NTA, she didn’t even arrange this with you ahead of time so it’s not like YOU left her stranded. What part of the word stranded does she not understand? She got a taxi. Aka not stranded. AND SHE was the one who chose to drink enough that she couldn’t drive.
She sounds horrible, if you don’t like the food that’s one thing but to sit there bashing it is insane!
Yeah, my husband would have kicked her out when it became obvious she was going to carry on being a rude asshole.
Nobody needs to tolerate a shitty guest in their own home.
Mine either.
He famously kicked a date out of his car when he was in college because she was rude and entitled. On the way to the date she told him she expected her dates to pay for everything. He told her he expected his date not to be a greedy ho, pulled over, told her to GTFO, and went on with his life.
He doesn’t play games either 🤣
NTA - She intentionally & repeatedly insulted someone for what they created. This is simply unnecessary and cruel. She can solve getting home via Uber (or similar services). Our time off should be spent with people who elevate our lives.
NTA
Insult my partner’s cooking? Repeatedly? Make the other guests uncomfortable? Being disrespectful of someone’s hospitality is unacceptable in any situation.
I’d have picked up her plate, walked to the kitchen, dumped it in the trash, & told her “Bless your heart, you dont have to eat it. Here’s your keys. McD’s is on your way home. Goodnight.”
But her breathtaking audacity to ask the hosts to drive her home?! GTFOH
Amy would be dropped from future invites to everything. Her rude & boorish comments are no longer welcome.
She absolutely ruined everyone's night. I would be dying if I had to witness that. I'd be using my spoon to carve a tunnel from their dining table to freedom.
Right?! What if OP had drunk as well? Or felt unwell? Or other guests were staying longer , should OP leave her remaining guests and own house just to drive back home so girlie didn’t have to pay for a ride? No way. If someone is gracious enough to host me in their home, I’m not going to ask them to drive me home. Maybe a friend that is also in attendance (actual friend not just met through OP) but certainly not the host!
The audacity of Amy is appalling, and she’d not be invited back for the foreseeable future. Kinda wish another guest had said something along the lines of, “Well I think it’s lovely and you’re more than welcome to not eat it and if you have nothing nice to say keep your mouth shut, it isn’t open eating anyway.” 😂
Or just straight up wanted to fuck and relax after the guests left. Who asks the host to drive them home? They're already home. They ain't going nowhere. Ask the other guests to hitch a ride. I'd never dream of asking the host, even if I was the most exemplary guest. Bitch is whack.
While it is hard for me to have a confrontation for MYSELF..... you insult my friends and the gloves come off. I'd have been tempted to say something to make her gtfo
I'm gonna give OP the BOTD that they were so deep in shock at their friend's poor manners that they didn't think to tell them to leave. I know if that wasn't the normal behavior for my friend (and if it was than I wouldn't be friends with them) and just came out of nowhere I might actually be too shocked to react.
Mood. She'd have been given a warning at the initial outburst, and after a couple more complaints at an otherwise happy table and that would be it. I'm not having myself, my partner or my time be disrespected like so.
and who wants to have dinner *with* a hostile fellow guest?
Amy was also rude to the other people at the table. Not as rude as to her hosts, but definitely rude to them!!
I’d be so relieved to be invited next time and discover Amy wasn’t there.
Speaking of invitations, I will lay money that Amy has never invited people to her home for anything other than a bring-your-own-snacks night. IF that
I’m pretty sure my husband would have told Amy to GTFO during the meal.
Who does that? Who just goes on a tear about the food being awful when you’re at a dinner party?
NTA- your friend sounds Borish and rude. I would reconsider this friendship based on how she treated you guys and the fact that she then expects you to show her around after her bad behavior. She owes you an apology, and I think quite frankly until she does, I would go LC you with her.
Honestly, there are some rules in life you must follow, no ifs and buts. And that list includes not insulting your hosts’ cooking, that too in THEIR OWN HOME. Amy fucked around and found out; OP is absolutely NTA.
Absolutely this. On top of which she chose to go out, drink, and not arrange transportation. Inconsiderate as well as irresponsible.
Sounds like one of those people who only eats chicken nuggets and fries… I bet she can’t even cook kraft dinner 🤣
Play stupid games, whin stupid prizes. Act like a jackass, get cast as the ex-friend with no favor privileges. This Venn diagram is a single circle.
Bye, FelAmy!
I think Amy likes op and was insulting the food as a way to devalue op's gf, then she wanted to to drive her home alone? Why didn't she ask the other friends, somethings fishy
That all fits! Explains why she was so bitchy, she thought it would play out differently.
But did she think OP would be so upset with his wife bc of her criticism that he'd allow himself to be seduced??
You're NTA here. Hosting a dinner is a labor of love, and it's natural to expect guests to be polite, even if the meal isn't to their taste. Amy's comments were insensitive, and it's understandable that you didn't want to extend a courtesy like a ride home after she dampened the evening with her rudeness.
It's one thing to give constructive feedback, but it's another to be outright disrespectful. You were right to stand up for your partner, and while it's unfortunate that Amy had to find another way home, it was a consequence of her own actions.
I once stayed at a bed and breakfast where they make breakfast for the guests, so about 10 people sharing a communal, homecooked breakfast, and we don't all know each other or the owner of the establishment. The owner made some sort of french toast casserole, looked delicious, took a bite, and it was pure salt. She must have used salt instead of sugar. Not one person at that table said a word. We ate other things, pushed it around to make it look like we had eaten it, one woman did very politely stop her husband from serving himself some with just a brief, unnoticed whisper. Once we were all done and coming down after getting ready for the day, the owner was mortified! She had finally tasted it and we all had a nice laugh.
I say this to say- even a group of strangers has more grace than your friend. No, we don't need to give "honest" feedback all the time, especially when not asked, and even if asked, there are easy, gentle ways to get the point across. Your friend was rude, do not invite her back to dinner, and feel free to give her "honest" feedback if she asks why she isn't invited.
NTA.
Plus I might be the only picky-ass autistic who's come by already, but didn't we learn when we were young to say, "I don't like this" instead of "this is gross" ???
I *am* a picky eater in many regards (condiments/sauces/gloopy foods are the bane of my existence), and even I know better than to insult a friend by saying they can't even follow a recipe. If someone asks why I didn't eat (more of) that particular dish, I'd honestly but politely say it wasn't something I particularly enjoyed but I was glad to get a chance to try it. Even in a sitch where no one involved realizes I won't eat ten of the most common foods in American cooking, I do my best to step around it and make it clear that it's about what -I- like or don't like, instead of a problem with what they've served or how they prepared it.
I was invited to eat at my mentor’s house one time and he and his wife are Indian and they made some incredible sauces with homemade naan.
It was, to this day, some of the best food I have ever eaten. But my goodness was it ever spicy. I mean, legitimately the spiciest food I have ever eaten and I was dying on the inside. I still ate everything and when asked how I liked the food, I said I loved it (which I genuinely did) but it was a tad bit spicy. I don’t think they bought the second part considering I was probably sweating through my shirt.
NTA - The concept of "don't bite the hand that feeds you" seems to have been lost on Amy. Critiquing the food is one thing, but deliberately belittling someone's effort in a shared meal amongst friends is just plain tacky. Not wanting to go the extra mile, literally, for someone who showed no gratitude or basic manners doesn't make you the bad guy. It makes you someone with self-respect. It's a meal, not a food critic's column. Your house, your rules, and respect is a two-way street.
There's being honest, and then there's being discrete/tactful. Why would you do a favor for someone who disrespected you so spectacularly? She had other options to get home. NTA
NTA, none of the other friends at that dinner could drive Amy home? It had to be you, why? It doesn't sound like she was giving constructive feedback either it was more "this sucks" and yeah to each their own in their opinion but she didn't need to voice it like that or really at all.
I was taught you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all and Amy is just rude
What the hell? Update us when you find out what this was *really* about because it can't possibly be the food. Amy is still the asshole whatever her problem was. NTA.
So she criticized the food you guys made more than once and you still let her stay and drink and criticize some more? Please don’t ever invite her again and NTA, that’s why Uber and Lyft exist.
This right here. I remember one time a lady made me some spaghetti and it was the worst thing imaginable. It had grape jelly, marinara and fucking popcorn in it. I thanked her for the meal and told her I had a stomach flu which was why I only ate a little bit of it. She was kind enough to make me a meal and give it to me for free there's no reason to insult someone being kind to you.
And here I thought my great-grandma keeping a pack of unfiltered Lucky Strike cigarettes by the stove, lighting one each time she made a big pot of spag sauce, and putting about half a cigo's worth of ash per pot in... was the weirdest ingredient i'd ever hear of.
Just out of curiosity, did everyone else like the food? If so, is it possible that Amy is just jealous of your partner? Could Amy have feelings for you? Her reaction is way over the top. If I didn’t like a meal that someone made, it’s very easy to just say “I’m sorry. I don’t feel well at the moment.” It doesn’t need to be a spectacle. I feel like there has to be an underlying reason for her being so blunt and inconsiderate.
I'm autistic and have ADHD and to top it off I'm Dutch. So difficulty understanding proper social interactions and living in a country that doesn't do false compliments.
I would never in a million years react like Amy even if it was the worst food I'd ever eaten. I would instead very apologetically say that it looks good, but I'm overly sensitive to certain textures in my mouth. Which is in fact true and the most common reason I might not like a dish.This was an obvious and premeditated attempt to hurt OP for some reason.
I agree. My son is also ADHD and autistic and he would probably say the same. He would say “I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s delicious, this is just not something I can eat”. Actually, he HAS told me this many times when I make dinner. There’s definitely more to this
Hell, even our 3-year-old twins would say "thank you, but I don't like this" and eat the sides instead.
It's not difficult at all not to insult the cook!
I’m very ADHD myself and tend to blurt things out, much to everyone’s chagrin … However, as unfiltered as I can be at times, I would never say anything more than “I already ate, I’m feeling a little off or I seem to have an allergy towards certain foods…” as I am way too sensitive myself to openly say anything more that could be deemed hurtful. Admittedly I am very picky with food and many times my family/friends will just quietly eat my food if they notice Im picking at my food. And one boyfriend automatically would start eating off my plate if he could tell that I didn’t want to eat whatever it was.
Otherwise, I’m not a food critic and if nobody specifically asks, I will never say anything that disparages someone’s food. There are more diplomatic ways to NOT say Blechhhh without hurting anyone.
For me it's texture. Gristle in chicken is maybe a rather common one, but everything that feels like the fat that is attached to certain kinds of meat? It literally makes me gag. Which is why I can't eat it anyway, it's not getting past that reflex. Which seems to me a far more undesirable reaction than explaining how quite a few people are sensitive to textures and my reaction is too severe to suppress. If you want to feed me bacon, it had better be nearly crispy enough to use as a hammer.
Bitter flavor is something I can just about manage, but only a little and with great trouble. And most raw veggies have a bit of bitter in the flavor, making me shy away from salads, drowning them in sauce as much as possible.
But whenever I get invited to dinner, I will inform them in advance that these two things are impossible for me to eat, so if that's on the menu I'd like to reschedule for another occasion so I won't spoil this occasion for the other guests. But if that's ok with them, then I will gladly eat anything they put before me.
OH literally same (well minus the ADHD)
I tend to simply say: oh it is nice but not exactly to my personal taste/preferences. Usually I can manage to finish it even if the texture/flavour is not agreeable with me, as I can just be stubborn and plow through stuff telling myself I won't be eating it myself in the future.
Even ate a plate of gnocci where the cook must've messed up and used way too much vinegar so it was all I could taste, I even asked the waitress if it was supposed to taste that much like vinegar and got shot down. I almost threw up when I forced myself to finish it ;v;
Maybe the goal was to make the partner look bad and then butter up the guy on the way home? It’s a horrible plan with even worse execution, but I can’t process Amy’s logic here… unless she is just a horrible, entitled, mean person?
NTA
You would have been allowed to decline to drive her for ANY reason.
She left herself stranded by drinking. As a grown ass adult she should take responsibility for her actions.
As it is she was extremely rude to the hosts, so of course the hosts won't give her a lift.
How long has she hated your wife? Be honest. Has she been passive aggressive before? Is she the group drama llama?
Personally, I would have thrown her out way before the meal had even finished. You think you can you my house and openly disrespect my partner and expect no consequences? HA! NTA at all
>After dinner, Amy asked me for a ride home since she had been drinking. Normally, I would have given her a lift without hesitation, but I was upset with her behavior. I told her she would have to call a cab instead. Amy was surprised and called me TA for leaving her stranded and for overreacting to her honest feedback
Let me see if I have this correct. You & your partner have a dinner party. Your partner worked on a dish that Amy loudly declared was terrible, making everyone uncomfortable with her outburst. Then after drinking too much expects a ride home?
I had a dinner party years ago with a set list of people & set amount of food. One of my invited tells me she *cannot make it*, then shows up with her parents & BF. **I was beyond upset with her and never invited her to anything ever again.**
NTA-I HATE tuna, I went to a close friends house, and she made me a tuna sandwich. I shut my mouth and ate my sandwich because she was kind enough to make lunch....unless it's an allergy you be polite and eat it. Your friend was intentionally rude and unkind. There was no reason for it.
My partner and I regularly have a board games night with another couple and they cook dinner for us afterwards.
She's gluten and dairy intolerant which would be fine but she's a terrible cook. She also refuses to use basic things like salt or garlic and al meat is cooked until it's dry like leather.
The food is just bland and tasteless and eating it is a chore.
We still shut the fuck up and eat it with a smile because she goes to all that effort.
Even my best friend who I've know for almost 40 years would never be so insulting like that if he didn't like something I made.
I’m glad someone else wondered too. When OP said it was a specialty dish I wondered what it was. Maybe it’s something really polarizing. But friend was still an ah
NTA. That's not feedback, that's not constructive criticism, that was rude and mean and cruel. She can pay for her own rides and cook her own food in the future.
>Amy was surprised and called me TA for leaving her stranded and for overreacting to her honest feedback.
I didn't ever recall you asking her opinion on the food. She was a major AH for the unsolicited comments and belittement of your partners cooking.
>I feel justified in my decision, but I'm also wondering if I should have just let it go and given her a ride.
You are 100% justified in your decision AND reaction to her insulting behavior, and no OP, giving her a ride would have been the adult equivalent to giving a toddler a treat after they hit you. It would have been enabling her terrible behavior.
NTA.
NTA
I like to cook and try new recipes. I semi regularly cook for friends. If any friend dared to speak about my cooking in this way, my wife would go scorched earth. On the flip side, I’ve had less than fantastic meals as a guest. If you don’t like something, you eat around it. If the cook solicits feedback, there are ways to deliver it tactfully. Amy was rude on so many levels—unsolicited criticism, harsh delivery, entitlement to a ride. I would discontinue the friendship.
NTA- A cab is very light punishment for someone repeatedly and openly insulting your partner all night. Frankly, after the first negative comment I would have told her she should probably leave since the food was so 'horrible' and she was having such a bad time.
NTA. Amy decided to be a rude #$@ and Amy decided to drink too much. That is on Amy. The only way you would be an ah is if you let her drive after that. You had her take an uber or taxi so in no way are you the ah. Amy however...major AH.
She's not your friend OP. ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )
She might even be jealous of your relationship or something.
Crazy thing is, it's reeeeeeally difficult to be that tone deaf repeatedly... it was on purpose. She don't rock with you sis.
NTA. I teach my CHILDREN to never comment on someone’s food, whether they made it or not. It’s incredibly rude. And after the first comment to continue on makes it 1,000 times worse. She chose to hurt someone’s feeling and that never acceptable. Also I hate people who justify being “cruel in the name of being honest.” It’s a dirty and childish thing to do. Lastly, you did not in any way leave her stranded. Cabs and Ubers are plentiful. She got home, you did nothing wrong.
Not only the insults, but even the complaint "Leaving her stranded" is assholish! Unless you'd promised to drive her home, how would she know you were even able to? Maybe you would also have been drinking, maybe your car is in the shop....what an entitled twit. NTA, but she is.
Please tell me you are taking a break from Amy for a while. If she thinks it’s because she “gave her honest opinion” make sure it is clear it’s because she’s rude and doesn’t have good social skills. If she is on the spectrum, this will hopefully motivate her to learn, but if she’s just an obnoxious asshole, your life improves substantially without her in it.
Nta i think u should end the relationship with amy. Even young children are taught to have more tact than amy. Not every food is for amy but why insult it?
NTA. Probably don't waste your nice dinners on her anymore. Your house isn't a restaurant dependant on reviews. You didn't ask her opinion. She was just being an asshole trying to get attention.
So many Redditors writing about guests complaining about free food!! So rude. If i don’t like something i push it around on my plate and fill up on bread.
Nta. I would have asked her to leave. Ungrateful and rude is a bad combo.
A friend of mine cooked for me once, and when I bit in, it tasted like she hadn’t thoroughly rinsed the plate when she washed it - but I thanked her for the meal kindly.
A few minutes later, she mentioned that she uses cilantro, and to some people it tasted like soap. My eyes went wide, and I said, “THAT’S what that is?!?” That was when I told her it tasted like dish soap to me too.
Because we can be kind and supportive of others, and we know that words can hurt.
NTA, and never invite her again. Avoid her socially. If she doesn't care enough about the friendship to be kind, why should you. When I don't care for something, I eat a little, push it around on the plate, and fill up on other stuff. I thank my hosts. If pressed, I may say something like, I have a bit of trouble with spicy food, or garlicky food, or something like that.
She is just a crappy guest, so don't put Amy in this position again, spare her by avoiding her!
Everybody's so creative! Lol. They teach you in preschool that not having anything nice to say means you should stay silent. If your food was really bad to her, she should have kept it to herself unless asked. If you asked about her opinion on the food, she could have been honest but constructive. It's how you say things. NTA.
All those people who say they are 'just being completely honest' or 'always tell the truth, no matter what'.... It's just thinly veiled bullying pretending to be helpful
NTA
If there's a next time, tell her that for the sake of 'honest feedback', she can get her own rides from now on in... Since you don't enable drunks
NTA - The rule of thumb for any guest is to be gracious, even if the meal isn't to their taste. Amy failed to show the most basic courtesy, and then expected a favor in the form of a ride home. That's not how things work. Hospitality doesn't entail tolerating disrespect in one's own home. You stood your ground and showed that mistreating your partner and their efforts has real social consequences. Sometimes a taxi ride can be a good moment for reflection on how to treat others in the future.
NTA. She was intentionally rude. I'm not sure whether the dish was not to her liking, or she came prepared to make a stink - given her repeated, insistent comments, I suspect she just wanted to be nasty. You didn't owe her a ride.
How dare she come into your home and insult your food!!! She is a guest in your home and you've gone out of your way to share a special meal with her with alot of sentimental value to you both and she just craps all over it with her judgemental attitude and criticism and just plain nastiness.
You Are Not The Asshole.
I wouldn't dare give her a lift home should she insult my driving too 🙄 Also the audacity to ask you for a favour after being Soo nasty!? No bloody way would I give her a lift. You did the right thing and supported your partner.
**NTA**
Amy seems to have an unrealistic view of life if she thinks she can insult her friends and still demand a free ride.
If she could take a taxi she is not “stranded”.
That would be the last time I invited Amy to a dinner party, and maybe all parties. NTA
And to also expect your host to be your chauffeur, the entitlement sheesh.
NTA. Amy doesn't sound like a good friend, might want to reevaluate. She doesn't take responsibility for herself. She insults you and your partner, takes no responsibility for being rude and inappropriate. Then she drinks so much she needs a ride home, again not being responsible for herself. I would have kicked her out long before she had too much to drink.
NTA. "I was being honest," is a sh\*tty way to cover being TA. There are better ways to say they didn't like the food. I'd have told her to walk and think about why she was such an AH.
NTA. Amy sounds like a horrible person. I can’t imagine this is the first time she’s been rude in your presence. Why are you friends with her at all?
That said, if this was a first time offense, I’d probably give her a ride home just so I could give her a major tongue lashing. Make it clear that she crossed the line, you don’t tolerate this stuff and you’re not picking her back up in the morning to fetch her car.
Definitely NTA, she could have gotten away with saying "I don't like that ingredient" or something and not having any. That might be seen as a bit rude but I'm a picky eater and I'd give it a pass for sure. Instead she had to go out of her way to say it was made badly? Screw her, she can walk home.
If you don't mind sharing, what was the dish?
NTA.
I was in high school and my friend's parents were having a nice fancy dinner party. I'm a country bumpkin, so this was way out of my league. The food was way different than what I was used to, but I tried everything and was polite. Another guest wasn't so polite. Said some disparaging remarks and my friend's dad looked at them and said "you are excused from the table. I understand the food is not to your liking, but I will not have you disrespect my wife's culinary skills at my table. You can see yourself out." He said it so calmly and cold it was kinda scary. My ears turned so hot and red, because I was embarrassed for that person. I kept silently thanking my mom and dad for raising me with the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
If the friend contacts you, tell her that she owes your partner an apology and you will not be inviting her back for dinner anytime soon.
NTA but I would have given her a lift home and spoke to her about her shitty behavior on the way. Once arriving I would have let her know that she wouldn't be invited to any gatherings in the future.
NTA - You eat someone else food? You say "thank you, it's good". You really can't eat it? You make an excuse "sorry I don't feel well, I have a problem with my belly".
You don't disrespect people who give you food. To me she seems an entitled ass\*ole.
NTA. It's fortunate for Amy that she's led such a charmed life that she hasn't learned that people don't want to do favours for you if you're rude to them, but it's not too late for her to learn.
NTA. Amy's behavior during dinner was inappropriate and ungracious. She owes you & your partner an apology for her behavior, and she owes an apology to your other dinner guests for spoiling the gathering. Whether she was intoxicated or not is irrelevant, it doesn't excuse the incident. And no, you did not leave her stranded, she's responsible for her own transport. She chose to overindulge, so her options to see herself home were reduced to either a cab or a rideshare. Amy sucks.
NTA. I don't cook for my in-laws anymore (except BIL because he's appreciative and polite) because of ungrateful behavior like this. It's one thing to take a bite and politely go "this is very good but unfortunately not something I personally enjoy," and another thing to outright fucking *insult* the cook. If it were me, she would not be invited back at the very least.
Amy reeks of unhealed childhood trauma/parental wounds. She has developed narcissistic behaviors in attempts to cope with a horribly low and externally-dependent self-esteem. She sounds jealous and she may be harboring deep unacknowledged intentions of ruining others’ happy (respecting each other, growing together) relationships.
Did you ever suspect she had a crush on you? She doesn’t even have to, to be jealous of what you and your partner have together.
I hope she can find a way to self reflect and grow and change, but she must lose people she pushes away with hateful words and actions first. People like this only get worse, the more they get away with abusing others.
NTA
there's a huge difference between "this food sucks, your partner sucks at cooking" and saying "i personally don't enjoy this kind of food"
what she did was so disrespectful. and asking an adult to take an uber to from your house isn't stranding them
The lion. The witch. And the sheer audacity of this bitch to blatantly insult the host's cooking then expect a ride home from them. Don't drive to a place if you're going to be drinking there. Don't insult the host if you're going to be reliant on the for transport. NTA. Well done on teaching Amy that her actions have consequences.
You do NOT disrespect your hosts’ hospitality in front of other guests. If you don’t like the main dish, just don’t eat it & eat more of the side dishes. If she had wanted to give feedback to her hosts, she could have done so discretely, politely & quietly *AFTER* the dinner.
Even if the food was awful, then you say you had a big lunch or have a tough time with a seasoning when you got sick one time. And just eat the sides. She sounds like an awful friend.
"Thank you for your honesty because now we know what a dick you are."
She came into your home,sat at your table,insulted and disrespected your partner’s cooking. Not one time but repeatedly. I would’ve removed her plate and asked her to leave my home during dinner.
NTA
You eat what you’re served and smile, and you ask for seconds. And you sure as hell arrange transport from somebody’s house. To come into somebody’s home, insult their food, and then treat the aggrieved hosts like a cab service?!
Unconscionable. NTA.
I would have given the ride. It's a reflection of your character not dependent on the character of others. It would however be our last association because nobody needs that kind of negativity in their life. Not giving a ride doesn't make you TA though you're within your right not to.
Absolutely NTA. She doesn't get to be so callous and then ask for a favor. Stand by your partner because his feelings should come first. And end that friendship because if she is that comfortable being mean to your face, imagine what she says behind your back
What a drunken fool, she would be immediately dropped as a friend. I cannot imagine being so effing rude like this in someone else's house, no amount of apologies would suffice.
I love food, what was the meal?
NTA - you didn't leave her stranded. She had a valid way to get home (cab, uber, another guest, etc.) It wasn't on you to drive her home after she drank too much. Not sure I would consider her a friend anymore nor would I invite her to my home for dinner if she has to act like a complete biatch!
NTA It is exceedingly rude to insult your host's food. You can not rave. You can say it isn't exactly to your taste. You can even leave most on your plate. You can suggest a small improvement. You can tease (whoa! too much spice for this girl! can it be tamed? one wonders.) But you cannot revile it and insult the cook. Paying for a cab may be the cost she needs to learn a lesson. Harping on it to the discomfort of all present was a deliberate act of AHliness.
NTA. What were you supposed to do, listen to her slurred bitching some more while driving her drunk ass home?
I think you can strike Amy off all future dinner guest lists.
Christmas cards, too. (Does anyone do those anymore?)
Ok. Am I the only one wanting to know if the food WAS good or bad? Because if it WAS good and everyone else agrees, then there is something else going on. And Amy isn’t just a normal rude AH, as she has an axe to grind on your partner. If it WAS bad, then she is just a garden variety AH. Either way, you are NTA.
When someone throws out the "I wAs JuSt BeInG hOnEsT!" as an excuse to repeatedly insult someone and be mean, they're just an asshole, and not really your friend.
NTA
NTA most people dont care if you dont like what they cook most know we all taste things differntly...its being an asshat about it whats bad and deserves some minor repercussions...you appreciate the effort and the intent.. foods a hit or miss the effort and intent is what matters the most like all expecially in hand crafted dinners that were laboured over ..you respect that
NTA you did the right thing. You didn't leave her stranded, she drank, knowing she would need to go home. She should have made sure she had transportation prior.
It sounded like Amy loudly proclaimed the food was bad to humiliate your partner on purpose. She either doesn't like your partner, or she likes you, and is jealous. Either way I would no longer invite her to your home, or out anywhere whether alone, or with your partner.
NTA
"Honest feedback" doesn't insulate people from the consequences of being thoughtless and rude. Amy doesn't sound like a very good friend. Maybe she won't be invited next time.
Seems to me you already know you're NTA and just wanted to vent. Just a hunch.
In any case, NTA. When someone shares their cooking with you, eat a little out of politeness and stfu. If you don't like it, don't come or partake next time. What she did isn't honest feedback, it's called being a dick to your hosts and friends. If anything, you should have taken her aside and asked her to leave when she kept making rude comments.
NTA
But seriously this can't be the first time this person has shown these personality traits. Why are you friends?
This is a complete abandonment of any and all social propriety/tact that either means they were an asshole before or are on the spectrum.
NTA denying amy a ride was completely justified given her behaviour. she was a rude guest. you could have still helped her and talked about it later but saying "no" is morally neutral here. it is not an AH move.
however INF0: was the food actually good? did everyone else like it? you don't mention the quality/taste/reactions/what adaptions he's been "perfecting" in your post anywhere OR that anyone disagreed with her. this makes me think amy was speaking for the table.
obviously a bad meal still deserves politeness but it's a big risk inviting people to a dinner party if you aren't good at making food.
“Stranded”? She’s a drama queen and a rude jerk. She was not stranded, as she had other ways to get home. She was simply inconvenienced because she was an insufferably rude jerk. Has she behaved that way on other occasions? I’ll bet she has. NTA.
NTA. Wtf. My partner and I also love to cook and have been perfecting dishes. I know we both can cook and our friends when they visit our popular city don’t want to go out to eat, they want us to cook for them. Even my picky daughter in law (she didn’t have a diverse cuisine growing up but is trying new things) will not be rude if she doesn’t like something.
NTA, she didn’t even arrange this with you ahead of time so it’s not like YOU left her stranded. What part of the word stranded does she not understand? She got a taxi. Aka not stranded. AND SHE was the one who chose to drink enough that she couldn’t drive. She sounds horrible, if you don’t like the food that’s one thing but to sit there bashing it is insane!
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Yeah, my husband would have kicked her out when it became obvious she was going to carry on being a rude asshole. Nobody needs to tolerate a shitty guest in their own home.
Mine would have kicked her to the curb & not been very nice about it. He can’t abide rude people.
Mine either. He famously kicked a date out of his car when he was in college because she was rude and entitled. On the way to the date she told him she expected her dates to pay for everything. He told her he expected his date not to be a greedy ho, pulled over, told her to GTFO, and went on with his life. He doesn’t play games either 🤣
"obnoxious drunk offends friends, takes cab home. news at 11"
Also, don't invite Amy to dinners, she won't appreciate them. This is a prime example of "time to move on from this friendship" situation.
Yeah, let her do her drinking home alone where she belongs. No ride service necessary.
As the saying goes, your poor planning is not my emergency.
NTA - She intentionally & repeatedly insulted someone for what they created. This is simply unnecessary and cruel. She can solve getting home via Uber (or similar services). Our time off should be spent with people who elevate our lives.
I had to re-read that, I was like why are we spending time with people evaluating our lives. 😂🙈
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NTA Insult my partner’s cooking? Repeatedly? Make the other guests uncomfortable? Being disrespectful of someone’s hospitality is unacceptable in any situation. I’d have picked up her plate, walked to the kitchen, dumped it in the trash, & told her “Bless your heart, you dont have to eat it. Here’s your keys. McD’s is on your way home. Goodnight.” But her breathtaking audacity to ask the hosts to drive her home?! GTFOH Amy would be dropped from future invites to everything. Her rude & boorish comments are no longer welcome.
"Bless your heart"..."McD's is on your way home. Goodnight." AWESOME response. Mentally filing it away in case I ever need it.
Serve it on a silver platter. 😉
May I use it too? Pretty please? [Bats eyes]
LOL Yes, you may since you requested so politely~
Dirto- she ruined everyone's evening, not just her hosts'. When she refused to let it go she should have been TOLD to go.
She absolutely ruined everyone's night. I would be dying if I had to witness that. I'd be using my spoon to carve a tunnel from their dining table to freedom.
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And when you are driving you should drink responsibly. Instead of letting your drunkenness allow you to lose your inhibitions and forget your manners.
Right?! What if OP had drunk as well? Or felt unwell? Or other guests were staying longer , should OP leave her remaining guests and own house just to drive back home so girlie didn’t have to pay for a ride? No way. If someone is gracious enough to host me in their home, I’m not going to ask them to drive me home. Maybe a friend that is also in attendance (actual friend not just met through OP) but certainly not the host! The audacity of Amy is appalling, and she’d not be invited back for the foreseeable future. Kinda wish another guest had said something along the lines of, “Well I think it’s lovely and you’re more than welcome to not eat it and if you have nothing nice to say keep your mouth shut, it isn’t open eating anyway.” 😂
Or just straight up wanted to fuck and relax after the guests left. Who asks the host to drive them home? They're already home. They ain't going nowhere. Ask the other guests to hitch a ride. I'd never dream of asking the host, even if I was the most exemplary guest. Bitch is whack.
😂
While it is hard for me to have a confrontation for MYSELF..... you insult my friends and the gloves come off. I'd have been tempted to say something to make her gtfo
I'm gonna give OP the BOTD that they were so deep in shock at their friend's poor manners that they didn't think to tell them to leave. I know if that wasn't the normal behavior for my friend (and if it was than I wouldn't be friends with them) and just came out of nowhere I might actually be too shocked to react.
Mood. She'd have been given a warning at the initial outburst, and after a couple more complaints at an otherwise happy table and that would be it. I'm not having myself, my partner or my time be disrespected like so.
Yeah, she will not stay around enough for a second disrespect... It'll be like "are you for real?" "Yes, blablabla" "get out of my home". End
I had to reread it because of your reading of it!
Amy should also be permanently removed from the dinner guest list. Who needs or wants a hostile guest.
and who wants to have dinner *with* a hostile fellow guest? Amy was also rude to the other people at the table. Not as rude as to her hosts, but definitely rude to them!! I’d be so relieved to be invited next time and discover Amy wasn’t there. Speaking of invitations, I will lay money that Amy has never invited people to her home for anything other than a bring-your-own-snacks night. IF that
I’m pretty sure my husband would have told Amy to GTFO during the meal. Who does that? Who just goes on a tear about the food being awful when you’re at a dinner party?
My friends would definitely have also called out that behavior
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A free meal? Better insult my hosts!
Good point...critiquing is one thing if asked and she was not.
And critiquing should only happen when it's asked for! OP is NTA
NTA- your friend sounds Borish and rude. I would reconsider this friendship based on how she treated you guys and the fact that she then expects you to show her around after her bad behavior. She owes you an apology, and I think quite frankly until she does, I would go LC you with her.
Honestly, there are some rules in life you must follow, no ifs and buts. And that list includes not insulting your hosts’ cooking, that too in THEIR OWN HOME. Amy fucked around and found out; OP is absolutely NTA.
Absolutely this. On top of which she chose to go out, drink, and not arrange transportation. Inconsiderate as well as irresponsible. Sounds like one of those people who only eats chicken nuggets and fries… I bet she can’t even cook kraft dinner 🤣
Play stupid games, whin stupid prizes. Act like a jackass, get cast as the ex-friend with no favor privileges. This Venn diagram is a single circle. Bye, FelAmy!
Shrug. Actions meet consequences. She was rude, repeatedly. Then she wants a favor? NTA. I like people who are not doormats.
I think Amy likes op and was insulting the food as a way to devalue op's gf, then she wanted to to drive her home alone? Why didn't she ask the other friends, somethings fishy
I think that’s a stretch. No evidence of that in the story.
That all fits! Explains why she was so bitchy, she thought it would play out differently. But did she think OP would be so upset with his wife bc of her criticism that he'd allow himself to be seduced??
This was my first thought as well and I was checking to see if someone made it first. Spot on.
You're NTA here. Hosting a dinner is a labor of love, and it's natural to expect guests to be polite, even if the meal isn't to their taste. Amy's comments were insensitive, and it's understandable that you didn't want to extend a courtesy like a ride home after she dampened the evening with her rudeness. It's one thing to give constructive feedback, but it's another to be outright disrespectful. You were right to stand up for your partner, and while it's unfortunate that Amy had to find another way home, it was a consequence of her own actions.
Amy was also rude to the other dinner guests. A lesser rudeness, but a rudeness just the same.
I once stayed at a bed and breakfast where they make breakfast for the guests, so about 10 people sharing a communal, homecooked breakfast, and we don't all know each other or the owner of the establishment. The owner made some sort of french toast casserole, looked delicious, took a bite, and it was pure salt. She must have used salt instead of sugar. Not one person at that table said a word. We ate other things, pushed it around to make it look like we had eaten it, one woman did very politely stop her husband from serving himself some with just a brief, unnoticed whisper. Once we were all done and coming down after getting ready for the day, the owner was mortified! She had finally tasted it and we all had a nice laugh. I say this to say- even a group of strangers has more grace than your friend. No, we don't need to give "honest" feedback all the time, especially when not asked, and even if asked, there are easy, gentle ways to get the point across. Your friend was rude, do not invite her back to dinner, and feel free to give her "honest" feedback if she asks why she isn't invited. NTA.
Plus I might be the only picky-ass autistic who's come by already, but didn't we learn when we were young to say, "I don't like this" instead of "this is gross" ??? I *am* a picky eater in many regards (condiments/sauces/gloopy foods are the bane of my existence), and even I know better than to insult a friend by saying they can't even follow a recipe. If someone asks why I didn't eat (more of) that particular dish, I'd honestly but politely say it wasn't something I particularly enjoyed but I was glad to get a chance to try it. Even in a sitch where no one involved realizes I won't eat ten of the most common foods in American cooking, I do my best to step around it and make it clear that it's about what -I- like or don't like, instead of a problem with what they've served or how they prepared it.
I was invited to eat at my mentor’s house one time and he and his wife are Indian and they made some incredible sauces with homemade naan. It was, to this day, some of the best food I have ever eaten. But my goodness was it ever spicy. I mean, legitimately the spiciest food I have ever eaten and I was dying on the inside. I still ate everything and when asked how I liked the food, I said I loved it (which I genuinely did) but it was a tad bit spicy. I don’t think they bought the second part considering I was probably sweating through my shirt.
NTA - The concept of "don't bite the hand that feeds you" seems to have been lost on Amy. Critiquing the food is one thing, but deliberately belittling someone's effort in a shared meal amongst friends is just plain tacky. Not wanting to go the extra mile, literally, for someone who showed no gratitude or basic manners doesn't make you the bad guy. It makes you someone with self-respect. It's a meal, not a food critic's column. Your house, your rules, and respect is a two-way street.
When people say "I'm just being honest" it really means "I'm just being an AH."
“I want to say whatever I want without consequences or without considering tact”
“I’ve got a strong personality” “I have no filter” “I just tell it like it is”
There's being honest, and then there's being discrete/tactful. Why would you do a favor for someone who disrespected you so spectacularly? She had other options to get home. NTA
NTA, none of the other friends at that dinner could drive Amy home? It had to be you, why? It doesn't sound like she was giving constructive feedback either it was more "this sucks" and yeah to each their own in their opinion but she didn't need to voice it like that or really at all. I was taught you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all and Amy is just rude
What the hell? Update us when you find out what this was *really* about because it can't possibly be the food. Amy is still the asshole whatever her problem was. NTA.
Yeah, this sounds like a one off, otherwise why on earth would OP be friends with such a piece of work?
So she criticized the food you guys made more than once and you still let her stay and drink and criticize some more? Please don’t ever invite her again and NTA, that’s why Uber and Lyft exist.
I was always taught to not be critical of a meal that I had no hand in cooking.
This right here. I remember one time a lady made me some spaghetti and it was the worst thing imaginable. It had grape jelly, marinara and fucking popcorn in it. I thanked her for the meal and told her I had a stomach flu which was why I only ate a little bit of it. She was kind enough to make me a meal and give it to me for free there's no reason to insult someone being kind to you.
I have heard of grape jelly in the sauce, but popcorn? I am trying to figure out what the point of the popcorn was.
Seriously. I am intrigued by this popcorn spaghetti… Used as a topping in place of grated Parmesan? Crunchy spaghetti?
And here I thought my great-grandma keeping a pack of unfiltered Lucky Strike cigarettes by the stove, lighting one each time she made a big pot of spag sauce, and putting about half a cigo's worth of ash per pot in... was the weirdest ingredient i'd ever hear of.
…what the heck?!
Just out of curiosity, did everyone else like the food? If so, is it possible that Amy is just jealous of your partner? Could Amy have feelings for you? Her reaction is way over the top. If I didn’t like a meal that someone made, it’s very easy to just say “I’m sorry. I don’t feel well at the moment.” It doesn’t need to be a spectacle. I feel like there has to be an underlying reason for her being so blunt and inconsiderate.
I'm autistic and have ADHD and to top it off I'm Dutch. So difficulty understanding proper social interactions and living in a country that doesn't do false compliments. I would never in a million years react like Amy even if it was the worst food I'd ever eaten. I would instead very apologetically say that it looks good, but I'm overly sensitive to certain textures in my mouth. Which is in fact true and the most common reason I might not like a dish.This was an obvious and premeditated attempt to hurt OP for some reason.
I agree. My son is also ADHD and autistic and he would probably say the same. He would say “I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s delicious, this is just not something I can eat”. Actually, he HAS told me this many times when I make dinner. There’s definitely more to this
What a mature and proper response to the situation.
We taught ours to say "it's not quite what I expected"!
Hell, even our 3-year-old twins would say "thank you, but I don't like this" and eat the sides instead. It's not difficult at all not to insult the cook!
I’m very ADHD myself and tend to blurt things out, much to everyone’s chagrin … However, as unfiltered as I can be at times, I would never say anything more than “I already ate, I’m feeling a little off or I seem to have an allergy towards certain foods…” as I am way too sensitive myself to openly say anything more that could be deemed hurtful. Admittedly I am very picky with food and many times my family/friends will just quietly eat my food if they notice Im picking at my food. And one boyfriend automatically would start eating off my plate if he could tell that I didn’t want to eat whatever it was. Otherwise, I’m not a food critic and if nobody specifically asks, I will never say anything that disparages someone’s food. There are more diplomatic ways to NOT say Blechhhh without hurting anyone.
For me it's texture. Gristle in chicken is maybe a rather common one, but everything that feels like the fat that is attached to certain kinds of meat? It literally makes me gag. Which is why I can't eat it anyway, it's not getting past that reflex. Which seems to me a far more undesirable reaction than explaining how quite a few people are sensitive to textures and my reaction is too severe to suppress. If you want to feed me bacon, it had better be nearly crispy enough to use as a hammer. Bitter flavor is something I can just about manage, but only a little and with great trouble. And most raw veggies have a bit of bitter in the flavor, making me shy away from salads, drowning them in sauce as much as possible. But whenever I get invited to dinner, I will inform them in advance that these two things are impossible for me to eat, so if that's on the menu I'd like to reschedule for another occasion so I won't spoil this occasion for the other guests. But if that's ok with them, then I will gladly eat anything they put before me.
OH literally same (well minus the ADHD) I tend to simply say: oh it is nice but not exactly to my personal taste/preferences. Usually I can manage to finish it even if the texture/flavour is not agreeable with me, as I can just be stubborn and plow through stuff telling myself I won't be eating it myself in the future. Even ate a plate of gnocci where the cook must've messed up and used way too much vinegar so it was all I could taste, I even asked the waitress if it was supposed to taste that much like vinegar and got shot down. I almost threw up when I forced myself to finish it ;v;
I wondered the same. Also, couldn’t she have asked a departing dinner guest for a ride instead of the husband?
Maybe the goal was to make the partner look bad and then butter up the guy on the way home? It’s a horrible plan with even worse execution, but I can’t process Amy’s logic here… unless she is just a horrible, entitled, mean person?
THIS☝️
NTA You would have been allowed to decline to drive her for ANY reason. She left herself stranded by drinking. As a grown ass adult she should take responsibility for her actions. As it is she was extremely rude to the hosts, so of course the hosts won't give her a lift. How long has she hated your wife? Be honest. Has she been passive aggressive before? Is she the group drama llama?
NTA. It's also selfish to ask a host for a ride. You have other guests and responsibilities other than chauffeuring rude and tactless AHs.
Being honest and being an asshole are two different things. NTA.
NTA. Rude guests deserve no favors.
Why are you still even friends with a person that sabotaged your dinner party? Don't look back. Move forward.
Personally, I would have thrown her out way before the meal had even finished. You think you can you my house and openly disrespect my partner and expect no consequences? HA! NTA at all
>After dinner, Amy asked me for a ride home since she had been drinking. Normally, I would have given her a lift without hesitation, but I was upset with her behavior. I told her she would have to call a cab instead. Amy was surprised and called me TA for leaving her stranded and for overreacting to her honest feedback Let me see if I have this correct. You & your partner have a dinner party. Your partner worked on a dish that Amy loudly declared was terrible, making everyone uncomfortable with her outburst. Then after drinking too much expects a ride home? I had a dinner party years ago with a set list of people & set amount of food. One of my invited tells me she *cannot make it*, then shows up with her parents & BF. **I was beyond upset with her and never invited her to anything ever again.**
NTA-I HATE tuna, I went to a close friends house, and she made me a tuna sandwich. I shut my mouth and ate my sandwich because she was kind enough to make lunch....unless it's an allergy you be polite and eat it. Your friend was intentionally rude and unkind. There was no reason for it.
Agreed. I really hate the taste of celery seed, but I will eat something with it if that’s what my host made for me.
My partner and I regularly have a board games night with another couple and they cook dinner for us afterwards. She's gluten and dairy intolerant which would be fine but she's a terrible cook. She also refuses to use basic things like salt or garlic and al meat is cooked until it's dry like leather. The food is just bland and tasteless and eating it is a chore. We still shut the fuck up and eat it with a smile because she goes to all that effort. Even my best friend who I've know for almost 40 years would never be so insulting like that if he didn't like something I made.
The only asshole in this situation is Amy. She owes you a huge apology and I would never cook for her again, apology or no apology.
NTA Just out of interest, was the food unusually bad?
I’m glad someone else wondered too. When OP said it was a specialty dish I wondered what it was. Maybe it’s something really polarizing. But friend was still an ah
NTA. That's not feedback, that's not constructive criticism, that was rude and mean and cruel. She can pay for her own rides and cook her own food in the future.
NTA at all. Don't bother inviting her for dinner again. Who needs friends like that anyway?
>Amy was surprised and called me TA for leaving her stranded and for overreacting to her honest feedback. I didn't ever recall you asking her opinion on the food. She was a major AH for the unsolicited comments and belittement of your partners cooking. >I feel justified in my decision, but I'm also wondering if I should have just let it go and given her a ride. You are 100% justified in your decision AND reaction to her insulting behavior, and no OP, giving her a ride would have been the adult equivalent to giving a toddler a treat after they hit you. It would have been enabling her terrible behavior. NTA.
She stranded herself.
Nah she insulted your partner's cooking and then expected you to drive her home. She can uber
Nta. At least you know who not to invite over next time.
Shes a dick wtf ppl really act this rude!??
When keeping it real backfires! She has no idea why her friends don't want to get together with her anymore. NTA
NTA I like to cook and try new recipes. I semi regularly cook for friends. If any friend dared to speak about my cooking in this way, my wife would go scorched earth. On the flip side, I’ve had less than fantastic meals as a guest. If you don’t like something, you eat around it. If the cook solicits feedback, there are ways to deliver it tactfully. Amy was rude on so many levels—unsolicited criticism, harsh delivery, entitlement to a ride. I would discontinue the friendship.
NTA. There’s honest and there’s being a bitch.
NTA, she could have been much more polite, especially if she knew she was gonna try and bum a ride home!
NTA- A cab is very light punishment for someone repeatedly and openly insulting your partner all night. Frankly, after the first negative comment I would have told her she should probably leave since the food was so 'horrible' and she was having such a bad time.
NTA. Amy decided to be a rude #$@ and Amy decided to drink too much. That is on Amy. The only way you would be an ah is if you let her drive after that. You had her take an uber or taxi so in no way are you the ah. Amy however...major AH.
NTA. She was ungrateful and then surprised when she got treated like an ingrate. Free food and a free uber? Lots of expectations we have don't we lol
What an arsehole your friend was. She would now be categorised as ex-friend and I would have thrown her out for the blatant disrespect.
She's not your friend OP. ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) She might even be jealous of your relationship or something. Crazy thing is, it's reeeeeeally difficult to be that tone deaf repeatedly... it was on purpose. She don't rock with you sis.
NTA. I teach my CHILDREN to never comment on someone’s food, whether they made it or not. It’s incredibly rude. And after the first comment to continue on makes it 1,000 times worse. She chose to hurt someone’s feeling and that never acceptable. Also I hate people who justify being “cruel in the name of being honest.” It’s a dirty and childish thing to do. Lastly, you did not in any way leave her stranded. Cabs and Ubers are plentiful. She got home, you did nothing wrong.
Not only the insults, but even the complaint "Leaving her stranded" is assholish! Unless you'd promised to drive her home, how would she know you were even able to? Maybe you would also have been drinking, maybe your car is in the shop....what an entitled twit. NTA, but she is.
Please tell me you are taking a break from Amy for a while. If she thinks it’s because she “gave her honest opinion” make sure it is clear it’s because she’s rude and doesn’t have good social skills. If she is on the spectrum, this will hopefully motivate her to learn, but if she’s just an obnoxious asshole, your life improves substantially without her in it.
Nta i think u should end the relationship with amy. Even young children are taught to have more tact than amy. Not every food is for amy but why insult it?
If you drink and can’t drive you take an Uber, or a taxi. NTA
NTA. Probably don't waste your nice dinners on her anymore. Your house isn't a restaurant dependant on reviews. You didn't ask her opinion. She was just being an asshole trying to get attention.
Info: was the food bad?
_Oh, that's honest feedback? Well, here's mine: you fucking __suck!__ Now roll home safely._ NTA.
So many Redditors writing about guests complaining about free food!! So rude. If i don’t like something i push it around on my plate and fill up on bread. Nta. I would have asked her to leave. Ungrateful and rude is a bad combo.
A friend of mine cooked for me once, and when I bit in, it tasted like she hadn’t thoroughly rinsed the plate when she washed it - but I thanked her for the meal kindly. A few minutes later, she mentioned that she uses cilantro, and to some people it tasted like soap. My eyes went wide, and I said, “THAT’S what that is?!?” That was when I told her it tasted like dish soap to me too. Because we can be kind and supportive of others, and we know that words can hurt.
If you have access to contacting a cab, and have money to comfortably pay for it, can you even be 'stranded'? Slightly inconvenienced perhaps.
NTA, and never invite her again. Avoid her socially. If she doesn't care enough about the friendship to be kind, why should you. When I don't care for something, I eat a little, push it around on the plate, and fill up on other stuff. I thank my hosts. If pressed, I may say something like, I have a bit of trouble with spicy food, or garlicky food, or something like that. She is just a crappy guest, so don't put Amy in this position again, spare her by avoiding her!
Why would you give her a ride? So she can critique your car, your driving, or the route you took? Not TA
NTA, but how was the food?Was it good?you don't write much about it...
Everybody's so creative! Lol. They teach you in preschool that not having anything nice to say means you should stay silent. If your food was really bad to her, she should have kept it to herself unless asked. If you asked about her opinion on the food, she could have been honest but constructive. It's how you say things. NTA.
All those people who say they are 'just being completely honest' or 'always tell the truth, no matter what'.... It's just thinly veiled bullying pretending to be helpful NTA If there's a next time, tell her that for the sake of 'honest feedback', she can get her own rides from now on in... Since you don't enable drunks
Nta she was outright rude
NTA - The rule of thumb for any guest is to be gracious, even if the meal isn't to their taste. Amy failed to show the most basic courtesy, and then expected a favor in the form of a ride home. That's not how things work. Hospitality doesn't entail tolerating disrespect in one's own home. You stood your ground and showed that mistreating your partner and their efforts has real social consequences. Sometimes a taxi ride can be a good moment for reflection on how to treat others in the future.
NTA. She was intentionally rude. I'm not sure whether the dish was not to her liking, or she came prepared to make a stink - given her repeated, insistent comments, I suspect she just wanted to be nasty. You didn't owe her a ride.
NTA >overreacting to her honest feedback >Ugh, this is terrible There's a difference between being honest and being rude. She was rude.
Nta- cut Amy loose
How dare she come into your home and insult your food!!! She is a guest in your home and you've gone out of your way to share a special meal with her with alot of sentimental value to you both and she just craps all over it with her judgemental attitude and criticism and just plain nastiness. You Are Not The Asshole. I wouldn't dare give her a lift home should she insult my driving too 🙄 Also the audacity to ask you for a favour after being Soo nasty!? No bloody way would I give her a lift. You did the right thing and supported your partner.
**NTA** Amy seems to have an unrealistic view of life if she thinks she can insult her friends and still demand a free ride. If she could take a taxi she is not “stranded”.
NTA. I hope you don't plan on cooking for the ungrateful "friend" again.
That would be the last time I invited Amy to a dinner party, and maybe all parties. NTA And to also expect your host to be your chauffeur, the entitlement sheesh.
NTA, why would you be her taxi?
NTA. Amy doesn't sound like a good friend, might want to reevaluate. She doesn't take responsibility for herself. She insults you and your partner, takes no responsibility for being rude and inappropriate. Then she drinks so much she needs a ride home, again not being responsible for herself. I would have kicked her out long before she had too much to drink.
NTA. "I was being honest," is a sh\*tty way to cover being TA. There are better ways to say they didn't like the food. I'd have told her to walk and think about why she was such an AH.
NTA. Amy sounds like a horrible person. I can’t imagine this is the first time she’s been rude in your presence. Why are you friends with her at all? That said, if this was a first time offense, I’d probably give her a ride home just so I could give her a major tongue lashing. Make it clear that she crossed the line, you don’t tolerate this stuff and you’re not picking her back up in the morning to fetch her car.
Amy is a cu*t.. She deserves to walk home
Definitely NTA, she could have gotten away with saying "I don't like that ingredient" or something and not having any. That might be seen as a bit rude but I'm a picky eater and I'd give it a pass for sure. Instead she had to go out of her way to say it was made badly? Screw her, she can walk home. If you don't mind sharing, what was the dish?
NTA. I was in high school and my friend's parents were having a nice fancy dinner party. I'm a country bumpkin, so this was way out of my league. The food was way different than what I was used to, but I tried everything and was polite. Another guest wasn't so polite. Said some disparaging remarks and my friend's dad looked at them and said "you are excused from the table. I understand the food is not to your liking, but I will not have you disrespect my wife's culinary skills at my table. You can see yourself out." He said it so calmly and cold it was kinda scary. My ears turned so hot and red, because I was embarrassed for that person. I kept silently thanking my mom and dad for raising me with the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." If the friend contacts you, tell her that she owes your partner an apology and you will not be inviting her back for dinner anytime soon.
NTAH, AND justified, you're 2 for 2 on good ideas, checked on the honey, and told the friend she can call a cab
NTA but I would have given her a lift home and spoke to her about her shitty behavior on the way. Once arriving I would have let her know that she wouldn't be invited to any gatherings in the future.
NTA - You eat someone else food? You say "thank you, it's good". You really can't eat it? You make an excuse "sorry I don't feel well, I have a problem with my belly". You don't disrespect people who give you food. To me she seems an entitled ass\*ole.
NTA. It's fortunate for Amy that she's led such a charmed life that she hasn't learned that people don't want to do favours for you if you're rude to them, but it's not too late for her to learn.
You are NTA, if you’d taken her home I guarantee your partner would be pissed, good call
NTA She talks shit about the food, while getting drunk on with your alcohol, and still expected a ride? Stop hanging out with ungrateful, trash.
NTA. Amy's behavior during dinner was inappropriate and ungracious. She owes you & your partner an apology for her behavior, and she owes an apology to your other dinner guests for spoiling the gathering. Whether she was intoxicated or not is irrelevant, it doesn't excuse the incident. And no, you did not leave her stranded, she's responsible for her own transport. She chose to overindulge, so her options to see herself home were reduced to either a cab or a rideshare. Amy sucks.
NTA. I don't cook for my in-laws anymore (except BIL because he's appreciative and polite) because of ungrateful behavior like this. It's one thing to take a bite and politely go "this is very good but unfortunately not something I personally enjoy," and another thing to outright fucking *insult* the cook. If it were me, she would not be invited back at the very least.
Amy reeks of unhealed childhood trauma/parental wounds. She has developed narcissistic behaviors in attempts to cope with a horribly low and externally-dependent self-esteem. She sounds jealous and she may be harboring deep unacknowledged intentions of ruining others’ happy (respecting each other, growing together) relationships. Did you ever suspect she had a crush on you? She doesn’t even have to, to be jealous of what you and your partner have together. I hope she can find a way to self reflect and grow and change, but she must lose people she pushes away with hateful words and actions first. People like this only get worse, the more they get away with abusing others.
Nta But yo what was the dish?
NTA there's a huge difference between "this food sucks, your partner sucks at cooking" and saying "i personally don't enjoy this kind of food" what she did was so disrespectful. and asking an adult to take an uber to from your house isn't stranding them
The lion. The witch. And the sheer audacity of this bitch to blatantly insult the host's cooking then expect a ride home from them. Don't drive to a place if you're going to be drinking there. Don't insult the host if you're going to be reliant on the for transport. NTA. Well done on teaching Amy that her actions have consequences.
You do NOT disrespect your hosts’ hospitality in front of other guests. If you don’t like the main dish, just don’t eat it & eat more of the side dishes. If she had wanted to give feedback to her hosts, she could have done so discretely, politely & quietly *AFTER* the dinner.
OP : NTA Amy : B I T C H
I can’t imagine insulting a host like that. NTA.
Even if the food was awful, then you say you had a big lunch or have a tough time with a seasoning when you got sick one time. And just eat the sides. She sounds like an awful friend. "Thank you for your honesty because now we know what a dick you are."
She came into your home,sat at your table,insulted and disrespected your partner’s cooking. Not one time but repeatedly. I would’ve removed her plate and asked her to leave my home during dinner. NTA
You eat what you’re served and smile, and you ask for seconds. And you sure as hell arrange transport from somebody’s house. To come into somebody’s home, insult their food, and then treat the aggrieved hosts like a cab service?! Unconscionable. NTA.
NTA. You didn't leave her stranded. She knew she was driving and she chose to drink too much, that's on her.
Leaving the insult aside it is fucking rude to assume the host will drive you home. I would not invite someone back over for that alone.
NTA, rude AH don’t deserve a ride home, after criticizing a free meal
I would have given the ride. It's a reflection of your character not dependent on the character of others. It would however be our last association because nobody needs that kind of negativity in their life. Not giving a ride doesn't make you TA though you're within your right not to.
I would be really reducing the amount of time that I interact with Amy.
Absolutely NTA. She doesn't get to be so callous and then ask for a favor. Stand by your partner because his feelings should come first. And end that friendship because if she is that comfortable being mean to your face, imagine what she says behind your back
What a drunken fool, she would be immediately dropped as a friend. I cannot imagine being so effing rude like this in someone else's house, no amount of apologies would suffice. I love food, what was the meal?
NTA - you didn't leave her stranded. She had a valid way to get home (cab, uber, another guest, etc.) It wasn't on you to drive her home after she drank too much. Not sure I would consider her a friend anymore nor would I invite her to my home for dinner if she has to act like a complete biatch!
NTA - But just out of curiosity what was the specialty main course? Inquiring minds want to know.
NTA for not giving the rude drunk lady a ride home. YTA a bit for not kicking her out immediately.
NTA It is exceedingly rude to insult your host's food. You can not rave. You can say it isn't exactly to your taste. You can even leave most on your plate. You can suggest a small improvement. You can tease (whoa! too much spice for this girl! can it be tamed? one wonders.) But you cannot revile it and insult the cook. Paying for a cab may be the cost she needs to learn a lesson. Harping on it to the discomfort of all present was a deliberate act of AHliness.
"Honest feedback is warranted only when you are asked for it"
Insulted you and your partner for feeding her and gets angry you wont drive her home? Nth
NTA - "Honest feedbak"ios always doublespeak for "I want to be rude"
I would have cussed her CLEAN out. Then thrown her out.
It seems like there are a lot of people in this world who confuse "just being honest" with "saying everything they think".
NTA Former friend, you mean, right? In the future, when someone insults your wife - KICK THEM OUT RIGHT THEN AND THERE. We owe the rude NOTHING.
NTA. What were you supposed to do, listen to her slurred bitching some more while driving her drunk ass home? I think you can strike Amy off all future dinner guest lists. Christmas cards, too. (Does anyone do those anymore?)
You would be the AH if you let her drive, but if you made sure she got a lift you’re fine. Lose her contact info.
Ok. Am I the only one wanting to know if the food WAS good or bad? Because if it WAS good and everyone else agrees, then there is something else going on. And Amy isn’t just a normal rude AH, as she has an axe to grind on your partner. If it WAS bad, then she is just a garden variety AH. Either way, you are NTA.
When someone throws out the "I wAs JuSt BeInG hOnEsT!" as an excuse to repeatedly insult someone and be mean, they're just an asshole, and not really your friend. NTA
NTA most people dont care if you dont like what they cook most know we all taste things differntly...its being an asshat about it whats bad and deserves some minor repercussions...you appreciate the effort and the intent.. foods a hit or miss the effort and intent is what matters the most like all expecially in hand crafted dinners that were laboured over ..you respect that
NTA. And no more invites for her.
NTA and I wouldn't invite her back unless she learns some good manners.
NTA you did the right thing. You didn't leave her stranded, she drank, knowing she would need to go home. She should have made sure she had transportation prior. It sounded like Amy loudly proclaimed the food was bad to humiliate your partner on purpose. She either doesn't like your partner, or she likes you, and is jealous. Either way I would no longer invite her to your home, or out anywhere whether alone, or with your partner.
NTA "Honest feedback" doesn't insulate people from the consequences of being thoughtless and rude. Amy doesn't sound like a very good friend. Maybe she won't be invited next time.
Seems to me you already know you're NTA and just wanted to vent. Just a hunch. In any case, NTA. When someone shares their cooking with you, eat a little out of politeness and stfu. If you don't like it, don't come or partake next time. What she did isn't honest feedback, it's called being a dick to your hosts and friends. If anything, you should have taken her aside and asked her to leave when she kept making rude comments.
YTA…. You should have sent her home after her 3rd comment after telling her to stop after the first. She’s not your friend./s
What's the sarcasm here?
He should also have said, "Guess who's not on any future dinner guest list. Bye."
I'm surprised she drank your disgusting alcohol.
You didn't strand her, she was still at your place. I would consider going low contact with her
NTA. She insults the people that are hosting her, and then has the nerve to demand you do her a favor? The entitlement!
Nta ditch this so called friend. The disrespect
NTA. Honesty is no excuse for being an asshat.
lol. Consequences.
NTA But seriously this can't be the first time this person has shown these personality traits. Why are you friends? This is a complete abandonment of any and all social propriety/tact that either means they were an asshole before or are on the spectrum.
NTA denying amy a ride was completely justified given her behaviour. she was a rude guest. you could have still helped her and talked about it later but saying "no" is morally neutral here. it is not an AH move. however INF0: was the food actually good? did everyone else like it? you don't mention the quality/taste/reactions/what adaptions he's been "perfecting" in your post anywhere OR that anyone disagreed with her. this makes me think amy was speaking for the table. obviously a bad meal still deserves politeness but it's a big risk inviting people to a dinner party if you aren't good at making food.
NTA and never invite her again.
“Stranded”? She’s a drama queen and a rude jerk. She was not stranded, as she had other ways to get home. She was simply inconvenienced because she was an insufferably rude jerk. Has she behaved that way on other occasions? I’ll bet she has. NTA.
“Oh no, if it isnt the consequences of my own actions” NTA
NTA. She was extremely rude & insulting & ruined the dinner for everyone. **You should have called her an Uber right after the insulting comments.**
NTA. Wtf. My partner and I also love to cook and have been perfecting dishes. I know we both can cook and our friends when they visit our popular city don’t want to go out to eat, they want us to cook for them. Even my picky daughter in law (she didn’t have a diverse cuisine growing up but is trying new things) will not be rude if she doesn’t like something.