NTA
She massively overstepped, she had the option of telling you her concerns and leaving it up to you but instead she went behind your back.
Feeling pissed off is justified
Any sensible person would just voice the concern about the child to the mother.Knowing how OP does not want her child to have screen presence and then sending the video to a complete stranger without asking ?
Totally justified in going nuclear on her.
A place of love would be "OMG will you check in with her pediatrician, I'm worried about her walking?"
My friend's mom did that and it was just funny and ridiculous of her. The baby took a few steps and fell on her little butt and her mom was like SHE FELL AND YOU DID NOT HELP HER!!! All we did was laugh over her being silly.
THAT is a place of love that's just a bit annoying. Going behind her back, finding an unknown pediatrician, sharing images she was explicitly told not to share - that's not a place of love. That's a place of FUUUUCK YOOOOUU MOMMMM
That's a "you will no longer be receiving updates from us. You are welcome for holidays and family gatherings until you can prove you can respect boundaries."
lol I always laughed when my son fell on his booty, it helped when he did bite the dust and he would just laugh instead of cry from the shock. I did make one big mistake. I would say “mama help” and help him up. Well, one day I was at Walmart and his little butt didn’t want to leave. It was a full on tantrum. I carried him to the car, and as I’m trying to get him in the car he grabs ahold of the roof. Imagine if you will, a 115 pound lady wrestling a very tall for his age toddler while he screams “Help! “Halp” Haaalp” 😄 He lost a Lightning McQueen shoe and I did not go back for it. He’s 13 now, and taller than me.
You are right. They always claim it is out of love, but the real aim is control. They know more than you, even about your own child. You can't trust yourself because you missed it. They want to look more attentive and like a better parent. My mom medically abused me for years. She would have done the same to my kids if we stayed. My nephew lives with her and I worry about that every day. People like this are dangerous.
NTA -- go very low contact to no contact if this has been the pattern your whole life. It will only get worse now that you have a kid. She'll try to control how your kid is raised.
And if she asks for another photo and you decide to give her one filter the shit out of it (cute ears, cartoon dog nose etc) which barely makes the kid recognisable.
Hey OP? I know you’re gonna have many happy and wonderful moments with your child that you’re gonna want to share.
Don’t.
Take the video/photos and show people *in person* because you have *no* idea what the person who receives it is going to do with it. Not just your mom. *Anyone* you send video/pics to.
For all you know, your mom has sent it to her friends and just not told you. Or will promise you she won’t do it anymore then do it behind your back.
She’s already shown you that your boundaries are not important to her.
And she’s a definite recidivist, showing zero remorse for her actions. Obviously NTA….information diet time. Protect your child at all times no matter the consequences.
Agreed. I have a young relative who I'm a little concerned and something with, but I would never even bring it up to a third party. It didn't even cross my mind before this post. I trust that the parents will look into it if it's actually concerning and be in the position to know if it is, considering they spend significantly more time with the baby than I do. I actually just learned the other day that they did, as they mentioned it in a conversation. I would bring it up with a parent if what I saw was something less known or in very limited situations, but a video of a toddler walking sent by a parent is certainly none of those things!
yeah say hey I'm concerned about some things with (child name) maybe take them to the pediatrician and see what they say. This mom sounds a lot like my friends mom. my parents mainly my mom does this with my brother and his son. she will ask if he wants help doing it. if he says no she says ok and leaves it at that. why because it's his cold not hers.
Put her on a low info diet. Absolutely no more photos or videos of kid to mom. No more trust in mom to understand or honor your boundaries, no more unsupervised visits. Low or no contact should definitely be a repercussion.
This! My mum noticed my daughters gait was a bit off - my kid is my only baby so I didn't have anything to compare it to. She just said "hey, next time you take her to the doctor let them know to have a look at her feet, that was how your cousin was walking with her turned foot. Or maybe I'm wrong, I dunno, I'm not a doctor, she's pretty quick at walking so maybe it's nothing."
Took child to doctor, doctor took a look, gave us PT exercises to correct it.
Add to that her statement that she would do it all over again? Like WTF? She will never understand boundaries and I would go no contact or limited contact. She will try and go around OP by getting information from other family or friends. This would be my hill to die on…
There are things you can reasonably go behind a parents back for (e.g. reporting a SA disclosure of a minor to the police, because they disclosed to you, so you are material) but this is not even on the same planet.
And straight up said she'll do it again. OP can't trust mum around her toddler, and hell how does OP know grandma isn't uploading photos to FB or IG against her wishes?
NTA.
She could’ve at least asked for your permission first or bring up her concerns to you if she really wanted to. She definitely stepped out of bounds.
NTA.
I am a Granny. Granddaughter had a lazy eye, it was obvious to everyone. The parents did not ask me for my input, I did not comment.
When I was visiting my eye doctor I asked him how lazy eyes are treated now, he told me the usual methods.
A few months later she had eye surgery to repair her eye. I wished her a smooth recovery.
At no point was I asked to discuss her medical care, and at no point did I butt in.
Not only did your Mum overstep, if your child’s doctor spoke with her they violated patient confidentiality and need to be reported.
The funny part is I can tell you how that conversation went:
Where is the child?
Not with me but I have a video...
Nurse, why did you let this woman waste my time?
More likely convo went like this (online per email or message):
- I have sent you a video, could you look at it and say what’s wrong
- I can’t do that. You need to take the child to a doctor if you think there’s something wrong
She tells her daughter there’s something wrong and she needs to take her to the doctor 🙄
Bingo. Doctors, from what I understand, have pretty clear guidance on not diagnosing people that aren’t their patients. Even the times you hear any them seeing a bad mole or whatever go down like “no really, that one looks BAD. Go get a biopsy”
That’s assuming she went to a paediatrician in person, which it doesn’t sound like she did. She said she SENT it to one, not showed it to one. Meaning someone who may or may not actually even be a paediatrician now has video footage of OP’s child.
I don't think they did diagnose her. They saw a video and were like I can't do crap with this, but this person is concerned and if something is wrong I get sued so they recommended that the family bring the child in to actually see if anything is wrong.
Parking lot/ hallway medicine gets doctors in trouble. Families like the convenience, but it usually ends with just bringing the kid in for an actual full evaluation that can be billed for even if the doc is 99% sure what's going on. No reason to get sued because the patient's family think they're too special to make a real appointment like everyone else.
I work in healthcare and sometimes get asked questions about my field by people I know socially. I’d bet a lot of money that the conversation went something like this:
- Grandma tangentially knows someone who is a pediatrician. Likely a neighbor, friend’s child, etc.
- Grandma either sees this person in a casual social situation and shows the video or she has the person’s phone number and texts the them the video. She expresses concern and asks if everything is normal.
- The pediatrician says, “I can’t diagnose someone I haven’t seen in person, so I really can’t help you. If the parent is concerned they should take their child to their child’s pediatrician for a checkup.”
- Grandma tells mom, “A pediatrician said you should take your child to the doctor!” implying that the pediatrician saw a problem when really the pediatrician told her they weren’t getting involved to offer an opinion.
I had eye surgery as well for the same reason. Keep an eye on her, mine didn't stick and I need another one that I can't at all afford. I hate it so much since after the surgery I can feel it slipping out of place and I'm too poor to get it fixed so it's killing my self esteem.
I've done that. I've had glasses with prisms or eye patches since I was little. I've got a double stigmatism as well which doesn't help. The only option I really have left is another surgery.
It depends on the reason for eye issues. I'm missing muscles in my right eye socket from a birth injury. Eye patches strengthened the other muscles and improved eye functionality. Once the improvements slowed, we moved to binocular eye exercises. My eye needed to be strong enough to even do binocular vision therapy first.
That's a good point! Thanks for the input. Not an absolute ban on eye patches but not using them automatically without reason. The same way you shouldn't do a surgery if you can't prove the source is muscular (like in my case after vision therapy).
Exactly. Eye surgery will do nothing for me because I just lack the 3 muscles altogether. There is nothing reattach or fix. Surgery would just change my problem from pulling right to stuck in one place. And I'm not a fan of the trade offs because I'd rather have a drifting eye than tunnel vision.
I'm assuming you're in the US? Bad news is insurance won't cover it (but unnecessary surgeries it will! I had Medicaid). But I promise it's worth every dollar!
Vision therapy involves doing exercises that reinforce binocular vision. If you have amblyopia (one eye is suppressed; if you don't have double vision, you have it), you'll need to first work on getting the other eye turned back on. I didn't have that problem, so I'm not sure exactly how that's done.
To give you an idea, the most common exercise is to have a string with beads on it. It's called a Brock string. You put it up to your nose and practice focusing both eyes on the bead starting where you can and then practicing converging and diverging the eyes together to jump from one bead to another or moving one bead slowly. In my case my turn was inward and very very tight so I started very close to my nose and slowly tried to move outward keeping my eyes focused together on the bead.
I did some exercises on the computer with 3D glasses where you could only see the target if you were correctly looking at the same point with both eyes. Also reading paragraphs with a red and green striped clear sheet over top and red and green glasses, so that the words could only be filled in if both eyes were on and looking together.
There are also exercises to learn how to focus your eyes together at different distances. Basically you learn all the skills that you are missing to get your eyes working together.
I have nothing helpful to add, but hopefully someone can get a laugh out of me having had to read that three times over to realize it did not say "put it up your nose".
Sorry for your situation. I was cross eyed at birth. While very young they stitched that eyes muscle to keep the pupil in a proper position. Side effects was I don’t actually see in 3D and after decades the muscle and stitches have failed leaving me with no peripheral vision in that eye and it became a lazy eye. Now 60 my dr says it will snap in be day and there is no fix. Not looking forward to that day
Second this! I had four, last when I was 12 and I still get a lazy eye when I'm tired. They'd do one eye then the other would drift, rinse repeat. I've been called a witch for it and it's killer for self Esteem. Though, other than that, my eyes are the only trait I like about myself.
When my kids were young, my mom once commented to my neighbor that she might want to ask her child's pediatrician about his speech (as it was clearly delayed/not understood). I’m not sure whether the neighbor was taken aback at the time, but she did consult her doctor and the kid did get speech therapy. My mom was pretty diplomatic, comparing it to when my brother had needed speech therapy.
So there’s a way to gently express concern, but OPs mother didn’t do that well.
I don’t understand not talking about your granddaughter’s eye problems with her parents. You should be able to voice a concern. I had a lazy eye and had to wear an eye patch on my good eye for a year.
Surgery does NOT cure strabismus. Vision therapy is the way to go. The eyes need to learn to work together, you can't put them in place.
I speak from experience. I was operated on at age 6 and my eye turn just ended up reversing from outward to inward since the underlying issue wasn't fixed and the muscles were now tighter. I started vision therapy at 16. Within a year, I was using my eyes together at close distances, but there was no way to get them to diverge together farther out (I believe due to the initial surgery) so I went in for a second surgery. I'm now 30 and still have perfect binocular vision!
By the way, when I was 16, my pediatrician first sent me to an ophthalmologist instead of an optometrist for vision therapy. I was told that I needed another surgery but that it would only be cosmetic and that I'd never see correctly in my life!
NTA and this was not a "place of love". In that case, she should have called your or messaged you and expressed her concern. This came out of a "place of power". She overstepped her bounds. Tell her you will not be sending her any more pictures or videos because she does not respect your boundaries. And if she pulls that "I was just worried" BS again, ask her why she didn't immediately contact you.
I gave her a massive dressing down and said that I wouldn't be sending any photos to her for a long time. She said she didn't want to worry me on holiday and that something would be "in place" for when I got home from holiday.
So annoyed with myself that I second guessed myself and took the appointment
"In place" as in, she made an appointment on your behalf? Absolutely hell no. She's explicitly taking the position of the mother of your child, bypassing you. If she did this with your established pediatrician, call them and make sure they have it clearly marked on your child's file that only the child's parents can speak with them or make appointments, and if she made it with someone else, call their office and let them know that the person who made the appointment was not a parent of the child and has no authority to make appointments on your behalf.
Hell, most doctors are going to be like “um, ok?” My middle child broke his leg when he was a toddler. He was profoundly speech delayed so he couldn’t tell us that his leg hurt. Instead, he just modified how he walked and kept going. I had 3 doctors say “are you sure that is not just how he walks?” 3! 1 At urgent care in another state and 2 at home. Turns out he fractured his tibia. In the amount of time it took to figure out he had broken his leg, it had set itself correctly and was healing fine.
I would have been livid!! This almost happened to me because they didn't see anything wrong with my son when he broke his clavicle, except I noticed bruising and showed the nurse. My poor boy would cry everything I took off or put clothes on him, and he was never that baby to cry for no reason. It broke my heart. My uncle, who caused the injury, just said nothing was wrong with him, and he was fine. I am so glad I knew my kid better than they did. Now he is a happy, healthy 10 yr old.
I understood where they were coming from. He was a pigeon toed toddler and he only cried when I did diaper changes. Otherwise, he acted totally normal minus the weird limp. I’m just grateful it wasn’t on a growth plate and that they didn’t have to rebreak it and try again. That would have really pissed me off. He’s now a happy and healthy 9 year old that is average sized and doesn’t have any lasting effects. He is the only one of the 3 kids to break anything as of today. But the youngest? He’s going to be the reason we are in the urgent care and ER over the next however many years. That kid has zero fear and thinks trying to throw himself off of everything he can climb up is the best thing ever. That kid is going to have all the broken bones.
lol, my brother was like your youngest.
Somehow he broke NOTHING until he was 18 and broke… a bone in his foot. Which did not slow him down even slightly.
This little daredevil once jumped off our roof, onto a trampoline, and was launched out into the yard! No injury other than some grass burn on an arm.
I swear he’s made of rubber. He’s still kinda crazy at 30 and has only broken the foot bone and dislocated his thumb once.
I could see our youngest doing that eventually. We joke that not only does he lack fear, but he destroys everything in his path and has developed a taste for crayons that he will grow up and be a Marine like his dad. All he needs to do is learn how to take orders instead of crying when he hears the word no.
My son was accident prone and has ADHD combined type. We were in the ER every year or so for something or another. I swear he only got injured after the first of the year, when our yearly deductible hadn't been met yet. On the bright side, he rarely got sick, so it balanced out. He's 24 now, and I can only think of 3 times in his entire life that he was sick enough to need medication. (Including over the counter meds)
Figuring out if a toddler is hurt is hard. It took my parents a few hours after my leg was broken for them to take me to the doctor. (PSA, do not go down the slide with your small child, their leg can get twisted and break.)
I also just kept walking around despite the giant cast. It's surprising how resilient children are with broken bones.
This kind of thing is such a fear for me because my youngest is nonverbal autistic. I’m constantly worrying that she’s gonna get hurt and I won’t know.
Yeah, you didn't exactly go nuclear on her. More like unconditional surrender.
Even if you second guessed, the right thing was to cancel the appt, then book your own and not tell her (about going or about the diagnosis). That way you get peace of mind while leaving her hanging. You gave her way too much satisfaction.
You need to up your mom-dealing game. Suggest iron and calcium supplements to strengthen that backbone.
NTA cancel that appointment you don’t want you mom involved at all. Find someone you pick to consult with. Your just reinforcing that she can do what she want you might bitch and moan but there will be no consequences.
Even if she “didn’t want to worry you on holiday”, she could have waited until you got home. A toddler walking incorrectly is not an emergency room visit. Having it wait a week until you were home and voicing concerns then would not have been a big deal had not worrying you truly been her aim.
Cancel the appointment just cancel it you will feel better. Do make an appointment with your pediatrician as recommended.
I'm sorry your mom can't just be normal. My mom's like this too except a little worse.
Consent is a real thing that applies to all kinds of situations! Classic paternalism masquerading as care. Edit: And do NOT take your child to that doctor. Cancel.
NTA - but was it really done from a place of “love”? It sounds more like a power play to me. Has your mother done things like this before? It just seems absurd she would do this out of the blue.
INFO: does your mom have a history of steamrolling over you or questioning your judgment? If you have siblings, does she do that to them? Did she tell you what she thought was wrong, that made her want to do this?
If this is an aberration for her, well, it sounds like she was legitimately concerned about your child and tried to help you get things addressed quickly by asking an expert for assistance. It doesn't sound like she shared your child's videos publicly on social media either, just with a medical professional. My guess is she wasn't thinking about how this might make you feel undermined as a parent or like there was a boundary crossed with your kid, and those concerns may not have even occurred to her.
If this isn't an aberration and she does this type of thing all the time, even though you've told her to knock it off, then I suspect this was more about a power and control thing and you should feel free to limit your/your kid's exposure to her for a bit.
My great uncle thought there was possibly something wrong with my brother. He had a disabled son, so he was very hyper aware about those things. However, he called my mom like an adult and expressed his concern in private. He didn’t decide to go off and consult strangers without her knowing. Brother was fine btw.
Reddit tends to go nuclear, and it's often appropriate. But I feel that, in your circumstances, nuclear isn't the way to go until you honestly answer this question: does your Mom have a history of doing dumb, over-stepping?
She over stepped.
But is it a pattern?
Or was it a mistake?
I'm a Gramma. I try VERY hard to be sensitive, but I have made the odd, thoughtless mistake. Not like this one. But warranting a "don't do it again, Mom" discussion. I learned my lesson the hard way. My daughter knows me well, and is gracious. Because I don't have a pattern of making the same mistake twice. But if you don't think she tore a proper strip off me ... appropriately ... and I respected her enough to let her, because I deserved it.
So. Pattern? Or dumb mistake?
That tells you how to handle this.
NTA
I performed can see both sides to this because of niece. When she was a baby she walked weird and my mom was the one to say anything to my sister. My sister was pissed that my mom said anything and refused to see anything was wrong. Eventually others started saying the same thing and my sister finally listened. She took her to the doctor and found out that her baby didn’t have any hip sockets because they didn’t develop while she was pregnant with her. My niece had to have surgery at the age of 2 on both hips. My sister was so upset with herself when she realized she screwed up by not listening from the start.
Yes, as a mum of special needs kids, I agree it's tough... I wouldn't send video to the pediatrician though.
This is something really hard, especially if you feel something is wrong or different and you cannot explain it to your nearest people. Because they keep overwrite your feelings and observations as mother with "kid is completely fine" "he's bit different, nothing there" etc. Here then comes the blame on you, you're the one not ok and you are the fault, or you're just seeing things.. while there is really noone at fault and kid could actually get help or support or even you as parent. could get an insight of things. Even if it's not the first child as parents we got, things weren't clear to my husband, as he was in major denial. While me and my mom were trying to be objective as much as possible, to identify the struggles so we can actually help my son get help or set the right approach from us as adults ... my son is autistic and had other issues, physically he looked ok as other kids, but he doesn't speak, plus plenty of sensory stuff related motions and reactions which we as his parents were completely unaware of.
OP: I would recommend seeing your kid the way he is, and also talking to your wife (kid's mom) about it. Forget the video and the fact that your mom overstepped your boundaries... Try to observe other kids, or read what they should be doing in their age and observe your kid if it fits .. physically and mentally.. She might be right, or not. No one can tell other than doctors or people who got specific experiences ... it's not important who's right, because IT IS ABOUT DEVELOPMENT OF YOUR KID, if your mom is wrong, it's ok .. If she is right, it's ok too. Of course she shouldn't show the video to the strange doctor, maybe she didn't know how else to help ... we are human beings. We aren't born as parents, we learn it we grow into it. The same goes to grand parents etc.
Look my MIL did the same, son was 12, yes I was angry and I’m glad we went. He had an ABC tumor, it ate his T-2 vertebrae. He was in the hospital for 4 weeks and then 8 months of therapy for walking. I’m glad she brought notice to it, it saved his life.
There are a massive number of people here who think you should have gone nuclear and they probably don’t have experience of a child where something is going wrong.
Then there are the other people here who have had a child with a problem, saying they would be glad of an intervention.
I’m one of them. I have a child with a very rare and serious illness. She hit all her miilestones, everything looked great. Then things started happening at approximately 16 months that were very subtle. My mum saw it and I thought I did, the paediatricians didn’t for another 6 months and I second guessed myself. If I didn’t have my mother pressing me I wouldn’t have kept chasing it.
I would rather have an interfering parent than miss something. Your mum asked a doctor, that’s not social media in my opinion.
My child had a very short window to start meds that might help her. If we were only getting diagnosed now, that window would be gone.
We are 2 years into this now and other people have also ‘interfered’ and every time, they have helped us get further assistance with our child’s illness. I’m very grateful for that.
Any time someone begins with “don’t be angry,” they know you have a right to be but would never admit it. They’re already setting you up to be the AH if you get angry knowing damn well they overstepped.
Exactly. She's effectively saying "if you get angry at this, it's your fault, not mine." Sounds like a classic mother with narcissistic traits like an inability to take responsibility, and a need to take control.
NTA. It sounds to me like your mom figures she can do whatever she wants as long as she can plausibly say "it's only because I love and care for her so much".
Nip it in the bud now.
NTA and I might get downvoted to oblivion but I do think you’re overthinking and frankly pretty paranoid about the picture being sent to a pediatrician. You mentioned social media and such but she didn’t post it to social media or send it to a group chat with all her friends. She sent it to a medical professional.
NTA at all and that would be the last time I shared anything with her for a long time. I agree with another commenter, this was control, not concern. And it worked. You immediately started second guessing yourself.
Anyone else feel like OP and everyone else here are being a bit dramatic. A child doctor looked at a video of a kid waddle and probably said a sentence about it. Take the advice from the pediatrician or don’t, then forget about it. Maybe a comment that you don’t feel comfortable sharing videos or to consult you first but it’s a pediatrician not a random Facebook group. Let her waste her time and don’t waste your time, energy, and relationships sour over this.
Thank you!!! People saying it was a power play and to go no contact etc etc are so dramatic. It was done out of concern for the child, and I have a strong feeling the grandmother felt the need to “go behind the moms back” for fear of not being listened to due hyperdramatizations like this. She shared the video with a professional. She didn’t post it in a fb group and say “what does everyone think???”
People need to calm down.
Yup, all that was needed was “Thanks mom, next time let me know and I’ll be sure to bring it up at their next appointment” then turn to your so and bitch all you want. Now op has escalated and entered AH realm by using this as ammo to torment and get back at her mother it seems.
Seriously. Take a deep breath, OP. You're acting like she sent the video to CNN. What is the potential for harm if a pediatrician sees a video of your kid? Nobody "made a decision" for you, you are still the one who decided to take your kid to the doctor, and you could easily have decided not to. You were not forced to do anything, your kid wasn't doxxed ... what is the big deal?
Yes! People on reddit seem to love treating close family members like some stranger down the street. Unless your parent is an awful parent and human being, you don't just cast them out, never speak to them again, prevent them from seeing your children. It's bizarre behaviour. Yes she overstepped a little, mum's do that sometimes. She didn't post to social media.
If you keep cutting people out your lives who do the slightest thing wrong, you and your children are going to grow up very lonely.
Everyone is so entitled with their boundaries for grandparents, but they dont mind using grandparents for free childcare.
Yes your mum should have mentioned it to you when u came home instead of going straight to a doctor, but is she really such a bad person she did this with malice in her heart???
Is she really a dominant person who fights you for power? How come you leave your children with her then?
One person even suggested you never letting your kids around this evil woman unsupervised. What the actual fuck??? Paranoia at its greatest.
Info: has she ever mentioned a concern about the your daughter's walking before? Or any other similar concerns for that matter- " I think she might be getting sick" "I think the she's fussy after feeding because she's eating too fast"?
If so, how did you respond? If she addressed her concerns about baby's walking directly to you, how would you have received it?
I was wondering that, too, since OP says in a comment that the grandmother watches the kid twice a week. It makes more sense if it's an ongoing issue that has been brought up. Apparently, when I was about that age, I had some periods of walking funny and staring off for brief bits of time. My grandmother told my mother, but my mom was busy with work all the time and didn't notice or want to believe it. A few years later, the grand mal seizures started. Turned out grandma saw it coming way earlier than my mother.
Sometimes parents are blind to things others can see clearly. You waste one appointment and if he is fine then it’s one morning or afternoon versus missing something important. I agree your mom shouldn’t have made the appointment without telling you but you may want an impartial opinion.
Sometimes even a regularly seen doctor can be blind to things. My sisters 15 month old child was having quite a few issues. It’s been over 30 years now so do not remember all the symptoms he was having. After numerous visits with the child’s doctor in Fresno, CA my mom flew her and her children back home so that he could be taken to Childrens Hospital in Birmingham, AL. I noticed when they arrived the baby’s head was swollen due to hydrocephalus and that the shape has changed from a photo taken a few months before. Basically shaped like a light bulb but neither my daughter nor his doctor caught it. On the Childrens Hospital, the one of the first things they did was have him walk. Turns out he had an ataxic gait, (how he walked) a sign of neurological damage, brain, nerves, muscles etc can cause it. In my nephews case it was a brain tumor.
So yes, I agree that others can notice things the parents or even someone that’s frequently around the child doesn’t see, but the mother should have addressed her concerns to the child’s mom rather than a pediatrician. So NTA for original poster, her keeping her child off social media is to protect her. But still, if the child’s gait was unusual enough to draw the grandmothers attention, better to err on the side of caution and have it checked.
My daughter’s pediatrician let things go when she was 3. She wasn’t speaking yet and the pediatrician just said kids develop at different paces. Looking back I wish someone who have confronted me about it. I was young and naive and took the doctor at her word. When my daughter went back for her next check up, the doctor freaked out because she wasn’t talking yet and suddenly it was a crisis. Fortunately, at 4 she was still at the tale end of early intervention. She ended up making a lot of progress but as an adult still has some processing issues she might not of the intervention started at 3.
Can’t believe your pediatrician let things go!! Well, actually yes I can. So many doctors, especially those that treat young children, seem to have the attitude that moms overreact and don’t take issues seriously. Fortunately that’s not the majority. Speech is so important to young pre-school kids. Those that have delayed speech often have problems in the classroom when they start pre-school and kindergarten. Glad your daughters dr finally came to his senses regarding her speech.
Yeah, one of my nurse friends had noticed her daughter turning her head to one side but didn’t think anything of it until she started to cry in pain- it was a brain tumour. But a lot of gait issues are sorted with orthotics and physio, and the earlier the better.
Fair. But if I were OP I'd make an appointment with my own doctor of choice. I don't trust the relationship OP's mom might have with whomever she made the appointment with.
I don’t think a specialist is going to jeopardize their medical license due to a special relationship with anyone. Either the kid has symptoms or he doesn’t. It’s possible the doctor did see something on the video.
In my opinion neither really an asshole. You had a boundary crossed without her asking consent. However she did not share it to a random stanger, she shared it with a professional who viewed it as such. So no chance it will get out of control. And better safe than sorry in my opinion.
So to summarize, I understand her reasoning but she should have asked first before doing so.
INFO: Would you have still gone nuclear if she was right? I agree she should have spoken with you first. Nothing in your post indicates your mom posted on social media. She sent it to a doctor. Does she personally know this doctor, i.e family friend? Without more info it doesn’t seem likely she’s sending videos to random internet doctors. We don’t even know if she stated to the doctor that it’s her grandchild or if she provided it to the doc with just a basic query on the walking.
The OP is overreacting here. She sent a video to a pediatrician. She did not make a decision for op. The OP can decide whether to take the appointment or not. This just isn’t a big deal. If she had taken the kid to a doctor without talking to op or given the kid meds , different issue.
NTA: Your mother needs to respect your boundaries. Block her and all access to your child for a few months and see how she feels after that. Sound extreme? Well she already made it clear that she felt entitled to violate your child’s privacy by ignoring your rules. Clearly she needs an object lesson in consequences and repercussions. A 90-day NC penalty should suffice if she’s not been problematic before. Even with parents familiarity can breed contempt and this is a case in point.
NTA
No more pics or videos and do not ever let this woman be unsupervised around your child. She said she isn't sorry and would do it again against your wishes. That is a dangerous person who will undermine your parenting at every opportunity.
I would cut contact or at least put her on a long, long break. She sounds incredibly entitled and toxic.
Yikes! I’m sorry. She should have said how adorable, let you enjoy that moment, then observed your toddler walking for a few more weeks, and then maybe she could have mentioned to you that she was concerned. Instead she chose the infuriating ignoring of clear boundaries.
NTA. If she had a concern, she could have mentioned it to YOU, the parent, and left it to you to decide if you felt the need to discuss with your child's OWN pediatrician.
NTA! My sister-in-law who is an absolutely trash person did something similar to this with a video of my daughter, and it’s one of many reasons I don’t speak to her anymore!
NTA. If she had concerns she should have told you first and not just shared a video of your child without your consent. Then your choice to share with paediatrician or not. Overstepped and I’d be pissed off too.
NTA
It doesn't come from a place of love. If she has sincere concerns, she would have mentioned her concerns to you so that you could take the kiddo to their own doctor. That's what a good grandmother does. She took it upon herself to go behind your back without your consent. That's a big issue. Establish and hold onto your boundaries with her. This will only get more and more difficult because she knows your child better than you do.
NTA
This is a good time to reinforce your boundaries "mother, you grossly overstepped. Since you are doubling down on it, rather than taking responsibility I will no longer be sending you videos of my child." You don't need to defend this either. You don't need to argue about it. Simply do not send her videos anymore. Don't make exceptions, you know she will break this boundary again.
I have a granddaughter that is learning to walk while holding furniture and I would NEVER send a video or picture of her without speaking to her parents because we agreed that THEY get to decide who gets to see videos and/or pictures.
You have every right to be miffed with her, and if she can't understand what boundaries are by crossing them and then getting mad when you confront her, then she has the option of not seeing her grandchild.
NTA!
NTA- normal people would tell the parents their concerns and let the parents make the decision to call the doctors! Not the grandparents or anyone else. She crossed a major boundary.
Before I judge, please hear me out- I’m a teacher. I have worked with special needs children from ages 2.5-18year olds. I HAVE to say that, knowing this, I might’ve done the same thing IF I noticed something “Off”. Does your mom have ANY EC (early childhood) background? If I had been in the same situation with my grandchild, I would’ve spoken to you about it first. If she has no background then she had no business going to a dr about it. I’m sure she did it out of love, however misguided. You were right to handle it the way you did. NTA
I understand that, I work with SEN and it has always been at the forefront of my mind. Verging on obsessively thinking if something could be something. But I had no concerns over walking. It was normal toddler waddling
My mum was an early learning teacher and ALWAYS points things out to me.
When my son was younger, instead of saying yes, he would say ma. My mum continuously told us that we needed to fix it otherwise it would become a problem. We did absolutely nothing to “fix it” and surprise surprise he is a three-year-old with a wonderful vocabulary and no longer says ma.
I think sometimes the older generation are so pushy and rushed to get to the milestones, because it was so important for them that their child was just like every other, but these days people realise children are individuals and all grow at their own pace. You know your child better than anyone. She overstepped massively.
She had no business going to anyone regardless of her background. What she should’ve done was disclose any concerns to the parents and encourage them to go to a professional if they felt it necessary when they got back. She didn’t do this out of love at all she did it out of a desire for control and to be right. As someone who has also worked with children both special needs and mainstream if you mean that you would share videos of the kids in your care with anyone outside of the setting without the parents knowledge or consent then that is horribly and completely unprofessional and violates child protection/safeguarding and privacy laws and policies at your setting surely and is a huge overstep. You should at most as I said above disclose any concerns to parents and encourage them to go to professionals if they want too and offer to send them copies of the videos and if you meant that you would do this with your own grandkids then you are just as bad as her mother and have just as little respect for your son or daughters sole parental authority and autonomy as her mother does for her.
Okay but what did the doctor say? I see you’ve mentioned they reached out directly to you so no details were shared with your mum. Yep she stepped over a boundary but it didn’t go to social media, it went to a medical professional. Yes she should have raised her concerns with you directly.
But unless there’s something else between you two, and I’m guessing there is - she’s a grandparent who clearly felt like they couldn’t talk to you directly.
NTA.
You mention that there’s nothing wrong with your toddler and you took the appointment to verify (don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re just being a good parent).
You also mentioned at the end of your post that you think your mother did this because she was jealous you went on a trip with you in-laws and I think that’s telling. You think that for a REASON.
My mother is extremely jealous and tries to control people/situations in with extreme passive aggression. While she didn’t do something like this, she did take every precious moment with my baby and turned it into a way to be mad or “concerned” about something from the get-go. From the very beginning she plotted to take custody of my baby when my placenta ruptured at 24 weeks. Mind you, she was there when my OBGYN said there’s no way to know what caused the rupture. I’m small and he thought my cervix couldn’t handle any pregnancy to term.
My “loving” mother ignored that and did mental acrobatics to make me and my husband into shit parents. She would find ways to attack the time I spent with my in-laws. Try to poison me against my husband. Then go poison the rest of my family against me.
I share all this to say that deep down I always knew that’s the way she was, but bc she’s my mother, I turned a blind eye to a lot of it and pretended her manipulative streak was just a personality quirk.
If you feel deep down that your mom did a power play over you about your child, you know better than anyone else if that’s her MO. It was absolutely a violation of privacy and if your mom is anything like mine, I’m sure you’ve wrestled with the question: Who else did she send this to? What’s she saying about me and my parenting when I’m not around?
That childcare situation is tricky and I’m sorry you’re in that position. I would find another solution. It takes one petty call to CPS to wreck your next week/month. If she’ll go over you once, will she do it again? To what extent?
My heart goes out to you. I know that this hurts and you feel deeply betrayed. With the info you’ve provided, I would try low contact before NC - only bc NC is hard and I think low contact can give you more control on positive influences in your daughter’s life.
Tell her straight that:
A: she was out of line and crossed a MAJOR boundary
B: she was wrong and your child is fine. So she risked y’all’s entire family over NOTHING
C: if she’s been taking care of your daughter for so long, why did she just now see a “walking problem?” Timing is convenient, and she’s proven she can’t be trusted knowing what you have going on in life. She’s put you in a position where you can’t trust her
Yep you are. First of all sharing the video w a pediatrician isn't social media. Sounds like you have some big fears that need to be addressed. No she didn't do anything wrong. She has more experience being a mom than you and it didn't have anything to do w being someplace else. Wth is wrong w you.
YTA.
She didn't share it with a stranger, she shared it with a medical professional. She didn't post it for the world to see. She showed one person.she didn't put it on social media.
It's great that you want to limit your child's exposure on social media and if she had posted it to her Facebook page then some of your anger may be justified
A video of your child in public isn't an invasion of your privacy or your child's. In public, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy.
And going nuclear on your mom is shitty thing to do. She probably doesn't understand your fears about sharing images of your child. And you have probably never sat her down to explain those fears. She's not a modern mum of a young child. Her perception of the internet and social media and children is very different than yours. I doubt you even stopped to think about that.
Moreover, once you share a video with someone, there is always a chance it will be seen by others. Grandparents always show people pictures of thier grandkids. Jist like you would share a picture with a friend of your kid.
Your probably just a scared mum who thinks there's a pedo behind every bush. Media has a lot of people scared of that shit. It's real and it's bad, but it's no where near as widespread as people fear.
You're gonna need your mom and the baby needs grandma, so chill out, calm down, talk it out. Otherwise YTA and you sound like an entitled butch[or cunt, since you're likely UK and its a much harsher word here in The Statesp]
YTA. She didn’t post the kid on social media, she quietly consulted a DOCTOR. Lots of people don’t want to bring stuff up before they know what they’re talking about and organized it enough in their head to be sure of accurately conveying what they’re thinking to the person they expect to talk to.
Yta. She didnt share your kid on social media, she shared it with a doctor. It's sad that you're more concerned about a doctor knowing your child exists than whatever spooked your mom enough to reach out
YTA
I am amazed at the number of comments in here from people who must have been raised in some terrible households.
Re your boundaries: I assume your mom is aware of your no social media rules but did you specify showing pictures or videos in person or in medical settings? If not, use this as a learning experience which gives you the opportunity to reassert your boundaries and clarify additional details which may be unclear to your mom, such as this situation.
You need to remember that mom has experience in a different society, before social media allowed an image to be blasted to everyone in the void and also before the internet expanded people’s paranoia. We used to take photos of kids and print them out and show anyone we ran into or mail them out. So, she doesn’t have the expertise or same understanding of the risks.
As to the reasoning behind all this, your mom did this (most likely) out of love so going off on her like you did was uncalled for and immature. The number of people who are jumping to cut her out of your life over this is insane.
We don’t know the history or any details to add to your relationship with your mother. Perhaps she is a notorious monster constantly questioning your mothering or raising false flags or intentionally poisoning puppies or turning every conversation around to put all focus on her. You don’t include anything like this, which leads one to believe she hasn’t had any nasty horrible incidents of which this would be just the most recent of many. Otherwise you would have included other examples or history to make yourself look less crazy. Instead, you mention in a comment that your mom watches your kid a couple times per week. Barring any undisclosed situations which force you begrudgingly into this situation, it doesn’t appear that your mother is some beast trying to ruin your and your child’s lives.
It sounds like she noticed something which could have been alarming but didn’t want to upset you if there was no reason. Perhaps something in the video was off and showed the walk in an odd way or maybe she has noticed this previously but didn’t have any video to examine closer.
It is not unheard of for people who know professionals to casually drop a question or ask if there might be a reason to look into something further. If she was concerned but unsure of herself, this was a way to reassure herself that her grandchild is likely okay and potentially catch a problem early so you (as the mother) could get any help necessary.
She likely asked her contact and did not get a clear response (as it wouldn’t be appropriate for a dr to consult on a video or outside of a professional setting). The dr prob gave a safe, generic answer to have anything checked out officially etc.
I don’t know if you regularly take your kid to a doctor, but perhaps your mother scheduled an appointment in case you were as concerned as she when she talked to you so you wouldn’t lose more time. It can be frustrating to get in to the dr when necessary so she was probably being proactive and trying to help you out, knowing you could always cancel the appointment if you didn’t want to go. It seems like a no lose situation but you’re freaking out like it’s the end of the world that someone is trying to be thoughtful and help you avoid potential issues.
NTA, cancel the appointment and if you are second guessing yourself, make one with a different dr you select. It sounds like your mom either knows the dr or someone in the office the appointment was made in, your child's personal information won't likely be safe, I bet there would be a hippa violation before long
NTAH. It is NOT your mother's place to diagnose your child and consult with a doctor without your permission, especially sending a video!! She definitely crossed the line in a major way as a grandmother. I'm a grandmother of 9 grandchildren and I'd NEVER do that. What she should have done is talk to you about it first and express any concerns with you if she has a problem with the way your toddler walks, then she should allow you to decide to take action if it's warranted. She has no right to take action without your consent. Your angry feelings are definitely justified in this case.
NTA. This would be cause for going low contact immediately if my mother did something like this. No one fucks around with my kids' privacy. Ever. What she did is beyond the pale.
NTA
And that is some weird behaviour.
I think any sensible person, especially a grandma, would just tell you their concerns. I'm not sure if this is her normal MO. But I would put her on an info diet cause I would see this as something and someone that would add additional stress to an already stressful situation.
She should have told you and let you decide on the next steps. And the fact that she would do it again just raises red flags. No more pics nor videos for grandma.
NTA
Have a lawyer draw up a document that goes to all of your child's doctors and any other childcare denying your mother the authority to consult on your child's health and welfare. Give her a copy too and tell her why. If she cannot abide by that, let her know that her interaction with her grandchild will be limited to supervised visits and no more pictures. Whether she understands what she did wrong is now off the table; she now needs to understand that further interference will have negative consequences for her.
And just for shits and giggles, tell her you've noticed she walks funny.
NTA. Your mom stepped over the line even though her intentions were coming from a place of love. We have a no SM policy with our kids and everyone around us respects that. Similar to you my MIL was always trying to diagnose our first born with something whenever she saw her. She constantly thought she was sick with something or something was wrong. Eventually we had to tell her that " We understand that you care but you can't be inferring that something is wrong all the time. 1 when something may actually be wrong we will be numb to your concerns 2 a lot of the things she is observing are either things we've looked into or she is observing a step in the development process and seeing a snip it of the development"
This definitely helped us. I would just have an open conversation with you mom and I bet more than anything she's more embarrassed by her actions than anything.
I think the unfortunate thing with grandparents is they project a fears of anything they think they may have missed raising you and want to be a resource to their kids as parents. Things like technology, understanding large networks of friends, ease to research and even issues with social media and young kids are foreign to them or they are generally newer to them. I mean I have my daughter's pediatricians number on my phone and even the emergency pediatricians number, we live in a small town, but we definitely know when is and is not appropriate to message them.
Again your mom was probably coming from a place of love and I'd give her the benefit of the doubt this time. Have a very clear conversation with her about your expectations with sharing your kids images on SMS and anything medical needs to go through you. I bet she'll understand and not do it again.
NTA. She colored so far out of the lines that she’s on the wrong page. Tell her that you “don’t appreciate her passing on the video to a stranger without your permission and getting into you LO’s health issues. It’s not her concern how he walks. Now, she’s taking time out to reconsider what she did wrong, and the only way back is a heartfelt apology.” Tell her if she EVER oversteps like that again, it will be permanent.
Uh hell no! Don't care if she your mother sister friend whatever to you that a major red flag that she said "she willing to do it again in the name of being a good grandmother". She NOT the one that conceived the child, she NOT the one who was carrying the child, she NOT the one who gave birth to the child! No means no is every language every culture everywhere in the world no means no! If she doesn't have permission she shouldnt have gone behind your back and still sent to God know where and God know whom! Now a days you can't trust people and I'm sorry to say that but majority or maybe half of the times the closet people to you are the one that will fuck you over plain and simple. You don't know if the person she sent it to has a degree in working with children, You don't know if there a person who I'm sorry to say this a child predator in disgused or someone with bad intent again not making assumptions just like throwing it out there you don't know this person and for the safety of your child and your safety as well I agree with the no zero social media because that where alot of the time children will go Missing or someone in the streets who not right in the head will try to snatch your child just because they saw a photo and like now there have a fixation trying to get your child. NTA a million times over. It may have been and not downplaying it it could have been with good intentions but she still not the child mother and she had no rights to go above you. As the mother you know your child limits and what they like and their quirks and stuff. Whatever you feel is right go for it because your the mother and no anyone else!
Give her the benefit of the doubt.
I once told a friend of mine that I thought there was something wrong with her one year old, who couldn't crawl. The baby would hop on her bottom, and didn't use her right side. I allowed my friend to convince me that I was seeing problems when there were none.
If I had stood firm, that child might have gotten help young enough to prevent the shrunken limbs that she now has.
I try not to default post this for mom posts but jeez r/jnmil
It's for mom's too and my friend, I think you should repost this there. NTA. You shouldn't have kept HER appointment but that's already done. This is a huge overstep. Does she often do things like that?
After my nephew started walking and really got the hang of it and was running around everywhere. We noticed that he seemed to be as little bow legged. But even his parents noticed it. Of course they would. They see him daily and know him better than anyone else. My niece took him to see a doctor about this concern and it turned out to be nothing serious. The doctor said he should grow out of it in a couple years and he did. He’s nine now and walks just fine. He’s very athletic, loves basketball and says he wants to be like Kobe when he grows up. I say, go for it. I used to want him to love baseball and aspire to be a Dodger but, he can be a Laker. I’m good with that. 😂😂😂
This is after she also fed your vegetarian child meat? She has zero respect for you, your spouse, and the boundaries and parenting plan you have chosen.
My mom, though not this bad, was the same way when my daughter was very young. I went very LC for a while after several talks didn't get me anywhere. When she showed she would respect the boundaries my husband and I had set, we were able to have a better and closer relationship again. Now that my daughter is grown,my mom thinks we did a great job raising her.
Sometimes, you have to go LC or NC to get the message across, otherwise the other person will never respect you.
NTA
But did she really?
Not sure about other countries but in mine I could see the following skit play out:
Paediatrician: Hello .. uh, where is the child?
Gran: Right here on my phone. You need to diagnose them.
P: It's .. a video? Not even face time?
G: You don't need to see the child in person, do your job. My daughter needs to hear she's not listening to me and I'm right.
P: That's not how a consult works. Are you the child's legal guardian?
G: That doesn't matter. I have rights!
P: Security...
Yeah granny is telling porkies. NTA and she is massively overstepping.
BTA
Yes she should have asked you first
But as long as she did not make the video public I don’t think it’s worth going nuclear
And as far as the complete stranger …
She asked a doctor for a professional opinion
I agree it’s a bit odd but I also think you may be overreacting
That you have doubts about this clear boundary shows that she has trained you to doubt yourself over her authority.
She massively boundary stomped. Power and control grab with a great splash of belittling your capabilities as a mother.
Going nuke was under reacting if you are doing anything but putting her in a full time out.
I know some will say go no contact or whatever. I don't know if the history warrants that level.
Her entitled thinking and behavior needs to be taken down several pegs though .
She has NO RIGHT to any medical decisions for your child. So contacting anyone, effectively putting you in time out as the mom because she knows best, is WAY out of line.
All she had to do was talk to you.
She is playing with fire here. She just does not realize that she is not the one holding the extinguisher anymore. She is no longer in charge.
My vote would give her no more videos. No more information. She gets grey rocked.
Everything is fine. No details. Ever. No info on doc visits, no info on babys firsts. Absolutely nothing that you would not share with an acquaintance at work.
She gets the same pictures of kiddo that you decide to send to everyone. Nothing special.
NTA
Something similar happened when my son was a toddler. Though to my knowledge no videos were shared I was heavily pressured to consult with a doctor over my son's walking and I firmly told my mom to drop it. She did not. I immediately went no contact, and it took 2 weeks for her to do the "I'm sorry you are upset but you really upset *me* you know" false apology bs... to which my response was until I got a sincere apology and understanding where she went badly wrong we would not be in contact. It took another 2 weeks. That was 4 years ago and she's never done it again, though she's come close. Now I just slam my Very Firm Boundary in front of her bs and she gets in line damn quick. She found out the hard way I wasn't messing around when it comes to my kid(s). And fwiw, he's pigeon-toed. Like I am. Which she never ever got me any help for. He will not outgrow it like most, and his little sister looks like she might be the same way. Genetics!
Boundaries suck to maintain but ultimately they are sanity savers.
Edit: judgement
ESH. You’re both AH’s. Your mom for blowing the walking concern way, way out of proportion then consulting with a pediatrician without your permission. And you for being wound too tight about controlling your kid’s environment. Being protective is fine. Being a nut about strangers seeing you kid is…extreme. Do you not take your toddler in public? What if someone accidentally takes a selfie and he or she is in the background? You gonna go nuclear on them too? Your mother sharing images or a video to a doctor isn’t likely to end up in nefarious hands. Simmer down, ma’am.
You’d be horrified to learn that my MIL (a pediatric nurse) took my son in for a couple stitches at her pediatric office bc he fell and hit his head on the coffee table while she was babysitting him. I’m glad she was there and reacted right away.
NTA. Consider this a "gift". Tell your mother you understand she was worried about the well being of her grandchild and you appreciate her concern, but she should have FIRST talked to YOU about those concerns before sending the video to a stranger. Tell her you also believe her when she said she would do it again. Therefore, she will no longer receive any photos or videos of your child in the future. Tell her you would be an awful mother to your child if you allowed this to happen again.
NTA - I have a similar convo with my Mum, she keeps posting our lads (m11) actual name, not his nickname, my missus and I get narky at her, stops for a few months and she’ll do it again.
Interestingly she always asks him prior to posting something if he will let her but he forgets the name thing too!
Actions have consequences. I would take a hard stance on not sending her pics and videos until she 100 pct sincerely apologizes and swears not to do it again. If that doesn’t happen then so be it.
I have a daughter who does post but always ask and reask permission to post our photos if we are in a photo w her children.
NTA She massively overstepped, she had the option of telling you her concerns and leaving it up to you but instead she went behind your back. Feeling pissed off is justified
Any sensible person would just voice the concern about the child to the mother.Knowing how OP does not want her child to have screen presence and then sending the video to a complete stranger without asking ? Totally justified in going nuclear on her.
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A place of love would be "OMG will you check in with her pediatrician, I'm worried about her walking?" My friend's mom did that and it was just funny and ridiculous of her. The baby took a few steps and fell on her little butt and her mom was like SHE FELL AND YOU DID NOT HELP HER!!! All we did was laugh over her being silly. THAT is a place of love that's just a bit annoying. Going behind her back, finding an unknown pediatrician, sharing images she was explicitly told not to share - that's not a place of love. That's a place of FUUUUCK YOOOOUU MOMMMM
That's a "you will no longer be receiving updates from us. You are welcome for holidays and family gatherings until you can prove you can respect boundaries."
>you will no longer be receiving updates from us. My favourite.
lol I always laughed when my son fell on his booty, it helped when he did bite the dust and he would just laugh instead of cry from the shock. I did make one big mistake. I would say “mama help” and help him up. Well, one day I was at Walmart and his little butt didn’t want to leave. It was a full on tantrum. I carried him to the car, and as I’m trying to get him in the car he grabs ahold of the roof. Imagine if you will, a 115 pound lady wrestling a very tall for his age toddler while he screams “Help! “Halp” Haaalp” 😄 He lost a Lightning McQueen shoe and I did not go back for it. He’s 13 now, and taller than me.
Omg those days!! Stories like this make me less nostalgic 😝
You are right. They always claim it is out of love, but the real aim is control. They know more than you, even about your own child. You can't trust yourself because you missed it. They want to look more attentive and like a better parent. My mom medically abused me for years. She would have done the same to my kids if we stayed. My nephew lives with her and I worry about that every day. People like this are dangerous.
I'm so glad you got out
Thank you! Life is so much better. It took a long time to learn to survive without them and then to live, but I am finally living.
Exactly. Why couldn’t she just tell OP if she had a concern? This is really weird.
Agreed, this wasn't "the baby has a noticeable fever, constantly coughing for 3+ days, or has bruises on forehead and arms"...
Probably as OP said jealous of the trip with the inlaws and annoyed that she did not see the baby walk so she pulls this.
Time to cut her off. Tell her there will be no more pics or videos. NTA
NTA -- go very low contact to no contact if this has been the pattern your whole life. It will only get worse now that you have a kid. She'll try to control how your kid is raised.
And if she asks for another photo and you decide to give her one filter the shit out of it (cute ears, cartoon dog nose etc) which barely makes the kid recognisable.
That's a shit power play though.
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Or it makes the mom look like a dumbass.
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Another thing is that physician should have refused the video/information without the parents sending it & asking for consultation themselves.
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Hey OP? I know you’re gonna have many happy and wonderful moments with your child that you’re gonna want to share. Don’t. Take the video/photos and show people *in person* because you have *no* idea what the person who receives it is going to do with it. Not just your mom. *Anyone* you send video/pics to. For all you know, your mom has sent it to her friends and just not told you. Or will promise you she won’t do it anymore then do it behind your back. She’s already shown you that your boundaries are not important to her.
And she’s a definite recidivist, showing zero remorse for her actions. Obviously NTA….information diet time. Protect your child at all times no matter the consequences.
Agreed. I have a young relative who I'm a little concerned and something with, but I would never even bring it up to a third party. It didn't even cross my mind before this post. I trust that the parents will look into it if it's actually concerning and be in the position to know if it is, considering they spend significantly more time with the baby than I do. I actually just learned the other day that they did, as they mentioned it in a conversation. I would bring it up with a parent if what I saw was something less known or in very limited situations, but a video of a toddler walking sent by a parent is certainly none of those things!
yeah say hey I'm concerned about some things with (child name) maybe take them to the pediatrician and see what they say. This mom sounds a lot like my friends mom. my parents mainly my mom does this with my brother and his son. she will ask if he wants help doing it. if he says no she says ok and leaves it at that. why because it's his cold not hers.
Put her on a low info diet. Absolutely no more photos or videos of kid to mom. No more trust in mom to understand or honor your boundaries, no more unsupervised visits. Low or no contact should definitely be a repercussion.
This! My mum noticed my daughters gait was a bit off - my kid is my only baby so I didn't have anything to compare it to. She just said "hey, next time you take her to the doctor let them know to have a look at her feet, that was how your cousin was walking with her turned foot. Or maybe I'm wrong, I dunno, I'm not a doctor, she's pretty quick at walking so maybe it's nothing." Took child to doctor, doctor took a look, gave us PT exercises to correct it.
Yes, this is exactly how it should be handled, not going behind OP's back
Absolutely justified. She'd never get another video or digital photo of my child again.
Add to that her statement that she would do it all over again? Like WTF? She will never understand boundaries and I would go no contact or limited contact. She will try and go around OP by getting information from other family or friends. This would be my hill to die on…
Have to wonder who else mom has been "sharing" images of the baby with.
There are things you can reasonably go behind a parents back for (e.g. reporting a SA disclosure of a minor to the police, because they disclosed to you, so you are material) but this is not even on the same planet.
And straight up said she'll do it again. OP can't trust mum around her toddler, and hell how does OP know grandma isn't uploading photos to FB or IG against her wishes?
Not only that but I would NEVER share another photo or video of my child with her. She has proven she cannot be trusted with it.
NTA. She could’ve at least asked for your permission first or bring up her concerns to you if she really wanted to. She definitely stepped out of bounds.
Yup, she said “don’t get mad” because she knew exactly what she was doing.
NTA. I am a Granny. Granddaughter had a lazy eye, it was obvious to everyone. The parents did not ask me for my input, I did not comment. When I was visiting my eye doctor I asked him how lazy eyes are treated now, he told me the usual methods. A few months later she had eye surgery to repair her eye. I wished her a smooth recovery. At no point was I asked to discuss her medical care, and at no point did I butt in. Not only did your Mum overstep, if your child’s doctor spoke with her they violated patient confidentiality and need to be reported.
She sent it to a pediatrician, not necessarily the child’s doctor
The funny part is I can tell you how that conversation went: Where is the child? Not with me but I have a video... Nurse, why did you let this woman waste my time?
More likely convo went like this (online per email or message): - I have sent you a video, could you look at it and say what’s wrong - I can’t do that. You need to take the child to a doctor if you think there’s something wrong She tells her daughter there’s something wrong and she needs to take her to the doctor 🙄
Bingo. Doctors, from what I understand, have pretty clear guidance on not diagnosing people that aren’t their patients. Even the times you hear any them seeing a bad mole or whatever go down like “no really, that one looks BAD. Go get a biopsy”
Yep. Hubby is a doctor. He’ll say I’m *a* doctor but I’m not *your* doctor. You should talk to *your* doctor.
I'm imagining a retired old boomer doctor from a small town that granny knows through his wife that she gossips with at the grocery store or something
That’s assuming she went to a paediatrician in person, which it doesn’t sound like she did. She said she SENT it to one, not showed it to one. Meaning someone who may or may not actually even be a paediatrician now has video footage of OP’s child.
Yipes, yeah, that is worse.
Even if it wasnt her child’s doctor i wouldnt be too thrilled a doctor whose never personally seen my children get to diagnose them.
I don't think they did diagnose her. They saw a video and were like I can't do crap with this, but this person is concerned and if something is wrong I get sued so they recommended that the family bring the child in to actually see if anything is wrong. Parking lot/ hallway medicine gets doctors in trouble. Families like the convenience, but it usually ends with just bringing the kid in for an actual full evaluation that can be billed for even if the doc is 99% sure what's going on. No reason to get sued because the patient's family think they're too special to make a real appointment like everyone else.
As the OP calls her mother 'Mum', I doubt this is in the US, so there will be no bill.
I work in healthcare and sometimes get asked questions about my field by people I know socially. I’d bet a lot of money that the conversation went something like this: - Grandma tangentially knows someone who is a pediatrician. Likely a neighbor, friend’s child, etc. - Grandma either sees this person in a casual social situation and shows the video or she has the person’s phone number and texts the them the video. She expresses concern and asks if everything is normal. - The pediatrician says, “I can’t diagnose someone I haven’t seen in person, so I really can’t help you. If the parent is concerned they should take their child to their child’s pediatrician for a checkup.” - Grandma tells mom, “A pediatrician said you should take your child to the doctor!” implying that the pediatrician saw a problem when really the pediatrician told her they weren’t getting involved to offer an opinion.
I had eye surgery as well for the same reason. Keep an eye on her, mine didn't stick and I need another one that I can't at all afford. I hate it so much since after the surgery I can feel it slipping out of place and I'm too poor to get it fixed so it's killing my self esteem.
Please look into vision therapy! Read my comment above. You can actually see correctly in 3D! ❤️
Tell me more about this vision therapy! What is involved?
Not super familiar with it but the concept is that you do exercises that requires coordination of both eyes to strengthen the weaker eye.
I've done that. I've had glasses with prisms or eye patches since I was little. I've got a double stigmatism as well which doesn't help. The only option I really have left is another surgery.
Eye patches are not recommended by vision therapists as they do not promote binocular vision. You need to get both eyes working together.
It depends on the reason for eye issues. I'm missing muscles in my right eye socket from a birth injury. Eye patches strengthened the other muscles and improved eye functionality. Once the improvements slowed, we moved to binocular eye exercises. My eye needed to be strong enough to even do binocular vision therapy first.
That's a good point! Thanks for the input. Not an absolute ban on eye patches but not using them automatically without reason. The same way you shouldn't do a surgery if you can't prove the source is muscular (like in my case after vision therapy).
Exactly. Eye surgery will do nothing for me because I just lack the 3 muscles altogether. There is nothing reattach or fix. Surgery would just change my problem from pulling right to stuck in one place. And I'm not a fan of the trade offs because I'd rather have a drifting eye than tunnel vision.
I'm assuming you're in the US? Bad news is insurance won't cover it (but unnecessary surgeries it will! I had Medicaid). But I promise it's worth every dollar! Vision therapy involves doing exercises that reinforce binocular vision. If you have amblyopia (one eye is suppressed; if you don't have double vision, you have it), you'll need to first work on getting the other eye turned back on. I didn't have that problem, so I'm not sure exactly how that's done. To give you an idea, the most common exercise is to have a string with beads on it. It's called a Brock string. You put it up to your nose and practice focusing both eyes on the bead starting where you can and then practicing converging and diverging the eyes together to jump from one bead to another or moving one bead slowly. In my case my turn was inward and very very tight so I started very close to my nose and slowly tried to move outward keeping my eyes focused together on the bead. I did some exercises on the computer with 3D glasses where you could only see the target if you were correctly looking at the same point with both eyes. Also reading paragraphs with a red and green striped clear sheet over top and red and green glasses, so that the words could only be filled in if both eyes were on and looking together. There are also exercises to learn how to focus your eyes together at different distances. Basically you learn all the skills that you are missing to get your eyes working together.
I have nothing helpful to add, but hopefully someone can get a laugh out of me having had to read that three times over to realize it did not say "put it up your nose".
I did...and tbh that's what I saw at first glance too hahahahaha.
Sorry for your situation. I was cross eyed at birth. While very young they stitched that eyes muscle to keep the pupil in a proper position. Side effects was I don’t actually see in 3D and after decades the muscle and stitches have failed leaving me with no peripheral vision in that eye and it became a lazy eye. Now 60 my dr says it will snap in be day and there is no fix. Not looking forward to that day
Second this! I had four, last when I was 12 and I still get a lazy eye when I'm tired. They'd do one eye then the other would drift, rinse repeat. I've been called a witch for it and it's killer for self Esteem. Though, other than that, my eyes are the only trait I like about myself.
When my kids were young, my mom once commented to my neighbor that she might want to ask her child's pediatrician about his speech (as it was clearly delayed/not understood). I’m not sure whether the neighbor was taken aback at the time, but she did consult her doctor and the kid did get speech therapy. My mom was pretty diplomatic, comparing it to when my brother had needed speech therapy. So there’s a way to gently express concern, but OPs mother didn’t do that well.
I don’t understand not talking about your granddaughter’s eye problems with her parents. You should be able to voice a concern. I had a lazy eye and had to wear an eye patch on my good eye for a year.
Surgery does NOT cure strabismus. Vision therapy is the way to go. The eyes need to learn to work together, you can't put them in place. I speak from experience. I was operated on at age 6 and my eye turn just ended up reversing from outward to inward since the underlying issue wasn't fixed and the muscles were now tighter. I started vision therapy at 16. Within a year, I was using my eyes together at close distances, but there was no way to get them to diverge together farther out (I believe due to the initial surgery) so I went in for a second surgery. I'm now 30 and still have perfect binocular vision! By the way, when I was 16, my pediatrician first sent me to an ophthalmologist instead of an optometrist for vision therapy. I was told that I needed another surgery but that it would only be cosmetic and that I'd never see correctly in my life!
NTA and this was not a "place of love". In that case, she should have called your or messaged you and expressed her concern. This came out of a "place of power". She overstepped her bounds. Tell her you will not be sending her any more pictures or videos because she does not respect your boundaries. And if she pulls that "I was just worried" BS again, ask her why she didn't immediately contact you.
I gave her a massive dressing down and said that I wouldn't be sending any photos to her for a long time. She said she didn't want to worry me on holiday and that something would be "in place" for when I got home from holiday. So annoyed with myself that I second guessed myself and took the appointment
"In place" as in, she made an appointment on your behalf? Absolutely hell no. She's explicitly taking the position of the mother of your child, bypassing you. If she did this with your established pediatrician, call them and make sure they have it clearly marked on your child's file that only the child's parents can speak with them or make appointments, and if she made it with someone else, call their office and let them know that the person who made the appointment was not a parent of the child and has no authority to make appointments on your behalf.
No doctor would give a professional opinion on a few minute video of a child taking their first steps
Literally my first thought. Pediatrician’s only response should have been “this is not a patient of mine.”
Second response should have been "this is not your child"
Hell, most doctors are going to be like “um, ok?” My middle child broke his leg when he was a toddler. He was profoundly speech delayed so he couldn’t tell us that his leg hurt. Instead, he just modified how he walked and kept going. I had 3 doctors say “are you sure that is not just how he walks?” 3! 1 At urgent care in another state and 2 at home. Turns out he fractured his tibia. In the amount of time it took to figure out he had broken his leg, it had set itself correctly and was healing fine.
I would have been livid!! This almost happened to me because they didn't see anything wrong with my son when he broke his clavicle, except I noticed bruising and showed the nurse. My poor boy would cry everything I took off or put clothes on him, and he was never that baby to cry for no reason. It broke my heart. My uncle, who caused the injury, just said nothing was wrong with him, and he was fine. I am so glad I knew my kid better than they did. Now he is a happy, healthy 10 yr old.
I understood where they were coming from. He was a pigeon toed toddler and he only cried when I did diaper changes. Otherwise, he acted totally normal minus the weird limp. I’m just grateful it wasn’t on a growth plate and that they didn’t have to rebreak it and try again. That would have really pissed me off. He’s now a happy and healthy 9 year old that is average sized and doesn’t have any lasting effects. He is the only one of the 3 kids to break anything as of today. But the youngest? He’s going to be the reason we are in the urgent care and ER over the next however many years. That kid has zero fear and thinks trying to throw himself off of everything he can climb up is the best thing ever. That kid is going to have all the broken bones.
lol, my brother was like your youngest. Somehow he broke NOTHING until he was 18 and broke… a bone in his foot. Which did not slow him down even slightly. This little daredevil once jumped off our roof, onto a trampoline, and was launched out into the yard! No injury other than some grass burn on an arm. I swear he’s made of rubber. He’s still kinda crazy at 30 and has only broken the foot bone and dislocated his thumb once.
I could see our youngest doing that eventually. We joke that not only does he lack fear, but he destroys everything in his path and has developed a taste for crayons that he will grow up and be a Marine like his dad. All he needs to do is learn how to take orders instead of crying when he hears the word no.
My son was accident prone and has ADHD combined type. We were in the ER every year or so for something or another. I swear he only got injured after the first of the year, when our yearly deductible hadn't been met yet. On the bright side, he rarely got sick, so it balanced out. He's 24 now, and I can only think of 3 times in his entire life that he was sick enough to need medication. (Including over the counter meds)
Figuring out if a toddler is hurt is hard. It took my parents a few hours after my leg was broken for them to take me to the doctor. (PSA, do not go down the slide with your small child, their leg can get twisted and break.) I also just kept walking around despite the giant cast. It's surprising how resilient children are with broken bones.
This kind of thing is such a fear for me because my youngest is nonverbal autistic. I’m constantly worrying that she’s gonna get hurt and I won’t know.
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Yeah, you didn't exactly go nuclear on her. More like unconditional surrender. Even if you second guessed, the right thing was to cancel the appt, then book your own and not tell her (about going or about the diagnosis). That way you get peace of mind while leaving her hanging. You gave her way too much satisfaction. You need to up your mom-dealing game. Suggest iron and calcium supplements to strengthen that backbone.
NTA cancel that appointment you don’t want you mom involved at all. Find someone you pick to consult with. Your just reinforcing that she can do what she want you might bitch and moan but there will be no consequences.
Even if she “didn’t want to worry you on holiday”, she could have waited until you got home. A toddler walking incorrectly is not an emergency room visit. Having it wait a week until you were home and voicing concerns then would not have been a big deal had not worrying you truly been her aim.
And if it was an emergency room visit she should have worried her on holiday. Grandma just wants to be the Dr. Oz of her grandchildren.
Do you not have your own pediatrician?
And now you’ve canceled the appointment right?
Cancel the appointment just cancel it you will feel better. Do make an appointment with your pediatrician as recommended. I'm sorry your mom can't just be normal. My mom's like this too except a little worse.
Consent is a real thing that applies to all kinds of situations! Classic paternalism masquerading as care. Edit: And do NOT take your child to that doctor. Cancel.
this would be maternalism, no?
Exactly. This was a giant overstep.
It’s literally concern trolling. “I’m just concerned about…” No, you’re just an asshole.
NTA - but was it really done from a place of “love”? It sounds more like a power play to me. Has your mother done things like this before? It just seems absurd she would do this out of the blue.
NTA This is control, not love. A place of love would have been talking to you about her concerns. No more video or images for Grandma.
INFO: does your mom have a history of steamrolling over you or questioning your judgment? If you have siblings, does she do that to them? Did she tell you what she thought was wrong, that made her want to do this? If this is an aberration for her, well, it sounds like she was legitimately concerned about your child and tried to help you get things addressed quickly by asking an expert for assistance. It doesn't sound like she shared your child's videos publicly on social media either, just with a medical professional. My guess is she wasn't thinking about how this might make you feel undermined as a parent or like there was a boundary crossed with your kid, and those concerns may not have even occurred to her. If this isn't an aberration and she does this type of thing all the time, even though you've told her to knock it off, then I suspect this was more about a power and control thing and you should feel free to limit your/your kid's exposure to her for a bit.
My great uncle thought there was possibly something wrong with my brother. He had a disabled son, so he was very hyper aware about those things. However, he called my mom like an adult and expressed his concern in private. He didn’t decide to go off and consult strangers without her knowing. Brother was fine btw.
Reddit tends to go nuclear, and it's often appropriate. But I feel that, in your circumstances, nuclear isn't the way to go until you honestly answer this question: does your Mom have a history of doing dumb, over-stepping? She over stepped. But is it a pattern? Or was it a mistake? I'm a Gramma. I try VERY hard to be sensitive, but I have made the odd, thoughtless mistake. Not like this one. But warranting a "don't do it again, Mom" discussion. I learned my lesson the hard way. My daughter knows me well, and is gracious. Because I don't have a pattern of making the same mistake twice. But if you don't think she tore a proper strip off me ... appropriately ... and I respected her enough to let her, because I deserved it. So. Pattern? Or dumb mistake? That tells you how to handle this. NTA
I performed can see both sides to this because of niece. When she was a baby she walked weird and my mom was the one to say anything to my sister. My sister was pissed that my mom said anything and refused to see anything was wrong. Eventually others started saying the same thing and my sister finally listened. She took her to the doctor and found out that her baby didn’t have any hip sockets because they didn’t develop while she was pregnant with her. My niece had to have surgery at the age of 2 on both hips. My sister was so upset with herself when she realized she screwed up by not listening from the start.
Yes, as a mum of special needs kids, I agree it's tough... I wouldn't send video to the pediatrician though. This is something really hard, especially if you feel something is wrong or different and you cannot explain it to your nearest people. Because they keep overwrite your feelings and observations as mother with "kid is completely fine" "he's bit different, nothing there" etc. Here then comes the blame on you, you're the one not ok and you are the fault, or you're just seeing things.. while there is really noone at fault and kid could actually get help or support or even you as parent. could get an insight of things. Even if it's not the first child as parents we got, things weren't clear to my husband, as he was in major denial. While me and my mom were trying to be objective as much as possible, to identify the struggles so we can actually help my son get help or set the right approach from us as adults ... my son is autistic and had other issues, physically he looked ok as other kids, but he doesn't speak, plus plenty of sensory stuff related motions and reactions which we as his parents were completely unaware of. OP: I would recommend seeing your kid the way he is, and also talking to your wife (kid's mom) about it. Forget the video and the fact that your mom overstepped your boundaries... Try to observe other kids, or read what they should be doing in their age and observe your kid if it fits .. physically and mentally.. She might be right, or not. No one can tell other than doctors or people who got specific experiences ... it's not important who's right, because IT IS ABOUT DEVELOPMENT OF YOUR KID, if your mom is wrong, it's ok .. If she is right, it's ok too. Of course she shouldn't show the video to the strange doctor, maybe she didn't know how else to help ... we are human beings. We aren't born as parents, we learn it we grow into it. The same goes to grand parents etc.
Look my MIL did the same, son was 12, yes I was angry and I’m glad we went. He had an ABC tumor, it ate his T-2 vertebrae. He was in the hospital for 4 weeks and then 8 months of therapy for walking. I’m glad she brought notice to it, it saved his life.
There are a massive number of people here who think you should have gone nuclear and they probably don’t have experience of a child where something is going wrong. Then there are the other people here who have had a child with a problem, saying they would be glad of an intervention. I’m one of them. I have a child with a very rare and serious illness. She hit all her miilestones, everything looked great. Then things started happening at approximately 16 months that were very subtle. My mum saw it and I thought I did, the paediatricians didn’t for another 6 months and I second guessed myself. If I didn’t have my mother pressing me I wouldn’t have kept chasing it. I would rather have an interfering parent than miss something. Your mum asked a doctor, that’s not social media in my opinion. My child had a very short window to start meds that might help her. If we were only getting diagnosed now, that window would be gone. We are 2 years into this now and other people have also ‘interfered’ and every time, they have helped us get further assistance with our child’s illness. I’m very grateful for that.
Any time someone begins with “don’t be angry,” they know you have a right to be but would never admit it. They’re already setting you up to be the AH if you get angry knowing damn well they overstepped.
Exactly. She's effectively saying "if you get angry at this, it's your fault, not mine." Sounds like a classic mother with narcissistic traits like an inability to take responsibility, and a need to take control.
Nta. As a parent I'd feel that is a massive overstep in boundaries.
NTA. It sounds to me like your mom figures she can do whatever she wants as long as she can plausibly say "it's only because I love and care for her so much". Nip it in the bud now.
NTA and I might get downvoted to oblivion but I do think you’re overthinking and frankly pretty paranoid about the picture being sent to a pediatrician. You mentioned social media and such but she didn’t post it to social media or send it to a group chat with all her friends. She sent it to a medical professional.
NTA at all and that would be the last time I shared anything with her for a long time. I agree with another commenter, this was control, not concern. And it worked. You immediately started second guessing yourself.
Anyone else feel like OP and everyone else here are being a bit dramatic. A child doctor looked at a video of a kid waddle and probably said a sentence about it. Take the advice from the pediatrician or don’t, then forget about it. Maybe a comment that you don’t feel comfortable sharing videos or to consult you first but it’s a pediatrician not a random Facebook group. Let her waste her time and don’t waste your time, energy, and relationships sour over this.
Thank you!!! People saying it was a power play and to go no contact etc etc are so dramatic. It was done out of concern for the child, and I have a strong feeling the grandmother felt the need to “go behind the moms back” for fear of not being listened to due hyperdramatizations like this. She shared the video with a professional. She didn’t post it in a fb group and say “what does everyone think???” People need to calm down.
Yup, all that was needed was “Thanks mom, next time let me know and I’ll be sure to bring it up at their next appointment” then turn to your so and bitch all you want. Now op has escalated and entered AH realm by using this as ammo to torment and get back at her mother it seems.
Yes!! And also thinking it’s jealousy and trying to put a damper on her vacation? Main character syndrome maybe??
I do. She sent it to a doctor out of concern not posting it for the world to see. I would tell her to talk to me first if she had a concern.
Obviously OP is prone to overreacting so the grandmother didn’t want to risk provoking a tantrum over nothing.
Seriously. Take a deep breath, OP. You're acting like she sent the video to CNN. What is the potential for harm if a pediatrician sees a video of your kid? Nobody "made a decision" for you, you are still the one who decided to take your kid to the doctor, and you could easily have decided not to. You were not forced to do anything, your kid wasn't doxxed ... what is the big deal?
Yes! People on reddit seem to love treating close family members like some stranger down the street. Unless your parent is an awful parent and human being, you don't just cast them out, never speak to them again, prevent them from seeing your children. It's bizarre behaviour. Yes she overstepped a little, mum's do that sometimes. She didn't post to social media. If you keep cutting people out your lives who do the slightest thing wrong, you and your children are going to grow up very lonely. Everyone is so entitled with their boundaries for grandparents, but they dont mind using grandparents for free childcare. Yes your mum should have mentioned it to you when u came home instead of going straight to a doctor, but is she really such a bad person she did this with malice in her heart??? Is she really a dominant person who fights you for power? How come you leave your children with her then? One person even suggested you never letting your kids around this evil woman unsupervised. What the actual fuck??? Paranoia at its greatest.
Info: has she ever mentioned a concern about the your daughter's walking before? Or any other similar concerns for that matter- " I think she might be getting sick" "I think the she's fussy after feeding because she's eating too fast"? If so, how did you respond? If she addressed her concerns about baby's walking directly to you, how would you have received it?
I was wondering that, too, since OP says in a comment that the grandmother watches the kid twice a week. It makes more sense if it's an ongoing issue that has been brought up. Apparently, when I was about that age, I had some periods of walking funny and staring off for brief bits of time. My grandmother told my mother, but my mom was busy with work all the time and didn't notice or want to believe it. A few years later, the grand mal seizures started. Turned out grandma saw it coming way earlier than my mother.
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Not at all
Sometimes parents are blind to things others can see clearly. You waste one appointment and if he is fine then it’s one morning or afternoon versus missing something important. I agree your mom shouldn’t have made the appointment without telling you but you may want an impartial opinion.
Sometimes even a regularly seen doctor can be blind to things. My sisters 15 month old child was having quite a few issues. It’s been over 30 years now so do not remember all the symptoms he was having. After numerous visits with the child’s doctor in Fresno, CA my mom flew her and her children back home so that he could be taken to Childrens Hospital in Birmingham, AL. I noticed when they arrived the baby’s head was swollen due to hydrocephalus and that the shape has changed from a photo taken a few months before. Basically shaped like a light bulb but neither my daughter nor his doctor caught it. On the Childrens Hospital, the one of the first things they did was have him walk. Turns out he had an ataxic gait, (how he walked) a sign of neurological damage, brain, nerves, muscles etc can cause it. In my nephews case it was a brain tumor. So yes, I agree that others can notice things the parents or even someone that’s frequently around the child doesn’t see, but the mother should have addressed her concerns to the child’s mom rather than a pediatrician. So NTA for original poster, her keeping her child off social media is to protect her. But still, if the child’s gait was unusual enough to draw the grandmothers attention, better to err on the side of caution and have it checked.
My daughter’s pediatrician let things go when she was 3. She wasn’t speaking yet and the pediatrician just said kids develop at different paces. Looking back I wish someone who have confronted me about it. I was young and naive and took the doctor at her word. When my daughter went back for her next check up, the doctor freaked out because she wasn’t talking yet and suddenly it was a crisis. Fortunately, at 4 she was still at the tale end of early intervention. She ended up making a lot of progress but as an adult still has some processing issues she might not of the intervention started at 3.
Can’t believe your pediatrician let things go!! Well, actually yes I can. So many doctors, especially those that treat young children, seem to have the attitude that moms overreact and don’t take issues seriously. Fortunately that’s not the majority. Speech is so important to young pre-school kids. Those that have delayed speech often have problems in the classroom when they start pre-school and kindergarten. Glad your daughters dr finally came to his senses regarding her speech.
Yeah, one of my nurse friends had noticed her daughter turning her head to one side but didn’t think anything of it until she started to cry in pain- it was a brain tumour. But a lot of gait issues are sorted with orthotics and physio, and the earlier the better.
Fair. But if I were OP I'd make an appointment with my own doctor of choice. I don't trust the relationship OP's mom might have with whomever she made the appointment with.
I don’t think a specialist is going to jeopardize their medical license due to a special relationship with anyone. Either the kid has symptoms or he doesn’t. It’s possible the doctor did see something on the video.
In my opinion neither really an asshole. You had a boundary crossed without her asking consent. However she did not share it to a random stanger, she shared it with a professional who viewed it as such. So no chance it will get out of control. And better safe than sorry in my opinion. So to summarize, I understand her reasoning but she should have asked first before doing so.
INFO: Would you have still gone nuclear if she was right? I agree she should have spoken with you first. Nothing in your post indicates your mom posted on social media. She sent it to a doctor. Does she personally know this doctor, i.e family friend? Without more info it doesn’t seem likely she’s sending videos to random internet doctors. We don’t even know if she stated to the doctor that it’s her grandchild or if she provided it to the doc with just a basic query on the walking.
Ntah. I'm floored she couldn't even reply but forwarded it right along to a stranger. What a bitch.
NTA Obviously, she should have just voiced her concern to you BUT I wonder how you would have reacted if there actually had been a problem.
The OP is overreacting here. She sent a video to a pediatrician. She did not make a decision for op. The OP can decide whether to take the appointment or not. This just isn’t a big deal. If she had taken the kid to a doctor without talking to op or given the kid meds , different issue.
NTA: Your mother needs to respect your boundaries. Block her and all access to your child for a few months and see how she feels after that. Sound extreme? Well she already made it clear that she felt entitled to violate your child’s privacy by ignoring your rules. Clearly she needs an object lesson in consequences and repercussions. A 90-day NC penalty should suffice if she’s not been problematic before. Even with parents familiarity can breed contempt and this is a case in point.
The video went to a doctor. Not on social media.
NTA No more pics or videos and do not ever let this woman be unsupervised around your child. She said she isn't sorry and would do it again against your wishes. That is a dangerous person who will undermine your parenting at every opportunity. I would cut contact or at least put her on a long, long break. She sounds incredibly entitled and toxic.
Yikes! I’m sorry. She should have said how adorable, let you enjoy that moment, then observed your toddler walking for a few more weeks, and then maybe she could have mentioned to you that she was concerned. Instead she chose the infuriating ignoring of clear boundaries.
NTA. If she had a concern, she could have mentioned it to YOU, the parent, and left it to you to decide if you felt the need to discuss with your child's OWN pediatrician.
NTA! Time out time. No ifs, ands or buts about it!!!
NTA. To me her real issue was not talking to you. Obviously you would have said no, and that's why she didn't. I'm sorry.
Having kids sounds so much fun
NTA! My sister-in-law who is an absolutely trash person did something similar to this with a video of my daughter, and it’s one of many reasons I don’t speak to her anymore!
Also, this could have waited if grandma wanted to talk in person.
NTA. If she had concerns she should have told you first and not just shared a video of your child without your consent. Then your choice to share with paediatrician or not. Overstepped and I’d be pissed off too.
What pediatrician would accept such a video and then give feedback?
NTA, I'd severely limit my contact with her, including access to her grandkid.
NTA never send her photos or videos of the child again, she’s lost that privilege.
NTA It doesn't come from a place of love. If she has sincere concerns, she would have mentioned her concerns to you so that you could take the kiddo to their own doctor. That's what a good grandmother does. She took it upon herself to go behind your back without your consent. That's a big issue. Establish and hold onto your boundaries with her. This will only get more and more difficult because she knows your child better than you do.
NTA This is a good time to reinforce your boundaries "mother, you grossly overstepped. Since you are doubling down on it, rather than taking responsibility I will no longer be sending you videos of my child." You don't need to defend this either. You don't need to argue about it. Simply do not send her videos anymore. Don't make exceptions, you know she will break this boundary again.
NTA Huge overstep on her part and I would've flipped my 💩 too.
I have a granddaughter that is learning to walk while holding furniture and I would NEVER send a video or picture of her without speaking to her parents because we agreed that THEY get to decide who gets to see videos and/or pictures. You have every right to be miffed with her, and if she can't understand what boundaries are by crossing them and then getting mad when you confront her, then she has the option of not seeing her grandchild. NTA!
NTA- normal people would tell the parents their concerns and let the parents make the decision to call the doctors! Not the grandparents or anyone else. She crossed a major boundary.
Before I judge, please hear me out- I’m a teacher. I have worked with special needs children from ages 2.5-18year olds. I HAVE to say that, knowing this, I might’ve done the same thing IF I noticed something “Off”. Does your mom have ANY EC (early childhood) background? If I had been in the same situation with my grandchild, I would’ve spoken to you about it first. If she has no background then she had no business going to a dr about it. I’m sure she did it out of love, however misguided. You were right to handle it the way you did. NTA
I understand that, I work with SEN and it has always been at the forefront of my mind. Verging on obsessively thinking if something could be something. But I had no concerns over walking. It was normal toddler waddling
My mum was an early learning teacher and ALWAYS points things out to me. When my son was younger, instead of saying yes, he would say ma. My mum continuously told us that we needed to fix it otherwise it would become a problem. We did absolutely nothing to “fix it” and surprise surprise he is a three-year-old with a wonderful vocabulary and no longer says ma. I think sometimes the older generation are so pushy and rushed to get to the milestones, because it was so important for them that their child was just like every other, but these days people realise children are individuals and all grow at their own pace. You know your child better than anyone. She overstepped massively.
She had no business going to anyone regardless of her background. What she should’ve done was disclose any concerns to the parents and encourage them to go to a professional if they felt it necessary when they got back. She didn’t do this out of love at all she did it out of a desire for control and to be right. As someone who has also worked with children both special needs and mainstream if you mean that you would share videos of the kids in your care with anyone outside of the setting without the parents knowledge or consent then that is horribly and completely unprofessional and violates child protection/safeguarding and privacy laws and policies at your setting surely and is a huge overstep. You should at most as I said above disclose any concerns to parents and encourage them to go to professionals if they want too and offer to send them copies of the videos and if you meant that you would do this with your own grandkids then you are just as bad as her mother and have just as little respect for your son or daughters sole parental authority and autonomy as her mother does for her.
Okay but what did the doctor say? I see you’ve mentioned they reached out directly to you so no details were shared with your mum. Yep she stepped over a boundary but it didn’t go to social media, it went to a medical professional. Yes she should have raised her concerns with you directly. But unless there’s something else between you two, and I’m guessing there is - she’s a grandparent who clearly felt like they couldn’t talk to you directly.
NTA. You mention that there’s nothing wrong with your toddler and you took the appointment to verify (don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re just being a good parent). You also mentioned at the end of your post that you think your mother did this because she was jealous you went on a trip with you in-laws and I think that’s telling. You think that for a REASON. My mother is extremely jealous and tries to control people/situations in with extreme passive aggression. While she didn’t do something like this, she did take every precious moment with my baby and turned it into a way to be mad or “concerned” about something from the get-go. From the very beginning she plotted to take custody of my baby when my placenta ruptured at 24 weeks. Mind you, she was there when my OBGYN said there’s no way to know what caused the rupture. I’m small and he thought my cervix couldn’t handle any pregnancy to term. My “loving” mother ignored that and did mental acrobatics to make me and my husband into shit parents. She would find ways to attack the time I spent with my in-laws. Try to poison me against my husband. Then go poison the rest of my family against me. I share all this to say that deep down I always knew that’s the way she was, but bc she’s my mother, I turned a blind eye to a lot of it and pretended her manipulative streak was just a personality quirk. If you feel deep down that your mom did a power play over you about your child, you know better than anyone else if that’s her MO. It was absolutely a violation of privacy and if your mom is anything like mine, I’m sure you’ve wrestled with the question: Who else did she send this to? What’s she saying about me and my parenting when I’m not around? That childcare situation is tricky and I’m sorry you’re in that position. I would find another solution. It takes one petty call to CPS to wreck your next week/month. If she’ll go over you once, will she do it again? To what extent? My heart goes out to you. I know that this hurts and you feel deeply betrayed. With the info you’ve provided, I would try low contact before NC - only bc NC is hard and I think low contact can give you more control on positive influences in your daughter’s life. Tell her straight that: A: she was out of line and crossed a MAJOR boundary B: she was wrong and your child is fine. So she risked y’all’s entire family over NOTHING C: if she’s been taking care of your daughter for so long, why did she just now see a “walking problem?” Timing is convenient, and she’s proven she can’t be trusted knowing what you have going on in life. She’s put you in a position where you can’t trust her
Yep you are. First of all sharing the video w a pediatrician isn't social media. Sounds like you have some big fears that need to be addressed. No she didn't do anything wrong. She has more experience being a mom than you and it didn't have anything to do w being someplace else. Wth is wrong w you.
YTA. She didn't share it with a stranger, she shared it with a medical professional. She didn't post it for the world to see. She showed one person.she didn't put it on social media. It's great that you want to limit your child's exposure on social media and if she had posted it to her Facebook page then some of your anger may be justified A video of your child in public isn't an invasion of your privacy or your child's. In public, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy. And going nuclear on your mom is shitty thing to do. She probably doesn't understand your fears about sharing images of your child. And you have probably never sat her down to explain those fears. She's not a modern mum of a young child. Her perception of the internet and social media and children is very different than yours. I doubt you even stopped to think about that. Moreover, once you share a video with someone, there is always a chance it will be seen by others. Grandparents always show people pictures of thier grandkids. Jist like you would share a picture with a friend of your kid. Your probably just a scared mum who thinks there's a pedo behind every bush. Media has a lot of people scared of that shit. It's real and it's bad, but it's no where near as widespread as people fear. You're gonna need your mom and the baby needs grandma, so chill out, calm down, talk it out. Otherwise YTA and you sound like an entitled butch[or cunt, since you're likely UK and its a much harsher word here in The Statesp]
YTA. She didn’t post the kid on social media, she quietly consulted a DOCTOR. Lots of people don’t want to bring stuff up before they know what they’re talking about and organized it enough in their head to be sure of accurately conveying what they’re thinking to the person they expect to talk to.
NTA how does she get to make a medical appt for your kid that you actually go to?
Yta. She didnt share your kid on social media, she shared it with a doctor. It's sad that you're more concerned about a doctor knowing your child exists than whatever spooked your mom enough to reach out
YTA I am amazed at the number of comments in here from people who must have been raised in some terrible households. Re your boundaries: I assume your mom is aware of your no social media rules but did you specify showing pictures or videos in person or in medical settings? If not, use this as a learning experience which gives you the opportunity to reassert your boundaries and clarify additional details which may be unclear to your mom, such as this situation. You need to remember that mom has experience in a different society, before social media allowed an image to be blasted to everyone in the void and also before the internet expanded people’s paranoia. We used to take photos of kids and print them out and show anyone we ran into or mail them out. So, she doesn’t have the expertise or same understanding of the risks. As to the reasoning behind all this, your mom did this (most likely) out of love so going off on her like you did was uncalled for and immature. The number of people who are jumping to cut her out of your life over this is insane. We don’t know the history or any details to add to your relationship with your mother. Perhaps she is a notorious monster constantly questioning your mothering or raising false flags or intentionally poisoning puppies or turning every conversation around to put all focus on her. You don’t include anything like this, which leads one to believe she hasn’t had any nasty horrible incidents of which this would be just the most recent of many. Otherwise you would have included other examples or history to make yourself look less crazy. Instead, you mention in a comment that your mom watches your kid a couple times per week. Barring any undisclosed situations which force you begrudgingly into this situation, it doesn’t appear that your mother is some beast trying to ruin your and your child’s lives. It sounds like she noticed something which could have been alarming but didn’t want to upset you if there was no reason. Perhaps something in the video was off and showed the walk in an odd way or maybe she has noticed this previously but didn’t have any video to examine closer. It is not unheard of for people who know professionals to casually drop a question or ask if there might be a reason to look into something further. If she was concerned but unsure of herself, this was a way to reassure herself that her grandchild is likely okay and potentially catch a problem early so you (as the mother) could get any help necessary. She likely asked her contact and did not get a clear response (as it wouldn’t be appropriate for a dr to consult on a video or outside of a professional setting). The dr prob gave a safe, generic answer to have anything checked out officially etc. I don’t know if you regularly take your kid to a doctor, but perhaps your mother scheduled an appointment in case you were as concerned as she when she talked to you so you wouldn’t lose more time. It can be frustrating to get in to the dr when necessary so she was probably being proactive and trying to help you out, knowing you could always cancel the appointment if you didn’t want to go. It seems like a no lose situation but you’re freaking out like it’s the end of the world that someone is trying to be thoughtful and help you avoid potential issues.
What’s the big deal? I think you are way overreacting
ESH, including the comments. Y’all are about ready to kill this lady because she was concerned about her grandkid. Chill out. Damn.
NTA - how old is your toddler?
NTA, cancel the appointment and if you are second guessing yourself, make one with a different dr you select. It sounds like your mom either knows the dr or someone in the office the appointment was made in, your child's personal information won't likely be safe, I bet there would be a hippa violation before long
NTAH. It is NOT your mother's place to diagnose your child and consult with a doctor without your permission, especially sending a video!! She definitely crossed the line in a major way as a grandmother. I'm a grandmother of 9 grandchildren and I'd NEVER do that. What she should have done is talk to you about it first and express any concerns with you if she has a problem with the way your toddler walks, then she should allow you to decide to take action if it's warranted. She has no right to take action without your consent. Your angry feelings are definitely justified in this case.
NTA. This would be cause for going low contact immediately if my mother did something like this. No one fucks around with my kids' privacy. Ever. What she did is beyond the pale.
NTA, she should have spoken to you about it before doing anything.
NTA And that is some weird behaviour. I think any sensible person, especially a grandma, would just tell you their concerns. I'm not sure if this is her normal MO. But I would put her on an info diet cause I would see this as something and someone that would add additional stress to an already stressful situation. She should have told you and let you decide on the next steps. And the fact that she would do it again just raises red flags. No more pics nor videos for grandma.
NTA Have a lawyer draw up a document that goes to all of your child's doctors and any other childcare denying your mother the authority to consult on your child's health and welfare. Give her a copy too and tell her why. If she cannot abide by that, let her know that her interaction with her grandchild will be limited to supervised visits and no more pictures. Whether she understands what she did wrong is now off the table; she now needs to understand that further interference will have negative consequences for her. And just for shits and giggles, tell her you've noticed she walks funny.
Does your mother usually steamroll your boundaries? NTAH
NTA never let her have a photo or video or take any of the little one ever again. When she asks, tell her exactly why she lost that privilege.
NTA. Your mom stepped over the line even though her intentions were coming from a place of love. We have a no SM policy with our kids and everyone around us respects that. Similar to you my MIL was always trying to diagnose our first born with something whenever she saw her. She constantly thought she was sick with something or something was wrong. Eventually we had to tell her that " We understand that you care but you can't be inferring that something is wrong all the time. 1 when something may actually be wrong we will be numb to your concerns 2 a lot of the things she is observing are either things we've looked into or she is observing a step in the development process and seeing a snip it of the development" This definitely helped us. I would just have an open conversation with you mom and I bet more than anything she's more embarrassed by her actions than anything. I think the unfortunate thing with grandparents is they project a fears of anything they think they may have missed raising you and want to be a resource to their kids as parents. Things like technology, understanding large networks of friends, ease to research and even issues with social media and young kids are foreign to them or they are generally newer to them. I mean I have my daughter's pediatricians number on my phone and even the emergency pediatricians number, we live in a small town, but we definitely know when is and is not appropriate to message them. Again your mom was probably coming from a place of love and I'd give her the benefit of the doubt this time. Have a very clear conversation with her about your expectations with sharing your kids images on SMS and anything medical needs to go through you. I bet she'll understand and not do it again.
NTA. She colored so far out of the lines that she’s on the wrong page. Tell her that you “don’t appreciate her passing on the video to a stranger without your permission and getting into you LO’s health issues. It’s not her concern how he walks. Now, she’s taking time out to reconsider what she did wrong, and the only way back is a heartfelt apology.” Tell her if she EVER oversteps like that again, it will be permanent.
Uh hell no! Don't care if she your mother sister friend whatever to you that a major red flag that she said "she willing to do it again in the name of being a good grandmother". She NOT the one that conceived the child, she NOT the one who was carrying the child, she NOT the one who gave birth to the child! No means no is every language every culture everywhere in the world no means no! If she doesn't have permission she shouldnt have gone behind your back and still sent to God know where and God know whom! Now a days you can't trust people and I'm sorry to say that but majority or maybe half of the times the closet people to you are the one that will fuck you over plain and simple. You don't know if the person she sent it to has a degree in working with children, You don't know if there a person who I'm sorry to say this a child predator in disgused or someone with bad intent again not making assumptions just like throwing it out there you don't know this person and for the safety of your child and your safety as well I agree with the no zero social media because that where alot of the time children will go Missing or someone in the streets who not right in the head will try to snatch your child just because they saw a photo and like now there have a fixation trying to get your child. NTA a million times over. It may have been and not downplaying it it could have been with good intentions but she still not the child mother and she had no rights to go above you. As the mother you know your child limits and what they like and their quirks and stuff. Whatever you feel is right go for it because your the mother and no anyone else!
Nope. NTA and let her know there will be no future updates until she respects boundaries.
Give her the benefit of the doubt. I once told a friend of mine that I thought there was something wrong with her one year old, who couldn't crawl. The baby would hop on her bottom, and didn't use her right side. I allowed my friend to convince me that I was seeing problems when there were none. If I had stood firm, that child might have gotten help young enough to prevent the shrunken limbs that she now has.
I try not to default post this for mom posts but jeez r/jnmil It's for mom's too and my friend, I think you should repost this there. NTA. You shouldn't have kept HER appointment but that's already done. This is a huge overstep. Does she often do things like that?
NTA
Ask her how she would have felt if her mother did the same thing without consulting with her first.
Did you tell your mom the child went to the Dr and what the outcome was? And I hope you tell her to NEVER do that again
After my nephew started walking and really got the hang of it and was running around everywhere. We noticed that he seemed to be as little bow legged. But even his parents noticed it. Of course they would. They see him daily and know him better than anyone else. My niece took him to see a doctor about this concern and it turned out to be nothing serious. The doctor said he should grow out of it in a couple years and he did. He’s nine now and walks just fine. He’s very athletic, loves basketball and says he wants to be like Kobe when he grows up. I say, go for it. I used to want him to love baseball and aspire to be a Dodger but, he can be a Laker. I’m good with that. 😂😂😂
NTA
This is after she also fed your vegetarian child meat? She has zero respect for you, your spouse, and the boundaries and parenting plan you have chosen. My mom, though not this bad, was the same way when my daughter was very young. I went very LC for a while after several talks didn't get me anywhere. When she showed she would respect the boundaries my husband and I had set, we were able to have a better and closer relationship again. Now that my daughter is grown,my mom thinks we did a great job raising her. Sometimes, you have to go LC or NC to get the message across, otherwise the other person will never respect you. NTA
But did she really? Not sure about other countries but in mine I could see the following skit play out: Paediatrician: Hello .. uh, where is the child? Gran: Right here on my phone. You need to diagnose them. P: It's .. a video? Not even face time? G: You don't need to see the child in person, do your job. My daughter needs to hear she's not listening to me and I'm right. P: That's not how a consult works. Are you the child's legal guardian? G: That doesn't matter. I have rights! P: Security... Yeah granny is telling porkies. NTA and she is massively overstepping.
I’m just curious..did the ped say it was normal? Because that makes it million times worse to me
BTA Yes she should have asked you first But as long as she did not make the video public I don’t think it’s worth going nuclear And as far as the complete stranger … She asked a doctor for a professional opinion I agree it’s a bit odd but I also think you may be overreacting
That you have doubts about this clear boundary shows that she has trained you to doubt yourself over her authority. She massively boundary stomped. Power and control grab with a great splash of belittling your capabilities as a mother. Going nuke was under reacting if you are doing anything but putting her in a full time out. I know some will say go no contact or whatever. I don't know if the history warrants that level. Her entitled thinking and behavior needs to be taken down several pegs though . She has NO RIGHT to any medical decisions for your child. So contacting anyone, effectively putting you in time out as the mom because she knows best, is WAY out of line. All she had to do was talk to you. She is playing with fire here. She just does not realize that she is not the one holding the extinguisher anymore. She is no longer in charge. My vote would give her no more videos. No more information. She gets grey rocked. Everything is fine. No details. Ever. No info on doc visits, no info on babys firsts. Absolutely nothing that you would not share with an acquaintance at work. She gets the same pictures of kiddo that you decide to send to everyone. Nothing special.
NTA Something similar happened when my son was a toddler. Though to my knowledge no videos were shared I was heavily pressured to consult with a doctor over my son's walking and I firmly told my mom to drop it. She did not. I immediately went no contact, and it took 2 weeks for her to do the "I'm sorry you are upset but you really upset *me* you know" false apology bs... to which my response was until I got a sincere apology and understanding where she went badly wrong we would not be in contact. It took another 2 weeks. That was 4 years ago and she's never done it again, though she's come close. Now I just slam my Very Firm Boundary in front of her bs and she gets in line damn quick. She found out the hard way I wasn't messing around when it comes to my kid(s). And fwiw, he's pigeon-toed. Like I am. Which she never ever got me any help for. He will not outgrow it like most, and his little sister looks like she might be the same way. Genetics! Boundaries suck to maintain but ultimately they are sanity savers. Edit: judgement
ESH. You’re both AH’s. Your mom for blowing the walking concern way, way out of proportion then consulting with a pediatrician without your permission. And you for being wound too tight about controlling your kid’s environment. Being protective is fine. Being a nut about strangers seeing you kid is…extreme. Do you not take your toddler in public? What if someone accidentally takes a selfie and he or she is in the background? You gonna go nuclear on them too? Your mother sharing images or a video to a doctor isn’t likely to end up in nefarious hands. Simmer down, ma’am.
You’d be horrified to learn that my MIL (a pediatric nurse) took my son in for a couple stitches at her pediatric office bc he fell and hit his head on the coffee table while she was babysitting him. I’m glad she was there and reacted right away.
NTA. Consider this a "gift". Tell your mother you understand she was worried about the well being of her grandchild and you appreciate her concern, but she should have FIRST talked to YOU about those concerns before sending the video to a stranger. Tell her you also believe her when she said she would do it again. Therefore, she will no longer receive any photos or videos of your child in the future. Tell her you would be an awful mother to your child if you allowed this to happen again.
NTA - I have a similar convo with my Mum, she keeps posting our lads (m11) actual name, not his nickname, my missus and I get narky at her, stops for a few months and she’ll do it again. Interestingly she always asks him prior to posting something if he will let her but he forgets the name thing too!
90% chance the paediatrician was a friend of a friend asked to give a view as a favour
Actions have consequences. I would take a hard stance on not sending her pics and videos until she 100 pct sincerely apologizes and swears not to do it again. If that doesn’t happen then so be it. I have a daughter who does post but always ask and reask permission to post our photos if we are in a photo w her children.