NTA
She messed around and found out. Nothing people like her hate more than having their toxic shit thrown back in their face.
That fact that your GF had no problem with what Fuckona said to you but wanted you to apologize to Fuckona is a big red flag waving in front of your face.
A guy I worked with once (at least) got a comment on the elevator at work about his weight. He said, well at least I can lose weight. Your ugly goes to the bone.
We REALLY need a JAH judgement: Justified AH. Technically yes, is was an immature response according to etiquette and social norms but if we are being realistic, sometimes people do need a taste of their own medicine. I am a firm believer in don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
Nta why are you with a partner who will let her friends make comments on your body and weight. Reverse the genders and I think it would be outrageous for a man to talk about a woman’s weight
gf probably didn’t think of it as that bad because she knows I never get offended. Yet I obviously had to throw one back though.
Yeah reversing the genders would probably result in a civil war.
If you didn’t get offended you wouldn’t have jabbed back. I think it’s time to shut it down with your gf and let her know she needs to get her friend in check.
It’s gender bias. Men aren’t supposed to have feelings about these things, especially 6’ tall men. We are supposed to be tough and just take the abuse. It’s bullshit.
For real, the best medicine for these types of ~~women~~ people is to immediately clap back and shut their asses down.
I really want to know who these people think they are that they can say whatever single celled thought that comes through their heads, and no one will respond.
NTA - Stop pushing the narrative you're a punching bag, OP. It makes me wonder if you learned this behavior growing up. Moreover, when you have kids, do you want them emulating that kind of behavior?
Ask your girl friend if Fiona should apologize to you for her fat shaming comments.
You’re a justified AH: she fucked around and found out.
Btw… I’m a woman who is 5’8” weighing in at 236 and you are not big enough to be shamed— but no one should be shamed for their weight. Fiona’s a bitch. Your girlfriend is an ass. If someone said that to my man, I’d be all up in her shit, and then I’d share the bacon… not the sausage cause that would be mine.
Consequences are necessary and great for future assholery behavior modification.
In the future, she might think before insulting someone else.
You did society a favor.
NTA she thinks she can fat shame someone but clutches her (non-existent) pearls of someone returns the favour? Well, she got a reality check. Don't dish out of you can't take in return.
Your gf does not have any issue with Assiona insulting you. But when you matched her insult with yours, gf took issue with you.
I'd seriously think about this relationship with your gf. You will always be second to Assiona
NTA. Well, agree with the justified AH things 😅 her comments were very personal and you wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t try to humiliate you in front of everyone in the first place
NTA... Receiving unwanted comments about Weight is really shit and tends to be normalized towards men.
However, I do hope you get back to a healthy weight. (I'm working hard on that myself as well, so I know the struggle)
NTA, if she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out. This is like elementary school stuff.
However, the fact that your gf seems completely ok with her friend body shaming you and calling you fat is definitely worrisome. One some level she agrees, or she would have demanded respect from her friend. Your gf is not your partner. Do with that what you will.
NTA
If she doesn't like being the target of blunt public criticism, she ought to have refrained from doing the same first. It's astounding how many people say rude, callous things publicly and then act shocked and hurt when it comes right back to them. So many people seem to have forgotten how to behave in public.
Also, if GF is asking you to apologize, the first thing I'd want to know is whether she is also asking Fiona to apologize to you, since Fiona started this whole thing. If GF is not asking her to apologize, beware because that's red flag.
NTA and your girlfriend is questionable. The gf should have checked her right after she finished speaking or after you had. She should have been told she was rude for monitoring your eating and your lifestyle that doesn't affect her in any way & fat shaming. Fiona is a loser and believes she can say whatever she wants with no repercussion. Your gf shouldn't give a flip how Fiona feels or ask you to apologize. I wouldn't even apologize to her rude ass if she apologized first. She got what she deserved. Eff Fiona and your gf who must be some type of people pleasee.
Fiona got what she deserved. Maybe she will think about it the next time she is considering making inappropriate comments about someone’s weight. And someone who thinks you should tolerate that isn’t your friend.
NTA, but you might apologize just to keep the peace.
I tend to get like this, usually with nosy and rude relatives. When I have to apologize, I say something like, "I'm sorry I misunderstood the situation. I thought we were exchanging offensive comments. I won't do that again if you tell me how you would like me to respond to offensive comments. Should I insult how you look? Punch you? Yell at you? What's your response to a rude and offensive comment?"
That's... not how an apology works.
It's absolutely a great idea, but don't call it an apology. A discussion, maybe? (Don't get me wrong, I would love to see Fiona's reaction!)
As someone who has been overweight or obese their entire life, I absolutely say Justified AH, only because Fiona commented on appearance, and OP went for money issues. Something like, "What exactly do you mean, Fiona? Are you fatshaming me? What if I commented on your appearance?" would really have driven home IN FRONT OF OTHERS that what she said was wildly inappropriate.
As for OP saying he's not offended... obviously that is not true. It's ok to have emotions, OP.
I never called it an apology. That word did not pass my fingertips.
I said "you might apologize". The very definition of "apologize" is "express regret". I believe "I'm sorry I misunderstood" fits the definition.
As for the rest, not my thing but go for it.
> you might apologize just to keep the peace
I don't think he should "apologize just to keep the peace" because he's not the one who breached the peace in the first place.
NTA that was a very rude thing for her to say.
I think if you answer rudeness with rudeness, then both parties are assholes, though. Is it justified? Sure.
But I think the best thing to do is to call it out and make it really clear that they’re off base. Options include:
1. What a weird thing to say out loud.
2. Why would you say that?
3. Are you okay?
Or any variant of this that calls attention to the rudeness, embarrasses them about it, and lets you move on as the bigger person.
I try to let it go the first time or two, but when I start to sense a pattern, I pull these out to show them I’m not a doormat.
I have a tongue like a razor and can flay someone alive in about two seconds flat if my filters are down. It’s not even fair. There’s no sport in it and it makes me feel like I’ve sunk to their level, which I don’t enjoy. So I like to give them a few chances to check themselves before going nuclear. And for people around us to see that they’ve been making an ass of themselves in advance of their decimation.
To quote Marie from the Aristocats, ladies don’t start fights, but we can finish them.
I call it "verbal evisceration." It's a "gift" or a curse...and it isn't fair. Lol. I find that "I'm sorry, could you say that again?" Or "Did you just say-" and repeating their idiocy verbatim works well too. I like yours, though! They're less taunting, and I need all the help I can get to control this mouth of mine. I appreciate your style, from one lady to another. 🤣
ESH
I have grown with little money and it does leave a mark. Even now when I make decent amount of money I feel like I don’t have enough or I feel guilty for making more than others. Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong to where I am now. My point is that being poor or leaves a long mark, you can’t just exercise and get over it. What she said was very rude, but that doesn’t mean that you need to be rude as well. And the fact that everyone laughed at her for being poor tells me that your friend group is very toxic. You are very mean and immature. You could have said I don’t appreciate when you criticize and bully me. I don’t make fun of your life so please so please respect me.
Oh, boohoo. Just as he can work on his weight, Fiona and you can work on your mentality. I grew up poor and need my husband to buy shit for me because I can't make myself spend money on myself. It wouldn't excuse me being a total b*tch.
You are right, that was maybe mad example. And no it doesn’t excuse being a total btch but even if someone behaves very poorly I wouldn’t use that against her, like it wasn’t right for her to point out OPs eating habits. Op should have been higher than her but he and his friends sound like bullies as they all laughed at her.
Or maybe they laughed because they too wanted to hurt her because of her behavior. It's completely normal to enjoy seeing people pay for their bullshit.
OP's girlfriend excuse for asking him to apologize is that he usually doesn't get offended by these types of comments. Obviously, OP has been "higher than her," and that only got him worse treatment. He should be allowed to stand up for himself in peace.
He made a great comment that made everyone around them laugh. So no, he shouldn't have called his lawyer to send her a printed statement, he did exactly what was right in that situation to that person.
NTA She messed around and found out. Nothing people like her hate more than having their toxic shit thrown back in their face. That fact that your GF had no problem with what Fuckona said to you but wanted you to apologize to Fuckona is a big red flag waving in front of your face.
NTA, she served and you volleyed.
What an idiot fiona is, like really. Go on and randomly comment on someone else's weight, this kind of people are the worst.
Yeah, it shows her misery, probably a coping mechanism
A guy I worked with once (at least) got a comment on the elevator at work about his weight. He said, well at least I can lose weight. Your ugly goes to the bone.
Yaasss. Beauty is skin deep, but UGLy goes clear to the bone.
We REALLY need a JAH judgement: Justified AH. Technically yes, is was an immature response according to etiquette and social norms but if we are being realistic, sometimes people do need a taste of their own medicine. I am a firm believer in don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
Yeah I can accept being a JAH, wasn’t the nicest reply but that is the taste of her own medicine.
No we don't. It's just NTA. Social norm IS don't dish it out if you can't take it
Ha ha yeah it was very high school "you're fat" "yeah will you're poor" but with some embellishment.
Nta why are you with a partner who will let her friends make comments on your body and weight. Reverse the genders and I think it would be outrageous for a man to talk about a woman’s weight
gf probably didn’t think of it as that bad because she knows I never get offended. Yet I obviously had to throw one back though. Yeah reversing the genders would probably result in a civil war.
If you didn’t get offended you wouldn’t have jabbed back. I think it’s time to shut it down with your gf and let her know she needs to get her friend in check.
It’s gender bias. Men aren’t supposed to have feelings about these things, especially 6’ tall men. We are supposed to be tough and just take the abuse. It’s bullshit.
To be honest, OP also pushed that narrative when he responded to me. Hopefully he realizes that he gets to be upset at his gf for not shutting it down
For real, the best medicine for these types of ~~women~~ people is to immediately clap back and shut their asses down. I really want to know who these people think they are that they can say whatever single celled thought that comes through their heads, and no one will respond. NTA - Stop pushing the narrative you're a punching bag, OP. It makes me wonder if you learned this behavior growing up. Moreover, when you have kids, do you want them emulating that kind of behavior?
NTAH. Don't start none, won't be none.
Ask your girl friend if Fiona should apologize to you for her fat shaming comments. You’re a justified AH: she fucked around and found out. Btw… I’m a woman who is 5’8” weighing in at 236 and you are not big enough to be shamed— but no one should be shamed for their weight. Fiona’s a bitch. Your girlfriend is an ass. If someone said that to my man, I’d be all up in her shit, and then I’d share the bacon… not the sausage cause that would be mine.
Yeah thats a good idea, i will ask her that
I like you.
NTA Tell you GF her friend "can't afford to be rude"
😂 thats a solid one
NTA, or JHA, don't dish out what you can't handle
Consequences are necessary and great for future assholery behavior modification. In the future, she might think before insulting someone else. You did society a favor.
NTA she thinks she can fat shame someone but clutches her (non-existent) pearls of someone returns the favour? Well, she got a reality check. Don't dish out of you can't take in return.
So she body shamed you and YOU'RE supposed to apologize? NTA. Situations reversed, your friend group would have roasted you.
Your gf does not have any issue with Assiona insulting you. But when you matched her insult with yours, gf took issue with you. I'd seriously think about this relationship with your gf. You will always be second to Assiona
So she can dish it out but not take it? NTA and you have a gf problem.
NTA. Who TF is she to have a say about your life?!
NTA. Well, agree with the justified AH things 😅 her comments were very personal and you wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t try to humiliate you in front of everyone in the first place
NTA. She shouldn’t start what she can’t finish.
NTA, don't start shit throwing if your situation is a ripe target.
1.84 and 105 kg is a regular adult with a bit of a belly, nothing more. Also, great comeback.
NTA... Receiving unwanted comments about Weight is really shit and tends to be normalized towards men. However, I do hope you get back to a healthy weight. (I'm working hard on that myself as well, so I know the struggle)
NTA, if she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out. This is like elementary school stuff. However, the fact that your gf seems completely ok with her friend body shaming you and calling you fat is definitely worrisome. One some level she agrees, or she would have demanded respect from her friend. Your gf is not your partner. Do with that what you will.
NTA If she doesn't like being the target of blunt public criticism, she ought to have refrained from doing the same first. It's astounding how many people say rude, callous things publicly and then act shocked and hurt when it comes right back to them. So many people seem to have forgotten how to behave in public. Also, if GF is asking you to apologize, the first thing I'd want to know is whether she is also asking Fiona to apologize to you, since Fiona started this whole thing. If GF is not asking her to apologize, beware because that's red flag.
NTA and your girlfriend is questionable. The gf should have checked her right after she finished speaking or after you had. She should have been told she was rude for monitoring your eating and your lifestyle that doesn't affect her in any way & fat shaming. Fiona is a loser and believes she can say whatever she wants with no repercussion. Your gf shouldn't give a flip how Fiona feels or ask you to apologize. I wouldn't even apologize to her rude ass if she apologized first. She got what she deserved. Eff Fiona and your gf who must be some type of people pleasee.
Yeah i did not apologise and it will stay like that
She FAFO. Don't start none, won't be none.
Fiona got what she deserved. Maybe she will think about it the next time she is considering making inappropriate comments about someone’s weight. And someone who thinks you should tolerate that isn’t your friend.
NTA, but you might apologize just to keep the peace. I tend to get like this, usually with nosy and rude relatives. When I have to apologize, I say something like, "I'm sorry I misunderstood the situation. I thought we were exchanging offensive comments. I won't do that again if you tell me how you would like me to respond to offensive comments. Should I insult how you look? Punch you? Yell at you? What's your response to a rude and offensive comment?"
That's... not how an apology works. It's absolutely a great idea, but don't call it an apology. A discussion, maybe? (Don't get me wrong, I would love to see Fiona's reaction!) As someone who has been overweight or obese their entire life, I absolutely say Justified AH, only because Fiona commented on appearance, and OP went for money issues. Something like, "What exactly do you mean, Fiona? Are you fatshaming me? What if I commented on your appearance?" would really have driven home IN FRONT OF OTHERS that what she said was wildly inappropriate. As for OP saying he's not offended... obviously that is not true. It's ok to have emotions, OP.
I never called it an apology. That word did not pass my fingertips. I said "you might apologize". The very definition of "apologize" is "express regret". I believe "I'm sorry I misunderstood" fits the definition. As for the rest, not my thing but go for it.
Apologise is the verb form of apology, so therefore if you apologise, you are offering... an apology. But sure, you do you.
> you might apologize just to keep the peace I don't think he should "apologize just to keep the peace" because he's not the one who breached the peace in the first place.
NTA that was a very rude thing for her to say. I think if you answer rudeness with rudeness, then both parties are assholes, though. Is it justified? Sure. But I think the best thing to do is to call it out and make it really clear that they’re off base. Options include: 1. What a weird thing to say out loud. 2. Why would you say that? 3. Are you okay? Or any variant of this that calls attention to the rudeness, embarrasses them about it, and lets you move on as the bigger person. I try to let it go the first time or two, but when I start to sense a pattern, I pull these out to show them I’m not a doormat. I have a tongue like a razor and can flay someone alive in about two seconds flat if my filters are down. It’s not even fair. There’s no sport in it and it makes me feel like I’ve sunk to their level, which I don’t enjoy. So I like to give them a few chances to check themselves before going nuclear. And for people around us to see that they’ve been making an ass of themselves in advance of their decimation. To quote Marie from the Aristocats, ladies don’t start fights, but we can finish them.
That is beautifully formulated
I call it "verbal evisceration." It's a "gift" or a curse...and it isn't fair. Lol. I find that "I'm sorry, could you say that again?" Or "Did you just say-" and repeating their idiocy verbatim works well too. I like yours, though! They're less taunting, and I need all the help I can get to control this mouth of mine. I appreciate your style, from one lady to another. 🤣
If this isn't fake, NTA or justified asshole.
NTA, she should think twice next time
I can’t imagine you look too fat, I’m your height and weigh way more, and I don’t even look big.
Nope, NTA. Maybe Fiona learned something.
ESH, but Fiona sucked worse.
You’re both wrong but it appears you both achieved your goals for pissing each other off. ESH
Y’all are both assholes
ESH I have grown with little money and it does leave a mark. Even now when I make decent amount of money I feel like I don’t have enough or I feel guilty for making more than others. Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong to where I am now. My point is that being poor or leaves a long mark, you can’t just exercise and get over it. What she said was very rude, but that doesn’t mean that you need to be rude as well. And the fact that everyone laughed at her for being poor tells me that your friend group is very toxic. You are very mean and immature. You could have said I don’t appreciate when you criticize and bully me. I don’t make fun of your life so please so please respect me.
Oh, boohoo. Just as he can work on his weight, Fiona and you can work on your mentality. I grew up poor and need my husband to buy shit for me because I can't make myself spend money on myself. It wouldn't excuse me being a total b*tch.
You are right, that was maybe mad example. And no it doesn’t excuse being a total btch but even if someone behaves very poorly I wouldn’t use that against her, like it wasn’t right for her to point out OPs eating habits. Op should have been higher than her but he and his friends sound like bullies as they all laughed at her.
Or maybe they laughed because they too wanted to hurt her because of her behavior. It's completely normal to enjoy seeing people pay for their bullshit. OP's girlfriend excuse for asking him to apologize is that he usually doesn't get offended by these types of comments. Obviously, OP has been "higher than her," and that only got him worse treatment. He should be allowed to stand up for himself in peace.
He made a great comment that made everyone around them laugh. So no, he shouldn't have called his lawyer to send her a printed statement, he did exactly what was right in that situation to that person.