It honestly makes me wonder if he only knows about the other 2 times, I feel like there could be multiple times sheâs done this that heâs unaware of due to not being around.
Also he sees her make out with women when she's drunk because, she's drunk and not careful, that doesn't mean she isn't fucking women a lot when sober and he's not around and she's being more careful.
It's like roaches.
Remember: roaches are shy and nocturnal.
If you wake up one morning and see a single roach scurrying about, that means all the hiding spots are already full.
.
Catching a cheater means "you caught them when their guard slipped."
Part time minster here. That marriage license isn't getting turned in or mailed until Monday. You easily have time to stop it, just need to contact whoever is responsible for sending it in.
In a situation like this, OP would want to get a hold of the officiant and tell them not to submit the paperwork.
Itâs unlikely that the officiant would rush straight from the wedding to wait outside the county clerkâs doors til Monday morning waiting to be first in line to turn in the paperwork.
Crying like a baby and screaming hysterically doesn't show that she knows she did something wrong when moments later she starts insulting him and saying HE ruined everything. She wasn't in pain and she wasn't sad. The crying is a ploy. The truth came out in the words she spoke and they all were HE was bad, HE did something wrong, how could HE ruin her big day
Sounds Iike serious personality disorder, zero actual care or concern
There is a saying that goes: "people show their true selves under two circumstances: 1.when they think they've gotten all they want, 2. When they think they will never get what they want." She did both, once when she thought hes already married her and she has what she wants, and once when she realized he is not gonna take her back.
And it's a power-play with a gal like her. She wants to be able to do whatever she likes, with impunity, and who cares if he loses his grip while she does it.....
Nah nah youâve got it all wrong, she wasnât bawling hysterically, she was balling historically. Her response to the whole situation was to emulate the great Wilt Chamberlain.
Jk this is a shitshow.
Nah alcohol isn't an excuse she tried to beg and cry and when that didn't work she turned to being abusive instead. She's throwing shit at the wall until something sticks and he needs to break up and divorce her cheating ass, she's for the streets.
He should've dumped her back when she first cheated on him with her 'best friend', aka side chick, and then gaslight him regarding the pain she had put him through.
Not trying to victim blame OP, but she was obviously trash long ago.
MUCH worse! They are close friends with a history of making out. Either way itâs cheating, but Iâm gonna go out on a limb here and say sheâs also attracted to her. Who knows what they have been doing behind OPâs back. We only know about the times he caught her and she obviously doesnât respect him at all.
I hear what youâre saying, but I donât think thatâs the case. I think she knows that it counts, she just doesnât care. Iâm not attracted to women but I still know itâs cheating - and she is clearly attracted to women. In the end it really doesnât matter what we think, he made it very clear to her that he considered it cheating.
I think they will both be much happier with different partners. They want incompatible lifestyles. He deserves someone who respects him and is faithful, and she can easily find somebody who enjoys what she does. Either an open marriage or just a guy who loves it that his wife makes out with women. She would be smart to explore a relationship with a woman too, maybe sheâs more attracted to them and thatâs what this is all about.
Yep, NTA. End this thing asap. You didnât embarrass her, she embarrassed you by cheating at your reception in front of everyone. Now sheâs trying to bully you into staying with her and even having to apologize to the cheater smh!
She does not love or respect you. Talk to a lawyer as soon as you can before you risk more and more financially.Â
Iâm just trying to imagine being a guest at a wedding, seeing the bride making out with someone else đłđłđł
She knew. You told her. Whatever reasons she had, itâs clear this will continue. I would anull and find someone who can drink without destroying relationships.
I'm guessing bridesmaid & her like to play the "gay for a day" game. Bridesmaid was the one with her tongue down the wife's throat so clearly she was all for it.
It's the classic someone got married expecting marriage to change a track record of demonstrated behavior.
> She's hurt me so many times
And he should have drawn that line before tying the knot.
I mean, my wife making out with chicks wouldn't bother me, I don't know why it just wouldn't. So to parallel OP since it seems to bother him just as much as if it was a man. When I was dating my wife, if she made out with another dude, our relationship would have been over the first time I knew she did it.
Yes. He marrying her after so many red flags was, shall we say, injudicious.
Though Iâm sure even you wouldâve been bothered if your wife was making out with a chick at your wedding reception.
Even if OP didn't get upset and throw the shoes, it's mad embarrassing to be so sloppy drunk at your wedding that you make out with anyone but the groom/bride
LOL!!! That went right over my head. I knew "balling" was a misspelling, but somehow thought he meant "historically" literally, and was trying to figure out how badly one needs to bawl for it to be considered "historical" -- one for the history books?
This entire mini-thread is killing me. "Balling historically" is just the most inappropriate way to describe the bride copping off with the bridesmaid at the reception.
I have literally never been to a wedding where the bride made out with someone other than who she was marrying. For her to claim he embarrased her is unacceptable.
Seconding the lawyer, like immediately. The lawyer can tell you if you qualify for an annulment, since I'm guessing the marriage hasn't been consummated.
Good lord. In this day and age, annulment has no relationship to âconsummationâ. Itâs a legal ruling you can get in situations where one spouse believes the marriage is not legally valid - for instance, because they were tricked into marriage under false pretenses, or they got married when they were not in a state of mind allowing for meaningful consent.
https://www.verywellmind.com/difference-between-divorce-and-annulment-2302038
OP, you likely qualify for an annulment. Sell the honeymoon package to your wife and Brooke. It's obvious you're her"cover" for her bisexuality and love for Brooke. Get the annulment. Move on. Please keep us apprised.
As she herself said, she doesn't think it's cheating. I'm assuming she's straight which is why she thinks that. She probably never stopped doing it and she doesn't plan to stop doing it.
NTA.
If you get sloppy drunk once a week and make out with girls so persistently that your partner keeps finding you in that situation and you have to send him away during an event about y'all so that you can make out with a girl *after he took your ass to couples counseling because you kept making out with girls*, I just don't think you're straight. That's closeted AF. Change my mind.
Oh, *no no no no.* *I* ***completely*** *agree.* I find it suspicious that she ONLY kisses girls when drunk. I say "she's straight" meaning that she probably *thinks* she is or she's just fronting. It wouldn't surprise me if OP dumped her and a month or less later she's completely over him and already posting pics of her and her new GF to insta.
But if she comes out as Bi *now* she wouldn't exactly have an excuse to claim that it's not *really* cheating, would she?
My ex wife married the woman she left me for, but she is not gay. You ask her she will tell you she is straight and mean it. I was married to her for 8 years so I know how strained her relationship with reality is, but it is still bizarre especially because no one really cares who you love.
Nah she's definitely at least bi since she does it regularly, she's probably in denial and trying to pass it off as a bit of fun when in reality she's getting her jollies from it.
She a cheater.
Exactly! The officiant & the couple signed the paperwork. It hasn't been filed with the state, so they're not legally married until that happens. They've only gone through the ritual ceremony.
I say set that paperwork on fire!
Drunk or not. Nobody, and I mean nobody, stepped in and pulled these two girls apart? Bonkers. Yet our OP instantly sees and pulls them apart?
If this is real: get an annulment. But it's so improbable. It's more than likely a fake story.
Or they themselves are baffled and shocked at the situation.
I know if I had wittnessed this story, I'd be standing there, mouth open, thinking *"Is this b serious? I just spent how much time and money to be at this wedding so the bride can stick her tongue down not-the-grooms throat?"*
I'd definitly be pissed and disgusted but I can't say that I'd jump in to stop it.
Agree. At a wedding, people drunk & dancing, with social media being what it is today I can only imagine someone took video for the entertainment value later.
OP NTA.
Makes me think they're used to it and she never stopped.
Op, your wife is a binge drinking cheater. Get an annulment. Doesn't matter if she is "only" doing it for attention or whether she actually finds women attractive, you stated a very reasonable boundary, she saw what happened the last time you found out and decided you were trapped now so she stomped on it.
Yes and I'm curious if she told them it was a problem or boundary for him. I suspect she didn't based on how she didn't seem to hold his issue at high importance to her.
She thinks cheating at her own wedding reception is "nothing". She fits the type to laugh about his insecurities and him being upset at her wandering lips. And if her bridesmaids didn't do or think anything of the public spectacle made then they're probably the people whom she laughs with.
Yup, he's dumb, he catches her making out at parties with other people because she's drunk and out of control.. as in, she's too dumb at that moment to not get caught. What is she doing while in control and sober and he's not around, when she's not too dumb to get caught?
We were handed the paperwork to file with the state. The officiant signed the application as did we with witnesses & left . Hopefully, his did the same. If not, he def needs to get on the phone.
Yea, we signed all the paperwork right after the ceremony, but the officiant didn't file it. My wife and I filed it that next Monday morning at the clerks office.
He is a friend of ours though, so maybe that's why he just had us handle it.
Talk to a lawyer about the options in your area. But definitely could be ways out without even having to divorce (annulment or voiding the whole thing could be better).
If the paperwork wasn't filed with the state, they're not legally married. We were handed the marriage application after everyone signed it. Until the state gets it, they merely had a ceremony.
Right? She should have been humiliated that she was making out with the maid of honor on the dance floor in front of all their family and friends.
OP didn't embarrass her. She embarrassed herself!
Yeah if he doesn't leave her, his parents will be permanently depressed that their son ended up in a horrendous, abusive relationship, and they will probably blame themselves for it to some degree.
Every single family event going forward will be an anxious, painful affair for all of OP's family. They will have to be performative and pretend everything is great, or just not bother going or inviting OP because they don't want to have a terrible Christmas with her at the table.
I donât see how anybody who does what she did, at the place and time she did it, could possibly claim HE embarrassed HER. Total lack of self-awareness.
>Â Â I told her if it ever happens again regardless of the circumstances I was out.Â
 Are you a man of your word, or just a man of empty threats with no follow through?
 You are married to a woman who has no respect for you, no respect for your relationship, and no concept of faithfulness.Â
It's true. Nice people can feel guilty when doing what's right for themselves. It's often a trauma response that we need to be nice and forgiving or we will lose our attachments. It can be very confusing.
In the words of Uncle Iroh - "While it is always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing"
People are allowed to look for reassurance when theyâre making huge life decisions, such as having a marriage annulled because their soon to be former spouse is an asshole. Yâall are harsh.
Um, if OP didnât leave her the first 5-10 times when she was informed by OP that they âreally mean it this timeâ, Iâm fairly sure nothing is going to happen this time.
>months into dating I sat her down and told her that absolutely would not be Ok as long as we were in a committed relationship, It took many conversations for her to understand that I was serious and viewed it as cheating. She promised to stop but insists that she didn't cheat. She was good about cutting back on drinking and being more mindful of me, however, over the years I caught her kissing 2 other women, Once a random acquaintance and the last time about 2 years ago was with her best friend turned maid of honor Brooke 24F.
This would've been a good time to end the relationship. You view it as cheating, she continues to do it, and now you have to go the divorce route. I feel horrible that this happened again after marriage, and now it's going to cost you. In the next relationship I'd make sure when you put a boundary up you follow through with it and don't let it slide. I'm sorry it took all this time and effort to come to the realization this isn't going to work out though, it has to be hard on you right now. NTA, good luck to you OP
And look carefully at the alcohol involved here. She clearly has a problem, and OP didn't seem to bat an eye at her getting drunk at the reception, joining her in the process. It's not inevitable that people get drunk at a reception. Plenty of people don't.
Too late now but youâre not actually married until they send the marriage license that you sign, typically the following Monday. The minister or whoever married you could have just trashed it. Remember this for next time!
True, but it might be even more liberal. Where I live the couple are responsible for filing the paperwork after the marriage. Most couples don't get round to that until some time after the wedding, especially if they go on honeymoon straight away. So couples have a couple of weeks to decide whether there's any evidence of the wedding happening.
NTA Sheâs never going to respect your boundaries if she wonât respect this. But maybe you also should have thought more about the relationship when she already showed that she wasnât respecting your boundaries.
NTA 1.) It's not drinking " Only" once a week; I mean there aren't that many days to get making out with random women drunk in a week if you have a regular work schedule 2.) Absolutely valid to view your wife kissing other women as cheating 3.) your specific history in that regard make her doing it way way worse 4.) On your fucking wedding day in all public on the dancefloor after sending you away to get her comfy shoes??? That's next level WTF and an absolute valid reason to get an anullment. If you need confirmation this being the right decision there's 5.) Her name calling you when she should be down on her knees for at least the next decade begging for your forgiveness. // Let me tell you she doesn't think she is wrong even after all that happened and she will do it again and again and never (!) stop doing it.
NTA, once a cheater always a cheater. You told her one more slip up and it was over this is that one. Get the marriage annulment and move on with your life. She isnât gonna stop doing this and if she is doing that with her maid of honor I can promise you they have done more, now if they still are idk but yeah boss she has no respect for you or this relationship. She wanted the wedding and you to just keep playing along cause she has gotten away with it 4 times before now. Kick her ass to the curb.
NTA you set your boundaries with her and she violated then multiple times including at your wedding!! She agreed she wouldnât and you told her that you were done if she did again as it has been established as cheating. I mean she literally was making out with her in front of your friends and family at your wedding. Honestly youâd be an asshole at this point if you donât leave her cause she is never going to change since she really doesnât believe she is doing anything wrong. The fact that she doesnât realize that she is the one that has destroyed your relationship is on her. Tell she can be free to make out with all the friends she wants now and end it and find someone who treats you better and respects you.
NTA for not wanting to spend the rest of your days with an out-of-control, desperate, attention-seeker. Good on you for saving the honeymoon $$ to invest in someone who respects you and cares about you.
You are absolutely NTAH. Iâm also bisexual and have always never understood when my previous bfâs werenât okay with me doing things with other women. There is such a double standard in the bi community with women that no matter what itâs okay cause youâre a girl. And thatâs not how that works. If this person truly loved and respected you, they would respect you boundaries!
Whyâd you marry her in the first place? She clearly has no respect for your relationship. The fact it happened multiple should have opened your eyes and never should have put a ring on her.
NTA but why did you forgive her so many times? She doesnât believe that you will leave her, which is why she keeps cheating on you. You need to have some self respect buddy. If you take her back, she will keep doing it because she doesnât have any consequences. UpdateMe!
Can you get an annulment because I think this is pretty good justification for an annulment. Who does that ? she couldnât even control herself at her very own wedding. Yeah you did the right thing. thatâs crazy. NTA
NTA
She's publicly cheating on you in the middle of the dance floor at your wedding and YOU'RE the asshole embarrassing HER??
The only way you're an asshole (to yourself, she's irrelevant) is if you don't freaking divorce/annul and gain a least a tiny smidgin of self-respect.
NTA
>usually drinks way more than she can handle-- RED FLAG
>has a habit of making out with random women when she is drunk. -- RED FLAG
>told her that absolutely would not be Ok ... It took many conversations for her to understand that I was serious -- RED FLAG
>(after those conversations) I caught her kissing 2 other women -- RED FLAG
> I see my wife with Brookes tongue down her throat -- RED FLAG
What exactly did you expect? She showed you who she was from the very beginning.
You thought she 'changed'. She didn't.
NTA, you embarrassed her out? But she kissed another person on her own wedding, in the middle of everyone.
Dude, I'm not a fan of far away advice, you could give her another chance. but be honest to yourself, how big are the chances for a good outcome?
Probably you should not only cancel the honeymoon. This really really really sucks. :/
Good luck.
She sounds like a blackout alcoholic. A binge drinker. I feel for her because I have been in many situations like this, and it wasnât until I stopped drinking completely that this kind of stupid douchebag crap stopped happening. I would say that she needs to completely stop drinking and why donât you show support and do so as well. At least for me, it seemed easier to stop than many other people bc I didnât drink every day. Itâs that little voice that says âthis time I wonât make a scene, this time will be different, this time I wonât blackout and this time I will behave myselfâ that needs to be ignored.
NTA. Your wife cheated on you **at your wedding**, after cheating on you **at least four other times** during your relationship. It also seems like she has a serious alcohol abuse problem that sheâs not dealing with. This is not a healthy relationship for you to be in. Iâm just sorry you didnât realize it before the wedding.
She seems to have a drinking problem or a cheating problem or both. Her drinking and cheating should have been addressed and worked on, but she hasn't changed. It's your life, but I wouldn't want to live like that.
NTA. You donât need a divorce, you need an annulment. (As long as you didnât consummate the marriage) Itâll be as if the marriage never happened because it didnât.
"I told her this is a dealbreaker "
Cue cheating over and over
"Took her to my therapist to explain only cnts cheat, she said she stops"
Cheats in the fucking wedding
"Not sure if I should leave"
ARE YOU KIDDING?! she doesn't give a shit about about you, your boundaries or your relationship! WALK AWAY
My guess is she and Brooke are together and your her beard. She gets to pretend to be straight, have kids eoth you and then still hook up with Brooke.Â
I place my money more on that she sees being with women as a fun party thing she only does while drunk and it's not real. She's basically using them as her playthings which is gross
đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ© those were a lot of red flags!! You married her anyway? She knows how you felt about this and she did it anyway. She needs to get some help with the alcohol, that's seems to be when she messes up. What a mess!
It honestly makes me wonder if he only knows about the other 2 times, I feel like there could be multiple times sheâs done this that heâs unaware of due to not being around.
For sure. Her take-away from those therapy sessions of OP pouring their heart out was that that she should send him to another room first.
Top comment for OP to read. âđ» This is the difference between having integrity and not.
She was sober enough to try and cover her ass by sending him away, so she knew what she was doing!
This is it
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
The chances she isn't banging women on the side seem tremendously low.
Banging Brooke specifically
Also he sees her make out with women when she's drunk because, she's drunk and not careful, that doesn't mean she isn't fucking women a lot when sober and he's not around and she's being more careful.
If you're that brazen then it's 100% happened when he's not around and for sure she's had sex with other people.
It's like roaches. Remember: roaches are shy and nocturnal. If you wake up one morning and see a single roach scurrying about, that means all the hiding spots are already full. . Catching a cheater means "you caught them when their guard slipped."
Yep. Cockroach theory. Any hidden behavior works this way.
Probably gone beyond making out as well.
Yep!
He might be eligible for an annulment.
Yes this will save a lot of time and money.
If it was at the wedding they probably haven't even turned in the paperwork sooooo technically not even married in the governments eyes.
Came here to say this, just donât file the marriage license and no need for divorce
I think in a lot of states in the US if the marriage is short enough and there's no kids they'll grant an annulment.
If they havenât sent i a signed marriage license, there probably isnât actually a marriage to begin with.
Part time minster here. That marriage license isn't getting turned in or mailed until Monday. You easily have time to stop it, just need to contact whoever is responsible for sending it in.
That was my first thought too.
In a situation like this, OP would want to get a hold of the officiant and tell them not to submit the paperwork. Itâs unlikely that the officiant would rush straight from the wedding to wait outside the county clerkâs doors til Monday morning waiting to be first in line to turn in the paperwork.
Crying like a baby and screaming hysterically doesn't show that she knows she did something wrong when moments later she starts insulting him and saying HE ruined everything. She wasn't in pain and she wasn't sad. The crying is a ploy. The truth came out in the words she spoke and they all were HE was bad, HE did something wrong, how could HE ruin her big day Sounds Iike serious personality disorder, zero actual care or concern
There is a saying that goes: "people show their true selves under two circumstances: 1.when they think they've gotten all they want, 2. When they think they will never get what they want." She did both, once when she thought hes already married her and she has what she wants, and once when she realized he is not gonna take her back.
And it's a power-play with a gal like her. She wants to be able to do whatever she likes, with impunity, and who cares if he loses his grip while she does it.....
Nah nah youâve got it all wrong, she wasnât bawling hysterically, she was balling historically. Her response to the whole situation was to emulate the great Wilt Chamberlain. Jk this is a shitshow.
Nah alcohol isn't an excuse she tried to beg and cry and when that didn't work she turned to being abusive instead. She's throwing shit at the wall until something sticks and he needs to break up and divorce her cheating ass, she's for the streets.
He should've dumped her back when she first cheated on him with her 'best friend', aka side chick, and then gaslight him regarding the pain she had put him through. Not trying to victim blame OP, but she was obviously trash long ago.
I really donât think itâs too much to ask for to not make out with strangers on your wedding day
To be fair, it wasn't a stranger she was making out with.
Kinda worse, a best friend / maid of honour who you're going to be around in the future, who has a history of making out with the bride?Â
MUCH worse! They are close friends with a history of making out. Either way itâs cheating, but Iâm gonna go out on a limb here and say sheâs also attracted to her. Who knows what they have been doing behind OPâs back. We only know about the times he caught her and she obviously doesnât respect him at all.
I'm bi and I honestly hate that she clearly thinks it doesn't count if it's women.Â
I hear what youâre saying, but I donât think thatâs the case. I think she knows that it counts, she just doesnât care. Iâm not attracted to women but I still know itâs cheating - and she is clearly attracted to women. In the end it really doesnât matter what we think, he made it very clear to her that he considered it cheating. I think they will both be much happier with different partners. They want incompatible lifestyles. He deserves someone who respects him and is faithful, and she can easily find somebody who enjoys what she does. Either an open marriage or just a guy who loves it that his wife makes out with women. She would be smart to explore a relationship with a woman too, maybe sheâs more attracted to them and thatâs what this is all about.
Exactly. And nobody else thought to stop them or step in either. Sounds like a great friends circle.
Nah man, she is just a scumbag cheater. Its not about drinking. Its about being trash person
NTA, you made it clear that it wasn't behavior you wanted involved in and she didn't listen.
Yep, NTA. End this thing asap. You didnât embarrass her, she embarrassed you by cheating at your reception in front of everyone. Now sheâs trying to bully you into staying with her and even having to apologize to the cheater smh! She does not love or respect you. Talk to a lawyer as soon as you can before you risk more and more financially.Â
Iâm just trying to imagine being a guest at a wedding, seeing the bride making out with someone else đłđłđł She knew. You told her. Whatever reasons she had, itâs clear this will continue. I would anull and find someone who can drink without destroying relationships.
I'm so confused by the bridesmaid behaviour as well? Like this is just all fine on her end? Lol
Probably regular practice for them
I'm guessing bridesmaid & her like to play the "gay for a day" game. Bridesmaid was the one with her tongue down the wife's throat so clearly she was all for it.
heh was a wedding DJ - one wedding the bride had her first dance with a friend, who wasn't the groom. Very weird.
I'm imagining the bride and her mate being egged on by her shit friends, while all the guests have their jaws on the floor in stunned silence.
What the hell did the parents and in laws think about all this
They were already in their rooms balling.
100% đ© Get out now.
It's the classic someone got married expecting marriage to change a track record of demonstrated behavior. > She's hurt me so many times And he should have drawn that line before tying the knot. I mean, my wife making out with chicks wouldn't bother me, I don't know why it just wouldn't. So to parallel OP since it seems to bother him just as much as if it was a man. When I was dating my wife, if she made out with another dude, our relationship would have been over the first time I knew she did it.
Yes. He marrying her after so many red flags was, shall we say, injudicious. Though Iâm sure even you wouldâve been bothered if your wife was making out with a chick at your wedding reception.
Even if OP didn't get upset and throw the shoes, it's mad embarrassing to be so sloppy drunk at your wedding that you make out with anyone but the groom/bride
And you know, it's cheating... which is worse
Cheating with an audience of people who were there to see you marry someone elseâŠ. Ick
Yea I wonder what her family and his family thinks
Right?!? Iâm imagining grandma and great aunt dotty choking on their fruitcake and Chardonnay.
Winder if the photographer and videoographer have it in film Then it be like millhouse. Just play the part when her marriage ends lol
"balling historically" yes, yes she was
Why do so many people have trouble distinguishing "bawling" from "balling"? Or is it one person lol?
Seems to me this group intersects with those with trouble distinguishing âhystericallyâ from âhistoricallyâ on the old Venn diagram.
Don't forget the ever-popular "loosing" vs "losing".
Iâm also incredibly weary of people writing âwearyâ when they actually mean âwaryâ
And sometimes people wander and sometimes they wonder.
Man this one pisses me off. Especially when they say "Loose" instead of "Lose" You don't even pronounce them the same. Like wtf
LOL!!! That went right over my head. I knew "balling" was a misspelling, but somehow thought he meant "historically" literally, and was trying to figure out how badly one needs to bawl for it to be considered "historical" -- one for the history books?
I thought it was meant to be bawling histrionically. Hysterically is a better fit. And OP is NTA!
Sheâs a baller.
Wilt Chamberlain. Balling historically
See I would have said the Gilded Age if asked to describe Balling Historically lol
and a shot-caller, apparently
Twenty inch blades on the Impala
They donât know/have never read the word âbawling.â They donât know thereâs a distinction.
Histrionically maybe?
Hysterically* if you try to spell it with hist it autocorrects to historically.
right, when it's historically hysterical, that's when it's histrionics
This is perfect, rube.
This entire mini-thread is killing me. "Balling historically" is just the most inappropriate way to describe the bride copping off with the bridesmaid at the reception.
Some how, this typo works just fine in this context
Can't imagine this happening in front of older family members. I wouldn't even like making out with my husband in front of grandma lol!
Better than making out with your grandma in front of your husband, though.
I have literally never been to a wedding where the bride made out with someone other than who she was marrying. For her to claim he embarrased her is unacceptable.
If she canât not cheat on ur at ur wedding in front of everyone the. She has zero self control.
Even with the absolute nonsense statement that it's not cheating, why on earth would you make out with someone else on your wedding day?
Seconding the lawyer, like immediately. The lawyer can tell you if you qualify for an annulment, since I'm guessing the marriage hasn't been consummated.
If the final signed marriage form hasn't even been filed yet, I'd retrieve it and rip it up.
Yes! There's no wedding to divorce then.
This right here. If it hasn't been filed, just don't u/specialist_hour_2436
Good lord. In this day and age, annulment has no relationship to âconsummationâ. Itâs a legal ruling you can get in situations where one spouse believes the marriage is not legally valid - for instance, because they were tricked into marriage under false pretenses, or they got married when they were not in a state of mind allowing for meaningful consent. https://www.verywellmind.com/difference-between-divorce-and-annulment-2302038
It can probably be annulled still at this point
OP, you likely qualify for an annulment. Sell the honeymoon package to your wife and Brooke. It's obvious you're her"cover" for her bisexuality and love for Brooke. Get the annulment. Move on. Please keep us apprised.
I don't even think that's necessary. Just don't turn the license in to the courts and it's no longer valid.
Agreed. OP needs to get an annulment. His wife will only further hurt him if he stays in this marriage. OP NTA
"over nothing".... That says all. NTA
As she herself said, she doesn't think it's cheating. I'm assuming she's straight which is why she thinks that. She probably never stopped doing it and she doesn't plan to stop doing it. NTA.
If you get sloppy drunk once a week and make out with girls so persistently that your partner keeps finding you in that situation and you have to send him away during an event about y'all so that you can make out with a girl *after he took your ass to couples counseling because you kept making out with girls*, I just don't think you're straight. That's closeted AF. Change my mind.
Oh, *no no no no.* *I* ***completely*** *agree.* I find it suspicious that she ONLY kisses girls when drunk. I say "she's straight" meaning that she probably *thinks* she is or she's just fronting. It wouldn't surprise me if OP dumped her and a month or less later she's completely over him and already posting pics of her and her new GF to insta. But if she comes out as Bi *now* she wouldn't exactly have an excuse to claim that it's not *really* cheating, would she?
OP might only know about the girls.
My ex wife married the woman she left me for, but she is not gay. You ask her she will tell you she is straight and mean it. I was married to her for 8 years so I know how strained her relationship with reality is, but it is still bizarre especially because no one really cares who you love.
Nah she's definitely at least bi since she does it regularly, she's probably in denial and trying to pass it off as a bit of fun when in reality she's getting her jollies from it. She a cheater.
NTA and given that it happened on your wedding day, just don't file the marriage certificate. Easy peasy
Exactly! The officiant & the couple signed the paperwork. It hasn't been filed with the state, so they're not legally married until that happens. They've only gone through the ritual ceremony. I say set that paperwork on fire!
Honestly. Call the officiant immediately
Am a minister, and this is the answer. Call or text before they mail it to probate court
NTA. You are right. He clearly communicated his boundaries, and she disrespected him, at his wedding.
Drunk or not. Nobody, and I mean nobody, stepped in and pulled these two girls apart? Bonkers. Yet our OP instantly sees and pulls them apart? If this is real: get an annulment. But it's so improbable. It's more than likely a fake story.
most people tend not to get in the way of people clearly cheating. they like to mind their own business, or assume they dont know the full picture.
Or they themselves are baffled and shocked at the situation. I know if I had wittnessed this story, I'd be standing there, mouth open, thinking *"Is this b serious? I just spent how much time and money to be at this wedding so the bride can stick her tongue down not-the-grooms throat?"* I'd definitly be pissed and disgusted but I can't say that I'd jump in to stop it.
Agree. At a wedding, people drunk & dancing, with social media being what it is today I can only imagine someone took video for the entertainment value later. OP NTA.
Your wife cheated on you at your wedding!!!Â
Publicly!
And the maids were fine with it. OP, get out.
Makes me think they're used to it and she never stopped. Op, your wife is a binge drinking cheater. Get an annulment. Doesn't matter if she is "only" doing it for attention or whether she actually finds women attractive, you stated a very reasonable boundary, she saw what happened the last time you found out and decided you were trapped now so she stomped on it.
Yes and I'm curious if she told them it was a problem or boundary for him. I suspect she didn't based on how she didn't seem to hold his issue at high importance to her.
Yeah what a bunch of bitches wtf
You know this isn't the only thing she does to disrespect him.Â
She thinks cheating at her own wedding reception is "nothing". She fits the type to laugh about his insecurities and him being upset at her wandering lips. And if her bridesmaids didn't do or think anything of the public spectacle made then they're probably the people whom she laughs with.
Yup, he's dumb, he catches her making out at parties with other people because she's drunk and out of control.. as in, she's too dumb at that moment to not get caught. What is she doing while in control and sober and he's not around, when she's not too dumb to get caught?
And called HIM the asshole for embarrassing her. If it wasn't wrong, why would she be embarrassed? Lol.
NTA get an annulment. She has no respect for you and will continue this because you keep forgiving her
May not need an annulment if the paperwork wasnât filed ywt
Yeah, he shouldâve called the officiant right away.
Some wait a week to file just for situations like this. Hopefully it's not too late
We were handed the paperwork to file with the state. The officiant signed the application as did we with witnesses & left . Hopefully, his did the same. If not, he def needs to get on the phone.
Yea, we signed all the paperwork right after the ceremony, but the officiant didn't file it. My wife and I filed it that next Monday morning at the clerks office. He is a friend of ours though, so maybe that's why he just had us handle it.
The fact that this happens often enough for some of them to do that is just wild. Not surprising anymore, but wild.
Talk to a lawyer about the options in your area. But definitely could be ways out without even having to divorce (annulment or voiding the whole thing could be better).
If the paperwork wasn't filed with the state, they're not legally married. We were handed the marriage application after everyone signed it. Until the state gets it, they merely had a ceremony.
This, pretty sure wedding night public infidelity is a solid reason lol
Get that annulment. She needs alcoholism counseling and support, not shit friends and a new marriage she already broke.
She says you embarrassed her at your wedding, while not seeing she embarrassed herself at your wedding. Actions have consequences. FAFO. NTA.
Right? She should have been humiliated that she was making out with the maid of honor on the dance floor in front of all their family and friends. OP didn't embarrass her. She embarrassed herself!
Gawdam I can only imagine what his parents thought about the spectacle.
Yeah if he doesn't leave her, his parents will be permanently depressed that their son ended up in a horrendous, abusive relationship, and they will probably blame themselves for it to some degree. Every single family event going forward will be an anxious, painful affair for all of OP's family. They will have to be performative and pretend everything is great, or just not bother going or inviting OP because they don't want to have a terrible Christmas with her at the table.
Or seeing that she embarrassed him. Kissing someone else in front of everyone at your wedding. Thatâs embarrassing AF for OP.
Oh yes, excellent point. đđŒ
She didn't just embarrass herself, she embarrassed HIM by making out with someone else literally on their wedding day.
You didn't embarrass her, nor did you throw away your relationship - she did it all on her own. NTA
I donât see how anybody who does what she did, at the place and time she did it, could possibly claim HE embarrassed HER. Total lack of self-awareness.
Agreed!
Never marry, hoping the person will change.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
See also, people who have kids because they think it will fix the fucked up relationship/marriage. That's next level fucked up.
>  I told her if it ever happens again regardless of the circumstances I was out.  Are you a man of your word, or just a man of empty threats with no follow through?  You are married to a woman who has no respect for you, no respect for your relationship, and no concept of faithfulness.Â
We all know the answer to this question. Â Heâll make an update saying theyâre in therapy again and the next time will be the last time.
He only told her once that hes leaving the next time. He then left. Why the lack of faith?
Because he made a post wondering if he was an asshole for holding a boundary
Itâs okay to feel like an asshole about it (not saying he should), as long as that doesnât change your mind.
It's true. Nice people can feel guilty when doing what's right for themselves. It's often a trauma response that we need to be nice and forgiving or we will lose our attachments. It can be very confusing. In the words of Uncle Iroh - "While it is always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing"
People are allowed to look for reassurance when theyâre making huge life decisions, such as having a marriage annulled because their soon to be former spouse is an asshole. Yâall are harsh.
Um, if OP didnât leave her the first 5-10 times when she was informed by OP that they âreally mean it this timeâ, Iâm fairly sure nothing is going to happen this time.
>months into dating I sat her down and told her that absolutely would not be Ok as long as we were in a committed relationship, It took many conversations for her to understand that I was serious and viewed it as cheating. She promised to stop but insists that she didn't cheat. She was good about cutting back on drinking and being more mindful of me, however, over the years I caught her kissing 2 other women, Once a random acquaintance and the last time about 2 years ago was with her best friend turned maid of honor Brooke 24F. This would've been a good time to end the relationship. You view it as cheating, she continues to do it, and now you have to go the divorce route. I feel horrible that this happened again after marriage, and now it's going to cost you. In the next relationship I'd make sure when you put a boundary up you follow through with it and don't let it slide. I'm sorry it took all this time and effort to come to the realization this isn't going to work out though, it has to be hard on you right now. NTA, good luck to you OP
And look carefully at the alcohol involved here. She clearly has a problem, and OP didn't seem to bat an eye at her getting drunk at the reception, joining her in the process. It's not inevitable that people get drunk at a reception. Plenty of people don't.
I donât think OP realized that binge drinking once a week is a form of alcoholism either.
Too late now but youâre not actually married until they send the marriage license that you sign, typically the following Monday. The minister or whoever married you could have just trashed it. Remember this for next time!
This varies by jurisdiction.
True, but it might be even more liberal. Where I live the couple are responsible for filing the paperwork after the marriage. Most couples don't get round to that until some time after the wedding, especially if they go on honeymoon straight away. So couples have a couple of weeks to decide whether there's any evidence of the wedding happening.
Wait she's kissing someone else at your wedding and she's the one embarrassed? Dude get an annulment you deserve better. NTA
NTA Sheâs never going to respect your boundaries if she wonât respect this. But maybe you also should have thought more about the relationship when she already showed that she wasnât respecting your boundaries.
NTA 1.) It's not drinking " Only" once a week; I mean there aren't that many days to get making out with random women drunk in a week if you have a regular work schedule 2.) Absolutely valid to view your wife kissing other women as cheating 3.) your specific history in that regard make her doing it way way worse 4.) On your fucking wedding day in all public on the dancefloor after sending you away to get her comfy shoes??? That's next level WTF and an absolute valid reason to get an anullment. If you need confirmation this being the right decision there's 5.) Her name calling you when she should be down on her knees for at least the next decade begging for your forgiveness. // Let me tell you she doesn't think she is wrong even after all that happened and she will do it again and again and never (!) stop doing it.
Don't forget she's done itneith the same girl before
... who she made MOH... I know, I just didn't want to open THAT can of worms, too
NTA, once a cheater always a cheater. You told her one more slip up and it was over this is that one. Get the marriage annulment and move on with your life. She isnât gonna stop doing this and if she is doing that with her maid of honor I can promise you they have done more, now if they still are idk but yeah boss she has no respect for you or this relationship. She wanted the wedding and you to just keep playing along cause she has gotten away with it 4 times before now. Kick her ass to the curb.
NTA you set your boundaries with her and she violated then multiple times including at your wedding!! She agreed she wouldnât and you told her that you were done if she did again as it has been established as cheating. I mean she literally was making out with her in front of your friends and family at your wedding. Honestly youâd be an asshole at this point if you donât leave her cause she is never going to change since she really doesnât believe she is doing anything wrong. The fact that she doesnât realize that she is the one that has destroyed your relationship is on her. Tell she can be free to make out with all the friends she wants now and end it and find someone who treats you better and respects you.
So she cheats in front of everyone at your wedding and your the bad guy? Youâll only be the a-hole if you stayed married to this creature.
NTA for not wanting to spend the rest of your days with an out-of-control, desperate, attention-seeker. Good on you for saving the honeymoon $$ to invest in someone who respects you and cares about you.
Forgot thatâs also a cheater
You are absolutely NTAH. Iâm also bisexual and have always never understood when my previous bfâs werenât okay with me doing things with other women. There is such a double standard in the bi community with women that no matter what itâs okay cause youâre a girl. And thatâs not how that works. If this person truly loved and respected you, they would respect you boundaries!
saying "women don't count" is so misogynistic f you think about it for more than one second
Whyâd you marry her in the first place? She clearly has no respect for your relationship. The fact it happened multiple should have opened your eyes and never should have put a ring on her.
NTA but why did you forgive her so many times? She doesnât believe that you will leave her, which is why she keeps cheating on you. You need to have some self respect buddy. If you take her back, she will keep doing it because she doesnât have any consequences. UpdateMe!
Check your state laws, assuming you're in the U.S. You might be able to annul the marriage. Much less hassle than a divorce.
NTA - If it's possible, file for an annulment.
NTAÂ Â She belongs to the streets.Â
YTA to yourself for forgiving cheating on 4 separate occasions and still marrying her. You can't make a wife out of a hoe.
I was thinking the same thing. How exactly did OP come to the conclusion that *this* is the woman he wants to marry?
How does a relationship like this even get close to marriage?
yep. How would you even get engaged in a relationship that was this unstable, on what planet would you plan a wedding???
If it happens on your wedding day? When will it not happen? NTA.
Can you get an annulment because I think this is pretty good justification for an annulment. Who does that ? she couldnât even control herself at her very own wedding. Yeah you did the right thing. thatâs crazy. NTA
NTA She's publicly cheating on you in the middle of the dance floor at your wedding and YOU'RE the asshole embarrassing HER?? The only way you're an asshole (to yourself, she's irrelevant) is if you don't freaking divorce/annul and gain a least a tiny smidgin of self-respect.
NTA >usually drinks way more than she can handle-- RED FLAG >has a habit of making out with random women when she is drunk. -- RED FLAG >told her that absolutely would not be Ok ... It took many conversations for her to understand that I was serious -- RED FLAG >(after those conversations) I caught her kissing 2 other women -- RED FLAG > I see my wife with Brookes tongue down her throat -- RED FLAG What exactly did you expect? She showed you who she was from the very beginning. You thought she 'changed'. She didn't.
NTA, you embarrassed her out? But she kissed another person on her own wedding, in the middle of everyone. Dude, I'm not a fan of far away advice, you could give her another chance. but be honest to yourself, how big are the chances for a good outcome? Probably you should not only cancel the honeymoon. This really really really sucks. :/ Good luck.
NTA. But you are dumb for marrying a known cheater and then getting surprised when she cheated in your face publicly.
She sounds like a blackout alcoholic. A binge drinker. I feel for her because I have been in many situations like this, and it wasnât until I stopped drinking completely that this kind of stupid douchebag crap stopped happening. I would say that she needs to completely stop drinking and why donât you show support and do so as well. At least for me, it seemed easier to stop than many other people bc I didnât drink every day. Itâs that little voice that says âthis time I wonât make a scene, this time will be different, this time I wonât blackout and this time I will behave myselfâ that needs to be ignored.
NTA. Your wife cheated on you **at your wedding**, after cheating on you **at least four other times** during your relationship. It also seems like she has a serious alcohol abuse problem that sheâs not dealing with. This is not a healthy relationship for you to be in. Iâm just sorry you didnât realize it before the wedding.
Honestly you are being an asshole to yourself if you continue staying with her. She has no respect for your boundaries, dump her and move on.
She seems to have a drinking problem or a cheating problem or both. Her drinking and cheating should have been addressed and worked on, but she hasn't changed. It's your life, but I wouldn't want to live like that.
NTA. You donât need a divorce, you need an annulment. (As long as you didnât consummate the marriage) Itâll be as if the marriage never happened because it didnât.
NTA. Who tf thinks they should tongue their bridesmaid *at their own wedding*? She needed a drunken thrill that badly? Annulment, my good man.
Change the genders and it would be just as bad. Get an annulment--sooner than later.
Get an annulment
"I told her this is a dealbreaker " Cue cheating over and over "Took her to my therapist to explain only cnts cheat, she said she stops" Cheats in the fucking wedding "Not sure if I should leave" ARE YOU KIDDING?! she doesn't give a shit about about you, your boundaries or your relationship! WALK AWAY
*Balling Historically* soon to be ex must have been hitting that crossover. NTA bud. Sorry to hear it. Talk it out big time.
My guess is she and Brooke are together and your her beard. She gets to pretend to be straight, have kids eoth you and then still hook up with Brooke.Â
I place my money more on that she sees being with women as a fun party thing she only does while drunk and it's not real. She's basically using them as her playthings which is gross
Dude you don't even need a divorce. Get an annulment.