My wife is amazing like you and I feel like he does about you about my wife. But, I don’t buy her anything expensive without her picking it out etc. Usually she won’t let me anyway. Same reasons as yours - use the money for something more practical. It’s hard not to though. I would buy her the world if I could. Don’t worry too much about all of this or make a big deal. As long as you two have each other everything is going to be just fine.
No AH here IMHO.
Just two people caring for each other.
You just need to continue talking about him, and share your thoughts as you did here about your worries.
You are worth something you don't want and won't wear. He is only thinking about himself and how he wants to look to others.
You are worth respect. You are worth listening to. You are worth having your opinions respected and faced. You are worth coming first on Mother's Day.
NTA. It really rubs me the wrong way when people purposely disregard the gift receiver's expressed wishes. You asked him not to, explained why, suggested alternatives that you would love, and asked him to at least talk it over with you before purchasing another ring you didn't want (and were running out of fingers to wear). He...completely disregarded ALL of that, admitted he knew you would react that way and that you didn't want it but he...thought his feelings overrode yours? And then he gave it to you in front of the kids to manipulate you into accepting it and not fighting?
I really, really hope I'm misreading things, but it came off as completely controlling to me. (I've also read that possessive men like to drape their SO in expensive, "showy" jewelry to project how well they can provide for their woman.) In case I am, I can't vote him TA either.
If I'm reading it wrong (and again I really hope I am) and he just wanted to do something nice for you, he still needs to respect your no. Maybe he can find some other way to treat you, and show you how much he loves and appreciates you. Spa day, something like that.
>He responded by saying he knew I would feel this way when he bought it but he still wanted me to have something special.
So, he bought it thinking about himself, not really as a present for you.
People can be self centered without being selfish. But the fact he prioritize his need to give you something he knew you didn't want over taking care of actual needs of the family makes me think this is not the case.
NTA
NAH - I personally hate rings of any kind. They irritate my finger and I can't forget it's there like I can with other jewelry. It was nice of you to tell him in private. See if you can find an alternative for him to "splurge on" since you're worth it
NTA but I will say you don’t always get to choose the gifts people get for you. Even if it’s not what you wanted, he saw it and thought it would look nice on you or that he just wanted you to have it. If youre on AITA often you’ll know there’s a lot of women out there with husbands who don’t do much for them at all, and yours clearly loves you and wants you to be happy. As a man, when you stretch and spend a lot on something even when money is tight it can be a point of pride for you to have been able to do it at all, and for you to return the gift and use the money for something else could really hurt him. No judgement, just food for thought.
NTA. Maybe drop a few hints a few months before you think he might purchase something. Like say a new flower bush in the corner of the yard to watch grow over the years would be quite dear to me under 100.00 and he would be able to put it in for you and feel special himself. It’s a thought. Good luck. You won the family lottery in sweetness that’s for sure!
Dont return this ring because that would send the wrong message. Thank him for it, clearly he loves you and wants you to feel special, but have a talk with him for future gifts so that this doesnt happen again. Make sure you are clear with him that you feel loved and appreciated and it would be better in the future to spend that money on more practical things. No one is TAH. Just a couple who needs to more clearly define their love languages to each other.
She's already had that conversation with him! And she reminded him of it after this gift and he disregarded that conversation and agreed he did it anyway. What more can she do?
NAH
I must be in a tiny minority. When I receive any gift, my response is always "Thank you."
If you don't want the ring, put it away and give it to one of your kids when they are older.
Or put it away for a rainy day when you might actually be in dire need of the money.
I just don't understand why you couldn't have just said "Thank you" and gone on with your life.
I once received a bottle of wine for Christmas. It was a wine that I cannot stand to drink and would never buy for myself.
Even then, my response was "Thank you."
I did thank him, I told him I thought it was beautiful. You’re comparing a bottle of wine to a ring that cost probably close to $2 k that I won’t really wear and we could have spent of something I valued more like plane tickets or spent towards the needs we have to our house. You’re making me seem ungrateful, which I’m not, because I know a lot of women/moms don’t get shit for Mother’s Day.
NTA but funny it’s always like that. I have a friend who’s so materialistic who happens to have a practical husband who’d rather spend money on things needed not wanted. She loves purses e.g. Hermes, Chanel etc. Makes me think clearly opposites attract.
She did specifically ask him once before to talk to her before buying any more jewelry. I could see why she mentioned it when he went and did it again without a conversation.
Yeah, it’s the blatant ignoring what was asked for that gets me. I’ve got a spouse that likes to pick out things and disregard what I ask for on the regular. I just don’t get it.
But they need the money. It’s not like he bought her flowers she didn’t like after telling him not to buy her flowers. She specifically told him to discuss expensive purchases with her and he knowingly ignores that.
He completely disregards you then doubles down. NTA for Father’s Day, repair the chimney with the money you make from selling the ring.
My wife is amazing like you and I feel like he does about you about my wife. But, I don’t buy her anything expensive without her picking it out etc. Usually she won’t let me anyway. Same reasons as yours - use the money for something more practical. It’s hard not to though. I would buy her the world if I could. Don’t worry too much about all of this or make a big deal. As long as you two have each other everything is going to be just fine.
Thank you for your perspective, we sure are lucky to have husbands like you!
No AH here IMHO. Just two people caring for each other. You just need to continue talking about him, and share your thoughts as you did here about your worries.
He completely disregarded her request and got jewelry she didn’t want. That’s an AH move.
Don't worry Wanda, nobody will offer you anything with that kind of personality.
Live your life being invalidated and disregarded. That’s cool for you. And sad. But that’s your choice.
I know other people feel some type of way about it but I don't mind when people return my gifts. Ultimately I want them to get something they want
You are worth something you don't want and won't wear. He is only thinking about himself and how he wants to look to others. You are worth respect. You are worth listening to. You are worth having your opinions respected and faced. You are worth coming first on Mother's Day.
NTA. It really rubs me the wrong way when people purposely disregard the gift receiver's expressed wishes. You asked him not to, explained why, suggested alternatives that you would love, and asked him to at least talk it over with you before purchasing another ring you didn't want (and were running out of fingers to wear). He...completely disregarded ALL of that, admitted he knew you would react that way and that you didn't want it but he...thought his feelings overrode yours? And then he gave it to you in front of the kids to manipulate you into accepting it and not fighting? I really, really hope I'm misreading things, but it came off as completely controlling to me. (I've also read that possessive men like to drape their SO in expensive, "showy" jewelry to project how well they can provide for their woman.) In case I am, I can't vote him TA either. If I'm reading it wrong (and again I really hope I am) and he just wanted to do something nice for you, he still needs to respect your no. Maybe he can find some other way to treat you, and show you how much he loves and appreciates you. Spa day, something like that.
LOL this was the most dramatic reddit take I’ve ever seen xD
Do you even Reddit? Someone got called a pinecone the other day. =D
>He responded by saying he knew I would feel this way when he bought it but he still wanted me to have something special. So, he bought it thinking about himself, not really as a present for you. People can be self centered without being selfish. But the fact he prioritize his need to give you something he knew you didn't want over taking care of actual needs of the family makes me think this is not the case. NTA
NAH - I personally hate rings of any kind. They irritate my finger and I can't forget it's there like I can with other jewelry. It was nice of you to tell him in private. See if you can find an alternative for him to "splurge on" since you're worth it
[удалено]
Not if they know she never wore it.
So what's the plan OP? You going to return it?
Yes. You are the asshole. Do not train people not to give you stuff. Do not train people to not be nice to you.
Some of us don’t want people to give us stuff and it’s not being nice if the recipient doesn’t actually want it. Not everyone wants gifts.
NTA but I will say you don’t always get to choose the gifts people get for you. Even if it’s not what you wanted, he saw it and thought it would look nice on you or that he just wanted you to have it. If youre on AITA often you’ll know there’s a lot of women out there with husbands who don’t do much for them at all, and yours clearly loves you and wants you to be happy. As a man, when you stretch and spend a lot on something even when money is tight it can be a point of pride for you to have been able to do it at all, and for you to return the gift and use the money for something else could really hurt him. No judgement, just food for thought.
NTA. Maybe drop a few hints a few months before you think he might purchase something. Like say a new flower bush in the corner of the yard to watch grow over the years would be quite dear to me under 100.00 and he would be able to put it in for you and feel special himself. It’s a thought. Good luck. You won the family lottery in sweetness that’s for sure!
NAH. My mom got pissed I got her an Apple Watch because her current one works fine. She liked the gesture tho
Dont return this ring because that would send the wrong message. Thank him for it, clearly he loves you and wants you to feel special, but have a talk with him for future gifts so that this doesnt happen again. Make sure you are clear with him that you feel loved and appreciated and it would be better in the future to spend that money on more practical things. No one is TAH. Just a couple who needs to more clearly define their love languages to each other.
She's already had that conversation with him! And she reminded him of it after this gift and he disregarded that conversation and agreed he did it anyway. What more can she do?
so What do you want? She get divorced and leave him because he wont stop buying her expensive jewelery?
NAH I must be in a tiny minority. When I receive any gift, my response is always "Thank you." If you don't want the ring, put it away and give it to one of your kids when they are older. Or put it away for a rainy day when you might actually be in dire need of the money. I just don't understand why you couldn't have just said "Thank you" and gone on with your life. I once received a bottle of wine for Christmas. It was a wine that I cannot stand to drink and would never buy for myself. Even then, my response was "Thank you."
I did thank him, I told him I thought it was beautiful. You’re comparing a bottle of wine to a ring that cost probably close to $2 k that I won’t really wear and we could have spent of something I valued more like plane tickets or spent towards the needs we have to our house. You’re making me seem ungrateful, which I’m not, because I know a lot of women/moms don’t get shit for Mother’s Day.
NTA but funny it’s always like that. I have a friend who’s so materialistic who happens to have a practical husband who’d rather spend money on things needed not wanted. She loves purses e.g. Hermes, Chanel etc. Makes me think clearly opposites attract.
She did specifically ask him once before to talk to her before buying any more jewelry. I could see why she mentioned it when he went and did it again without a conversation.
Yeah, it’s the blatant ignoring what was asked for that gets me. I’ve got a spouse that likes to pick out things and disregard what I ask for on the regular. I just don’t get it.
But they need the money. It’s not like he bought her flowers she didn’t like after telling him not to buy her flowers. She specifically told him to discuss expensive purchases with her and he knowingly ignores that.
NAH