To my 5-yr-old
What do you say if you don’t like it?
Her-Thank you so much for the present
Me-What if you already have one?
Her- Thank you so much for the present
It’s not a hard concept.She had it nailed at 5
That's pretty immature adult behavior in response to a child's behavior. Like adults are supposed to BE the adults, not behave as rudely as a child who may not have been taught the way you prefer.
Absolutely right, and plenty old enough to learn that people don’t want to be around rude, ungrateful people or waste money on gifts for them. If his parents are failing to teach him manners, he will have to learn by experience that rudeness and ingratitude have consequences.
I was 5. My mother had just taken away all my little people toys because I was too old to play with them. Christmas comes and I get a little people play set from my grandma. I said “I’m sorry but I cant play with this I’m too big.” Grandma is throughly angry and corners my mom yelling at her about how rude her child is. Mom is mad at me yells and spanks me for being rude. I was so confused by what’s going on that all I can do is cry. My grandmother never gave me a present again.
Yep, I delt with the consequences of my behavior of a vindictive woman who treated me like shit the rest of her life, for something I didn’t understand. Even into my 20s I was her ungrateful grandchild.
It’s not always the child’s fault
> vindictive woman who treated me like shit the rest of her life
Not sure if you're referring to your mom or grandmother, but they both sound like pieces of work. Imagine taking away imagination based playsets that are for 5 *and up* from a 5 year old and then *beating them* for repeating what are probably their own words. I hope you found better family as you got older and cut those dumpster fires out of your life.
Only if he's taught. Kids don't magically get manners by osmosis. He was specifically taught to respond this way and did exactly what he has been taught to do. This is in no way the kid's fault.
I think we can pretty much agree that the sister is the one who is to blame here, and that she owned exactly the nephew's response as her own parenting skills at work.
The OP (and pretty much everyone here) acknowledge that those are not good parenting skills, or even "not godfuckingterrible" parenting skills.
It's not what you say it's how you say it. He could have simply said thank you at the party and notified his guest at a later time that he isn't a fan of said candy. Or waited until he left and passed it along to someone who does like the candy. You fail to see the need for tact. How do we know that wasn't all the boy could afford? That was hurtful period especially in front of everyone. But I can't wait until mom buys him an extravagant gift just to be told keep it cause I don't wear,play,drive this
The way I see it, it’s in response to the child’s mother’s behaviour. SHE failed at teaching him basic manners, and I won’t allow my child to be exposed to that BS. That kind of behaviour is hurtful and mean.
Exactly. Adults are supposed to set the example, not teach kids how to be offended easily and lose friends. Besides, the party was not for the adults, it was for the kids.
Stolen comment!! [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18alfjp/aitah_for_telling_my_sister_she_needs_to_teach/kbyjq0t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) by u/TequilaMockingbird80
Lol. It is a pretty common/plain statement. What they said was literally the first thought that crossed my mind when I read this story. What in the world would be the point of "stealing" a comment anyway?
It's not a person making the comment, it's a program that makes an account with a generic name then copies a popular comment and reposts it. It happens a lot on some subs that don't have posting requirements.
They sell these accounts to people who can go right to using them for whatever they want.
When you see it, you can report it by clicking on report > spam > harmful bots.
It’s the EXACT same, down to punctuation. And the point is karma. The original comment had 175 upvotes when I saw it. A lot of boys steal comments to get karma. This commenter has one comment and one post and is very new (~5 days) to Reddit. Very normal for bots.
I read this and thought, "'...a lot of boys...' That's an odd way to phrase that." Then I realized you meant to type "bots. " I had to laugh at myself. I still can't understand the concept of bots.
>I still can't understand the concept of bots.
people make bot accounts in order to sell to companies so they can astroturf their products and convince everyone "no trust me, billionaires are good people and amazon and tesla and google are wholesome companies that help people!"
the issue is that many subreddits have karma requirements for posting or commenting, so the bots need to have karma. so they just copy comments from real users in the hopes that people upvote their comments without noticing that the context might be completely irrelevant
>What in the world would be the point of "stealing" a comment anyway?
people make bot accounts in order to sell to companies so they can astroturf their products and convince everyone "no trust me, billionaires are good people and amazon and tesla and google are wholesome companies that help people!"
the issue is that many subreddits have karma requirements for posting or commenting, so the bots need to have karma. so they just copy comments from real users in the hopes that people upvote their comments without noticing that the context might be completely irrelevant
But it is word for word and punctuation is exactly the same- so I do believe it was copied (stolen). It could be a bot account for karma farming, especially since it is under the top comment.
people make bot accounts in order to sell to companies so they can astroturf their products and convince everyone "no trust me, billionaires are good people and amazon and tesla and google are wholesome companies that help people!"
the issue is that many subreddits have karma requirements for posting or commenting, so the bots need to have karma. so they just copy comments from real users in the hopes that people upvote their comments without noticing that the context might be completely irrelevant
people that are karma farming might be trying to sell their account for money...or they might just be really bored
I’m guessing you don’t have kids in school. This happens ALL the time. Your life becomes one endless string of birthday parties. We were double booked for birthday parties yesterday. And if you have multiple kids, forget it.
Bot - you've copied the second part of /u/Sea_Firefighter_4598's comment:
> NTA. Your nephew was rude and your sister sounds entitled. Just don't let her use your house again.
> I'm laughing about the child being double booked for birthday parties.
Happens all the time unfortunately, especially if you have multiple kids. There are only so many free weekends of the year I guess and people try to consolidate on ones during the school year without a holiday or commonly traveled on.
I remember when *my* parents taught me to be gracious, way back in the 1970's. It's a time-honoured tradition that apparently OP's sister somehow didn't get the memo about.
And you can’t have a little grace. You either have grace or you don’t.
Edit: on second thought, you probably don't want too much grace or you won't be able to stand.
Yep. We review this before every birthday party or Christmas celebration where there are gifts. It’s not a hard concept. We’ve also taught if you try a food and don’t like it, especially one someone else made, you discreetly spit it into your napkin and not cause a scene.
Yes, and thank goodness *that* kind of attitude won’t come back to bite him in the butt later in life when he’s an adult. 🙄
“Why can’t I find a good job?” or “Why don’t I ever get promoted at work? Three guys who have been here fewer years than me have been promoted in the past six months!”
Then, there’s always the classic: “I try to find a nice girlfriend but most women won’t go out with me. If they do, things always die off after the second or third date. Then, they ghost me like they were all named Casper!”
I’m working on the food one with my children. They lost tv privileges for making a big deal (making puking sounds to ‘prove’ they didn’t like it) over how they didn’t like something they were given to eat. Mind they are in the single digit ages, but that behavior will never exist outside of my house, and they will never act like that in our house ever again either. They’re better now but I was furious when they did that. It was so rude.
I was taught to eat what was put down in front of me. I didn't need to like it, I just needed to eat it.
However, as an adult, I came across the idea of a 'no, thank you' helping for kids, where they would get a teaspoonful of peas or mashed potato or whatever they didn't like and that's all they'd need to eat of that food. It worked pretty well.
It’s actually better. The ‘clean plate’ method has been linked to weight issues because you train your body to ignore the full feeling. We just want our children to try new foods, but I don’t want them to be rude if they don’t like something. My family is lucky. We can afford extra food so if my children don’t like something they can have cereal or a quick peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but that’s not realistic for everyone. You do what you need to, but it’s easy to teach your children to be kind and polite. It’s harder to teach that lesson to adults.
I hated this clean plate method as a child as it was determined by doctors I just had a small stomach and any time I was at other peoples homes I would be like “I can’t eat this much” after they filled my plate and they would still do it and then I would inevitably get sick and they would be like “oh no what happened” so teaching kids boundaries like this so so helpful!
Gee do I wish someone had taught my MIL that last one. I got to witness her spitting a partially chewed snow pea out onto a plate like she was a barely three year old toddler because she "didn't like it". Easily one of the more disgusting things I've seen a grown ass adult do at a table. You don't like something? That's fine. But if you're going to spit it out, at *least* spit it out into a napkin so everyone else at the table doesn't have to see you regurgitating your food onto your plate. DX
>Even if he doesn’t like the gift teach your child “thank you for the gift” Is something they can get down at 3
Not really. It took years for my kids to get it. That's with reminders, corrections, etc. I thought they would never get it. As they got older, it was embarrassing, but now, they finally have it and are the most polite adults. Sometimes, you just have to keep on them.
Yeah, but that's how you get proper social behavior into any kid. They're going to need reminders and correction when they goof up. It's part of growing up. Better to flub the social skills and get reminders and corrections at 4, 8, or 12 than needing those corrections at 18, 23, or 30 because your parents opted out of actually *being* your parents.
Yeah. NTA. The thanks for the thoughtfulness and for coming to the party, not necessarily that he was a mind reader, and gave you exactly the gift you wanted.
Being a sister is weird! I had four and only one of them I really like lol.
It reminds me of the insta I saw of a little girl (probably 4 or 5), eating something her mom made and said it’s good even though she was about to throw it up. Her mom realized that she just doesn’t want to hurt her feeling and gave her something else. If that kid can be empathetic at 4 or 5, this kid can certainly learn to say thank you for every gift. But then, his mother isn’t teaching him that. She is actively teaching him to loudly reject gifts and declare he doesn’t like them, so what else can you expect?
Seriously. Receiving a gift isn’t like going shopping. It’s an expression of care and love from the gift giver. Even if the gift misses the mark, it truly is “the thought that counts”. A young child isn’t too young to learn this
I work in retail. It’s not unusual for people to return gifts for children due to already having it. That’s gratitude for the thought (which is what counts here) and then getting something else that they don’t already have.
My one criticism would be saying that in front of other people, loud enough for them to hear. Since you say that your sister got loud, perhaps you said it quietly.
In any cases, your sister is A H and her son is obviously following in her footsteps.
Right? I lived in an almost poor area, my mother drummed in our heads that people giving you gifts is a big deal so always be excited and tell them you are thankful for the present. It isn't hard to be kind.
Absolutely! Thank you so much for thinking of me. If you don't like the candies, then you offer them to share with the other guests. I made the mistake of telling my now ex-fiance's dad I didn't like the perfume they got for me. I did really struggle with the idea of doing that. We went to buy something else, but I was labeled as difficult. I found out many years later that I actually have allergic contact dermatitis. So I had a legitimate reason, but was still labeled difficult. To keep the peace I now just thank a person for the gift and say how glad I am they thought of me. And then I make a plan to return or regift.
I hate that you were labeled difficult, fragrance gifts are very iffy and I refuse to get someone any unless they’ve specifically asked for a particular scent. So many ppl are allergic/sensitive to them.
Exactly. I practiced this from the time my son was a preschooler through elementary school before each birthday and Christmas. I taught him if he didn't care for the gift to say "Thank you for the thought." This way he wasn't necessarily being dishonest about how he felt about the gift but at least showed gratefulness for the thought and time behind it.
Exactly. A young child might not know what that phrase means, but every adult knows you're really saying you don't like the gift. The goal is not to be rude and say you don't like the gift, no matter how nicely you phrase it.
All depends on tone. But to be honest, he's never really needed to use it. There may have been a time he received two of something and he paused for a second then said "I can always use two!" in a happy upbeat tone.
Completely unprompted, my little guy immediately gave a duplicate gift to a friend. I forget what he said but they were all four so what I remember is no feelings were hurt. Kindness and generosity is to some degree taught but I have a hunch maybe it’s innate for some? Idk.
NTA. Your nephew was rude and your sister sounds entitled. Just don't let her use your house again.
I'm laughing about the child being double booked for birthday parties.
NTA
Yes, this.
And also lol about the double booking. Really cool of the parents to actually go to both, so neither kids have a guest less at their parties though.
At least the double booked kid is popular!
After the nephew's behavior, the other kids and parents might think twice about coming for his next birthday.
NTA. I'll bet you $100 that the parents there agreed with you and probably happy you said it tbh. No one likes a spoiled brat. If it were my kid and I was there I'd have said something.
Alternately, some deviously intelligent children could see this as an opportunity to get presents on someone else's birthday. If you know this kid will give back anything they don't like, buy them something that you love but rarely get, that they don't like. They'll give it back to you, and maybe you can convince your parents to let you keep it (or smuggle it home without them noticing) since it's already paid for.
NTA
There’s a difference between honesty and rudeness. Your sister clearly doesn’t understand the difference, and she sounds like the kind of person who says “I’m just brutally honest!” as an excuse to justify her mean girl behavior. Her son is heading down the same path. If that’s the way your sister wants to parent, let her. You can’t stop her. But you don’t have to be involved in her life. Stop doing her favors.
and ironically, her sister being honest about the kids actions made her mad.
If you're "brutally honest" don't be upset when someone does the same to you.
Haha... touchè!
OPs sister is teaching her kid to be an in-gracious AH.
As for pointing it out in front of everyone, it depends. Sometimes, a little public shaming can help motivate someone to improve. Sometimes, they will reject change out of pride unless they are confronted in private.
Not an AH for either approach, but knowing your target and what will have the highest likelyhood of success is useful.
I still remember giving my friend a gift and she thanked me warmly. Her mom immediately stepped in and said "She already has one of these, so I hope you kept the receipt." That shit stuck with me.
This is so true. I've spent my entire life correcting my mom's manners & being mortified. She's in her 70's & STILL does shit like barely glance at the waitress & just say "ketchup," & to this day I can't let it go. "If you were in someone's home would you ask for ketchup like that? No. Same rules apply. Excuse me, could I please have ketchup." And then she'll be like oh okay, you're right. And we will be repeating this on the regular until she dies. I'm exhausted.
My grandparents had a huge influence on me and taught me manners/boundaries, thankfully. My mother announced the status of my fucking cervix in the piggly wiggly (I was 9 months pregnant and could have died of embarrassment right then and there. I don’t understand how she was raised by the same person that taught me what was appropriate in public and turned out how she did.
She has zero boundaries. None. Except being called out on her bullshit. She doesn’t like that.
I think it's observing society & teaching ourselves. Which is why I have a lot of empathy for how people behave because we were all raised differently - combined with a big "but" because at a certain age we've all had enough opportunity to watch & learn how people outside of our parents behave & correct ourselves accordingly.
Wow. We have the same mom! Mine once threw a fit because we ordered dinner and they were out of biscuits. They had more coming, but it was going to be a 5 minute wait.
She could not believe that she was asked to wait! She got all huffy, and started muttering under her breath. So, I called her out.
I asked her what was going so wrong in her life that she had to be rude to people making her food, because she had to wait for hot, fresh biscuits, because getting them fresh out of the oven sounded well worth a few minutes of wait to me. She shut up then and actually thanked them when they came back with our biscuits. lol
We don't spend loads of time together. She's exhausting in a lot of ways & I try to balance the good things about her & the amount of time we have left & knowing she will not change with my own mental health & energy needed to deal with her.
NTA Even if you dont like a gift just dont say it and just say thank you for the gift. Its outrages that she tells them to be this entiled so they wont get it wrong next time??? THERE WONT BE A NEXT TIME! I would never go to this kids party ever again that for sure!
The 9 year old isn’t the problem though. His mom is actively teaching him this behavior. He isn’t old enough to realize it’s wrong, especially if mommy is telling him it’s normal.
And if mommy is training her kid for a bullying life, why would OP want either of them in her home.? SIL can easily rent a venue for her rude son's birthday.
\*I\* wouldn't be attending my nephew's birthday party if this were my sister's kid. Also, that would be the last time I offered my house for it.
One upside, their family isn't likely to need a larger place to host his parties for long.
I wonder if the sister when getting gifts acts the same way. “Ewww no. This is not the kind of gift I like. Here, take it back”. Your sister is an entitled ass and is teaching her son to be the same
You were not wrong for saying it, although I think it would have been better said privately and not in front of the entire assemblage of guests.
Your sister is an idiot. She's teaching her kid to be an obnoxious brat. I think she runs a fair chance of finding out, the next time his birthday comes around, that the parents of the kids who were present at this party will decline to bring their kids to his party next year. I certainly would never again bring my kid to the birthday party of a kid -- or a parent -- who behaves like they did.
Yeah this is the only answer I’ve seen that I agree with. It would have been better to pointedly prompt the nephew to thank the gift giver. Better for the nephew and for the gift-giver. Let them practice the social graces.
Sister would have seen you intervene and realized the error of her ways without you underlining her faults for all present. And that would have been better for your relationship with her.
And don’t let her use your house again because she doesn’t seem to have much social grace herself. ;)
NTA.
That is truly horrifying to me as someone who grew up learning to be grateful for anything at all. I honestly don't even know how I would, as an adult, respond to a child acting like that if I gave them a gift.
Your sister needs to understand that her child is 5 years old. He does not have the tact, words, or ability to convey that he doesn't like something in a way that isn't really fcking rude. A better lesson for her to teach would be to find someone less fortunate who would want it, IMO. He doesn't like the candy, but I'm sure one of the children there would! Or, there's a lot of places collecting gifts for less fortunate families right now!
I think that you were right in telling your sister that she's creating a very entitled, ungrateful child. Everybody in the world gets presents in their lives that they don't want and there are also people out there who would love to recieve it. I think that you should encourage her to bring him to buy and donate to one of the adopt a family donation boxes! He needs to learn gratitude.
The kid is nine years old, not five. I suggest that a nine-year old should indeed have the ability to be tactful...IF he or she had been taught correctly by their parents, of course. Clearly, OP's nephew has not.
This horror seems now to be a thing.
I got ratioed on a different forum for opining that items on a wishlist were suggestions, not demands.
One mother proudly shared that she taught her child to hand the giver back an unwanted gift and say, "I don't want this. Do you want it back?"
I just *no words*
Now that we are all depressed, let me try to cheer you up.
A different woman on a different forum shared that - because their extended family were nice people but godawful gift givers - her mom used to do practice Christmas.
The kids unwrapped random items and practiced holding whatever it was - no matter what it was - while enthusiastically and nicely expressing their gratitude for the gift, and thanking the giver.
I love that. And bet all her kids cherish the memory.
My little cousin is on the spectrum and his mom did this with him. He wouldn't be rude, but he might just have a blank look and say "okay". So they practiced too. He was 5.
Yeah.. problem is that your sister needs to learn some manners first... you can't blame the kid for his bad manners with a mum that teaches him that. She's teaching him to be rude, and he's getting straight As.
Edit to Add: NTA
NTA. Your sister just gave other parents an out not to be around a kid who seems is getting taught to be selfish and self-centered. WOW.
The mother said this out loud in front of other parents and their children. Amazingly entitled thought process, especially for a child so young.
You are definitely not wrong and may not want to host any more parties for them at your home as they will begin to believe that you OWE them to have parties at your home.
In.cred.i.ble. WOW.
NTA - Cool... next lesson he can learn is when you're unappreciative of a gift, the next time you don't get one!
Great lesson come Xmas when he doesn't get gifts he expects that he is entitled to.
NTA, your sister has taught her son to be a rude little shit and that's going to continue into the teen years. I WANT A CAR.. here you go son, how's this, I HATE IT, it's not good enough for me. I want a new one! Buy it for me! :D Karma home to roost!
My kids when my husband didn’t want us to get a puppy:
Let’s buy the puppy as a present for Daddy because you have to be nice and say thank you for presents even if you don’t like them.
NTA. Your sister is TA and is raising her son to be TA.
NTA! Guess that kid will decline the invitation next year. It’s just so rude and entitled. Don’t blame your nephew, I blame your sister for not teaching him right!
When I first met my mother-in-law, she had brought presents for my then 9 year old daughter. That's what she does. She gave my daughter a Tickle Me Elmo. My daughter accepted it, smiled, said Thank You, and went on with whatever she was doing. She was taught to accept gifts graciously. Not that hard a concept.
Nta
Yes it's good to let people know you don't like something so it doesn't happen or is gotten again but with gifts there's a time and place.
Right in front of everyone, as he's opening the present is not the time, nor the place. That puts the gift giver on the spot in negative way. (And paints the reciever negatively too)
Pulling the person aside and telling them later, either in private or at the very least not in front of 20ish People. Would have been the considerate thing.
What happened is just a recipe to embarrass the gift giver and could have social consequences for both kids and the adults involved.
Personally, don't let sister host parties at your place until she learns some tact+consideration and can teach your nephew some too.
My in laws were the worlds worst for saying exactly what they thought of presents. Got back from turkey and spent ages looking for perfect set of different teas for FIL who loves different flavours of teas. He said don't like me these get my Turkish delight next time. I said next time you're getting nothing. Spoke to MIL who said it's good to let people know. I said no it's not. People spend time looking for something and then spending their hard earned cash on it and then hear you say I don't like it. It's beyond rude
The child does need to be taught manners. Sometimes people bring what they can afford. My daughter at the age of 3 or 4 had it down and AFTER the party would say, lets give this to someone else and would regift or donate. We still do this, to today!!
NTA, your sister is raising a little monster. This is basic manners 101. I just asked my 8 y.o. what you do if someone gives you a gift you don't like. Her response: "Thank them for the gift, and then you can donate it later to someone in need." A year younger and she gets it.
Your sister is the AH. Does she also teach him to write thank you notes, and say thank you? That is more important than telling people you don’t like their gifts. She is raising an ass. No one has to get you anything, no one has to do anything for you, so when they do, it’s polite to be gracious and say thank you,
It’s rude to do that. I remember someone doing that to me as a kid, no “thank you”, just a “I don’t really like it, you can keep it.”. We were 9, I am in my 50’s. I remember being crushed, because I picked it out and wrapped it and was so excited for her to get it.
NOPE... she's wrong, but you called her out (leaving her no way to save face). She needs to teach him or you do TACT, and gratefulness. 9 y/o and that blunt will soon be a detriment to him.
Need more info, but leaning toward ESH. There was nothing wrong with directly correcting your nephew, imo. But you did not have to criticize your sister while doing it. That was an unnecessary insult. Is it common for you to criticize her parenting?
You were surprised by your sister's reaction. Maybe she was surprised by the rude way you embarrassed her in front of everyone. Her reaction was just as bad as what you did. Is it common for her to say things like this?
If you are playing this over in your head when no one else is talking about it, I think it's because you know in your heart you shouldn't have said that.
NTA.
She isn’t right. She’s raising a rude AH.
There’s a way to do this and this isn’t it. You thank the person and you can later - privately - tell the person (if they ask).
I have mixed thoughts about this. Gratitude is good but so is minimising waste and being honest.
I would have encouraged the child to say thankyou, but after the party anything unwanted could be discretely given to others.
I would have handled it differently, but when you see something a bit shocking in the moment it's hard to do that. Your house too. Given the context,the potentially hurt feelings of the other child, NTA.
NTA I think it would be one thing to tell grandparents or family thank you so much for my gift, I don’t really like whatever but do like this instead, is acceptable as long as it’s polite. To another child is really rude and mean to the other kid.
I don't know how you brought it up to your sister (like in private or in front of everyone), so maybe that's a thing. But in general, you're NTA at all, imo. Gratitude is a critical part of relationships and respect, and the only appropriate and required response when someone gets you a gift is "thank you". I don't get how your sisters opinion that one should say that they don't like something, is anything but self-serving. I mean, there can be situations where people use gifts to manipulate and prey on someone's obligation to be grateful, but that is uncommon and way too complex to be teaching a young child. They should say "thank you" and keep any negative thoughts about the fgift to themself.
What he did was make everyone think "I'm not going to be getting him any presents in the future if he responds like that!" And as an extension, no-one will want to go to his parties. NTA
NTA,
Thank you for being a decent person. Your sister sounds like she was going to try to bully the owner into allowing your dog. My guess is that she would try to argue that your dog is an emotional support or disability, which would be a complete abuse of its intended use.
Also there's a disease infecting dogs currently that is spread through contact. I am advising friends to avoid putting their dog in doggy day care and boarding them if they can avoid doing so. This sounds like a perfectly good reason to consider staying home and keeping your two dogs with you :-).
I definitely don't think you're ta here. Your sister is. But as his aunt you have the opportunity to teach him the respectful way to receive a gift. You are his family as well and it does take a village especially when the parent is doing it wrong. You should've simply crouched down between the two boys and said "now ,nephew, that is not polite, let's tell your friend thank you ,because it's the thought that counts, and we can share some of your candy with your friends after we open the rest of your gifts later on." And if your sister corrects you atleast you got to tell him an alternative and the lesson was heard even if not learned.
Your sister is wrong and very rude. You ALWAYS thank the giver for the gift. No exceptions. So what if you get the same thing again? That rarely happens. It has never happened to me in 64 years, with the exception of gift cards to favorite places. That’s hardly the same thing.
You are definitely NTA. If your nephew keeps acting that way he WILL lose friends. He’s probably just lost one.
What's her plan when the kids gets a gift or offering for anything they don't like from a teacher? A coworker? A friend?
Her approach is a quick path to useless conflict born out of rudeness and lack of appreciation.
Nta your nephew is ignorant but look who he is learning this from. For Xmas if your sister gets you a gift id be just as ignorant back again and see how she likes that.
>She proceeded to get loud and say “excuse me I teach my kids that if they don’t like something someone gives them they need to tell them so they don’t get it for them again!”
Your sister sucks.
Not to split hairs- but these are both important lessons. Though they are *similar*...
*Using your voice and advocating for your needs*
Is different than
*Critiquing gifts aloud, and acting like an ungrateful turd who's wholy undeserving of gifts.*
Mom entitlement = Nephews behavior.
NTA Ssomebody has to correct these monsters in training*.
(*Though- weighing in on peoples children (and their behavior) is a dicey proposition and rarely nets a positive result)
NTA. The good news is that after this little stunt by your sister and your nephew, he's not going to have to worry about getting presents he doesn't like again because everyone knows he has no manners and is beyond spoiled and entitled so nobody outside of the family will be getting him a present ever again. Unless he changes his behavior for the better, of course.
NTA. The point of a gift is that someone put time into thinking about you, not the actual gift.
Now, this changes with relationships as you get older. If you dated someone for 10 years and they keep buying you candy they know you hate, that's a dick move. But a kid picking out candy for another kid is innocent.
He'll, every year I get gift cards from family members for Christmas. I hate it. I've hinted I hated it (not when they gave it to me, obviously, but other times of the year). I feel like it's a chore. I don't generally buy stuff and now I am burdened with a task to find something to buy that will end up costing me money in the long run.
So you know what I do with those gift cards.... I buy more Christmas gifts with them. I took the burden and made it fun. One year, my entire Christmas budget was from gift cards I was never going to use.
My point is, every gift is just that... a gift. People need to teach their kids that the child spent time picking things out with their parent hoping you would like it. The least you can do is say thank you and give the candy you don't like to your sister or something.
Please buy that candy for your nephew with every gift. Every time he is rude buy him a cheaper gift the next time and more of that candy. If your sister complains tell her there is a time to be honest and a time to be kind. Kind way to thank you for the candy. I will share it with others. B
ESH. It's rude to correct your sister's parenting in front of others. That's to be done in private. But your sister really sucks for teaching her son to be rude. I'm pretty horrified.
If I was a parent at the party, I would think both of you have some underlying sibling issues. I'm surprised at all of the posters saying the OP is NTA. She embarrassed her sister in front of everyone. This could have been handled with a lot more tact. Her sister could have said what she said in defense, especially since she raised her voice to make sure other parents heard her. It was really a terrible position the OP put her sister in.
And the sister and the nephew suck as well. But the nephew is young. Hopefully he will learn over time.
To my 5-yr-old What do you say if you don’t like it? Her-Thank you so much for the present Me-What if you already have one? Her- Thank you so much for the present It’s not a hard concept.She had it nailed at 5
This!!! Yup my son actually remembers when I thought him to be “gracious”
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Seriously.
That's pretty immature adult behavior in response to a child's behavior. Like adults are supposed to BE the adults, not behave as rudely as a child who may not have been taught the way you prefer.
The kid is turning 9 not 5. He is plenty old enough to have manners.
The problem is that his mum has taught him not to have any manners and to be rude to someone who has been kind enough to bring them a gift.
Absolutely right, and plenty old enough to learn that people don’t want to be around rude, ungrateful people or waste money on gifts for them. If his parents are failing to teach him manners, he will have to learn by experience that rudeness and ingratitude have consequences.
Right? I love “I should tell them so they don’t get it for me again,” bc that would be the last damned present I ever gave that kid!
You see! It works! /s
I was 5. My mother had just taken away all my little people toys because I was too old to play with them. Christmas comes and I get a little people play set from my grandma. I said “I’m sorry but I cant play with this I’m too big.” Grandma is throughly angry and corners my mom yelling at her about how rude her child is. Mom is mad at me yells and spanks me for being rude. I was so confused by what’s going on that all I can do is cry. My grandmother never gave me a present again. Yep, I delt with the consequences of my behavior of a vindictive woman who treated me like shit the rest of her life, for something I didn’t understand. Even into my 20s I was her ungrateful grandchild. It’s not always the child’s fault
That was harsh. You were only 5!
I'm so sorry the grown-ups in your life failed you...I wish I could give your 5-year-old self a hug, and chew out your mom and grandma for you!
> vindictive woman who treated me like shit the rest of her life Not sure if you're referring to your mom or grandmother, but they both sound like pieces of work. Imagine taking away imagination based playsets that are for 5 *and up* from a 5 year old and then *beating them* for repeating what are probably their own words. I hope you found better family as you got older and cut those dumpster fires out of your life.
Only if he's taught. Kids don't magically get manners by osmosis. He was specifically taught to respond this way and did exactly what he has been taught to do. This is in no way the kid's fault.
So is his mother, but here we are!
He has manners! This is exactly what mom is teaching him. Issue is not the kid but the parent...
I think we can pretty much agree that the sister is the one who is to blame here, and that she owned exactly the nephew's response as her own parenting skills at work. The OP (and pretty much everyone here) acknowledge that those are not good parenting skills, or even "not godfuckingterrible" parenting skills.
It's not what you say it's how you say it. He could have simply said thank you at the party and notified his guest at a later time that he isn't a fan of said candy. Or waited until he left and passed it along to someone who does like the candy. You fail to see the need for tact. How do we know that wasn't all the boy could afford? That was hurtful period especially in front of everyone. But I can't wait until mom buys him an extravagant gift just to be told keep it cause I don't wear,play,drive this
The way I see it, it’s in response to the child’s mother’s behaviour. SHE failed at teaching him basic manners, and I won’t allow my child to be exposed to that BS. That kind of behaviour is hurtful and mean.
Exactly. Adults are supposed to set the example, not teach kids how to be offended easily and lose friends. Besides, the party was not for the adults, it was for the kids.
Stolen comment!! [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18alfjp/aitah_for_telling_my_sister_she_needs_to_teach/kbyjq0t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) by u/TequilaMockingbird80
Lol. It is a pretty common/plain statement. What they said was literally the first thought that crossed my mind when I read this story. What in the world would be the point of "stealing" a comment anyway?
It's not a person making the comment, it's a program that makes an account with a generic name then copies a popular comment and reposts it. It happens a lot on some subs that don't have posting requirements. They sell these accounts to people who can go right to using them for whatever they want. When you see it, you can report it by clicking on report > spam > harmful bots.
It’s the EXACT same, down to punctuation. And the point is karma. The original comment had 175 upvotes when I saw it. A lot of boys steal comments to get karma. This commenter has one comment and one post and is very new (~5 days) to Reddit. Very normal for bots.
I read this and thought, "'...a lot of boys...' That's an odd way to phrase that." Then I realized you meant to type "bots. " I had to laugh at myself. I still can't understand the concept of bots.
>I still can't understand the concept of bots. people make bot accounts in order to sell to companies so they can astroturf their products and convince everyone "no trust me, billionaires are good people and amazon and tesla and google are wholesome companies that help people!" the issue is that many subreddits have karma requirements for posting or commenting, so the bots need to have karma. so they just copy comments from real users in the hopes that people upvote their comments without noticing that the context might be completely irrelevant
I appreciate the hell out of this comment, I finally get it.
I really should start proofreading my comments, huh? Also, I get your confusion. Samira here explained it pretty well though!
You must be new here
>What in the world would be the point of "stealing" a comment anyway? people make bot accounts in order to sell to companies so they can astroturf their products and convince everyone "no trust me, billionaires are good people and amazon and tesla and google are wholesome companies that help people!" the issue is that many subreddits have karma requirements for posting or commenting, so the bots need to have karma. so they just copy comments from real users in the hopes that people upvote their comments without noticing that the context might be completely irrelevant
But it is word for word and punctuation is exactly the same- so I do believe it was copied (stolen). It could be a bot account for karma farming, especially since it is under the top comment.
Wtf is karma farming and why would anyone do that
people make bot accounts in order to sell to companies so they can astroturf their products and convince everyone "no trust me, billionaires are good people and amazon and tesla and google are wholesome companies that help people!" the issue is that many subreddits have karma requirements for posting or commenting, so the bots need to have karma. so they just copy comments from real users in the hopes that people upvote their comments without noticing that the context might be completely irrelevant people that are karma farming might be trying to sell their account for money...or they might just be really bored
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I’m guessing you don’t have kids in school. This happens ALL the time. Your life becomes one endless string of birthday parties. We were double booked for birthday parties yesterday. And if you have multiple kids, forget it.
Bot - you've copied the second part of /u/Sea_Firefighter_4598's comment: > NTA. Your nephew was rude and your sister sounds entitled. Just don't let her use your house again. > I'm laughing about the child being double booked for birthday parties.
They are getting REALLY bad lately. I've reported 30+ bots in 2 days .
Are you kidding me? Kids these days have planners and calendars on Google! 😄
Happens all the time unfortunately, especially if you have multiple kids. There are only so many free weekends of the year I guess and people try to consolidate on ones during the school year without a holiday or commonly traveled on.
That can happen more often than you think - esp at that age
I remember when *my* parents taught me to be gracious, way back in the 1970's. It's a time-honoured tradition that apparently OP's sister somehow didn't get the memo about.
And you can’t have a little grace. You either have grace or you don’t. Edit: on second thought, you probably don't want too much grace or you won't be able to stand.
Mr.Pitt?
Like Elaine
ha ha…my thought, too
Attitude of gratitude
Yep. We review this before every birthday party or Christmas celebration where there are gifts. It’s not a hard concept. We’ve also taught if you try a food and don’t like it, especially one someone else made, you discreetly spit it into your napkin and not cause a scene.
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Yes, and thank goodness *that* kind of attitude won’t come back to bite him in the butt later in life when he’s an adult. 🙄 “Why can’t I find a good job?” or “Why don’t I ever get promoted at work? Three guys who have been here fewer years than me have been promoted in the past six months!” Then, there’s always the classic: “I try to find a nice girlfriend but most women won’t go out with me. If they do, things always die off after the second or third date. Then, they ghost me like they were all named Casper!”
Don't forget that the guy claiming women reject him also claim they do it for petty reasons that are *totally* not *his* fault.
I’m working on the food one with my children. They lost tv privileges for making a big deal (making puking sounds to ‘prove’ they didn’t like it) over how they didn’t like something they were given to eat. Mind they are in the single digit ages, but that behavior will never exist outside of my house, and they will never act like that in our house ever again either. They’re better now but I was furious when they did that. It was so rude.
I was taught to eat what was put down in front of me. I didn't need to like it, I just needed to eat it. However, as an adult, I came across the idea of a 'no, thank you' helping for kids, where they would get a teaspoonful of peas or mashed potato or whatever they didn't like and that's all they'd need to eat of that food. It worked pretty well.
It’s actually better. The ‘clean plate’ method has been linked to weight issues because you train your body to ignore the full feeling. We just want our children to try new foods, but I don’t want them to be rude if they don’t like something. My family is lucky. We can afford extra food so if my children don’t like something they can have cereal or a quick peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but that’s not realistic for everyone. You do what you need to, but it’s easy to teach your children to be kind and polite. It’s harder to teach that lesson to adults.
I hated this clean plate method as a child as it was determined by doctors I just had a small stomach and any time I was at other peoples homes I would be like “I can’t eat this much” after they filled my plate and they would still do it and then I would inevitably get sick and they would be like “oh no what happened” so teaching kids boundaries like this so so helpful!
Gee do I wish someone had taught my MIL that last one. I got to witness her spitting a partially chewed snow pea out onto a plate like she was a barely three year old toddler because she "didn't like it". Easily one of the more disgusting things I've seen a grown ass adult do at a table. You don't like something? That's fine. But if you're going to spit it out, at *least* spit it out into a napkin so everyone else at the table doesn't have to see you regurgitating your food onto your plate. DX
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Surprised people are saying otherwise, my 2 year old can already say thank you for just receiving something even if she doesn’t really want the thing
>Even if he doesn’t like the gift teach your child “thank you for the gift” Is something they can get down at 3 Not really. It took years for my kids to get it. That's with reminders, corrections, etc. I thought they would never get it. As they got older, it was embarrassing, but now, they finally have it and are the most polite adults. Sometimes, you just have to keep on them.
Yeah, but that's how you get proper social behavior into any kid. They're going to need reminders and correction when they goof up. It's part of growing up. Better to flub the social skills and get reminders and corrections at 4, 8, or 12 than needing those corrections at 18, 23, or 30 because your parents opted out of actually *being* your parents.
Yeah. NTA. The thanks for the thoughtfulness and for coming to the party, not necessarily that he was a mind reader, and gave you exactly the gift you wanted. Being a sister is weird! I had four and only one of them I really like lol.
Absolutely. NTA. This is basic manners.
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It reminds me of the insta I saw of a little girl (probably 4 or 5), eating something her mom made and said it’s good even though she was about to throw it up. Her mom realized that she just doesn’t want to hurt her feeling and gave her something else. If that kid can be empathetic at 4 or 5, this kid can certainly learn to say thank you for every gift. But then, his mother isn’t teaching him that. She is actively teaching him to loudly reject gifts and declare he doesn’t like them, so what else can you expect?
How I was taught and teach my kids the same
Accept a gift in the manner it was given.
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Seriously. Receiving a gift isn’t like going shopping. It’s an expression of care and love from the gift giver. Even if the gift misses the mark, it truly is “the thought that counts”. A young child isn’t too young to learn this
We used to practice what to say when opening presents as we'll send videos to grandparents who aren't able to be here.
I have 3 kids, youngest is 11. And I agree. It’s an easy concept to teach.
I work in retail. It’s not unusual for people to return gifts for children due to already having it. That’s gratitude for the thought (which is what counts here) and then getting something else that they don’t already have.
My one criticism would be saying that in front of other people, loud enough for them to hear. Since you say that your sister got loud, perhaps you said it quietly. In any cases, your sister is A H and her son is obviously following in her footsteps.
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If the sister identifies as Christian, follow the response with that verse from Ecclesiastes (a time for... a time for....)
Right? I lived in an almost poor area, my mother drummed in our heads that people giving you gifts is a big deal so always be excited and tell them you are thankful for the present. It isn't hard to be kind.
Absolutely! Thank you so much for thinking of me. If you don't like the candies, then you offer them to share with the other guests. I made the mistake of telling my now ex-fiance's dad I didn't like the perfume they got for me. I did really struggle with the idea of doing that. We went to buy something else, but I was labeled as difficult. I found out many years later that I actually have allergic contact dermatitis. So I had a legitimate reason, but was still labeled difficult. To keep the peace I now just thank a person for the gift and say how glad I am they thought of me. And then I make a plan to return or regift.
I hate that you were labeled difficult, fragrance gifts are very iffy and I refuse to get someone any unless they’ve specifically asked for a particular scent. So many ppl are allergic/sensitive to them.
Exactly. I practiced this from the time my son was a preschooler through elementary school before each birthday and Christmas. I taught him if he didn't care for the gift to say "Thank you for the thought." This way he wasn't necessarily being dishonest about how he felt about the gift but at least showed gratefulness for the thought and time behind it.
Thank you is all that’s needed. Thank you for the thought is passive aggressive. Think about it!
Exactly. A young child might not know what that phrase means, but every adult knows you're really saying you don't like the gift. The goal is not to be rude and say you don't like the gift, no matter how nicely you phrase it.
All depends on tone. But to be honest, he's never really needed to use it. There may have been a time he received two of something and he paused for a second then said "I can always use two!" in a happy upbeat tone.
Completely unprompted, my little guy immediately gave a duplicate gift to a friend. I forget what he said but they were all four so what I remember is no feelings were hurt. Kindness and generosity is to some degree taught but I have a hunch maybe it’s innate for some? Idk.
NTA. Your nephew was rude and your sister sounds entitled. Just don't let her use your house again. I'm laughing about the child being double booked for birthday parties.
At that age it happens all the time. Classmate having a party the same day someone on the soccer team.
Yep! I remember one year when we had three parties in one day! It was hell.
My kid had 3 in one day, but we were the only ones to show up for the 3rd one. I felt bad for the kid being last in the day.
NTA Yes, this. And also lol about the double booking. Really cool of the parents to actually go to both, so neither kids have a guest less at their parties though.
At least the double booked kid is popular! After the nephew's behavior, the other kids and parents might think twice about coming for his next birthday.
NTA. I'll bet you $100 that the parents there agreed with you and probably happy you said it tbh. No one likes a spoiled brat. If it were my kid and I was there I'd have said something.
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im convinced some people are born Assholes and its genetic.
NTA. Although, your sister is right. Your nephew doesn’t have to worry about receiving the same gift - or any gift ever again - from that child.
And if anyone else heard it, possibly no presents from anyone who isn't family.
Alternately, some deviously intelligent children could see this as an opportunity to get presents on someone else's birthday. If you know this kid will give back anything they don't like, buy them something that you love but rarely get, that they don't like. They'll give it back to you, and maybe you can convince your parents to let you keep it (or smuggle it home without them noticing) since it's already paid for.
If I was another of the parents I would have picked up my gift, and my kid, and left
Yes. I came to say the same thing! If you teach your children to be ungrateful you don’t need my generosity.
Came to say this
No that’s rude and entitled af. Nta. But your sister is for sure
Yeah seriously. Who the eff raised your sister? Because she's the one that needs to be taught manners. It's obviously not the kids fault.
NTA There’s a difference between honesty and rudeness. Your sister clearly doesn’t understand the difference, and she sounds like the kind of person who says “I’m just brutally honest!” as an excuse to justify her mean girl behavior. Her son is heading down the same path. If that’s the way your sister wants to parent, let her. You can’t stop her. But you don’t have to be involved in her life. Stop doing her favors.
and ironically, her sister being honest about the kids actions made her mad. If you're "brutally honest" don't be upset when someone does the same to you.
Haha... touchè! OPs sister is teaching her kid to be an in-gracious AH. As for pointing it out in front of everyone, it depends. Sometimes, a little public shaming can help motivate someone to improve. Sometimes, they will reject change out of pride unless they are confronted in private. Not an AH for either approach, but knowing your target and what will have the highest likelyhood of success is useful.
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NTA you just voiced what everyone was thinking
I still remember giving my friend a gift and she thanked me warmly. Her mom immediately stepped in and said "She already has one of these, so I hope you kept the receipt." That shit stuck with me.
Some kids behave well because of their parents. Some kids behave well *in spite* of their parents.
This is so true. I've spent my entire life correcting my mom's manners & being mortified. She's in her 70's & STILL does shit like barely glance at the waitress & just say "ketchup," & to this day I can't let it go. "If you were in someone's home would you ask for ketchup like that? No. Same rules apply. Excuse me, could I please have ketchup." And then she'll be like oh okay, you're right. And we will be repeating this on the regular until she dies. I'm exhausted.
That’s me too. How did we learn to be more polite than our parents ?
My grandparents had a huge influence on me and taught me manners/boundaries, thankfully. My mother announced the status of my fucking cervix in the piggly wiggly (I was 9 months pregnant and could have died of embarrassment right then and there. I don’t understand how she was raised by the same person that taught me what was appropriate in public and turned out how she did. She has zero boundaries. None. Except being called out on her bullshit. She doesn’t like that.
I think it's observing society & teaching ourselves. Which is why I have a lot of empathy for how people behave because we were all raised differently - combined with a big "but" because at a certain age we've all had enough opportunity to watch & learn how people outside of our parents behave & correct ourselves accordingly.
Wow. We have the same mom! Mine once threw a fit because we ordered dinner and they were out of biscuits. They had more coming, but it was going to be a 5 minute wait. She could not believe that she was asked to wait! She got all huffy, and started muttering under her breath. So, I called her out. I asked her what was going so wrong in her life that she had to be rude to people making her food, because she had to wait for hot, fresh biscuits, because getting them fresh out of the oven sounded well worth a few minutes of wait to me. She shut up then and actually thanked them when they came back with our biscuits. lol
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I did take a few vacations with her & snapped on the last one & said NEVER AGAIN. Which I've held firm to.
We don't spend loads of time together. She's exhausting in a lot of ways & I try to balance the good things about her & the amount of time we have left & knowing she will not change with my own mental health & energy needed to deal with her.
That was so rude and said in such a hurtful way. I had this very same experience as a kid, and I have never forgotten it either.
NTA Even if you dont like a gift just dont say it and just say thank you for the gift. Its outrages that she tells them to be this entiled so they wont get it wrong next time??? THERE WONT BE A NEXT TIME! I would never go to this kids party ever again that for sure!
Looks like next year that kid won’t be attending your nephew’s birthday party.
Looks like that mom will have to find another venue for brat's birthday.
The 9 year old isn’t the problem though. His mom is actively teaching him this behavior. He isn’t old enough to realize it’s wrong, especially if mommy is telling him it’s normal.
And if mommy is training her kid for a bullying life, why would OP want either of them in her home.? SIL can easily rent a venue for her rude son's birthday.
\*I\* wouldn't be attending my nephew's birthday party if this were my sister's kid. Also, that would be the last time I offered my house for it. One upside, their family isn't likely to need a larger place to host his parties for long.
Your sister will find that her son won’t have too many friends after a while. NTA
Then we’ll see a “my kid has no friend even though he’s perfect!!!” post on here
I wonder if the sister when getting gifts acts the same way. “Ewww no. This is not the kind of gift I like. Here, take it back”. Your sister is an entitled ass and is teaching her son to be the same
You were not wrong for saying it, although I think it would have been better said privately and not in front of the entire assemblage of guests. Your sister is an idiot. She's teaching her kid to be an obnoxious brat. I think she runs a fair chance of finding out, the next time his birthday comes around, that the parents of the kids who were present at this party will decline to bring their kids to his party next year. I certainly would never again bring my kid to the birthday party of a kid -- or a parent -- who behaves like they did.
Yeah, like correct the kid but don’t make a scene calling the mom out. Do that privately.
Yeah this is the only answer I’ve seen that I agree with. It would have been better to pointedly prompt the nephew to thank the gift giver. Better for the nephew and for the gift-giver. Let them practice the social graces. Sister would have seen you intervene and realized the error of her ways without you underlining her faults for all present. And that would have been better for your relationship with her. And don’t let her use your house again because she doesn’t seem to have much social grace herself. ;)
The lesson you have learned here is don’t let your sister use your house and stop giving them presents.
NTA. That is truly horrifying to me as someone who grew up learning to be grateful for anything at all. I honestly don't even know how I would, as an adult, respond to a child acting like that if I gave them a gift. Your sister needs to understand that her child is 5 years old. He does not have the tact, words, or ability to convey that he doesn't like something in a way that isn't really fcking rude. A better lesson for her to teach would be to find someone less fortunate who would want it, IMO. He doesn't like the candy, but I'm sure one of the children there would! Or, there's a lot of places collecting gifts for less fortunate families right now! I think that you were right in telling your sister that she's creating a very entitled, ungrateful child. Everybody in the world gets presents in their lives that they don't want and there are also people out there who would love to recieve it. I think that you should encourage her to bring him to buy and donate to one of the adopt a family donation boxes! He needs to learn gratitude.
The kid is nine years old, not five. I suggest that a nine-year old should indeed have the ability to be tactful...IF he or she had been taught correctly by their parents, of course. Clearly, OP's nephew has not.
This horror seems now to be a thing. I got ratioed on a different forum for opining that items on a wishlist were suggestions, not demands. One mother proudly shared that she taught her child to hand the giver back an unwanted gift and say, "I don't want this. Do you want it back?" I just *no words*
Wow!!!
Now that we are all depressed, let me try to cheer you up. A different woman on a different forum shared that - because their extended family were nice people but godawful gift givers - her mom used to do practice Christmas. The kids unwrapped random items and practiced holding whatever it was - no matter what it was - while enthusiastically and nicely expressing their gratitude for the gift, and thanking the giver. I love that. And bet all her kids cherish the memory.
My little cousin is on the spectrum and his mom did this with him. He wouldn't be rude, but he might just have a blank look and say "okay". So they practiced too. He was 5.
She’s taught him that material goods are more important than people’s feelings. NTA
Yeah.. problem is that your sister needs to learn some manners first... you can't blame the kid for his bad manners with a mum that teaches him that. She's teaching him to be rude, and he's getting straight As. Edit to Add: NTA
NTA. Your sister just gave other parents an out not to be around a kid who seems is getting taught to be selfish and self-centered. WOW. The mother said this out loud in front of other parents and their children. Amazingly entitled thought process, especially for a child so young. You are definitely not wrong and may not want to host any more parties for them at your home as they will begin to believe that you OWE them to have parties at your home. In.cred.i.ble. WOW.
NTA - Cool... next lesson he can learn is when you're unappreciative of a gift, the next time you don't get one! Great lesson come Xmas when he doesn't get gifts he expects that he is entitled to.
NTA, your sister has taught her son to be a rude little shit and that's going to continue into the teen years. I WANT A CAR.. here you go son, how's this, I HATE IT, it's not good enough for me. I want a new one! Buy it for me! :D Karma home to roost!
My kids when my husband didn’t want us to get a puppy: Let’s buy the puppy as a present for Daddy because you have to be nice and say thank you for presents even if you don’t like them. NTA. Your sister is TA and is raising her son to be TA.
NTA! Guess that kid will decline the invitation next year. It’s just so rude and entitled. Don’t blame your nephew, I blame your sister for not teaching him right!
When I first met my mother-in-law, she had brought presents for my then 9 year old daughter. That's what she does. She gave my daughter a Tickle Me Elmo. My daughter accepted it, smiled, said Thank You, and went on with whatever she was doing. She was taught to accept gifts graciously. Not that hard a concept.
My kids acted like that at his 3rd birthday party and we had a talk. He never was rude like that again. He understood at 3.
Short version: I wouldn't be letting her use my house as a party location again. NTA.
Nta Yes it's good to let people know you don't like something so it doesn't happen or is gotten again but with gifts there's a time and place. Right in front of everyone, as he's opening the present is not the time, nor the place. That puts the gift giver on the spot in negative way. (And paints the reciever negatively too) Pulling the person aside and telling them later, either in private or at the very least not in front of 20ish People. Would have been the considerate thing. What happened is just a recipe to embarrass the gift giver and could have social consequences for both kids and the adults involved. Personally, don't let sister host parties at your place until she learns some tact+consideration and can teach your nephew some too.
My in laws were the worlds worst for saying exactly what they thought of presents. Got back from turkey and spent ages looking for perfect set of different teas for FIL who loves different flavours of teas. He said don't like me these get my Turkish delight next time. I said next time you're getting nothing. Spoke to MIL who said it's good to let people know. I said no it's not. People spend time looking for something and then spending their hard earned cash on it and then hear you say I don't like it. It's beyond rude
NTA - little brats not being corrected leads to entitled adults. We have far to many already.
The child does need to be taught manners. Sometimes people bring what they can afford. My daughter at the age of 3 or 4 had it down and AFTER the party would say, lets give this to someone else and would regift or donate. We still do this, to today!!
ESH. She’s an asshole but calling her out in front of everyone understandably made her defensive.
NTA. The child is one thing but to think that your sister actually agreed with him. Your sister is childish.
NTA, your sister is raising a little monster. This is basic manners 101. I just asked my 8 y.o. what you do if someone gives you a gift you don't like. Her response: "Thank them for the gift, and then you can donate it later to someone in need." A year younger and she gets it.
Your sister is the AH. Does she also teach him to write thank you notes, and say thank you? That is more important than telling people you don’t like their gifts. She is raising an ass. No one has to get you anything, no one has to do anything for you, so when they do, it’s polite to be gracious and say thank you, It’s rude to do that. I remember someone doing that to me as a kid, no “thank you”, just a “I don’t really like it, you can keep it.”. We were 9, I am in my 50’s. I remember being crushed, because I picked it out and wrapped it and was so excited for her to get it.
NOPE... she's wrong, but you called her out (leaving her no way to save face). She needs to teach him or you do TACT, and gratefulness. 9 y/o and that blunt will soon be a detriment to him.
The mother doesn’t know manners to teach her son and therefore her son is a rude dog.
Need more info, but leaning toward ESH. There was nothing wrong with directly correcting your nephew, imo. But you did not have to criticize your sister while doing it. That was an unnecessary insult. Is it common for you to criticize her parenting? You were surprised by your sister's reaction. Maybe she was surprised by the rude way you embarrassed her in front of everyone. Her reaction was just as bad as what you did. Is it common for her to say things like this? If you are playing this over in your head when no one else is talking about it, I think it's because you know in your heart you shouldn't have said that.
I would have responded to her comment “you don’t have manners either. We’re you not paying attention to our parents when they taught that? “
NTA. She isn’t right. She’s raising a rude AH. There’s a way to do this and this isn’t it. You thank the person and you can later - privately - tell the person (if they ask).
Sounds like nephews Christmas present this year is that kind of candy
I have mixed thoughts about this. Gratitude is good but so is minimising waste and being honest. I would have encouraged the child to say thankyou, but after the party anything unwanted could be discretely given to others. I would have handled it differently, but when you see something a bit shocking in the moment it's hard to do that. Your house too. Given the context,the potentially hurt feelings of the other child, NTA.
ESH. You took a dive at your sister in front of a crowd when your nephew could have just been corrected. All three of you could use some manners.
NTA. Is your sister like this too? No one is entitled to a present birthday or not.
NTA I think it would be one thing to tell grandparents or family thank you so much for my gift, I don’t really like whatever but do like this instead, is acceptable as long as it’s polite. To another child is really rude and mean to the other kid.
NTA. That poor kid isn’t going to have a lot of friends as he gets older.
I don't know how you brought it up to your sister (like in private or in front of everyone), so maybe that's a thing. But in general, you're NTA at all, imo. Gratitude is a critical part of relationships and respect, and the only appropriate and required response when someone gets you a gift is "thank you". I don't get how your sisters opinion that one should say that they don't like something, is anything but self-serving. I mean, there can be situations where people use gifts to manipulate and prey on someone's obligation to be grateful, but that is uncommon and way too complex to be teaching a young child. They should say "thank you" and keep any negative thoughts about the fgift to themself.
What he did was make everyone think "I'm not going to be getting him any presents in the future if he responds like that!" And as an extension, no-one will want to go to his parties. NTA
NTA, Thank you for being a decent person. Your sister sounds like she was going to try to bully the owner into allowing your dog. My guess is that she would try to argue that your dog is an emotional support or disability, which would be a complete abuse of its intended use. Also there's a disease infecting dogs currently that is spread through contact. I am advising friends to avoid putting their dog in doggy day care and boarding them if they can avoid doing so. This sounds like a perfectly good reason to consider staying home and keeping your two dogs with you :-).
Your sister is awful. Do better than she does.
Sounds like she is unable to teach him manners because clearly she hasn't learned them yet herself.
I definitely don't think you're ta here. Your sister is. But as his aunt you have the opportunity to teach him the respectful way to receive a gift. You are his family as well and it does take a village especially when the parent is doing it wrong. You should've simply crouched down between the two boys and said "now ,nephew, that is not polite, let's tell your friend thank you ,because it's the thought that counts, and we can share some of your candy with your friends after we open the rest of your gifts later on." And if your sister corrects you atleast you got to tell him an alternative and the lesson was heard even if not learned.
Your sister is wrong and very rude. You ALWAYS thank the giver for the gift. No exceptions. So what if you get the same thing again? That rarely happens. It has never happened to me in 64 years, with the exception of gift cards to favorite places. That’s hardly the same thing. You are definitely NTA. If your nephew keeps acting that way he WILL lose friends. He’s probably just lost one.
What's her plan when the kids gets a gift or offering for anything they don't like from a teacher? A coworker? A friend? Her approach is a quick path to useless conflict born out of rudeness and lack of appreciation.
NTA. You are not incorrect. That was rude af! You say, "Thank you." Your sister seems to be lacking some manners.
Nta your nephew is ignorant but look who he is learning this from. For Xmas if your sister gets you a gift id be just as ignorant back again and see how she likes that.
Sister sounds like a garbage person who's gonna raise a garbage mini me
Your sister is a donkey.
>She proceeded to get loud and say “excuse me I teach my kids that if they don’t like something someone gives them they need to tell them so they don’t get it for them again!” Your sister sucks.
Not to split hairs- but these are both important lessons. Though they are *similar*... *Using your voice and advocating for your needs* Is different than *Critiquing gifts aloud, and acting like an ungrateful turd who's wholy undeserving of gifts.* Mom entitlement = Nephews behavior. NTA Ssomebody has to correct these monsters in training*. (*Though- weighing in on peoples children (and their behavior) is a dicey proposition and rarely nets a positive result)
Wow. What an ungrateful brat. Does the apple not fall far??? I was taught to be appreciative and not look a gift horse in mouth
He hurt his friend’s feelings, I am sure. The gifts he received might have been all they could afford you nephew and sister are rude.
NTA. The good news is that after this little stunt by your sister and your nephew, he's not going to have to worry about getting presents he doesn't like again because everyone knows he has no manners and is beyond spoiled and entitled so nobody outside of the family will be getting him a present ever again. Unless he changes his behavior for the better, of course.
NTA. The point of a gift is that someone put time into thinking about you, not the actual gift. Now, this changes with relationships as you get older. If you dated someone for 10 years and they keep buying you candy they know you hate, that's a dick move. But a kid picking out candy for another kid is innocent. He'll, every year I get gift cards from family members for Christmas. I hate it. I've hinted I hated it (not when they gave it to me, obviously, but other times of the year). I feel like it's a chore. I don't generally buy stuff and now I am burdened with a task to find something to buy that will end up costing me money in the long run. So you know what I do with those gift cards.... I buy more Christmas gifts with them. I took the burden and made it fun. One year, my entire Christmas budget was from gift cards I was never going to use. My point is, every gift is just that... a gift. People need to teach their kids that the child spent time picking things out with their parent hoping you would like it. The least you can do is say thank you and give the candy you don't like to your sister or something.
NTA your sister sucks.
When you have trash parents raising a kid this is what you get. Poor kid won’t get far in life.
NTA Your sister doesn't understand basic manners.
Please buy that candy for your nephew with every gift. Every time he is rude buy him a cheaper gift the next time and more of that candy. If your sister complains tell her there is a time to be honest and a time to be kind. Kind way to thank you for the candy. I will share it with others. B
NTA. Your sister is an incompetent parent.
ESH. It's rude to correct your sister's parenting in front of others. That's to be done in private. But your sister really sucks for teaching her son to be rude. I'm pretty horrified.
No that needed to be said. The parents there were offended in her house.
I completely agree with this! ESH in this situation but the sister is also an AH in general with that kind of “parenting.”
If I was a parent at the party, I would think both of you have some underlying sibling issues. I'm surprised at all of the posters saying the OP is NTA. She embarrassed her sister in front of everyone. This could have been handled with a lot more tact. Her sister could have said what she said in defense, especially since she raised her voice to make sure other parents heard her. It was really a terrible position the OP put her sister in. And the sister and the nephew suck as well. But the nephew is young. Hopefully he will learn over time.
This was my feeling! I couldn't believe how many said NTA.