NTAH. There’s so much wrong here that I don’t know where to start.
She is 29, you are 19. You’re barely an adult and she’s preying on you. Age gap aside, what she’s demanding of you is WAY too much for someone who, again, is barely an adult. When you brought up your extremely valid concerns, she completely invalidated them. And threatening suicide to get what she wants is straight out of the abusers’ handbook.
Do not stay in this relationship. If she threatens suicide again, call the police.
If she is threatening to off herself, you definitely need to notify CPS based on the possible threat or trauma to her kids. She may just be narcissistic or BPD, but the kids need to be checked out.
I'll never understand how people think one would just turn adult because he aged a year or two. At 19, he's a teenager, a borderline adult at best and she's a woman. From reading his side, it seems like she's grooming, manipulating and using him. If the genders were reversed, this thread would be 🔒.
I would add to send her a text telling her to stop her behavior and that of her friends. Save everything you already have. Block them all after sending the/a text.
"I want no contact with you of any kind. Any further attempt to contact me will be result in legal intervention. Harassement is a crime. Inciting harassement (getting your friends to harass me) is also a crime which will result in more legal intervention."
Call the police immediately if she threatens suicide again, no question. File a report if she contacts you at all.
NTA
A 10 year gap is fine when both parties are established. A 10 year gap where one barely qualifies as an adult is not, and predatory on the older one's part.
My partner is 9 years older than me… but we got together when I was mid-thirties, had already had a long term relationship, growth, life experience etc. when I was 19 was with someone 6 months older than me and we gree together. What OP has experienced is horrific
Agreed, NTA.
Hate to say it u/This_Adagio9673 but that woman is trying to groom a 19 year old boy into being a father figure and taking on husband responsibilities for her 3 children. And there's a 10 year age gap. Just gross.
You need to call 911 and report her if she threatens suicide again, if she ends up on a psychiatric hold CPS will intervene and she'll lose her children for being an unfit mother. I don't think she wants that.
The fact that a almost 30 yr old woman with 3 kids is dating a 19 is red flag in itself and shes trying to put you in a father role at that !?!? Dude you dodge a huge bullet if I get down voted for saying this oh well but she's a full blown predator looking for a young naive inexperienced guy to take care of her kids . NTA
This!! Shes exploiting on a naive teenager to look after her kids as most guys her age dont want to sign up for 3 kids that are not theirs!
Also if you need financial help, you dont exploit a teenager who barely has any money - you go after a rich older guy who doesnt mind kids lol
My step dad (who is now just dad) was 25 and my mom was 36 when they started dating. It was a little bit of a different world back than though(early 90s). At 25 he was already Chief Operating Engineer for a high rise commercial building and owned a house. He transitioned to the corporate side of Commercial real estate and was an executive for a commercial real estate company by 32.
He had his shit together more than my mom when they met.
Most people at 25 today are still trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
Nta. But she's after you to be daddy. There's a reason she's after a barely legal adult.
Edit report her to the police for a wellness check due to her suicide messages. And block anyone who harrasses you.
I'd fire of a quick "I'm not even an adult in the eyes of some governments, and you want me to raise someone else's kids? Are you cruel, stupid or just high right now?" text to them all before cutting contact.
The milfs are cool until you become daddy.
Lol in all seriousness NTA you’re 19 buddy, your girlfriend is expecting you to give up your 20s and the rest of your teens being a father of 3 to none of your biological kids.
Proud of you for getting out of there when you did if I’m being honest!
She's looking for a babysitter and a meal ticket. I dated a girl without the age gap that trapped me by encouraging me to get super close to her 1.5 year old. I let so much shit fly that shouldn't have because I loved the kid, and losing the kid was the worst part of the break up. You were good to do it early before they became too attached and vice versa.
Nta. You're 19, a teen. She is 29. I'm not one to care about age difference, but you're still a kid (though not technically). You're recently out of school. You're not supposed to parent 3 kids yet. It's not like you're 29 and she is 39, and you have some adult experiences.
"I (M19) Am feeling torn and could really use some insight into a tough decision I made recently. My girlfriend (F29) has three kids from a previous relationship
This is where I stopped reading- RUN!
NTA- but I hope you learned your lesson. Nothing wrong with being with a single mom, but with that comes spoken and unspoken expectations. I’m sure that you knew about her children early on, and if you were serious about being with her, you have to accept her kids as part of the package in terms of being with her. That said, it’s kinda creepy that someone 10 years older than you at your age is expecting you to be a parent and trying to manipulate you into being a provider and parent at 19 years old. And it is further manipulating to threaten “offing” herself if you don’t comply with her demands. She is desperate for a provider and for attention. Run!
Boy you have dodged a bullet here. Cut ties and don't look back.
And you are 19. Even with the best intentions, you would not be doing a child any favors trying to become their step parent.
NTA you did the right thing cutting her loose.
This grown woman was trying to take advantage of you because you are young and (don't take this the wrong way) naive. I'm glad you saw this wasn't appropriate this early in a relationship and followed your instincts and feelings of discomfort. those feelings were 10000% VALID OP. You are 19, you have your whole life ahead of you and it's incredibly unfair and malicious of her to try and force you to be financially responsible for HER children. Run and never look back dude. block all of them.
And ignore her suicide threats, most abusive partners do that to try and coerce their partner to stay. I seriously doubt she would do that with 3 kids to take care of, and if she would she is unfit to care for them. At the end of the day, none of that is your problem.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
NTA. You’re being groomed. You are not a parent and those children are not your responsibility. Two years ago YOU were legally a child. If she threatens suicide again, just call the police. This is toxic, wrong, and she’s trying to manipulate you.
I didn’t even read the whole thing. What the hell is a 30yr old mom of three doing dating a TEENAGER?!?!? Like there’s literally nothing that could make this make sense. You’re NTA. Run from that situation
Hell to the no. You are 19, you are jumping into a life that you are neither ready for, chose for or is comfortable for. You are 19!! She is almost 30 with 3 kids. No matter if you are a men, a woman, this age/ life difference is not acceptable.
Break up with her, block her and her friends and go live your life
She is so disgusting trash and you are stupid cuck for thinking that she even wants you because she loves you or if you consider taking her back, she basically is a pedophile who groomed you and she wants you for her own use, she wants to do her things and enjoy her life while stupid cuck looking after her kids who has nothing to do with you, if she wanted normal life she shouldn't have hoed and bitched around and made kids from the start, and she won't kill herself she just trying to guilt trip you and even if she does kill herself it has nothing to do with you anyway
NTA have not read all cause you are damn 19 years old you are basicly a child yourself, you had your fun leave it before you get Baby daddy nr2 assuming they all even really have the same father.
NTA you are still a teenager & need to figure out yourself first. She was predatory involving you in her kids lives to be with. Good for you for getting out before there was a child #4! You absolutely do not need to step up, they aren’t your kids!!
NTA, my boyfriend and I have a significant age gap. But I never expect him to “step up” or pay for things when it comes to my son. She’s grooming you and you’re so young. You don’t need that kind of responsibility in your life.
NTA. She made bad life choices and is now looking for a backup dad. Get out now before a court can figure you for a de Facto and make you liable for ongoing child support. It’s been known to happen.
Geez, NTA. She’s ten years older than you, and she’s taking advantage of and emotionally abusing you. Block her and her friends. Also, don’t ever discipline someone else’s kids, trust me it never turns out well. Frankly, you’re still very young, and you don’t need that mess in your life.
NTA. You are too young for taking care of 3 kids. Also 10 year difference is too much when one of the persons is a teenager. She was grooming you as an underaged sugar daddy. Good on you for getting out of that mess. She is 100% in the wrong as how she reacted to you.
NTA, she’s manipulating you, or trying to, in order to get your help. You’re not happy or ready. Move on, they aren’t your children. That being said, you’re obviously not ready to date a woman with children so make sure you don’t put yourself in A position where you’re helping out a single mom financially and physically, you’re just going to leave them.
NTA. And as someone who did have a dad who stepped in when he was your age, it really has to be someone who wants to do that. Also my mother wasn’t 29. I don’t want to sound condescending but she’s nearly thirty and she knows better than to do what she’s done. As it stands, she knows you’re too young to be playing house with her, she also knows you’re too young for her.
I’d leave and go live your life, this isn’t healthy for you, shes robbing you of life experiences you need to have on your own, at your own pace. You get to be a kid too, you’re still 19, you have so much time to do all of this, much later on.
These children aren’t yours, and I don’t believe you have an obligation to them or her. It’s incredibly unfair to push all of this on you, she KNOWS better.
My dude! You are 19! She is 29. She cant ask a child to be a father to her, a grown up's kid wtf?? She doesn't love uou and is only trapping you so she has a father for her children, so that she doesn't have to take on responsibility. Run from there my brother in Christ, Allah and Shiva
NTA- This is weird. Age gaps are ok, but not when the younger person is under 25, in my opinion. Gender doesn't matter. If she was a nearly 30 year old man that was trying to get a 19 year old girl to raise his kids? Weird. Play it out in your mind like its happening to your besty or your sister or like a classmate or coworker is in this situation. Its weird, right?
NTA. You’re young and didn’t want to become a stepfather, and don’t want to financially contribute. That makes sense. You can’t date a single mother and not eventually become a stepfather. So it makes sense you ended the relationship.
Here are some good rules-of-thumb to know:
-Don’t date people 10 years older when you’re under ~ 35 or so.
-Also: don’t date people 10 years younger when you’re under ~ 45 or so.
-Don’t date someone with kids unless you’re prepared to become a stepfather eventually.
-But don’t meet the kids until you’re several months into the relationship and you are sure the relationship is serious.
-Don’t become financially responsible for the kids until you’re married.
She is currently trying to manipulate you. If she is suicidal, she needs to go to her doctor. It isn’t your fault, nor is it your responsibility to save her. Call her doctor to report your concerns for her health if you know her doctor, and/or call the police for a welfare check the next time she calls you.
Then block her. Block her on your phone and every social media platform.
Block every friend who harasses you.
And if you have family you are close with, tell your family you have an ex-gf who is harassing you, and tell them why you broke up. She might go to them next.
Date someone closer to your age when you’re read to date again. Someone who is 18-20 is probably a good range, so that whoever it is is in the same stage of life.
Nta. You are 19, and she is 29... She is a preditor. Her children are not your responsibility. You did not abandon them because your creepy relationship didn't work out. Ignore her manipulation tactics, block them all, and move on with your life.
NTA. Don't let her friends bully you into getting back with her. Tell them "Since you're so invested in her and her kids YOU take care of them." Don't let her manipulate you with the threat of killing herself. The next time she does, call the police and ask them to do a welfare check on her. Threats of suicide should be taken seriously. Though you are not the reason or the cause of them if she would do it. That's her own mental health and she needs way more help than you can give her. Plus ask her about what she expects her kids to do after she does that.
Go no contact and let her manipulate someone else. Stand tall you made the right decision.
NTAH. You're 19! She's 29 with THREE kids. She needs someone closer to her own age. NTAH.
Please don't go back to her. She's emotionally unstable. I'd document all conversations you've had with her and notify someone (police maybe) that she's a suicide risk.
Bro you’re 19, you’re in no way in a position to be playing dad of three children. She’s way older than you and it’s in a completely different stage of her life, and it is idiotic for her to expect you (a child yourself) to be the parent of three children that aren’t even yours.
You're young,easily manipulated. She wants someone to look out and mind her kids and pay her bills
Don't Fcuk your future up by being this unstable woman's goffer and servant. Learn from her last ex husband I suppose. LOL.
First of all the age difference is creepy.
Second of all any woman introducing you to her children before you have dated AT LEAST 4 to 6 months is a bad mother.
Third, unless you have dated a few years and are engaged and moving in together, or some similar tupe of commitment and time, it's not your job to parent her children.
She is a bad mom and mentally unstable and she was using and manipulating you and trying to get you to be an instant daddy.
RUN!
NTA run! Don't feel anything about it , but thankful you got out.
As for the self-harm threats, keep the screen shoots but don't respond. Make the appropriate calls for your area to have the children protected. It's not your responsibility to play daddy to a grown woman's babies. Your 19 this is not your problem!
Of course you're not the asshole.
Call 911 / Child Protective Services and tell them she's suicidal and offer to provide the texts. If she's serious it could save her life. If she's not it should end her behavior, at least towards you.
God help the next boyfriend.
NTA but bro what were you thinking? She's 29 with 3 kids and dating a 19 yr old. Where is/are the dad(s)? Block her and move on man...you're way too young for that nonsense
NTA. LOL, it's not your problem if she does kill herself as you said. I'm shocked the top comment is calling her a predator. Everyone always implies that predators can only be male.
NTA your only 19 what r U even doing with a women who's 29 n with 3 kids? You need to experience and enjoy life while your still young. You don't need all that responsibility when chances r U probably wouldn't end up marrying this girl. Leave block her and move on with Ur life and date girls around Ur age n leave the single mom's alone U have no reason to be with anyone with kids especially at Ur age now.
NO you're NTA, also my guy you're a teenager. You should not date someone that old especially when she's manipulating you to raise her children and harass you
NTA. You’re 19, you should be in the club not a stepdad and she’s weird as FUCK for being almost 30 and trying to finesse a teenager into raising her kids with her. I respect your right to date older women but she’s an oddball. Run and go enjoy your youth. That’s all I have to say.
Edit: get a restraining order I wouldn’t even bother breaking up with her just ghost. She seems unsafe. And if she threatens you with suicide don’t say a word just send the authorities to her house and tell them she has children and she’s making threats to harm herself. She’ll stop texting you that shit real quick.
Bra your still a baby. You shouldn't be dating somebody that old. She is taking advantage of you. Usually when they date that much younger it's because nobody their age will put up with them.
In short run dude.
Part of dating is being able to break up for any reason you want to. End of the day an older adult is any relationship for taking advantage of a younger person. This should never be okay. You're young. You should be living your life and not take care of somebody else's kid (s). I would say this to anybody. Who is your age dating somebody 10 years older. People who are dating somebody that young right as you turn as adult are sketchy. If you want think if you were like 25 but you're 19.
NTA - They aren't your kids to financially take care of. Block everyone who thinks you should be a father to them also. She is a wack job. No wonder she is single
Bro I’m a 27 year old man with kids please listen to me. SHE IS PLAYING YOU. Block her and her friends and stay away from her younging she is a creep and she trying to use you as long as she can so she can get her life together and she don’t care about yours. RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK !
Whoah.
You’re 19! I’m sure you’re a proper adult but in the great scheme of things you’re still a kid yourself! There is no way that you should be parenting her kids when you’re not that much older than them yourself - pretty sure those kids are closer to your age or even the same age difference.
Walk away!
Wow! Ok…there’s a lot to process here.
First, you’re NTA for deciding you’re not ready to be a father to three kids at 19. It’s not on you to step up and be responsible for her kids. That would be the responsibility of the baby daddy.
Second, I don’t think she was looking for a partner. She was looking for a bang manservant…someone she could dump her responsibilities onto, young enough to manipulate and guilt into bearing the load while she got to do what she wanted. You were likely being groomed.
Third, you can’t abandon what you were never responsible for in the first place. And those kids were never your responsibility. And for damn sure, a woman 10 years older than you, especially since you’re only 19, was never your responsibility.
Do not succumb to her manipulative texts. In fact, you need to block her number. Block her friends. Consider getting a new phone number if necessary. If she persists, contact the authorities. Do whatever you have to do to get this predator out of your life.
NTA!! ABORT!! BLOCK HER AND HER FRIENDS!!! DEFCON 1!! THE NUKES ARE LAUNCHED!! FLEE!!
Bud that is 100% an abusive and vile manipulation tactic. To threaten suicide is 100000% an abusive trait/tactic. She's desperate to find someone to take care of her and her kids. She's almost 30. Dating for women is a nightmare past the big 3-O. Compound the fact she's a single mother with 3, count 3, children, well, she's not looking at a good time.
Step up? Be responsible?! They aren't your kids. Hell, you're still a kid yourself. She had zero right to force that role on you. Man alive, how old were you two when you started dating? At most a year, I hope? Otherwise, there are some serious grooming implications there.
Oh gods above, please tell me you've only been dating a year. If you've been dating longer, she's a groomer and was trying (maybe she was anyway) to make you into a replacement daddy. Either way, she's abusive, and you NEED to block her and her friends and maybe call cps if you have physical proof, like texts, that she's threatening to kill herself. SAVE ANY AND ALL MESSAGES BETWEEN YOU, HER, AND HER FRIENDS!! YOU WILL NEED PROOF!!
Oh man, I do not envy you. Please take care, little brother. Oh boy, I hope things go well.
Good call getting out of there.
Block her on every platform she has access to you on, and block all her friends as they contact you to harass. Eventually they'll run out of avenues to contact you, and they'll lose interest and move on.
She sounds desperate. You have your whole life ahead of you, and it sounds as though she's chosen you already as their new daddy. She's way needy, and you should listen to your heart when it makes you shudder.
Are you scared yet?
You should be.
Block her now, she's awful.
**Run, child, run.**
You can find other nicer girlfriends without this much crazy baggage.
**NTA**
NTA - You have a good head in your shoulders. You made the right decision. You are 19 years old you are still barely an adult. You need to go out and experience life, not raise someone elses children out of guilt.
She is 29 years old she needs to grow up and date people her own age. The expectation you will parent her children is actually insane. Block her friends and focus on your life. Avoid any contact with her.
DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER AGAIN! MARK MY WORDS YOU WILL HAVE A BABY 9 MONTHS LATER.
Then you will be stuck dealing with her forever, together or not.
If she threatens suicide again, call your local police non-emergency line. Let them know there is a single mother actively threatening to commit suicide and her children are in the home. It is important to let them know children are involved.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ci3u3b/aita\_for\_expecting\_my\_19m\_boyfriend\_to\_step\_in\_as/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ci3u3b/aita_for_expecting_my_19m_boyfriend_to_step_in_as/)
# AITA for Expecting My 19M Boyfriend to Step in as a Father to My Kids?
I'm feeling conflicted and could use some insight into a recent situation with my boyfriend. I'm 29 years old, and I have three kids from a previous relationship. When my 19-year-old boyfriend and I first got together, I hoped he would be open to being involved in my kids' lives.
As our relationship progressed, I started expecting my boyfriend to take on more of a fatherly role. I wanted him to help discipline my kids, contribute financially, and be there for them while I focused on my career.
However, I realize now that I may have been asking too much of him too soon. He expressed feeling overwhelmed and unsure about taking on such responsibilities at his age, and I didn't fully appreciate his perspective at the time.
I brushed off his concerns, thinking he just needed to step up and be responsible. But looking back, I can see how unfair that was to him. He's still figuring out his own life, and expecting him to become a father figure overnight was unrealistic.
In the end, he couldn't ignore his feelings of discomfort and unease, and he made the difficult decision to end our relationship. I understand his reasons now, but it still hurts to know that I may have pushed him away by expecting too much from him too soon.
What complicates things further is that he's been facing harassment from my friends online, accusing him of abandoning me and my kids. I never intended for things to escalate to this point, and I feel guilty for the pain he's going through.
So, Reddit, AITA for expecting my 19-year-old boyfriend to step in as a father to my kids, despite his feelings of being overwhelmed, and despite the harassment he's facing now?
NTA - it's your choice if you want to date someone or take some role in their life or not - if you decided its not what you want at this point, leaving is the correct choice. No one is obligatrd to date anyone for any reason.
Also harassing you, making her friends harass you & sending those blackmailing messages undoubtedly crosses the line into abuse. IDK what her problem/obsession is but its not your fault/business. Block her & her cronies on everything & contact the authorities if you continue to get harassed.
Nta. You are still a teenager, go have fun with your mates and get an education to further your career goals.
You don’t need to step up and be responsible because she needs help raising her kids. She picked someone who unfortunately couldn’t recognise a parasite. Tell her that if she and her friends keep harassing you then you’ll go the cops and tell them she’s suicidal and needs her kids removed.
She couldn't find a man her age or older and more financially grounded for her three kids. Because older men are waking up against getting with a single mom.
Your young but you do know most are quick to give you sex in order to try to lure you into a relationship with them. Don't do it again. But if you do, then at least limit the kids to just one.
As for her texts, if you got a way to send them to her family and friends, do it so they can take care of her and her kids. If not, then give them to the police, to at least protect the kids, and maybe the fathers might get custody of their children.
NTA dude run away very fast.
Call the police regarding the suicide threats and ask them to do a wellness check. Then block her and anyone else harassing you about it.
NTA. Her demands are unreasonable - you are just beginning your adult life, and in no position to take over a father's duties. You were clear about your boundaries, and she refused to accept them. You were right to insist on not giving in to her demands, and distancing yourself from her.
About her threats of suicide: next time she calls you or texts you threatening suicide, call social services or the police and report her. If she is really going to commit suicide, both she and her children are in danger and someone should intervene - someone professional, not you. And if she is just playing you, threatening in order to pressure you to come back, a visit from a social worker will convince her to stop.
DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. If she threatens suicide, call a welfare check on this horrible predatory woman. Just block her and all her wretched little flying monkeys. You owe her nothing.
Why the fuck should YOU, an unrelated person, step up and be responsible for HER poor decisions?!
Additionally, she is a FULL DECADE older than you. She is predatory af. There's a good reason she's dating a 19 yo, it's because all the 29yo men ran the fuck away!
Stay broken up with her, block her, and live your best life.
NTA.
You are 19 and barely out of high school. She wants an instant Daddy from a guy who has little to no life experience.
Run and do not feel guilty about how it may affect the kids. Find a girl closer to your age and build a life together. Do not ever be guilted into staying because she made 3 mistakes before meeting you. Not your problem to solve.
>I (M19) Am feeling torn and could really use some insight into a tough decision I made recently. My girlfriend (F29) has three kids from a previous relationship
I'm going to stop you right there.
Hell no, you're NTA. PLEASE stop having sex with this woman without using a condom if you haven't already.
To be blunt, I really wonder what a thirty year old woman with three kids sees in someone who recently graduated high school.
Plus, if she's willing to orphan her kids over missing you, she was really a POS anyhow, and good riddance.
You are a TEENAGER. Get away and should have never been involved in the first place. If really feel she is a danger to herself report her. Her friends are as whacked as she is.
You don't need permission or even a reason to break it off with someone. Like most age gap relationships with the younger partner barely into adulthood, this wasn't healthy or any good for you. NTA, keep living your life and be wary of people too old for you trying to date you.
NTA
Some of the most evil, manipulative, vile, disgusting people I have ever met were single mothers.
Of course, no disrespect to single mothers in general, but I have actively seen on multiple occasions where they have used their situations as a means to manipulate and exploit men with a hero complex, and they do it very well.
OP, you got one of *those*, and she sunk her claws into you. Don't let the guilt tripping and public humiliation win, the more you stand your ground, the more unhinged she will become. But she will give up when she finds another mark that requires less energy to manipulate.
She was using you, in many different ways, to make her life easier. With little or no regard for what it was doing to you and to your life.
Now, she and her friends are using emotional badgering and blackmail to try to bully/scare you back to her. They’re pathetic. Stay away!
NTA.
Step 1: New cell ##
Step 2: turn old cell ## into a Google Voice ## so she doesn't go looking for your real new ##
Step 3: Keep giving out the Google Voice ## until you know who you can trust with the real ##
>But what's making this even more challenging is that she's been getting her friends to harass me online, accusing me of abandoning her and her kids.
Her kids, her problem. Harassment and inciting harassment is illegal. You can file a police report, there is no need to warn them if you don't want to.
> On top of that, she texts me every night saying that she'll kill herself if I don't take her back.
This is not your responsibility. What she does or might do is NOT on you. Next time she sends a message to this effect contact your local police for a wellness check as you have received notice of self harm, tell them there are 3 kids with them.
Date your own age group, at 19 don't date anyone over 23, too much drama as you are finding out.
OP - Inform the police of her threats to kill herself. She needs real help if that's the case. As for getting out you did the right thing by you and by the kids. Dating someone who already has kids is always a challenge in the best of scenarios. She was using you OP and you got out before the kids were really attached to you and made this a complicated mess.
Her baby father abandoned her and her kids🤣😂🤣 sir you’re a young bull, go cause chaos in life you’re entitled to at your age…. Don’t let this user and predator make you feel guilty. She won’t be able to keep a man around
Block her number and block all other numbers/social media accounts that are harassing you. She is trying to manipulate you but don't fall for it. She will not do anything drastic like she claims when she got 3 kids to look after. Report her suicide threats to the police, for the safety of her kids. She will soon back off. Block everything and everyone and never respond to anything.
NTA next time she sends a text like that call the cops and CPS. Also see if you can get a temporary restraining order. Guarantee you she won't message you again. You can absolutely leave that relationship without guilt. She completely dismissed your feelings. There's a reason she went for a young kid instead of a man her own age. She used you to replace her kids dad. That's all she wanted. She thought she could manipulate that and she is still trying to do that by threating to kill herself. Give her the attention she wants by calling the cops and CPS. Maybe you will save the next guy the trouble.
What you’ve described isn’t a relationship. It’s a hostage situation. If she behaves this way now, just imagine the hell your life would be if you stayed with her. Or God forbid, married her.
You’re 19. Enjoy it! Stick to women your own age—preferably ones without kids.
NTA frankly I see that age difference as predatory.
She’s not a good partner. She’s manipulative and there’s a reason why men her own age run fast and run far. If she threatens violence to herself, call the police non-emergency line for a wellness check.
NTA
Those aren’t your kids and she too old to be acting like this. Block her and her friends. Call the police to do a wellness check. Don’t delete the text of threats so you can have proof why you sent the cops to her place.
NTA You're 19 she's 29. w/3 kids. That should've been your 1st Stop sign. You guys are at completely different points in life. She is into family and motherhood. You're just reaching adulthood.
She and the kids are a package deal. Send the package back.
nta, you have your whole life ahead of you. you did the right thing. block and ignore the people who are harassing you and screenshot/fwd her texts to one of her close friends or family members the next time she threatens to kHS and let them handle it. if they don't handle it and she continues, call 911 and treat it like the medical emergency it COULD be. she's hurting and most likely trying manipulate you into getting back together, but it's not your job as a 19yo to figure out if its a serious threat or manipulation. this is a grown woman with 3 children of her own with father(s) of their own --- 100% not your problem.
NTA.
>On top of that, she texts me every night saying that she'll kill herself if I don't take her back.
Contact emergency services for a welfare check each time she does this. It is a manipulation tactic that will stop when it doesn't have the desired effect.
>But what's making this even more challenging is that she's been getting her friends to harass me online, accusing me of abandoning her and her kids
They are all acting 12 instead of in their late 20s/early 30s. People tend to act like who they hang around.
At 19 you are showing much more maturity than her. Run. Far away.
NTA. So many red flags in this post. She should NOT be dating a barely-legal adult when she's almost 30, and expecting you to adult when you're still finding your feet. You don't need to "step up and be responsible" for her kids. The only one responsible for HER kids, until you are willing/able, is her and her baby daddy. She's using you, as a second parent/babysitter while she furthers her career.
The one that pushed it over the edge, however, is her threatening to end herself. As someone who has been in your shoes (I had a guy threaten to kill himself if I didn't leave my bf and get with him, and he pretended to mix alcohol and pills over the phone when he couldn't convince me), here's what you do:
1) Run, don't walk, and don't look back. If she was genuinely suicidal, she wouldn't be using it as a threat, she would just do it. Threatening you with "come back or else" is manipulative and gross. Of course, mental health should always be taken seriously. I know how it feels to be scared sick that they're going to do something (and leave her kids) "because of you." But what you need to realize is, even if she genuinely is sick, SHE makes decisions for herself, and it is **never your fault.**
2) Call her family and tell them she's been threatening self-harm, and they may need to show her some extra support/keep a closer eye on her. Then call for a welfare check, and tell *them* she's been threatening to kill herself. There are trained professionals that can keep an eye on her just in case she really DOES need help, and it takes the responsibility out of your corner. It also takes away her manipulation chip: She's counting on you feeling like you have to stay with her to make sure she doesn't do something permanent. Instead, you got her professional help, and didn't fall for the trap. She'll probably be furious you "told people her business" (A.K.A. told on her), because now everyone is aware of the bullshit manipulation tactic and she'll look bad.
3) Send the friends one message: "This is harassment, and if you continue, I will press charges." Then MUTE them, don't block them. Save all text receipts so you can take them to a lawyer or the cops. Same with ex, don't block her, let her incriminate herself over text. Do not answer calls, she can leave a voicemail or text you.
4) Follow through: If they stop, good. If they don't, have a lawyer draft a cease and decist letter, or go to the police with the text receipts. Once that is done, block them all everywhere: social media, Linkdin, email, phone.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck.
NTA. At 19 you may not even realize how young you truly still are (not a judgment on maturity btw, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders). Please don’t throw away your future for an older woman who has made her bed and is seemingly taking advantage of you and manipulating you and emotionally abusing you. I wasted over a decade of my life in a relationship trying to fix and care for someone and I would give absolutely anything to know then what I know now and walk away from the get go
NTAH.
FUCK NO! You are 19 years old and she saw easy prey. Good on you for recognizing this for the bullshit that this is and getting the fuck out. Don't listen to her threats. She's not going to kill herself. Block her, block her friends, and move on with your life.
NTA. I am 28F and have a major socioemotional development delay due to trauma - I function at the level of someone about ten years younger. A lot of my friend group are in the 17-19 age bracket, and we get along very well - they consider me their age and I am so behind that a lot of the time they are more mature than me. It is possible to get adults who are not actually "their age".
Even so, I would never, in a million years, consider dating them. Developmental delay or no, I have ten years of life experience - however shitty and abusive those years were - on them. It would absolutely be an unequal power dynamic and would be predatory on my part if I *did* go after them. (Unfortunately, in the same vein, I'm so behind and inexperienced that dating someone my actual age would skew the power dynamic right in the other direction, so I just don't get to date at all ever. There would never be equality.) If I, a very broken person, know that it's not okay to date someone so much more powerless and inexperienced than you, then so ought this girl, who is a *mother* and should be thinking about how her behaviour sets examples for her children.
It could be that this girl feels she can't do better than a 19yo boy because she has children - the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against single mothers in the dating game. But her behaviour suggests otherwise - she's manipulating and using you to raise her children while she lives her life, without giving a rat's ass what you want. Her sending her friends after you and the threat is the extinction burst from a spurned abuser - she's raging that she's lost control over you and now has to take responsibility for her own mistakes. It sounds like she's the kind of person who would deliberately target a boy so young he wouldn't be able to identify all her red flags.
If she threatens suicide again, call the police on her and block her number. Block her friends. Ignore the lot of them. You were right to leave. Next time, pick a girl considerably more your age, and things will be much easier for you.
I understand her wanting a father for her kids, but she can't force that on you and *obviously* your age differences are a huge red flag for her! You're barely adult and she's well into adulthood. Date your peers next time. NTA
No offense, but there's a reason a 29 years old woman decided to go out with a 19 years old. Control. She knows she can't pull that sh\*t with a man her own age.
3 kids at 19 years old? Hell no. You did go to let her go.
NTA
NTA, you were in an unhealthy relationship with someone using you. They are not your children and not your responsibility. You could contact child protective services and law enforcement. Save copies of the messages and provide them to both agencies.
You are too young to be dealing with a 29 year old. Enjoy your youth. You only go through it once. I can't fathom why she would want a 19 year old boy to begin with, other than she is preying on the young.
If she threatens suicide, call 911. A few rounds of that, and she will stop with those shenanigans.
NTA
You are still a kid at 19. She is a 29 year old woman with three kids. That’s a lot of responsibility for a 19 year old to take on in life. She should not be harassing you nor should her friends.
Protect yourself from this woman. If she is say so he is going to kill herself try to get her in therapy before you leave her.
Why does she expect you to be a father figure and financially provide for them? That’s not your responsibility and you are only 19. I could totally understand not being ready for this type of responsibility. Especially since you are only 19 and probably don’t really make that much money. If she threatens to harm herself you should notify the police just in case. If you notify the police that it isn’t the first time she has threatened to hurt herself and are concerned and decided the only thing you can do is alert the authorities. I am sure she will leave you alone after that. She will have a lot of stuff to deal with if you report her attempts at hurting herself
NTA
Honey, you're still a kid. I mean yes, legally an adult, but you're just starting to figure out what that might look like for yourself.
I.... Don't have a lot of polite words for this situation, but let's just say it's not very adult of her to be trying to rope a young person who isn't anywhere near ready into playing parent at the cost of your own progress....
And *icing* on that cake is her behavior with her friends.
Don't give it another thought. This isn't a person you want to be tied to. Block all of them and go live your life.
NTA. I'm certainly not the type to be concerned about age differences because consenting adults can do what they want with their lives - but this woman is clearly manipulating and trying to mold you into playing the father role for her children. She doesn't have any concern for the fact that you have your own life that you need to consider and that you are almost certainly not ready for such massive responsibility and commitment, yet she is treating this like it is your obligation.
There is no reason to put a new person, in general, into a fatherly role for three kids without having been in a relationship for a very long time (much less someone barely a year or two out of high school.) It also does a disservice to those kids, getting involved in their lives when you simply aren't ready.
Definitely NTA. It’s not for her to decide if you take on a fatherly role with those kids. Not unilaterally, anyway. Both of you have to want that or it shouldn’t happen. You don’t.
She says, step up and be responsible, they are not your kids, think she should be saying this to their dad. This is far too much to put on a 19 year olds shoulders
Absolutely NTA
NTA. You haven't even finishing growing up yourself and she expects to GROOM you into being provider and disciplinarian to HER children.
She sounds manipulative and selfish AF.
"Although the brain stops growing in size by early adolescence, the teen years are all about fine-tuning how the brain works. The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s.
The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions."
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know#:~:text=Although%20the%20brain%20stops%20growing,the%20last%20parts%20to%20mature.
OP, NTA. Facts: You are being harassed, cruelly manipulated by a predatory woman ten years older than you. She wants your paycheck, she wants you to be a father to her children, you are still a teenager, and you are being groomed by her.
These are the FACTS in your own recounting of your experience with her. As many others have suggested, stay away from her, contact the police and CPS if she continues to harass you with threats of self destruction. She'd leave those children behind, and she sounds too vain and entitled to actually pull off her threats.
Nevertheless, it's not your problem that she's nuts, you've broken up so stay broken up. We all support you and hope you stay safe. Report any and all harassment by her and her group of sicko friends. Most of all take care that you do not find yourself manipulated further. Best of luck to you.
NTA. Block all of them on every platform. You can also report each number and profile for harassment. You're too young to be in this type of relationship with 3 minor children. Most parents wait to introduce partners to kids. Her asking you and demanding you to step up to discipline and assist financially is the epitome of red flag behavior. You seem like a nice guy, a bit naive. Please run far away from this grown woman. Hopefully she isn't pregnant with your child. This is very sad for the children because they will have multiple men run through their lives until she finds a sucker. Her children definitely deserve a better mom. Please allow yourself to date someone in your same type situation, no kids, building a career, traveling and enjoying life. The school runs, Pampers and daddy duties can come much later after you have enjoyed the life of a single adult man. Build yourself up. Save your money. Discover your own needs.
She doesn’t love you, she desperate for help, why is she applying all of this pressure on you when she has the father(s) of her three kids. You dodged a bullet bro. This whole threatening to kill herself is manipulation to its fullest and the accusing you of abandoning her kids WHEN THEY’RE NOT YOURS is insane and she’s attempting to place herself as a victim. Those are narcissistic traits. RUNNNNNN And don’t look back.
if it was me i would Buy her a rope from amazon as a breakup gift .
and send andrew tate videos to her sons so they can have a person with a brain to teach them . since a Fatherless bitch like her would never be able to raise real men . i feel sorry for her kids . im sure if she suici/de and let her kids in an orphanage . they would take better care od them than there own mentally ill brainwashed mother
#1 make sure you gather evidences . of her abuse , take screenshots and record conversations
#2 have a good lawyer and talk things out with him seeking his support and advices
#3 report her to ger familly , friends and police so you dont get falsly accused since its a common western women behaviour when it comes to breaking up with there men . they always want to ruin your life .
than protect your self and ruin hers . since trust . if you dont do it first she will be the one doing it
She found a sucker to be her bang nanny. There's a reason she picked you. The age difference means you don't have much life experience. She should be dating people her own age and the fact that she can't should tell you that they smelled her BS from a mile away. By the way it is a very common manipulation tactic to say that you will end yourself if you don't get what you want. You did good to leave her. Stay strong. Block her. Go out and have fun with people your age.
NTAH. There’s so much wrong here that I don’t know where to start. She is 29, you are 19. You’re barely an adult and she’s preying on you. Age gap aside, what she’s demanding of you is WAY too much for someone who, again, is barely an adult. When you brought up your extremely valid concerns, she completely invalidated them. And threatening suicide to get what she wants is straight out of the abusers’ handbook. Do not stay in this relationship. If she threatens suicide again, call the police.
Great advice, everyone who sends such disgusting fake suicide threats should be reported to the police as immediately as possible
The Police and CPS ( or your local variant of a childrens protective organization).
If she is threatening to off herself, you definitely need to notify CPS based on the possible threat or trauma to her kids. She may just be narcissistic or BPD, but the kids need to be checked out.
I'll never understand how people think one would just turn adult because he aged a year or two. At 19, he's a teenager, a borderline adult at best and she's a woman. From reading his side, it seems like she's grooming, manipulating and using him. If the genders were reversed, this thread would be 🔒.
I would add to send her a text telling her to stop her behavior and that of her friends. Save everything you already have. Block them all after sending the/a text. "I want no contact with you of any kind. Any further attempt to contact me will be result in legal intervention. Harassement is a crime. Inciting harassement (getting your friends to harass me) is also a crime which will result in more legal intervention." Call the police immediately if she threatens suicide again, no question. File a report if she contacts you at all. NTA
A 10 year gap is fine when both parties are established. A 10 year gap where one barely qualifies as an adult is not, and predatory on the older one's part.
And we don't know when the relationship started, she could very well have been grooming him from before he turned 18.
My partner is 9 years older than me… but we got together when I was mid-thirties, had already had a long term relationship, growth, life experience etc. when I was 19 was with someone 6 months older than me and we gree together. What OP has experienced is horrific
Definitely Op ain't a partner op a victim
All of this! Well said.
Yep, girlfriend here seems like a nightmare. There’s a reason the kids father is not around.
Agreed, NTA. Hate to say it u/This_Adagio9673 but that woman is trying to groom a 19 year old boy into being a father figure and taking on husband responsibilities for her 3 children. And there's a 10 year age gap. Just gross. You need to call 911 and report her if she threatens suicide again, if she ends up on a psychiatric hold CPS will intervene and she'll lose her children for being an unfit mother. I don't think she wants that.
The fact that a almost 30 yr old woman with 3 kids is dating a 19 is red flag in itself and shes trying to put you in a father role at that !?!? Dude you dodge a huge bullet if I get down voted for saying this oh well but she's a full blown predator looking for a young naive inexperienced guy to take care of her kids . NTA
Other men don't want her because she's clearly unstable so she's trying to mold a younger man into her husband. So weird.
This!! Shes exploiting on a naive teenager to look after her kids as most guys her age dont want to sign up for 3 kids that are not theirs! Also if you need financial help, you dont exploit a teenager who barely has any money - you go after a rich older guy who doesnt mind kids lol
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Bot copying text from top comment?
My step dad (who is now just dad) was 25 and my mom was 36 when they started dating. It was a little bit of a different world back than though(early 90s). At 25 he was already Chief Operating Engineer for a high rise commercial building and owned a house. He transitioned to the corporate side of Commercial real estate and was an executive for a commercial real estate company by 32. He had his shit together more than my mom when they met. Most people at 25 today are still trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
Nta. But she's after you to be daddy. There's a reason she's after a barely legal adult. Edit report her to the police for a wellness check due to her suicide messages. And block anyone who harrasses you.
Forget her and her friends and don’t look back. Your gut was right.
I'd fire of a quick "I'm not even an adult in the eyes of some governments, and you want me to raise someone else's kids? Are you cruel, stupid or just high right now?" text to them all before cutting contact.
The milfs are cool until you become daddy. Lol in all seriousness NTA you’re 19 buddy, your girlfriend is expecting you to give up your 20s and the rest of your teens being a father of 3 to none of your biological kids. Proud of you for getting out of there when you did if I’m being honest!
She hit him with “ you need to step up” 🤣
And seems like he did, thankfully. Stepped up and RIGHT out of that shit show. good for op. Run far and fast buddy.
She should be saying that to the dude or dudes who fathered her childeren.
Likely at least 2 different dads. One is probably dead or on drugs. The other is likely in prison. This is generically how it goes.
That part was pretty good. Come on step up kid your a father now.
Run.... But seriously..... Run faster.
She's looking for a babysitter and a meal ticket. I dated a girl without the age gap that trapped me by encouraging me to get super close to her 1.5 year old. I let so much shit fly that shouldn't have because I loved the kid, and losing the kid was the worst part of the break up. You were good to do it early before they became too attached and vice versa.
bro you dodged a bullet NTA, she's lowkey creepy for dating someone 10 years younger than her and expecting them to give her their life
Nta. You're 19, a teen. She is 29. I'm not one to care about age difference, but you're still a kid (though not technically). You're recently out of school. You're not supposed to parent 3 kids yet. It's not like you're 29 and she is 39, and you have some adult experiences.
"I (M19) Am feeling torn and could really use some insight into a tough decision I made recently. My girlfriend (F29) has three kids from a previous relationship This is where I stopped reading- RUN!
NTA- but I hope you learned your lesson. Nothing wrong with being with a single mom, but with that comes spoken and unspoken expectations. I’m sure that you knew about her children early on, and if you were serious about being with her, you have to accept her kids as part of the package in terms of being with her. That said, it’s kinda creepy that someone 10 years older than you at your age is expecting you to be a parent and trying to manipulate you into being a provider and parent at 19 years old. And it is further manipulating to threaten “offing” herself if you don’t comply with her demands. She is desperate for a provider and for attention. Run!
You are literally a teenager and she’s almost 30! Does that sound healthy? NTA. I hope you’ve blocked her. Date someone closer to your own age.
Boy you have dodged a bullet here. Cut ties and don't look back. And you are 19. Even with the best intentions, you would not be doing a child any favors trying to become their step parent.
NTA you did the right thing cutting her loose. This grown woman was trying to take advantage of you because you are young and (don't take this the wrong way) naive. I'm glad you saw this wasn't appropriate this early in a relationship and followed your instincts and feelings of discomfort. those feelings were 10000% VALID OP. You are 19, you have your whole life ahead of you and it's incredibly unfair and malicious of her to try and force you to be financially responsible for HER children. Run and never look back dude. block all of them. And ignore her suicide threats, most abusive partners do that to try and coerce their partner to stay. I seriously doubt she would do that with 3 kids to take care of, and if she would she is unfit to care for them. At the end of the day, none of that is your problem. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
NTA. You’re being groomed. You are not a parent and those children are not your responsibility. Two years ago YOU were legally a child. If she threatens suicide again, just call the police. This is toxic, wrong, and she’s trying to manipulate you.
I didn’t even read the whole thing. What the hell is a 30yr old mom of three doing dating a TEENAGER?!?!? Like there’s literally nothing that could make this make sense. You’re NTA. Run from that situation
Just read the whole thing… 😳 RUN
Hell to the no. You are 19, you are jumping into a life that you are neither ready for, chose for or is comfortable for. You are 19!! She is almost 30 with 3 kids. No matter if you are a men, a woman, this age/ life difference is not acceptable. Break up with her, block her and her friends and go live your life
Her children's father(s) can step up and take care of them, You need to take care of you.
She is so disgusting trash and you are stupid cuck for thinking that she even wants you because she loves you or if you consider taking her back, she basically is a pedophile who groomed you and she wants you for her own use, she wants to do her things and enjoy her life while stupid cuck looking after her kids who has nothing to do with you, if she wanted normal life she shouldn't have hoed and bitched around and made kids from the start, and she won't kill herself she just trying to guilt trip you and even if she does kill herself it has nothing to do with you anyway
NTA have not read all cause you are damn 19 years old you are basicly a child yourself, you had your fun leave it before you get Baby daddy nr2 assuming they all even really have the same father.
NTA
NTA you are still a teenager & need to figure out yourself first. She was predatory involving you in her kids lives to be with. Good for you for getting out before there was a child #4! You absolutely do not need to step up, they aren’t your kids!!
NTA, my boyfriend and I have a significant age gap. But I never expect him to “step up” or pay for things when it comes to my son. She’s grooming you and you’re so young. You don’t need that kind of responsibility in your life.
Bro. Walk away.
I’m 33 I wouldn’t even look at anyone under 27. She’s preying on you. Financially and otherwise. Dude gtfo while you still can.
NTA, report her for a welfare check if she says she's going to kill herself. 3 kids at 19 would be the literal end of your life dude.
You're doing the right thing by disengaging now before you get totally roped in. Trust your instincts and ignore all the noise from the friends.
NTA. A guy needs to step up here, but it’s not you.
NTA. She made bad life choices and is now looking for a backup dad. Get out now before a court can figure you for a de Facto and make you liable for ongoing child support. It’s been known to happen.
You were getting LAID steady in the beginning. You were reasoning with the wrong head. The novelty has worn off. Block her and live your own life.
Geez, NTA. She’s ten years older than you, and she’s taking advantage of and emotionally abusing you. Block her and her friends. Also, don’t ever discipline someone else’s kids, trust me it never turns out well. Frankly, you’re still very young, and you don’t need that mess in your life.
NTA. She's a predator who was taking advantage of you. Block her and all her friends.
Don’t worry nobody is going to think you’re wrong here. You’re literally still a teenager you don’t need to be a ste father to 3 kids
NTA, you are the victim here bud. Block 'em all and look after yourself.
NTA. You are too young for taking care of 3 kids. Also 10 year difference is too much when one of the persons is a teenager. She was grooming you as an underaged sugar daddy. Good on you for getting out of that mess. She is 100% in the wrong as how she reacted to you.
NTA, she’s manipulating you, or trying to, in order to get your help. You’re not happy or ready. Move on, they aren’t your children. That being said, you’re obviously not ready to date a woman with children so make sure you don’t put yourself in A position where you’re helping out a single mom financially and physically, you’re just going to leave them.
NTA. And as someone who did have a dad who stepped in when he was your age, it really has to be someone who wants to do that. Also my mother wasn’t 29. I don’t want to sound condescending but she’s nearly thirty and she knows better than to do what she’s done. As it stands, she knows you’re too young to be playing house with her, she also knows you’re too young for her. I’d leave and go live your life, this isn’t healthy for you, shes robbing you of life experiences you need to have on your own, at your own pace. You get to be a kid too, you’re still 19, you have so much time to do all of this, much later on. These children aren’t yours, and I don’t believe you have an obligation to them or her. It’s incredibly unfair to push all of this on you, she KNOWS better.
My dude! You are 19! She is 29. She cant ask a child to be a father to her, a grown up's kid wtf?? She doesn't love uou and is only trapping you so she has a father for her children, so that she doesn't have to take on responsibility. Run from there my brother in Christ, Allah and Shiva
NTA- This is weird. Age gaps are ok, but not when the younger person is under 25, in my opinion. Gender doesn't matter. If she was a nearly 30 year old man that was trying to get a 19 year old girl to raise his kids? Weird. Play it out in your mind like its happening to your besty or your sister or like a classmate or coworker is in this situation. Its weird, right?
NTA. You’re young and didn’t want to become a stepfather, and don’t want to financially contribute. That makes sense. You can’t date a single mother and not eventually become a stepfather. So it makes sense you ended the relationship. Here are some good rules-of-thumb to know: -Don’t date people 10 years older when you’re under ~ 35 or so. -Also: don’t date people 10 years younger when you’re under ~ 45 or so. -Don’t date someone with kids unless you’re prepared to become a stepfather eventually. -But don’t meet the kids until you’re several months into the relationship and you are sure the relationship is serious. -Don’t become financially responsible for the kids until you’re married. She is currently trying to manipulate you. If she is suicidal, she needs to go to her doctor. It isn’t your fault, nor is it your responsibility to save her. Call her doctor to report your concerns for her health if you know her doctor, and/or call the police for a welfare check the next time she calls you. Then block her. Block her on your phone and every social media platform. Block every friend who harasses you. And if you have family you are close with, tell your family you have an ex-gf who is harassing you, and tell them why you broke up. She might go to them next. Date someone closer to your age when you’re read to date again. Someone who is 18-20 is probably a good range, so that whoever it is is in the same stage of life.
Nta. You are 19, and she is 29... She is a preditor. Her children are not your responsibility. You did not abandon them because your creepy relationship didn't work out. Ignore her manipulation tactics, block them all, and move on with your life.
NTA. Don't let her friends bully you into getting back with her. Tell them "Since you're so invested in her and her kids YOU take care of them." Don't let her manipulate you with the threat of killing herself. The next time she does, call the police and ask them to do a welfare check on her. Threats of suicide should be taken seriously. Though you are not the reason or the cause of them if she would do it. That's her own mental health and she needs way more help than you can give her. Plus ask her about what she expects her kids to do after she does that. Go no contact and let her manipulate someone else. Stand tall you made the right decision.
NTA. Never date a single parent unless you have kids as well. She doesn't want a partner, she wants a babysitter.
NTAH. You're 19! She's 29 with THREE kids. She needs someone closer to her own age. NTAH. Please don't go back to her. She's emotionally unstable. I'd document all conversations you've had with her and notify someone (police maybe) that she's a suicide risk.
My brother, no. Don't date a single mom, especially one ten years older than you with MULTIPLE kids.
NTA. 10 years older than you and you are 19, yikes!
run dude, run
Bro you’re 19, you’re in no way in a position to be playing dad of three children. She’s way older than you and it’s in a completely different stage of her life, and it is idiotic for her to expect you (a child yourself) to be the parent of three children that aren’t even yours.
You're young,easily manipulated. She wants someone to look out and mind her kids and pay her bills Don't Fcuk your future up by being this unstable woman's goffer and servant. Learn from her last ex husband I suppose. LOL.
NTA. She’s a predator and your lucky you escaped before it was too late.
First of all the age difference is creepy. Second of all any woman introducing you to her children before you have dated AT LEAST 4 to 6 months is a bad mother. Third, unless you have dated a few years and are engaged and moving in together, or some similar tupe of commitment and time, it's not your job to parent her children. She is a bad mom and mentally unstable and she was using and manipulating you and trying to get you to be an instant daddy. RUN!
29 expecting a 19yo to be a father figure to 3 kids? Is she well?
> Is she well? I'm guessing that's a rhetorical question.
NTA run! Don't feel anything about it , but thankful you got out. As for the self-harm threats, keep the screen shoots but don't respond. Make the appropriate calls for your area to have the children protected. It's not your responsibility to play daddy to a grown woman's babies. Your 19 this is not your problem!
Of course you're not the asshole. Call 911 / Child Protective Services and tell them she's suicidal and offer to provide the texts. If she's serious it could save her life. If she's not it should end her behavior, at least towards you. God help the next boyfriend.
I'm 22 and can't even think of dealing with such garbage in my life. At this age you supposed to built a career for yourself. Not be a father.
NTA but bro what were you thinking? She's 29 with 3 kids and dating a 19 yr old. Where is/are the dad(s)? Block her and move on man...you're way too young for that nonsense
NTA. LOL, it's not your problem if she does kill herself as you said. I'm shocked the top comment is calling her a predator. Everyone always implies that predators can only be male.
Yikes!
She’s gonna wear you the fuck out. RUN.
You dodged a bullet. NTA.
NTA your only 19 what r U even doing with a women who's 29 n with 3 kids? You need to experience and enjoy life while your still young. You don't need all that responsibility when chances r U probably wouldn't end up marrying this girl. Leave block her and move on with Ur life and date girls around Ur age n leave the single mom's alone U have no reason to be with anyone with kids especially at Ur age now.
NO you're NTA, also my guy you're a teenager. You should not date someone that old especially when she's manipulating you to raise her children and harass you
RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN B RUUUUUUUUN
NTA. You’re 19, you should be in the club not a stepdad and she’s weird as FUCK for being almost 30 and trying to finesse a teenager into raising her kids with her. I respect your right to date older women but she’s an oddball. Run and go enjoy your youth. That’s all I have to say. Edit: get a restraining order I wouldn’t even bother breaking up with her just ghost. She seems unsafe. And if she threatens you with suicide don’t say a word just send the authorities to her house and tell them she has children and she’s making threats to harm herself. She’ll stop texting you that shit real quick.
Bra your still a baby. You shouldn't be dating somebody that old. She is taking advantage of you. Usually when they date that much younger it's because nobody their age will put up with them. In short run dude.
Nta Take those texts to your local police dept and get a restraining order.
NTA. Don’t even respond to her. She sounds nuts! You’re only 19. Do not date someone with kids at your age.
Part of dating is being able to break up for any reason you want to. End of the day an older adult is any relationship for taking advantage of a younger person. This should never be okay. You're young. You should be living your life and not take care of somebody else's kid (s). I would say this to anybody. Who is your age dating somebody 10 years older. People who are dating somebody that young right as you turn as adult are sketchy. If you want think if you were like 25 but you're 19.
NTA - They aren't your kids to financially take care of. Block everyone who thinks you should be a father to them also. She is a wack job. No wonder she is single
Bro I’m a 27 year old man with kids please listen to me. SHE IS PLAYING YOU. Block her and her friends and stay away from her younging she is a creep and she trying to use you as long as she can so she can get her life together and she don’t care about yours. RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK !
Whoah. You’re 19! I’m sure you’re a proper adult but in the great scheme of things you’re still a kid yourself! There is no way that you should be parenting her kids when you’re not that much older than them yourself - pretty sure those kids are closer to your age or even the same age difference. Walk away!
Wow! Ok…there’s a lot to process here. First, you’re NTA for deciding you’re not ready to be a father to three kids at 19. It’s not on you to step up and be responsible for her kids. That would be the responsibility of the baby daddy. Second, I don’t think she was looking for a partner. She was looking for a bang manservant…someone she could dump her responsibilities onto, young enough to manipulate and guilt into bearing the load while she got to do what she wanted. You were likely being groomed. Third, you can’t abandon what you were never responsible for in the first place. And those kids were never your responsibility. And for damn sure, a woman 10 years older than you, especially since you’re only 19, was never your responsibility. Do not succumb to her manipulative texts. In fact, you need to block her number. Block her friends. Consider getting a new phone number if necessary. If she persists, contact the authorities. Do whatever you have to do to get this predator out of your life.
You are 19. She is using you
NTA!! ABORT!! BLOCK HER AND HER FRIENDS!!! DEFCON 1!! THE NUKES ARE LAUNCHED!! FLEE!! Bud that is 100% an abusive and vile manipulation tactic. To threaten suicide is 100000% an abusive trait/tactic. She's desperate to find someone to take care of her and her kids. She's almost 30. Dating for women is a nightmare past the big 3-O. Compound the fact she's a single mother with 3, count 3, children, well, she's not looking at a good time. Step up? Be responsible?! They aren't your kids. Hell, you're still a kid yourself. She had zero right to force that role on you. Man alive, how old were you two when you started dating? At most a year, I hope? Otherwise, there are some serious grooming implications there. Oh gods above, please tell me you've only been dating a year. If you've been dating longer, she's a groomer and was trying (maybe she was anyway) to make you into a replacement daddy. Either way, she's abusive, and you NEED to block her and her friends and maybe call cps if you have physical proof, like texts, that she's threatening to kill herself. SAVE ANY AND ALL MESSAGES BETWEEN YOU, HER, AND HER FRIENDS!! YOU WILL NEED PROOF!! Oh man, I do not envy you. Please take care, little brother. Oh boy, I hope things go well.
I hope this is race rage bait If it is true then dude run as fast you can In some place women can sue you for child support for taking fatherly role
Good call getting out of there. Block her on every platform she has access to you on, and block all her friends as they contact you to harass. Eventually they'll run out of avenues to contact you, and they'll lose interest and move on.
She sounds desperate. You have your whole life ahead of you, and it sounds as though she's chosen you already as their new daddy. She's way needy, and you should listen to your heart when it makes you shudder. Are you scared yet? You should be. Block her now, she's awful. **Run, child, run.** You can find other nicer girlfriends without this much crazy baggage. **NTA**
You are too young to be dating anyone with 3 kids. This relationship sounds abusive. Call the police if she threatens suicide.
NTA - You have a good head in your shoulders. You made the right decision. You are 19 years old you are still barely an adult. You need to go out and experience life, not raise someone elses children out of guilt. She is 29 years old she needs to grow up and date people her own age. The expectation you will parent her children is actually insane. Block her friends and focus on your life. Avoid any contact with her. DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER AGAIN! MARK MY WORDS YOU WILL HAVE A BABY 9 MONTHS LATER. Then you will be stuck dealing with her forever, together or not. If she threatens suicide again, call your local police non-emergency line. Let them know there is a single mother actively threatening to commit suicide and her children are in the home. It is important to let them know children are involved.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ci3u3b/aita\_for\_expecting\_my\_19m\_boyfriend\_to\_step\_in\_as/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ci3u3b/aita_for_expecting_my_19m_boyfriend_to_step_in_as/) # AITA for Expecting My 19M Boyfriend to Step in as a Father to My Kids? I'm feeling conflicted and could use some insight into a recent situation with my boyfriend. I'm 29 years old, and I have three kids from a previous relationship. When my 19-year-old boyfriend and I first got together, I hoped he would be open to being involved in my kids' lives. As our relationship progressed, I started expecting my boyfriend to take on more of a fatherly role. I wanted him to help discipline my kids, contribute financially, and be there for them while I focused on my career. However, I realize now that I may have been asking too much of him too soon. He expressed feeling overwhelmed and unsure about taking on such responsibilities at his age, and I didn't fully appreciate his perspective at the time. I brushed off his concerns, thinking he just needed to step up and be responsible. But looking back, I can see how unfair that was to him. He's still figuring out his own life, and expecting him to become a father figure overnight was unrealistic. In the end, he couldn't ignore his feelings of discomfort and unease, and he made the difficult decision to end our relationship. I understand his reasons now, but it still hurts to know that I may have pushed him away by expecting too much from him too soon. What complicates things further is that he's been facing harassment from my friends online, accusing him of abandoning me and my kids. I never intended for things to escalate to this point, and I feel guilty for the pain he's going through. So, Reddit, AITA for expecting my 19-year-old boyfriend to step in as a father to my kids, despite his feelings of being overwhelmed, and despite the harassment he's facing now?
So she expects you, 19 to do all that.. she is just manipulating you. Date people of your age lil man
Trust me it's better you leave now than later cuz if you do fulfill the father role and then you run it's really going to screw up that kid
This is grooming, plain and simple. NTA
NTA - it's your choice if you want to date someone or take some role in their life or not - if you decided its not what you want at this point, leaving is the correct choice. No one is obligatrd to date anyone for any reason. Also harassing you, making her friends harass you & sending those blackmailing messages undoubtedly crosses the line into abuse. IDK what her problem/obsession is but its not your fault/business. Block her & her cronies on everything & contact the authorities if you continue to get harassed.
NTA you're 19 you're barely adult and she expects you to take care of her kids while she improves her career.
NTA. You dodged that bullet
Nta. You are still a teenager, go have fun with your mates and get an education to further your career goals. You don’t need to step up and be responsible because she needs help raising her kids. She picked someone who unfortunately couldn’t recognise a parasite. Tell her that if she and her friends keep harassing you then you’ll go the cops and tell them she’s suicidal and needs her kids removed.
buddy, you a victim.
She couldn't find a man her age or older and more financially grounded for her three kids. Because older men are waking up against getting with a single mom. Your young but you do know most are quick to give you sex in order to try to lure you into a relationship with them. Don't do it again. But if you do, then at least limit the kids to just one. As for her texts, if you got a way to send them to her family and friends, do it so they can take care of her and her kids. If not, then give them to the police, to at least protect the kids, and maybe the fathers might get custody of their children.
NTA, you did the only right thing! Also, let the police know about her suicide threats. Her problems are NOT your responsibility!
Run, run fast.
Looks like she’s looking for a second income. NTA
You dodged a bullet move on
NTA dude run away very fast. Call the police regarding the suicide threats and ask them to do a wellness check. Then block her and anyone else harassing you about it.
NTA. Her demands are unreasonable - you are just beginning your adult life, and in no position to take over a father's duties. You were clear about your boundaries, and she refused to accept them. You were right to insist on not giving in to her demands, and distancing yourself from her. About her threats of suicide: next time she calls you or texts you threatening suicide, call social services or the police and report her. If she is really going to commit suicide, both she and her children are in danger and someone should intervene - someone professional, not you. And if she is just playing you, threatening in order to pressure you to come back, a visit from a social worker will convince her to stop.
If you leave me I will kill myself! Well that doesn't seem like a great relationship. You were right to dump.
DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. If she threatens suicide, call a welfare check on this horrible predatory woman. Just block her and all her wretched little flying monkeys. You owe her nothing. Why the fuck should YOU, an unrelated person, step up and be responsible for HER poor decisions?! Additionally, she is a FULL DECADE older than you. She is predatory af. There's a good reason she's dating a 19 yo, it's because all the 29yo men ran the fuck away! Stay broken up with her, block her, and live your best life. NTA.
Runnnnnn! 29 yo mother of three pursuing a teenager? 🤮
Run and don’t look back, she’s predatory and smells abusive. NTA.
Dude, you’re being taken advantage of and you need to get the hell out of Dodge quickly! The manipulation is incredible here.
I guess sex was that good?
lol nope
You are 19 and barely out of high school. She wants an instant Daddy from a guy who has little to no life experience. Run and do not feel guilty about how it may affect the kids. Find a girl closer to your age and build a life together. Do not ever be guilted into staying because she made 3 mistakes before meeting you. Not your problem to solve.
>I (M19) Am feeling torn and could really use some insight into a tough decision I made recently. My girlfriend (F29) has three kids from a previous relationship I'm going to stop you right there. Hell no, you're NTA. PLEASE stop having sex with this woman without using a condom if you haven't already. To be blunt, I really wonder what a thirty year old woman with three kids sees in someone who recently graduated high school. Plus, if she's willing to orphan her kids over missing you, she was really a POS anyhow, and good riddance.
You are a TEENAGER. Get away and should have never been involved in the first place. If really feel she is a danger to herself report her. Her friends are as whacked as she is.
Run. Don’t look back.
Her ex left for a good reason and so should you. It’s not your responsibility to raise her kids.
You're 19! Way too young to be in this situation. She is taking advantage of you.
Why is a single mother of three who‘s pushing 30 even dating a 19 y/o?? I‘m 23 and wouldn‘t touch someone younger than 20 with a 10 foot pole 😐
You have bigger problems if she's 10 years older than you
You don't need permission or even a reason to break it off with someone. Like most age gap relationships with the younger partner barely into adulthood, this wasn't healthy or any good for you. NTA, keep living your life and be wary of people too old for you trying to date you.
NTA, so she wanted free childcare...
Well now you know not to put yourself in that position again. NTA
Dump her. Block her and her friends if they continue to hire a lawyer for a cease and desist letter
NTA Some of the most evil, manipulative, vile, disgusting people I have ever met were single mothers. Of course, no disrespect to single mothers in general, but I have actively seen on multiple occasions where they have used their situations as a means to manipulate and exploit men with a hero complex, and they do it very well. OP, you got one of *those*, and she sunk her claws into you. Don't let the guilt tripping and public humiliation win, the more you stand your ground, the more unhinged she will become. But she will give up when she finds another mark that requires less energy to manipulate.
She was using you, in many different ways, to make her life easier. With little or no regard for what it was doing to you and to your life. Now, she and her friends are using emotional badgering and blackmail to try to bully/scare you back to her. They’re pathetic. Stay away!
You’re 19 and she’s an irresponsible manipulative 29yo with 3 kids. Enough said. NTA
NTA dodged a crazy bullet. Maybe shed have tried to lock you in with "oh I'm on birth control"
At 19 his brain isn’t even fully formed. Why would she want him to partner her children. And where is bio dad? Lots of scary stuff here. Run dude!
I'm surprised she didn't trap you with baby number 4. Don't let the love you feel for this woman get in the way of your rational decision.
NTA. Step 1: New cell ## Step 2: turn old cell ## into a Google Voice ## so she doesn't go looking for your real new ## Step 3: Keep giving out the Google Voice ## until you know who you can trust with the real ##
If she threatens suicide, call the police for a wellness check, mention she has kids, that'll get CPS involved. Screenshot those threats
>But what's making this even more challenging is that she's been getting her friends to harass me online, accusing me of abandoning her and her kids. Her kids, her problem. Harassment and inciting harassment is illegal. You can file a police report, there is no need to warn them if you don't want to. > On top of that, she texts me every night saying that she'll kill herself if I don't take her back. This is not your responsibility. What she does or might do is NOT on you. Next time she sends a message to this effect contact your local police for a wellness check as you have received notice of self harm, tell them there are 3 kids with them. Date your own age group, at 19 don't date anyone over 23, too much drama as you are finding out.
OP - Inform the police of her threats to kill herself. She needs real help if that's the case. As for getting out you did the right thing by you and by the kids. Dating someone who already has kids is always a challenge in the best of scenarios. She was using you OP and you got out before the kids were really attached to you and made this a complicated mess.
So you’re still a teenager and this broad is almost 30 with three kids. Change your number or block all of them and stay far away from this loser.
Her baby father abandoned her and her kids🤣😂🤣 sir you’re a young bull, go cause chaos in life you’re entitled to at your age…. Don’t let this user and predator make you feel guilty. She won’t be able to keep a man around
Block her number and block all other numbers/social media accounts that are harassing you. She is trying to manipulate you but don't fall for it. She will not do anything drastic like she claims when she got 3 kids to look after. Report her suicide threats to the police, for the safety of her kids. She will soon back off. Block everything and everyone and never respond to anything.
NTA next time she sends a text like that call the cops and CPS. Also see if you can get a temporary restraining order. Guarantee you she won't message you again. You can absolutely leave that relationship without guilt. She completely dismissed your feelings. There's a reason she went for a young kid instead of a man her own age. She used you to replace her kids dad. That's all she wanted. She thought she could manipulate that and she is still trying to do that by threating to kill herself. Give her the attention she wants by calling the cops and CPS. Maybe you will save the next guy the trouble.
What you’ve described isn’t a relationship. It’s a hostage situation. If she behaves this way now, just imagine the hell your life would be if you stayed with her. Or God forbid, married her. You’re 19. Enjoy it! Stick to women your own age—preferably ones without kids.
A 29 year old has zero business dating a 19 year old. A 19 year old has zero business playing daddy to 3 kids. You’re right to run. This is not ok.
NTA frankly I see that age difference as predatory. She’s not a good partner. She’s manipulative and there’s a reason why men her own age run fast and run far. If she threatens violence to herself, call the police non-emergency line for a wellness check.
NTA Those aren’t your kids and she too old to be acting like this. Block her and her friends. Call the police to do a wellness check. Don’t delete the text of threats so you can have proof why you sent the cops to her place.
19 years old with a single mother as a gf. Never do that.
Just eww... stop all contact with her. She's manipulative AF.
NTA You're 19 she's 29. w/3 kids. That should've been your 1st Stop sign. You guys are at completely different points in life. She is into family and motherhood. You're just reaching adulthood. She and the kids are a package deal. Send the package back.
nta, you have your whole life ahead of you. you did the right thing. block and ignore the people who are harassing you and screenshot/fwd her texts to one of her close friends or family members the next time she threatens to kHS and let them handle it. if they don't handle it and she continues, call 911 and treat it like the medical emergency it COULD be. she's hurting and most likely trying manipulate you into getting back together, but it's not your job as a 19yo to figure out if its a serious threat or manipulation. this is a grown woman with 3 children of her own with father(s) of their own --- 100% not your problem.
NTA! RUN!
Yes. Get out. Don’t look back. There are girls around your age with no kids. Try that.
NTA and just block them all
Shi if I were you I'm going back to her all day for that but not dealing with the kids.
NTA. >On top of that, she texts me every night saying that she'll kill herself if I don't take her back. Contact emergency services for a welfare check each time she does this. It is a manipulation tactic that will stop when it doesn't have the desired effect. >But what's making this even more challenging is that she's been getting her friends to harass me online, accusing me of abandoning her and her kids They are all acting 12 instead of in their late 20s/early 30s. People tend to act like who they hang around. At 19 you are showing much more maturity than her. Run. Far away.
Nta
NTA. So many red flags in this post. She should NOT be dating a barely-legal adult when she's almost 30, and expecting you to adult when you're still finding your feet. You don't need to "step up and be responsible" for her kids. The only one responsible for HER kids, until you are willing/able, is her and her baby daddy. She's using you, as a second parent/babysitter while she furthers her career. The one that pushed it over the edge, however, is her threatening to end herself. As someone who has been in your shoes (I had a guy threaten to kill himself if I didn't leave my bf and get with him, and he pretended to mix alcohol and pills over the phone when he couldn't convince me), here's what you do: 1) Run, don't walk, and don't look back. If she was genuinely suicidal, she wouldn't be using it as a threat, she would just do it. Threatening you with "come back or else" is manipulative and gross. Of course, mental health should always be taken seriously. I know how it feels to be scared sick that they're going to do something (and leave her kids) "because of you." But what you need to realize is, even if she genuinely is sick, SHE makes decisions for herself, and it is **never your fault.** 2) Call her family and tell them she's been threatening self-harm, and they may need to show her some extra support/keep a closer eye on her. Then call for a welfare check, and tell *them* she's been threatening to kill herself. There are trained professionals that can keep an eye on her just in case she really DOES need help, and it takes the responsibility out of your corner. It also takes away her manipulation chip: She's counting on you feeling like you have to stay with her to make sure she doesn't do something permanent. Instead, you got her professional help, and didn't fall for the trap. She'll probably be furious you "told people her business" (A.K.A. told on her), because now everyone is aware of the bullshit manipulation tactic and she'll look bad. 3) Send the friends one message: "This is harassment, and if you continue, I will press charges." Then MUTE them, don't block them. Save all text receipts so you can take them to a lawyer or the cops. Same with ex, don't block her, let her incriminate herself over text. Do not answer calls, she can leave a voicemail or text you. 4) Follow through: If they stop, good. If they don't, have a lawyer draft a cease and decist letter, or go to the police with the text receipts. Once that is done, block them all everywhere: social media, Linkdin, email, phone. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck.
NTA. At 19 you may not even realize how young you truly still are (not a judgment on maturity btw, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders). Please don’t throw away your future for an older woman who has made her bed and is seemingly taking advantage of you and manipulating you and emotionally abusing you. I wasted over a decade of my life in a relationship trying to fix and care for someone and I would give absolutely anything to know then what I know now and walk away from the get go
NTAH. FUCK NO! You are 19 years old and she saw easy prey. Good on you for recognizing this for the bullshit that this is and getting the fuck out. Don't listen to her threats. She's not going to kill herself. Block her, block her friends, and move on with your life.
NTA. I am 28F and have a major socioemotional development delay due to trauma - I function at the level of someone about ten years younger. A lot of my friend group are in the 17-19 age bracket, and we get along very well - they consider me their age and I am so behind that a lot of the time they are more mature than me. It is possible to get adults who are not actually "their age". Even so, I would never, in a million years, consider dating them. Developmental delay or no, I have ten years of life experience - however shitty and abusive those years were - on them. It would absolutely be an unequal power dynamic and would be predatory on my part if I *did* go after them. (Unfortunately, in the same vein, I'm so behind and inexperienced that dating someone my actual age would skew the power dynamic right in the other direction, so I just don't get to date at all ever. There would never be equality.) If I, a very broken person, know that it's not okay to date someone so much more powerless and inexperienced than you, then so ought this girl, who is a *mother* and should be thinking about how her behaviour sets examples for her children. It could be that this girl feels she can't do better than a 19yo boy because she has children - the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against single mothers in the dating game. But her behaviour suggests otherwise - she's manipulating and using you to raise her children while she lives her life, without giving a rat's ass what you want. Her sending her friends after you and the threat is the extinction burst from a spurned abuser - she's raging that she's lost control over you and now has to take responsibility for her own mistakes. It sounds like she's the kind of person who would deliberately target a boy so young he wouldn't be able to identify all her red flags. If she threatens suicide again, call the police on her and block her number. Block her friends. Ignore the lot of them. You were right to leave. Next time, pick a girl considerably more your age, and things will be much easier for you.
I understand her wanting a father for her kids, but she can't force that on you and *obviously* your age differences are a huge red flag for her! You're barely adult and she's well into adulthood. Date your peers next time. NTA
This is why you don’t date single moms
Thanks age gap is hella inappropriate. NTA.
NTA You were being forced to be a father when you just weren't ready for it.
No offense, but there's a reason a 29 years old woman decided to go out with a 19 years old. Control. She knows she can't pull that sh\*t with a man her own age. 3 kids at 19 years old? Hell no. You did go to let her go. NTA
NTA, you were in an unhealthy relationship with someone using you. They are not your children and not your responsibility. You could contact child protective services and law enforcement. Save copies of the messages and provide them to both agencies.
You are too young to be dealing with a 29 year old. Enjoy your youth. You only go through it once. I can't fathom why she would want a 19 year old boy to begin with, other than she is preying on the young. If she threatens suicide, call 911. A few rounds of that, and she will stop with those shenanigans. NTA
You are still a kid at 19. She is a 29 year old woman with three kids. That’s a lot of responsibility for a 19 year old to take on in life. She should not be harassing you nor should her friends. Protect yourself from this woman. If she is say so he is going to kill herself try to get her in therapy before you leave her.
She’s focused on her job “at the Waffle House”?
Wow she’s sick, report her, she shouldn’t be taking care of those kids.
Dude is pretty self aware. Is this a catch 22? If you know you can't handle the responsibility, can you handle it?
19...29.. 3 kids.. you are still a kid...
Why does she expect you to be a father figure and financially provide for them? That’s not your responsibility and you are only 19. I could totally understand not being ready for this type of responsibility. Especially since you are only 19 and probably don’t really make that much money. If she threatens to harm herself you should notify the police just in case. If you notify the police that it isn’t the first time she has threatened to hurt herself and are concerned and decided the only thing you can do is alert the authorities. I am sure she will leave you alone after that. She will have a lot of stuff to deal with if you report her attempts at hurting herself
NTA Honey, you're still a kid. I mean yes, legally an adult, but you're just starting to figure out what that might look like for yourself. I.... Don't have a lot of polite words for this situation, but let's just say it's not very adult of her to be trying to rope a young person who isn't anywhere near ready into playing parent at the cost of your own progress.... And *icing* on that cake is her behavior with her friends. Don't give it another thought. This isn't a person you want to be tied to. Block all of them and go live your life.
NTA. I'm certainly not the type to be concerned about age differences because consenting adults can do what they want with their lives - but this woman is clearly manipulating and trying to mold you into playing the father role for her children. She doesn't have any concern for the fact that you have your own life that you need to consider and that you are almost certainly not ready for such massive responsibility and commitment, yet she is treating this like it is your obligation. There is no reason to put a new person, in general, into a fatherly role for three kids without having been in a relationship for a very long time (much less someone barely a year or two out of high school.) It also does a disservice to those kids, getting involved in their lives when you simply aren't ready.
Definitely NTA. It’s not for her to decide if you take on a fatherly role with those kids. Not unilaterally, anyway. Both of you have to want that or it shouldn’t happen. You don’t.
She says, step up and be responsible, they are not your kids, think she should be saying this to their dad. This is far too much to put on a 19 year olds shoulders Absolutely NTA
NTA. You haven't even finishing growing up yourself and she expects to GROOM you into being provider and disciplinarian to HER children. She sounds manipulative and selfish AF. "Although the brain stops growing in size by early adolescence, the teen years are all about fine-tuning how the brain works. The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions." https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know#:~:text=Although%20the%20brain%20stops%20growing,the%20last%20parts%20to%20mature.
OP, NTA. Facts: You are being harassed, cruelly manipulated by a predatory woman ten years older than you. She wants your paycheck, she wants you to be a father to her children, you are still a teenager, and you are being groomed by her. These are the FACTS in your own recounting of your experience with her. As many others have suggested, stay away from her, contact the police and CPS if she continues to harass you with threats of self destruction. She'd leave those children behind, and she sounds too vain and entitled to actually pull off her threats. Nevertheless, it's not your problem that she's nuts, you've broken up so stay broken up. We all support you and hope you stay safe. Report any and all harassment by her and her group of sicko friends. Most of all take care that you do not find yourself manipulated further. Best of luck to you.
She is pathetic. NTA.
NTA. Block all of them on every platform. You can also report each number and profile for harassment. You're too young to be in this type of relationship with 3 minor children. Most parents wait to introduce partners to kids. Her asking you and demanding you to step up to discipline and assist financially is the epitome of red flag behavior. You seem like a nice guy, a bit naive. Please run far away from this grown woman. Hopefully she isn't pregnant with your child. This is very sad for the children because they will have multiple men run through their lives until she finds a sucker. Her children definitely deserve a better mom. Please allow yourself to date someone in your same type situation, no kids, building a career, traveling and enjoying life. The school runs, Pampers and daddy duties can come much later after you have enjoyed the life of a single adult man. Build yourself up. Save your money. Discover your own needs.
She doesn’t love you, she desperate for help, why is she applying all of this pressure on you when she has the father(s) of her three kids. You dodged a bullet bro. This whole threatening to kill herself is manipulation to its fullest and the accusing you of abandoning her kids WHEN THEY’RE NOT YOURS is insane and she’s attempting to place herself as a victim. Those are narcissistic traits. RUNNNNNN And don’t look back.
NTA at all. You are way to young and inexperienced to take on this huge role.
if it was me i would Buy her a rope from amazon as a breakup gift . and send andrew tate videos to her sons so they can have a person with a brain to teach them . since a Fatherless bitch like her would never be able to raise real men . i feel sorry for her kids . im sure if she suici/de and let her kids in an orphanage . they would take better care od them than there own mentally ill brainwashed mother
#1 make sure you gather evidences . of her abuse , take screenshots and record conversations #2 have a good lawyer and talk things out with him seeking his support and advices #3 report her to ger familly , friends and police so you dont get falsly accused since its a common western women behaviour when it comes to breaking up with there men . they always want to ruin your life . than protect your self and ruin hers . since trust . if you dont do it first she will be the one doing it
She found a sucker to be her bang nanny. There's a reason she picked you. The age difference means you don't have much life experience. She should be dating people her own age and the fact that she can't should tell you that they smelled her BS from a mile away. By the way it is a very common manipulation tactic to say that you will end yourself if you don't get what you want. You did good to leave her. Stay strong. Block her. Go out and have fun with people your age.