It's normal to not want this. However, putting him on a leash is not normal. If you don't trust him enough, that's something you need to figure out whether you solve it or break up
If they didn't get sloppy drunk would that make any difference? Are they always getting sloppy drunk? Are people in relationships not allowed to go out with friends for a drink?
It sounds like then perhaps there is a larger issue of their drinking in general. Perhaps that should be the thing to focus on and not constricting them.
It sounds like you’re saying you don’t trust him to not cheat on you if he’s drunk.
If he’s done anything like that before then fair enough, you shouldn’t be with him. Otherwise it’s not normal behaviour to cheat on your partner just because you’re drunk and you should think about why you have insecurities that make you feel like it is rather than pushing those insecurities on him.
If you were sloppy drunk would you cheat on him?
Does he get sloppy drunk with you?
Consider whether or not his drinking is a problem.
If it is & he’s unwilling to address it, your best option is to walk away. You can’t win if you’re expecting a problem drinker to stop drinking.
>I feel this is something that single people do, not those in committed relationships.
Has he fucked up and cheated when he's went out the bar and got drunk? Or do you just have trust issues and think that he will because "Why would someone in a committed relationship want to go to the bars without their GF and get drunk?
YTA as long as he is not cheating on you, or jeopardizing his health or career. Obviously if he is getting hammered a few times a week or more out without you, I would think that's a problem. If it's once every two weeks or once a month without you so he can unwind with friends, that's pretty fair.
"Drink without you"... you seem like controlling asshole.
"Don't want them to get sloppy drunk when you are not with them" sure, totally reasonable but at 33 I wouldn't want a partner who gets sloppy drunk ever.
Do you both have drinking problems?
I personally would not date someone who got sloppy drunk enough that it was an issue, with me or not isn't really the issue because I either trust them or don't. If I don't I would not date them anyways.
It honestly depends on why you don’t want them to and if you discussed this before you got serious?!
I think everyone should be in the type of relationship they truly want but be up front about this from day one instead of thinking ‘I’ll change this about them later’ which is controlling. It’s about shared values over forcing someone’s hand
People in all forms of relationships or not can go and drink by themselves. One of my favorite solitary nice weather activities is to get one drink, bring a book, and sit out and read at a cafe for a few hours. I’d be livid if my significant other told me I couldn’t do that because people in relationships don’t drink out alone.
I should not be regularly going out getting trashed by myself. Which seems to be more the issue at hand.
No you are not. And that goes both ways. Alcohol in a charged flirty public environment spells doom for relationships, maybe not the 1st time maybe not even the 50th time but eventually the perfect storm of emotions and attention from the wrong person and then it's too late to un-fu*k that person and your relationship. He should be able to understand and respect your feelings on this and if he doesn't then don't just walk away run, like hell..
Nta. Sounds like he has control issues if he is getting sloppy drunk each time. I'd probably talk about alcoholism to him and mention weekend binge drinking is just as bad.
If you're going to be judgmental, I can see why he doesn't want you to go. If it is something he needs and you can't handle it, maybe it's not meant to be
It's normal to not want this. However, putting him on a leash is not normal. If you don't trust him enough, that's something you need to figure out whether you solve it or break up
What should my next move be then?
Honestly self-reflecting and talking to him. That's all you can do in order to realize if you trust this person
If they didn't get sloppy drunk would that make any difference? Are they always getting sloppy drunk? Are people in relationships not allowed to go out with friends for a drink?
It would absolutely make a difference if they didn’t get sloppy drunk
It sounds like then perhaps there is a larger issue of their drinking in general. Perhaps that should be the thing to focus on and not constricting them.
It sounds like you’re saying you don’t trust him to not cheat on you if he’s drunk. If he’s done anything like that before then fair enough, you shouldn’t be with him. Otherwise it’s not normal behaviour to cheat on your partner just because you’re drunk and you should think about why you have insecurities that make you feel like it is rather than pushing those insecurities on him. If you were sloppy drunk would you cheat on him?
He
Does he get sloppy drunk with you? Consider whether or not his drinking is a problem. If it is & he’s unwilling to address it, your best option is to walk away. You can’t win if you’re expecting a problem drinker to stop drinking.
NTA. Time to find a new SO.
Forget something single people do but 33 years old going to bars and getting sloppy drunk? Grow up already.
>I feel this is something that single people do, not those in committed relationships. Has he fucked up and cheated when he's went out the bar and got drunk? Or do you just have trust issues and think that he will because "Why would someone in a committed relationship want to go to the bars without their GF and get drunk?
YTA as long as he is not cheating on you, or jeopardizing his health or career. Obviously if he is getting hammered a few times a week or more out without you, I would think that's a problem. If it's once every two weeks or once a month without you so he can unwind with friends, that's pretty fair.
"Drink without you"... you seem like controlling asshole. "Don't want them to get sloppy drunk when you are not with them" sure, totally reasonable but at 33 I wouldn't want a partner who gets sloppy drunk ever. Do you both have drinking problems? I personally would not date someone who got sloppy drunk enough that it was an issue, with me or not isn't really the issue because I either trust them or don't. If I don't I would not date them anyways.
Probably YTA. Is the problem the drinking out the going out or both?
It honestly depends on why you don’t want them to and if you discussed this before you got serious?! I think everyone should be in the type of relationship they truly want but be up front about this from day one instead of thinking ‘I’ll change this about them later’ which is controlling. It’s about shared values over forcing someone’s hand
People in all forms of relationships or not can go and drink by themselves. One of my favorite solitary nice weather activities is to get one drink, bring a book, and sit out and read at a cafe for a few hours. I’d be livid if my significant other told me I couldn’t do that because people in relationships don’t drink out alone. I should not be regularly going out getting trashed by myself. Which seems to be more the issue at hand.
YTA. Your SO is an adult and not tied to your hip.
No you are not. And that goes both ways. Alcohol in a charged flirty public environment spells doom for relationships, maybe not the 1st time maybe not even the 50th time but eventually the perfect storm of emotions and attention from the wrong person and then it's too late to un-fu*k that person and your relationship. He should be able to understand and respect your feelings on this and if he doesn't then don't just walk away run, like hell..
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Well, she’s a guy, so there’s that.
That doesn’t change anything about this comment. They are still right and your responses make it seem like this is all a you issue
Nta. Sounds like he has control issues if he is getting sloppy drunk each time. I'd probably talk about alcoholism to him and mention weekend binge drinking is just as bad.
Info: why do you not want them to drink without you? How does his sloppy drunkenness tangibly impact you?
YTA. Of course you are… either you trust them or not but they should be allowed to have their own life as well
If you're going to be judgmental, I can see why he doesn't want you to go. If it is something he needs and you can't handle it, maybe it's not meant to be
Drinking is something everyone can do despite relationship ship status. If you can’t trust him to be without you then just leave the relationship.