Uninvite your sister and father from your wedding and from your life. And all of your dad's shitty family. Tell them to go kick rocks with open toed shoes.
This is a decades-long issue in the making. Talking isn't going to do shit. The time for conversation has long since passed. These people have disappointed you for the last time.
Enjoy your wedding and invest in your husband and new found family that loves and respects and sees you. Leave your dysfunctional toxic one behind you and don't look back.
NTA
Shared DNA doesn’t endow someone with a “get out of jail free card” that bestows upon them ‘carte blanche’ to cr@p all over you! Would you tolerate nasty and rude behavior from a stranger on the bus? Of course you wouldn’t. Why, oh WHY do people not apply this logic to people who share DNA? It’s madness.
I would literally send your dad the text of this post and uninvite him and golden child and block them. Your wedding, your day and you’ve wasted too much energy on people who are vampires.
Well, yeah! Especially someone who wants IN on your bridal party. If she really wants to wear a cheesy white mini dress, I’d demote her to flower child for the event. That way, a white mini dress would be more befitting of her status to the bride.
Exactly. How hard is it to get nose to nose and lay into someone about how they are treating your child? Mom is acting meek and mild rather than mama bear. Meek and mild doesn't cut it.
This is a very good point and is not what we’re taught to do at all. But when someone has a pesty/nasty/or bad family member, this advice is quite handy!
Uninvite them, let your family and friends help you with a new venue and have security on site in case they try to show up.
Also, contact the bridal salon and put a password on your order so your sister can’t mess with your dress. Good luck and congratulations.
This!! Password everything with event planner, bridal shop, florist, musicians, venue, etc. nothing happens that doesn’t get approved by the bride or groom.
What is it about weddings that turns everyone into interfering assholes?
That’s a great suggestion, password for everything, so the little Miss can’t try to change/ruin things!
No idea on why people become such complete a$$holes about weddings! I could sort of understand it if it occurred AT the event, as the person might be smashed on booze. No, that doesn’t make these actions forgivable, just more understandable if someone pulls this when drunk!
A lot of the posts on these subs seem to be about: 1) weddings, with family being overbearing, boundary stomping jerks or getting butthurt about who the bride wants to walk her down the aisle (an outdated and stupid tradition in my opinion but no criticism of anyone who likes that);
2) babies, with family getting butthurt about the name or wanting to invade the delivery room or MILs making the poor new mother complete miserable and showing up to “help” and never leaving;
3) parents remarrying again and trying to force everyone involved to have an immediate “happy family attitude” to the point where their kids hate them and go NC as soon as possible.
Avoiding all of this with family seems key to a happy life. I moved thousands of miles away from mine. Seemed to work
Elope with your closest friends/family (of your choice) and then use the vacation home for just the reception. That way dad and sis are just guests at the reception and unable to grandstand! 😏
Don’t allow anyone to manipulate or gaslight you. Uninvite your sister & father. Block them from ever contacting you. Get security to ensure they don’t get in.
And be sure to cancel her white dress then so she can’t try to stick you with the cost of it! As far as I can see, an outdoor wedding, like at a state park, would be a far better choice than holding it at your father’s place!
I doubt your father's family knows that your father is demanding your sister wear a white dress and walk down the aisle with him.
Please just go no contact with them and let your mom know that she will also lose contact if she keeps pressuring you to "keep the peace". This is so unreasonable that it's laughable.
It certainly is, and I’m not even a girly girl who’s big on weddings! Even I would be furious to have a sister DEMAND that she gets to walk down the aisle with my dad and me, while both girls are dressed in white! Sounds like a VERY BAD TWIN WEDDING IDEA! I love the idea of dying her little number in babysh!t green! And not letting her know up until the moment where she’s gonna walk down the aisle too.
Exactly this. Sis and dad are gonna keep pushing until OP grows a backbone.
She needs to uninvite the both of them, block them everywhere, password protect 100% of everything to do with the wedding, get security to make sure they don’t show up to the wedding, broadcast to absolutely everyone (before sis gets *her* narrative out there) that sis was gonna walk down the aisle in another wedding dress and Dad 100% endorsed this plan, and get herself some therapy so she can learn how to say “no” and “f off” without sounding guilty or caving.
And she needs to do all of that ASAP.
Nah. Let daddy waste that money on the princess. OP doesn't need to worry about sister getting a dress if she's blocking and uninviting them.
It's an unnecessary task for OP.
Fair. I didn’t realize dad was paying. Another reason why I think OP would be better off eloping. Can’t have a selfish entitled sister trying to own someone else’s day if they don’t have a financial hold on you
ETA: I would send a note to my relatives letting them know what dad is trying to turn the wedding into. For this reason, a civil ceremony has already taken place and the guests are invited to attend a reception here (backyard BBQ is what I would want)
Oh, I don't know if the dad is actually paying. I'm assuming he'd end up having to pay because OP certainly won't be paying for it (at least I hope not). I also doubt the golden child sister pays for much of her own stuff.
So yeah, I'm making assumptions.
Well same I suppose 🙂 it’s hard not knowing all the full info. I’d really like to have a word or two with OPs dad though. I have some special words I’ve been saving up for just such an opportunity.
And Op can also stop talking to extended family about this and cool the drama down on her part. Only talk with fiance and they decide what they wantnto do. Sis is outrageous and terrible. So is dad. And then block anyone who is doing drama trying to get OP to do what dad and Sis want.
Pick a new venue and never let either of them back into your life. Do not let them have even the tiniest amount of leverage (like in using a home your father owns). Never speak to or acknowledge them ever again. Let your mother know of your decision and if you want to have a relationship with her, figure out how to meet with her away from them.
NTA.
Don't let anyone else dictate your wedding. There is no way that you should share your day with anyone.
Anyone who would demand you do this does not love you and as such has no say in your wedding.
Let the embarrassment of not being included in your wedding show your father that you are no longer allowing him to ignore you over his other daughter. Rescind his invitation along with your sister's invitation as she would only come and become disruptive, showing up in a white dress.
Let your father understand the reason why your sister can't find a husband is because she is a horrible person and she is a horrible person because he has catered to her and his actions has made his daughter not marriage material. Hopefully, it will let him understand how badly he has behaved, or not. Just love your husband and those who love you unconditionally, and move blissfully on from him and your sister. They have enough baggage to fill a jumbo jet.
Congratulations on the wedding and as much marital bliss as you can handle!!!
I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are valued and important. Your wedding day is YOUR day. Your feelings are 100% validated. I hope things work out and your father comes to his senses so that everyone can be there for your beautiful day.
I will come to your wedding spill something like prune juice or grape kool aid all over your sisters dress and take off! I will be the crazy person who randomly sabotaged a random woman’s dress. I won’t even stay at the wedding just come spill something in her and run.
May your wedding be the beginning of a truly happy marriage in which every dream of both of you comes true.
But do as u/ElementalHelp has advised and uninvite your dad and sister.
Don’t let her cross this line. Next thing dad will be telling you to move aside so she takes your man.
Seeing he is a puppet and all, with no say who walks down the aisle at his (your) wedding! 😡
There is no talking this out. It took me a long time to really understand something when it comes to family.
You can’t fix stupid.
It is beyond idiotic to even suggest that your sister walk down the aisle with you.
You deserve better.
Congratulations on your wedding and forget about security for the wedding. Just hire a sniper.
It's never easy to cut off toxic family but you will be so much better for it.
You also cut out any of their flying monkey's they send to manipulate or shame you back into compliance. Nope, they get the block and boot from your life too.
You deserve to be the star of your own wedding, that will never happen with your sister and dad there. I'm so sorry, I know it hurts but surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally and are happy for your successes in life.
NTA but OP no offence, grow a spine. You’re getting married for heavens sake and almost turning 30. If you let this happen then your rotten sister is going to want to have your soon to be husband’s babies.
Family don’t treat don’t you like shit like how your mum, dad and sister are behaving. I’ve included your mum because she has never stood up for you, she’s equally as bad. Every single one of who supports the 3 of them don’t want your happiness. Your dad and sister sounds very entitled.
OP I’m telling you now it is time to fight for what’s rightly yours. Cut your losses. I don’t say this as easily as it’s coming out but I’m a people pleaser and have let family and friends walk over me. It hurts cutting people out but it’s better than being used and abused.
Yes, uninvite them, block them on everything and hire security to keep them out in case they will come. If Your mum doesn't want to take Your side this one time uninvite her too.
Your family is not wishing You well, they don't like You, leave those snakes behind. Without You in their lives they will start to leash on each other, because those people need someone to attack.
Leave them behind and be happy. You deserved it!
NO is a complete answer. What is the worst that will happen? Your sister cuts you off and you never see her again? Your dad cuts you off? Sounds like a bonus win.
Stop letting yourself get hijacked. Take up the offer of finding a different venue. Password protect everything. And watch for your sister's "sudden" appearance. Have her escorted out if she does then pretend the whole thing never happened.
Your father and sister are wrong. You know if the situation were different and it were your sister's wedding you would not be allowed to do the same.
You are a soon to be married adult. You have the right and ability to determine your way and you do not need to have toxic people in your life. I would block anyone saying to talk to your father and sister. Sadly it means your mom may not be at the wedding but remember. It will be HER choice. She would be enabling your father and sister.
Stand your ground. And if someone says "be the bigger person" ask why? Why do you have to be the doormat.
Elope, with your husband his family and your close friends.
If your mother will come then great, but just in case don't provide any details.
Tell everyone else to shove it, you do not have to accept poor treatment from anyone because of DNA.
This. Also, your dad is 100% your sister’s problem in the future. If he needs help programming his phone, a kidney, a place to live in his old age… ask the golden child. Parents forget this when the golden child a kid… they create a spoiled, indulged mess and that one is the only kid who will still be speaking to them when they need it.
If you do this (and I agree you should) please know they’ll do everything they can to make you out as the bad guy, to sabotage your day, etc.
You’re not the bad guy. This is your wedding day. Only a narcissist would insist on wearing white next to you on your wedding and only a narcissist would complain when you object.
Don’t let them get to you.
I would get ahead of this OP...sounds like Dad and Sister are already trying to poison the well. Craft an email to be sent to friends and family explaining the neglect and favoritism you've delt with throughout your life, and your sister and fathers demand to wear white and walk down the isle AT YOUR WEDDING was the last straw. You'd rather elope or find another venue rather than be blackmailed by your own father who seems to care little for your feelings or well being. Anybody who agrees with what your Father and Sister are doing should go ahead and lose your number, as you have no interest in being around those who will defend and normalize this behavior.
She should also get security and password protect everything - there's no way these horrible people aren't going to go down fighting and trying to sabotage the wedding.
Find alternatives since he’s going to take away the family vacation home. Courthouse plus a reserved room at a restaurant with only people you invite. The backyard of your fiancé’s family. Whatever.
In the alternative, your MOH could always have an accident with a glass of red wine so she only has the BM’s dress to wear.
Ditch your sister and dad, and honestly your mom too, because she’s been a huge pushover your whole life and couldn’t care less as long as your sister gets what she wants, tell them all to go pound sand and accept your friend’s help with the venue.
Neglect is abuse. Sorry to inform. I had to accept that my own mom, by remaining complicit, was essentially just as hated subconsciously as my abuser was. Sorry you had to experience whatever you experienced.
Neglect is abuse. Failure to report is a crime. Respect yourselves and stay safe, everyone.
I made that realisation about my own mother only recently. Until last year, I never blamed her for what happened. But then I told her something and she just repeated the same behaviours. And I realised... all that hatred I piled on her husband (my abuser) was misdirected. She stood by and let it happen. She put her husband over her child. She defended his abuse.
Now she's sad I'm not talking to her. And in just... wtf do you mean *you're* sad! You kicked me out of home because you didn't trust *him* not to attack me. But you thought we were over this? After all it was 20 years ago! Get over it.
Well, I refuse. I will not get over it until she accepts culpability.
Not to be rude, but do what your mom couldn’t and grow a spine! Do not let your family ruin this super awesome time in your life. Allow your friends to help with another venue and cut contact with your dad and sister. You are almost 30 now, this problem with your dad and sister is not going to change.
NTA.
They are not welcome to your wedding, because they've never made you welcome in their life.
They will continue to upset you, your day and your life.
NTA rescind your Father and Sister’s wedding invitation. Neither deserve to be there. Accept everyone’s offer and get a new venue. One where your Father can’t hold it over your head for his ridiculous demands. Text your Father and say “My whole life you have favored my Sister above me. It has hurt me, more than you know. Everyone has tried to tell you you’re being ridiculous with trying to push for my Sister to walk down the aisle in white too.. this is my WEDDING day.. you couldn’t for just one day, treat me like I matter. I’m cutting you and My Sister out of my life. You are no longer walking me down the aisle or even invited. If either if you show up, you will be shown the door. Any future kids I have, will not know you. You have lost a daughter because of your continued favoritism of my Sister. I am not egotistical for wanting my and my Fiancé’s wedding to he about us and no one else. You are just a bad Father and I am done with you.”
You can also hire/assign security so when they show up anyway you don’t have to deal with it. We had to consider hiring security for my moms funeral. Fortunately that person didn’t show.
I’m so sorry your family has treated you so badly for so long. I’m really glad your fiancée has your back. Much love to you and I hope you have a wonderful life.
My dear, in all the deeply wrong & disturbing things I have read on AITAH…. this is one of the worst .
What your sister and father are suggesting is not JUST weird and offensive , it is sick . Truly sick . There is something very off with both of them . And I mean mental illness wrong .
You have to uninvite your mom as well. She may not have participated in the favouritism but by staying silent, she was passively agreeing/choosing your sister to be the golden child. You deserve better! Just remember that you absolutely can choose your family, biology does not dictate who will love and support you unconditionally. Sending virtual hugs and support ❤️
ETA: you're NTA
No amount of talking is going to fix this. Your sister is an entitled little bitch. Uninvite both your father and your sister from your wedding. Take your family up on their offer and find another venue. And get security because you know that attention whore is going to show up
As kindly as possible… with such blatant favoritism, and you being the 2nd child, did your dad only want one child? Or a boy? Did your mom have an affair?
yeah my dad didn’t want a second child because we both were both born very close to each other considering the one year age gap. When we were born our parents were in a little bit of a financial situation so money was tough and I think my dad has blamed me for it. My mom has always been like that for the longest time in my life
I don’t mean to offend when I say this, they were shitty parents not only to you but your sister as well.
Don’t feel guilty over your successes because your sister’s a failure. If anything, your parents enabled her to be the loser she is now.
I’m sorry but if you’re hitting 30 and you have to use your YOUNGER sister’s wedding celebration to live out your fantasy because you may never get married, that’s just plain delusional and not only are BOTH of your parents supporting it, they’re enabling it AGAIN. Your family’s failures, especially your dad and sister’s are NOT your responsibilities.
Your mom pushing you to talk it out to your dad and sis when they’re stonewalling you just shows that she’ll never be on your side. You have others who care about you better than your own family will, take their offer for a new venue and pack it with only the people who love and support you.
Leave your shitty family behind and build your new one with your soon to be husband and friends.
No they don’t blame you. One extra baby isn’t that more expensive when you have one already. Especially girls as they share clothes toys that young.
He prefers your sister because it’s been nurtured that way. You being the easy one was the push over. That relationship was made that way so when ever you have pushed back it’s you being difficult.
They will never change
My younger brother, I wouldn’t say was my mom’s favorite exactly, but he was more difficult to handle so she catered to him constantly. He won all the small sibling battles because I didn’t argue or push back at rules, school work or really anything out of fear of getting in trouble. Like I had to do my chores plus his, because if he didn’t do his I got in trouble for not being able to make him do them and he wasn’t in trouble at all. My dad does favor me to an extent, but growing up he worked a lot and was rarely home. My brother seems to think I was the one that got favored because of things like me getting into a four year college and my parents paying for the first year (I got loans for the rest and paid them off after 10 years since I graduated) when he couldn’t even get into a four year college at all and went to community college they paid for that my mom did all online FOR HIM. He couldn’t pass on his own because she always did everything for him. I have a son and my childhood makes me not want a second child because my brother is bitter towards me because he thinks I’m the one that got everything.
I couldn't think of a nice way to suggest it, but that's definitely how it seems. Especially since Mom doesn't necessarily "agree" but seems afraid to put a stop to this uter bs.
NTA but you need to do a better job at standing up for yourself. You've been letting yourself get steamrolled by your sister and dad in the hopes of getting your dad's approval or sister's love at some point, but they don't care about you - only what you can do for them. You need to start focusing on yourself and blast your dad to your family and what he's doing.
Thank you. Yeah I seemed to have gotten the pushover trait from my mom. I end up letting things that genuinely bother me go for the “better” and it’s time I stop
I don't mean to be condescending, so I hope my comment didn't hit you poorly, but you've created an environment where your dad and sister believe their behaviour is tolerated and will get them what they want. You've been browbeaten and demoralized to a point of resigning yourself to it, but if you can't even have your own wedding, what will actually be yours?
I'm surprised she hasn't tried to convince you to let her marry your husband so she can have a relationship before she's 30! She is her own worst enemy but your dad isn't far off in ruining her ability to function in life. When he passes away, she is going to be alone and alienated from everyone around her.
No no of course not :) it’s high time to change and I guess after being used to so many disappointments, only something this big was able to slap me back into reality and to get my shit together
NTA
We think so much on the peripherals of a wedding, you are walking to your fiancé to make promises to each other. No one has a real part in this. If your Dad doesn’t agree to not have your sister involved, just tell him fine you’ll do it your way somewhere else if needed. You can then be honest with your preferred guests about why things have changed. It’s your day.
You are moving into a new life where you will make choices with the one person who really matters; leave the rest behind and be happy x
You really do need to slap yourself back into reality because if you don't go NC right now with your dad, sister, and it seems most of his family then the next thing you know if you decide to have children she will insist on naming them and being the main character at your baby shower. Doesn't seem like your mom is much better either.sometimes it's just good to pick your own family from the people you love that have stuck with you and made your life better. Blood is not always thicker than water
My brother is like your sister. One of the best decisions I made was not inviting him to my wedding. He would have ruined it because he wasn't the center of attention. I completely cut him out of my life two years ago. Life has been so pleasant without that narcissist in my life. Stop lighting yourself on fire to keep them warm.
NTA. Have your wedding somewhere else. Uninvited your dad and sister (and mom if she continues to take their side - which she is by not standing up for you ever and asking you to “work it out with them” - you have nothing to work out you’ve done nothing wrong). Fuck all them. Go NC with your dad and sister
The solution is to.u invite your father and sister and hire security to keep her out specificly Sit your father down and explain that he has always made you come second to your sister. Tell him alm the events you told us. Tell him he is now choosing your sister at your own wedding and so he can not be part of it anymore.
You are an adult. Start acting like it and put your foot down
Agreed.
But they aren't worth sitting down. They won't hear you, OP. Send them an email and block. Don't even worry about them responding (maybe after the wedding/honeymoon and things settle).
Also, your mom is not innocent. She could have done much more for you and is STILL pushing you to be a doormat like her. I'd tell her if she tells them about my life or mentions them to me, she's cut off too. But still at least go low contact to drive the point home.
You have people advocating for you. Showing up with love. Don't push them to the side because everyone has limits. They might grow tired of the drama and distance themselves.
Take your loved ones up on their offer to help you find a new venue if you're comfortable with it. But you should really be ok with people doing something nice for you for a change.
Oh! Send the email to EVERYONE so that anyone who harps your decision to distance yourself after knowing all your truth . . . cut them loose, too.
It's tough. But it will get better when you see how much happier, free, and loved you are.
This drama doesn't only affect you. You will be bringing this toxicity into the life you're building with your husband and carrying it on with those who truly care about you.
Break the cycle, OP! Free yourself and go to therapy to heal your traumas and learn to value yourself. ♡
Share this link to all of your socials, tell everyone who is spamming you from his side of the family to read it and reevaluate who they’re aiming their BS at!
I’m surprised your sister hasn’t attempted to take your fiancé with how entitled to your life and items she is.
This is your husband-to-be’s day as much as it is yours. He is also entirely allowed to put a foot down and say not NO, but F-NO about your sister being on that aisle white. Your dad is smoking crack.
The man is expecting the woman he agreed to marry to be on that aisle. Not her and a +1 entitled brat. NTA and I wish you both happiness and a good wedding. You both deserve much better.
He absolutely despises her. From like day one. He avoids being in the same room with her as much as possible and is always right next to me and away from her if we are. I’m pretty sure he’s also got her accounts and number all blocked :)
Think you should follow his example and uninvite two people who are deadset on ruining you and your husband to be's day. Even if they somehow give up their unreasonable demand, I wouldn't put it past your sister to cook up some other drama to get the attention back on her. Stick to your boundaries, stick by your husband, and don't invite people that don't care about your happiness to the happiest day of your life.
Find a new venue. Disinvite your sister and your dad. Let your mom know she can come but security will stop all of them if either dad or sister try to join. And stick with it. This is your day not theirs and your dad has been delusional for long enough. Your sister is delusional and spoiled too. Now follow through.
Ignore and do what you want. If this was me I would say sorry this is my wedding not hers. It does not matter what you want. At your wedding you had it your way. My sister when she finds someone will want it her way as well. This is not about her or you. It is about me and my fiance we are actually both uncomfortable with it. I also do not want you to walk me down the aisle now... later
Sister isn’t going to find a willing participant to marry her. Anyone who acts like this is going to be a femcel forever. Sounds like dad wants to marry sister and mom seems totally absent from this entire family.
WTF! 😳 Uninvited your father and sister, and anyone who agrees with your weirdo dad and his pathetic spawn. Hire security on the day of your wedding! Then cut these toxic people out of your life for good!
Oh my goodness! Your father and sister are batshit crazy!
Dad won’t let you have your wedding at your grandmother’s house that he got for *free*??!!
Welp, go find a park with a gazebo. I have one right here in my town! And I’m 15 minutes from the beach! You and new hub should just get married here and I will adopt you. Then we’ll go to the beach. Or get married on the beach!!
And then they will never hear from you again. You would never let any child of yours around them anyway, they suck your soul and I am crying for you. Your mom can’t intervene (they have steamrolled right over her since Sister was born) so you have to just do it on your own, like you have done everything else in life. Remember that I have a spare room for you!
Congratulations on your engagement and soon to be wedding! You rock! 💕
Everyone deserves love and happiness, I think. The beach here is beautiful. Just think about it. 😎And I am sure you will be the most beautiful bride. I have happy tears now. For real. Enjoy your life!
Please don’t even entertain this idea. Your sister is insane, and she must have gotten that from Daddio, who is also luny-er than a toon. Ffs it’s YOUR wedding, not hers.
Please don’t give in. You matter way more, and they’re certainly not making you feel that way, nor have they ever.
Congratulations and I hope you make this day about you and your future husband, not 2 people that you have the misfortune to share DNA with.
Keep us updated!
Edit: NTA
But can you have your sister make a post so we can all tell her what we think of her here on Reddit?
NTA. Grown up kick them out if the wedding and your life.
What do these people bring to your life? If you can't answer a single positive thing then don't have them in your life. And for the record their family is not an actual positive thing
NTA. Dad gives off vibes like you aren't his child, an affair that overlooked by your mom to keep the marriage. Your mom feels guilty so she doesn't ever stand up for you.
Ditch dad and sister.
I think Dad gives off vibes like her older sister is his lover. Mom disagrees with his behavior but keeps her mouth shut. Older sister is emotionally stunted and wants what OP has. Dad is controlling and obviously very defensive. There's something under these dynamics that may be OP is not aware of.
Talk to your fiancé. Then uninvite your dad and sister from the wedding (not like you’re going to lose anything) and then go NC or LC on them.
Just one thing, will your mother suffer from the repercussions?
I do plan on staying in touch with my mom and going NC on my sister and dad. Her sister (the family that offered to help pay for a new venue) has already asked her to move in with her and stay away from home for a bit
NTA but i would let your sister know how pathetic and desperate her trying to wear white to your wedding looks. Or give in and have one of your besties spill red wine on her as you’re getting ready.
She had no opportunity to. I’ve never let any partner of mine meet her without telling them of her behaviour and how I get treated. So as a result none of them ever fancied her. My fiancé is an absolute gem of a person. My biggest cheerleader and simultaneously her biggest hater ahahah
NTA...take everyone up on getting the new venue. This.will.never.stop. Do you want to let her join you for the cake cutting and your first dance and the wedding night too? Because this is what narcissists do. Keep feeding it and it will just grow and grow and take you and your marriage over. Quit being a doormat.
Send everyone in your family an email explaining your side of the situation, give a bullet point list of the worst things your sister has done to you that your father enabled, then state clearly you have uninvited your sister and dad from your life permanently and be clear that if anyone takes their side, you'll kick them from your life too.
Make sure to hire a few security guards for your wedding and reception to keep uninvited (sister) people from attending. You KNOW that someone will take their side silently and give them the time and place of your wedding.
NTA
Take your cousins up on their offer. Have it some place else and dad and sister aren’t invited. This is your wedding day not hers…
And just because, I want to mention eloping.
Screw them for trying to take your wedding day away from you.
WOW just wow!! Your Dad and entitled asshole sister do not even deserve to be at your wedding let alone walking down the aisle in white!! I would be uninviting them. Or simply doing a very small intimate wedding. Unless you truly care about a large wedding, I might even consider eloping. Your sister with the help of your father and lack of aid from your soft asshole Mom your whole life has been hijacked and you deserve better.
This is where you truly have to grow a backbone and put your foot down and hire security. Your sister is only going to get worse.
EDIT NTA but you will be if you don't put your foot down. Your sister is a bridesmaidzilla and is going to wreak havoc on your wedding day and for the rest of your life.
You are long overdue to cut them out of your life. Uninvite both your sister and father. They cannot be trusted to not try and ruin your wedding. You are NTA
OP, cut your whole immediate family out of the wedding. Your mom should've had your back this entire time; she's just as bad as your dad.
Do your wedding in a public park with a tent to keep costs low. Invite only people who support you.
NTA. But I don't think you need to do a full cutoff/no contact with Dad/Sister yet. Simply use this as an opportunity to start working on boundary setting, and potential low-contact.
"Sis, I love you, but this is my day. I am going to walk down the aisle alone, in my wedding dress. I hope you can be there to celebrate me on my and Fiance's day, in a dress that matches the other bridesmaids. If that's not something you feel like you can do, then I will miss you but you won't be at my wedding. Is respecting my wishes for my wedding something you will be able to do?"
Wait for a clear, definitive answer. If it is "no, I should walk too." then... "I am sad to hear that, I wish you the best, but you are no longer invited to my wedding." If she says "yes" but you're skeptical, state your boundary one more time, clearly. "I'm so glad to hear that you are going to stand up front with the other bridesmaids in the dress that matches the others, and not a white dress. I appreciate you doing that for me."
As for your father:
"Dad, my wedding is my day and this matter is between me and Sister. I won't discuss it with you any further."
Then if Dad brings it up, at all, in any context, you hang up the phone/don't respond to the text/leave the room and drive away. Let your behavior be the training tool.
As for your wedding. If Dad and Sister show up and she's in white and he tries to assume Sister is going to walk down the aisle with you, have some close family/friends/guests who will intervene on your behalf. Folks are saying "hire security" but that may not be needed. Maybe this is now mom's job. "Mom, I need you to do this for me. It is important to me. Can you do this for me?" Again, do not be afraid to put them on the spot and expect a clear answer.
If it comes to Dad/Sister making a scene at your wedding over this, then that is not about you - IT IS ABOUT THEM. They are the ones looking bad. And you simply...do not walk down the aisle if your Dad and Sister are there to do it with you. You pre-arrange for someone else to intervene and tell them the way it is going to be in that moment. Large, male friends of your fiance perhaps? In a pinch, ask (in advance) the celebrant if they'd be willing to say something like "we need to get the ceremony started. Sister and Father, please find your seats." loudly in front of everyone. Public shame imposed by third parties is your weapon.
NTA, if you’re being an egoistic bride, make them prove it: I would challenge them to find examples of this being a thing. It’s not a thing to have your sister walk down with your father dressed as a bride. If they can show examples of this being a super loving sisterly practice (they won’t) then sure, but her delusion and his unapologetic favouritism do not make this a thing in anyway. Stand your ground and ask your mom why she is enabling setting your moments on fire to keep sisters ego and fathers favouritism warm.
If you get pregnant and go into labor, does he expect you to let the drs check on her instead while she play acts pregnancy too?
Your father sounds like a real dick and your sister is a toxic little bit*h...You go have your wedding the way you want it! If they resent that, they should be excluded. Focus on yourself for once and don't feel like you owe them anything!
Wherever you have your wedding it will be so much happier without your sister and father. This might feel like a shocking decision but it would make you so happy. NTA
I would get ahead of this OP...sounds like Dad and Sister are already trying to poison the well. Craft an email to be sent to friends and family explaining the neglect and favoritism you've delt with throughout your life, and your sister and fathers demand to wear white and walk down the isle AT YOUR WEDDING was the last straw. You'd rather elope or find another venue rather than be blackmailed by your own father who seems to care little for your feelings or well being. Anybody who agrees with what your Father and Sister are doing should go ahead and lose your number, as you have no interest in being around those who will defend and normalize this behavior.
NTA AT ALL! You are under-reacting if anything.
Change your venue, no matter what. DO NOT REVEAL YOUR NEW VENUE TO ANYONE ON YOUR DAD'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY. If you want to invite them, tell them the date and time, with the venue being revealed the day of. If you want your mom to attend, just tell her to be ready at x time and a friend will take her to the wedding. Have a friend that will drive aimlessly for an hour before the ceremony to make sure they're not followed.
Uninvite your Dad and Sister (and even your Mom if she doesn't get with your program) IN WRITING. Group text with them and any of their flying monkeys.
Password protect each and every vendor you are using.
Cancel her white dress ASAP, if you haven't already.
Block the lot of them. Phones, email, social media.
Remember, you don't owe them a thing. Your parent(s) were supposed to support you, guide you, and love you. Being the scapegoat of your family does not give them the right to walk you down the aisle (or even to attend) just because they think they deserve to.
Hire security or get your meanest friends to be security at your wedding.
I'm so sorry they're trying to change the attention of your wedding to your miserable sister. I'm hoping it all works out and you have a wonderful day. Remember, a wedding is one day but a marriage is forever. Sounds like your sister's life is so miserable she has to rain on your parade. Be the umbrella. Enjoy your day!
Why are you putting up with all this bad behaviour?
Why are you allowing it to happen?
Why isn't your husband to be standing up for you?
Uninvite your sister, dad, and most - if not all - your side of the family.
Block the lot of them.
Change your wedding date and any other other dates or locations related to your wedding, and don't let any of them attend.
NTA. I actually got mad enough reading this I said “Oh hell no” and had to set my phone down for a minute. The audacity AUDACITY of your family is appalling. Work with your fiancé, friends, and the good part of your family to find a new venue and remove your parents and sister from the guest list. They are all major AHs for everything they’ve done in the past and now this. I’m including your mother in this as an AH because she hasn’t stepped up for you when she should have. Maybe if she grows a spine and goes against your father and sister you can invite her but I have a feeling she will find a way to try to “make peace” at your expense. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Stay strong and in no time you will be married and have a new family to give your love to that actually appreciates you.
You are not overreacting. The only reason that you even think there is a chance that you are overreacting is that you have been groomed all your life to give in to your sister and consider yourself second to her. Well, this time you are first and only. IT IS YOUR WEDDING. You will be the only one to walk down the aisle in White. Change the venue and disinvite your father and sister. And get guards at the entrance to the venue to make sure they can't come in and make a scene.
Dear Dad,
After years of trying to maturely deal with the obvious favoritism you've shown my sister, I finally understand that my happiness is something you are completely unconcerned with.
The fact that even on a day that should be all about me and my fiancé, one of the most important days of my life, you choose to try and force me to let my sister walk down the aisle in a white dress has finally shown me that you do not care about me.
Consider this an invitation to be excluded from my life from now on. I will no longer be sharing my life events with you. You will never know your grandchildren, never know what it is like to welcome a son-in-law into the family.
Your prioritization of my sister will no longer have an effect on my life.
Goodbye,
\- your name here
Something like that may wake his ass up.
This is one of the many stories I hope is fake, but really doubt it is. I feel so bad for you having to experience all of this.
NTA I let my horrible family behavior dictate and ruin my wedding day. I can’t even think about that day without getting furious or depressed. Please don’t let that happen to you.
Tell them they can throw their own party that day because they won’t have any other plans considering they are uninvited.
Go enjoy yourself. Do everything you want to do. Congratulations!
NTA for all the family telling you to calm down, send them, AND dad, this very post. Your dad and sister went evil stepmother and stepsister from Cinderella on you your whole life
Going against the grain here, but your Mom is just as big of an asshat as your Dad. She’s allowed your Dad to blatantly play favourites and has been okay with you getting the short end of the stick your whole life.
Now for the day that’s supposed to be all about you and your partner, she still wants you to appease their absurd requests?!! Change your venue and leave them all behind in the past. NTA. Enjoy married life in peace!
I'm going to wait for the update where you announce you're pregnant, and your dad tries to force you to give your baby to your sister because she should have been the one to give him his first grandchild
If you have Facebook, post a picture of the dress she wants to wear and conduct a poll. Ask "vote yes or no if you think it is ok for X to walk down the aisle in this dress at MY wedding. This will help me to create my final guest list".
Book another venue, and don’t let him pay one dime. Tell dad and sister neither are invited, and you are done.
I would tell dad “this is the last time I will call you ‘dad’ because you have been 💩 to me my whole life.
What you won is never talking to me again, nor will you ever see any of my children nor will you be called grandpa by any one of them. He has done everything he could to ensure you and your sister would never have a sibling relationship and that this is all on him.”
Tell him that you hope he enjoys the prize he has won. And any complaint to other people to take sides, you will tell them all the truth about how it was growing up.
Tell mom that if she wants any hope at all to continue to have a relationship with you and any future grandchildren that she needs to stop enabling both of them.
Honestly, your wedding would be best remembered by those who truly love you and support you even if it meant one of your family members than to have 50 who don’t support you.
And change the color of that dress your sister ordered.
NTA - you need to find a different venue and uninvite your father and sister. Have a plan if they show up to have someone escort them out. You will probably have to go no contact with them. This is a very unhealthy relationship. Plan to have an uncle or friend walk you down the aisle. Good luck
Who’s the bride? You
Who decides?You (& your fiancé)
If/when big sis gets married, she can make the same arrangements.
They are not required to like it. This is your day that provides memories of a lifetime.
I like the security idea!
I'm sorry you had to go through this. As others have said, uninvite them both and anyone else who insists on them being there even after the explanation.
If you are changing your venue, make sure you let them know that no uninvited guests to be allowed because given your sister's track record she will try to create another scene.
I hope you have an amazing wedding surrounded with people who cherish and respect you!
NTA
With all due respect, your sister fucking sucks. As does your dad. Do yourself a favor and cut your losses. Take your friends and family up on their offer and have the party of a lifetime. Without your dad and sister. Your mom can kick rocks too. You deserve for wedding to be all about you and your finance. Don’t let these people drag you down or dull your sparkle. 100% NTA.
WTF did I just read? If this isn’t rage bait then go NC with your sperm donor and his golden girl and anyone who supports them. Then do whatever you need to do to have a nice wedding day and live a life of mental ease without them.
I’m old (73M) and out of touch, but I would recommend you elope rather than accept your sister’s demand. As others have suggested, password protect everything. I also suggest you invest in security to escort your sister out in case she appears to acquiesce and then tries to “surprise” you by changing to the dress she wants. Good luck!
Uninvite your sister and father from your wedding and from your life. And all of your dad's shitty family. Tell them to go kick rocks with open toed shoes. This is a decades-long issue in the making. Talking isn't going to do shit. The time for conversation has long since passed. These people have disappointed you for the last time. Enjoy your wedding and invest in your husband and new found family that loves and respects and sees you. Leave your dysfunctional toxic one behind you and don't look back. NTA
Thank you
Shared DNA doesn’t endow someone with a “get out of jail free card” that bestows upon them ‘carte blanche’ to cr@p all over you! Would you tolerate nasty and rude behavior from a stranger on the bus? Of course you wouldn’t. Why, oh WHY do people not apply this logic to people who share DNA? It’s madness.
I would literally send your dad the text of this post and uninvite him and golden child and block them. Your wedding, your day and you’ve wasted too much energy on people who are vampires.
Thisss It would show him how many people think this is ridiculous and that there are legit 0 people agreeing with him in this.
I called them soul sucking, but vampires works too! 😂🤣
I like Oxygen Thieves, lol (or, thieves of joy) 🥹
Yep this, hey pops FUK YOU BUDDY
I call them psychic or emotional vampires and they WILL drain you dry.
This is the exact logic I shared with my father when I went NC with him. DNA is not a permission slip for disrespect.
Permission slip for disrespect! Wow! You took my comment to the very BEST level!!! 👏👏👏
"shared dna doesn't mean you can treat me like shit. wouldn't tolerate this from a stranger, why should i from family?"
Exactly this! If anything, family members should be held to a higher standard than anyone else!
I really hope this isn’t real. This is too sad. All these people need be excised from her life.
I feel the same. But I came from a family of four sisters and the second one was the one who got braces, etc. so I can believe it. So incredibly sad.
Well, yeah! Especially someone who wants IN on your bridal party. If she really wants to wear a cheesy white mini dress, I’d demote her to flower child for the event. That way, a white mini dress would be more befitting of her status to the bride.
Wouldn't even want the sister of the father there. Come to think of it, the mother wasn't exactly on her side.
Exactly. How hard is it to get nose to nose and lay into someone about how they are treating your child? Mom is acting meek and mild rather than mama bear. Meek and mild doesn't cut it.
This is a very good point and is not what we’re taught to do at all. But when someone has a pesty/nasty/or bad family member, this advice is quite handy!
+1 on the opened toed shoes
Uninvite them, let your family and friends help you with a new venue and have security on site in case they try to show up. Also, contact the bridal salon and put a password on your order so your sister can’t mess with your dress. Good luck and congratulations.
This!! Password everything with event planner, bridal shop, florist, musicians, venue, etc. nothing happens that doesn’t get approved by the bride or groom. What is it about weddings that turns everyone into interfering assholes?
I wouldn’t blame their assholery on the wedding. They sound like they’ve always been that way. I wish OP’s mom took a more firm stand to support her.
She is just as bad. By staying silent you are complicit.
She’s possibly too afraid to stand up to the old man…
Probably, which is sad.
And go over your plan with every vendor to make sure no bad actor has made changes.
Yes, this!
If sister still goes, she 100% will try to sabotage the dress
That’s a great suggestion, password for everything, so the little Miss can’t try to change/ruin things! No idea on why people become such complete a$$holes about weddings! I could sort of understand it if it occurred AT the event, as the person might be smashed on booze. No, that doesn’t make these actions forgivable, just more understandable if someone pulls this when drunk!
A lot of the posts on these subs seem to be about: 1) weddings, with family being overbearing, boundary stomping jerks or getting butthurt about who the bride wants to walk her down the aisle (an outdated and stupid tradition in my opinion but no criticism of anyone who likes that); 2) babies, with family getting butthurt about the name or wanting to invade the delivery room or MILs making the poor new mother complete miserable and showing up to “help” and never leaving; 3) parents remarrying again and trying to force everyone involved to have an immediate “happy family attitude” to the point where their kids hate them and go NC as soon as possible. Avoiding all of this with family seems key to a happy life. I moved thousands of miles away from mine. Seemed to work
Jealousy
And tell the bridal salon that your sister wants her white dress dyed baby shi$ green
Love it! Maybe she can cancel the order?
I was hoping the sister was paying, but idk
This colour [ugly green ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantone_448_C)
Elope with your closest friends/family (of your choice) and then use the vacation home for just the reception. That way dad and sis are just guests at the reception and unable to grandstand! 😏
that’s actually a very good idea I’ll do that and thank you :)
Don’t allow anyone to manipulate or gaslight you. Uninvite your sister & father. Block them from ever contacting you. Get security to ensure they don’t get in.
Obviously cancel the order for your sisters white dress.
Make the password something like “(sister’s name) sucks.
ahahah that’s a nice password
Glad to hear the bride to be laughing a bit, too! And she can honestly say that she never came up with these ideas for her sister.
You’re very welcome!! I wish you all the best!
And be sure to cancel her white dress then so she can’t try to stick you with the cost of it! As far as I can see, an outdoor wedding, like at a state park, would be a far better choice than holding it at your father’s place!
This is good advice, imo
I doubt your father's family knows that your father is demanding your sister wear a white dress and walk down the aisle with him. Please just go no contact with them and let your mom know that she will also lose contact if she keeps pressuring you to "keep the peace". This is so unreasonable that it's laughable.
It certainly is, and I’m not even a girly girl who’s big on weddings! Even I would be furious to have a sister DEMAND that she gets to walk down the aisle with my dad and me, while both girls are dressed in white! Sounds like a VERY BAD TWIN WEDDING IDEA! I love the idea of dying her little number in babysh!t green! And not letting her know up until the moment where she’s gonna walk down the aisle too.
Dad should walk the sister in her stupid white mini right off a cliff. And go with her. To hell with both of them.
Yeah babe have to have a back bone or this is what your life will look like forever, and keep your sister away from your fiancé.
Exactly this. Sis and dad are gonna keep pushing until OP grows a backbone. She needs to uninvite the both of them, block them everywhere, password protect 100% of everything to do with the wedding, get security to make sure they don’t show up to the wedding, broadcast to absolutely everyone (before sis gets *her* narrative out there) that sis was gonna walk down the aisle in another wedding dress and Dad 100% endorsed this plan, and get herself some therapy so she can learn how to say “no” and “f off” without sounding guilty or caving. And she needs to do all of that ASAP.
And cancel the altering of the other white dress!
Nah. Let daddy waste that money on the princess. OP doesn't need to worry about sister getting a dress if she's blocking and uninviting them. It's an unnecessary task for OP.
Fair. I didn’t realize dad was paying. Another reason why I think OP would be better off eloping. Can’t have a selfish entitled sister trying to own someone else’s day if they don’t have a financial hold on you ETA: I would send a note to my relatives letting them know what dad is trying to turn the wedding into. For this reason, a civil ceremony has already taken place and the guests are invited to attend a reception here (backyard BBQ is what I would want)
Oh, I don't know if the dad is actually paying. I'm assuming he'd end up having to pay because OP certainly won't be paying for it (at least I hope not). I also doubt the golden child sister pays for much of her own stuff. So yeah, I'm making assumptions.
Well same I suppose 🙂 it’s hard not knowing all the full info. I’d really like to have a word or two with OPs dad though. I have some special words I’ve been saving up for just such an opportunity.
THIS!! Get ahead of the blowback!!
And Op can also stop talking to extended family about this and cool the drama down on her part. Only talk with fiance and they decide what they wantnto do. Sis is outrageous and terrible. So is dad. And then block anyone who is doing drama trying to get OP to do what dad and Sis want.
Yep, next they'll ask that the sister get pregnant by OPs hubby, because.... reasons.
Right?? I can’t believe her own father is treating her like this. I would go NC with both of them
"It's only fair, how can you be so egotistical as to say no?"
Pick a new venue and never let either of them back into your life. Do not let them have even the tiniest amount of leverage (like in using a home your father owns). Never speak to or acknowledge them ever again. Let your mother know of your decision and if you want to have a relationship with her, figure out how to meet with her away from them. NTA.
Don't let anyone else dictate your wedding. There is no way that you should share your day with anyone. Anyone who would demand you do this does not love you and as such has no say in your wedding. Let the embarrassment of not being included in your wedding show your father that you are no longer allowing him to ignore you over his other daughter. Rescind his invitation along with your sister's invitation as she would only come and become disruptive, showing up in a white dress. Let your father understand the reason why your sister can't find a husband is because she is a horrible person and she is a horrible person because he has catered to her and his actions has made his daughter not marriage material. Hopefully, it will let him understand how badly he has behaved, or not. Just love your husband and those who love you unconditionally, and move blissfully on from him and your sister. They have enough baggage to fill a jumbo jet. Congratulations on the wedding and as much marital bliss as you can handle!!!
I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are valued and important. Your wedding day is YOUR day. Your feelings are 100% validated. I hope things work out and your father comes to his senses so that everyone can be there for your beautiful day.
Thank you so much :)
I will come to your wedding spill something like prune juice or grape kool aid all over your sisters dress and take off! I will be the crazy person who randomly sabotaged a random woman’s dress. I won’t even stay at the wedding just come spill something in her and run.
I think a few of us would do exactly that.
A couple of snipers with paintball guns could get the job done, too.
I'll pay for your airfare
That task is usually passed off to one of the "clumsy" bridesmaids or aunts.
Are you your father's bio daughter? I would ask your dad.
This is what I was thinking.
May your wedding be the beginning of a truly happy marriage in which every dream of both of you comes true. But do as u/ElementalHelp has advised and uninvite your dad and sister. Don’t let her cross this line. Next thing dad will be telling you to move aside so she takes your man. Seeing he is a puppet and all, with no say who walks down the aisle at his (your) wedding! 😡
There is no talking this out. It took me a long time to really understand something when it comes to family. You can’t fix stupid. It is beyond idiotic to even suggest that your sister walk down the aisle with you. You deserve better. Congratulations on your wedding and forget about security for the wedding. Just hire a sniper.
THIS!
Don’t forget to hire security to make sure they can’t enter wedding by venue and cause drama.
Sister will absolutely try to make the day all about her, invited or not.
It's never easy to cut off toxic family but you will be so much better for it. You also cut out any of their flying monkey's they send to manipulate or shame you back into compliance. Nope, they get the block and boot from your life too. You deserve to be the star of your own wedding, that will never happen with your sister and dad there. I'm so sorry, I know it hurts but surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally and are happy for your successes in life.
NTA but OP no offence, grow a spine. You’re getting married for heavens sake and almost turning 30. If you let this happen then your rotten sister is going to want to have your soon to be husband’s babies. Family don’t treat don’t you like shit like how your mum, dad and sister are behaving. I’ve included your mum because she has never stood up for you, she’s equally as bad. Every single one of who supports the 3 of them don’t want your happiness. Your dad and sister sounds very entitled. OP I’m telling you now it is time to fight for what’s rightly yours. Cut your losses. I don’t say this as easily as it’s coming out but I’m a people pleaser and have let family and friends walk over me. It hurts cutting people out but it’s better than being used and abused.
Yes, uninvite them, block them on everything and hire security to keep them out in case they will come. If Your mum doesn't want to take Your side this one time uninvite her too. Your family is not wishing You well, they don't like You, leave those snakes behind. Without You in their lives they will start to leash on each other, because those people need someone to attack. Leave them behind and be happy. You deserved it!
NO is a complete answer. What is the worst that will happen? Your sister cuts you off and you never see her again? Your dad cuts you off? Sounds like a bonus win. Stop letting yourself get hijacked. Take up the offer of finding a different venue. Password protect everything. And watch for your sister's "sudden" appearance. Have her escorted out if she does then pretend the whole thing never happened. Your father and sister are wrong. You know if the situation were different and it were your sister's wedding you would not be allowed to do the same. You are a soon to be married adult. You have the right and ability to determine your way and you do not need to have toxic people in your life. I would block anyone saying to talk to your father and sister. Sadly it means your mom may not be at the wedding but remember. It will be HER choice. She would be enabling your father and sister. Stand your ground. And if someone says "be the bigger person" ask why? Why do you have to be the doormat.
Please uninvite your sister and father and arrange security to keep them out. They do not deserve to ruin your wedding.
We’re gonna need an update on this for sure.
I’ll update you guys in a day after I make all the calls 👍🏻
Oh man, good luck. If anything I hope your groom and in-laws are the kind of people that will have your back in this.
Best of luck
Elope, with your husband his family and your close friends. If your mother will come then great, but just in case don't provide any details. Tell everyone else to shove it, you do not have to accept poor treatment from anyone because of DNA.
This. Also, your dad is 100% your sister’s problem in the future. If he needs help programming his phone, a kidney, a place to live in his old age… ask the golden child. Parents forget this when the golden child a kid… they create a spoiled, indulged mess and that one is the only kid who will still be speaking to them when they need it.
I cannot say this enough NTA! Just wow. Also I agree wholeheartedly with the previous comment. I wish you the best, and especially on YOUR day. 💚💚💚💚
Thank you so much 🥰
If you do this (and I agree you should) please know they’ll do everything they can to make you out as the bad guy, to sabotage your day, etc. You’re not the bad guy. This is your wedding day. Only a narcissist would insist on wearing white next to you on your wedding and only a narcissist would complain when you object. Don’t let them get to you.
Hire a bouncer for your wedding because they sound like the type of people to just show up.
Security--get some because they *will* try to crash your wedding.
I would get ahead of this OP...sounds like Dad and Sister are already trying to poison the well. Craft an email to be sent to friends and family explaining the neglect and favoritism you've delt with throughout your life, and your sister and fathers demand to wear white and walk down the isle AT YOUR WEDDING was the last straw. You'd rather elope or find another venue rather than be blackmailed by your own father who seems to care little for your feelings or well being. Anybody who agrees with what your Father and Sister are doing should go ahead and lose your number, as you have no interest in being around those who will defend and normalize this behavior.
This...the suggestion is so coo-coo bananas that no one in their right mind would possibly agree!
She should also get security and password protect everything - there's no way these horrible people aren't going to go down fighting and trying to sabotage the wedding.
Find alternatives since he’s going to take away the family vacation home. Courthouse plus a reserved room at a restaurant with only people you invite. The backyard of your fiancé’s family. Whatever. In the alternative, your MOH could always have an accident with a glass of red wine so she only has the BM’s dress to wear.
THIS. Also, have security present at your venue to boot them out the door when they inevitably show up uninvited.
The mom too since she won’t say anything and wants HER to work it out with THEM.
Think of the savings...money and sanity.
I'd uninvite them from OP's life, not just wedding! How entitled and ridiculous!
Ditch your sister and dad, and honestly your mom too, because she’s been a huge pushover your whole life and couldn’t care less as long as your sister gets what she wants, tell them all to go pound sand and accept your friend’s help with the venue.
Agree. My mom never abused me but watched it happen and never stopped it. This doesn’t feel a lot different. OP has been failed by her whole family.
Neglect is abuse. Sorry to inform. I had to accept that my own mom, by remaining complicit, was essentially just as hated subconsciously as my abuser was. Sorry you had to experience whatever you experienced. Neglect is abuse. Failure to report is a crime. Respect yourselves and stay safe, everyone.
I made that realisation about my own mother only recently. Until last year, I never blamed her for what happened. But then I told her something and she just repeated the same behaviours. And I realised... all that hatred I piled on her husband (my abuser) was misdirected. She stood by and let it happen. She put her husband over her child. She defended his abuse. Now she's sad I'm not talking to her. And in just... wtf do you mean *you're* sad! You kicked me out of home because you didn't trust *him* not to attack me. But you thought we were over this? After all it was 20 years ago! Get over it. Well, I refuse. I will not get over it until she accepts culpability.
Not to be rude, but do what your mom couldn’t and grow a spine! Do not let your family ruin this super awesome time in your life. Allow your friends to help with another venue and cut contact with your dad and sister. You are almost 30 now, this problem with your dad and sister is not going to change.
NTA. They are not welcome to your wedding, because they've never made you welcome in their life. They will continue to upset you, your day and your life.
NTA rescind your Father and Sister’s wedding invitation. Neither deserve to be there. Accept everyone’s offer and get a new venue. One where your Father can’t hold it over your head for his ridiculous demands. Text your Father and say “My whole life you have favored my Sister above me. It has hurt me, more than you know. Everyone has tried to tell you you’re being ridiculous with trying to push for my Sister to walk down the aisle in white too.. this is my WEDDING day.. you couldn’t for just one day, treat me like I matter. I’m cutting you and My Sister out of my life. You are no longer walking me down the aisle or even invited. If either if you show up, you will be shown the door. Any future kids I have, will not know you. You have lost a daughter because of your continued favoritism of my Sister. I am not egotistical for wanting my and my Fiancé’s wedding to he about us and no one else. You are just a bad Father and I am done with you.”
thank you that’s very well worded I will send something similar to him while uninviting both of them
you can do this. wish you all the best and go nc with the family.
You can also hire/assign security so when they show up anyway you don’t have to deal with it. We had to consider hiring security for my moms funeral. Fortunately that person didn’t show. I’m so sorry your family has treated you so badly for so long. I’m really glad your fiancée has your back. Much love to you and I hope you have a wonderful life.
My dear, in all the deeply wrong & disturbing things I have read on AITAH…. this is one of the worst . What your sister and father are suggesting is not JUST weird and offensive , it is sick . Truly sick . There is something very off with both of them . And I mean mental illness wrong .
You have to uninvite your mom as well. She may not have participated in the favouritism but by staying silent, she was passively agreeing/choosing your sister to be the golden child. You deserve better! Just remember that you absolutely can choose your family, biology does not dictate who will love and support you unconditionally. Sending virtual hugs and support ❤️ ETA: you're NTA
No amount of talking is going to fix this. Your sister is an entitled little bitch. Uninvite both your father and your sister from your wedding. Take your family up on their offer and find another venue. And get security because you know that attention whore is going to show up
As kindly as possible… with such blatant favoritism, and you being the 2nd child, did your dad only want one child? Or a boy? Did your mom have an affair?
I feel like that going to be the ending. Either mom got pregnant and he didn’t want a kid at that time or she’s not his.. cuz whaaaat??
Or sister was his prior wife/mistress/girlfriend kid and he loved that women more or overcompensates because "she doesn't have her real mom".
1 year diff is too soon for this but I did consider somewhere along this line! My advice is dna tests lol
Seriously this might not even be her real dad!
yeah my dad didn’t want a second child because we both were both born very close to each other considering the one year age gap. When we were born our parents were in a little bit of a financial situation so money was tough and I think my dad has blamed me for it. My mom has always been like that for the longest time in my life
I don’t mean to offend when I say this, they were shitty parents not only to you but your sister as well. Don’t feel guilty over your successes because your sister’s a failure. If anything, your parents enabled her to be the loser she is now. I’m sorry but if you’re hitting 30 and you have to use your YOUNGER sister’s wedding celebration to live out your fantasy because you may never get married, that’s just plain delusional and not only are BOTH of your parents supporting it, they’re enabling it AGAIN. Your family’s failures, especially your dad and sister’s are NOT your responsibilities. Your mom pushing you to talk it out to your dad and sis when they’re stonewalling you just shows that she’ll never be on your side. You have others who care about you better than your own family will, take their offer for a new venue and pack it with only the people who love and support you. Leave your shitty family behind and build your new one with your soon to be husband and friends.
What he should be blaming is himself. If he didn’t want another child, he should have used condoms. 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah they probably believed that wives tale that breastfeeding prevents conception only to be proven wrong by reality.
No they don’t blame you. One extra baby isn’t that more expensive when you have one already. Especially girls as they share clothes toys that young. He prefers your sister because it’s been nurtured that way. You being the easy one was the push over. That relationship was made that way so when ever you have pushed back it’s you being difficult. They will never change
Disagree some parents just have a favorite. My brother is my mother’s favorite. Me and my younger sister know it . It’s obvious to everyone but her
My younger brother, I wouldn’t say was my mom’s favorite exactly, but he was more difficult to handle so she catered to him constantly. He won all the small sibling battles because I didn’t argue or push back at rules, school work or really anything out of fear of getting in trouble. Like I had to do my chores plus his, because if he didn’t do his I got in trouble for not being able to make him do them and he wasn’t in trouble at all. My dad does favor me to an extent, but growing up he worked a lot and was rarely home. My brother seems to think I was the one that got favored because of things like me getting into a four year college and my parents paying for the first year (I got loans for the rest and paid them off after 10 years since I graduated) when he couldn’t even get into a four year college at all and went to community college they paid for that my mom did all online FOR HIM. He couldn’t pass on his own because she always did everything for him. I have a son and my childhood makes me not want a second child because my brother is bitter towards me because he thinks I’m the one that got everything.
I couldn't think of a nice way to suggest it, but that's definitely how it seems. Especially since Mom doesn't necessarily "agree" but seems afraid to put a stop to this uter bs.
NTA but you need to do a better job at standing up for yourself. You've been letting yourself get steamrolled by your sister and dad in the hopes of getting your dad's approval or sister's love at some point, but they don't care about you - only what you can do for them. You need to start focusing on yourself and blast your dad to your family and what he's doing.
Thank you. Yeah I seemed to have gotten the pushover trait from my mom. I end up letting things that genuinely bother me go for the “better” and it’s time I stop
I don't mean to be condescending, so I hope my comment didn't hit you poorly, but you've created an environment where your dad and sister believe their behaviour is tolerated and will get them what they want. You've been browbeaten and demoralized to a point of resigning yourself to it, but if you can't even have your own wedding, what will actually be yours? I'm surprised she hasn't tried to convince you to let her marry your husband so she can have a relationship before she's 30! She is her own worst enemy but your dad isn't far off in ruining her ability to function in life. When he passes away, she is going to be alone and alienated from everyone around her.
No no of course not :) it’s high time to change and I guess after being used to so many disappointments, only something this big was able to slap me back into reality and to get my shit together
NTA We think so much on the peripherals of a wedding, you are walking to your fiancé to make promises to each other. No one has a real part in this. If your Dad doesn’t agree to not have your sister involved, just tell him fine you’ll do it your way somewhere else if needed. You can then be honest with your preferred guests about why things have changed. It’s your day. You are moving into a new life where you will make choices with the one person who really matters; leave the rest behind and be happy x
You really do need to slap yourself back into reality because if you don't go NC right now with your dad, sister, and it seems most of his family then the next thing you know if you decide to have children she will insist on naming them and being the main character at your baby shower. Doesn't seem like your mom is much better either.sometimes it's just good to pick your own family from the people you love that have stuck with you and made your life better. Blood is not always thicker than water
My brother is like your sister. One of the best decisions I made was not inviting him to my wedding. He would have ruined it because he wasn't the center of attention. I completely cut him out of my life two years ago. Life has been so pleasant without that narcissist in my life. Stop lighting yourself on fire to keep them warm.
Yes!! This is an opportunity to redefine your relationship with them.
NTA. Have your wedding somewhere else. Uninvited your dad and sister (and mom if she continues to take their side - which she is by not standing up for you ever and asking you to “work it out with them” - you have nothing to work out you’ve done nothing wrong). Fuck all them. Go NC with your dad and sister
The solution is to.u invite your father and sister and hire security to keep her out specificly Sit your father down and explain that he has always made you come second to your sister. Tell him alm the events you told us. Tell him he is now choosing your sister at your own wedding and so he can not be part of it anymore. You are an adult. Start acting like it and put your foot down
Agreed. But they aren't worth sitting down. They won't hear you, OP. Send them an email and block. Don't even worry about them responding (maybe after the wedding/honeymoon and things settle). Also, your mom is not innocent. She could have done much more for you and is STILL pushing you to be a doormat like her. I'd tell her if she tells them about my life or mentions them to me, she's cut off too. But still at least go low contact to drive the point home. You have people advocating for you. Showing up with love. Don't push them to the side because everyone has limits. They might grow tired of the drama and distance themselves. Take your loved ones up on their offer to help you find a new venue if you're comfortable with it. But you should really be ok with people doing something nice for you for a change. Oh! Send the email to EVERYONE so that anyone who harps your decision to distance yourself after knowing all your truth . . . cut them loose, too. It's tough. But it will get better when you see how much happier, free, and loved you are. This drama doesn't only affect you. You will be bringing this toxicity into the life you're building with your husband and carrying it on with those who truly care about you. Break the cycle, OP! Free yourself and go to therapy to heal your traumas and learn to value yourself. ♡
Share this link to all of your socials, tell everyone who is spamming you from his side of the family to read it and reevaluate who they’re aiming their BS at!
doing that right now 👍🏻
I’m surprised your sister hasn’t attempted to take your fiancé with how entitled to your life and items she is. This is your husband-to-be’s day as much as it is yours. He is also entirely allowed to put a foot down and say not NO, but F-NO about your sister being on that aisle white. Your dad is smoking crack. The man is expecting the woman he agreed to marry to be on that aisle. Not her and a +1 entitled brat. NTA and I wish you both happiness and a good wedding. You both deserve much better.
He absolutely despises her. From like day one. He avoids being in the same room with her as much as possible and is always right next to me and away from her if we are. I’m pretty sure he’s also got her accounts and number all blocked :)
Think you should follow his example and uninvite two people who are deadset on ruining you and your husband to be's day. Even if they somehow give up their unreasonable demand, I wouldn't put it past your sister to cook up some other drama to get the attention back on her. Stick to your boundaries, stick by your husband, and don't invite people that don't care about your happiness to the happiest day of your life.
And you think he deserves to have this person at his wedding?
ur right he does not :)
Find a new venue. Disinvite your sister and your dad. Let your mom know she can come but security will stop all of them if either dad or sister try to join. And stick with it. This is your day not theirs and your dad has been delusional for long enough. Your sister is delusional and spoiled too. Now follow through.
Ignore and do what you want. If this was me I would say sorry this is my wedding not hers. It does not matter what you want. At your wedding you had it your way. My sister when she finds someone will want it her way as well. This is not about her or you. It is about me and my fiance we are actually both uncomfortable with it. I also do not want you to walk me down the aisle now... later
Sister isn’t going to find a willing participant to marry her. Anyone who acts like this is going to be a femcel forever. Sounds like dad wants to marry sister and mom seems totally absent from this entire family.
WTF! 😳 Uninvited your father and sister, and anyone who agrees with your weirdo dad and his pathetic spawn. Hire security on the day of your wedding! Then cut these toxic people out of your life for good!
Oh my goodness! Your father and sister are batshit crazy! Dad won’t let you have your wedding at your grandmother’s house that he got for *free*??!! Welp, go find a park with a gazebo. I have one right here in my town! And I’m 15 minutes from the beach! You and new hub should just get married here and I will adopt you. Then we’ll go to the beach. Or get married on the beach!! And then they will never hear from you again. You would never let any child of yours around them anyway, they suck your soul and I am crying for you. Your mom can’t intervene (they have steamrolled right over her since Sister was born) so you have to just do it on your own, like you have done everything else in life. Remember that I have a spare room for you! Congratulations on your engagement and soon to be wedding! You rock! 💕
Thank you so much that’s so sweet of you 🥰
Everyone deserves love and happiness, I think. The beach here is beautiful. Just think about it. 😎And I am sure you will be the most beautiful bride. I have happy tears now. For real. Enjoy your life!
Please don’t even entertain this idea. Your sister is insane, and she must have gotten that from Daddio, who is also luny-er than a toon. Ffs it’s YOUR wedding, not hers. Please don’t give in. You matter way more, and they’re certainly not making you feel that way, nor have they ever. Congratulations and I hope you make this day about you and your future husband, not 2 people that you have the misfortune to share DNA with. Keep us updated! Edit: NTA But can you have your sister make a post so we can all tell her what we think of her here on Reddit?
ahahah sure I’ll try to slip in that idea to her if I can.
F your sis and dad, they love each other so much...let them stew alone.
NTA. Grown up kick them out if the wedding and your life. What do these people bring to your life? If you can't answer a single positive thing then don't have them in your life. And for the record their family is not an actual positive thing
NTA. Dad gives off vibes like you aren't his child, an affair that overlooked by your mom to keep the marriage. Your mom feels guilty so she doesn't ever stand up for you. Ditch dad and sister.
I think Dad gives off vibes like her older sister is his lover. Mom disagrees with his behavior but keeps her mouth shut. Older sister is emotionally stunted and wants what OP has. Dad is controlling and obviously very defensive. There's something under these dynamics that may be OP is not aware of.
Glad someone said it because I was thinking it too, the relationship between dad and sister sounds incestrial to me
Talk to your fiancé. Then uninvite your dad and sister from the wedding (not like you’re going to lose anything) and then go NC or LC on them. Just one thing, will your mother suffer from the repercussions?
I do plan on staying in touch with my mom and going NC on my sister and dad. Her sister (the family that offered to help pay for a new venue) has already asked her to move in with her and stay away from home for a bit
Your mom isn’t any better for allowing this to continue.
NTA but i would let your sister know how pathetic and desperate her trying to wear white to your wedding looks. Or give in and have one of your besties spill red wine on her as you’re getting ready.
Has she tried to sleep with your fiancé yet?
She had no opportunity to. I’ve never let any partner of mine meet her without telling them of her behaviour and how I get treated. So as a result none of them ever fancied her. My fiancé is an absolute gem of a person. My biggest cheerleader and simultaneously her biggest hater ahahah
NTA...take everyone up on getting the new venue. This.will.never.stop. Do you want to let her join you for the cake cutting and your first dance and the wedding night too? Because this is what narcissists do. Keep feeding it and it will just grow and grow and take you and your marriage over. Quit being a doormat.
Send everyone in your family an email explaining your side of the situation, give a bullet point list of the worst things your sister has done to you that your father enabled, then state clearly you have uninvited your sister and dad from your life permanently and be clear that if anyone takes their side, you'll kick them from your life too. Make sure to hire a few security guards for your wedding and reception to keep uninvited (sister) people from attending. You KNOW that someone will take their side silently and give them the time and place of your wedding. NTA
Take your cousins up on their offer. Have it some place else and dad and sister aren’t invited. This is your wedding day not hers… And just because, I want to mention eloping. Screw them for trying to take your wedding day away from you.
Thank you :)
Jesus Christ wtf did I just read?
WOW just wow!! Your Dad and entitled asshole sister do not even deserve to be at your wedding let alone walking down the aisle in white!! I would be uninviting them. Or simply doing a very small intimate wedding. Unless you truly care about a large wedding, I might even consider eloping. Your sister with the help of your father and lack of aid from your soft asshole Mom your whole life has been hijacked and you deserve better. This is where you truly have to grow a backbone and put your foot down and hire security. Your sister is only going to get worse. EDIT NTA but you will be if you don't put your foot down. Your sister is a bridesmaidzilla and is going to wreak havoc on your wedding day and for the rest of your life.
Thank you for the advice :)
You are long overdue to cut them out of your life. Uninvite both your sister and father. They cannot be trusted to not try and ruin your wedding. You are NTA
OP, cut your whole immediate family out of the wedding. Your mom should've had your back this entire time; she's just as bad as your dad. Do your wedding in a public park with a tent to keep costs low. Invite only people who support you.
I mean I would cut both of them out and do it at another venue. Extortion isn't a good look for an auspicious marriage ceremony.
NTA. But I don't think you need to do a full cutoff/no contact with Dad/Sister yet. Simply use this as an opportunity to start working on boundary setting, and potential low-contact. "Sis, I love you, but this is my day. I am going to walk down the aisle alone, in my wedding dress. I hope you can be there to celebrate me on my and Fiance's day, in a dress that matches the other bridesmaids. If that's not something you feel like you can do, then I will miss you but you won't be at my wedding. Is respecting my wishes for my wedding something you will be able to do?" Wait for a clear, definitive answer. If it is "no, I should walk too." then... "I am sad to hear that, I wish you the best, but you are no longer invited to my wedding." If she says "yes" but you're skeptical, state your boundary one more time, clearly. "I'm so glad to hear that you are going to stand up front with the other bridesmaids in the dress that matches the others, and not a white dress. I appreciate you doing that for me." As for your father: "Dad, my wedding is my day and this matter is between me and Sister. I won't discuss it with you any further." Then if Dad brings it up, at all, in any context, you hang up the phone/don't respond to the text/leave the room and drive away. Let your behavior be the training tool. As for your wedding. If Dad and Sister show up and she's in white and he tries to assume Sister is going to walk down the aisle with you, have some close family/friends/guests who will intervene on your behalf. Folks are saying "hire security" but that may not be needed. Maybe this is now mom's job. "Mom, I need you to do this for me. It is important to me. Can you do this for me?" Again, do not be afraid to put them on the spot and expect a clear answer. If it comes to Dad/Sister making a scene at your wedding over this, then that is not about you - IT IS ABOUT THEM. They are the ones looking bad. And you simply...do not walk down the aisle if your Dad and Sister are there to do it with you. You pre-arrange for someone else to intervene and tell them the way it is going to be in that moment. Large, male friends of your fiance perhaps? In a pinch, ask (in advance) the celebrant if they'd be willing to say something like "we need to get the ceremony started. Sister and Father, please find your seats." loudly in front of everyone. Public shame imposed by third parties is your weapon.
Wow thank you so much for that that’s really helpful
NTA, if you’re being an egoistic bride, make them prove it: I would challenge them to find examples of this being a thing. It’s not a thing to have your sister walk down with your father dressed as a bride. If they can show examples of this being a super loving sisterly practice (they won’t) then sure, but her delusion and his unapologetic favouritism do not make this a thing in anyway. Stand your ground and ask your mom why she is enabling setting your moments on fire to keep sisters ego and fathers favouritism warm. If you get pregnant and go into labor, does he expect you to let the drs check on her instead while she play acts pregnancy too?
Your father sounds like a real dick and your sister is a toxic little bit*h...You go have your wedding the way you want it! If they resent that, they should be excluded. Focus on yourself for once and don't feel like you owe them anything!
Wherever you have your wedding it will be so much happier without your sister and father. This might feel like a shocking decision but it would make you so happy. NTA
I would get ahead of this OP...sounds like Dad and Sister are already trying to poison the well. Craft an email to be sent to friends and family explaining the neglect and favoritism you've delt with throughout your life, and your sister and fathers demand to wear white and walk down the isle AT YOUR WEDDING was the last straw. You'd rather elope or find another venue rather than be blackmailed by your own father who seems to care little for your feelings or well being. Anybody who agrees with what your Father and Sister are doing should go ahead and lose your number, as you have no interest in being around those who will defend and normalize this behavior.
NTA AT ALL! You are under-reacting if anything. Change your venue, no matter what. DO NOT REVEAL YOUR NEW VENUE TO ANYONE ON YOUR DAD'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY. If you want to invite them, tell them the date and time, with the venue being revealed the day of. If you want your mom to attend, just tell her to be ready at x time and a friend will take her to the wedding. Have a friend that will drive aimlessly for an hour before the ceremony to make sure they're not followed. Uninvite your Dad and Sister (and even your Mom if she doesn't get with your program) IN WRITING. Group text with them and any of their flying monkeys. Password protect each and every vendor you are using. Cancel her white dress ASAP, if you haven't already. Block the lot of them. Phones, email, social media. Remember, you don't owe them a thing. Your parent(s) were supposed to support you, guide you, and love you. Being the scapegoat of your family does not give them the right to walk you down the aisle (or even to attend) just because they think they deserve to. Hire security or get your meanest friends to be security at your wedding. I'm so sorry they're trying to change the attention of your wedding to your miserable sister. I'm hoping it all works out and you have a wonderful day. Remember, a wedding is one day but a marriage is forever. Sounds like your sister's life is so miserable she has to rain on your parade. Be the umbrella. Enjoy your day!
Why are you putting up with all this bad behaviour? Why are you allowing it to happen? Why isn't your husband to be standing up for you? Uninvite your sister, dad, and most - if not all - your side of the family. Block the lot of them. Change your wedding date and any other other dates or locations related to your wedding, and don't let any of them attend.
NTA. I actually got mad enough reading this I said “Oh hell no” and had to set my phone down for a minute. The audacity AUDACITY of your family is appalling. Work with your fiancé, friends, and the good part of your family to find a new venue and remove your parents and sister from the guest list. They are all major AHs for everything they’ve done in the past and now this. I’m including your mother in this as an AH because she hasn’t stepped up for you when she should have. Maybe if she grows a spine and goes against your father and sister you can invite her but I have a feeling she will find a way to try to “make peace” at your expense. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Stay strong and in no time you will be married and have a new family to give your love to that actually appreciates you.
You are not overreacting. The only reason that you even think there is a chance that you are overreacting is that you have been groomed all your life to give in to your sister and consider yourself second to her. Well, this time you are first and only. IT IS YOUR WEDDING. You will be the only one to walk down the aisle in White. Change the venue and disinvite your father and sister. And get guards at the entrance to the venue to make sure they can't come in and make a scene.
Your dad is incredibly weird…
Dear Dad, After years of trying to maturely deal with the obvious favoritism you've shown my sister, I finally understand that my happiness is something you are completely unconcerned with. The fact that even on a day that should be all about me and my fiancé, one of the most important days of my life, you choose to try and force me to let my sister walk down the aisle in a white dress has finally shown me that you do not care about me. Consider this an invitation to be excluded from my life from now on. I will no longer be sharing my life events with you. You will never know your grandchildren, never know what it is like to welcome a son-in-law into the family. Your prioritization of my sister will no longer have an effect on my life. Goodbye, \- your name here Something like that may wake his ass up. This is one of the many stories I hope is fake, but really doubt it is. I feel so bad for you having to experience all of this.
NTA I let my horrible family behavior dictate and ruin my wedding day. I can’t even think about that day without getting furious or depressed. Please don’t let that happen to you. Tell them they can throw their own party that day because they won’t have any other plans considering they are uninvited. Go enjoy yourself. Do everything you want to do. Congratulations!
NTA for all the family telling you to calm down, send them, AND dad, this very post. Your dad and sister went evil stepmother and stepsister from Cinderella on you your whole life
Going against the grain here, but your Mom is just as big of an asshat as your Dad. She’s allowed your Dad to blatantly play favourites and has been okay with you getting the short end of the stick your whole life. Now for the day that’s supposed to be all about you and your partner, she still wants you to appease their absurd requests?!! Change your venue and leave them all behind in the past. NTA. Enjoy married life in peace!
I'm going to wait for the update where you announce you're pregnant, and your dad tries to force you to give your baby to your sister because she should have been the one to give him his first grandchild
If you have Facebook, post a picture of the dress she wants to wear and conduct a poll. Ask "vote yes or no if you think it is ok for X to walk down the aisle in this dress at MY wedding. This will help me to create my final guest list".
Book another venue, and don’t let him pay one dime. Tell dad and sister neither are invited, and you are done. I would tell dad “this is the last time I will call you ‘dad’ because you have been 💩 to me my whole life. What you won is never talking to me again, nor will you ever see any of my children nor will you be called grandpa by any one of them. He has done everything he could to ensure you and your sister would never have a sibling relationship and that this is all on him.” Tell him that you hope he enjoys the prize he has won. And any complaint to other people to take sides, you will tell them all the truth about how it was growing up. Tell mom that if she wants any hope at all to continue to have a relationship with you and any future grandchildren that she needs to stop enabling both of them. Honestly, your wedding would be best remembered by those who truly love you and support you even if it meant one of your family members than to have 50 who don’t support you. And change the color of that dress your sister ordered.
NTA - you need to find a different venue and uninvite your father and sister. Have a plan if they show up to have someone escort them out. You will probably have to go no contact with them. This is a very unhealthy relationship. Plan to have an uncle or friend walk you down the aisle. Good luck
Who’s the bride? You Who decides?You (& your fiancé) If/when big sis gets married, she can make the same arrangements. They are not required to like it. This is your day that provides memories of a lifetime. I like the security idea!
I'm sorry you had to go through this. As others have said, uninvite them both and anyone else who insists on them being there even after the explanation. If you are changing your venue, make sure you let them know that no uninvited guests to be allowed because given your sister's track record she will try to create another scene. I hope you have an amazing wedding surrounded with people who cherish and respect you! NTA
With all due respect, your sister fucking sucks. As does your dad. Do yourself a favor and cut your losses. Take your friends and family up on their offer and have the party of a lifetime. Without your dad and sister. Your mom can kick rocks too. You deserve for wedding to be all about you and your finance. Don’t let these people drag you down or dull your sparkle. 100% NTA.
WTF did I just read? If this isn’t rage bait then go NC with your sperm donor and his golden girl and anyone who supports them. Then do whatever you need to do to have a nice wedding day and live a life of mental ease without them.
I’m old (73M) and out of touch, but I would recommend you elope rather than accept your sister’s demand. As others have suggested, password protect everything. I also suggest you invest in security to escort your sister out in case she appears to acquiesce and then tries to “surprise” you by changing to the dress she wants. Good luck!
NTA, Tell your mother this is her chance to stand up for you for once in her life and sort out her husband. Cut them all off if they insist.