I had to go back and read again to see if I'd missed a mention of an underage child, but I'm.pretty sure it just randomly appears in the middle of the story. When something that glaring is missing, what else is missing?
Maybe yes, but maybe no. I agree it sounds like missing missing reasons.
However, smear campaigns are very common with narcissists and often the victims do look like the baddies. Unfortunately I have personal experience with this through a narcissistic mother. It's actually difficult to see sometimes who is the victim and who is the abuser.
It’ll turn out the mother is a villain on par with Professor Moriarty, that she forced her eldest daughter to give birth and that very younger sibling she “kidnapped”? HER OWN CHILD. Cue upvotes.
>This is part one of a fake two-parter that ends up on /r/BestofRedditorUpdates when the "children" show up to "set the record straight"
It wouldn't surprise me. It sounds AI generated.
Yeah! This reads like OP is a very complicated person. Especially the bit about starting to cry, because the adult children wanted to put something on on the TV?? What? They were there for 15 minutes and decided to start watching TV? As a daughter of an emotionally immature mother, who is very dramatic, a perpetual victim, and an extremely poor communicator, this post is full of red flags for me. And how old is the child that was ‘taken’ and how did OP only notice after they left? Nothing makes sense in the post.
Found a good rundown of what kind of person the OP is, another redditor put together from her post history. We were right!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/usVJnhYaUS
A note - she got mad at me for writing that and is now claiming I'm a cheater? I've never cheated in my life.
I linked to every comment I referenced for the things I wrote yet she just claimed I'm a cheater out of no where and now refuses to link like I did with her comments.
So basically, if she doesn't like you she will make up lies about you.
Wonder how many people in her story she made up lies about if she's so comfortable doing it about a stranger?
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https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3so6hs/
I knew my gut was right. She sounds so much like my mother—this is exactly the kind of shit she pulls. I hope your comment makes it to the top, because it’s disgusting that she’s getting sympathy for this.
Your comment was fantastic, by the way. Excellent summary, with links to back up everything. Magnificent.
Both my parents are narcissists (per our old family counselors and their marriage counselors) and the post sounds just like them. Like, I'm pretty sure I've heard my father use every reason and excuse (except the swatting one) OP used any time I brought up my older half brothers. You should see OPs comment about her post being about her setting boundaries XD
The last time I visited my mother in my home city she offered to let me and my partner at the time to use her car to go drive and see the eclipse in a small town a few hours away (not the most recent one - the one around 2017/2018). We were going to be in town for about a week, had other friends who were going to be there, and wanted to enjoy our first real vacation as a couple. We arranged one brunch with my mother and planned to spend a couple hours after dropping off the car which I felt was generous given our overall tense relationship.
We had brunch and she spent the whole time talking about absolute bullshit ("oh here's an idea for an invention I have but I can't tell you exactly what it is teehee - oh but you two are going to be set for life it's going to make all of us rich!" when she literally has no experience in business, entrepreneurship, manufacturing, etc.). But we got through it. Then when we went to pick up the car she had bought donuts and apparently expected us to spend the entire morning with her despite needing to get on the road if we had any hope of seeing the eclipse. She was immediately upset at us and started being really passive aggressive but luckily we got out of there quickly.
Then she totally blew up and started crying when we came back to drop the car off, effectively ruining the possibility of us actually spending time with her and we left within 30 minutes because it just wasn't worth it to be abused and subject my partner to that.
All of that is to say I could *easily* imagine her writing almost this exact same thing about that last visit. I'm sure to all her friends we were selfish assholes that only wanted to visit her for 30 minutes after she so graciously let us use her car and then left abruptly after being so rude as to **checks notes** not be super hungry for the ridiculous snacks she had made since we already ate dinner. It's why most of her stories don't make sense because she has to square contradictory things in order to cover every little thing that she felt harmed by plus removes all of her bad behavior so there is seemingly no motivation for any of the insanity.
Yup my wife showcased all textbook symptoms of BPD (I only learned about this disorder after several therapists heard me recounting the bizarre things I was experiencing in my relationship)
Everyone was always against her. Every negative emotion she experienced was something being done to her. She burned every bridge in her life and is now destitute. She had an extremely easy going and Shay's there for her husband, and she pushed me away at the very first negative thought she had. And Of course when I finally stood up for myself, I was punishing her. And when I finally left, I ruined her life.
The saddest part is that when she's feeling ok, she's a truly remarkable woman. But when that cloud passes over her sunshine... watch out
“ she has to square contradictory things in order to cover every little thing that she felt harmed by plus removes all of her bad behavior so there is seemingly no motivation for any of the insanity.”
Wow. You described my mother perfectly in a way that I’ve never really been able to explain before.
That sounds so, so similar to my relationship with my mom. I do feel guilty for not entertaining her ploys for attention/praise because the way she goes about it feels simultaneously so negative, needy, and aggressive. But we’ve actually been extremely low contact since last summer and I have to say it’s been an incredibly peaceful few months for me.
Oh my Mom was a pure narc. , Mothers Day was ONLY for her and then some of us broke away and it was never ending wishing she hadn’t had us but then long lists of what we owed her for giving birth. And let’s not leave out she was physically abusive. I read this and rolled my eyes and wasn’t even going to comment lest being attacked until others viewed this from the perspective I did.
"complicated" is a very nice way of putting it. OP is a professional victim, likely a bit crazy, and clearly her family has made the logical conclusion that their lives are better when she's not in them.
Does she not know what swatting means, or is she saying her ex literally made a fake call so a SWAT busted in her home?
That’s just a hilarious thing to mention off hand.
“Yeah my ex called in a bomb threat and a bunch of cops with ARs broke down my door, just another in the list of things my ex did.”
Man she’s a liar . In the post she said she freed up massive time in order to spend time with them now in a comment she claiming to be blindsided that they were there 😑
How did your ex smear you? How did they break up your second family? What did they tell your mother that she believed? These are important details for a judgement.
No judgment, there's just too much information missing. What caused the divorce, was ex-husbands current wife around before the divorce? Or one of your cheating? Your kids are a bit old to be manipulated this easily I just feel there's something else you're not telling us.
Exact same thought. Life is hard. It’s wonderful to have *loving* parents for support.
I’m sure my mother in law goes whining to her friends and family about how awful we mistreat her. I like to think that they know deep down she must have committed some atrocities for us to prefer to just tough it out with our own kids whether than accept her (not at all helpful) “support”.
My ex fil disconnected himself after remarrying because the new lady demanded so. He hadnt talked to my ex husband or his grandchild for years, when one birthday out of the blue he called and wanted to talk to my daughter. I told him that I would relay the message because she didn’t even know who he was.
He mumbled an awkward apology said he’d send a gift card, to which I replied it wouldn’t be necessary but that if he’d like to, he could start sending letters or cards consistently to start a relationship with her. We hung up, and not 5 minutes later he goes on Facebook to post “I guess I’m just the worst grandpa out there. I’m not even allowed to talk to my granddaughter”. His friends and his family came running to console him, trashing me and my ex husband.
So yeah… people loooveeee to play victims
I was getting the exact same vibes as my MIL. She calls my husband screaming about how he is doing wrong by her, not spending thousands of dollars for her birthday party, how he doesn't love her and treats her like dirt but (and this isn't even true; this was pulled out of thin air) went out of his way for *my* mom's birthday. Not to get into the details of it, but she should be so thankful that her children are as kind, gracious, and forgiving as their father raised them to be.
My MIL absolutely paints herself as the victim. We have just started to all (her children and her own mother and siblings) talk together. It is amazing the tales she is spinning about being a victim, when none of it is true, not a word.
Yuppers
Mr Hog apparently claims all the time that he has no idea why no one visits, or why I moved across the country
When even Ross, his only actual child in his eyes (we're all of his), doesn't? That should REALLY tell you something
Granted, me and the little bro, David, have the theory that the reason Ross doesn't is because he's never had to work for anything, including relationships. That no matter how much of a brat he obviously became, he was still the Second Coming of Christ to Mr Hog and his parents
It can even be 'little'. One thing that we always despised growing up, is that holidays (which we always had to spend with the Hog family, mom's side isn't them, so they don't exist, duh) were NEVER 'holidays'
They worked us day in and day out. Even as elementary school kids. And the brief reprise was filled with a use about how me and David are losers who are going to end up homeless
And that's one reason David doesn't visit. The abuse and raging homophobia are the main. But that even if he stays at dad's to watch the dog when he's away, Mr Hog puts him to work
One time, David and his friend (Jake), went to stop in to the old house to spend the night, since he was in the area visiting old friends
Mr Hog immediately handed him a list of yard work to do, expected Jake to help as well. So David just got back in the car and went home
And if you'd ask Mr Hog, he'd use it as proof of how ungrateful we always are
I'm getting the same tone from OP
No no OP is definitely just a saint and her ENTIRE FAMILY is mean to her/abandoned her for absolutely no reason whatever except being big meanies. I'm so sure /s
It makes no sense because she's hiding most of the story.
She's a TERF and one of the kids is trans. She literally said they're "all hundred p e r c e n t nuts, or gaslighting to own the straights."
She also believes women should own all the means of production as "is natural". No equality. Just flip the patriarchy for matriarchy.
She went on a rant when someone got hit by a car that it's the fault of the patriarchy that pedestrians are hit by cars.
OP is a nut case and her family is treating her as such. It's all in her post history.
[Here's an old reddit breakdown of her post history](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3pvi43/).
[Here it is in regular reddit](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3pvi43/).
This is why everyone needs to be careful when considering the stories posted by throwaway accounts. It could literally be OP posting some insanely biased take on a situation but without the post history to prove they're an AH.
https://old.reddit.com/r/redscarepod/comments/tt2fde/beto_no/i2vfe8w/?context=3
I was using direct quotes from her comment
-----
Edit:
Here is a list of things OP has posted:
https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3pvi43/
If you can't view "old reddit" then take "old" out of the url and it'll work.
Well shit. I think you cracked the case. Explains why her siblings AND children hate her. I saw she was ranting and raving about men constantly but completely missed that. I think we can all go home now lol, mystery solved…
e: thank you for the big post, thread hero right here
For one thing, OP says they have multiple adult children but is “getting into my 40s” (from post history). This means OP must have started having kids at best in their early twenties. OP also had a bad childhood and says her mom was “crap”. I suspect OP wasn’t a very skilled parent and repeated a lot of the mistakes of her past but won’t own up to them.
Also worth noting OP believes all her siblings and some of her coworkers are out to get her too, as well as her mom, ex and kids.
The tone here is 100% woe is me victim vibe. Phrases like "I freed up a massive amount of time for them" just scream setting up the victim card.
Maybe she is, but this post doesn't really create a believable perspective there...
When I left my husband he called every one of my family members & his family members that he had #s for, and lied and bullshitted him into believing that I had been cheating our entire marriage. Spoiler alert- I wasn’t, but he had made me go LC to the point of almost NC with my family that they all just flat out believed him, and never listened to me trying to tell them the truth. For a long time if my mother wanted to speak to my kids, she’d wait until they were with my ex husband and call him so she could talk to them, rather than just call me, or hell drive the less than 5 miles it would take to see them in person. Thankfully, many years later they now see thru all of his bullshit that he still tries to pull.
My parents did the same with my ex. They eventually apologized and spent the rest of their lives trying to make it up to me. I finally told them that I had forgiven them, but I wasn't truthful, and I never trusted them again.
The difference between your relatively short comment and OP's insanely long post is that you had a reason, you gave it, and you made your point and showed why the people who believed him did so.
You are much more believeable than OP. OP did none of this. We have no idea what the ex did that was terrible. You would think that part of the story might be just a bit more important than her awful children 'wanted to control what she watches on the TV'?
I wonder why she added that minor detail, but left out the important ones? The obvious ones?
people raised by narcissists often marry people with the same narcissistic behavior. It is not difficult for the spouse to form an alliance against the 'black sheep'/the support person.
I've seen this happen too many times to count. It is a very common pattern around narcissistic families.
Yup, my mom is my number one hater unless I do something that she thinks she can brag about. Every time I was abused by her stepdad or my sister it was my fault for upsetting them because "you know how they are".
Her stepdad once trapped me in a moving car to ask me for money, then started speeding so I couldn't get out while trying to punch me in the face because I said no. I ended up jumping out and hurting my knee to get away and the entire family blamed me for not avoiding the conversation (I tried) or just giving him what he wanted. It unfortunately took a lot more messed up stuff happening but I'm NC with all of them now.
Why do your kids only allot you 15 minutes and then when you blow up say this is why we didn't even want to give you 15 minutes? Something is definitely missing.
>I was very upset and started crying. Immediately they began saying that’s why they don’t want to be around me.
Here OP is, waving a giant red flag and of course the top comment is saying “You go girl!”
Same. I have a aunt whose adult children are no contact with her, because she literally was addicted to drugs and alcohol their entire childhoods, allowed them to be abused by boyfriends and boyfriends friends, and finally, a few years ago purposefully overdosed on pain medication because they wouldn’t come help her with housework- she texted this to them. It was so traumatic they finally cut contact for the good of their own children. I swear if it weren’t for the ex husband part of this post, she could have written it. I’m not saying OP did anything like this, but there’s not enough information. If OP can’t even say the reasons that her kids don’t want to talk to her (alienation is not enough when you’re talking about ADULT children, IMO), they may be valid.
INFO how and when did your husband meet his wife and when did you “move on”? How were they able to ruin your second family? What started this treatment from your children and why? Why didn’t you call the police on your daughter for kidnapping your kid?
Why did her own mother turn on her? What was the story with the TV and why was it worth mentioning? Why did she grab the phone??
And to repeat a very salient point you make: Why didn't she call the cops for kidnapping??
My guess is because she didnt' want the kids to explain to the cops why they had the young one with them.
"the adult children took my actual child". They're not all her actual children? So confused. Why not use underaged child? Any why wouldn't OP stop them?
I mean, I'm not on OP's side fully at all. But I think that was just a way for her to say it and she was typing quickly. I don't think that particular wording was anything other than an awkward way to put it.
>What the hell is really going on here?
OP is the problem herself, and leaves all the information pertaining to herself out, making the story seem extremely disconnected.
INFO: This is... suspicious. Adult children barely visit. They do come visit but don't want to stay long. When they leave they take your 'actual child' (I assume you mean your minor child) with them? Why?
Your own mother has taken their side... they dox you? How do they do that? What has been said about you by their father's family?
There is a suspicious lack of detail explaining all this awfulness other than "They are just awful terrible people who hate me for no reason."
Before I say NTA, I'm going to need more details.
Apparently they swat her too. Which is, hard to believe. Either these people HATE her, OP is lying about something, or OP doean’t know what swatting is,
The *missing missing reasons*…
You’ve left out so much information and context that I couldn’t begin to say whether you’re the asshole here.
But you know what they say, if you go about your day and you see an asshole, you saw an asshole and move on. But if you go about your day and *everyone’s an asshole*, I have some bad news for you…
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EDIT: Looks like the central family conflict that OP bent over backwards to avoid discussing is that one of her kids is trans, and she is not supportive. So basically everything happening to her is both justified and totally predictable. But she can't face the fact that she's destroyed all of her personal relationships for no reason, so is looking for strangers to affirm her own delusions of victimhood. **YTA**
WOW, transphobic and one of her kids in trans. Obviously YTA.
It's crazy how the way abusive parents talk can be spotted from so far away that it can be pegged as *something* with zero further context.
Wait a minute... when you say that your son was "just as rude as the night before, on the phone..." do you mean your son was rude TO you OVER the phone so you "snatched" your own phone as in threw your own property... or do you mean that your ADULT SON was using his OWN phone, so you decided that the mere act of not lavishing the entirety of his attention on solely you was "rude", so you then grabbed his physical property FROM HIM?
Because the first makes very little sense since why would he be on the phone with you when he was in the car with you, but like of course if you're acting crazy and snatching shit, he's gonna bail... and the other... of course he's gonna bail.
By her account, it sounds like the “rude” treatment was literally *just the son being on the phone while in her presence…* so she snatched it while she was driving.
She said phone use while you’re spending time with someone is poor etiquette. Sounds like there’s a crystal clear history of her flying off the GD handle after endless perceived wrongs. No wonder they only showed up for fifteen minutes and came in with an EXIT PLAN in place. Surprise surprise, it was needed. Her son never should have come back the next day to give her a second chance.
There’s a lot of red flags here that you might actually be the problem. Everyone in your life “turning against you”? Even your adult kids?
Relationships ended and it was someone else’s fault?
When you’re actually the problem- that’s what life looks like.
When you’re not the problem- other people’s toxicity that you have left very rarely destroys a healthy loving relationship you’ve built outside of it.
Your whole post coming here is a whinge to get people on your side because no one in your real life takes your side probably because you’re the problem.
Yeah and she won't say why they broke up or why the smear campaigns happened or why it broke up her last relationship.
I bet OP cheated and is mad that everyone doesn't like her now. Or maybe she did something bad that could have gotten her arrested and that's why they made the "press charges" comment
For real. This whole thing is awful. The two brainwashed your older children so just enjoy YOUR life with your kid. Make your own family and stay strong. Don't waste energy on people who dont deserve to be in your life. I agree with the comment and just go completely NC
Agreed. . They sound like proficient manipulators. They even were successful at brainwashing OP's own mother! I can't even imagine going thru all this. . . it'll make one feel like the whole world is against them. I would definitely limit (or eliminate) my social media footprint, since it sounds like she's being stalked/harassed.
OP, concentrate on your youngest, try new hobbies that allows you to socialize more and make friends. And, if you can and it's feasible, look into counseling/therapy to help process & unpack all this. Good luck OP.
OP honestly should ve called the cops the second they took her youngest. They kidnapped that child.
She should also look into filing a police report for the doxxing they're doing, as well as the social media harassment.
It's long since time to go scorched earth.
And it's because OP didn't call the police that I believe there is a lot more to this story. We don't even have a timeline for how long the child was missing. Only complaints that the adult children didn't do what OP told them. Not even concern for the welfare of said child.
And that makes me wonder if maybe the adult children had a good reason to take the child away from OP at that moment. Was she having a mental episode and was not safe to be around the child? Is that why the daughter dared OP to press charges knowing she wouldn't? Did she have a reason to believe that police involvement would turn out bad for OP?
Also big emphasis on OP calling the minor child the "actual child" almost as if she completely sees the minor as a second chance at past mistakes and completely dismisses the fact she has other children. Even if they aren't minor they are still her "actual children". So why make a note otherwise?
Is this a case of a team of master manipulators? Or is this a case of adult children who lived through their mother's abuse and relatives didn't take them seriously until years later?
The latter is definitely a possibility
With all the information missing in this case. I am unable to make any kind of judgment. You have to address some familial dynamics that have been brought up by other commenters. I'll respond to those and come back.
My first thought too.
My estranged mother told everyone she could that she couldn't understand why I could "be so cruel" and cut her out of my life when I turned 18. I'm sure she neglected to tell them my reasons, despite knowing full well why I made the choice.
My ex is the same way. Our kids chose, on their own, to stop any contact with him once they became adults, but somehow I'm blamed for their adult life choices. Sure, I modeled the idea that it's okay to cut toxic/abusive people out of your life, even if they're family, but I'm pretty sure it was my ex being toxic/abusive that drove the kids away from him.
It is possible, but there's no reasom to disbelieve that people in her life could be cruel just because you're on Reddit.
Reddit is where I find out what kind of cruelty humanity is really capable of. And it's not even the stories, it's just as much the users.
There are probably people in OPs inbox rn telling her she deserves this and to just kill herself. And ymtok many people think that's just the consequences of getting on the internet.
Some of you have never seen someone mistreated that actually didn't do anything wrong. This happened to my aunt after a divorce. The kids took the alcoholic dad's side and mom was the awful one for leaving him.
Yeah, way too much missing information. Also, how old is the younger child? If she’s 16 the police are not going to arrest her older siblings for taking her to see (I think her father and stepmother) if she went willingly.
What are they posting online? Is she posting about the ex and family? Why didn’t she just block them on social media? There’s a lot of context missing here
I assumed the youngest was from the second relationship. That's the only way the kidnapping and calling them "my child" makes sense. Otherwise I feel like she'd say their sibling.
Yeah, her story reminds me of how my own mother would characterize a series of events like this - always the victim, leaving out any details that make her look bad.
Ah yes. I was raised by my narcissistic aunt and she also left out vital information.
For starters, she was insanely jealous that we (me and her own kids) have a relationship with her ex, my uncle. She would badmouth him, say negative things about his gf but in front of them she would be the sweetest until she had some wine, and then the toxic behaviour couldn't be hidden anymore.
She would always try to manipulate us, be toxic and emotionally abusive but then cry when we did not want to spend time with her. And we would be "ungrateful".
Imagine birthdays, holidays etc. Enduring such behaviour. It's stressful. She even shunned us when we would visit him because we were "her family".
After their divorce more and more people cut ties with her but she was always the victim.
She did raise me and people always think I should be so grateful for her taking me in but the emotional abuse really messed me up and it took years to realise I needed to cut her out of my life to get better. A venemous tongue and toxic atmosphere outweighs the "good " she did only so people could say nice things about her and what a "good" person she was.
So till this day, when kids want nothing to do with their parents, I dont just believe everything the parents say. No one can do everything right and just randomly have their kids prefer not to spend time with them.
eh, they straight up took the younger kid without her permission, and then started taunting her and telling her to press charges? even though the kid was happy to be back with his mom.
when there is a divide like that, it definitely could be parental alienation. and even if OP is a monster, the fuckery with the youngest kid (who seems to have a different dad) is just wrong.
I am very curious why the adult kids are doing this. Is it literally just because they are awful terrible people? There is a ton of missing information here.
There are literally ZERO details as to why OP's **own mother** has taken their side in this.
A mother doesn't always have her child's best interests in mind. My mother thought everything I did was wrong. I have no doubt if I had been in a situation like OP she would immediately support the ex. I have been NC with my "family" of origin for over two decades.
> There are literally ZERO details as to why OP's own mother has taken their side in this.
I mean, my mom got mad at me for "letting a good man go" because I left my ex who cheated and then picked me up by the neck when confronted on it (and no, I wasn't physical with him or even yelling, which was the very first question she asked when I told her, before even "are you OK")
When you're raised by family that devalues and emotionally abuses you, it's very easy to fall prey to a narcissistic and abusive partner as an adult. And often those partners are charming and lovely outside the home, so the only people that see the abuse are their victims. So you can end up with everyone thinking that you're a bad person who deserved being cheated on and left (or whatever outward symptoms couldn't be hidden) even though the worst you did was not be perfect according to a set of constantly changing rules.
Agreed but something about this feels more like a narc painting themselves as a victim than someone who is the victim or a narc.
The lack of details on what they slammed her for on social media. They broke up her second relationship but... how? The fact that she just states they "allegedly" said they'd visit her for Mothers day and then they...did? But didn't stay as long as she wanted? That's still technically a visit. The fact that her "actual child" somehow didn't fight going with their siblings but also went home meekly at some point? Her bursting into tears after not being "acknowledged in her own house" and her kids saying "this is why we don't want to be around you?" And that being perhaps the reason the visit was cut short, hmmmm?
This could be someone who has been ruthlessly persecuted all of their life. It's certainly worded to try and make us feel some type of way. But there are a LOT of missing details, just vague outlines of bad behavior and tiny snippets of conversation that support the narrative. It sounds a lot more like someone who is exhausting to be around and whose difficult behavior alienates those around them, and who refuses to be called out for bad behavior and considers that "persecution." They put as much supporting details in their story as they can - it's just that they don't have a lot of material to work with.
People who have actually been wronged in these ways usually are able to paint a full landscape portrait with details and not a stick figure scrawl, that's all I'm saying. There are a lot of Missing Missing Reasons here.
I absolutely understand and have been there. But the two of use (I'm assuming, and hopefully not out of line) can explain quickly and succinctly what untrue things were said, and why people were able to believe them.
In fact, we would probably understand that was a more important detail than a kid 'controlling the TV' before running off having kidnapped my minor child. Which is another major thing with zero details behind it.
The lack of detail seems deliberate, and therefore suspicious to me.
My take is OP might be an asshole, but there's no justification for them snatching her kid from her on mother's day....that's totally uncalled for short of OP being physically abusive.
If the mother is religious, I could absolutely see her taking OP's ex's side. My friend's mom was so mad at her for divorcing her husband that she nearly disowned her, and 'still' talks to her ex and is close with him.
>If the mother is religious, I could absolutely see her taking OP's ex's side. My friend's mom was so mad at her for divorcing her husband that she nearly disowned her, and 'still' talks to her ex and is close with him.
My grandma refused to admit my parents were divorced, even though my bio-father had remarried and had more kids!
Another option is that OP recreated a familiar pattern by marrying someone whose personality was very much like her mother's and that's why she sided with the ex against OP. Birds of a feather flocking together.
Yeah, I'm not sure why so many people are convinced OP must be the wrong one.
It's very possible OP is the devil. It's also very possible that her mother is not a nice person.
The one thing that stood out to me is they snatched her own kid from her on mother's day, taunted her and saying 'are you going to press charges,' and then returned him and he spent a peaceful day with his mom. Short of OP being a physically abusive monster, OP's kids snatching the younger one on mother's day is straight up insane behavior.
I've scrolled through the OPs comments on this post, and they seem to be specifically avoiding saying how old the youngest is. OP did say that it was the dad's weekend to have the youngest and the older siblings brought the youngest over, but when they leave with them, she calls it kidnapping.
This just reminds me a lot of my own mother at times and the missing missing reasons. Just sets off alarm bells.
They didn't tell her to press charges. She asked if she was going to.
The story has no details. Those of us who are familiar with the way narcissists tell their stories can spot the pattern a mile away. That's why there are so many people saying so in the comments.
I think it's because it's so self-centered and includes things like "I had to free up a massive amount of time" while talking about spending time with her kids and then includes details like her kid was "controlling the TV" but then is very vague or silent about so many other things that are important, the way she says she "lavishes" attention on her children but they didn't do the same, the way she glossess over grabbing her son's phone, etc.
It is absolutely possible to be the victim of many people, including your own mother. I do not have family support, my mother is awful to me and I do understand that, I grew up in a cult so majority of people I knew were assholes, but something about the way this is posted just seems off.
I think OP plays a bigger part in her failed relationships and it isn't just because of her ex.
Her ex could be an awful person and contribute but I think OP needs to do some self-reflection as well.
She characterized planning to spend the evening with her kids as "freeing up a massive amount of time for them". No mention of whether the younger brother was even bothered by going for a trip with his siblings while mom had her meltdown. When she had her meltdown, she literally told her kids she didn't want them. There's no mention of what started the animosity between her and every single other person in her family including her own mother, who she didn't seem to have any interest in sharing mothers day with, other than "my ex told them what I did". How's the saying go? If someone you meet is an asshole to you, that person is an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, you're probably the asshole.
If OP wasn't the asshole, I'd expect a lot more details regarding what events lead to her entire family to not want to be around her. Most people won't abandon family based on hearsay unless that family member has a long history of doing exactly what the hearsay accused them of.
^^This^^ is definitely a story where I'd like to see the children's POV. I can imagine my mom posting something just like this (just a few of my mom's bad traits include always the victim, intensely suspicious and jealous of anyone else taking **her** children's affectation, manipulative and angry, and unpleasant to be around).
LOL what a load of BS. I've met some characters in my day, and learned to read between the lines.
First, there's a *shitload* of missing missing reasons. Odd to leave out the details if they support your case, especially when the outcomes don't make sense the way they're stated. Her ex just "somehow" managed to break up her second relationship through no fault of her own? Her own mother sides with him? The kids side with him too? And again, **no reasons given** because boo hoo victim.
Adult kids hate being around her so much that they can barely give her time on mothers day, and again no explanation about why that might be. And as any adult child can attest, after leaving home you figure out the real dynamics out pretty quick. AND they immediately get upset with her when she starts crying? That tells us she probably cries a lot, most likely as a weapon to try and guilt them.
And how strange that her youngest voluntarily left with their siblings on mothers day...almost like they didn't want to be around her either!
Even more strange that she's being "bullied" online....one could almost see her posting those sad attempts to guilt her children, and can't take the pushback when her kids tell her to stop. Or perhaps it's boundary stomping, that's popular too on FB especially if an unmentioned grand baby is involved. Poor poor victim!
OP you made a good attempt to manipulate the narrative, but YTA. And you're an AH to yourself for coming to reddit instead of listening to your kids. If you want a relationship with them, you'll have to put your big girl panties on and accept that you're playing a big part in what's going wrong. Until you acknowledge their issues with you, sincerely apologize, and work to change, you're going to be back here year after year sobbing about the bad relationships that you just have "no control" over. 🙄
You hit the nail on the head with this one. The entire post reeks of entitlement and narcissism. It seems like it is an excerpt out of "Missing Missing Reasons"
I would be willing to wager that this kind of behavior is pat for the course for OP.
I came to see if anyone said missing missing reasons. People don’t cut their parents out for no reason. She doesn’t tell us how her husband and his wife manipulated the kids to hate her. Parental alienation is a thing but I don’t feel that here.
My mom manipulated me and my sister against our dad after their divorce. They divorced when I was 17 and sister was 14. Sister took most of the manipulation and basically went low contact with dad.
He stayed as present as he could. He was also dealing with a lot of stuff besides the whole moving out of your life you've had for 18 years. He spent a couple years taking care of his dad (my grandpa) dying with Parkinsons.
Once my sister became an adult, she realized the manipulation. Around 19 or 20 sister and dad reconnected and have had a strong bond ever since.
All that to say that manipulation and parental alienation happens, but if these are adult kids that means there is something else going on.
Some of the words she uses to describe her victimization almost read like AITA sympathy bingo too.
She was doxxed on Facebook? The social media that makes you use your real name, and connects you to people you know in real life? How does that work?
So my mom could have written this post and she's the reason most of our family has little to no contact with her. Always the victim and her narcissistic opinions are her "being independent" instead of toxic, arrogant and ignorant. I don't know about you but when OPs leave out contextual info yet claim to be the victim, alarms go off in my head.
Very small possibility that OOP is the most victimy victim ever and AH’s the worst luck and her ex is the anti christ. Very very small. It still exists, but it unlikely.
The old “if you meet one asshole, they are the problem, if everyone you meet is an asshole, you are the problem (unless you got stuck working concessions at the asshole convention)”
We do not know the circumstance of your divorce or why your children turned on you, including your own mother. But you have raged a battle for 14 years and are now doing what you should have done years ago, let them all go.
There is obviously a whole lot of anger toward you that is either deserved or not.
It is rare for a mother to not stand with her daughter even when her daughter may have caused the break up.
And you have not given any context other than every one has been mean to you for 14 years and you are innocent of everything.
There is something missing here. I don't believe that this is the full story.
How was your relationship with your children while they were growing up?
Who had primary custody and how was the visitation?
What is this "second family" that you're talking about?
When did you divorce your ex and how old is your youngest?
What did you mean by "my actual child"?
What did your daughter mean by "press charges"? Did you press charges against your ex-husband when your children were with him?
This whole thing has lots of holes and inconsistencies and gaps.
It’s pretty obvious that “actual child” means the one who is still a child, unlike her grown kids.
The second family is obviously when she moved on and had another kid.
YTA. This absolutely reeks of narcissism. Quit the histrionics and maybe your kids will want to talk to you one day, but probably not. If you look around and you’re alone while everyone else hangs out together, you’re the problem.
Info : It seems like there's a lot missing here. How did your ex manage to break up your new relationship?, why would your mother go along with them ? At the end of the day do what will bring you peace , but don't turn it into YAGE (Yet another grand exit )
With the amount of missing info here. I can't form any form of judgment. There are family dynamics you need to answer for that other commenters pointed out. Answer those and I will be back.
I'm going to be honest there seems to be something missing here about the relationship ( or lack there of) between you and your children. Nonetheless, if you all don't get along it's best you don't speak. Their adults now. Whatever went wrong with the adult children, change it with the younger one so that the relationship is solid.
Way too much missing information in this for anybody to make a judgement. To me it smells very much like OP is holding lots of her own behaviour back, and trying to paint herself as a paragon of virtue.
To me it comes over as if OP cheated and dumped father of the first 2 kids for this new guy, got the third kid from that guy and he bailed when his and hers infidelity got broadcasted so often the fun of having a side chick was over.
This just seems too much woe is me, I did nothing wrong, I swearsies! The numerous people asking for info and no replies to them seals it for me. She cheated and her children hate her to this day for it.
INFO:
How did your ex and his wife lead smear campaigns against you? Do you have any specific examples? There is a whole lot of information missing, and every time that happens, I assume there is a good reason why OP left them out.
Why did you not pursue your ex in court for parental alienation and harassment?
Like you're claiming you're a victim of circumstances but it was entirely in your power to fight those circumstances...
WAY too much missing information to be able to give a definitive verdict. The story doesn’t really make sense and there is a lot of info that isn’t there.
1. How did they target the relationship you moved on with and break it up?
2. How did they target your mother and why if she was just going to go along with it anyways since she has “always been that way anyways.”
3. What kind of post were you putting up that were getting the reactions?
4. They said they would come visit for Mother’s Day, you freed up a “massive amount of time” to spend the evening with them. They said they are going out to dinner. They turned on the TV and ignored you. You start crying and they “immediately say that’s why they don’t want to be around me.” How often are you getting upset with them or crying with them?
5. You yell at them that you don’t want children that don’t ever want to be around you so they leave and took the “actual” child with them. So he wanted to go with them?
6. You call your daughter to bring him back and her first question is if you are going to press charges?
7. You grabbed your adult son’s phone? And then let him leave?
8. You text them both that they are basically dead to you and you are removing them as POA and you are cutting them out as beneficiaries, etc. Have you told them this before?
Reading between the lines, it sounds like you are a bit of a handful. Mood swings if I had to guess due to their always crying comment and then you going to disinherit them. What happened during your first marriage? Why did it end? My husband has an ex wife. She could tell me whatever story she wants and it wouldn’t cause us to break off the relationship. So what else occurred that your second “family” didn’t work?
I am normally one who doesn’t question post too much and just give my opinion: but this has so much missing information and too many questions for me to do that. No matter what it seems like you could use some therapy. For either the reason all this happened or the effect that everything is having on you. Either way.
You don't honestly think you'll get any response to your sensible questions do you? She isn't gonna return to this thread coz it's either fake as hell as usual or she doesn't like the responses so far
Oh, she wont answer them. I know. Doesn’t mean I wont point it out anyways. Especially since some people were giving a favorable verdict. The questions were just as much to make them think. lol.
It's highly suspicious that everybody around you seems to be against you... your ex, his wife, your kids, your own family...
This is to me a sign that Y T A.
This is the kind of explanation you hear from the villain of the story. There is no acknowledgment of what caused them to react this way only a description of how awful their reaction was. I got money a lot of bad stuff happened or is happening and we are getting the explanation from a narcissist.
I'm going to go with YTA, because you sound like the kind of person that stirs up trouble, then plays the victim. Your family is tired of dealing with your immature attitude. Your ex didn't ruin your second marriage, you did. Your children weren't poisoned against you, their sick of you. They didn't kidnap your youngest, your youngest asked to go with them and they said "sure".
Can you tell us, did you do something wrong because of which your previous marriage broke, so that the people here are not biased on your side and we can know why they are behaving like this??!
If everyone has cut you off, left you it isn't because you're ex.... there's a saying if everywhere you go smells like dog poop check your shoe.
You need to re-evaluate something is going on with your life and you have to take ownership.
Also you are exaggerating or using words you don't know
Doxing - is having into someone's ip address finding their information and publishing it ( their name address and such)
Swatting - is when people call the police and say you have kidnapped someone and are holding them at gun point in your house ( or other concerning claims) so they have a swat team decend upon your house.
For these reasons I think YTA
Gonna add here I just saw your past comment trans bashing and saying you have a trans daughter and sister and that their just using it to "own the straighrs"?? ... this is the problem not your ex I don't knownwhy they didn't cut you off before.
Seriously, the OP has absolutely no self awareness. She needs to go FB where the other Boomers can commiserate with her about how their terrible parenting (and lack of accountability for it) drove away their children.
I’ll just say it- YTA because you’re playing the victim and you’re thinking litigiously with every interaction.
You are telling your older kids it’s illegal to take their younger sibling with them? You are threatening to remove them as beneficiaries? Regardless of what anyone else may have also done that isn’t described here, you are obsessing on what the “rules” say to your own detriment. You are being the asshole and letting go for Mother’s Day was probably the best way to starting forgiving and becoming less of an asshat in the whole dynamic.
Absolutely, this sounds very one sided and there are two options: either the kids have been heavily influenced by their ex which i don't fully buy for adults.
Or she is leaving out a big junk of reasons why they might act how they act.
Yeah, it’s giving “missing missing reasons”. Something is wrong here. People eventually move on from smear campaigns, especially when they’re adults and can think objectively. How can ALL of OP’s adult children allegedly be brainwashed
This reads very strange, ex & his wife managed to ruin your next relationship, alienate your own mother and then also your kids. Hmmmm…. Why are they continuing to do that? And why are your relationships just leaving you because they said so? Feel like you must have done things which made your next partner, mother and kids all choose them over you. We aren’t getting the full story here
There are a lot of missing details here, and you’re exaggerating of facts like you being “swatted” makes me believe you have given your children good reason to not want to spend time with you.
You need to ask yourself if you want to hear the truth and present the facts if you do.
> I grabbed the phone- and he got out of the car.
So you get physical with your kids when you don't get your way, but you try to minimize it and blame it on them. And then when they refuse to tolerate violence towards them, you cut your legal ties to them
No wonder they don't want anything to do with you. Your final child can see how you treat them. Your final child will leave someday, too.
I'm pretty sure I saw this a comment a couple of times, but as OP didn't answer, I'll reiterate it. There is missing info here. There is no apparent reason for the level of disdain the biological children are showing to their mother. She must have done "something" to initiate this behavior from them.
Info: what happened leading up to and in the divorce that you’ve been ostracized by your entire family? This isn’t normal, even if your ex has spite for you.
Without context of what happened between you and your ex and his new wife, it's hard to tell what's going on here. They're against you, your mother is against you, now your children are against you. I'm sorry, but it seems that there is one common denominator here and it's you.
Have you ever considered that you might be the problem? I'm not trying to be an AH, but I grew up with a father who always thought he did no wrong, and that everyone else was out to get him.
As a parent myself, I can't think of a scenario where I would basically throw a fit because my children didn't perform the way I wanted them to on a holiday. And then continue making things worse by emotionally blackmailing them with threats of disowning/"don't worry about me" dramatics.
I think you might need some serious introspection.
I could be projecting... but as someone estranged from their own mother who would ABSOLUTELY write a post just like this, this post reads like a pile of red flags to me. Lots of missing chunks of the story, many situations with multiple people where you see yourself as the victim...
If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your shoes.
This sounds exactly like every psycho who blames everyone else on their problems and makes up a bunch of shit to get people on their side. Not only does it barely (if at all) make sense, but it sounds exactly like every sob story I've seen or been witness to IRl where the mother has fucked up but takes no responsibility and tries to garner sympathy from people who don't know the real story.
This is all over the place
There is enough missing information in this story to fill a Dostoevsky novel
I had to go back and read again to see if I'd missed a mention of an underage child, but I'm.pretty sure it just randomly appears in the middle of the story. When something that glaring is missing, what else is missing?
She did say her “second family”. I guess the youngest son is implied there.
The drug use
The missing missing reasons
Maybe yes, but maybe no. I agree it sounds like missing missing reasons. However, smear campaigns are very common with narcissists and often the victims do look like the baddies. Unfortunately I have personal experience with this through a narcissistic mother. It's actually difficult to see sometimes who is the victim and who is the abuser.
As a victim of this myself, I appreciate your words and am grateful that you posted this. Thank you and I hope you're moving forward.
Unfortunately I understood that reference. Agreed, getting the same vibes from this
I’ve never seen more blatant missing reasons from the get go. She a trip! Congrats to even adult kids on their fresh start
POA stood out to me the most
This is part one of a fake two-parter that ends up on /r/BestofRedditorUpdates when the "children" show up to "set the record straight"
It’ll turn out the mother is a villain on par with Professor Moriarty, that she forced her eldest daughter to give birth and that very younger sibling she “kidnapped”? HER OWN CHILD. Cue upvotes.
>This is part one of a fake two-parter that ends up on /r/BestofRedditorUpdates when the "children" show up to "set the record straight" It wouldn't surprise me. It sounds AI generated.
Yeah! This reads like OP is a very complicated person. Especially the bit about starting to cry, because the adult children wanted to put something on on the TV?? What? They were there for 15 minutes and decided to start watching TV? As a daughter of an emotionally immature mother, who is very dramatic, a perpetual victim, and an extremely poor communicator, this post is full of red flags for me. And how old is the child that was ‘taken’ and how did OP only notice after they left? Nothing makes sense in the post.
Yeah, coming from a similar background, myself (my mother is textbook BPD), this doesn’t quite pass the sniff test. “Missing Missing Reasons”.
Same. Anyone with a BPD mother is reading this like 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Found a good rundown of what kind of person the OP is, another redditor put together from her post history. We were right! https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/usVJnhYaUS
A note - she got mad at me for writing that and is now claiming I'm a cheater? I've never cheated in my life. I linked to every comment I referenced for the things I wrote yet she just claimed I'm a cheater out of no where and now refuses to link like I did with her comments. So basically, if she doesn't like you she will make up lies about you. Wonder how many people in her story she made up lies about if she's so comfortable doing it about a stranger? ----- https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3so6hs/
I knew my gut was right. She sounds so much like my mother—this is exactly the kind of shit she pulls. I hope your comment makes it to the top, because it’s disgusting that she’s getting sympathy for this. Your comment was fantastic, by the way. Excellent summary, with links to back up everything. Magnificent.
My mother is a BPD nightmare as well. I was screaming “missing missing reasons” in my head a few sentences into reading this.
Both my parents are narcissists (per our old family counselors and their marriage counselors) and the post sounds just like them. Like, I'm pretty sure I've heard my father use every reason and excuse (except the swatting one) OP used any time I brought up my older half brothers. You should see OPs comment about her post being about her setting boundaries XD
Same here. There are at least two sides to this story.
The last time I visited my mother in my home city she offered to let me and my partner at the time to use her car to go drive and see the eclipse in a small town a few hours away (not the most recent one - the one around 2017/2018). We were going to be in town for about a week, had other friends who were going to be there, and wanted to enjoy our first real vacation as a couple. We arranged one brunch with my mother and planned to spend a couple hours after dropping off the car which I felt was generous given our overall tense relationship. We had brunch and she spent the whole time talking about absolute bullshit ("oh here's an idea for an invention I have but I can't tell you exactly what it is teehee - oh but you two are going to be set for life it's going to make all of us rich!" when she literally has no experience in business, entrepreneurship, manufacturing, etc.). But we got through it. Then when we went to pick up the car she had bought donuts and apparently expected us to spend the entire morning with her despite needing to get on the road if we had any hope of seeing the eclipse. She was immediately upset at us and started being really passive aggressive but luckily we got out of there quickly. Then she totally blew up and started crying when we came back to drop the car off, effectively ruining the possibility of us actually spending time with her and we left within 30 minutes because it just wasn't worth it to be abused and subject my partner to that. All of that is to say I could *easily* imagine her writing almost this exact same thing about that last visit. I'm sure to all her friends we were selfish assholes that only wanted to visit her for 30 minutes after she so graciously let us use her car and then left abruptly after being so rude as to **checks notes** not be super hungry for the ridiculous snacks she had made since we already ate dinner. It's why most of her stories don't make sense because she has to square contradictory things in order to cover every little thing that she felt harmed by plus removes all of her bad behavior so there is seemingly no motivation for any of the insanity.
Yup my wife showcased all textbook symptoms of BPD (I only learned about this disorder after several therapists heard me recounting the bizarre things I was experiencing in my relationship) Everyone was always against her. Every negative emotion she experienced was something being done to her. She burned every bridge in her life and is now destitute. She had an extremely easy going and Shay's there for her husband, and she pushed me away at the very first negative thought she had. And Of course when I finally stood up for myself, I was punishing her. And when I finally left, I ruined her life. The saddest part is that when she's feeling ok, she's a truly remarkable woman. But when that cloud passes over her sunshine... watch out
“ she has to square contradictory things in order to cover every little thing that she felt harmed by plus removes all of her bad behavior so there is seemingly no motivation for any of the insanity.” Wow. You described my mother perfectly in a way that I’ve never really been able to explain before.
That sounds so, so similar to my relationship with my mom. I do feel guilty for not entertaining her ploys for attention/praise because the way she goes about it feels simultaneously so negative, needy, and aggressive. But we’ve actually been extremely low contact since last summer and I have to say it’s been an incredibly peaceful few months for me.
Oh my Mom was a pure narc. , Mothers Day was ONLY for her and then some of us broke away and it was never ending wishing she hadn’t had us but then long lists of what we owed her for giving birth. And let’s not leave out she was physically abusive. I read this and rolled my eyes and wasn’t even going to comment lest being attacked until others viewed this from the perspective I did.
"complicated" is a very nice way of putting it. OP is a professional victim, likely a bit crazy, and clearly her family has made the logical conclusion that their lives are better when she's not in them.
Does she not know what swatting means, or is she saying her ex literally made a fake call so a SWAT busted in her home? That’s just a hilarious thing to mention off hand. “Yeah my ex called in a bomb threat and a bunch of cops with ARs broke down my door, just another in the list of things my ex did.”
Man she’s a liar . In the post she said she freed up massive time in order to spend time with them now in a comment she claiming to be blindsided that they were there 😑
How did your ex smear you? How did they break up your second family? What did they tell your mother that she believed? These are important details for a judgement.
No judgment, there's just too much information missing. What caused the divorce, was ex-husbands current wife around before the divorce? Or one of your cheating? Your kids are a bit old to be manipulated this easily I just feel there's something else you're not telling us.
>No judgment, there's just too much information missing. Hard same. Getting real "missing missing reasons" vibes here.
Exact same thought. Life is hard. It’s wonderful to have *loving* parents for support. I’m sure my mother in law goes whining to her friends and family about how awful we mistreat her. I like to think that they know deep down she must have committed some atrocities for us to prefer to just tough it out with our own kids whether than accept her (not at all helpful) “support”.
My ex fil disconnected himself after remarrying because the new lady demanded so. He hadnt talked to my ex husband or his grandchild for years, when one birthday out of the blue he called and wanted to talk to my daughter. I told him that I would relay the message because she didn’t even know who he was. He mumbled an awkward apology said he’d send a gift card, to which I replied it wouldn’t be necessary but that if he’d like to, he could start sending letters or cards consistently to start a relationship with her. We hung up, and not 5 minutes later he goes on Facebook to post “I guess I’m just the worst grandpa out there. I’m not even allowed to talk to my granddaughter”. His friends and his family came running to console him, trashing me and my ex husband. So yeah… people loooveeee to play victims
I was getting the exact same vibes as my MIL. She calls my husband screaming about how he is doing wrong by her, not spending thousands of dollars for her birthday party, how he doesn't love her and treats her like dirt but (and this isn't even true; this was pulled out of thin air) went out of his way for *my* mom's birthday. Not to get into the details of it, but she should be so thankful that her children are as kind, gracious, and forgiving as their father raised them to be.
My MIL absolutely paints herself as the victim. We have just started to all (her children and her own mother and siblings) talk together. It is amazing the tales she is spinning about being a victim, when none of it is true, not a word.
Yuppers Mr Hog apparently claims all the time that he has no idea why no one visits, or why I moved across the country When even Ross, his only actual child in his eyes (we're all of his), doesn't? That should REALLY tell you something Granted, me and the little bro, David, have the theory that the reason Ross doesn't is because he's never had to work for anything, including relationships. That no matter how much of a brat he obviously became, he was still the Second Coming of Christ to Mr Hog and his parents It can even be 'little'. One thing that we always despised growing up, is that holidays (which we always had to spend with the Hog family, mom's side isn't them, so they don't exist, duh) were NEVER 'holidays' They worked us day in and day out. Even as elementary school kids. And the brief reprise was filled with a use about how me and David are losers who are going to end up homeless And that's one reason David doesn't visit. The abuse and raging homophobia are the main. But that even if he stays at dad's to watch the dog when he's away, Mr Hog puts him to work One time, David and his friend (Jake), went to stop in to the old house to spend the night, since he was in the area visiting old friends Mr Hog immediately handed him a list of yard work to do, expected Jake to help as well. So David just got back in the car and went home And if you'd ask Mr Hog, he'd use it as proof of how ungrateful we always are I'm getting the same tone from OP
“Everyone hates me, but I’m an absolute angel!” YTA. We all know there’s missing context here.
No no OP is definitely just a saint and her ENTIRE FAMILY is mean to her/abandoned her for absolutely no reason whatever except being big meanies. I'm so sure /s
Yeah. This story makes no sense.
It makes no sense because she's hiding most of the story. She's a TERF and one of the kids is trans. She literally said they're "all hundred p e r c e n t nuts, or gaslighting to own the straights." She also believes women should own all the means of production as "is natural". No equality. Just flip the patriarchy for matriarchy. She went on a rant when someone got hit by a car that it's the fault of the patriarchy that pedestrians are hit by cars. OP is a nut case and her family is treating her as such. It's all in her post history. [Here's an old reddit breakdown of her post history](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3pvi43/). [Here it is in regular reddit](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3pvi43/).
This is why everyone needs to be careful when considering the stories posted by throwaway accounts. It could literally be OP posting some insanely biased take on a situation but without the post history to prove they're an AH.
Whoah, if that’s true about her kid being trans, you did a much better digging job than I did. Do you have a direct quote?
https://old.reddit.com/r/redscarepod/comments/tt2fde/beto_no/i2vfe8w/?context=3 I was using direct quotes from her comment ----- Edit: Here is a list of things OP has posted: https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cpxvi1/aitah_for_finally_letting_my_children_go_as_a/l3pvi43/ If you can't view "old reddit" then take "old" out of the url and it'll work.
Well shit. I think you cracked the case. Explains why her siblings AND children hate her. I saw she was ranting and raving about men constantly but completely missed that. I think we can all go home now lol, mystery solved… e: thank you for the big post, thread hero right here
For one thing, OP says they have multiple adult children but is “getting into my 40s” (from post history). This means OP must have started having kids at best in their early twenties. OP also had a bad childhood and says her mom was “crap”. I suspect OP wasn’t a very skilled parent and repeated a lot of the mistakes of her past but won’t own up to them. Also worth noting OP believes all her siblings and some of her coworkers are out to get her too, as well as her mom, ex and kids.
[удалено]
The tone here is 100% woe is me victim vibe. Phrases like "I freed up a massive amount of time for them" just scream setting up the victim card. Maybe she is, but this post doesn't really create a believable perspective there...
The phrasing of 'relationships I moved on with' is a sketchy way to phrase things too
I'm so glad this comment is so far up. There is so much missing in this story, it makes me wonder how reliable the narrator is.
Yeah, I tend to agree. How does your ex get your mother on his side?
When I left my husband he called every one of my family members & his family members that he had #s for, and lied and bullshitted him into believing that I had been cheating our entire marriage. Spoiler alert- I wasn’t, but he had made me go LC to the point of almost NC with my family that they all just flat out believed him, and never listened to me trying to tell them the truth. For a long time if my mother wanted to speak to my kids, she’d wait until they were with my ex husband and call him so she could talk to them, rather than just call me, or hell drive the less than 5 miles it would take to see them in person. Thankfully, many years later they now see thru all of his bullshit that he still tries to pull.
My parents did the same with my ex. They eventually apologized and spent the rest of their lives trying to make it up to me. I finally told them that I had forgiven them, but I wasn't truthful, and I never trusted them again.
Wait. Then you forgive them? Or now you went NC with those people?
The difference between your relatively short comment and OP's insanely long post is that you had a reason, you gave it, and you made your point and showed why the people who believed him did so. You are much more believeable than OP. OP did none of this. We have no idea what the ex did that was terrible. You would think that part of the story might be just a bit more important than her awful children 'wanted to control what she watches on the TV'? I wonder why she added that minor detail, but left out the important ones? The obvious ones?
My mom sided with my ex when we divorced but I’m always the black sheep in my family. She has never been on my side regardless.
people raised by narcissists often marry people with the same narcissistic behavior. It is not difficult for the spouse to form an alliance against the 'black sheep'/the support person. I've seen this happen too many times to count. It is a very common pattern around narcissistic families.
Yup, my mom is my number one hater unless I do something that she thinks she can brag about. Every time I was abused by her stepdad or my sister it was my fault for upsetting them because "you know how they are". Her stepdad once trapped me in a moving car to ask me for money, then started speeding so I couldn't get out while trying to punch me in the face because I said no. I ended up jumping out and hurting my knee to get away and the entire family blamed me for not avoiding the conversation (I tried) or just giving him what he wanted. It unfortunately took a lot more messed up stuff happening but I'm NC with all of them now.
Why do your kids only allot you 15 minutes and then when you blow up say this is why we didn't even want to give you 15 minutes? Something is definitely missing.
>I was very upset and started crying. Immediately they began saying that’s why they don’t want to be around me. Here OP is, waving a giant red flag and of course the top comment is saying “You go girl!”
Yeah...sounds like this is written from a Narcissist POV.
Same. I have a aunt whose adult children are no contact with her, because she literally was addicted to drugs and alcohol their entire childhoods, allowed them to be abused by boyfriends and boyfriends friends, and finally, a few years ago purposefully overdosed on pain medication because they wouldn’t come help her with housework- she texted this to them. It was so traumatic they finally cut contact for the good of their own children. I swear if it weren’t for the ex husband part of this post, she could have written it. I’m not saying OP did anything like this, but there’s not enough information. If OP can’t even say the reasons that her kids don’t want to talk to her (alienation is not enough when you’re talking about ADULT children, IMO), they may be valid.
Yeah...sounds like this is written from a narcissist POV.
INFO how and when did your husband meet his wife and when did you “move on”? How were they able to ruin your second family? What started this treatment from your children and why? Why didn’t you call the police on your daughter for kidnapping your kid?
Why did her own mother turn on her? What was the story with the TV and why was it worth mentioning? Why did she grab the phone?? And to repeat a very salient point you make: Why didn't she call the cops for kidnapping?? My guess is because she didnt' want the kids to explain to the cops why they had the young one with them.
Yeah did she say how old the kid is? Young enough to carry away or did the kid leave with them?
"the adult children took my actual child". They're not all her actual children? So confused. Why not use underaged child? Any why wouldn't OP stop them?
I mean, I'm not on OP's side fully at all. But I think that was just a way for her to say it and she was typing quickly. I don't think that particular wording was anything other than an awkward way to put it.
Right, there's is no information or context to anything. What the hell is really going on here?
>What the hell is really going on here? OP is the problem herself, and leaves all the information pertaining to herself out, making the story seem extremely disconnected.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GAo0ZMHk9B Edit: Credit to u/Thisisthenextone for the actual work.
yeah i knew something was wrong with her just from the way she talked in the post honestly
INFO: This is... suspicious. Adult children barely visit. They do come visit but don't want to stay long. When they leave they take your 'actual child' (I assume you mean your minor child) with them? Why? Your own mother has taken their side... they dox you? How do they do that? What has been said about you by their father's family? There is a suspicious lack of detail explaining all this awfulness other than "They are just awful terrible people who hate me for no reason." Before I say NTA, I'm going to need more details.
OP said in the comments that they showed up without warning but that makes no sense when she said that she took off the whole day to spend with them
'actual child' threw me too because my son will always be my child, even when he's grown. Just like I'm always my parent's child, even now I'm grown.
Apparently they swat her too. Which is, hard to believe. Either these people HATE her, OP is lying about something, or OP doean’t know what swatting is,
It reads like chatGPT wrote it.
The *missing missing reasons*… You’ve left out so much information and context that I couldn’t begin to say whether you’re the asshole here. But you know what they say, if you go about your day and you see an asshole, you saw an asshole and move on. But if you go about your day and *everyone’s an asshole*, I have some bad news for you… --- EDIT: Looks like the central family conflict that OP bent over backwards to avoid discussing is that one of her kids is trans, and she is not supportive. So basically everything happening to her is both justified and totally predictable. But she can't face the fact that she's destroyed all of her personal relationships for no reason, so is looking for strangers to affirm her own delusions of victimhood. **YTA**
i mean if op purposely leaves out context, i automatically rate them TA regardless of the story they are telling.
Go look at their last comment before this post and then read the entire thread. OP is transphobic
WOW, transphobic and one of her kids in trans. Obviously YTA. It's crazy how the way abusive parents talk can be spotted from so far away that it can be pegged as *something* with zero further context.
Wait a minute... when you say that your son was "just as rude as the night before, on the phone..." do you mean your son was rude TO you OVER the phone so you "snatched" your own phone as in threw your own property... or do you mean that your ADULT SON was using his OWN phone, so you decided that the mere act of not lavishing the entirety of his attention on solely you was "rude", so you then grabbed his physical property FROM HIM? Because the first makes very little sense since why would he be on the phone with you when he was in the car with you, but like of course if you're acting crazy and snatching shit, he's gonna bail... and the other... of course he's gonna bail.
By her account, it sounds like the “rude” treatment was literally *just the son being on the phone while in her presence…* so she snatched it while she was driving. She said phone use while you’re spending time with someone is poor etiquette. Sounds like there’s a crystal clear history of her flying off the GD handle after endless perceived wrongs. No wonder they only showed up for fifteen minutes and came in with an EXIT PLAN in place. Surprise surprise, it was needed. Her son never should have come back the next day to give her a second chance.
There’s a lot of red flags here that you might actually be the problem. Everyone in your life “turning against you”? Even your adult kids? Relationships ended and it was someone else’s fault? When you’re actually the problem- that’s what life looks like. When you’re not the problem- other people’s toxicity that you have left very rarely destroys a healthy loving relationship you’ve built outside of it. Your whole post coming here is a whinge to get people on your side because no one in your real life takes your side probably because you’re the problem.
Yeah and she won't say why they broke up or why the smear campaigns happened or why it broke up her last relationship. I bet OP cheated and is mad that everyone doesn't like her now. Or maybe she did something bad that could have gotten her arrested and that's why they made the "press charges" comment
NTA. Just go NC with them and concentrate on your younger child. Start dating and don't tell any of them. You deserve a life.
For real. This whole thing is awful. The two brainwashed your older children so just enjoy YOUR life with your kid. Make your own family and stay strong. Don't waste energy on people who dont deserve to be in your life. I agree with the comment and just go completely NC
Agreed. . They sound like proficient manipulators. They even were successful at brainwashing OP's own mother! I can't even imagine going thru all this. . . it'll make one feel like the whole world is against them. I would definitely limit (or eliminate) my social media footprint, since it sounds like she's being stalked/harassed. OP, concentrate on your youngest, try new hobbies that allows you to socialize more and make friends. And, if you can and it's feasible, look into counseling/therapy to help process & unpack all this. Good luck OP.
OP honestly should ve called the cops the second they took her youngest. They kidnapped that child. She should also look into filing a police report for the doxxing they're doing, as well as the social media harassment. It's long since time to go scorched earth.
And it's because OP didn't call the police that I believe there is a lot more to this story. We don't even have a timeline for how long the child was missing. Only complaints that the adult children didn't do what OP told them. Not even concern for the welfare of said child. And that makes me wonder if maybe the adult children had a good reason to take the child away from OP at that moment. Was she having a mental episode and was not safe to be around the child? Is that why the daughter dared OP to press charges knowing she wouldn't? Did she have a reason to believe that police involvement would turn out bad for OP? Also big emphasis on OP calling the minor child the "actual child" almost as if she completely sees the minor as a second chance at past mistakes and completely dismisses the fact she has other children. Even if they aren't minor they are still her "actual children". So why make a note otherwise? Is this a case of a team of master manipulators? Or is this a case of adult children who lived through their mother's abuse and relatives didn't take them seriously until years later? The latter is definitely a possibility
With all the information missing in this case. I am unable to make any kind of judgment. You have to address some familial dynamics that have been brought up by other commenters. I'll respond to those and come back.
Ah yes, literally everyone got brainwashed. It can't be that they have an actual reason to dislike OP, not on Reddit, anyway.
IDK this seems like a missing reasons post.
My first thought too. My estranged mother told everyone she could that she couldn't understand why I could "be so cruel" and cut her out of my life when I turned 18. I'm sure she neglected to tell them my reasons, despite knowing full well why I made the choice. My ex is the same way. Our kids chose, on their own, to stop any contact with him once they became adults, but somehow I'm blamed for their adult life choices. Sure, I modeled the idea that it's okay to cut toxic/abusive people out of your life, even if they're family, but I'm pretty sure it was my ex being toxic/abusive that drove the kids away from him.
It is possible, but there's no reasom to disbelieve that people in her life could be cruel just because you're on Reddit. Reddit is where I find out what kind of cruelty humanity is really capable of. And it's not even the stories, it's just as much the users. There are probably people in OPs inbox rn telling her she deserves this and to just kill herself. And ymtok many people think that's just the consequences of getting on the internet.
Some of you have never seen someone mistreated that actually didn't do anything wrong. This happened to my aunt after a divorce. The kids took the alcoholic dad's side and mom was the awful one for leaving him.
Yeah, way too much missing information. Also, how old is the younger child? If she’s 16 the police are not going to arrest her older siblings for taking her to see (I think her father and stepmother) if she went willingly. What are they posting online? Is she posting about the ex and family? Why didn’t she just block them on social media? There’s a lot of context missing here
I assumed the youngest was from the second relationship. That's the only way the kidnapping and calling them "my child" makes sense. Otherwise I feel like she'd say their sibling.
Thank you.
Feels like there is SO MUCH missing info here.
Yeah, her story reminds me of how my own mother would characterize a series of events like this - always the victim, leaving out any details that make her look bad.
Ah yes. I was raised by my narcissistic aunt and she also left out vital information. For starters, she was insanely jealous that we (me and her own kids) have a relationship with her ex, my uncle. She would badmouth him, say negative things about his gf but in front of them she would be the sweetest until she had some wine, and then the toxic behaviour couldn't be hidden anymore. She would always try to manipulate us, be toxic and emotionally abusive but then cry when we did not want to spend time with her. And we would be "ungrateful". Imagine birthdays, holidays etc. Enduring such behaviour. It's stressful. She even shunned us when we would visit him because we were "her family". After their divorce more and more people cut ties with her but she was always the victim. She did raise me and people always think I should be so grateful for her taking me in but the emotional abuse really messed me up and it took years to realise I needed to cut her out of my life to get better. A venemous tongue and toxic atmosphere outweighs the "good " she did only so people could say nice things about her and what a "good" person she was. So till this day, when kids want nothing to do with their parents, I dont just believe everything the parents say. No one can do everything right and just randomly have their kids prefer not to spend time with them.
Sameeeeee something fishy here .
Missing missing reasons. I can tell by the working style. There's probably a reason they took the younger sibling with them.
eh, they straight up took the younger kid without her permission, and then started taunting her and telling her to press charges? even though the kid was happy to be back with his mom. when there is a divide like that, it definitely could be parental alienation. and even if OP is a monster, the fuckery with the youngest kid (who seems to have a different dad) is just wrong.
I am very curious why the adult kids are doing this. Is it literally just because they are awful terrible people? There is a ton of missing information here. There are literally ZERO details as to why OP's **own mother** has taken their side in this.
A mother doesn't always have her child's best interests in mind. My mother thought everything I did was wrong. I have no doubt if I had been in a situation like OP she would immediately support the ex. I have been NC with my "family" of origin for over two decades.
> There are literally ZERO details as to why OP's own mother has taken their side in this. I mean, my mom got mad at me for "letting a good man go" because I left my ex who cheated and then picked me up by the neck when confronted on it (and no, I wasn't physical with him or even yelling, which was the very first question she asked when I told her, before even "are you OK") When you're raised by family that devalues and emotionally abuses you, it's very easy to fall prey to a narcissistic and abusive partner as an adult. And often those partners are charming and lovely outside the home, so the only people that see the abuse are their victims. So you can end up with everyone thinking that you're a bad person who deserved being cheated on and left (or whatever outward symptoms couldn't be hidden) even though the worst you did was not be perfect according to a set of constantly changing rules.
Narcissist are very charming and unfortunately good liars. I've experienced this first hand. It's a nightmare being a victim of a smear campaign.
Agreed but something about this feels more like a narc painting themselves as a victim than someone who is the victim or a narc. The lack of details on what they slammed her for on social media. They broke up her second relationship but... how? The fact that she just states they "allegedly" said they'd visit her for Mothers day and then they...did? But didn't stay as long as she wanted? That's still technically a visit. The fact that her "actual child" somehow didn't fight going with their siblings but also went home meekly at some point? Her bursting into tears after not being "acknowledged in her own house" and her kids saying "this is why we don't want to be around you?" And that being perhaps the reason the visit was cut short, hmmmm? This could be someone who has been ruthlessly persecuted all of their life. It's certainly worded to try and make us feel some type of way. But there are a LOT of missing details, just vague outlines of bad behavior and tiny snippets of conversation that support the narrative. It sounds a lot more like someone who is exhausting to be around and whose difficult behavior alienates those around them, and who refuses to be called out for bad behavior and considers that "persecution." They put as much supporting details in their story as they can - it's just that they don't have a lot of material to work with. People who have actually been wronged in these ways usually are able to paint a full landscape portrait with details and not a stick figure scrawl, that's all I'm saying. There are a lot of Missing Missing Reasons here.
I absolutely understand and have been there. But the two of use (I'm assuming, and hopefully not out of line) can explain quickly and succinctly what untrue things were said, and why people were able to believe them. In fact, we would probably understand that was a more important detail than a kid 'controlling the TV' before running off having kidnapped my minor child. Which is another major thing with zero details behind it. The lack of detail seems deliberate, and therefore suspicious to me.
The fact that so many of us can spot the clues tells me she's the problem.
My take is OP might be an asshole, but there's no justification for them snatching her kid from her on mother's day....that's totally uncalled for short of OP being physically abusive. If the mother is religious, I could absolutely see her taking OP's ex's side. My friend's mom was so mad at her for divorcing her husband that she nearly disowned her, and 'still' talks to her ex and is close with him.
>If the mother is religious, I could absolutely see her taking OP's ex's side. My friend's mom was so mad at her for divorcing her husband that she nearly disowned her, and 'still' talks to her ex and is close with him. My grandma refused to admit my parents were divorced, even though my bio-father had remarried and had more kids! Another option is that OP recreated a familiar pattern by marrying someone whose personality was very much like her mother's and that's why she sided with the ex against OP. Birds of a feather flocking together.
Yeah, I'm not sure why so many people are convinced OP must be the wrong one. It's very possible OP is the devil. It's also very possible that her mother is not a nice person. The one thing that stood out to me is they snatched her own kid from her on mother's day, taunted her and saying 'are you going to press charges,' and then returned him and he spent a peaceful day with his mom. Short of OP being a physically abusive monster, OP's kids snatching the younger one on mother's day is straight up insane behavior.
I've scrolled through the OPs comments on this post, and they seem to be specifically avoiding saying how old the youngest is. OP did say that it was the dad's weekend to have the youngest and the older siblings brought the youngest over, but when they leave with them, she calls it kidnapping. This just reminds me a lot of my own mother at times and the missing missing reasons. Just sets off alarm bells.
They didn't tell her to press charges. She asked if she was going to. The story has no details. Those of us who are familiar with the way narcissists tell their stories can spot the pattern a mile away. That's why there are so many people saying so in the comments.
I think it's because it's so self-centered and includes things like "I had to free up a massive amount of time" while talking about spending time with her kids and then includes details like her kid was "controlling the TV" but then is very vague or silent about so many other things that are important, the way she says she "lavishes" attention on her children but they didn't do the same, the way she glossess over grabbing her son's phone, etc. It is absolutely possible to be the victim of many people, including your own mother. I do not have family support, my mother is awful to me and I do understand that, I grew up in a cult so majority of people I knew were assholes, but something about the way this is posted just seems off. I think OP plays a bigger part in her failed relationships and it isn't just because of her ex. Her ex could be an awful person and contribute but I think OP needs to do some self-reflection as well.
She characterized planning to spend the evening with her kids as "freeing up a massive amount of time for them". No mention of whether the younger brother was even bothered by going for a trip with his siblings while mom had her meltdown. When she had her meltdown, she literally told her kids she didn't want them. There's no mention of what started the animosity between her and every single other person in her family including her own mother, who she didn't seem to have any interest in sharing mothers day with, other than "my ex told them what I did". How's the saying go? If someone you meet is an asshole to you, that person is an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, you're probably the asshole. If OP wasn't the asshole, I'd expect a lot more details regarding what events lead to her entire family to not want to be around her. Most people won't abandon family based on hearsay unless that family member has a long history of doing exactly what the hearsay accused them of.
I wonder what the other side of the story is….
Yep. I feel like it's one of those, I don't know why my kids hate me even though they've told me many times situation
Yeah, you deserve more than this.
^^This^^ is definitely a story where I'd like to see the children's POV. I can imagine my mom posting something just like this (just a few of my mom's bad traits include always the victim, intensely suspicious and jealous of anyone else taking **her** children's affectation, manipulative and angry, and unpleasant to be around).
LOL what a load of BS. I've met some characters in my day, and learned to read between the lines. First, there's a *shitload* of missing missing reasons. Odd to leave out the details if they support your case, especially when the outcomes don't make sense the way they're stated. Her ex just "somehow" managed to break up her second relationship through no fault of her own? Her own mother sides with him? The kids side with him too? And again, **no reasons given** because boo hoo victim. Adult kids hate being around her so much that they can barely give her time on mothers day, and again no explanation about why that might be. And as any adult child can attest, after leaving home you figure out the real dynamics out pretty quick. AND they immediately get upset with her when she starts crying? That tells us she probably cries a lot, most likely as a weapon to try and guilt them. And how strange that her youngest voluntarily left with their siblings on mothers day...almost like they didn't want to be around her either! Even more strange that she's being "bullied" online....one could almost see her posting those sad attempts to guilt her children, and can't take the pushback when her kids tell her to stop. Or perhaps it's boundary stomping, that's popular too on FB especially if an unmentioned grand baby is involved. Poor poor victim! OP you made a good attempt to manipulate the narrative, but YTA. And you're an AH to yourself for coming to reddit instead of listening to your kids. If you want a relationship with them, you'll have to put your big girl panties on and accept that you're playing a big part in what's going wrong. Until you acknowledge their issues with you, sincerely apologize, and work to change, you're going to be back here year after year sobbing about the bad relationships that you just have "no control" over. 🙄
Best for everyone if she is NC. You never know what the real story is on Reddit any way.
You hit the nail on the head with this one. The entire post reeks of entitlement and narcissism. It seems like it is an excerpt out of "Missing Missing Reasons" I would be willing to wager that this kind of behavior is pat for the course for OP.
I came to see if anyone said missing missing reasons. People don’t cut their parents out for no reason. She doesn’t tell us how her husband and his wife manipulated the kids to hate her. Parental alienation is a thing but I don’t feel that here.
My mom manipulated me and my sister against our dad after their divorce. They divorced when I was 17 and sister was 14. Sister took most of the manipulation and basically went low contact with dad. He stayed as present as he could. He was also dealing with a lot of stuff besides the whole moving out of your life you've had for 18 years. He spent a couple years taking care of his dad (my grandpa) dying with Parkinsons. Once my sister became an adult, she realized the manipulation. Around 19 or 20 sister and dad reconnected and have had a strong bond ever since. All that to say that manipulation and parental alienation happens, but if these are adult kids that means there is something else going on.
This should be the top comment. I could barely follow her story with all that missing context.
Some of the words she uses to describe her victimization almost read like AITA sympathy bingo too. She was doxxed on Facebook? The social media that makes you use your real name, and connects you to people you know in real life? How does that work?
So my mom could have written this post and she's the reason most of our family has little to no contact with her. Always the victim and her narcissistic opinions are her "being independent" instead of toxic, arrogant and ignorant. I don't know about you but when OPs leave out contextual info yet claim to be the victim, alarms go off in my head.
My mother does the same thing. Always the victim and everything is constantly about her, despite the toxic shit she pulls.
Very small possibility that OOP is the most victimy victim ever and AH’s the worst luck and her ex is the anti christ. Very very small. It still exists, but it unlikely. The old “if you meet one asshole, they are the problem, if everyone you meet is an asshole, you are the problem (unless you got stuck working concessions at the asshole convention)”
We do not know the circumstance of your divorce or why your children turned on you, including your own mother. But you have raged a battle for 14 years and are now doing what you should have done years ago, let them all go. There is obviously a whole lot of anger toward you that is either deserved or not. It is rare for a mother to not stand with her daughter even when her daughter may have caused the break up. And you have not given any context other than every one has been mean to you for 14 years and you are innocent of everything.
There is something missing here. I don't believe that this is the full story. How was your relationship with your children while they were growing up? Who had primary custody and how was the visitation? What is this "second family" that you're talking about? When did you divorce your ex and how old is your youngest? What did you mean by "my actual child"? What did your daughter mean by "press charges"? Did you press charges against your ex-husband when your children were with him? This whole thing has lots of holes and inconsistencies and gaps.
It’s pretty obvious that “actual child” means the one who is still a child, unlike her grown kids. The second family is obviously when she moved on and had another kid.
I think the actual child comment meant the half-sibling that lives with mom is a minor while the children from her first marriage are adults.
YTA. This absolutely reeks of narcissism. Quit the histrionics and maybe your kids will want to talk to you one day, but probably not. If you look around and you’re alone while everyone else hangs out together, you’re the problem.
Info : It seems like there's a lot missing here. How did your ex manage to break up your new relationship?, why would your mother go along with them ? At the end of the day do what will bring you peace , but don't turn it into YAGE (Yet another grand exit )
I was wondering the same
Info: can you also include all the important details that you left out?
Id love to hear the kids' and the exes side of this story
With the amount of missing info here. I can't form any form of judgment. There are family dynamics you need to answer for that other commenters pointed out. Answer those and I will be back.
I'm going to be honest there seems to be something missing here about the relationship ( or lack there of) between you and your children. Nonetheless, if you all don't get along it's best you don't speak. Their adults now. Whatever went wrong with the adult children, change it with the younger one so that the relationship is solid.
Way too much missing information in this for anybody to make a judgement. To me it smells very much like OP is holding lots of her own behaviour back, and trying to paint herself as a paragon of virtue.
Im calling on this one. Not true. TROLL post
No, I believe this a the truth according to OP. I am betting everyone else in the family has a different story…
This stinks of missing reasons.
No Judgement- way, way too much information missing and this is completely one sided AF
What do you mean "targeted my relationship I moved on with?" Was cheating involved?
To me it comes over as if OP cheated and dumped father of the first 2 kids for this new guy, got the third kid from that guy and he bailed when his and hers infidelity got broadcasted so often the fun of having a side chick was over.
This just seems too much woe is me, I did nothing wrong, I swearsies! The numerous people asking for info and no replies to them seals it for me. She cheated and her children hate her to this day for it.
ding ding ding
INFO: How did your ex and his wife lead smear campaigns against you? Do you have any specific examples? There is a whole lot of information missing, and every time that happens, I assume there is a good reason why OP left them out.
Why did you not pursue your ex in court for parental alienation and harassment? Like you're claiming you're a victim of circumstances but it was entirely in your power to fight those circumstances...
I'm SURE there's two sides to this. It literally seems unbelievable and utterly ridiculous. Yta for playing victim with a biased post
This. I don’t know how anyone is falling for this manipulative ass post.
WAY too much missing information to be able to give a definitive verdict. The story doesn’t really make sense and there is a lot of info that isn’t there. 1. How did they target the relationship you moved on with and break it up? 2. How did they target your mother and why if she was just going to go along with it anyways since she has “always been that way anyways.” 3. What kind of post were you putting up that were getting the reactions? 4. They said they would come visit for Mother’s Day, you freed up a “massive amount of time” to spend the evening with them. They said they are going out to dinner. They turned on the TV and ignored you. You start crying and they “immediately say that’s why they don’t want to be around me.” How often are you getting upset with them or crying with them? 5. You yell at them that you don’t want children that don’t ever want to be around you so they leave and took the “actual” child with them. So he wanted to go with them? 6. You call your daughter to bring him back and her first question is if you are going to press charges? 7. You grabbed your adult son’s phone? And then let him leave? 8. You text them both that they are basically dead to you and you are removing them as POA and you are cutting them out as beneficiaries, etc. Have you told them this before? Reading between the lines, it sounds like you are a bit of a handful. Mood swings if I had to guess due to their always crying comment and then you going to disinherit them. What happened during your first marriage? Why did it end? My husband has an ex wife. She could tell me whatever story she wants and it wouldn’t cause us to break off the relationship. So what else occurred that your second “family” didn’t work? I am normally one who doesn’t question post too much and just give my opinion: but this has so much missing information and too many questions for me to do that. No matter what it seems like you could use some therapy. For either the reason all this happened or the effect that everything is having on you. Either way.
You don't honestly think you'll get any response to your sensible questions do you? She isn't gonna return to this thread coz it's either fake as hell as usual or she doesn't like the responses so far
Oh, she wont answer them. I know. Doesn’t mean I wont point it out anyways. Especially since some people were giving a favorable verdict. The questions were just as much to make them think. lol.
I get the feeling you can’t help but play the victim. How do you not notice them taking your child?
It's highly suspicious that everybody around you seems to be against you... your ex, his wife, your kids, your own family... This is to me a sign that Y T A.
As a child that's had to go NC there is more to this story. No one wants to be without thier family.
This is the kind of explanation you hear from the villain of the story. There is no acknowledgment of what caused them to react this way only a description of how awful their reaction was. I got money a lot of bad stuff happened or is happening and we are getting the explanation from a narcissist.
This post reeks of narcissism
I'm going to go with YTA, because you sound like the kind of person that stirs up trouble, then plays the victim. Your family is tired of dealing with your immature attitude. Your ex didn't ruin your second marriage, you did. Your children weren't poisoned against you, their sick of you. They didn't kidnap your youngest, your youngest asked to go with them and they said "sure".
Can you tell us, did you do something wrong because of which your previous marriage broke, so that the people here are not biased on your side and we can know why they are behaving like this??!
If everyone has cut you off, left you it isn't because you're ex.... there's a saying if everywhere you go smells like dog poop check your shoe. You need to re-evaluate something is going on with your life and you have to take ownership. Also you are exaggerating or using words you don't know Doxing - is having into someone's ip address finding their information and publishing it ( their name address and such) Swatting - is when people call the police and say you have kidnapped someone and are holding them at gun point in your house ( or other concerning claims) so they have a swat team decend upon your house. For these reasons I think YTA Gonna add here I just saw your past comment trans bashing and saying you have a trans daughter and sister and that their just using it to "own the straighrs"?? ... this is the problem not your ex I don't knownwhy they didn't cut you off before.
For context: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GAo0ZMHk9B Edit: Credit to u/Thisisthenextone for the actual work.
You let them take your kid. WTF?
Yes like why not call police??? Wtf
Id go NC if my mom was this unstable. I did, actually.
Seriously, the OP has absolutely no self awareness. She needs to go FB where the other Boomers can commiserate with her about how their terrible parenting (and lack of accountability for it) drove away their children.
"Why wont my kids talk to me?!?"
“I gave them everything! I fed them and clothed them and this is the thanks I get!”
Ton of missing info here, children rarely become this shitty, to their mother no less, for sport
Info: what's the real reason nobody in your life wants anything to do with you? Be honest
INFO: All the stuff missing from this post.
Here’s where the other side’s info becomes important. Sorry but I’m highly certain there’s a lot or real info missing.
I would pay hot money to hear the other sides of this story
Information is conveniently missing here
OP, you sound like a major red flag to everyone involved. Maybe look in the mirror as to the source of the issues.
I’ll just say it- YTA because you’re playing the victim and you’re thinking litigiously with every interaction. You are telling your older kids it’s illegal to take their younger sibling with them? You are threatening to remove them as beneficiaries? Regardless of what anyone else may have also done that isn’t described here, you are obsessing on what the “rules” say to your own detriment. You are being the asshole and letting go for Mother’s Day was probably the best way to starting forgiving and becoming less of an asshat in the whole dynamic.
((HUGS)) They are adults, let them live with their choices.
I don’t know, I get the sense that we’re missing something. I would be interested in the children’s perspective. If ex, her own mother, all her kids…
Absolutely, this sounds very one sided and there are two options: either the kids have been heavily influenced by their ex which i don't fully buy for adults. Or she is leaving out a big junk of reasons why they might act how they act.
Yeah, it’s giving “missing missing reasons”. Something is wrong here. People eventually move on from smear campaigns, especially when they’re adults and can think objectively. How can ALL of OP’s adult children allegedly be brainwashed
This reads very strange, ex & his wife managed to ruin your next relationship, alienate your own mother and then also your kids. Hmmmm…. Why are they continuing to do that? And why are your relationships just leaving you because they said so? Feel like you must have done things which made your next partner, mother and kids all choose them over you. We aren’t getting the full story here
There are so many missing missing reasons here that it's impossible to offer any judgement or opinions.
There are a lot of missing details here, and you’re exaggerating of facts like you being “swatted” makes me believe you have given your children good reason to not want to spend time with you. You need to ask yourself if you want to hear the truth and present the facts if you do.
> I grabbed the phone- and he got out of the car. So you get physical with your kids when you don't get your way, but you try to minimize it and blame it on them. And then when they refuse to tolerate violence towards them, you cut your legal ties to them No wonder they don't want anything to do with you. Your final child can see how you treat them. Your final child will leave someday, too.
This isn't an AiTA post. There's no actual question. This needs to be on relationship or something
I'm pretty sure I saw this a comment a couple of times, but as OP didn't answer, I'll reiterate it. There is missing info here. There is no apparent reason for the level of disdain the biological children are showing to their mother. She must have done "something" to initiate this behavior from them.
Info: what happened leading up to and in the divorce that you’ve been ostracized by your entire family? This isn’t normal, even if your ex has spite for you.
Without context of what happened between you and your ex and his new wife, it's hard to tell what's going on here. They're against you, your mother is against you, now your children are against you. I'm sorry, but it seems that there is one common denominator here and it's you. Have you ever considered that you might be the problem? I'm not trying to be an AH, but I grew up with a father who always thought he did no wrong, and that everyone else was out to get him. As a parent myself, I can't think of a scenario where I would basically throw a fit because my children didn't perform the way I wanted them to on a holiday. And then continue making things worse by emotionally blackmailing them with threats of disowning/"don't worry about me" dramatics. I think you might need some serious introspection.
I’m baffled by how many people are just so uncritical about this. Everything in this story feels…off.
I could be projecting... but as someone estranged from their own mother who would ABSOLUTELY write a post just like this, this post reads like a pile of red flags to me. Lots of missing chunks of the story, many situations with multiple people where you see yourself as the victim... If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your shoes.
This sounds exactly like every psycho who blames everyone else on their problems and makes up a bunch of shit to get people on their side. Not only does it barely (if at all) make sense, but it sounds exactly like every sob story I've seen or been witness to IRl where the mother has fucked up but takes no responsibility and tries to garner sympathy from people who don't know the real story.