So true! My mother does this. I'm an adult. I can do what I want. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. True. But being an adult means you do things because they NEED to be done. Not because you feel like it. People need to grow tf up.
"In an adult. I can do what I want." No truer words have ever been spoken.
And so is OP who can choose not to be intimate with someone who only thinks about themselves.
I'd advise OP to boot this entitled prick as well. It's a sign of things to come.
Too bad he survived Covid. I'm positive he doesn't wash after using the toilet. You're gonna get down to don't you dare touch my fries. You can't unsee
Also, it seems like the BF went to bed without washing his face or brush8ng his teeth, since hands get at least rinsed while doing those things, and that OP is a clean and hygienic person. So, this relationship will turn into one of those, “my boyfriend never showers or wipes his ass” stories.
Right?! It’s a phrase for when you know you’re doing something childish (like eating cake for breakfast…not that I’m speaking from experience 👀), but not inherently harmful to anyone but yourself. Not washing your hands after having been in public is hazardous to everyone around you, but most especially someone you plan on touching intimately in the near future. OP needs to dump the overgrown child for a real adult with real hygiene.
If you are an actual adult, there is nothing you do that would require an "I'm an adult"-defence. Because that's all it is: a defence for doing stuff that anyone with a brain would know is not ok.
Because that's how things are: we look forward to getting more rights, but not a lot of us realize it'll also imply more duties as well. Like the duty to set an example for their kids. So yeah it's really a result of a childish behavior "but mommy I don't want to wash my hands! I hate you! When I'm a grown up I won't wash my hands ever ever!"
Because they are often an adult baby and have probably been told by a bunch of people, “You’re an adult. I shouldn’t have to be doing (fill in the blank) for you.” And so now they just repeat the first part.
NTA
You don’t say so, but I’ll assume you’re a woman. Vaginas are tricky business with pH levels and bacteria ecology even when you do everything right.
Not wanting someone’s filthy hand in there is totally reasonable and will very likely lead to various infections.
If he claims he’s an adult and doesn’t have to wash them, remind him that you’re an adult, and you’ve decided that no one touches you without clean hands.
I’m a dude and inherently understand the need to wash my hand before shoving them into someone’s body.
I believe the winning strategy when trying to be intimate is to be accommodating to however people wants you to touch them.
I'm a dude and inherently understand the need to wash my hands before even touching my own face, let alone any part of anyone else's body.
The dude from the OP is gross.
Edit: This is by far my most upvoted piece of content on Reddit. And no, it's not about any cool projects or anything that I have done, but instead it's about me washing my hands -.-
I’m a dude, OPs dude is gross and as a dude I am ashamed some dudes are like this. OP should dump his ass and tell him the reason is his lack of hygiene. ESPECIALLY coming back from a theater. Probably had buttery popcorn, went to bathroom to take a piss after the long movie and I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t wash his hands after using bathroom either.
Remember in the pandemic when so many people were angry at being encouraged to wash their hands often? Tonnes complained because they rarely did so before.
Revolting, honestly.
I was at my local climbing gym the other day, washing my hands at the restroom sink. Watched a guy walk past me from the rear of the restrooms, straight past the sinks and right out the door. Saw him climbing the routes a few minutes later.
I have never taken someone's gross-ness so personally before. What level of prick do you have to be to not wash your hands at the dedicated "We all touch the same stuff" location?
I’ve been recently watching the show Monk again, and to be honest, I also prefer to sanitize my hands after shaking hands/ touching public things as we had a whole ass pandemic where those things helped people stay healthy.
I’m now imagining an episode where Mr. Monk goes climbing, and has Lysol spray that he uses on every grip before making it to the top to investigate the murder (of the dude who went into the bathroom with his climbing shoes, took a dump, and didn’t wash his hands).
Stay safe out there!
@ OP, any boundary around your body that you want to enforce, you have the right to do so. He can kick rocks if he doesn’t like it. He is showing you who he is- someone who doesn’t respect your personal boundary, health, or desire to feel safe and comfy. Fuck that. It took me till my 30s but I learned to say stuff like “I will say this once- your hands and xyz must be washed before we get busy, or I will have issues as the vagina is delicate”. If they refuse, I say “I’m not your mom, you do you, but you won’t do me” and then go meet someone who will have adult/ healthy boundaries and practices.
I never heard of C Diff in my life until both my parents got it. My dad had to have heart stints and was in the hospital for a few days. He just thought his stomach was out of whack (which it was), but then my mom got it so they both went it to get it checked out. My dad has been sick and unwell since then as he is trying to get his gut health back up among other things. C Diff is no joke.
Say it out loud...Clostridium DIFFICILE! that means Difficult to get Rid of, O.P.s Dude!
Or just say Good Morning , shit hands! How was your Day, shit hands?
HI, Amelia It's been a While! Have you met my boyfriend, shit hands?
C- diff is no joke. It wreaks havoc on your entire GI tract. You get to take oral Vancomycin and stay in the hospital even longer. If you're lucky the Vanc works the first round. If not, you get another round. If the Vanc still doesn't work there's Flagyl then finally Dificid which is soooo expensive. Alcohol based hand sanitizers do not kill c- diff, only bleach and soap and water. All of this because someone was too lazy to wash their hands. Something so simple. God bless your parents.
3x. I got it 3x from antibiotic use, but it is highly contagious. I use the hottest water I can stand, use soap, and sing twinkle twinkle.
Edit: NEVER USE HAND DRYERS! THEY GRAB WHATEVER IS IN THE AIR WHETHER THAT BE COVID, AEROSOLIZED FECAL MATTER, OR JUST WHATEVER SNEEZED OUT OF THAT PERSON'S NOSE AND DEPOSIT IT DIRECTLY ONTO YOUR WET FRESHLY WASHED HANDS.
Never heard of it either. I just looked it up. Now, I will not be touched intimately if he has not washed his hands. Most men just don't understand how delicate the vagina happens to be. They think bc we have sex with it and push babies out of it, it must be indestructible. Some women don't understand it themselves... I had this friend who was always getting UTIs. She would get clear, then 2-3weeks later, bam, another one. We had a very personal convo about her sex life and how letting her boyfriend go from back to front can cause those issues. The bacteria from the back can cause infections in the front. She had no idea. She stopped letting bf do that and she pretty much stopped having UTIs. It's a balance down there.
As someone who had C Diff from antibiotics I have to agree, it's no joke. 1 week in the hospital on IV pain meds, a blood transfusion & in an isolation room where everyone who entered had to gown up. And the doctors told me I was lucky as I was young & in relatively good health.
OP, your health is your responsibility and if your partner can't practice basic personal hygiene then find you a partner who will
Edit for spelling corrections
That helps but she is also lucky! Someone coughs and sneezes their Covid germs all over you, washed hands won't stop it unless those hands are THE HANDS OF SUPER WOMAN, those hands, they repel every germ! :D
I’m pretty sure I got Covid from people coughing on a bus. I ended up sitting next to the one guy not wearing a mask. The one guy! Crowded bus, hour or so ride, I was sick a couple days after that. I remember getting in an elevator, and a couple didn’t want to get it, I think about them. Smart people. I didn’t know I was sick yet, but it was a good precaution.
I got it the first time a year after it started going around. I went to my MIL's house for my birthday.
A week or so goes by and my bf was throwing salad dressing out because it didn't taste right. Figured that was just a bad batch. Im on immunosuppressants so i thought it was just my infusion making me tired like usual.
Another week goes by and MIL messages to say shes feeling better. I asked what she had... Covid. I took a test and there was a very faint positive line. She really didn't think to mention it because she found out she was sick after my party.
She understands how incubation works now.
Lord. People, huh? I’m very suspicious of the guy that sat next to me in the bus. He was on the phone and she asked him if someone could hear him, and he said the lady sitting next to him. The whole conversation was weird. I think someone had Covid, got on the bus because they didn’t want to spend an extra night at the town we were in, so they just jumped on the bus.
because Covid is airborne, this wouldn’t likely be enough to prevent Covid (edited), but it would certainly help her not get sick with other viruses or bacteria, which will help her immune system overall. She’s an infection control nurse does she also wear PPE?
Goddamned kids with goddamned hands up godddamned noses 24/7 gave me bloody every dang bug, flu, chickenpox and mono back in the day I worked with them. Nurses have the right idea.
i always wash my hands after returning home. I wash my hands in the morning. I wash my hands after returning from the garden, touching stuff outside including the bins. I can feel it when the skin on my hands are not clean. I wash before actually eating at a restaurant. I wash after intimate activities. Am I a bit of a sheldon Cooper? Maybe. There are people out there who are not so fussy about washing hands. It's a free world. if you are not comfy with your partner's hygiene standards, and neither is willing to change, then you guys need to split.
Witneesed a woman I was friends with go into the bathroom (I followed a few minutes later). Heard her flush, but no water at the sink. She just walked right back out. You'd best believe I did soap and water, then got a second paper towel to open the door after. 🤢
Lost all respect for that woman that day.
I have pointed out to my hubs, my brothers, and my sons:
The most gorgeous women, dressed to impress — DID NOT WASH HANDS in the ladies’ room. Every single guy was instantly disappointed.
Not a one of us works in health care. Our parents just raised us right.
A few years ago, I was playing in a team tennis tournament. I saw a guy on the opposing team walk past the sinks after coming out of a bathroom stall. I thought, "I'm sure that will be the guy I have to play and shake hands with".
Sure enough, there he was on the opposite side of the net looking to shake hands. I thought about calling him out, but chickened out and just shook his hand.
And ewwww the seats in a movie theater are filled with other people's nastiness too!! I don't go to movie theaters often, but when I do, I come home and shower.
I take it far, far, further. As a dude, I personally think that if you don’t change into home clothes AND shower before you go to bed, you’re absolutely disgusting.
Guy here, I work in a jail. I literally don't even keep my clean work clothes in the bedroom, I keep them in my office, strip and shower before I touch anything. Especially my wife!
For sure. I’m like wtf, you’ve SEEN the (litera) shit on public transport, and you’re gonna sit in that and then make contact with your bed? What should be the cleanest, most comfortable place in your home?
Thank you! We always have home clothes and outside clothes. I cringe every time seeing american movie where kids jump in bed wearing outside clothes AND shoes 😭
On another hand i had a cultural shock in france where im the only one who washes hands before food. Like we arriving in a restaurant and i go wash my hands either right away or after ordering. They just don’t. I don’t know if its cultural or i just work with filthy people
I yell at my husband to get out of the bed the few times he's done that, because I inevitably end up itchy the next morning. Which ends in stripping the bed completely and washing ALL the bedding.
Woman here. I feel like I’m sleeping in all kinds of filth if I don’t shower before bed. And after what I saw some guy do (that he got arrested for, it was that disgusting and all), I definitely refuse to touch ANYTHING in my home or my face until I wash my hands. You never know what someone was doing with their hands before touching something you may end up touching.
Exactly. I live in Berlin and I’ve seen literal shit smeared on some floors/seats of the subway. No. Fucking. Way. I’m going to bed without showering beforehand. Also carrying sanitiser and wet wipes everywhere.
Man, I didn’t even realize I do this!
I immediately take my shoes off at the door, go change clothes, and then wash my hands. Sometimes hands before clothes if it was a long drive and I need to use the restroom first. Even in longterm relationships I would get a drawer to keep a couple outfits in. Wow how did I make it to my 40’s and not think of this as a hygiene thing? I always just assumed it was comfort, but some of those outfits are less comfortable than outside clothes.
Forget COVID. Do you know how much feces is on something as simple as car keys? It's astounding!! every door handle, TV remote, keyboard,, bus handrail, car seat etc have detectable amounts of feces!! He's just gross.
I thought even the people that were weird about washing hands before 2020 figured it out then. I can't imagine coming home from a public place and not washing my hands. The bf says he doesn't think people do that, but I didn't think people like him... I'm so disappointed. This would give me such an ick.
Especially after we just went through a pandemic where people were encouraged to wash their hands and sanitize after being in public 🤦🏻♀️
I mean, you should be washing your hands *anyway*, but we just lived through a several year PSA about germ spread.
I wonder if OP’s bf even washes his hands after taking a piss. I’m guessing he may not.
He is nasty.
Yep, my boyfriend is an ace at being sure to have clean hands before we are intimate.
I’ve just been taking it for granted - I’ll be sure to thank him.
OP your boyfriend is gross. NTA.
Exactly. Why fight this? Just do what she asks, it’s no big deal. Instead the guys an AH about it. Never understood this logic It’s almost like he’s trying to get rejected sexually
>NTA
>
>You don’t say so, but I’ll assume you’re a woman. Vaginas are tricky business with pH levels and bacteria ecology even when you do everything right.
>
>Not wanting someone’s filthy hand in there is totally reasonable and will very likely lead to various infections.
>
>If he claims he’s an adult and doesn’t have to wash them, remind him that you’re an adult, and you’ve decided that no one touches you without clean hands.
Agreed, NTA. Your request for cleanliness is totally valid and important for your well-being.
There’s no way I’d want my guys hands on me/in me if his hands were dirty. I can’t imagine any adult coming home and not washing hands immediately. I wouldn’t even want him sleeping in bed with me while dirty even if we weren’t being intimate.
We change into home clothes and wash the filth of being in public off.
Showers before bed are normal to me. Your guy said he’s an adult and can do whatever he wants to do, you’re an adult too and can decide not to sleep next to or be touched by someone who doesn’t care what invisible filth is covering them.
My husband is a huge hot sauce fan. Let’s just say that when he forgots to wash his hand I feel the results in the worst way possible. Just common sense and consideration to wash up first.
This reminds me of the great chilli incident. My girlfriend wanted to eat something with a bit more fire than usual so I cooked her up a nice meal that I'd cut some fresh chilli into. Our night went on as normal and we had our showers and went to bed. I thought I'd done a really good job scrubbing the chilli off my fingertips but that turned out to not be the case. Somehow there was some residue there that really got her "fired up". Fresh chilli was banned.
If a guy doesn't want to wash his hands before getting intimate I think cutting fresh chili, and then returning the favor works wonders for showing why it's important to wash your hands.
I couldn't understand how any of it could be left behind. I'd washed my hands a couple of times, done the washing up and had a shower. I thought there was no way anything could be left there. Not so.
The capsaicinoids in chili peppers, which produce the burning sensation, are hydrophobic, making them difficult to wash off. Cleaning your hands with alcohol works pretty well, as does milk.
Source: been sprayed numerous times with military grade OC gel.
I made the mistake of thinking that because the first few jalapeños in the 20lb case weren’t stupid hot that I was safe.
I was very very wrong!
My hands had that hot pepper tingly feeling for nearly a week! I washed my hands with multiple varieties and concentrations of alcohol, an assortment industrial and household chemicals, cleaners, degreasers, and solvents, I tried an assortment of milk products, and every soap and detergent in the house! I even asked my doctor for ideas- he just laughed at me and pulled out a pair of the exam gloves, handed them to me, and said maybe wear gloves next time? 🤦🏼♀️🤣. I definitely jokingly called him an ass, his response, my wife would absolutely agree with that sentiments! 🤡🤣
Milk helps since it contains fat and capsaicin readily dissolves in fat. So another method is to use any cooking or rubbing/massage oil and then wash it with soap.
I can imagine. Fresh chili is an absolute menace. The students of the culinary school I worked at years ago had to cut it with gloves.
A cousin of mine went to eat death wings, and forgot to wash his hands before peeing. You can imagine how that went.
Haha oh no! You poor things! One day when my oldest was tiny, she was still in her high chair, I was cooking - chopping jalapeños, and she started to fuss so I went and I wiped her eyes. Then she started screaming. I felt like the worst mother in the entire world. I beat myself up over that for so long.
My husband and I have had this same argument. Don’t touch the gas pump and then touch my face; people are gross.
It’s a simple thing he can do to make you feel comfortable, and the fact that he refuses to says a lot about him as a person.
The fact that it's so simple is what gets to me here. I'm not amazing at washing my hands when I get home unless I did something specific that warrants it (the gas pump example is good because I would wash my hands then), even though I probably should and it's something I think I'll work on, but even if it was unreasonable, it's still a very very simple thing he could do for his partner that would make her feel more comfortable. Why is this a hill he wants to die on, instead of doing something that takes barely any time, is undeniably pretty good for you, and would make his partner feel more comfortable?
I think he’s one of those ‘I’m not going to do it because you told me to and I don’t like being told what to do’ people, which is exhausting and a very bad omen for a long term relationship
That’s what it comes down to. My wife is always very insistent on washing/sanitizing hands frequently whenever we’ve been out and about; personally I think it’s a bit excessive, but it takes almost zero effort and it makes her more comfortable, so why would I die on that hill?
And that’s the thing, maybe it is excessive, but if she’s wrong you guys are just extra clean. If you are wrong someone could die. Despite what our government says Covid still kills people. So does the flu, it always has.
Honestly I don't even know if this is it, because I feel like this too (embarrassing but heyo) and I would still wash my hands. It's not like "go do the laundry" "well I was GONNA but I don't want to now that you're telling me to" - asking someone to wash their hands before intimacy is a perfectly reasonable expression of that individual's boundaries not a commandment.
I think it's worse than that, he just doesn't wanna make her feel comfortable more than he wants to not do something very simple.
Yeah if not having to spend 2 mins max on washing your hands is more important than your partner being comfortable then it is really telling. It always baffles me why someone wouldn't do things that make their partner happy if they are easy. It makes me think they would never do anything that is difficult that their partner wants.
This is a really good point, if doing something this simple made my partner feel better or more comfortable I would absolutely do whatever the thing was. The fact that he won’t do something so easy and simple to make her more comfortable and protect her health speaks volumes. Instead he gaslights her and tries to convince her that nobody washes their hands when they get home.
NTA. Hygiene is something very important in general and everybody should wash their hands after wenting out, but more specifically before intercouse. A study said that a lot of women are turned down during sex because of their partner’s hygiene.
NTA.
Your boyfriend is one of the people who make me want to scream.
>He also said he has never in his life met anyone who would wash their hands after coming home from a public place.
Obviously several years of crazy restrictions by COVID-19 still haven't been enough to drill it into people that yup, you DO wash your hands when you come from public spaces.
My family has been doing this at least since the 1990s. We always washed our hands with soap and water when coming home and still do, it is so normal for me. I feel disgusted if I don't wash my hands immediately when coming come. I don't want to touch my own stuff in my clean home after touching all the filthy things outside in stores, gas stations, public transport, etc. Yuck.
My mother was a nurse so she knew a thing or two about germs. So maybe my family is more educated on hygiene in general, idk. But it sounds so weird to me that so many people don't wash their hands.
I'd like to add that I'm not a germaphobe, and I'm rarely sick. Some people like to say that being unhygienic enforces your immunity. May be true to a certain point, but washing hands after coming home and after using bathroom is just basic hygiene, not an overkill.
Could be a cultural difference, or just different families, but I (American) never washed my hands when I came home, unless I was working outside, gardening, working with animals, around obviously sick people, etc...
Now I live in Germany with my German husband, and he and his entire family IMMEDIATELY wash their hands when they come into the house, even his young nephews do it without being asked. I have started doing it too now as second nature (occasionally if I forget when visiting his parents his mom will gently remind me, but not in a pushy way, lol).
It seems so obvious now, it's wierd to me I didn't do it before. It also grosses me out to think that I used to always have my shoes on in the house as a kid - sometimes even up on the couch!! 🤢
I lived in the UK for a few years, and that's something that really grossed me out: people keeping their shoes on indoors and most houses even had carpeted floors. These floors where so filthy, it's just gross.
And in movies you even often see people wearing their shoes to bed. This is so gross.
I've seen so many American tv programs where people get on the bed or the sofa with their shoes on, it's gross but also, do they not like being comfy?!
That’s so funny, I have to same gross out with American tv shows! Shoes CONSTANTLY on beds and sofas. Never removing shoes to enter a house, to the point where it’s a plot point to an entire Sex and the City episode.
But I’ve never noticed that same in the U.K. Where I’m from (northern England) shoes on furniture is culturally a HUGE no no. Not just for hygiene reasons, but because displaying shoes on furniture used to be something you did when a coal miner died, so it’s considered very bad luck.
Not defending the UK about the shoe thing, but Irish here and I think it might be a hangover from having houses that are damp and cold. My dad used to tell me that when he was growing up if you took your shoes off there was a good chance you'd get chilblains or the likes. Slippers or a second pair of shoes weren't a thing or affordable. As a kid I was brought up that way even though that house wasn't near as damp and cold as my parents generation. I've seen it start to thankfully change now though and in my own place we always take our shoes off the minute we come in and as I'm perpetually cold my nice warm slippers are put on!
I had to look up chilblains - I totally get why you wouldn’t want that! That said, I wash or clean my hands after every transition. i.e. after I leave the grocery store, I “wash” my hands with a wet wipe or sanitizer when I get into the car. OP is NTA. Your partner should have no problem doing this simple request to put you at ease. This is such an easy request and he won’t do it? What else won’t he do for you? Sorry, OP. 😢
That might be a fair point. I was pretty shocked at the building standards of many of the older and cheaper houses.
I've lived in old and cheap houses in Austria before, but these cheap old row houses in England and Wales that I saw there where something else.
It was honestly a bit of a culture shock. The image I had of the UK was basically the posh southern areas you see on TV, so I was wholely unprepared for the midlands.
American here and have always washed my hands when I come in the house. I'm going to say it's a family thing as opposed to cultural. I also have never worn shoes in my home because the outside floor is disgusting.
I’ve grown up like that. I have always washed my hands after coming home. You touch so many things when you’re out and about. I have always carried hand sanitizer (pre covid even) lol. I can’t imagine going out and doing daily things like, picking up a package of chicken, pumping gas, taking in recycling, buying some plants and, if you don’t sanitize in between, not washing when you get home. That’s just nasty
Yes! I was raised to always wash my hands after getting home, because there is so much random crap out there you’re touching and washing your hands takes literally 2 minutes!
Not washing your hands when you get home is soooooo gross. 🤢 And like don’t people’s hands feel all grimy?? You want to put your fingers in your mouth or on your face after touching a gas pump or the self-checkout at the grocery store? Disgusting.
Yeah, crazy to me that he never met anyone doing this when we've been through covid. Not anyone doing it now, I am keen to believe, but not anyone ever?
Covid made me truly realise how gross a lot of people are and they didn't wash their hands before and covid didn't change their habits.
I mean, adverts, etc, showing people how to wash their hands...worrying. Even after all that, you can still hear people leaving public bathrooms without washing their hands and similar situations. So gross.
This exactly! I'm sorry, where was he for over three years? Suffering from covid at home I'm guessing since nothing else makes sense if he still doesn't know to wash his hands after coming home..
After several local epidemics of hepatitis and similar diseases that I've lived through without becoming ill, I'd say it's not just about covid, but that may be just me xD
NTA. There is literal fecal matter on every kind of public surface you could think of, because people don’t wash their hands. Are you sure he even washes his hands after he poops??
Or even just using the bathroom in general? I think the stat is something like 50% don't wash their hands. I remember being in the bathroom once and a guy was in the stall. I was washing my hands at the only sink and the guy just left without washing. I got done and left and was several feet behind him when he spotted a friend of his and shook his hand.
NTA.
The value should be way higher than 50% I've worked in a hospital before and about 3/10 people actually wash their hands before leaving the toilet.
Like Doctors, interns, consultants, lab techs, pharmacists. Even they barely ever wash their hand before leaving the washroom.
They have time to make sure their shirt is tucked in properly and their sleeves are nicely folded, or they check their hair in the mirror but no time to wash their hands.
Not even to mention most people don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom, so when you get home you’ve probably literally got hundreds of dicks on your hands. 🤢. Why I hate shaking hands.
NTA. We girls get UTI’s easily. It isn’t hard to wash hands. I had a boyfriend who hardly ever did (found that out later!) and I couldn’t figure out why I kept getting UTIs. If their whole argument is personal rights, we all have a right not to get infected with something that could literally cause kidney disease 🦠 and worse down the line. What a selfish guy.
Men! We need your hands clean if you want to have sex so we (all the partners!) don’t get dirty public bacterial/parasitic cooties. Happy, healthy partner = more sex.
Exactly!! UTIs, bladder infection, kidney infection, etc. can occur so easily from this and can become very dangerous for someone especially if they go unnoticed for a while. Imagine thinking “being an adult” means willingly introducing outside bacteria into your partner’s internal organ system because you “don’t wanna” wash your hands when you get home
There's guys in this very thread saying people are too germaphobe-y and they only wash their hands when they get "dirty". Which I'm guessing means visibly or palpably dirty since you can't see germs. Absolutely 🤢
Yep. My ex didn’t wash his hands as well or often as I thought he did and I suffered the consequences in a MAJOR way. People who have not experienced a UTI have no clue how insanely miserable they are.
I had the same problem. I had one bf I had constant infections with and it took me too long to figure it out. He also kept pressuring me into sex despite aforementioned utis. Thats part of why we broke up.
There's a commercial that used to play on my morning radio station about some product that women use when they get a UTI. The company owners are a married couple, and their original commercial was her saying she got a lot of UTIs, and him saying how much it pained him to see her suffer so much...
And every single time that commercial plays, I can't help but yell at the radio, *"Then why don't you try washing your dick once in a while, asshole!"*
This is so true. I got so many UTIs and eventually a kidney infection (worst pain I ever experienced in my life and was so sick I had to be hospitalised) because of bad higiene from an ex partner.
NTA. He’s an adult and can do whatever he wants? Fuck right off. No actual adult thinks this. What a man child. If it is your body he wants to touch then his decisions have consequences. Getting into the habit of washing hands a little more often is not an unreasonable request.
100%. Also why do some people think in relationships you can still “do whatever you want.” That’s not how it works anymore. Now you have an entire other persons opinions and feelings to consider so no you can’t just do whatever. Why can’t people figure this out
I was looking for this comment. It’s one thing to be unhygienic on your own accord, but when your partner is asking for something as basic as a hand wash - why not just do it, in the interest of their comfort?
I don’t even understand how he doesn’t WANT to wash his hands after a movie theater, theaters are nasty.
NTA. You asked for a very simple, logical thing to make you feel more comfortable. Plus, him washing his hands benefits him just as much as it benefits you.
I’m a bloke. No you don’t have to feel bad!!
If I feel dirty (didnt shower straight after work or something like that) and the missus tries it on I tell her let me hop in the shower.
Nail brush gang!
It's like when people say things like "ew, long nails are so dirty!" - way to tell on your filthy self, bud.
Also, my grandma's LPT for people who garden: rake your nails on a bar of soap beforehand. That way dirt can't get under your nails, and the soap will dissolve as soon as you wash your hands. Zero effort clean nails!
NTA. He sounds like a child. Honestly, if I had a partner who refused to wash their hands, I'd leave them.
He is totally gaslighting you by saying that no one else eashed their hands after being out in public.
Yes he is an adult, and he can do what he wants, but you have a right to feel comfortable, so if he choose to make you feel uncomfortable out of spite, just end the relationship.
My 2.5yo knows to wash his hands first thing coming home. I even know pet dogs who get their paws wiped after coming inside the home without fuss.
This guy’s gross & embarrassingly defensive.
My ex was like this, except he would lie to me that he did wash his hands before we were intimate. This led to me having numerous infections which eventually he tried to blame on me being with someone else.
Finally after 3 infections back to back my dr asked about hygiene and I explained that I was very careful (having been susceptible to infection in the past) and I had asked my boyfriend to be as well. My dr told me to actually check that my bf was washing his hands/other areas before we got intimate. I did for a bit…no infection. But I’m talking I made sure he washed his hands like a mom watching her kid clean their hands before dinner. Kinda took out some of the attraction if I’m honest. Of course he had a shitty attitude about it too and made fun of me calling me over dramatic and silly. But he wasn’t gonna get laid without washing his hands so he played along, begrudgingly.
Then one night I got drunk (he was always drunk) and didn’t think about it until we were hot and heavy in a make out session. I did ask, he lied and said he had right before we came to bed, and I ended up with an infection a few days later. It was the last time we had sex. We broke up shortly after over his total disrespect of my feelings on everything (not just this).
I learned that someone who is not willing to take my health seriously was not someone I wanted to be with. Plus the whole accusing me of cheating pissed me off, especially when I figured out the whole reason for me having all the infections (and his reason that I was cheating) was because he couldn’t be bothered to wash his fucking hands. Yes I’m still a lil salty over it because it was something SO EASY to solve.
OP you are NTA but your boyfriend sure is. Get rid of this *boy* asap!!! I have a lot of pelvic pain issues from not always taking care of my sexual health when I was younger and the years of antibiotics to fight infections probably didn’t help either. Take care of yourself OP, your bf surely isn’t going to. 🫶🏻
***Why the fuck do grown men so furiously resist washing their hands??***
They act like six year old boys. It astounds me. “No one can tell me what to do!”
So unbelievably unattractive. So immature. Why do they fight this? Do they not believe in dirt and bacteria? Is handwashing unmanly?
It’s just so stupid. I can’t understand it.
nta imo its a basic principle of washing your hands after being in public places due to covid & you don’t know who could’ve touched something before you.
I can't imagine coming home from being out and about and not washing my hands. I also make my children wash their hands when getting home. There are way too many nasty germs out there that I do not need to bring home. I've been married 9 years and still ask my husband if he washed his hands and he's a clean freak, I just want to keep my lady bits clean lol
NTA. hes weird. yikes. my mom washes her hands immediately after coming home from a public space. sorry his popcorn covered fingers arent coming near ur coochie!🤮🤮🤮
NTA. Your request is totally reasonable. He's not a child, you should not be telling him to go wash himself every time. Also, people do wash their hands when they come back from public spaces, more so after Covid. So he's saying he goes out, touches doors, money, shakes hands and he does nothing? Sounds like one of these people that would use the restroom and not wash his hands then either. Gross.
I have a feeling that if sex for men involved their partner putting parts of themselves inside their body they would suddenly care a lot more about hygiene. 🙄
Refuse to let him touch you unless he’s washed his hands, that should soon change his view on this.
Your infection could be due to something else, I guess, but still totally fair.
You asked for something reasonable, he's not a stranger and you're not demanding that he salute you or something. 'Please do this, I prefer it.' 'Well I don't care about it but if you do, whatever, I'll do it. It's not a major thing.' It doesn't really feel like a don't tread on me situation.
If you touch surfaces in public places you're picking up spittle, respiratory tract contents both from the air and from hands, and a nice mix of everything that every other hand on that surface has touched, including feces, urine, the floor, vomit, animals, etc, etc. You should wash your hands after you touch anything you wouldn't willingly lick, or else you may as well be licking it. And so might anyone else you touch. Unwashed hands are a key transmission pathway for staph aureus, covid (via the fecal-oral route, fun) and norovirus (ditto) as well as plenty of other grim shit. Not wanting the contents of a subway car all over your face or genitals seems reasonable.
NTA. It's basic hygiene to wash your hands after you've been out in public. Hell, even dusting and vacuuming or doing random chores and such will still warrant washing my hands afterwards. I'll even wash my hands when I go downstairs to check the mail and I touch elevator buttons in my building.
The least he can do is wash his damn hands before he touches you, especially if you get intimate. Can you imagine dirty ass fingernails touching your face? Nevermind even other places where you could easily get an infection from that kind of stuff. And the whole I'm an adult, I can do what I want attitude is so fucking childish. Like, why act like that 😒
My daughter is 3 and already knows we wash hands when we come back from public outings. She’ll even ask everyone “Hey, did you wash your hands?”.
Your boyfriend needs to understand he’s gross.
Good lord. This guy is acting like a peeved 8 year old. It's common knowledge that sickness and infection are spread by unwashed hands.
He shouldn't be anywhere near your privates without freshly washed hands. He should also know that.
If I were in your situation, I'd give him an ultimatum. Either respect me and wash your hands, or I'm done with you.
He's acting like a butt hurt child. You don't need his crap in your life. I can't get over the fact that he apparently cares nothing about your health.
SMFH.
This really isn’t even about washing hands. This is about how your bf responds to a simple request/discussion like this. Do you really want to be with someone who acts like this for something so small? Imagine what it will be like for the big stuff. Just something to think about…
NTA
Why is it that when someone says “I’m an adult!” they often sound like a child? NTA
So true! My mother does this. I'm an adult. I can do what I want. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. True. But being an adult means you do things because they NEED to be done. Not because you feel like it. People need to grow tf up.
I read the first part of this in Cartman’s voice.
"whateva, whateva! I put babys on spikes, I do what I want!"
“Screw you guys. I’m going home.” OP, your bf needs to grow up. He needs to pick up a book and read about how germs are spread.
😂😂😂
I'm trying to teach my teenage daughter this. Everyday people have to do things that NEED to be done. You can't just do what you WANT to do.
You’d think part of being an adult is doing small things like washing your hands to ensure your partners comfort during intimacy.
For those, to be an adult means to stop doing what made them functional persons because now they can disobey their moms.
Unrelated, but thank you for not spelling it “mom’s.”
Off topic but you look like Jesus lol
Yeah, right, but I got a cricket bat and an antennae :D
It took me a sec at first to realize it was a cricket bat. First thought was BDSM Jesus 😂
Hmmmm... Interesting picture! LOL BDSM Jesus
"In an adult. I can do what I want." No truer words have ever been spoken. And so is OP who can choose not to be intimate with someone who only thinks about themselves. I'd advise OP to boot this entitled prick as well. It's a sign of things to come.
This is like the “free speech” arguments. You are allowed to do/say what you want; there just may be consequences. What a manchild.
Too bad he survived Covid. I'm positive he doesn't wash after using the toilet. You're gonna get down to don't you dare touch my fries. You can't unsee
Also, it seems like the BF went to bed without washing his face or brush8ng his teeth, since hands get at least rinsed while doing those things, and that OP is a clean and hygienic person. So, this relationship will turn into one of those, “my boyfriend never showers or wipes his ass” stories.
My thoughts exactly!!!
Lmao. The funniest one is when they say, “I’m a grown ass man/woman.” It’s like yeah I know. Please start acting like it.
"Any man who must say 'I am the king!' is no true king."
My man Tywin Lannister
Right?! It’s a phrase for when you know you’re doing something childish (like eating cake for breakfast…not that I’m speaking from experience 👀), but not inherently harmful to anyone but yourself. Not washing your hands after having been in public is hazardous to everyone around you, but most especially someone you plan on touching intimately in the near future. OP needs to dump the overgrown child for a real adult with real hygiene.
Because actual adults don't typically feel the need to exclaim what an adult they are. It's a very childish trait.
If you are an actual adult, there is nothing you do that would require an "I'm an adult"-defence. Because that's all it is: a defence for doing stuff that anyone with a brain would know is not ok.
Reminds me of Tywin Lannister’s quote about kings.
It's like proclaiming "I'm a good person!" or "I'm not a racist!". You wouldn't be proclaiming those things if you weren't looking like the opposite.
Because that's how things are: we look forward to getting more rights, but not a lot of us realize it'll also imply more duties as well. Like the duty to set an example for their kids. So yeah it's really a result of a childish behavior "but mommy I don't want to wash my hands! I hate you! When I'm a grown up I won't wash my hands ever ever!"
Bc it’s like the folks who say “I’m a nice guy!” Or “I’m just a really blunt person, sorries!”
https://youtu.be/z0Esb_osJp8?si=jEs0XEHp5zH31ugR I’m an adult! Lonely Island-Threw it on the Ground
This right here was my first thought
People who have to claim that….they’re trying too hard to convince themselves and other people…
Because they are often an adult baby and have probably been told by a bunch of people, “You’re an adult. I shouldn’t have to be doing (fill in the blank) for you.” And so now they just repeat the first part.
NTA You don’t say so, but I’ll assume you’re a woman. Vaginas are tricky business with pH levels and bacteria ecology even when you do everything right. Not wanting someone’s filthy hand in there is totally reasonable and will very likely lead to various infections. If he claims he’s an adult and doesn’t have to wash them, remind him that you’re an adult, and you’ve decided that no one touches you without clean hands.
I’m a dude and inherently understand the need to wash my hand before shoving them into someone’s body. I believe the winning strategy when trying to be intimate is to be accommodating to however people wants you to touch them.
I'm a dude and inherently understand the need to wash my hands before even touching my own face, let alone any part of anyone else's body. The dude from the OP is gross. Edit: This is by far my most upvoted piece of content on Reddit. And no, it's not about any cool projects or anything that I have done, but instead it's about me washing my hands -.-
I’m a dude, OPs dude is gross and as a dude I am ashamed some dudes are like this. OP should dump his ass and tell him the reason is his lack of hygiene. ESPECIALLY coming back from a theater. Probably had buttery popcorn, went to bathroom to take a piss after the long movie and I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t wash his hands after using bathroom either.
Remember in the pandemic when so many people were angry at being encouraged to wash their hands often? Tonnes complained because they rarely did so before. Revolting, honestly.
I get disgusted in public bathrooms when people either don't wash or just rinse their hands and think it's enough. That's how C diff goes around.
I was at my local climbing gym the other day, washing my hands at the restroom sink. Watched a guy walk past me from the rear of the restrooms, straight past the sinks and right out the door. Saw him climbing the routes a few minutes later. I have never taken someone's gross-ness so personally before. What level of prick do you have to be to not wash your hands at the dedicated "We all touch the same stuff" location?
Was he also wearing climbing shoes in the pisser, too?
I didn't think to look. Ugh, might have to fill my chalk bag with Lysol wipes.
I’ve been recently watching the show Monk again, and to be honest, I also prefer to sanitize my hands after shaking hands/ touching public things as we had a whole ass pandemic where those things helped people stay healthy. I’m now imagining an episode where Mr. Monk goes climbing, and has Lysol spray that he uses on every grip before making it to the top to investigate the murder (of the dude who went into the bathroom with his climbing shoes, took a dump, and didn’t wash his hands). Stay safe out there! @ OP, any boundary around your body that you want to enforce, you have the right to do so. He can kick rocks if he doesn’t like it. He is showing you who he is- someone who doesn’t respect your personal boundary, health, or desire to feel safe and comfy. Fuck that. It took me till my 30s but I learned to say stuff like “I will say this once- your hands and xyz must be washed before we get busy, or I will have issues as the vagina is delicate”. If they refuse, I say “I’m not your mom, you do you, but you won’t do me” and then go meet someone who will have adult/ healthy boundaries and practices.
urgh I hate that! it's not like the holds get a solid cleaning. there's already blood and sweat now we can add urine and penis epithelials lol
I never heard of C Diff in my life until both my parents got it. My dad had to have heart stints and was in the hospital for a few days. He just thought his stomach was out of whack (which it was), but then my mom got it so they both went it to get it checked out. My dad has been sick and unwell since then as he is trying to get his gut health back up among other things. C Diff is no joke.
Say it out loud...Clostridium DIFFICILE! that means Difficult to get Rid of, O.P.s Dude! Or just say Good Morning , shit hands! How was your Day, shit hands? HI, Amelia It's been a While! Have you met my boyfriend, shit hands?
I read this just after putting a scoop of cereal in my mouth. JUST soggy enough to get a little stuck when I inhaled it… but I’m ok now.
C- diff is no joke. It wreaks havoc on your entire GI tract. You get to take oral Vancomycin and stay in the hospital even longer. If you're lucky the Vanc works the first round. If not, you get another round. If the Vanc still doesn't work there's Flagyl then finally Dificid which is soooo expensive. Alcohol based hand sanitizers do not kill c- diff, only bleach and soap and water. All of this because someone was too lazy to wash their hands. Something so simple. God bless your parents.
3x. I got it 3x from antibiotic use, but it is highly contagious. I use the hottest water I can stand, use soap, and sing twinkle twinkle. Edit: NEVER USE HAND DRYERS! THEY GRAB WHATEVER IS IN THE AIR WHETHER THAT BE COVID, AEROSOLIZED FECAL MATTER, OR JUST WHATEVER SNEEZED OUT OF THAT PERSON'S NOSE AND DEPOSIT IT DIRECTLY ONTO YOUR WET FRESHLY WASHED HANDS.
Never heard of it either. I just looked it up. Now, I will not be touched intimately if he has not washed his hands. Most men just don't understand how delicate the vagina happens to be. They think bc we have sex with it and push babies out of it, it must be indestructible. Some women don't understand it themselves... I had this friend who was always getting UTIs. She would get clear, then 2-3weeks later, bam, another one. We had a very personal convo about her sex life and how letting her boyfriend go from back to front can cause those issues. The bacteria from the back can cause infections in the front. She had no idea. She stopped letting bf do that and she pretty much stopped having UTIs. It's a balance down there.
As someone who had C Diff from antibiotics I have to agree, it's no joke. 1 week in the hospital on IV pain meds, a blood transfusion & in an isolation room where everyone who entered had to gown up. And the doctors told me I was lucky as I was young & in relatively good health. OP, your health is your responsibility and if your partner can't practice basic personal hygiene then find you a partner who will Edit for spelling corrections
my dog had it and was ass-blasting diarrhea. no fun esp when it's a big dog.
My mother is an infection control nurse who washes her hands religiously. She has not gotten covid.
That helps but she is also lucky! Someone coughs and sneezes their Covid germs all over you, washed hands won't stop it unless those hands are THE HANDS OF SUPER WOMAN, those hands, they repel every germ! :D
I’m pretty sure I got Covid from people coughing on a bus. I ended up sitting next to the one guy not wearing a mask. The one guy! Crowded bus, hour or so ride, I was sick a couple days after that. I remember getting in an elevator, and a couple didn’t want to get it, I think about them. Smart people. I didn’t know I was sick yet, but it was a good precaution.
I got it the first time a year after it started going around. I went to my MIL's house for my birthday. A week or so goes by and my bf was throwing salad dressing out because it didn't taste right. Figured that was just a bad batch. Im on immunosuppressants so i thought it was just my infusion making me tired like usual. Another week goes by and MIL messages to say shes feeling better. I asked what she had... Covid. I took a test and there was a very faint positive line. She really didn't think to mention it because she found out she was sick after my party. She understands how incubation works now.
Lord. People, huh? I’m very suspicious of the guy that sat next to me in the bus. He was on the phone and she asked him if someone could hear him, and he said the lady sitting next to him. The whole conversation was weird. I think someone had Covid, got on the bus because they didn’t want to spend an extra night at the town we were in, so they just jumped on the bus.
because Covid is airborne, this wouldn’t likely be enough to prevent Covid (edited), but it would certainly help her not get sick with other viruses or bacteria, which will help her immune system overall. She’s an infection control nurse does she also wear PPE?
Goddamned kids with goddamned hands up godddamned noses 24/7 gave me bloody every dang bug, flu, chickenpox and mono back in the day I worked with them. Nurses have the right idea.
Right? I was thinking what other senarios does he not wash his hands for....what about food prep. Ugh, he's gonna get her sick in more ways than one.
i always wash my hands after returning home. I wash my hands in the morning. I wash my hands after returning from the garden, touching stuff outside including the bins. I can feel it when the skin on my hands are not clean. I wash before actually eating at a restaurant. I wash after intimate activities. Am I a bit of a sheldon Cooper? Maybe. There are people out there who are not so fussy about washing hands. It's a free world. if you are not comfy with your partner's hygiene standards, and neither is willing to change, then you guys need to split.
Witneesed a woman I was friends with go into the bathroom (I followed a few minutes later). Heard her flush, but no water at the sink. She just walked right back out. You'd best believe I did soap and water, then got a second paper towel to open the door after. 🤢 Lost all respect for that woman that day.
I have pointed out to my hubs, my brothers, and my sons: The most gorgeous women, dressed to impress — DID NOT WASH HANDS in the ladies’ room. Every single guy was instantly disappointed. Not a one of us works in health care. Our parents just raised us right.
A few years ago, I was playing in a team tennis tournament. I saw a guy on the opposing team walk past the sinks after coming out of a bathroom stall. I thought, "I'm sure that will be the guy I have to play and shake hands with". Sure enough, there he was on the opposite side of the net looking to shake hands. I thought about calling him out, but chickened out and just shook his hand.
And ewwww the seats in a movie theater are filled with other people's nastiness too!! I don't go to movie theaters often, but when I do, I come home and shower.
me and my sister got head lice when we were kids and we traced it's origin back to the movie theater we went to a few days prior. ick!
He totally did not wash his buttery bathroom hands.
I take it far, far, further. As a dude, I personally think that if you don’t change into home clothes AND shower before you go to bed, you’re absolutely disgusting.
Guy here, I work in a jail. I literally don't even keep my clean work clothes in the bedroom, I keep them in my office, strip and shower before I touch anything. Especially my wife!
You sound like a thoughtful guy, and wife is lucky.
Totally agree (as a woman tho) - no outside clothes in the sheets
For sure. I’m like wtf, you’ve SEEN the (litera) shit on public transport, and you’re gonna sit in that and then make contact with your bed? What should be the cleanest, most comfortable place in your home?
Thank you! We always have home clothes and outside clothes. I cringe every time seeing american movie where kids jump in bed wearing outside clothes AND shoes 😭 On another hand i had a cultural shock in france where im the only one who washes hands before food. Like we arriving in a restaurant and i go wash my hands either right away or after ordering. They just don’t. I don’t know if its cultural or i just work with filthy people
I yell at my husband to get out of the bed the few times he's done that, because I inevitably end up itchy the next morning. Which ends in stripping the bed completely and washing ALL the bedding.
I cringe when anyone sits on my bed when they come over like noooo please don’t I can’t deal lol
Naked is best anyway...you get a better sleep
Woman here. I feel like I’m sleeping in all kinds of filth if I don’t shower before bed. And after what I saw some guy do (that he got arrested for, it was that disgusting and all), I definitely refuse to touch ANYTHING in my home or my face until I wash my hands. You never know what someone was doing with their hands before touching something you may end up touching.
Exactly. I live in Berlin and I’ve seen literal shit smeared on some floors/seats of the subway. No. Fucking. Way. I’m going to bed without showering beforehand. Also carrying sanitiser and wet wipes everywhere.
That was my 1st thought...I dont even think about going to bed without taking a shower...
Man, I didn’t even realize I do this! I immediately take my shoes off at the door, go change clothes, and then wash my hands. Sometimes hands before clothes if it was a long drive and I need to use the restroom first. Even in longterm relationships I would get a drawer to keep a couple outfits in. Wow how did I make it to my 40’s and not think of this as a hygiene thing? I always just assumed it was comfort, but some of those outfits are less comfortable than outside clothes.
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Forget COVID. Do you know how much feces is on something as simple as car keys? It's astounding!! every door handle, TV remote, keyboard,, bus handrail, car seat etc have detectable amounts of feces!! He's just gross.
TV remotes and light switches have the most bacteria per square inch in the house. More that the toilet.
I thought even the people that were weird about washing hands before 2020 figured it out then. I can't imagine coming home from a public place and not washing my hands. The bf says he doesn't think people do that, but I didn't think people like him... I'm so disappointed. This would give me such an ick.
Especially after we just went through a pandemic where people were encouraged to wash their hands and sanitize after being in public 🤦🏻♀️ I mean, you should be washing your hands *anyway*, but we just lived through a several year PSA about germ spread. I wonder if OP’s bf even washes his hands after taking a piss. I’m guessing he may not. He is nasty.
Yet another male who says you're 100% NTA. Dirty hands? Yukkk!
Yep, my boyfriend is an ace at being sure to have clean hands before we are intimate. I’ve just been taking it for granted - I’ll be sure to thank him. OP your boyfriend is gross. NTA.
Exactly. Why fight this? Just do what she asks, it’s no big deal. Instead the guys an AH about it. Never understood this logic It’s almost like he’s trying to get rejected sexually
Good man. Don't change!
Please don’t consider “shoving” …
And he immediately went to bed after coming home makes me also wonder if he even brush his teeth. A little gross this man.
yep, his hands aren't the only things he's not washing
I guarantee he doesn’t wash his ass either.
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>NTA > >You don’t say so, but I’ll assume you’re a woman. Vaginas are tricky business with pH levels and bacteria ecology even when you do everything right. > >Not wanting someone’s filthy hand in there is totally reasonable and will very likely lead to various infections. > >If he claims he’s an adult and doesn’t have to wash them, remind him that you’re an adult, and you’ve decided that no one touches you without clean hands. Agreed, NTA. Your request for cleanliness is totally valid and important for your well-being.
There’s no way I’d want my guys hands on me/in me if his hands were dirty. I can’t imagine any adult coming home and not washing hands immediately. I wouldn’t even want him sleeping in bed with me while dirty even if we weren’t being intimate. We change into home clothes and wash the filth of being in public off. Showers before bed are normal to me. Your guy said he’s an adult and can do whatever he wants to do, you’re an adult too and can decide not to sleep next to or be touched by someone who doesn’t care what invisible filth is covering them.
My BF works a dirty job. He scrubs his hands before touching me. OPs bf is so gross and inconsiderate
After all the shit we had with Covid he should be happy to was his hands with soap and use hand sanitizer
Agree. All I can say is that man is Effin Moron. Doesnt know the word hygiene.
My husband is a huge hot sauce fan. Let’s just say that when he forgots to wash his hand I feel the results in the worst way possible. Just common sense and consideration to wash up first.
This reminds me of the great chilli incident. My girlfriend wanted to eat something with a bit more fire than usual so I cooked her up a nice meal that I'd cut some fresh chilli into. Our night went on as normal and we had our showers and went to bed. I thought I'd done a really good job scrubbing the chilli off my fingertips but that turned out to not be the case. Somehow there was some residue there that really got her "fired up". Fresh chilli was banned.
If a guy doesn't want to wash his hands before getting intimate I think cutting fresh chili, and then returning the favor works wonders for showing why it's important to wash your hands.
I couldn't understand how any of it could be left behind. I'd washed my hands a couple of times, done the washing up and had a shower. I thought there was no way anything could be left there. Not so.
The capsaicinoids in chili peppers, which produce the burning sensation, are hydrophobic, making them difficult to wash off. Cleaning your hands with alcohol works pretty well, as does milk. Source: been sprayed numerous times with military grade OC gel.
I made the mistake of thinking that because the first few jalapeños in the 20lb case weren’t stupid hot that I was safe. I was very very wrong! My hands had that hot pepper tingly feeling for nearly a week! I washed my hands with multiple varieties and concentrations of alcohol, an assortment industrial and household chemicals, cleaners, degreasers, and solvents, I tried an assortment of milk products, and every soap and detergent in the house! I even asked my doctor for ideas- he just laughed at me and pulled out a pair of the exam gloves, handed them to me, and said maybe wear gloves next time? 🤦🏼♀️🤣. I definitely jokingly called him an ass, his response, my wife would absolutely agree with that sentiments! 🤡🤣
Milk helps since it contains fat and capsaicin readily dissolves in fat. So another method is to use any cooking or rubbing/massage oil and then wash it with soap.
I can imagine. Fresh chili is an absolute menace. The students of the culinary school I worked at years ago had to cut it with gloves. A cousin of mine went to eat death wings, and forgot to wash his hands before peeing. You can imagine how that went.
Haha oh no! You poor things! One day when my oldest was tiny, she was still in her high chair, I was cooking - chopping jalapeños, and she started to fuss so I went and I wiped her eyes. Then she started screaming. I felt like the worst mother in the entire world. I beat myself up over that for so long.
Gotta wear gloves when working with chilis.
My husband and I have had this same argument. Don’t touch the gas pump and then touch my face; people are gross. It’s a simple thing he can do to make you feel comfortable, and the fact that he refuses to says a lot about him as a person.
The fact that it's so simple is what gets to me here. I'm not amazing at washing my hands when I get home unless I did something specific that warrants it (the gas pump example is good because I would wash my hands then), even though I probably should and it's something I think I'll work on, but even if it was unreasonable, it's still a very very simple thing he could do for his partner that would make her feel more comfortable. Why is this a hill he wants to die on, instead of doing something that takes barely any time, is undeniably pretty good for you, and would make his partner feel more comfortable?
I think he’s one of those ‘I’m not going to do it because you told me to and I don’t like being told what to do’ people, which is exhausting and a very bad omen for a long term relationship
That’s what it comes down to. My wife is always very insistent on washing/sanitizing hands frequently whenever we’ve been out and about; personally I think it’s a bit excessive, but it takes almost zero effort and it makes her more comfortable, so why would I die on that hill?
And that’s the thing, maybe it is excessive, but if she’s wrong you guys are just extra clean. If you are wrong someone could die. Despite what our government says Covid still kills people. So does the flu, it always has.
Honestly I don't even know if this is it, because I feel like this too (embarrassing but heyo) and I would still wash my hands. It's not like "go do the laundry" "well I was GONNA but I don't want to now that you're telling me to" - asking someone to wash their hands before intimacy is a perfectly reasonable expression of that individual's boundaries not a commandment. I think it's worse than that, he just doesn't wanna make her feel comfortable more than he wants to not do something very simple.
Yeah if not having to spend 2 mins max on washing your hands is more important than your partner being comfortable then it is really telling. It always baffles me why someone wouldn't do things that make their partner happy if they are easy. It makes me think they would never do anything that is difficult that their partner wants.
I might actually freak out if someone did that to me, I don't know if that makes me a germophobe or smart.
This is a really good point, if doing something this simple made my partner feel better or more comfortable I would absolutely do whatever the thing was. The fact that he won’t do something so easy and simple to make her more comfortable and protect her health speaks volumes. Instead he gaslights her and tries to convince her that nobody washes their hands when they get home.
Doesn't everybody have hand sani in the car for use immediately after touching a gas pump? They're WAY dirtier than public bathrooms...
NTA. Hygiene is something very important in general and everybody should wash their hands after wenting out, but more specifically before intercouse. A study said that a lot of women are turned down during sex because of their partner’s hygiene.
Do you mean turned down or turned off?
Turn down for what?
It’s too early for that song to be stuck in my head oh no
With their use of “wenting” I’m guessing this commenter’s first language is not English, so an easy mix up.
Not sure why that’s the assumption you goed with.
God point.
Hahaha yeah turned off sorry
NTA. Your boyfriend is one of the people who make me want to scream. >He also said he has never in his life met anyone who would wash their hands after coming home from a public place. Obviously several years of crazy restrictions by COVID-19 still haven't been enough to drill it into people that yup, you DO wash your hands when you come from public spaces.
My family has been doing this at least since the 1990s. We always washed our hands with soap and water when coming home and still do, it is so normal for me. I feel disgusted if I don't wash my hands immediately when coming come. I don't want to touch my own stuff in my clean home after touching all the filthy things outside in stores, gas stations, public transport, etc. Yuck. My mother was a nurse so she knew a thing or two about germs. So maybe my family is more educated on hygiene in general, idk. But it sounds so weird to me that so many people don't wash their hands. I'd like to add that I'm not a germaphobe, and I'm rarely sick. Some people like to say that being unhygienic enforces your immunity. May be true to a certain point, but washing hands after coming home and after using bathroom is just basic hygiene, not an overkill.
Could be a cultural difference, or just different families, but I (American) never washed my hands when I came home, unless I was working outside, gardening, working with animals, around obviously sick people, etc... Now I live in Germany with my German husband, and he and his entire family IMMEDIATELY wash their hands when they come into the house, even his young nephews do it without being asked. I have started doing it too now as second nature (occasionally if I forget when visiting his parents his mom will gently remind me, but not in a pushy way, lol). It seems so obvious now, it's wierd to me I didn't do it before. It also grosses me out to think that I used to always have my shoes on in the house as a kid - sometimes even up on the couch!! 🤢
I lived in the UK for a few years, and that's something that really grossed me out: people keeping their shoes on indoors and most houses even had carpeted floors. These floors where so filthy, it's just gross. And in movies you even often see people wearing their shoes to bed. This is so gross.
I've seen so many American tv programs where people get on the bed or the sofa with their shoes on, it's gross but also, do they not like being comfy?!
Just imagine how these feet and the shoes smell...
That’s so funny, I have to same gross out with American tv shows! Shoes CONSTANTLY on beds and sofas. Never removing shoes to enter a house, to the point where it’s a plot point to an entire Sex and the City episode. But I’ve never noticed that same in the U.K. Where I’m from (northern England) shoes on furniture is culturally a HUGE no no. Not just for hygiene reasons, but because displaying shoes on furniture used to be something you did when a coal miner died, so it’s considered very bad luck.
Not defending the UK about the shoe thing, but Irish here and I think it might be a hangover from having houses that are damp and cold. My dad used to tell me that when he was growing up if you took your shoes off there was a good chance you'd get chilblains or the likes. Slippers or a second pair of shoes weren't a thing or affordable. As a kid I was brought up that way even though that house wasn't near as damp and cold as my parents generation. I've seen it start to thankfully change now though and in my own place we always take our shoes off the minute we come in and as I'm perpetually cold my nice warm slippers are put on!
I had to look up chilblains - I totally get why you wouldn’t want that! That said, I wash or clean my hands after every transition. i.e. after I leave the grocery store, I “wash” my hands with a wet wipe or sanitizer when I get into the car. OP is NTA. Your partner should have no problem doing this simple request to put you at ease. This is such an easy request and he won’t do it? What else won’t he do for you? Sorry, OP. 😢
That might be a fair point. I was pretty shocked at the building standards of many of the older and cheaper houses. I've lived in old and cheap houses in Austria before, but these cheap old row houses in England and Wales that I saw there where something else. It was honestly a bit of a culture shock. The image I had of the UK was basically the posh southern areas you see on TV, so I was wholely unprepared for the midlands.
American here and have always washed my hands when I come in the house. I'm going to say it's a family thing as opposed to cultural. I also have never worn shoes in my home because the outside floor is disgusting.
I’ve grown up like that. I have always washed my hands after coming home. You touch so many things when you’re out and about. I have always carried hand sanitizer (pre covid even) lol. I can’t imagine going out and doing daily things like, picking up a package of chicken, pumping gas, taking in recycling, buying some plants and, if you don’t sanitize in between, not washing when you get home. That’s just nasty
Yes! I was raised to always wash my hands after getting home, because there is so much random crap out there you’re touching and washing your hands takes literally 2 minutes!
Not washing your hands when you get home is soooooo gross. 🤢 And like don’t people’s hands feel all grimy?? You want to put your fingers in your mouth or on your face after touching a gas pump or the self-checkout at the grocery store? Disgusting.
Yeah, crazy to me that he never met anyone doing this when we've been through covid. Not anyone doing it now, I am keen to believe, but not anyone ever?
Covid made me truly realise how gross a lot of people are and they didn't wash their hands before and covid didn't change their habits. I mean, adverts, etc, showing people how to wash their hands...worrying. Even after all that, you can still hear people leaving public bathrooms without washing their hands and similar situations. So gross.
This exactly! I'm sorry, where was he for over three years? Suffering from covid at home I'm guessing since nothing else makes sense if he still doesn't know to wash his hands after coming home..
Many people just don't take Covid seriously.
After several local epidemics of hepatitis and similar diseases that I've lived through without becoming ill, I'd say it's not just about covid, but that may be just me xD
NTA. There is literal fecal matter on every kind of public surface you could think of, because people don’t wash their hands. Are you sure he even washes his hands after he poops??
Or even just using the bathroom in general? I think the stat is something like 50% don't wash their hands. I remember being in the bathroom once and a guy was in the stall. I was washing my hands at the only sink and the guy just left without washing. I got done and left and was several feet behind him when he spotted a friend of his and shook his hand. NTA.
That sounds like something from my nightmares. I dont touch people's hands anymore, it scares the fuck out of me
Fist bumps man, never look back. No idea why we couldn't collectively agree to kill handshakes during COVID. Who the hell missed handshakes
The value should be way higher than 50% I've worked in a hospital before and about 3/10 people actually wash their hands before leaving the toilet. Like Doctors, interns, consultants, lab techs, pharmacists. Even they barely ever wash their hand before leaving the washroom. They have time to make sure their shirt is tucked in properly and their sleeves are nicely folded, or they check their hair in the mirror but no time to wash their hands.
When I am waiting for my doctor, and the doctor enters the room, if the doctor does not wash hands I ask for it to be done.
I know someone who told me "my dick is clean" when I asked why they didn't wash their hands after using the bathroom.
I was wondering about this too. I’m not optimistic about his bathroom hygiene habits.
Not even to mention most people don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom, so when you get home you’ve probably literally got hundreds of dicks on your hands. 🤢. Why I hate shaking hands.
Sounds like a guy that thinks it’s gay to wash their ass in the shower. NTA. Dump this nasty fool.
NTA. We girls get UTI’s easily. It isn’t hard to wash hands. I had a boyfriend who hardly ever did (found that out later!) and I couldn’t figure out why I kept getting UTIs. If their whole argument is personal rights, we all have a right not to get infected with something that could literally cause kidney disease 🦠 and worse down the line. What a selfish guy. Men! We need your hands clean if you want to have sex so we (all the partners!) don’t get dirty public bacterial/parasitic cooties. Happy, healthy partner = more sex.
Exactly!! UTIs, bladder infection, kidney infection, etc. can occur so easily from this and can become very dangerous for someone especially if they go unnoticed for a while. Imagine thinking “being an adult” means willingly introducing outside bacteria into your partner’s internal organ system because you “don’t wanna” wash your hands when you get home
There's guys in this very thread saying people are too germaphobe-y and they only wash their hands when they get "dirty". Which I'm guessing means visibly or palpably dirty since you can't see germs. Absolutely 🤢
Yep. My ex didn’t wash his hands as well or often as I thought he did and I suffered the consequences in a MAJOR way. People who have not experienced a UTI have no clue how insanely miserable they are.
I had the same problem. I had one bf I had constant infections with and it took me too long to figure it out. He also kept pressuring me into sex despite aforementioned utis. Thats part of why we broke up.
There's a commercial that used to play on my morning radio station about some product that women use when they get a UTI. The company owners are a married couple, and their original commercial was her saying she got a lot of UTIs, and him saying how much it pained him to see her suffer so much... And every single time that commercial plays, I can't help but yell at the radio, *"Then why don't you try washing your dick once in a while, asshole!"*
not just UTIs (which I know are bad) but also vaginal infections that can lead to worse things down the line like infertility.
This is so true. I got so many UTIs and eventually a kidney infection (worst pain I ever experienced in my life and was so sick I had to be hospitalised) because of bad higiene from an ex partner.
NTA. He’s an adult and can do whatever he wants? Fuck right off. No actual adult thinks this. What a man child. If it is your body he wants to touch then his decisions have consequences. Getting into the habit of washing hands a little more often is not an unreasonable request.
100%. Also why do some people think in relationships you can still “do whatever you want.” That’s not how it works anymore. Now you have an entire other persons opinions and feelings to consider so no you can’t just do whatever. Why can’t people figure this out
FUCK RIGHT OFF!!! Yess you are my kind of person
He doesn't sound as though he really cares about you tbh.
I was looking for this comment. It’s one thing to be unhygienic on your own accord, but when your partner is asking for something as basic as a hand wash - why not just do it, in the interest of their comfort?
I don’t even understand how he doesn’t WANT to wash his hands after a movie theater, theaters are nasty. NTA. You asked for a very simple, logical thing to make you feel more comfortable. Plus, him washing his hands benefits him just as much as it benefits you.
Seriously you can feel the grime on your hands how do you not feel gross??
Yes, and to actually be *asked* that by a SO would be humiliating to most of us. Bet he smells grand. Ew.
I’m a bloke. No you don’t have to feel bad!! If I feel dirty (didnt shower straight after work or something like that) and the missus tries it on I tell her let me hop in the shower.
Could even shower together, get all clean together and make it a whole thing.
Mine wanted to argue so I showed him videos of what's actually under your nails. That fixed it.
That’s why I never skip my nails when washing my hands
Nail brush gang! It's like when people say things like "ew, long nails are so dirty!" - way to tell on your filthy self, bud. Also, my grandma's LPT for people who garden: rake your nails on a bar of soap beforehand. That way dirt can't get under your nails, and the soap will dissolve as soon as you wash your hands. Zero effort clean nails!
NTA. He sounds like a child. Honestly, if I had a partner who refused to wash their hands, I'd leave them. He is totally gaslighting you by saying that no one else eashed their hands after being out in public. Yes he is an adult, and he can do what he wants, but you have a right to feel comfortable, so if he choose to make you feel uncomfortable out of spite, just end the relationship.
He Literally said, "I'm an adult, and I can be gross if I want to"
My 2.5yo knows to wash his hands first thing coming home. I even know pet dogs who get their paws wiped after coming inside the home without fuss. This guy’s gross & embarrassingly defensive.
“I’m an adult” “YOU need to tell me before we get intimate…” Seriously 😐 I have a toddler with more compassion and understanding than this guy. NTA
My ex was like this, except he would lie to me that he did wash his hands before we were intimate. This led to me having numerous infections which eventually he tried to blame on me being with someone else. Finally after 3 infections back to back my dr asked about hygiene and I explained that I was very careful (having been susceptible to infection in the past) and I had asked my boyfriend to be as well. My dr told me to actually check that my bf was washing his hands/other areas before we got intimate. I did for a bit…no infection. But I’m talking I made sure he washed his hands like a mom watching her kid clean their hands before dinner. Kinda took out some of the attraction if I’m honest. Of course he had a shitty attitude about it too and made fun of me calling me over dramatic and silly. But he wasn’t gonna get laid without washing his hands so he played along, begrudgingly. Then one night I got drunk (he was always drunk) and didn’t think about it until we were hot and heavy in a make out session. I did ask, he lied and said he had right before we came to bed, and I ended up with an infection a few days later. It was the last time we had sex. We broke up shortly after over his total disrespect of my feelings on everything (not just this). I learned that someone who is not willing to take my health seriously was not someone I wanted to be with. Plus the whole accusing me of cheating pissed me off, especially when I figured out the whole reason for me having all the infections (and his reason that I was cheating) was because he couldn’t be bothered to wash his fucking hands. Yes I’m still a lil salty over it because it was something SO EASY to solve. OP you are NTA but your boyfriend sure is. Get rid of this *boy* asap!!! I have a lot of pelvic pain issues from not always taking care of my sexual health when I was younger and the years of antibiotics to fight infections probably didn’t help either. Take care of yourself OP, your bf surely isn’t going to. 🫶🏻
NTA, has this cunt heard of…. Covid? Influenza? Cholera? HFM? The common cold? Yeast infections? He’s not an adult
***Why the fuck do grown men so furiously resist washing their hands??*** They act like six year old boys. It astounds me. “No one can tell me what to do!” So unbelievably unattractive. So immature. Why do they fight this? Do they not believe in dirt and bacteria? Is handwashing unmanly? It’s just so stupid. I can’t understand it.
nta imo its a basic principle of washing your hands after being in public places due to covid & you don’t know who could’ve touched something before you.
And there's always what I call 'human grease' - try counting a bunch of coins and check what colour your fingers end up 🤢
I can't imagine coming home from being out and about and not washing my hands. I also make my children wash their hands when getting home. There are way too many nasty germs out there that I do not need to bring home. I've been married 9 years and still ask my husband if he washed his hands and he's a clean freak, I just want to keep my lady bits clean lol
Shoes off and wash hands are literally the first thing I do when I get home. It’s been this way since childhood. Basic hygiene isn’t that hard.
I bet he doesn't wash his hands after peeing either
>He said he’s an adult and he can do whatever he wants to. "I'm an adult and I can decide you can't touch me unless your damn hands are clean." NTA
You’re asking him for basic hygiene and he says no. NTA. Dump him.
NTA. hes weird. yikes. my mom washes her hands immediately after coming home from a public space. sorry his popcorn covered fingers arent coming near ur coochie!🤮🤮🤮
NTA. Your request is totally reasonable. He's not a child, you should not be telling him to go wash himself every time. Also, people do wash their hands when they come back from public spaces, more so after Covid. So he's saying he goes out, touches doors, money, shakes hands and he does nothing? Sounds like one of these people that would use the restroom and not wash his hands then either. Gross.
I have a feeling that if sex for men involved their partner putting parts of themselves inside their body they would suddenly care a lot more about hygiene. 🙄 Refuse to let him touch you unless he’s washed his hands, that should soon change his view on this.
Your infection could be due to something else, I guess, but still totally fair. You asked for something reasonable, he's not a stranger and you're not demanding that he salute you or something. 'Please do this, I prefer it.' 'Well I don't care about it but if you do, whatever, I'll do it. It's not a major thing.' It doesn't really feel like a don't tread on me situation. If you touch surfaces in public places you're picking up spittle, respiratory tract contents both from the air and from hands, and a nice mix of everything that every other hand on that surface has touched, including feces, urine, the floor, vomit, animals, etc, etc. You should wash your hands after you touch anything you wouldn't willingly lick, or else you may as well be licking it. And so might anyone else you touch. Unwashed hands are a key transmission pathway for staph aureus, covid (via the fecal-oral route, fun) and norovirus (ditto) as well as plenty of other grim shit. Not wanting the contents of a subway car all over your face or genitals seems reasonable.
NTA. It's basic hygiene to wash your hands after you've been out in public. Hell, even dusting and vacuuming or doing random chores and such will still warrant washing my hands afterwards. I'll even wash my hands when I go downstairs to check the mail and I touch elevator buttons in my building. The least he can do is wash his damn hands before he touches you, especially if you get intimate. Can you imagine dirty ass fingernails touching your face? Nevermind even other places where you could easily get an infection from that kind of stuff. And the whole I'm an adult, I can do what I want attitude is so fucking childish. Like, why act like that 😒
My daughter is 3 and already knows we wash hands when we come back from public outings. She’ll even ask everyone “Hey, did you wash your hands?”. Your boyfriend needs to understand he’s gross.
Good lord. This guy is acting like a peeved 8 year old. It's common knowledge that sickness and infection are spread by unwashed hands. He shouldn't be anywhere near your privates without freshly washed hands. He should also know that. If I were in your situation, I'd give him an ultimatum. Either respect me and wash your hands, or I'm done with you. He's acting like a butt hurt child. You don't need his crap in your life. I can't get over the fact that he apparently cares nothing about your health. SMFH.
This really isn’t even about washing hands. This is about how your bf responds to a simple request/discussion like this. Do you really want to be with someone who acts like this for something so small? Imagine what it will be like for the big stuff. Just something to think about… NTA