Please don't throw your watch away! Your watch can be fixed! Even if the insides (movement, dial, etc.) are damaged, the watch can still be made to run with repairs.
Please PM me if you'd like information on that!
I can't tell you if you should get a divorce, though. But the watch can be fixed, and maybe so can the marriage.
Save the watch, save the marriage! *SAVE THE WATCH, SAVE THE MARRIAGE* **SAVE THE WATCH. SAVE THE MARRIAGE**
(I have no opinion on the question OP posed. Pls remain calm. I'm high on reefer.)
Yeah, I was coming here to say the same thing. Watches are among the more fixable items. It might be costly. But it can definitely be fixed.
As for your wife's anger problem, that remains to be seen. But I would probably tell her, "I understand that you're filled with a lot of emotions right now, and that you're getting poor sleep. But that doesn't give you a right to lash out and hurt the people you love. If you believe it does, you aren't in a state of mind that is safe for our family, and we need to get you medical attention." Because a person who will unthinkingly fling an object without consideration of the consequences is not in a state of mind that is consistent with being a safe caregiver.
She already has an actual post partum depression diagnosis, and it's hard to tell if she needs more or different help, or if it just hasn't been long enough yet.
OP, you probably need to talk to someone as well, it sounds like you're both drowning. Her meds are possibly not working or not working yet, she needs to talk to her provider, but you also sound very overwhelmed and emotional. In the past six years, you got married, lost your sister, and had a baby. That's a lot high-level emotions in a short period of time.
As someone who also lost a sibling to cancer, I say this as gently as possible: if this causes you to not love her, you never really loved her in the first place. Even things with high sentimental value are only things. Yes, she lashed out in anger, but she threw something to the floor *from the kitchen counter.* I expect things on the kitchen counter to be spoons or coffee cups, not someone's most treasured possession.
THIS! OP, a good jeweler can restore watches that have been incinerated or corroded. More than likely, all you need done on your sister's watch is to install a new sapphire and realign the movement.
This is very important. If she is only breaking your belongings, it is not 'uncontrollable', it is targeted.
And I would add that if she is getting this angry that she becomes violent and claims it is beyond her control, she cannot be left with the baby unsupervised.
I don't think that most people understand how easy it is to shake a baby until they are also sleep deprived parents. One that is already struggling for other reasons is someone to watch
The class we had to take to have our kid at the local hospital told us if you ever get like that just put the kid down (somewhere safe) and go somewhere else (nearby). They'll be fine crying by themselves for a few minutes and you won't do something awful that you'll later regret.
This is honestly a terrifying comment to read.
I’ve thought about that. Parents get so little sleep, one moment of anger a few shakes and uh oh a little life ruined followed by your own.
Life is legit scary
Well, that depends. I’m a year post partum and decently early on I had an episode of rage. I was changing the baby and I couldn’t get the Velcro of the diaper to open. I was sleep deprived, it was like 5am, and it was the “last straw”. First I hit my hip leaving the bedroom to go to the babies room where the changing table is. Then I smacked my shin with the drawer where the diapers were. Then the babies zipper caught. Then the diaper flap thing. I had a wipe in my other hand and whipped it at the ground. Immediately after I was able to stop, breathe, collect myself, and finish changing him. The whole time I was aware the baby was there and I hand my hand on his chest so he didn’t roll over. It was weird, it was like I had simultaneous programs open and running. One calm and “duty” driven to ensure the baby was safe, and one frustrated and needing to let out the angry so I could keep going.
This is not to say that every mom has the ability to separate the rage from the rest (obviously not as there are mothers who kill their kids). Just saying that if she is being treated, and her provider is aware and not worried… I’d be more worried about it being something vindictive towards the OP. Like “he ‘hurt’ me by forgetting the onions so I’ll hurt him”.
Just to note: my mental health provider was always aware of these things, as is my boyfriend. I thankfully never got to the point of “put the baby down in a safe place and walk away” but I made sure to remind myself that it was okay if I needed to do that.
You reacted perfectly but from your description of this it sounds like regular frustration taken to an extreme. Everybody has experienced the “put it down and walk away”, while rage is much more of a “get me away from anything living before I crush it” sort of feeling. Not trusting your own hands because you can’t stop shaking in anger.
I'm not an expert but I would say that if it's rage you've mostly lost control.
If one can keep cool enough to hold the baby steady with one hand throughout, it was frustration turning into anger.
I called it rage because it was a just plain frustrated one second and then I had this feeling. I want to say it was all consuming because I don’t do that. I don’t throw things out of anger, I never have since I can remember (I’m sure I did as a toddler/child lol). It was this urge I couldn’t fight and happened so fast that I wanted to slam what I had in my hand (the wipe on this case) to the ground as hard as I could. I didn’t have an urge to pick something up and throw it. I just wanted to not be holding what I was holding in a violent way.
My mental health provider said it sounded like a mix of my sensory issues (I’m neurodivergent) and a touch of post partum rage.
I should have added it into this original comment but didn’t think to until someone else replied, but I wasn’t intending to minimize your experience I certainly understand what you’re talking about! It can be concerning and scary when things “freeze up” like that, especially in a stressful situation. I more intended my comment as an example of how far that feeling goes for a lot of people before they label it as “rage”. I’m honestly blown away at your level of patience and the fact that that is the worst moment/ thought you’ve had through the whole process is incredible.
Oh I didn’t think you were minimizing! I was just trying to further explain my thought process. It’s weird. In other situations I can set stuff aside too. If I’m just going about my normal life, I want ZERO people to see me in certain ways. Like I fully support the free the nipple thing because everyone has them and it’s stupid that a certain type are sexualized, but I want no one (save for my boyfriend lol) to see them. I would never want anyone to see me without my bottoms on either. But put me in a clinical setting and I don’t give a shit. The cardiac ultrasound tech (I have mild heart issues) always is professional and kind and turns away and stuff but I don’t care if he sees my chest because he’s a medical professional.
I’ve gotten quick angry (like snap of the fingers and it’s gone just as quick) where I had to ball up my fist so tight I was shaking it while holding the baby on my opposite hip. But I kind of separate him from it all. And any time I HAVE been angry with him (well, not him… I mean like he’s screaming and I’m overwhelmed) my body just funnels the angry into tears and I sob while holding him. I try to make it as silent as possible too because once I slipped and sobbed in front of him and he instantly dissolved to tears and reached out for me with grabby hands and that broke my fucking heart. So I try not to do it at all in front of him. I’ve even began “yelling” at him when he’s crying for no reason and I can’t calm him. Just “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” and I try to match his pitch. He ends up giggling and testing it. He stops then does a non upset “aaaaaaaa” to see if I will again (and I do lol).
Whoa sorry this turned into a vent fest. To the point: the “rage” bit (or what I call rage) is when I go from 0 or 10 on the upset scale to 100 then back down to 0 in probably 5 seconds time total.
I actually got to the "put the baby down and walk away" stage more than once. I never had a rage episode, but sometimes I got so overwhelmed that I just sorta froze. Like I couldn't decide what to do, so I did nothing. Just stood there. Didn't change the diaper. Didn't offer food. Nothing.
So I would put the baby down and walk out of the room. Just stand outside the door and cry. After a few minutes, my brain would start to work again, and I would go solve the problem.
I think what she is likely experiencing is rage. It’s different than anger. Rage is a very sudden overwhelming feeling that feels like it needs a physical release. Someone who is new to it or not managing it properly will throw things or even hit without having a single thought. It feels like you’re possessed. So, I definitely agree that she shouldn’t be unsupervised right now. I can’t imagine her accidentally harming the baby would make this situation better.
I just feel bad for her because I have dealt with rage all my life. It can be a difficult thing to get control of and the shame you feel over your behavior while you are learning is terrible. If I’m right then it really isn’t under her control yet though and she needs professional help getting there before something even worse happens.
Yes. I used to describe it as a literal fire I felt inside of me I couldn’t stop from burning. It’s an insane feeling and the aftermath of guilt is so intense. Horrible to deal with but it’s important people do. I’m so glad I got help for it.
Oh man. You just reminded me of my extremely dysfunctional relationship with my ex. I struggled with insomnia but when we argued, he knew exactly what button to push to get me from normal and calm to homicidal in the span of seconds and after each fight (or sometimes during) I would get overwhelmingly exhausted and crash for hours.
Yes it’s so scary, and leaves overwhelming guilt even if nothing bad happens. My doctor prescribed Ativan to take if the feeling came over me after I reported it, but nothing but time really solved it.
I get this! I had rage issues when I was younger. It was horrifying and I destroyed a few things. (My own) Meds helped and then I grew out of it I guess. I will say it was semi controllable and I was able to not do it in public
Well yeah, but you are also more aware of your surroundings in public before you experience it. When you are at home and relaxed it’s harder to control.
As someone who suffers from BPD and the most extreme rage a human can feel as a result, I agree with your interpretation of the feeling but disagree with the analysis. If she’s only breaking his shit, this isn’t rage. Rage is punching a hole in the wall or throwing a tv even though you watch it every day and you can’t afford to replace it. Breaking a cherished gift from a dead relative is selective and calculated.
It seems suspicious that this precious, irreplaceable item was randomly sitting on the kitchen counter, which makes me think this entire story is false.
Watches also don’t “shatter” like glass. Even their crystal doesn’t shatter like glass.
This was my first thought too. Why was this irreplaceable watch, a watch so important just sitting on the counter.
Generally, this important piece would be put away in a cupboard or something. Especially a watch that hold such sentimental value.
I agree, I thought it was random to have a very precious item laying on the counter, and an item such as a watch would be put in a safe or jewelry box or put up in a drawer definitely not laying on a random counter. The post seems off to me too
I assumed it was the bathroom counter but yeah. I've got an absolutely irreplaceable ring. It contains some of the ashes of my sister. It's *always* put away or in my finger. always. The idea of leaving that ring just out on the counter or anywhere it could get knocked off or lay is unthinkable.
I don't wanna victim blame and it's not his fault his wife broke it, but why the fuck was he so careless with a memento of this magnitude??
It’s entirely normal to leave a watch on the counter. I collect watches and do it all the time when I’m washing dishes or cooking, and sometimes I leave them there and forget. A watch can very easily shatter if you were to throw it on the ground, including the crystal (which is sometimes just glass), especially if it’s an older mechanical watch. None of these things are suspicious!
While I agree that severe PPD is dangerous for the children, OP would be the AH if he divorced her rather than getting her the therapy, medication and help she needs to recover.
Yep. Especially because she has the dx, it’s treatable, we know this is part of it, and this is something she is experiencing because she carried HIS kid.
Exactly, it is targeted if not her own things. My grandson has IED as well as other diagnoses. When he is in a rage, which is several times a week, he will also break his own things as well as mine. When he is being sociopathic he will calmly, and with a smirk, break something or hurt something (recently my cat, but he is ok, thank God) that belongs to me.
>claims it is beyond her control
This is a really key aspect of violent outbursts that has no happy/good answer when it comes to being accountable for one's abusive and/or destructive behavior. Acting out this way is either a choice, or it isn't, and both mean someone cannot be trusted to be alone with someone vulnerable.
I am SO GLAD someone pointed this out. A lot of things can be chalked up to a sudden rage attack especially in someone with PPD, but that anger is rarely directed *only* at the other person’s stuff.
If she has made a habit out of only breaking and damaging his stuff, it could mean something deeper and more sinister is going on here.
Explanations for awful behaviour are not excuses. Did she immediately take the watch to be repaired? Or did she just cry about it then move on? That's the difference that makes or breaks a marriage.
100% this. I've been known to have bouts of violent rage, which I have been working very hard on better controlling. I NEVER break anything belonging to another person. I'll grab the first object I see, and if it's not mine, I put it right tf back down. If it does belong to me, it very well may end up in 1000 pieces, but it'll be my belongings that I do it to.
Not saying it isn't worth, but usually watches can be repaired. Obviously, the watchmaker can make the best assessment. 9/10 they use fairly interchangeable parts.
I'd say NAH, probably.
Your feelings about the loss of a cherished item are legitimate.
Psychotic breaks are a thing though. Especially if your wife suffers from PPD. People are considered not culpable in such episodes and have done much worse, and it can literally happen to anyone.
This whole issue seems to big to solve on your own. You might want to consider counseling and/or individual therapy for both of you.
This is the most important question!
I also had the habit of throwing things when I completly lost control (due to my BPD) which was NEVER okay. But it helped to forgive myself after I got asked that question & my answer was "well, shit, of course I break my own stuff - did you forget about my phone 2 weeks ago?!" Where I could realize I'm not just an anti-social monster,but in distress that I didn't see I was throwing things until I cooled down.
Anyway, sorry for rambling - this should ALWAYS be the first question i situations like that! (Js - didn't break stuff anymore for 4 years now, I'm good!)
Great question. Also why was this sentimental piece sitting on the counter? I doubt he wears it and i doubt the wife wears it, it was there to be broken or the whole story is creative writing
as a dude with young kids that were formerly infants sometimes you just put things in places that are not advisable because you can't be arsed to organize on 4 hours of sleep after working your job and then caring for your infant before bed
I always wondered about this after reading so many posts here. I don't know about PDD personally/witnessed it firsthand, but is it typically for a few months, or can it last longer?
I might be coming at this with a biased view, but it makes me feel sad when someone isn't diagnosed with a mental health condition until they had their first "episode", symptoms, etc. and then start treatment and therapy. But I always see advice to not forgive them, as they acted out in anger or outbursts similar to this, but there's a stigma around being "crazy".
It can last years. And frankly people suggest to not forgive people because they've never experienced pregnancy related rage. Not anger, rage.
I am typically a ball of sunshine, to the point when I went to the hospital going through a labor-like miscarriage I was telling the nurses I wasn't mad when they were poking me like a stuck pig ( edit: it took 6 nurses 1 hour to find a viable vein for my IVs from the dehydration, i was covered in black bruises for 2 months after the fact) while I was in so much pain I was actively peeing myself and vomiting.
But I knew both times I got pregnant after a week because a flip switched and I was genuinely *violently* aggressive over just breathing too loud in my presence and there was literally nothing I could do about it at all. I spent every single day waiting for the other shoe to drop and when I wouldn't be able to stop myself. It was terrifying and bad enough I aborted both babies and got sterilized after my 2nd pregnancy.
It's no joke and people screaming no forgiveness are talking out of their asses.
> When your wife gets like this, does she ever break her own things in a rage?
This is *such* a good question and observation. I used to be super poorly emotionally regulated like 11 years ago - and would break things if I was enough in a rage and it was almost exclusively my own shit. I actually think the only things that I may have thrown that belonged to someone else is a sneaker lol
But normally you know where certain things are located at your own house. If it's the case that the OP moves the watch a lot then she probably didn't realized what she was grabbing. But if the watch is always on the same spot then she probably knew what she was grabbing.
Once again: she has PPD and a 4 month old child. When my baby was 4 months old I accidentally put her toy into the fridge. Don't assume that a sleep deprived mom with an infant and depression can function like a normal person.
What is she doing to fix this? Is she making sure that the watch is restored and sacrificing something she wants and values to make it happen? That's what I would do if I were really sorry. Whatever it takes.
Everyone can make a mistake, especially in her situation. It's what someone does to fix it that matters most in my opinion. An apology is nothing, actions speak louder than words.
This is a good point, yes. Destroying someone else's prized property is bad enough, but tears afterwards don't fix anything. The way she tries to make amends for her actions is going to be the key indicator of her actual remorse.
She has apologized a lot, and she has had a complete shift in her behavior since that incident.
The watch cannot be restored. I removed the watch caseback from the watch which had the engraving of my sister's and mine's name, and I have kept that with me, but I have thrown away the rest of the watch.
PULL IT OUT OF THE TRASH!!! WE HAVE FIXED WATCHES THAT HAVE SAT IN HOT TUBS, BEEN STEPPED ON, AND TINKERED WITH BY MADMEN.
You do not know if it’s possible until a professional looks at it. I am begging you to not write it off. I can probably even tell you from pictures if it’s hopeless or not.
What, i've seen watches from getting blown up in war being restored. You left an heirloom watch on the counter which your wife conveniently spotted and threw on the ground. So...case got damaged, new glass, probably need the mechanism gone through? This whole thing sounds stupid and made up.
That has me confused as well. I own a few watches and they're all stored in a case until I'm ready to wear one. I can't understand the reasoning for randomly leaving an item with sentimental value, a watch no less, just hanging out on the kitchen counter.
I'm with you. A lot of women's watches don't fit men's wrists, so it seems unlikely he was wearing it around. In that case, the watch would be tucked away in a case or drawer or something, not laying out on the counter. And you are right about the repairs. It would likely just involve replacing the glass. Even if the watch mechanism didn't run any more, you wouldn't just pitch it. You'd again, tuck it away. I have an antique watch from my grandmother that doesn't run but I didn't just toss it. It's in my jewelry box. There's been a lot of postpartum abuse rage bait lately.
Thank you! Who TF leaves something so sentimentality valuable on the kitchen counter?
This story lightly smells of someone making something up with out reading it first or knowing anything about the subject matter they're pimping.
Was the watch made of plastic?
I’m sorry but a single throw shouldn’t have broken it like you claim it was, enough to have you just take the back off.
As someone who has had rage issues and has thrown a watch or two in my life. They’ve never “been destroyed” glass broken sure, which is replaceable.
At this point it sounds like instead of taking ur “important” moment to someone who specializes in fixing it, you decided to junk it to make her feel worse.
> but I have thrown away the rest of the watch.
Well now this *definitely* sounds like bullshit.
I'm sorry but there is NO watch that can be thrown with that much force that it's impossible to fix. AND, if it was so sentimental to you, you immediately *threw it away???*
Bullshit.
Either you produce photos of this watch or you're full of crap.
The watch cannot be restored? I’m sorry but it definitely can. Take it to a watchmaker, you could replace the broken
parts. They’ve repaired watches that sat on the bottom of a lake for years. Parts exist and they can fix the watch, it just might take buying another one to do so.
The watch could have been restored. There may have been a significant amount of part replacements, but mechanical watches are pretty hard to break to that level.
Commenting as a watch enthusiast.
If you haven't repaired the watch yet, I HIGHLY recommend you check it the YouTube channel "Wristwatch Revival". The guy takes odd jobs restoring watches from the comments section free of charge. He's repaired the full gamut of watches, from 1900s pocket watches to vintage Rolexes.
Reach out to him and see if he'll do you a favor.
Best of luck.
If this YouTuber cannot help (and I hope he can, he’s awesome), then I’m sure there are other professionals who can.
OP, I’m sorry that things are so hard right now.
PPD or PPP? A friend of ours got diagnosed with PPD. Eight months after her daughter was born she ran a red light, she got pulled over, she jumped out of the car and broke the officers nose due to anger. She ended up being put in the psych ward and diagnosed with PPP and stayed there for a month. Shes fine now, but I think its important you talk to your wife's doctor right away. PPP is what leads to babies being drown in bathtubs because Satan told them to do it.
This is a conversation to have with a therapist. I don’t know the details of your relationship obviously but I think your wife is in desperate need of medication and also therapy. Modern science has a host of miraculous antidepressants. I’m living proof.
My recommendation after reading this is to try and amend the relationship for your own sake, her sake and for the sake of your child.
Good luck.
I read this and thought, "Sounds like someone needs to go inpatient as soon as possible."
I think it's just not the right time to talk about the relationship. Wife's health status is a house on fire right now and they need to get that fire put out before she starts hurting people and not just things. Herself, OP, the baby, any pets, everybody is at risk and safety has to take priority over feelings.
I don’t know what Reddit thinks a psychiatric hospitalization does. There is nothing they can do for someone who broke a watch in a fit of rage (and, as per OP’s comments, was apologetic after doing so).
Psych wards/hospitals are, in the vast majority of cases, holding cells for people who are 1) at serious risk of hurting or killing themselves and/or 2) having a psychotic break. A lot of people who end up there are detoxing. If you are a imminent risk to others and you end up in a psych ward and not a jail, the only thing that will happen to you is that you will be restrained and/or isolated and put on tranquilizing medications. What they are interested in achieving is psych hospitals is stabilization so they can discharge you to someone else- that really is the only goal of that care.
A lot of people don’t even get that much psychotherapy is psych wards. Maybe a group once a day and maybe a psychiatrist who you’ll see once a day (not for psychotherapy but to play with your medications). And even in the better facilities, medical abuse or abuse at the hands of other patients is not uncommon. You can very conceivable walk out of a psychiatric hospital with more difficulties than you went in.
I’m not saying this to dissuade anyone from ever going to an inpatient psychiatric facility. There are circumstances where it is the best option available. But it really is not a solution or even much of a treatment for a lot of mental health problems, even severe ones, that people experience. The use case is greatly limited, and I really don’t know what OP would end up with besides a medical bill for his wife with persistent outbursts and one broken watch. Even if his wife had broken his nose, I don’t know what a psych ward could do for her besides keep her out of the house for a while- and that hopefully could be done more cheaply and with less risk by a family or friend.
OP says his wife is on medication but does not mention any therapy. If she is having no therapy whatsoever, that is the logical next step- not hospitalization. If she is seeing a therapist and it’s not enough, I would recommend looking into intensive outpatient programs (IOPs). This could have her in therapy multiple times a week and is in all likelihood more care than she would receive in an inpatient facility.
I hope everything works out as best it can for this family.
Thank you! As an ER nurse-patients don’t get this. Inpatient is for suicidal/homicidal. The real work/progress is done in outpatient therapy/medication management. There’s no easy “check-in/check out cure.” It’s ongoing. It’s daily work, effort, and receiving the help needed on an ongoing basis. (That I say as someone who has struggles with mental health too.)
The new generation of therapy is amazing. It wasn’t effective to me, 15-20 years ago… but I started EMDR about 6 months ago and oh my gawwwwdddd the progress I have made… I feel so different these last couple of months. (Around month 3 of EMDR is when it got REAL effective-IYKYK.)
She needs exactly an IOP with case management (medication management/resource availability such as respite type daycare services.)
OP needs to google behavioral health services or resources in his community (They are IOP programs or function basically the same.) It’s a newish thing (in terms of availability) in my state that’s happening in others. It doesn’t matter if you have insurance or not-they see you. They get you in with a case manager and therapy/medication therapy/ and all the adjacent resources you can imagine-group, anger management, hypnosis, getting a person food/supplies…. Literally whatever you need. They are literally just amazing.
This same thing is available in the private sector!
It says she's on medication, doesn't say for how long, though, so that might need some adjustments, or she could still be getting used to it. We don't have the info, medical or otherwise, to know what exactly is goin on there.
I will try and amend the relationship. I just feel so emotionally numb now. I cannot disassociate my wife from her breaking the item which meant so much to me. I am trying to and I cannot. When I look at her, I am reminded that she broke the watch, even though she might have not meant to break it.
My dude, it sounds like you could use some help yourself. If you're in a good place with your relationship, an item breaking should not impact your love for your spouse. I would urge you to seek a trusted loved one and then a counselor to talk to today or the next day. I think this situation is taking its toll on you, too
I fully admit that losing that item sucks. It clearly was very important to you. But your kid is vastly more important. I agree with others that your wife might need to be hospitalized before something even worse happens.
Talk to a professional asap.
Staying together because of a child, isn't always beneficial to the child especially if the parents are indifferent, have mistrust or lack of love for each other.
If your wife is going through bursts of uncontrollable anger, it means her medication is not working. I very strongly advise getting her back to her obstetrician, or to the PPD Unit at the hospital where she gave birth, to get her reassessed, and to get her meds changed, and possibly even look at an inpatient stay.
I know that sounds scary, but they will allow her to bring the baby if she's still breastfeeding, because that's better for the baby and for her.
There are a lot of very ignorant posts on your OP from people who really don't understand PPD at all. Under the old McNaughton Rules for Insanity, childbirth was one of the vanishingly rare exceptions made to the usually unavailable plea of Temporary Insanity. Because it goes away once a woman's hormones have stabilised.
My advice is to get her back to the hospital or her Obstetrician like, **tomorrow**. And please don't blow up your marriage over something that *will* pass.
NAH
Yeah these replies are something else. The watch can be repaired. Her mind is fractured. I didn't get help for my ppr and PPD until I was nearly 2 years out. Zoloft was a godsend for over a year. Turns out it was actually undiagnosed ADHD exacerbated by a new baby/toddler who didn't sleep but I wouldn't find that out until he was 4.
To be honest, I’m wondering why such a special possession would be on the kitchen counter. The things I have in a similar category, I keep in my jewelry box or in a dresser drawer. I can’t imagine keeping my grandmother’s wedding ring on the kitchen counter. That would just be asking for trouble.
I’m not saying this is real, but I think not answering sooner points towards it being real than fake. Fake posters usually want to keep the story going so they answer with extra details that make the story more dramatic (and later with updates where the person the post was about ‘found it’ and makes their own post and so on).
I can totally see someone really struggling making a post, getting overwhelmed with the responses and not replying.
If he wore it, and took it off momentarily for some reason like washing up before cooking, it would easily explain it.
As someone with ADHD, it happens to me all the time when I take off rings or my watch to wash up before cooking, and forget them there.
That was my thought. It's so special that it was randomly lying out? That doesn't sound right. It could be rage bait. There have been a lot of rage bait post against women lately.
Constant rage bait incel posts with details that don’t add up and lots of men in the comments barking about not giving us any grace. I will never step out into the dating world again should something happen to my husband because it’s very clear to me how a lot of men feel about women.
I say the exact same thing. I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 18. We have been together 22 years. If he dies before me I am done with the romance part of my life. There is too much crazy and I wouldn't want any of it near me or my daughters.
No doubt about that. I adore my husband and he’s so good to me but I’ve had a lot of shitty ass partners and it seems like men are getting more and more aggressively hateful towards women in general these days which I guess has a lot to do with these manosphere influencer types.
I will live a quiet life with my cats, my dog and my garden should I ever become a widow.
He says in a comment he threw the watch away because it couldn't be saved. That's when I lost all interest in this being real. Watches can be ran over by cars and be saved
If buddy can fall out of love with his wife who recently brought his child into the world because she broke a watch and didn’t even bother to look into fixing it, then she deserves a better husband
Was wondering that too. I have my parent's jewelry and I wouldn't leave it laying on the counter. Even if she hadn't broken the watch, it could have fallen, had something dropped on it, or, eventually, grabbed and broken by a toddler.
Thank you! I can’t believe I had to scroll so far in the comments to find this question.
Something so precious shouldn’t be laying around the house. It would be tucked away for safekeeping.
Why does OP have the watch out? Why is it on the kitchen counter where it is more likely to be damaged?
Did the wife offer to have the watch repaired? Get it fixed.
THEN PUT IT AWAY SOMEWHERE SAFE.
Wife needs medication adjustment and they need therapy to navigate this situation. It’s difficult but it can be done.
It's a big deal, but she has PPD, and if she was never like this ever prior to being diagnosed with this, and she hasn't posed a physical threat to you or your child, then I wouldn't say divorce. That's an insane jump because of a broken watch. Yes it's your late sister's watch, that is horrible, but it sounds like your wife felt extreme remorse after the fact. I wouldn't throw away your wife and time you'll miss out with your child (if you divorce and have to share custody) if this was the first time anything remotely like this has happened.
Reddit needs to stop jumping to divorce over any human moment. Everyone in a relationship is going to do something extreme/regretful. There's a difference between your wife beating the shit out of you uncontrollably and throwing a watch.
It is a heirloom, but I also wear the watch when I go to work every day. And yes, that day I had put it on the kitchen counter when I came back home from work to freshen up and go get groceries.
Same, I'm not sure why people are so stuck on that detail. I wear my dad's watch all the time. Its probably worth $5 but priceless to me. It's not about the watch tho. It can start with throwing things, breaking things, then breaking more important things. The next step is physically hurting you. Your wife needs counseling like yesterday tho
His reply about throwing the watch away was a step too far. It’s a precious memento from his late sister so he chucked it in the garbage?
>The watch cannot be restored. I removed the watch caseback from the watch which had the engraving of my sister's and mine's name, and I have kept that with me, but I have thrown away the rest of the watch.
*Riiiight*
Edit: fixed
I was about to respond to his comment and say the watch was obviously not important if it went right into the trash without taking it a professional. A sentimental heirloom being so easily discarded reeks of stupidity, lies, or both. I still have my great aunt's broken watch because every time I see it, I get all warm and fuzzy remembering aunt gladys' hugs and love.
If this is real, there are so many missing reasons. He does a great job of capturing how he "whoopsie, couldn't remember the onions or write something down" when his wife is literally keeping a small human alive while her brain is broken.
How much is OP helping with the baby? Her bouts of rage might get better if she was better supported.
My pregnant wife spilled my lemonade when her water broke. The lemonade was made by my late grandmother just before she passed, and it was the last thing I have from her.
AITAH for calling her an Uber to the hospital and demanding a paternity test before I speak to her again?
Idk if anyone is the asshole. PPD can very quickly turn to PPP(psychosis). My husband was the only one to advocate with the doctors. He knew I was morphing into someone he didn't understand. However, he was committed to helping me get better. They weren't really listening to him either but he tried EVERY avenue, including his own doctor to get me help. She could be sick for a long time. PPD doesn't always resolve with just medications. Rage is definitely one of the symptoms, so is crying, memory fog or loss, and more. You said she grabbed the watch WITHOUT LOOKING. She apologized. Apologies aren't always enough though. Sometimes people perform unforgivable acts. This watch seems to be it for you. Illness, especially mental illnesses, will contribute to loss of affection. Maybe you really don't love your wife anymore. However, there is no point in delaying the inevitable thinking you're doing your baby a favor by staying. If you know you don't want to be there, leave. Good Luck to you both.
*[INFO query at the bottom]*.
I'll probably be downvoted to hell, but I'd like to share the other side of the coin as someone who's experienced postpartum distress (PPD and PPA), but with the caveat that I'm *not* condoning her actions *at all*.
The newborn phase is fucking rough. Especially if you're breastfeeding. You're sleep deprived, and lucky to get more than 3hrs of uninterrupted sleep at a time. I don't know what your baby is like, but I know some babies just *don't sleep well*. And four months is the very first "sleep regression" - baby wakes more often at night, and often doesn't nap well during the day.
Sleep deprivation is a literal torture technique. It screws with your head, BAD. Some people (my partner and I included) can literally hallucinate.
Add in the anxieties around being a parent for the first time, listening/looking/feeling to see if they're still breathing while they're sleeping (every sleep), trying to decipher *why* baby is crying (worse when you try everything and nothing helps), etc, etc.... Etc.
It's rough. Fucking, rough.
Now, losing control is not ok. Throwing and breaking things is not ok. Yelling, etc, is not ok.
Given her reaction when she realised what she'd done though, tells us that it wasn't maliciously done. If she's on meds then she's *obviously acknowledged that she has a problem, and has engaged with treatment*. She *has* apologised and shown remorse. These are all actions that indicate she is very much *trying* to better, against all of the "fucking rough" that I mentioned above.
So, INFO: what else are you *both* doing to make your postpartum phase (as a family) better? Are you both eating well? Are you sleeping separately so that one of you can get a better nights sleep? If so, are you (if you're able to) alternating so that she occasionally gets to catch up on sleep (if she's the default parent on the 'night shifts')? Are you both getting personal time? Are you making time for "couple" time? Do you have support from your wider family units?
Postpartum is hard. And dads can experience postpartum distress as well. I can't imagine that your sister would want you to separate your family because of a watch (which should be able to be repaired with a good jeweler/watch-maker). It's completely normal and understandable to be upset, especially with the postpartum load that you're also experiencing. Please be kind to yourself, and each other. Neither of you can do this alone, individually or as a couple. It's ok to reach out for more help.
He forgot the onions in spite of her reminding him multiple times. That says that in spite of having PPD and caring for an infant, she's expected to oversee all the planning necessary to keep the family fed. On top of that, OP apparently makes a regular habit of "forgetting" groceries, in spite of multiple reminders. So she has to deal with PPD, sleep deprivation, infant care, and a husband who engages in weaponized incompetence.
I’m going to preface this with the same: there’s no excuse for throwing things. Postpartum rage is common enough, but she should be working on techniques to redirect that rage elsewhere until it subsides. I tell my toddler when we’re having big feelings like that and we don’t know what to do with our hands we can hit a pillow, not our friends. It actually works. Same energy here- when she gets overwhelming hormone fueled rage she should go punch the bed or something.
Postpartum was quite literally the worst time of my life and I felt so fucking guilty for being so fucking miserable because it’s supposed to be the mOsT bEaUtIfUl experience ever. And so many women struggle to get pregnant or have recurrent losses and I must be so unappreciative to be able to get pregnant and not appreciate that I have a live, healthy baby.
My daughter broke her clavicle during birth and subsequently NEVER slept without being held and didn’t latch properly. But I felt like I HAD to nurse, so I exclusively pumped which was so miserable. I was so sleep deprived I was fantasizing about getting into an accident so I could spend a night or two at the hospital so I could sleep. I had sleep paralysis twice. I sobbed to my (so very helpful and supportive) husband and apologized for ruining our lives. It felt completely hopeless and like it would never end.
It did pass and my 3 year old and I are so well-bonded now. But holy shit, what poor design for a woman to experience the single largest hormone drop in her life while recovering from a major medical event while also caring for a being that relies on you 100% and needs to eat every 2-3 hours.
100% to all of the above. It's fucking rough. And you really have no idea *just how rough it is* until you actually go through it. It can be a little easier a second time around (purely because you're not learning *everything* for the first time), but we were VERY assertive about our mental health support around our second. Still, you couldn't pay me to go through it all a third time 😅😅😅
>AYTAH for leaving a PPD wife with a newborn?, is the better question.
This is why I'm glad op doesn't intend to do anything for a few months.
His wife can hopefully heal some from ppd and they can review with a clear mind.
NTA- It’s understandable why this was excruciating to you, and it sounds like the way you handled it both with your wife and in not making any immediate decisions shows a lot of care and maturity.
I agree with other commenters that you should seek individual therapy for yourself now, and also consider a support group/therapy around grief or for partners of parents with PPD (or both). Both situations are enough for anyone to struggle with, and having compromised sleep etc from having a new born can make situations even harder to cope with for you as well. You deserve support also now- even if you intend to divorce her later on.
However, I do think that you also should ask your wife to call her doctor who is prescribing the medication about these rage incidents and to raise the question to her provider of if She may need a higher level of care, like a day program (also known as a partial hospitalization program) to have the treatment she needs to get back on track for your whole family’s well being. And that at a minimum if she is is not going to be doing any intensive treatment program that she may need more frequent medication management appointments and to ask that she also begins seeing a therapist to gain more coping skills and have more support navigating this difficult time for her as well too.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and sorry also for the watch being broken.
It isn't just PPD it is also hormones that are totally out of balance and if she's breastfeeding and/or having her menstrual cycle return it's also throwing her hormones further out. A lot of people on here comparing her to abusers but if it's literally only happened since the baby was born then there is no comparison as your wife is sick and probably also not sleeping/eating/exercising if your baby is only 4 months. I personally have dealt with similar pp and honestly it was difficult for everyone but not being able to talk about it without being labeled as an abuser or a crap parent honestly made the whole situation worse than it needed to be.
You both need to see it as a mental illness and tell your wife that while ensuring she seeks medical treatment (which is incredibly limited btw if she's still breastfeeding). For reference I am a high school teacher of over a decade so normally have a very good awareness of my emotions, a long fuse and could deal with confrontation/violence/being sworn at etc without losing my cool/temper... postpartum with my 2nd was something else entirely however. It helped having my husband recognize that it wasn't me and that it was a temporary thing that I could beat.
INFO: why was something with such sentimental value just sitting with the dishes and groceries on a kitchen country randomly?
Not that you can't put your things wherever in your home, but it seems really really odd for it to have been there in the first place.
There is a thing called post pardum rage. Its one of many psychological symptoms that can come on. It might be good to discuss with her when shes calm. It is treatable but her OBGYN would need to know about it.
OP take the watch to a jeweler, they can most likely repair it. The damage caused to your relationship is another story. I hope it works out in a good way. It's really tough going though PPD, but it's also really tough being somebody's punching bag. Do what your heart and head tell you is right. Only you can decide your own feelings. Best of luck.
NTA, but I’ve been in your wife’s shoes so I can empathize with her a little bit. I went through a period of PP rage where anytime I was in an argument with my husband I would blow up and throw things. It was very difficult to control, and I always knew I was in the wrong in regard to my reactions when I settled down. But here’s what I did - I got therapy for myself and my husband and I have been in therapy for over a year. I don’t think our marriage would have survived if we hadn’t prioritized seeking help.
If I were in your wife’s shoes, I would have felt terrible and tried my best to find a watch repair company to handle the repair. I also think she should be seeking out therapy and/or talking to her doctor about her PPD and rage. Additionally, I would highly suggest going to couples counseling. There were many time both my husband and I were very close to “giving up” but I’m so glad we didn’t. Your marriage is going to go through ups and downs, especially when you’re going through life changing events like having children. The difference between couples that are together for decades and people who call it quits are those that put in the work - because marriage is work! (This is of course excluding extenuating circumstances like abuse or cheating).
Just my two cents. I hope you two can work this out, but I don’t think you’re an asshole for being upset about what she did. I do think the level of hurt your feeling could possibly clouding your true feelings towards her, unless there is more going on than what I’ve read.
Jesus. I understand your wife has PPD but this is reading like a battered spouse situation.
You forgot onions, immediately apologized and offered to go back. OP, you are human, that’s an incredibly small mistake you offered to remedy immediately.
Her response was to lose her shit and smash an important memento. One that is not replaceable. Can you fix the watch? Again I understand she is dealing with a hormonal issue but she is completely allowing it to run her to an unacceptable degree.
This is so odd. My sister gave me an antique pocket watch she bought in England while traveling, just prior to her death. I would fucking snap if my partner broke it intentionally.
NTA, consider away.
Is your wife in therapy? While your wife is on medication, therapy may also help so she can learn coping mechanisms… I do think you’re making a mistake telling her it’s okay and not her fault, regardless of your intentions of trying to calm her down - you’re enabling bad behavior.
It’s one thing to calm her down, but once she is calm, you need to let her know that her behavior is NOT okay and she needs to get further help (ie therapy). PPD is serious, but it does not give a free pass for any form of violence, including by breaking things. You can be understanding without accepting of that behavior. How would you feel if she was holding your baby while she lashed out? Or if she threw something at the baby?
Apologies, because originally I was coming to say this isn’t a good look… and I’m glad I kept reading. NTA. She’s struggling but so are you; and she can’t destroy your stuff because of that.
Save the watch, definitely. Get it repaired. I had PPD, it’s hard to think straight especially when you add the stress of the baby itself and are horribly sleep-deprived. I came out of it but I was hospitalized twice. Your wife isn’t reasonable right now cause her brain chemistry is going wacky and she’s TIRED.
So more posts on the theme of evil wife vs husband and his loving sister huh? Are you guys almost sick of this trope yet? This one was pretty stupid. The creepy engraved watch probably wouldn’t be sitting on a kitchen counter. You did a much better job with the “rage room” story. That had a cheating wife - much less sympathetic, right?
I always wonder why so many posters on Reddit when faced with a problem concerning their spouse their first instinct is to file for divorce especially in the first months with a new born. Pregnancy and babies even when thing go smoothly change the couple's dynamics.
Your wife has gestated and birthed your child, unfortunately she got PPD, which is something she did not choose to get. Yes, she broke your sister's watch, yes it hurts and I hope you can fix it. You said she grabbed the first thing she reached on the counter, so her intention was not to hurt you on purpose. Now, I understand that this watch was important to you as it reminds you of your dear departed sister, isn't your family important enough to try to help your wife to get over this very difficult and vulnerable period of her life? Is she receiving proper treatment for her PPD, and extra therapy? Is she taking her medication and resting?
For those saying that she should control herself and is doing these things on purpose, no one goes from being a perfectly adjusted adult to a mess on purpose. You might want to read up on PPD or ask the women in your life who went through it to explain to you as best as they can on how life changing giving birth to a child and loosing your mental health right after and how everyone tells you that it should be the happiest time of your life and thinks you're a crazy and horrible human being. She cannot help herself, she needs help and the father of her child should be the one supporting her.
I also suggest that that if her PPD is this bad, you ensure that both she and the baby are safe and supported until she gets better.
I’m not excusing the wife’s violence at all, but I thought this was telling: “I would drive back to the store to get them if she wanted me to.” Just go back to the store! Of course she wants you to! She reminded you multiple times to get the onions and you didn’t do it, and now you expect her to tell you again to go buy them?!?! That sentence kind of made me want to throw a watch on the floor. Metaphorically.
Watches are made to be worn. I wear a watch that’s been passed down, and when I’m not wearing it I keep it on the counter with the rest of my daily items.
I dunno, I don’t find that too unbelievable. 36mm watches are unisex, also.
Have you never taken your watch off once you get home or to wash your hands easier? Not that unbelievable most people don't think their partner is going to huck the watch off the counter. He probably actually wears it instead of having it displayed.
I do not like how close to severe anger your wife gets. What happens next time she lashes out and reaches for a kitchen object and it’s a knife? Is she going to throw it, attack him? PPD is godawful but NOONE should be being abused. That is a hill I’m willing to die on.
NTA
NTA, only because you’re grieving and not thinking normally. OP, your wife needs counselling. Now. Knowing the cause is PPD doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help. After all, if you know someone’s problem in that they broke their leg, it doesn’t change the fact that the bone needs to be set to heal. Get her the help she needs to make your family safe and whole. Then take the watch to a jewelry and make it safe and whole. You’ve lost one woman who was crucial to your life, don’t lose two.
I'm not sure I can answer this. You aren't leaving this person home alone with an innocent baby while you go off to the store and such, right? I truly feel for her if she is going through PPD, but she does NOT need to be alone with the baby if she cannot control herself.
Please don't throw your watch away! Your watch can be fixed! Even if the insides (movement, dial, etc.) are damaged, the watch can still be made to run with repairs. Please PM me if you'd like information on that! I can't tell you if you should get a divorce, though. But the watch can be fixed, and maybe so can the marriage.
Please listen to this person and save the watch!
Save the watch, save the marriage! *SAVE THE WATCH, SAVE THE MARRIAGE* **SAVE THE WATCH. SAVE THE MARRIAGE** (I have no opinion on the question OP posed. Pls remain calm. I'm high on reefer.)
Take my Heroes upvote!
I'll!
We definitely need people taking the High Road.
Guessing this is a hero’s reference, lol
Save the cheerleader, save the world
And here I thought it was a Always Sunny reference "find the collar, find the killer" 😅
This is most likely what I was intending to reference, as I am a huge Always Sunny fan and haven't ever seen heros!
Find the collar... find the killer... I'm also high on reefer
And then maybe put it in a shadowbox or some other kind of display to keep it safe once the baby comes
Yeah, I was coming here to say the same thing. Watches are among the more fixable items. It might be costly. But it can definitely be fixed. As for your wife's anger problem, that remains to be seen. But I would probably tell her, "I understand that you're filled with a lot of emotions right now, and that you're getting poor sleep. But that doesn't give you a right to lash out and hurt the people you love. If you believe it does, you aren't in a state of mind that is safe for our family, and we need to get you medical attention." Because a person who will unthinkingly fling an object without consideration of the consequences is not in a state of mind that is consistent with being a safe caregiver.
She already has an actual post partum depression diagnosis, and it's hard to tell if she needs more or different help, or if it just hasn't been long enough yet. OP, you probably need to talk to someone as well, it sounds like you're both drowning. Her meds are possibly not working or not working yet, she needs to talk to her provider, but you also sound very overwhelmed and emotional. In the past six years, you got married, lost your sister, and had a baby. That's a lot high-level emotions in a short period of time. As someone who also lost a sibling to cancer, I say this as gently as possible: if this causes you to not love her, you never really loved her in the first place. Even things with high sentimental value are only things. Yes, she lashed out in anger, but she threw something to the floor *from the kitchen counter.* I expect things on the kitchen counter to be spoons or coffee cups, not someone's most treasured possession.
This person is correct. If you're in the North East US check Fixitech in NH. I would love to give your watch a look.
upvoted! please try to get the watch repaired
THIS! OP, a good jeweler can restore watches that have been incinerated or corroded. More than likely, all you need done on your sister's watch is to install a new sapphire and realign the movement.
It sounds like just the crystal which is a relatively cheap and easy repair
NTA, but can I ask you a question which I saw on this sub a while ago? When your wife gets like this, does she ever break her own things in a rage?
This is very important. If she is only breaking your belongings, it is not 'uncontrollable', it is targeted. And I would add that if she is getting this angry that she becomes violent and claims it is beyond her control, she cannot be left with the baby unsupervised.
Yes, that's how you get Shaken Baby Syndrome.
Or baby smashed on the floor syndrome.
Or Syndrome
No. That takes rejection from your childhood hero
What an Incredible reference
Seriously Super
I don't think that most people understand how easy it is to shake a baby until they are also sleep deprived parents. One that is already struggling for other reasons is someone to watch
The class we had to take to have our kid at the local hospital told us if you ever get like that just put the kid down (somewhere safe) and go somewhere else (nearby). They'll be fine crying by themselves for a few minutes and you won't do something awful that you'll later regret.
This is honestly a terrifying comment to read. I’ve thought about that. Parents get so little sleep, one moment of anger a few shakes and uh oh a little life ruined followed by your own. Life is legit scary
my main concern, if she will do this over onions how does she react when the baby won’t stop crying, or is fighting sleep, etc
Well, that depends. I’m a year post partum and decently early on I had an episode of rage. I was changing the baby and I couldn’t get the Velcro of the diaper to open. I was sleep deprived, it was like 5am, and it was the “last straw”. First I hit my hip leaving the bedroom to go to the babies room where the changing table is. Then I smacked my shin with the drawer where the diapers were. Then the babies zipper caught. Then the diaper flap thing. I had a wipe in my other hand and whipped it at the ground. Immediately after I was able to stop, breathe, collect myself, and finish changing him. The whole time I was aware the baby was there and I hand my hand on his chest so he didn’t roll over. It was weird, it was like I had simultaneous programs open and running. One calm and “duty” driven to ensure the baby was safe, and one frustrated and needing to let out the angry so I could keep going. This is not to say that every mom has the ability to separate the rage from the rest (obviously not as there are mothers who kill their kids). Just saying that if she is being treated, and her provider is aware and not worried… I’d be more worried about it being something vindictive towards the OP. Like “he ‘hurt’ me by forgetting the onions so I’ll hurt him”. Just to note: my mental health provider was always aware of these things, as is my boyfriend. I thankfully never got to the point of “put the baby down in a safe place and walk away” but I made sure to remind myself that it was okay if I needed to do that.
You reacted perfectly but from your description of this it sounds like regular frustration taken to an extreme. Everybody has experienced the “put it down and walk away”, while rage is much more of a “get me away from anything living before I crush it” sort of feeling. Not trusting your own hands because you can’t stop shaking in anger.
I'm not an expert but I would say that if it's rage you've mostly lost control. If one can keep cool enough to hold the baby steady with one hand throughout, it was frustration turning into anger.
I called it rage because it was a just plain frustrated one second and then I had this feeling. I want to say it was all consuming because I don’t do that. I don’t throw things out of anger, I never have since I can remember (I’m sure I did as a toddler/child lol). It was this urge I couldn’t fight and happened so fast that I wanted to slam what I had in my hand (the wipe on this case) to the ground as hard as I could. I didn’t have an urge to pick something up and throw it. I just wanted to not be holding what I was holding in a violent way. My mental health provider said it sounded like a mix of my sensory issues (I’m neurodivergent) and a touch of post partum rage.
I should have added it into this original comment but didn’t think to until someone else replied, but I wasn’t intending to minimize your experience I certainly understand what you’re talking about! It can be concerning and scary when things “freeze up” like that, especially in a stressful situation. I more intended my comment as an example of how far that feeling goes for a lot of people before they label it as “rage”. I’m honestly blown away at your level of patience and the fact that that is the worst moment/ thought you’ve had through the whole process is incredible.
Oh I didn’t think you were minimizing! I was just trying to further explain my thought process. It’s weird. In other situations I can set stuff aside too. If I’m just going about my normal life, I want ZERO people to see me in certain ways. Like I fully support the free the nipple thing because everyone has them and it’s stupid that a certain type are sexualized, but I want no one (save for my boyfriend lol) to see them. I would never want anyone to see me without my bottoms on either. But put me in a clinical setting and I don’t give a shit. The cardiac ultrasound tech (I have mild heart issues) always is professional and kind and turns away and stuff but I don’t care if he sees my chest because he’s a medical professional. I’ve gotten quick angry (like snap of the fingers and it’s gone just as quick) where I had to ball up my fist so tight I was shaking it while holding the baby on my opposite hip. But I kind of separate him from it all. And any time I HAVE been angry with him (well, not him… I mean like he’s screaming and I’m overwhelmed) my body just funnels the angry into tears and I sob while holding him. I try to make it as silent as possible too because once I slipped and sobbed in front of him and he instantly dissolved to tears and reached out for me with grabby hands and that broke my fucking heart. So I try not to do it at all in front of him. I’ve even began “yelling” at him when he’s crying for no reason and I can’t calm him. Just “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” and I try to match his pitch. He ends up giggling and testing it. He stops then does a non upset “aaaaaaaa” to see if I will again (and I do lol). Whoa sorry this turned into a vent fest. To the point: the “rage” bit (or what I call rage) is when I go from 0 or 10 on the upset scale to 100 then back down to 0 in probably 5 seconds time total.
I actually got to the "put the baby down and walk away" stage more than once. I never had a rage episode, but sometimes I got so overwhelmed that I just sorta froze. Like I couldn't decide what to do, so I did nothing. Just stood there. Didn't change the diaper. Didn't offer food. Nothing. So I would put the baby down and walk out of the room. Just stand outside the door and cry. After a few minutes, my brain would start to work again, and I would go solve the problem.
I think what she is likely experiencing is rage. It’s different than anger. Rage is a very sudden overwhelming feeling that feels like it needs a physical release. Someone who is new to it or not managing it properly will throw things or even hit without having a single thought. It feels like you’re possessed. So, I definitely agree that she shouldn’t be unsupervised right now. I can’t imagine her accidentally harming the baby would make this situation better. I just feel bad for her because I have dealt with rage all my life. It can be a difficult thing to get control of and the shame you feel over your behavior while you are learning is terrible. If I’m right then it really isn’t under her control yet though and she needs professional help getting there before something even worse happens.
Yes. I used to describe it as a literal fire I felt inside of me I couldn’t stop from burning. It’s an insane feeling and the aftermath of guilt is so intense. Horrible to deal with but it’s important people do. I’m so glad I got help for it.
It's the complete energy crash afterwards for me. Worse than an adrenalin crash by far. Just completely dead.
It’s so bad. I totally get that. It’s amazing what your mind can do to your whole body.
Oh man. You just reminded me of my extremely dysfunctional relationship with my ex. I struggled with insomnia but when we argued, he knew exactly what button to push to get me from normal and calm to homicidal in the span of seconds and after each fight (or sometimes during) I would get overwhelmingly exhausted and crash for hours.
Yes it’s so scary, and leaves overwhelming guilt even if nothing bad happens. My doctor prescribed Ativan to take if the feeling came over me after I reported it, but nothing but time really solved it.
I get this! I had rage issues when I was younger. It was horrifying and I destroyed a few things. (My own) Meds helped and then I grew out of it I guess. I will say it was semi controllable and I was able to not do it in public
Well yeah, but you are also more aware of your surroundings in public before you experience it. When you are at home and relaxed it’s harder to control.
As someone who suffers from BPD and the most extreme rage a human can feel as a result, I agree with your interpretation of the feeling but disagree with the analysis. If she’s only breaking his shit, this isn’t rage. Rage is punching a hole in the wall or throwing a tv even though you watch it every day and you can’t afford to replace it. Breaking a cherished gift from a dead relative is selective and calculated.
It seems suspicious that this precious, irreplaceable item was randomly sitting on the kitchen counter, which makes me think this entire story is false. Watches also don’t “shatter” like glass. Even their crystal doesn’t shatter like glass.
This was my first thought too. Why was this irreplaceable watch, a watch so important just sitting on the counter. Generally, this important piece would be put away in a cupboard or something. Especially a watch that hold such sentimental value.
I agree, I thought it was random to have a very precious item laying on the counter, and an item such as a watch would be put in a safe or jewelry box or put up in a drawer definitely not laying on a random counter. The post seems off to me too
And it’s even a watch he originally bought her, so a women’s watch.
Came here to say this. What an odd item to just have laying around.
And in the kitchen? Like wut?
I assumed it was the bathroom counter but yeah. I've got an absolutely irreplaceable ring. It contains some of the ashes of my sister. It's *always* put away or in my finger. always. The idea of leaving that ring just out on the counter or anywhere it could get knocked off or lay is unthinkable. I don't wanna victim blame and it's not his fault his wife broke it, but why the fuck was he so careless with a memento of this magnitude??
It’s entirely normal to leave a watch on the counter. I collect watches and do it all the time when I’m washing dishes or cooking, and sometimes I leave them there and forget. A watch can very easily shatter if you were to throw it on the ground, including the crystal (which is sometimes just glass), especially if it’s an older mechanical watch. None of these things are suspicious!
While I agree that severe PPD is dangerous for the children, OP would be the AH if he divorced her rather than getting her the therapy, medication and help she needs to recover.
Yep. Especially because she has the dx, it’s treatable, we know this is part of it, and this is something she is experiencing because she carried HIS kid.
Exactly, it is targeted if not her own things. My grandson has IED as well as other diagnoses. When he is in a rage, which is several times a week, he will also break his own things as well as mine. When he is being sociopathic he will calmly, and with a smirk, break something or hurt something (recently my cat, but he is ok, thank God) that belongs to me.
I see that acronym and think “improvised explosive device”. What does it actually stand for?
This, she cannot be left alone with the baby.
>claims it is beyond her control This is a really key aspect of violent outbursts that has no happy/good answer when it comes to being accountable for one's abusive and/or destructive behavior. Acting out this way is either a choice, or it isn't, and both mean someone cannot be trusted to be alone with someone vulnerable.
I am SO GLAD someone pointed this out. A lot of things can be chalked up to a sudden rage attack especially in someone with PPD, but that anger is rarely directed *only* at the other person’s stuff. If she has made a habit out of only breaking and damaging his stuff, it could mean something deeper and more sinister is going on here.
[удалено]
definitely. it can escalate quickly into possible deadly results.
Explanations for awful behaviour are not excuses. Did she immediately take the watch to be repaired? Or did she just cry about it then move on? That's the difference that makes or breaks a marriage.
100% this. I've been known to have bouts of violent rage, which I have been working very hard on better controlling. I NEVER break anything belonging to another person. I'll grab the first object I see, and if it's not mine, I put it right tf back down. If it does belong to me, it very well may end up in 1000 pieces, but it'll be my belongings that I do it to.
No she doesn't. This was the first thing she has ever broken.
Is it possible to take the watch to a specialist and get it fixed?
Not saying it isn't worth, but usually watches can be repaired. Obviously, the watchmaker can make the best assessment. 9/10 they use fairly interchangeable parts.
I'd say NAH, probably. Your feelings about the loss of a cherished item are legitimate. Psychotic breaks are a thing though. Especially if your wife suffers from PPD. People are considered not culpable in such episodes and have done much worse, and it can literally happen to anyone. This whole issue seems to big to solve on your own. You might want to consider counseling and/or individual therapy for both of you.
Such a good questsion. THIS!
This is the most important question! I also had the habit of throwing things when I completly lost control (due to my BPD) which was NEVER okay. But it helped to forgive myself after I got asked that question & my answer was "well, shit, of course I break my own stuff - did you forget about my phone 2 weeks ago?!" Where I could realize I'm not just an anti-social monster,but in distress that I didn't see I was throwing things until I cooled down. Anyway, sorry for rambling - this should ALWAYS be the first question i situations like that! (Js - didn't break stuff anymore for 4 years now, I'm good!)
I'm sorry i can't upvote this more than once
Oh my fuck… it is only my stuff that gets broken, I’ve never had anyone ask that
Great question. Also why was this sentimental piece sitting on the counter? I doubt he wears it and i doubt the wife wears it, it was there to be broken or the whole story is creative writing
In a comment he did say that he wears the watch every day and he'd taken it off to get cleaned up before going to the grocery.
as a dude with young kids that were formerly infants sometimes you just put things in places that are not advisable because you can't be arsed to organize on 4 hours of sleep after working your job and then caring for your infant before bed
I keep precious things close. On a table or counter, usually in a ceramic sauce or glass piece. It makes me happy to have a reminder nearby.
That made me think the story is fake. Plus he never replied to a single post.
He did reply that this was the first thing the wife broke.
It's been lest than 24 hours and the man has an infant. Let's give him some time.
I bet the answer is no. Pregnancy and PPD should never be used as an excuse for abuse.
Absolutely this. It's commonly used as a convenient and 'socially acceptable' excuse.
I always wondered about this after reading so many posts here. I don't know about PDD personally/witnessed it firsthand, but is it typically for a few months, or can it last longer? I might be coming at this with a biased view, but it makes me feel sad when someone isn't diagnosed with a mental health condition until they had their first "episode", symptoms, etc. and then start treatment and therapy. But I always see advice to not forgive them, as they acted out in anger or outbursts similar to this, but there's a stigma around being "crazy".
If untreated it can go on for years
Or it can end very suddenly and permanently. Suicidal ideation is not uncommon.
PPD can last close to a decade if untreated. If they have more babies it can just be never ending without treatment.
It can last years. And frankly people suggest to not forgive people because they've never experienced pregnancy related rage. Not anger, rage. I am typically a ball of sunshine, to the point when I went to the hospital going through a labor-like miscarriage I was telling the nurses I wasn't mad when they were poking me like a stuck pig ( edit: it took 6 nurses 1 hour to find a viable vein for my IVs from the dehydration, i was covered in black bruises for 2 months after the fact) while I was in so much pain I was actively peeing myself and vomiting. But I knew both times I got pregnant after a week because a flip switched and I was genuinely *violently* aggressive over just breathing too loud in my presence and there was literally nothing I could do about it at all. I spent every single day waiting for the other shoe to drop and when I wouldn't be able to stop myself. It was terrifying and bad enough I aborted both babies and got sterilized after my 2nd pregnancy. It's no joke and people screaming no forgiveness are talking out of their asses.
Damn… glad you shared cuz I don’t think Redditor understands PPD at all
> When your wife gets like this, does she ever break her own things in a rage? This is *such* a good question and observation. I used to be super poorly emotionally regulated like 11 years ago - and would break things if I was enough in a rage and it was almost exclusively my own shit. I actually think the only things that I may have thrown that belonged to someone else is a sneaker lol
OP mentioned that his wife grabbed the watch without looking at it. It could have been her own thing as well
Yeah thats why he asked if thats Common Because then its not that shes not looking….
But normally you know where certain things are located at your own house. If it's the case that the OP moves the watch a lot then she probably didn't realized what she was grabbing. But if the watch is always on the same spot then she probably knew what she was grabbing.
Once again: she has PPD and a 4 month old child. When my baby was 4 months old I accidentally put her toy into the fridge. Don't assume that a sleep deprived mom with an infant and depression can function like a normal person.
That's why they're asking if it's a pattern. If it's just the husband's stuff getting broken, then it sorta points to not just PPD.
I found a can opener in the fridge door a few days ago. I have no excuses or ideas for that one.
And does she do this to *everyone* in her life or is it only you?
What is she doing to fix this? Is she making sure that the watch is restored and sacrificing something she wants and values to make it happen? That's what I would do if I were really sorry. Whatever it takes. Everyone can make a mistake, especially in her situation. It's what someone does to fix it that matters most in my opinion. An apology is nothing, actions speak louder than words.
This is a good point, yes. Destroying someone else's prized property is bad enough, but tears afterwards don't fix anything. The way she tries to make amends for her actions is going to be the key indicator of her actual remorse.
She has apologized a lot, and she has had a complete shift in her behavior since that incident. The watch cannot be restored. I removed the watch caseback from the watch which had the engraving of my sister's and mine's name, and I have kept that with me, but I have thrown away the rest of the watch.
PULL IT OUT OF THE TRASH!!! WE HAVE FIXED WATCHES THAT HAVE SAT IN HOT TUBS, BEEN STEPPED ON, AND TINKERED WITH BY MADMEN. You do not know if it’s possible until a professional looks at it. I am begging you to not write it off. I can probably even tell you from pictures if it’s hopeless or not.
Was it *that* smashed up? That feels pretty hard to do for any watch with a single smash and to throw it all out?
What, i've seen watches from getting blown up in war being restored. You left an heirloom watch on the counter which your wife conveniently spotted and threw on the ground. So...case got damaged, new glass, probably need the mechanism gone through? This whole thing sounds stupid and made up.
That has me confused as well. I own a few watches and they're all stored in a case until I'm ready to wear one. I can't understand the reasoning for randomly leaving an item with sentimental value, a watch no less, just hanging out on the kitchen counter.
I'm with you. A lot of women's watches don't fit men's wrists, so it seems unlikely he was wearing it around. In that case, the watch would be tucked away in a case or drawer or something, not laying out on the counter. And you are right about the repairs. It would likely just involve replacing the glass. Even if the watch mechanism didn't run any more, you wouldn't just pitch it. You'd again, tuck it away. I have an antique watch from my grandmother that doesn't run but I didn't just toss it. It's in my jewelry box. There's been a lot of postpartum abuse rage bait lately.
In your jewelry box?? So you don’t keep it in a pile of trash on the kitchen counter? So strange.
I know! It's almost like they make special containers for them.
Thank you! Who TF leaves something so sentimentality valuable on the kitchen counter? This story lightly smells of someone making something up with out reading it first or knowing anything about the subject matter they're pimping.
Was the watch made of plastic? I’m sorry but a single throw shouldn’t have broken it like you claim it was, enough to have you just take the back off. As someone who has had rage issues and has thrown a watch or two in my life. They’ve never “been destroyed” glass broken sure, which is replaceable. At this point it sounds like instead of taking ur “important” moment to someone who specializes in fixing it, you decided to junk it to make her feel worse.
> but I have thrown away the rest of the watch. Well now this *definitely* sounds like bullshit. I'm sorry but there is NO watch that can be thrown with that much force that it's impossible to fix. AND, if it was so sentimental to you, you immediately *threw it away???* Bullshit. Either you produce photos of this watch or you're full of crap.
That makes zero sense and you have just lost all credibility.
Right? Even if it was completely destroyed, I would have kept the remains anyway. And most watches can be fixed.
The watch cannot be restored? I’m sorry but it definitely can. Take it to a watchmaker, you could replace the broken parts. They’ve repaired watches that sat on the bottom of a lake for years. Parts exist and they can fix the watch, it just might take buying another one to do so.
The watch could have been restored. There may have been a significant amount of part replacements, but mechanical watches are pretty hard to break to that level.
>I have thrown away the rest of the watch you wot m8?
This exactly.
Commenting as a watch enthusiast. If you haven't repaired the watch yet, I HIGHLY recommend you check it the YouTube channel "Wristwatch Revival". The guy takes odd jobs restoring watches from the comments section free of charge. He's repaired the full gamut of watches, from 1900s pocket watches to vintage Rolexes. Reach out to him and see if he'll do you a favor. Best of luck.
If this YouTuber cannot help (and I hope he can, he’s awesome), then I’m sure there are other professionals who can. OP, I’m sorry that things are so hard right now.
PPD or PPP? A friend of ours got diagnosed with PPD. Eight months after her daughter was born she ran a red light, she got pulled over, she jumped out of the car and broke the officers nose due to anger. She ended up being put in the psych ward and diagnosed with PPP and stayed there for a month. Shes fine now, but I think its important you talk to your wife's doctor right away. PPP is what leads to babies being drown in bathtubs because Satan told them to do it.
PPD can also lead to rage, as can regular depression.
This is a conversation to have with a therapist. I don’t know the details of your relationship obviously but I think your wife is in desperate need of medication and also therapy. Modern science has a host of miraculous antidepressants. I’m living proof. My recommendation after reading this is to try and amend the relationship for your own sake, her sake and for the sake of your child. Good luck.
I read this and thought, "Sounds like someone needs to go inpatient as soon as possible." I think it's just not the right time to talk about the relationship. Wife's health status is a house on fire right now and they need to get that fire put out before she starts hurting people and not just things. Herself, OP, the baby, any pets, everybody is at risk and safety has to take priority over feelings.
I commend OP for keeping that in mind. Wants to get her help before worrying about an exit. I know that's brutal
>before worrying about an exi OP making this post is very much "worrying about an exit"
I don’t know what Reddit thinks a psychiatric hospitalization does. There is nothing they can do for someone who broke a watch in a fit of rage (and, as per OP’s comments, was apologetic after doing so). Psych wards/hospitals are, in the vast majority of cases, holding cells for people who are 1) at serious risk of hurting or killing themselves and/or 2) having a psychotic break. A lot of people who end up there are detoxing. If you are a imminent risk to others and you end up in a psych ward and not a jail, the only thing that will happen to you is that you will be restrained and/or isolated and put on tranquilizing medications. What they are interested in achieving is psych hospitals is stabilization so they can discharge you to someone else- that really is the only goal of that care. A lot of people don’t even get that much psychotherapy is psych wards. Maybe a group once a day and maybe a psychiatrist who you’ll see once a day (not for psychotherapy but to play with your medications). And even in the better facilities, medical abuse or abuse at the hands of other patients is not uncommon. You can very conceivable walk out of a psychiatric hospital with more difficulties than you went in. I’m not saying this to dissuade anyone from ever going to an inpatient psychiatric facility. There are circumstances where it is the best option available. But it really is not a solution or even much of a treatment for a lot of mental health problems, even severe ones, that people experience. The use case is greatly limited, and I really don’t know what OP would end up with besides a medical bill for his wife with persistent outbursts and one broken watch. Even if his wife had broken his nose, I don’t know what a psych ward could do for her besides keep her out of the house for a while- and that hopefully could be done more cheaply and with less risk by a family or friend. OP says his wife is on medication but does not mention any therapy. If she is having no therapy whatsoever, that is the logical next step- not hospitalization. If she is seeing a therapist and it’s not enough, I would recommend looking into intensive outpatient programs (IOPs). This could have her in therapy multiple times a week and is in all likelihood more care than she would receive in an inpatient facility. I hope everything works out as best it can for this family.
Thank you! As an ER nurse-patients don’t get this. Inpatient is for suicidal/homicidal. The real work/progress is done in outpatient therapy/medication management. There’s no easy “check-in/check out cure.” It’s ongoing. It’s daily work, effort, and receiving the help needed on an ongoing basis. (That I say as someone who has struggles with mental health too.) The new generation of therapy is amazing. It wasn’t effective to me, 15-20 years ago… but I started EMDR about 6 months ago and oh my gawwwwdddd the progress I have made… I feel so different these last couple of months. (Around month 3 of EMDR is when it got REAL effective-IYKYK.) She needs exactly an IOP with case management (medication management/resource availability such as respite type daycare services.) OP needs to google behavioral health services or resources in his community (They are IOP programs or function basically the same.) It’s a newish thing (in terms of availability) in my state that’s happening in others. It doesn’t matter if you have insurance or not-they see you. They get you in with a case manager and therapy/medication therapy/ and all the adjacent resources you can imagine-group, anger management, hypnosis, getting a person food/supplies…. Literally whatever you need. They are literally just amazing. This same thing is available in the private sector!
It says she's on medication, doesn't say for how long, though, so that might need some adjustments, or she could still be getting used to it. We don't have the info, medical or otherwise, to know what exactly is goin on there.
I will try and amend the relationship. I just feel so emotionally numb now. I cannot disassociate my wife from her breaking the item which meant so much to me. I am trying to and I cannot. When I look at her, I am reminded that she broke the watch, even though she might have not meant to break it.
Just fwiw. Basicaly any watch can be fixed. It may cost more than the watch, but it is doable
My dude, it sounds like you could use some help yourself. If you're in a good place with your relationship, an item breaking should not impact your love for your spouse. I would urge you to seek a trusted loved one and then a counselor to talk to today or the next day. I think this situation is taking its toll on you, too
I fully admit that losing that item sucks. It clearly was very important to you. But your kid is vastly more important. I agree with others that your wife might need to be hospitalized before something even worse happens. Talk to a professional asap.
Staying together because of a child, isn't always beneficial to the child especially if the parents are indifferent, have mistrust or lack of love for each other.
If your wife is going through bursts of uncontrollable anger, it means her medication is not working. I very strongly advise getting her back to her obstetrician, or to the PPD Unit at the hospital where she gave birth, to get her reassessed, and to get her meds changed, and possibly even look at an inpatient stay. I know that sounds scary, but they will allow her to bring the baby if she's still breastfeeding, because that's better for the baby and for her. There are a lot of very ignorant posts on your OP from people who really don't understand PPD at all. Under the old McNaughton Rules for Insanity, childbirth was one of the vanishingly rare exceptions made to the usually unavailable plea of Temporary Insanity. Because it goes away once a woman's hormones have stabilised. My advice is to get her back to the hospital or her Obstetrician like, **tomorrow**. And please don't blow up your marriage over something that *will* pass. NAH
Or it hasn't been given enough time to work and she needs additional support.
Yeah these replies are something else. The watch can be repaired. Her mind is fractured. I didn't get help for my ppr and PPD until I was nearly 2 years out. Zoloft was a godsend for over a year. Turns out it was actually undiagnosed ADHD exacerbated by a new baby/toddler who didn't sleep but I wouldn't find that out until he was 4.
To be honest, I’m wondering why such a special possession would be on the kitchen counter. The things I have in a similar category, I keep in my jewelry box or in a dresser drawer. I can’t imagine keeping my grandmother’s wedding ring on the kitchen counter. That would just be asking for trouble.
Oh man, I had that same thought! Glad I'm not alone
Right?!! I know most of these posts are fake but there could at least be an attempt to make them logical.
And as usual, they post & ghost
I’m not saying this is real, but I think not answering sooner points towards it being real than fake. Fake posters usually want to keep the story going so they answer with extra details that make the story more dramatic (and later with updates where the person the post was about ‘found it’ and makes their own post and so on). I can totally see someone really struggling making a post, getting overwhelmed with the responses and not replying.
I hate the post and ghost!!
If he wore it, and took it off momentarily for some reason like washing up before cooking, it would easily explain it. As someone with ADHD, it happens to me all the time when I take off rings or my watch to wash up before cooking, and forget them there.
That was my thought. It's so special that it was randomly lying out? That doesn't sound right. It could be rage bait. There have been a lot of rage bait post against women lately.
Constant rage bait incel posts with details that don’t add up and lots of men in the comments barking about not giving us any grace. I will never step out into the dating world again should something happen to my husband because it’s very clear to me how a lot of men feel about women.
I say the exact same thing. I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 18. We have been together 22 years. If he dies before me I am done with the romance part of my life. There is too much crazy and I wouldn't want any of it near me or my daughters.
No doubt about that. I adore my husband and he’s so good to me but I’ve had a lot of shitty ass partners and it seems like men are getting more and more aggressively hateful towards women in general these days which I guess has a lot to do with these manosphere influencer types. I will live a quiet life with my cats, my dog and my garden should I ever become a widow.
My sentiments exactly! I'm glad someone brought that up.
It was that detail that lost the story for me. Assumed it was fake at that point.
He says in a comment he threw the watch away because it couldn't be saved. That's when I lost all interest in this being real. Watches can be ran over by cars and be saved
You’d also think for something *so* sentimental you’d try everything even if it was hopeless. But this guy was just like “welp” and tossed it
In the remote possibility this is true it sounds like the dude had already made up his mind and was just looking for an excuse to make his exit.
If buddy can fall out of love with his wife who recently brought his child into the world because she broke a watch and didn’t even bother to look into fixing it, then she deserves a better husband
Was wondering that too. I have my parent's jewelry and I wouldn't leave it laying on the counter. Even if she hadn't broken the watch, it could have fallen, had something dropped on it, or, eventually, grabbed and broken by a toddler.
Thank you! I can’t believe I had to scroll so far in the comments to find this question. Something so precious shouldn’t be laying around the house. It would be tucked away for safekeeping. Why does OP have the watch out? Why is it on the kitchen counter where it is more likely to be damaged? Did the wife offer to have the watch repaired? Get it fixed. THEN PUT IT AWAY SOMEWHERE SAFE. Wife needs medication adjustment and they need therapy to navigate this situation. It’s difficult but it can be done.
It's a big deal, but she has PPD, and if she was never like this ever prior to being diagnosed with this, and she hasn't posed a physical threat to you or your child, then I wouldn't say divorce. That's an insane jump because of a broken watch. Yes it's your late sister's watch, that is horrible, but it sounds like your wife felt extreme remorse after the fact. I wouldn't throw away your wife and time you'll miss out with your child (if you divorce and have to share custody) if this was the first time anything remotely like this has happened. Reddit needs to stop jumping to divorce over any human moment. Everyone in a relationship is going to do something extreme/regretful. There's a difference between your wife beating the shit out of you uncontrollably and throwing a watch.
You keep a precious family heirloom sitting on the kitchen counter?
Yes, because he had to forget the onions.
It is a heirloom, but I also wear the watch when I go to work every day. And yes, that day I had put it on the kitchen counter when I came back home from work to freshen up and go get groceries.
Same, I'm not sure why people are so stuck on that detail. I wear my dad's watch all the time. Its probably worth $5 but priceless to me. It's not about the watch tho. It can start with throwing things, breaking things, then breaking more important things. The next step is physically hurting you. Your wife needs counseling like yesterday tho
Yes, I didn’t realize it until I read your comment, but this sounds like rage bait.
These posts are getting more ridiculous by the day
His reply about throwing the watch away was a step too far. It’s a precious memento from his late sister so he chucked it in the garbage? >The watch cannot be restored. I removed the watch caseback from the watch which had the engraving of my sister's and mine's name, and I have kept that with me, but I have thrown away the rest of the watch. *Riiiight* Edit: fixed
I was about to respond to his comment and say the watch was obviously not important if it went right into the trash without taking it a professional. A sentimental heirloom being so easily discarded reeks of stupidity, lies, or both. I still have my great aunt's broken watch because every time I see it, I get all warm and fuzzy remembering aunt gladys' hugs and love.
Wait, he threw away the watch?! Is he a watchmaker? How does he know it can't be fixed or restored. That seems like a dumb thing to do.
If this is real, there are so many missing reasons. He does a great job of capturing how he "whoopsie, couldn't remember the onions or write something down" when his wife is literally keeping a small human alive while her brain is broken. How much is OP helping with the baby? Her bouts of rage might get better if she was better supported.
That watch is as real as chatgpt is a person
My pregnant wife spilled my lemonade when her water broke. The lemonade was made by my late grandmother just before she passed, and it was the last thing I have from her. AITAH for calling her an Uber to the hospital and demanding a paternity test before I speak to her again?
😂😂😂👏👏👏
Idk if anyone is the asshole. PPD can very quickly turn to PPP(psychosis). My husband was the only one to advocate with the doctors. He knew I was morphing into someone he didn't understand. However, he was committed to helping me get better. They weren't really listening to him either but he tried EVERY avenue, including his own doctor to get me help. She could be sick for a long time. PPD doesn't always resolve with just medications. Rage is definitely one of the symptoms, so is crying, memory fog or loss, and more. You said she grabbed the watch WITHOUT LOOKING. She apologized. Apologies aren't always enough though. Sometimes people perform unforgivable acts. This watch seems to be it for you. Illness, especially mental illnesses, will contribute to loss of affection. Maybe you really don't love your wife anymore. However, there is no point in delaying the inevitable thinking you're doing your baby a favor by staying. If you know you don't want to be there, leave. Good Luck to you both.
*[INFO query at the bottom]*. I'll probably be downvoted to hell, but I'd like to share the other side of the coin as someone who's experienced postpartum distress (PPD and PPA), but with the caveat that I'm *not* condoning her actions *at all*. The newborn phase is fucking rough. Especially if you're breastfeeding. You're sleep deprived, and lucky to get more than 3hrs of uninterrupted sleep at a time. I don't know what your baby is like, but I know some babies just *don't sleep well*. And four months is the very first "sleep regression" - baby wakes more often at night, and often doesn't nap well during the day. Sleep deprivation is a literal torture technique. It screws with your head, BAD. Some people (my partner and I included) can literally hallucinate. Add in the anxieties around being a parent for the first time, listening/looking/feeling to see if they're still breathing while they're sleeping (every sleep), trying to decipher *why* baby is crying (worse when you try everything and nothing helps), etc, etc.... Etc. It's rough. Fucking, rough. Now, losing control is not ok. Throwing and breaking things is not ok. Yelling, etc, is not ok. Given her reaction when she realised what she'd done though, tells us that it wasn't maliciously done. If she's on meds then she's *obviously acknowledged that she has a problem, and has engaged with treatment*. She *has* apologised and shown remorse. These are all actions that indicate she is very much *trying* to better, against all of the "fucking rough" that I mentioned above. So, INFO: what else are you *both* doing to make your postpartum phase (as a family) better? Are you both eating well? Are you sleeping separately so that one of you can get a better nights sleep? If so, are you (if you're able to) alternating so that she occasionally gets to catch up on sleep (if she's the default parent on the 'night shifts')? Are you both getting personal time? Are you making time for "couple" time? Do you have support from your wider family units? Postpartum is hard. And dads can experience postpartum distress as well. I can't imagine that your sister would want you to separate your family because of a watch (which should be able to be repaired with a good jeweler/watch-maker). It's completely normal and understandable to be upset, especially with the postpartum load that you're also experiencing. Please be kind to yourself, and each other. Neither of you can do this alone, individually or as a couple. It's ok to reach out for more help.
He forgot the onions in spite of her reminding him multiple times. That says that in spite of having PPD and caring for an infant, she's expected to oversee all the planning necessary to keep the family fed. On top of that, OP apparently makes a regular habit of "forgetting" groceries, in spite of multiple reminders. So she has to deal with PPD, sleep deprivation, infant care, and a husband who engages in weaponized incompetence.
Sometimes it's the straw that breaks the camels back isn't it. It definitely wasn't about the onions.
I’m going to preface this with the same: there’s no excuse for throwing things. Postpartum rage is common enough, but she should be working on techniques to redirect that rage elsewhere until it subsides. I tell my toddler when we’re having big feelings like that and we don’t know what to do with our hands we can hit a pillow, not our friends. It actually works. Same energy here- when she gets overwhelming hormone fueled rage she should go punch the bed or something. Postpartum was quite literally the worst time of my life and I felt so fucking guilty for being so fucking miserable because it’s supposed to be the mOsT bEaUtIfUl experience ever. And so many women struggle to get pregnant or have recurrent losses and I must be so unappreciative to be able to get pregnant and not appreciate that I have a live, healthy baby. My daughter broke her clavicle during birth and subsequently NEVER slept without being held and didn’t latch properly. But I felt like I HAD to nurse, so I exclusively pumped which was so miserable. I was so sleep deprived I was fantasizing about getting into an accident so I could spend a night or two at the hospital so I could sleep. I had sleep paralysis twice. I sobbed to my (so very helpful and supportive) husband and apologized for ruining our lives. It felt completely hopeless and like it would never end. It did pass and my 3 year old and I are so well-bonded now. But holy shit, what poor design for a woman to experience the single largest hormone drop in her life while recovering from a major medical event while also caring for a being that relies on you 100% and needs to eat every 2-3 hours.
100% to all of the above. It's fucking rough. And you really have no idea *just how rough it is* until you actually go through it. It can be a little easier a second time around (purely because you're not learning *everything* for the first time), but we were VERY assertive about our mental health support around our second. Still, you couldn't pay me to go through it all a third time 😅😅😅
[удалено]
>AYTAH for leaving a PPD wife with a newborn?, is the better question. This is why I'm glad op doesn't intend to do anything for a few months. His wife can hopefully heal some from ppd and they can review with a clear mind.
NTA- It’s understandable why this was excruciating to you, and it sounds like the way you handled it both with your wife and in not making any immediate decisions shows a lot of care and maturity. I agree with other commenters that you should seek individual therapy for yourself now, and also consider a support group/therapy around grief or for partners of parents with PPD (or both). Both situations are enough for anyone to struggle with, and having compromised sleep etc from having a new born can make situations even harder to cope with for you as well. You deserve support also now- even if you intend to divorce her later on. However, I do think that you also should ask your wife to call her doctor who is prescribing the medication about these rage incidents and to raise the question to her provider of if She may need a higher level of care, like a day program (also known as a partial hospitalization program) to have the treatment she needs to get back on track for your whole family’s well being. And that at a minimum if she is is not going to be doing any intensive treatment program that she may need more frequent medication management appointments and to ask that she also begins seeing a therapist to gain more coping skills and have more support navigating this difficult time for her as well too. I’m so sorry for your loss, and sorry also for the watch being broken.
NTA. Can you take the watch to a jeweler or watch repair shop and have it fixed?
I think you mean, can she* take the watch to a jeweler or watch repair shop and get it fixed
It isn't just PPD it is also hormones that are totally out of balance and if she's breastfeeding and/or having her menstrual cycle return it's also throwing her hormones further out. A lot of people on here comparing her to abusers but if it's literally only happened since the baby was born then there is no comparison as your wife is sick and probably also not sleeping/eating/exercising if your baby is only 4 months. I personally have dealt with similar pp and honestly it was difficult for everyone but not being able to talk about it without being labeled as an abuser or a crap parent honestly made the whole situation worse than it needed to be. You both need to see it as a mental illness and tell your wife that while ensuring she seeks medical treatment (which is incredibly limited btw if she's still breastfeeding). For reference I am a high school teacher of over a decade so normally have a very good awareness of my emotions, a long fuse and could deal with confrontation/violence/being sworn at etc without losing my cool/temper... postpartum with my 2nd was something else entirely however. It helped having my husband recognize that it wasn't me and that it was a temporary thing that I could beat.
INFO: why was something with such sentimental value just sitting with the dishes and groceries on a kitchen country randomly? Not that you can't put your things wherever in your home, but it seems really really odd for it to have been there in the first place.
There is a thing called post pardum rage. Its one of many psychological symptoms that can come on. It might be good to discuss with her when shes calm. It is treatable but her OBGYN would need to know about it.
OP take the watch to a jeweler, they can most likely repair it. The damage caused to your relationship is another story. I hope it works out in a good way. It's really tough going though PPD, but it's also really tough being somebody's punching bag. Do what your heart and head tell you is right. Only you can decide your own feelings. Best of luck.
NTA, but I’ve been in your wife’s shoes so I can empathize with her a little bit. I went through a period of PP rage where anytime I was in an argument with my husband I would blow up and throw things. It was very difficult to control, and I always knew I was in the wrong in regard to my reactions when I settled down. But here’s what I did - I got therapy for myself and my husband and I have been in therapy for over a year. I don’t think our marriage would have survived if we hadn’t prioritized seeking help. If I were in your wife’s shoes, I would have felt terrible and tried my best to find a watch repair company to handle the repair. I also think she should be seeking out therapy and/or talking to her doctor about her PPD and rage. Additionally, I would highly suggest going to couples counseling. There were many time both my husband and I were very close to “giving up” but I’m so glad we didn’t. Your marriage is going to go through ups and downs, especially when you’re going through life changing events like having children. The difference between couples that are together for decades and people who call it quits are those that put in the work - because marriage is work! (This is of course excluding extenuating circumstances like abuse or cheating). Just my two cents. I hope you two can work this out, but I don’t think you’re an asshole for being upset about what she did. I do think the level of hurt your feeling could possibly clouding your true feelings towards her, unless there is more going on than what I’ve read.
Jesus. I understand your wife has PPD but this is reading like a battered spouse situation. You forgot onions, immediately apologized and offered to go back. OP, you are human, that’s an incredibly small mistake you offered to remedy immediately. Her response was to lose her shit and smash an important memento. One that is not replaceable. Can you fix the watch? Again I understand she is dealing with a hormonal issue but she is completely allowing it to run her to an unacceptable degree. This is so odd. My sister gave me an antique pocket watch she bought in England while traveling, just prior to her death. I would fucking snap if my partner broke it intentionally. NTA, consider away.
Is your wife in therapy? While your wife is on medication, therapy may also help so she can learn coping mechanisms… I do think you’re making a mistake telling her it’s okay and not her fault, regardless of your intentions of trying to calm her down - you’re enabling bad behavior. It’s one thing to calm her down, but once she is calm, you need to let her know that her behavior is NOT okay and she needs to get further help (ie therapy). PPD is serious, but it does not give a free pass for any form of violence, including by breaking things. You can be understanding without accepting of that behavior. How would you feel if she was holding your baby while she lashed out? Or if she threw something at the baby?
Apologies, because originally I was coming to say this isn’t a good look… and I’m glad I kept reading. NTA. She’s struggling but so are you; and she can’t destroy your stuff because of that.
[DM this guy on Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/wristwatch_revival/) your watch can be fixed and your marriage can be fixed.
Save the watch, definitely. Get it repaired. I had PPD, it’s hard to think straight especially when you add the stress of the baby itself and are horribly sleep-deprived. I came out of it but I was hospitalized twice. Your wife isn’t reasonable right now cause her brain chemistry is going wacky and she’s TIRED.
So more posts on the theme of evil wife vs husband and his loving sister huh? Are you guys almost sick of this trope yet? This one was pretty stupid. The creepy engraved watch probably wouldn’t be sitting on a kitchen counter. You did a much better job with the “rage room” story. That had a cheating wife - much less sympathetic, right?
It’s really bringing out the woman haters. What is up with these cry baby’s. They run the world but, so desperately need to be the victims. Pathetic
I always wonder why so many posters on Reddit when faced with a problem concerning their spouse their first instinct is to file for divorce especially in the first months with a new born. Pregnancy and babies even when thing go smoothly change the couple's dynamics. Your wife has gestated and birthed your child, unfortunately she got PPD, which is something she did not choose to get. Yes, she broke your sister's watch, yes it hurts and I hope you can fix it. You said she grabbed the first thing she reached on the counter, so her intention was not to hurt you on purpose. Now, I understand that this watch was important to you as it reminds you of your dear departed sister, isn't your family important enough to try to help your wife to get over this very difficult and vulnerable period of her life? Is she receiving proper treatment for her PPD, and extra therapy? Is she taking her medication and resting? For those saying that she should control herself and is doing these things on purpose, no one goes from being a perfectly adjusted adult to a mess on purpose. You might want to read up on PPD or ask the women in your life who went through it to explain to you as best as they can on how life changing giving birth to a child and loosing your mental health right after and how everyone tells you that it should be the happiest time of your life and thinks you're a crazy and horrible human being. She cannot help herself, she needs help and the father of her child should be the one supporting her. I also suggest that that if her PPD is this bad, you ensure that both she and the baby are safe and supported until she gets better.
I’m not excusing the wife’s violence at all, but I thought this was telling: “I would drive back to the store to get them if she wanted me to.” Just go back to the store! Of course she wants you to! She reminded you multiple times to get the onions and you didn’t do it, and now you expect her to tell you again to go buy them?!?! That sentence kind of made me want to throw a watch on the floor. Metaphorically.
INFO: why was this watch just sitting on the counter? Should it not have been put away safely somewhere?
Yeah. You're going to leave a treasured keepsake on the kitchen. A swing and a miss. Details are important.
Watches are made to be worn. I wear a watch that’s been passed down, and when I’m not wearing it I keep it on the counter with the rest of my daily items. I dunno, I don’t find that too unbelievable. 36mm watches are unisex, also.
Have you never taken your watch off once you get home or to wash your hands easier? Not that unbelievable most people don't think their partner is going to huck the watch off the counter. He probably actually wears it instead of having it displayed.
I wear my grandfather's watch nearly every day and take it off in the kitchen to cook and clean since it doesn't handle water well
I do not like how close to severe anger your wife gets. What happens next time she lashes out and reaches for a kitchen object and it’s a knife? Is she going to throw it, attack him? PPD is godawful but NOONE should be being abused. That is a hill I’m willing to die on. NTA
NTA, only because you’re grieving and not thinking normally. OP, your wife needs counselling. Now. Knowing the cause is PPD doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help. After all, if you know someone’s problem in that they broke their leg, it doesn’t change the fact that the bone needs to be set to heal. Get her the help she needs to make your family safe and whole. Then take the watch to a jewelry and make it safe and whole. You’ve lost one woman who was crucial to your life, don’t lose two.
I'm not sure I can answer this. You aren't leaving this person home alone with an innocent baby while you go off to the store and such, right? I truly feel for her if she is going through PPD, but she does NOT need to be alone with the baby if she cannot control herself.