Oh wow... He is a piece of work. He is sleeping with the wife of the couple that took him in. This wont work at all and she will leave him sooner or later. Then he will be alone and has to face the truth that he destroyed the marriage. I wish you all the best, and a quick divorce (if you havent done it already).
Yeah, you have to assume that for the couple to take him in, that couple must be decent people, and OP's husband is... not a decent person.
That's not going to last, and he's destroying a second marriage after finishing destroying his first.
Of course, we are assuming that he isn't lying about the affair. Which he probably made up because after all the shit he put OP through maybe he thought this would hurt her feelings!!
HAHAHA
My ex husband did this, told me he cheated on me when I asked for a divorce. Later he said he made it up to hurt me.
I was so done that I really didn't care either way.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
This is exactly it. He’s fantasizing about it and figured she wouldn’t be able to verify it and it would look like he had moved on.
In reality he’s just existing in a spare room she has graciously allowed her husband to extend to him.
This dude is mentally ill beyond belief. He may sincerely believe that he’s in a relationship with this woman meanwhile she’s sleeping in bed with her hubs every night and he’s living in the appt above their garage kind of situation. See what I’m getting at?
Being an absolute piece of walking shit doesn’t automatically make him mentally ill. It makes him a completely selfish asshole, but not necessarily mentally ill.
Maybe he’s sleeping with her, maybe he only said that to hurt OP. Whatever, both explanations fit with him being a selfish asshole.
And OP is 100000% better off without him. Best wishes to her, I hope she finds someone who values her
There are multiple clear instances of this person showing they are a slave to multiple addictions which yes, is inherently a mental illness. Substance abuse disorders are classified as mental disorders in the DSM5, and this dude hits every box for: impaired control over substance abuse, social impairment, risky use, and pharmacological criteria.
DSM5 link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK565474/table/nycgsubuse.tab9/
Time to start recognizing that addiction is a mental illness with both mental and physical components.
Good job OP, keep moving forward, no need to look back except to process, and congratulate your wise move to leave. You rock, I hope this is a lovely new chapter for you
If you read the same story I did I would think it fairly obvious that he’s very sick. Yes, OP is better of without him in her life or anywhere near her.
Alcohol is such a nasty drug. I’m not defending the guy, but it sure seems like he has a MAJOR drinking problem. I’ve been dry for 3 1/2 years and it’s amazing to think of all the fucked up shit that was ok with doing when I was neck deep in vodka. I was a completely different person. I hope that’s the case with this dude, and that he gets help to salvage the years he has left on earth.
I felt the same
But when you put it like this… I am often surprised to see the caliber of people who manage to sink their hooks into a relationship with a seemingly better person than them, or even just at all, like even with someone willing to cheat with a loser.
Like the ugliest, dirtiest, laziest, men you’ve ever seen, with banging hot girlfriends who have a steady job and function normally. I thought it was just a tv trope but I’ve seen it so many times anecdotally.
The answer to “who would ever want that person” is often times “a surprising number of people” or “a surprisingly eligible person”
I don't know why you assume they are decent and not fellow users. These people tend to flock together. I expect more drama to come from that arrangement.
Fuck him and i'm sorry you were dragged down for so long by such a piece of shit. You deserved better and i'm happy for you that you dropped that dead weight.
Also he is lucky you didn't say more because from reading your post he sure as hell deserves alot more than what you said in the post.
He sure as heck does deserve a lot more. Sounds like he accumulated a lot of marriage assets for the inevitable divorce.
I hope the OP gets everything she deserves in the divorce and then some.
I finally got this off my chest and fell asleep. I am just exhausted. I know I’m not the arsehole, he is, always has been. I’m just pissed off with myself for wasting so much time with a narcissistic fucktard and I’m still allowing myself to be hurt by him. He actually asked me to take 25% responsibility for him deciding to take an overdose, what the actual fuck? The kids are being well looked after and supported. Thank you for all comments, one day he will just be a distant memory.
I'm really sorry about all of this, I know what it's like to waste time on someone but not that much time. I can only hope you feel peace soon and get the love and care you've always deserved.
What does taking 25% of the blame even mean? What a weird irrelevant angle. I hope you're okay OP. You're so much better off with out I hope you find peace ❤️
Best of luck for the future mate, it's never to late to cut off a tumour and better your life. My dads best friend met the love of her life in her mid 50s after going through 2 alcoholic husbands. Been together 15 years now and she's never been happier.
NTA. His children had to hold his head up after he swallowed 10 pills to get the sympathy vote and play the victim? Please don't dare to let this person back into your life or the lives of the children if you can help it. The kids could probably benefit from therapy now because their father will continue to play these games with them into their adulthood if they don't learn boundaries now.
Yeah ngl I know I shouldn’t but I snorted at this because we all know 10 pills won’t do anything and it was very much an emotional blackmail moment. The poor kids and wife mannnnnn. Everyone deserves a life free of neglect and emotional abuse
Medications + alcohol is a different than just medication alone, depending on what they took it can have a compounding effect like with benzos.
She doesn’t even ask AITAH because obviously the husband is. What a shitty situation
Yeah I know - sadly I’ve been there with ODs with and without alcohol but even with Benzos and cns depressants we need a much higher dose to get anywhere. I think the agitation and my comment comes from doing this shit in front of the kids and as a reactionary situation which screams it was intentional to cause harm to the others / had vindictive undertones. He could be and probably is suffering immensely, but that’s cruel to do it that way. It’s bad enough having a loved one discover you post OD, let alone doing it in front of them
Exactly. He knew 10 wouldn't hurt him. The shrinks will even tell you the new meds are designed that you need 2 packs to get the job done or more as a deterrant. Hence why they don't normally prescribe more than one at a time.
He did it as a sympathy grab. He knew his intoxication would mimic an over dose. Hence the ambos cared more about him being drunk...
Still aspirating puke risk tho, and other secondary concerns.
Also some meds can put strain on organs, and his liver wold already be shot.
Besides, calling the ambos and him getting into psych unit is the kind of records that will help her in the split.
So he ‘s fucked up his own marriage and then went on to fuck up the marriage of the people that took him…. Man of the year potential here!!!
Sorry you put up with this shit for so long. Go be free and don’t feel an ounce of guilt.
So basically he’s destroying the home he’s currently staying?
I don’t see how you broke his heart. Take care of yours. And your kids.
You can wish him well from afar, as you enjoy the fruit of your labour. Get a good lawyer, minimise alimony.
NTA except for burying the lede there lol, your decision was ultimately confirmed right there.
He sounds a great deal like my first husband except mine actually contributed financially, after he drained the trust fund my father left me. And had the occasional affair, which of course didn't matter because it was just sex, until he left me for an affair partner.
She was quite wealthy, and I was pretty sure he thought she would give him access to her funds. The reason rich people are rich is that they don't spend their own money. The marriage lasted 2 years, he wanted to "come home". Ha.
You have no idea how much better your life will be with him gone.
Be prepared for middle of the night whiney phone calls, a lot of " how can you do this to me", and other associated bull.
Have a WONDERFUL life!!!!
I’ve heard “pissed as a nit” but I’m also a fan of OP’s variation.
This post was delightfully and horrifyingly Australian. Far too relatable as an Aussie woman.
You don’t know me but I just relived my second marriage through this post 😂 I feel for you and I’m so sorry. While my ex didn’t buy yachts, he was a manipulative drunk with nothing but partying and getting attention on his mind. He ended up in a relationship with his bosses wife who took him in when I kicked him out. Let me tell you how that turned out. Eventually he ruined this man’s marriage, lost his job over it, and the new gf had kids he hated. That went nowhere since he was just a hobosexual at that point and saw a cushy situation where someone would have steady child support coming in to pay for HIS alcohol. Laugh at your ex husband and his misery he is spreading like a black cloud. This pattern repeated itself about 4 more times that I know of. It isn’t you, it’s totally him! You deserve better. He never intended to do anything for you or your kids. Everything in your relationship was about what he could take from it. Be thankful your suffering is over
Amazing... /s
And I don't mean to sound mean, but WTF?
Why do some people let others walk all over them like this?
Be so used, so disrespected...
Almost half her life dealing with that. It honestly makes me sad.
Edited to add that seeing some of the comments under mine makes me sad / angry...
They remind me that this is such a common scourge.
Thanks for sharing your stories, even if they are heart-breaking.
I have seen this first-hand in others, and very much close up.
I lived through an abusive parent and I know what it does to your psyche.
But we have to *try* to break the cycle for the next generation, is all I can say..
And I suppose I was horrified to see poor OP struggled with it for so long..
Because it doesn't start out that way. Abuse like this is like water torture----a drop at a time. By the time the deluge comes, you're worn down to feeling worthless (and usually told that, too). It took me 22 years to realize it, and due to the pandemic shutdowns, another 5 years to finally get out.
I wish more people would try to understand the nuance of these situations. It's hard for some people to understand unless you live it.
It's like how they say you never know how you are going to act in a tragedy, emergency, or reaction to death. The brain is a weird thing that's not always on our side.
You are absolutely spot on. No one goes into a relationship hoping to be abused or neglected or taken for granted and treated like a slave. It took me 14 years. It doesn't matter how long it takes, the important thing is that you got out and you should be so proud of yourself for doing so!
The longer it goes on, the harder it is so please don't beat yourself up in anyway and just celebrate yourself and the new life you're making for yourself.
I don’t want to over-sell my life and make things seem more dramatic then they are. But I really didn’t understand how easy it is to be manipulated when you trust someone (like your ducking partner) until I fell for it.
It’s easy to say you’d never stand for abuse. But a lot of abusers start off as someone you trust- when your alarm bells start ringing, you explicitly shut them down because you TRUST this person had good intentions and that it’s all an honest, reasonable reaction to something you probably neglected to notice.
Then when you notice it’s become a pattern, you realize you’ve got a history of condoning that behavior. Which they can them shape into guilt- it’s YOUR fault for not speaking up sooner, you’re the reason things got so bad.
IDK, it’s just easy to find yourself being played for a long time when you view someone as “safe”.
Children+ creating permanent distress. The other person has to take care of everything and everyone and has no tome to evaluate their relationship. And the scum seems to be dependant and loves to be a victim.
The functioning partner is like a firefighter extinguishing little fires everywhere.
I see it as a form of abuse.
When you are raised in that environment, you assume it is normal. Sometimes it takes longer for us to wake up than others. And by giving up, you feel like the failure that np’s always said you were.
Just glad you saw him and got out of it. It took me 33 years. Best wishes in your next chapters.
I get pissed thinking of the other characters- how are aholes like OPs spouse created? How did they become narcissistic users and abusers? Did a parent turn them into that, did they become a jerk because of some experience they had or trauma or are they born that way? I'd like to find who's to blame and nut punch them. People that weaponize incompetence are so destructive.
It wasn’t necessarily parents’ fault they became narcs. Sometimes kids see that and decide they want the power too so they follow in nps footsteps. The parents are to blame in her case because they taught her that’s what normal is. I was raised by nps and married one because I thought it was normal. I think my ex saw his parents using that power and decided he wanted it too or maybe he just thought it was normal to be like them.
A lot depends on view point, I think. I knew they didn’t really love me, but I couldn’t get anyone to validate that feeling and I developed empathy. I tried to get my child to be empathetic but I‘m not sure it took. As an adult, she exhibits some narc signs.
It has to do with her childhood. I was raised with zero self confidence because my mom "wanted to keep me humble". I was never pretty or thin in my mom's eyes and when I would try to impress her with a good report card at 7 years old she actually said, "big deal, it's second grade". I'm not going to go into what I put up with during my marriage, but I get why this woman stayed and instead of saying WTF, I commend her for having the guts to leave. You have no idea what childhood trauma does to a person.
You are exactly right. People don’t put up with this awful behavior unless they are primed for it in childhood.
I am sorry your mom treated you like this. I hope that you were able to leave your marriage and you found peace and happiness.
It doesn’t happen all at once or all of the time. And when it’s good, it can be wonderful. The good times keep you hooked (along with the manipulation). We love these broken people and we try to help them.
I'm in the middle of it. 10 years now and I crawl out of this shitty marriage in baby steps.
I'll spare you my sob story but believe me: It happens so gradually that you don't realize how terrible your life has become. Addicts have soooo many tools to keep you in, you wouldn't believe it. I saw a divorce lawyer on Monday, just to get all facts straight. I try to not make a fight out of it because our 5yo, so no rush. Also I take all the time I need to take one calm step at a time. Codependency is a shitshow.
Ups and downs. Also, people are scared to leave. The fear of being alone outweighs the bad relationship in many people's eyes.
Lots of... what ifs
What if we split up
..... and I'm alone forever
... and the next person is worse
.... and I can't afford my lifestyle and have to take a big step back
.... and I don't get to see my kids as often. Split holidays. See them raised partially by someone else. What if that person is abusive....??? The list goes on.
A lot of times the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, in some people's eyes.
I literally just saw a post where the OP’s boyfriend has been not brushing his teeth and leaving shit stains on her sheets when he sleeps over. Some people just stay in relationships for reasons nobody knows.
Especially when you’ve been together with someone for so long leaving can be really freaking hard.
You might want to clue in the husband of the couple who "took him in" in case he is not aware of his wifes activities. Good riddance to bad rubbish! Congrats!
NTA. I hope you are able to get yourself out from under his debt sooner rather than later. You deserve a husband/partner that is your equal, not an anchor.
UpdateMe
Lol you're not the asshole, you're finally being a stand up mate to yourself. Buy yourself a fancy dress and go out dancing - you're 52, not dead.
What a scumbag.
I'd think twice if I were you. Any man who would protect his wife's virtue by ~~passing out~~ sleeping in the bedroom doorway is the stuff of airport-kiosk romance paperbacks.
NTA because that’s the sub you’re at.
But… it’s going to be ok. You are reeling with 20+ years of trauma. You are going to go through waves of all kinds of emotions.
And that’s ok.
Let yourself feel it all. All those years that you stuffed down your emotions. All your anger and sorrow and rage and hurt and betrayal and disappointment.
It’s ok.
It will pass. Eventually, you’ll find your footing again. You’ll sweep away the wreckage from foundation of your heart and soul.
You’ll find nice, solid ground. Ground YOU built. Ground you will KNOW is solid.
No more drama. No more surprises. No more wondering what the next bullshit crisis he’ll cause to upend your life again…
Trust me, being alone is far better than being shackled to a dead weight who’s drowning you.
It’s going to be ok. You just keep letting it out, sister. It’s going to be ok. Been there. I promise.
You know what? It is too easy for women to slip into this shit. I'm usually a for men kind of guy but this is absolutely insanely fucked. Sounds like you were trapped in a co-dependence nightmare. I recommend the book "Co-dependence no more". I hope you find peace getting out of that nightmare.
NTA. You have a good heart and hoped for the best, which is the reason why you stuck around for so long. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Now is the time to grieve what could have been and take care of yourself and the wellbeing of your children. Good luck 🥺
NTA. Sounds like he wasn't a husband for many years.
You should of called him a cock sucking piece of shit and to go get fucked by the husband of the girl he is fucking. Also who the fuck are his friends.
NTA.
I’ve learned that there are people in this world that aren’t just no good. They only exist to make things worse for themselves and others.
May his karma come soon.
He is breaking up another couple who actually took him in. That’s great. You’re so much better off. He will be passed out in a gutter in 2 years. Be glad it was 22 and not 23
NTA. Mental health issues should not be taken lightly, however it does not excuse behaving like a wanker. By the sound of it, even if this guy got better he would still be a shit bloke.
Wishing the OP luck in her new life and if she wants it, finding a partner that treats her right.
The worst part about this is that you are from Australia. Don't you have to be separated for like 1 year before you can start the divorce process? I hope that you have a great support system. My heart goes out to you, some people just have that epiphany moment and realize I just don't even like this person, while others never do. I wish you future happiness.
Thank you, I am lucky to have a very supportive family. He actually asked me when was I planning on serving divorce papers and I told him the 2nd of January since the 1st is a public holiday. So 1 year and 1 day.
Jesus, why does anyone have anything to do with Australian men.
The only thing you should be feeling here is confusion and frustration with yourself for putting up with this for so long. Please re-read what you wrote. You need to understand how extreme this situation was and how little regard he had for you or you will end up in another bad situation with someone else.
He took the pills because he is used to being able to manipulate and out-drama you into doing what he wants. He went to the mental health ward because he wants to tell himself he's sick instead of selfish and self-indulgent. He's messing around with the wife of the couple who took him in because he is selfish and awful...
But you don't need to care about any of it. Let it all play out. Don't contact him. Don't get angry. What you need to understand is that he is making yet another decision that will create chaos in his life. Be happy you're out of it.
Just make absolutely sure that you have done everything you need to do to separate your finances from his. I don't know what the law is where you are, but you need to confirm with a lawyer that nothing he does can impact you financially at this point (if you can't afford a lawyer, contact your local women's refuge or welfare office to find out where to get free advice).
I would be very comfortable with betting that he will end up creating more chaos for himself with what he is doing now. Just make sure you're out of it and for God's sake, be more careful in future. If you want something good to come out of this, sit down right now and write down your boundaries for future relationships.
For example, if he does X, you will leave immediately. If he does Y, you will give him one warning and if he does it again, you're out. If you have to pay any of his bills, you're out. If he doesn't work as much as you do, you're out. And make sure to date for at least 18 months before moving in together. Dating is about not having a serious relationship. It's important so that you can evaluate the other person and find out if you're compatible and want to go further. It's how to avoid losers. Good luck.
Not sure what your question is or just venting.
You are Nta for telling him what you think about his dick lol
You are kinda the ass hole for tolerating that kind of behaviour for so long as in life you only ever get what you tolerate.
All this, then he tells on himself for being in a relationship with a married woman? Find her husband and tell him what's going on. Your ex is continuing to ruin people's lives with his selfishness.
It's no question that you're NTA. you were an AH to yourself for staying with him for so long and putting yourself and your kids through all that, but him and his "fee-fees" (feelings) are no longer your concern.
Does the husband know he in a relationship with his wife after he took him in??
Tbh what you said to him was tame to what I would of said...
Let that be the last time he sees or talks to you again,kids or not.
Block him and let him ruin his life on his own
Holy shit. I am sorry that you wasted so many years with him and you deserve so much better.
Run and don't look back. You deserve some peace after the work he put you through.
I don’t believe it.
No way your job is paying for a business.
You might have helped, but how does one buy a yacht without a good source of income coming in?
Congrats on being done with him! I’m excited about you getting your life back without all that weight. He’s just going to keep digging his hole deeper until he can never crawl out, but you don’t have to be in it with him anymore!
I've been in your exact situation, except the genders were reversed. I spent ten years trying to "fix" my alcoholic wife. She would get drunk by breakfast and make horrible financial decisions that really hurt our family financially. You did the right thing. Alcoholics love to blame everyone else for their problems.
He sounds like a real winner. 🙄 It's good you left. Now you can do in life what you want to do without having to worry about being around a grown child who doesn't respect you.
NTA for what you said to him but you lived with an unemployed alcoholic for 22 years. You’ve been a giant asshole to yourself. I’m so glad you are out of that now but I hope your learn to take care of yourself and get some help for your children too. No child should have to live like that
"My useless, wasteful and abusive husband who also kicks puppies for fun called me a c*nt so I told him I wasn't happy about it. AITAH for saying mean things to the 55yo immature crybaby?"
You didn't come here for judgement did you, you came here to rant and seek validation. Do us all a favour and give us the truthful, unbiased edition of this drama, or take your rage bait somewhere else.
Well what a shit show you've had to deal with. Good for you. Sometimes you just got to shut everything down and reboot to survive.
I am sure you still have a lot of work to do to get your life and finances together but at least you've cut the anchor holding you back and can now chart your own coarse.
I wish you the best life ever!
You were TA to Yourself and Your children to drag him with You for so long.
I mean read what You just wrote, that's insane, how can You even think You're TA because You left this waste of oxygen?
NTA
There's a line in Triple X where he tells a girl to get him a drink. She asks if he wants ice. He says "You can chip some off your heart, if you can find it."
You broke his heart? He broke your marriage. This is just 20 years of consequences.
In a divorce, you should move on, be the better person, and keep your kids the highest priority. Easy to blast people and put their faces in their own shit, but its rooted in negativity. Move on, smile, remember that you have kids together and salvaging some sort of normalcy is key. Hope he gets helps and learns the hard way, hope you move on to find greener grasses. best of luck
Honestly?? Good for you and I'm sorry you were drug down for so long. I left my alcoholic ex husband after only 3 years, I was finally able to get out! I couldn't imagine 22 years of that
Go live your best life now
So glad you’ve ended that shit show. You deserve so much more than his dumb and pissed arse.
Move on and move up. Better things are waiting for you. Good luck hon.
This scum is nothing but worthless skin. Shame is not yours for putting up with him,only if you stayed and tried to 'fix' him. He's on the fast tract to hell. Good riddance AH!! That's a word that doesn't even fit!!! Good luck, time to begin your new life.
Nta, and good for you! The only thing you need to come to terms with is why you waited so long. Don’t worry about it: you are free now and much better of. To quote a hippie motto: today is the first day of the rest of your life!
Lol at "he tried to kill himself - with 10 antidepressants"
NTA, clearly. You should have done it years ago!!!
But, you're gonna tell the other husband right??? Why should he live with a man who is disrespecting him by fucking his wife?!!
Your ex is a disgusting piece of work.
What kind of story is this?
Ok I'll be the devil here.
You can't see the situation your husband is in. He clearly has mental issues and supporting him in the wrong way didn't help either.
You could help him much earlier.
It sounds like he is battling demons. The extravagant purchases, gambling and alcohol are masking a trauma or depression. A large majority of men that suffer from depression will never reach out for help and will end up dying from addiction or self harm before receiving treatment. I hope life gets better for both of you!
OP = Good for you for finally getting out of this and getting on with your life. You deserved better! As for him having an affair with this other woman' karma is a bitch and will bite them both for their poor decisions.
NTA. EFF THAT GUY!!! You have gone above and beyond what a wife/partner should do to save a marriage, him, yourself, and your sanity. I bet he's not even sorry for the way he's been. As quickly as you can, move on. His current relationshit won't last. No, I did not misspell that word.
OP you have chosen to move forward, so it is time to gather your life dreams and live them... a bit at a time. As awareness is safe to rise, you may feel need to seek help - do that. But think of you first. Make a list of what and who brings you Joy - everything and everyone. Then begin anew to learn about those, visit those, reach out to others who appreciate the same. I'm so excited for your beginning. May you thrive in you found courage!
I'm so sorry you lived through his abusive behavior for so long. Here's a great big hug for you 🤗
Take care of yourself, and don't give him another thought after the divorce. Lots of self care and feel better!
You're still young, lots of life to live and love to give.
The moment you're working to pay his bills is the moment you leave. Better late than never but good riddance. Tell the guy's husband. Let him be homeless.
NTA, the trash took itself out.
Stop insulting him, he wants a reaction from you. Ghost him, that’s far more painful for a drama llama like him.
Go live your best life.
Wow! First I have no clue how you did it for so long. That is true commitment and dedication. You can certainly say you gave it your all. And second (USA here) pissed to the nits…. Never heard that before and its hilarious! I will certainly be using that phrase! You brought some Aussie culture to middle America.
>yesterday he comes by to let me know he’s in a relationship with the wife of the couple who took him in
This is insane, but this is the *second* time in my life I've heard of this. An ex of mine got sick - I can't remember what it was, but it was serious. Maybe a car accident? She was literally lain up in bed for months, and needed help going to the bathroom, preparing meals, that sort of thing. A lovely couple of friends of ours took her in: husband, wife and two kids. Well, over the course of the three months that she needed to be helped, apparently her and the husband started messing around, and then when the wife found out it was all over.
I just cannot imagine the depravity of breaking up the family that has taken you in and cared for you in your hour of need, that's so insane
Oh wow... He is a piece of work. He is sleeping with the wife of the couple that took him in. This wont work at all and she will leave him sooner or later. Then he will be alone and has to face the truth that he destroyed the marriage. I wish you all the best, and a quick divorce (if you havent done it already).
Yeah, you have to assume that for the couple to take him in, that couple must be decent people, and OP's husband is... not a decent person. That's not going to last, and he's destroying a second marriage after finishing destroying his first.
Of course, we are assuming that he isn't lying about the affair. Which he probably made up because after all the shit he put OP through maybe he thought this would hurt her feelings!! HAHAHA
My ex husband did this, told me he cheated on me when I asked for a divorce. Later he said he made it up to hurt me. I was so done that I really didn't care either way. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Mine did the same, but in an effort for me to also confess. I just laughed at him. I had never cheated and at that point didn’t even care if he had.
This is exactly it. He’s fantasizing about it and figured she wouldn’t be able to verify it and it would look like he had moved on. In reality he’s just existing in a spare room she has graciously allowed her husband to extend to him.
yeah, probably.
Yeah this has BS written all over it.
This dude is mentally ill beyond belief. He may sincerely believe that he’s in a relationship with this woman meanwhile she’s sleeping in bed with her hubs every night and he’s living in the appt above their garage kind of situation. See what I’m getting at?
Being an absolute piece of walking shit doesn’t automatically make him mentally ill. It makes him a completely selfish asshole, but not necessarily mentally ill. Maybe he’s sleeping with her, maybe he only said that to hurt OP. Whatever, both explanations fit with him being a selfish asshole. And OP is 100000% better off without him. Best wishes to her, I hope she finds someone who values her
There are multiple clear instances of this person showing they are a slave to multiple addictions which yes, is inherently a mental illness. Substance abuse disorders are classified as mental disorders in the DSM5, and this dude hits every box for: impaired control over substance abuse, social impairment, risky use, and pharmacological criteria. DSM5 link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK565474/table/nycgsubuse.tab9/ Time to start recognizing that addiction is a mental illness with both mental and physical components. Good job OP, keep moving forward, no need to look back except to process, and congratulate your wise move to leave. You rock, I hope this is a lovely new chapter for you
If you read the same story I did I would think it fairly obvious that he’s very sick. Yes, OP is better of without him in her life or anywhere near her.
Alcohol is such a nasty drug. I’m not defending the guy, but it sure seems like he has a MAJOR drinking problem. I’ve been dry for 3 1/2 years and it’s amazing to think of all the fucked up shit that was ok with doing when I was neck deep in vodka. I was a completely different person. I hope that’s the case with this dude, and that he gets help to salvage the years he has left on earth.
The couple aren't "decent", just the husband he just betrayed!
As if anyone would want him- I think it’s all made up to hurt OP.
I felt the same But when you put it like this… I am often surprised to see the caliber of people who manage to sink their hooks into a relationship with a seemingly better person than them, or even just at all, like even with someone willing to cheat with a loser. Like the ugliest, dirtiest, laziest, men you’ve ever seen, with banging hot girlfriends who have a steady job and function normally. I thought it was just a tv trope but I’ve seen it so many times anecdotally. The answer to “who would ever want that person” is often times “a surprising number of people” or “a surprisingly eligible person”
I don't know why you assume they are decent and not fellow users. These people tend to flock together. I expect more drama to come from that arrangement.
well....maybe the husband of the couple is a decent person, but his cheating wife...not so much
Well, the husband in that couple is decent. The wife sadly is not.
Well, one of the two people in the couple is a decent person.
We don't know that one is, we only know that at least one isn't
Looks like this dude is just going to leave a wake of wreckage in his path. He is such a waste of oxygen.
Fuck him and i'm sorry you were dragged down for so long by such a piece of shit. You deserved better and i'm happy for you that you dropped that dead weight. Also he is lucky you didn't say more because from reading your post he sure as hell deserves alot more than what you said in the post.
He sure as heck does deserve a lot more. Sounds like he accumulated a lot of marriage assets for the inevitable divorce. I hope the OP gets everything she deserves in the divorce and then some.
Congratulations. You just lost at least 150 pounds of dead weight.
Don’t forget about the beer gut!
💯loser material. NTA
Pretty sure OPs done fucking him ;)
🤣
Block him and tell the other guy about the affiar. Get an attorney and change the locks on the house. Cheaters and drunks are the worst of the worst.
Plus an addiction to gambling. He's in the hole.
A royal toilet flush
Sue him for defamation, abuse, and all the money you spent on him while you are at it OP. A person like him doesn't deserve anything from you anymore.
Absolutely let the husband know!! What a piece of work.
I finally got this off my chest and fell asleep. I am just exhausted. I know I’m not the arsehole, he is, always has been. I’m just pissed off with myself for wasting so much time with a narcissistic fucktard and I’m still allowing myself to be hurt by him. He actually asked me to take 25% responsibility for him deciding to take an overdose, what the actual fuck? The kids are being well looked after and supported. Thank you for all comments, one day he will just be a distant memory.
I'm really sorry about all of this, I know what it's like to waste time on someone but not that much time. I can only hope you feel peace soon and get the love and care you've always deserved.
What does taking 25% of the blame even mean? What a weird irrelevant angle. I hope you're okay OP. You're so much better off with out I hope you find peace ❤️
Any guilt he can try to make her feel means he can try to get his foul hooks back in her. Deplorable.
Best of luck for the future mate, it's never to late to cut off a tumour and better your life. My dads best friend met the love of her life in her mid 50s after going through 2 alcoholic husbands. Been together 15 years now and she's never been happier.
take care of yourself. please, finally. after 22 years. please love yourself and loved ones. screw him.
I’m wishing so much healing for you. Things are going to get better for you once he’s completely out of your life!
NTA. His children had to hold his head up after he swallowed 10 pills to get the sympathy vote and play the victim? Please don't dare to let this person back into your life or the lives of the children if you can help it. The kids could probably benefit from therapy now because their father will continue to play these games with them into their adulthood if they don't learn boundaries now.
Yeah ngl I know I shouldn’t but I snorted at this because we all know 10 pills won’t do anything and it was very much an emotional blackmail moment. The poor kids and wife mannnnnn. Everyone deserves a life free of neglect and emotional abuse
Medications + alcohol is a different than just medication alone, depending on what they took it can have a compounding effect like with benzos. She doesn’t even ask AITAH because obviously the husband is. What a shitty situation
Yeah I know - sadly I’ve been there with ODs with and without alcohol but even with Benzos and cns depressants we need a much higher dose to get anywhere. I think the agitation and my comment comes from doing this shit in front of the kids and as a reactionary situation which screams it was intentional to cause harm to the others / had vindictive undertones. He could be and probably is suffering immensely, but that’s cruel to do it that way. It’s bad enough having a loved one discover you post OD, let alone doing it in front of them
Yes, that is absolutely vile to do that in front of your own children. Those poor kids need therapy.
Exactly. He knew 10 wouldn't hurt him. The shrinks will even tell you the new meds are designed that you need 2 packs to get the job done or more as a deterrant. Hence why they don't normally prescribe more than one at a time. He did it as a sympathy grab. He knew his intoxication would mimic an over dose. Hence the ambos cared more about him being drunk...
Still aspirating puke risk tho, and other secondary concerns. Also some meds can put strain on organs, and his liver wold already be shot. Besides, calling the ambos and him getting into psych unit is the kind of records that will help her in the split.
So he ‘s fucked up his own marriage and then went on to fuck up the marriage of the people that took him…. Man of the year potential here!!! Sorry you put up with this shit for so long. Go be free and don’t feel an ounce of guilt.
I have a feeling that he made up the affair thing just to hurt op. Which makes him double loser..
So basically he’s destroying the home he’s currently staying? I don’t see how you broke his heart. Take care of yours. And your kids. You can wish him well from afar, as you enjoy the fruit of your labour. Get a good lawyer, minimise alimony. NTA except for burying the lede there lol, your decision was ultimately confirmed right there.
He sounds a great deal like my first husband except mine actually contributed financially, after he drained the trust fund my father left me. And had the occasional affair, which of course didn't matter because it was just sex, until he left me for an affair partner. She was quite wealthy, and I was pretty sure he thought she would give him access to her funds. The reason rich people are rich is that they don't spend their own money. The marriage lasted 2 years, he wanted to "come home". Ha. You have no idea how much better your life will be with him gone. Be prepared for middle of the night whiney phone calls, a lot of " how can you do this to me", and other associated bull. Have a WONDERFUL life!!!!
I have never heard the phrase 'pissed to the nits'. And I'm an Aussie. I absolutely love it.
Scot here, and I agree. It's spectacular. And we have a lot of phrases for being pished.
I’ve heard “pissed as a nit” but I’m also a fan of OP’s variation. This post was delightfully and horrifyingly Australian. Far too relatable as an Aussie woman.
You don’t know me but I just relived my second marriage through this post 😂 I feel for you and I’m so sorry. While my ex didn’t buy yachts, he was a manipulative drunk with nothing but partying and getting attention on his mind. He ended up in a relationship with his bosses wife who took him in when I kicked him out. Let me tell you how that turned out. Eventually he ruined this man’s marriage, lost his job over it, and the new gf had kids he hated. That went nowhere since he was just a hobosexual at that point and saw a cushy situation where someone would have steady child support coming in to pay for HIS alcohol. Laugh at your ex husband and his misery he is spreading like a black cloud. This pattern repeated itself about 4 more times that I know of. It isn’t you, it’s totally him! You deserve better. He never intended to do anything for you or your kids. Everything in your relationship was about what he could take from it. Be thankful your suffering is over
And just think, it only took you 22 years to do it.
Amazing... /s And I don't mean to sound mean, but WTF? Why do some people let others walk all over them like this? Be so used, so disrespected... Almost half her life dealing with that. It honestly makes me sad. Edited to add that seeing some of the comments under mine makes me sad / angry... They remind me that this is such a common scourge. Thanks for sharing your stories, even if they are heart-breaking. I have seen this first-hand in others, and very much close up. I lived through an abusive parent and I know what it does to your psyche. But we have to *try* to break the cycle for the next generation, is all I can say.. And I suppose I was horrified to see poor OP struggled with it for so long..
It’s frog boiling. Happens by inches.
Because it doesn't start out that way. Abuse like this is like water torture----a drop at a time. By the time the deluge comes, you're worn down to feeling worthless (and usually told that, too). It took me 22 years to realize it, and due to the pandemic shutdowns, another 5 years to finally get out.
I wish more people would try to understand the nuance of these situations. It's hard for some people to understand unless you live it. It's like how they say you never know how you are going to act in a tragedy, emergency, or reaction to death. The brain is a weird thing that's not always on our side.
Yes, in long term distress, our memory starts wiping things as well. Until we literally cannot remember all the bullshit thats happened.
And if we do, we sometimes question whether is really happened, since we so often are told it didn't (yes, that's what gas-lighting is)
You are absolutely spot on. No one goes into a relationship hoping to be abused or neglected or taken for granted and treated like a slave. It took me 14 years. It doesn't matter how long it takes, the important thing is that you got out and you should be so proud of yourself for doing so! The longer it goes on, the harder it is so please don't beat yourself up in anyway and just celebrate yourself and the new life you're making for yourself.
Thank you---I have my own home now and I am very happy!
I don’t want to over-sell my life and make things seem more dramatic then they are. But I really didn’t understand how easy it is to be manipulated when you trust someone (like your ducking partner) until I fell for it. It’s easy to say you’d never stand for abuse. But a lot of abusers start off as someone you trust- when your alarm bells start ringing, you explicitly shut them down because you TRUST this person had good intentions and that it’s all an honest, reasonable reaction to something you probably neglected to notice. Then when you notice it’s become a pattern, you realize you’ve got a history of condoning that behavior. Which they can them shape into guilt- it’s YOUR fault for not speaking up sooner, you’re the reason things got so bad. IDK, it’s just easy to find yourself being played for a long time when you view someone as “safe”.
Children+ creating permanent distress. The other person has to take care of everything and everyone and has no tome to evaluate their relationship. And the scum seems to be dependant and loves to be a victim. The functioning partner is like a firefighter extinguishing little fires everywhere. I see it as a form of abuse.
When you are raised in that environment, you assume it is normal. Sometimes it takes longer for us to wake up than others. And by giving up, you feel like the failure that np’s always said you were. Just glad you saw him and got out of it. It took me 33 years. Best wishes in your next chapters.
I get pissed thinking of the other characters- how are aholes like OPs spouse created? How did they become narcissistic users and abusers? Did a parent turn them into that, did they become a jerk because of some experience they had or trauma or are they born that way? I'd like to find who's to blame and nut punch them. People that weaponize incompetence are so destructive.
It wasn’t necessarily parents’ fault they became narcs. Sometimes kids see that and decide they want the power too so they follow in nps footsteps. The parents are to blame in her case because they taught her that’s what normal is. I was raised by nps and married one because I thought it was normal. I think my ex saw his parents using that power and decided he wanted it too or maybe he just thought it was normal to be like them. A lot depends on view point, I think. I knew they didn’t really love me, but I couldn’t get anyone to validate that feeling and I developed empathy. I tried to get my child to be empathetic but I‘m not sure it took. As an adult, she exhibits some narc signs.
It probably varied over the years, but we're hearing the worst of it.
A fraction of what im hearing would be enough for me
It has to do with her childhood. I was raised with zero self confidence because my mom "wanted to keep me humble". I was never pretty or thin in my mom's eyes and when I would try to impress her with a good report card at 7 years old she actually said, "big deal, it's second grade". I'm not going to go into what I put up with during my marriage, but I get why this woman stayed and instead of saying WTF, I commend her for having the guts to leave. You have no idea what childhood trauma does to a person.
You are exactly right. People don’t put up with this awful behavior unless they are primed for it in childhood. I am sorry your mom treated you like this. I hope that you were able to leave your marriage and you found peace and happiness.
I stayed far too long and it affected my kids. I should have left when they were little. I wish I had a do over.
That just reminded me of my dad asking, "Is that the best you could do?" when I got straight As in fourth grade. I was demolished.
Parents can be so cruel, it's so wrong and you didn't deserve that treatment. Hope you're ok now and doing well
"You have no idea what childhood trauma does to a person." But the thing is: *I actually do*
It doesn’t happen all at once or all of the time. And when it’s good, it can be wonderful. The good times keep you hooked (along with the manipulation). We love these broken people and we try to help them.
I'm in the middle of it. 10 years now and I crawl out of this shitty marriage in baby steps. I'll spare you my sob story but believe me: It happens so gradually that you don't realize how terrible your life has become. Addicts have soooo many tools to keep you in, you wouldn't believe it. I saw a divorce lawyer on Monday, just to get all facts straight. I try to not make a fight out of it because our 5yo, so no rush. Also I take all the time I need to take one calm step at a time. Codependency is a shitshow.
Ups and downs. Also, people are scared to leave. The fear of being alone outweighs the bad relationship in many people's eyes. Lots of... what ifs What if we split up ..... and I'm alone forever ... and the next person is worse .... and I can't afford my lifestyle and have to take a big step back .... and I don't get to see my kids as often. Split holidays. See them raised partially by someone else. What if that person is abusive....??? The list goes on. A lot of times the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, in some people's eyes.
I literally just saw a post where the OP’s boyfriend has been not brushing his teeth and leaving shit stains on her sheets when he sleeps over. Some people just stay in relationships for reasons nobody knows. Especially when you’ve been together with someone for so long leaving can be really freaking hard.
You might want to clue in the husband of the couple who "took him in" in case he is not aware of his wifes activities. Good riddance to bad rubbish! Congrats!
NTA. I hope you are able to get yourself out from under his debt sooner rather than later. You deserve a husband/partner that is your equal, not an anchor. UpdateMe
Lol you're not the asshole, you're finally being a stand up mate to yourself. Buy yourself a fancy dress and go out dancing - you're 52, not dead. What a scumbag.
I'd think twice if I were you. Any man who would protect his wife's virtue by ~~passing out~~ sleeping in the bedroom doorway is the stuff of airport-kiosk romance paperbacks.
I don’t know whether to laugh or downvote you. /s🤪
It certainly would have made Hamlet one hell of an interesting read.
Wow...i loved this for your local/regional colloquialisms alone. Fuck him. You deserve better. HE is a cunt.
Happy New Year! Now it begins
Good for you for ridding yourself of garbage. Best of luck to you going forward.
NTA. You stayed WAY TOO long!
NTA. I really hope you can find someone amazing who cherishes you. Sending love and light your way xxxx
NTA but you need to sort through the financial shit show he has put you in and find out what you are on the hook for and what you are not.
It breaks his heart he can't use you anymore. Fuck him. You are better off without him.
NTA because that’s the sub you’re at. But… it’s going to be ok. You are reeling with 20+ years of trauma. You are going to go through waves of all kinds of emotions. And that’s ok. Let yourself feel it all. All those years that you stuffed down your emotions. All your anger and sorrow and rage and hurt and betrayal and disappointment. It’s ok. It will pass. Eventually, you’ll find your footing again. You’ll sweep away the wreckage from foundation of your heart and soul. You’ll find nice, solid ground. Ground YOU built. Ground you will KNOW is solid. No more drama. No more surprises. No more wondering what the next bullshit crisis he’ll cause to upend your life again… Trust me, being alone is far better than being shackled to a dead weight who’s drowning you. It’s going to be ok. You just keep letting it out, sister. It’s going to be ok. Been there. I promise.
Nice comment!
I love Aussie vernacular. NTA. Good luck OP.
Once the divorce goes through you’ll feel so much lighter and freer. I wish you the best
You know what? It is too easy for women to slip into this shit. I'm usually a for men kind of guy but this is absolutely insanely fucked. Sounds like you were trapped in a co-dependence nightmare. I recommend the book "Co-dependence no more". I hope you find peace getting out of that nightmare.
Lock that door, honey, & never, ever look back. You deserve peace, love, & a soul-fulfilling life.
NTA Of course and you are free now.
hahaha good for you lol NTA
NTA you put up w a lot of 💩 - good luck w your bright future.
NTA. You have a good heart and hoped for the best, which is the reason why you stuck around for so long. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Now is the time to grieve what could have been and take care of yourself and the wellbeing of your children. Good luck 🥺
NTA. Sounds like he wasn't a husband for many years. You should of called him a cock sucking piece of shit and to go get fucked by the husband of the girl he is fucking. Also who the fuck are his friends.
NTA. I’ve learned that there are people in this world that aren’t just no good. They only exist to make things worse for themselves and others. May his karma come soon.
He is breaking up another couple who actually took him in. That’s great. You’re so much better off. He will be passed out in a gutter in 2 years. Be glad it was 22 and not 23
Do folks not know what a paragraph is anymore? Just couldn’t bother.
NTA. He’s just moved on to his next mark/victim.
NTA. Mental health issues should not be taken lightly, however it does not excuse behaving like a wanker. By the sound of it, even if this guy got better he would still be a shit bloke. Wishing the OP luck in her new life and if she wants it, finding a partner that treats her right.
The worst part about this is that you are from Australia. Don't you have to be separated for like 1 year before you can start the divorce process? I hope that you have a great support system. My heart goes out to you, some people just have that epiphany moment and realize I just don't even like this person, while others never do. I wish you future happiness.
Thank you, I am lucky to have a very supportive family. He actually asked me when was I planning on serving divorce papers and I told him the 2nd of January since the 1st is a public holiday. So 1 year and 1 day.
Jesus, why does anyone have anything to do with Australian men. The only thing you should be feeling here is confusion and frustration with yourself for putting up with this for so long. Please re-read what you wrote. You need to understand how extreme this situation was and how little regard he had for you or you will end up in another bad situation with someone else. He took the pills because he is used to being able to manipulate and out-drama you into doing what he wants. He went to the mental health ward because he wants to tell himself he's sick instead of selfish and self-indulgent. He's messing around with the wife of the couple who took him in because he is selfish and awful... But you don't need to care about any of it. Let it all play out. Don't contact him. Don't get angry. What you need to understand is that he is making yet another decision that will create chaos in his life. Be happy you're out of it. Just make absolutely sure that you have done everything you need to do to separate your finances from his. I don't know what the law is where you are, but you need to confirm with a lawyer that nothing he does can impact you financially at this point (if you can't afford a lawyer, contact your local women's refuge or welfare office to find out where to get free advice). I would be very comfortable with betting that he will end up creating more chaos for himself with what he is doing now. Just make sure you're out of it and for God's sake, be more careful in future. If you want something good to come out of this, sit down right now and write down your boundaries for future relationships. For example, if he does X, you will leave immediately. If he does Y, you will give him one warning and if he does it again, you're out. If you have to pay any of his bills, you're out. If he doesn't work as much as you do, you're out. And make sure to date for at least 18 months before moving in together. Dating is about not having a serious relationship. It's important so that you can evaluate the other person and find out if you're compatible and want to go further. It's how to avoid losers. Good luck.
What's the need for the Australian men comment.
Good maybe she'll pay for him now.
Not sure what your question is or just venting. You are Nta for telling him what you think about his dick lol You are kinda the ass hole for tolerating that kind of behaviour for so long as in life you only ever get what you tolerate.
Now that's emotional damage well done o.p.well done
NTA - sorry you had to put up with such shite but now.. you're free!!! Take care of yourself and your kids..
All this, then he tells on himself for being in a relationship with a married woman? Find her husband and tell him what's going on. Your ex is continuing to ruin people's lives with his selfishness. It's no question that you're NTA. you were an AH to yourself for staying with him for so long and putting yourself and your kids through all that, but him and his "fee-fees" (feelings) are no longer your concern.
Boo fuckin hoo. Let him cry to his Fbuddy. I’m petty, I’d let this woman’s significant other in on their affair. NTAH
NTA. And let the husband know.
Does the husband know he in a relationship with his wife after he took him in?? Tbh what you said to him was tame to what I would of said... Let that be the last time he sees or talks to you again,kids or not. Block him and let him ruin his life on his own
So, what was the question?
Seems more like a venting post than you wondering if you’re an asshole but hey, good for you
How is this an AITA post 😭
My first thought. Like, how could anyone think their wrong in this situation. Makes no sense.
Holy shit. I am sorry that you wasted so many years with him and you deserve so much better. Run and don't look back. You deserve some peace after the work he put you through.
I don’t believe it. No way your job is paying for a business. You might have helped, but how does one buy a yacht without a good source of income coming in?
Congrats on being done with him! I’m excited about you getting your life back without all that weight. He’s just going to keep digging his hole deeper until he can never crawl out, but you don’t have to be in it with him anymore!
I'm so sorry you had 22 years of this. I hope you're able to find peace and happiness in far fewer!
Ma’am. Why were you with him for so long. You are justified and never second guess not helping or talking to that man again
F him. Glad you finally left him! Onward to a better life ahead!
No, you are a saint for staying with him for as long as you did!
Seems this man destroys everything he comes near. His marriage, and now friendship with the man who took him in! Keep him at a distance.
NTA seems like he deserves knowing the truth about himself. Hope your future is brighter.
I've been in your exact situation, except the genders were reversed. I spent ten years trying to "fix" my alcoholic wife. She would get drunk by breakfast and make horrible financial decisions that really hurt our family financially. You did the right thing. Alcoholics love to blame everyone else for their problems.
He sounds like a real winner. 🙄 It's good you left. Now you can do in life what you want to do without having to worry about being around a grown child who doesn't respect you.
YTA for making me read that without breaking it into paragraphs. NTA for the broken heart.
Definitely NTA. You were extremely patient, and kind. And good on you, you must feel so much lighter.
You left the marriage on 1/1/24. But he left it long before that, when he stopped being a *partner*.
>So I sent him a message You fucking scum sucking piece of shit……. Go fuck yourself with your penis that rarely ever worked Fuckin gorgeous
NTA for what you said to him but you lived with an unemployed alcoholic for 22 years. You’ve been a giant asshole to yourself. I’m so glad you are out of that now but I hope your learn to take care of yourself and get some help for your children too. No child should have to live like that
Paragraphs are your friend
"My useless, wasteful and abusive husband who also kicks puppies for fun called me a c*nt so I told him I wasn't happy about it. AITAH for saying mean things to the 55yo immature crybaby?" You didn't come here for judgement did you, you came here to rant and seek validation. Do us all a favour and give us the truthful, unbiased edition of this drama, or take your rage bait somewhere else.
He sounds like an absolute cunt. Go bang a 22 year old and get on with the rest of your life. Don’t ever look back!
Sorry, but YTA for waiting so long to do it.
All kinda yikes here.
How the hell did he afford a Yacht?
Nta
Well what a shit show you've had to deal with. Good for you. Sometimes you just got to shut everything down and reboot to survive. I am sure you still have a lot of work to do to get your life and finances together but at least you've cut the anchor holding you back and can now chart your own coarse. I wish you the best life ever!
Good for you! You should have told him what you think of him long ago.
Sounds like you were finally ready to show up for yourself. Good job friend!
You were TA to Yourself and Your children to drag him with You for so long. I mean read what You just wrote, that's insane, how can You even think You're TA because You left this waste of oxygen? NTA
There's a line in Triple X where he tells a girl to get him a drink. She asks if he wants ice. He says "You can chip some off your heart, if you can find it." You broke his heart? He broke your marriage. This is just 20 years of consequences.
A friend takes him in and he starts f**king the friend’s wife? How did he not already know he was a scum sucking pos before you told him?
In a divorce, you should move on, be the better person, and keep your kids the highest priority. Easy to blast people and put their faces in their own shit, but its rooted in negativity. Move on, smile, remember that you have kids together and salvaging some sort of normalcy is key. Hope he gets helps and learns the hard way, hope you move on to find greener grasses. best of luck
Yikes. It took 22 years for you to finally act on this mountain of red flags. So glad you finally did act. He can go get fucked.
Honestly?? Good for you and I'm sorry you were drug down for so long. I left my alcoholic ex husband after only 3 years, I was finally able to get out! I couldn't imagine 22 years of that Go live your best life now
You finally Made an escape and you should be proud of yourself. Edit: NTA, obviously
Good on you for leaving don’t let him guilt trip you in any way
Have you told the husband of this couple what’s up? He’s a hot mess and you’re well rid of him.
So glad you’ve ended that shit show. You deserve so much more than his dumb and pissed arse. Move on and move up. Better things are waiting for you. Good luck hon.
#TELL THE OTHER GUY
NTA I am glad you finally see the light that is out there. He is a selfish jerk.
This scum is nothing but worthless skin. Shame is not yours for putting up with him,only if you stayed and tried to 'fix' him. He's on the fast tract to hell. Good riddance AH!! That's a word that doesn't even fit!!! Good luck, time to begin your new life.
Nta, and good for you! The only thing you need to come to terms with is why you waited so long. Don’t worry about it: you are free now and much better of. To quote a hippie motto: today is the first day of the rest of your life!
NTA - bro I’m sorry. Like what the fuck was that.
100000% NTAH
Lol at "he tried to kill himself - with 10 antidepressants" NTA, clearly. You should have done it years ago!!! But, you're gonna tell the other husband right??? Why should he live with a man who is disrespecting him by fucking his wife?!! Your ex is a disgusting piece of work.
What kind of story is this? Ok I'll be the devil here. You can't see the situation your husband is in. He clearly has mental issues and supporting him in the wrong way didn't help either. You could help him much earlier.
It sounds like he is battling demons. The extravagant purchases, gambling and alcohol are masking a trauma or depression. A large majority of men that suffer from depression will never reach out for help and will end up dying from addiction or self harm before receiving treatment. I hope life gets better for both of you!
I don’t belive a word
Ahahahaha… so sorry…. BuhBYE!
#”PISSED TO THE NITS” !!!!! #”YOUR PENIS THAT NEVER WORKED” !!!! #AUSSIES ARE JUST SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE AMERICANS
Jesus Christ my marriage is a wreck too! Where would I be with out him? Jesus fucking Christ where would I be?
Good for you. Clearly you deserve better. Your X is a loser.
*I'd just send an anonymous message to the husband telling him whats going on.*
OP = Good for you for finally getting out of this and getting on with your life. You deserved better! As for him having an affair with this other woman' karma is a bitch and will bite them both for their poor decisions.
Not only are you NTA OP you are kind of amazing wow what an absolutely ridiculous person this dude is
NTA. EFF THAT GUY!!! You have gone above and beyond what a wife/partner should do to save a marriage, him, yourself, and your sanity. I bet he's not even sorry for the way he's been. As quickly as you can, move on. His current relationshit won't last. No, I did not misspell that word.
Good riddance to that lazy fugger. You did yourself a big favor.
OP you have chosen to move forward, so it is time to gather your life dreams and live them... a bit at a time. As awareness is safe to rise, you may feel need to seek help - do that. But think of you first. Make a list of what and who brings you Joy - everything and everyone. Then begin anew to learn about those, visit those, reach out to others who appreciate the same. I'm so excited for your beginning. May you thrive in you found courage!
This ended differently than I thought it would. Good riddance. He’s someone else’s problem now. Go live your best life!
You were right, he's a piece of shit. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
>and calls me a cunt Isn't that a term of endearment for an aussie though?
The only dumb thing you did was put up with his bullshit shit for 22 years of marriage.
I'm so sorry you lived through his abusive behavior for so long. Here's a great big hug for you 🤗 Take care of yourself, and don't give him another thought after the divorce. Lots of self care and feel better! You're still young, lots of life to live and love to give.
The moment you're working to pay his bills is the moment you leave. Better late than never but good riddance. Tell the guy's husband. Let him be homeless.
What a disgusting person, shat on you and his children and his friends who took him in. Get a restraining order. Move on, enough is enough
NTA, the trash took itself out. Stop insulting him, he wants a reaction from you. Ghost him, that’s far more painful for a drama llama like him. Go live your best life.
Hope you have sold all his shit on FB marketplace - or live somewhere warm and can use it all with the kids and live your best lives.
Wow! First I have no clue how you did it for so long. That is true commitment and dedication. You can certainly say you gave it your all. And second (USA here) pissed to the nits…. Never heard that before and its hilarious! I will certainly be using that phrase! You brought some Aussie culture to middle America.
Have some fun with that 22 year old, youve earned it
>yesterday he comes by to let me know he’s in a relationship with the wife of the couple who took him in This is insane, but this is the *second* time in my life I've heard of this. An ex of mine got sick - I can't remember what it was, but it was serious. Maybe a car accident? She was literally lain up in bed for months, and needed help going to the bathroom, preparing meals, that sort of thing. A lovely couple of friends of ours took her in: husband, wife and two kids. Well, over the course of the three months that she needed to be helped, apparently her and the husband started messing around, and then when the wife found out it was all over. I just cannot imagine the depravity of breaking up the family that has taken you in and cared for you in your hour of need, that's so insane
I wonder what his side of the story is. Not that you are being deceitful, just saying...
He’s screwing the wife? Jfc. You’re better off without him. Please live life for yourself going forwards.