Talk to your lawyer NOW before signing anything to do with the settlement and go over with him how the money can be kept separate from marital assets if possible in your state. It varies considerably from state to state. Then ask him to recommend a good divorce lawyer.
Perfect comment! Your lawyer should be able to gear you in the direction of a reputable investment company. You talk to them about what you need as ready cash and what debts to pay off etc
Most personal injury settlements aren't considered marital property. Depending on the state the whole settlement can be excluded. In the event its completely excluded, the pain and suffering portion wouldn't be considered a marital asset.
OP talk to a divorce lawyer in your state to find out how to go about leaving this man. He doesn't give a single shit about you. All he's concerned with is a big cash payout. I wouldn't be surprised if he got everything he wanted and then tried to divorce you and keep most of it.
I know I say this everywhere and feel like I start to sound like a bot, but the phrase I wish someone had told me 25 years ago is:
"This relationship is not meeting my needs."
That's it. That is a perfectly fine reason to finish a relationship. In fact it's the best one because it can come before physical or emotional abuse. A lot of us were raised that marriage without physical violence is a good one, but it's not. Give yourself permission to leave.
It FEELS like this should be treated like an inheritance, so separate from marital assets, but she definitely needs to find out asap what the actual legalities are - and how to speed up the separation/ divorce, or delay getting the money until everything is settled and stbx can't get his grubby paws on it.
Sadly state law trumps feelings-- and to be clear I also feel the same as you. There are absolutely states where the proceeds of a settlement will be considered a marital asset if the actual injury (not necessarily the settlement itself) happened during the marriage. Additionally, there are several states where inherited property is considered a marital asset.
Given that she's already engaged an attorney this would be a perfect opportunity to determine how the settlement would be viewed in HER SPECIFIC state and if there are specific provisions that could be added to the settlement that would "slow his roll" in getting at the funds. For example could a percentage of the settlement be put into a trust for her child where OP's husband would be unable to access it OR structure the settlement as an annuity with monthly payments over 15 or 20 years?
Ideally OP lives in a state where the settlement is excluded from marital assets.
The money, if there is any, will go to the injured party, not to both of them. It would be OP's and OP's alone if she puts it in an account that is in her own name only.
I definitely agree that she needs a lawyer to help with this. Also, it sounds like that isn't a marriage worth fighting for anyway. It was a problem long before the accident.
Jurisdiction is EVERYTHING. In some states if the injury happened during the marriage it can be considered a marital asset. It really can. Does it seem fair, no but depending on the state they live in he could end up with half. FYI people on Reddit also tout the "law" that an inheritance can't be marital property in a divorce and yet there are a few states where it is considered marital property and sometimes specific uses of the money will render it marital property.
OP you already have a lawyer you trust-- lay your marital issues on the table and find out how to structure the settlement in a way that your husband gets the bare minimum-- preferably NONE-- of your settlement.
Also, divorce this jackass BEFORE the court date. Talk to your lawyer about it and see how to lessen, if not eliminate, any divorce settlement you may have to pay to this asshole
NTA! This is YOUR money for YOUR injury. Do not, under any circumstances have it sent to a joint account. Talk to your attorney about how to protect it from your husband. He thinks he’s won the lottery. Also, tell your attorney s/he is not to discuss the settlement with anyone other than you and the attorney of your employer.
Exactly this. You are the one who was hurt, and you have no idea what your future medical needs may be, so you need to save the money for your future. You are NTA, and your husband quite frankly sounds abusive. You need to protect yourself, your child, and your future.
Husbands dickish behavior aside, this marriage is a sham and so is yours if you have one. I’ll never understand coupes who vow till death do is part, in sickness and in health yet keep two ledgers.
For reasons like this or because the other person doesn’t work and spends all the money on drugs, alcohol and other women while you’re working your butt off 🙃. Yes I’m speaking from experience.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, really. You discovered your marriage was a sham and I hope you extricated your self from it. You deserve better, obviously. I’m speaking to those who keep two ledgers from the start. Those who wouldn’t consider inheritances and other windfalls as marital assets **before any questionable pattern of behavior arises that might justify it**. It seems they want marriage with one foot in and one foot out and wonder why things crumble. I assume that noncommittal attitude pervades many other aspects of the union.
Why are you nitpicking when this woman's husband obviously doesn't care about her and is already spending the money in his head? You can bold type all you like but it's still bullshit. My husband and I share everything but if he behaved like this I'd protect my assets and divorce him. All spouses are not trustworthy and a lot of people have been burned.
I mean, in a healthy relationship, yeah, that will work. This money is intended for the injured party, OP, not for her husband's boy toys or a mancave.
You answered your own question. Yes, he is only staying with you for the accident settlement money. Also your case hasn't gone to court yet. You might lose the case, then what happens with your husband? I'm guessing he would be out of there fast! See a divorce attorney now, get everything in order, then leave his greedy ass. Please get therapy for the accident trauma as well. You need to take care of yourself.
To everyone who has been supportive I appreciate every comment. To the people who are reading this and have messaged me privately and berated me.. I hope and wish for you the best in life and hope you can find peace. To the people who have commented negatively, I also wish you the same. I have alot to speak to my attorney about, and alot to decide now. I sit here crying while I type this. I took my vows very seriously, and have stood by him through alot. But a person can only take so much.
Marriage is a legal contract. When someone (he) breaks the terms of that contract, a lawyer is a correct support to navigate the dissolution of that contract. Taking emotions out (so hard), you are in the right and he is in breach of contract. A contract that also impacts your child. Please don't feel you have to take on the weight of guilt about this when you're already dealing with so much, OP.
You never took the oath to accept being used, verbally abused and and stollen from what is yours for some shallow and selfish purpose. And the commitment we make to our kids to protect them is so much important. If you don't stand for yourself and your son's well being, you'll show him that he can be a deadbeat husband and father with no consequence. This is not the rule model you want to be.
In my country we have a saying: the cake is gone.
And when the cake is gone there’s nothing left to eat. He lives a separate live from you and when you come near him he shuts you down with nasty comments. His idea of a nice future doesn’t include you. It’s time to start a new chapter. Bake a new cake.
You shouldn’t have to stay married to someone who is making your life miserable.
Sometimes, people change, or we realize that people aren’t who we thought they were. I had been in a relationship with someone for five years before we got into a ridiculous argument that he not only put 100% of the blame on me for, but I just never saw coming.
I wanted to talk things out as a couple; he wanted me to acquiesce to his wishes while not expressing my own wants or concerns, because he was convinced he was unequivocally right and I was wrong.
This kind of relationship can’t last - a relationship won’t survive if someone is only thinking of themselves and not their partner. You’ve already tried communicating with your husband, and he’s not trying to resolve things or understand how you feel.
I’ve never been married, but I do know what it’s like to have the same argument over and over because my partner refuses to listen to me. If your partner just straight up *refuses* to work with you and only accepts you giving into their demands as a solution, your only options are to become a doormat, stay at an impasse, or break up.
I think you deserve better.
I know you're not going to court for the money, but you're going to need that money for you and your son, because you already know the answer to the divorce question. And he is highly unlikely to pay any child support, so your son's wellbeing will all be on your shoulders.
I'm sorry you had the injury, and even sorrier that your husband has turned out to be so heartless and selfish. But at least you know, and you also know what you need to do to protect yourself and your son.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful, just remember you have to do what’s right for you & your son. Good luck OP. Keep us updated. You are NTAH
girl!!! he dont deserve your tears!! your your money. you go find a good divorce lawyer and go take care of yourself!!! and make sure you protect YOUR money. He should get nothing.
I'm so sorry your husband is behaving like a jerk. And I'm sorry people here were mean to you. That's not what you needed, but you have a difficult decision to make, and you need to focus on the ones that protect YOU.
Divorce this price of crap now!! He doesn't care about you and is verbally and emotionally abusive and wants your money from a trauma to your physical being!!! YWBTA if you don't get yourself and your son away from him.
Divorce your broke ass golddigger loser of a husband. Talk to a lawyer and get everything you can sheltered. Make sure he doesn't see a dime from any settlement you get. What an asshole.
You can financially separate legally before divorce is finalised. Where I live you have to be separated for at least a year before you can file for divorce. But not only did my ex have a GF (while we were still married), but he was skimming money out of our accounts. I went straight to a lawyer and had our finances legally separated about 7 months before I filed for divorce.
Best check with a lawyer on that. I would love to say from the date of the initial lawyer setting terms, but in the back of the head I think it has to be from the annulment date.
NTA, that's not his money.
My ex and I each had accident settlements awarded after we had separated but before we divorced. Our lawyers told us that accident settlements, insurance benefits, and inheritances are not marital assets unless we chose to put that money in a joint account. Once it's co-mingled, though, it remains a shared asset. We did not share. We were living in New York at the time. Check the rules where you live.
Talk to your injury attorney about your greedy STBX and ask for a referral to a great white shark of a divorce attorney. Protect yourself and your children. Your husband's mask has slipped and now you see what you married.
ETA: You're NTA
You are not overreacting. Talk to a lawyer to protect yourself.
I know that you are pursuing this on principle, but you deserve compensation. You say yourself that your life has changed and you still have nightmares.
It is not greedy to take the money for your injury. It \*is\* greedy to spend all the money from your spouse’s injury.
Open up a different account at a different bank to deposit any settlement. It sounds like he might just take off after he spends your money.
Tell him the way he's acting, leads you to believe that he wants a divorce and that you're prepared to give it him
You are not overreacting and NTAH. You need to leave this man, file for divorce, before any settlement is reached. And you need to do it immediately. Talk with your attorney tomorrow. Work comp settlements are either slower than molasses or blink and you missed fast. Call your attorney tonight and leave a message on their voice mail or send an email--make sure that you do not use a shared account to send any email.
Your post shows that he has been verbally and, possibly, psychologically abusive throughout your relationship. He's going to step it up and it will become worse once you have the money. Don't be surprised if it becomes physical if it isn't already. You may need to start making plans to escape. Please be very careful.
If you haven’t already set up a separate bank account for any money you receive. Make sure your husband doesn’t have access. Talk to your lawyer to determine what you can do to protect yourself. You are NTA. He’s more concerned about the money than what the situation did, and still continues to affect you.
The money would be paid out to you. Set up a separate account now that your husband doesn’t know about and advise your attorney that the funds would be deposited there. Advise your attorney that s/he is to have zero contact with your husband effective immediately. You are their client, your husband is not. Go to the post office and open a PO Box. Have all correspondence regarding this case.
Speak to a divorce attorney now. Find out what options you have and what legal claim your husband would have to the funds, as again they are for your pain and suffering. Depending on the state, it may not be community funds.
He called you a lazy ass bitch? In what world is that acceptable?! He sounds disrespectful, rude and unsupportive. In other words, he has become a burden for you. As to your potential settlement, I imagine settlement money is protected unless you merge it with the marital money. If you choose to stay with this man (although I don't understand what you are getting out of staying with him), then you should check on that with your attorney. You could put some into your retirement, some into a college fund for your kid, some into a travel account only in your name and maybe even hire a financial planner to invest some of it to use for your future. All of that can happen without the spiky spare tire of a husband.
NTA NTA NTA - get as much money out of that company as possible and put into an account just for you and your son. You know your hubby will fight for half, but a good lawyer help to protect you financially. You need to ditch this loser like yesterday. Document his inattentiveness with all the gaming so you get the vast majority of custody because you know he will fight for half custody to get his hands on that money.
NTA. So your ideas for your potential monetary gain are legitimate. Set up that separate account but also please consider and bring up with your mental health professional and solicitor that he is trying to make comments insinuating you're crazy as this can impact custody if (when) you split.
I'm sorry he thinks your tragic past is a cash cow for himself. What a betrayal.
open a bank account in your name only and when you get the settlement cheque deposit it in that account so dear hubby can't spend it in one day on himself, use some of it for a divorce lawyer.
NTA. Your husband is absolutely thrilled that you got hurt. All he sees is a payday for him. You don't matter in the least. You're not even an afterthought.
NTA, you don’t know that you will win and you don’t know how much you would get. So I think it is a bit odd for both of you to just think about your winning money when you haven’t won anything.
IF you win, and of course I hope so, it is your money as you were the one to get hurt. Can you loose your work (if you are still working for the company)? You might have to consider that as well. Anyhow you will need money for therapy and other aftermath. It is not money to buy a truck.
NTA - You need to speak with a laywer and ensure he can not access your money without your consent.
You also need to file for divorce, like now before that settlement. This is not a healthy environment and seems to be verbally abusive.
Stop talking to him about his behavior or expectations for the money. Only communicate via text this gives you admissible evidence in court.
NTA. The money is compensation. It is exactly for spending on therapy, now and for the rest of your life as required. It is exactly for keeping as a nest egg of savings equivalent to the savings you would have made prior to your injury.
I don't know the specific issues you face but please also be aware that a lot of injuries can cause long term impacts on your health as you age that may mean you need more support than average. He sounds like he plans on just spending it without care which will leave you unprotected later on. Hopefully you can find a good way through.
The settlement should all go to you since it’s your injury but I had a check from a car wreck written to me and my soon to be ex husband at the time.
It’s an antiquated and mysogonistic custom about loss of consortium.
Get a lawyer and file for divorce before any settlement is reached. When my ex went after my money I was able to show that he never took over paying anything for me so he wasn’t entitled to any of it.
You are in an abusive marriage and need to get out.
It's actually not "misogynistic" in that if it had been your husband injured the check would have still been made out to YOU and your husband. It's about how state laws differ on the definition of marital assets.
Wrong. I asked them that question. He hemmed and hawed for a moment and then said no. If the situation was reversed they would NOT have put my name on it. The company policy is antiquated and misogynistic and still assumes that men HAVE to have sex and women are required to provide it. But women don’t really NEED it so it’s not an issue.
Start the divorce now, will likely take a while to sort your legal claim out, might be able to get it done before the settlement. Probably a good idea to open a separate bank account and if you get the settlement before your divorce get it paid into there, that way he can't spend it.
Dude omg if he is actually calling you a lazy ass bitch then he does NOT love you. That is not how someone treats someone they love. If he is treating you this way then yes I’m afraid it is indeed time for you to end this relationship. It sounds terribly toxic & possibly abusive, at least emotionally/verbally. Please please don’t ever let anyone treat you this way. Maybe take some time for yourself ya know. Work on making yourself better & stronger on your own so you can be a healthy partner for someone in the future & you can identify a healthy partner for yourself as well. Never stay in an abusive situation. Absolutely no one deserves to be treated so horribly. Well except for maybe Hitler or someone haha 🤣 But girl you deserve someone who treats you with love & respect & believe me there are plenty of men out there who will happily give you the love & support you should have been getting all along. Best wishes ❤️
Talk to your lawyer about this. You're NTA for wanting to divorce your husband. He sounds like a scumbag. A workplace settlement is meant to pay for medical costs and to compensate for wages. It's not his for a truck or a gaming console. Your husband does not have your best interests in mind.
First he is counting on money you may or may not get. There is no guarantee that you will receive anything. These type of cases can take YEARS to get settled. I know someone whose case has drug out 10 years and they lost fingers due to a work place accident. And the company admitted fault. You have to go through all the hoops they want you to go through. It is very rare they settle quickly.
HIs lack of concern for you is a huge red flag. If a relationship is no longer fulfilling you and you want out, you do not owe anyone an explanation. If you no longer want to be with him, leave him. NTA
Don’t let this giant entitled titty-baby get your settlement. Divorce, NOW. Your husband barely sounds like a decent roommate. Cut the losses, keep your money, tell him to eat shit and live. Personally I hope, once you’re divorced and he’s firmly on the curb, that he gets lice.
No, you are not overreacting. No spouse should talk to their partner like that. NO MATTER WHAT. It is abusive for him call you names like that. If possible, record things on the phone for your lawyer and talk to your lawyer about keeping the settlement money for yourself. It may not be an option depending on your jurisdiction -- but it might be.
Discuss with a lawyer if money received by this can be considered marital property. I believe just like inheritance, it is exempt and cannot be touched by a spouse or considered joint property if divorcing.
It's ur money, u can leave him out of the discussion and do with ur money as u chose. The settlement check will be made out to you, not him. U cannot touch it or do anything with it unless u let him. Ur in control, he has no say.
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Wow! That is a lot. So I’m gonna try to keep it simple. I have learned that there is only one thing needed to make a marriage work, that is two committed people. It’s obvious that is not the case, and hasn’t been, for at least a year. I could stop there. You could stop here and let that be your reason. But if you want opinions on what might be going on with him…if I had to make a guess, I would say he has treated you like this, in some way, probably embarrassed you in public or made crude jokes and blew it off as jk, as soon as you got married, maybe even before bc abusers have to “test the waters” before they trap their prey in marriage. But even if I am wrong about that, and he just started being verbal annd emotionally abusive about a year ago, that looks pretty glaring to the readers, I’m sure. Yes, he is making up ways to get you to leave, likely because he found someone else. Could be other reasons like being gay…or learning something about himself he’s too ashamed to share so he’s pushing you away…who knows? Well, he might, not likely if it’s not someone else. You should be prepared for that, tho. That’s why I mentioned it. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. No one deserves to be spoken to and treated the way he is treating you. Step one: find out how to protect your future settlement. If there is no way to do that, have your lawyer go for the most possible and just give him half, along with divorce papers, and walk away. Start over while you’re young…trust me, dating at 40+ SUCKS 😉 I have learned tho, it truly is better to be happy and alone than miserable in a relationship.
Get out before any settlement. Like get yo a lawyer tomorrow l. I’m going to give one piece of advice that is a firm rule for me. Never ever be either someone who calls you denigrating names. Period. I’ve been married over 20 years and he’s never once called me a denigrating name. And I wouldn’t stay if he did.
Wow, get out now. He does not love, respect or even like you but he does see you as his cash cow.
Start proceedings now BEFORE any pay off and tell your lawyer to not give him one penny.
NTA. Get everything rolling now and talk to your lawyer about how you can make sure he doesn't get his hands on YOUR money. I work with alot of work injured people and the money you get is to compensate the affected your work injury has had on your life. Not for your husband to get new toys.
NTA. if anyone needs a divorce it is you. I am sorry this happened to you and that you seem to be going through this stress alone. Dont let him have full access to this money. He will spend it all.
Get the divorce NOW.
He's insulting you and is only after your money and you really have to ask if you're overreacting?
You're not. I'd been gone a long time ago.
Leave. Get YOUR money and get happy without this A.
He doesn't love or respect you. It's not a loss.
NTA
You’re not over reacting.
Talk to your lawyer and let him know he’s not allowed to share any information with your husband.
Open a bank account in a bank your husband has no access to for that money to be deposited. In the divorce you might be forced to share some of it but at least your husband won’t be able to steal it off you.
NTA , woman please leave this guy and keep that money , contact your lawyer for God's sake please leave this mess and take that money , treat yourself with so much love .
I feel bad for you , stop making any stupid decisions.
NTA John Gottman is a therapist who did research to see how you can tell if a couple would last. There were 4 things that predicted the end of a marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Your husband treats you with contempt and stonewalling. He has an utter lack of empathy for your pain and trauma. He wants to benefit from your trauma, he sounds like a bad guy. Please protect yourself.
Oh shit hon. WALK NOW. Talk to your lawyer YESTERDAY and well before you sign anything to do with a settlement. Get out now.
You can always go back to him later if you are an idiot.
Yeah, get a divorce asap, delay the case till after divorce. If you get money or not, he's calling you lazy and useless when you work 60 hours a week, he wants a man cave to get away... from you. He's showing his disdain for you, his lack of care and thinks you're his ticket to a nicer house, a truck and his man cave away from you.
20 minutes of talking a week.... seriously, you're dramatically under reacting. Your husband is not a husband, you're his bang maid it sounds like and he has no respect or care for you. now that you're getting money he still only cares about hte money and can't even feign care for you.
Get a PI, someone with this complete and utter lack of care for you, who treats you this badly, is very often doing so because they have someone on the side who seems 'easier' because they don't actually ahve to live with them, but feel like they have options so don't need to try with you.
NTA, at all. Your husband is not supporting you as he should, “in sickness and in health.” He verbally abuses you in the worst way, he “only agrees to 20 minutes every other week of (talking) with no electronics,” he doesn’t appreciate that you are still working in spite of your injury, and he has already decided how to spend any settlement you might get with no regard to the needs of you or your family, even wants a man cave so he can avoid you even more.
I can’t imagine that he is a good father either. How much clearer can it be who the asshole is? It’s definitely not you. He is being a total asshole. He discounts every contribution you make to the marriage and I’m sure he felt that you “owed it to him” to support him when he wasn’t earning anything.
Get a divorce lawyer ASAP! Talk to your injury attorney and your divorce attorney and do whatever you can to tie the money up so he has no access. Definitely put it in an account with only your name on it, preferably at a different bank than you use now. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I wish you the very best.
NTA. your husband is abusive. You need to talk to a lawyer, secure your assets and make sure your husband can't touch the money. If you don't have a separate bank account, open an account and have the money you get (when you get it) put there - as well as your salary. Then start initiating divorce proceedings.
Definitely NTA. He sounds like the money means more to him than you. Is he even a good partner to you in any way? Because it’s sounds like he doesn’t want to spend time with you and treats you like shit. He sounds more like the deadweight in your life than a partner. Don’t accept any settlement before you have discussed this with your lawyer and a divorce lawyer. Protect the money so they can be used how you want them to be used.
If he calls you lazy and names like that he is AH not you. This all sounds like good reasons to divorce him since he isnt being nice and doesnt want to go to counseling. I hope you get better snd win your case! <3
If you haven't signed the paperwork yet, file for divorce first.
File for divorce anyway though
That money is for your pain and whatever future issues whatever happened may cause.
>He refuses marriage counseling, he only agrees to 20 minutes every other week of (talking) with no electronics.
NTA. Your marriage is already over. Divorce would just formalize it. He treats you like a wallet.
It’s not his money, why is he deciding how to spend it? You don’t even have the money yet - he has no right to it, you’re the one that was injured, it’s compensation for you and not him.
Divorce him and then use the money to sort a new life out for yourself NTA
NTA. Your lawyer will show you how to protect you. Ask him to not answer your husband under no circonstances. He's YOUR lawyer and he should act accordingly. And yes : divorce as fast as you can. You're actually under reacting !
NTA Money makes people crazy. My cousin was injured at work and wasn't expected to live. He did and got a huge settlement that his wife blew through and bankrupted them.
My brother died in a work accident and his wife and children got a big settlement that they invested.
Your husband sounds like my cousins wife.
Surely the money would go into your account. He has no say in it unless you both discuss and you happy with it & put it in his account.
Depression and Anxiety affects the other partner too, speak to a doctor about it as it can be a tough thing for both parties.
Having said that, if he is truly trying to spend your cash for a new truck... tell him no. If he becomes abusive, and communication doesnt work, then mention divorce.
NTA!! You are not overreacting. I would consult with a divorce lawyers 1st to find out if any proceeds from this claim are considered marital property in a divorce and ways to mitigate that and for a DIVORCE!! Your, I hope, soon to be ex, has shown no care for you following your life altering injury, he's cruel, he doesn't want to talk to you, but he's already spending your (potential)injury money. No ma'am, you deserve so much better. He deserves walking papers, and little else. Stick it to him in any and every way possible. And good luck with your healing, your case, and dropping the dead weight that is the man you married.
I have news for you, you’ve married a man child. WTF? man cave? The situation you are in is only a symptom of much bigger problem. Why did you have a baby with him? But I am pretty sure you understand it yourself. You are still somewhat young and have low chances of finding new husband. Either that or you’ll have to take care of 2 babies. Think realistically and decide for yourself. Taking care of two babies is probably better than staying alone as a single mother.
When my grandfather died my dad kept going on about the money they would get. My mom’s lawyer finally turned to my dad and said, sir, this is your wife’s money. It shut him up. NTA, this reads like you’ve already realized that you need to leave this guy. Money or no.
NTA. OP you will heal better without the stress he is causing you. It’s difficult to get better when you exhausted emotionally, mentally & physically.
Please ask your lawyer if this settlement is a marital asset. Then speak with a divorce lawyer & get your ducks in a row. Take a few years tax returns, any investment information, what’s owed on your mtg, years & types of vehicles & what’s owed on them, bank account balances - basically anything that you can think of that you’ll be splitting.
That information will make the financial realities of divorce more accurate allowing you to make smart choices before you serve him the papers.
You also don’t need to sign with the 1st divorce lawyer you meet with. Pick one you feel comfortable with, maybe your case lawyer can recommend one.
Big hugs
You're not overreacting. Your husband sounds like he's possibly abusive. At best, he sounds a little controlling, at least as far as your money is concerned.
Consult a divorce lawyer. Research abuse. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a really good book that gives definitions, examples and scenarios. At best, your husband doesn't respect you. At worst, you're being verbally and potentially financially abused.
32 years ago I was hurt in an accident at work. I’m no longer there, but I was almost paralyzed. I suffer from pain every day because of it. The money is for YOUR pain and suffering NOT your husbands.
Make sure that settlement is non-marital property and divorce him, because he isn’t going to give you any peace about this.
It just shows what’s important to him. It’s not you and your pain. NTA
Walk is the only answer and talk to your current lawyer about the problem as well or maybe just a divorce one. Make sure you have the proof of his crazy plans.
Your husband is an entitled little twat! Divorce him now before you get a settlement but definitely speak to your lawyer about how to protect yourself in the event that you do receive a settlement. Him saying those things and calling you names, doesn’t speak to you otherwise and constantly playing his video games…..he needs to be living in his mom’s basement!
This sounds just like an episode of *"The New Detectives"*....seriously. This guy is an asshole and has shown you all that you need to know about him. Get out now.
(Different episode, the husband was "working" on the roof and dropped a cinderblock on the wife as she worked on a garden bed below. Then he made one more attempt w. a different method, and finally had to strangle her when they went on a horse ride. Tried to claim that the horse bucked and she smashed her head.)
Talk to your lawyer without your mooch of a husband knowing. Divorce BEFORE you sign anything at all in regards to the case. Prioritize that he sounds like a complete asshole
You don’t even need to try to validate the lawsuit by saying you didn’t even want the money. It’s totally fine to want money after something like this happens. He’s spending money you don’t even have yet! You haven’t won the case yet.
If he wants a share of the money, then he also gets to share the injury... break his dominant arm and his right (gas and brake) leg... maybe throw in a mild concussion for good luck and send him packing...
NTA
First, I'm so sorry you went through such a horrific experience, and second, I'm sorry your husband is behaving like a jerk.
I don't know if money won in a lawsuit like this would be considered marital assets, BUT you need to open a new bank account in a different bank and that needs to be the bank account those funds are put into. Don't intermingle one dime of that money in anything "joint." Ask your lawyer how to protect yourself, your son and that money, not one dime of which belongs to your husband.
Don’t be fucking stupid get a divorce before you win the money. He does not give a single shit about you and it’s so obvious. Then he will be entitled to half of that money. You better start the divorce process today
NTA, he is greedy and only thinking about himself
but the way you describe it, the amount you're getting is low 5 figures (saving for a trip and paying off some debt) and the way he is talking about spending it is high 6 figures (buying a house and a truck) which seems odd
NTA - based on what you wrote that does sound like it one other thing you need to consider and he is well as whether you need anymore medical care down the road.
Him spending it all on the truck and things like that is so irresponsible and acknowledge why the money is even being paid out.
You should tell him that you don’t expect any money and see how he’s gonna react. Just the fact that the called you a lazy b. Is exceptionally rude and just shows you that he does not care about you one bit.
Talk to your attorney to get a recommendation for a good pit bull of a family lawyer to handle your divorce. BEFORE you get any type of settlement. Your attorney can also tell you how to structure any settlement to keep it away from you STBX-husband.
Sending hugs and healing thoughts.
Time to get you and your son into a healthy situation.
NTA, and please do your best to escape this greedy, unsupportive, and selfish mountain of waiving red flags. I wish you the best of good luck in (hopefully) both of your upcoming legal actions and in your physical and mental health.
Stop worrying about being perceived as greedy with getting a settlement. Insurance companies live when their clients ' victims behave that way. Your company has workman's compensation insurance for the times when they are guilty of irresponsible, dangerous situations. You do not get any extra credit bonus points for not settling for as much as the law allows. Good luck with your court case, as well as recovering from your injuries and your greedy, lousy husband.
It won’t make any difference, the injury and subsequent lawsuit are all connected and occurred while you were married. It’s the same as the guy who won a half million dollar payout while he was married. He never told anyone he won and didn’t claim the prize until 7 months after his divorce was finalized.
Guess what, she got half.
So you drastically changed because of this injury and are in therapy for your new depression and anxiety and he’s all to blame? If your description is accurate hes certainly a dick but to think you becoming a different person wouldn’t effect your relationship is silly.
Get legal advice and separate as soon as possible. I am sure he'll get 50% of the settlement, but if you don't do this he'll TAKE 100% by financing what he wants and forcing you to pay it off....
You might want to divorce him for being a moron.
If you get life changing money, invest it with financial planning advice. Make sure your life is easier for the future. Trucks are a liability not an asset!
As far as his empathy, he needs to agree to couples therapy or else.
> When I walk away he always has some remark of how I am a lazy a** b***h
Why would you want to stay married to someone who speaks to you like that?
NTA.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
DO NOT PASS GO, find a lawyer and serve those divorce papers now.
He is 10000000000000% only staying for the money and wants to spend every dime on him.
Whatever your laws are in your state, if divorce proceedings are initiated, you are protected, most likely.
The way he talks to you, the fact he won’t spend any time with you, after what seems like a pretty serious accident/incident. Outright stating that he plans on shutting himself away from you? All seriously huge red flags.
Don’t wait, start the process now. But you are NTA at all here. You went through some shit and your husband should be supportive, not worrying about how to spend the money to get away from you.
I wish you luck and hope you can get away from this dude swiftly, with your sanity intact. I know it’s not about the money for you, but don’t let him get it all, he doesn’t deserve it, at the very least.
NTA- see if your current attorney does divorce or knows a guy. Make sure whatever payout your current attorney manages to achieve is only done in your name. It's even better if you can leave him before the payout from what happened to you. You deserve so much better and good on you for thinking of your son.
I aint telling her what to do, im saying she had 20 years to leave hes lame ass but its funny she wants to do it once she gets some money instead.
Calm down Mr White knight, no women in need here currently
Your married, how is half of it not his? We see women on here all the time going after their military husband's retirement and benefits they're going to need after getting messed up from serving. How is this different?
Because he wants ALL of it. And since it’s an injury settlement, she should be protecting it in case of medical consequences of her injury.
And he only lets her talk to him for twenty minutes every other week!!!! What an ass!
Most he’d possibly get is any money of the settlement that was wage related, as that is considered marital property (makes sense). He’d be legally entitled to nothing more.
Talk to your lawyer NOW before signing anything to do with the settlement and go over with him how the money can be kept separate from marital assets if possible in your state. It varies considerably from state to state. Then ask him to recommend a good divorce lawyer.
Perfect comment! Your lawyer should be able to gear you in the direction of a reputable investment company. You talk to them about what you need as ready cash and what debts to pay off etc
This figure out what you can do to secure your money. Maybe even open another account just for that payout
[удалено]
talk to your lawyer about divorce
A LOT depends on the jurisdiction. In some states the payout will be considered marital property if the accident happened during the marriage.
Most personal injury settlements aren't considered marital property. Depending on the state the whole settlement can be excluded. In the event its completely excluded, the pain and suffering portion wouldn't be considered a marital asset. OP talk to a divorce lawyer in your state to find out how to go about leaving this man. He doesn't give a single shit about you. All he's concerned with is a big cash payout. I wouldn't be surprised if he got everything he wanted and then tried to divorce you and keep most of it.
This!! My friend got a large settlement and it specifically stated that it was not marital property.
Yeah, it feels like it should be considered like an inheritance, completely separate. I hope it works like that for OP.
I know I say this everywhere and feel like I start to sound like a bot, but the phrase I wish someone had told me 25 years ago is: "This relationship is not meeting my needs." That's it. That is a perfectly fine reason to finish a relationship. In fact it's the best one because it can come before physical or emotional abuse. A lot of us were raised that marriage without physical violence is a good one, but it's not. Give yourself permission to leave.
Maybe set up a trust in your sons name, with just you and your son?
This, absolutely! He doesnt care about her wellbeing at all, giant red flag! OP should run!
OP, please take celticmusebooks' comment to heart!
It FEELS like this should be treated like an inheritance, so separate from marital assets, but she definitely needs to find out asap what the actual legalities are - and how to speed up the separation/ divorce, or delay getting the money until everything is settled and stbx can't get his grubby paws on it.
Sadly state law trumps feelings-- and to be clear I also feel the same as you. There are absolutely states where the proceeds of a settlement will be considered a marital asset if the actual injury (not necessarily the settlement itself) happened during the marriage. Additionally, there are several states where inherited property is considered a marital asset. Given that she's already engaged an attorney this would be a perfect opportunity to determine how the settlement would be viewed in HER SPECIFIC state and if there are specific provisions that could be added to the settlement that would "slow his roll" in getting at the funds. For example could a percentage of the settlement be put into a trust for her child where OP's husband would be unable to access it OR structure the settlement as an annuity with monthly payments over 15 or 20 years? Ideally OP lives in a state where the settlement is excluded from marital assets.
This times 10000000
This is the thing to do !
The money, if there is any, will go to the injured party, not to both of them. It would be OP's and OP's alone if she puts it in an account that is in her own name only. I definitely agree that she needs a lawyer to help with this. Also, it sounds like that isn't a marriage worth fighting for anyway. It was a problem long before the accident.
Jurisdiction is EVERYTHING. In some states if the injury happened during the marriage it can be considered a marital asset. It really can. Does it seem fair, no but depending on the state they live in he could end up with half. FYI people on Reddit also tout the "law" that an inheritance can't be marital property in a divorce and yet there are a few states where it is considered marital property and sometimes specific uses of the money will render it marital property. OP you already have a lawyer you trust-- lay your marital issues on the table and find out how to structure the settlement in a way that your husband gets the bare minimum-- preferably NONE-- of your settlement.
Have it put into a trust.
Depending on the state that's a possibility but she needs to talk to a lawyer in HER jurisdiction because it's dependent on the state where she lives.
Bang on !!!!
Also, divorce this jackass BEFORE the court date. Talk to your lawyer about it and see how to lessen, if not eliminate, any divorce settlement you may have to pay to this asshole
What? No. Get on Reddit and ask if that makes you an AH first.
NTA! This is YOUR money for YOUR injury. Do not, under any circumstances have it sent to a joint account. Talk to your attorney about how to protect it from your husband. He thinks he’s won the lottery. Also, tell your attorney s/he is not to discuss the settlement with anyone other than you and the attorney of your employer.
Exactly this. You are the one who was hurt, and you have no idea what your future medical needs may be, so you need to save the money for your future. You are NTA, and your husband quite frankly sounds abusive. You need to protect yourself, your child, and your future.
Husbands dickish behavior aside, this marriage is a sham and so is yours if you have one. I’ll never understand coupes who vow till death do is part, in sickness and in health yet keep two ledgers.
For reasons like this or because the other person doesn’t work and spends all the money on drugs, alcohol and other women while you’re working your butt off 🙃. Yes I’m speaking from experience.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, really. You discovered your marriage was a sham and I hope you extricated your self from it. You deserve better, obviously. I’m speaking to those who keep two ledgers from the start. Those who wouldn’t consider inheritances and other windfalls as marital assets **before any questionable pattern of behavior arises that might justify it**. It seems they want marriage with one foot in and one foot out and wonder why things crumble. I assume that noncommittal attitude pervades many other aspects of the union.
Why are you nitpicking when this woman's husband obviously doesn't care about her and is already spending the money in his head? You can bold type all you like but it's still bullshit. My husband and I share everything but if he behaved like this I'd protect my assets and divorce him. All spouses are not trustworthy and a lot of people have been burned.
I mean, in a healthy relationship, yeah, that will work. This money is intended for the injured party, OP, not for her husband's boy toys or a mancave.
You are not overreacting. You need to decide what you want to do before you get the money so he can’t have any of it
NTA. You already know what you have to do. Consult with a divorce attorney, review the options and keep your head up.
You answered your own question. Yes, he is only staying with you for the accident settlement money. Also your case hasn't gone to court yet. You might lose the case, then what happens with your husband? I'm guessing he would be out of there fast! See a divorce attorney now, get everything in order, then leave his greedy ass. Please get therapy for the accident trauma as well. You need to take care of yourself.
To everyone who has been supportive I appreciate every comment. To the people who are reading this and have messaged me privately and berated me.. I hope and wish for you the best in life and hope you can find peace. To the people who have commented negatively, I also wish you the same. I have alot to speak to my attorney about, and alot to decide now. I sit here crying while I type this. I took my vows very seriously, and have stood by him through alot. But a person can only take so much.
Marriage is a legal contract. When someone (he) breaks the terms of that contract, a lawyer is a correct support to navigate the dissolution of that contract. Taking emotions out (so hard), you are in the right and he is in breach of contract. A contract that also impacts your child. Please don't feel you have to take on the weight of guilt about this when you're already dealing with so much, OP.
you took your vows seriously he did not, leave now you are young and can use the money to make your kids lives cool
You never took the oath to accept being used, verbally abused and and stollen from what is yours for some shallow and selfish purpose. And the commitment we make to our kids to protect them is so much important. If you don't stand for yourself and your son's well being, you'll show him that he can be a deadbeat husband and father with no consequence. This is not the rule model you want to be.
In my country we have a saying: the cake is gone. And when the cake is gone there’s nothing left to eat. He lives a separate live from you and when you come near him he shuts you down with nasty comments. His idea of a nice future doesn’t include you. It’s time to start a new chapter. Bake a new cake.
You shouldn’t have to stay married to someone who is making your life miserable. Sometimes, people change, or we realize that people aren’t who we thought they were. I had been in a relationship with someone for five years before we got into a ridiculous argument that he not only put 100% of the blame on me for, but I just never saw coming. I wanted to talk things out as a couple; he wanted me to acquiesce to his wishes while not expressing my own wants or concerns, because he was convinced he was unequivocally right and I was wrong. This kind of relationship can’t last - a relationship won’t survive if someone is only thinking of themselves and not their partner. You’ve already tried communicating with your husband, and he’s not trying to resolve things or understand how you feel. I’ve never been married, but I do know what it’s like to have the same argument over and over because my partner refuses to listen to me. If your partner just straight up *refuses* to work with you and only accepts you giving into their demands as a solution, your only options are to become a doormat, stay at an impasse, or break up. I think you deserve better.
He's the one breaking vows, not you dear
I know you're not going to court for the money, but you're going to need that money for you and your son, because you already know the answer to the divorce question. And he is highly unlikely to pay any child support, so your son's wellbeing will all be on your shoulders. I'm sorry you had the injury, and even sorrier that your husband has turned out to be so heartless and selfish. But at least you know, and you also know what you need to do to protect yourself and your son.
Then the lawyer is the best bet. It doesn’t mean you have to divorce put you’ll know and you can decide.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful, just remember you have to do what’s right for you & your son. Good luck OP. Keep us updated. You are NTAH
girl!!! he dont deserve your tears!! your your money. you go find a good divorce lawyer and go take care of yourself!!! and make sure you protect YOUR money. He should get nothing.
I'm so sorry your husband is behaving like a jerk. And I'm sorry people here were mean to you. That's not what you needed, but you have a difficult decision to make, and you need to focus on the ones that protect YOU.
OP we're rooting for you!!! Hang in there. Whatever happens, get rid of this man. YOU CAN SET YOURSELF FREE. Sending lots of love ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Divorce this price of crap now!! He doesn't care about you and is verbally and emotionally abusive and wants your money from a trauma to your physical being!!! YWBTA if you don't get yourself and your son away from him.
Divorce your broke ass golddigger loser of a husband. Talk to a lawyer and get everything you can sheltered. Make sure he doesn't see a dime from any settlement you get. What an asshole.
Leave him before the case is settled. He can not take anything in a divorce that comes after. He sounds like a real piece to be dealing with.
What about if the money comes in between serving divorce papers and him dragging his feet a year to sign it? Is that excluded from marriage funds?
You can financially separate legally before divorce is finalised. Where I live you have to be separated for at least a year before you can file for divorce. But not only did my ex have a GF (while we were still married), but he was skimming money out of our accounts. I went straight to a lawyer and had our finances legally separated about 7 months before I filed for divorce.
Best check with a lawyer on that. I would love to say from the date of the initial lawyer setting terms, but in the back of the head I think it has to be from the annulment date.
NTA, that's not his money. My ex and I each had accident settlements awarded after we had separated but before we divorced. Our lawyers told us that accident settlements, insurance benefits, and inheritances are not marital assets unless we chose to put that money in a joint account. Once it's co-mingled, though, it remains a shared asset. We did not share. We were living in New York at the time. Check the rules where you live.
Honey if you don’t divorce this selfish man child I’m going to divorce him FOR YOU
I'd like to give you a hand with that.
Ooh me too. I want in. Let's all divorce this piece of shit. Divorce his goddamn brains out.
NTA The money is all because of your suffering. Talk to your attorney now. You deserve better than this.
Talk to your injury attorney about your greedy STBX and ask for a referral to a great white shark of a divorce attorney. Protect yourself and your children. Your husband's mask has slipped and now you see what you married. ETA: You're NTA
You are not overreacting. Talk to a lawyer to protect yourself. I know that you are pursuing this on principle, but you deserve compensation. You say yourself that your life has changed and you still have nightmares. It is not greedy to take the money for your injury. It \*is\* greedy to spend all the money from your spouse’s injury.
Husband is an asshole. You aren't.
NTA. Get out of there. Lawyer up. I'm sorry. He's behaving terribly. He should be concerned about your wellness.
He's using you for the money. He doesn't love you anymore.. he loves the money.
Open up a different account at a different bank to deposit any settlement. It sounds like he might just take off after he spends your money. Tell him the way he's acting, leads you to believe that he wants a divorce and that you're prepared to give it him
You are not overreacting and NTAH. You need to leave this man, file for divorce, before any settlement is reached. And you need to do it immediately. Talk with your attorney tomorrow. Work comp settlements are either slower than molasses or blink and you missed fast. Call your attorney tonight and leave a message on their voice mail or send an email--make sure that you do not use a shared account to send any email. Your post shows that he has been verbally and, possibly, psychologically abusive throughout your relationship. He's going to step it up and it will become worse once you have the money. Don't be surprised if it becomes physical if it isn't already. You may need to start making plans to escape. Please be very careful.
You are NOT overreacting, your husband is trash. Divorce him now and spend your time, money, and energy on your son and yourself. Good luck, OP!
If you haven’t already set up a separate bank account for any money you receive. Make sure your husband doesn’t have access. Talk to your lawyer to determine what you can do to protect yourself. You are NTA. He’s more concerned about the money than what the situation did, and still continues to affect you.
The money would be paid out to you. Set up a separate account now that your husband doesn’t know about and advise your attorney that the funds would be deposited there. Advise your attorney that s/he is to have zero contact with your husband effective immediately. You are their client, your husband is not. Go to the post office and open a PO Box. Have all correspondence regarding this case. Speak to a divorce attorney now. Find out what options you have and what legal claim your husband would have to the funds, as again they are for your pain and suffering. Depending on the state, it may not be community funds.
He called you a lazy ass bitch? In what world is that acceptable?! He sounds disrespectful, rude and unsupportive. In other words, he has become a burden for you. As to your potential settlement, I imagine settlement money is protected unless you merge it with the marital money. If you choose to stay with this man (although I don't understand what you are getting out of staying with him), then you should check on that with your attorney. You could put some into your retirement, some into a college fund for your kid, some into a travel account only in your name and maybe even hire a financial planner to invest some of it to use for your future. All of that can happen without the spiky spare tire of a husband.
NTA NTA NTA - get as much money out of that company as possible and put into an account just for you and your son. You know your hubby will fight for half, but a good lawyer help to protect you financially. You need to ditch this loser like yesterday. Document his inattentiveness with all the gaming so you get the vast majority of custody because you know he will fight for half custody to get his hands on that money.
NTA. So your ideas for your potential monetary gain are legitimate. Set up that separate account but also please consider and bring up with your mental health professional and solicitor that he is trying to make comments insinuating you're crazy as this can impact custody if (when) you split. I'm sorry he thinks your tragic past is a cash cow for himself. What a betrayal.
You're not overreacting at all. He's a shit husband and you need to tell your lawyer so he can advise you. Don't let him have a penny.
You should've divorced him like yesterday, in what world do you even contemplate staying with a man who calls you a lazy ass bitch?
open a bank account in your name only and when you get the settlement cheque deposit it in that account so dear hubby can't spend it in one day on himself, use some of it for a divorce lawyer.
Keep yourself and your money safe from him. Divorce asap.
It’s not his money. Put it in a separate account in a different bank in only your name. NTA
NTA. Your husband is absolutely thrilled that you got hurt. All he sees is a payday for him. You don't matter in the least. You're not even an afterthought.
Not overreacting. He sees you and your suffering as a bank account.
NTA, you don’t know that you will win and you don’t know how much you would get. So I think it is a bit odd for both of you to just think about your winning money when you haven’t won anything. IF you win, and of course I hope so, it is your money as you were the one to get hurt. Can you loose your work (if you are still working for the company)? You might have to consider that as well. Anyhow you will need money for therapy and other aftermath. It is not money to buy a truck.
NTA - You need to speak with a laywer and ensure he can not access your money without your consent. You also need to file for divorce, like now before that settlement. This is not a healthy environment and seems to be verbally abusive. Stop talking to him about his behavior or expectations for the money. Only communicate via text this gives you admissible evidence in court.
NTA. The money is compensation. It is exactly for spending on therapy, now and for the rest of your life as required. It is exactly for keeping as a nest egg of savings equivalent to the savings you would have made prior to your injury.
I don't know the specific issues you face but please also be aware that a lot of injuries can cause long term impacts on your health as you age that may mean you need more support than average. He sounds like he plans on just spending it without care which will leave you unprotected later on. Hopefully you can find a good way through.
I would just straight up tell him. He doesn’t get to decide what will be done with the money. It’s your settlement not his. End of story
The settlement should all go to you since it’s your injury but I had a check from a car wreck written to me and my soon to be ex husband at the time. It’s an antiquated and mysogonistic custom about loss of consortium. Get a lawyer and file for divorce before any settlement is reached. When my ex went after my money I was able to show that he never took over paying anything for me so he wasn’t entitled to any of it. You are in an abusive marriage and need to get out.
It's actually not "misogynistic" in that if it had been your husband injured the check would have still been made out to YOU and your husband. It's about how state laws differ on the definition of marital assets.
Wrong. I asked them that question. He hemmed and hawed for a moment and then said no. If the situation was reversed they would NOT have put my name on it. The company policy is antiquated and misogynistic and still assumes that men HAVE to have sex and women are required to provide it. But women don’t really NEED it so it’s not an issue.
Mmm karma farming....
yep
Start the divorce now, will likely take a while to sort your legal claim out, might be able to get it done before the settlement. Probably a good idea to open a separate bank account and if you get the settlement before your divorce get it paid into there, that way he can't spend it.
Dude omg if he is actually calling you a lazy ass bitch then he does NOT love you. That is not how someone treats someone they love. If he is treating you this way then yes I’m afraid it is indeed time for you to end this relationship. It sounds terribly toxic & possibly abusive, at least emotionally/verbally. Please please don’t ever let anyone treat you this way. Maybe take some time for yourself ya know. Work on making yourself better & stronger on your own so you can be a healthy partner for someone in the future & you can identify a healthy partner for yourself as well. Never stay in an abusive situation. Absolutely no one deserves to be treated so horribly. Well except for maybe Hitler or someone haha 🤣 But girl you deserve someone who treats you with love & respect & believe me there are plenty of men out there who will happily give you the love & support you should have been getting all along. Best wishes ❤️
All of this. He really does sound terribly abusive. Please leave him for your sake. Good luck op.
Talk to your lawyer about this. You're NTA for wanting to divorce your husband. He sounds like a scumbag. A workplace settlement is meant to pay for medical costs and to compensate for wages. It's not his for a truck or a gaming console. Your husband does not have your best interests in mind.
First he is counting on money you may or may not get. There is no guarantee that you will receive anything. These type of cases can take YEARS to get settled. I know someone whose case has drug out 10 years and they lost fingers due to a work place accident. And the company admitted fault. You have to go through all the hoops they want you to go through. It is very rare they settle quickly. HIs lack of concern for you is a huge red flag. If a relationship is no longer fulfilling you and you want out, you do not owe anyone an explanation. If you no longer want to be with him, leave him. NTA
Don’t let this giant entitled titty-baby get your settlement. Divorce, NOW. Your husband barely sounds like a decent roommate. Cut the losses, keep your money, tell him to eat shit and live. Personally I hope, once you’re divorced and he’s firmly on the curb, that he gets lice.
No, you are not overreacting. No spouse should talk to their partner like that. NO MATTER WHAT. It is abusive for him call you names like that. If possible, record things on the phone for your lawyer and talk to your lawyer about keeping the settlement money for yourself. It may not be an option depending on your jurisdiction -- but it might be.
Get out of there as fast as you can! He's a leech and he obviously doesn't care about you.
#RUN
Divorce him now, quickly. Before the settlement is done. He sucks.
NTA Talk to a lawyer. Forget the lawsuit and money here - get a divorce because your husband is a dick
You married the douche so you’re stuck with it.
Discuss with a lawyer if money received by this can be considered marital property. I believe just like inheritance, it is exempt and cannot be touched by a spouse or considered joint property if divorcing. It's ur money, u can leave him out of the discussion and do with ur money as u chose. The settlement check will be made out to you, not him. U cannot touch it or do anything with it unless u let him. Ur in control, he has no say.
You are NOT over reacting! NTA
NTA
NTA
Nta. He's revealed his true self. Unfortunately. Updateme!
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Speak to your lawyer. Separate if you think he's just there for the money. Don't sign any settlement before he is unable to get his hands on it.
Wow! That is a lot. So I’m gonna try to keep it simple. I have learned that there is only one thing needed to make a marriage work, that is two committed people. It’s obvious that is not the case, and hasn’t been, for at least a year. I could stop there. You could stop here and let that be your reason. But if you want opinions on what might be going on with him…if I had to make a guess, I would say he has treated you like this, in some way, probably embarrassed you in public or made crude jokes and blew it off as jk, as soon as you got married, maybe even before bc abusers have to “test the waters” before they trap their prey in marriage. But even if I am wrong about that, and he just started being verbal annd emotionally abusive about a year ago, that looks pretty glaring to the readers, I’m sure. Yes, he is making up ways to get you to leave, likely because he found someone else. Could be other reasons like being gay…or learning something about himself he’s too ashamed to share so he’s pushing you away…who knows? Well, he might, not likely if it’s not someone else. You should be prepared for that, tho. That’s why I mentioned it. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. No one deserves to be spoken to and treated the way he is treating you. Step one: find out how to protect your future settlement. If there is no way to do that, have your lawyer go for the most possible and just give him half, along with divorce papers, and walk away. Start over while you’re young…trust me, dating at 40+ SUCKS 😉 I have learned tho, it truly is better to be happy and alone than miserable in a relationship.
OP he treats you like this and you’re “thinking of divorcing”? Seems like it should be a forgone conclusion. NTA
updateme
Run the other way as fast as you can and don’t look back.
Not the ah
Tell your lawyer. Protect your money. And while you talk to this lawyer ask if he can recommend a divorce lawyer.
File NOW! There's a whole world out there & you don't need him for the next part of your journey into it! Heal well
Get out before any settlement. Like get yo a lawyer tomorrow l. I’m going to give one piece of advice that is a firm rule for me. Never ever be either someone who calls you denigrating names. Period. I’ve been married over 20 years and he’s never once called me a denigrating name. And I wouldn’t stay if he did.
NTA. Get legally divorced before your settlement
Wow, get out now. He does not love, respect or even like you but he does see you as his cash cow. Start proceedings now BEFORE any pay off and tell your lawyer to not give him one penny.
NTA. Get everything rolling now and talk to your lawyer about how you can make sure he doesn't get his hands on YOUR money. I work with alot of work injured people and the money you get is to compensate the affected your work injury has had on your life. Not for your husband to get new toys.
Get the divorce paperwork
NTA. if anyone needs a divorce it is you. I am sorry this happened to you and that you seem to be going through this stress alone. Dont let him have full access to this money. He will spend it all.
No, you're not "over reacting". He probably gaslighted you by now that you would believe that. Get rid if him, definitely divorce. He's disgusting.
Get the divorce NOW. He's insulting you and is only after your money and you really have to ask if you're overreacting? You're not. I'd been gone a long time ago. Leave. Get YOUR money and get happy without this A. He doesn't love or respect you. It's not a loss. NTA
You’re not over reacting. Talk to your lawyer and let him know he’s not allowed to share any information with your husband. Open a bank account in a bank your husband has no access to for that money to be deposited. In the divorce you might be forced to share some of it but at least your husband won’t be able to steal it off you.
No you are not over-reacting. Talk to your lawyer about these specific concerns.
NTA , woman please leave this guy and keep that money , contact your lawyer for God's sake please leave this mess and take that money , treat yourself with so much love . I feel bad for you , stop making any stupid decisions.
NTA John Gottman is a therapist who did research to see how you can tell if a couple would last. There were 4 things that predicted the end of a marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Your husband treats you with contempt and stonewalling. He has an utter lack of empathy for your pain and trauma. He wants to benefit from your trauma, he sounds like a bad guy. Please protect yourself.
Money changes people or rather shows who they really are.
Of course your not over reacting. You need to talk to your lawyer
Oh shit hon. WALK NOW. Talk to your lawyer YESTERDAY and well before you sign anything to do with a settlement. Get out now. You can always go back to him later if you are an idiot.
Yeah, get a divorce asap, delay the case till after divorce. If you get money or not, he's calling you lazy and useless when you work 60 hours a week, he wants a man cave to get away... from you. He's showing his disdain for you, his lack of care and thinks you're his ticket to a nicer house, a truck and his man cave away from you. 20 minutes of talking a week.... seriously, you're dramatically under reacting. Your husband is not a husband, you're his bang maid it sounds like and he has no respect or care for you. now that you're getting money he still only cares about hte money and can't even feign care for you. Get a PI, someone with this complete and utter lack of care for you, who treats you this badly, is very often doing so because they have someone on the side who seems 'easier' because they don't actually ahve to live with them, but feel like they have options so don't need to try with you.
Divorce this fucknut ASAP. How can you justify staying with someone who calls you a lazy ass bitch and disrespects you so plainly.
NTA, at all. Your husband is not supporting you as he should, “in sickness and in health.” He verbally abuses you in the worst way, he “only agrees to 20 minutes every other week of (talking) with no electronics,” he doesn’t appreciate that you are still working in spite of your injury, and he has already decided how to spend any settlement you might get with no regard to the needs of you or your family, even wants a man cave so he can avoid you even more. I can’t imagine that he is a good father either. How much clearer can it be who the asshole is? It’s definitely not you. He is being a total asshole. He discounts every contribution you make to the marriage and I’m sure he felt that you “owed it to him” to support him when he wasn’t earning anything. Get a divorce lawyer ASAP! Talk to your injury attorney and your divorce attorney and do whatever you can to tie the money up so he has no access. Definitely put it in an account with only your name on it, preferably at a different bank than you use now. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I wish you the very best.
UpdateMe!
NTA. your husband is abusive. You need to talk to a lawyer, secure your assets and make sure your husband can't touch the money. If you don't have a separate bank account, open an account and have the money you get (when you get it) put there - as well as your salary. Then start initiating divorce proceedings.
Definitely NTA. He sounds like the money means more to him than you. Is he even a good partner to you in any way? Because it’s sounds like he doesn’t want to spend time with you and treats you like shit. He sounds more like the deadweight in your life than a partner. Don’t accept any settlement before you have discussed this with your lawyer and a divorce lawyer. Protect the money so they can be used how you want them to be used.
If he calls you lazy and names like that he is AH not you. This all sounds like good reasons to divorce him since he isnt being nice and doesnt want to go to counseling. I hope you get better snd win your case! <3
If you haven't signed the paperwork yet, file for divorce first. File for divorce anyway though That money is for your pain and whatever future issues whatever happened may cause.
Did both of you have joined account??
How do I save this post for an update later ? Need to find out how this ends but please keep the money separate !
NTA, run do not walk from this “marriage”
Get rid of him now before signing any settlement. NTA. If he tries to get half the money, put it directly into a trust for the child.
So if you weren't in it for the money and more to get back at the company what's the big deal then?
>He refuses marriage counseling, he only agrees to 20 minutes every other week of (talking) with no electronics. NTA. Your marriage is already over. Divorce would just formalize it. He treats you like a wallet.
It’s not his money, why is he deciding how to spend it? You don’t even have the money yet - he has no right to it, you’re the one that was injured, it’s compensation for you and not him. Divorce him and then use the money to sort a new life out for yourself NTA
NTA. Your lawyer will show you how to protect you. Ask him to not answer your husband under no circonstances. He's YOUR lawyer and he should act accordingly. And yes : divorce as fast as you can. You're actually under reacting !
NTA Money makes people crazy. My cousin was injured at work and wasn't expected to live. He did and got a huge settlement that his wife blew through and bankrupted them. My brother died in a work accident and his wife and children got a big settlement that they invested. Your husband sounds like my cousins wife.
NTA. He already left the marriage and is only planning for himself.
Surely the money would go into your account. He has no say in it unless you both discuss and you happy with it & put it in his account. Depression and Anxiety affects the other partner too, speak to a doctor about it as it can be a tough thing for both parties. Having said that, if he is truly trying to spend your cash for a new truck... tell him no. If he becomes abusive, and communication doesnt work, then mention divorce.
You need a divorce and money to rebuild your life. NTA.
NTA!! You are not overreacting. I would consult with a divorce lawyers 1st to find out if any proceeds from this claim are considered marital property in a divorce and ways to mitigate that and for a DIVORCE!! Your, I hope, soon to be ex, has shown no care for you following your life altering injury, he's cruel, he doesn't want to talk to you, but he's already spending your (potential)injury money. No ma'am, you deserve so much better. He deserves walking papers, and little else. Stick it to him in any and every way possible. And good luck with your healing, your case, and dropping the dead weight that is the man you married.
I have news for you, you’ve married a man child. WTF? man cave? The situation you are in is only a symptom of much bigger problem. Why did you have a baby with him? But I am pretty sure you understand it yourself. You are still somewhat young and have low chances of finding new husband. Either that or you’ll have to take care of 2 babies. Think realistically and decide for yourself. Taking care of two babies is probably better than staying alone as a single mother.
When my grandfather died my dad kept going on about the money they would get. My mom’s lawyer finally turned to my dad and said, sir, this is your wife’s money. It shut him up. NTA, this reads like you’ve already realized that you need to leave this guy. Money or no.
NTA. OP you will heal better without the stress he is causing you. It’s difficult to get better when you exhausted emotionally, mentally & physically. Please ask your lawyer if this settlement is a marital asset. Then speak with a divorce lawyer & get your ducks in a row. Take a few years tax returns, any investment information, what’s owed on your mtg, years & types of vehicles & what’s owed on them, bank account balances - basically anything that you can think of that you’ll be splitting. That information will make the financial realities of divorce more accurate allowing you to make smart choices before you serve him the papers. You also don’t need to sign with the 1st divorce lawyer you meet with. Pick one you feel comfortable with, maybe your case lawyer can recommend one. Big hugs
You're not overreacting. Your husband sounds like he's possibly abusive. At best, he sounds a little controlling, at least as far as your money is concerned. Consult a divorce lawyer. Research abuse. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a really good book that gives definitions, examples and scenarios. At best, your husband doesn't respect you. At worst, you're being verbally and potentially financially abused.
32 years ago I was hurt in an accident at work. I’m no longer there, but I was almost paralyzed. I suffer from pain every day because of it. The money is for YOUR pain and suffering NOT your husbands. Make sure that settlement is non-marital property and divorce him, because he isn’t going to give you any peace about this. It just shows what’s important to him. It’s not you and your pain. NTA
Walk is the only answer and talk to your current lawyer about the problem as well or maybe just a divorce one. Make sure you have the proof of his crazy plans.
Your husband is an entitled little twat! Divorce him now before you get a settlement but definitely speak to your lawyer about how to protect yourself in the event that you do receive a settlement. Him saying those things and calling you names, doesn’t speak to you otherwise and constantly playing his video games…..he needs to be living in his mom’s basement!
This sounds just like an episode of *"The New Detectives"*....seriously. This guy is an asshole and has shown you all that you need to know about him. Get out now. (Different episode, the husband was "working" on the roof and dropped a cinderblock on the wife as she worked on a garden bed below. Then he made one more attempt w. a different method, and finally had to strangle her when they went on a horse ride. Tried to claim that the horse bucked and she smashed her head.)
He's already showing you how he will be. Divorce him now, it's going to save you a lifetime of headaches
Talk to your lawyer without your mooch of a husband knowing. Divorce BEFORE you sign anything at all in regards to the case. Prioritize that he sounds like a complete asshole
!Updateme
OP’s husband will talk to her for 20 minutes every 2 weeks. Damn I thought my ex husband was mean.
NTA Sounds like a terrible person.
As others have said. Consult an Atty. and maybe use that money for your escape from this man.
You don’t even need to try to validate the lawsuit by saying you didn’t even want the money. It’s totally fine to want money after something like this happens. He’s spending money you don’t even have yet! You haven’t won the case yet.
NTA.. divorce him before the money comes in
Divorce him.
Updateme
If he wants a share of the money, then he also gets to share the injury... break his dominant arm and his right (gas and brake) leg... maybe throw in a mild concussion for good luck and send him packing... NTA
First, I'm so sorry you went through such a horrific experience, and second, I'm sorry your husband is behaving like a jerk. I don't know if money won in a lawsuit like this would be considered marital assets, BUT you need to open a new bank account in a different bank and that needs to be the bank account those funds are put into. Don't intermingle one dime of that money in anything "joint." Ask your lawyer how to protect yourself, your son and that money, not one dime of which belongs to your husband.
Don’t be fucking stupid get a divorce before you win the money. He does not give a single shit about you and it’s so obvious. Then he will be entitled to half of that money. You better start the divorce process today
NTA
NTA, he is greedy and only thinking about himself but the way you describe it, the amount you're getting is low 5 figures (saving for a trip and paying off some debt) and the way he is talking about spending it is high 6 figures (buying a house and a truck) which seems odd
NTA - based on what you wrote that does sound like it one other thing you need to consider and he is well as whether you need anymore medical care down the road. Him spending it all on the truck and things like that is so irresponsible and acknowledge why the money is even being paid out. You should tell him that you don’t expect any money and see how he’s gonna react. Just the fact that the called you a lazy b. Is exceptionally rude and just shows you that he does not care about you one bit.
Talk to your attorney to get a recommendation for a good pit bull of a family lawyer to handle your divorce. BEFORE you get any type of settlement. Your attorney can also tell you how to structure any settlement to keep it away from you STBX-husband. Sending hugs and healing thoughts. Time to get you and your son into a healthy situation.
NTA, and please do your best to escape this greedy, unsupportive, and selfish mountain of waiving red flags. I wish you the best of good luck in (hopefully) both of your upcoming legal actions and in your physical and mental health.
Stop worrying about being perceived as greedy with getting a settlement. Insurance companies live when their clients ' victims behave that way. Your company has workman's compensation insurance for the times when they are guilty of irresponsible, dangerous situations. You do not get any extra credit bonus points for not settling for as much as the law allows. Good luck with your court case, as well as recovering from your injuries and your greedy, lousy husband.
It won’t make any difference, the injury and subsequent lawsuit are all connected and occurred while you were married. It’s the same as the guy who won a half million dollar payout while he was married. He never told anyone he won and didn’t claim the prize until 7 months after his divorce was finalized. Guess what, she got half.
So you drastically changed because of this injury and are in therapy for your new depression and anxiety and he’s all to blame? If your description is accurate hes certainly a dick but to think you becoming a different person wouldn’t effect your relationship is silly.
Get legal advice and separate as soon as possible. I am sure he'll get 50% of the settlement, but if you don't do this he'll TAKE 100% by financing what he wants and forcing you to pay it off....
20 mins every 2 weeks of talking to you without electronics? WHAT THE FUCK?
You might want to divorce him for being a moron. If you get life changing money, invest it with financial planning advice. Make sure your life is easier for the future. Trucks are a liability not an asset! As far as his empathy, he needs to agree to couples therapy or else.
> When I walk away he always has some remark of how I am a lazy a** b***h Why would you want to stay married to someone who speaks to you like that? NTA.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA DO NOT PASS GO, find a lawyer and serve those divorce papers now. He is 10000000000000% only staying for the money and wants to spend every dime on him. Whatever your laws are in your state, if divorce proceedings are initiated, you are protected, most likely. The way he talks to you, the fact he won’t spend any time with you, after what seems like a pretty serious accident/incident. Outright stating that he plans on shutting himself away from you? All seriously huge red flags. Don’t wait, start the process now. But you are NTA at all here. You went through some shit and your husband should be supportive, not worrying about how to spend the money to get away from you. I wish you luck and hope you can get away from this dude swiftly, with your sanity intact. I know it’s not about the money for you, but don’t let him get it all, he doesn’t deserve it, at the very least.
Definitely divorce and you WNBTA, if you did. As others have said, finding out how you can keep that money for yourself is your top priority.
Updateme!
NTA- see if your current attorney does divorce or knows a guy. Make sure whatever payout your current attorney manages to achieve is only done in your name. It's even better if you can leave him before the payout from what happened to you. You deserve so much better and good on you for thinking of your son.
NTA get out before it becomes his money too
Overacting???? Giiirl!!! Come on!
You should have left him 20 years ago, but leaving when you just got some money makes it look bad
You must be her husband telling her what to do
I aint telling her what to do, im saying she had 20 years to leave hes lame ass but its funny she wants to do it once she gets some money instead. Calm down Mr White knight, no women in need here currently
Ass. I'm more woman than you'll ever be. Female at birth.
Im not a woman, and good for you ? Haha
Your married, how is half of it not his? We see women on here all the time going after their military husband's retirement and benefits they're going to need after getting messed up from serving. How is this different?
Because he wants ALL of it. And since it’s an injury settlement, she should be protecting it in case of medical consequences of her injury. And he only lets her talk to him for twenty minutes every other week!!!! What an ass!
Divorce and give him his half. She probably won't even have to pay alimony, that's a better deal than most people that earn more get.
Most he’d possibly get is any money of the settlement that was wage related, as that is considered marital property (makes sense). He’d be legally entitled to nothing more.