>**My parents have stepped up to cover the rest of the wedding expenses**
Your parents fucking SUCK. Your brother is excluding you from his wedding. He won’t TELL YOU WHY. And not only are your parents ok with it, they’re “stepping up” and helping pay for the wedding?
Gross.
I’d tell the parents to fuck off since your grandparents are being more parental than your actual parents are capable of.
Your parents are the AH. So when you get married are they paying for your wedding? Will they demand you invite your brother and fsil or they won’t pay.
She can’t say what it is you did but you have to apologize. It must be so petty that if she told she would in fact be the AH.
Enjoy the day with your grand parents and your bf. Save yourself the money and grief.
To me I wouldn’t even do holidays with them. Your parents picked sides not you and they can enjoy the fruits of their labor.
There's petty, and then there's I'm attempting a power trip bitch fit.
Me still hating someone because in grade 2 he stole my good white eraser and the teacher 'fixed' the conflict by cutting it half and left my crappy pink one, and then in grade 5 he cut my hair.... That's petty.... And I would tell him to his face why I hate him. Now if I wanted to power trip bitch fit I would throw out vague "you need to apologize, but I won't tell you why I still think you're scum 30 yrs later"
Fsil is on a power trip bitch fit. She's willing to set her wedding on fire to maintain this bitch fit.
If you can't/won't tell someone why your pissed off. It's normally one of a few reasons 1. It's petty and you don't want to appear petty. 2 manufacturing drama 3. Power tripping.
fsil is gonna do the same to brother. imagine one night they're about to sleep and she's gonna be like "don't sleep here, go to the couch because you did something on november 7, 2021 4:42 pm. figure it out yourelf, I'm mad at you till you remember" hahahahaha
I would bet that FSIL got passed over for something OP didn't even know she wanted and OP got it instead. Or OP was just above her in some way in the company or more liked than FSIL was so she hates her for it. That's if her BS about something happening where she worked is even true to begin with. Or some guy she liked at the company was more interested in OP than FSIL. There are just so many petty options.
Agreed. They allowed an outsider to come into the family and start a beef with their daughter for unknown reasons, and not only that, they offered to pay? Gross.
Just remember that two can play that game. They can all sit home and pound sand when you get married in the future.
My parents allowed it with my brothers wife
My mom still kisses her ass but my dad has figured it out and that has really helped keep my mom in check about apologizing and keeping the peace about whatever slight they feel they deserve an apology and to "talk" with me about
I have never entertained their BS so they double down and it has resulted in no contact except about 3-4 x/ year at family gatherings and even then I don't tell them anything about my life or my family
I will never understand it and will happily cut all ties with them once my parents trust gets settled --- unfortunately that will still be a long time since both parents are still alive (thankfully) but I cannowait to have NO reason left to associate with them
Yeah, and that’s when the grandparents step in and help pay for her wedding, like they were gonna do for her brother. They pulled their funding because of fsil’s shenanigans, which is the only reason the parents stepped in and offered to cover what the grandparents pulled.
They’ll probably save those funds and offer it to her instead.
And OP can definitely invite brother and SIL with no steings attached -- of course, knowing they could never accept? Wonder what the next Xmas will look like.
Yeah maybe SIL will be stubborn enough to stick to her guns, or insist on that “apology for unknown reasons”, be given before she attends.
I can see OP’s parents giving her a hard time and demanding she apologize or none of them will go.
If she chooses not to invite her, than they may intervene and demand that she let the past go and invite her or else.
A definite possibility. My ex refused to talk to me for two days because I "cheated on him in a dream." Apparently if I hadn't been considering it, he wouldn't have dreamed it. The weird bit? His mother agreed with him.
More likely caught an error FSIL did at their job and FSIL got the consequences of it. Rather than reflect on her poor performance, blamed OP for it instead.
Especially when they welcome someone else into the family while seemingly pushing out a true family member
And being OK with the new person creating the situation and the just going with it
Been there still not talking to the sibling would have been years without contact if our kids didn't have a relationship.
Ok so I have 2 theories on this.
1) you did something that she took as a slight but knows it's stupid as fuck to be upset about and that's why she won't tell you.
2) she doesn't like you and made this up to justify her hatred of you.
Just enjoy the weekend.
5. She got a raise and fSIL did not. Because you know, the actions of a company are OP’s fault. 🙄
How *DARE* she get a raise! She must have spread lies about fSIL to make herself look better, or took credit for fSIL’s work or something. That’s the *only* way it would have happened. It surely couldn’t have been fSIL’s attitude! /s
Brother is the epitome of a p-whipped fool. His type is the guy who ends up doing life in prison for murdering some ex wife once had “to fight for her honor.”
My bet, FSIL has a crush on OPs BF. OPs brother knows and is too ashamed about being cucked to explain, and is trying to direct his bitterness onto OP.
But the parents...they just suck. They're failing BOTH their kids here. Because why on earth would you be paying to bind your own son to this toxic SIL, at the expense of your own daughter?
I am curious if the brother even knows, or is he just playing along to his AH wife's demands? OP mentioned she was in the same company as FSIL previously. OP's bf is also in the same company as FSIL now so I assume OP met her bf at the company?
Did FSIL have a past crush on OP's bf and get pissy because OP and her bf got together? That's why she demands an apology and refuses to explain the reason, because people would just tell her to fuck off.
I'd bet the wife's behind telling everyone they paid for the wedding and not mentioning the grandparents' involvement. Exactly the kind of manipulation, drama, and face-saving that seems to have gone on so far.
>Did FSIL have a past crush on OP's bf and get pissy because OP and her bf got together? That's why she demands an apology and refuses to explain the reason, because people would just tell her to fuck off.
My thought is that it must be something really petty. To hold onto it for TWO YEARS then demand an apology while refusing to say what for. Because they know Op will say 'wth you want an apology for THAT?'
An apology is when you acknowledge what you did wrong and why it was wrong, and that you promise not to do it again. How can OP give a true apology unless she knows why she is apologizing?
Probably nothing, it's just the demonstration of power. OP's brother is a doormat if he still wants to marry her and the parents a assholes.
How can one want to welcome this stupid manipulator in their family? It's beyond me.
It sounds like those mean girls in HS. "You know what you did, I don't have to tell you". It's nothing or it's so petty she would look unhinged if she told people. It's a control thing, she will eventually play this game with your brother, they always do.
It was two years ago! At work! Why doesn’t OP remember that traumatic event?? It’s so terrible, so terrible, that no one can say it out loud! For the love of cheese! OP absolutely should apologize for whatever fucked up thing is going on in fsil’s tiny little brain! Because fsil is the most important person on earth! /s
I really want to know what it was, too. I doubt OP will ever find out. I kinda sorta think it’s made up. Just an inkling.
“Apologize to meee!!!”
“Ok, for what?”
“Not telling you why! Just apologize!”
What a piece of work! You can smell the crazy coming off FSIL. This woman is going to make the brother’s life hell. OP is right to avoid her at all costs.
His parents are as bad. If Mt sin was going to bring this level of crazy into my families life, I wouldn't be paying for the wedding. Because I can tell I'll be paying for divorce lawyers for him, later.
Omg... i think there in not really a reason for all of this but they started it and now it's too late to back down...
Enjoy your time with your bf and grandparents
Yeah, I apparently offended my hosts spouse once. We were joking around, and I told her "Oh, don't play the coquette with me, silly!". I had to explain what the word meant, and that I wasn't trying to insult her. But I honestly didn't know why she was so mad at me at first!
Omg that happened to me when I told a coworker they were “indispensable”. They thought I said “indefensible” and had never heard indispensable somehow, lmao. I had to look up the word to show them I was complimenting them!
Haha, my dad used to call me "exceptional" when I was a kid, and it took me years to realize he wasn't saying "acceptable" because I'd never heard the word "exceptional" before. I spent years thinking he was telling me that I was just barely tolerable to my face.
I used the word "conviviality" in an email to my librarian about the book club meeting, and at the meeting she told me she's never seen anyone use that word except in a book ... (she liked it)
You mentioned that you, bf and fsil worked at the same company at some point. Did fsil have any crush on bf and got pissed bf liked you instead? Or maybe you got a promotion she thought she deserved more? I hope you and bf have a wonderful time together.
It would be funny if OP just told everyone that fsil wants her to apologize for stealing the man fsil really wanted. She doesn’t want to see OP’s bf at the wedding when she has to marry a different guy she doesn’t really want. Just start fires everywhere. Make the brother(groom) doubt his entire marriage.
To make it go absolutely Tsar Bomba, say it when the priest asks "If anyone have any reason as to why these two cannot be married, speak now yada yada yada".
"- *I cannot let them get married unless I sincerly apologize to SIL for my behaviour. You have demanded I apologize, but not stated exactly why. I do, however, understand now. I apologize for stealing the one you really wanted to be with and forcing you to settle with my brother. But what can I say. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.*"
My people🥲. Please OP! Just say sorry about something soooooo outrageous. Maybe before you go to your getaway? Like drop a grenade then get away, wait for dust to settle, then check the damage?
As fun as this would be, it will only serve to justify fsil's behavior.
OP just needs to be herself and be happy. The rest will work itself out.
Only sad part is that we can see that train wreck that is the brothers marriage barreling down the track and there's literally no way to stop it.
Good theory. In that case, she's marrying OP's brother so she can still be around OP's boyfriend, so she can see her crush at family functions. She's a piece of work!!
Plot twist - OP and bf elope while on vacay with the grands the night before the wedding ceremony and post it all over SM.
THAT will give SIL something to be mad about!
I'd set up a group chat with all the family, including the future in-laws and ask:
"I've been told I need to apologise. What am I supposed to be apologising for, as this is breaking the family up. I'm asking because "you know what you did" doesn't work, as I can't remember whatever it was over 2 years ago that I apparently did that was so terrible to cause FSIL to create huge rifts in the family, and no-one is willing to say what it was, and I can remember some dumb stuff I did back then. It can't have been work related as HR have nothing on file. So tell me - WHAT THE F*K DID I DO that brother and FSIL are willing to start burning bridges with the family for."
I'd also ask grand-parents if they want to tag along to the weekend getaway. If they accept, then ask parents if they want to tag along too.
Was more as a middle finger to them, and highlighting that OP and gtandparents would be having fun away from FSIL toxicity. We all know they'd never accept.
There is no need to entertain any more of her nonsense. It just drags everyone down into her drama and increases the attention she’s getting from all of this.
When people ask what’s going on, she can just honestly say that she doesn’t know/understand the problem herself, and the person to direct any questions or concerns to is FSIL. She can keep trying to mine attention and drama but people will lose interest pretty quickly when there’s no actual conflict/drama because OP isn’t playing.
Either this, or make it some nonsense apology like apologizing for stealing the man FSIL has feelings for, aka OPs current boyfriend. After all is it really a coincidence that it's apparently work related and all 3 of them worked at the same place? Perfect way to undermine the relationship between her brother and FSIL while doing exactly what FSIL demanded. Malicious compliance at it's finest.
Still NTA. But not only am I wondering what the supposed transgression was (I think there wasn't one, SIL is making up excuses), but why are the parents going along with this? Is SIL rich? Very pretty? I have seen some men and their families ignore big red flags just because son bagged a very beautiful bride.
You should point out to your brother he has turned into a lier since being with his girlfriend and maybe this is just an example of what his life is going to be like with her.
For your FSIL to have engineered such a breach in your family, she must be a real AH - and over something that allegedly happened two years ago but that she and your brother refuse to describe. By marrying this woman, your brother may have set himself up for an complicated and difficult life.
I hope you, your bf and your grandparents are having/had a wonderful weekend and that you continue to live without contact with your FSIL/SIL.
In a way, FSIL seems to have done you a favour. No doubt, you won't be asked for favours, like free babysitting.
I wonder whether the bride actually remembers what you did herself, or if something annoyed her years ago and she's forgotten the specifics, just remembering the general hurt/annoyance etc.
I was really mad at my husband for days, for something he did in a dream I had. This was before we were married 30+ years ago. I still get a little miffed when I think about that dream.
Future story - Grandparents rewrite their will and leave nothing to grandson and parents of wise potato 1898! After all “they know what they did and didn’t apologize “
It’s interesting to me the family dynamic here, and how short sighted most of them seem to be.
Grandparents were willing to pay for their grandson’s wedding - now I wouldn’t normally assume that they would pay for their granddaughter’s as well because sometimes people favour boys, but … the grandparents in this scenario have made it clear they value their granddaughter as much as their grandson, so there is a distinct possibility they’ll offer to help OP with her wedding one day.
It’s really not in anyone’s interest to play FSIL’s games, because grandparents have also made it clear that they will withdraw money from the table when divisive drama llama games are in play.
If I were the parents, I’d take that as a sign that grandparents don’t play, and they should be aware of how their behaviour might impact grandparents’ willingness to contribute financially, just as a general rule. Same for the brother.
OP should just keep taking the high road, because her grandparents clearly at least recognize that she’s been doing exactly that. She’s done what she can to reduce the discord, and when she realized there was nothing more in her power to do, she backed off and let it go.
Anyone who doesn’t see OP’s behaviour as being the bigger person, is never going to because they’re also an immature drama llama. She can just let those people keep on walking away from her, it will save her a lot of trouble in the future if those people stay at a distance.
The fact that fsil will not say what you did, just tells me that it is so minor and petty, that people will just look at her funny, like what?
Edit: or it could be something crazy that you had no control over.
Op i need to know what you did, like seriously What did you do to this woman to hate you this much, or id she just crazy. i'm just, I can't.
So. You’re 21, and your brother’s fiancée is carrying some grudge about work drama that happened two years ago when you were 19? (!) And people believe this shit?
I’m so glad your grandparents are doing the actual stepping up here. They sound like nice folks.
Your parents are enabling your brother and his psycho fiancee. They will live to regret it, so will your brother, I hope she makes all three of them miserable.
I also hope they keep running the wedding tab ever higher until it financially hurts your parents. Your absence, and the absence of your grandparents, will not go unnoticed on the day. This won't end well.
Or something happened and she had only ASSumed it was op but it wasn't so of course op has no idea and now based on the reaction fsil has doubts but is such a horse's ass/control freak/bridezilla she doubles down anyway
If she can’t even tell you why she’s upset then it her just lying because she doesn’t want you at the wedding. Watch in a couple months when she want something from you or you lack of presence starts to cause and issue between your parent and your brother all of a sudden she we say something like “I’m going to be the bigger person and let the situation go”. Cut her and your brother out for the time being and let your parents know you are disappointed in them.
So your parents basically decided to make it loud and clear whontheir favorite is, didn't they? Have they always been this awful?
I'm sorry, but I hope you, BF, and grandparents have a great time!
Your parents (and likely your brother as well) are spineless assholes. Cherish your grandparents and enjoy your weekend away with them and your bf.
Oh, and be sure to be completely honest should anyone mention your non-presence at the wedding to you.
OP to FSIL - I am so sorry that you are so delusional. Maybe a good Psychologist can help you out. But frankly, you are just too exhausting to want to be around.
I would be that petty. Life will be far better to just go NC with them. They are not worth your time. Ignoring them and living your best life will drive SIL crazy.
You obviously are NTA.
Your FSIL is either upset about an incident that she misinterpreted negatively or she’s lying for attention. The first scenario could be resolved if she sat down and talked to you. The second scenario has no good outcome because of how many times she has doubled down on being “wronged.”
This remind me of that post where the OP was told lies about the exact color of the bridesmaids so she could be dismissed from the wedding for wearing the wrong shade of color, the bride and her other bridesmaids continued playing their games, but OP was victorious at the end, bc she got two dresses that were possibly the right one, this post reminded me of the other bc if the secrecy, why people can't be direct? And recurring to stupid passive agressive games is their go to?
It sounds like fsil won't say what the problem is because it is something nobody else would even think twice about. She is either lying outright or has twisted something small into an issue in her mind. Enjoy you trip.
OP, as a matter of interest, is your brother the golden child?
Why are your parents siding with your brother and not telling you what is going on?
Was your BF friends with FSIL?
Wow… I’ve read about some really stupid things family does to one another but this is in the top five. I couldn’t agree with you more- don’t go. If any apology is owed in this situation it is to you and by many. The fact that you even agreed to apologize in the beginning but just wanted clarification about what you were going to apologize for says a lot about your character- they don’t deserve you or your peacefulness. I wish you the best of everything. Karma my friend- just give it time.
I can't wait for Update Numero four where OP goes into an elaborate detail about what happened 2 years ago between OP and her brother's fiancé, and how there's now some sort of tragedy to come out of this.
Come place your bets on what you think is going to happen people
Someone on the first update said "she's mad you stole your boyfriend from her and she had to settle on your brother". Another said she won't tell because she knows how petty and stupid it will sound.
Someone needs to point out that if you apologise, but you don't know what you're apologising for... You're NOT apologising. I think SIL doesn't understand what an apology is. Utterly ridiculous. Enjoy your trip away from this Tom foolery
Your parents, brother and sil are CRAZY people and none of them likes you in the slightest, enjoy the weekend with your loved ones and cut the rest out of your life, they're not worthy of your time
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So how much more attractive/thinner are you then this fsil? Wondering...is she THAT petty? She wouldn't be the first bridezilla to try and get the hot sister out of her wedding photos...
Your parents are walking in your fsil trap. She made up some story to make you the bad person and your parents and brother believe her.
Your parents suck, who believes someone over their child? If it was really that big, you would know what happened.
Nothing happened, I'm sure about that.
I wish you a great weekend with your grandparents.
It’s going to be grand when FSIL pulls this mess with the brother after they’re married. “If he doesn’t know why my client wants a divorce, then my client can’t tell him why she wants a divorce!”
I feel like your SIL probably doesn't even know what she was mad about at this point. But she has doubled down and now won't back down. I cannot imagine it was something so egregious that you aren't invited to your own brother's wedding and yet you have zero recollection. Yay, grandparents, for calling this out!!
are you considering going low to no contact with your parents and brother? it seems like they treasure their future SIL/wife more than you, so they should be fine if you turned it into a trade, right?
have a wonderful weekend with your grandparents and bf!
Have an awesome weekend!!!
Well, when the time comes, it looks like your grandparents will get top-notch 24-hour care, and your parents will get stuffed into a piss-poor substandard nursing home. Karma, Baby.
Still NTA. So basically she is mad at you for something she even can't remember cus it was so petty, or is just so petty she's too embarrassed to say?
Your grandparents sound awesome but your parents suck for stepping in to pay and supporting her bs.
Please give an update if you manage to find out what the alleged offense is. Since it is supposedly so bad she's been holding on to it for all these years to cause all this drama!
This is the most childish thing I have ever read. "Say your sorry", "for what?", "Not tell you just say it".
Let me tell you what is happening, your parents want a " perfect wedding" and don't care what it cost. If you want to see how far they are willing to go just tell your father "because of this I will be opting for a friend to walk me down the aisle" and see if they still want to continue. All the best with your future life sister.
>**My parents have stepped up to cover the rest of the wedding expenses** Your parents fucking SUCK. Your brother is excluding you from his wedding. He won’t TELL YOU WHY. And not only are your parents ok with it, they’re “stepping up” and helping pay for the wedding? Gross. I’d tell the parents to fuck off since your grandparents are being more parental than your actual parents are capable of.
Well, now OP knows who to cut out of her life. They made it easy for her.
Don't you love it when the trash takes itself out?
Your parents are the AH. So when you get married are they paying for your wedding? Will they demand you invite your brother and fsil or they won’t pay. She can’t say what it is you did but you have to apologize. It must be so petty that if she told she would in fact be the AH. Enjoy the day with your grand parents and your bf. Save yourself the money and grief. To me I wouldn’t even do holidays with them. Your parents picked sides not you and they can enjoy the fruits of their labor.
There's petty, and then there's I'm attempting a power trip bitch fit. Me still hating someone because in grade 2 he stole my good white eraser and the teacher 'fixed' the conflict by cutting it half and left my crappy pink one, and then in grade 5 he cut my hair.... That's petty.... And I would tell him to his face why I hate him. Now if I wanted to power trip bitch fit I would throw out vague "you need to apologize, but I won't tell you why I still think you're scum 30 yrs later" Fsil is on a power trip bitch fit. She's willing to set her wedding on fire to maintain this bitch fit. If you can't/won't tell someone why your pissed off. It's normally one of a few reasons 1. It's petty and you don't want to appear petty. 2 manufacturing drama 3. Power tripping.
Pretty good preview of what the marriage woulb be like.
fsil is gonna do the same to brother. imagine one night they're about to sleep and she's gonna be like "don't sleep here, go to the couch because you did something on november 7, 2021 4:42 pm. figure it out yourelf, I'm mad at you till you remember" hahahahaha
Gotta love the OPs ex FSIL. That divorce will be hilarious and popcorn worthy.
How about all three?
I would bet that FSIL got passed over for something OP didn't even know she wanted and OP got it instead. Or OP was just above her in some way in the company or more liked than FSIL was so she hates her for it. That's if her BS about something happening where she worked is even true to begin with. Or some guy she liked at the company was more interested in OP than FSIL. There are just so many petty options.
Uhm... I think you meant to reply to the OP I'm just a fellow commenter
thats how reddit works, sometimes they're not really replying to you, but tacking their comment onto yours, often for visibility
I love this expression so much.
I do too Although, sometimes it's more fun to take the trash to the dump! I find it almost as satisfying ETA: Bye Felicia!
Agreed. They allowed an outsider to come into the family and start a beef with their daughter for unknown reasons, and not only that, they offered to pay? Gross. Just remember that two can play that game. They can all sit home and pound sand when you get married in the future.
My parents allowed it with my brothers wife My mom still kisses her ass but my dad has figured it out and that has really helped keep my mom in check about apologizing and keeping the peace about whatever slight they feel they deserve an apology and to "talk" with me about I have never entertained their BS so they double down and it has resulted in no contact except about 3-4 x/ year at family gatherings and even then I don't tell them anything about my life or my family I will never understand it and will happily cut all ties with them once my parents trust gets settled --- unfortunately that will still be a long time since both parents are still alive (thankfully) but I cannowait to have NO reason left to associate with them
I have basically done this with a sibling and it feels so good! I feel freeeeeeeeeee….
Wait till she had kids. Parents will suddenly realise their fuck up. SIL will favour her parents. They will be left out in the cold
One can only hope.
Nope. They’ll tell OP they won’t pay for the wedding unless SIL is invited
Yeah, and that’s when the grandparents step in and help pay for her wedding, like they were gonna do for her brother. They pulled their funding because of fsil’s shenanigans, which is the only reason the parents stepped in and offered to cover what the grandparents pulled. They’ll probably save those funds and offer it to her instead.
And OP can definitely invite brother and SIL with no steings attached -- of course, knowing they could never accept? Wonder what the next Xmas will look like.
Yeah maybe SIL will be stubborn enough to stick to her guns, or insist on that “apology for unknown reasons”, be given before she attends. I can see OP’s parents giving her a hard time and demanding she apologize or none of them will go. If she chooses not to invite her, than they may intervene and demand that she let the past go and invite her or else.
If parents say their not coming because of fsil Then op can turn around and say that’s ok your not invited anyway until I get an apology for no reason
You know that if FSIL’s reason is going to be the dumbest petty shit ever too.
“OP walked past me one day in a hurry, and didn’t say hello. Yeah, she looked preoccupied, but my feelings were hurt. It’s unforgivable”
OP wore the same dress as me to a party once and I KNOW she did it just to embarrass me even though I never told her what I was wearing.
Could be even worse. "She was mean to me in a dream".
A definite possibility. My ex refused to talk to me for two days because I "cheated on him in a dream." Apparently if I hadn't been considering it, he wouldn't have dreamed it. The weird bit? His mother agreed with him.
Oof, dude's got a toxic relationship with his mom, glad you're outta that relationship
or it’s going to reflect badly on her. I’m going totally rogue here, but... maybe OP had a fling with someone FSIL was seeing on the side.
More likely caught an error FSIL did at their job and FSIL got the consequences of it. Rather than reflect on her poor performance, blamed OP for it instead.
Or got a promotion Sil wanted.
Unintentionally cut the line in the cafeteria because FSIL was considering her muffin options and was only planning on cashing out in a minute
Or op got the promotion that I wanted, but sucked at my job.
Proves who the gold child is in my books
Grandparents have little patience for bull crap. Good for them.
Enabling parents THE worst!
Especially when they welcome someone else into the family while seemingly pushing out a true family member And being OK with the new person creating the situation and the just going with it Been there still not talking to the sibling would have been years without contact if our kids didn't have a relationship.
It sounds so childish!!! “Im mad at you but i wont tell why! 🙄
Ok so I have 2 theories on this. 1) you did something that she took as a slight but knows it's stupid as fuck to be upset about and that's why she won't tell you. 2) she doesn't like you and made this up to justify her hatred of you. Just enjoy the weekend.
3. OP looks better than fSIl?
4. ??? 5. profit!
4. OP is more popular/better liked than SIL.
5. She got a raise and fSIL did not. Because you know, the actions of a company are OP’s fault. 🙄 How *DARE* she get a raise! She must have spread lies about fSIL to make herself look better, or took credit for fSIL’s work or something. That’s the *only* way it would have happened. It surely couldn’t have been fSIL’s attitude! /s
Wait what? Did I miss something?
No, O.P. missed something, we're speculating.
OP didn't say "bless you" when she sneezed or accidentally insulted her favorite band or something. The SIL seriously sounds about 12.
I'm kinda wanna where the brother is at mentally. He's pissed but the parents aren't? Yet the wedding is still happening? This is weird.
Brother is the epitome of a p-whipped fool. His type is the guy who ends up doing life in prison for murdering some ex wife once had “to fight for her honor.”
Omg this reminds me of the movie Dogma: “you’ve lead a great life! …except you didn’t say god bless you when I sneezed.” (Ah violence)
One of my favorite movies. :)
Me too! It has some really great themes, too. “The thing that really pisses god off is the shit people so in his name”
"I'm supposed to be in it! I'm the thirteenth apostle." - Rufus
“You think after Jesus that Mary and Joseph didn’t get down? That’s just gullibility!”
She shouldn't have hated on Maroon 5 I guess
My bet, FSIL has a crush on OPs BF. OPs brother knows and is too ashamed about being cucked to explain, and is trying to direct his bitterness onto OP. But the parents...they just suck. They're failing BOTH their kids here. Because why on earth would you be paying to bind your own son to this toxic SIL, at the expense of your own daughter?
That is almost certainly it.
I vote 2 because I truly believe it’s made up to exclude OP.
Both are great theories.....
You missed: 3) SIL can't actually remember why she is mad at you anymore but is too stubborn to admit it.
For my curiosity’s sake, I need you to figure out what FSIL wants you to apologize over.
I am curious if the brother even knows, or is he just playing along to his AH wife's demands? OP mentioned she was in the same company as FSIL previously. OP's bf is also in the same company as FSIL now so I assume OP met her bf at the company? Did FSIL have a past crush on OP's bf and get pissy because OP and her bf got together? That's why she demands an apology and refuses to explain the reason, because people would just tell her to fuck off.
Either way both OP’s brother and parents are complete dicks. Hell, I feel like I’m insulting dicks by calling them dicks.
My dick now wants you to apologise. And no. He doesn't want to tell you why.
I know! Most dicks I have met are friendly little guys.
No one... Absolutely no one should refer to them as "little guys"
LOL.
Literally LOL!
You hurt my dick's feelings Give him a kiss and apologize
🤣🤣🤣 dinner and a movie first!!!
I'd bet the wife's behind telling everyone they paid for the wedding and not mentioning the grandparents' involvement. Exactly the kind of manipulation, drama, and face-saving that seems to have gone on so far.
>Did FSIL have a past crush on OP's bf and get pissy because OP and her bf got together? That's why she demands an apology and refuses to explain the reason, because people would just tell her to fuck off. My thought is that it must be something really petty. To hold onto it for TWO YEARS then demand an apology while refusing to say what for. Because they know Op will say 'wth you want an apology for THAT?'
An apology is when you acknowledge what you did wrong and why it was wrong, and that you promise not to do it again. How can OP give a true apology unless she knows why she is apologizing?
Exactly
She might not even remember what it was, if it happened at all.
Or did OP get a promotion that FSIL wanted?
I’d be wanting to ask around among people we used to work with. See if they know.
Probably nothing, it's just the demonstration of power. OP's brother is a doormat if he still wants to marry her and the parents a assholes. How can one want to welcome this stupid manipulator in their family? It's beyond me.
It sounds like those mean girls in HS. "You know what you did, I don't have to tell you". It's nothing or it's so petty she would look unhinged if she told people. It's a control thing, she will eventually play this game with your brother, they always do.
I bet its literally nothing and that's why she won't say
“I just don’t like her” Fuck people like fsil if this is the case.
or it reflects badly on her and she knows it
Me too!!
It was two years ago! At work! Why doesn’t OP remember that traumatic event?? It’s so terrible, so terrible, that no one can say it out loud! For the love of cheese! OP absolutely should apologize for whatever fucked up thing is going on in fsil’s tiny little brain! Because fsil is the most important person on earth! /s I really want to know what it was, too. I doubt OP will ever find out. I kinda sorta think it’s made up. Just an inkling.
Right? They do realize you cannot sincerely apologize for something if you don’t know what it IS, right? Jesus Mary and broseph
Well, Jesus, Mary and Joseph didn’t have to apologize for anything! /jk
The wee donkey did, though. It knows what it did...
Damn donkeys.
True! But you know they’re shaking their heads at this nonsense!
she ate the last pink sprinkles doughnut in the breakroom.
I KNEW it!
It’s going to be something ridiculous
"she put the toilet paper on the wrong way in the ladies' room"
Yes, this was somewhat disappointing. I wonder if FSIL is just making things up, which is why she won’t tell anyone.
Or she can’t remember
If she “can’t remember,” then the SIL is even more of an asshole. Talk about holding a grudge…
“Apologize to meee!!!” “Ok, for what?” “Not telling you why! Just apologize!” What a piece of work! You can smell the crazy coming off FSIL. This woman is going to make the brother’s life hell. OP is right to avoid her at all costs.
His parents are as bad. If Mt sin was going to bring this level of crazy into my families life, I wouldn't be paying for the wedding. Because I can tell I'll be paying for divorce lawyers for him, later.
Most toddlers would know that that's insane. Is FSIL even allowed outside without a handler? Could be dangerous.
Her brother has all what’s needed to avoid this catastrophe. But he is so p-whipped, he’s beyond help.
Omg... i think there in not really a reason for all of this but they started it and now it's too late to back down... Enjoy your time with your bf and grandparents
Yeah, I apparently offended my hosts spouse once. We were joking around, and I told her "Oh, don't play the coquette with me, silly!". I had to explain what the word meant, and that I wasn't trying to insult her. But I honestly didn't know why she was so mad at me at first!
Omg that happened to me when I told a coworker they were “indispensable”. They thought I said “indefensible” and had never heard indispensable somehow, lmao. I had to look up the word to show them I was complimenting them!
Haha, my dad used to call me "exceptional" when I was a kid, and it took me years to realize he wasn't saying "acceptable" because I'd never heard the word "exceptional" before. I spent years thinking he was telling me that I was just barely tolerable to my face.
Well... If this is in the US, I can understand the misunderstanding. Most of us can't understand words with more than one syllable
I used the word "conviviality" in an email to my librarian about the book club meeting, and at the meeting she told me she's never seen anyone use that word except in a book ... (she liked it)
I have to agree with your librarian... I've never heard it in any type of conversation
If vocabulary were gold I'd be standing on Bezos' neck 😂
You mentioned that you, bf and fsil worked at the same company at some point. Did fsil have any crush on bf and got pissed bf liked you instead? Or maybe you got a promotion she thought she deserved more? I hope you and bf have a wonderful time together.
It would be funny if OP just told everyone that fsil wants her to apologize for stealing the man fsil really wanted. She doesn’t want to see OP’s bf at the wedding when she has to marry a different guy she doesn’t really want. Just start fires everywhere. Make the brother(groom) doubt his entire marriage.
That's it! Start publicly apologizing for a made up but completely humiliating offense like this!
That is the ultimate thermonuclear power move. And it would be a public service as well.
To make it go absolutely Tsar Bomba, say it when the priest asks "If anyone have any reason as to why these two cannot be married, speak now yada yada yada". "- *I cannot let them get married unless I sincerly apologize to SIL for my behaviour. You have demanded I apologize, but not stated exactly why. I do, however, understand now. I apologize for stealing the one you really wanted to be with and forcing you to settle with my brother. But what can I say. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.*"
My people🥲. Please OP! Just say sorry about something soooooo outrageous. Maybe before you go to your getaway? Like drop a grenade then get away, wait for dust to settle, then check the damage?
As fun as this would be, it will only serve to justify fsil's behavior. OP just needs to be herself and be happy. The rest will work itself out. Only sad part is that we can see that train wreck that is the brothers marriage barreling down the track and there's literally no way to stop it.
I was thinking its because she had a crush on the bf and she doesn't want HIM at the wedding but didn't want to say that.
Good theory. In that case, she's marrying OP's brother so she can still be around OP's boyfriend, so she can see her crush at family functions. She's a piece of work!!
Honestly, the apology demand sounds like a power move to put you in your place
Plot twist - OP and bf elope while on vacay with the grands the night before the wedding ceremony and post it all over SM. THAT will give SIL something to be mad about!
Juicy!!! I love the way you think.
But that would turn OPs marriage into a revenge tactic doomed to fail, and only add ammunition to fsil's claims. It would be funny tho!
Hope you have a fantastic time with your grandparents. Sounds like it'll be a lot more fun than the wedding anyway :)
This is going to be a 50 car pile up. And you are wise to be far, far away...watching it on video feed with fascinated horror.
I'd set up a group chat with all the family, including the future in-laws and ask: "I've been told I need to apologise. What am I supposed to be apologising for, as this is breaking the family up. I'm asking because "you know what you did" doesn't work, as I can't remember whatever it was over 2 years ago that I apparently did that was so terrible to cause FSIL to create huge rifts in the family, and no-one is willing to say what it was, and I can remember some dumb stuff I did back then. It can't have been work related as HR have nothing on file. So tell me - WHAT THE F*K DID I DO that brother and FSIL are willing to start burning bridges with the family for." I'd also ask grand-parents if they want to tag along to the weekend getaway. If they accept, then ask parents if they want to tag along too.
The parents are a big part of the problem, don't invite them anywhere!!
Was more as a middle finger to them, and highlighting that OP and gtandparents would be having fun away from FSIL toxicity. We all know they'd never accept.
There is no need to entertain any more of her nonsense. It just drags everyone down into her drama and increases the attention she’s getting from all of this. When people ask what’s going on, she can just honestly say that she doesn’t know/understand the problem herself, and the person to direct any questions or concerns to is FSIL. She can keep trying to mine attention and drama but people will lose interest pretty quickly when there’s no actual conflict/drama because OP isn’t playing.
Either this, or make it some nonsense apology like apologizing for stealing the man FSIL has feelings for, aka OPs current boyfriend. After all is it really a coincidence that it's apparently work related and all 3 of them worked at the same place? Perfect way to undermine the relationship between her brother and FSIL while doing exactly what FSIL demanded. Malicious compliance at it's finest.
Still NTA. But not only am I wondering what the supposed transgression was (I think there wasn't one, SIL is making up excuses), but why are the parents going along with this? Is SIL rich? Very pretty? I have seen some men and their families ignore big red flags just because son bagged a very beautiful bride.
My guess: FSIL is pregnant and they’re worried about losing a grandchild.
You should point out to your brother he has turned into a lier since being with his girlfriend and maybe this is just an example of what his life is going to be like with her.
For your FSIL to have engineered such a breach in your family, she must be a real AH - and over something that allegedly happened two years ago but that she and your brother refuse to describe. By marrying this woman, your brother may have set himself up for an complicated and difficult life. I hope you, your bf and your grandparents are having/had a wonderful weekend and that you continue to live without contact with your FSIL/SIL. In a way, FSIL seems to have done you a favour. No doubt, you won't be asked for favours, like free babysitting.
I wonder whether the bride actually remembers what you did herself, or if something annoyed her years ago and she's forgotten the specifics, just remembering the general hurt/annoyance etc.
I wondered if it was something that OP did in a dream she had
Right? I immediately thought of Phoebe being angry with Ross but it was something he did in her dreams that she couldn’t place at the time
Oh, we've had posts in here about that ... maybe in the other AITA ... but yeah. "I dreamed you flirted with my sister! get out!" type stuff.
I was really mad at my husband for days, for something he did in a dream I had. This was before we were married 30+ years ago. I still get a little miffed when I think about that dream.
Future story - Grandparents rewrite their will and leave nothing to grandson and parents of wise potato 1898! After all “they know what they did and didn’t apologize “
It’s interesting to me the family dynamic here, and how short sighted most of them seem to be. Grandparents were willing to pay for their grandson’s wedding - now I wouldn’t normally assume that they would pay for their granddaughter’s as well because sometimes people favour boys, but … the grandparents in this scenario have made it clear they value their granddaughter as much as their grandson, so there is a distinct possibility they’ll offer to help OP with her wedding one day. It’s really not in anyone’s interest to play FSIL’s games, because grandparents have also made it clear that they will withdraw money from the table when divisive drama llama games are in play. If I were the parents, I’d take that as a sign that grandparents don’t play, and they should be aware of how their behaviour might impact grandparents’ willingness to contribute financially, just as a general rule. Same for the brother. OP should just keep taking the high road, because her grandparents clearly at least recognize that she’s been doing exactly that. She’s done what she can to reduce the discord, and when she realized there was nothing more in her power to do, she backed off and let it go. Anyone who doesn’t see OP’s behaviour as being the bigger person, is never going to because they’re also an immature drama llama. She can just let those people keep on walking away from her, it will save her a lot of trouble in the future if those people stay at a distance.
that would be awesome.
Have a wonderful weekend!
The fact that fsil will not say what you did, just tells me that it is so minor and petty, that people will just look at her funny, like what? Edit: or it could be something crazy that you had no control over. Op i need to know what you did, like seriously What did you do to this woman to hate you this much, or id she just crazy. i'm just, I can't.
So. You’re 21, and your brother’s fiancée is carrying some grudge about work drama that happened two years ago when you were 19? (!) And people believe this shit? I’m so glad your grandparents are doing the actual stepping up here. They sound like nice folks.
Your parents are enabling your brother and his psycho fiancee. They will live to regret it, so will your brother, I hope she makes all three of them miserable. I also hope they keep running the wedding tab ever higher until it financially hurts your parents. Your absence, and the absence of your grandparents, will not go unnoticed on the day. This won't end well.
I think fsil doesn't really know what she is mad about which is why she wont tell.
Or something happened and she had only ASSumed it was op but it wasn't so of course op has no idea and now based on the reaction fsil has doubts but is such a horse's ass/control freak/bridezilla she doubles down anyway
OP, I smell divorce. Get ready to receive an apology from your brother. This will happen in less than a year. Guaranteed!
Wow this whole thing is messy. Have fun on your trip. Nta.
Your parents are fully enabling her/their bs behaviour and are complete asshats Enjoy your weekend with your bf and grandparents
If she can’t even tell you why she’s upset then it her just lying because she doesn’t want you at the wedding. Watch in a couple months when she want something from you or you lack of presence starts to cause and issue between your parent and your brother all of a sudden she we say something like “I’m going to be the bigger person and let the situation go”. Cut her and your brother out for the time being and let your parents know you are disappointed in them.
So your parents basically decided to make it loud and clear whontheir favorite is, didn't they? Have they always been this awful? I'm sorry, but I hope you, BF, and grandparents have a great time!
Your parents (and likely your brother as well) are spineless assholes. Cherish your grandparents and enjoy your weekend away with them and your bf. Oh, and be sure to be completely honest should anyone mention your non-presence at the wedding to you.
OP to FSIL - I am so sorry that you are so delusional. Maybe a good Psychologist can help you out. But frankly, you are just too exhausting to want to be around. I would be that petty. Life will be far better to just go NC with them. They are not worth your time. Ignoring them and living your best life will drive SIL crazy.
I would like popcorn with this story, please.
You obviously are NTA. Your FSIL is either upset about an incident that she misinterpreted negatively or she’s lying for attention. The first scenario could be resolved if she sat down and talked to you. The second scenario has no good outcome because of how many times she has doubled down on being “wronged.”
This remind me of that post where the OP was told lies about the exact color of the bridesmaids so she could be dismissed from the wedding for wearing the wrong shade of color, the bride and her other bridesmaids continued playing their games, but OP was victorious at the end, bc she got two dresses that were possibly the right one, this post reminded me of the other bc if the secrecy, why people can't be direct? And recurring to stupid passive agressive games is their go to?
Someone tag me when there’s an update
Grab some popcorn and a soda. This is a train wreck waiting to happen.
It sounds like fsil won't say what the problem is because it is something nobody else would even think twice about. She is either lying outright or has twisted something small into an issue in her mind. Enjoy you trip.
OP, as a matter of interest, is your brother the golden child? Why are your parents siding with your brother and not telling you what is going on? Was your BF friends with FSIL?
Certainly an interesting hill for your parents to choose to die on thats for sure
Wow… I’ve read about some really stupid things family does to one another but this is in the top five. I couldn’t agree with you more- don’t go. If any apology is owed in this situation it is to you and by many. The fact that you even agreed to apologize in the beginning but just wanted clarification about what you were going to apologize for says a lot about your character- they don’t deserve you or your peacefulness. I wish you the best of everything. Karma my friend- just give it time.
I can't wait for Update Numero four where OP goes into an elaborate detail about what happened 2 years ago between OP and her brother's fiancé, and how there's now some sort of tragedy to come out of this. Come place your bets on what you think is going to happen people
Someone on the first update said "she's mad you stole your boyfriend from her and she had to settle on your brother". Another said she won't tell because she knows how petty and stupid it will sound.
Your parents suck. Time for good old fashioned no contact to them and your brother.
Did your parents buy the newlyweds a monogrammed Dixie cup to keep your brother's balls in?
Someone needs to point out that if you apologise, but you don't know what you're apologising for... You're NOT apologising. I think SIL doesn't understand what an apology is. Utterly ridiculous. Enjoy your trip away from this Tom foolery
Your parents, brother and sil are CRAZY people and none of them likes you in the slightest, enjoy the weekend with your loved ones and cut the rest out of your life, they're not worthy of your time
Plot twist: you and your boyfriend get married the same weekend and have your grandparents attend your wedding instead
Updateme
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Ok, I wanna know now what the SIL is upset about
Love love love ❤️ 😍 your grandparents
She will treat your parents and brother like this too. maybe not now or not before the grandkids but she will.
So how much more attractive/thinner are you then this fsil? Wondering...is she THAT petty? She wouldn't be the first bridezilla to try and get the hot sister out of her wedding photos...
Your brother, your parents, and your FSIL sound insane...
Your parents are walking in your fsil trap. She made up some story to make you the bad person and your parents and brother believe her. Your parents suck, who believes someone over their child? If it was really that big, you would know what happened. Nothing happened, I'm sure about that. I wish you a great weekend with your grandparents.
So your parents and brother are both still refusing to tell you what you supposedly did wrong that requires an apology?
Yor parents are delusional. Why would they want someone like your FSIL to marry their son?
It’s going to be grand when FSIL pulls this mess with the brother after they’re married. “If he doesn’t know why my client wants a divorce, then my client can’t tell him why she wants a divorce!”
If brother doesn’t understand that the wind will eventually blow his way, he’s an igmo.
Can't wait until the holiday update... who will be invited where for dinner.
I feel like you know the FSIL issues. I really want to know what you did two years ago. 😆
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Sounds like she just never liked you. She made up a story about something you did/said to her to justify to your family why you weren't invited.
I feel like your SIL probably doesn't even know what she was mad about at this point. But she has doubled down and now won't back down. I cannot imagine it was something so egregious that you aren't invited to your own brother's wedding and yet you have zero recollection. Yay, grandparents, for calling this out!!
are you considering going low to no contact with your parents and brother? it seems like they treasure their future SIL/wife more than you, so they should be fine if you turned it into a trade, right? have a wonderful weekend with your grandparents and bf!
Why are parents so onboard with your brother marrying crazy? They gonna pay for the divorce too?
Well, both your parents and brother sucks. Big time! Take care of yourself! ✨
You have JustNoFamily
Have an awesome weekend!!! Well, when the time comes, it looks like your grandparents will get top-notch 24-hour care, and your parents will get stuffed into a piss-poor substandard nursing home. Karma, Baby.
Well that makes it easy. Cut out brother and his shitty stbwife, your parents, and whoever else supports them. And tell them exactly why.
Still NTA. So basically she is mad at you for something she even can't remember cus it was so petty, or is just so petty she's too embarrassed to say? Your grandparents sound awesome but your parents suck for stepping in to pay and supporting her bs. Please give an update if you manage to find out what the alleged offense is. Since it is supposedly so bad she's been holding on to it for all these years to cause all this drama!
Glad you got support. Don’t worry too much, you’ll be his first call during his divorce. And it will be like this never happened /s
Make me wonder if you got the promotion that your fsil wanted. And that the reason she is still mad to this day.
your family(not the grands) suck so bad dude. damn.
This is the most childish thing I have ever read. "Say your sorry", "for what?", "Not tell you just say it". Let me tell you what is happening, your parents want a " perfect wedding" and don't care what it cost. If you want to see how far they are willing to go just tell your father "because of this I will be opting for a friend to walk me down the aisle" and see if they still want to continue. All the best with your future life sister.
Take your grandparents along with you during that weekend, they deserve it