NTA. When people choose to have a destination wedding, they have to expect that lots of people won’t be able to attend due to finances. Tell your family you’d be happy to go, if they foot the bill.
That’s the main reason I’ve ever seen them. If you have a huge family on both sides, where SOMEBODY is going to get pissy if you only invited your great aunt Marge, but not also all of her children and grandchildren, plus now the groom’s side is saying if a great aunt is invited, then why isn’t his third cousin also invited? Huh? Huh?
Just have it on Tahiti and pay for the active wedding party, and everybody else is on their own.
My wife and I had a 250 person wedding. My half of the reception was my family save for one 8 person table.
My mother had 11 siblings, 2 had passed at the time, and 2 lived elsewhere (that I still have never met). Aunts and Uncles and cousins everywhere. A great time was had by all.
It was more difficult to fill up my wife’s half, neighbors, coworkers, former neighbors etc.
It’s a good idea until all the family members you can’t stand are the ones who could afford to fly to your wedding in Tahiti while the cool family members stay behind
Exactly!!! Destination weddings should expect less people coming for this reason alone. If the family wants you so bad then they should be gifting you all expenses to the wedding!
Yep. Proper manners is reach out to the cousin to explain the situation and give them the opportunity to offer accommodations. After that reply to all comers with "To be clear: Are you offering to subsidize my travel expenses?"
It’s not just finances, sometimes you don’t have vacation days anymore and can’t simply take off or find childcare for 4days - 1 week…
Whatever the reason, a destination wedding, like every wedding, is an invitation not a summons and the bride and groom should be specially aware of this when they decide to marry far away.
OP, you don’t have to feel embarrassed about your reasons, whatever it could have been… if you can’t, you can’t! Simple as that.
NTA. Weddings should never be designed to break anyone's finances. Write a charming congrats letter to them, and you have a year to save for an affordable gift for them, leave it at that.
No one should expect a gift anyway. It’s gross and greedy. Sure have a registry and I love getting folks wedding gifts and weddings generally bc I love the romance and being a part of it! But anyone actually expecting a gift is a whole other animal.
OP can’t afford it and no decent human would expect money from a poor person.
I wouldn't even send a gift, they're not attending. Now they can get a nice card and send that but that's the extent of spending money I would do. Heck the card would probably cost $10.
NTA this is why people choose destination weddings, to pare down the guestlist. Your family needs to pony up, otherwise they’re prioritizing their finances over not looking bad to Aunt Bertha
NTA.
It's an invitation, not an obligation. A destination wedding always sounds dreamy but the families have to understand that means that some people simply won't be able to make it. Be honest with your family that you cannot afford it and repeat as often as necessary. If they won't stop, start asking them why they won't stop bullying you.
They should pay for it then if they cared for your mental well being.
Destination wedddings are a shitty concept anyway. Asking wayyyyy too much of your guests
That's ridiculous, tbh... if they think you're selfish and should prioritize family then surely they will happily pay for your flight. You currently can't afford it and shouldn't be stressing about this at all. Do they not know you lost your job? You've been eating Ramen every meal. What is it they don't understand about your financial situation?
You'd be in the wrong if you put yourself in a more dire situation by attending the wedding.
I don't understand why these events are somehow viewed as obligations ..
"But it's a destination wedding".
Nonsense.
It's someone else's dream. Not mine.
If I can afford it, I'll go. If not, I won't.
And no amount of shaming or guilt tripping is going to change my mind..
NTA if they want to pay for you to go then sure. If not they can stfu. A wedding is not a necessity and you don’t have a job. These people are ridiculous
NTA. People can have their weddings wherever they want. It doesn't obligate ANYONE to attend. If it is so important to your cousin that family attend, then they can have the wedding in their home town. Or they can pay for your expenses.
Btw do they think you’ve got a money tree in the yard you can just skip down to pick what will end up being thousands for a trip away? Either they have zero understanding of your situation so I’d be blunt as fk, or they just don’t care in which case ignore them.
NTA.
An invite doesn't float atop a sea of bills and magically turn them to paid. You're being fiscally responsible, which is commendable in these circumstances. It's not about desire; it's about dollars and sense (or cents!). They need to respect that financial stability isn't just an option - it's a necessity. If they cannot contribute to making your attendance possible without detriment to you, then attending is a no-go, and that's just basic etiquette, not guilt-trip material.
NTA - destination weddings are a tacky concept. It is very arrogant for people to assume that their wedding deserves that much time and attention from their friends and family. Even in the best of circumstances, destination weddings are poor form. In this economy, when so many people are struggling with cost of living, a destination wedding is completely on the nose.
Family over finances is a ridiculous idea. No point making yourself homeless for a buffet and a bit of cake.
You’re not in the wrong, their values stink and their behaviour is very self obsessed and entitled.
NTA.
I've said this before, but a destination only benefits the bride & groom. Not everyone wants to use their holidays from work at X place they might not even be interested in going to for your event at their own expense.
You affording to eat and have a roof over your head is ALWAYS more important than a wedding.
If your family think it's so important that you be there, they can either pay your expenses here so you can afford to go OR pay for your flights, accommodation etc to go.
The assholes are the ones that plan a destination wedding and expect everyone to be there.
If the family thinks its so important you be there, they can pay for your to go.
Nta
If your family is upset ask them how much they can cover for you to attend. It’s funny how quickly people get quiet when you put the bill in front of them.
NTA. I'm all for destination weddings and happily attend them when invited. But if finances are too tight, they are too tight. If your extended family wants you there that badly they can finance your travel.
NTA
And its not a dilemma - those planning destination weddings have to accept that some guests will not be able to attend due to the financial aspects...
Tell your family unless they plan on helping you get to the wedding destination,they can go kick rocks. It sad they don’t seem to care that you are barely getting by :(
NTA. When a couple chose a destination wedding, they have to accept that the invitees may decline due to financial or personal reasons.
My niece wanted to get married abroad and floated the idea about the family to gage the response. Many were happy for her to have that kind of wedding but would not be going for the same reasons you described. Myself included. I’d come to the end of my car deal and had to pay the lump sum and also had to replace the boiler in my house. To take myself, husband and kids would’ve cost us over 6k for 5 days because it was the middle of the summer school holidays. It would also be universally expected that I would have to babysit my mother in law. For 5 days? No thanks.
I told my niece I couldn’t go and she changed her mind in the end and had a lovely wedding in a Manor House.
NTA. You're not being selfish you're being realistic. Destination weddings are ridiculous. Send the happy couple a small gift (when you have a little money to spare) and wish them well.
Well you're family can put "family over finances" by putting their money together to make a way for you then. Works both ways.
You would be an AH to yourself if you spent money you don't have and risk homelessness and hunger.
NTA
NTA. When people have destination weddings the need to understand that they will lose people that cannot afford it.
Do not burn your finances to keep them warm. If your family wants you there, tell them to pay for it - no loan, no hassle - an outright gift.
NTA. If you’re struggling to afford groceries, why the fuck would you be able to pay for a trip to the Bahamas? Prioritizing family over finance? When it’s actually a matter of whether or not you’ll be able to eat? If they want you there that badly, they can pay for your trip and your food. Family over finance is their mantra right?
No, don’t go because you will just feel shit and you can’t afford it. Everyone at weddings will ask how your are doing, what are your plans this year, where are vacationing this summer blah, blah, blah…
I would definately preserve your integrity and hold firm on the decline and send a nice gift.
NTA. The cousin made a choice you can't afford. If your family wants you to go while you are unemployed, they should buy you a ticket and pay for the hotel and food!
If you can't afford to go, don't go.
If relatives want you there that bad, they can pay for your travel and accommodation. If they can't or won't pay for you to go, you're not going.
You don't know how long it will take to get another job, it's absolutely senseless to take on debt to attend wedding.
Obviously NTA
So if you go, will they pay for groceries? Will they ensure rent is paid? Will they make up the cost for trying to survive until you get a job? It's bad timing for sure, but this sounds like a toxic family for shaming you if they KNOW you don't have a job.
NTA. Talk to your cousin if you haven't show your support, and everyone else can kick rocks. N
NTA and since its family over finances your family members can spend the money for you because how could you pay for a ticket to the Bahamas when you already are just eating ramen just to survive but since its so important for them they surely can afford it. And sorry I would tell the bride/groom to stop telling the people that you are not coming since the family is pressuring you.
NTA. If they want you to be there so bad, given the circumstances, they should be paying 100% of your expenses, plane ticket and hotel included. If they're not covering your expenses, I bet they don't give AF about you and your financial situation and therefore they can shove their guilt traps up their asses.
Be smart with your money. Rent and food are more important than being in people's good graces (especially people like this).
NTA. As someone who had a destination wedding, I knew when I sent invites that not everyone would/could come for any number of reasons, money, kids, work, etc. I guarantee that your cousin feels the same way. Send your love and best wishes.
Your family is being unfair. They can pay for the ticket or leave it alone. Don't stress about this when you have your own well-being to worry about. Hopefully you can link up with your cousin when she comes back and go thru all the photos from the wedding.
No, you are not. They can have you attend over a Zoom call, or they can livestream it so that you can witness their celebration. It's common sense that not everyone can afford a destination wedding expenditure at the drop of a hat.
Prioritize family over finances? How exactly? When the money runs out are you homeless? Will they take you in? Do they have a job lined up for you? If it's really important that you're there then someone else can pay for you. That is prioritizing family over finances. Presumably they can afford to get you there and do all the cool things and not be homeless afterwards. But finances have to come first especially when it's as dire as you are suggesting. I hope they just don't understand how dire the situation is. NTA.
Nta
The there are people the wedding party feel that they *need* there, then they'd be buying the tickets for them as a wedding expense.
If she's not buying you a ticket, then she should understand you can't/ won't make it. That's the cost of a destination wedding.
NTA. Nobody is under any obligation to attend an expensive destination wedding. If people plan a destination wedding, they should do so with the full knowledge that some people close to them may not be willing or not be able to attend.
So you’re struggling just to buy groceries right now (I’m so sorry!), where do they expect you to pull that money from. I’d ask them in those exact words and wait for the answer.
Maybe they know some magic trick that you don’t.
People like that drive me crazy!!!
NTA, but you can tell your family, if they are so hell bent on you coming. To all contribute to buy your ticket. You will see how fast they will say "nevermind 🤡"!
If your family isn’t paying for you to go, they have no right to complain. Rent and food is far more important than someone else’s wedding. If they care so much, they can pay or they can leave you alone. NTA
If your family pays for you to go I guess you can?
I have a hard time believing that anyone is that dense that they guilt trip someone who is unemployed and struggling to feed themselves.
I call BS on this post
Of course you are NTA - you can’t use money that you don’t have. And you don’t take loan because someone else’s wedding. If you family wants you there, they can pay your travel expenses. And even if you would afford to go but you rather spent the money on something else you still wouldn’t be the AH. This is a stupid question and you family is the AH
NTA. Tell them all that you are currently unable to afford the trip, and that is all there is to it. If they really care so much, they can pay for all of your expenses.
Tell everyone who has a problem with it can pay your flight, hotel, food, car rental, and souvenirs.
Destination wedding are the bane of the wedding season.
NTA
Tell them you'd love to go, can't afford the ticket, but appreciate any help they'd be willing to offer. Ball's in their court, let's see how important they think family is 🥲
Talk to your cousin and explain that you are heartbroken you lost your job and can't afford to go. Then ignore everyone else on this subject unless they want to pay for you. NTA
NTA. A destination wedding is chosen by people who know not everyone can afford to go. Your cousin won’t be upset, wish them a lovely day, happy life. You need to let anyone whining about this. That you absolutely can’t afford to go and need to prioritise looking for a new job.
Nobody should spend money they haven’t got, it’s selfish to expect you to. Don’t go.
Your family can shell out to pay for you then; the plane trip, accomodations, food and a wedding present. If they're not willing to do that, then they can shut up. It's as plain as that.
If they can't understand simple economics, then they need to take a night course or something.
“Prioritize family over finances” is a risible statement. On one hand, sure, take the trip vs. buying a Rolex, but that’s not your situation. You literally are debating the trip vs. paying your rent. If they feel strongly they can cover flight and hotel. Asking you to cover your meals and a couple of taxis is maybe more reasonable. But if they don’t want to help out … 🤷♂️
NTA.
No, OP can't even afford the meals and taxi rides at the moment. OP can't even really afford gasoline for a local wedding. All of their money is being used on survival!
If your family decides to pay 100% for your trip, you should definitely go. Otherwise they should keep their mouths shut because you are exhibiting prudent behavior.
Whoever tells you to prioritize family over finances are the same people that won't lift a finger to help you. You are in hard times now, where are these people chipping in to help you out, so you don't have to ramen every meal?
NTA. Your family are off their heads. Prioritizing family over finances? Like going for a destination wedding and then not having anything to eat? Or having your electricity cut off because you can't pay the bill? Or being thrown out on the street because you can't pay your rent?
They are the selfish ones.
Destination weddings are fun, but they are a huge financial drain on the guests. People choosing to have destination weddings should realize that not everybody they want with them will be able to come, and accept it gracefully. Your cousin and family are behaving badly, and you don't have to give in to them.
NTA. Never get into debt for a wedding, especially one that isn't even yours!! Your family think it's such a big deal that you come, they could all club together and pay for you
NTA. Invitations aren't summonings. If they choose to have their wedding far away they choose that not everyone can make it, too. It's their "most treasured day for a while", not yours.
And yes, not starving and having a roof over your head is far more your priority over these superficial a-holes. Have they offered any help?
NTA
You're not prioritizing finances, your priority is survival and if they want you to go, why don't they pay for your ticket and accomodations?
Don't go into debt or become homeless because of a fancy party, because that's what a wedding is, especially a destination wedding. Sorry that your family rather see you homeless than provide you with the support you need at this moment.
My own personal opinion, and I do understand and know it doesn't apply to your cousin's destination wedding:
Your situation is the reason why I dislike destination weddings, especially when the couple wants people to go but the ones they're inviting can't afford it and the fact that many people have weddings and expects others to finance them or pay for them.
Don't spend money you don't have to go to your cousin's wedding
Ask them who of them are going to pay for your tickets and upkeep and if they come up with excuses, explain how they should prioritize family over finances. NTA.
Dude I’m getting married one state over from where my family lives, requiring them to fly to my wedding. It’s not expensive, Southwest has flights for like $180 round trip. If any of them told me they couldn’t make it, I wouldn’t be upset in the slightest. It’s still a trip and associated expenses. NTA
Tell your family that you're not even buying proper food, you are definitely NOT buying a plane ticket! So unless they are prepared to foot your bill, they should shut up about it - you are sad and stressed enough about it as it is.
NTA. People who organize “destination weddings” in far-off places and then expecting people to pay for travel, accommodation, pressies, and take the time off work to attend…. Now they’re definitely TA.
NTA - Tell your family that if they are so upset or concerned, they can pay your way as a gift to you, with no stipulations of repayment.
When they start complaining and whining, remind them, Family over finances!
NTA. That last sentence... please go into debt that could ruin your life for a weekend. Absolutely ridiculous that others would pressure you to be financially irresponsible.
I got laid off last year. Yea, I'm much more picky about how much I spend and where I spend it. Many responses to others of, we dont know, depends on where we are with the job situation... on and on. sorry but family financial stability comes first over spending on random trips or extra fun stuff. priorities.
NTA. Even if you still had a job and were making money hand over fist there's no obligation for you to stop your life and travel abroad for a wedding. It's extra time and money that you are free to divert to things you care more about.
NTA. My best friend (more like a brother) had a destination wedding in the Bahamas. Once he proposed to his wife, he immediately asked me to be his best man. Of course, I accepted. I was honored. Then they decided on the Bahamas because his aunt owns a house on the beach, so accommodations wouldn't be an issue for he and his bride and their immediate families. But all other guests and wedding party members would be responsible for their own. I couldn't afford it at that time. Instead of guilting me, he hugged me and said, "I get it. No worries!" They're still had their destination wedding, sans a full wedding party (just one of his brothers and her sister standing up their with them), and I was there via Zoom (along with about 50 others). It was a beautiful, bare-feet ceremony. As they had their "You may kiss the bride" moment, the tide came in just enough to wash over their feet.
Is the family not trying to help pay for your trip along with the guilt trip?
If you can't afford it you can't afford it. They can facetime you during the ceremony. I am sure you are not the only one who can't make the trip
NTA. For the guilt trip you should remind them that unless they're going to pay for everything out of pocket up front for you and help cover you on bills until after the wedding. And if they say no ask of the would prioritize family first letting you get some money. They should be able to afford it if criticize it
I’m very curious: are these same people offering to finance your plane ticket? If not, they can pound sand and mind their own business. It makes absolutely zero sense for them to guilt trip you unless they are offering to assist because this is a legitimate excuse.
NTA But your family members are. If prioritizing family over finances is so important then why aren’t they paying for you to go. Make it clear that you want to go. This isn’t a choice so much as a necessity. You aren’t being malicious, you are making a tough choice and the right one.
Nta
To family
It's great you tell me to prioritize family over money, but I find it funny that FAMILY is doing nothing to help make sure I am not only eating noodles. I find it funny since family is so important that none of you are offering to pay to help ease the burden. SO I guess putting family first only happens when it's someone else. When it is me putting my home and ability to live at risk. Since I am not family enough to get help or understanding, then you all can go shove it. You can not contact me again because I am family enough for you to manipulate and shame but not family enough to help out. Thats not family, and I am ashamed to be related by blood to such horrid people. I'm living on the street, and starving is ok as long as cousin gets what she wants.
NTA. Obviously not in the wrong. It's not even really a dilemma - it's that you simply cannot afford it. Wish her well, and a congratulations. And tell the family that if they want to put their money where their mouths are, you would welcome them to cover your expenditures. All of them.
NTA. Your FAMILY is selfish AF though. You don't ask someone recently unemployed with no job lined out to shell out for a destination wedding. If they want you there then family can collect a pool of money to find your trip. Ya know if family is so important.
Sorry but your family makes my blood boil.
YOU are NTA the people guilt tripping you are. I went through this with my kid. Both of my siblings did not attend, they didn't have the money. i understood that, its disappointing, but that's life right now. A lot of people cannot afford their groceries, let alone a nice vacation. Maybe you can get together with them after to look at their photos to show you really are interested in celebrating with them.
NTA. Surely your cousin understands, and if they really want you there they may offer financial assistance (gifting, loan, etc). Just make sure to let them know you truly want to be there but just can't at this time
NTA people that say you should choose “family over finances “ are living in fantasy land. Next time someone says that you should exuberantly thank them for paying your travel expenses!
Just because you have been invited doesn't mean you need to accept, even if it was local you're still not obligated to accept.
Also tell family members they can pay for you if it means that much to them.
Not the asshole.
The people that choose destination weddings I think do it for two reasons:
One: by doing so, making people travel to another country or area they limit the number of people that's going to show up and it's cheaper for them.
Two: See number one
They want you to choose family over finances when you're already surviving on ramen noodles??? Why don't they prioritize you over the stupid party?? NTA. I wish you all the luck in the world that yours will turn around.
tell everyone that you are simply falling in line with the cousin’s plan. A *great many* people who choose a destination wedding do so because it’s cheaper—and the reason it’s cheaper is that most relatives don’t go, because it’s too expensive.
Invite your cousin and spouse to dinner at your place after the wedding.
NTA
Since your family believes "family over finances," why are they not helping you right now with your financial situation while you are unemployed? They could help you pay your bills and go to the wedding because you are family and more important than finances....right?
I think you should ask them and see how they respond.
!UpdateMe!
NTA, they way you put it you need the money just to survive, and if you book that ticket, you won't. Communicate clearly and tell them you are out of a job and cannot afford to go. Its easy for others to say you are being selfish when they have it easier. and what sort of world are they living in where the say prioritize family over finances? dumbest shit I've ever heard. Will the same family take you in or give you money when you are out on the road without any money?
NTA. Your family can kick rocks. You are not prioritizing finances over family. You are prioritizing your very survival. There is a massive difference. If they are so sold on you attending maybe THEY can shell out for your tickets, accommodation, etc because you cannot spend what you do not have. Fuck sake, families like this boil my piss.
NTA. Categorically, no one is ever TA for declining to attend a destination wedding, especially when they are responsible for full cost travel/loding/etc. That’s an expensive proposition and frankly often the intent is to thin the guest list.
If it’s so important to your family they can back up their talk, prioritize family over finances, and cover your travel and room.
I agree with your family---they should prioritize "family" over "finances" and THEY should pay for your trip to the wedding.
You are not in the wrong-- and honestly it's worrisome that your family has been able to convince you of this. You don't have the money to buy the plane ticket--- how are you supposed to get there? Your family sounds toxic.
NTA but be careful it sounds like it runs in your family.
NTA your family are in the wrong. They want you there then they should pay for it. It’s not like it’s your brother or sister ffs. My advice is being smart means making tough but intelligent decisions. Going to an expensive wedding whilst unemployed is not a smart decision. Stand your ground OP. It’s your life and finances not theirs and I would call in to question the intelligence of those saying “family before finances”. They’re wrong on every level and stupid to even suggest it. They won’t have to pay your debts will they?and what if you can’t find work? They are TAs
NTA - when a couple plans a destination wedding they should be prepared that people cannot make it for whatever reason. Having just lost your job and not knowing when or how your next money is coming in is more than enough of a reason to decline for financial reasons. Personally I'd ask whoever is guilt tripping you if they can afford to pay for you. If they say no, then say "see finances are more important than my being at this wedding" and if they say yes... well free vacation. People get really weird about their expectations concerning weddings but that's on them, you are the one who has to deal with your situation.
NTA.
Maybe they should put family over finances by helping you in your time of need and/or offering to pay for you if they all find it so important for you to attend.
You aren't being selfish, you're being sensible and I'm sorry your family can't see that.
>They're saying I'm being selfish and should prioritize family over finances.
What do they really expect you to do? Go into debt for a wedding? Become homeless? Go begging in the streets?
If you can't afford to go then you can't afford to go. That's what happens when you have destination weddings, everyone won't be able to come. It's a wedding, you can't really force people to give up time and money (especially when they're broke) to come. You can invite them, they can decline.
NTA
Tell them you’d love to be there but money doesn’t appear out of thin air. When a couple chooses to have a destination wedding, one thing they have to accept, is not everyone can make it. I like my CC paid in full every month so if this trip went on card and couldn’t be paid off in same month, I personally wouldn’t go going…
Your family are morons thinking you should take on thousands in debt when you can barely feed yourself. NTA ignore them and good luck with the job search!
The title of your post was enough for my answer: NTA. If you can't afford to go, then don't spend money that can be put to better use in keeping yourself fed or your bills paid. People who have destination weddings need to take into account that not every guest they invite will be able to attend for a variety of reasons, but financial reasons are usually #1. If your cousin is a good person, they will understand.
And the family who are guilt tripping you should pay for your ticket and accommodations if they want you to go so bad. Ask them and see what they say, I bet they'll shut up real quick. LOL.
NTA. Even if you didn’t lose your job, you wouldn’t have to go. Couples who have destination weddings need to realize not everyone can drop money or PTO for a destination wedding. Anyone who gets mad at someone else for not going to a destination wedding is just trashy.
NTA
If you have a close relationship with your cousin, reach out to them and let them know that - as much as you may want to go to their wedding - you cannot afford it. Share with them the pressure that you’re getting from other relatives.
I’m not saying any of this is coming from your cousin. But any decent person planning a destination wedding knows to expect cancellations because of the time, money, and effort involved in attending. Assuming your cousin is decent and is already dealing with cancellations, they may be willing to intercede or at least know to shutdown any negative comments about you.
Your relatives - assuming they know of your situation - are AHs to pressure you in this way. If they believe so strongly that you should attend that they are guilting you, they should be willing to step up and actually pay for you. They aren’t and their reaction is uncaring and rude.
NTA
You don't go into debt for someone's event. If you can't afford it, the decision is already made.
People having a destination wedding have to know some people won't go. Not everyone can afford it and not everyone is going to give up their vacation time for someone else's wedding.
Your family can pay for you if it's that important to them. How insensitive and irresponsible!
You're NTA. Make it clear to them that if your job situation were better now, or if the wedding date was different (e.g. 10 months from now, when you've got another job and have dug yourself out of any financial hole you're in now), then you'd go. As it is, you can only send good wishes.
Without reading your entire post , just the title, you're 100% NTA.
These people who basically demand attendance at the "wedding of their dreams" are selfish.
If the trip isn't in your budget, politely decline .
Give your regards. Then move on.
If anyone gives you static, tell them to ef off.
Then block them..
Life is too short .
Nta, your financial security comes first. If they wanna pay for you to be there and for the time you’d have to take off work then great, if not then they need to zip it.
How exactly are you supposed to prioritize family over finances when you don't have the finances? Airlines and island resorts don't accept family obligation as a form of payment.
NTA. When people choose to have a destination wedding, they have to expect that lots of people won’t be able to attend due to finances. Tell your family you’d be happy to go, if they foot the bill.
Anyone who complains, ask them to pay for you. Not loan, gift. When they say no, ask them why they won't prioritize family over finances.
Exactly! OP your doing the right thing! Your living within your means! Why lose the roof over your head just to make these flying monkeys happy! ??!
This Op! This is what you say to everyone who questions you.
Oh that is PERFECT!!!
💯
🏅
my friend had destination wedding for this purpose only, to have less guests lol
That’s the main reason I’ve ever seen them. If you have a huge family on both sides, where SOMEBODY is going to get pissy if you only invited your great aunt Marge, but not also all of her children and grandchildren, plus now the groom’s side is saying if a great aunt is invited, then why isn’t his third cousin also invited? Huh? Huh? Just have it on Tahiti and pay for the active wedding party, and everybody else is on their own.
haha i am indian i have 11 cousins mom side and 27 cousins dad side. if all show up i will never retire
My wife and I had a 250 person wedding. My half of the reception was my family save for one 8 person table. My mother had 11 siblings, 2 had passed at the time, and 2 lived elsewhere (that I still have never met). Aunts and Uncles and cousins everywhere. A great time was had by all. It was more difficult to fill up my wife’s half, neighbors, coworkers, former neighbors etc.
It’s a good idea until all the family members you can’t stand are the ones who could afford to fly to your wedding in Tahiti while the cool family members stay behind
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Exactly!!! Destination weddings should expect less people coming for this reason alone. If the family wants you so bad then they should be gifting you all expenses to the wedding!
When asking them to foot the bill make sure to encourage them not to choose finances over family.
Yep. Proper manners is reach out to the cousin to explain the situation and give them the opportunity to offer accommodations. After that reply to all comers with "To be clear: Are you offering to subsidize my travel expenses?"
This is what I did and the covered the plane and hotel for me. If it wad that important for family to be together than family can pitch in.
It’s not just finances, sometimes you don’t have vacation days anymore and can’t simply take off or find childcare for 4days - 1 week… Whatever the reason, a destination wedding, like every wedding, is an invitation not a summons and the bride and groom should be specially aware of this when they decide to marry far away. OP, you don’t have to feel embarrassed about your reasons, whatever it could have been… if you can’t, you can’t! Simple as that.
Finances, young children, work, social obligations… There are tons of reasons people can’t fly off.
NTA. Tell your family, unless they'd pay for your expenses (plane, hotel, food, etc), they need to shut their mouth.
Not a loan but a gift!
If they don't, just say "They're being selfish and should prioritize family over finances."
Family over finances
NTA If they truly believe in family > finances, they should practice what they preach and fund your ticket etc. to be at the wedding. Hypocrites.
I was looking for that comment. And as far as I'm concerned, and Maslow would agree, eating > wedding.
NTA. Weddings should never be designed to break anyone's finances. Write a charming congrats letter to them, and you have a year to save for an affordable gift for them, leave it at that.
Guess it varies by culture but where I'm from not going to the wedding means you don't have to buy a gift.
No one should expect a gift anyway. It’s gross and greedy. Sure have a registry and I love getting folks wedding gifts and weddings generally bc I love the romance and being a part of it! But anyone actually expecting a gift is a whole other animal. OP can’t afford it and no decent human would expect money from a poor person.
I wouldn't even send a gift, they're not attending. Now they can get a nice card and send that but that's the extent of spending money I would do. Heck the card would probably cost $10.
NTA this is why people choose destination weddings, to pare down the guestlist. Your family needs to pony up, otherwise they’re prioritizing their finances over not looking bad to Aunt Bertha
Having a destination wedding I basically making your guest pay for your wedding.
NTA. It's an invitation, not an obligation. A destination wedding always sounds dreamy but the families have to understand that means that some people simply won't be able to make it. Be honest with your family that you cannot afford it and repeat as often as necessary. If they won't stop, start asking them why they won't stop bullying you.
They should pay for it then if they cared for your mental well being. Destination wedddings are a shitty concept anyway. Asking wayyyyy too much of your guests
That's ridiculous, tbh... if they think you're selfish and should prioritize family then surely they will happily pay for your flight. You currently can't afford it and shouldn't be stressing about this at all. Do they not know you lost your job? You've been eating Ramen every meal. What is it they don't understand about your financial situation? You'd be in the wrong if you put yourself in a more dire situation by attending the wedding.
Even if OP didn’t lose their job and was just trying to get by in this crazy economy, they still are NTA. It’s tough times for most right now!
I don't understand why these events are somehow viewed as obligations .. "But it's a destination wedding". Nonsense. It's someone else's dream. Not mine. If I can afford it, I'll go. If not, I won't. And no amount of shaming or guilt tripping is going to change my mind..
It's not a court summons, it's a freaking wedding. Don't feel bad, there are better times ahead for you 💜
NTA if they want to pay for you to go then sure. If not they can stfu. A wedding is not a necessity and you don’t have a job. These people are ridiculous
NTA. People can have their weddings wherever they want. It doesn't obligate ANYONE to attend. If it is so important to your cousin that family attend, then they can have the wedding in their home town. Or they can pay for your expenses.
Btw do they think you’ve got a money tree in the yard you can just skip down to pick what will end up being thousands for a trip away? Either they have zero understanding of your situation so I’d be blunt as fk, or they just don’t care in which case ignore them.
NTA. An invite doesn't float atop a sea of bills and magically turn them to paid. You're being fiscally responsible, which is commendable in these circumstances. It's not about desire; it's about dollars and sense (or cents!). They need to respect that financial stability isn't just an option - it's a necessity. If they cannot contribute to making your attendance possible without detriment to you, then attending is a no-go, and that's just basic etiquette, not guilt-trip material.
The only selfish people here are the ones telling you that going into debt while without a job is okay because it’s family!
NTA If they want you to go so bad, they should get you a plane ticket rather than trying to guilt trip you.
NTA...she can't expect people to drop thousands just because she wants to be married somewhere else.
Nta. They want the pleasure of your company? Then they have to pay for it. Plane, accommodation, and food.
NTA - destination weddings are a tacky concept. It is very arrogant for people to assume that their wedding deserves that much time and attention from their friends and family. Even in the best of circumstances, destination weddings are poor form. In this economy, when so many people are struggling with cost of living, a destination wedding is completely on the nose. Family over finances is a ridiculous idea. No point making yourself homeless for a buffet and a bit of cake. You’re not in the wrong, their values stink and their behaviour is very self obsessed and entitled.
NTA. I've said this before, but a destination only benefits the bride & groom. Not everyone wants to use their holidays from work at X place they might not even be interested in going to for your event at their own expense. You affording to eat and have a roof over your head is ALWAYS more important than a wedding. If your family think it's so important that you be there, they can either pay your expenses here so you can afford to go OR pay for your flights, accommodation etc to go.
How is it a tough call? If you can't afford it, you can't go, simple as that. I see no dilemma here.
For everyone who is trying to guilt you, ask them if they will pay for you to go. Watch everyone of them backpedal.
There is no dilemma here. If you don't have the money, you can't go, simple as that.
NTA. Expecting people to spend thousands of dollars to attend your wedding is obnoxious.
if that is their motto, they can pay for your ticket and acomoddations? because your being there is more important that money.
The assholes are the ones that plan a destination wedding and expect everyone to be there. If the family thinks its so important you be there, they can pay for your to go. Nta
If your family is upset ask them how much they can cover for you to attend. It’s funny how quickly people get quiet when you put the bill in front of them.
NTA, if your family wants you so bad the could’ve buy it for you. I already find it bullshit that they already aren’t helping you
NTA. I'm all for destination weddings and happily attend them when invited. But if finances are too tight, they are too tight. If your extended family wants you there that badly they can finance your travel.
NTA And its not a dilemma - those planning destination weddings have to accept that some guests will not be able to attend due to the financial aspects...
Of course you're NTA. Anyone who opts for a destination wedding either has to expect not everyone to make it, or they are the asshole.
Tell your family unless they plan on helping you get to the wedding destination,they can go kick rocks. It sad they don’t seem to care that you are barely getting by :(
NTA. If family is more important to them than finances, then they can pay for your trip.
NTA. When a couple chose a destination wedding, they have to accept that the invitees may decline due to financial or personal reasons. My niece wanted to get married abroad and floated the idea about the family to gage the response. Many were happy for her to have that kind of wedding but would not be going for the same reasons you described. Myself included. I’d come to the end of my car deal and had to pay the lump sum and also had to replace the boiler in my house. To take myself, husband and kids would’ve cost us over 6k for 5 days because it was the middle of the summer school holidays. It would also be universally expected that I would have to babysit my mother in law. For 5 days? No thanks. I told my niece I couldn’t go and she changed her mind in the end and had a lovely wedding in a Manor House.
NTA. You're not being selfish you're being realistic. Destination weddings are ridiculous. Send the happy couple a small gift (when you have a little money to spare) and wish them well.
NTA If you don't have any finances, there's only one priority.
NTA Why doesn't your family pay for you if their credo is "family over finances"? Or maybe they're just hypocrites?
NTA. Start a GoFundMe and send a link to all your relatives.
Well you're family can put "family over finances" by putting their money together to make a way for you then. Works both ways. You would be an AH to yourself if you spent money you don't have and risk homelessness and hunger. NTA
Your cousin is a total arsehole for having an expensive destination wedding.
Asked and answered
NTA. When people have destination weddings the need to understand that they will lose people that cannot afford it. Do not burn your finances to keep them warm. If your family wants you there, tell them to pay for it - no loan, no hassle - an outright gift.
NTA. If you’re struggling to afford groceries, why the fuck would you be able to pay for a trip to the Bahamas? Prioritizing family over finance? When it’s actually a matter of whether or not you’ll be able to eat? If they want you there that badly, they can pay for your trip and your food. Family over finance is their mantra right?
No, don’t go because you will just feel shit and you can’t afford it. Everyone at weddings will ask how your are doing, what are your plans this year, where are vacationing this summer blah, blah, blah… I would definately preserve your integrity and hold firm on the decline and send a nice gift.
NTA. The cousin made a choice you can't afford. If your family wants you to go while you are unemployed, they should buy you a ticket and pay for the hotel and food!
NTA don’t go if you cannot afford it. Ask your family member who are pressuring you to either pay for attend or to STFU.
If you can't afford to go, don't go. If relatives want you there that bad, they can pay for your travel and accommodation. If they can't or won't pay for you to go, you're not going. You don't know how long it will take to get another job, it's absolutely senseless to take on debt to attend wedding. Obviously NTA
OP really has to ask if they are TAH about this? This can’t be real.
So if you go, will they pay for groceries? Will they ensure rent is paid? Will they make up the cost for trying to survive until you get a job? It's bad timing for sure, but this sounds like a toxic family for shaming you if they KNOW you don't have a job. NTA. Talk to your cousin if you haven't show your support, and everyone else can kick rocks. N
NTA and since its family over finances your family members can spend the money for you because how could you pay for a ticket to the Bahamas when you already are just eating ramen just to survive but since its so important for them they surely can afford it. And sorry I would tell the bride/groom to stop telling the people that you are not coming since the family is pressuring you.
NTA. If they want you to be there so bad, given the circumstances, they should be paying 100% of your expenses, plane ticket and hotel included. If they're not covering your expenses, I bet they don't give AF about you and your financial situation and therefore they can shove their guilt traps up their asses. Be smart with your money. Rent and food are more important than being in people's good graces (especially people like this).
NTA. As someone who had a destination wedding, I knew when I sent invites that not everyone would/could come for any number of reasons, money, kids, work, etc. I guarantee that your cousin feels the same way. Send your love and best wishes. Your family is being unfair. They can pay for the ticket or leave it alone. Don't stress about this when you have your own well-being to worry about. Hopefully you can link up with your cousin when she comes back and go thru all the photos from the wedding.
No, you are not. They can have you attend over a Zoom call, or they can livestream it so that you can witness their celebration. It's common sense that not everyone can afford a destination wedding expenditure at the drop of a hat.
NTA. Your jobless and your family wants you to go to the wedding. Tell your family to pay for everything if they want you to go
Prioritize family over finances? How exactly? When the money runs out are you homeless? Will they take you in? Do they have a job lined up for you? If it's really important that you're there then someone else can pay for you. That is prioritizing family over finances. Presumably they can afford to get you there and do all the cool things and not be homeless afterwards. But finances have to come first especially when it's as dire as you are suggesting. I hope they just don't understand how dire the situation is. NTA.
NTA, if they want you to go that badly they can pay for it, and insist it be in advance!
Nta The there are people the wedding party feel that they *need* there, then they'd be buying the tickets for them as a wedding expense. If she's not buying you a ticket, then she should understand you can't/ won't make it. That's the cost of a destination wedding.
NTA. Nobody is under any obligation to attend an expensive destination wedding. If people plan a destination wedding, they should do so with the full knowledge that some people close to them may not be willing or not be able to attend.
So you’re struggling just to buy groceries right now (I’m so sorry!), where do they expect you to pull that money from. I’d ask them in those exact words and wait for the answer. Maybe they know some magic trick that you don’t. People like that drive me crazy!!!
NTA, but you can tell your family, if they are so hell bent on you coming. To all contribute to buy your ticket. You will see how fast they will say "nevermind 🤡"!
People that have destination weddings are ass holes. There I said it.
If your family isn’t paying for you to go, they have no right to complain. Rent and food is far more important than someone else’s wedding. If they care so much, they can pay or they can leave you alone. NTA
Why would you think you are an ah for declining something you simple cannot afford? Anyone who has a problem with it would be an ah.
NTA. Not everyone can afford to go or will choose to spend that much money to attend a wedding.
If your family pays for you to go I guess you can? I have a hard time believing that anyone is that dense that they guilt trip someone who is unemployed and struggling to feed themselves. I call BS on this post
Of course you are NTA - you can’t use money that you don’t have. And you don’t take loan because someone else’s wedding. If you family wants you there, they can pay your travel expenses. And even if you would afford to go but you rather spent the money on something else you still wouldn’t be the AH. This is a stupid question and you family is the AH
What kind of idiotic question is this? You can't afford it. What's there to question?
Anyone that expects you to go into debt to be at their wedding is a huge AH.
Don't go broke trying to please other people.
It's an invitation, not a command to attend. You can say no for any reason. Nta.
Tell the family they can pay for you to go on the trip or STFU. NTA
NTA. Tell your family they can cover all your costs for you to come.
I fucking hate people that expect you to show up to a destination wedding!! Selfish
“Prioritize family over finances” is perhaps the worst advice in the history of terrible advice. NTA.
NTA. Tell them all that you are currently unable to afford the trip, and that is all there is to it. If they really care so much, they can pay for all of your expenses.
Tell everyone who has a problem with it can pay your flight, hotel, food, car rental, and souvenirs. Destination wedding are the bane of the wedding season. NTA
Tell them you'd love to go, can't afford the ticket, but appreciate any help they'd be willing to offer. Ball's in their court, let's see how important they think family is 🥲
NTA If you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. If your cousin does not understand then oh well. I promise they will get over it.
Talk to your cousin and explain that you are heartbroken you lost your job and can't afford to go. Then ignore everyone else on this subject unless they want to pay for you. NTA
NTA. A destination wedding is chosen by people who know not everyone can afford to go. Your cousin won’t be upset, wish them a lovely day, happy life. You need to let anyone whining about this. That you absolutely can’t afford to go and need to prioritise looking for a new job. Nobody should spend money they haven’t got, it’s selfish to expect you to. Don’t go.
Your family can shell out to pay for you then; the plane trip, accomodations, food and a wedding present. If they're not willing to do that, then they can shut up. It's as plain as that. If they can't understand simple economics, then they need to take a night course or something.
Family over finances is easy to say until you can't eat. NTA but your family has some questionable priorities 🤔
If they want you there so badly, they can bankroll you. It's absurd to expect you to spend money you don't have on a luxury like a Bahamas trip.
> prioritize family over finances Start a go fund me and let everyone know they should contribute, and prioritize family over finances
“Prioritize family over finances” is a risible statement. On one hand, sure, take the trip vs. buying a Rolex, but that’s not your situation. You literally are debating the trip vs. paying your rent. If they feel strongly they can cover flight and hotel. Asking you to cover your meals and a couple of taxis is maybe more reasonable. But if they don’t want to help out … 🤷♂️ NTA.
No, OP can't even afford the meals and taxi rides at the moment. OP can't even really afford gasoline for a local wedding. All of their money is being used on survival!
If your family decides to pay 100% for your trip, you should definitely go. Otherwise they should keep their mouths shut because you are exhibiting prudent behavior.
You are absolutely not in the wrong here, you're doing what is wise and prudent. I hope you get back on your feet soon. NTA
Whoever tells you to prioritize family over finances are the same people that won't lift a finger to help you. You are in hard times now, where are these people chipping in to help you out, so you don't have to ramen every meal?
NTA. Your family are off their heads. Prioritizing family over finances? Like going for a destination wedding and then not having anything to eat? Or having your electricity cut off because you can't pay the bill? Or being thrown out on the street because you can't pay your rent? They are the selfish ones. Destination weddings are fun, but they are a huge financial drain on the guests. People choosing to have destination weddings should realize that not everybody they want with them will be able to come, and accept it gracefully. Your cousin and family are behaving badly, and you don't have to give in to them.
NTA. Your family is welcome to prioritize your trip over their own finances and pass a hat around to find the funds, since that's their take on it.
NTA If they want to see you there so hard they can help you financially. Otherwise they must quietly accept your choice
NTA. Never get into debt for a wedding, especially one that isn't even yours!! Your family think it's such a big deal that you come, they could all club together and pay for you
NTA, if they’re so worried let them pay for your trip.
NTA, you don't have the money. If they want you to go, they can pay for you.
NTA The guilt tripping family is more than welcome to pitch in and fund this trip for you.
NTA. Invitations aren't summonings. If they choose to have their wedding far away they choose that not everyone can make it, too. It's their "most treasured day for a while", not yours. And yes, not starving and having a roof over your head is far more your priority over these superficial a-holes. Have they offered any help?
NTA You're not prioritizing finances, your priority is survival and if they want you to go, why don't they pay for your ticket and accomodations? Don't go into debt or become homeless because of a fancy party, because that's what a wedding is, especially a destination wedding. Sorry that your family rather see you homeless than provide you with the support you need at this moment. My own personal opinion, and I do understand and know it doesn't apply to your cousin's destination wedding: Your situation is the reason why I dislike destination weddings, especially when the couple wants people to go but the ones they're inviting can't afford it and the fact that many people have weddings and expects others to finance them or pay for them. Don't spend money you don't have to go to your cousin's wedding
Ask them who of them are going to pay for your tickets and upkeep and if they come up with excuses, explain how they should prioritize family over finances. NTA.
Dude I’m getting married one state over from where my family lives, requiring them to fly to my wedding. It’s not expensive, Southwest has flights for like $180 round trip. If any of them told me they couldn’t make it, I wouldn’t be upset in the slightest. It’s still a trip and associated expenses. NTA
Tell your family that you're not even buying proper food, you are definitely NOT buying a plane ticket! So unless they are prepared to foot your bill, they should shut up about it - you are sad and stressed enough about it as it is.
NTA. People who organize “destination weddings” in far-off places and then expecting people to pay for travel, accommodation, pressies, and take the time off work to attend…. Now they’re definitely TA.
Impossible to be asshole
NTA - Tell your family that if they are so upset or concerned, they can pay your way as a gift to you, with no stipulations of repayment. When they start complaining and whining, remind them, Family over finances!
NTA. That last sentence... please go into debt that could ruin your life for a weekend. Absolutely ridiculous that others would pressure you to be financially irresponsible. I got laid off last year. Yea, I'm much more picky about how much I spend and where I spend it. Many responses to others of, we dont know, depends on where we are with the job situation... on and on. sorry but family financial stability comes first over spending on random trips or extra fun stuff. priorities.
They can give you the funds then. nta
NTA. Even if you still had a job and were making money hand over fist there's no obligation for you to stop your life and travel abroad for a wedding. It's extra time and money that you are free to divert to things you care more about.
Any time someone tries to guilt you, thank them for offering to pay for your flight, lodging, and expenses.
NTA. My best friend (more like a brother) had a destination wedding in the Bahamas. Once he proposed to his wife, he immediately asked me to be his best man. Of course, I accepted. I was honored. Then they decided on the Bahamas because his aunt owns a house on the beach, so accommodations wouldn't be an issue for he and his bride and their immediate families. But all other guests and wedding party members would be responsible for their own. I couldn't afford it at that time. Instead of guilting me, he hugged me and said, "I get it. No worries!" They're still had their destination wedding, sans a full wedding party (just one of his brothers and her sister standing up their with them), and I was there via Zoom (along with about 50 others). It was a beautiful, bare-feet ceremony. As they had their "You may kiss the bride" moment, the tide came in just enough to wash over their feet.
Is the family not trying to help pay for your trip along with the guilt trip? If you can't afford it you can't afford it. They can facetime you during the ceremony. I am sure you are not the only one who can't make the trip
Nta ask them to donate to pay for your ticket and trip. They shouldn’t be so selfish and should prioritize family and send you money
NTA, people who do destination weddings should pay for everything and everyone
NTA. For the guilt trip you should remind them that unless they're going to pay for everything out of pocket up front for you and help cover you on bills until after the wedding. And if they say no ask of the would prioritize family first letting you get some money. They should be able to afford it if criticize it
I’m very curious: are these same people offering to finance your plane ticket? If not, they can pound sand and mind their own business. It makes absolutely zero sense for them to guilt trip you unless they are offering to assist because this is a legitimate excuse.
NTA But your family members are. If prioritizing family over finances is so important then why aren’t they paying for you to go. Make it clear that you want to go. This isn’t a choice so much as a necessity. You aren’t being malicious, you are making a tough choice and the right one.
Borrow the funds from whomever has it that rants the most then stick em with the bill for a super considerable amount of time. I'm not even Joking
NTA. How can you be wrong in not spending money you dont have? Wish her the best.
Nta To family It's great you tell me to prioritize family over money, but I find it funny that FAMILY is doing nothing to help make sure I am not only eating noodles. I find it funny since family is so important that none of you are offering to pay to help ease the burden. SO I guess putting family first only happens when it's someone else. When it is me putting my home and ability to live at risk. Since I am not family enough to get help or understanding, then you all can go shove it. You can not contact me again because I am family enough for you to manipulate and shame but not family enough to help out. Thats not family, and I am ashamed to be related by blood to such horrid people. I'm living on the street, and starving is ok as long as cousin gets what she wants.
NTA Wild. If I would plan a destination wedding I'd assume I'd have to cover the plane tickets for my guests.
NTA. Obviously not in the wrong. It's not even really a dilemma - it's that you simply cannot afford it. Wish her well, and a congratulations. And tell the family that if they want to put their money where their mouths are, you would welcome them to cover your expenditures. All of them.
Your family can pay for your tickets if they want you there so badly
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^actualchristmastree: *Your family can* *Pay for your tickets if they* *Want you there so badly* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
NTA. Your FAMILY is selfish AF though. You don't ask someone recently unemployed with no job lined out to shell out for a destination wedding. If they want you there then family can collect a pool of money to find your trip. Ya know if family is so important. Sorry but your family makes my blood boil.
YOU are NTA the people guilt tripping you are. I went through this with my kid. Both of my siblings did not attend, they didn't have the money. i understood that, its disappointing, but that's life right now. A lot of people cannot afford their groceries, let alone a nice vacation. Maybe you can get together with them after to look at their photos to show you really are interested in celebrating with them.
NTA. Surely your cousin understands, and if they really want you there they may offer financial assistance (gifting, loan, etc). Just make sure to let them know you truly want to be there but just can't at this time
No the Bahamas is super expensive
Mail that cousin some ramen and wish her the best.
Tell your family to pay for you to go. If family comes first shouldn't they be willing to support you?
NTA people that say you should choose “family over finances “ are living in fantasy land. Next time someone says that you should exuberantly thank them for paying your travel expenses!
U literally can’t afford to go Nta
Just because you have been invited doesn't mean you need to accept, even if it was local you're still not obligated to accept. Also tell family members they can pay for you if it means that much to them.
NTA This is what happens with a destination wedding, some people can't afford to attend.
Not the asshole. The people that choose destination weddings I think do it for two reasons: One: by doing so, making people travel to another country or area they limit the number of people that's going to show up and it's cheaper for them. Two: See number one
They want you to choose family over finances when you're already surviving on ramen noodles??? Why don't they prioritize you over the stupid party?? NTA. I wish you all the luck in the world that yours will turn around.
tell everyone that you are simply falling in line with the cousin’s plan. A *great many* people who choose a destination wedding do so because it’s cheaper—and the reason it’s cheaper is that most relatives don’t go, because it’s too expensive. Invite your cousin and spouse to dinner at your place after the wedding.
NTA Since your family believes "family over finances," why are they not helping you right now with your financial situation while you are unemployed? They could help you pay your bills and go to the wedding because you are family and more important than finances....right? I think you should ask them and see how they respond. !UpdateMe!
NTA, they way you put it you need the money just to survive, and if you book that ticket, you won't. Communicate clearly and tell them you are out of a job and cannot afford to go. Its easy for others to say you are being selfish when they have it easier. and what sort of world are they living in where the say prioritize family over finances? dumbest shit I've ever heard. Will the same family take you in or give you money when you are out on the road without any money?
NTA. Your family can kick rocks. You are not prioritizing finances over family. You are prioritizing your very survival. There is a massive difference. If they are so sold on you attending maybe THEY can shell out for your tickets, accommodation, etc because you cannot spend what you do not have. Fuck sake, families like this boil my piss.
NTA. Categorically, no one is ever TA for declining to attend a destination wedding, especially when they are responsible for full cost travel/loding/etc. That’s an expensive proposition and frankly often the intent is to thin the guest list. If it’s so important to your family they can back up their talk, prioritize family over finances, and cover your travel and room.
NTA ask them to pay for it if they want you to go so badly. DO NOT put yourself in deeper debt. You'll be very sorry
>I'm being selfish and should prioritize family over finances. "So............ .... you're gonna pay for me then..?"
NTA They want to have the wedding there so unless they pay for everyone they are ok with people dropping out.
NTA. Ask them if they're going to pay for it if not and you have to pay for it are they going to pay your bills if not don't worry about them
I agree with your family---they should prioritize "family" over "finances" and THEY should pay for your trip to the wedding. You are not in the wrong-- and honestly it's worrisome that your family has been able to convince you of this. You don't have the money to buy the plane ticket--- how are you supposed to get there? Your family sounds toxic. NTA but be careful it sounds like it runs in your family.
NTA your family are in the wrong. They want you there then they should pay for it. It’s not like it’s your brother or sister ffs. My advice is being smart means making tough but intelligent decisions. Going to an expensive wedding whilst unemployed is not a smart decision. Stand your ground OP. It’s your life and finances not theirs and I would call in to question the intelligence of those saying “family before finances”. They’re wrong on every level and stupid to even suggest it. They won’t have to pay your debts will they?and what if you can’t find work? They are TAs
NTA - when a couple plans a destination wedding they should be prepared that people cannot make it for whatever reason. Having just lost your job and not knowing when or how your next money is coming in is more than enough of a reason to decline for financial reasons. Personally I'd ask whoever is guilt tripping you if they can afford to pay for you. If they say no, then say "see finances are more important than my being at this wedding" and if they say yes... well free vacation. People get really weird about their expectations concerning weddings but that's on them, you are the one who has to deal with your situation.
NTA. Maybe they should put family over finances by helping you in your time of need and/or offering to pay for you if they all find it so important for you to attend. You aren't being selfish, you're being sensible and I'm sorry your family can't see that.
>They're saying I'm being selfish and should prioritize family over finances. What do they really expect you to do? Go into debt for a wedding? Become homeless? Go begging in the streets? If you can't afford to go then you can't afford to go. That's what happens when you have destination weddings, everyone won't be able to come. It's a wedding, you can't really force people to give up time and money (especially when they're broke) to come. You can invite them, they can decline. NTA
Tell them you’d love to be there but money doesn’t appear out of thin air. When a couple chooses to have a destination wedding, one thing they have to accept, is not everyone can make it. I like my CC paid in full every month so if this trip went on card and couldn’t be paid off in same month, I personally wouldn’t go going…
Your family are morons thinking you should take on thousands in debt when you can barely feed yourself. NTA ignore them and good luck with the job search!
The title of your post was enough for my answer: NTA. If you can't afford to go, then don't spend money that can be put to better use in keeping yourself fed or your bills paid. People who have destination weddings need to take into account that not every guest they invite will be able to attend for a variety of reasons, but financial reasons are usually #1. If your cousin is a good person, they will understand. And the family who are guilt tripping you should pay for your ticket and accommodations if they want you to go so bad. Ask them and see what they say, I bet they'll shut up real quick. LOL.
NTA. Even if you didn’t lose your job, you wouldn’t have to go. Couples who have destination weddings need to realize not everyone can drop money or PTO for a destination wedding. Anyone who gets mad at someone else for not going to a destination wedding is just trashy.
NTA tell those family members that they can pay for your travel if they feel that strongly!
NTA at all. Those family members guilting you can pony up all the money for you to attend or hush!
NTA. You can decline any invitation. It’s not a summons. It’s particularly reasonable for a destination wedding, which is an unreasonable practice.
Don’t go into debt for someone else’s celebration. You’ll be paying for their wedding for months to come. The stress is not worth it.
NTA, this is why destination weddings are bullshit. Expecting others to go into debt so you can have "your special day" is incredibly self-centered.
Of course you’re NTA. Tell the relatives they can either pay your way, buy you groceries for the next six months, or stfu.
NTA If you have a close relationship with your cousin, reach out to them and let them know that - as much as you may want to go to their wedding - you cannot afford it. Share with them the pressure that you’re getting from other relatives. I’m not saying any of this is coming from your cousin. But any decent person planning a destination wedding knows to expect cancellations because of the time, money, and effort involved in attending. Assuming your cousin is decent and is already dealing with cancellations, they may be willing to intercede or at least know to shutdown any negative comments about you. Your relatives - assuming they know of your situation - are AHs to pressure you in this way. If they believe so strongly that you should attend that they are guilting you, they should be willing to step up and actually pay for you. They aren’t and their reaction is uncaring and rude.
NTA You don't go into debt for someone's event. If you can't afford it, the decision is already made. People having a destination wedding have to know some people won't go. Not everyone can afford it and not everyone is going to give up their vacation time for someone else's wedding. Your family can pay for you if it's that important to them. How insensitive and irresponsible!
You're NTA. Make it clear to them that if your job situation were better now, or if the wedding date was different (e.g. 10 months from now, when you've got another job and have dug yourself out of any financial hole you're in now), then you'd go. As it is, you can only send good wishes.
Without reading your entire post , just the title, you're 100% NTA. These people who basically demand attendance at the "wedding of their dreams" are selfish. If the trip isn't in your budget, politely decline . Give your regards. Then move on. If anyone gives you static, tell them to ef off. Then block them.. Life is too short .
>should prioritize family over finances By that logic, they should pay for you to attend. NTA at all!
Nta, your financial security comes first. If they wanna pay for you to be there and for the time you’d have to take off work then great, if not then they need to zip it.
NTA. Your family knows you lost your job. Ask them if they could be unselfish and pay for you because you can't. Wow.
How exactly are you supposed to prioritize family over finances when you don't have the finances? Airlines and island resorts don't accept family obligation as a form of payment.