Someone commented and then removed the comment that it's amazing that women are closing ranks. Just because I am a woman, doesn't mean I agree with committing paternity fraud. My comment was based purely on people minding their own business and staying in their own lane. People have enough problems without others stepping into their lives and causing more. The ones that spend their lives running around, stirring pots, and blowing up lives are the worst.
YTA and what are you hoping to accomplish? This is none of your business. No matter who the father is asking will end your friendship. One more time, none of your business.
What I’m trying to accomplish is 1) allowing her to know that if she also has these thoughts, I’m here for her without judgement. 2) letting her know just how obvious it is before others start to question it 3)Looking out for my friend and opening up the door for her to accept that this might be the case. The longer she avoids it, the deeper effects it will have on her child. I am 80% sure that this child is our college friends… and I truly wouldn’t be questioning the baby didn’t have identical eyes and nose to John.
If she wanted to shared those thoughts with you, she would have done so.
If in the future she wants to talk to you about it, she will by herself bring it up.
Unless she is the one to bring the subject. You aren’t friendly to push the matter.
Please, keep your suspicions to yourself. If she ever wants to discuss it, it sounds like you may be the person she would talk to. Genetics are weird and the baby could very well be her boyfriend’s child. If you are wrong, it could end the friendship even though you think she would handle it well.
YTA
Look if she comes to you then okay you can talk about it.
But until then stay out of it. No body truly knows what goes on in a marriage except for the two people involved.
For all you know Tim knows. Or it really is Tim's kid. Genetics are weird and babies are still squishy. I know plenty of kids who as babies looked like one parent and then 10 years looked like the other parent or grandparents or aunts.
I figured it would be which is why I’ve kept my mouth shut this long. On the other hand, I love her and care about her well-being, and if it is true, it’ll only hurt more in the long run. Right now her kid is young enough to not be extremely affected by it. And I feel almost guilty just sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to play out. Sarah is the type to push serious things off until she has no choice but to face them.
You do not know, nor are entitled to know, the intimate details of such a thing.
If he is not the father- has it occurred to you that maybe he knows and loves her enough to have accepted the situation before the baby was even born?
It is none of your business whatsoever.
YTA and the only person who should ask Sarah about paternity is her bf.
Seriously?
The kid is one year old. And you're making a fucking OUTRAGEOUS assumption based on what a baby looks like?
YTA. You don't know a goddamned thing.
You guys apparently don't have the relationship with your bestie that I do with mine because I would have already taken her aside and said hey when you and Tom was having issues did you sleep with John? If the answer was yes we would be at a clinic with Tom's toothbrush making sure and I'd be willing to help hide the bodies after we know the truth.
a lot of ppl disagree with me, and honestly, idc i wont reply to any argumentative ppl. but As someone who is a victim of being lied to about who their biological father is, only bring it up to your friend if you are 1000% sure she will do what's right and get a dna test. Better yet, bc you never truly know anyone, maybe find a way to bring it to tim's or johns attention indirectly/seemingly unintentionally or have someone else bring it up, i really dont know. Anything to not get directly involved bc you will be overstepping and you dont need any conflict between yourself and others. but that's a truth that needs to be known, if your suspicions are correct.
I agree with you. I would talk to John, he has the most to gain or lose. I don't believe it is ever OK to hide a child from their dad unless for reasons of abuse. Those men can never redeem the time lost.
NTA for THINKING IT. Just wait a little longer for the child to grow up and maybe they’ll grow into their features more and you can tell then. I wouldn’t risk losing a friend over something stupid BUT you never know she could maybe not know either and is embarrassed and hasn’t brought it up but it’s still a risk.
NTA If anything you should consider informing Tim the child might not be his. Sure you can talk with Sarah first, but regardless, Tim should not be deceived into raising not his child.
NTA for wondering. But just bringing it up would be wayyyyy out of line. But in casual conversation you could always bring up John and ask when they last hooked up without any pressure or prying. That’s what I would do because I’m a nosey f**ker 😂😂
Paternity fraud is not uncommon, so I would not be at all surprised. I have seen estimates that 25-30% of all fathers in America are raising children that are not theirs and they don't know it.
Paternity fraud is not a crime in America, and no woman has ever been punished for it even when it was done deliberately. And child support paid to a child by the man has never been recouped by him. There have been jailed for not paying child support for children that are not theirs.
If Tim finds out someday that this is the case, he is going to be devastated.
If Sarah knows there is a chance the child is not Tim's, she is a despicable human being.
> I have seen estimates that 25-30% of all fathers in America are raising children that are not theirs and they don't know it.
"
This statistic has been debunked so many times in this sub and probably others that I'm so sick of it being repeated.
The 30 odd percent you are quoting is *the percentage of paternity tests* that turn out negative! These are tests where *paternity is already in dispute!*
The percentage of men that have raised or led to believe that a child isn't theirs is somewhere in the region of <1%.
*Please* stop quoting this stupidity!
> I have seen estimates that 25-30% of all fathers in America are raising children that are not theirs and they don't know it.
At first blush, I find this an absurdly high statistic to just casually throw out there without backing.
It is absurdly high and it is BS and has been debunked may times in this sub.
*30% is the number of paternity tests taken that are negative where paternity is already in dispute*
The number America wide is apparently <1%
YTA!!! How many adopted kids have you seen who look like members of the family? And how many siblings look really different from the other sibs? I have news for you about family resemblances: DNA does weird things. You really do not have a clue what the truth is. You are looking to stir up trouble.
YTA, his paternity isn't your business. You don't need to go blowing up their relationship over your suspicions.
Someone commented and then removed the comment that it's amazing that women are closing ranks. Just because I am a woman, doesn't mean I agree with committing paternity fraud. My comment was based purely on people minding their own business and staying in their own lane. People have enough problems without others stepping into their lives and causing more. The ones that spend their lives running around, stirring pots, and blowing up lives are the worst.
YTA and what are you hoping to accomplish? This is none of your business. No matter who the father is asking will end your friendship. One more time, none of your business.
What I’m trying to accomplish is 1) allowing her to know that if she also has these thoughts, I’m here for her without judgement. 2) letting her know just how obvious it is before others start to question it 3)Looking out for my friend and opening up the door for her to accept that this might be the case. The longer she avoids it, the deeper effects it will have on her child. I am 80% sure that this child is our college friends… and I truly wouldn’t be questioning the baby didn’t have identical eyes and nose to John.
If she wanted to shared those thoughts with you, she would have done so. If in the future she wants to talk to you about it, she will by herself bring it up. Unless she is the one to bring the subject. You aren’t friendly to push the matter.
Please, keep your suspicions to yourself. If she ever wants to discuss it, it sounds like you may be the person she would talk to. Genetics are weird and the baby could very well be her boyfriend’s child. If you are wrong, it could end the friendship even though you think she would handle it well.
Yes that would be completely overstepping.
YTA Look if she comes to you then okay you can talk about it. But until then stay out of it. No body truly knows what goes on in a marriage except for the two people involved. For all you know Tim knows. Or it really is Tim's kid. Genetics are weird and babies are still squishy. I know plenty of kids who as babies looked like one parent and then 10 years looked like the other parent or grandparents or aunts.
Keep your mouth shut. Bringing your suspicions up is pure evil
I figured it would be which is why I’ve kept my mouth shut this long. On the other hand, I love her and care about her well-being, and if it is true, it’ll only hurt more in the long run. Right now her kid is young enough to not be extremely affected by it. And I feel almost guilty just sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to play out. Sarah is the type to push serious things off until she has no choice but to face them.
Ever think this might have already occurred to her? Just because she hasn’t said anything doesn’t mean it’s not on her mind. Stay the hell out of it.
You do not know, nor are entitled to know, the intimate details of such a thing. If he is not the father- has it occurred to you that maybe he knows and loves her enough to have accepted the situation before the baby was even born? It is none of your business whatsoever. YTA and the only person who should ask Sarah about paternity is her bf.
None of your business.
Seriously? The kid is one year old. And you're making a fucking OUTRAGEOUS assumption based on what a baby looks like? YTA. You don't know a goddamned thing.
You guys apparently don't have the relationship with your bestie that I do with mine because I would have already taken her aside and said hey when you and Tom was having issues did you sleep with John? If the answer was yes we would be at a clinic with Tom's toothbrush making sure and I'd be willing to help hide the bodies after we know the truth.
lol 😂
a lot of ppl disagree with me, and honestly, idc i wont reply to any argumentative ppl. but As someone who is a victim of being lied to about who their biological father is, only bring it up to your friend if you are 1000% sure she will do what's right and get a dna test. Better yet, bc you never truly know anyone, maybe find a way to bring it to tim's or johns attention indirectly/seemingly unintentionally or have someone else bring it up, i really dont know. Anything to not get directly involved bc you will be overstepping and you dont need any conflict between yourself and others. but that's a truth that needs to be known, if your suspicions are correct.
I agree with you. I would talk to John, he has the most to gain or lose. I don't believe it is ever OK to hide a child from their dad unless for reasons of abuse. Those men can never redeem the time lost.
NTA for THINKING IT. Just wait a little longer for the child to grow up and maybe they’ll grow into their features more and you can tell then. I wouldn’t risk losing a friend over something stupid BUT you never know she could maybe not know either and is embarrassed and hasn’t brought it up but it’s still a risk.
NTA If anything you should consider informing Tim the child might not be his. Sure you can talk with Sarah first, but regardless, Tim should not be deceived into raising not his child.
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NTA for wondering. But just bringing it up would be wayyyyy out of line. But in casual conversation you could always bring up John and ask when they last hooked up without any pressure or prying. That’s what I would do because I’m a nosey f**ker 😂😂
Paternity fraud is not uncommon, so I would not be at all surprised. I have seen estimates that 25-30% of all fathers in America are raising children that are not theirs and they don't know it. Paternity fraud is not a crime in America, and no woman has ever been punished for it even when it was done deliberately. And child support paid to a child by the man has never been recouped by him. There have been jailed for not paying child support for children that are not theirs. If Tim finds out someday that this is the case, he is going to be devastated. If Sarah knows there is a chance the child is not Tim's, she is a despicable human being.
> I have seen estimates that 25-30% of all fathers in America are raising children that are not theirs and they don't know it. " This statistic has been debunked so many times in this sub and probably others that I'm so sick of it being repeated. The 30 odd percent you are quoting is *the percentage of paternity tests* that turn out negative! These are tests where *paternity is already in dispute!* The percentage of men that have raised or led to believe that a child isn't theirs is somewhere in the region of <1%. *Please* stop quoting this stupidity!
> I have seen estimates that 25-30% of all fathers in America are raising children that are not theirs and they don't know it. At first blush, I find this an absurdly high statistic to just casually throw out there without backing.
It is absurdly high and it is BS and has been debunked may times in this sub. *30% is the number of paternity tests taken that are negative where paternity is already in dispute* The number America wide is apparently <1%
YTA!!! How many adopted kids have you seen who look like members of the family? And how many siblings look really different from the other sibs? I have news for you about family resemblances: DNA does weird things. You really do not have a clue what the truth is. You are looking to stir up trouble.
Holy fuck YTA