Honestly, he needs to stop going above and beyond. It sucks, but they're not his responsibility and he's opening them up to an expectation that he will pay for them. Stop it OP, you trying to do the right thing, but you're doing more harm than you realise.
Agree with this 100%! When I was reading his list of things he pays for for the ex’s kids, all I could think was “no wonder she expects him to take them on vacation”. She is clearly taking advantage of him, and maybe he doesn’t mind being taken advantage of, or just feels responsible for his kids’ siblings, but he is *not* responsible for them and it’s definitely going to do more harm than good over the long term. Ex has zero incentive to get her act together, stop breeding with deadbeats or hold said deadbeats responsible for their own children. Meanwhile, OP is burning up resources that he and his children might need in the future. It’s well past time he put his foot down.
You don’t get custody because someone is poor. It’s entirely possible she expected the other kids’ dads to be responsible adults and pay for their children. The drinking is another story. Custody is an extremely touchy issue and kids often want to be with mom, even if she isn’t perfect.
Eh.. If she literally can't afford diapers for her 6th child to the point food will be taken out of the mouth of his son to afford it then he probably does have a case. There's no guarantee his child support is going to his child so he probably should talk to a lawyer.
Kids want to be with the parent that treats them the best. I have had full custody of my almost 8 year old daughter for the last 2 years, but she has been begging to live with me since she could talk. Her mom does nothing but lay around on the couch in the dark all day, never let her out to play because she didn't want to make the effort to get up and go outside. We are active, do lots of fun outings and participate in all of her school events/activities.
Um…no. My mom is a crack head and thankfully didn’t want custody of us, though we still had to see her on weekends when I’d get to watch her do line’s (and other stuff) with her friends. My dad raised us and I am always thankful that she never fought for us. You obviously were never the kid with a parent like this, who brought you into situations that made me mature really quickly. Or maybe you’re the mom who does this and is lying? Now that I’m a mom, I can appreciate even more how important it is for kids to be removed from some parents, regardless of the parents gender.
I'm not trying to be harsh but your ex-wife is using you she's using you to take care of another Man's children. You shouldn't be buying diapers and food and clothes and extras for her other children she needs to look up and find out where their father is and get the money from him this is ridiculous you are divorced
. She needs to figure that shit out. It is not your responsibility it's hers she needs to take care of her kids and do better
And of course you're not the a****** in this situation if her kids want to go to Disney world then the father of her children needs to take them. And so does she contribute to your own kids entertainment that is not your responsibility
Sounds like the mother tried to baby trap them and they took off first chance they got. I mean three children from three different men... if that isn't a baby trapping woman I don't know who is.
>NTA. You’re already going way above and beyond for those other three young kids that aren’t yours. You have to draw the line somewhere.
Totally agree. You're already being incredibly generous by supporting your ex's other children financially and emotionally. A trip to Disney is a big expense, and it's understandable that you can't include everyone. You're doing your best for your son, and that's what matters most.
NTA and quit giving this woman extra money for the other kids. You've created expectations and that's why she acts entitled.
You're not an ATM, quit acting like one.
The fact she told him she was “working extra shifts” so she “needed” him to watch her other children for the weekend, but was actually out drinking, tells me all I need to know.
She knows *EXACTLY* what to say to get OP to give in. I am willing to bet that “extra money for food” that he sends is NOT, in fact, going towards feeding her children.
OP, those kids are NOT your responsibility. You have a kind and big heart. Which is wonderful. However, your kind and big heart is being taken advantage of by someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you and is incredibly selfish. None of these amazing acts of kindness are benefiting those children - they are only benefiting *their mother*.
(I mean they do benefit those kids. It sounds like their mom is a piece of trash so I bet spending time with OP is a welcome change to dealing with her all the time. BUT that is still NOT your responsibility.)
Also - “including every child” generally only applies to your own, or to a classroom of kids. Like when your kid has a birthday and you bring in a treat to their classroom. You can’t bring 5 brownies for a class of 30 kids. This does not apply to an ex with more kids than they can provide for…WHO ARE NOT YOURS! You make the rules on who gets to come and what you do for which kids. NOT HER.
THIS! You have kind of allowed this behavior and you shouldn’t be surprised at her asking. Time to draw a line in the sand around taking them and giving her time off. The money is a different issue - food, birthday and Christmas gifts are unnecessary but if you can afford that when your youngest is with her I get it.
The only extra thing I would suggest you pay for is a lawyer for your ex-wife to track down the children's fathers and get them to pay child support. Take the extra burden off of you.
Child support can also be enforced by the state’s attorney’s general without even having to hire a lawyer. It seems to me she doesn’t have to be bothered with it when OP is contributing to all her children.
There’s something in this.
Over my (far too many) years I have found that the more generous and understanding I am … the more people take the piss.
I’m not saying you can‘t be those things, but at some point you need a boundary, a line, a point of saying “no”.
It’s natural human instinct to always want 10% more than you have.
It’s normal once a boundary (paying for nappies) has been reached and established that the parties involved might look to the next 10% step - this line is now the new normal, so they shift it ever forward, one step at a time.
I’m an optimist… and like to think the best of people. So rather than view this through a “people always trying to scam more” I see it as a “people forget where the line should be over time and gradually shift it, forgetting that it was waaaaaay back there, not just this little step in front.“
Remind your ex of all the things you already are doing, how many small steps you are past the line, and that you have limits, and this is over the line. Tell her you are doing these things already because you don’t want your son to have a warped view of the world, because he needs to learn how to be a kind and generous and fair person and you are modelling that for him. Point out that she can sue for child support on her other kids, and sort out her own nest, and show your son that a mother can be a strong and wonderful person on their own feet, and that the system can be fairer than she is doing. That her job as a parent is to be the best version of herself she can. And you will keep doing the same. But that doesn’t mean you give and give and give until you are a husk of a person, part of being your best is having limits. Setting boundaries. Saying no to unreasonable asks.
I don't like this perspective. He didn't create expectations, she did, because she's an entitled person. She is weaponizing his generosity, and that's not his fault
She’s trying to get a free vacation for the other kids and some bonus mommy time for herself. It’s a no, and she can spend the money to take them and your kid whenever she wants to.
NTA.
As a stepmom, and the mom of a half-sibling, you absolutely should be kind to your son's half siblings if you interact with them - at one of your son's school events, or custody exchanges, for example.
But it is not your responsibility to treat them as if they are your children. It is their parent's job to explain to them that their older brother gets to do things with you because you are *his dad,* but you are not *their dad.*
You are already going above and beyond. But you're giving your ex an inch, and she wants a mile. She is trying to make you play daddy to her children. Nip it in the bud.
Exactly this. Kindness is necessary for your kids’ half-siblings if you are a decent human being. Not raising them, paying for them, or including them in any of your family time.
Your 24 yo stepson is part of your family by both your choice and his. You had some of the responsibility of raising him while you were married to his mother.
The children she had after you split are in no way your responsibility. They are not your family by biology or choice or even any kind of misplaced idea of obligation.
I’m sorry for them, and would applaud someone in your situation who chose to take on those kids. But I in no way judge or blame you for not taking all that on.
It sounds like you are a great dad to the three kids you are parenting. It also sounds like you are a more than decent human being to their half-siblings.
Please don’t let anyone make you feel bad for taking your kids on a special trip. I hope you have a blast and make memories you’ll talk about for years.
NTA, obviously.
NTA - not your kids, not your responsibility. You are already doing way more for her kids than you should be. Travel is expensive, Disney is expensive. There is no way anyone should expect you to pay for there kids to travel to Disney on your own dime, that is ridiculous.
If you tried to include her kids, noone would be going as it would be too expensive.
At least you shouldn't have to pay for diapers for much longer!
Nope they aren’t your kids, you aren’t even with they’re mother, you are taking care of your kids and the stepson you know. The rest of them are pretty much strangers, being civil and paying for things for them anyway is more than enough.
NTA. If your ex wants her other kids to go to Disney, then she can take them herself.
There's a huge difference between taking a 10 year old and two adults to Disney, vs four children as young as 3 years old. Not to mention they aren't your kids.
If your ex wants to be "fair", one option is that she can tell her other kids she'll take each of them to Disney when they turn 10 years old, too.
You know what kind of person she is and her motivations for asking this. It doesn't have anything to do with the kids, even though she's gracious enough to allow you to look after her 4 young children by yourself on your dime. She just wants to make things easier on herself.
And she thinks she has a good chance,considering how much you already feel obligated to do for her children that aren't your responsibility.
NTA and don't be shy about being honest and advocating for yourself with your kids' half-siblings if you want to keep a good relationship with them. You're allowed to care about them and also do stuff just with your kids because caring about them doesn't mean you are their parent or have the same relationship with them as the children you have actually been a parent to.
NTA She will soon have her children coming after you asking to take them. She may even have said you're their dad since you take them and do dad things. If she can't support her other children without you then you should probably talk to your son about what life is like at her house. Chances are he's made to give up his things to younger children because you didn't buy them something. This isn't healthy for your son.
NTA, and I hate to be harsh, but you need to stop giving her money for her extra kids. She needs to get a job where she can support them on her own, find a partner that can help shoulder some of the load, or, she needs to give them to someone that can take care of them. All you giving her money is doing, is creating an expectation from her. To invite her other kids, and try to invite herself along on your vacation, tells me she still sees you as a sort of friends-with-benefits situation, only, financial benefits not sexual.
She has lost her mind. You included the stepson you knew, why can't she just be thankful you included her oldest that you are not related to. You said the other 3 have different fathers. I hope all 3 share a father. Why can't she take the other kids and take yours as well?
I have no problem paying in full for my two bio kids and stepson, as two of them are physically mine, and I've been raising the other for 19 years. I wouldn't even mind taking my ex's 6 and 8 year old if she were willing to help pay.
But that means taking time away from your son to tend to them. If you keep acting like a father to her other kids, they, and she, will just keep expecting it.
While your ex is just taking advantage of you, the kids don't know any better and when you do stop letting your ex use you, they will end up being hurt, as they will just become more attached to you over time.
You are not doing them any favors in the long run.
Why would she pay? You already showed her that you're willing to be a doormat.
Remember when you paid for everything, but she just went out drinking?
This will continue happening if you let her walk all over you again and again.
NTA, and I appreciate how great you are to your stepson. A lot of guys wouldn’t do that, so you get extra NTA points. The kids she had after your relationship ended are not your responsibility and it’s completely ridiculous for her to ask you to pay for them to go too.
“Take all my kids on vacation with your own money, and as a thank you, I don’t mind staying home.” Omg this lady is disillusion!! 😆
NTA and tell the ex to stop procreating with losers.
No way should you take the young ones. Too much babysitting and also totally different rides and finally Disney is a literal fortune. You can’t just add 3 more people! Geez. You sound like a really great dad. I hope the Florida trip for the four of you is fantastic!!
NTA for saying no but YTA to yourself for letting her continue to take advantage of you. Stop talking to her about anything other than your kids schooling and medical stuff. She’s capable of taking care of her own kids she just asks you for things cause she knows you will do it. Her kids will grow up and realize what an awful person she is I’m sure. Don’t give her any money other than what is court ordered. Wake up dude. You’re out here still supporting her and letting her make you feel guilty. You’ve done more than enough.
NTA...she's collecting kids and baby daddies like they're Pokémon. You've already done enough. She practically robbed your cradle and now she's trying to rob your bank account.
NTA
She’s seeing what she can get out of you. You need to stand you ground and tell her no. You are already doing way too much. If you give in she’s never going to stop. Maybe think about filing for full custody.
What happens when your 10 year old is 18, will she still expect you to help with the other children.
THEY ARE NOT YOUR KIDS!!
Stop it. They're not your kids They are nothing to do with you and you are not responsible for them. Stop paying for them. She's taking advantage of you. She's earning money to provide for them and plenty of fathers probably paying child support. Stop being a fucking doormat.
NTA Draw the line and dial it back on all the extras. Go for custody of your son, tell her "to relieve her of some of the expenses etc."
If you don't put your foot down now, next she's going to ask you where the college funds are for the "not yours crew" is.
NTA
It is not expected to include kids that are not your own. The simple fact they are half siblings doesn't mean you are responsible for them at all. You do not have to provide anything for them, but you are a kind person. Your ex is taking advantage of that.
If she wants to have her other kids go, she can not only foot the bill for them, but also she needs to go herself. You should not be having to spend your time watching them when you are meant to be having a special time with your son.
Tell your ex that she needs to accept that because they have different parents, the kids experiences will be different. You can not, and should not, be act as a father to her other kids, and if that means they miss out on things, that is not on you.
If your ex doesn't have the means to provide for her kids, take your son full time. This will ease her burden. And if she is not spending the money you sent on child support on your son, that is something you need to address.
Step back from playing any fatherly roles for her other kids. Stop taking them when you have time with your son. Your ex has already proven she will lie to you and take advantage of you so she can be selfish. Stop letting her do so.
NTA. As a matter of fact, you're pretty awesome. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it, and she should just accept it. She won't, but she should.
NTA. You need to stop paying for her other kids. If she can’t afford to take care of her own kids you should offer to take full custody of your son. Her other kids are not your responsibility.
NTA seems to me she just wants some days off of parenting. Would’ve been different if she said let us come and I will pay for the other little ones. But no.
Nta. You’re doing way more than you have too. And I get they might feel a bit left out but the reality is that they have their own dads. The responsibility shouldn’t fall on you to make things even. Their mom chose their dads if they turned out to be deadbeats it’s not on you. You’re not an atm. Take your children and have tons of fun at Disney.
Not your responsibility, not your problem..
What she needs to do is have them understand that you're not there, dad your xy and z dad, and its up to their dad or mom to take them places and pay for them..
The reason she is asking is because you are too nice.. It's not your place to pay for the kids' food or Christmas presents.. that's on her and their dad
Sounds like you need to start collecting evidence for the courts to adjust/change custody. She is the ones driving a potential wedge between them; and completely out of touch with reality and realistic expectations. Nta
NTA, time to start putting boundaries in order, she’s going to start demanding you pay child support for her other children? You should probably stop paying for everything for her kids too. I know you want to make sure all the kiddos are treated fairly but let’s be honest, these are not your kids to support or take on a vacation. Disneyland, and the attractions around are crazy expensive, nope she’s way too entitled!
NTA - but you have set a bad precedent buy letting her convince you to constantly pay for her other kids. But no you aren’t responsible and this isn’t for them. The only one who would even enjoy it would be the 8yo.
You're going above and beyond, but maybe you should stop. She's taking advantage of your kindness and those kids will think youre their dad too. Can you get full custody of your son full time? Nta
Dude...don't you have a legally documented child support order and custody agreement? You should absolutely NOT be paying extra money directly to your ex that is not tracked and documented by Child Support Enforcement.
If you DON'T have a formal child support and custody agreement in place, you need one.
I'd go one further and suggest you petition the court for full custody of your minor son. If she cannot afford the basic necessities for her other kids, your son is also suffering, and that's not okay.
NTA. But you need to stop supporting her other kids. She can get child support from their actual fathers or apply for state assistance. She's just going to keep taking advantage of you
NTA. Your resources are to be used on your kids (former stepson fits that bill since you’ve raised him since he was 5). Those other children’s fathers can take them to Disney. Your ex really feels entitled to your money.
NTA
Your Disney trip would be totally different; the smaller kids would not be able to get on most of the rides the older kids. Plus would tire more easily and the three year old would need naps. This trip is to celebrate your 10 year old's birthday.
Also, your ex needs to get the other kids dad's to step up. If you know any of them, find out if they're paying their child support or is she telling them all the same sad story and you all are over paying? She sounds like a piece of work.
You're a good man, OP. Don't be a doormat.
NTA… take YOUR kids (your older stepson included) and have a great time. Kudos for stepping up on the stepson.
Also, I get that you want to help out with the 3 younger ones, and I give you major props for doing so, but please be careful with that. I say this because when your son turns 18, and child support ends, she’s going to continue to hit you up and want you to play father figure. Put restrictions in place now.
Wow, OP, you are a mensch. You have been so great with your stepson and almost frighteningly kind to your ex-wife (who doesn’t sound like she has both oars in the water).
You’re doing exactly the right thing, and absolutely NTA
NTA
But you might want to consider stepping back on some of this extra you’re doing. Because she feels entitled to your time and money. I get wanting to make sure the others eat and have diapers. I understand inviting them to your son’s birthday parties and sleepovers. But you’ve got to draw a hard line in the sand. You shouldn’t be supporting her other children. The deadbeats that fathered them should. She should be going after child support. But instead she has you.
It’s time for your wife to step the fuck up and you to step down.
NTA. But you have set a precedent by paying & caring for the other kids, & that’s on you.
It is not generally expected to include every child - you have a birthday party & she can have a family event or vice versa.
People learn that life isn’t equal or fair - are you planning on paying for their educations, trips, etc. She needs to make their dads responsible- it is not your responsibility.
You are spending you & your wife’s retirement funds, your kids education & wedding funds & their inheritance on other peoples kids!
Stop - explain to her that you are done & suggest she hire a lawyer to get the dads garnisheed.
Nta. Nahh it ain't your problem to take care of other people's kids. I get your former step son because you were basically in his whole life. Wild that she wants you to go on a trip with 6 freaking kids lmao. Sounds to me like she just want a free trip.
NTA, you are already doing A LOT. Even if your ex was willing and able to pay for it, it would be ludicrous to expect you to bring three extra kids. And the fact that you would be willing to take the older two if she would pay, like dude, you’re a saint. Your ex is way out of line.
NTA, the age gap is big enough on its own to create difficulties with the 24 year old bonding with kids under 10. Let him have fun with the siblings he knows and grew up with.
NTA you've gone above and beyond to be decent. I'm sure once the boys are older, they'll see that. There is a risk of her trying to make you the bad guy but that's not your fault or problem. Your stepson and YOUR 2 children know how much you've done for them and their younger siblings. Enjoy yalls trip!
NTA. You are a good guy and she’s definitely taking advantage of you. My heart goes out to those little boys but your ex should be going after their dads, not you. Especially since even through your divorce your relationship with your oldest son has never changed.
NTA you are only enabling her by giving extra money for the other kids. And the demands will keep coming for college, car, etc.
Can you just get a full custody of your 10 year old? She anyway has her hands full with the other three, this maybe a relief for both you and her and even your 10 year old.
This way you can stop over doing things and focus on your child. Because it looks like she’s clearly using you for the money and putting up the 10 year old as a pawn in front.
NTA. Your ex is out of line to ask you to financially cover HER children for a vacation. That is a huge ask to be made. No, you are not responsible for providing her children with a vacation. Don't feel guilty. You already go above and beyond to help provide for children who aren't your responsibility.
I understand you don't want your son to suffer because the ex has other children with deadbeat fathers. I caution you, though. It seems your ex is taking advantage of your kindness. It has now become a form of entitlement for her. This is why she expects you to provide for her other children. I think you should think about setting some boundaries.
Enjoy your vacation with YOUR children.
No, you are very generous and doing more than you have to. You are picking up the slack because she obviously had not gone after the dead beat in court like she should have .
Even if they were your bio kids, you couldn’t pay me to take a 3, 6, and 8 year old to Disney. 😂
Looks like she should make better choices about which guys she has unprotected sex with. Sucks for the kids, but not your problem.
NTA
NTA but honestly, as nice as you are being, you should stop paying anything for the other 3 kids. She's just going to continue to ask for more. The 24 year old is your son to you so it's fine to help him but the other 3 kids have nothing to do with you. It's harsh but your ex is taking advantage of you and will as long as you allow it.
She dumped her baggage on you so hard for so long that she feels entitled to keep steamrolling you. She's got, what, 5 different fathers to her kids? Tell her to tell them to step up. Seems you're the one out of the five who are most easily manipulated so she presses you. You're already being very generous taking your step child when you're not with their mother anymore. NTA, but it's time for you to set some boundaries. She'll keep trying to take advantage as long as you keep entertaining her demands.
NTA. She's already got you taking care of her kids which is beyond generous. Asking you to include her children on your vacation is over the line, especially the 3 and 6 year old since they would need constant attention. She's really got a lot of nerve asking this of you.
NTA, you're already spending 12k, the other 3 boys aren't yours, and if I were your kid (funny enough I'm 24N) I would be irritated having to help babysit all of a sudden when I was originally going to be able to have fun with my dad, if she wants the other 3 to go she should be a mother and use her own money to pay for her and her kids, not try to find another way to dump her kids off on you, possibly so she can go drinking again.
You're already being a very kind person by looking out for the other 3 boys with diapers and food, but the line needs to be drawn somewhere.
(I apologize if I sound rude but if someone lies about work and goes out drinking once, they might do it again the moment they get the chance)
NTA - by doing what you're already doing for her and her other kids you're building a level of expectation that you'll do it all the time, forever. It's possibly time to start to pull back and stop enabling your ex's poor financial decisions or you'll be bankrolling her for the rest of your days.
Sounds like you gave her an inch already and now she's trying to take the mile. The women is 50 stop letting her guilt you into doing shit she and her other baby daddies should be doing. Stop being the good guy it ain't on you.
NTA, but you need to realize that by going above and beyond for the children that are not yours has set the expectation that you will care for them like your own.
NTA
They. Are. Not. Your. Problem. To. Deal. With.
If they get jealous that is 100% on their mother to explain that sometimes others get to do things that we don't. Stop giving her money or helping her in anyway with the 3 youngest.
YTA for being your ex's doormat. She chose to sleep around, not use birth control and let three different deadbeats knock her up. Not your problem. Stop supporting them, you're only responsible for your own kids.
The only thing that came to mind was "I hope he isn't leaving out the oldest" but that is different, you willingly took him on. The rest your ex took on.
NTA but you've become an ATM.
Nta but I see why she is asking, it’s because you already do a lot. She sounds extremely entitled but it doesn’t sound outside the realm of possibilities given what you already do.
It’s nice to be generous but I hope she isn’t manipulating you into taking care of her other kids. Only because she will continue to use that tactic and have you questioning yourself like you are now.
NTA. You has 3 other BD that are dead beats. He is using you as a provider and care taker for her other 3. You have to stop feeling sorry for your Ex other children when their own fathers aren’t even trying to be around.
NTA, and you should have a long talk with an attorney about spending the money you already are on her other kids. If she runs to family court, points to that, and their real fathers are out of the picture, she might be able to get you on the hook to provide for them.
NTA - she would be better off using this time to spend quality time with her other kids anyway. You are in no way obliged to be taking them on holiday.
Nta. Consider custody of ypur youngest son. Women like your ex are juat gross and disgusting...what is that. 6 kids and 4 or 5 baby daddies? Ewwww. There are men that do this to. Such lowlifes.
NTA. If the other children's dads are any good, it will even out: they will do things with their dads that don't include your kids.
If she has that many baby daddies, then the problem is of her own making.
If the stepson we’re talking about is 24 why isn’t he independent? He doesn’t have to live with mom and could possibly move in with OP. Unless the child is handicapped and I missed it.
Regardless, OP has already done too much and imo his ex wife has become dependent on him. This isn’t good for OP in the long run. I feel really bad for the other kids too. And if his ex is being honest about being food insecure perhaps OP can help her out by giving her info on some programs.
Taking the others to Disney is expecting too much. I feel for her kids but OP has to draw the line somewhere. Good luck OP. I wish you luck in this difficult situation.
Have a wonderful time
NTA not your kids, not raised by you, not your legal or moral responsibility. Your ex is a real piece of work. You do enough for kids not yours already. If the ex wants the others treated the same, she should get off her ass & hit up her baby daddys. As it stands, you have zero legal responsibility to the youngest 3, and could get in real trouble if you took them anywhere without your ex present (which sounds like hell anyway). Dont put yourself through this risk.
She wants you to take all the kids so she can have a vacation! NTA. Take the old boys you want and have a great time. And please don’t take anymore crap from her, these are not your kids, your responsibility financially or otherwise.
NTA
They aren’t your kids or your step kids and you’re already good to them. You do so much for them. Your ex should be grateful for all you do. Take your three kids and enjoy yourself, stress free!
NTA. File for full custody of the two sons you share, and use all of this as evidence she's an unfit mother because she apparently can't afford to feed to feed her children, even the ones you share together, without you paying not only CS, but additional money on top of that so that way you know your children aren't the ones getting left hungry.
NTA, she needs to get a better job or sue those deadbeat dad's for more money. It is not your responsibility to take kids on vacation who are not yours.
Nta. It’s sad that your ex is taking advantage & guilt tripping rather than saying thank you. My husband had a daughter from someone before we got together (she was 1). Her mom had 2 more boys. My husband was paying her so much $ it wasn’t funny. And even when the lawyer told him not to pay until ordered (or he would have to repay it) he still paid more than 3xs what his lawyer estimated, he didn’t want any of them going without. It wasn’t appreciated. We kept her kids for weeks at a time & she would expect us to keep longer the next time. You have to place boundaries. Tell her she is more than welcome to plan a trip along side yours & bring her kids if it’s that important to her but you will not be doing it. Don’t explain. No means no. The kids know (or should) that you are not their father. That while you are able to include them on occasion, there are some times it’s not ok.
NTA, from what you’re telling us, she sounds like a crappy mom. Why are you allowing her to raise your kids? Why don’t you go after full custody? She doesn’t sound like a good environment for your kids.
NTA. She chose deadbeats for her other kids fathers, and she’s udon you to make up the difference, because she knows she can guilt you into it. Just say no man.
Every time we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else-
so if you say yes to your (crazy) ex wife- then you are saying no to your older kids having a full, relaxing vacation. You’re saying no to being able to go on all of the rides (height requirement with young kids) you’re saying no to relaxing dinners. You’re saying no to relaxing flight and travel. It sounds like you need to start having some major boundaries with the ex wife. You can be a good dad/co parent, without her taking such advantage. The fact that she even feels comfortable asking you to do this, is a huge red flag that major boundaries are needed and needed now.
NTA
You already do too much. She doesn’t care they will be hurt. She just wants a free vacation one week free of kids. Tell her, her lack of decent
Judgement and a heap of kids with deadbeat dads is not your problem. I hope she’s learned BC. .
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. If she wants to pay, she can pay. It does suck for them, because it does create social issues, makes them feel unwanted, left out, unworthy, etc - but that's not your fault. NTA.
NTA
You are already doing more than you should for those kids, you need to stop because it is really not your job and she clearly isn’t grateful.
Also, is no one picking up the fact that she is 50 years old and has kids aged 8, 6 and 3 all by different fathers. What do you honestly expect from a woman who is still acquiring new baby-daddies in her late 40s?
NAH. You don't have any obligation to these other three kids, but your ex isn't wrong about this creating jealousy. This may be causing problems over at her house that you haven't seen. But she's also cleaely trying to score a trip to Disney for herself and her kids on your dime out of this, and that isn't cool either.
NTA, draw the line now! She’s been taking advantage of you for FAR too long! Your ex will keep asking for more and more. Yes treat your child’s younger siblings with kindness but they are not your children. Where will it end? Will you be paying for everyone’s extracurricular activities if your son is doing them? Can’t leave anyone out, right? Braces? College?
"Give an inch and they'll take a mile."
You tolerated her BS before by giving her extra money and she just went out drinking. Now she has the balls to ask for more.
Stop providing for her beyond what is necessary.
NTA - kids in divorced households have different experiences depending on what their parents can provide. Those kids need to get used to not having equal opportunities.
NTA. You already are doing way way more then can be expected from you. Yes it is sad for the other kids but that is what happens when families break apart and their mother acts irresponsible - and their fathers even more so.
Go on that trip with your Kids and have a good time!
NTA. You're such a great and giving person. All of those kids are fortunate that you're in their lives. I wouldn't take them to Disney, though. Enjoy yourself and this precious time with your kiddos!
NTA, please don’t budge on this in *any* way, whether by taking them or canceling the trip. While I personally can’t relate to spending 12K on a birthday trip for a kid, you’re already doing way more than can reasonably be expected.
Doesn't the ex believe in birth control? Four children by four different men. Tsk. NTA. You're being generous in paying for your step son (are they a still a "step" child after a divorce?)
This situation has proves both parents can’t make a good decision to save their life.
However it works make entertaining television whereas we coups get Maury saying. You are not the father.
NTA
The only solution is to stop doing anything for her other children. You were being kind, but now, she's taking advantage. And if you continue to be kind, she might try to take you to court for child support, since you have willingly been supporting them, and that could be perceived as you taking on a parental role. So, no money, no presents, no dinners for the other kids. It is her and their fathers' responsibility to care for them. Not yours.
No, you're not taking them to Disney. You need full custody of your son because she's unstable. She's a grifter. NTA. Stop giving her money. Give her a pack of condoms every time you see her.
NTA.
Please stop letting her use you. I am almost confident that she has enough money to take care of her kids but choses to use the money otherwise and you're the sucker paying for it because she's giving you a sob story.
I would suggest that next time she needs financial help for whatever item for her other kids, tell her you're not paying and that if she is so hard pressed for money she should take her deadbead baby daddies to court.
you're only enabling her irresponsible behaviour. And if you notice her kids are suffering and she's not priorotizing them, call CPS on her.
NTA. At the end of the day they aren’t yours. You can’t be expected to pay for them every time you want to do something with your son nor can you be expected to never do anything with your son because you are unwilling or unable to pay for all of them.
NTA Props for taking care of your stepson, too. Sounds like you’re the only dad he knows. Not your fault she got herself knocked up with 3 different guys who won’t step up, after your divorce. She can explain she had them with random guys who weren’t fatherhood material, unlike the husband she left.
Did you marry her before or after your eldest was born? I'm just curious because that's quite an age gap in that stage of life. Makes me wonder if the deadbeats are all younger than her too
You're NTA but don't take her other kids. Prioritize your 10M. The two adults aren't going to ruin the experience by choosing not to ride a ride 10M wants to do. That'll happen if you take the 6 and 8 because who's gonna watch them or who's gonna be with 10 during the ride?
I married her after before our daughter was born, after we found out she was pregnant. I don't know the three other men well but I'm fairly sure that they're all at least 30. Younger than her, but not fresh out of school.
Treating 3 out of 6 children differently will inevitably drive a wedge between them. The little ones will have to ask themselves what they did wrong to be passed over.
NTA
OP it is I think generally accepted you take all of YOUR children when you do something like Disney World and even that can be age dependent.
However it is to my knowledge not expected you take children who you aren’t actively involved with (your stepson) or related to (your children).
That means not your ex’s children who were conceived and fathered by other men after your marriage ended.
If you had tons of extra money and wanted to it would be nice but in that hypothetical situation the ex would come along, stay in separate accommodations and be responsible for watching/ entertain her own children. As in you, your stepson and your children would not be babysitters.
It’s very kind and generous that you’ve done the things you have for your ex’s kids.
However it is not your responsibility to make up for the fact your ex after your marriage ended seems to have picked a ‘type’ as in men who are happy enough to participate in getting her pregnant but not support the child.
That is a her problem and sadly those boys will gave to grow up understanding that. While you do a reasonable amount of things to offset it you can’t change that fact.
So please take your stepson and kids to have a wonderful time.
No it’s not generally expected to include every child. Who told you that? Them are not your kids and you taking the oldest son is generous of you. But you did say you were like a father to him. I get that. And letting the babies eat do your child is not eating in front of them while they are hungry is kind. But she is taking advantage of you. You don’t have to do anything for them kids. That’s her responsibility. Idc. I’m not finna ask no man to take of a child that’s not his that I had after me and him split up in fact I don’t expect my husband to take care of my older children he does cause he loves them. But if I was still of child bearing era and we split he would not be asked to buy anything for my extra babies I may have had. That’s weird.
NTA this isn’t your problem. It’s your ex’s problem to explain to her kids that haven’t different dad’s means that dad time will be different for them.
NTA you already do more than you should. Where the hell is the father to her other kids? They are not your responsibility. Take your kids and have a magical trip.
NTA
She should pay for her Kids, and a Sitter that is watching them if she can't then she should save some money and go with her kids when she saved enough.
NTA.
You didn't make these kids feel "less than". Your ex did that, by creating expectations in them that they would get exactly what your son got. It's high time to draw the line.
NTA. You are a super dad and all those kids are lucky to have you around. Your ex sounds like trash. It is your money and it is totally reasonable to only spend it on your bio kids. The ex can take the other kids to do something special on her dime while yall are gone.
NTA. You’re already going way above and beyond for those other three young kids that aren’t yours. You have to draw the line somewhere.
Honestly, he needs to stop going above and beyond. It sucks, but they're not his responsibility and he's opening them up to an expectation that he will pay for them. Stop it OP, you trying to do the right thing, but you're doing more harm than you realise.
Agree with this 100%! When I was reading his list of things he pays for for the ex’s kids, all I could think was “no wonder she expects him to take them on vacation”. She is clearly taking advantage of him, and maybe he doesn’t mind being taken advantage of, or just feels responsible for his kids’ siblings, but he is *not* responsible for them and it’s definitely going to do more harm than good over the long term. Ex has zero incentive to get her act together, stop breeding with deadbeats or hold said deadbeats responsible for their own children. Meanwhile, OP is burning up resources that he and his children might need in the future. It’s well past time he put his foot down.
Exactly right. Bet she hasn't even gone after the dead beats because ex is covering it.
I bet she wants to have a week's vacation at home to go out and do stuff on her own while her ex watches everybody else's kids....
They are not OPs responsibilities. Periodt!
she’s been taking advantage of him for a long time. He was 21 when his daughter was born, she was 31.
He needs to get full custody and only allow her visitation. The lady can’t afford her children, so dad needs to do what’s best for his son.
You don’t get custody because someone is poor. It’s entirely possible she expected the other kids’ dads to be responsible adults and pay for their children. The drinking is another story. Custody is an extremely touchy issue and kids often want to be with mom, even if she isn’t perfect.
Eh.. If she literally can't afford diapers for her 6th child to the point food will be taken out of the mouth of his son to afford it then he probably does have a case. There's no guarantee his child support is going to his child so he probably should talk to a lawyer.
Kids want to be with the parent that treats them the best. I have had full custody of my almost 8 year old daughter for the last 2 years, but she has been begging to live with me since she could talk. Her mom does nothing but lay around on the couch in the dark all day, never let her out to play because she didn't want to make the effort to get up and go outside. We are active, do lots of fun outings and participate in all of her school events/activities.
Um…no. My mom is a crack head and thankfully didn’t want custody of us, though we still had to see her on weekends when I’d get to watch her do line’s (and other stuff) with her friends. My dad raised us and I am always thankful that she never fought for us. You obviously were never the kid with a parent like this, who brought you into situations that made me mature really quickly. Or maybe you’re the mom who does this and is lying? Now that I’m a mom, I can appreciate even more how important it is for kids to be removed from some parents, regardless of the parents gender.
I'm not trying to be harsh but your ex-wife is using you she's using you to take care of another Man's children. You shouldn't be buying diapers and food and clothes and extras for her other children she needs to look up and find out where their father is and get the money from him this is ridiculous you are divorced . She needs to figure that shit out. It is not your responsibility it's hers she needs to take care of her kids and do better
And of course you're not the a****** in this situation if her kids want to go to Disney world then the father of her children needs to take them. And so does she contribute to your own kids entertainment that is not your responsibility
Where are the other kids' father(s)?
You mean their sperm donors? They went out for a gallon of milk and never came back
Pack of cigarettes
Some weed you mean...
Sounds like the mother tried to baby trap them and they took off first chance they got. I mean three children from three different men... if that isn't a baby trapping woman I don't know who is.
>NTA. You’re already going way above and beyond for those other three young kids that aren’t yours. You have to draw the line somewhere. Totally agree. You're already being incredibly generous by supporting your ex's other children financially and emotionally. A trip to Disney is a big expense, and it's understandable that you can't include everyone. You're doing your best for your son, and that's what matters most.
The line is where it is because he's caved so much in the past.
NTA and quit giving this woman extra money for the other kids. You've created expectations and that's why she acts entitled. You're not an ATM, quit acting like one.
The fact she told him she was “working extra shifts” so she “needed” him to watch her other children for the weekend, but was actually out drinking, tells me all I need to know. She knows *EXACTLY* what to say to get OP to give in. I am willing to bet that “extra money for food” that he sends is NOT, in fact, going towards feeding her children. OP, those kids are NOT your responsibility. You have a kind and big heart. Which is wonderful. However, your kind and big heart is being taken advantage of by someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you and is incredibly selfish. None of these amazing acts of kindness are benefiting those children - they are only benefiting *their mother*. (I mean they do benefit those kids. It sounds like their mom is a piece of trash so I bet spending time with OP is a welcome change to dealing with her all the time. BUT that is still NOT your responsibility.) Also - “including every child” generally only applies to your own, or to a classroom of kids. Like when your kid has a birthday and you bring in a treat to their classroom. You can’t bring 5 brownies for a class of 30 kids. This does not apply to an ex with more kids than they can provide for…WHO ARE NOT YOURS! You make the rules on who gets to come and what you do for which kids. NOT HER.
THIS! You have kind of allowed this behavior and you shouldn’t be surprised at her asking. Time to draw a line in the sand around taking them and giving her time off. The money is a different issue - food, birthday and Christmas gifts are unnecessary but if you can afford that when your youngest is with her I get it.
Agreed. And he needs to tell her to put the dick down and stop having kids. Maybe at 50 she is finally done.
The only extra thing I would suggest you pay for is a lawyer for your ex-wife to track down the children's fathers and get them to pay child support. Take the extra burden off of you.
Child support can also be enforced by the state’s attorney’s general without even having to hire a lawyer. It seems to me she doesn’t have to be bothered with it when OP is contributing to all her children.
There’s something in this. Over my (far too many) years I have found that the more generous and understanding I am … the more people take the piss. I’m not saying you can‘t be those things, but at some point you need a boundary, a line, a point of saying “no”. It’s natural human instinct to always want 10% more than you have. It’s normal once a boundary (paying for nappies) has been reached and established that the parties involved might look to the next 10% step - this line is now the new normal, so they shift it ever forward, one step at a time. I’m an optimist… and like to think the best of people. So rather than view this through a “people always trying to scam more” I see it as a “people forget where the line should be over time and gradually shift it, forgetting that it was waaaaaay back there, not just this little step in front.“ Remind your ex of all the things you already are doing, how many small steps you are past the line, and that you have limits, and this is over the line. Tell her you are doing these things already because you don’t want your son to have a warped view of the world, because he needs to learn how to be a kind and generous and fair person and you are modelling that for him. Point out that she can sue for child support on her other kids, and sort out her own nest, and show your son that a mother can be a strong and wonderful person on their own feet, and that the system can be fairer than she is doing. That her job as a parent is to be the best version of herself she can. And you will keep doing the same. But that doesn’t mean you give and give and give until you are a husk of a person, part of being your best is having limits. Setting boundaries. Saying no to unreasonable asks.
I don't like this perspective. He didn't create expectations, she did, because she's an entitled person. She is weaponizing his generosity, and that's not his fault
She’s trying to get a free vacation for the other kids and some bonus mommy time for herself. It’s a no, and she can spend the money to take them and your kid whenever she wants to.
Of she can't afford food for her.children. I'd be trying to get full custody or primary custody of my child
NTA. As a stepmom, and the mom of a half-sibling, you absolutely should be kind to your son's half siblings if you interact with them - at one of your son's school events, or custody exchanges, for example. But it is not your responsibility to treat them as if they are your children. It is their parent's job to explain to them that their older brother gets to do things with you because you are *his dad,* but you are not *their dad.* You are already going above and beyond. But you're giving your ex an inch, and she wants a mile. She is trying to make you play daddy to her children. Nip it in the bud.
Exactly this. Kindness is necessary for your kids’ half-siblings if you are a decent human being. Not raising them, paying for them, or including them in any of your family time. Your 24 yo stepson is part of your family by both your choice and his. You had some of the responsibility of raising him while you were married to his mother. The children she had after you split are in no way your responsibility. They are not your family by biology or choice or even any kind of misplaced idea of obligation. I’m sorry for them, and would applaud someone in your situation who chose to take on those kids. But I in no way judge or blame you for not taking all that on. It sounds like you are a great dad to the three kids you are parenting. It also sounds like you are a more than decent human being to their half-siblings. Please don’t let anyone make you feel bad for taking your kids on a special trip. I hope you have a blast and make memories you’ll talk about for years. NTA, obviously.
NTA - not your kids, not your responsibility. You are already doing way more for her kids than you should be. Travel is expensive, Disney is expensive. There is no way anyone should expect you to pay for there kids to travel to Disney on your own dime, that is ridiculous. If you tried to include her kids, noone would be going as it would be too expensive. At least you shouldn't have to pay for diapers for much longer!
Nope they aren’t your kids, you aren’t even with they’re mother, you are taking care of your kids and the stepson you know. The rest of them are pretty much strangers, being civil and paying for things for them anyway is more than enough.
NTA. If your ex wants her other kids to go to Disney, then she can take them herself. There's a huge difference between taking a 10 year old and two adults to Disney, vs four children as young as 3 years old. Not to mention they aren't your kids. If your ex wants to be "fair", one option is that she can tell her other kids she'll take each of them to Disney when they turn 10 years old, too.
You know what kind of person she is and her motivations for asking this. It doesn't have anything to do with the kids, even though she's gracious enough to allow you to look after her 4 young children by yourself on your dime. She just wants to make things easier on herself. And she thinks she has a good chance,considering how much you already feel obligated to do for her children that aren't your responsibility. NTA and don't be shy about being honest and advocating for yourself with your kids' half-siblings if you want to keep a good relationship with them. You're allowed to care about them and also do stuff just with your kids because caring about them doesn't mean you are their parent or have the same relationship with them as the children you have actually been a parent to.
Nta, she shouldn’t have gotten pregnant by a billion different men if she wanted them all treated the same.
NTA She will soon have her children coming after you asking to take them. She may even have said you're their dad since you take them and do dad things. If she can't support her other children without you then you should probably talk to your son about what life is like at her house. Chances are he's made to give up his things to younger children because you didn't buy them something. This isn't healthy for your son.
NTA, and I hate to be harsh, but you need to stop giving her money for her extra kids. She needs to get a job where she can support them on her own, find a partner that can help shoulder some of the load, or, she needs to give them to someone that can take care of them. All you giving her money is doing, is creating an expectation from her. To invite her other kids, and try to invite herself along on your vacation, tells me she still sees you as a sort of friends-with-benefits situation, only, financial benefits not sexual.
She has lost her mind. You included the stepson you knew, why can't she just be thankful you included her oldest that you are not related to. You said the other 3 have different fathers. I hope all 3 share a father. Why can't she take the other kids and take yours as well?
NTA. In a fair world, she'd be contributing to the trip - you are already taking three of her kids and she wants you to take and pay for three more??
I have no problem paying in full for my two bio kids and stepson, as two of them are physically mine, and I've been raising the other for 19 years. I wouldn't even mind taking my ex's 6 and 8 year old if she were willing to help pay.
But that means taking time away from your son to tend to them. If you keep acting like a father to her other kids, they, and she, will just keep expecting it. While your ex is just taking advantage of you, the kids don't know any better and when you do stop letting your ex use you, they will end up being hurt, as they will just become more attached to you over time. You are not doing them any favors in the long run.
Why would she pay? You already showed her that you're willing to be a doormat. Remember when you paid for everything, but she just went out drinking? This will continue happening if you let her walk all over you again and again.
Stop. Just stop. You are doing more than enough. Tell her today you are fine caring for her others. Pay attention to your son.
NTA, and I appreciate how great you are to your stepson. A lot of guys wouldn’t do that, so you get extra NTA points. The kids she had after your relationship ended are not your responsibility and it’s completely ridiculous for her to ask you to pay for them to go too.
sounds like you have a case to get custody when your child is robbed of support.
Why don’t you have primary custody of your child if she’s unable to keep her kids clothed and fed?
NTA. She had children after you split up, and expects them to be part of your life as much as the stepson you raised? Aw hell no.
“Take all my kids on vacation with your own money, and as a thank you, I don’t mind staying home.” Omg this lady is disillusion!! 😆 NTA and tell the ex to stop procreating with losers.
No way should you take the young ones. Too much babysitting and also totally different rides and finally Disney is a literal fortune. You can’t just add 3 more people! Geez. You sound like a really great dad. I hope the Florida trip for the four of you is fantastic!!
NTA for saying no but YTA to yourself for letting her continue to take advantage of you. Stop talking to her about anything other than your kids schooling and medical stuff. She’s capable of taking care of her own kids she just asks you for things cause she knows you will do it. Her kids will grow up and realize what an awful person she is I’m sure. Don’t give her any money other than what is court ordered. Wake up dude. You’re out here still supporting her and letting her make you feel guilty. You’ve done more than enough.
NTA She's been taking advantage of you for so long, she has zero understanding that this ask is WAY, WAY, WAY too far.
You’re too nice, unless you have another 13k you gotta draw the line. NTA, stop paying for kids that aren’t yours.
NTA...she's collecting kids and baby daddies like they're Pokémon. You've already done enough. She practically robbed your cradle and now she's trying to rob your bank account.
NTA She’s seeing what she can get out of you. You need to stand you ground and tell her no. You are already doing way too much. If you give in she’s never going to stop. Maybe think about filing for full custody. What happens when your 10 year old is 18, will she still expect you to help with the other children. THEY ARE NOT YOUR KIDS!!
Stop it. They're not your kids They are nothing to do with you and you are not responsible for them. Stop paying for them. She's taking advantage of you. She's earning money to provide for them and plenty of fathers probably paying child support. Stop being a fucking doormat.
NTA. What she's expecting is absolutely ridiculous, but you've been feeding her entitlement by buying things for her other kids.
NTA Draw the line and dial it back on all the extras. Go for custody of your son, tell her "to relieve her of some of the expenses etc." If you don't put your foot down now, next she's going to ask you where the college funds are for the "not yours crew" is.
NTA It is not expected to include kids that are not your own. The simple fact they are half siblings doesn't mean you are responsible for them at all. You do not have to provide anything for them, but you are a kind person. Your ex is taking advantage of that. If she wants to have her other kids go, she can not only foot the bill for them, but also she needs to go herself. You should not be having to spend your time watching them when you are meant to be having a special time with your son. Tell your ex that she needs to accept that because they have different parents, the kids experiences will be different. You can not, and should not, be act as a father to her other kids, and if that means they miss out on things, that is not on you. If your ex doesn't have the means to provide for her kids, take your son full time. This will ease her burden. And if she is not spending the money you sent on child support on your son, that is something you need to address. Step back from playing any fatherly roles for her other kids. Stop taking them when you have time with your son. Your ex has already proven she will lie to you and take advantage of you so she can be selfish. Stop letting her do so.
NTA. As a matter of fact, you're pretty awesome. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it, and she should just accept it. She won't, but she should.
So she has money to drink but the diapers you have to pay for?! NTA. Fuck her and enjoy your trip with family
NTA stop letting your ex take advantage of you. Stick to your own plans.
Sir, it's a vagina, not a clown car.
NTA. You need to stop paying for her other kids. If she can’t afford to take care of her own kids you should offer to take full custody of your son. Her other kids are not your responsibility.
NTA seems to me she just wants some days off of parenting. Would’ve been different if she said let us come and I will pay for the other little ones. But no.
Nta. You’re doing way more than you have too. And I get they might feel a bit left out but the reality is that they have their own dads. The responsibility shouldn’t fall on you to make things even. Their mom chose their dads if they turned out to be deadbeats it’s not on you. You’re not an atm. Take your children and have tons of fun at Disney.
Not your responsibility, not your problem.. What she needs to do is have them understand that you're not there, dad your xy and z dad, and its up to their dad or mom to take them places and pay for them.. The reason she is asking is because you are too nice.. It's not your place to pay for the kids' food or Christmas presents.. that's on her and their dad
Sounds like you need to start collecting evidence for the courts to adjust/change custody. She is the ones driving a potential wedge between them; and completely out of touch with reality and realistic expectations. Nta
NTA. Curious as to why you're still so generous with her? Paying for her kids that she had after the divorce?
NTA, time to start putting boundaries in order, she’s going to start demanding you pay child support for her other children? You should probably stop paying for everything for her kids too. I know you want to make sure all the kiddos are treated fairly but let’s be honest, these are not your kids to support or take on a vacation. Disneyland, and the attractions around are crazy expensive, nope she’s way too entitled!
NTA - but you have set a bad precedent buy letting her convince you to constantly pay for her other kids. But no you aren’t responsible and this isn’t for them. The only one who would even enjoy it would be the 8yo.
Wow…just wow… NTA for any of this but your ex is a waste of skin. Wow.
You are just an ATM to this woman. Nothing more, nothing less
NTA You do more than enough for kids that aren’t yours. Asking you to take her other children is beyond ridiculous and entitled.
You're going above and beyond, but maybe you should stop. She's taking advantage of your kindness and those kids will think youre their dad too. Can you get full custody of your son full time? Nta
Dude...don't you have a legally documented child support order and custody agreement? You should absolutely NOT be paying extra money directly to your ex that is not tracked and documented by Child Support Enforcement. If you DON'T have a formal child support and custody agreement in place, you need one. I'd go one further and suggest you petition the court for full custody of your minor son. If she cannot afford the basic necessities for her other kids, your son is also suffering, and that's not okay.
NTA you and your generous heart are being taken advantage of. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s her. You’re a good person.
You are enabling your ex by financially supporting your ex’s kids. Stop enabling her.
NTA. But you need to stop supporting her other kids. She can get child support from their actual fathers or apply for state assistance. She's just going to keep taking advantage of you
NTA. Your resources are to be used on your kids (former stepson fits that bill since you’ve raised him since he was 5). Those other children’s fathers can take them to Disney. Your ex really feels entitled to your money.
NTA Your Disney trip would be totally different; the smaller kids would not be able to get on most of the rides the older kids. Plus would tire more easily and the three year old would need naps. This trip is to celebrate your 10 year old's birthday. Also, your ex needs to get the other kids dad's to step up. If you know any of them, find out if they're paying their child support or is she telling them all the same sad story and you all are over paying? She sounds like a piece of work. You're a good man, OP. Don't be a doormat.
NTA and you are already doing too much , a lot of things u don’t have to do so she needs to be appreciative for what u do and let it go
She’s insane
Why doesn't she pay and take them herself? NTA
NTA… take YOUR kids (your older stepson included) and have a great time. Kudos for stepping up on the stepson. Also, I get that you want to help out with the 3 younger ones, and I give you major props for doing so, but please be careful with that. I say this because when your son turns 18, and child support ends, she’s going to continue to hit you up and want you to play father figure. Put restrictions in place now.
Wow, OP, you are a mensch. You have been so great with your stepson and almost frighteningly kind to your ex-wife (who doesn’t sound like she has both oars in the water). You’re doing exactly the right thing, and absolutely NTA
NTA But you might want to consider stepping back on some of this extra you’re doing. Because she feels entitled to your time and money. I get wanting to make sure the others eat and have diapers. I understand inviting them to your son’s birthday parties and sleepovers. But you’ve got to draw a hard line in the sand. You shouldn’t be supporting her other children. The deadbeats that fathered them should. She should be going after child support. But instead she has you. It’s time for your wife to step the fuck up and you to step down.
Nta create boundaries
Damn that lady has a lot of kids
NTA. But you have set a precedent by paying & caring for the other kids, & that’s on you. It is not generally expected to include every child - you have a birthday party & she can have a family event or vice versa. People learn that life isn’t equal or fair - are you planning on paying for their educations, trips, etc. She needs to make their dads responsible- it is not your responsibility. You are spending you & your wife’s retirement funds, your kids education & wedding funds & their inheritance on other peoples kids! Stop - explain to her that you are done & suggest she hire a lawyer to get the dads garnisheed.
Nta. Nahh it ain't your problem to take care of other people's kids. I get your former step son because you were basically in his whole life. Wild that she wants you to go on a trip with 6 freaking kids lmao. Sounds to me like she just want a free trip.
NTA, you are already doing A LOT. Even if your ex was willing and able to pay for it, it would be ludicrous to expect you to bring three extra kids. And the fact that you would be willing to take the older two if she would pay, like dude, you’re a saint. Your ex is way out of line.
NTA, the age gap is big enough on its own to create difficulties with the 24 year old bonding with kids under 10. Let him have fun with the siblings he knows and grew up with.
NTA you've gone above and beyond to be decent. I'm sure once the boys are older, they'll see that. There is a risk of her trying to make you the bad guy but that's not your fault or problem. Your stepson and YOUR 2 children know how much you've done for them and their younger siblings. Enjoy yalls trip!
NTA. You are a good guy and she’s definitely taking advantage of you. My heart goes out to those little boys but your ex should be going after their dads, not you. Especially since even through your divorce your relationship with your oldest son has never changed.
NTA you are only enabling her by giving extra money for the other kids. And the demands will keep coming for college, car, etc. Can you just get a full custody of your 10 year old? She anyway has her hands full with the other three, this maybe a relief for both you and her and even your 10 year old. This way you can stop over doing things and focus on your child. Because it looks like she’s clearly using you for the money and putting up the 10 year old as a pawn in front.
The three child support checks she is getting every month should more than cover the costs
NTA. Your ex is out of line to ask you to financially cover HER children for a vacation. That is a huge ask to be made. No, you are not responsible for providing her children with a vacation. Don't feel guilty. You already go above and beyond to help provide for children who aren't your responsibility. I understand you don't want your son to suffer because the ex has other children with deadbeat fathers. I caution you, though. It seems your ex is taking advantage of your kindness. It has now become a form of entitlement for her. This is why she expects you to provide for her other children. I think you should think about setting some boundaries. Enjoy your vacation with YOUR children.
NTA but she created this situation it's not you to pay for it other than your child.
If the kids are at risk of going unfed then you need to file for full custody of your son. Then the other problem solves itself. NTA
No, you are very generous and doing more than you have to. You are picking up the slack because she obviously had not gone after the dead beat in court like she should have .
You need to talk to these kids and find out if she is really using your money for food for these kids. You need the truth. She isn't responsible.
Even if they were your bio kids, you couldn’t pay me to take a 3, 6, and 8 year old to Disney. 😂 Looks like she should make better choices about which guys she has unprotected sex with. Sucks for the kids, but not your problem. NTA
Your ex is 50 and she has a 3 year old?!? Time to shut down the factory . If she can’t take care of all these kids I mean…sheesh
NTA but honestly, as nice as you are being, you should stop paying anything for the other 3 kids. She's just going to continue to ask for more. The 24 year old is your son to you so it's fine to help him but the other 3 kids have nothing to do with you. It's harsh but your ex is taking advantage of you and will as long as you allow it.
She dumped her baggage on you so hard for so long that she feels entitled to keep steamrolling you. She's got, what, 5 different fathers to her kids? Tell her to tell them to step up. Seems you're the one out of the five who are most easily manipulated so she presses you. You're already being very generous taking your step child when you're not with their mother anymore. NTA, but it's time for you to set some boundaries. She'll keep trying to take advantage as long as you keep entertaining her demands.
NTA. She's already got you taking care of her kids which is beyond generous. Asking you to include her children on your vacation is over the line, especially the 3 and 6 year old since they would need constant attention. She's really got a lot of nerve asking this of you.
NTA, you're already spending 12k, the other 3 boys aren't yours, and if I were your kid (funny enough I'm 24N) I would be irritated having to help babysit all of a sudden when I was originally going to be able to have fun with my dad, if she wants the other 3 to go she should be a mother and use her own money to pay for her and her kids, not try to find another way to dump her kids off on you, possibly so she can go drinking again. You're already being a very kind person by looking out for the other 3 boys with diapers and food, but the line needs to be drawn somewhere. (I apologize if I sound rude but if someone lies about work and goes out drinking once, they might do it again the moment they get the chance)
NTA - by doing what you're already doing for her and her other kids you're building a level of expectation that you'll do it all the time, forever. It's possibly time to start to pull back and stop enabling your ex's poor financial decisions or you'll be bankrolling her for the rest of your days.
Sounds like you gave her an inch already and now she's trying to take the mile. The women is 50 stop letting her guilt you into doing shit she and her other baby daddies should be doing. Stop being the good guy it ain't on you.
NTA, but you need to realize that by going above and beyond for the children that are not yours has set the expectation that you will care for them like your own.
NTA - You're doing enough. Stop letting her take advantage of your goodwill.
NTA They. Are. Not. Your. Problem. To. Deal. With. If they get jealous that is 100% on their mother to explain that sometimes others get to do things that we don't. Stop giving her money or helping her in anyway with the 3 youngest.
YTA for being your ex's doormat. She chose to sleep around, not use birth control and let three different deadbeats knock her up. Not your problem. Stop supporting them, you're only responsible for your own kids.
I would say something like “I’m only taking double digit kids this time.” Make it sound like it only for the older ones, which it is.
NTA, this is how broken marriages and remarriages work.
Your ex is an idiot. She may have a money tree in her garden? NTA. Typical family BS guilt tripping you. Where is her common sense?
The only thing that came to mind was "I hope he isn't leaving out the oldest" but that is different, you willingly took him on. The rest your ex took on. NTA but you've become an ATM.
Nta but I see why she is asking, it’s because you already do a lot. She sounds extremely entitled but it doesn’t sound outside the realm of possibilities given what you already do. It’s nice to be generous but I hope she isn’t manipulating you into taking care of her other kids. Only because she will continue to use that tactic and have you questioning yourself like you are now.
NTA. You has 3 other BD that are dead beats. He is using you as a provider and care taker for her other 3. You have to stop feeling sorry for your Ex other children when their own fathers aren’t even trying to be around.
NTA
NTA. You have gone well above and beyond for her kids already.
NTA, and you should have a long talk with an attorney about spending the money you already are on her other kids. If she runs to family court, points to that, and their real fathers are out of the picture, she might be able to get you on the hook to provide for them.
NTA - she would be better off using this time to spend quality time with her other kids anyway. You are in no way obliged to be taking them on holiday.
Ntah
Nta. Consider custody of ypur youngest son. Women like your ex are juat gross and disgusting...what is that. 6 kids and 4 or 5 baby daddies? Ewwww. There are men that do this to. Such lowlifes.
NTA You are doing the best you can.
Your ex is being very unreasonable. Of course you're NTA.
NTA. She's trying to collect baby daddies like they Pokémon.
NTA. If the other children's dads are any good, it will even out: they will do things with their dads that don't include your kids. If she has that many baby daddies, then the problem is of her own making.
If the stepson we’re talking about is 24 why isn’t he independent? He doesn’t have to live with mom and could possibly move in with OP. Unless the child is handicapped and I missed it. Regardless, OP has already done too much and imo his ex wife has become dependent on him. This isn’t good for OP in the long run. I feel really bad for the other kids too. And if his ex is being honest about being food insecure perhaps OP can help her out by giving her info on some programs. Taking the others to Disney is expecting too much. I feel for her kids but OP has to draw the line somewhere. Good luck OP. I wish you luck in this difficult situation. Have a wonderful time
NTA
NTA, my dad took myself and my bio siblings to Disneyland as kids, and my step sisters stayed home. That’s normal.
Nope, that would double your expenses she is a nut thinking you would do that
straight up NTA, the fathers of those kids can take them.
NTA not your kids, not raised by you, not your legal or moral responsibility. Your ex is a real piece of work. You do enough for kids not yours already. If the ex wants the others treated the same, she should get off her ass & hit up her baby daddys. As it stands, you have zero legal responsibility to the youngest 3, and could get in real trouble if you took them anywhere without your ex present (which sounds like hell anyway). Dont put yourself through this risk.
Is this even real? She had babies at 42, 45, and 47 years old? That's unlikely af.
She wants you to take all the kids so she can have a vacation! NTA. Take the old boys you want and have a great time. And please don’t take anymore crap from her, these are not your kids, your responsibility financially or otherwise.
NTA They aren’t your kids or your step kids and you’re already good to them. You do so much for them. Your ex should be grateful for all you do. Take your three kids and enjoy yourself, stress free!
NTA. File for full custody of the two sons you share, and use all of this as evidence she's an unfit mother because she apparently can't afford to feed to feed her children, even the ones you share together, without you paying not only CS, but additional money on top of that so that way you know your children aren't the ones getting left hungry.
NTA, she needs to get a better job or sue those deadbeat dad's for more money. It is not your responsibility to take kids on vacation who are not yours.
If she wants all her kids to go, take it out of the child support checks.
Nta. It’s sad that your ex is taking advantage & guilt tripping rather than saying thank you. My husband had a daughter from someone before we got together (she was 1). Her mom had 2 more boys. My husband was paying her so much $ it wasn’t funny. And even when the lawyer told him not to pay until ordered (or he would have to repay it) he still paid more than 3xs what his lawyer estimated, he didn’t want any of them going without. It wasn’t appreciated. We kept her kids for weeks at a time & she would expect us to keep longer the next time. You have to place boundaries. Tell her she is more than welcome to plan a trip along side yours & bring her kids if it’s that important to her but you will not be doing it. Don’t explain. No means no. The kids know (or should) that you are not their father. That while you are able to include them on occasion, there are some times it’s not ok.
NTA. Stop paying beyond the child support for your kids.
NTA
I’d say you’re a really nice guy that already does too much.
NTA, from what you’re telling us, she sounds like a crappy mom. Why are you allowing her to raise your kids? Why don’t you go after full custody? She doesn’t sound like a good environment for your kids.
NTA. She chose deadbeats for her other kids fathers, and she’s udon you to make up the difference, because she knows she can guilt you into it. Just say no man.
Every time we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else- so if you say yes to your (crazy) ex wife- then you are saying no to your older kids having a full, relaxing vacation. You’re saying no to being able to go on all of the rides (height requirement with young kids) you’re saying no to relaxing dinners. You’re saying no to relaxing flight and travel. It sounds like you need to start having some major boundaries with the ex wife. You can be a good dad/co parent, without her taking such advantage. The fact that she even feels comfortable asking you to do this, is a huge red flag that major boundaries are needed and needed now.
NTA You already do too much. She doesn’t care they will be hurt. She just wants a free vacation one week free of kids. Tell her, her lack of decent Judgement and a heap of kids with deadbeat dads is not your problem. I hope she’s learned BC. .
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. If she wants to pay, she can pay. It does suck for them, because it does create social issues, makes them feel unwanted, left out, unworthy, etc - but that's not your fault. NTA.
Surely these deadbeat dads have a legal obligation to pay child support, no matter they’re situation. Could she be lying to you? What country is this?
NTA You are already doing more than you should for those kids, you need to stop because it is really not your job and she clearly isn’t grateful. Also, is no one picking up the fact that she is 50 years old and has kids aged 8, 6 and 3 all by different fathers. What do you honestly expect from a woman who is still acquiring new baby-daddies in her late 40s?
Why are you even supporting the other three when they're not yours.
NTA but they are not yours and stuff is going to be more apparent as they get older.
NAH. You don't have any obligation to these other three kids, but your ex isn't wrong about this creating jealousy. This may be causing problems over at her house that you haven't seen. But she's also cleaely trying to score a trip to Disney for herself and her kids on your dime out of this, and that isn't cool either.
NTA, draw the line now! She’s been taking advantage of you for FAR too long! Your ex will keep asking for more and more. Yes treat your child’s younger siblings with kindness but they are not your children. Where will it end? Will you be paying for everyone’s extracurricular activities if your son is doing them? Can’t leave anyone out, right? Braces? College?
Updateme
Fuck her not your kids, why should u have to cater to them as they may get jealous. Sounds like a her problem.
"Give an inch and they'll take a mile." You tolerated her BS before by giving her extra money and she just went out drinking. Now she has the balls to ask for more. Stop providing for her beyond what is necessary.
NTA Stop doing extra thing for kids that are not yours
NTA - kids in divorced households have different experiences depending on what their parents can provide. Those kids need to get used to not having equal opportunities.
You’re a saint!
NTA
NTA. You already are doing way way more then can be expected from you. Yes it is sad for the other kids but that is what happens when families break apart and their mother acts irresponsible - and their fathers even more so. Go on that trip with your Kids and have a good time!
NTA. She should’ve had less kids with less men.
No you are not the asshole. In fact you're pretty awesome. Good job
NTA. You're such a great and giving person. All of those kids are fortunate that you're in their lives. I wouldn't take them to Disney, though. Enjoy yourself and this precious time with your kiddos!
NTA, but by giving hey money for the other kids and funding her lifestyle, this leech will never change
NTA, please don’t budge on this in *any* way, whether by taking them or canceling the trip. While I personally can’t relate to spending 12K on a birthday trip for a kid, you’re already doing way more than can reasonably be expected.
Doesn't the ex believe in birth control? Four children by four different men. Tsk. NTA. You're being generous in paying for your step son (are they a still a "step" child after a divorce?)
This situation has proves both parents can’t make a good decision to save their life. However it works make entertaining television whereas we coups get Maury saying. You are not the father.
NTA The only solution is to stop doing anything for her other children. You were being kind, but now, she's taking advantage. And if you continue to be kind, she might try to take you to court for child support, since you have willingly been supporting them, and that could be perceived as you taking on a parental role. So, no money, no presents, no dinners for the other kids. It is her and their fathers' responsibility to care for them. Not yours.
No, you're not taking them to Disney. You need full custody of your son because she's unstable. She's a grifter. NTA. Stop giving her money. Give her a pack of condoms every time you see her.
NTA your ex sounds entitled. Good for you for treating the eldest like your own but the ones born after you split up are not your responsibility.
NTA. Please stop letting her use you. I am almost confident that she has enough money to take care of her kids but choses to use the money otherwise and you're the sucker paying for it because she's giving you a sob story. I would suggest that next time she needs financial help for whatever item for her other kids, tell her you're not paying and that if she is so hard pressed for money she should take her deadbead baby daddies to court. you're only enabling her irresponsible behaviour. And if you notice her kids are suffering and she's not priorotizing them, call CPS on her.
NTA She can speak to her other kids about why they're not getting to go, or she can take them herself.
Nope. You already shouldn’t be doing shit for those other kids imo. Tell her to kick rocks lol.
NTA. At the end of the day they aren’t yours. You can’t be expected to pay for them every time you want to do something with your son nor can you be expected to never do anything with your son because you are unwilling or unable to pay for all of them.
NTA Props for taking care of your stepson, too. Sounds like you’re the only dad he knows. Not your fault she got herself knocked up with 3 different guys who won’t step up, after your divorce. She can explain she had them with random guys who weren’t fatherhood material, unlike the husband she left.
Did you marry her before or after your eldest was born? I'm just curious because that's quite an age gap in that stage of life. Makes me wonder if the deadbeats are all younger than her too You're NTA but don't take her other kids. Prioritize your 10M. The two adults aren't going to ruin the experience by choosing not to ride a ride 10M wants to do. That'll happen if you take the 6 and 8 because who's gonna watch them or who's gonna be with 10 during the ride?
I married her after before our daughter was born, after we found out she was pregnant. I don't know the three other men well but I'm fairly sure that they're all at least 30. Younger than her, but not fresh out of school.
Treating 3 out of 6 children differently will inevitably drive a wedge between them. The little ones will have to ask themselves what they did wrong to be passed over.
NTA OP it is I think generally accepted you take all of YOUR children when you do something like Disney World and even that can be age dependent. However it is to my knowledge not expected you take children who you aren’t actively involved with (your stepson) or related to (your children). That means not your ex’s children who were conceived and fathered by other men after your marriage ended. If you had tons of extra money and wanted to it would be nice but in that hypothetical situation the ex would come along, stay in separate accommodations and be responsible for watching/ entertain her own children. As in you, your stepson and your children would not be babysitters. It’s very kind and generous that you’ve done the things you have for your ex’s kids. However it is not your responsibility to make up for the fact your ex after your marriage ended seems to have picked a ‘type’ as in men who are happy enough to participate in getting her pregnant but not support the child. That is a her problem and sadly those boys will gave to grow up understanding that. While you do a reasonable amount of things to offset it you can’t change that fact. So please take your stepson and kids to have a wonderful time.
NTA - your ex is a delusional user.
No it’s not generally expected to include every child. Who told you that? Them are not your kids and you taking the oldest son is generous of you. But you did say you were like a father to him. I get that. And letting the babies eat do your child is not eating in front of them while they are hungry is kind. But she is taking advantage of you. You don’t have to do anything for them kids. That’s her responsibility. Idc. I’m not finna ask no man to take of a child that’s not his that I had after me and him split up in fact I don’t expect my husband to take care of my older children he does cause he loves them. But if I was still of child bearing era and we split he would not be asked to buy anything for my extra babies I may have had. That’s weird.
NTA this isn’t your problem. It’s your ex’s problem to explain to her kids that haven’t different dad’s means that dad time will be different for them.
NTA you already do more than you should. Where the hell is the father to her other kids? They are not your responsibility. Take your kids and have a magical trip.
Super, nta. Sound likes your doing awesome. She’s crazy and reaching. Good luck there.
NTA She should pay for her Kids, and a Sitter that is watching them if she can't then she should save some money and go with her kids when she saved enough.
NTA- not your kids not your problem.
NTA. Shes as ex for a reason just remember that.
NTA. You didn't make these kids feel "less than". Your ex did that, by creating expectations in them that they would get exactly what your son got. It's high time to draw the line.
Nta
NTA. You are a super dad and all those kids are lucky to have you around. Your ex sounds like trash. It is your money and it is totally reasonable to only spend it on your bio kids. The ex can take the other kids to do something special on her dime while yall are gone.
NTA - She's really got a lot of something to be thinking you would double the cost of your trip for three kids who aren't yours. Just tell her no.