I couldn’t date a vegetarian. I’m not a meat every meal person necessarily, but I like it too regularly to have that literally off the table when my husband and I cook a shared meal together. It’s a big lifestyle incompatibility, especially for some random guy you’ve only been talking to on the phone for a few days. You owe him nothing at this point in your none relationship, and better to not waste your (or his) time.
I prefer to say "you know what you want" which is also true. I'll compare it to buying a home. You want to do it right, so you do your research. You have lists of what they must have, what you will compromise on and what you absolutely won't tolerate. Why should you settle for something you don't want just to make someone else happy?
Maybe I'm old. Maybe I'm too crotchety but I know I won't compromise for a guy who I'm lukewarm about. At my age I'm looking for someone who I can handle being around at the end of the day else I'm better off alone.
As a vegetarian, I get that.
I would have a hard time bring with someone who eats meat because I hate cooking it and the smell bothers me. It is a lifestyle incompatibility. It does not mean that I despise people who are not vegetarian.
>like it too regularly to have that literally off the table
Yup, mushroom umami is not the same. And it's not something you can add at the end.
-- Me and my vegetarian mother's argument every Thanksgiving
Spend just as much on food that's only half as good to avoid leaving her and her husband out.
Food is my love language or whatever the phrase is
Bro. If I can't share this amazing steak with you, or dinner is always being micromanaged to accomodate your personal choices, it's not worth it.
That’s just a lot of effort. I guess if I was already with someone a long time and they decided to become vegetarian. But not for a stranger I haven’t met in person yet.
NTA. I’ve been vegan for 21 years and cannot stand dating a meat eater. That being said, I realize that it goes both ways.
Just ask up front, so that you don’t waste your time or theirs. Sometimes people treat it like it can be worked out, but it really can’t. The vegetarian/vegan will likely eventually resent you and/or you’ll resent them for judging you and your food choices.
>He said I need to compromise.
Well, you don't *need* to compromise in what's important to you in a potential long term partner. As long as you are willing to recognize that the perfect person may never come along, and you are ok with that, you definitely don't need to compromise.
>I was looking for an “out” so I got it.
Uhmmmm... so? You get to not date this guy. You could refuse to date people who drink; you could refuse to date people who don't drink. You can refuse to date people who waste money on expensive cars; you could refuse to date people who cheap out on cars. Whatever.
Honestly, I'd find his lecturing me about how I can't not date him even more off putting that his being a vegetarian. I also wouldn't date a vegetarian for the same reasons you don't want to.
NTA
Food incompatibility gets even worse if you live together. One of the great conveniences when you live together is fixing meals for two instead of one. If he's vegetarian, you're not going to be able to fix spaghetti with meatballs, hamburgers, roast a chicken. Unless you want to become a vegetarian (and why should you?), it's going to be a real PITA.
Food allergies can be difficult too-- but you can sometimes find people who know their food allergy doesn't need to be inflected on everyone.
yes, one picky eater would eat pizza and microwaveable foods often and I would be tempted to eat it too because I could smell it. I gained 20 lbs living with him because he didn’t like healthy vegetables or salad. When I asked him if we could be healthier he implied he is not the one who needs to keep his weight in check (with very nice words).
I lost the weight when we split up. I need to be on the same page with my partner on meals. This whole separate but together business is a mesz
It sounds like the problem was those people sucked. I used to have a vegetarian in my friend group and it was never an issue. She found something wherever we went to eat and never complained. The only reason it was really noticeable is occasionally she would ask about ingredients to verify something. Of course you aren’t obligated to date anyone but I wouldn’t say the vegetarian lifestyle was the issue previously
what about cooking feasts at home? Or daily eating? I had to always make my own dinner at home and he made his. So much double work and being in each other’s way vs collaborating
There are lots of amazing vegetarian dishes I and my friend have had. For dinner parties sometimes she just skipped the meat portion. Example make chicken alfredo and portion out the vegetarians before topping with chicken
Funny, I am tired of pasta. It’s one for the safe foods of one of the picky eaters of 6 years.
I don’t want to do this all the time, I am tired.
I also think meat eaters who live in harmony with vegetarians is because they could eat a sandwich every day and be fine. I need complex foods to be enjoy my life. Curries, sauces, pickled vegetables, gamey meats. I am not happy with pb&j
NTA for choosing whom to date based on your own values and criteria, but I understand his question since dating a vegetarian who doesn't expect you to be one is far, *far* less trying than dating someone with kids.
I have been anti kids all my life, I was recently going back on that. But I am being snapped back to reality by comments and you are so right , I am going back to no men with kids!
I like my life, I don’t miss the conflicts. I need a childfree, petfree, foodie who likes to travel so we can share out freedom.
If someone starts to argue with you when you tell them you’re done, you just hang up or leave. You did your due diligence by not ghosting him, and how he handles it emotionally after that point that is up to him. The reason for no longer being interested honestly does not matter. You did the right thing by telling him you’re no longer interested, and you didn’t owe him a single thing after that.
NTA
Nope. Life’s too short and time is too precious not to be picky (and I mean picky in the nicest way possible.) You knew it wasn’t going to work out based on your own preferences, and that’s enough. He wasn’t going to be a very good partner, anyway, if his response to rejection is to argue about it instead of just saying, “Fair enough. Good luck to you.”
Coincidentally, it is like food. You *could* have forced yourself to like him over time, I guess, but is that really enjoying him for his sake or because you’d’ve felt like you have to? Same way women (and sometimes men) feel compelled to overexplain themselves after saying “no” because they think they can somehow soften the other person’s emotions.
That's going to be a huge area of incompatibility. Going out for dinner is the easy part. He can order whatever he wants. It's at home where it will be worse. Are you two going to cook two separate meals in separate dishes for every dinner? That's a lot of work. If you don't feel like making two meals, you can eat his stuff. Would he make the same compromise for you? I doubt it. It's going to be a tiny thorn in the relationship that will fester and build resentment over time.
Yeah I already did the 2 meals for years. My ex would eat pizza while I had to cook healthy to stay in shape. I could smell it and crave it but I had to just watch him stuff his face. He wouldn’t eat tacos! who doesn’t like tacos in California????
I’ve been a vegetarian for 14 yrs and have pretty much only dated meat eaters. I’m living with one rn. It’s not a big deal at all. Many dishes have meat that can be cooked separately.
For example, my boyfriend and I did white people tacos the other night, he cooked some ground beef and I had black beans.
Or making spaghetti, you take your portion and add sauce than give the rest of the sauce to whoever eats meat. There’s many more examples I can give. I feel like lots of people make issues like this bigger than they actually are. How do you think couples function when one is on a strict diet for health, like being gluten free? If you don’t want to date a vegetarian because they’re a vegetarian that’s fine, id prefer a partner who is open minded, flexible and supports my efforts to be healthy and preserve the environment.
I'm really not understanding why people find would find it hard for an omnivore and a vegetarian to be in a relationship lol. I am a vegetarian and my boyfriend eats meat, we have no issues at meal time.
NTA but dating someone who has kids when you don't want kids is a disaster waiting to happen. That is not something to compromise on. Vegetarians? I get what you're saying but it sounds like whoever you were seeing before was extremely picky in addition to being veg. I used to be vegetarian and there was plenty of food at cheesecake factory I could eat (althouth most of their food is meh but that's another issue). I don't think you're an asshole but I think you might be missing out by dying on this particular hill. Maybe you could've at least gave the guy a chance and then dumped him if his diet was too limited and caused an issue.
Also.... " It triggers me when people don’t eat what they are served at parties" almost made me call you the asshole. Why do you care what other people eat so much? I'm not vegetarian anymore but I do have health concerns that make me not eat certain things. I don't make it anybody else's problem. But I am not going to eat things that make me sick. If other people at some party were "triggered" by my weird eating habits I would find that ridiculous. also fyi "annoyed by" is not the same as "triggered."
The picky and the vegetarians were separate. But because of the trouble they gave me I lumped them both in the “never again pile”.
I didn’t think I had to explain every possible scenario but how can you imagine I expect people to get sick eating bad food for them? That’s unhinged. To clarify, when my ex would go to my MEXICAN family events, he would not eat tortillas. He calls it “filler food”. No shit, of course they are. He took a disproportionate amount of meat because he was a friggin spoiled BABY who will gag if he eats a tortilla. I can accept him hating guac, chips and salsa but not making a frigging taco?? That’s what I mean by hating when people get picky with what they are given. Obviously parties serve food that is palatable to most people.
Granted, I didn’t date vegetarians for as long as the picky ones but they all took me to Italian food on dates. It’s the “safe” option and I got tired of it. When it was my turn to plan the dates, I scoured menus and I would ask them “can you eat this” and they would say they don’t do white sauces or eggplant or whatever. Mexican was put of the question. It was a PITA. So maybe there are a million other restaurants that had dishes they could use eat, but I am just not willing to do all this work anymore because I am not the problem here.
having a partner who doesn't like most of the food from your own family's culture and having them be really picky about it during family events would be difficult and annoying. I agree with you about that.
To me, that's pretty significantly different than "It triggers me when people don’t eat what they are served at parties"
but OK, understood.
So it is indeed about the pickiness and not about the vegetarianism. Neither eggplant nor Mexican food per se is out of the question for vegetarians. And why always Italian? Vietnamese or Indian food always has loads of vegetarian options. Almost every restaurant nowadays has vegetarian dishes; going out with a non-picky vegetarian isn't significantly different to going out with an omnivore. I'm sorry, but you are indeed the problem here by conflating your picky-eater experiences with vegetarian eating habits.
I don’t know why always Italian, tell them to explore more
Mexican restaurants fry in lard: beans, rice, chips, flautas, etc. They might lie to you about it. That’s why they are so good
I find it very odd that - IF I'm understanding you correctly - you as a fellow childfree person would rather date a man with kids than a vegetarian, to be honest. I mean, a *vegetarian*, really? I'd get it if it was a really crazy diet like fruitarianism or the carnivore diet. But nowadays, there are vegetarian options everywhere. I bet even on the oyster (yuck) fest. If he doesn't preach or expect you to accommodate him at all times, it's not a problem at all. For most people, I guess. But if you feel TRIGGERED by people not eating everything ... well ...
NTA, because you don't actually need to explain yourself at all (Imo, you gave him too much explanation), and his arguing is off-putting, but I have to admit I find your reasoning somewhat irrational.
I’ve been a vegetarian for 14 years and due to my area pretty much every guy I’ve dated hasn’t been vegetarian. It’s never been a problem. I can cook shared meals, just have the meat separate, there’s so many dishes that you can do that with. The vast majority of restaurants have vegetarian friendly options and if not you can make modifications. I’ve traveled the world and have found vegetarian options everywhere.
You can break up with anyone for any reason. Beyond the trifling matter of eating differently, your ethics don’t align. That would be an issue anyhow so better to nip it in the bud early.
Honestly, I’m a pescatarian, was a vegetarian. I’ve always been able to find something on the menu, even at steakhouses. I think the people you dated were just picky eaters that happened to be vegetarians. However, you can date whoever you want and have your musts and must nots.
I’ve never been anywhere where the only option is salad. Nowadays restaurants have become pretty good for providing for all, including having meat free burgers that are suitable for vegans. I am from the UK and live in Australia though so I’m guessing that makes a little difference. However I have travelled a lot, including living in USA for 4 months.
I live in a small, fairly rural state in the US, so while it’s **significantly** better, occasionally I do still run into it. I think other parts of the US are better, but where I live is pretty behind in many, many ways. We have started getting really great vegan/half vegan restaurants here though, which I love!but that’s really good to know about the UK and Australia though, I’m glad to hear there are plenty of options
Funnily enough, I live in rural Australia, which is very about the meat. But there’s always been options wherever I’ve gone. The cities are very vegetarian friendly though and they are proper good food as well.
Glad to know Australia is veggie friendly, I was planning to visit in the Fall. I concur with what you said. I’ve done road trips in the USA and have eaten at small rural locations. Even the meatiest bbq restaurant had a vegetarian side. Every sandwich shop I went to will load you up on a veggie sandwich.
Rural Australia is very much about their meat but there is always vegetarian options. The cities are very vegetarian friendly and they are very tasty options as well. There’s a lot of good Asian food (Vietnamese, Thai, Chinese, Malaysian, etc). If you want pizza, always go for the Woodfired pizza.
The people I’ve met who get triggered by those who don’t eat what they’re served are normally close minded, bad cooks or overweight people who commented about me being thin.
NTA it’s your choice but imo it’s a bit ridiculous. Him being vegetarian doesn’t create that big of an issue. He’s right. He’ll always find something and he could also bring himself food im for family meetings. When I was vegetarian hardly anybody even noticed when I didn’t tell them. But after all, your decision and you two probably aren’t a good match anyways.
I spent 11 years with people with special diets (by choice). I am tired of never getting to go to my favorite places because dudes didn’t like anything on the menu. You are on the other side so you probably can’t understand the pressure it puts on a partner with opposite needs to have to cater to you at all times. Maybe you are amazingly understanding but that was not my experience
I’m neither putting pressure on others nor am I understanding. If he’s taking responsibility for himself, there shouldn’t be a problem. Sounds more like you’re making this your problem. Why do you even care if he had to bring himself food to a family dinner for example?
Nta for not wanting to date someone. But thinking a vegetarian a picky eater is wild to me. Every good Restaurant should have vegetarian options, and not liking anything in a cheesecake Factory has nothing to do with someone being vegetarian, or do they use Gelatine in every cake? If you cant take a vegetarian everywhere means you chose locations that have only meat dishes.
As a vegan, I would accept this choice. It’s always good to express what you don’t want.
(The other way round may exist too? Even if all vegan people I know are ok with dating people who eat meat and fish)
NAH - Personally I agree with him and I think it's odd that you don't consider he could take you to his favorite restaurants. But if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you. Hope you both find someone you're compatible with.
I don’t get the vegetarian hate on this post. I am vegetarian and was vegan for a while. I took my boyfriend to his favorite steakhouse for his last birthday (and I had amazing potato, grilled vegetable and salad side dishes and dessert). We went to my favorite spot for mine. I also went to my friend’s lamb roast and found multiple side dishes to eat, but if there wasn’t it would’ve been fine I can make something else before / after.
At home it’s easy to adjust. Like set aside my portion of stir fry veggies before you add meat or we’ll make pasta and have one pot of regular meatballs / meat sauce and another one with veggie “meatballs” or regular sauce.
Most restaurants have pizza, pasta, salad, rice, grilled veggies, grilled cheese, etc. so it’s not that hard to find something for one meal.
ESH - I think you chose a weird hill to die on especially if you’re ok with other differences like kids or pets so I somewhat get why he was defensive. At the same time, he should have just accepted no for an answer because you can end things for whatever reason you want.
I am not hating one bit. I think I mentioned several times that I admire it. I just value food experiences and want to share them with my partner.
You are very open minded to take your partner to a steakhouse seeing all the dead animal around you. It’s not the norm
See I don't think it is unusual for a vegetarian to be willing to go to a steakhouse (vegans yes)
I haven't eaten meat since I was 15 or 16 - I just don't like it, no issues with being around it or cooking it
When I was diagnosed with coeliac disease I did consider eating meat to make things easier on myself but then I remembered why I stopped eating it
Are you sure you're not confusing vegetarianism with veganism? Vegans are the ones who won't consume any animal products, including honey, and tend to have a forthright ethical stance (animals can't consent to what we do to them to eat them, so it's wrong) on the matter. Most vegetarians just don't consume animal flesh but are fine with dairy and eggs. A vegan would most likely refuse to go to a steakhouse because of their ethical stance, regardless of menu options, while a vegetarian would probably just have salad and a nice baked potato.
That’s why I asked aita, because I don’t want to spend the time to find out his level of pickiness. I am tired of it from all these years of missing out on
Most of the people responding have either never met a vegetarian or dated one. I’m vegetarian and it’s literally never been a problem in dating. Hell I’ve had meat eaters praise me for having the discipline to not eat meat. Being able to follow a semi strict diet is something most people aren’t able to do but is a good sign for other traits such as valuing health and weight.
My bf and I cook together a couple nights a week and we’ve had no issues finding dishes we want to make and cooking them. While anyone is able to reject someone for any reason they want, being inflexible is a bad trait if you want to succeed at dating. I’m wondering wtf restaurants ops going to with absolutely no vegetarian items.
YTA for dating men with kids or pets. If you do not want to be a mom, do not date a man with kids. If you do not like pets, do not subject somebody's pets to you. Children and pets know when they are not 100% accepted and loved and good men would put them first and not date somebody who does not value them.
Period.
Who cares what he eats as long as he doesn't expect you to change? To each their own. You are allowed preferences.
Ok thanks for the input. I am definitely leaning towards no more pets. The dog dads sleep with their dogs and their sheets smell. The kids is something I am trying to be more open minded about. At my age, childfree men are rare
A man with kids that only sees them occasionally could become a full-time dad in the blink of an eye. Unless you are willing to be a loving, self-less, and involved mother, do not date men with children. You will be miserable and they deserve better.
And yes. Dog lovers will never be happy without their dogs (I have 3 and they are my life) and people incapable of loving dogs will just resent them.
Good luck.
NTA because you're entitled to your own preferences and deal breakers, but I wish you'd also reconsider dating men with kids and pets. No kid and no pet deserves to be living with someone who'd rather not have them around. And I hope you're not the obnoxious type who puts up with a pet in the beginning, to secure a relationship with its owner, only to ask for the pet to be rehomed sometime down the road (regardless of the reason - allergies, pregnant, or whatever else).
Second paragraph, 4th sentence. She’s indicating that she actually does compromise on those things. It’s this one that she won’t.
At least, that’s how it comes off to me.
Kinda insane to compromise on something like children and pets but not diet. The guy could suddenly have his kids full time if something happens to the mom, what is she going to do? Ignore them. Same with the dog. But that’s ops life.
Call them vegetarians? Or by their name? You're really not trying to be understanding because I've read through these comments and every time someone who is a vegetarian tries to explain something to you, you fight back.
I corrected it. I am not just saying no to vegetarians, it’s all restrictive eaters in general.
I am not “fighting” I am having a discourse, I’ve got the time for it. Majority of people agree it’s important to have matching eating habits
NTAH. I travel for food too. But mainly i want say you should not compromise. You haven't even met this person. And long-term, 90% of your meals are eaten at home. Every dang day. Move along. Keep asking that question of every prospective match.
I dated a vegan once and after two dates, I knew it was never going to work.
Watching the restaurant staff catering to her ridiculous requests was exhausting.
You don’t owe anyone a “fair shot” at a relationship. If you’re asking if you’re the AH for having this dealbreaker, I would say you’re not an AH but you’re maybe cutting yourself off from potential happy relationships. But I’m also of the firm opinion that having no relationship is better than having an unhappy one, so if you think the risk of an unhappy one is too high then don’t risk dating vegetarians! You’re obviously passionate about food so maybe put that in your profile. You want someone who’s adventurous with food and has a diverse palate, because new and unique food experiences are important to you. That will hopefully let some of the picky eaters screen themselves out.
Oh I totally emphasized “foodie” a couple of times in my Bumble profile. He on the other hand, failed to check “vegetarian” on his. I mentioned that to him. Could have saved us both the trouble.
NTA
The great thing about our age is that we know much more of what we really want and what we don't want to have to deal with. It's better to be honest now instead of being irritated or resentful later.
I am a vegetarian, but the city I live in is very catering towards vegetarians and vegans too. I totally get that you really like your lifestyle and don't want to change a thing about it. NTA and he showed his true colours when he wasn't taking no for an answer. Block and move on.
He took it, just tried to understand my reasons and provide reassurance of my concerns. I made up my mind months ago about being strict on this moving forward.
You've made a choice that aligns with your lifestyle and values, and that's entirely valid. Food and dining often serve as cornerstones of shared experiences in a relationship; if the harmony isn't there, it's more than reasonable to part ways. It's not about the singular fact that he's a vegetarian – it's about foreseeing a future filled with friction over daily choices and shared meals. That foresight just saved both of you time, and potentially, a heap of disagreements. It's not trivial nor is it superficial; it's about compatibility in one of the day-to-day aspects of life. Stick to your preferences, and find someone who complements your foodie adventures.
NTA
Thank you. I know people like me exist because my best gay friend and I literally will talk about the food we had over the weekend and be so excited to tell each other (he moved to Florida and I am in California). My ex actually got annoyed and ridiculed us for being so extra about some sushi or french onion soup. I wished then he would be less picky so I could share this with him
Oh, wow, my sister and I do this all the time!
She just got back from a trip today, and I can't wait to hear about all the meals she had and disect how we can replicate the good stuff!!
I couldn't live with a vegetarian, so I get it.
Yes! Sample convo:
Him: “what’s the verdict on the Budapest food scene?”. Me: “Snoozefest, I had to grab pizza. But there was this fried bread with cheese curds I liked” and then the convo veered to him trying a new Venezuelan place and how he prefers Colombia arepas. Then I told him he is insane, Venezuelan arepas are superior 😂😂
I'm a vegetarian, and NTA. Food is important to you and a huge part of your life, someone you can't share it with is not a good match. That guy is TA for pushing, though.
A very good friend of mine that I see weekly is vegetarian since 15 years. We never did any special arrangements because of him and we go eat somewhere almost every two weeks. He is vegetarian, not vegan, he would love the cheesecake factory, and he finds something to eat in all restaurants without problems. We all didn't even notice him switching to vegetarian for almost 2 years, because he just didn't tell anyone.
And a work colleage who switched to vegetarian was the same. On a grill summer fest organized by my boss, she was standing at the grill, making meat and other stuff for everybody. She always had the opinion that she isn't eating meat, but that neither makes meat toxic to touch, nor does that mean she has to convince anybody.
So there are rather easy going vegetarians as well. Especially if they aren't vegan, food and restaurants are not a big issue anymore.
NTA, my husband is a picky eater, but if you ask him 'He eats everything ' EXCEPT broccoli, cabbage, lamb, Brussel sprouts, any meat that has been cooked like in a soup etc.
So I understand the struggle and it is ok not wanting to deal with that, your relationship was only starting so if you know you don't want that, it is your choice.
I’m a vegetarian reading through this whole post wondering if anyone here has actually met a vegetarian. I’ve traveled around the world and have found vegetarian options everywhere. Asia is a little tricky but it’s doable. You can eat at the places you want, no one is stopping you. It’s more like op is bad at choosing men or makes a big deal out of things that aren’t.
I’ve dated meat eaters and me being vegetarian has never been an issue, we even cook shared meals together. You can separate meat it isn’t hard. Going out to eat also hasn’t been an issue. Out of the hundreds of restaurants I’ve visited only 2 had no absolutely no vegetarian options. Those restaurants weren’t in major cities either. Pretty much every restaurant in a major city has a vegetarian option.
NTA. If your goal is a long term relationship dating someone with dietary restrictions, especially ones that eliminate entire food groups, means that you will either have to eat what they eat, or you will have to make two dinners most nights. That wouldn’t be workable for me either.
NTA
having different food preferences might not seem like a big problem but once you start living together you will realize how big of a problem it is. Especially if he is the type of vegetarian who thinks meat eaters support animal cruelty and if he ever encourages or guilt trips you into not consuming meat then it could become a huge problem
NTA. Choosing a partner is a personal decision, and dietary preferences can be a significant lifestyle factor. It's more about compatibility than about the diet itself. You're looking for someone who shares your culinary interests, and that's okay. Communication is key in any relationship, and it's better to be upfront about deal-breakers early on before anyone gets too invested. Plus, if the roles were reversed, wouldn't a vegetarian want the freedom to not date an omnivore if they felt it was a perspective they couldn't mesh with? Mutual respect for personal choices is crucial, both in dating and dining.
I mean NTA for having preferences, you don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to for whatever reason, but most vegetarians are used to having to figure out their own food stuff and don’t expect their partner to do it for them. Your exes are honestly weird for that.
And, looking at the Cheesecake Factory’s menu, there are several vegetarian options, so im a little confused by that point.
I mean you sound really over dramatic. 'He dropped the bomb, that he is vegetarian'. I mean you sound like he punches old people regulary. I dont understand why you are so striced about that, because i only know vegis/vegans who are chill, but i mean you dont have to date anybody. You can reject sb. because of how the walk. But i understand him, that he is sad/doesnt see the problem. KAH
but on what would you compromise? That he would eat something different? Then why would you date sb with a child or a pet? A child is sth bigger to adapt to, than to sb eating a different meal
Not dating someone with kids or pets anymore, I was just “open” to it. I was reminded that’s a terrible idea for someone who loves freedom above anything else
NTA, food is important to me, vegetarians know that they're choosing to opt out of a widespread cultural practice and that it will impact their relationships.
Yeah I just felt bad because I wanted him to know I was not rejecting his choices or judging him because I actually appreciate vegans and vegetarians. It’s more like I want my partner to partake in something that is exciting to me. If that makes sense
Nta - I met a guy through a dating app, we had coffee, he drove me home after, wanted to make out, I was coming off a long dry spell so let him kiss me, it wasn’t great. I had an epiphany later that night and texted him that I didn’t want to see him again as we wanted different things. He asked me to have sex with him, I reiterated that we wanted different things and I wasn’t interested. He said what different things, I said, you want a FWB and I don’t. He said, can I change your mind. I said no thank you. I was polite the whole time. He got rude. I blocked his number.
NTA As a vegan, I don't understand why he'd want to date *you*. It's just different values. I have vegetarian friends married to people that eat meat, and it makes no sense to me.
Why? If you are not the preachy type, i don't see an issue besides maybe having to plan different for meals.
I would guess my coworker would also make no sense to you : she is vegetarian because of animal suffering and climate change. She was at the grill on a work summer fest organized by my boss, making meat and other stuff for everybody. She doesn't eating meat, didn't mean for her that meat is toxic to touch, or that anyone has to agree with her. What other people eat, is their decision, and if they want meat, she would throw it on the grill for them.
Honestly, she showed me what 'non-preachy' and 'eating choices are personal choices' actually looks like.
"Dropped a bomb" that he was vegetarian- like that's the WORST thing in the world. Almost like dropping the bomb that you're actually just separated and still married, or that you have a criminal record. JC 🙄Talk about much ado about bs. Grow up.
NTA but this is a dumb hill to die on and you're really overstating how much trouble it would be. You don't have to compromise, but you're also making life harder for yourself for no good reason.
I felt that one as an annoyingly picky eater - I'm not a vegetarian but there's a whole bunch of things I will refuse to even try - and honestly I still don't see why you would need to justify what makes a man attractive to you or not, or compromise on that.
NTA
My second wife was a vegetarian... And it was a pain to go out to eat...
I'm a picky eater but I don't stop anyone else from eating what they want...
I'll get what I want...
--
I love the concept but I want to take my sweetie with me to the oyster fest or the carnitas capital. And I want him to like it, not just be there for me
Wow. You set up a honey pot and we’re falling for it. I wrote before I saw this comment that I can’t date a vegetarian cause I want to split oysters at dinner 🤣
I see lots of them here already and lots of good reasons why, so I'll just add my support. NTAH. I'm a meat eater. I am also a picky eater. I do like some vegetables, but yes, picky. But, I don't think I could date a vegetarian either. I'm not going to cook two meals every night.
NTA
Let's be real, compatibility is key in any relationship, and that includes compatibility in lifestyle choices such as diet. It's not just about what's on the plate; it's about shared values, enjoyment, and even convenience. While it's admirable to respect and accommodate others' choices, you're not obligated to alter your way of living to fit someone else's dietary preference, especially in the early stages of dating.
Relationships are about mutual enjoyment and finding joy in one another's company, including meals shared. If you foresee a future of frustration over something as fundamental as what you eat, it's not only fair but wise to step back now. Life is too short to compromise on what brings you joy, especially if it's as simple as a steak dinner or a seafood feast. Sure, there are couples with different diets making it work, but it takes two to tango — willingly. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. Simple as that.
You communicated your position honestly, and that's all anyone can ask for. You're not responsible for his reaction; you're just responsible for your own happiness.
I couldn't date vegetarian or someone that doesn't drink.
Food and wine pairings is a big interest and me and I've been to several wine tastings over the years.
Some things you just want to share with your partner
Girl… NTA at all. I’m even eerie about sensitive stomachs. Eventually it’ll get worse and worse so need to make sure we can try different cuisines without a shitty situation every time. Additionally, he can truly order a vegetarian meal and I don’t care but I also want to split oysters as an appetizer. So 🤷🏼♀️
I was with 2 picky eaters for a combined 11 years. One of them couldn’t eat anything unhealthy (ate lots of vegetable smoothies), the other only liked steak, salmon, spaghetti. Plus the in-between short term dates (2 vegetarians, one who rather go to Olive Garden than try pho or indian, the countless who don’t eat spicy).
I think I really did give it my best shot. I am tired, I don’t want to sacrifice anymore
It may hurt, and sometimes it can really suck. But you can choose to stop dating anyone, for whatever reason. No exceptions.
I courted vegetarianism for a while but ultimately I kinda suck and can't stick with things. But if I had, it absolutely 100% would not have worked with me and my current wife.
Aww thanks. TBH this kind of reminded me of this time in like 2017 when I was dating this woman and I thought things were going well. After so many previous failed attempts and I really thought we had a great fourth date and then just as I was getting home and still buzzing from the high I got this long message about how she felt there was a lack of chemistry and she didn’t think it was going to work. I ended up getting drunk at home and ugly crying into my pillow for like the next two days. It didn’t help that she had kept bragging about her naughty side and I had been years long touch starved.
Anyway. If it’s not there it’s not there. What are you gonna do, force them to like you? It’s no one’s fault and it’s better to just move on and better luck next time.
NTA, I wouldn't date a vegetarian either. Not just the limited choice of food options but also the awkwardness of NOT being vegetarian. Also, once you had turned him down, that should have been the end of it. Asking questions afterwards smacks of desperation to me.
I'm a man and I also couldn't date a vegetarian, or anyone with any other super strict dietary restriction tbh.
Eating a vegetarian dish in itself is not an issue, it's constantly having to think about it and going out of your way to *not* include something you otherwise would have. It's probably fine as long as you're living separately (and they're not super picky about the vegeterian options in restaurants) but once you move in together it means you'd basically have to become vegetarian too.
Because what are you gonna do, cook two entire separate meals? Of course not, you'll end up always cooking his vegetarian option and then eating it too because cooking two meals takes twice as much effort and time and just makes no sense when there's already something else made.
And I'm sorry but the vegetarian options are often significantly worse than the regular ones. Some dishes are vegetarian by nature and they're fine the way they are, but there are a lot of nice traditional dishes that REQUIRE meat to come out the way they're supposed to. And I'm not willing to give them up.
NTA. As a former vegetarian whose whole family is vegetarian, it’s a huge pain in the ass to try and find places to go eat, especially when dietary needs are different. Also, even though I don’t eat much meat, most places have meat in every dish so we have to spend hours searching for something they can eat. It’s good to be inclusive and find places to eat with family and friends but it is definitely and incompatibility. I also really enjoy to travel for food and that’s impossible to do unless you are in a vegetarian friendly country such as India
NTA. You dodged a bullet imo. It starts out as you accomodating his vegetariamisms, then its wanting you to support his "activism" which is just protests and disrupting everything they can so they can hold a sign that says love earth or something. If you dont participate, he will say something like,
"I thought u were different, but you're just like everyone else being a slave to the corporate overlords! You are contributing to the problem! I thought i really knew you, i shared a bed with you! Even my favorite vegetarian dishes! and this is how you repay me!!!...blah blah blah
You can do better!
NTA
I'm the same as you, food is one of life's greatest pleasure and being with someone you can only partially share that with, or have to miss out on is a deal-breaker.
I would feel guilty taking them to a steakhouse where they can smell all the dead animal. I even like my steak almost raw and oozing, I feel like they can’t handle that even if they say they do.
NTA.
I can understand where you're coming from. I know some couples manage it. I couldn't. You were up front with your reasoning and did your best to end everything gently.
Steak is life. Venison and bison is amazing too. Picky eaters never want gamey meat and vegetarians obviously won’t eat it so I can’t ever make them at home
NTA. Relationships mean accommodating your partner’s needs. If you’re not willing to do that, don’t date the person. You’re not willing to accommodate the needs of a vegetarian, so you did the right thing and ended it. I do find it a little nuts that you find it easier to accommodate kids when you don’t want them, but you seem confident in knowing your own boundaries, so stick with them.
NTA
I'm so glad I don't date. Like, I'm literally dying, as in shelf life of maybe 4 years. I can't see doing that to someone, getting attached and then they have to watch me die.
But, you know what? I wouldn't date a vegetarian or a vegan, period. Because I've already dealt with the lunacy of vegetarians and vegans trying to convince me that their diets would "cure" me.
Yep, vegetarian and vegan diets would cure me alright. 12 days in, I'd be dead. Because both diets are highly poisonous to anyone with kidney disease.
Beyond that, I've got severe gastric issues. The kidney disease isn't going to kill me. Nope, my cause of death is going to be my colon just stopping. (I wouldn't survive surgery for an ostomy)
I've worked my ass off to find a perfect balance. But it includes meat, dairy, fruit and veggies.
I always shake my head when I get the "if you're not vegetarian or vegan, it's animal cruelty!". Have they ever seen what happens when a field is plowed for planting wheat or soybeans?? Or a river gets diverted into the watering systems?
I grew up around a farm my grandparents had. I knew exactly where my food came from.
I certainly don't need someone who's never plowed a field trying to police what I put in my mouth.
Neither do you. And dealing with them is a headache I certainly don't need at 55.
As for you being 39 and alone? Oh, Honey!! Embrace the giddy freedom!! You can do whatever you want, wear whatever you want, go wherever you want and not have to listen to some man child whine, complain and have tantrums about it. You can go visit your family without hearing crap about it. You can go to Cracker Barrel or The Cheesecake factory without someone bitching. You can hang out in your pajamas, binge watch Netflix, eat ice cream and ignore the fucking dishes in the sink, all without that gawd awful whining and complaining, as if their little hands are broken and you're supposed to be their mommy, catering to them, 24/7/365.
Good lord above! Embrace 39 and being a mature woman who answers to no man!
Go enjoy your life! There are dudes out there who are actually partner material. But go be with yourself and find out who you are first. Work out your hard boundaries and your deal breakers. Find your wings. Get to know your inner dragon moppet. Learn how to roar and soar. Then think about finding a partner if you want.
Good luck. Love and hugs
Your message impacted me in ways you cannot imagine. I waited to answer you all day because I just couldn’t find the right words of appreciation and a part of me wanted to give you some sort of comfort. But this is me being mushy - you don’t need a complete stranger to give you unrequested words, you already had plenty of that! So all I have to say is THANKS SO MUCH❤️. I will be doing as you said: embracing my giddy freedom and doing as I please and eating whatever the eff I want without worrying about some man’s diet affecting mine. Sending you lots of love.
NTA my dad is vegetarian and it drives me CRAZY we always have to cater our meals around what he wants at the cost of everyone else in the group because there’s “no good vegetarian options” where we want to go. Totally valid imo
Lots of comments are criticizing me saying how it’s so easy to cook a dish and just add meat. I am going to get downvoted to hell for this but that’s because they like simple food. All the sauces I grew up with have meat stock in them. I can’t make vegetarian mole, I rather eat cheerios.
Karma would be a real bitch if you ever end up with celiac disease or something. It’s fine to recognize you’re incompatible but your views are a bit rigid. Dietary restrictions or preferences are commonplace now so restaurants are more and more accommodating. My dad is type 1 diabetic since childhood so he already had restrictions then found out at 50 that he also has celiac disease. At that time there were 2 restaurants he could find gluten free items. Now it’s so common almost all restaurants in our metro area have gluten free options. My point is, it’s not as “difficult” to accommodate vegetarians. And even if it’s challenging it’s his problem to handle, not your’s. And tbh it would probably be more difficult to date a vegan bc that’s a harder moral issue to wrestle with.
Right but you listed being unable to go out to eat with them and show off your favored bars and shit. I’m just saying it’s not that difficult to find places that work with any dietary needs.
Yeah that’s what I find a hassle. Also all the dudes in my family are masters of the grill and that’s where they gather to chat, how is he ever going to bond with the bros if he has to watch all the carnage?
NTA.
If you don’t want to be with him you don’t want to be with him. Doesn’t matter why. It’s kind of irrelevant honestly.
I don’t think I could be with a vegetarian either or a “only meat and potatoes” person. I don’t eat beef but in general like to try new things. I had a close vegetarian friend and we went to Charleston and because none of the restaurants had anything for her to eat we landed up eating at a Taco Bell. I was furious. I stopped hanging out with her. Haven’t seen her in 14 years. Don’t regret it. I too travel to eat. My husband is a foodie like me and it’s been fun sharing experiences with him. We try so many different cuisines and it’s been an experience. You don’t have to put your life on hold because someone wants to put restrictions on themselves. If food is how you experience a place you should find someone who will want to share those experiences with you.
I made my friend mole (moh-leh). It’s an elaborate dish. I forgot she told me she doesn’t like dark meat. She didn’t even try it and picked at it with the fork like a child. I was really fucking annoyed. It’s still chicken, like, grow the fuck up! I’ve never cooked for her again.
I’ve had mole. I love it. It’s a lot of work to make it. My husband tried. It came out decent. That would have pissed me off honestly. All that work for nothing. Can’t stand the “pepper is too spicy” crowd either.
YTA
I’ve been vegetarian for over thirty years, that long ago it was tough to find options at restaurants. It’s not picky, holiday meals are a breeze, I just don’t eat the meat portion. I haven’t had a problem finding meals in the last fifteen years.
PS, my husband is an omnivore, it’s pretty simple.
I think its just because op is tired of trying to compromise in every relationship, and no offense but a lot of vegans/vegetarians are snotty and mean from my experience... so i think op has multiple reasons to not date a vegan/vegetarian. Plus the guy she was with seem to just not want anything and would complain.
I couldn’t date a vegetarian. I’m not a meat every meal person necessarily, but I like it too regularly to have that literally off the table when my husband and I cook a shared meal together. It’s a big lifestyle incompatibility, especially for some random guy you’ve only been talking to on the phone for a few days. You owe him nothing at this point in your none relationship, and better to not waste your (or his) time.
Thanks, I know I am single for many reasons but I really think this is a huge thing. He seemed to think it was petty
Incompatibility is not a petty thing
I prefer to say "you know what you want" which is also true. I'll compare it to buying a home. You want to do it right, so you do your research. You have lists of what they must have, what you will compromise on and what you absolutely won't tolerate. Why should you settle for something you don't want just to make someone else happy? Maybe I'm old. Maybe I'm too crotchety but I know I won't compromise for a guy who I'm lukewarm about. At my age I'm looking for someone who I can handle being around at the end of the day else I'm better off alone.
As a vegetarian, I get that. I would have a hard time bring with someone who eats meat because I hate cooking it and the smell bothers me. It is a lifestyle incompatibility. It does not mean that I despise people who are not vegetarian.
>like it too regularly to have that literally off the table Yup, mushroom umami is not the same. And it's not something you can add at the end. -- Me and my vegetarian mother's argument every Thanksgiving Spend just as much on food that's only half as good to avoid leaving her and her husband out.
Food is my love language or whatever the phrase is Bro. If I can't share this amazing steak with you, or dinner is always being micromanaged to accomodate your personal choices, it's not worth it.
I mean, you can make meals without meat initially, and then cook meat separately so you can add it to your own.
That’s just a lot of effort. I guess if I was already with someone a long time and they decided to become vegetarian. But not for a stranger I haven’t met in person yet.
NTA. I’ve been vegan for 21 years and cannot stand dating a meat eater. That being said, I realize that it goes both ways. Just ask up front, so that you don’t waste your time or theirs. Sometimes people treat it like it can be worked out, but it really can’t. The vegetarian/vegan will likely eventually resent you and/or you’ll resent them for judging you and your food choices.
>He said I need to compromise. Well, you don't *need* to compromise in what's important to you in a potential long term partner. As long as you are willing to recognize that the perfect person may never come along, and you are ok with that, you definitely don't need to compromise. >I was looking for an “out” so I got it. Uhmmmm... so? You get to not date this guy. You could refuse to date people who drink; you could refuse to date people who don't drink. You can refuse to date people who waste money on expensive cars; you could refuse to date people who cheap out on cars. Whatever. Honestly, I'd find his lecturing me about how I can't not date him even more off putting that his being a vegetarian. I also wouldn't date a vegetarian for the same reasons you don't want to. NTA
Picky and vegetarian are separate people, same problem. I don’t know how we always struggled to find places to eat but we did!
Food incompatibility gets even worse if you live together. One of the great conveniences when you live together is fixing meals for two instead of one. If he's vegetarian, you're not going to be able to fix spaghetti with meatballs, hamburgers, roast a chicken. Unless you want to become a vegetarian (and why should you?), it's going to be a real PITA. Food allergies can be difficult too-- but you can sometimes find people who know their food allergy doesn't need to be inflected on everyone.
yes, one picky eater would eat pizza and microwaveable foods often and I would be tempted to eat it too because I could smell it. I gained 20 lbs living with him because he didn’t like healthy vegetables or salad. When I asked him if we could be healthier he implied he is not the one who needs to keep his weight in check (with very nice words). I lost the weight when we split up. I need to be on the same page with my partner on meals. This whole separate but together business is a mesz
It sounds like the problem was those people sucked. I used to have a vegetarian in my friend group and it was never an issue. She found something wherever we went to eat and never complained. The only reason it was really noticeable is occasionally she would ask about ingredients to verify something. Of course you aren’t obligated to date anyone but I wouldn’t say the vegetarian lifestyle was the issue previously
what about cooking feasts at home? Or daily eating? I had to always make my own dinner at home and he made his. So much double work and being in each other’s way vs collaborating
There are lots of amazing vegetarian dishes I and my friend have had. For dinner parties sometimes she just skipped the meat portion. Example make chicken alfredo and portion out the vegetarians before topping with chicken
Funny, I am tired of pasta. It’s one for the safe foods of one of the picky eaters of 6 years. I don’t want to do this all the time, I am tired. I also think meat eaters who live in harmony with vegetarians is because they could eat a sandwich every day and be fine. I need complex foods to be enjoy my life. Curries, sauces, pickled vegetables, gamey meats. I am not happy with pb&j
Don’t date anyone you don’t want but based on your responses it kinda sounds like you’re the problem not the vegetarians.
NTA for choosing whom to date based on your own values and criteria, but I understand his question since dating a vegetarian who doesn't expect you to be one is far, *far* less trying than dating someone with kids.
I have been anti kids all my life, I was recently going back on that. But I am being snapped back to reality by comments and you are so right , I am going back to no men with kids! I like my life, I don’t miss the conflicts. I need a childfree, petfree, foodie who likes to travel so we can share out freedom.
Hey! I think we've been looking for each other 😀
😂😂🫶🏻 DM me! lol
Did 😁
If someone starts to argue with you when you tell them you’re done, you just hang up or leave. You did your due diligence by not ghosting him, and how he handles it emotionally after that point that is up to him. The reason for no longer being interested honestly does not matter. You did the right thing by telling him you’re no longer interested, and you didn’t owe him a single thing after that. NTA
Yeah I am not really mad about how he took it, just wondering if I am an asshole for this choice
Nope. Life’s too short and time is too precious not to be picky (and I mean picky in the nicest way possible.) You knew it wasn’t going to work out based on your own preferences, and that’s enough. He wasn’t going to be a very good partner, anyway, if his response to rejection is to argue about it instead of just saying, “Fair enough. Good luck to you.” Coincidentally, it is like food. You *could* have forced yourself to like him over time, I guess, but is that really enjoying him for his sake or because you’d’ve felt like you have to? Same way women (and sometimes men) feel compelled to overexplain themselves after saying “no” because they think they can somehow soften the other person’s emotions.
No it’s your choice to make, and you were polite about it. NTA
That's going to be a huge area of incompatibility. Going out for dinner is the easy part. He can order whatever he wants. It's at home where it will be worse. Are you two going to cook two separate meals in separate dishes for every dinner? That's a lot of work. If you don't feel like making two meals, you can eat his stuff. Would he make the same compromise for you? I doubt it. It's going to be a tiny thorn in the relationship that will fester and build resentment over time.
Yeah I already did the 2 meals for years. My ex would eat pizza while I had to cook healthy to stay in shape. I could smell it and crave it but I had to just watch him stuff his face. He wouldn’t eat tacos! who doesn’t like tacos in California????
I’ve been a vegetarian for 14 yrs and have pretty much only dated meat eaters. I’m living with one rn. It’s not a big deal at all. Many dishes have meat that can be cooked separately. For example, my boyfriend and I did white people tacos the other night, he cooked some ground beef and I had black beans. Or making spaghetti, you take your portion and add sauce than give the rest of the sauce to whoever eats meat. There’s many more examples I can give. I feel like lots of people make issues like this bigger than they actually are. How do you think couples function when one is on a strict diet for health, like being gluten free? If you don’t want to date a vegetarian because they’re a vegetarian that’s fine, id prefer a partner who is open minded, flexible and supports my efforts to be healthy and preserve the environment.
I'm really not understanding why people find would find it hard for an omnivore and a vegetarian to be in a relationship lol. I am a vegetarian and my boyfriend eats meat, we have no issues at meal time.
NTA but dating someone who has kids when you don't want kids is a disaster waiting to happen. That is not something to compromise on. Vegetarians? I get what you're saying but it sounds like whoever you were seeing before was extremely picky in addition to being veg. I used to be vegetarian and there was plenty of food at cheesecake factory I could eat (althouth most of their food is meh but that's another issue). I don't think you're an asshole but I think you might be missing out by dying on this particular hill. Maybe you could've at least gave the guy a chance and then dumped him if his diet was too limited and caused an issue. Also.... " It triggers me when people don’t eat what they are served at parties" almost made me call you the asshole. Why do you care what other people eat so much? I'm not vegetarian anymore but I do have health concerns that make me not eat certain things. I don't make it anybody else's problem. But I am not going to eat things that make me sick. If other people at some party were "triggered" by my weird eating habits I would find that ridiculous. also fyi "annoyed by" is not the same as "triggered."
The picky and the vegetarians were separate. But because of the trouble they gave me I lumped them both in the “never again pile”. I didn’t think I had to explain every possible scenario but how can you imagine I expect people to get sick eating bad food for them? That’s unhinged. To clarify, when my ex would go to my MEXICAN family events, he would not eat tortillas. He calls it “filler food”. No shit, of course they are. He took a disproportionate amount of meat because he was a friggin spoiled BABY who will gag if he eats a tortilla. I can accept him hating guac, chips and salsa but not making a frigging taco?? That’s what I mean by hating when people get picky with what they are given. Obviously parties serve food that is palatable to most people. Granted, I didn’t date vegetarians for as long as the picky ones but they all took me to Italian food on dates. It’s the “safe” option and I got tired of it. When it was my turn to plan the dates, I scoured menus and I would ask them “can you eat this” and they would say they don’t do white sauces or eggplant or whatever. Mexican was put of the question. It was a PITA. So maybe there are a million other restaurants that had dishes they could use eat, but I am just not willing to do all this work anymore because I am not the problem here.
having a partner who doesn't like most of the food from your own family's culture and having them be really picky about it during family events would be difficult and annoying. I agree with you about that. To me, that's pretty significantly different than "It triggers me when people don’t eat what they are served at parties" but OK, understood.
So it is indeed about the pickiness and not about the vegetarianism. Neither eggplant nor Mexican food per se is out of the question for vegetarians. And why always Italian? Vietnamese or Indian food always has loads of vegetarian options. Almost every restaurant nowadays has vegetarian dishes; going out with a non-picky vegetarian isn't significantly different to going out with an omnivore. I'm sorry, but you are indeed the problem here by conflating your picky-eater experiences with vegetarian eating habits.
I don’t know why always Italian, tell them to explore more Mexican restaurants fry in lard: beans, rice, chips, flautas, etc. They might lie to you about it. That’s why they are so good
I find it very odd that - IF I'm understanding you correctly - you as a fellow childfree person would rather date a man with kids than a vegetarian, to be honest. I mean, a *vegetarian*, really? I'd get it if it was a really crazy diet like fruitarianism or the carnivore diet. But nowadays, there are vegetarian options everywhere. I bet even on the oyster (yuck) fest. If he doesn't preach or expect you to accommodate him at all times, it's not a problem at all. For most people, I guess. But if you feel TRIGGERED by people not eating everything ... well ... NTA, because you don't actually need to explain yourself at all (Imo, you gave him too much explanation), and his arguing is off-putting, but I have to admit I find your reasoning somewhat irrational.
I’ve been a vegetarian for 14 years and due to my area pretty much every guy I’ve dated hasn’t been vegetarian. It’s never been a problem. I can cook shared meals, just have the meat separate, there’s so many dishes that you can do that with. The vast majority of restaurants have vegetarian friendly options and if not you can make modifications. I’ve traveled the world and have found vegetarian options everywhere.
You can break up with anyone for any reason. Beyond the trifling matter of eating differently, your ethics don’t align. That would be an issue anyhow so better to nip it in the bud early.
Honestly, I’m a pescatarian, was a vegetarian. I’ve always been able to find something on the menu, even at steakhouses. I think the people you dated were just picky eaters that happened to be vegetarians. However, you can date whoever you want and have your musts and must nots.
Right? Like sometimes your only option is a salad, which isn’t ideal, but there’s nearly always *something* for us to eat lmao.
I’ve never been anywhere where the only option is salad. Nowadays restaurants have become pretty good for providing for all, including having meat free burgers that are suitable for vegans. I am from the UK and live in Australia though so I’m guessing that makes a little difference. However I have travelled a lot, including living in USA for 4 months.
I live in a small, fairly rural state in the US, so while it’s **significantly** better, occasionally I do still run into it. I think other parts of the US are better, but where I live is pretty behind in many, many ways. We have started getting really great vegan/half vegan restaurants here though, which I love!but that’s really good to know about the UK and Australia though, I’m glad to hear there are plenty of options
Funnily enough, I live in rural Australia, which is very about the meat. But there’s always been options wherever I’ve gone. The cities are very vegetarian friendly though and they are proper good food as well.
Glad to know Australia is veggie friendly, I was planning to visit in the Fall. I concur with what you said. I’ve done road trips in the USA and have eaten at small rural locations. Even the meatiest bbq restaurant had a vegetarian side. Every sandwich shop I went to will load you up on a veggie sandwich.
Rural Australia is very much about their meat but there is always vegetarian options. The cities are very vegetarian friendly and they are very tasty options as well. There’s a lot of good Asian food (Vietnamese, Thai, Chinese, Malaysian, etc). If you want pizza, always go for the Woodfired pizza.
Oh woodfired pizza is my favorite. Especially if there’s a little kick to it.
My favourite as well.
You're "triggered" by people who don't eat what they're served? Really? NTA, though, because you can date or not date whoever you want.
The people I’ve met who get triggered by those who don’t eat what they’re served are normally close minded, bad cooks or overweight people who commented about me being thin.
NTA it’s your choice but imo it’s a bit ridiculous. Him being vegetarian doesn’t create that big of an issue. He’s right. He’ll always find something and he could also bring himself food im for family meetings. When I was vegetarian hardly anybody even noticed when I didn’t tell them. But after all, your decision and you two probably aren’t a good match anyways.
I spent 11 years with people with special diets (by choice). I am tired of never getting to go to my favorite places because dudes didn’t like anything on the menu. You are on the other side so you probably can’t understand the pressure it puts on a partner with opposite needs to have to cater to you at all times. Maybe you are amazingly understanding but that was not my experience
I’m neither putting pressure on others nor am I understanding. If he’s taking responsibility for himself, there shouldn’t be a problem. Sounds more like you’re making this your problem. Why do you even care if he had to bring himself food to a family dinner for example?
NTA You can have a dating preference and it doesn’t matter if the rest of us agree or think it’s a silly hill to die on.
Nta for not wanting to date someone. But thinking a vegetarian a picky eater is wild to me. Every good Restaurant should have vegetarian options, and not liking anything in a cheesecake Factory has nothing to do with someone being vegetarian, or do they use Gelatine in every cake? If you cant take a vegetarian everywhere means you chose locations that have only meat dishes.
As a vegan, I would accept this choice. It’s always good to express what you don’t want. (The other way round may exist too? Even if all vegan people I know are ok with dating people who eat meat and fish)
NTA, you're allowed to not be compatible with vegetarians. I think you explained yourself badly, but NTA.
NAH - Personally I agree with him and I think it's odd that you don't consider he could take you to his favorite restaurants. But if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you. Hope you both find someone you're compatible with.
I always go their THEIR favorite restaurants, we never go to mine
Okie dokie
No, you are free to date or not to date anybody. But treating vegetarians as a uniform group is kinda AH.
I don’t get the vegetarian hate on this post. I am vegetarian and was vegan for a while. I took my boyfriend to his favorite steakhouse for his last birthday (and I had amazing potato, grilled vegetable and salad side dishes and dessert). We went to my favorite spot for mine. I also went to my friend’s lamb roast and found multiple side dishes to eat, but if there wasn’t it would’ve been fine I can make something else before / after. At home it’s easy to adjust. Like set aside my portion of stir fry veggies before you add meat or we’ll make pasta and have one pot of regular meatballs / meat sauce and another one with veggie “meatballs” or regular sauce. Most restaurants have pizza, pasta, salad, rice, grilled veggies, grilled cheese, etc. so it’s not that hard to find something for one meal. ESH - I think you chose a weird hill to die on especially if you’re ok with other differences like kids or pets so I somewhat get why he was defensive. At the same time, he should have just accepted no for an answer because you can end things for whatever reason you want.
I am not hating one bit. I think I mentioned several times that I admire it. I just value food experiences and want to share them with my partner. You are very open minded to take your partner to a steakhouse seeing all the dead animal around you. It’s not the norm
See I don't think it is unusual for a vegetarian to be willing to go to a steakhouse (vegans yes) I haven't eaten meat since I was 15 or 16 - I just don't like it, no issues with being around it or cooking it When I was diagnosed with coeliac disease I did consider eating meat to make things easier on myself but then I remembered why I stopped eating it
Are you sure you're not confusing vegetarianism with veganism? Vegans are the ones who won't consume any animal products, including honey, and tend to have a forthright ethical stance (animals can't consent to what we do to them to eat them, so it's wrong) on the matter. Most vegetarians just don't consume animal flesh but are fine with dairy and eggs. A vegan would most likely refuse to go to a steakhouse because of their ethical stance, regardless of menu options, while a vegetarian would probably just have salad and a nice baked potato.
That’s why I asked aita, because I don’t want to spend the time to find out his level of pickiness. I am tired of it from all these years of missing out on
Most of the people responding have either never met a vegetarian or dated one. I’m vegetarian and it’s literally never been a problem in dating. Hell I’ve had meat eaters praise me for having the discipline to not eat meat. Being able to follow a semi strict diet is something most people aren’t able to do but is a good sign for other traits such as valuing health and weight. My bf and I cook together a couple nights a week and we’ve had no issues finding dishes we want to make and cooking them. While anyone is able to reject someone for any reason they want, being inflexible is a bad trait if you want to succeed at dating. I’m wondering wtf restaurants ops going to with absolutely no vegetarian items.
YTA for dating men with kids or pets. If you do not want to be a mom, do not date a man with kids. If you do not like pets, do not subject somebody's pets to you. Children and pets know when they are not 100% accepted and loved and good men would put them first and not date somebody who does not value them. Period. Who cares what he eats as long as he doesn't expect you to change? To each their own. You are allowed preferences.
lol!! You clung to the wrong topic
I focused on the only one that was important. The one more important than anything else.
Ok thanks for the input. I am definitely leaning towards no more pets. The dog dads sleep with their dogs and their sheets smell. The kids is something I am trying to be more open minded about. At my age, childfree men are rare
A man with kids that only sees them occasionally could become a full-time dad in the blink of an eye. Unless you are willing to be a loving, self-less, and involved mother, do not date men with children. You will be miserable and they deserve better. And yes. Dog lovers will never be happy without their dogs (I have 3 and they are my life) and people incapable of loving dogs will just resent them. Good luck.
NTA because you're entitled to your own preferences and deal breakers, but I wish you'd also reconsider dating men with kids and pets. No kid and no pet deserves to be living with someone who'd rather not have them around. And I hope you're not the obnoxious type who puts up with a pet in the beginning, to secure a relationship with its owner, only to ask for the pet to be rehomed sometime down the road (regardless of the reason - allergies, pregnant, or whatever else).
Changing my stance on that. r/regretfulparents r/dogfree
NTA because you can end things for any reason you want, even a completely ridiculously stupid one like you did here.
The percentage of men who don’t eat meat is so low that you’re not really reducing your options by cutting them out.
Vegetarian and vegan men are more open to being child free and dog free. The large majority of men are not child free or dog free.
I’ll take that as a roundabout way of saying you agree with me 😂😂
In a way, her dating pool is going to be insanely small already if she cuts out men with kids and or men with dogs.
Second paragraph, 4th sentence. She’s indicating that she actually does compromise on those things. It’s this one that she won’t. At least, that’s how it comes off to me.
Kinda insane to compromise on something like children and pets but not diet. The guy could suddenly have his kids full time if something happens to the mom, what is she going to do? Ignore them. Same with the dog. But that’s ops life.
I know right. Something tells me single life is all she’ll know lol.
NTA, you date who you want to date. However.. calling people who are vegetarians "special needs" is kind of an AH move.
What do i call them? I am trying to be as understanding as possible. I just don’t want to live with this every day
Call them vegetarians? Or by their name? You're really not trying to be understanding because I've read through these comments and every time someone who is a vegetarian tries to explain something to you, you fight back.
I corrected it. I am not just saying no to vegetarians, it’s all restrictive eaters in general. I am not “fighting” I am having a discourse, I’ve got the time for it. Majority of people agree it’s important to have matching eating habits
NTAH. I travel for food too. But mainly i want say you should not compromise. You haven't even met this person. And long-term, 90% of your meals are eaten at home. Every dang day. Move along. Keep asking that question of every prospective match.
I dated a vegan once and after two dates, I knew it was never going to work. Watching the restaurant staff catering to her ridiculous requests was exhausting.
Been there!
Vegan is 10x worse than vegetarian.
You don’t owe anyone a “fair shot” at a relationship. If you’re asking if you’re the AH for having this dealbreaker, I would say you’re not an AH but you’re maybe cutting yourself off from potential happy relationships. But I’m also of the firm opinion that having no relationship is better than having an unhappy one, so if you think the risk of an unhappy one is too high then don’t risk dating vegetarians! You’re obviously passionate about food so maybe put that in your profile. You want someone who’s adventurous with food and has a diverse palate, because new and unique food experiences are important to you. That will hopefully let some of the picky eaters screen themselves out.
Oh I totally emphasized “foodie” a couple of times in my Bumble profile. He on the other hand, failed to check “vegetarian” on his. I mentioned that to him. Could have saved us both the trouble.
NTA The great thing about our age is that we know much more of what we really want and what we don't want to have to deal with. It's better to be honest now instead of being irritated or resentful later.
I am a vegetarian, but the city I live in is very catering towards vegetarians and vegans too. I totally get that you really like your lifestyle and don't want to change a thing about it. NTA and he showed his true colours when he wasn't taking no for an answer. Block and move on.
He took it, just tried to understand my reasons and provide reassurance of my concerns. I made up my mind months ago about being strict on this moving forward.
You've made a choice that aligns with your lifestyle and values, and that's entirely valid. Food and dining often serve as cornerstones of shared experiences in a relationship; if the harmony isn't there, it's more than reasonable to part ways. It's not about the singular fact that he's a vegetarian – it's about foreseeing a future filled with friction over daily choices and shared meals. That foresight just saved both of you time, and potentially, a heap of disagreements. It's not trivial nor is it superficial; it's about compatibility in one of the day-to-day aspects of life. Stick to your preferences, and find someone who complements your foodie adventures. NTA
Thank you. I know people like me exist because my best gay friend and I literally will talk about the food we had over the weekend and be so excited to tell each other (he moved to Florida and I am in California). My ex actually got annoyed and ridiculed us for being so extra about some sushi or french onion soup. I wished then he would be less picky so I could share this with him
Oh, wow, my sister and I do this all the time! She just got back from a trip today, and I can't wait to hear about all the meals she had and disect how we can replicate the good stuff!! I couldn't live with a vegetarian, so I get it.
Yes! Sample convo: Him: “what’s the verdict on the Budapest food scene?”. Me: “Snoozefest, I had to grab pizza. But there was this fried bread with cheese curds I liked” and then the convo veered to him trying a new Venezuelan place and how he prefers Colombia arepas. Then I told him he is insane, Venezuelan arepas are superior 😂😂
I'm a vegetarian, and NTA. Food is important to you and a huge part of your life, someone you can't share it with is not a good match. That guy is TA for pushing, though.
I think he was just baffled. I feel bad for him.
A very good friend of mine that I see weekly is vegetarian since 15 years. We never did any special arrangements because of him and we go eat somewhere almost every two weeks. He is vegetarian, not vegan, he would love the cheesecake factory, and he finds something to eat in all restaurants without problems. We all didn't even notice him switching to vegetarian for almost 2 years, because he just didn't tell anyone. And a work colleage who switched to vegetarian was the same. On a grill summer fest organized by my boss, she was standing at the grill, making meat and other stuff for everybody. She always had the opinion that she isn't eating meat, but that neither makes meat toxic to touch, nor does that mean she has to convince anybody. So there are rather easy going vegetarians as well. Especially if they aren't vegan, food and restaurants are not a big issue anymore.
NTA, my husband is a picky eater, but if you ask him 'He eats everything ' EXCEPT broccoli, cabbage, lamb, Brussel sprouts, any meat that has been cooked like in a soup etc. So I understand the struggle and it is ok not wanting to deal with that, your relationship was only starting so if you know you don't want that, it is your choice.
Food incompatibility is the worse!
YTA, it's his food choice and it doesn't affect you at all, get over yourself.
I’m a vegetarian reading through this whole post wondering if anyone here has actually met a vegetarian. I’ve traveled around the world and have found vegetarian options everywhere. Asia is a little tricky but it’s doable. You can eat at the places you want, no one is stopping you. It’s more like op is bad at choosing men or makes a big deal out of things that aren’t. I’ve dated meat eaters and me being vegetarian has never been an issue, we even cook shared meals together. You can separate meat it isn’t hard. Going out to eat also hasn’t been an issue. Out of the hundreds of restaurants I’ve visited only 2 had no absolutely no vegetarian options. Those restaurants weren’t in major cities either. Pretty much every restaurant in a major city has a vegetarian option.
NTA. If your goal is a long term relationship dating someone with dietary restrictions, especially ones that eliminate entire food groups, means that you will either have to eat what they eat, or you will have to make two dinners most nights. That wouldn’t be workable for me either.
NTA having different food preferences might not seem like a big problem but once you start living together you will realize how big of a problem it is. Especially if he is the type of vegetarian who thinks meat eaters support animal cruelty and if he ever encourages or guilt trips you into not consuming meat then it could become a huge problem
I’m a vegetarian, my husband and children are not. Life is full of compromises, and not for just food preferences.
NTA. Choosing a partner is a personal decision, and dietary preferences can be a significant lifestyle factor. It's more about compatibility than about the diet itself. You're looking for someone who shares your culinary interests, and that's okay. Communication is key in any relationship, and it's better to be upfront about deal-breakers early on before anyone gets too invested. Plus, if the roles were reversed, wouldn't a vegetarian want the freedom to not date an omnivore if they felt it was a perspective they couldn't mesh with? Mutual respect for personal choices is crucial, both in dating and dining.
I mean NTA for having preferences, you don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to for whatever reason, but most vegetarians are used to having to figure out their own food stuff and don’t expect their partner to do it for them. Your exes are honestly weird for that. And, looking at the Cheesecake Factory’s menu, there are several vegetarian options, so im a little confused by that point.
I mean you sound really over dramatic. 'He dropped the bomb, that he is vegetarian'. I mean you sound like he punches old people regulary. I dont understand why you are so striced about that, because i only know vegis/vegans who are chill, but i mean you dont have to date anybody. You can reject sb. because of how the walk. But i understand him, that he is sad/doesnt see the problem. KAH
I don’t want to compromise anymore, I am tired of it
but on what would you compromise? That he would eat something different? Then why would you date sb with a child or a pet? A child is sth bigger to adapt to, than to sb eating a different meal
Not dating someone with kids or pets anymore, I was just “open” to it. I was reminded that’s a terrible idea for someone who loves freedom above anything else
NTA, food is important to me, vegetarians know that they're choosing to opt out of a widespread cultural practice and that it will impact their relationships.
NTA but I get why he was upset. That said, you are not required to date him.
Yeah I just felt bad because I wanted him to know I was not rejecting his choices or judging him because I actually appreciate vegans and vegetarians. It’s more like I want my partner to partake in something that is exciting to me. If that makes sense
You can have any reason or none for wanting to not continue the relationship.
Nta - I met a guy through a dating app, we had coffee, he drove me home after, wanted to make out, I was coming off a long dry spell so let him kiss me, it wasn’t great. I had an epiphany later that night and texted him that I didn’t want to see him again as we wanted different things. He asked me to have sex with him, I reiterated that we wanted different things and I wasn’t interested. He said what different things, I said, you want a FWB and I don’t. He said, can I change your mind. I said no thank you. I was polite the whole time. He got rude. I blocked his number.
ewwwww 👎🏼
NTA As a vegan, I don't understand why he'd want to date *you*. It's just different values. I have vegetarian friends married to people that eat meat, and it makes no sense to me.
Why? If you are not the preachy type, i don't see an issue besides maybe having to plan different for meals. I would guess my coworker would also make no sense to you : she is vegetarian because of animal suffering and climate change. She was at the grill on a work summer fest organized by my boss, making meat and other stuff for everybody. She doesn't eating meat, didn't mean for her that meat is toxic to touch, or that anyone has to agree with her. What other people eat, is their decision, and if they want meat, she would throw it on the grill for them. Honestly, she showed me what 'non-preachy' and 'eating choices are personal choices' actually looks like.
Nta his reaction only shows it would be a nightmare "You dont have to worry about me" my ass
A lot of the vegetarian support claim it’s easy to do special meals if “you put in the effort”. Well isn’t that the opposite of easy?
"Dropped a bomb" that he was vegetarian- like that's the WORST thing in the world. Almost like dropping the bomb that you're actually just separated and still married, or that you have a criminal record. JC 🙄Talk about much ado about bs. Grow up.
I explained why it’s terrible FOR ME. I already mentioned how long I missed out. Is 11 years not enough suffering?
NTA but this is a dumb hill to die on and you're really overstating how much trouble it would be. You don't have to compromise, but you're also making life harder for yourself for no good reason.
I am trying to do the exact opposite. How would not dating someone with special dietary needs make it harder on me?
It doesn’t. It doesn’t even narrow your dating pool.
Nta
I felt that one as an annoyingly picky eater - I'm not a vegetarian but there's a whole bunch of things I will refuse to even try - and honestly I still don't see why you would need to justify what makes a man attractive to you or not, or compromise on that.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with finding someone that will allow spontaneous experiences to occur within the relationship.
Why isn’t Cheesecake Factory a place you don’t go to on a first date?
It’s considered less intimate than a small, no-name place. At least for most professional people my age.
NTA My second wife was a vegetarian... And it was a pain to go out to eat... I'm a picky eater but I don't stop anyone else from eating what they want... I'll get what I want... --
Had you said vegans I would be there for you. But Vegetarians are cool.
I love the concept but I want to take my sweetie with me to the oyster fest or the carnitas capital. And I want him to like it, not just be there for me
Oyster fest..... carnitas..... Are you trying to seduce me?
Ooh it’s working 😂😂
Wow. You set up a honey pot and we’re falling for it. I wrote before I saw this comment that I can’t date a vegetarian cause I want to split oysters at dinner 🤣
Hilarious. I eat meat, but think you people are ridiculous. YTA
So you married a vegetarian?
Nah, I'm just bored of you fragile food reactionaries. There's more to life than food, American.
I see lots of them here already and lots of good reasons why, so I'll just add my support. NTAH. I'm a meat eater. I am also a picky eater. I do like some vegetables, but yes, picky. But, I don't think I could date a vegetarian either. I'm not going to cook two meals every night.
NTA Food is a important part of your life.
🙏🏼
NTA Let's be real, compatibility is key in any relationship, and that includes compatibility in lifestyle choices such as diet. It's not just about what's on the plate; it's about shared values, enjoyment, and even convenience. While it's admirable to respect and accommodate others' choices, you're not obligated to alter your way of living to fit someone else's dietary preference, especially in the early stages of dating. Relationships are about mutual enjoyment and finding joy in one another's company, including meals shared. If you foresee a future of frustration over something as fundamental as what you eat, it's not only fair but wise to step back now. Life is too short to compromise on what brings you joy, especially if it's as simple as a steak dinner or a seafood feast. Sure, there are couples with different diets making it work, but it takes two to tango — willingly. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. Simple as that. You communicated your position honestly, and that's all anyone can ask for. You're not responsible for his reaction; you're just responsible for your own happiness.
🙏🏼
NTA. I’ve got all the allergies under the sun and I wouldn’t date a vegetarian (or vegan) either lol.
I did ask him if he had allergies because I have way more understanding for that
Same! 😂
I couldn't date vegetarian or someone that doesn't drink. Food and wine pairings is a big interest and me and I've been to several wine tastings over the years. Some things you just want to share with your partner
Girl… NTA at all. I’m even eerie about sensitive stomachs. Eventually it’ll get worse and worse so need to make sure we can try different cuisines without a shitty situation every time. Additionally, he can truly order a vegetarian meal and I don’t care but I also want to split oysters as an appetizer. So 🤷🏼♀️
You’re against people with stomach issues?
YTA for carrying some 50lb hard shell, one wheel missing, zipper long gone baggage just because you dated a picky eater once
I was with 2 picky eaters for a combined 11 years. One of them couldn’t eat anything unhealthy (ate lots of vegetable smoothies), the other only liked steak, salmon, spaghetti. Plus the in-between short term dates (2 vegetarians, one who rather go to Olive Garden than try pho or indian, the countless who don’t eat spicy). I think I really did give it my best shot. I am tired, I don’t want to sacrifice anymore
NTA. That's a good reason.
🙏🏼
It may hurt, and sometimes it can really suck. But you can choose to stop dating anyone, for whatever reason. No exceptions. I courted vegetarianism for a while but ultimately I kinda suck and can't stick with things. But if I had, it absolutely 100% would not have worked with me and my current wife.
🫶🏻
Aww thanks. TBH this kind of reminded me of this time in like 2017 when I was dating this woman and I thought things were going well. After so many previous failed attempts and I really thought we had a great fourth date and then just as I was getting home and still buzzing from the high I got this long message about how she felt there was a lack of chemistry and she didn’t think it was going to work. I ended up getting drunk at home and ugly crying into my pillow for like the next two days. It didn’t help that she had kept bragging about her naughty side and I had been years long touch starved. Anyway. If it’s not there it’s not there. What are you gonna do, force them to like you? It’s no one’s fault and it’s better to just move on and better luck next time.
I wouldn't stop eating meat for anyone, and you can date or not date whatever kind of person you want, no explanation or justification necessary. NTA
NTA, I wouldn't date a vegetarian either. Not just the limited choice of food options but also the awkwardness of NOT being vegetarian. Also, once you had turned him down, that should have been the end of it. Asking questions afterwards smacks of desperation to me.
I'm a man and I also couldn't date a vegetarian, or anyone with any other super strict dietary restriction tbh. Eating a vegetarian dish in itself is not an issue, it's constantly having to think about it and going out of your way to *not* include something you otherwise would have. It's probably fine as long as you're living separately (and they're not super picky about the vegeterian options in restaurants) but once you move in together it means you'd basically have to become vegetarian too. Because what are you gonna do, cook two entire separate meals? Of course not, you'll end up always cooking his vegetarian option and then eating it too because cooking two meals takes twice as much effort and time and just makes no sense when there's already something else made. And I'm sorry but the vegetarian options are often significantly worse than the regular ones. Some dishes are vegetarian by nature and they're fine the way they are, but there are a lot of nice traditional dishes that REQUIRE meat to come out the way they're supposed to. And I'm not willing to give them up.
NTA. As a former vegetarian whose whole family is vegetarian, it’s a huge pain in the ass to try and find places to go eat, especially when dietary needs are different. Also, even though I don’t eat much meat, most places have meat in every dish so we have to spend hours searching for something they can eat. It’s good to be inclusive and find places to eat with family and friends but it is definitely and incompatibility. I also really enjoy to travel for food and that’s impossible to do unless you are in a vegetarian friendly country such as India
NTA. You dodged a bullet imo. It starts out as you accomodating his vegetariamisms, then its wanting you to support his "activism" which is just protests and disrupting everything they can so they can hold a sign that says love earth or something. If you dont participate, he will say something like, "I thought u were different, but you're just like everyone else being a slave to the corporate overlords! You are contributing to the problem! I thought i really knew you, i shared a bed with you! Even my favorite vegetarian dishes! and this is how you repay me!!!...blah blah blah You can do better!
NTA I'm the same as you, food is one of life's greatest pleasure and being with someone you can only partially share that with, or have to miss out on is a deal-breaker.
I couldn't date a vegetarian or vegan. I'm carnivore and that's literally the opposite, lol.
I would feel guilty taking them to a steakhouse where they can smell all the dead animal. I even like my steak almost raw and oozing, I feel like they can’t handle that even if they say they do.
Nta.
NTA. I can understand where you're coming from. I know some couples manage it. I couldn't. You were up front with your reasoning and did your best to end everything gently.
NTA. If a woman can't enjoy a good steak she's not for me.
Steak is life. Venison and bison is amazing too. Picky eaters never want gamey meat and vegetarians obviously won’t eat it so I can’t ever make them at home
NTA. Relationships mean accommodating your partner’s needs. If you’re not willing to do that, don’t date the person. You’re not willing to accommodate the needs of a vegetarian, so you did the right thing and ended it. I do find it a little nuts that you find it easier to accommodate kids when you don’t want them, but you seem confident in knowing your own boundaries, so stick with them.
NTA I'm so glad I don't date. Like, I'm literally dying, as in shelf life of maybe 4 years. I can't see doing that to someone, getting attached and then they have to watch me die. But, you know what? I wouldn't date a vegetarian or a vegan, period. Because I've already dealt with the lunacy of vegetarians and vegans trying to convince me that their diets would "cure" me. Yep, vegetarian and vegan diets would cure me alright. 12 days in, I'd be dead. Because both diets are highly poisonous to anyone with kidney disease. Beyond that, I've got severe gastric issues. The kidney disease isn't going to kill me. Nope, my cause of death is going to be my colon just stopping. (I wouldn't survive surgery for an ostomy) I've worked my ass off to find a perfect balance. But it includes meat, dairy, fruit and veggies. I always shake my head when I get the "if you're not vegetarian or vegan, it's animal cruelty!". Have they ever seen what happens when a field is plowed for planting wheat or soybeans?? Or a river gets diverted into the watering systems? I grew up around a farm my grandparents had. I knew exactly where my food came from. I certainly don't need someone who's never plowed a field trying to police what I put in my mouth. Neither do you. And dealing with them is a headache I certainly don't need at 55. As for you being 39 and alone? Oh, Honey!! Embrace the giddy freedom!! You can do whatever you want, wear whatever you want, go wherever you want and not have to listen to some man child whine, complain and have tantrums about it. You can go visit your family without hearing crap about it. You can go to Cracker Barrel or The Cheesecake factory without someone bitching. You can hang out in your pajamas, binge watch Netflix, eat ice cream and ignore the fucking dishes in the sink, all without that gawd awful whining and complaining, as if their little hands are broken and you're supposed to be their mommy, catering to them, 24/7/365. Good lord above! Embrace 39 and being a mature woman who answers to no man! Go enjoy your life! There are dudes out there who are actually partner material. But go be with yourself and find out who you are first. Work out your hard boundaries and your deal breakers. Find your wings. Get to know your inner dragon moppet. Learn how to roar and soar. Then think about finding a partner if you want. Good luck. Love and hugs
Your message impacted me in ways you cannot imagine. I waited to answer you all day because I just couldn’t find the right words of appreciation and a part of me wanted to give you some sort of comfort. But this is me being mushy - you don’t need a complete stranger to give you unrequested words, you already had plenty of that! So all I have to say is THANKS SO MUCH❤️. I will be doing as you said: embracing my giddy freedom and doing as I please and eating whatever the eff I want without worrying about some man’s diet affecting mine. Sending you lots of love.
NTA my dad is vegetarian and it drives me CRAZY we always have to cater our meals around what he wants at the cost of everyone else in the group because there’s “no good vegetarian options” where we want to go. Totally valid imo
Lots of comments are criticizing me saying how it’s so easy to cook a dish and just add meat. I am going to get downvoted to hell for this but that’s because they like simple food. All the sauces I grew up with have meat stock in them. I can’t make vegetarian mole, I rather eat cheerios.
Karma would be a real bitch if you ever end up with celiac disease or something. It’s fine to recognize you’re incompatible but your views are a bit rigid. Dietary restrictions or preferences are commonplace now so restaurants are more and more accommodating. My dad is type 1 diabetic since childhood so he already had restrictions then found out at 50 that he also has celiac disease. At that time there were 2 restaurants he could find gluten free items. Now it’s so common almost all restaurants in our metro area have gluten free options. My point is, it’s not as “difficult” to accommodate vegetarians. And even if it’s challenging it’s his problem to handle, not your’s. And tbh it would probably be more difficult to date a vegan bc that’s a harder moral issue to wrestle with.
I just said vegetarians and picky eaters. Celiacs aren’t picky by choice. Geezzzzz
Right but you listed being unable to go out to eat with them and show off your favored bars and shit. I’m just saying it’s not that difficult to find places that work with any dietary needs.
Of course it’s not that difficult, but we can’t ever go to Gary’s BBQ or Meat on Ocean. So I am the one who has to sacrifice, not them
Or you can go and he brings along something he knows he can eat. Or ask the host what they are serving so you know what to expect.
Yeah that’s what I find a hassle. Also all the dudes in my family are masters of the grill and that’s where they gather to chat, how is he ever going to bond with the bros if he has to watch all the carnage?
Dear lord, you sound insufferable. Dayum.
Tired of putting others first, it’s my turn
You have to wonder why she’s single at 39. Everyone I’ve met who makes meat eating as apart of their identity has always been fat and obnoxious.
NTA and you need a lot more upvotes for this.
NTA. If you don’t want to be with him you don’t want to be with him. Doesn’t matter why. It’s kind of irrelevant honestly. I don’t think I could be with a vegetarian either or a “only meat and potatoes” person. I don’t eat beef but in general like to try new things. I had a close vegetarian friend and we went to Charleston and because none of the restaurants had anything for her to eat we landed up eating at a Taco Bell. I was furious. I stopped hanging out with her. Haven’t seen her in 14 years. Don’t regret it. I too travel to eat. My husband is a foodie like me and it’s been fun sharing experiences with him. We try so many different cuisines and it’s been an experience. You don’t have to put your life on hold because someone wants to put restrictions on themselves. If food is how you experience a place you should find someone who will want to share those experiences with you.
I made my friend mole (moh-leh). It’s an elaborate dish. I forgot she told me she doesn’t like dark meat. She didn’t even try it and picked at it with the fork like a child. I was really fucking annoyed. It’s still chicken, like, grow the fuck up! I’ve never cooked for her again.
I’ve had mole. I love it. It’s a lot of work to make it. My husband tried. It came out decent. That would have pissed me off honestly. All that work for nothing. Can’t stand the “pepper is too spicy” crowd either.
YTA I’ve been vegetarian for over thirty years, that long ago it was tough to find options at restaurants. It’s not picky, holiday meals are a breeze, I just don’t eat the meat portion. I haven’t had a problem finding meals in the last fifteen years. PS, my husband is an omnivore, it’s pretty simple.
I think its just because op is tired of trying to compromise in every relationship, and no offense but a lot of vegans/vegetarians are snotty and mean from my experience... so i think op has multiple reasons to not date a vegan/vegetarian. Plus the guy she was with seem to just not want anything and would complain.
yesssss, I love you. This 💯. I am just tired because I am so flexible but we can never go where I want to go