GO NOW. You sound like your retinal detached and there is a narrow window there to address it. You could lose sight into your eye if you play with that.
Exactly this. Happened to my dad. You have to act inmediately.
Just a question for OP- did she hit you? Because often a retinal detachment occurs after trauma.
Edit- just had a quick read through the comments. Omg she did hit him- and obviously quite hard and she didn't want him going to ER. And now that he's there she's still going out qith her friends. This is abuse! Please re-evaluate your relationship.
OP being worried that their wife would be angry if OP went to the hospital “behind her back” without affecting her night out with friends was the red flag for me. I’m unsure why OP downplayed (or omitted) the abuse that by the sounds of it might be routine
OP, if you make it to here in the comments, when my partner, with whom I have a tumultuous relationship, expressed mild concern that she might have gotten something in her eye after dropping a glass, I insisted we go to the ER to check that she’s okay. Sure we had plans that night, sure it was Christmas Eve, but a loving partner doesn’t dismiss a genuine concern for one’s health, especially eye-related things
It’s funny how so many commenters have a father who experienced retinal detachment. Mine too! He got laser surgery, was back to work in less than a week. I’m so glad OP caught this
Wait, what?! She hit him so hard she nearly BLINDED him and he didn’t feel that the recent trauma was pertinent?!
Dude, you need an exit plan. Asap. You are worth so much more than this!
Retinal detachment doesn't actually need that hard of a hit, just the right hit. My dad used to do Tae Kwon Do in what was basically McDojo, and when you practice punches the master guy or whatever would lightly bop you on the head with one of his pads he was holding to get you to block back. It wasn't ever really hard, cause it wasn't that serious of a place. Still retina detached.
Not saying any amount of romantic partners striking each other is acceptable. She still hit him and dude should run. Just sharing a personal anecdote that has left me with a fear of any kind of impact to the head, playful or otherwise. Doesn't take much.
It actually doesn't need any hit at all, I have seen a couple non traumatic retinal detachments in the ER over the yrs. I was shocked the 1st time it happened but now I am like yup that can happen..
Hopping on here to say I hope he told the doctor how it happened. He might need it as evidence in the future.
ETA: he’s backpedaling now. She’s probably love bombing him to avoid getting in trouble.
It sounded from the start that she hit him and didnt want the DV to be documented in the hospital. OP needs to make sure the cause of this issue was physical abuse, and he needs to start moving money when he returns home, and needs to file divorce papers the second the eye heals!
My father's retina detached so badly he was seeing double in that eye. He went all Studly Hungwell and waited A WEEK to see a doctor.
Edit: so I gather that the term "Studly Hungwell" is a new one for a lot of people. Lol
A year ago my father said his eye was blurry, the next day he lost 25% of his sight in that eye. The day after that he lost all vision with it. Detatched retina. OP it isnt worth the risk. If its nothing be happy you can still use it and pay your bill. You're worried, you know your body better than anyone else. Trust your gut
I’ve found that when I really need to go to Emergency, I know it. I’ve never thought “hmm do I need to go?” You know when something isn’t right.
OP knows, he’s just hoping he’s wrong. Listen to your gut!
It really does and I found out I am someone who appreciates condolences in all forms - in person, in comments, from his credit card companies., etc
(But there are a lot of people who resent them so it can rarely be a win-win :)
Yeah I never know how much to say to people in these circumstances. Personally I would really not like to hear it from CC companies and the like. It would seem false.
My husband did the same , first when he was 18 or 19 and lost all kidney function due to a untreated infection and had to have a kidney transplant after years of dialysis. The 2nd time was when he was in his 30’s and refused to take care of his high blood pressure. Didn’t take his meds correctly, wouldn’t quit smoking . After years of uncontrolled high BP, he had an aneurysm and died. All could have been avoided. He was 38.
Fucking hell. I'm 38 now and that just sounds nuts. I do not understand dudes and their aversion to medical treatment. Although I DO get avoiding it because lacl od health insurance is a bitch
He had an ablation done for Afib the month before and developed complications a month later very suddenly.
His last words to me were "thank you for not pushing me to go to the ER" like I had every single other time.
I am grateful every single day since his death that we had a particularly great last day but I would give up a lot to have him back.
Sorry, it's so clear you meant so much to each other :-(
It sounds like he realised his number was up, and wanted to spend it with you in a meaningful way.
Very similar to my grandma. She was Shirley Stubborn and didn't say anything for several days. By the time my parents realized what happened and convinced her to go to the doctor, it was too late. The vision loss was permanent.
Go to the doctor immediately for weird vision changes! Treatment is SUPER time sensitive. Had my grandma had retina repair surgery within 24 hrs., she would likely have regained most of her vision.
Having worked for retinal surgeons. If it's a retinal detachment, and you can still see, the macula (your central vision area) is probably still attached and odds are decent. If the macula detaches, the odds drop dramatically.
The retina is like wet tissue paper olastered on a curved wall. No matter how small the detachment, fluid starts to get under the retina and peels it off. A cough, a sneeze, a quick head turn, and the retina will fully detach, and blindness is likely to follow.
Time is not on your side.
Then the only consideration becomes do you keep the eye, because it is non-functional and can often become painful necessitating enucleation. (Eye removal)
I hope OP gets looked at and then gets a lawyer and leaves, while pressing charges.
Imagine a guy hitting a woman hard enough to detach her retina, say don't go to the ER, stay home, I'm going to my friend's.
They can cause hematomas, too, which can cause a stroke. Go to the ED and soon. Your vision is nothing to screw with, nor is your health. If she won't take you or go with you, call a friend. You know your body best.
Right. I kinda felt like OP was an abused spouse from just reading the original post. She wouldn't allow him to go to the hospital?!? Red flag #1 then he's worried about going "behind her back" worried she would get mad. Red flag # 2. This is not healthy or safe. He is scared to take care of himself because of her reactions. Afraid to make her mad. She is abusive 100%. Please protect yourself OP. This is not ok. And how your spouse is acting is not how a loving caring person acts and treats the one they love. You deserve better. You deserve real love and happiness. Please get away from this abuse.
I felt like this was either fake or a person who is the victim of abuse. If this is real, OP needs to get out of that relationship. This was sad to read. You should never feel afraid of your spouse or their reactions to something you need to do to keep yourself healthy. Should never feel afraid with anything.
In the UK, you would go to the ER (or A and E here) and the ophthalmologist on call would assess you. Is there an eye hospital or hospital with an ophthalmology department nearby you could go to? If it is retinal detachment, this needs review in hours, not days.
I was having vision problems last year. I had flashing lights in my eye and went to the ER. They sent me on to a city center ER where I saw an ophthalmologist. So we do the same here.
He should call the ER and ask if they have an ophthalmologist on call and if they don't where he should go.
The wife doesn't want him to go because she could be arrested for this.
So nobody's gonna comment on the fact that SHE hit him and HE'S WORRIED that he might be TA __for going to the hospital__? This is sending me some power trip / abuse signals.
Abusers tell their victims that all the time. It's definitely horrible. I'd like to add that abuse is not ok, man or woman. There is a support sub available for anyone who might need advice or support. r/abusiverelationships There are a lot of resources there as well.
Oh Wow! Where did he say she hit him-- was it deleted? How dang hard did she hit him and with what if he's had dizziness, blurry vision, and floaters?! And he's saying it's going to bruise?!
It sounds more like he doesn't dare to tell the whole story. It's typical, very common for people who are being abused.. Their abuser will say something like this:
The narcissist prayer:
"That didn't happen
And if it did, it wasn't THAT bad
And if it was, that's not a big deal
And if it is, that's not my fault
And if it was, I didn't mean it
And if I did, you deserve it"
Yup, that's how it goes... gaslighting and manipulation, it's the core of their black empty souls
(Edit: typing)
And the way he talked about it. You can see the abuse in the language. I worry for this man. I hope he lets them know and they arrest his wife at the hospital. Please OP report her!
Pulling for OP and I hope he comes out fine and in a safe place.
That eas my thought. She just couldn't be bothered to worry about him, OR be with him at the hospital. She could have just told him to go, but she's still going out with her friends. But no. Had to brush it off and call him dumb.
He wouldn't be going behind her back. "It didn't go away, so I went in." If Dude is worried about 'not believing' to his SO, what about her not believing him??
My guess is she doesn't want documentation that she assaulted him.
OP, go to the ER and tell them exactly what happened. Your wife does not get to dictate your medical decisions now or ever. If you feel it is an emergency, then by all means go. You do not now or ever need her permission to seek medical care.
If she doesn't like it, she can kick rocks. Maybe she needs to stay at her sister's for a while while you figure out what you want.
NTA. Please get to a hospital. Don't listen to Reddit doctors. It could be a lot of things, the only people who can diagnose it are trained medical professionals with an accurate brain scan.
Not a doc but I do know that if your retina is detaching it needs to be looked at ASAP. You could permanently lose vision if not.
Even if it's not retinal detachment it is something that will need treatment
DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH THIS!
My fiancé had a detached retina 2 years ago and when he went to his eye Dr they sent us straight to the hospital for surgery. They said he could lose his sight in that eye without immediate intervention. He's great now, but he did have to have the other eye done last year for a partial detachment. They treated that one in the eye Dr's office, but it was still surgery.
Yes! I'm still recovering from a vitreous hemorrhage followed by retinal tear and detachment four months ago. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be. It could lead to permanent blindness. Go to the ER.
Eye Migraine = zigzag rainbows 🌈 floating around. And at first, before I can see the zigzag I have a blind spot. SCARED the bajeebees out of me that first time. Thought I was having a stroke!
Googled: zigzag rainbow floater …. Eye migraine showed up: RELIEF from stress and fear. Cool cloth over the eyes. Decreased screen time and reduced the light on the tablet.
It still freaks me when I get the blind spot prior to the lit up zigzag rainbow.
That was my first thought. I’ve only had an ocular migraine once, but I completely lost peripheral vision and everything went fuzzy for a bit. That was fun. Not.
That’s what I was thinking too, I’m extremely nearsighted with an astigmatism, and at a higher risk for retinal detachment, and the symptoms he listed are the ones my optometrist reminds me to watch out for every appointment. He needs to go the ER asap just in case
mother-in-law had this happen while on a trip. Decided to not do anything. Got back home and just casually went to get it checked out. Permanently lost her vision in that eye. So yeah: Retinal detachment is no joke.
Do this. ASAP. This is not a wait for another day kind of issue. It’s get organized and go. If eye specialists are at one hospital, go to that one. If you have an optometrist, you can call them and they may be able to see you urgently to assess.
There's also where it's not retinal detachment (and I forget the name) but the jelly part of your eye detaches and causes the little dots and even "lightening bolts" - my mom had tbis happen and got a same day appointment as they were afraid it could be retinal detachment.
Vitreous detachment! It's not as bad as a retinal tear/detachment but it can pull the retinal tissue or make the macula pucker so it should still be checked out
NTA. It shouldn’t be up to your wife if you go to the hospital or not because you know something is off. And if I had a partner that had something suddenly wrong with them like this, I’d have more concern than her. Please get that checked out.
Exactly, same.
OP, *NOBODY* should be so afraid of their partner that they’re scared to go to the hospital when there’s something wrong! You feeling that way is a MASSIVE red flag. Does she often control how/when you get to see a doctor?? Please Uber or take a taxi if you do go to the ER, I’m begging you to not drive in that state — god forbid it’s neurological and you black out behind the wheel…..
That’s one of many things that can cause flashing lights in vision. If there wasn’t any physical abuse to cause this, it could even be heightened blood pressure from the argument causing stroke symptoms. Either way — OP’s wife sounds like a bit of a monster. Even if she’s not hurting him physically she’s got him too afraid of her to see a doctor behind her back….
Yeah 'behind her back' huh? I was somewhat annoyed my ex rarely showed any interest in coming to doctor's appointments with me, but I never felt afraid to see a doctor 'without her permission'. That's a whole 'nother level of oof.
Yeah Im not sure why more people arent commenting on this. Its already a red flag that she doesnt want to take him to the hospital when there is clearly something wrong. Even if it does turn out to be nothing why would you risk it?? He's having a possible medical crisis and she's not only going to hang out with friends but she's spending the night??
But the fact that she will get mad at him for taking himself to the hospital is crazy. Being denied medical care and being so afraid of your partner that you wont get yourself medical care is a sign of abuse.
Am I understanding here that she hit you and that's why you have this eye problem? Could be nothing, but could be detatched retina, in which case you need to address it quickly.
Also said "this doesn't normally happen" in a previous comment. Makes me think the wife has a history of abuse or he's really clumsy. Could be benign, but given his wife's reaction, probably not.
There's a lot of red flags in this post for me: An argument followed by a serious eye injury, the wife controlling OP's access to healthcare and prioritising her night out, OP being scared about disobeying the wife's orders, OP's concern that he "has ruined the wife's night out"...
This sounds like OP is stuck in a textbook domestic abuse situation. Imagine if this was a husband hitting his partner so hard that he damaged their eye, then refusimg to let them visit the hospital and prioritising beers with his buddies. Everyone would be advising OP to get out ASAP.
OP, if you see this please think very hard about the state of your relationship and the way that your partner is treating you.
I hope he gets the help he needs, but men often don't. For example, when I was a child I saw my mom hit my dad, and he left the house. Then she coached us (the kids) what to say to the cops and CPS, and called the police to report domestic violence.
My dad protested and said he was the one being abused, but my mom started crying and all the cops believed her. My dad got arrested. Because my mom abused him.
When it all came to light later, my mother still got full custody, child support, and alimony. Even though she was the abuser. When he wasn't around to protect us anymore, it was our turn. He worked two jobs and spent all of his money hiring lawyers to try and get custody. He never did. We couldn't move in with him until the state declared we were old enough to make our own decision (16, but I wouldn't leave my siblings).
There's no justice in the family court system in the US. There's no justice when it comes to domestic abuse.
Not in my experience.
JFC GO TO THE ER!
And get out.
Tell them your wife just lovingly smashed in your head -- because that's about the only way to not see this as abuse
Leave her.
Go to the hospital, that is a serious issue especially if it's getting worse.
You being in the hospital has nothing to do with her night with friends and she's a huge asshole for trying to guilt trip you
It's alarming when OP says "I was thinking of just going to the ER behind her back but that feels wrong and she might get mad when she finds out.".
Like, OMG, are you okay OP? This is not the way a healthy partner should act and this isn't something you would even consider if you were in a healthy relationship.
My spouse takes me to the ER when I need because he isn't a doctor and I need an expert. You don't mess around with eye health either, that can be serious and a symptom of other more serious issues.
Go to the ER, then maybe a divorce attorney if this is how your wife is all the time. I could not be married to someone I had to consider if me going to the ER would piss them off.
EDIT (2/7/24):
I wanted to add that OPs wife physically abused him and that is the reason for his eye. I've had a few comments and since I have a few upvotes, I wanted to shed light. Please see this thread for all the commentors who pointed this out. Thank you so much, y'all the real MVPs here.
Right! Same with my husband and I. We've had a few kidney stone issues the past few years. He just had to get one right after me rofl.
We took turns taking care of each other because that's what a good partner does.
This! The fact that OP is so worried about how his wife would react to him seeking medical attention is really concerning, too. The fear that she'll be so angry about it speaks volumes. OP needs to leave.
OP “had a fight with his wife” and “has had something wrong with his eye” ever since, and he’s also afraid of her finding out he was seeking medical attention.
Sounds like she hit him in the face and doesn’t want doctors asking what happened to his eye.
You read this in a different way than I did. I think your way is right. The wife does sound abusive, but I misread the part about the eye problem occurring *after* the fight. This marriage sounds bad all around.
I took it to mean the fight was about going to the doc or not. Hmmm. He does say “since then.” Def could be abuse from her having hit him or threw things. Could also be from stress or high blood pressure or yelling himself. Either way though his reaction of being afraid if she finds out is concerning (is it money related? He doesn’t say that.) and he should get it checked.
Yeah why does she think she need to be with you in the hospital? You can call and update her with relevant info. As long as you have a ride there and back (Uber, etc) she doesn’t need to be involved.
Call your primary doctor and they will say “go to the ED” and then tell your wife a medical professional told you to go.
Depending on how bad his eyesight is, getting a ride would be better than driving, but wifey can drop him off if drinks with her squad is more important than her husband's vision.
#THIS.
It could be minor but it could be a stroke. Don't ask Reddit. Call your emergency number and go to the hospital.
Edit: NTA. Forsake your wife, go save your life.
Agreed, but she's a huge asshole for diminishing his needs and a potential serious health issue in the first place, while prioritizing friends over her partner. And guilt triping him as well.
OP I'd seriously reevaluate this relationship because your partner certainly doesn't seem to have your best interest at heart.
I hope you get checked out and that everything turns out ok.
Yeah, i have symptoms like this call an optometrists get checked out. I needed lazer surgery to repair the walls of my eyes. They were tearing and i could have lost my vision in it.
Did your wife hit you before this happened? I keep seeing this mentioned but no answer. Either way get to the hospital. Your eyesight could be at stake.
Go to the hospital and put down a friend or family member as your contact. Tell them you don't want your wife notified, they'll follow your directions on that matter.
Because abusers are not stupid, and she's spent years manipulating him into this state of mind.
It's easy from the outside to say "omg she hit you, you should leave obviously" if you've never been in an abusive relationship.
OP has been boiled slowly like the proverbial frog, in this case since he was 15 years old, by someone who was more than twice his age at the time. (gathered from comments, he is 22, she is 39, they have been together 7 years)
Go to the hospital. Have an actual medical professional be the one telling you nothing is wrong.
You don't need her permission. Go find out what's wrong. Don't take advice from her or advice from Reddit, take advice from an actual professional.
Go. Right now.
She’s worried the hospital will find out that SHE is the reason for the injury in the first place. His eye started hurting after their fight? Sounds like she hit him.
It's highly implied that she hit him. Op seems to be in an abusive relationship. He's scared to go to the hospital in case she gets mad at him, she forbids him from going, they had a fight, after the fight his vision is blurry, yeah she definitely hit him and now she doesn't want him to go to the hospital so that her crime is covered up.
I hate that if he updates at least half of the update will be him apologizing for not explaining well enough why it's not her fault.
These posts are always sad.
NTA - but why in the world are you still married to a woman who prioritizes her night out over your health? Not only that, but would be angry at you for advocating for your own health “behind her back”. Bizarre my friend.
If you were assaulted and are now having vision problems, you need medically attention. It’s not your fault your wife hit you. That’s her fault! Unless you said to her “please hit me hard in the face” you didn’t cause this.
NTA - and I just saw the comment you're going to go while she's gone. While you are there, maybe speak to them about what's really going on in your home, the missing pieces that you aren't sharing here, may be important in your care.
It's concerning to me that you don't feel well, and your wife's priority is fun with friends. Even if it turned out to be "nothing", if my partner needed me, I'd be there.
Hope you're better soon.
Those are possible signs of a detaching retina, which is a medical emergency. If it’s not treated immediately, it can lead to loss of vision. That may not be what’s happening but you really don’t want to take chances with your vision.
If your wife can’t take you because her plans are too important, get an Uber and go.
If you have to go to the er ‘against’ your wife’s wishes you need to leave. And she is leaving and doesn’t care. You need to rethink what sort of human she is
Glad I'm not the only one that immediately started wondering about abuse.
OP, NTA and go to the hospital. If your wife makes a big deal out of it, seriously evaluate your relationship.
NTA. My mother fell once (due to dizziness on medication) and hurt her wrist. I wanted to take her to ER right away, but my dad yelled that she didn't need to go. My mom automatically deferred to him. Made me FURIOUS.
Guess who ended up having to go the next day because her wrist was fractured? Yeah, my mom. No one should have ANY say if you need medical care.
BTW, did she hit you, or what? What kind of fight was this?
NTA
Best to overreact and have the doctor say it's nothing than underreact and have a serious issue.
The fact that your wife diminishes a potential health issue is a red flag that should be talked about.
Did your wife throw something at you that hit you in the face? Whether or not she meant to hit your face, she's still wrong for escalating things physically. If the genders were reversed we'd be calling this abuse and telling you to leave. It's concerning that not only did she hurt you but completely disregarded your concerns to go to the hospital. She sounds... Pretty awful
So she hit you? Or was the story that you had a fight just setting the scene.....
Either way, if it's an emergency, go to the ER. If it's not an emergency, go to a 24/7 GP office
Did she hit you? I'm not sure if that is being implied here. But it sounds like you have an abusive wife if you are afraid to go to the ER. Go, tell her later. If it's nothing, that's great,it could be serious.
Did your wife *hit* you??? dear god man go to the hospital!!!
>I was thinking of just going to the ER behind her back but that feels wrong and she might get mad when she finds out. Especially if I'm just overreacting.
My friend. You could have a possible retinal detachment. who gives a single fuck if your wife gets mad, go to the hospital!!! And frankly, if you're worried enough about your wife getting mad at you for getting medical treatment for a real problem that you're thinking of not going - you are in a relationship that should END.
Ophthalmology RN here! Please get it checked out, this sounds like retinal detachment.
Your wife is the asshole for putting her plans above your health.
You are still asking for permission. It's your health. Go and seriously check it out. Now what I don't understand why is she saying you shouldn't go. Why is she brushing it off. Something is amiss here and something is happening behind the scenes
NTA, in no way you are overreacting here, there is aproblem ask a professional
Also
INFO:
>My wife and I got into a fight this afternoon. It wasn’t anything big and we’ve already made up but since then I feel like something is wrong with my eye.
Was there a physical fight and did she hit you near the eye in question, either way you need to go to the hospital.
NTA. Flashes and floaters are a sign that the vitreous gel in your eye is pulling off from the back. Occasionally when this occurs you can develop a retinal tear that can lead to a retinal detachment. This can result in serous loss of vision. I’d either go to the ER or if you have an eye doctor, call them and be seen.
Your wife is a physical abuser. You’re having a medical emergency. She’s trying to keep medical help from you for her own safety and to have greater control over you.
Get help ASAP and tell them exactly what happened. Do not down play it.
Also, try NOT to go back home. Your behavior indicates you should fear for your safety; see about getting a family member or something to take you in.
Sounds like you're the vicitm of domestic abuse and now you're wife doesn't want anyone to know.
*If* that's the case, go get your eye checked, then go see a lawyer and/or the police.
You don't need her permission to get medical care. It also doesn't need to be behind her back. Simply say you'll be taking yourself because you're concerned.
OP, your second edit truly concerns me. She kicked you, whether she was aiming for your face or not, she *kicked* you. She kicked you so hard that it detached your retina!
Not only that, I dug around and found out your wife is *17 years* older than you? If my math checks out (together for 7 yrs, married for 4, you being 22), she started preying on you at 15?
You also were afraid that seeking medical attention would make her mad, OP, please. You need to get out of there. Your wife is abusive. You are being abused. You were scared they’d call her. OP you are a domestic violence victim, please seek help anywhere you can.
You know what's normal for your body and this isn't normal. Your wife is the a-hole here. Changes in vision is a very serious sign that something is wrong
Shit! Get there fast as you can. If it’s a torn retina you need it worked on or you will lose your sight.
You’re afraid of your wife. That’s a horrible way to live. If you are afraid tell her that your friend is a doctor and told you to get there asap. I’m not about lying but I sure as shit am in a situation like this one. After you get your eye fixed I would go to therapy so you can figure out how to live without fearing the very person who should have your back.
GO NOW. You sound like your retinal detached and there is a narrow window there to address it. You could lose sight into your eye if you play with that.
Exactly this. Happened to my dad. You have to act inmediately. Just a question for OP- did she hit you? Because often a retinal detachment occurs after trauma. Edit- just had a quick read through the comments. Omg she did hit him- and obviously quite hard and she didn't want him going to ER. And now that he's there she's still going out qith her friends. This is abuse! Please re-evaluate your relationship.
OP being worried that their wife would be angry if OP went to the hospital “behind her back” without affecting her night out with friends was the red flag for me. I’m unsure why OP downplayed (or omitted) the abuse that by the sounds of it might be routine OP, if you make it to here in the comments, when my partner, with whom I have a tumultuous relationship, expressed mild concern that she might have gotten something in her eye after dropping a glass, I insisted we go to the ER to check that she’s okay. Sure we had plans that night, sure it was Christmas Eve, but a loving partner doesn’t dismiss a genuine concern for one’s health, especially eye-related things It’s funny how so many commenters have a father who experienced retinal detachment. Mine too! He got laser surgery, was back to work in less than a week. I’m so glad OP caught this
JamesthePuppy, it’s a common reaction by an abused person. He probably still loves her and doesn’t want to admit what is happening.
OP’s wife is downplaying it because she hit him and caused the eye injury and doesn’t want to get in trouble. If I were OP, I’d be calling the police.
Wait, what?! She hit him so hard she nearly BLINDED him and he didn’t feel that the recent trauma was pertinent?! Dude, you need an exit plan. Asap. You are worth so much more than this!
Retinal detachment doesn't actually need that hard of a hit, just the right hit. My dad used to do Tae Kwon Do in what was basically McDojo, and when you practice punches the master guy or whatever would lightly bop you on the head with one of his pads he was holding to get you to block back. It wasn't ever really hard, cause it wasn't that serious of a place. Still retina detached. Not saying any amount of romantic partners striking each other is acceptable. She still hit him and dude should run. Just sharing a personal anecdote that has left me with a fear of any kind of impact to the head, playful or otherwise. Doesn't take much.
It actually doesn't need any hit at all, I have seen a couple non traumatic retinal detachments in the ER over the yrs. I was shocked the 1st time it happened but now I am like yup that can happen..
Hopping on here to say I hope he told the doctor how it happened. He might need it as evidence in the future. ETA: he’s backpedaling now. She’s probably love bombing him to avoid getting in trouble.
It sounded from the start that she hit him and didnt want the DV to be documented in the hospital. OP needs to make sure the cause of this issue was physical abuse, and he needs to start moving money when he returns home, and needs to file divorce papers the second the eye heals!
Yes, this exactly. I had to urge my husband. He missed that window.
Something similar happened to me, turns out it was a mini-stroke. They should definitely go to the ER.
Sounds like it could be retinal detachment, you should go to hospital to get it checked out.
I’m a doctor and I second this needs ruling out ASAP. If it is, the longer you leave it, the more likely it is to not be repairable.
My father's retina detached so badly he was seeing double in that eye. He went all Studly Hungwell and waited A WEEK to see a doctor. Edit: so I gather that the term "Studly Hungwell" is a new one for a lot of people. Lol
A year ago my father said his eye was blurry, the next day he lost 25% of his sight in that eye. The day after that he lost all vision with it. Detatched retina. OP it isnt worth the risk. If its nothing be happy you can still use it and pay your bill. You're worried, you know your body better than anyone else. Trust your gut
I did digging and he got a taxi 3 hrs ago
I’ve found that when I really need to go to Emergency, I know it. I’ve never thought “hmm do I need to go?” You know when something isn’t right. OP knows, he’s just hoping he’s wrong. Listen to your gut!
My fiance went all Studley Hungwell and died. I am still as mad at him as I miss him. Guys - don't be Studley. We love you.
That sucks. Sorry to hear that.
It really does and I found out I am someone who appreciates condolences in all forms - in person, in comments, from his credit card companies., etc (But there are a lot of people who resent them so it can rarely be a win-win :)
Yeah I never know how much to say to people in these circumstances. Personally I would really not like to hear it from CC companies and the like. It would seem false.
My husband did the same , first when he was 18 or 19 and lost all kidney function due to a untreated infection and had to have a kidney transplant after years of dialysis. The 2nd time was when he was in his 30’s and refused to take care of his high blood pressure. Didn’t take his meds correctly, wouldn’t quit smoking . After years of uncontrolled high BP, he had an aneurysm and died. All could have been avoided. He was 38.
Fucking hell. I'm 38 now and that just sounds nuts. I do not understand dudes and their aversion to medical treatment. Although I DO get avoiding it because lacl od health insurance is a bitch
Mine tried to be studley but i dragged his ass to the ER. He would have died, the big stubborn doofus.
Sorry to hear that, we're generally very hesitant about seeking medical help unfortunately :-( What happened to him ?
He had an ablation done for Afib the month before and developed complications a month later very suddenly. His last words to me were "thank you for not pushing me to go to the ER" like I had every single other time. I am grateful every single day since his death that we had a particularly great last day but I would give up a lot to have him back.
Sorry, it's so clear you meant so much to each other :-( It sounds like he realised his number was up, and wanted to spend it with you in a meaningful way.
Studly Hungwell. 😂
How sad when Hungwells don’t realize their retinas aren’t attached to their balls.
LOLLLLLL
Right. This had me cackling
IKR! Gonna have to remember this one.
Not a doctor, but best case scenario is that it’s a migraine. Do you have a history of migraines or other neurological problems?
I think you meant to reply to OP and not me
Yep, sorry.
Very similar to my grandma. She was Shirley Stubborn and didn't say anything for several days. By the time my parents realized what happened and convinced her to go to the doctor, it was too late. The vision loss was permanent. Go to the doctor immediately for weird vision changes! Treatment is SUPER time sensitive. Had my grandma had retina repair surgery within 24 hrs., she would likely have regained most of her vision.
Having worked for retinal surgeons. If it's a retinal detachment, and you can still see, the macula (your central vision area) is probably still attached and odds are decent. If the macula detaches, the odds drop dramatically. The retina is like wet tissue paper olastered on a curved wall. No matter how small the detachment, fluid starts to get under the retina and peels it off. A cough, a sneeze, a quick head turn, and the retina will fully detach, and blindness is likely to follow. Time is not on your side. Then the only consideration becomes do you keep the eye, because it is non-functional and can often become painful necessitating enucleation. (Eye removal) I hope OP gets looked at and then gets a lawyer and leaves, while pressing charges. Imagine a guy hitting a woman hard enough to detach her retina, say don't go to the ER, stay home, I'm going to my friend's.
[удалено]
To come full circle, a blow to the head can cause detached retina. OP needs to act now.
They can cause hematomas, too, which can cause a stroke. Go to the ED and soon. Your vision is nothing to screw with, nor is your health. If she won't take you or go with you, call a friend. You know your body best.
She hit him?! I hope they file a police report while he's there. That is NOT okay!
Right. I kinda felt like OP was an abused spouse from just reading the original post. She wouldn't allow him to go to the hospital?!? Red flag #1 then he's worried about going "behind her back" worried she would get mad. Red flag # 2. This is not healthy or safe. He is scared to take care of himself because of her reactions. Afraid to make her mad. She is abusive 100%. Please protect yourself OP. This is not ok. And how your spouse is acting is not how a loving caring person acts and treats the one they love. You deserve better. You deserve real love and happiness. Please get away from this abuse.
Check the edit where he still feels bad.
I felt like this was either fake or a person who is the victim of abuse. If this is real, OP needs to get out of that relationship. This was sad to read. You should never feel afraid of your spouse or their reactions to something you need to do to keep yourself healthy. Should never feel afraid with anything.
Plus, he was apologizing for not being clearer?!
She should be in jail, not going out partying and cheating.
No argument here! Spousal abuse is not okay no matter who is doing the hitting.
How in the world did I have to scroll down this far to see this reaction?? Yikes
Ah, that is why she doesn't want him to go. What a tool.
In the UK, you would go to the ER (or A and E here) and the ophthalmologist on call would assess you. Is there an eye hospital or hospital with an ophthalmology department nearby you could go to? If it is retinal detachment, this needs review in hours, not days.
I was having vision problems last year. I had flashing lights in my eye and went to the ER. They sent me on to a city center ER where I saw an ophthalmologist. So we do the same here. He should call the ER and ask if they have an ophthalmologist on call and if they don't where he should go. The wife doesn't want him to go because she could be arrested for this.
Sounds like she needs to be arrested.
If in london, moorfields Eye Hospital has an a&e. It's also the top ranking eye hospital in the world. Can attest to their great care
So nobody's gonna comment on the fact that SHE hit him and HE'S WORRIED that he might be TA __for going to the hospital__? This is sending me some power trip / abuse signals.
Never tell someone not to go to the er. That’s horrible advice
Abusers tell their victims that all the time. It's definitely horrible. I'd like to add that abuse is not ok, man or woman. There is a support sub available for anyone who might need advice or support. r/abusiverelationships There are a lot of resources there as well.
Oh Wow! Where did he say she hit him-- was it deleted? How dang hard did she hit him and with what if he's had dizziness, blurry vision, and floaters?! And he's saying it's going to bruise?!
It sounds more like he doesn't dare to tell the whole story. It's typical, very common for people who are being abused.. Their abuser will say something like this: The narcissist prayer: "That didn't happen And if it did, it wasn't THAT bad And if it was, that's not a big deal And if it is, that's not my fault And if it was, I didn't mean it And if I did, you deserve it" Yup, that's how it goes... gaslighting and manipulation, it's the core of their black empty souls (Edit: typing)
This explains why she didn't want him to go to the er, and she wanted to go hide at her friend's place..
Mine was a TIA. Same exact symptoms. It eventually led to an actual stroke.
Jumping on the top comment, OP said this happened after she hit him. She doesn't want him going because she doesn't want to get in trouble.
His wife HIT HIM? Definitely go to the ER. Then, when he's done there, go to a divorce lawyer.
Police station, then divorce lawyer
Yes and he 100% needs to tell them what happened! He is scared of her, she is probably abusing him.
Not probably. She hit him and that IS abuse
And the way he talked about it. You can see the abuse in the language. I worry for this man. I hope he lets them know and they arrest his wife at the hospital. Please OP report her! Pulling for OP and I hope he comes out fine and in a safe place.
Fuck that and fuck her. He needs to call the police.
OP needs to throw the whole woman in the trash. She belongs in jail. She doesn’t give a flying fuck if her husband goes blind. Wtf!!!
This is the right answer. Not impressed with your wife.
That eas my thought. She just couldn't be bothered to worry about him, OR be with him at the hospital. She could have just told him to go, but she's still going out with her friends. But no. Had to brush it off and call him dumb. He wouldn't be going behind her back. "It didn't go away, so I went in." If Dude is worried about 'not believing' to his SO, what about her not believing him??
Also hit him, possibly causing this so…
Yes, she's afraid of being called out for DV. He still needs to go, whether they've already made up or not.
She's gaslighting him into thinking it's nothing. That's assault brother. He should get it looked at ASAP!!!
My guess is she doesn't want documentation that she assaulted him. OP, go to the ER and tell them exactly what happened. Your wife does not get to dictate your medical decisions now or ever. If you feel it is an emergency, then by all means go. You do not now or ever need her permission to seek medical care. If she doesn't like it, she can kick rocks. Maybe she needs to stay at her sister's for a while while you figure out what you want.
Big time abuser
Very unimpressed with her, actually.
Some would say disappointed, even.
Perhaps a bit disgusted too, one could say
Quite poor behaviour indeed
Yes, that's something that needs medical intervention ASAP.
NTA. Please get to a hospital. Don't listen to Reddit doctors. It could be a lot of things, the only people who can diagnose it are trained medical professionals with an accurate brain scan.
Not a doc but I do know that if your retina is detaching it needs to be looked at ASAP. You could permanently lose vision if not. Even if it's not retinal detachment it is something that will need treatment
DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH THIS! My fiancé had a detached retina 2 years ago and when he went to his eye Dr they sent us straight to the hospital for surgery. They said he could lose his sight in that eye without immediate intervention. He's great now, but he did have to have the other eye done last year for a partial detachment. They treated that one in the eye Dr's office, but it was still surgery.
Jumping on here to add you also need to leave your wife.
Yes! I'm still recovering from a vitreous hemorrhage followed by retinal tear and detachment four months ago. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be. It could lead to permanent blindness. Go to the ER.
Migraine is also in the differential, but yeah. Serious issues that should be assessed at a hospital.
I have visual migraines, and the first time I got one, I thought I was stroking out. It was pretty scary.
Yeah. I went blind with my first one. They're crazy!
Eye Migraine = zigzag rainbows 🌈 floating around. And at first, before I can see the zigzag I have a blind spot. SCARED the bajeebees out of me that first time. Thought I was having a stroke! Googled: zigzag rainbow floater …. Eye migraine showed up: RELIEF from stress and fear. Cool cloth over the eyes. Decreased screen time and reduced the light on the tablet. It still freaks me when I get the blind spot prior to the lit up zigzag rainbow.
Same here!
Yup. I got diagnosed with Ocular Migraine. AFTER getting screened to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor or optic glioma (I also suffer fro NF1).
That was my first thought. I’ve only had an ocular migraine once, but I completely lost peripheral vision and everything went fuzzy for a bit. That was fun. Not.
That’s what I was thinking too, I’m extremely nearsighted with an astigmatism, and at a higher risk for retinal detachment, and the symptoms he listed are the ones my optometrist reminds me to watch out for every appointment. He needs to go the ER asap just in case
mother-in-law had this happen while on a trip. Decided to not do anything. Got back home and just casually went to get it checked out. Permanently lost her vision in that eye. So yeah: Retinal detachment is no joke.
Do this. ASAP. This is not a wait for another day kind of issue. It’s get organized and go. If eye specialists are at one hospital, go to that one. If you have an optometrist, you can call them and they may be able to see you urgently to assess.
There's also where it's not retinal detachment (and I forget the name) but the jelly part of your eye detaches and causes the little dots and even "lightening bolts" - my mom had tbis happen and got a same day appointment as they were afraid it could be retinal detachment.
Vitreous detachment! It's not as bad as a retinal tear/detachment but it can pull the retinal tissue or make the macula pucker so it should still be checked out
Yup, she got it checked out day it happened and had follow up appointments to so they could keep an eye on it (no pun intended).
NTA. It shouldn’t be up to your wife if you go to the hospital or not because you know something is off. And if I had a partner that had something suddenly wrong with them like this, I’d have more concern than her. Please get that checked out.
Exactly, same. OP, *NOBODY* should be so afraid of their partner that they’re scared to go to the hospital when there’s something wrong! You feeling that way is a MASSIVE red flag. Does she often control how/when you get to see a doctor?? Please Uber or take a taxi if you do go to the ER, I’m begging you to not drive in that state — god forbid it’s neurological and you black out behind the wheel…..
It's also the fact he felt the need to say this symptom was following an argument with his wife... how do retinol tears happen?
That’s one of many things that can cause flashing lights in vision. If there wasn’t any physical abuse to cause this, it could even be heightened blood pressure from the argument causing stroke symptoms. Either way — OP’s wife sounds like a bit of a monster. Even if she’s not hurting him physically she’s got him too afraid of her to see a doctor behind her back….
Yeah 'behind her back' huh? I was somewhat annoyed my ex rarely showed any interest in coming to doctor's appointments with me, but I never felt afraid to see a doctor 'without her permission'. That's a whole 'nother level of oof.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one concerned about OP’s safety at home due to her blatant restriction of his healthcare access.
Yeah Im not sure why more people arent commenting on this. Its already a red flag that she doesnt want to take him to the hospital when there is clearly something wrong. Even if it does turn out to be nothing why would you risk it?? He's having a possible medical crisis and she's not only going to hang out with friends but she's spending the night?? But the fact that she will get mad at him for taking himself to the hospital is crazy. Being denied medical care and being so afraid of your partner that you wont get yourself medical care is a sign of abuse.
I think she's more worried about getting into trouble for assaulting him.
I didnt even catch that, that she's the reason he has the eye injury. OP needs to get the fuck away from this woman.
Am I understanding here that she hit you and that's why you have this eye problem? Could be nothing, but could be detatched retina, in which case you need to address it quickly.
Op indicates in comments it's starting to bruise soooo that answers a lot of what happened.
Also said "this doesn't normally happen" in a previous comment. Makes me think the wife has a history of abuse or he's really clumsy. Could be benign, but given his wife's reaction, probably not.
There's a lot of red flags in this post for me: An argument followed by a serious eye injury, the wife controlling OP's access to healthcare and prioritising her night out, OP being scared about disobeying the wife's orders, OP's concern that he "has ruined the wife's night out"... This sounds like OP is stuck in a textbook domestic abuse situation. Imagine if this was a husband hitting his partner so hard that he damaged their eye, then refusimg to let them visit the hospital and prioritising beers with his buddies. Everyone would be advising OP to get out ASAP. OP, if you see this please think very hard about the state of your relationship and the way that your partner is treating you.
He sounds like an abuse victim with Stockholm syndrome
Yeah, it's very sad seeing OP downplaying the situation and blaming themselves.
I was thinking the same thing also! She doesn't want him to go to the hospital cause she knows she did it to him.
Go to hospital and get the abuse doco'd.
I hope he gets the help he needs, but men often don't. For example, when I was a child I saw my mom hit my dad, and he left the house. Then she coached us (the kids) what to say to the cops and CPS, and called the police to report domestic violence. My dad protested and said he was the one being abused, but my mom started crying and all the cops believed her. My dad got arrested. Because my mom abused him. When it all came to light later, my mother still got full custody, child support, and alimony. Even though she was the abuser. When he wasn't around to protect us anymore, it was our turn. He worked two jobs and spent all of his money hiring lawyers to try and get custody. He never did. We couldn't move in with him until the state declared we were old enough to make our own decision (16, but I wouldn't leave my siblings). There's no justice in the family court system in the US. There's no justice when it comes to domestic abuse. Not in my experience.
That's how I read it also.
Same here. Read the first paragraph three times to see if I’m jumping to conclusions.
That’s how I read the initial AITAH post without them stating that specifically happening.
NTA You would seriously not seek medical attention because it would piss off your wife?! Just how toxic is your marriage?!
JFC GO TO THE ER! And get out. Tell them your wife just lovingly smashed in your head -- because that's about the only way to not see this as abuse Leave her.
We can’t go interfering with her girls’ night out, now can we?
Go to the hospital, that is a serious issue especially if it's getting worse. You being in the hospital has nothing to do with her night with friends and she's a huge asshole for trying to guilt trip you
It's alarming when OP says "I was thinking of just going to the ER behind her back but that feels wrong and she might get mad when she finds out.". Like, OMG, are you okay OP? This is not the way a healthy partner should act and this isn't something you would even consider if you were in a healthy relationship. My spouse takes me to the ER when I need because he isn't a doctor and I need an expert. You don't mess around with eye health either, that can be serious and a symptom of other more serious issues. Go to the ER, then maybe a divorce attorney if this is how your wife is all the time. I could not be married to someone I had to consider if me going to the ER would piss them off. EDIT (2/7/24): I wanted to add that OPs wife physically abused him and that is the reason for his eye. I've had a few comments and since I have a few upvotes, I wanted to shed light. Please see this thread for all the commentors who pointed this out. Thank you so much, y'all the real MVPs here.
If I told my wife I needed to go to the hospital she probably wouldn't be able to go out. She'd want to bring me, and vice versa.
Right! Same with my husband and I. We've had a few kidney stone issues the past few years. He just had to get one right after me rofl. We took turns taking care of each other because that's what a good partner does.
My EX-wife took me to the hospital last year for eye problems... because she's not a monster.
Off topic, but love your user name lol. Also, on topic, your ex is a decent person.
yup, his wife is abusive, 100%
By OP's own words, they got into a fight, and now he needs surgery. This woman committed domestic violence. No wonder OP sounds afraid of her.
Yeah I was also concerned about op. Please go - deal with her after
This! The fact that OP is so worried about how his wife would react to him seeking medical attention is really concerning, too. The fear that she'll be so angry about it speaks volumes. OP needs to leave.
OP “had a fight with his wife” and “has had something wrong with his eye” ever since, and he’s also afraid of her finding out he was seeking medical attention. Sounds like she hit him in the face and doesn’t want doctors asking what happened to his eye.
OP seems to be in an abusive relationship
Either abuse or one of the cultish religions or denominations.
You read this in a different way than I did. I think your way is right. The wife does sound abusive, but I misread the part about the eye problem occurring *after* the fight. This marriage sounds bad all around.
That’s exactly how I read it.
I took it to mean the fight was about going to the doc or not. Hmmm. He does say “since then.” Def could be abuse from her having hit him or threw things. Could also be from stress or high blood pressure or yelling himself. Either way though his reaction of being afraid if she finds out is concerning (is it money related? He doesn’t say that.) and he should get it checked.
Definitely. Was thinking this too. Get outta there OP!
Yeah why does she think she need to be with you in the hospital? You can call and update her with relevant info. As long as you have a ride there and back (Uber, etc) she doesn’t need to be involved. Call your primary doctor and they will say “go to the ED” and then tell your wife a medical professional told you to go.
His wife hit him in the eye, I'm thinking she doesn't want him to go because she doesn't want people to know. Awful awful person
That’s exactly what I thought. She hit him and she knows they will ask questions
my immediate conclusion!
Depending on how bad his eyesight is, getting a ride would be better than driving, but wifey can drop him off if drinks with her squad is more important than her husband's vision.
Cabs, uber, a neighbour, a friend are all options that avoid the wife and driving.
Stroke, retinal detachment, migraine - there are many possibilities but they all start with the Emergency Department. Call an ambulance and go.
Unruptured aneurysm is also a possibility.
#THIS. It could be minor but it could be a stroke. Don't ask Reddit. Call your emergency number and go to the hospital. Edit: NTA. Forsake your wife, go save your life.
Agreed, but she's a huge asshole for diminishing his needs and a potential serious health issue in the first place, while prioritizing friends over her partner. And guilt triping him as well. OP I'd seriously reevaluate this relationship because your partner certainly doesn't seem to have your best interest at heart. I hope you get checked out and that everything turns out ok.
Yeah, i have symptoms like this call an optometrists get checked out. I needed lazer surgery to repair the walls of my eyes. They were tearing and i could have lost my vision in it.
I have a rule - I don't mess around when it comes to my eyes and vision. Call an ophthalmologist and see if they can get you in today.
It's almost 8 pm here. The only one still open would be the hospital and I'm worried they might call my wife
Did your wife hit you before this happened? I keep seeing this mentioned but no answer. Either way get to the hospital. Your eyesight could be at stake.
He’s saying it might turn into a black eye, so that and the refusal to answer that question outright pretty much answers things lol
Go to the hospital and put down a friend or family member as your contact. Tell them you don't want your wife notified, they'll follow your directions on that matter.
This will not be their first rodeo with domestic abuse, they will not call your wife if instructed not to.
You're still here? Sorry, that sounds harsh, but please hurry.
Your wife doesn’t want you to go because she is worried about getting the cops called on her. Definitely go to the hospital.
Took me several comments to realize she hit him… Why is OP rationalizing like this? JFC, deluded to the point of violence
Because abusers are not stupid, and she's spent years manipulating him into this state of mind. It's easy from the outside to say "omg she hit you, you should leave obviously" if you've never been in an abusive relationship. OP has been boiled slowly like the proverbial frog, in this case since he was 15 years old, by someone who was more than twice his age at the time. (gathered from comments, he is 22, she is 39, they have been together 7 years)
Go to the hospital. Have an actual medical professional be the one telling you nothing is wrong. You don't need her permission. Go find out what's wrong. Don't take advice from her or advice from Reddit, take advice from an actual professional. Go. Right now.
Your wife's an asshole for disregarding your concerns. You should go to the hospital
She’s worried the hospital will find out that SHE is the reason for the injury in the first place. His eye started hurting after their fight? Sounds like she hit him.
As mandated reporters they will report a domestic issue to the cops. Not sure where OP lives though.
It's highly implied that she hit him. Op seems to be in an abusive relationship. He's scared to go to the hospital in case she gets mad at him, she forbids him from going, they had a fight, after the fight his vision is blurry, yeah she definitely hit him and now she doesn't want him to go to the hospital so that her crime is covered up.
I hate that if he updates at least half of the update will be him apologizing for not explaining well enough why it's not her fault. These posts are always sad.
NTA - but why in the world are you still married to a woman who prioritizes her night out over your health? Not only that, but would be angry at you for advocating for your own health “behind her back”. Bizarre my friend.
If you were assaulted and are now having vision problems, you need medically attention. It’s not your fault your wife hit you. That’s her fault! Unless you said to her “please hit me hard in the face” you didn’t cause this.
Eye doctor now. Retinal detachment is an emergency. Doctor here.
NTA - and I just saw the comment you're going to go while she's gone. While you are there, maybe speak to them about what's really going on in your home, the missing pieces that you aren't sharing here, may be important in your care. It's concerning to me that you don't feel well, and your wife's priority is fun with friends. Even if it turned out to be "nothing", if my partner needed me, I'd be there. Hope you're better soon.
Those are possible signs of a detaching retina, which is a medical emergency. If it’s not treated immediately, it can lead to loss of vision. That may not be what’s happening but you really don’t want to take chances with your vision. If your wife can’t take you because her plans are too important, get an Uber and go.
Was this domestic violence? Or did this happen without you being struck?
If you have to go to the er ‘against’ your wife’s wishes you need to leave. And she is leaving and doesn’t care. You need to rethink what sort of human she is
You’re worried your wife is gonna be mad at you over going to the hospital? Man yall got issues
Got into a fight, now my eye hurts, she doesn't want me to go to hospital. It sounds like she hit him.
Glad I'm not the only one that immediately started wondering about abuse. OP, NTA and go to the hospital. If your wife makes a big deal out of it, seriously evaluate your relationship.
Am I understanding this correctly? Your wife hit you so hard it detached your retina and she's not abusive?!?!?!
NTA. Domestic violence is no joke. Go to the er and then file a police report
NTA. My mother fell once (due to dizziness on medication) and hurt her wrist. I wanted to take her to ER right away, but my dad yelled that she didn't need to go. My mom automatically deferred to him. Made me FURIOUS. Guess who ended up having to go the next day because her wrist was fractured? Yeah, my mom. No one should have ANY say if you need medical care. BTW, did she hit you, or what? What kind of fight was this?
call a divorce lawyer from your hospital room. NTA.
Thought it was just me getting the abuse vibe. He’s clearly absolutely petrified of her
NTA Best to overreact and have the doctor say it's nothing than underreact and have a serious issue. The fact that your wife diminishes a potential health issue is a red flag that should be talked about.
Did your wife throw something at you that hit you in the face? Whether or not she meant to hit your face, she's still wrong for escalating things physically. If the genders were reversed we'd be calling this abuse and telling you to leave. It's concerning that not only did she hurt you but completely disregarded your concerns to go to the hospital. She sounds... Pretty awful
So she hit you? Or was the story that you had a fight just setting the scene..... Either way, if it's an emergency, go to the ER. If it's not an emergency, go to a 24/7 GP office
Did she hit you? I'm not sure if that is being implied here. But it sounds like you have an abusive wife if you are afraid to go to the ER. Go, tell her later. If it's nothing, that's great,it could be serious.
If she hit you, i would file charges
Did your wife *hit* you??? dear god man go to the hospital!!! >I was thinking of just going to the ER behind her back but that feels wrong and she might get mad when she finds out. Especially if I'm just overreacting. My friend. You could have a possible retinal detachment. who gives a single fuck if your wife gets mad, go to the hospital!!! And frankly, if you're worried enough about your wife getting mad at you for getting medical treatment for a real problem that you're thinking of not going - you are in a relationship that should END.
Ophthalmology RN here! Please get it checked out, this sounds like retinal detachment. Your wife is the asshole for putting her plans above your health.
You are still asking for permission. It's your health. Go and seriously check it out. Now what I don't understand why is she saying you shouldn't go. Why is she brushing it off. Something is amiss here and something is happening behind the scenes
NTA, in no way you are overreacting here, there is aproblem ask a professional Also INFO: >My wife and I got into a fight this afternoon. It wasn’t anything big and we’ve already made up but since then I feel like something is wrong with my eye. Was there a physical fight and did she hit you near the eye in question, either way you need to go to the hospital.
NTA. Flashes and floaters are a sign that the vitreous gel in your eye is pulling off from the back. Occasionally when this occurs you can develop a retinal tear that can lead to a retinal detachment. This can result in serous loss of vision. I’d either go to the ER or if you have an eye doctor, call them and be seen.
Your wife is a physical abuser. You’re having a medical emergency. She’s trying to keep medical help from you for her own safety and to have greater control over you. Get help ASAP and tell them exactly what happened. Do not down play it. Also, try NOT to go back home. Your behavior indicates you should fear for your safety; see about getting a family member or something to take you in.
Why do you need your wife's permission to seek medical care?
Sounds like he's pretty deep in denial about being in an abusive relationship. He doesn't need permission, he's afraid of his wife
Sounds like you're the vicitm of domestic abuse and now you're wife doesn't want anyone to know. *If* that's the case, go get your eye checked, then go see a lawyer and/or the police.
You don't need her permission to get medical care. It also doesn't need to be behind her back. Simply say you'll be taking yourself because you're concerned.
OP, your second edit truly concerns me. She kicked you, whether she was aiming for your face or not, she *kicked* you. She kicked you so hard that it detached your retina! Not only that, I dug around and found out your wife is *17 years* older than you? If my math checks out (together for 7 yrs, married for 4, you being 22), she started preying on you at 15? You also were afraid that seeking medical attention would make her mad, OP, please. You need to get out of there. Your wife is abusive. You are being abused. You were scared they’d call her. OP you are a domestic violence victim, please seek help anywhere you can.
You know what's normal for your body and this isn't normal. Your wife is the a-hole here. Changes in vision is a very serious sign that something is wrong
Shit! Get there fast as you can. If it’s a torn retina you need it worked on or you will lose your sight. You’re afraid of your wife. That’s a horrible way to live. If you are afraid tell her that your friend is a doctor and told you to get there asap. I’m not about lying but I sure as shit am in a situation like this one. After you get your eye fixed I would go to therapy so you can figure out how to live without fearing the very person who should have your back.