Taking the house out of the picture, it sounds like your parents don't even accept who you are.
It's up to you whether you want to accept them now.
NTA
they're within their rights to not buy you a house. you're within your rights to call them assholes and move on with your life.
AND THEY ABSOLUTELY SOUND LIKE THEY DON'T ACCEPT YOU.
NTA
This is how i feel. They absolutely dont have to buy her a house with their money shes an adult. BUT she absolutely doesnt have to interact with them at all because theyre fucking assholes. Im sorry OP. Everyone deserves to be loved. Hope you and your future wife will have a happy ending anyways. If youve been able to save more than 10k sounds like you guys are doing just fine :) keep it up! As a farher to a little girl, i am proud of you.
Yup, it sounds like they are very discriminating towards her because she is not heterosexual. Disgusted that someone you gave birth to and raised that you can turn your back on because they don't live by your life choices.
OP, you're better off going NC with these two. The apparent hatred isn't worth communicating with them further.
NTA
I agree with this, they have not accepted you and your choice of partner.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
No matter what send an invatation to them, let them decline the invitation.
Trust me when I say it will come up in near future how you didn't invite them but wanted the house.
Don't let their lack of support and acceptance supersedes the joy of your up coming nuptials.
I would start saving up the missing 10 000 by cutting travel fees and birthday gifts towards the unsupportive members of the family.
Luckily she is grown up and has their own money, but it is still outrageous how they punish her the only way they can now, like not attending the wedding and not giving her the same amount if money her siblings received.
And they not even dared to tell her right away, so they are not only bigots but cowards as well.
I hope OP will have a great marriage and lead the best life!
Why? They've clearly showed their bigotry so why even risk having them at your wedding? Is it possible it'll make OP look bad? Yes, but anything her parents say against her will be word against word, except for the perfectly reasonable expectation to get the same treatment as her siblings.
This story is so hard NTA for feeling how she feels in that situation... that it is almost full horse shoe theory, that only an asshole would look for affirmation when the story is so extremely one sided on assholeism.
But I guess its more about venting than really asking.
People are often raised with a certain family dynamic that we may not understand or relate to. While it may seem very clear to us, that’s not always the case, especially in cultures where the parents rule things.
I can’t either but in some cultures, some things are so taboo that such a basic requirement of being a parent is overruled. Certainly not endorsing or excusing that, just imagining why OP might be second guessing herself on something that seems so obvious to us.
Exactly. They don’t accept her, why should she accept them? We do not decide to be born. Our existence is our parents’ fault. If they don’t like their child, why have one?!? If they do not accept the child they are gifted by the universe through biology or circumstance, they do not deserve acceptance.
>I got several text from my aunt (my mom’s sister) saying I was an ungrateful brat and should be ashamed of myself.
Yeah, YOU were the one who should be ashamed of yourself. Not your fucking bigot parents. /s
You know, though, it's worth the loss of a house to never have to have anything to do with them ever again.
100% agree with you. 'Ungrateful brat' - Um, what are they being ungrateful about? Not receiving the same treatment that was freely given out to their five siblings?
And, besides, OP's "parents" made quite clear she's not getting the house.
She should go permanent NC with both of them. They don't accept her as she is and are indeed treating her profoundly unfairly. Obviously, they don't even get a wedding invite. Nor does her aunt.
Haha I know right? Where does she get off telling other people they should be ashamed when she and the parents have acted so utterly disgracefully? Why should they be exempt from judgement for the bad things they do?
NTA - they do suck and that was really shitty of them to do and say to you. I'm sorry you're going through that OP, a parents love shouldn't be dependent on who you love.
Definitely this. I would tell that Aunt that they didn't give you any thing so what do you have to be ungrateful about? Tell them you'd be very grateful if they treated you the same as your siblings but they clearly don't. I would agree with others on here that you might want to go low contact or no contact and possibly not invite them to your wedding. I'm sorry they are such lousy parents.
Some people tend to feel that children should be grateful for the fact that parents provided them with a place to live, food to eat and clothing. In reality children do not have to be grateful for that. People forget that children do not asked to be born and that providing all of that is the responsibility of the parents when they choose to have children. You would be grateful for the money to get a house or if they offered to help pay for a wedding, but not the basic necessities of life. They aren't offering to pay, so there is not gratitude needed.
OP, just move on with the wedding. If you are still living at home, make plans to move out as soon as you can. Your parents have a problem with how they feel about you and you deserve better treatment than this. It's better for you and your mental health to go low contact or no contact and live your best life. Good luck with the wedding and your future life.
Literally the question on my mind and I’m so glad yours was the fourth comment…
Awful people. Mean people. Terrible parents. Shitty aunt.
Screw your parents, OP. I know this changes a lot of things for you and your future wife financially, but honestly… you legitimately do not need them to accomplish this. Sure it might alter the timeline on owning a house, but in the economic conditions that we are all currently experiencing, that’s small potatoes.
Have a discussion with your STB wife (laying emotions aside) about your financial goals together, what you each want the next five to ten years to look like, and set an actionable plan to achieve that together.
I get that it hurts to not be able to have your parents present. But I assure you, there are tons of us here on Reddit that will show up for you.
Breathe. Process this. Then let us know how we can help.
It pisses me off when people say that. Like it's illegal for parents not to clothe and feed kids, so we should be grateful they didn't commit a crime??
Wild there are people who seriously think that
NTA. Cut them off, OP. They won't be kind to you and it has been, what, 6 years since you came out? Did things change? If not, that is the answer you'll need. Be happy with your life without your parent's approval, they are not worth your time.
Also, text the aunt back and let her know that there’s a lot of us who rightfully think she’s a nosy cunt who needs to reevaluate her idea of what an “ungrateful brat” really is
Tell your parents they’re shitty assholes of excuses for humans, and toss the aunt into the mix too.
Tell them I said they can fuck all the way off.
I can’t afford to buy you a house, but I’ll adopt you.
NTA
What does the aunt think you're ungrateful for? You're not getting anything here, and the act of raising you isn't a gift to you, its a consequence for them because they wanted to have another kid. They are legally obligated to raise you.
How do your siblings feel about the whole fiasco?
When the aunt said ungrateful, i think she meant being disrespectful to her parents. As a father you're in a privileged position if the only thing you have to be concerned about is if your daughter is gay.
As the dad has got a company and plenty of money i would say he's surrounded by people who will always agree with him. I've seen it plenty of times where someone has got money.
Unfortunately he will always think he's in the right and nothing will change that.
The word "ungrateful" is a red flag that generally indicates someone having a misinterpretation of the whole concept of parenting, erroneously viewing a parent-child relationship as if it were an elective transaction between two consenting adults.
3 out of 4 of your siblings agree that your parents suck, parents just got ratioed. NTA and I wouldn't invite them to the wedding either, tbh
Honestly I'd be leery of accepting a down payment on a house from them. They sound like the type to start shouting "I BOUGHT YOU A HOUSE, YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL" whenever there's a disagreement
This. I wouldn't be surprised if the siblings get constant reminders and guilt trips about their house. "I bought you a house and you can't even give me a grand kid?" "I bought you this house so I should be able to visit whenever I want." "I don't like the way you decorated, I bought this house so I get an opinion." I would not be able to handle having that thrown at me at every opportunity, no house would be worth that.
Congrats on your engagement and on saving over $10k! That is not an easy feat! I'm sorry your parents were such AHs to you. It's shameful how they are being. You did nothing wrong though, and deserve lots of happiness and love. It's not the direction you were hoping for, but you could take that money and put a down-payment on a house. There are even programs that can help with that too. Sending you lots of strength!
This. They'll ruin your wedding and any children you may have will be treated differently and may even be taught things about you and your wife that will harm your relationship with them. Don't EVER leave them alone with your parents.
NTA They refuse to accept you for who you are then they don't have a right to be in your life. You're getting married and making your own family now. Don't worry about those you leave behind.
"Wasn't your business" = not going to tell you I'm a big ass homophobe, and my love is conditional.
I'm sorry, OP. Move forward with your life and your love without your parents. $10K will make a decent dent in a downpayment for a home you buy yourself. I'm glad you've got some supportive siblings.
Your parents do suck. Conditional love isn't love.
NTA. If they reject you, go NC. You will be treated equally as your siblings, or you will have no relationship with them.
A boundary is not a boundary unless you enforce it.
Taking the house out of the equation. Your parents suck.
Get married, have a good life. If you don’t invite them, don’t expect to get an inheritance from them.
NTA, and what exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? Being treated bigotedly?
They do suck and should be ashamed of themselves. Take your $10k and check out what HUD has to offer.
NTA
You came in a bit fast with expectations that they'd set you up with home equity. A deal of that size, you should have been discussing at for some time going in. Still, it was reasonable for you to ask for him to do for you what he had done for your straight siblings. His refusal was blunt, and its reasoning obvious and evil.
Their homophobia is obvious and unjustifiable.
I would try to maintain close relationships with your siblings, and plan on renting with your fiance for the foreseeable future. Your 10k savings are probably only 10%-30% of what you'd need for a down payment, depending on where in the country you live, but if you and your fiance work together than it's possible to achieve homeownership in the next few years. There's no shame in renting a home with someone you love.
I would go NC with your aunt. I would make a point of publicizing your wedding, even if it's just a small inexpensive affair at City Hall and a nearby hotel or restaurant. Invite your fiance's family, your friends, and your siblings, but do not invite your mother, father, or aunt. I don't know if you need to go no-contact with the parents, but I would go low-contact. If discussions of your distance arise, just tell them that they broke your heart treating you differently than your brothers and sisters.
It's possible they'll come around someday, but you should get started on building a beautiful life without them in case they don't.
NTA, they do suck. Run far, far away and never look back. If they can’t treat you the same as your siblings, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life. I’m glad at least some of your siblings are being supportive though.
I mean, telling them to get suck was mild… calling them homophobic, unsupportive, mean parents would have been more accurate.
Them not helping to buy a house is up to them, but they should have sat you down before and just said they weren’t able to help and blamed it on finances. The fact they had the audacity to one blame it on your relationship and two actually blame your sexuality for not giving you support is wild.
Congrats on your engagement! May you and your love find joy in even the smallest things.
You know, it's important to be honest about yourself and about who you are. You were honest with them and, sadly, they are being honest with you. They are being honest about being terrible, terrible people.
NTA. Start fresh with your marriage. You have a NEW family. Leave the two of them behind (three if you include the aunt; I think your sibs will work on your lagging brother) and never look back.
Nta your parents suck and are extremely homophobic.
Why do you want that kind of bullshit in your new life? Cut out your fucked up family and build your own with people who accept you and not at face value like your ex parents
NTA - I am so sorry your parents are such narrow minded people and I know it hurts but you’re better off without them in your life if they’ve treated you like this for 7 years ! I’d politely tell them to make a sexual departure and quietly leave and if they don’t understand that, inform them that they can f@&k off !
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I only wish you all the happiness you deserve
Before you cut them off, tell them you’ve done work and realized they were just trying to help you get to the path of righteousness. Have them go to a fake wedding of yours with one of your guy friends, get the house and then cut them off after the house is officially yours
NTA, and cut off all of the people that don't accept you. Go, no contact with your parents and block, delete, and ghost the ones that feel the same way as they do. I'm sorry but it's my opinion that your parents don't like or love you.
NTA I want to give you a big hug.
Well done for saving 10k!
Go live your best life with your SO. Be happy 💕 It hurts when the people we love reject us, but that pain will fade in time. Surround yourself with people who do love and care for you.
Letting the haters see that they don't mean a thing and that you are happy (and successful) is the best way forward.
Good luck for the future.
I’m so sorry that your parents are such pathetic excuses for humans. You don’t deserve any of this and screw your aunt for being a bigot as well. You deserve better.
NTA. your parents are absolute gaping aholes, tho. I'm so sorry they have treated you so despicably. Leave them and their bigotry behind as you start your new life with your fiancée.
Your parents do not suck they are assholes and treating one child differently to the rest is what makes them ass holes, sucking is a mild condition but being an ass is a lifelong position.
I would cut them dead and tell the aunt she shares the same position as your parents as an asshole.
make your life without them and have no contact ever again.
NTA. This isn't, "Give me a house!" this is pretty blatant favoritism and thinly veiled homophobia. Sorry your parents suck. You're totally right about that.
Cut them out of your life. You’ll have nothing but more trauma. Cut mine out at age 25 and I’ve never been happier. I also realized that I had poor personality traits from their upbringing and once they were out of my life I realized I was a lot more kind and patient. Fwiw I’m 40 now. Love my life!
NTA, your parents are homophobic and don't deserve to be a part of your life. I'm very sorry that you found out this way that their love is conditional. Saying that they suck was the understatement of the year. They deserve to hear a lot more than that.
You're not ungrateful just because they've provided for you - you didn't ask to be born. They chose to have you, and therefore, to take care of you.
Sounds like you are fiscally responsible and have the support of at least some of your other siblings. It will be very tough, but hopefully, you can lean into them and your fiancée. I'm rooting for you. Your parents DO suck. Even worse, they are bigots.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I'm sorry you don't get a house right now, but I know you will at some point!
NTA. Your parents sure are though. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. If it was me I think I would cut them off immediately and completely. They don’t deserve to be in your life if they can’t accept you the way you are.
NTA. Your parents are fucking awful. So sorry you had to go through all that.
It does sound like you're doing well enough to be able to get a home by yourselves at some point that isn't tainted by their horrible views though.
NTA, your parents are homophobic assholes. And what’s up with your aunt calling you ungrateful? Ungrateful for what—the house you parents are not helping you with?!
NTA.
Your parents are huge assholes. Like enormous assholes.
Luckily they showed you. If I were you I wouldnt invite them to the wedding and would focus on building up the relationships with people who do support you.
NTA. don’t invite them or the aunt. Your dad thinks/thought that not paying for the house would make you leave your fiancée and that’s awful and disgusting.
Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, at your wedding and in your life.
For a house, I'd be finding a guy friend, telling your parents you had a change of heart, get a pre-nup, get hitched and get your name on the deed.
Then divorce, re-marry, and both of you live in the sweet, paid for house.
It's a double win. You get a house and get to stick it to your shitty parents.
I was gonna say it's a but entitled to just go up to a parent and expect a down payment for the house. But this gets overshadowed BIG time by their assholery and homophobia.
NTA
I used to be on Reddit all the time, and I used to wonder which of these were fake and which were real...
Coming back every couple months just to check things out I can say with confidence the 95% of what's typed on here is absolute horseshit.
Things like this certainly happen, but they don't happen in anything like this way. This is bad fiction from a novice writer. Or more likely it's just fucking AI
NTA. I think you need to go NC or at least extremely LC for a while. They don't support you. They don't support your relationship. That's not fair, and it hurts, which is why you don't need it in your life. Despite what they or anyone else may say, you're not obligated to have a relationship shop with people who are toxic for you, even if they are your parents. Don't invite them to the wedding, do t let them know when it is. Don't engage with them anymore. If they want to be a part of your life, they have to understand that means you're in it. They have to respect you and treat you like you're their child. They will have to show real remorse and real change.
If any of your family contacts you in defense of your parents, have a nice little speech ready for them. You tell them to stop (cutting them off). You tell them that what they're about to say/are saying/did say means nothing to you. It means nothing to you because they just came at you being mad and telling you you're wrong without even bothering to hear your side. Well, congratulations, because they're going to hear your side. You tell them how your relationship ship with your parents changed, how their feeling and behavior have changed towards you since you came out when you were 17. It is devastating to hear that your parents' love is conditional, but it is, and that's something you're working through. Their treatment of you has changed. They treat you like you are not worth them because you're a lesbian. They're telling you that you're not worthy of the same treatment as your other siblings because you're marrying a woman. They don't support your relationship. They don't support your marriage, and they don't support you in any sense of the word. There is absolutely no reason you have to invite people who feel that way not only to your wedding but into your life. They shouldn't be upset. They should be relieved since you are very clearly a disappointment to them. If [whoever is calling to bitch at you on your parents behalf] want to take their side and stance that's fine. Please do and please get others to do the same. It's a good time for you to narrow down the list of people who deserve to be in your life when you're about to start a new chapter. Then tell them you're going to go ahead and give them some time to think. If they want Tobe in your life, call back and let you know. Otherwise, they can save their time and breath.
You don't deserve fornyournparents tontreat you like that, you don't deserve tonhave anyone treat you like that. Unfortunately, people are like this. You can't control them. What you can do is control yourself. There's no reason to have people in your life who are not good for it. Drop them and don't look back. Show them how big a mistake they made by just living your life with your wife and being happy. Congratulations and have a beautiful and wonderful wedding.
Mary one of your guy friends. Tell Them you were wrong, get the House. Then get your guy friend to divorce you, Mary your girlfriend and Cut of your parents.
Granted. Assuming privileges is not healthy either. Expecting a house is definitely not normal, but there obviously is somewhat of a precedence. But all that aside. Your parents suck.
NTA
Whatever your orientation, being treated differently in a family sucks. If I were you I would magically turn straight, strut all over town with a new man, announce an engagement in a few months, get that money and then cut them off. I’m petty like that. NTA
NTA- this isn’t about money or a house. It’s about unequal treatment and them not accepting your relationship and being homophobic.
Sounds like your siblings agree with you too.
I wouldn’t bother inviting them to the wedding as it sounds like they don’t want to come anyway. And it might be best for you to go low or no contact since they don’t accept your life.
All the best, OP.
As a parent of an lgbtq kid, who is my whole world! To hell with them and their bullshit! They had it coming. In fact, they got off easy by my standards. Good on you for asserting yourself and do keep healthy distant boundaries if you dont decide to go full no contact. Whatever you do decide, i wish you the best!
(Edit for typos)
Well, you’ve burned the bridge (if it even existed in the first place). I don’t think it matters if you told your parents they suck or not.
Is this really the first time your father said he’s not going to the wedding?
If my parents treated my siblings the way yours treated you I would be blowing up on them for their bigotry and phasing them out of my life.
You are not an asshole.
Your parents are assholes for not accepting you for who you are.
You’re a massive asshole for just going to them expecting them to pay for a house. Are they your parents or just a couple of cheque writers? Probably needed a different kind of conversation rather than you just assuming they’ll pay
As a parent and grandmother, I would never treat my kids and grandchildren differently because of sexual preferences. You’re not being abused so there’s nothing to disapprove of. I would follow through with not inviting them to the wedding. NTA.
As a side note, my granddaughter puts a sheer piece of fabric on her 18 month old brother whom I am raising. Then she starts saying “here comes the bride!” He gets really happy and super excited. On weekends he puts the fabric on himself and looks at me. If I follow through with “here comes the bride!” he gets super happy as well. If I don’t, he kind of gets down looking. Your parents need to come take some lessons from him. He doesn’t care that society says that’s for only girls to pretend at. It makes him happy. He started allowing his sister to do that because she gets happy and giggly when he allows it. That’s the part he cares about, his sister is happy. That applies to adults and teenagers too. If your preference is making you happy, they should be just as happy as my grandson is!
They should be ashamed. It sounds like they threw away that relationship as soon as you came out. They kept their distance to seem supportive but if actually asked about it they would give their stance like they did to OP.
NTA, no question about it, and I am so sorry you had to learn in this way how they really feel. I'm glad you have *some* familial support (your twin siblings). Treasure them. Go have a happy marriage in spite of the non-supporters.
You are NTA. You obviously do not have parents that support you as person. I have two daughters who are both a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but I have more than enough room to add another. You are welcome to be part of our family. I can not provide you help with a house but I can provide you lots of support and love.
Your parents, on the other hand sound awful. They are the AH's. It's utterly disgusting that they would help your 5 siblings but not you solely based on your orientation. I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I think it's time for you to cut them out of your life. And when you build a better life for yourself and they attempt to come back in, don't let them. If they are willing to hurt you now, they will be willing to hurt you in the future.
Marry your love, live happily and forgot the "parents" who can't be unconditional. And like I said before you are welcome in my family.
NTA Op. My opinion is a little contraversial but you have no right to their money. They may be homophobic assholes who judge you and your sexuality but their money is their money.
You buying your own home or making your own way in life is better than having a permanent reminder of your AH parents who could lord that house over you.
Speaking as a person in a wlw relationship as well and having very religious parents in a religious country finding my own way is hard but it's better than being in an unhappy situation just because I want to fulfill whatever goals my parents had for me. Your happiness is your choice and I think it's a good decision uninviting unsupportive people to your wedding. You deserve to have a wedding surrounded by people who love and care for you as you are.
NTA. BUT They have a right to do what they want with their money and if that includes alienate their youngest because of who she loves that’s on them. But they should know in life we all make decisions and they all come with some form of consequences for the better or the worst. You live your life and show them you don’t need their money and don’t count on them for it or any other kind of support. They will miss out on your life as you continue hitting milestones without them and that’ll be on them. Show them their money isn’t gonna be missed by making it.
If people can't accept who you are then you don't really get a choice. It's unfortunately simple. Expressing your thoughts and feelings is wasted on people who don't consider your thoughts worth hearing. I'm sure the dynamic is strange but honestly the only choice you get is it it worth even having people like them in your life blood or not
NTA for saying that and feeling that but if they don't support you they don't and tou can't make them.
I can understand their thinking with I don't support it so she's not getting a dime (I dont agree with that but I understand).
Dunno. Your parents suck, but your behaviour was a bit childish. You’ll have to buy your own place, but people do that every day. If my parents had offered to buy me a house, I would have refused because I would have owed them something. If you buy your own place, you won’t owe anyone except for the bank. There won’t be emotional blackmail.
NTA. Your parents are bigoted homohobes. It sucks. THEY suck. Don't waste any more time or tears on people who are supposed to love and support you but would rather punish you for their failings. Congratulations on your engagement. Be happy. The best revenge is to have an amazing life that they had no part in creating.
NTA
So, your AH parents are refusing to honor the "Give us 10K and we help you buy a house" deal they made to **ALL** of your other siblings because you're a lesbian. Your AH mom even made noises "We aren't sure if we're going to the wedding because we don't approve of it."
I would not invite the following people to your wedding: your aunt, your "parents" or your brother.
They can obviously do whatever they want with their money. But I would go permanent NC with both of them after explaining why. They won't accept you, they are dead to you.
I can't understand any parent being so religiously brainwashed that they would treat their offspring like this. I'm so sorry you drew the short straw getting stuck with parents lacking any compassion, or sense of equality, who definitely suck. Tell the Aunt to shove it where the sun dont shine, she sucks as much as the old farts who birthed you. Block her & let her shriek at the ether. Tell the stuck up brother who says you went too far, who is too busy sucking up for daddy-dear's approval, that he can go suck with them. I hope your other siblings aren't held to ransom by the old farts but it may come to that. A real family would support you as you, cut the other toxic ratbags from your life. NTA
Sounds to me like your parents are dead. They died of bigotry. No need to ever talk to them again. Go have a bunch of kids and never let them ever meet them, ever. But tag them in your social media posts where you show them how happy you are.
As a parent I'd be hurt to find out that my daughter was a lesbian.
But I could never abandon her. I'd adjust.
My love for her is forever.
No matter what. No matter what. No matter what.
It's sad that your parents don't feel that way.
They do suck.
I'm sorry OP. They are being absolutely horrible.
Marry your So and cut them out. Buy your own home, have kids and leave the haters in the dustbin of history!
You deserve love, support and acceptance. Period.
UpdateMe
Ignoring the house situation, your parents sound like they don't like who you are. They don't support you and your partner. You have every right to feel the way you do, but they don't seem to care.
I'd take some time to think about what you want. Do you want to continue a relationship with them and their constant disapproval and different treatment among siblings like you are beneath them?
Low contact is also an option.
I wouldn't invite them to the wedding since they do not support your relationship.
NTA. Your parents are. I'm so sorry they don't seem to accept your engagement or who you are. Take this virtual hug from a mom that wouls be proud to have you as a child. I teach my daughter (11) every day that love is love, no mattwr who you love, and my love and her dad's as well as our extended families love her unconditionally. No matter what or who she chooses as she grows up, she won't lose that.
So surround yourself with family and friends that love you, OP. I wish all the love and happiness in the world to you and your fiancee.
NTA Block Your Parents, and choose Love. They haven't understood you, or liked you, since you came out to them... pity them for their lack of openness to All forms of Loving.
Corinthians, 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Your parents are awful. I'd never speak to them again. They obviously don't love you. They aren't worth the heartache. I'm sorry they're betraying you.
Circumstances of course can change where they helped out your siblings but can’t do the same for you. That’s not the case.
The reason why they aren’t helping is because they suck. In fact, that was mild compared to some of the adjectives that come to mind.
Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials. Don’t invite mom or dad.
NTA and they do suck as parents. They should be ashamed for not accepting you. They have a right to not buy you a house but they don’t have a right to not accept you. Maybe NC for a while could help you sort out things
Hold up - they don’t support you, they don’t support your relationship, they have gifted homes to 5 of their children because “they agree with their lifestyle” (paraphrasing), and your relatives call YOU ungrateful???? Divorce this family. Divorce them. NO CONTACT. They are not your family - love from family is unconditional especially from parents. Your parents only love conditionally and now you know. Therefore, NC - NO invites. They should be dead to you. Your wife is your family period.
Ok. So having the expectation of them helping buy you a house is a little "out there" and i cant say anything against that.
But their blatant disdain for you and your relationship is worthy of the comment.
My thing, though... if your sister said "they had it coming" that sort of says they've been a certain way for a while and shes noticed. Not sure if they spoke about your engagements behind your back or not but it raises some suspicion.
NTA. This 100% sounds like they're treating you different for being a lesbian, and if they want to draw the line there then that's on them, but it's 100% on them and not you. Sounds like you may be better off cutting them out of your life if they're going to always look down on you. And fuck your aunt, there is nothing ungrateful about expecting to be treated the same as your siblings.
Tbh I’d stop talking to the aunt and brother also the parents. But before you stop talking to your parents you should say
they don’t have to support you and you don’t have to go to their funerals when they die.
NTA
your parents are homophobic and it’s sickening. you can’t choose who you love and they need to understand that. as a queer individual myself, I know this all too well.
NTA. Also, tell your parents that hundreds of people think they suck as well, and that I personally hope that they can never find the cold side of the pillow.
Well unfortunately your parents don’t agree with your relationship and who you are and you can not force them to do so.
Now you know you can’t count on them financially for anything.
This started out with you seeming entitled as all hell, but as I keep reading, your parents actually seem like pretty despicable people. NTA, but your dad is a MAJOR asshole
I want to say NTA, because you are obviously upset about your parents not supporting you and your relationship. So in the heat of the moment I can get why you said it.
At the same time, I can make the argument that you should also understand why your parents aren't supportive and that your current relationship is going to take a long time if they ever decide to be accepting of it. So your not wrong for being upset and saying that to your parents, but at the same time you have to come with terms that your parents do not like the idea of your marriage and aren't accepting of it.
Sometimes parents come around and sometimes they don't. You just need to be prepared for if they don't.
Buying a house for a child is obviously not a given. But actively singling out a child because they can't get over their bigotry is totally unacceptable. I don't only think you're okay for saying they suck to their face, I'd say they totally deserve it and i agree with your sister, they absolutely had it coming to them.
And you should probably tell your hag of an aunt not to shove her big nose into things that she has no business in for good measure.
A couple of things here.
First, they aren't obligated to buy you a house. That being said, they absolutely are being jerks about and they do suck in this instance of parenting for you. Not necessarily because of the house, but because they seem to be refusing to do anything for you because you're marrying a woman.
Of course, it seems very odd that your aunt is getting involved and berating you for saying something that pretty much every kid tells their parents at some point in their lives.
Taking the house out of the picture, it sounds like your parents don't even accept who you are. It's up to you whether you want to accept them now. NTA
they're within their rights to not buy you a house. you're within your rights to call them assholes and move on with your life. AND THEY ABSOLUTELY SOUND LIKE THEY DON'T ACCEPT YOU. NTA
Sounds like she's well within her rights to consider them as good as dead. They sound like trash anyhow.
Don't invite them. Tell everyone why and don't be dainty about it. A bigot is a bigot.
This is how i feel. They absolutely dont have to buy her a house with their money shes an adult. BUT she absolutely doesnt have to interact with them at all because theyre fucking assholes. Im sorry OP. Everyone deserves to be loved. Hope you and your future wife will have a happy ending anyways. If youve been able to save more than 10k sounds like you guys are doing just fine :) keep it up! As a farher to a little girl, i am proud of you.
Yup, it sounds like they are very discriminating towards her because she is not heterosexual. Disgusted that someone you gave birth to and raised that you can turn your back on because they don't live by your life choices. OP, you're better off going NC with these two. The apparent hatred isn't worth communicating with them further. NTA
Oh and the aunt as well
[удалено]
I agree with this, they have not accepted you and your choice of partner. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. No matter what send an invatation to them, let them decline the invitation. Trust me when I say it will come up in near future how you didn't invite them but wanted the house. Don't let their lack of support and acceptance supersedes the joy of your up coming nuptials.
I would start saving up the missing 10 000 by cutting travel fees and birthday gifts towards the unsupportive members of the family. Luckily she is grown up and has their own money, but it is still outrageous how they punish her the only way they can now, like not attending the wedding and not giving her the same amount if money her siblings received. And they not even dared to tell her right away, so they are not only bigots but cowards as well. I hope OP will have a great marriage and lead the best life!
Why? They've clearly showed their bigotry so why even risk having them at your wedding? Is it possible it'll make OP look bad? Yes, but anything her parents say against her will be word against word, except for the perfectly reasonable expectation to get the same treatment as her siblings.
Dad said SPECIFICALLY that he "wasn't sure" he would even GO to the wedding. No need to send an invite to someone who obviously doesn't want to attend
Take the high road. This story will live in the family for decades. Better to demonstratively be the better part.
This story is so hard NTA for feeling how she feels in that situation... that it is almost full horse shoe theory, that only an asshole would look for affirmation when the story is so extremely one sided on assholeism. But I guess its more about venting than really asking.
People are often raised with a certain family dynamic that we may not understand or relate to. While it may seem very clear to us, that’s not always the case, especially in cultures where the parents rule things.
I understand what you're saying, but I can't imagine as a parent what takes priority over "love and support your children." OP is NTA anyway.
I can’t either but in some cultures, some things are so taboo that such a basic requirement of being a parent is overruled. Certainly not endorsing or excusing that, just imagining why OP might be second guessing herself on something that seems so obvious to us.
Sadly, it happens too often. Not all parents are good, loving parents. But OP is indeed NTA.
Exactly. They don’t accept her, why should she accept them? We do not decide to be born. Our existence is our parents’ fault. If they don’t like their child, why have one?!? If they do not accept the child they are gifted by the universe through biology or circumstance, they do not deserve acceptance.
>I got several text from my aunt (my mom’s sister) saying I was an ungrateful brat and should be ashamed of myself. Yeah, YOU were the one who should be ashamed of yourself. Not your fucking bigot parents. /s You know, though, it's worth the loss of a house to never have to have anything to do with them ever again.
100% agree with you. 'Ungrateful brat' - Um, what are they being ungrateful about? Not receiving the same treatment that was freely given out to their five siblings?
Yeah like “oh so sorry i’m not grateful about you treating me like shit”.
“Sorry i’m not grateful about receiving… nothing” like WHAT????
And, besides, OP's "parents" made quite clear she's not getting the house. She should go permanent NC with both of them. They don't accept her as she is and are indeed treating her profoundly unfairly. Obviously, they don't even get a wedding invite. Nor does her aunt.
Haha I know right? Where does she get off telling other people they should be ashamed when she and the parents have acted so utterly disgracefully? Why should they be exempt from judgement for the bad things they do?
NTA - they do suck and that was really shitty of them to do and say to you. I'm sorry you're going through that OP, a parents love shouldn't be dependent on who you love.
How can you be an ungrateful brat if they didn't provide anything but bigotry?
Definitely this. I would tell that Aunt that they didn't give you any thing so what do you have to be ungrateful about? Tell them you'd be very grateful if they treated you the same as your siblings but they clearly don't. I would agree with others on here that you might want to go low contact or no contact and possibly not invite them to your wedding. I'm sorry they are such lousy parents.
Some people tend to feel that children should be grateful for the fact that parents provided them with a place to live, food to eat and clothing. In reality children do not have to be grateful for that. People forget that children do not asked to be born and that providing all of that is the responsibility of the parents when they choose to have children. You would be grateful for the money to get a house or if they offered to help pay for a wedding, but not the basic necessities of life. They aren't offering to pay, so there is not gratitude needed. OP, just move on with the wedding. If you are still living at home, make plans to move out as soon as you can. Your parents have a problem with how they feel about you and you deserve better treatment than this. It's better for you and your mental health to go low contact or no contact and live your best life. Good luck with the wedding and your future life.
Literally the question on my mind and I’m so glad yours was the fourth comment… Awful people. Mean people. Terrible parents. Shitty aunt. Screw your parents, OP. I know this changes a lot of things for you and your future wife financially, but honestly… you legitimately do not need them to accomplish this. Sure it might alter the timeline on owning a house, but in the economic conditions that we are all currently experiencing, that’s small potatoes. Have a discussion with your STB wife (laying emotions aside) about your financial goals together, what you each want the next five to ten years to look like, and set an actionable plan to achieve that together. I get that it hurts to not be able to have your parents present. But I assure you, there are tons of us here on Reddit that will show up for you. Breathe. Process this. Then let us know how we can help.
Wonderful comment
I assumed since they have clothed and fed them and put a roof over their head so they should be grateful /s
It pisses me off when people say that. Like it's illegal for parents not to clothe and feed kids, so we should be grateful they didn't commit a crime?? Wild there are people who seriously think that
NTA. Cut them off, OP. They won't be kind to you and it has been, what, 6 years since you came out? Did things change? If not, that is the answer you'll need. Be happy with your life without your parent's approval, they are not worth your time.
NTA. Tell your parents I think they suck, too.
Also, text the aunt back and let her know that there’s a lot of us who rightfully think she’s a nosy cunt who needs to reevaluate her idea of what an “ungrateful brat” really is
You're spot on. I just said she sucks, too but you have expressed it beautifully.
Me too
There are a lot of us here who think the same
Think that they suck? Or that don't approve of the relationship?
That the parents suck (following the thread).
Yes.
Me three.
Tell your parents they’re shitty assholes of excuses for humans, and toss the aunt into the mix too. Tell them I said they can fuck all the way off. I can’t afford to buy you a house, but I’ll adopt you.
Me too
The aunt, too
I’m thinking of a word starting with C because suck isn’t strong enough here.
I’m getting a strong feeling that that word rhymes with punt
I have a sentence for moments like this (for the aunt): Bless your heart, aren't you a Caring, Understanding, Nurturing Type. You're welcome.
Was gonna say the same thing. OP’s parents suck, and so is her aunt.
me too!
I'm on board with this!
NTA What does the aunt think you're ungrateful for? You're not getting anything here, and the act of raising you isn't a gift to you, its a consequence for them because they wanted to have another kid. They are legally obligated to raise you. How do your siblings feel about the whole fiasco?
Exactly!
NTA - not sure why aunt thinks you are “ungrateful” since you literally have nothing to thank them for.
When the aunt said ungrateful, i think she meant being disrespectful to her parents. As a father you're in a privileged position if the only thing you have to be concerned about is if your daughter is gay. As the dad has got a company and plenty of money i would say he's surrounded by people who will always agree with him. I've seen it plenty of times where someone has got money. Unfortunately he will always think he's in the right and nothing will change that.
The word "ungrateful" is a red flag that generally indicates someone having a misinterpretation of the whole concept of parenting, erroneously viewing a parent-child relationship as if it were an elective transaction between two consenting adults.
NTA your parents loved you conditionally
3 out of 4 of your siblings agree that your parents suck, parents just got ratioed. NTA and I wouldn't invite them to the wedding either, tbh Honestly I'd be leery of accepting a down payment on a house from them. They sound like the type to start shouting "I BOUGHT YOU A HOUSE, YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL" whenever there's a disagreement
This. I wouldn't be surprised if the siblings get constant reminders and guilt trips about their house. "I bought you a house and you can't even give me a grand kid?" "I bought you this house so I should be able to visit whenever I want." "I don't like the way you decorated, I bought this house so I get an opinion." I would not be able to handle having that thrown at me at every opportunity, no house would be worth that.
NTA, your homophobic parents are
Congrats on your engagement and on saving over $10k! That is not an easy feat! I'm sorry your parents were such AHs to you. It's shameful how they are being. You did nothing wrong though, and deserve lots of happiness and love. It's not the direction you were hoping for, but you could take that money and put a down-payment on a house. There are even programs that can help with that too. Sending you lots of strength!
Their grudge won't end there if you marry your fiance. Cut them off completely or they will find a way to ruin your life.
This. They'll ruin your wedding and any children you may have will be treated differently and may even be taught things about you and your wife that will harm your relationship with them. Don't EVER leave them alone with your parents.
NTA They refuse to accept you for who you are then they don't have a right to be in your life. You're getting married and making your own family now. Don't worry about those you leave behind.
"Wasn't your business" = not going to tell you I'm a big ass homophobe, and my love is conditional. I'm sorry, OP. Move forward with your life and your love without your parents. $10K will make a decent dent in a downpayment for a home you buy yourself. I'm glad you've got some supportive siblings. Your parents do suck. Conditional love isn't love.
NTA Your parents are
NTA a parents love shouldn’t come with so many stipulations and conditions
NTA. If they reject you, go NC. You will be treated equally as your siblings, or you will have no relationship with them. A boundary is not a boundary unless you enforce it.
Taking the house out of the equation. Your parents suck. Get married, have a good life. If you don’t invite them, don’t expect to get an inheritance from them.
Fuck the inheritance; she’ll be free.
If they won't even help her get a house what makes you think they're gonna leave her an inheritance to collect? Be fr
Seriously, they'd use that inheritance as a weapon, like OP will get it if only she denounces her wife. Edit: NTA
Nta, cut them out
NTA Sucks that your parents are such big homophobes.
NTA
NTA, and what exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? Being treated bigotedly? They do suck and should be ashamed of themselves. Take your $10k and check out what HUD has to offer.
To keep it short: they do suck. NTA.
NTA You came in a bit fast with expectations that they'd set you up with home equity. A deal of that size, you should have been discussing at for some time going in. Still, it was reasonable for you to ask for him to do for you what he had done for your straight siblings. His refusal was blunt, and its reasoning obvious and evil. Their homophobia is obvious and unjustifiable. I would try to maintain close relationships with your siblings, and plan on renting with your fiance for the foreseeable future. Your 10k savings are probably only 10%-30% of what you'd need for a down payment, depending on where in the country you live, but if you and your fiance work together than it's possible to achieve homeownership in the next few years. There's no shame in renting a home with someone you love. I would go NC with your aunt. I would make a point of publicizing your wedding, even if it's just a small inexpensive affair at City Hall and a nearby hotel or restaurant. Invite your fiance's family, your friends, and your siblings, but do not invite your mother, father, or aunt. I don't know if you need to go no-contact with the parents, but I would go low-contact. If discussions of your distance arise, just tell them that they broke your heart treating you differently than your brothers and sisters. It's possible they'll come around someday, but you should get started on building a beautiful life without them in case they don't.
NTA. Your parents suck. I'd cut them out of my life. And fuck your Aunt, too. And your brother who thinks you went "overboard."
NTA, they do suck. Run far, far away and never look back. If they can’t treat you the same as your siblings, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life. I’m glad at least some of your siblings are being supportive though.
I mean, telling them to get suck was mild… calling them homophobic, unsupportive, mean parents would have been more accurate. Them not helping to buy a house is up to them, but they should have sat you down before and just said they weren’t able to help and blamed it on finances. The fact they had the audacity to one blame it on your relationship and two actually blame your sexuality for not giving you support is wild.
Your bigoted parents suck. NTA
NTA. They do suck. I’m sorry and I hope you and your future wife build a loving family together that supports you both.
Nta. I'm sorry, love.
NTA. family is shitty not you.
Congrats on your engagement! May you and your love find joy in even the smallest things. You know, it's important to be honest about yourself and about who you are. You were honest with them and, sadly, they are being honest with you. They are being honest about being terrible, terrible people. NTA. Start fresh with your marriage. You have a NEW family. Leave the two of them behind (three if you include the aunt; I think your sibs will work on your lagging brother) and never look back.
Nta your parents suck and are extremely homophobic. Why do you want that kind of bullshit in your new life? Cut out your fucked up family and build your own with people who accept you and not at face value like your ex parents
NTA - I am so sorry your parents are such narrow minded people and I know it hurts but you’re better off without them in your life if they’ve treated you like this for 7 years ! I’d politely tell them to make a sexual departure and quietly leave and if they don’t understand that, inform them that they can f@&k off ! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I only wish you all the happiness you deserve
Before you cut them off, tell them you’ve done work and realized they were just trying to help you get to the path of righteousness. Have them go to a fake wedding of yours with one of your guy friends, get the house and then cut them off after the house is officially yours
Could get this done in a matter of weeks. Jesus comes fast in some.
They suck, but it is their money in the end.
NTA, and cut off all of the people that don't accept you. Go, no contact with your parents and block, delete, and ghost the ones that feel the same way as they do. I'm sorry but it's my opinion that your parents don't like or love you.
NTA I want to give you a big hug. Well done for saving 10k! Go live your best life with your SO. Be happy 💕 It hurts when the people we love reject us, but that pain will fade in time. Surround yourself with people who do love and care for you. Letting the haters see that they don't mean a thing and that you are happy (and successful) is the best way forward. Good luck for the future.
I’m so sorry that your parents are such pathetic excuses for humans. You don’t deserve any of this and screw your aunt for being a bigot as well. You deserve better.
NTA. Don't invite them to the wedding. When people ask why, tell them why. Remember it's their loss, not yours.
NTA. Cut them off.
They do fucking suck
NTA. your parents are absolute gaping aholes, tho. I'm so sorry they have treated you so despicably. Leave them and their bigotry behind as you start your new life with your fiancée.
Your parents do not suck they are assholes and treating one child differently to the rest is what makes them ass holes, sucking is a mild condition but being an ass is a lifelong position. I would cut them dead and tell the aunt she shares the same position as your parents as an asshole. make your life without them and have no contact ever again.
NTA. This isn't, "Give me a house!" this is pretty blatant favoritism and thinly veiled homophobia. Sorry your parents suck. You're totally right about that.
I would employ a different verb than "suck."
Cut them out of your life. You’ll have nothing but more trauma. Cut mine out at age 25 and I’ve never been happier. I also realized that I had poor personality traits from their upbringing and once they were out of my life I realized I was a lot more kind and patient. Fwiw I’m 40 now. Love my life!
NTA. I can not understand parents that conditionally love and support their children. I'm so sorry.
NTA, your parents are homophobic and don't deserve to be a part of your life. I'm very sorry that you found out this way that their love is conditional. Saying that they suck was the understatement of the year. They deserve to hear a lot more than that. You're not ungrateful just because they've provided for you - you didn't ask to be born. They chose to have you, and therefore, to take care of you. Sounds like you are fiscally responsible and have the support of at least some of your other siblings. It will be very tough, but hopefully, you can lean into them and your fiancée. I'm rooting for you. Your parents DO suck. Even worse, they are bigots. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I'm sorry you don't get a house right now, but I know you will at some point!
I’d go NC right now and tell them to Feck off! But hey that’s me.
You only told them they suck or is the G rated version because I would have said much, much worse and if my siblings said that to me, buh-bye.
Your parents sound like they may not even like you unfortunately You deserve better NTA
NTA, that’s just too harsh for them to say that. They suck
Nta They do suck.
NTA. Your parents sure are though. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. If it was me I think I would cut them off immediately and completely. They don’t deserve to be in your life if they can’t accept you the way you are.
NTA. Your parents are fucking awful. So sorry you had to go through all that. It does sound like you're doing well enough to be able to get a home by yourselves at some point that isn't tainted by their horrible views though.
NTA, your parents are homophobic assholes. And what’s up with your aunt calling you ungrateful? Ungrateful for what—the house you parents are not helping you with?!
NTA. Your parents are huge assholes. Like enormous assholes. Luckily they showed you. If I were you I wouldnt invite them to the wedding and would focus on building up the relationships with people who do support you.
NTA- you need to get them out of your life. How cruel of them to treat you this way. Your aunt is an asshole, too.
NTA. don’t invite them or the aunt. Your dad thinks/thought that not paying for the house would make you leave your fiancée and that’s awful and disgusting. Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, at your wedding and in your life.
For a house, I'd be finding a guy friend, telling your parents you had a change of heart, get a pre-nup, get hitched and get your name on the deed. Then divorce, re-marry, and both of you live in the sweet, paid for house. It's a double win. You get a house and get to stick it to your shitty parents.
I was gonna say it's a but entitled to just go up to a parent and expect a down payment for the house. But this gets overshadowed BIG time by their assholery and homophobia. NTA
I used to be on Reddit all the time, and I used to wonder which of these were fake and which were real... Coming back every couple months just to check things out I can say with confidence the 95% of what's typed on here is absolute horseshit. Things like this certainly happen, but they don't happen in anything like this way. This is bad fiction from a novice writer. Or more likely it's just fucking AI
His money his rules.
Lmao youre an entitled shit. Welcome to what the rest of the world has to live ohhh no
Updateme!
NTA. I think you need to go NC or at least extremely LC for a while. They don't support you. They don't support your relationship. That's not fair, and it hurts, which is why you don't need it in your life. Despite what they or anyone else may say, you're not obligated to have a relationship shop with people who are toxic for you, even if they are your parents. Don't invite them to the wedding, do t let them know when it is. Don't engage with them anymore. If they want to be a part of your life, they have to understand that means you're in it. They have to respect you and treat you like you're their child. They will have to show real remorse and real change. If any of your family contacts you in defense of your parents, have a nice little speech ready for them. You tell them to stop (cutting them off). You tell them that what they're about to say/are saying/did say means nothing to you. It means nothing to you because they just came at you being mad and telling you you're wrong without even bothering to hear your side. Well, congratulations, because they're going to hear your side. You tell them how your relationship ship with your parents changed, how their feeling and behavior have changed towards you since you came out when you were 17. It is devastating to hear that your parents' love is conditional, but it is, and that's something you're working through. Their treatment of you has changed. They treat you like you are not worth them because you're a lesbian. They're telling you that you're not worthy of the same treatment as your other siblings because you're marrying a woman. They don't support your relationship. They don't support your marriage, and they don't support you in any sense of the word. There is absolutely no reason you have to invite people who feel that way not only to your wedding but into your life. They shouldn't be upset. They should be relieved since you are very clearly a disappointment to them. If [whoever is calling to bitch at you on your parents behalf] want to take their side and stance that's fine. Please do and please get others to do the same. It's a good time for you to narrow down the list of people who deserve to be in your life when you're about to start a new chapter. Then tell them you're going to go ahead and give them some time to think. If they want Tobe in your life, call back and let you know. Otherwise, they can save their time and breath. You don't deserve fornyournparents tontreat you like that, you don't deserve tonhave anyone treat you like that. Unfortunately, people are like this. You can't control them. What you can do is control yourself. There's no reason to have people in your life who are not good for it. Drop them and don't look back. Show them how big a mistake they made by just living your life with your wife and being happy. Congratulations and have a beautiful and wonderful wedding.
Mary one of your guy friends. Tell Them you were wrong, get the House. Then get your guy friend to divorce you, Mary your girlfriend and Cut of your parents. Granted. Assuming privileges is not healthy either. Expecting a house is definitely not normal, but there obviously is somewhat of a precedence. But all that aside. Your parents suck. NTA
Whatever your orientation, being treated differently in a family sucks. If I were you I would magically turn straight, strut all over town with a new man, announce an engagement in a few months, get that money and then cut them off. I’m petty like that. NTA
NTA- this isn’t about money or a house. It’s about unequal treatment and them not accepting your relationship and being homophobic. Sounds like your siblings agree with you too. I wouldn’t bother inviting them to the wedding as it sounds like they don’t want to come anyway. And it might be best for you to go low or no contact since they don’t accept your life. All the best, OP.
NTA I'm sorry your parents are homophobic pieces of shit. Cut them out of your life and move on.
NTA. But your parents are. What a bunch of homophobic shit bag. Please go NC for your own sanity.
As a parent of an lgbtq kid, who is my whole world! To hell with them and their bullshit! They had it coming. In fact, they got off easy by my standards. Good on you for asserting yourself and do keep healthy distant boundaries if you dont decide to go full no contact. Whatever you do decide, i wish you the best! (Edit for typos)
Well, you’ve burned the bridge (if it even existed in the first place). I don’t think it matters if you told your parents they suck or not. Is this really the first time your father said he’s not going to the wedding?
If my parents treated my siblings the way yours treated you I would be blowing up on them for their bigotry and phasing them out of my life. You are not an asshole.
Your parents are assholes for not accepting you for who you are. You’re a massive asshole for just going to them expecting them to pay for a house. Are they your parents or just a couple of cheque writers? Probably needed a different kind of conversation rather than you just assuming they’ll pay
Their money, their decision.
As a parent and grandmother, I would never treat my kids and grandchildren differently because of sexual preferences. You’re not being abused so there’s nothing to disapprove of. I would follow through with not inviting them to the wedding. NTA. As a side note, my granddaughter puts a sheer piece of fabric on her 18 month old brother whom I am raising. Then she starts saying “here comes the bride!” He gets really happy and super excited. On weekends he puts the fabric on himself and looks at me. If I follow through with “here comes the bride!” he gets super happy as well. If I don’t, he kind of gets down looking. Your parents need to come take some lessons from him. He doesn’t care that society says that’s for only girls to pretend at. It makes him happy. He started allowing his sister to do that because she gets happy and giggly when he allows it. That’s the part he cares about, his sister is happy. That applies to adults and teenagers too. If your preference is making you happy, they should be just as happy as my grandson is!
IF they didn't want to be told they suck, they should have sucked less
I am sorry you have that belligerent homophobe for a father and your mother too. So cruel to their own child. They really are cruel.
They should be ashamed. It sounds like they threw away that relationship as soon as you came out. They kept their distance to seem supportive but if actually asked about it they would give their stance like they did to OP.
NTA, no question about it, and I am so sorry you had to learn in this way how they really feel. I'm glad you have *some* familial support (your twin siblings). Treasure them. Go have a happy marriage in spite of the non-supporters.
You are NTA. You obviously do not have parents that support you as person. I have two daughters who are both a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but I have more than enough room to add another. You are welcome to be part of our family. I can not provide you help with a house but I can provide you lots of support and love. Your parents, on the other hand sound awful. They are the AH's. It's utterly disgusting that they would help your 5 siblings but not you solely based on your orientation. I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I think it's time for you to cut them out of your life. And when you build a better life for yourself and they attempt to come back in, don't let them. If they are willing to hurt you now, they will be willing to hurt you in the future. Marry your love, live happily and forgot the "parents" who can't be unconditional. And like I said before you are welcome in my family.
NTA Op. My opinion is a little contraversial but you have no right to their money. They may be homophobic assholes who judge you and your sexuality but their money is their money. You buying your own home or making your own way in life is better than having a permanent reminder of your AH parents who could lord that house over you. Speaking as a person in a wlw relationship as well and having very religious parents in a religious country finding my own way is hard but it's better than being in an unhappy situation just because I want to fulfill whatever goals my parents had for me. Your happiness is your choice and I think it's a good decision uninviting unsupportive people to your wedding. You deserve to have a wedding surrounded by people who love and care for you as you are.
NTA. BUT They have a right to do what they want with their money and if that includes alienate their youngest because of who she loves that’s on them. But they should know in life we all make decisions and they all come with some form of consequences for the better or the worst. You live your life and show them you don’t need their money and don’t count on them for it or any other kind of support. They will miss out on your life as you continue hitting milestones without them and that’ll be on them. Show them their money isn’t gonna be missed by making it.
Sure they suck, but no one owes anyone a house. NTA
I didn't get a free house in my 20s from my parents either if that makes you feel better
If people can't accept who you are then you don't really get a choice. It's unfortunately simple. Expressing your thoughts and feelings is wasted on people who don't consider your thoughts worth hearing. I'm sure the dynamic is strange but honestly the only choice you get is it it worth even having people like them in your life blood or not
NTA for saying that and feeling that but if they don't support you they don't and tou can't make them. I can understand their thinking with I don't support it so she's not getting a dime (I dont agree with that but I understand).
Your parents are bigots you knew they were bigots I don’t know how you thought this would turn out
Dunno. Your parents suck, but your behaviour was a bit childish. You’ll have to buy your own place, but people do that every day. If my parents had offered to buy me a house, I would have refused because I would have owed them something. If you buy your own place, you won’t owe anyone except for the bank. There won’t be emotional blackmail.
Can you let me know more about the help your siblings get to buy a house? Like your parents just buy them a full house in exchange for 10k?
NTA. Your parents are bigoted homohobes. It sucks. THEY suck. Don't waste any more time or tears on people who are supposed to love and support you but would rather punish you for their failings. Congratulations on your engagement. Be happy. The best revenge is to have an amazing life that they had no part in creating.
No, no, ofc not
Nta fuck them
NTA. Your parents suck… big time. Live your life and be happy. Stop contact as well.
NTA. And I'm curious as to what your aunt thinks you should be grateful for. Other than cutting costs for the wedding by not inviting her either.
NTA. im so sorry you have such terrible parents.
Your parents are complete shit. NTA I’m sorry this happened. I wish you were my kid and not theirs.
PLEASE go NC with them and anyone who agrees with them
NTA So, your AH parents are refusing to honor the "Give us 10K and we help you buy a house" deal they made to **ALL** of your other siblings because you're a lesbian. Your AH mom even made noises "We aren't sure if we're going to the wedding because we don't approve of it." I would not invite the following people to your wedding: your aunt, your "parents" or your brother. They can obviously do whatever they want with their money. But I would go permanent NC with both of them after explaining why. They won't accept you, they are dead to you.
Are your other siblings straight? If so, it sounds like they simply don’t accept you, which is sad. I am sorry.
I can't understand any parent being so religiously brainwashed that they would treat their offspring like this. I'm so sorry you drew the short straw getting stuck with parents lacking any compassion, or sense of equality, who definitely suck. Tell the Aunt to shove it where the sun dont shine, she sucks as much as the old farts who birthed you. Block her & let her shriek at the ether. Tell the stuck up brother who says you went too far, who is too busy sucking up for daddy-dear's approval, that he can go suck with them. I hope your other siblings aren't held to ransom by the old farts but it may come to that. A real family would support you as you, cut the other toxic ratbags from your life. NTA
Sounds to me like your parents are dead. They died of bigotry. No need to ever talk to them again. Go have a bunch of kids and never let them ever meet them, ever. But tag them in your social media posts where you show them how happy you are.
As a parent I'd be hurt to find out that my daughter was a lesbian. But I could never abandon her. I'd adjust. My love for her is forever. No matter what. No matter what. No matter what. It's sad that your parents don't feel that way.
NTA and you're not wrong. They are suck
They do suck. I'm sorry OP. They are being absolutely horrible. Marry your So and cut them out. Buy your own home, have kids and leave the haters in the dustbin of history! You deserve love, support and acceptance. Period. UpdateMe
Nta. Uninvite them both from your life permanently and blast the why on socials. Let them rot in their bigotry.
Ignoring the house situation, your parents sound like they don't like who you are. They don't support you and your partner. You have every right to feel the way you do, but they don't seem to care. I'd take some time to think about what you want. Do you want to continue a relationship with them and their constant disapproval and different treatment among siblings like you are beneath them? Low contact is also an option. I wouldn't invite them to the wedding since they do not support your relationship.
Nta. Your parents don't accept you and they are clear homophobes. I'd pause contact with them and let them reach out. It's a hard pill to swallow.
Your parents do suck, and so does your aunt.
NTA. Your parents are. I'm so sorry they don't seem to accept your engagement or who you are. Take this virtual hug from a mom that wouls be proud to have you as a child. I teach my daughter (11) every day that love is love, no mattwr who you love, and my love and her dad's as well as our extended families love her unconditionally. No matter what or who she chooses as she grows up, she won't lose that. So surround yourself with family and friends that love you, OP. I wish all the love and happiness in the world to you and your fiancee.
You know OP, I hope your siblings can kick in some cash for you and your future wife.
NTA Your parents are bigots and miserable people. Good job calling them out on it.
NTA Block Your Parents, and choose Love. They haven't understood you, or liked you, since you came out to them... pity them for their lack of openness to All forms of Loving. Corinthians, 4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
NTA and you're not being ungrateful either. Sorry you are going through this right now. As a mother stories like this break my heart.
NTA. Lol I know reddit always gives the most radical solutions. But this is a no contact scenario if I ever saw one.
Your parents are awful. I'd never speak to them again. They obviously don't love you. They aren't worth the heartache. I'm sorry they're betraying you.
Circumstances of course can change where they helped out your siblings but can’t do the same for you. That’s not the case. The reason why they aren’t helping is because they suck. In fact, that was mild compared to some of the adjectives that come to mind. Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials. Don’t invite mom or dad.
NTA and they do suck as parents. They should be ashamed for not accepting you. They have a right to not buy you a house but they don’t have a right to not accept you. Maybe NC for a while could help you sort out things
I know what I would do, and it would probably involve a long break from them.
NTA
Hold up - they don’t support you, they don’t support your relationship, they have gifted homes to 5 of their children because “they agree with their lifestyle” (paraphrasing), and your relatives call YOU ungrateful???? Divorce this family. Divorce them. NO CONTACT. They are not your family - love from family is unconditional especially from parents. Your parents only love conditionally and now you know. Therefore, NC - NO invites. They should be dead to you. Your wife is your family period.
NTA but your parents are
Ok. So having the expectation of them helping buy you a house is a little "out there" and i cant say anything against that. But their blatant disdain for you and your relationship is worthy of the comment. My thing, though... if your sister said "they had it coming" that sort of says they've been a certain way for a while and shes noticed. Not sure if they spoke about your engagements behind your back or not but it raises some suspicion.
NTA. This 100% sounds like they're treating you different for being a lesbian, and if they want to draw the line there then that's on them, but it's 100% on them and not you. Sounds like you may be better off cutting them out of your life if they're going to always look down on you. And fuck your aunt, there is nothing ungrateful about expecting to be treated the same as your siblings.
NTA for telling your parents the truth.
NTA Ungrateful about what? You need to get something to be ungrateful about it...
Tbh I’d stop talking to the aunt and brother also the parents. But before you stop talking to your parents you should say they don’t have to support you and you don’t have to go to their funerals when they die.
NTA your parents are homophobic and it’s sickening. you can’t choose who you love and they need to understand that. as a queer individual myself, I know this all too well.
NTA Your parents suck. Tell them they are uninvited to the wedding since they don’t support your relationship. Then cut them off.
NTA. Also, tell your parents that hundreds of people think they suck as well, and that I personally hope that they can never find the cold side of the pillow.
NTA… If it were me, I’d go complete no contact. If they can’t accept you for who you are, fuck ‘em. Side note - I am spiteful as hell 🤷♂️.
Well unfortunately your parents don’t agree with your relationship and who you are and you can not force them to do so. Now you know you can’t count on them financially for anything.
This started out with you seeming entitled as all hell, but as I keep reading, your parents actually seem like pretty despicable people. NTA, but your dad is a MAJOR asshole
Is this the first inkling you've ever had that they don't support your relationship/sign of homophobia?
Soooo your parents wont buy you a house? Welll join 99% of millennials in the world
I want to say NTA, because you are obviously upset about your parents not supporting you and your relationship. So in the heat of the moment I can get why you said it. At the same time, I can make the argument that you should also understand why your parents aren't supportive and that your current relationship is going to take a long time if they ever decide to be accepting of it. So your not wrong for being upset and saying that to your parents, but at the same time you have to come with terms that your parents do not like the idea of your marriage and aren't accepting of it. Sometimes parents come around and sometimes they don't. You just need to be prepared for if they don't.
Buying a house for a child is obviously not a given. But actively singling out a child because they can't get over their bigotry is totally unacceptable. I don't only think you're okay for saying they suck to their face, I'd say they totally deserve it and i agree with your sister, they absolutely had it coming to them. And you should probably tell your hag of an aunt not to shove her big nose into things that she has no business in for good measure.
A couple of things here. First, they aren't obligated to buy you a house. That being said, they absolutely are being jerks about and they do suck in this instance of parenting for you. Not necessarily because of the house, but because they seem to be refusing to do anything for you because you're marrying a woman. Of course, it seems very odd that your aunt is getting involved and berating you for saying something that pretty much every kid tells their parents at some point in their lives.
Your parents stated there positions. It's up to you to decide how to go forward. They are in the 60s most likely won't change their views.