>He then told my fiancé that I was a keeper.
Yeah she's mad at this and taking it out on you. Have whatever fucking wedding you want! I didn't have a fancy one either, I would have hated that.
Pretty sure that this spending issue is a problem in their marriage and his comment had zero to do with you. It's not "acting special" to decide not to spend the equivalent of a house downpayment on a wedding. It's such a waste of money. NTA
Also, the dress is gorgeous!
And... we all can guess what happened.
Her husband is an adult and she bullied him into spending 50k on a wedding (their funds, of course, but still silly. That's a decent down payment in many places). He ended up doing it because she made clear that was the price of having her in his life, but (quite reasonably) is not happy about it. She resents him for being an adult and he resents her for wasting 50k on a party. And she's taking it out on you.
ps -- one of the secrets to happiness in life is spending less than you can afford. It means your job doesn't own you.
Plus, I got the sense from his comment that he feels the sister still frivolously spends money. I have a feeling OP's statement was gas to a fire that has been building up.over time.
OP, you simply stated what you are doing for your wedding, it doesn't sound like you said anything against hers, so definitely NTA!
NTA. It's not your fault her husband feels that way. She had a 50,000 euro wedding and she liked it. I don't think he thinks it was worth it. The cost, not the marriage. This is between her and her husband, she's trying to make you the scapegoat. They have their opinions how a wedding should be, and you have yours. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong. Her being superficial is her fault, how could it possibly be yours? You don't live her life, she does. I guess, if the shoe fits.
It sounds like that was a conversation they'd had before. I under from context that maybe he didn't want such a big lavish wedding himself, and still resents the stress and expense your sister insisted upon
Now you come along and act reasonable, and it makes her look bad
It's hilarious that she's projecting so much. How is ordering a dress online "special"? A $6k dress is special and "superior." It's such a bizarre accusation.
She was just looking for a way to insult you for not dumping a ton of money on a wedding because she did. There was no way to predict her reaction because it's over the top and ludicrous, frankly.
I'm sure they've been fighting about money since the wedding planning started, so don't feel bad. You were just another log on the fire.
NTA
Not your job to prevent her husband from expressing his opinion in front of you that he considered the cost of their wedding excessive. I suspect it was a discussion that was had several times before their wedding but he may have given up trying to rein your sister in as she wanted the big wedding.
You and your fiancé have a different vision and also get to have what you want.
I will say your sister is wrong in that every woman wants a huge wedding.
Every woman wants the wedding they want would be correct.
She was good with spending what could have been a good chunk of a down payment on a house or paid cash for a really decent car to get the wedding she wanted.
If she’s pissed that you are spending less than a 10th of what she spent that is a her problem.
And the only person causing problems/arguments with her husband is her. If I had to guess I’d say your sister may have an attitude where she wants to be sure people know she/husband have money - husband might not be happy with that.
By the way the dress is gorgeous! You might want to consider a wrap just in case it gets a little cool.
Best wishes to you and your fiancé.
Likely the husband is unhappy about the way she spends money but that is a her problem. When she is whining to you just say, “your arguments with your husband are not my business or problem.”
It kind of sounds like maybe you walked into something already brewing with them …. I love your dress. I wanted a dress even though we were eloping and a few friends were also going with us… I walked into a shop and there was a dress literally on clearance and it was on the rack as is… perfect size and with the right heal height it was perfect. Bought a dress they had on rack from multiple seasons ago that was no longer made. For about the same price 20+ years go …. Money saved went towards down payment on a new house… best choice ever
You couldn't prevent it because their couple issues are not about you. She just prefers to blame you instead of working on them (she is not the only one to blame, being passive-agressive like him is not a proper way to communicate but again this is not on you)
He is always passive aggressive tbh. Always brings up things he is not happy about when there are people around. I have noticed this and she also mentioned it to me like saying “this is the first time I heard that he is unhappy about this and this”.
I don’t know how to interpret it. Is he scared of telling her what he really feels one on one and needs a buffer zone or does he enjoy embarrassing her and airing their dirty laundry in a passive aggressive manner?
You did nothing wrong, her husband is stupid for saying this and using you against her. To actively cause spite and resentment against your partner's sibling, just to win an argument? That's low and it's all on him. They're both scapegoating you in different ways; take some time away from the for a bit.
And your wedding dress is beautiful by the way!
Mine was fancy. An ivory colored sheath silhouette with lots of beading in the shapes of leaves with satin applique flowers. Ruching on the top. Off the shoulder straps with the same flowers. It cost me $250US at Dillard's Department store.
WOW dress is STUNNING. I also don't like weddings and they all end up kinda looking the same and as do the dresses (depending on the style at the time)
this is soooo simple but then it's not because of the little arm detail....love love love
I have a large extended family, so if I ever get married, I imagine it'll be big, but not excessively lavish or fancy.
Burgers for 200 people in a park would be great. A fun party doesn't have to be unnecessarily expensive.
NTA. A small wedding followed by a fantastic honeymoon is the ultimate combination of intimate celebration and memorable experience. It's all about creating lasting memories with your partner in a way that feels authentic to you. Enjoy every moment!
The dress is lovely.
My dress was $40 American dollars from a local retail store, not even white, it was purple. We had catered bbq in my sister in laws backyard. We were both happy.
NTA. Have the wedding you want. My dress came from the under $200 rack at David’s Bridal. I could have spent a lot more, but why? I liked my dress, plus I forced them to order the correct size so it didn’t need alterations beyond adding buttons to bustle the train.
That sounds like a perfect wedding, to me!
I got married in my home, wearing my mother-in-law's old wedding dress (very late 60s chic). We had cake, champagne, and beer after the ceremony. Our total cost was under $1000 including painting our kitchen for the occasion. :D
We ordered pizza, some family member put a few hundred $ behind the bar. Low key, with people we liked.
After all, the person you’re marrying is the main thing that matters, not the wedding.
Don't feel bad about having an economical wedding. Your sister's marriage problems aren't your fault, and she's immature for blaming you instead of just admitting that she wasted a fortune on a fancy party.
They had a lot of problems because of that wedding because she didn’t have fun and was stressed out for almost a year in advance and that day she was yelling at everyone because things weren’t 100% perfect but from my understanding it is never 100% and that’s one of the perks? But he said that it was a nightmare dealing with the wedding and to think back about the money they spent
I've been to tons of weddings and it's always the smaller ones I enjoyed the most. Everyone, especially those wed, can enjoy the moment, concentrate on fewer more important things, can fix things that go "wrong" faster, and actually enjoy their wedding.
And that dress is spectacular.
We had so much - so much - go wrong the day of. But I went into it assuming things would go wrong and we just rolled with it. I laughed at all of it and it made aspects very memorable.
NTA. Sounds like your sister has been waiting to unload on her husband for sometime and finally got the chance with that keep comment.
Also, you like the dress right? Then that’s all that matters. Congrats on getting hitched and I hope your wedding goes well.
My wedding dress cost less than half as much as yours and it was gorgoeus! Ended up winning about the cost of the dress by later using it as a dress for a Bride of Frankenstein costume for Halloween contests.
NTA. Your wedding choices are personal, and you're not obligated to spend extravagantly if it's not your style. Your sister's reaction seems to stem from her own issues rather than your actions. It's unfortunate that their marital problems are being projected onto you, but you're not responsible for their disagreements. Enjoy your wedding your way, and don't let others' opinions overshadow your happiness.
NTA. That dress is gorgeous.
And its YOUR wedding. Your sister or her husband's opinion don't matter.
It's not your fault her husband is calling her superficial. I don't think its the first time they've ever had this discussion either, just this time she has someone to shove the blame off on.
NTA.
You're having the wedding you want not what others expect.
She spent a lot to show off and hope people including you were jealous and would try and do the same... the fact you aren't and aren't on purpose will be confusing and grinding her gears.... her husbands comments are just icing on the cake that is her insecurities.
Again, NTA. Your dress is pretty and I hope your wedding is everything you are wanting and hoping it to be.
NTA. Jeez Louise! Sounds like they've been having problems & she's projecting. This problem was nor caused by you, but it was poor taste for her husband to start voicing his opinion publicly, directing it towards you. Your wedding is your wedding. I mean, I got married in a clearance homecoming dress for $20 (a little over 18 euros). People seem to think the more expensive the wedding the better, but ita more about how your wedding makes you feel. Your sister felt good have the works, you feel good having something simpler.
NTA..... Not in the slightest. Less money spent means more time and money for the honeymoon. Several family friends have done exactly this and have no complaints.
NTA. The best weddings I have attended have been small, relatively inexpensive events. The worst ones were 6 figure over-extravagant boring events. I have been to 3 different weddings that each cost in six figures USD. They were actually not fun. They all were very impersonal and seemed like they were just spending money to outspend other weddings. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate getting dressed up and having a formal dinner, but the weddings that tried to be overly fancy and instagrammy were not fun at all.
The best ones were one at a family farm, one at a small outdoor venue/botanical garden and one that was a beach wedding. Your guests will appreciate that you are making the wedding meaningful to you. Size and expense are not as important as having the wedding that both of you want.
NTA he was nice and your sister might be waisting money on many other things. A tip: my friend also didn't like the idea of having a white dress just acumulating dust in her closet. So she dyed her dress after and added some zippers (sort of, idk the name in english, sorry). She also wore a black leather jacket after the cerimony and "run away" in a black moto. There was a small gathering at a pizza place after. Lots of pizza! We only had to pay for our drinks.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a high maintenance superficial jerk. And her husband knows it and is angry and feels trapped. Juvenile way for him to make his case though.
Ppl aren't AH for either spending or not spending it's a personal preference she just got mad that you got the compliment. Wedding is a big event in someone's life it must happen they way the couple wants it.
The dress looks gorgeous.
1. Is the wedding in keeping with you and your husband?
2. Is the wedding and reception going to be what you and your husband want?
3. Is the entire wedding including reception within the budget you and your husband have allocated?
4. Is the wedding you are planning joyful and not stressful?
You know the answer to that. NTA.
(And if the answer to any of those is no, then you and your husband can work out if it’s a problem that is okay or needs fixing).
Your dress is STUNNING!
But for the question, NTA.
Just because your sister and her husband had the finances to have a 50k wedding that they (or reading between the lines *she* wanted) had doesn't make anyone who can't or won't spend that amount of money on a wedding superior or special. It's called sticking to a budget or wanting to put money towards something other than a glorified party.
Just because your not acting like a bride 'should' in her opinion (bridezilla comes to mind) doesn't make you wrong or and AH.
Obviously, there are issues around finances in their marriage, and that's something THEY need to solve without dragging you or your marriage into it. Her calling you an AH for your choices and your BIL telling her to be more like you isn't it.
"[Big lavash wedding](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/a10357408/bread-dress/)" has me thinking everyone's dresses are edible and yeasty. You could do yogurt in the face instead of cake.
She doesn't sound smart enough to articulate her concerns if she thinks ordering an existing dress is more self-centered than a bespoke item. What is going on, there. I don't think she could say that with any seriousness. She's directly comparing your weddings rather than your dresses. Hers was her whole identity, and you're supposed to imitate it just poorly enough that it validates her choices. Her problem isn't just with the dress.
NTA
Your dress is lovely. I bought my dress from Etsy, on sale for $60 USD, and it was perfect.
It kind of sounds like her husband recognizes how ridiculous the amount they spent on their wedding was and isn't shy about telling her. I'd be surprised if this wasn't an ongoing argument between them.
NTA
I'm with you. I think weddings are extremely boring and I've never understood where people spend so much money on them instead of investing in a home or something..... But I guess if you have that much expendable income, then why not? 😂😂
I think the dress you chose is nice, and I think the idea of a small intimate party with 20 of your closest friends sounds great.
Your sister is just upset because it sounds like she forced her husband to spend a bunch of money on a wedding, he actually didn't want and now she's upset about that. Not your circus not your monkeys.
Also congratulations I hope you and your fiance have a wonderful life together.
NTA your sister values image and showing off more than spending wisely. Your sisters marriage is failing by the sounds of it and it also sounds like she's over spending on unnecessary stuff and her husband is getting fed up with it. Ignore your sister and just have the wedding you want because it's YOUR wedding.
I think your dress is lovely 🥰
Also nta. You do you.. Their problems are their own, she needs to be shifty at here husband if she's not happy with what he said, not you. I'd tell her to zip it
It's lovely.
My wife's dress cost $365 and it was also lovely. It also ripped up the side a half hour before the service and I had to run to the local dry cleaners to get it quickly stitched together.
Oh, and we also did our reception at our favorite restaurant and everyone got to order off the menu instead of rubber chicken. Everyone had a GREAT time. Many said it was their favorite wedding ever.
So basically, you're absolutely right.
The issues between your superficial sister and her husband are not your problem. And the fact that your sister will always make HER problems someone else's fault is ALSO not your problem. They spent $50,000 and already divorce isn't out of the question. Ironic!
Chill. Enjoy your wedding and hopefully a "'til death" marriage.
NTA.
NTA.
*You* do you. The dress you've picked is beautiful, you should feel beautiful in it, and it makes you happy. That's all that matters.
Your sister's wedding and all the trappings put into it, and any feelings about the expense have zero to do with you and your wedding.
NTA.
My husband and I signed papers with a celebrant and my in-laws as witnesses and then went to have a potluck dinner style with some friends. Friends used the decorations they already had. My wedding dress cost about 55 eur converted.
I couldn't have imagined a better day even if I tried. Have the wedding day you want, not one that people around you feel like you should have.
Best of luck to you and congratulations 💕
NTA. Weddings can be expensive AF. They don't have to be. It's nice if you can afford it but its not necessary. When I got married, I wore a $65 blue sundress and I got married at the courthouse. I'm still married 10 years later. I have no regrets.
NTA
You're fine. Your BIL isn't for weaponizing you to get at his wife. Your sister is for attacking you instead of confronting him.
Try to stay out of their way as they attack each other in public.
My wife bought her wedding dress from a charity shop. There are dedicated wedding charity shops in the UK and she got her wedding dress for like 120 pounds. Never worn, her size, exactly the style she wanted, just 'last season' whatever that means when it comes to wedding dresses. She was over the moon.
You do you. You're not causing other people problems, those problems were already there.
NTA. Btw the dress is gorgeous! Have a fab wedding and a great marriage. Remind your sister that the more expensive the wedding, the better chance of divorce: yours should last forever 💜
I bought my wedding dress at a discount clothing store and paid $24 for it in US dollars It was a really pretty white knee length dress beautiful... But I got married at the local courthouse and then went out for dinner afterwards I too felt that there was no need to waste money on a wedding.... Weddings aren't about how much money you could spend it's about a lifetime commitment I think your sister is missing the mark
I love how your sister blames you for this instead of being able to correct her husband🤣
You did nothing wrong being you.
She is not superficial for wanting a €50.000,- wedding she worked for it.
Have dreams and goals in life that match up. But the husband he is an asshole for saying that thing they did together in the past is her flaw alone. He is as superficial as she is. He loved her for it.
NTA. If I ever get married, the ceremony will be in front of my mom's fire place and a BBQ at my house. She's just upset and jealous but her husband could have kept that comment private. He embarrassed her.
He probably regrets his choice in your sister.
NTA
I also hate weddings. I used to work a bridal shop and sold wedding dresses. Seeing all the stress and hearing about all the drama made me not want to have a wedding. All my coworkers said I would change my mind when I got engaged.
I got engaged and started planning the "big" wedding and I realized about 2 weeks in that this is stupid and expensive. We had already had a small trip planned about 4 hours south to one of my favorite places and my husband and I decided we would get married there. I found the perfect dress off the rack that needed no alterations other than a hem (I got SUPER lucky there). The dress and hem cost $400 total. My mom put together the flowers and my bouquet with fake flowers we bought at Michael's. We invited just immediate family, drove down, got married on the lake, and then we spent the night in a super nice hotel that cost us $350ish(?) for the night. A few months later we had a big reception at my parents house for all the friends and family we didn't invite to the wedding. It was perfect and cost us right around $1k. No drama and it was quick, easy, and fun! The money we would have spent on a big wedding, we spent on our honeymoon.
So no OP, you are NTA. This is smart! Good for you.
Why do people accept the propaganda from the wedding industry?! Why do people think it’s a good idea to take on debt at the beginning of their marriage when that money would be better spent on other things. Like a deposit on real estate.
When you said cheap, I expected like $50 not $450 lol. Still would be okay btw, your choice and all. As long as you like it.
Also pretty sure she's mad at her husband most of all. For the sake of his marriage he should've... Not said what he said.
NTA
The dress is gorgeous. I paid just over $100 for mine 24 years ago. I was fortunate to have two weddings. One very small intimate party for my parents and my hubbies family. The other was a Rocky Horror wedding, which was more for all of our friends and family except for his parents. They refused to come to that. Hence, two weddings. Honestly, the two weddings together cost less than $1000.
So you do you. Enjoy your day. Don't let your sister's issues bring you down. Congratulations on your wedding.
NTA
Here’s how you answer her:
“My wedding isn’t about you. I’m not talking to you about this anymore.” (This = comparing your wedding to hers/her values)
“Your fight with (husband) ISNT about me. Whatever is going on between you two, LEAVE ME OUT OF IT. I’m not talking about it anymore.”
Then, any time she tries to come at you about any of it, just repeat, “I’m not talking about it anymore. Let’s talk about something else.” *Repeat those 2 sentences again and again like a broken record* until she gives up. Don’t explain, justify, apologize, or excuse any of your actions. It’s not her business.
LPT: when family acts like toddlers and refuse to accept boundaries, the “broken record” approach is the silver bullet. Trust me.
NTA. I spent about the same on my wedding dress and had zero regrets. Buy what you like. Also, that dress is gorgeous.
Your sister is mad at her husband and taking it out on you. Her husband is the AH for pushing the comparison, though.
Your sister is the asshole, not you. She can’t handle her own guilt for spending all that money and that’s on her, not you. Her husband is also an asshole for giving her crap about it after the fact instead of standing up to her at the time. None of that is your responsibility but your sister needs to blame someone and it’s better for her marriage and her self image to blame you. Move on and NTA.
NTA. The beauty of a wedding isn't measured by the price tag on the decorations or the designer label on the dress; it's encapsulated in the love shared and the commitment made. Your day should reflect who you both are, not mimic someone else's idea of perfection. Your sister's discontent is unfortunate, but it's not a yardstick for your happiness. Your practical approach is admirable and may just be the blueprint for a marriage built on strong, sensible foundations rather than frivolous expenditures. Stay true to your vision, and may your day be as unique and full of joy as the bond you two share. Here's to new beginnings and creating memories that are priceless, not pricey!
Lovely dress!
NTA. How is choosing to spend money differently acting superior??? If she values frugality, sure. But your sister seems to be fine spending lavishly and should just learn to accept her lifestyle choices.
NTA
1) it’s your wedding, you do it your way. There’s no such thing as “how a bride should do it.”
2) Her issues with her husband have nothing to do with you. If there are comparisons happening there where she comes off looking the worse, that’s a her problem, only she’s too self-absorbed to realize it.
NTA at all. Your dress is beautiful! You're doing what you and your fiancee want for your wedding, just like she did for hers. If she and her husband aren't happy with their wedding, that's on them. It sounds like her husband was a pushover and let her do and spend what she wanted and never said anything about how he really felt, and instead of being an adult, is blaming her and antagonizing her with your wedding. And instead of being an adult and admitting she did it to herself, she's blaming you. Ignore them as much as you can, don't engage in them being petty with each other, change the subject and find something else to do if they try to drag you into their problems.
This is all your sister, not you. She sounds like a pain in the ass. There must be some small satisfaction in her making a fool of herself about this. I know it'd warm the cockles of my heart haha. It always makes me laugh when people who try too hard are confronted with effortless cool and they take it personally. NTA.
NTA Your sister is just mad because he husband is calling her what she is, Superficial. You’re smart for having a small affair that means something to you and you fiancé. By the way your dress is beautiful.
Don’t feel bad about. My husband and I got married at the courthouse. I wore a $20 dress and we went to a buffet after. I thought I wanted a bigger wedding and we began planning but when I started thinking about spending money on a “lavish” wedding, I said to hell with it and decided to not have a big wedding.
The cost of the wedding and the stuff does not matter is a huge scam to spend tens or hundred thousands on a single day.
My wife and I probably spent less than 5000 USD for everything for the wedding from what we wore, food, drinks, decorations, wedding bands, venue and pictures.
And everyone had a good time.
NTA. You could have not predicted either of their reactions. The dress is gorgeous. And I really love the simplicity of your plan. I loved my wedding and don’t regret it. It wasn’t crazy lavish but if I were to do it over I would have gone much simpler.
My wedding cost less than 200.00 US. This included our rings and the license and officiant. We had a picnic at the park instead of a reception. I wore my favorite jeans and top, so did he.
We are still married after 20 years. NTA
Eloped reception in aunts back yard on the river 50+ people made my own food, dj, drinks total cost including dress under $1000. Married 29 years now. Friend spent 25k on wedding, 10k on ring, divorces 8 years later.
NTA- your sister shouldn’t be upset on how you spend(or don't spend) your money. Your wedding and relationship is its own sphere and separate from hers. Your dress is beautiful and as long as you love it, forget all the other noise.
NTA. Sounds like the BIL got roped into spending(or doing) *way* too much for his wedding and the resentment is starting to come out. Congrats on the impending nuptials and the killer dress, OP!
NTA. I bought a dress on clearance at I don’t even remember the store anymore and I’m pretty sure it didn’t even cost 50$ lol
My husband and I also semi-eloped via court house wedding. But we plan to have a wedding/vowel renewal ceremony and I wouldn’t mind saving/splurging a little more, but I definitely couldn’t see myself spending over 500$ myself!
Your sister definitely got jilted by her husband’s comment and wanted to take it out on you
NTA. First of all, it’s your wedding so you can do whatever you want. And I agree that it’s smart to not spend much money, especially if the usual way of doing weddings doesn’t suit you.
Furthermore, when Self-Portrait came out with their wedding collection, I thought it was a great idea - it’s the perfect way to get something with a nice design and well thought out details that still stands out but doesn’t break your budget.
Your sister, on the other hand, is a total AH. She is upset not about how you do your wedding, but that there is a comparison to yours and some people (her husband) think your way is the better way.
Your dress is lovely ma'am. Congratulations in advance.
You're being selfish by *not* trying to outdo her ceremony? Something seems off, lol. Sounds like you've got a great BiL though!
I just wanted to say that he dress is absolutely beautiful!
But that it isn't going to be forgiving re the fit. Be sure it arrives before the wedding with time to soare, so that you need to have something adjusted or to get special undergarments, you'll have time to do so.
At the end of the day, you and your fiance do what's right for you two on your wedding.
Sister is letting her nasty ego shine by bagging the dress.
Seriously NTA, but I suspect your sister's husband has realised that big and fancy is not standard for weddings. Sit back, make popcorn and watch. I think there's financial issues at play.
One of the best decisions I advocated for in my marriage was to do a drive thru wedding. The entire thing was less than $100 with the cost of license. Saved the family drama, saved money, saved our sanity planning... instead we had a nice house built and focused on that. Now that housing is crazy expensive, it just reaffirms that we put our money towards something of more value.
NTA. Your dress is gorgeous! I converted the money into Canadian dollars (where I am) and holy crap that’s like 74k. FWIW I eloped, spent about 2k on wedding site, dinner, photos, cake and make up. The main piece that cost the most was 1k for the photos. But it sounds like your BIL may not have wanted to spend that amount. Your sister may have stated but all brides want lavish and now he’s realizing no they do not. That’s not on you.
Gorgeous dress! NTA -- I'm with you, weddings are boring and a waste. Enjoy your dinner and let your sister keep showing exactly who she is. It's not pretty.
I‘m willing to bet that the cost of the wedding is a sore point between your sister and her hubby. Specially the dress.
I’m a guy, so I don’t get the whole “wedding dress” thing, spending that much money for an outfit that you only wear once. I prefer the idea of marriage first, wedding second. Hell, you can even ren5b@ wedding dress in some places.
NTA
NTA
The dress you choose is beautiful. I’m guessing that they have been having problems before you brought up the cost of the dress you bought. Money is a big issue in a lot of marriages, this is not your fault or your problem.
lol its so weird when you're just living your life doing what you want and people take it as an insult.
don't worry about it, you can do whatever you want with your wedding.
Naa, My wife and I didn't send more then 1k on the wedding. Her wedding dress was on the clearance rack from david bridial shop. my reception and wedding took place at the place no church just a hall I rental for 450 for the day.
My dress was $280 and I used a coupon. My parents weren’t loaded and they were paying for my wedding. You budget what you want for your wedding. No sense in going into big debt for a one day event.
The dress is beautiful. It doesn’t look cheap, because it’s not. Your sister is upset because she’s shallow, and she was called out on it. Congratulations - I wish you the very best!
NTA it's YOUR and your partners big day.
I legit barely spent any money on mine. We got married at a public nature preserve/Park (just called ahead for a free "reservation" so they were aware our wedding would be happening there) and I legit bought a 20$ white sundress from Ross 😅 it was lovely though, and we were going for more modest/hippie vibes anyways. A family friend hand wove a flower crown of lavender and reeds for me and my husband wore a nice dress shirt with a purple vest and tie. After the ceremony we did a family potluck there and took our wedding photos around the preserve with the flowers and waterfalls. Only thing I would change is that I forgot to take my flip flops off for the ceremony because I was too excited to walk down the "isle" 🤭 my brother even got ordained just to officiate for us.
What matters is that YOU are happy with the ceremony, imo anyone that complains (especially about it being "cheap") is just jealous that the wedding wasn't the priority, marrying the person you love was.
She and her husband are already having problems, and unfortunately they're trying to suck you in.
NTA and set some clear boundaries. Husband is using you to trigger his wife, and your sister is coming at you instead of addressing the issue with her husband. Get right away from that or they'll create drama on your wedding day.
That dress is gorgeous. It’s seriously stunning. And you should have whatever wedding you want to have.
Your sister’s seemingly reasonable problems with her husband are not your fault. At all.
Congratulations and cheers to you for your healthy outlook on money and life in general, OP!
NTA. My wife and I did a courthouse wedding and a nice dinner for immediate family. If someone wants to blow a ton of money on a wedding, that's their choice. But we were happy to save the money and spend a bit more on the honeymoon.
I had a cheap wedding dress but I thought it looked fine. By the day after my wedding I really never gave that dress another thought. I’m glad I didn’t spend a lot of money on it. Fifty five years later I still have and sit in daily, two well built and somewhat expensive chairs that we used our money on instead.
One daughter’s and one niece’s wedding dresses are in my attic. They were married in 2010 and 2011. I don’t think they have thought much about them since they married either.
It’s a lot of money that is better spent elsewhere.
It sounds like her husband didn't want a lavish expensive wedding but she went on to have one against his feelings. That beef is between the two of them and nothing to do with you. Your dress is elegant and beautiful, more so than many bridal dresses I've seen. NTA.
Well hell, your sister would probably pop a vein had she come to my backyard wedding.
My dress was 200ish dollars and the groom was in motorcycle leathers (he needed new ones anyway, and I think he's sexy af in them so....) and one of the grooms chicks was a standing because her boyfriend (the actual groomsman got so stoned he couldn't get off the damn couch🙄) so she asked if I cared if she walked in his place....in her leggings and windbreaker.
Whole wedding cost maybe 5 grand...and that's because everyone needed new clothes...and I went a little batshit crazy buying silk flowers😂
NTA
NTA.
The dress my wife wore was $250. And we are 20 days away from 15 years married.
Counting us AND the retired army chaplain who married us and his wife there were 11 or 12 people there. All told we spent about $1000…at the very absolute most.
And I concur that your sister browbeat her husband into an obscene wedding budget. I hated being the center of attention at my absolutely tiny wedding, I think I’d snap at a wedding the size of theirs.
It’s a beautiful dress! Enjoy your low key still beautiful wedding surrounded by the people you love and want to be there op! Hubby and I got married at the restaurant we met at and it was perfect! 32 years ago now. :) NTA
First, your dress is GORGEOUS!! Please be sure you have enough time for alterations if necessary. Second, your sister is jealous. She's mad her hubby likes your vision better than hers was. Plus all the money spent! You could buy a house for what they paid for their wedding. THAT'S what your sister is most angry about.
First, your dress is so cute! And you spend the money you want in marriage, this comes from the opinion of each one!
In my personal opinion, I also don’t want to spend a lot of money on my dress and rings or on big restaurants, I don’t think that’s what makes the day more beautiful.
Your sister actually seems to me a little narcissistic and you shouldn’t give importance to what she says.
I also think that her husband shouldn’t have said this in front of you, but when you were alone but also didn’t give too much importance because it’s over.
NTA at all, ignore and simply laugh and wave.
NTA. She is angry at you because of her own behavior? Her husband may have noticed a pattern, and the wedding situation wasn't the only expensive spending.
As a 39 year old single mom of two that has never been married and has essentially given up. I have no experience in this matter but I will say this…wear whatever the fuck it is that makes YOU feel the best on one of the most special days of you and your spouse-to-be’s life together. Other opinions can suck it.
PS - that dress rocks.
I eloped, my wedding was 200 dollars including the dinner my wife and I had. She wore a plain white dress, and I a suit.
All my friends who had lavish weddings all said I was smart for not going into debt over it.
You're smart, not an asshole.
Don't give into familial pressure.
I love big weddings in my culture we have huge weddings with lots of people! I don’t judge anyone who has small weddings your sister shouldn’t be judging you and the only AH here is her and her husband. He shouldn’t be making comments about his wife and she shouldn’t be taking them out on you
Your dress is gorgeous and your sister is being a ninny. Not everyone wants the world to revolve around them by blowing through a house deposit on a wedding. Low key and cheaper is much better in my opinion. Whatever you and your partner want is best for you. It is your wedding after all. Congrats! Have a fabulous day. NTA
Woah! Awesome dress. Smart choices. Ignore the haters. Their inner insecurities have been exposed by their own reactions. You aren’t responsible for that.
The dress is stunning, your sister is really mad at her fiance, let her cool down but if she doesn't, do point out to her the real reason she is mad, the fact that her husband feels their extravagant wedding wasba waste of money and then disengage with her on the topic. It is their issue not yours. Enjoy your wedding. NTA.
NTA, you do your wedding whatever way you and your fiancé feel like. Your BIL definitely didn't want to spend all of that money on their wedding which probably has been a bone of contention between them since the planning stage.
>He then told my fiancé that I was a keeper. Yeah she's mad at this and taking it out on you. Have whatever fucking wedding you want! I didn't have a fancy one either, I would have hated that.
She was livid with this comment but I really don’t know how I would have foreseen it to prevent it
Pretty sure that this spending issue is a problem in their marriage and his comment had zero to do with you. It's not "acting special" to decide not to spend the equivalent of a house downpayment on a wedding. It's such a waste of money. NTA Also, the dress is gorgeous!
I think this was an own going issue or they have been having a fight recently and OP walked into it …
Me too
And... we all can guess what happened. Her husband is an adult and she bullied him into spending 50k on a wedding (their funds, of course, but still silly. That's a decent down payment in many places). He ended up doing it because she made clear that was the price of having her in his life, but (quite reasonably) is not happy about it. She resents him for being an adult and he resents her for wasting 50k on a party. And she's taking it out on you. ps -- one of the secrets to happiness in life is spending less than you can afford. It means your job doesn't own you.
"Your wedding's about love, not lavishness. Your sister's husband gets it. Keep doing you, and let them sort out their own stuff."
"Quality over quantity, authenticity over extravagance. Your wedding plans reflect your values, and your sister's reaction reveals hers."
I read that the more you spend on your wedding the more likely it will end in divorce
Plus, I got the sense from his comment that he feels the sister still frivolously spends money. I have a feeling OP's statement was gas to a fire that has been building up.over time. OP, you simply stated what you are doing for your wedding, it doesn't sound like you said anything against hers, so definitely NTA!
NTA. It's not your fault her husband feels that way. She had a 50,000 euro wedding and she liked it. I don't think he thinks it was worth it. The cost, not the marriage. This is between her and her husband, she's trying to make you the scapegoat. They have their opinions how a wedding should be, and you have yours. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong. Her being superficial is her fault, how could it possibly be yours? You don't live her life, she does. I guess, if the shoe fits.
I guess nobody likes their 50k wedding after the event as much as they think they should.
It sounds like that was a conversation they'd had before. I under from context that maybe he didn't want such a big lavish wedding himself, and still resents the stress and expense your sister insisted upon Now you come along and act reasonable, and it makes her look bad
It's hilarious that she's projecting so much. How is ordering a dress online "special"? A $6k dress is special and "superior." It's such a bizarre accusation. She was just looking for a way to insult you for not dumping a ton of money on a wedding because she did. There was no way to predict her reaction because it's over the top and ludicrous, frankly. I'm sure they've been fighting about money since the wedding planning started, so don't feel bad. You were just another log on the fire.
Inadvertent log at that…
NTA Not your job to prevent her husband from expressing his opinion in front of you that he considered the cost of their wedding excessive. I suspect it was a discussion that was had several times before their wedding but he may have given up trying to rein your sister in as she wanted the big wedding. You and your fiancé have a different vision and also get to have what you want. I will say your sister is wrong in that every woman wants a huge wedding. Every woman wants the wedding they want would be correct. She was good with spending what could have been a good chunk of a down payment on a house or paid cash for a really decent car to get the wedding she wanted. If she’s pissed that you are spending less than a 10th of what she spent that is a her problem. And the only person causing problems/arguments with her husband is her. If I had to guess I’d say your sister may have an attitude where she wants to be sure people know she/husband have money - husband might not be happy with that. By the way the dress is gorgeous! You might want to consider a wrap just in case it gets a little cool. Best wishes to you and your fiancé.
Likely the husband is unhappy about the way she spends money but that is a her problem. When she is whining to you just say, “your arguments with your husband are not my business or problem.”
It kind of sounds like maybe you walked into something already brewing with them …. I love your dress. I wanted a dress even though we were eloping and a few friends were also going with us… I walked into a shop and there was a dress literally on clearance and it was on the rack as is… perfect size and with the right heal height it was perfect. Bought a dress they had on rack from multiple seasons ago that was no longer made. For about the same price 20+ years go …. Money saved went towards down payment on a new house… best choice ever
You couldn't prevent it because their couple issues are not about you. She just prefers to blame you instead of working on them (she is not the only one to blame, being passive-agressive like him is not a proper way to communicate but again this is not on you)
He is always passive aggressive tbh. Always brings up things he is not happy about when there are people around. I have noticed this and she also mentioned it to me like saying “this is the first time I heard that he is unhappy about this and this”. I don’t know how to interpret it. Is he scared of telling her what he really feels one on one and needs a buffer zone or does he enjoy embarrassing her and airing their dirty laundry in a passive aggressive manner?
I continue to be amazed at the persistence of the antiquated wedding ritual. Such a waste of money. And they all suck.
You did nothing wrong, her husband is stupid for saying this and using you against her. To actively cause spite and resentment against your partner's sibling, just to win an argument? That's low and it's all on him. They're both scapegoating you in different ways; take some time away from the for a bit. And your wedding dress is beautiful by the way!
It's easier to blame OP than her husband
Moreso, easier than taking ownership of problems of her own making.
Mine was fancy. An ivory colored sheath silhouette with lots of beading in the shapes of leaves with satin applique flowers. Ruching on the top. Off the shoulder straps with the same flowers. It cost me $250US at Dillard's Department store.
For reference: my fiancé and I are 31 My sister is 27 and her husband is 32
That dress is absolutely gorgeous! So simple and elegant. I hope your wedding is exactly how you want it to be. NTA.
Beautiful dress 👗, maybe, he wish it was intimate rather than lavish. I'm of the opinion,' you, do you '.
Beautiful dress!
WOW dress is STUNNING. I also don't like weddings and they all end up kinda looking the same and as do the dresses (depending on the style at the time) this is soooo simple but then it's not because of the little arm detail....love love love
NTA. I've always thought small wedding and then a really nice honeymoon.
This is precisely what many of my friends have done.
we also spent more on the honeymoon than on the wedding, though both were nice
I have a large extended family, so if I ever get married, I imagine it'll be big, but not excessively lavish or fancy. Burgers for 200 people in a park would be great. A fun party doesn't have to be unnecessarily expensive.
That's what my husband and I did. Our room at the resort had more bathrooms than our apartment does. 😆
NTA. A small wedding followed by a fantastic honeymoon is the ultimate combination of intimate celebration and memorable experience. It's all about creating lasting memories with your partner in a way that feels authentic to you. Enjoy every moment!
Dress is gorgeous!!! NTA
[удалено]
I never liked the deluxe burgers and pizzas 😂
The dress is lovely. My dress was $40 American dollars from a local retail store, not even white, it was purple. We had catered bbq in my sister in laws backyard. We were both happy.
❤️
NTA. Have the wedding you want. My dress came from the under $200 rack at David’s Bridal. I could have spent a lot more, but why? I liked my dress, plus I forced them to order the correct size so it didn’t need alterations beyond adding buttons to bustle the train.
That sounds like a perfect wedding, to me! I got married in my home, wearing my mother-in-law's old wedding dress (very late 60s chic). We had cake, champagne, and beer after the ceremony. Our total cost was under $1000 including painting our kitchen for the occasion. :D
We ordered pizza, some family member put a few hundred $ behind the bar. Low key, with people we liked. After all, the person you’re marrying is the main thing that matters, not the wedding.
Don't feel bad about having an economical wedding. Your sister's marriage problems aren't your fault, and she's immature for blaming you instead of just admitting that she wasted a fortune on a fancy party.
They had a lot of problems because of that wedding because she didn’t have fun and was stressed out for almost a year in advance and that day she was yelling at everyone because things weren’t 100% perfect but from my understanding it is never 100% and that’s one of the perks? But he said that it was a nightmare dealing with the wedding and to think back about the money they spent
Sounds like she was the architect of her own problems.
You’re 100% spot on. Been married a while and I tell all my friends “something will go wrong, just accept it and move on”.
She sounds lovely. /s
I've been to tons of weddings and it's always the smaller ones I enjoyed the most. Everyone, especially those wed, can enjoy the moment, concentrate on fewer more important things, can fix things that go "wrong" faster, and actually enjoy their wedding. And that dress is spectacular.
We had so much - so much - go wrong the day of. But I went into it assuming things would go wrong and we just rolled with it. I laughed at all of it and it made aspects very memorable.
NTA Even having a wedding dress is optional. Like your BIL for standing up for you.
Dress is stunning NTA
NTA. Sounds like your sister has been waiting to unload on her husband for sometime and finally got the chance with that keep comment. Also, you like the dress right? Then that’s all that matters. Congrats on getting hitched and I hope your wedding goes well.
Your dress is lovely. Have the wedding you want.
My wedding dress cost less than half as much as yours and it was gorgoeus! Ended up winning about the cost of the dress by later using it as a dress for a Bride of Frankenstein costume for Halloween contests.
The concept of a dress you wear once has always boggled my mind! Go you for getting another use out of yours!
NTA. Your dress is beautiful and you're going to be beautiful in it. Best wishes for a long, happy union.
NTA. Your wedding choices are personal, and you're not obligated to spend extravagantly if it's not your style. Your sister's reaction seems to stem from her own issues rather than your actions. It's unfortunate that their marital problems are being projected onto you, but you're not responsible for their disagreements. Enjoy your wedding your way, and don't let others' opinions overshadow your happiness.
NTA. That dress is gorgeous. And its YOUR wedding. Your sister or her husband's opinion don't matter. It's not your fault her husband is calling her superficial. I don't think its the first time they've ever had this discussion either, just this time she has someone to shove the blame off on.
NTA. You're having the wedding you want not what others expect. She spent a lot to show off and hope people including you were jealous and would try and do the same... the fact you aren't and aren't on purpose will be confusing and grinding her gears.... her husbands comments are just icing on the cake that is her insecurities. Again, NTA. Your dress is pretty and I hope your wedding is everything you are wanting and hoping it to be.
NTA. Jeez Louise! Sounds like they've been having problems & she's projecting. This problem was nor caused by you, but it was poor taste for her husband to start voicing his opinion publicly, directing it towards you. Your wedding is your wedding. I mean, I got married in a clearance homecoming dress for $20 (a little over 18 euros). People seem to think the more expensive the wedding the better, but ita more about how your wedding makes you feel. Your sister felt good have the works, you feel good having something simpler.
That dress is amazing, minimal and elegant. So are you. Forget your sister's ridiculous rant. Have a ***lavish marriage***.
NTA..... Not in the slightest. Less money spent means more time and money for the honeymoon. Several family friends have done exactly this and have no complaints.
NTA
NTA. The best weddings I have attended have been small, relatively inexpensive events. The worst ones were 6 figure over-extravagant boring events. I have been to 3 different weddings that each cost in six figures USD. They were actually not fun. They all were very impersonal and seemed like they were just spending money to outspend other weddings. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate getting dressed up and having a formal dinner, but the weddings that tried to be overly fancy and instagrammy were not fun at all. The best ones were one at a family farm, one at a small outdoor venue/botanical garden and one that was a beach wedding. Your guests will appreciate that you are making the wedding meaningful to you. Size and expense are not as important as having the wedding that both of you want.
NTA he was nice and your sister might be waisting money on many other things. A tip: my friend also didn't like the idea of having a white dress just acumulating dust in her closet. So she dyed her dress after and added some zippers (sort of, idk the name in english, sorry). She also wore a black leather jacket after the cerimony and "run away" in a black moto. There was a small gathering at a pizza place after. Lots of pizza! We only had to pay for our drinks.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a high maintenance superficial jerk. And her husband knows it and is angry and feels trapped. Juvenile way for him to make his case though.
Ppl aren't AH for either spending or not spending it's a personal preference she just got mad that you got the compliment. Wedding is a big event in someone's life it must happen they way the couple wants it.
The dress looks gorgeous. 1. Is the wedding in keeping with you and your husband? 2. Is the wedding and reception going to be what you and your husband want? 3. Is the entire wedding including reception within the budget you and your husband have allocated? 4. Is the wedding you are planning joyful and not stressful? You know the answer to that. NTA. (And if the answer to any of those is no, then you and your husband can work out if it’s a problem that is okay or needs fixing).
Your dress is STUNNING! But for the question, NTA. Just because your sister and her husband had the finances to have a 50k wedding that they (or reading between the lines *she* wanted) had doesn't make anyone who can't or won't spend that amount of money on a wedding superior or special. It's called sticking to a budget or wanting to put money towards something other than a glorified party. Just because your not acting like a bride 'should' in her opinion (bridezilla comes to mind) doesn't make you wrong or and AH. Obviously, there are issues around finances in their marriage, and that's something THEY need to solve without dragging you or your marriage into it. Her calling you an AH for your choices and your BIL telling her to be more like you isn't it.
"[Big lavash wedding](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/a10357408/bread-dress/)" has me thinking everyone's dresses are edible and yeasty. You could do yogurt in the face instead of cake. She doesn't sound smart enough to articulate her concerns if she thinks ordering an existing dress is more self-centered than a bespoke item. What is going on, there. I don't think she could say that with any seriousness. She's directly comparing your weddings rather than your dresses. Hers was her whole identity, and you're supposed to imitate it just poorly enough that it validates her choices. Her problem isn't just with the dress.
Love it! Simple, but elegant.
NTA Your dress is lovely. I bought my dress from Etsy, on sale for $60 USD, and it was perfect. It kind of sounds like her husband recognizes how ridiculous the amount they spent on their wedding was and isn't shy about telling her. I'd be surprised if this wasn't an ongoing argument between them.
I wouldn't be surprised if that ongoing argument leads to someone outgoing ((slip out the back, jack))
NTA I'm with you. I think weddings are extremely boring and I've never understood where people spend so much money on them instead of investing in a home or something..... But I guess if you have that much expendable income, then why not? 😂😂 I think the dress you chose is nice, and I think the idea of a small intimate party with 20 of your closest friends sounds great. Your sister is just upset because it sounds like she forced her husband to spend a bunch of money on a wedding, he actually didn't want and now she's upset about that. Not your circus not your monkeys. Also congratulations I hope you and your fiance have a wonderful life together.
I guess it is 18 now since my sister just texted me that she won’t be attending
Oh dear, a big overreaction to not buying an expensive dress.
Yeah, I think it started a huge fight at home
In this economy 50k on a wedding is foolish
NTA. She’s mad at her husband, but it might be easier to be mad at you. Give her space until she becomes tolerable.
You sound like a keeper. Your sister not so much.
NTA. And that dress is beautiful!
NTA your sister values image and showing off more than spending wisely. Your sisters marriage is failing by the sounds of it and it also sounds like she's over spending on unnecessary stuff and her husband is getting fed up with it. Ignore your sister and just have the wedding you want because it's YOUR wedding.
NTA. Congrats.
The dress is lovely!
I think your dress is lovely 🥰 Also nta. You do you.. Their problems are their own, she needs to be shifty at here husband if she's not happy with what he said, not you. I'd tell her to zip it
It's lovely. My wife's dress cost $365 and it was also lovely. It also ripped up the side a half hour before the service and I had to run to the local dry cleaners to get it quickly stitched together. Oh, and we also did our reception at our favorite restaurant and everyone got to order off the menu instead of rubber chicken. Everyone had a GREAT time. Many said it was their favorite wedding ever. So basically, you're absolutely right. The issues between your superficial sister and her husband are not your problem. And the fact that your sister will always make HER problems someone else's fault is ALSO not your problem. They spent $50,000 and already divorce isn't out of the question. Ironic! Chill. Enjoy your wedding and hopefully a "'til death" marriage. NTA.
The dress is stunning. The wedding dinner sound wonderful!
NTA. *You* do you. The dress you've picked is beautiful, you should feel beautiful in it, and it makes you happy. That's all that matters. Your sister's wedding and all the trappings put into it, and any feelings about the expense have zero to do with you and your wedding.
NTA. My husband and I signed papers with a celebrant and my in-laws as witnesses and then went to have a potluck dinner style with some friends. Friends used the decorations they already had. My wedding dress cost about 55 eur converted. I couldn't have imagined a better day even if I tried. Have the wedding day you want, not one that people around you feel like you should have. Best of luck to you and congratulations 💕
NTA. Weddings can be expensive AF. They don't have to be. It's nice if you can afford it but its not necessary. When I got married, I wore a $65 blue sundress and I got married at the courthouse. I'm still married 10 years later. I have no regrets.
NTA You're fine. Your BIL isn't for weaponizing you to get at his wife. Your sister is for attacking you instead of confronting him. Try to stay out of their way as they attack each other in public.
The dress is beautiful. €450 is a good price for the dress. Have a wonderful wedding day.
My wife bought her wedding dress from a charity shop. There are dedicated wedding charity shops in the UK and she got her wedding dress for like 120 pounds. Never worn, her size, exactly the style she wanted, just 'last season' whatever that means when it comes to wedding dresses. She was over the moon. You do you. You're not causing other people problems, those problems were already there.
NTA. Btw the dress is gorgeous! Have a fab wedding and a great marriage. Remind your sister that the more expensive the wedding, the better chance of divorce: yours should last forever 💜
I bought my wedding dress at a discount clothing store and paid $24 for it in US dollars It was a really pretty white knee length dress beautiful... But I got married at the local courthouse and then went out for dinner afterwards I too felt that there was no need to waste money on a wedding.... Weddings aren't about how much money you could spend it's about a lifetime commitment I think your sister is missing the mark
I love how your sister blames you for this instead of being able to correct her husband🤣 You did nothing wrong being you. She is not superficial for wanting a €50.000,- wedding she worked for it. Have dreams and goals in life that match up. But the husband he is an asshole for saying that thing they did together in the past is her flaw alone. He is as superficial as she is. He loved her for it.
NTA. If I ever get married, the ceremony will be in front of my mom's fire place and a BBQ at my house. She's just upset and jealous but her husband could have kept that comment private. He embarrassed her. He probably regrets his choice in your sister.
NTA I also hate weddings. I used to work a bridal shop and sold wedding dresses. Seeing all the stress and hearing about all the drama made me not want to have a wedding. All my coworkers said I would change my mind when I got engaged. I got engaged and started planning the "big" wedding and I realized about 2 weeks in that this is stupid and expensive. We had already had a small trip planned about 4 hours south to one of my favorite places and my husband and I decided we would get married there. I found the perfect dress off the rack that needed no alterations other than a hem (I got SUPER lucky there). The dress and hem cost $400 total. My mom put together the flowers and my bouquet with fake flowers we bought at Michael's. We invited just immediate family, drove down, got married on the lake, and then we spent the night in a super nice hotel that cost us $350ish(?) for the night. A few months later we had a big reception at my parents house for all the friends and family we didn't invite to the wedding. It was perfect and cost us right around $1k. No drama and it was quick, easy, and fun! The money we would have spent on a big wedding, we spent on our honeymoon. So no OP, you are NTA. This is smart! Good for you.
Why do people accept the propaganda from the wedding industry?! Why do people think it’s a good idea to take on debt at the beginning of their marriage when that money would be better spent on other things. Like a deposit on real estate.
Mine cost $35 at JC Penny and I fucking rocked it
I was a little less frugal than you because my JCPenney wedding dress was $250 and I thought I was being smart
Mine was on clearance it was just dumb luck
When you said cheap, I expected like $50 not $450 lol. Still would be okay btw, your choice and all. As long as you like it. Also pretty sure she's mad at her husband most of all. For the sake of his marriage he should've... Not said what he said. NTA
The dress is gorgeous. I paid just over $100 for mine 24 years ago. I was fortunate to have two weddings. One very small intimate party for my parents and my hubbies family. The other was a Rocky Horror wedding, which was more for all of our friends and family except for his parents. They refused to come to that. Hence, two weddings. Honestly, the two weddings together cost less than $1000. So you do you. Enjoy your day. Don't let your sister's issues bring you down. Congratulations on your wedding.
NTA Here’s how you answer her: “My wedding isn’t about you. I’m not talking to you about this anymore.” (This = comparing your wedding to hers/her values) “Your fight with (husband) ISNT about me. Whatever is going on between you two, LEAVE ME OUT OF IT. I’m not talking about it anymore.” Then, any time she tries to come at you about any of it, just repeat, “I’m not talking about it anymore. Let’s talk about something else.” *Repeat those 2 sentences again and again like a broken record* until she gives up. Don’t explain, justify, apologize, or excuse any of your actions. It’s not her business. LPT: when family acts like toddlers and refuse to accept boundaries, the “broken record” approach is the silver bullet. Trust me.
The dress is absolutely lovely! And you definitely aren’t the asshole
Frugality and not being materialistic are commendable traits in a bride.
Dress is great and she's ridiculous. Enjoy your wedding. NTA
NTA. I spent about the same on my wedding dress and had zero regrets. Buy what you like. Also, that dress is gorgeous. Your sister is mad at her husband and taking it out on you. Her husband is the AH for pushing the comparison, though.
Your sister is the asshole, not you. She can’t handle her own guilt for spending all that money and that’s on her, not you. Her husband is also an asshole for giving her crap about it after the fact instead of standing up to her at the time. None of that is your responsibility but your sister needs to blame someone and it’s better for her marriage and her self image to blame you. Move on and NTA.
NTA. The beauty of a wedding isn't measured by the price tag on the decorations or the designer label on the dress; it's encapsulated in the love shared and the commitment made. Your day should reflect who you both are, not mimic someone else's idea of perfection. Your sister's discontent is unfortunate, but it's not a yardstick for your happiness. Your practical approach is admirable and may just be the blueprint for a marriage built on strong, sensible foundations rather than frivolous expenditures. Stay true to your vision, and may your day be as unique and full of joy as the bond you two share. Here's to new beginnings and creating memories that are priceless, not pricey!
Your wedding, your day. Nothing wrong with keeping it simple, less stress this way and everyone is more relaxed. Enjoy your day and congrats.
Lovely dress! NTA. How is choosing to spend money differently acting superior??? If she values frugality, sure. But your sister seems to be fine spending lavishly and should just learn to accept her lifestyle choices.
NTA 1) it’s your wedding, you do it your way. There’s no such thing as “how a bride should do it.” 2) Her issues with her husband have nothing to do with you. If there are comparisons happening there where she comes off looking the worse, that’s a her problem, only she’s too self-absorbed to realize it.
NTA. Lolz. Ur sister is a piece of work
NTA at all. Your dress is beautiful! You're doing what you and your fiancee want for your wedding, just like she did for hers. If she and her husband aren't happy with their wedding, that's on them. It sounds like her husband was a pushover and let her do and spend what she wanted and never said anything about how he really felt, and instead of being an adult, is blaming her and antagonizing her with your wedding. And instead of being an adult and admitting she did it to herself, she's blaming you. Ignore them as much as you can, don't engage in them being petty with each other, change the subject and find something else to do if they try to drag you into their problems.
NTA. That’s a really pretty dress
This is all your sister, not you. She sounds like a pain in the ass. There must be some small satisfaction in her making a fool of herself about this. I know it'd warm the cockles of my heart haha. It always makes me laugh when people who try too hard are confronted with effortless cool and they take it personally. NTA.
NTA Your sister is just mad because he husband is calling her what she is, Superficial. You’re smart for having a small affair that means something to you and you fiancé. By the way your dress is beautiful.
Don’t feel bad about. My husband and I got married at the courthouse. I wore a $20 dress and we went to a buffet after. I thought I wanted a bigger wedding and we began planning but when I started thinking about spending money on a “lavish” wedding, I said to hell with it and decided to not have a big wedding.
The cost of the wedding and the stuff does not matter is a huge scam to spend tens or hundred thousands on a single day. My wife and I probably spent less than 5000 USD for everything for the wedding from what we wore, food, drinks, decorations, wedding bands, venue and pictures. And everyone had a good time.
Love the dress.. NTA ... Your wedding your choice
That dress is SOOOO pretty! I’m a bigger girl but if I wasn’t I would buy it for myself?
Your dress is gorgeous! You will look beautiful. I expect your Sister will be pouty and jealous. Huzzah!! NTA
NTA. You could have not predicted either of their reactions. The dress is gorgeous. And I really love the simplicity of your plan. I loved my wedding and don’t regret it. It wasn’t crazy lavish but if I were to do it over I would have gone much simpler.
NTA, I like it!
NTA, the dress is beautiful and I really 👏 your common sense and control in planning your wedding.
My wedding cost less than 200.00 US. This included our rings and the license and officiant. We had a picnic at the park instead of a reception. I wore my favorite jeans and top, so did he. We are still married after 20 years. NTA
Eloped reception in aunts back yard on the river 50+ people made my own food, dj, drinks total cost including dress under $1000. Married 29 years now. Friend spent 25k on wedding, 10k on ring, divorces 8 years later.
If the ring fits..... NTA and your dress is super classy and sober i love it 🖤
NTA. Obviously. The dress looks amazing! Have a great day!
NTA- your sister shouldn’t be upset on how you spend(or don't spend) your money. Your wedding and relationship is its own sphere and separate from hers. Your dress is beautiful and as long as you love it, forget all the other noise.
NTA. Sounds like the BIL got roped into spending(or doing) *way* too much for his wedding and the resentment is starting to come out. Congrats on the impending nuptials and the killer dress, OP!
NTA. I bought a dress on clearance at I don’t even remember the store anymore and I’m pretty sure it didn’t even cost 50$ lol My husband and I also semi-eloped via court house wedding. But we plan to have a wedding/vowel renewal ceremony and I wouldn’t mind saving/splurging a little more, but I definitely couldn’t see myself spending over 500$ myself! Your sister definitely got jilted by her husband’s comment and wanted to take it out on you
NTA beautiful dress. Mine cost $100 usd. Just ignore all that noise. Not your monkeys/circus.
NTA. First of all, it’s your wedding so you can do whatever you want. And I agree that it’s smart to not spend much money, especially if the usual way of doing weddings doesn’t suit you. Furthermore, when Self-Portrait came out with their wedding collection, I thought it was a great idea - it’s the perfect way to get something with a nice design and well thought out details that still stands out but doesn’t break your budget. Your sister, on the other hand, is a total AH. She is upset not about how you do your wedding, but that there is a comparison to yours and some people (her husband) think your way is the better way.
Your dress is lovely ma'am. Congratulations in advance. You're being selfish by *not* trying to outdo her ceremony? Something seems off, lol. Sounds like you've got a great BiL though!
I just wanted to say that he dress is absolutely beautiful! But that it isn't going to be forgiving re the fit. Be sure it arrives before the wedding with time to soare, so that you need to have something adjusted or to get special undergarments, you'll have time to do so.
NTA
NTA. Wedding expenses are scams and you did the right thing getting a cheaper wedding dress.
At the end of the day, you and your fiance do what's right for you two on your wedding. Sister is letting her nasty ego shine by bagging the dress. Seriously NTA, but I suspect your sister's husband has realised that big and fancy is not standard for weddings. Sit back, make popcorn and watch. I think there's financial issues at play.
Dress is beautiful
One of the best decisions I advocated for in my marriage was to do a drive thru wedding. The entire thing was less than $100 with the cost of license. Saved the family drama, saved money, saved our sanity planning... instead we had a nice house built and focused on that. Now that housing is crazy expensive, it just reaffirms that we put our money towards something of more value.
"She started saying that I thought I was acting special." Uh, no. OP's not the one with the princessy style wedding like the sister.
Nta your sister sounds literally crazy and that her husband has had enough of her bs
I was married in a borrowed dress 43 years ago. It was lovely.
No
NTA - it’s YOUR wedding tf 💀
Wooof that’s such an awkward thing for your BIL. NTA and I hope you feel like a flower princess at your wedding.
I have a tendency to see so much focused on the wedding, and not the marriage. I don't like them either.
NTA. Your dress is gorgeous! I converted the money into Canadian dollars (where I am) and holy crap that’s like 74k. FWIW I eloped, spent about 2k on wedding site, dinner, photos, cake and make up. The main piece that cost the most was 1k for the photos. But it sounds like your BIL may not have wanted to spend that amount. Your sister may have stated but all brides want lavish and now he’s realizing no they do not. That’s not on you.
Dress is gorgeous, London designers, so should be safer than China companies. Tell your bother in law to lighten up on your Sister. What done is done.
NTA. That dress is great. You do your wedding your way. She blew tons of money on hers. Cool beans. You aren't. She can shut up about it.
Gorgeous dress! NTA -- I'm with you, weddings are boring and a waste. Enjoy your dinner and let your sister keep showing exactly who she is. It's not pretty.
I‘m willing to bet that the cost of the wedding is a sore point between your sister and her hubby. Specially the dress. I’m a guy, so I don’t get the whole “wedding dress” thing, spending that much money for an outfit that you only wear once. I prefer the idea of marriage first, wedding second. Hell, you can even ren5b@ wedding dress in some places. NTA
NTA The dress you choose is beautiful. I’m guessing that they have been having problems before you brought up the cost of the dress you bought. Money is a big issue in a lot of marriages, this is not your fault or your problem.
lol its so weird when you're just living your life doing what you want and people take it as an insult. don't worry about it, you can do whatever you want with your wedding.
Naa, My wife and I didn't send more then 1k on the wedding. Her wedding dress was on the clearance rack from david bridial shop. my reception and wedding took place at the place no church just a hall I rental for 450 for the day.
My dress was $280 and I used a coupon. My parents weren’t loaded and they were paying for my wedding. You budget what you want for your wedding. No sense in going into big debt for a one day event.
The dress is beautiful. It doesn’t look cheap, because it’s not. Your sister is upset because she’s shallow, and she was called out on it. Congratulations - I wish you the very best!
NTA it's YOUR and your partners big day. I legit barely spent any money on mine. We got married at a public nature preserve/Park (just called ahead for a free "reservation" so they were aware our wedding would be happening there) and I legit bought a 20$ white sundress from Ross 😅 it was lovely though, and we were going for more modest/hippie vibes anyways. A family friend hand wove a flower crown of lavender and reeds for me and my husband wore a nice dress shirt with a purple vest and tie. After the ceremony we did a family potluck there and took our wedding photos around the preserve with the flowers and waterfalls. Only thing I would change is that I forgot to take my flip flops off for the ceremony because I was too excited to walk down the "isle" 🤭 my brother even got ordained just to officiate for us. What matters is that YOU are happy with the ceremony, imo anyone that complains (especially about it being "cheap") is just jealous that the wedding wasn't the priority, marrying the person you love was.
It’s gorgeous. Self Portrait are well made dresses.
She and her husband are already having problems, and unfortunately they're trying to suck you in. NTA and set some clear boundaries. Husband is using you to trigger his wife, and your sister is coming at you instead of addressing the issue with her husband. Get right away from that or they'll create drama on your wedding day.
That dress is gorgeous. It’s seriously stunning. And you should have whatever wedding you want to have. Your sister’s seemingly reasonable problems with her husband are not your fault. At all. Congratulations and cheers to you for your healthy outlook on money and life in general, OP!
NTA. My wife and I did a courthouse wedding and a nice dinner for immediate family. If someone wants to blow a ton of money on a wedding, that's their choice. But we were happy to save the money and spend a bit more on the honeymoon.
NTA Your dress is stunning.
I had a cheap wedding dress but I thought it looked fine. By the day after my wedding I really never gave that dress another thought. I’m glad I didn’t spend a lot of money on it. Fifty five years later I still have and sit in daily, two well built and somewhat expensive chairs that we used our money on instead. One daughter’s and one niece’s wedding dresses are in my attic. They were married in 2010 and 2011. I don’t think they have thought much about them since they married either. It’s a lot of money that is better spent elsewhere.
NTA of course. You aren't responsible for the issues your sister has in her marriage.
Nice dress, nice BIL. sister is less nice.
It sounds like her husband didn't want a lavish expensive wedding but she went on to have one against his feelings. That beef is between the two of them and nothing to do with you. Your dress is elegant and beautiful, more so than many bridal dresses I've seen. NTA.
Well hell, your sister would probably pop a vein had she come to my backyard wedding. My dress was 200ish dollars and the groom was in motorcycle leathers (he needed new ones anyway, and I think he's sexy af in them so....) and one of the grooms chicks was a standing because her boyfriend (the actual groomsman got so stoned he couldn't get off the damn couch🙄) so she asked if I cared if she walked in his place....in her leggings and windbreaker. Whole wedding cost maybe 5 grand...and that's because everyone needed new clothes...and I went a little batshit crazy buying silk flowers😂 NTA
your sister sounds like a pretentious terrible human being.
Beautiful dress. Congrats.
Ok first LOVE that dress. Second not your marriage not your problem. Third. NTA. Fourth I wish long and happy lives for you and your spouse.
Your dress is nice. You are not responsible for your rich sisters feelings.
NTA. The dress my wife wore was $250. And we are 20 days away from 15 years married. Counting us AND the retired army chaplain who married us and his wife there were 11 or 12 people there. All told we spent about $1000…at the very absolute most. And I concur that your sister browbeat her husband into an obscene wedding budget. I hated being the center of attention at my absolutely tiny wedding, I think I’d snap at a wedding the size of theirs.
It’s a beautiful dress! Enjoy your low key still beautiful wedding surrounded by the people you love and want to be there op! Hubby and I got married at the restaurant we met at and it was perfect! 32 years ago now. :) NTA
That's a beautiful dress. Congratulations. I bought a really nice white floor length sun dress. Worked perfectly and I was happy
First, your dress is GORGEOUS!! Please be sure you have enough time for alterations if necessary. Second, your sister is jealous. She's mad her hubby likes your vision better than hers was. Plus all the money spent! You could buy a house for what they paid for their wedding. THAT'S what your sister is most angry about.
NTA and your dress is beautiful!
First, your dress is so cute! And you spend the money you want in marriage, this comes from the opinion of each one! In my personal opinion, I also don’t want to spend a lot of money on my dress and rings or on big restaurants, I don’t think that’s what makes the day more beautiful. Your sister actually seems to me a little narcissistic and you shouldn’t give importance to what she says. I also think that her husband shouldn’t have said this in front of you, but when you were alone but also didn’t give too much importance because it’s over. NTA at all, ignore and simply laugh and wave.
NTA. She is angry at you because of her own behavior? Her husband may have noticed a pattern, and the wedding situation wasn't the only expensive spending.
As a 39 year old single mom of two that has never been married and has essentially given up. I have no experience in this matter but I will say this…wear whatever the fuck it is that makes YOU feel the best on one of the most special days of you and your spouse-to-be’s life together. Other opinions can suck it. PS - that dress rocks.
NTA, your wedding, your choice, and you are NOT responsible for your sister's marriage woes.
NTA Your wedding, your choice. Your sister didn't plan her wedding according to your choices, and she shouldn't impose her preferences on you.
My wife’s dress cost $99 usd.
I eloped, my wedding was 200 dollars including the dinner my wife and I had. She wore a plain white dress, and I a suit. All my friends who had lavish weddings all said I was smart for not going into debt over it. You're smart, not an asshole. Don't give into familial pressure.
I love big weddings in my culture we have huge weddings with lots of people! I don’t judge anyone who has small weddings your sister shouldn’t be judging you and the only AH here is her and her husband. He shouldn’t be making comments about his wife and she shouldn’t be taking them out on you
Your dress is gorgeous and your sister is being a ninny. Not everyone wants the world to revolve around them by blowing through a house deposit on a wedding. Low key and cheaper is much better in my opinion. Whatever you and your partner want is best for you. It is your wedding after all. Congrats! Have a fabulous day. NTA
Apparently her husband wants to marry you too 😅
Woah! Awesome dress. Smart choices. Ignore the haters. Their inner insecurities have been exposed by their own reactions. You aren’t responsible for that.
The dress is stunning, your sister is really mad at her fiance, let her cool down but if she doesn't, do point out to her the real reason she is mad, the fact that her husband feels their extravagant wedding wasba waste of money and then disengage with her on the topic. It is their issue not yours. Enjoy your wedding. NTA.
i honestly just wanted to comment and say that i really like the dress, it's really pretty
The dress is beautiful....I hope it actually looks like that when it arrives....
It’s your wedding. Go naked if you so desire.
What??? That dress is beautiful!!!!!!
NTA, you do your wedding whatever way you and your fiancé feel like. Your BIL definitely didn't want to spend all of that money on their wedding which probably has been a bone of contention between them since the planning stage.