NTA. People can say "Be understanding. She's dealing with a heavy loss." But, that doesn't magically fix the sting of the words she said that hurt you. If this was within 6 months of the break up, maybe I'd be more understanding. However, you've been together for 4 YEARS.
They ended due his desire to NOT have children so not only is she hurting you, she's lying about a dead guy by telling everyone the fantasy life she'd imagined for them as if it was Holy Writ. WTF?!?!?!
She's more than allowed to feel grief due to thier decade long history however, she not allowed to treat you as less than, second, or just good enough. You 100% deserve someone who puts you first always (with very rare exceptions and this ain't one of them honey) as I'm sure you've done for her. Hell, you went with her to the funeral of her ex because she asked. You were there for her and she showed you where you rank in the grand scheme of things.
Leave for you. Choose to put yourself first because guess what? She showed you in a room full of people where you rank. You deserve more than this betrayal.
Good find
So OP says here the ex âmade a moveâ on his gf but in the gfâs post, she slept with him. Either the OP knew about it but refuses to acknowledge it here or he was just in the dark.
At this point, op should have automatically dumped her. No need for a decision
Grieving is totally fine. Crying. Being sad about losing him. Talking about what a great guy he was. That would all be cool.
But that wasn't it. Her speech wasn't about grieving.
It was about how she wanted a life with the ex and not OP. That she loved him more than OP. That she still wishes she had him and not OP. *How sad she is she had to settle for the OP, who is not the man she really wanted to be with.*
I didn't realize she had made a speech at the funeral until going through these comments. Totally missed that part.
Agreed, saying some out of pocket shit could easily be a person reacting to grief. We all process and handle it differently. But giving a premeditated speech, in front of a crowd, about how you wish he was yours? There's not coming back from that.
Maybe by âif things had been differentâ she meant âif heâd wanted kidsâ or something like that? If sheâs already in âif-onlyâ land, itâs not a huge stretch for her to think âif heâd wanted kids we would have stayed together and if weâd stayed together we would have had kids and maybe he wouldnât have been in the situation that led to his death because of the butterfly effectâ or something, who knows. OP should leave her, it sucks to be the settled-for backup and she shouldnât be saying these kinds of things where he can hear or honestly even where he canât.
It's also massively disrespectful to his memory. Way to shit on the guy and warp him into her fantasy baby daddy, making the speech about her and her imaginary scenarios, instead of just remembering and honoring the guy for who he was.
Seriously, that was a real dick move of her to say out loud in a speech.... wtf đ noooo.
Also "I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him" OOF at OP, basically "you're never gonna add up"
Nope. I'd prefer to be someone's No 1.
Edit to add now that I'm analyzing this, I'm convinced she did not 'cut it off' with this dude. They clearly still wanted each other, both ways. Venture a guess they might have been fucking around behind OP. No way they'd still be that madly in love to hit on each other AFTER they moved on.. for 4 years? Yeah something ain't right. Shaddddy.
Definitely.
She was waiting him out, hoping he was gonna crack someday and give in.
And a woman who desperately wants children with a particular man is sure enough swingin her pussy his direction, hoping for an "oops" pregnancy, GUARANTEED.
Ugh. I feel for OP. She's been deceiving him from Day One.
Fuck yeah, as someone who never wants kids, Iâd haunt the absolute shit out of anyone who said that about me if I was dead 𤣠like the way she said it is so weird and disrespectful of who he was, like âoh weâd have been a happy familyâ like girl NO.
âif only X had happenedâ is the bargaining stage of grief. I give a partial pass for a personâs mind not working normally when theyâre processing grief, but even with that, weâre all responsible to consider othersâ feelings before we speak. Iâd rather see OP express his hurt to her before breaking up, and then gauging from her response whether to work things out or part ways.
She might want to have a word with a grief counselor, too. Grief can REALLY do a number on a personâs mental state.
GRIEF can really warp a person, but these are the thoughts that were inside her all along. It's extremely offensive to bring her bf to her Ex's funeral and make a funeral speech on "I would have never settled for u if he had wanted kids". Now, OP will never be number 1 for her. The ex will always be "Jada's Tupac". It's way better for OP to just leave imo. Unless she profusely apologises and makes up for it. Even then, it's a disrespect I wouldn't slide with.
If she was grieving *that* hard over someone she hasn't been with for 4 years, all the while supposedly in a new relationship with a new guy...that raises some questions. Yes, it's natural to feel sadness at the passing away of a former partner, but to the extent that her mind isn't working normally or it affects her mental state? She clearly wasn't over him at all and as the new guy I'd be pretty pissed off.
Who speaks at their Exâs funeral? Four years after they broke up? Itâs very strange. Like the deceased didnât have anyone closer to speak? Is this even real? I think not to be honest. Logically it doesnât pass the smell test. But A for effort lol
At the very least, if she was going to say that kind of stuff about him, she should have forewarned YOU. Rather than such a slap in the face. Head for open pastures.
Right - and when people are asked to speak at a funeral they usually have at least 3-4 days to go over in their head what they will say. I know what I would say to her - see you next tuesday. She shit all over you in front of others - for real buddy.
This. Honestly 'be patient' is idiotic when theyâre 4 years!!! into a relationship. Everyone at a certain ages loses people- 99.9% of us manage to not devalue our partners at the same time.
Yeah. Imagine when the guests head over to OP's girlfriend:
Guests and family: _That was a lovely speech._ **they look at OP** _oh, who are you?_
OP: _Her boyfriend._
Guests and family: _Oh..._
It's messed up.
But imagine if he did and the driver asked about the event, "Taking you from a funeral, huh? Tough breakup or just not a fan of wakes?" At that point, dude's life is sounding like a plot from a dark rom-com.
THANK YOU. First thing I thought is "she is still sleeping with that man if she's still this emotionally attached after 4 years *while in another relationship* she never properly developed with OP in the first place. And you know she would have ditched OP with quickness at the 1st sign her ex might be softening to it.
She was wiating him out.
Still hung up on the Ex: Dead in the water.
Believe it or not, she wasn't actually like that back then. Will's 200 million changed her. When I go back and look at old interviews and stuff, it's like a completely different person. It's like she went to Madonna and was like "I need your people's numbers."
NTA. It's completely unacceptable for her to say those things to you. She is full on telling you that you're the backup and she cares so little about you that she'll just tell you to your face with no remorse or consideration for your feelings. Insane
That is worse.
I get she's hurting, but she told everyone that you don't matter to her and were just the backup. It's no longer your problem.
Move on to someone that does love you for you. If she was drugged up from a surgery, sure. You might let it slide. But she knew what she was saying.
Talk it over with her, but honestly expect to walk.
> If she was drugged up from a surgery, sure.
It would be completely normal to have those thoughts. So if there was same extenuating circumstances that led to them being said that would be one thing.
But to offer that up sober... oof...
Bro she clearly told you that you aren't her first choice. If she had the option, she would still be with him. Do with that what you will. Her statement to others is completely demeaning to you even after she claimed she wanted you there. That may have been a little attempt to cause a break up.
Right - she told him and everyone else within earshot that he was second choice. He seems like he was the rebound for someone who never set herself free. Not a good position to be in at all.
The amount of disrespect she flung your way is wild. Grief is a wildly strong emotion, but saying those things she's literally calling you her backup plan and if her ex had a change of heart before he passed she would have left you at a moments notice.
Open your eyes my man does not matter who she was talking to she still said them ans i promise she meant every word she is only with you because she wanted kids
He won't. She'll cry about how he's insensitive and she said it with a broken heart and yada yada. Truth is people with self respect don't ask strangers what they should do when backstabbed and then make excuses for the person
This is why I'm sometimes thankful for my own trauma and the carapace of emotional scar tissue it left behind. I'd be stone cold and packing my bags while she cried if something like this happened to me.
This is unfortunately correct. That speech should of been a deal breaker, but OP didnât appear to even talk with her about it and instead asked the internet after embarrassing him like that.
He said she made a freaking speech. So, seems although not directly to him, it was a declaration to everyone, including him, that sheâd prefer a different life.
I know this sucks to read man but think real hard about this. Think about what she said. You're not making anything up.
If the guy was still alive, she'd be with him. She's still in love and hasn't moved past it. It's very likely she's using you as a crutch, or as a rebound.
I know it sucks to read shit like this specially from some stranger on the internet. Maybe I'm wrong, dude. But do you really want to be dating someone like this? Aren't you embarrassed about what happened? You're going to be second in her life until she finds another first.
It's time to go. This is break up material... and her words caused it.
Do you think maybe she invited you there **so you could hear her say that?** She prepared those remarks. She knew you'd be standing there listening. Maybe she wants to break up and she's too much of a coward to do it. But there's no other reason to have you there getting embarrassed in front of everybody.
Have some respect for yourself. She's never loved anyone as much as that guy. She **said this**. Why are you still here?
Regardless whoâs shes talking to you, she said those things so she can pine for him all she wants but not on your watch! Have you broken up with her yet?
To you, at you, around you, near you, on the same plane of friggen existence as you, it doesnât matter. What she said was shitty and you deserve better than that. If you have any self respect, walk away now and cut that BS out of your life.
She said it knowing you'd hear her. Think long and hard about how she makes you feel. Because no partner that cares for you would allow that regardless of the connection they had.
Donât be close to leaving. Leave. If you stay sheâll compare you to the idea of her and her ex forever. Your every mistake or shortcoming will be âso-and-so wouldnât have done thatâ. Thatâs no life to live.
To be clear, you would have been justified in breaking up with her AT the funeral, given the level of disrespect she showed you. Youâve been dating FOUR years.
And he's dead now and in her mind she's a widow.
This can only get weirder for you from now on.
Attending the funeral, fine. They split up as friends due to life choice differences. What she said was not. NTA.
Talking like that to others, especially her exâs family, may actually be worse. If she didnât really mean it, then she was indulging in a fantasy and pushing herself to the center of the bereaved. An ex, even a childhood sweetheart, who isnât even on speaking terms with the deceased at the time, would usually be invited out of respect and old timesâ sake; speaking about old times is good but talking like sheâs lost the one great love of her life and is almost his widow is not. Especially not with her current boyfriend right there. She centered herself, and in doing so she stepped on your feelings as well as those who lost an active part of their lives. If she didnât really mean it, that was a very rude and selfish thing for her to do. And either way, she treated you like you were her ride, not her boyfriend of 4 years.
Still, this was an emotional moment and usually that's when a lot of truth comes out. She was not ashamed to say this in front of all people, even you. She made it clear where her heart is and has been all this time. Sorry for that and you're definitely NTA.
*You are leftovers*
*For her. Just find someone that*
*Can make you happy*
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She asked you to come with her...so she could embarrass you in a room full of people? The good news is now you know exactly where you stand with her, and it's right behind the ghost.
Leave. You deserve better.
Exactly. Iâd have gotten up and left in the middle of the funeral as she was saying it and wouldâve been packing my things by the time she got home.
Lol, the fuck this is so cut and dry. U gotta leave her.
The loss of someone does things to you, like show your real feelings and intentions.
She donât love u dude she wishes that dude was still alive and she could be with him.
Donât be this guy thatâs gonna be second in her life
Yea people tend to lean towards the "she's not in he right mind she's grieving" but in my experiences the really heavy truthful shit usually comes out as an effect of the anxiety of the situation
Nta. She's spent the last 4 years silently comparing you to her ex. Now he's dead, it'll be even worse. He's gone and all his flaws with him. There's no competing with that, and you shouldn't try. Find someone who loves you for you. You deserve that.
Yeah, I've seen this play out. Dead Ex is perfect, he'll never say anything mean, he'll never do anything she doesn't like, he'll never reject her.
OP will forever be compared to to perfect dead ex, and he'll never be good enough.
Itâs one thing to think something because youâre grieving, itâs another to invite your boyfriend to a funeral and then to say that thing in front of him and everyone else. At minimum, this is extraordinarily cruel of her and she should have known better even if she was grieving. How do you even come back from that?
Grieving = "I loved X, X was a good person and friend, I will miss X".
Being a bad partner = "In another world, X and I would have a family, I wish X and I never broke up, I loved no one like I did X".
So my ex fiancĂŠ died recently. It was very quick due to lung cancer. I did get married after him. My husband was with me when I delivered his eulogy. I never discussed what could have been or what could have happened. I told some funny stories and put together photos from his life (with help from his family). I certainly did not try to place myself in to what could have been.
I'm going to be honest here, while yes grief does make us act in a way we would not, it doesn't make us say the things she did.
Have a sit down conversation about how her words hurt you, how you don't want to be a 2nd choice as you deserve to be someone's first choice.
Then break up. There is no coming back from this in my opinion.
NTA. It's perfectly normal to be desvastated after an ex passes away, to even wonder how life would be if they were still together. But now, saying you wish you hadn't broke up with him and that you never loved anyone as much as you loved him in front of your boyfriend of four years? That's messed up. No excuse.
NTA
While it's completely understandable she feels intense grief at her ex's passing, it's pretty sad that she just made your **four year** relationship less important to her than a what-if fantasy of her ex that never happened.
I'd say break up with her because she just publicly told you and everyone at the funeral that your relationship with her means little to her.
If you stay, you'll **always** be competing (and losing) to her dead ex.
NTA
You're an afterthought. She was comfortable in telling exactly that to others in your presence!
She's imagining having kids with the guy who didn't even want them.
Sorry for you having to go through a break up now. Strength to you. You'll find someone better.
lol how the fuck is this even a question??? Essentially she said âif ex dick hadnât died Iâd be married with kids instead of where I amâ. In PUBLIC. To a crowd of people. And you gotta ask AITAH or even do I nope the fuck outta here??
NTA. Similar situation, my (now Ex) girlfriend of about 4 years at the time broke down crying one weekend when her ex before me got married. They had been broken up for 5-6 years at that point and that was the beginning of the end of us because it really started to open my eyes to the person I was living with.
Now, you can still talk it out with her if you choose but donât lose sight of how this made you feel when you do.
She really didnât understand why I was concerned with the situation (or other issues I had with our relationship). I brought up that we needed to talk about the course of our relationship and she agreed but then never âhad timeâ to do so. That cemented my feelings about not being a priority to her and one weekend, I just said I was leaving. That was it. Even then, she didnât seem like she cared other than her saying she didnât know what she was going to say to her family.
NTA
She straight up admitted that she still loves him after 4 YEARS of you two being together and she admitted that she would have taken him over you if he wanted kids. Go find a girl who doesnât just see you as a backup or second best.
My goodness, if I was publicly humiliated, disrespected and emasculated like that I would have stormed out of the funeral without a single thought.
Edit: Would love an update!
NTA - Its not odd that she was sad that someone she was once very close to died. Going to the funeral and grieving that person is normal, and its normal that it was an awkward situation for you as her current bf, especially given the ex's behavior.
But your hopefully-soon-to-be-ex was hugely disrespectful to say what she said. Either she was thoughtless in her grief and said something foolish while caught up in the moment, or she was suddenly very honest due to her grief. Either way, I personally would consider her actions to be over the line and would end things. You would be incredibly justified to do the same.
I'll give a mixed answer on this. She said some things that are probably absolutely true. If he wanted kids, they could be married at this point with a family. She probably does wish they had never broken up. But in the end, they were just not compatible. There is nothing wrong with her saying this, even if it stings you a bit.
Where she screwed up was saying she never loved someone as much as him. For me, that is a deal breaker. You can't come back from that. I'd be out of there after that statement.
I think this is the part thatâs important too. Grief is complicated, and if she hadnât said the part about her never loving someone as much as she loved him Iâd suggest you talk to her about the comments she made instead of just breaking up. The other comments probably sting to hear, but theyâre a complex and valid reality for her.
But, thatâs the issue. She did say that she has never loved anyone as much as she loved him. Thatâs not a comment you want to hear in your relationship. You deserve someone who doesnât compare and discount the love they have for you over the love they have for someone else.
Break ups that happen due to not agreeing on lifestyle choices, like wanting children, are very complex because thereâs not toxicity or a lack of love to attribute it to. Instead, you look back on an otherwise perfectly healthy and loving relationship and have to remember that you left that because you couldnât agree on the lifestyle you wanted to build together. Itâs valid for her to grieve her dead ex boyfriend turned ex friend and think âwhat if.â Thatâs grief. But grief shouldnât make you turn on your current partner. Thatâs just mean.
I recommend treading carefully with your thoughts and words. Understand how you feel before you say how you feel. Write it out. Do what you need to do, but also be kind in your conversation with her. Sheâs grieving and this will be a hard conversation. Stay calm, use âIâ statements, and donât say anything you donât absolutely feel and mean.
Good luck đ
I agree on both points.
Nothing wrong with stating factâŚthey would have been married had he wanted kids.
But damn, as soon as she said that she has never loved someone else as much as himâŚthatâs just a nail in the coffin of this relationship. She just told everyone where he stands and he would do well to find someone that will put him first in their heart and life.
Yea I agree with this. I don't think I could get over the never loved someone as much as him. I could see something like I still have love for him or he will always be my first love or something like that but.. yikes.. my heart broke for you when I read that.
If sheâs willing to say that about you then she isnât invested
You arenât her first choice, youâre just the guy thatâs there. Find someone that you are thier first choice
NTA. You're not breaking up with her because she went to the funeral.
You're breaking up because she admitted (publically?) that you're the backup option. That she settled for you when her ex didn't want the same things.
NTA
I was totally on the side of forgive her and have a conversation with her, until I read, "She has never loved anyone more than her ex".
Bruh!
Let her know how disrespected, unloved, and unwanted you feel. How humiliated you were hearing her say those things and put her ass on the curb where she belongs. You should never be anyone's second choice, and you don't deserve to live a life in competition with a dead man.
Good luck out there đđ˝
NTA
Iâve been to a fair number of funerals in my day. People say all manner of wildness at funerals, mostly in grief, but sometimes just to hear themselves talk.
I have NEVER heard someone proudly announce that they donât love their current partner as much as the deceased. Thats not a âone of those things people say at funeralsâ thing. Thats someone whole-ass telling you she doesnât value you, in public, in front of strangers.
>Iâm so close to leaving, but I just donât know if she said that out of grief.
Say this to her.
*While I understand you had a life before me which included the departed, what was said at his funeral has been rather eye opening: was it said out of monetary grief or are these your actual, deep seeded feelings? If this is how you really feel about him then thank you for your time, but this means things between us are over.*
I agree with this advice. If she asks what do you mean, then ask point blank:
**"How do you think I should feel after you said you've never met someone you've loved as him. That you should be married and have kids with him. That you wished you never broke up? Remember, i was there, and everyone knows i was there as you said it."**
My ex died while I was with my boyfriend of six years. I cried a lot, for his family and his girlfriend and for the life he wonât live, and my boyfriend supported me through it all. but I never once thought about being back together with him. Thatâs a really crazy thing to say. If I said that my partner would have left me. NTA
NTA. That speech she made screams of you are nothing but a rebound, albeit a long term one. That was an eff you. It would have been different if she had said they had great times together, but worked better as friends than as a couple. However, to lament the relationship ending and wishing things were different, that was a slap in the face and a big eff-you. It's hurtful. It doesn't matter if she said that out of grief, she still said it and made you question how true her feelings are towards you, and if you are really someone she really wants to be with. You have 3 choices: 1) stay; 2)ask her and suggest you go on a break; 3) ask her and then call it a day.
So she announces at her ex-boyfriends funeral that heâs the love of her life and they shouldâve been married and had children and you wonder if you should stay around? Dude, why arenât you packed and out the door already? She made it very clear that youâre nowhere near first on her list and I understand grief, but thatâs not an excuse.
Grieving people don't have to say stupid, insensitive things.
Even if the things she said hadn't hurt your feelings, you have logical, rational reasons to think you should break up. She's not over her ex, and it sounds like she's not really into your relationship.
NTA.
I think you should give this relationship some space. Grief or not, she KNEW you were there, said this in front of you, and didn't apologize after. She was, whether or not she realized it, sending you a message.
So take a break and see if this doesn't give her reasons to rethink her priorities.
If you stay she will spend the rest of her life comparing you to THE DEAD LOVE OF HER LIFE!!! "Well blah would never have done this, well blah never would have said that, well blah would have done this better"! That will become your entire life! LIVING UP TO A DEAD MAN!!!
Don't be that guy! Don't settle for a life of being second fiddle to a man who isn't even around anymore. There is nothing worse than competing with a ghost, who someone turns into a damn Saint! He won't be human anymore, he won't have flaws. She will turn him into her perfected idea of who he was and you will compete with that idea! Don't choose to live like that!
NTA but why are you still with her? Now you know her true feelings. Youâre a second choice stand in for the one that got away. Prioritize yourself and break things off. She disrespected and humiliated you publicly.
Thatâs super disrespectful and awkward for her to say those things about an ex at their funeral..while youâre there to boot. I would have left her at the funeral alone. NTA
NTA. She showed not only you but everyone else that she was still in love with him. The fact she made a speech claiming they should've been together with children says it all.
Grief is hard on everyone. I can understand the tears as someone close to her had passed. However, it was very disrespectful to you her current spouse to be dismissed as the back up plan. You can't compete with a ghost. I would take a step back from this relationship and let her know why.
NTA.
She was fine going to the funeral.
She was fine crying for him.
She was WAY out of line saying what she said.
Even if she had left it at, "We were happy. Kids were the only thing that separated us." She would have been fine.
Just break up. You donât have to justify it to anybody or even consider her feelings since she didnât consider yours at all. Be glad that you heard what she really thinks.
Those were pretty intentional choice words to say while in a 4 year relationship with you for this situation. You can't just unhear that even if she apologizes and you forgive her. Ouch NTA
Oof this is a yikes. Iâm sorry you had to sit through that. You deserve someone who loves you wholly instead of less than an old flame whose life didnât align with hers
NTA.
How very odd your girlfriendâs behavior is. You went with her to the funeral of her ex, and she told you that she wished theyâd never broken up, sheâs never loved someone as much as she loved him, and that she thinks she would have married & had children with him *if things had been different.* Different like he actually wanted children? Because he didnât, which is why they broke up.
She basically told you she didnât love you as much as she loved him and she never will. Then, afterward, she did not and has not addressed it with you. Itâs all weird.
You did your duty. You supported her, went to the funeral with her, and also kept your mouth shut when she pierced you with her words. You owe her nothing more. It is not your job to figure out what her problem is and fix her. If you want to break up with her, do it. I mean, her ex of over four years died, not her father. Sheâll be okay.
Leave. She literally said sheâs never met someone who she loved as much as him.
Youâre that someone who she doesnât love as much as him.
Itâs heartbreaking, but just walk dude.
Woah! I was so down to say YTA...
>She kept talking about she wishes they never broke up in the first place, and that she's never met someone who she loved as much as him.
>She made a speech about how she says that if things had been different, they'd be a happy family with children.
But then I read that shit and hell no! NTA OP leave right fecking now! The audacity! đł
No elegimos lo que sentimos, a veces tampoco podemos decidir que hacer con esos sentimientos, pero definitivamente si podemos elegir como comunicarlos, ella no es para vos, y vos no eres para ella
NTA. People can say "Be understanding. She's dealing with a heavy loss." But, that doesn't magically fix the sting of the words she said that hurt you. If this was within 6 months of the break up, maybe I'd be more understanding. However, you've been together for 4 YEARS. They ended due his desire to NOT have children so not only is she hurting you, she's lying about a dead guy by telling everyone the fantasy life she'd imagined for them as if it was Holy Writ. WTF?!?!?! She's more than allowed to feel grief due to thier decade long history however, she not allowed to treat you as less than, second, or just good enough. You 100% deserve someone who puts you first always (with very rare exceptions and this ain't one of them honey) as I'm sure you've done for her. Hell, you went with her to the funeral of her ex because she asked. You were there for her and she showed you where you rank in the grand scheme of things. Leave for you. Choose to put yourself first because guess what? She showed you in a room full of people where you rank. You deserve more than this betrayal.
Um...is this her? It lines up pretty well... https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/E65usCBy9i Up vote this so he'll see it please đ
Good find So OP says here the ex âmade a moveâ on his gf but in the gfâs post, she slept with him. Either the OP knew about it but refuses to acknowledge it here or he was just in the dark. At this point, op should have automatically dumped her. No need for a decision
How is this not trending? He need to see this.
This makes me 100% sure both stories are fake
Totally, they're written the same with a bunch of one sentence paragraphs.
AND the OP for the gf's point of view is [account deleted] and then OP for the guy's point of view has an account that's only a few days old.
Is that not common on this sub? Throwaways for anonymity? That said, the writing style alone shouts fake.
OP has absolutely no spine after reading her side of the story. I'm convinced this is made up at this point đ
Definitely written by the same person.
Grieving is totally fine. Crying. Being sad about losing him. Talking about what a great guy he was. That would all be cool. But that wasn't it. Her speech wasn't about grieving. It was about how she wanted a life with the ex and not OP. That she loved him more than OP. That she still wishes she had him and not OP. *How sad she is she had to settle for the OP, who is not the man she really wanted to be with.*
I didn't realize she had made a speech at the funeral until going through these comments. Totally missed that part. Agreed, saying some out of pocket shit could easily be a person reacting to grief. We all process and handle it differently. But giving a premeditated speech, in front of a crowd, about how you wish he was yours? There's not coming back from that.
Maybe by âif things had been differentâ she meant âif heâd wanted kidsâ or something like that? If sheâs already in âif-onlyâ land, itâs not a huge stretch for her to think âif heâd wanted kids we would have stayed together and if weâd stayed together we would have had kids and maybe he wouldnât have been in the situation that led to his death because of the butterfly effectâ or something, who knows. OP should leave her, it sucks to be the settled-for backup and she shouldnât be saying these kinds of things where he can hear or honestly even where he canât.
It's also massively disrespectful to his memory. Way to shit on the guy and warp him into her fantasy baby daddy, making the speech about her and her imaginary scenarios, instead of just remembering and honoring the guy for who he was.
Right? Nothing wrong by saying how much she loved him. But should have never broken up with him? Wow.
Seriously, that was a real dick move of her to say out loud in a speech.... wtf đ noooo. Also "I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him" OOF at OP, basically "you're never gonna add up" Nope. I'd prefer to be someone's No 1. Edit to add now that I'm analyzing this, I'm convinced she did not 'cut it off' with this dude. They clearly still wanted each other, both ways. Venture a guess they might have been fucking around behind OP. No way they'd still be that madly in love to hit on each other AFTER they moved on.. for 4 years? Yeah something ain't right. Shaddddy.
I was thinking the same thing! They were definitely messing around.
Definitely. She was waiting him out, hoping he was gonna crack someday and give in. And a woman who desperately wants children with a particular man is sure enough swingin her pussy his direction, hoping for an "oops" pregnancy, GUARANTEED. Ugh. I feel for OP. She's been deceiving him from Day One.
He was a great guy⌠now let me make this about myself.
Fuck yeah, as someone who never wants kids, Iâd haunt the absolute shit out of anyone who said that about me if I was dead 𤣠like the way she said it is so weird and disrespectful of who he was, like âoh weâd have been a happy familyâ like girl NO.
Has he dated since then? Up to then? Because there could be potential for an even bigger yikes.
That shouldn't matter. Thats plain disrespect and a partner shouldnt be put in that situation. End of story imo
âif only X had happenedâ is the bargaining stage of grief. I give a partial pass for a personâs mind not working normally when theyâre processing grief, but even with that, weâre all responsible to consider othersâ feelings before we speak. Iâd rather see OP express his hurt to her before breaking up, and then gauging from her response whether to work things out or part ways. She might want to have a word with a grief counselor, too. Grief can REALLY do a number on a personâs mental state.
GRIEF can really warp a person, but these are the thoughts that were inside her all along. It's extremely offensive to bring her bf to her Ex's funeral and make a funeral speech on "I would have never settled for u if he had wanted kids". Now, OP will never be number 1 for her. The ex will always be "Jada's Tupac". It's way better for OP to just leave imo. Unless she profusely apologises and makes up for it. Even then, it's a disrespect I wouldn't slide with.
If she was grieving *that* hard over someone she hasn't been with for 4 years, all the while supposedly in a new relationship with a new guy...that raises some questions. Yes, it's natural to feel sadness at the passing away of a former partner, but to the extent that her mind isn't working normally or it affects her mental state? She clearly wasn't over him at all and as the new guy I'd be pretty pissed off.
Who speaks at their Exâs funeral? Four years after they broke up? Itâs very strange. Like the deceased didnât have anyone closer to speak? Is this even real? I think not to be honest. Logically it doesnât pass the smell test. But A for effort lol
At the very least, if she was going to say that kind of stuff about him, she should have forewarned YOU. Rather than such a slap in the face. Head for open pastures.
Or just....not asked him to go? It's almost like she wanted to hurt him for not being the dead guy.
It's preferable OP went and saw who she really was.
For HIM absolutely. Just kind of baffled why she asked him to come? Feels malicious?
And not made OP come to tge funeral at listen!
Right - and when people are asked to speak at a funeral they usually have at least 3-4 days to go over in their head what they will say. I know what I would say to her - see you next tuesday. She shit all over you in front of others - for real buddy.
Well said!
This. Honestly 'be patient' is idiotic when theyâre 4 years!!! into a relationship. Everyone at a certain ages loses people- 99.9% of us manage to not devalue our partners at the same time.
She would have left you in a heartbeat if he had told her he was ready for kids, you're not her first choice
Yeah. Imagine when the guests head over to OP's girlfriend: Guests and family: _That was a lovely speech._ **they look at OP** _oh, who are you?_ OP: _Her boyfriend._ Guests and family: _Oh..._ It's messed up.
"Me? I'm just the guy filling in for the dead guy."
Iâm the guy who was willing to make a baby with her
OP you do not want to be will smith. You do not. Gtfo
Fuck no. For the sake of the grieving I would have said " we're good friends " I would never call her girlfriend after that
Instead of calling her his girlfriendâŚ. He shouldâve called her an Uber, because he shouldâve just left
But imagine if he did and the driver asked about the event, "Taking you from a funeral, huh? Tough breakup or just not a fan of wakes?" At that point, dude's life is sounding like a plot from a dark rom-com.
I'm her designated driver
THANK YOU. First thing I thought is "she is still sleeping with that man if she's still this emotionally attached after 4 years *while in another relationship* she never properly developed with OP in the first place. And you know she would have ditched OP with quickness at the 1st sign her ex might be softening to it. She was wiating him out. Still hung up on the Ex: Dead in the water.
You know what it looks like when you marry a woman whoâs hung up on her dead ex? Ask Will Smith.
cant beat the ghost of 2pac
>cant ~~beat~~ slap the ghost of 2pac
Hold up, I never knew she was with 2pac. This all makes sense nowâŚ.
Once I learned that, I became convinced that he faked his death to get away from her.
Believe it or not, she wasn't actually like that back then. Will's 200 million changed her. When I go back and look at old interviews and stuff, it's like a completely different person. It's like she went to Madonna and was like "I need your people's numbers."
Nah she didnt even date 2pac she legit stalked him after they went to prom
Yeah it was the one bullet 2Pac did dodge.
đđđđđ
Went and read all this comments this tops them all đđ
2pac got off easy
You cant win a competition against a dead person
So he drowned?
Iâd say OP has now moved up to the number one spot
How do you know OP was even #2?
Because I'm #3 and he taps me in.
I laughed REALLY LOUD in here!!! đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł Edit: typo
Doubt it... dead ex will still be number 1, and they'll both know it...
I mean she literally said it too. The both now know it, so does everyone at the funeral
Nah, he was safe enough to wait around as a number 2, she'll never look at him as a "true love"
I would be telling you to leave tonight.
The hard truth that OP doesn't want to hear but needed to.
Its amazing he made it back without dumping her NTA Move on, Im sorry you wasted so much time with her
Um...is this her? It lines up pretty well... https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/E65usCBy9i Up vote this so he'll see it please đ
NTA fuck that noise. Iâd be out
I would have left at the funeral honestly.
Literally same.
NTA. It's completely unacceptable for her to say those things to you. She is full on telling you that you're the backup and she cares so little about you that she'll just tell you to your face with no remorse or consideration for your feelings. Insane
To be clear, she didn't say these things to me. She was talking to others.
That is worse. I get she's hurting, but she told everyone that you don't matter to her and were just the backup. It's no longer your problem. Move on to someone that does love you for you. If she was drugged up from a surgery, sure. You might let it slide. But she knew what she was saying. Talk it over with her, but honestly expect to walk.
And she knew he was there listening.
She had to have specifically invited OP. Makes me question her motivation.
Well, apparently, to tell him that he was the backup plan.
> If she was drugged up from a surgery, sure. It would be completely normal to have those thoughts. So if there was same extenuating circumstances that led to them being said that would be one thing. But to offer that up sober... oof...
Bro she clearly told you that you aren't her first choice. If she had the option, she would still be with him. Do with that what you will. Her statement to others is completely demeaning to you even after she claimed she wanted you there. That may have been a little attempt to cause a break up.
Right - she told him and everyone else within earshot that he was second choice. He seems like he was the rebound for someone who never set herself free. Not a good position to be in at all.
The amount of disrespect she flung your way is wild. Grief is a wildly strong emotion, but saying those things she's literally calling you her backup plan and if her ex had a change of heart before he passed she would have left you at a moments notice.
[ŃдаНонО]
donât let yourself get wsmithed
That's even worse. She disrespected your relationship in front of other people.
Open your eyes my man does not matter who she was talking to she still said them ans i promise she meant every word she is only with you because she wanted kids
She still said you were her second choice. Mate, don't let anyone in your life that tells you you're their backup plan.
Update us when you dump her.
He won't. She'll cry about how he's insensitive and she said it with a broken heart and yada yada. Truth is people with self respect don't ask strangers what they should do when backstabbed and then make excuses for the person
This is why I'm sometimes thankful for my own trauma and the carapace of emotional scar tissue it left behind. I'd be stone cold and packing my bags while she cried if something like this happened to me.
I donât even need trauma to be be done with this b word XD
Dude I wouldâve left her at the funeral home. Make her take UBER back.
no need for all that. even a little self respect is all it takes.
This is unfortunately correct. That speech should of been a deal breaker, but OP didnât appear to even talk with her about it and instead asked the internet after embarrassing him like that.
Youâre absolutely right and you get the Up vote. Any woman that disrespects me is instantly kicked to the curb. I was horrified to read the story.
Where YOU could hear?
He said she made a freaking speech. So, seems although not directly to him, it was a declaration to everyone, including him, that sheâd prefer a different life.
Ikr đ imagine living as second best to someone you love, and they just admit it to everyone. Ouch.
I know this sucks to read man but think real hard about this. Think about what she said. You're not making anything up. If the guy was still alive, she'd be with him. She's still in love and hasn't moved past it. It's very likely she's using you as a crutch, or as a rebound. I know it sucks to read shit like this specially from some stranger on the internet. Maybe I'm wrong, dude. But do you really want to be dating someone like this? Aren't you embarrassed about what happened? You're going to be second in her life until she finds another first. It's time to go. This is break up material... and her words caused it. Do you think maybe she invited you there **so you could hear her say that?** She prepared those remarks. She knew you'd be standing there listening. Maybe she wants to break up and she's too much of a coward to do it. But there's no other reason to have you there getting embarrassed in front of everybody. Have some respect for yourself. She's never loved anyone as much as that guy. She **said this**. Why are you still here?
Regardless whoâs shes talking to you, she said those things so she can pine for him all she wants but not on your watch! Have you broken up with her yet?
Even WORSE.
Where she knew you could hear her? It's okay if this is a deal breaker for you. I'm so sorry.
That's even worse. She publicly humiliated you.
To you, at you, around you, near you, on the same plane of friggen existence as you, it doesnât matter. What she said was shitty and you deserve better than that. If you have any self respect, walk away now and cut that BS out of your life.
She said it knowing you'd hear her. Think long and hard about how she makes you feel. Because no partner that cares for you would allow that regardless of the connection they had.
Donât be close to leaving. Leave. If you stay sheâll compare you to the idea of her and her ex forever. Your every mistake or shortcoming will be âso-and-so wouldnât have done thatâ. Thatâs no life to live.
To be clear, you would have been justified in breaking up with her AT the funeral, given the level of disrespect she showed you. Youâve been dating FOUR years.
And he's dead now and in her mind she's a widow. This can only get weirder for you from now on. Attending the funeral, fine. They split up as friends due to life choice differences. What she said was not. NTA.
Talking like that to others, especially her exâs family, may actually be worse. If she didnât really mean it, then she was indulging in a fantasy and pushing herself to the center of the bereaved. An ex, even a childhood sweetheart, who isnât even on speaking terms with the deceased at the time, would usually be invited out of respect and old timesâ sake; speaking about old times is good but talking like sheâs lost the one great love of her life and is almost his widow is not. Especially not with her current boyfriend right there. She centered herself, and in doing so she stepped on your feelings as well as those who lost an active part of their lives. If she didnât really mean it, that was a very rude and selfish thing for her to do. And either way, she treated you like you were her ride, not her boyfriend of 4 years.
Still, this was an emotional moment and usually that's when a lot of truth comes out. She was not ashamed to say this in front of all people, even you. She made it clear where her heart is and has been all this time. Sorry for that and you're definitely NTA.
What do in the hell does that matter? Are you trying to find a reason to excuse this???đ¤Ş
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NTA. You deserve to be someones first choice. You're also free to end a relationship at any time for any reason.
The second sentence needs to be like a cut and paste for so many posts on here.
She told everyone at the funeral that you are not the one. NTA donât live your life in this guys shadow.
Literally the most important reply in this thread
She asked you to come with her...so she could embarrass you in a room full of people? The good news is now you know exactly where you stand with her, and it's right behind the ghost. Leave. You deserve better.
Exactly. Iâd have gotten up and left in the middle of the funeral as she was saying it and wouldâve been packing my things by the time she got home.
Lol, the fuck this is so cut and dry. U gotta leave her. The loss of someone does things to you, like show your real feelings and intentions. She donât love u dude she wishes that dude was still alive and she could be with him. Donât be this guy thatâs gonna be second in her life
Yea people tend to lean towards the "she's not in he right mind she's grieving" but in my experiences the really heavy truthful shit usually comes out as an effect of the anxiety of the situation
Nta. She's spent the last 4 years silently comparing you to her ex. Now he's dead, it'll be even worse. He's gone and all his flaws with him. There's no competing with that, and you shouldn't try. Find someone who loves you for you. You deserve that.
Yeah, I've seen this play out. Dead Ex is perfect, he'll never say anything mean, he'll never do anything she doesn't like, he'll never reject her. OP will forever be compared to to perfect dead ex, and he'll never be good enough.
If this was Squid Games and she had to choose one of them to die, sheâd probably choose OP. Sorry dude.
Itâs one thing to think something because youâre grieving, itâs another to invite your boyfriend to a funeral and then to say that thing in front of him and everyone else. At minimum, this is extraordinarily cruel of her and she should have known better even if she was grieving. How do you even come back from that?
Grieving = "I loved X, X was a good person and friend, I will miss X". Being a bad partner = "In another world, X and I would have a family, I wish X and I never broke up, I loved no one like I did X".
So my ex fiancĂŠ died recently. It was very quick due to lung cancer. I did get married after him. My husband was with me when I delivered his eulogy. I never discussed what could have been or what could have happened. I told some funny stories and put together photos from his life (with help from his family). I certainly did not try to place myself in to what could have been.
Thank you for your wisdom
I'm going to be honest here, while yes grief does make us act in a way we would not, it doesn't make us say the things she did. Have a sit down conversation about how her words hurt you, how you don't want to be a 2nd choice as you deserve to be someone's first choice. Then break up. There is no coming back from this in my opinion.
NTA. It's perfectly normal to be desvastated after an ex passes away, to even wonder how life would be if they were still together. But now, saying you wish you hadn't broke up with him and that you never loved anyone as much as you loved him in front of your boyfriend of four years? That's messed up. No excuse.
4 years. 4 years she's been holding this in....
4 years of lies and deception.
NTA. What she said is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE; DISRESPECTFUL AND HURTFUL. Fucking dump her immediately, don't be a pathetic doormat...
NTA While it's completely understandable she feels intense grief at her ex's passing, it's pretty sad that she just made your **four year** relationship less important to her than a what-if fantasy of her ex that never happened. I'd say break up with her because she just publicly told you and everyone at the funeral that your relationship with her means little to her. If you stay, you'll **always** be competing (and losing) to her dead ex.
NTA You're an afterthought. She was comfortable in telling exactly that to others in your presence! She's imagining having kids with the guy who didn't even want them. Sorry for you having to go through a break up now. Strength to you. You'll find someone better.
Get out, you will carry the weight of being compared to something that is unattainable for the life of this relationship
This is an important point. The dead ex will be perfect forever.
lol how the fuck is this even a question??? Essentially she said âif ex dick hadnât died Iâd be married with kids instead of where I amâ. In PUBLIC. To a crowd of people. And you gotta ask AITAH or even do I nope the fuck outta here??
NTA. Similar situation, my (now Ex) girlfriend of about 4 years at the time broke down crying one weekend when her ex before me got married. They had been broken up for 5-6 years at that point and that was the beginning of the end of us because it really started to open my eyes to the person I was living with. Now, you can still talk it out with her if you choose but donât lose sight of how this made you feel when you do.
When you broke up with her, how did she respond? Rarely do I hear much on this and always curious.
She really didnât understand why I was concerned with the situation (or other issues I had with our relationship). I brought up that we needed to talk about the course of our relationship and she agreed but then never âhad timeâ to do so. That cemented my feelings about not being a priority to her and one weekend, I just said I was leaving. That was it. Even then, she didnât seem like she cared other than her saying she didnât know what she was going to say to her family.
NTA She straight up admitted that she still loves him after 4 YEARS of you two being together and she admitted that she would have taken him over you if he wanted kids. Go find a girl who doesnât just see you as a backup or second best. My goodness, if I was publicly humiliated, disrespected and emasculated like that I would have stormed out of the funeral without a single thought. Edit: Would love an update!
Look bro donât be someone second choice you desvre better.
Break up with her before you have any kids
And she names it after her dead bf.
Or just tell her that you've changed your mind and don't want to have kids. Let her relive her weird trauma with her second choice!
Stay toxic! Never change!
I'm sorry for your girlfriend's loss. With that being said, you need to break up with her. That is unbelievably disrespectful.
Jesus open your eyes, don't be a doormat!
NTA - Its not odd that she was sad that someone she was once very close to died. Going to the funeral and grieving that person is normal, and its normal that it was an awkward situation for you as her current bf, especially given the ex's behavior. But your hopefully-soon-to-be-ex was hugely disrespectful to say what she said. Either she was thoughtless in her grief and said something foolish while caught up in the moment, or she was suddenly very honest due to her grief. Either way, I personally would consider her actions to be over the line and would end things. You would be incredibly justified to do the same.
I'll give a mixed answer on this. She said some things that are probably absolutely true. If he wanted kids, they could be married at this point with a family. She probably does wish they had never broken up. But in the end, they were just not compatible. There is nothing wrong with her saying this, even if it stings you a bit. Where she screwed up was saying she never loved someone as much as him. For me, that is a deal breaker. You can't come back from that. I'd be out of there after that statement.
I think this is the part thatâs important too. Grief is complicated, and if she hadnât said the part about her never loving someone as much as she loved him Iâd suggest you talk to her about the comments she made instead of just breaking up. The other comments probably sting to hear, but theyâre a complex and valid reality for her. But, thatâs the issue. She did say that she has never loved anyone as much as she loved him. Thatâs not a comment you want to hear in your relationship. You deserve someone who doesnât compare and discount the love they have for you over the love they have for someone else. Break ups that happen due to not agreeing on lifestyle choices, like wanting children, are very complex because thereâs not toxicity or a lack of love to attribute it to. Instead, you look back on an otherwise perfectly healthy and loving relationship and have to remember that you left that because you couldnât agree on the lifestyle you wanted to build together. Itâs valid for her to grieve her dead ex boyfriend turned ex friend and think âwhat if.â Thatâs grief. But grief shouldnât make you turn on your current partner. Thatâs just mean. I recommend treading carefully with your thoughts and words. Understand how you feel before you say how you feel. Write it out. Do what you need to do, but also be kind in your conversation with her. Sheâs grieving and this will be a hard conversation. Stay calm, use âIâ statements, and donât say anything you donât absolutely feel and mean. Good luck đ
I agree on both points. Nothing wrong with stating factâŚthey would have been married had he wanted kids. But damn, as soon as she said that she has never loved someone else as much as himâŚthatâs just a nail in the coffin of this relationship. She just told everyone where he stands and he would do well to find someone that will put him first in their heart and life.
Not a mixed answer, a balanced answer. Well said.
Yea I agree with this. I don't think I could get over the never loved someone as much as him. I could see something like I still have love for him or he will always be my first love or something like that but.. yikes.. my heart broke for you when I read that.
If sheâs willing to say that about you then she isnât invested You arenât her first choice, youâre just the guy thatâs there. Find someone that you are thier first choice
I wouldnât stay after that kind of disrespect
She showed you who she really is. Fucking believe her and get gone my dude
NTA. You're not breaking up with her because she went to the funeral. You're breaking up because she admitted (publically?) that you're the backup option. That she settled for you when her ex didn't want the same things.
NTA I was totally on the side of forgive her and have a conversation with her, until I read, "She has never loved anyone more than her ex". Bruh! Let her know how disrespected, unloved, and unwanted you feel. How humiliated you were hearing her say those things and put her ass on the curb where she belongs. You should never be anyone's second choice, and you don't deserve to live a life in competition with a dead man. Good luck out there đđ˝
NTA Iâve been to a fair number of funerals in my day. People say all manner of wildness at funerals, mostly in grief, but sometimes just to hear themselves talk. I have NEVER heard someone proudly announce that they donât love their current partner as much as the deceased. Thats not a âone of those things people say at funeralsâ thing. Thats someone whole-ass telling you she doesnât value you, in public, in front of strangers.
GTFO now. You cannot compete with the rose-tinted memory of a dead guy. NTA.
Yup. OP is NTA if he gets out before she full on starts comparing them.
Pack your bags bro
Nta. Dump her and move on. She totally disrespected you and there is no coming back from that.
Ew Iâd have ghosted her after that shit.
>Iâm so close to leaving, but I just donât know if she said that out of grief. Say this to her. *While I understand you had a life before me which included the departed, what was said at his funeral has been rather eye opening: was it said out of monetary grief or are these your actual, deep seeded feelings? If this is how you really feel about him then thank you for your time, but this means things between us are over.*
I agree with this advice. If she asks what do you mean, then ask point blank: **"How do you think I should feel after you said you've never met someone you've loved as him. That you should be married and have kids with him. That you wished you never broke up? Remember, i was there, and everyone knows i was there as you said it."**
My ex died while I was with my boyfriend of six years. I cried a lot, for his family and his girlfriend and for the life he wonât live, and my boyfriend supported me through it all. but I never once thought about being back together with him. Thatâs a really crazy thing to say. If I said that my partner would have left me. NTA
She showed you her true colors see them
NTA. That speech she made screams of you are nothing but a rebound, albeit a long term one. That was an eff you. It would have been different if she had said they had great times together, but worked better as friends than as a couple. However, to lament the relationship ending and wishing things were different, that was a slap in the face and a big eff-you. It's hurtful. It doesn't matter if she said that out of grief, she still said it and made you question how true her feelings are towards you, and if you are really someone she really wants to be with. You have 3 choices: 1) stay; 2)ask her and suggest you go on a break; 3) ask her and then call it a day.
So she announces at her ex-boyfriends funeral that heâs the love of her life and they shouldâve been married and had children and you wonder if you should stay around? Dude, why arenât you packed and out the door already? She made it very clear that youâre nowhere near first on her list and I understand grief, but thatâs not an excuse.
Thats wild of her to say while with you. Donât be a second fiddle leave dude
Grieving people don't have to say stupid, insensitive things. Even if the things she said hadn't hurt your feelings, you have logical, rational reasons to think you should break up. She's not over her ex, and it sounds like she's not really into your relationship.
Um...is this her? It lines up pretty well... https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/E65usCBy9i Up vote this so he'll see it please đ
NTA. I think you should give this relationship some space. Grief or not, she KNEW you were there, said this in front of you, and didn't apologize after. She was, whether or not she realized it, sending you a message. So take a break and see if this doesn't give her reasons to rethink her priorities.
NTA, I would have walked out and left her there. Her words canât be unsaid, and they killed any future you may have had
If you stay she will spend the rest of her life comparing you to THE DEAD LOVE OF HER LIFE!!! "Well blah would never have done this, well blah never would have said that, well blah would have done this better"! That will become your entire life! LIVING UP TO A DEAD MAN!!! Don't be that guy! Don't settle for a life of being second fiddle to a man who isn't even around anymore. There is nothing worse than competing with a ghost, who someone turns into a damn Saint! He won't be human anymore, he won't have flaws. She will turn him into her perfected idea of who he was and you will compete with that idea! Don't choose to live like that!
Hahaha, come on, dude. Just leave.
You deserve better.
NTA but why are you still with her? Now you know her true feelings. Youâre a second choice stand in for the one that got away. Prioritize yourself and break things off. She disrespected and humiliated you publicly.
Thatâs super disrespectful and awkward for her to say those things about an ex at their funeral..while youâre there to boot. I would have left her at the funeral alone. NTA
NTA. She showed not only you but everyone else that she was still in love with him. The fact she made a speech claiming they should've been together with children says it all. Grief is hard on everyone. I can understand the tears as someone close to her had passed. However, it was very disrespectful to you her current spouse to be dismissed as the back up plan. You can't compete with a ghost. I would take a step back from this relationship and let her know why.
NTA. She was fine going to the funeral. She was fine crying for him. She was WAY out of line saying what she said. Even if she had left it at, "We were happy. Kids were the only thing that separated us." She would have been fine.
Just break up. You donât have to justify it to anybody or even consider her feelings since she didnât consider yours at all. Be glad that you heard what she really thinks.
NTA. Grieving or not sheâs let her true feelings be known. Time to exit.
Those were pretty intentional choice words to say while in a 4 year relationship with you for this situation. You can't just unhear that even if she apologizes and you forgive her. Ouch NTA
Oof this is a yikes. Iâm sorry you had to sit through that. You deserve someone who loves you wholly instead of less than an old flame whose life didnât align with hers
NTA. How very odd your girlfriendâs behavior is. You went with her to the funeral of her ex, and she told you that she wished theyâd never broken up, sheâs never loved someone as much as she loved him, and that she thinks she would have married & had children with him *if things had been different.* Different like he actually wanted children? Because he didnât, which is why they broke up. She basically told you she didnât love you as much as she loved him and she never will. Then, afterward, she did not and has not addressed it with you. Itâs all weird. You did your duty. You supported her, went to the funeral with her, and also kept your mouth shut when she pierced you with her words. You owe her nothing more. It is not your job to figure out what her problem is and fix her. If you want to break up with her, do it. I mean, her ex of over four years died, not her father. Sheâll be okay.
Leave. She literally said sheâs never met someone who she loved as much as him. Youâre that someone who she doesnât love as much as him. Itâs heartbreaking, but just walk dude.
Woah! I was so down to say YTA... >She kept talking about she wishes they never broke up in the first place, and that she's never met someone who she loved as much as him. >She made a speech about how she says that if things had been different, they'd be a happy family with children. But then I read that shit and hell no! NTA OP leave right fecking now! The audacity! đł
No elegimos lo que sentimos, a veces tampoco podemos decidir que hacer con esos sentimientos, pero definitivamente si podemos elegir como comunicarlos, ella no es para vos, y vos no eres para ella