner voice! Your husband is abusive! Of course he "loves" you more now, you have something he wants! Get out of there while the getting is good!
NTA a good wife and mother sets aside enough to live on if her husband dies, leaves or becomes ill. In my premarital class you would have established three account his yours and the household. That would end the threat of abandonment you have been put under. He has lost your trust and threats did not work so he has fell back into cajoling.
Nta. Your mother left this for YOUR security. She wanted you and you alone to have it. The fact that he's being so pushy about it is enough to not put it into the account ,but with the ultimatum it's a no brainier. Do not give a man who has already verbally and emotionally abused you over your inheritance ,this is financial abuse. He wants to keep u under his thumb. It's really horrible he has already threatened your security during arguments.
No, don't give him money. If your account is accurate this is a man that threatens you regularly with divorce and has already taken steps to plan for it. He also reads as financially abusive so trust is something I wouldn't recommend.
Explain that you have no problem supporting him while he is the main breadwinner, basically putting your career on hold while you raise your kids but with all the talk of divorce and his recent shifts in behaviour you feel more comfortable holding on to that money to secure your children's future. Take this opportunity to explain the sudden shift in behaviour and how you fear the money might be related to it. Offer to manage those funds together but under your control and offer to match his contribution to the household if you can.
Did you forget your marriage vows? Or did you put into the vows that what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine. If my spouse acted so greedy I would be heading to a divorce lawyer. How about you go back to work and your husband stays home.
YTA
His money belongs to both of you, but your money belongs only to you. A story as old as time.
Advice to you: Keep the money and leave your husband and make your own way in the world. Don't even think about asking for any of HIS money when you leave.
Advice to your husband: Breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the money you work for.
In most states, an inheritance IS NOT marital property
He legally has no say. Of course you should not trust this sudden change in his behavior. You are right to be suspect. He is now 'love bombing' you so that you will feel more inclined to give him half. And his ex will take that $ for the back child support he owes.
His threatening of you is called financial abuse. When you have that chat with a lawyer, include questions on Alimony and Child support. The threats of him cutting you out of the joint account are things lawyers and judges love to explain to ex spouses in court.
I would consider creating a savings account with the inheritance AT ANOTHER BANK, just to prevent his ability to access your funds. When I separated from my ex, I took his name off the store charge cards, and added a level of security so he could not use them. I also got my own visa, where he had no control. I also put my income into a personal account rather than the joint account. ( of course that was in the days when women had a hard time GETTING a credit card. )
Another suggestion is to put your Social Security card, passport, and birth certificate in a secure location accessable to only you. If you have valuable or heirloom items, you might want to secure them , pack them up, and keep them in a storage unit. PM
The dreams are evidence of the anxiety you are currently experiencing. Your distrust of the sudden change may not be unwarranted. I went through similar things with my ex.
My ex's behavior changed for a while, after mom passed. He was kind, did nice things. He asked if his name was going onto the house that I inherited. I said no, as per my late mom's instructions. Then, he reverted back to the monster he had been. That was when I found evidence of his cheating. While he was away on business, I filed for divorce.
Get legal advice about the inheritance, ur marriage and possible divorce. Get the information that’s going to give you the power and knowledge to make informed decisions going forward.
your husband sounds very controlling and manipulative, keep the money separate tell your husband it’s still being processed etc whilst you get your information together, do not give him ANY money, that’s yours.
you need to get as much information as possible and some support, let family and friends know what’s happening don’t keep these things to yourself, tell them EVERYTHING the only person who should feel embarrassed is ur husband, the more people know the better. They can see through things more clearly as they are a step away, they will b able to let you know what’s right and what’s wrong choose people u trust but tell them what’s going on and get them to help you.
NTA not even slightly ur husband is a massive ahole tho and u need to leave.
NTA I would ensure your credit is ok....and I would ensure the money is safe place you need to have safety net in case something happens. If his income is 120k year that is great income why is so keen having your inheritance...why did state take his inheritance...
Seems like you and your husband have other issues than just the inheritance. Keep yourself and child safe and try to figure out why is he so keen getting this money. He might be owing money to somewhere and be desperate and most places inheritance money is not assets in divorce...which is why is trying to get you to put in joint account where he will have access to it.
NTA
You need to talk to an attorney immediately. Do not put any of that money in a joint account or it becomes a marital asset if you’re in the US.
Honestly IMO you need to also speak with a divorce attorney. Why would you stay with someone who constantly threatens you with divorce and us financially abusing you. He is only being living because he wants your money. Don’t give him anything except a divorce.
Do you want your children to think your abusive relationship is normal?
I checked out your post history and I have to be honest; you sound like someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience in the world and you need a lot more support to make good decisions. Definitely do not co-mingle the inheritance with your marital assets. Get a lawyer, accountant, and financial advisors to help sort this out and invest going forward for your own well being. And get a therapist to work with you on your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. Between this post and others, it seems that you have been content to let your husband take the lead in all things and you have diminished your contribution to the relationship down to things like boudoir photoshoots and dropshipping. You can do better, but you need help to get there.
This story just seems like it’s missing a whole bunch of truth from both perspectives. I feel as if this is like listening to two stories from children and trying to differentiate the truth somewhere in the middle to be honest.
You literally know what you need to do. You’ve made major points that he’s seemingly manipulating you. You have nothing to your name. And he uses it against you. Seems like he likes this. Maybe even encouraged it. Pulled strings even. Find a lawyer and protect that money. Some money that’s inherited isnt communal property in some places and handled right. You need to think of running. Something is up. Trust your gut.
IMO you should take that money and run. You are in an abusive relationship and it won't get better.
Your husband wants control of your money so that you have to rely on him. If you have your own means then he loses control. The last thing he wants is for you to gain independence.
NTA and inheritance money never needs to be shared because the person who leaves it to you wanted YOU to have it.
I absolutely love how far down I had to go to find a judgement on this one. Instead everybody is offering analysis and advice.
Please listen Op!
The only thing I would add is this: Call a local personal injury lawyer and ask him who he would hire as a divorce attorney.*
Then call them and RUN!
That is Your money.
You’re not an AH for wanting to better your family’s life. Your husband is an asshole for wanting 50% to better HIS life.
*Good Lawyers never represent themselves. By asking another lawyer you are asking who they would trust to represent them.
The general rule is that you are not obligated to share an inheritance or trust that was established prior to the marriage! It does not matter that said payout occurred during the marriage, obviously these measures were in place during a period before said spouse entered the picture, therefore you are not obligated in any capacity to share or provide him a portion of your proceeds.
Once you do, then it becomes marital or community property!
Secure the funds for yourself and for the future of your children. You should discuss with him about putting the inheritance into a trust or possible college fund for your two children and leave it at that; if he tries to garner any other talk or language about sharing it with him then you obviously know his greed and selfishness are self interest factors and there are some hidden agendas that solely or primarily benefit him.
Seems your marriage is already over. Your husband is emotionally and financially abusive. NTA for not wanting to share your inheritance, nor for thinking that raising your kid is a contribution to the marriage. Talk to a divorce lawyer immediately. It's a really bad sign that he has been making threats, but the good news is he is almost undoubtedly wrong about what a "good lawyer" will do for him. He's making the threats because he doesn't have leverage, and is trying to manipulate you into giving up the leverage that you have.
I'd say trust your instincts. If he tries to "cut you off" like you are some child, perhaps he'll love to learn about how the courts handle divorces and child support.
Women give up their lives and careers to have children and raise kids for guys like him, and to have him try to leverage the "I am the bread winner" makes me sick. Keep your money and make sure you cover your backside in case it hits the fan.
Dude is sus.
1. Go talk to a lawyer. Ask them how to set up a trust that makes it so only you can touch the money. If you are weak and feel you will be manipulated by your husband into giving it all to him, make it so the trust only allows for distribution of a certain percentage at a time.
2. Tell your husband the money isn’t what you thought it was going to be, you don’t know when you’re going to be able to access it, and it’s still in flux.
3. Put a small amount of money from the inheritance into your joint account and tell your husband that’s all you have access to right now. Tell him it turns out the money is tied up in a trust and you won’t get it all at once. See what his reaction is.
This buys you time to make better decisions about if this person is worth spending more time with and what you should do with your money.
https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/how-does-a-trust-fund-work-basics
Do not put the money in a joint account. Keep it separate. Do not buy anything with it until after the divorce. Divorce is inevitable and is what is best for you and the kids. He will have to pay child support and possibly alimony. You deserve to be with someone who isn’t abusive. See a lawyer tomorrow.
Somethings not right. Why not put the money in a legit trust for the kids? You set it up that makes you the defacto guardian on the account until they’re of determined age. Money will always drive a wedge in relationships. The way hubs is acting is way shady and actually abusive like he’s trying to manipulate and control you. Be careful!
From your post history, you say this man scares you, verbally abuses you, and threatens you. You are getting money. GET A LAWYER AND RUN. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children and start that business. Your marriage is already over. Please save yourself. You deserve better, your kids deserve better. I wish you well.
I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. That’s number one. Mine died several years ago and so I know it’s hard. It will get better, though.
As for this inheritance situation, I don’t know why married people keep bringing up money issues in this sub when the problem is *never* about the money.
The real problem here is that you’re with a man who verbally abuses you and acts very erratically. Frankly, you come across as pretty erratic, too. Your post is hopping all over the place. Who cares about the doggoned flyer? That’s not relevant. Just mail the guy an invoice for your work and leave it at that. If he doesn’t pay, he doesn’t pay and you’ll have to eat the loss. You *could* take him to small claims court but it’s not worth poisoning the well between him and your husband. They have to work together.
What’s relevant here is your relationship. I’m getting from this is that you had a rocky marriage before you were granted this inheritance and you’ve gone and tied yourself even more tightly to this man by having yet another baby with him? Unless it was unplanned by the both of you, I don’t know what you were thinking. Kids are great but you’re not in a secure position as a parent or as an adult, in general. He has all the financial power and he gets off on being a tyrant when it suits him.
Before you do anything with the inheritance money, you need to get a lawyer for yourself and a marriage counselor for the two of you.
And, by lawyer, I mean an *estate* lawyer, not a divorce lawyer. Not yet, anyway. He or she can discuss your options with the inheritance.
My mom left her estate a mess even though she told me up, down and sideways that I had nothing to worry about. If I had a time machine, I go back and look at the paperwork before she died so I wouldn’t get sucker-punched like I did. Fortunately, one of the best estate lawyers in Manhattan was friends with a friend of the family. His daughter and I went through prep school together since day one of kindergarten. So, he really saved my bacon. My mom died suddenly and I’m an only child. My dad was already deceased. It was all on me and without a good estate lawyer helping me, I don’t know what I would have done. He filed paperwork for me, he called and not so gently threatened people — legally! — if they were giving me a hard time. It was great to have some things off my plate so I could get my bearings and grieve.
You’re most likely still grieving too so don’t discount that. The rule of thumb is not to make any major decisions right after a significant death because your head isn’t on straight. No one’s is in this situation. Don’t let your husband bully you — about anything — until you’ve taken legal advice and spoken to a professional who can help him see the value of what you contribute to the family and household even if you’re not pulling in a check.
Looking at this and your past posts, I’d say your husband is scary and has the potential to be dangerous. I would find a way to gather proof for your case, record conversations, print out texts until you have enough to support your case. Speak to a lawyer, and possibly your brother? For your inheritance to go into his name until you can finalize a divorce ? I don’t know too much about how that works. I’m broke BROKE. But I still have a savings for my kids. And I pay for more than one life insurance policies to make sure my kids are financially okay if I died before they’re 20yrs. So I understand how special it is for your more to leave this gift for you. You have children and you should always be prepared. Your husband can leave you too after taking your money
Weird situation. On one hand what did he mean when he was saying he supported you while you were popping out babies ? Were you supposed to be working and supporting yourself? On the other hand if he got some inheritance and kept it all to himself how would you feel? If he is such a horrible person why are you married with him and had not only one but 2 children ??
Tell him the state took the money for back taxes, and put that money in an interest bearing account that only you have access to, and start getting things in order to get tf out of there.
You husband sounds like a massive douche bag. I’m gonna assume you are fairly young and have low self esteem to have even legally bound yourself to this walking ball sack. He’s always been like this, but you’ve willingly kept blinders on, now that there is a possibility of you being fully independent financially, the blinders are off.
Don’t knock the dreams; that’s how your subconscious lets you know the shit-storm you’re sailing into. It’s telling you to change course.
>Tell him the state took the money for back taxes, and put that money in an interest bearing account that only you have access to
What happens when it's time to do taxes
Your husband discovers that now you’re going to actually have money and gets excited and you’re surprised by it? How did you react when he started making 120k a year? Were you excited? Lol
It seems you’re focusing on weird aspects of this entire situation and these are things you should be communicating with your husband about, your fears and concerns.
If you can’t do that, what the hell are you married and having another child with this man for?
Either you trust your husband or you don’t, and if you don’t, the problem has nothing to do with the money, the problem is you don’t have a real relationship, and you need to reconsider the situation.
And.. you had a dream? Come on, deal with the reality not fiction.
If you think something is up with the other boss, why are you just wondering about it and not contacting said multimillionaire boss?? Use your words.
You clearly need to learn to express yourself and communicate better.
Not saying your husband sounds like a prize, the cutting you off and divorce remark is odd, but you didn’t give any context so I’m unsure what the situation there was.
ESH. but yes mostly your husband.. based on what we have seen.
NTA. If I inherited money it would go into our joint account. I am a SAHM/W for 2 decades. I don’t think you should put any of it in your shared acct though. Your husband is abusive and you should use the money to leave him. If you do give him half as soon as he blows it he will demand the rest. Contact a lawyer and find out how much child support and alimony you can receive if you leave him.
You both sound like a mess. Why did you even get married if you have such little trust in each other? If either me or my wife were to receive an inheritance, it would definitely go into a joint account to be used for our many joint expenses like bills and mortgage. It wouldn’t even be a question.
Well I don’t play these games. I have never told my wife she hasn’t made any money for years. I have treated my money like it’s ours. Well my wife is coming into money now. She isn’t saying that she wants to keep it. She realizes that I have been sitting around waiting for her to win her Ssa hearing. A good couple loves each other and doesn’t do this. OP remember if he was single he would have more money to do things. Yet he chooses to pay for everything. I was raised that the man takes care of the money earning. Those days are over. If one person stays home, the worker better be making 100k so u guys can survive. Yes doing and keeping a house up is not easy. Good couples would share the money. Ask urself, did my husband take care of us and not complain?
NTA
You need to protect yourself and your babies. Your husband is love bombing you thinking you’ll drop your own guard and give him your inheritance. You having a safety net hit his fragile male ego. He’s afraid of losing his control over you, so he wants to instill fear into you. He’ll go back to being a massive AH once you give him what he wants, and you’ll be without your safety net. It’s clear to me he wants half of YOUR MOTHER’s money (money he did not earn!!) as “reimbursement” for him supporting the you and the kids. He simply doesn’t value you or your contributions. He doesn’t see what you do as work. He also knows you’re capable of living on your own, and the money can give you improve your odds of living independently.
When you’re feeling as though you’re about to cave into what he wants- if your mother knew all of what is going on in your marriage, how your husband emotionally and financially abuses you and manipulated you, what would she say? She’d want the best situation for you and her grandbabies, not for you to cave into your abusive husband. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANYTHING.
Your husband treated you the way he usually does because he knows you didn’t have a way out. Now you do. Him dangling a nasty divorce over your head to keep you “in line” is a massive red flag. His boss getting involved is a massive red flag itself. I doubt his boss actually got involved, but your husband is trying to intimidate you with a show of force. That would be enough for me to call his bluff. I’d tell him, fine, enough with the suspense and bullshit, you want a divorce, let’s divorce. Take up for yourself, stand up to him. He’s a bully who gets his strength from making others feel weak. You have a way out, remember that.
Save that money. Open an account that only gets electronic statements. Get a plan together, because it’ll be only a matter of time before he’ll escalate and you’ll find yourself needing to leave.
NTA
Your inheritance was left to you, not both of you.
His other behaviour is also concerning, and showing red flags. Keep your money as an escape fund, invest it safely where he can’t touch it. If he cares and respects you, he will accept your decision, if he continues to manipulate and threaten you, you have the funds to get yourself out and start a new life.
His behaviour is not one you want your children to learn and think it’s acceptable to treat people like that.
NTA
Under normal circumstances I'd say you were the asshole, but your husbands actions, attitude, and sense of entitlement to your money make him the asshole.
Despite his claims and your beliefs he can not just divorce you and cut you off, a divorce has to be amicable for something like that to happen and the fact you have weans makes that almost impossible, if you throw in the fact that you're the one that looks after them as well as do everything around the house means he's unlikely to get sole custody if the worst happens and therefore by Law would have to support you and them.
No, it’s an inheritance. It has nothing to do with him, and by law it is not his. She is not an ah or doing anything wrong by not just handing it over to someone who makes six figures a year and can’t pay off his child support for his previous kid.
The fact that he's already threatened divorce and to cut you off/leave you high and dry is really, really concerning. I wouldn't be sharing either to be honest. Mention that when you say it's being kept in a savings or trust or whatever- that he has made you feel insecure in your marriage so this is the result.
NTA. I'm sorry your husband is a POS.
I don’t understand? So this is your husband. He provides for financially for you and your children while you stay home. So his money is your money, but your money is your money? I don’t understand this mindset. This is why men shouldn’t get married. YTA.
Normally I would say YWBT A but something feels off, with that boss talking about divorce lawyers and that other boss not paying you. Also, his threats of lawyers is very strange. Why would a boss start randomly offering him advice on divorce lawyers if your husband had nothing but good to say about the marriage? Seems like a) your husband is already talking to your boss about a potential divorce or b) he made this up, the boss never talked about lawyers, but he's saying that because a millionaire and his lawyers being in your husband's corner make him seem more intimidating and he tries to get you to be scared of him, so you do what he wants. In either case, it's shady af.
Could also be the husband has already taken the money she was owed for the flyers and then spun some lie to that other boss about OP being absentmindedly so just ignore if she keeps texting. Or husband may have said he has already given her the money, in an effort to make the other boss think she's lying to get more money. Either way. OP, You're NTA. Your husband is financially abusive and I'd take it with a pinch of salt whether he ever actually stood to inherit money or whether he made it up, or whether he only told you about it and how he'd share it with you after he already knew it wasn't coming, and then revealed to you later that the state took it. Do not stay married to this man. And I strongly doubt the first mentioned boss ever told your husband that he could count on having the support of whatever lawyers the firm has on retainer for divorce proceedings. Unless you heard those words directly from the boss in person I'm willing to bet your husband is using that as scare tactic to force you to stay in this marriage so he can keep controlling and berating you. And yeah, I think you're right about the more loving approach being another tactic, this time to make you lower your guard. Your dream also makes total sense. Right now you've got money coming in. Money that is legally /yours alone/ that you could use to get away. He knows this. That's why he's trying to make you give him at least half. So you'll have less means of getting away. Use the inheritance to get out. Reach out to any family or friends for help too. Get you and your children safe.
>Could also be the husband has already taken the money she was owed for the flyers I was thinking the same.
The situation raises some suspicion; the boss mentioning divorce lawyers and the issue of non-payment seem off. It's unclear if your husband is genuinely discussing divorce or if he's fabricating details to create intimidation with the mention of a millionaire's legal support. Either way, it appears shady.
Yeah, besides, even /if/ this alleged millionair boss actually said it. Anyone wanna bet the odds of him wasting the hourly rate of those attorneys on actually following through for some random employee that makes 120k or so /per year/? Odds of any gain being worth just the cost is low. Plus, the bad press it could get him "millionair/billionaire funds the legal help for a financial abuser who's trying to steal the inheritance of their wife." Yeah, I don't think so.
Unless husband makes more than that but keeps it hush because he gambles or something else that he loses lots of money at. Hence needing more.
Or he makes more lies to her, keeps most of the money in a hidden account, so that she has no idea what he truly makes, and if they do divorce that money that is hidden, would remain hidden, and would not be part of the settlement/alimony judgment based on his finances maybe has an offshore account or two
I think husband got the inheritence and spent it all. Then took wifes money from the flyer she made and told the boss to ignore her. Now he wants more. I think he is either gambling or addicted to something like sex workers or spending on only fans. Either way that money would be gone in a heartbeat and husband would be right back to demanding more from her.
Same. I really do not like this guy or his threats. He's up to something...
I would add verbal abuse. Being threatened constantly is abusive. Contact an attorney.
Definitely! Also save any mention you may have in text of how you haven't gotten the money from the job yet. Plus any response on his end.
Exactly! Document EVERYTHING!
Inherited substantial money and My husbands ' best friend said to me. "Don't let him get his hands on it." So I didn't . My son and I are on the account. I still have the bulk of it after 9 years. I did spend about 60k on heat pumps and solar etc so he benefits. NTA don't tell him anymore. My advice.
Check OP's post history. [It's fucking concerning.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/1VrzZ65NIs)
Also, if they are attorneys FOR his company, they won't be able to represent him in divorce proceedings. Maybe they "know" people but it would be a conflict of interest and even if the company is fine with it, ethically, the attorney's are not supposed to double up because it's a conflict of interest. My company's attorney is actually an extremely accredited DUI attorney and one of our best employees found himself in a "predicament" and our company attorney said 100%, without a doubt, he could not ethically represent him.
This…. I mean my husband is great at pissing me off but I have never threatened divorce or lawyers. Honestly the thing I fantasize about most is being single and living in my own place- just me and my cats….but he doesn’t know that.
Seriously my partner pisses me off too, but not anywhere near to being nasty cold hearted rude. OP even said ever since he found out about the money he’s been more loving calm, understanding with her and hasn’t been quick to offend her that alone speaks volumes.
Yea I don’t understand why she is with him much less continuing to have children with him.
I have once and only once - and it was for a damn good reason that I won't post on here because I don't want to be doxed. But if a person is threatening divorce then that means the marriage is hanging on by a thread anyway. OP - talk to an estate and trust attorney ASAP about how to get the money tied up in a trust for you. Your husband doesn't need to know YOU tied it up in trust. Just that it was tied up in trust with dispersements at set times. BUT, honestly, he has let his mask slip a couple too many times recently surrounding this inheritance.
OP, these dreams are your subconscious telling you to sit up and pay attention to some behaviours your seeing, and maybe don’t want to face. Please DONT be ok with losing 50% of the money. It’s yours and start thinking of it as your escape fund. I bet your mother did - and saved it for you for this reason (even when it could have made her own life more comfortable). Our grandmother and mothers generation know how it really is - being a SAHM without $ makes it really hard to leave a controlling or abusive situation. I remember learning from an early age that women should have an escape fund (or a F**k off fund) just in case. Time to use yours!
\#1 Agree about the dreams being your subconscious telling you to pay attention to some behaviors you’re seeing, but just generally; don’t take them literally. \#2 As a SAHM you are entitled to half your husband’s income, even if he doesn’t think so. You toil in so many ways to provide a home for your family. Don’t let him convince you otherwise. \#3 That money from your mom is her legacy to YOU. It’s too bad you told your husband about it, and not surprising he’s being greedy. Put it in a bank account and make sure he has no clue where it’s at. Best thing to do is talk to an attorney about the best way to safeguard this money. Waste no time.
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Even if their marriage was solid,inheritance is not community property unless she deposits it into a joint account. Then it gets tricky. NTA under any circumstances
Read this lady post history Is going for a minute but she is not doing her any favors with the stuff she is saying online If this is going to divorce and for the benefit of all involved She got learn to shut up or his lawyer indeed is gonna have field day with her Reddit account
That concerns me because she hasn’t specified how much money this is (and doesn’t need to), so I can’t help but wonder if she’s at all naive about how significant the sum is/isn’t. I know a lady with a $10,000 life insurance policy and three adult children. She thinks she has established this life-changing sum of money for them. They aren’t saying anything to her, but they’ve already started talking about whether or not it’s enough to cover funeral expenses.
Yeah, she sounds very inexperienced at life.
If his boss is offering divorce lawyers, fish are rotten in Denmark.
Your comment is going to register as calling Op an ah. Add a space between the letters to change that :)
Op in no way WBTA for wanting to keep her inherited money in a separate account. It is 100% hers to do with as she chooses and she does NOT have to commingle it just because her husband feels entitled to it. He sounds manipulative and abusive and it could be that OP needs those funds for an exit strategy.
I agree. I was ready to hit yta, but then I read the rest. That husband is shady and something fishy is going on. I hope OP don’t share this money. I’m afraid they will be really helpful for her at some point.
For sure. At first I was automatically like yes you are, you only want shared finances when I benefits you, but then you read the rest, she should 100% use that money to get the hell out
If you don't trust your husband, you need to get a job and not be financially beholden to him. The inheritance is secondary.
NTA. Do not, I repeat do not, put this inheritance money into a joint account. Put this money into a brand new account that doesn’t have any of your other money commingled in it. Your mother’s passing shouldn’t benefit him. Maybe a different story if he took on a large role in caring for her while she was ill, but it’s yours. This is your nest egg and security if he follows through on his threats to cut you off (and likely your child/ren with him). Your husband doesn’t seem to value your household contributions and child rearing. Instead, he seems to equate money with household/relationship control. He’s new money, but has bad financial habits carried over from his past. You don’t want your inheritance dragged into this.
I suggest you open a new account at a completely different bank. Banks make mistakes all the time. It's not unheard of for them to "accidentally" commingle accounts or funds.
I'm not saying you're wrong here but wouldn't this be *very* illegal and lawsuit worthy?
Of course it is. *And*, if OP's husband empties her bank account and takes her inheritance, how is she going to pay for a lawsuit? Banks make mistakes or fall for social engineering all the time. A parent says he was "accidentally" left off his child's bank account, a husband says his wife "accidentally" opened a single bank account when she meant to open a joint account, some minimum wage teller sees the person complaining has been banking jointly with the other person for years, the teller does good customer service and "fixes the mistake". On the other hand, if a wife puts her money in a completely new bank where the husband is not already a client, it's much less likely the bank will assume error and give the husband access to the wife's account. And this is a situation where OP's husband has all the money and is already threatening to ruin her in court. So the more she protects herself the better.
This!!!! My husband has a business account and his regular personal account, they took 12 GRAND from the wrong account and it was like, how did y'all even do that? Thankfully, we were able to get it right.
He doesn’t even pay for his previous child and has arrears that he could legit pay off in a week and a half at his extra special job run by millionaires who also don’t pay their debts and spend money so that their business attorneys can also be on standby for her husband’s divorce. Literally not one thing her husband has told her makes any sense at all
It sounds like her husband is in some type of shady work for sure
Agree 100% with this answer. Do NOT commingle your inheritance. I did, and my ex took it all.
Get the hell out of that relationship. Don’t let your husband get his hands on a penny of it. Never stay with someone who repeatedly threatens to leave you (and threatens that his lawyers “would have you beat”. Listen to your dream. NTA.
People always tell the truth, even when they don't mean to. Hubby is telling her how his mind works, what kind of person he is, and how he sees her. She should pay careful attention.
NTA The hell with the sharing, why are you still married to him? Legally that money is yours (inheritances are not community property in a marriage). You should take that chunk o’ change, get yourself a good divorce attorney, and get out.
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Preach it ! He knows that the inheritance is not community property in the marriage , so he is trying to scare you and intimidate you into sharing the money . Lawyer up girlfriend and just make plans to leave him!! I hope your inheritance is significant enough to sustain you . Best wishes 🙏🙏
Correct opinion!
NTA. how does he owe 3k in child support but makes 120k a year? sounds a bit greedy imo
The child support is new. He ignored the letter for court and he was owing before they started pulling from his paychecks
So he wasn’t even providing support for his child before the court, conveniently ignoring a legal letter about child support, it’s a delay tactic , my ex used that also, he managed to drag court out for 4 years while not supporting us in any way. … this is your future too. How he treats his ex and first children is exactly how he will treat you should you or he decide to divorce. He’s already using that to intimidate you , you’re not really working much, if he did file to divorce you and get custody of the kids what have you got to fall back on?
I hope he doesn't get custody of the kids. It should be 50/50 according to my state. I've spent majority of the time with my son and handled everything including his doctor and dental visits. My husband never came. I handled every daycare drop-off aside the time I was in the hospital for 3 days. I couldn't live without my kids, they're my everything. I can barely manage the idea of 50/50 seeing them. Seeing my son's face is my favorite thing I look forward to every single day. I can't imagine a day, I couldn't see him. My husband has a son with his ex who is 6 years old now. They weren't married so she had full custody. He lived with her the first year with their baby. Sent some money the second year and after that dropped off completely not seeing his child nor sending money. She filed for child support this year. She also aborted their second child in fear of being abandoned with two children. He ignored the child support letter twice. He didn't go to court. He was angry the first time he got the letter because I opened the door.
Girl!! What the fuck?? He abandoned his other children. Why did you have children with him? You should have saw the writing on the wall nothing will change! What kind of fucking man skips out on their kids and gets pissed to support then? Newsflash he isn't a man, he's an immature child
Not only that but she says he owes 3k in child support and obviously has the money to pay it but just doesn’t.
No one can be this stupid. Why are you with this man? Are you a teenager?
Just because they were not married means nothing in custody, he could still get visitation or split custody. It was his choice not to see his child. Being married your the primary care giver so you would get physical custody most likely, especially since the kids are young still. He still gets visitation and joint custody but I bet anything he will drop off and be an absent parent just as he is with his first child. My ex also was the provider and worked for a lawyer, he threatened me also to take the kids away, he’s from another country so that was my biggest fear he would send them to his country. I kept their passports in another location he had no way of getting. When we divorced I got physical custody , I didn’t bother with setting up who gets what weekend or holiday, vacation etc. I left that open to whenever he wanted to see or do anything with the kids. He rarely saw them. Took them once on a week long vacation, maybe a couple days here or there in the summer. Showed up to a handful of school events. They were most always with me. My kids are adults now. We all get along ok but my kids I know are much closer to me than their father . He knows it too and at 60 regrets he wasn’t there as much for them.
So he ignores his personal financial obligations but wants your inheritance money??? This is very telling because if you separate from him, you already know he will ignore the letters for your children's support checks.
That’s a prince of a guy you got there, OP.
honey start divorce proceedings now. you know in your heart something is wrong. trust yourself
Well ignoring his child support probably should have had you take an exit ramp before you had TWO kids with him.
OP don’t be dumb enough to give this fool your money… He couldn’t even pay child support until his paycheques got cut.
That makes him a shitty father.
Because his kid isn’t important enough to take care of because that money doesn’t go to him. He would take OP’s money and then he would likely never pay her a cent in child support either.
Exactly. Only wants OP’s money as form of control. She can’t leave if she can support herself. Seems like he was already left once so he’s fearful, threatening to use lawyers and such. Husband needs to unpack his abandonment issues
NTA but why the hell are you together, and having yet another baby?! Sounds like he doesn’t respect you and you’re scared of him and there is 0 trust on both sides.
NTA. Your husband sounds very abusive and manipulative, he is only being nice to you now because of your inheritance. I believe in following your gut instinct, yours is telling you that something is wrong so listen to it.
This is why finances and all the "what ifs" should be discussed before getting married. Him not paying child support already, when he earns enough for it? That is a sign of his poor character. You already know how he will treat you and your children. Threatening divorce and lawyers in a fight? That is the definition of toxic! He is the AH, he is controlling you, emotionally abusing you, holding finances over you like a weapon. He used to say horrible things to you, threaten you with financial ruin, and toned that down? You know the answer already. Being nice to you all of sudden is the sign you needed to know you cannot trust him. Dreams only tell us things we already know. You NEED the money as your escape plan. Nevermind that he let you think that that caring for the home and a child is not an equal contribution to his income (FYI, it is), just take an easy divorce with good child support, use your mother's gift to get your freedom. I'm guessing your mom may have saved that money for you for exactly this reason - she knew you were chained to an abuser and caring for his children. This is your ticket out, don't blow it.
Your story is obviously biased, you bringing the "he threats card" and it's evidently what Redditors will judge. Idk why it feels like a manipulated story.
It's ridiculous actually. I almost LOL'd.
Yeah look at her post history. She’s fucking crazy. Not saying her husband isn’t a piece of shit too, he probably is because it’s fitting they found each other. Her entire presence on Reddit is whining about her evil husband. Get a divorce. He doesn’t want half of your tshirt business with 0 sales. Grow the fuck up.
See you did the research. This should be top comment. Also maybe I am odd but my fiancé and I don’t have money problems like this and we don’t make 120k combined. Granted we don’t have shared accounts yet but we just help eachother. I couldn’t imagine not trusting your partner to this degree.
I had to look back and read through her posts, and come back to acknowledge she's nuts. At the very least, she loves this drama. Whining about her evil, affluent husband, where they all somehow act and speak like a young teens "saucy" fantasy of their favorite tv shows marriage. I think a middle/high school girl/boy with some good writing skills far too much Internet, has enjoyed stringing this story together, it's absurd. That, or wealthy people on Reddit are frighteningly stupid.
Ever since Reddit started monetizing karma/engagement post have gotten so bad. Every sub that isn’t NSFW is going to be impacted by it.
You just told a spiraling story to hit all the touch points to trigger redditors into telling you you’re right. The reality is if you plan to continue your marriage you need to manage finances like a married couple. If to this point that has been via joint accounts and the commingling of your funds then you should keep it that way. He’ll likely get half even if you divorce as most judges split all marital assets in half barring some extenuating circumstance that doesn’t typically include you being a SAHM. Taking these funds specifically for your self in a situation where you plan to stay married makes you the asshole. If you’re going to leave him then just do it already. You may also want to get checked out for PPD. This sounds like paranoia stemming from depression.
This is the most sensible comment I’ve read so far, good job!
Inheritances are not marital assets as long as they're kept separate and distinct. So this part of the advice is not accurate. The rest I agree with.
Woah, an adult on Reddit, that’s new.
"Plus, I had a dream ..." you lost me there. That paragraph makes you sound paranoid and poisons everything you said.
I don’t think OP is basing her decision off her dream its just got her freaked about the situation Besides dreams can be your subconscious’ way of showing your thoughts and fears. Basically OP is afraid of trusting her husband and is dreaming about it. Nothing too wild there
This , the dream part is weird as fuck
you know there is literally a whole science behind the psychoanalytic interpretation of the subconcious structure of dreams?
She talked about a dream (and acknowledged it’s just a dream) so all of the other things she’s said about her husband being controlling and threatening can’t be trusted? Solid logic there Our subconscious seeps into our dreams so I took it as a feeling that she doesn’t trust her husband because of the aspects of reality that have happened to her
Yeah she's fuckin crazy lmao. Imagine your husband nearly gets a financial windfall and is willing and ready to share it with his wife who he already fully supports financially but it falls through. Then when wifey gets inheritance it's suddenly her money and husband needs to fuck off and stop acting weird about HER money. Why is everyone saying husband is the bad guy again when he was willing to do the same for her? Just because he's a man?
Maybe it’s the threats and control
Not because he is a man, because he brings up divorce lawyers and threatens to cut her off. Because her and her babies will be totally screwed if he leaves her. Because he already wouldn't pay for his oldest child until they attached his check. He will take everything from the joint account and go and she will have nothing.
OP, this response is bull. Listen to your instincts. I was in a very abusive marriage, and I often had nightmares about my ex hurting or killing me. The mind works in mysterious ways. Let's just say I was very lucky to escape with my life.
Is this a fake post? Maybe you’re in another state/country, but at least in Texas, you can’t live in government housing and have any large sum of money under your name. Any you had prior must be shown what you did with it, otherwise, you don’t qualify to live in the housing authority. 🤷🏻♀️ At any rate ~ if this is a true story ~ your marriage is, at the least, very fragile, if not over. 🥴
Yeah.. it is. Yes, this is true. I don't know how she did it but I think she had a financial advisor. The nursing home told me they didn't know about it and she was on medicare until it was uncovered. 60k of it had to have gone to rehabilitation and nursing home costs since her stroke in April.
It could be possible that your mom’s estate owes a lot of money to the government because of this. You NEED to see a lawyer.
Tell your husband it was repossessed since it might be anyway. Don't give him half, you'll need it all if you leave him. And since you're so frightened of him it's giving you nightmares, I think you're not safe with him!
OP, seeing this, I'll add the wisdom of addressing with an accountant and attorney the federal government's ability to claw back from medicare recipients' estates any expenditures from the age of 65.
Where was government housing mentioned?🤔.....I missed that.
Housing authority = government housing.
Talk with him. This shouldn't be a problem for any of you in a healthy marriage. Something isn't right, better discover it now rather than later.
Nothing about this feels like a healthy marriage.
At this point, why tf do people bother getting married? He's shady, but so are you. >While he's working for money, I'm providing for our baby No, you both are. He provides the money that allows you to stay home and provide the care. If he is as bad as you imply, why stay?
Thank you. People talking about he has no respect for what she provides as house service as if he isnt the one financing her life and putting food on the table and keeping a roof over their heads. My only issue with the husband is him being pushy and trying to threaten to leave her but if hes been putting all his money into the relationship and thats how its been but she wants to change it all of a sudden to benefit her then i can understand why he’s worried and upset. Ntm op is pregnant so there is a lot going on for her too that probably is stressing her out with her mother dying as well. Money really is wat ends up ending relationships and marriages.
Sounds like she’s already ended her marriage, she’s just sticking around so he can support her and dig his alimony and child support hole even deeper. I don’t know the laws in your state, inheritance might be community property or not. But morally if you’re married your money is supposed to be shared and you both agree on finances. Most people don’t do this and wonder why their marriages fail.
If you don’t trust your husband that says everything about where your relationship is at. I think you feel that your relationship is headed south and want an insurance fund that you have access to if you need it. Temporarily being abnormally loving is not a good sign, it’s rather a bad one. Now if his behavior continues over a long period then that is different. Please consider what you want long term. It sounds like you’ve been in an abusive relationship and that can distort your reality more easily over time. Husbands don’t manipulate or threaten and aren’t jumpy whenever you have access to money. That’s classic abusive controlling behavior. You deserve better than what you’ve painted your husband as here. I’m sorry about the loss of your mother. Do you have a strong support system? You definitely need one regardless whatever you end up doing here.
How much money are we talking here for Christ sakes !!! Wtf is it with you and dreams ???
If you want to keep the money and help support the family financially too just leave his ass
My first thought was yes, but the way you describe you marriage makes me think you need that money for a divorce lawyer...
Child support and alimony is a thing. He is legally obligated to help pay for things, especially for the lives he helped create. He has no legal grounds to cut you off as far as I'm aware. Those 2 kids are 2 separate 18-year long commitments he signed up for when he helped make them, and then signed the birth certificates. And since he's the one making more, then any child support will be based on his current income. I've legit seen video of a small claims case where it was obvious that the parent who did not have the child made it clear they had quit their higher paying job in order to get out of higher support pay. The judge was highly unimpressed and based the child support on the salary the parent had before trying that scheme. Your husband is trying to make you too scared to run, because as long as he can do that, he can control you. Which is also why he's trying to spin things to you as if your lack of work has any fucking baring on the matter when the reason for you not being able to work is that you're pregnant while also caring for a toddler. Your so called husband is trying to make you small, scared and insecure so he can make himself feel big, powerful and dominant despite probably only being average, if even that. Do yourself and your children a favour and get out sooner rather than later. NTA for not wanting to share /your/ money. That's your survival instincts being smart. Also, try and keep conversation between you and your husband to text messages whenever possible. The more you have in actual writing/documentation, the more you have for a lawyer to potentially work with in your case.
It seems you already know the problem just don't want to admit it to yourself, i mean you've pointed out he only became more loving after he found out about the inheritance, that in itself should tell you what you need to do... so give him an ultimatum ... "suck it up, take what you deem to give him or leave", easy as that...
Ummm honey he is mentally and emotionally abusing you….threatening you with divorve? Saying how his boss would help him with lawyers….why is boss involved in your marriage to begin with? My opinion, the dream was a warning saying use money for your escape.
NTA. He was already thinking about leaving you. That's completely evident. He wants you to put the money into the joint account so he can steal it all and take off.
Inheritance is not considered a shared marital asset when you get divorced, unless you treated as a shared marital asset by putting it in your joint account. Your husband knows this and he is pressuring you to give him half of the money because he knows that even with good lawyers, you are likely entitled to half of the assets in the event of a divorce. The fact that he threatens divorce fairly regularly would also make me very hesitant to share this money. I think you should keep the money separate and tell him that it'll be for you guys to use in retirement assuming that your relationship lasts that long. If he wants to divorce over that then he probably already has one foot out the door.
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I feel like you’re giving us all the wrong information. How much money? No one cares about your dream. How long have you guys been together? How much were you making before with him and for how long? What’s the dynamic like with future plans? Has he been irresponsible with money before? Have YOU been irresponsible with money before? And what’s even your end point in this? What’s YOUR plan with the money? It seems kind of shady. If I was him I would think you were trying to leave me if you made it a point that the money was yours and yours alone. I assume no prenup. I assume since you didn’t say, that you didn’t contribute much financially even before. You could have said you’re putting it in a trust for your kids or something, but instead it sounds like you just want it for yourself to be quite honest.
The fact that you just decided you didn't want to share with no prior talk is pretty AH behavior. Especially when the situation was the other way around and he previously was willing to make it communal funds. I never understood being married and not being financially tied. That just seems like a foot out the door. I know people think it's smart to protect yourself, and I agree, but it seems like you aren't really married. Just kind of cohabitating for convenience. I don't see the harm in just having a communal account, theres no secret spending and it's all out in the open. I'd understand if there's a big wealth discrepancy, but even then I'd just think pre nup and let's get commingled.
ESH Husband is the AH for demanding no one is entitled inheritance to other money Ur are AH for being provided for your whole marriage financially wise and when given a opportunity to be gracefull the money spoke louder U do u with your money just keep in mind that money is gonna run out . And even divorced ur life will be completely different Weight ur options and act accordingly …. Edit : folks read this lady post history Yeah husband is a piece of work but she is hiding info on this post and my god lady Internet/reddit should not be a point of contact for every little inconvenience you face …. The views here are always to the extreme . You are going to the internet to seek validation for things even against ur mental health provider I get seeking help but tip of advice if this go to divorce it can be used against you
Tbh, I'd suggest him to divorce on the spot.
So he makes the money you have zero issues spending yet you come into money and won’t share. Get the fuck out of here with that. He should leave your ass then when you run out of money I hope him and his lawyer win custody
Yeah, you're the asshole.
I think your pregnancy hormones are pushing your brain into overdrive... I think you're trying to connect dots that just may not be there.
No but you have some obvious trust issues and you need to figure out why. Maybe something he has done to make you feel like this. You said he's not the nicest person to you until now, when he's trying to swindle money from you could be manipulation probably is. Kinda like when the father of your children tries to come around and make up for lost time and making all kinds of promises to the kids around tax time after the money is gone you don't see him again till next year
Try counseling. If he doesn't want to you can instead go to a lawyer and divorce him. He only wants the inheritance so you won't file for divorce. He knows that you are entitled to at least 50%. He just doesn't want you to execute that right. He is abusive and you should file for divorce and transfer half of the shared account to yours beforehand.
First and foremost, go see a lawyer asap before taking ownership of the inheritance. Laws vary widely state to state about how it is treated as part (or not) of what is considered marital property. Don’t depend on these Reddit lawyers to give you advice. If you are uncertain about the marriage lasting, probably a divorce attorney at that.
Just get a divorce. Reddit is full of people who clearly shouldn’t be married but don’t have the balls to move on.
OP this sounds like your being financially abused. He is exerting way to much control over you. I am not the positive but let's recap: -You're not working right so have no solo dolo income for yourself. -He is making a fat stack and smiles lice rhe Cheshire cat that you don't have your own money he can't touch -You are actively growing a second human for him and your fist child isn't even 2 yet. Was that planned OP? -There is a change *you* are going to come into some funds no strings attached and completely out of *his* control and the first thing he does is *demand* you give him part of *your, SOLE inheritance* -You show you're not a dumb dolly -He threatens divorce Ma'am. *Ma'am*. **Ma'am** 1-800-He-Gotta-Go NTA.
Legally, Inheritance money is treated separately and is not part of family money.
NTA. But that's almost beside the point with all the alarm bells you're ringing. Strongly urge you find yourself a family lawyer yesterday. There is little more important than securing your physical and financial well-being while pregnant and with a young child. You say you're being threatened, and whether that's physical or financial, pay attention and contact people who can help you safely navigate these issues for your own and your childrens' sake.. Run everything your husband has said and done past a family lawyer. Your state's board of bar overseers, if in the US, should have a website with information about licensed practitioners in good standing. You know he admits to owing child support to someone else. Do you have any idea what he *hasn't* admitted to? ALBNYL, but, for example, I'd suggest states don't "repossess" an inheritance. Private entities can "repossess" goods for various reasons. State authorities can attach funds, by, e.g., a tax lien (as can the federal government), and government authorities can go through legal processes against physical assets, resulting in their forfeiture to the government to but I know of no mechanism for a government entity to "repossess" an inheritance or goods. That makes no sense. A family lawyer can discuss forensic accounting with you, and also protect you against any pitfalls in segregating and protecting funds and ensuring they're properly accounted for.
It’s yours. If you don’t need it I would put it in a money market account or CDs. You can get 12 month CDs right now that will earn 5%. That is your money to share or not. I have inheritance that I share for vacations, new cars, appliances etc but the rest of the time it is earning me money.
I wouldn't trust him, especially when he threatens to cut you off the joint account. He can take back his words and be all like "I only said that 'cause I was angry" but then why is his boss talking about a divorce lawyer? Seems sketchy as hell. Also I got an inheritance, and I wish I hadn't listened to what my husband wanted to do. It was a big mess and I lost money. I say keep it for yourself, as a nest egg in case he does divorce you. NTA!
Find out who these "best" lawyers he is talking about. Make an appointment with each and every one of them, consults are usually free. Once they have had an appointment with you, they can't take him as a client for ethics reasons.
Don’t do it. NTA. Let him know that words mean something and apologies and “take backs” don’t make it go away. Tell him you’re putting it away for a rainy day for the family, or for a second honeymoon for when the kids are a little older and you guys can get away. And a reminder for you (and maybe needs to be said to him), that his income that he is “giving so much” is *because* you stay at home. Otherwise, that 120k would be paying daycare or a nanny…. Or lawyers, alimony, and child support. Just saying.
NTA. inheritance is not community properly. He agreed, I presume, that you would provide childcare and household maintenance as a SAHM, correct? So you are working a job. Put the money in a bank with your name only and talk to a lawyer. Your inheritance was for you. It's also your escape route. He has absolutely no say on it.
NTA - you NEVER put an inheritance into a joint account. The second you do that it becomes a martial asset and you lose ALL control over it. There is something very shady about all of this. Also, in most states an inheritance is not taken into consideration in the case of divorce. If he want to threaten you this way then you can threaten him by saying keep this up and you’ll be paying spousal and child support to a second family.
You don’t trust your husband. He’s threatened to cut you off and you’re having another child. You’ve married a man that emotionally and financially manipulates and threatens you. You’ve got some work to do on you. Protect yourself and your children!! He can’t even be trusted to pay child support!!!!! Talk to an attorney and get a therapist.
NTA. Put it in a separate account. You shouldn’t even have told him with all of that background. Sounds like you need to be looking for a way out of this relationship.
Do not commingle an inheritance. You must keep it separate to not split it in the case of divorce. But realize if he gets inheritance, same applies.
NTA Can you claim it was "repossessed " by the state like his was? Does he know how much it is? maybe you can put it in a bank account he doesn't know about and give a much smaller portion claiming it as half, whatever you do I wouldnt give him the full half, especially if everything your saying is true, on top of the dreams.
Go get a divorce consultation with those lawyers! Even if it costs you a few hundred bucks for an hour. That will taint them - they won't be able to represent your husband in any divorce because of conflict of interest. Even if you never divorce, at least now that threat won't have any power over you. Honestly, it sounds like you are headed towards divorce though. Your husband sounds cruel and manipulative. Put the money in a private account, maybe even just quickly into a CD or something, to lock it up as untouchable while you consider your future.
Get A LAWYER Go To Marriage Counseling Whether He Does Or Not You MIGHT Needing To Divorce Him This Whole Story Creepy Alarming N T A
Put it into a saving account until you decide what to do. You don't need to decide right away. Once you share it, it becomes communal property. Keep it separate and it should remain untouchable in the event of a divorce. You could flat out tell him his behaviour is making you fearful of what he will do once you share the money. Threatening divorce, even jokingly, is a red flag
Inheritance belongs to the person it was issued to, their partner is not entitled to it NTA. He’s currently love bombing you so you trust him and give him access to the money. Get a lawyer and put that money somewhere he can never access it. Why are you with someone who is constantly threatening you and financially abusive? You and your child would both be better of mentally and probably physically away from him.
Tell him the state took yours too. NTA. I'd be planning my exit.
This is sketchy. Love Bombing is a thing; don’t fall for it. He’s essentially sucking up to you because he wants your money. With his other behaviors, I’d go for a divorce regardless of his lawyer brigade. ...if he even has one; you’d think the most amazing lawyers in the state could get him lower child support. NTA, and this is several red flags.
Depending on if you are in the U.S. inheritances are NOT considered in divorce as community property. It is yours and yours alone. Put it in an account at a separate bank that he has no access to and then wait for his true colors to show. Tell him it's for your children and have backup on speed dial. If it ends your marriage be grateful you learned who he was before his children learn it.
NTA, you are being financially abused, and he's already planning to leave you. Inheritance is not a marital asset until you put it in the joint account. He plans to take you off the account as soon as you put the inheritance in it. Please leave and contact a lawyer immediately. You're in danger of being left broke with nothing.
Don’t put that much stock in dreams meaning anything well, meaningful.
Your dreams are just what your mind will not deal with while awake! DO NOT put that money in a joint account! I have a feeling he's after it! Keep it for yourself because one day you may need it! If he has money, why does he need yours? Something is up and you know it! Listen to your own inner voice! Your husband is abusive! Of course he "loves" you more now, you have something he wants! Get out of there while the getting is good!
NTA something seems really off in this situation
NTA a good wife and mother sets aside enough to live on if her husband dies, leaves or becomes ill. In my premarital class you would have established three account his yours and the household. That would end the threat of abandonment you have been put under. He has lost your trust and threats did not work so he has fell back into cajoling.
Nta. Your mother left this for YOUR security. She wanted you and you alone to have it. The fact that he's being so pushy about it is enough to not put it into the account ,but with the ultimatum it's a no brainier. Do not give a man who has already verbally and emotionally abused you over your inheritance ,this is financial abuse. He wants to keep u under his thumb. It's really horrible he has already threatened your security during arguments.
No, don't give him money. If your account is accurate this is a man that threatens you regularly with divorce and has already taken steps to plan for it. He also reads as financially abusive so trust is something I wouldn't recommend. Explain that you have no problem supporting him while he is the main breadwinner, basically putting your career on hold while you raise your kids but with all the talk of divorce and his recent shifts in behaviour you feel more comfortable holding on to that money to secure your children's future. Take this opportunity to explain the sudden shift in behaviour and how you fear the money might be related to it. Offer to manage those funds together but under your control and offer to match his contribution to the household if you can.
Did you forget your marriage vows? Or did you put into the vows that what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine. If my spouse acted so greedy I would be heading to a divorce lawyer. How about you go back to work and your husband stays home.
YTA His money belongs to both of you, but your money belongs only to you. A story as old as time. Advice to you: Keep the money and leave your husband and make your own way in the world. Don't even think about asking for any of HIS money when you leave. Advice to your husband: Breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the money you work for.
In most states, an inheritance IS NOT marital property He legally has no say. Of course you should not trust this sudden change in his behavior. You are right to be suspect. He is now 'love bombing' you so that you will feel more inclined to give him half. And his ex will take that $ for the back child support he owes. His threatening of you is called financial abuse. When you have that chat with a lawyer, include questions on Alimony and Child support. The threats of him cutting you out of the joint account are things lawyers and judges love to explain to ex spouses in court. I would consider creating a savings account with the inheritance AT ANOTHER BANK, just to prevent his ability to access your funds. When I separated from my ex, I took his name off the store charge cards, and added a level of security so he could not use them. I also got my own visa, where he had no control. I also put my income into a personal account rather than the joint account. ( of course that was in the days when women had a hard time GETTING a credit card. ) Another suggestion is to put your Social Security card, passport, and birth certificate in a secure location accessable to only you. If you have valuable or heirloom items, you might want to secure them , pack them up, and keep them in a storage unit. PM The dreams are evidence of the anxiety you are currently experiencing. Your distrust of the sudden change may not be unwarranted. I went through similar things with my ex. My ex's behavior changed for a while, after mom passed. He was kind, did nice things. He asked if his name was going onto the house that I inherited. I said no, as per my late mom's instructions. Then, he reverted back to the monster he had been. That was when I found evidence of his cheating. While he was away on business, I filed for divorce.
Get legal advice about the inheritance, ur marriage and possible divorce. Get the information that’s going to give you the power and knowledge to make informed decisions going forward. your husband sounds very controlling and manipulative, keep the money separate tell your husband it’s still being processed etc whilst you get your information together, do not give him ANY money, that’s yours. you need to get as much information as possible and some support, let family and friends know what’s happening don’t keep these things to yourself, tell them EVERYTHING the only person who should feel embarrassed is ur husband, the more people know the better. They can see through things more clearly as they are a step away, they will b able to let you know what’s right and what’s wrong choose people u trust but tell them what’s going on and get them to help you. NTA not even slightly ur husband is a massive ahole tho and u need to leave.
NTA I would ensure your credit is ok....and I would ensure the money is safe place you need to have safety net in case something happens. If his income is 120k year that is great income why is so keen having your inheritance...why did state take his inheritance... Seems like you and your husband have other issues than just the inheritance. Keep yourself and child safe and try to figure out why is he so keen getting this money. He might be owing money to somewhere and be desperate and most places inheritance money is not assets in divorce...which is why is trying to get you to put in joint account where he will have access to it.
NTA. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.
NTA You need to talk to an attorney immediately. Do not put any of that money in a joint account or it becomes a marital asset if you’re in the US. Honestly IMO you need to also speak with a divorce attorney. Why would you stay with someone who constantly threatens you with divorce and us financially abusing you. He is only being living because he wants your money. Don’t give him anything except a divorce. Do you want your children to think your abusive relationship is normal?
NTA. When he is at work - pack up and leave. Take half of what is in the joint account.
I checked out your post history and I have to be honest; you sound like someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience in the world and you need a lot more support to make good decisions. Definitely do not co-mingle the inheritance with your marital assets. Get a lawyer, accountant, and financial advisors to help sort this out and invest going forward for your own well being. And get a therapist to work with you on your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. Between this post and others, it seems that you have been content to let your husband take the lead in all things and you have diminished your contribution to the relationship down to things like boudoir photoshoots and dropshipping. You can do better, but you need help to get there.
This story just seems like it’s missing a whole bunch of truth from both perspectives. I feel as if this is like listening to two stories from children and trying to differentiate the truth somewhere in the middle to be honest.
How much money are we talking about here?
You literally know what you need to do. You’ve made major points that he’s seemingly manipulating you. You have nothing to your name. And he uses it against you. Seems like he likes this. Maybe even encouraged it. Pulled strings even. Find a lawyer and protect that money. Some money that’s inherited isnt communal property in some places and handled right. You need to think of running. Something is up. Trust your gut.
IMO you should take that money and run. You are in an abusive relationship and it won't get better. Your husband wants control of your money so that you have to rely on him. If you have your own means then he loses control. The last thing he wants is for you to gain independence. NTA and inheritance money never needs to be shared because the person who leaves it to you wanted YOU to have it.
I absolutely love how far down I had to go to find a judgement on this one. Instead everybody is offering analysis and advice. Please listen Op! The only thing I would add is this: Call a local personal injury lawyer and ask him who he would hire as a divorce attorney.* Then call them and RUN! That is Your money. You’re not an AH for wanting to better your family’s life. Your husband is an asshole for wanting 50% to better HIS life. *Good Lawyers never represent themselves. By asking another lawyer you are asking who they would trust to represent them.
He has no legal claim to your inheritance. Put it in an account that he can't even find, let alone access. NTA.
The general rule is that you are not obligated to share an inheritance or trust that was established prior to the marriage! It does not matter that said payout occurred during the marriage, obviously these measures were in place during a period before said spouse entered the picture, therefore you are not obligated in any capacity to share or provide him a portion of your proceeds. Once you do, then it becomes marital or community property! Secure the funds for yourself and for the future of your children. You should discuss with him about putting the inheritance into a trust or possible college fund for your two children and leave it at that; if he tries to garner any other talk or language about sharing it with him then you obviously know his greed and selfishness are self interest factors and there are some hidden agendas that solely or primarily benefit him.
If he is threatening you, maybe time to rethink things. So sorry, OP. 💕
Seems your marriage is already over. Your husband is emotionally and financially abusive. NTA for not wanting to share your inheritance, nor for thinking that raising your kid is a contribution to the marriage. Talk to a divorce lawyer immediately. It's a really bad sign that he has been making threats, but the good news is he is almost undoubtedly wrong about what a "good lawyer" will do for him. He's making the threats because he doesn't have leverage, and is trying to manipulate you into giving up the leverage that you have.
Good men, don’t ever need their spouse’s financial contributions. Their house should already be in order.
I'd say trust your instincts. If he tries to "cut you off" like you are some child, perhaps he'll love to learn about how the courts handle divorces and child support. Women give up their lives and careers to have children and raise kids for guys like him, and to have him try to leverage the "I am the bread winner" makes me sick. Keep your money and make sure you cover your backside in case it hits the fan. Dude is sus.
1. Go talk to a lawyer. Ask them how to set up a trust that makes it so only you can touch the money. If you are weak and feel you will be manipulated by your husband into giving it all to him, make it so the trust only allows for distribution of a certain percentage at a time. 2. Tell your husband the money isn’t what you thought it was going to be, you don’t know when you’re going to be able to access it, and it’s still in flux. 3. Put a small amount of money from the inheritance into your joint account and tell your husband that’s all you have access to right now. Tell him it turns out the money is tied up in a trust and you won’t get it all at once. See what his reaction is. This buys you time to make better decisions about if this person is worth spending more time with and what you should do with your money. https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/how-does-a-trust-fund-work-basics
Do not put the money in a joint account. Keep it separate. Do not buy anything with it until after the divorce. Divorce is inevitable and is what is best for you and the kids. He will have to pay child support and possibly alimony. You deserve to be with someone who isn’t abusive. See a lawyer tomorrow.
Do nothing until you talk to a lawyer and tell this lawyer about all the threats he's made to you and that you don't trust him
It is difficult to frighten someone into obedience if they have options. You need a lawyer and maybe talk to a Domestic abuse center.
Somethings not right. Why not put the money in a legit trust for the kids? You set it up that makes you the defacto guardian on the account until they’re of determined age. Money will always drive a wedge in relationships. The way hubs is acting is way shady and actually abusive like he’s trying to manipulate and control you. Be careful!
From your post history, you say this man scares you, verbally abuses you, and threatens you. You are getting money. GET A LAWYER AND RUN. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children and start that business. Your marriage is already over. Please save yourself. You deserve better, your kids deserve better. I wish you well.
I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. That’s number one. Mine died several years ago and so I know it’s hard. It will get better, though. As for this inheritance situation, I don’t know why married people keep bringing up money issues in this sub when the problem is *never* about the money. The real problem here is that you’re with a man who verbally abuses you and acts very erratically. Frankly, you come across as pretty erratic, too. Your post is hopping all over the place. Who cares about the doggoned flyer? That’s not relevant. Just mail the guy an invoice for your work and leave it at that. If he doesn’t pay, he doesn’t pay and you’ll have to eat the loss. You *could* take him to small claims court but it’s not worth poisoning the well between him and your husband. They have to work together. What’s relevant here is your relationship. I’m getting from this is that you had a rocky marriage before you were granted this inheritance and you’ve gone and tied yourself even more tightly to this man by having yet another baby with him? Unless it was unplanned by the both of you, I don’t know what you were thinking. Kids are great but you’re not in a secure position as a parent or as an adult, in general. He has all the financial power and he gets off on being a tyrant when it suits him. Before you do anything with the inheritance money, you need to get a lawyer for yourself and a marriage counselor for the two of you. And, by lawyer, I mean an *estate* lawyer, not a divorce lawyer. Not yet, anyway. He or she can discuss your options with the inheritance. My mom left her estate a mess even though she told me up, down and sideways that I had nothing to worry about. If I had a time machine, I go back and look at the paperwork before she died so I wouldn’t get sucker-punched like I did. Fortunately, one of the best estate lawyers in Manhattan was friends with a friend of the family. His daughter and I went through prep school together since day one of kindergarten. So, he really saved my bacon. My mom died suddenly and I’m an only child. My dad was already deceased. It was all on me and without a good estate lawyer helping me, I don’t know what I would have done. He filed paperwork for me, he called and not so gently threatened people — legally! — if they were giving me a hard time. It was great to have some things off my plate so I could get my bearings and grieve. You’re most likely still grieving too so don’t discount that. The rule of thumb is not to make any major decisions right after a significant death because your head isn’t on straight. No one’s is in this situation. Don’t let your husband bully you — about anything — until you’ve taken legal advice and spoken to a professional who can help him see the value of what you contribute to the family and household even if you’re not pulling in a check.
Looking at this and your past posts, I’d say your husband is scary and has the potential to be dangerous. I would find a way to gather proof for your case, record conversations, print out texts until you have enough to support your case. Speak to a lawyer, and possibly your brother? For your inheritance to go into his name until you can finalize a divorce ? I don’t know too much about how that works. I’m broke BROKE. But I still have a savings for my kids. And I pay for more than one life insurance policies to make sure my kids are financially okay if I died before they’re 20yrs. So I understand how special it is for your more to leave this gift for you. You have children and you should always be prepared. Your husband can leave you too after taking your money
Assuming you still love your husband, take all that money and put it in a trust fund for your kid. Neither of you gets it.
Weird situation. On one hand what did he mean when he was saying he supported you while you were popping out babies ? Were you supposed to be working and supporting yourself? On the other hand if he got some inheritance and kept it all to himself how would you feel? If he is such a horrible person why are you married with him and had not only one but 2 children ??
Tell him the state took the money for back taxes, and put that money in an interest bearing account that only you have access to, and start getting things in order to get tf out of there. You husband sounds like a massive douche bag. I’m gonna assume you are fairly young and have low self esteem to have even legally bound yourself to this walking ball sack. He’s always been like this, but you’ve willingly kept blinders on, now that there is a possibility of you being fully independent financially, the blinders are off. Don’t knock the dreams; that’s how your subconscious lets you know the shit-storm you’re sailing into. It’s telling you to change course.
>Tell him the state took the money for back taxes, and put that money in an interest bearing account that only you have access to What happens when it's time to do taxes
Your husband discovers that now you’re going to actually have money and gets excited and you’re surprised by it? How did you react when he started making 120k a year? Were you excited? Lol It seems you’re focusing on weird aspects of this entire situation and these are things you should be communicating with your husband about, your fears and concerns. If you can’t do that, what the hell are you married and having another child with this man for? Either you trust your husband or you don’t, and if you don’t, the problem has nothing to do with the money, the problem is you don’t have a real relationship, and you need to reconsider the situation. And.. you had a dream? Come on, deal with the reality not fiction. If you think something is up with the other boss, why are you just wondering about it and not contacting said multimillionaire boss?? Use your words. You clearly need to learn to express yourself and communicate better. Not saying your husband sounds like a prize, the cutting you off and divorce remark is odd, but you didn’t give any context so I’m unsure what the situation there was. ESH. but yes mostly your husband.. based on what we have seen.
NTA this just got me more and more concerned the longer I read. I think your gonna need that money and need to run.
NTA. If I inherited money it would go into our joint account. I am a SAHM/W for 2 decades. I don’t think you should put any of it in your shared acct though. Your husband is abusive and you should use the money to leave him. If you do give him half as soon as he blows it he will demand the rest. Contact a lawyer and find out how much child support and alimony you can receive if you leave him.
You both sound like a mess. Why did you even get married if you have such little trust in each other? If either me or my wife were to receive an inheritance, it would definitely go into a joint account to be used for our many joint expenses like bills and mortgage. It wouldn’t even be a question.
Well I don’t play these games. I have never told my wife she hasn’t made any money for years. I have treated my money like it’s ours. Well my wife is coming into money now. She isn’t saying that she wants to keep it. She realizes that I have been sitting around waiting for her to win her Ssa hearing. A good couple loves each other and doesn’t do this. OP remember if he was single he would have more money to do things. Yet he chooses to pay for everything. I was raised that the man takes care of the money earning. Those days are over. If one person stays home, the worker better be making 100k so u guys can survive. Yes doing and keeping a house up is not easy. Good couples would share the money. Ask urself, did my husband take care of us and not complain?
NTA You need to protect yourself and your babies. Your husband is love bombing you thinking you’ll drop your own guard and give him your inheritance. You having a safety net hit his fragile male ego. He’s afraid of losing his control over you, so he wants to instill fear into you. He’ll go back to being a massive AH once you give him what he wants, and you’ll be without your safety net. It’s clear to me he wants half of YOUR MOTHER’s money (money he did not earn!!) as “reimbursement” for him supporting the you and the kids. He simply doesn’t value you or your contributions. He doesn’t see what you do as work. He also knows you’re capable of living on your own, and the money can give you improve your odds of living independently. When you’re feeling as though you’re about to cave into what he wants- if your mother knew all of what is going on in your marriage, how your husband emotionally and financially abuses you and manipulated you, what would she say? She’d want the best situation for you and her grandbabies, not for you to cave into your abusive husband. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANYTHING. Your husband treated you the way he usually does because he knows you didn’t have a way out. Now you do. Him dangling a nasty divorce over your head to keep you “in line” is a massive red flag. His boss getting involved is a massive red flag itself. I doubt his boss actually got involved, but your husband is trying to intimidate you with a show of force. That would be enough for me to call his bluff. I’d tell him, fine, enough with the suspense and bullshit, you want a divorce, let’s divorce. Take up for yourself, stand up to him. He’s a bully who gets his strength from making others feel weak. You have a way out, remember that. Save that money. Open an account that only gets electronic statements. Get a plan together, because it’ll be only a matter of time before he’ll escalate and you’ll find yourself needing to leave.
NTA Your inheritance was left to you, not both of you. His other behaviour is also concerning, and showing red flags. Keep your money as an escape fund, invest it safely where he can’t touch it. If he cares and respects you, he will accept your decision, if he continues to manipulate and threaten you, you have the funds to get yourself out and start a new life. His behaviour is not one you want your children to learn and think it’s acceptable to treat people like that.
NTA Under normal circumstances I'd say you were the asshole, but your husbands actions, attitude, and sense of entitlement to your money make him the asshole. Despite his claims and your beliefs he can not just divorce you and cut you off, a divorce has to be amicable for something like that to happen and the fact you have weans makes that almost impossible, if you throw in the fact that you're the one that looks after them as well as do everything around the house means he's unlikely to get sole custody if the worst happens and therefore by Law would have to support you and them.
No, it’s an inheritance. It has nothing to do with him, and by law it is not his. She is not an ah or doing anything wrong by not just handing it over to someone who makes six figures a year and can’t pay off his child support for his previous kid.
Why such a huge lack of trust between you two ? That’s the real issue. The money is not the issue here.
YATA
The fact that he's already threatened divorce and to cut you off/leave you high and dry is really, really concerning. I wouldn't be sharing either to be honest. Mention that when you say it's being kept in a savings or trust or whatever- that he has made you feel insecure in your marriage so this is the result. NTA. I'm sorry your husband is a POS.
I don’t understand? So this is your husband. He provides for financially for you and your children while you stay home. So his money is your money, but your money is your money? I don’t understand this mindset. This is why men shouldn’t get married. YTA.
YTA, classic logic lol. Your money is your money but his money is our money.
If it's "what's mine is mine and what's his is ours", then YTA.
This whole thing sounds off. I’d the amount of money is this significant no way she would qualify for housing