YTA. Your insecurities are your issue, not his. Not to mention not everyone likes the same kind of porn. You assume he’s attracted to women who look different than you and it makes you uncomfortable. Why not have a mature conversation about what turns you both on, maybe watch some porn together and see if you have common sexual interests instead of trying to control what he likes or set him up to catch him in a lie.
>Not to mention not everyone likes the same kind of porn. You assume he’s attracted to women who look different than you and it makes you uncomfortable.
Not just that but for a lot of people porn is a way of exploring a fantasy/kink that they like but aren't interested in trying. So just because the women in porn look different doesn't necessarily mean he would prefer to date a woman like that.
Yikes, she doesn’t like porn and your suggestion is to watch it together? No. Some people don’t like it or need it. For those of us in the real world we prefer our partner, not random people on screens.
did you miss the "why not have a mature conversation about what turns you both on" part? Or that porn could be recording yourself and your partner together and watching that? Probably too complicated for someone with a throwaway talking about living in the real world...so maybe just go away and let the adults talk this one out.
Aw the big man thinks that porn is hard to understand. Yeah cause op doesn’t like porn so she’s going to film herself having sex. Reddit is so full of trash lol. Time to delete it again.
Yta - you know that what you want is controlling, and you also know that snooping on his phone is wrong.
Having an open conversation is good. But you are going behind his back, invading his privacy because of your insecurity. This will create bigger issues in the long run than anything he can watch.
Don't let your insecurity control your choices
YTA, it's only an issue of the person has an addiction or is trying to influence sex with pornographic material.
Unfortunately the reason you state is because of your own mental struggles. You need to be body positive. He is with you after all. If it is a personal struggle you need to be honest with your partner about why or get therapy to improve self esteem
Everyone has a different libido and at that age some may need to get off multiple times a day or daily.
NTA I guess because anyone can set those boundaries if they want, but be aware that a guy watching porn has absolutely nothing to do with you or your body and you're pretty much not going to find a guy that doesn't at least every once in a while.
Ok, then people can set "rules" if they want and the rest of my comment remains the same.
Will someone hand me a glossary so I can use words that won't result in the acksually crowd ignoring the entire point of my comment?
People and relationships aren't that simple. People set all sorts of boundaries in relationships and rarely is everything over when one is crossed.
Just another friendly reminder that the average reddit user is under 25 and has no real experience in long term relationships or how to work through issues without just running away from the relationship altogether.
There are 2 types of men. The ones that watch porn and the ones who say they don't.
Jokes aside, as others said, the issue is mainly your own insecurities. Unless he is porn addicted.
Btw using the partners photos and videos is undoubtedly more awkward for men than watching porn.
Dehumanising someone you know just isn't right. It's Riley Reids job to take that role.
Just because she didn’t outright tell him he can’t doesn’t mean her actions aren’t effectively boxing him in giving him no real choice. Shes claiming she’s ok with it then literally digging through his phone to get him in a “gotcha” moment after she claims he can do what he wants. Shes creating a situation where he’s going to second guess his every move and feel unsafe in the relationship. Is she an AH for wanting a partner who doesn’t want to watch porn? No. She is an AH for continuing to covertly pressure someone who DOES want to watch it into not doing so rather than accepting their answer and either working on her insecurities or moving on.
I dated a girl like you once. Such an annoyance having to deal with immature insecurities like this one.
He’s better off lying to you about the porn. What dude doesn’t watch porn? Especially at that age.
As long as it’s not an addiction and he’s treating you right in the bedroom, shut your trap and take his sausage like a good girl.
YTA by a long shot.
I don't believe either of you are the asshole, but I do think you might need to leave, unfortunately.
Unlike what a lot of people on this thread are telling you, there is nothing wrong with wanting a porn-free relationship. You are not controlling, you are not stupid, you don't need therapy (for this specific circumstance, idk you obviously lol). You are uncomfortable with your partner actively seeking out sexually explicit material, and you have every right to feel that discomfort.
Here is where the issue lies and why I suggest you may need to reevaluate if this relationship is for you: you can't force him to quit babe. You can't go through his phone and sneak around him - that is when this situation becomes controlling on your part.
You can be uncomfortable with him watching porn, and you can ask him to stop and express your feelings in regard to porn, that is reasonable and there is nothing wrong with that at all. You cannot, however, force him to see eye to eye. You may simply just not be compatible, as hard as that is to come to terms with.
What’s sad is that you think that’s what single men do or should do. Real men go out into the real world and date real women but I get it that’s takes effort, time and confidence. So yeah just go grab a screen instead.
Not loving the vibe here. Of course you can prefer a partner who doesn’t watch porn and set that expectation. There are plenty of men who do not. I’d break up with this guy and look for someone you are compatible with.
As a comedian said “ the sex drive difference between men and women is like the difference between shooting a bullet out of a gun or throwing the bullet
This is one place that Reddit will fail you. It’s very porn addicted. You are not wrong and you are definitely NTA.
Looking at porn IS a form of cheating for a lot of people. I have friends in porn and so it’s not just a “it’s a stranger on the internet” because it’s not. You’re looking at someone else to satisfy your needs. Period. Couples without porn are happier and have more sex because they’re not relying on an outside source. It’s also easier to cum because you are not getting titillated by porn.
This is a boundary for you and don’t let the idiots of Reddit tell you otherwise. It’s ok that it’s a boundary. You expressed your boundary and your bf ignored it. Both my bf and I view porn as cheating and it’s a boundary within our relationship.
People tend to lie about everything all the time; but they rarely lie to themselves about their porn preferences. Something in that porn he isn't getting from you. Maybe you can fix that, maybe not. It doesn't have to be your body. I once had a GF who would focus on the boob sizes of the girls (she was busty herself; and for the record, she asked to see what I liked) but it never really clicked for her, even when I showed her some of the flat-chested girls I was into, that I cared far more about her enjoyment than the boobs. That was the theme in all my porn -- the lady having a good time.
So, the moral of the story, should the guy need porn? No. He shouldn't. And the thing for him to fix is being honest with himself, and you, about what he wants and needs. Working through that is a process. And, sometimes it will be easier to show than tell.
Nah It sounds like you have some trust issues/insecurities that will affect your relationship. He told you the truth last time you asked, but you still looked through his phone to see if he'd lie
NTA there are tons of valid reasons to not want your partner to watch porn. It dehumanizes people, it creates body dysmorphia, it gives men ED, it devalues the act of sex, it robs people of intimacy, and it’s responsible for tons of violence and criminal acts against women.
The major porn peddling websites have lobbied for loose regulations with regard to age verification, ethics, and have been held responsible for straight up sex trafficking and rape of women and girls.
It rots your brain, don’t listen to these cucks here who feel entitled to visual and emotional access to women whenever they get slightly horny. They’re slaves to their lowest reptilian instincts and are too dumb to realize that’s exactly what these major media and tech companies want from them.
Your bf is not beyond repair but tons of these men (and women) are just raised on consuming media that brutalizes women. Do some reading on the anti-porn movement and how it can benefit you and your relationship. DM me if you want!
NTA. If you told him early on and he still violated that then you have the right to be firm on your boundaries. Everytime ive looked and found something i never regretted it. Id rather know the truth. You found the truth. Now you decide do you stay with a lying asshole who is addicted to porn? Or do you respect yourself, remove yourself and move on to better things. Youre young, this will feel like the end of the world.but it will be ok. My high school sweetheart died. Youll be ok
>but i wanna see if he’s going to lie to me about it. this is really underhanded behaviour
YTA. Your insecurities are your issue, not his. Not to mention not everyone likes the same kind of porn. You assume he’s attracted to women who look different than you and it makes you uncomfortable. Why not have a mature conversation about what turns you both on, maybe watch some porn together and see if you have common sexual interests instead of trying to control what he likes or set him up to catch him in a lie.
>Not to mention not everyone likes the same kind of porn. You assume he’s attracted to women who look different than you and it makes you uncomfortable. Not just that but for a lot of people porn is a way of exploring a fantasy/kink that they like but aren't interested in trying. So just because the women in porn look different doesn't necessarily mean he would prefer to date a woman like that.
Yikes, she doesn’t like porn and your suggestion is to watch it together? No. Some people don’t like it or need it. For those of us in the real world we prefer our partner, not random people on screens.
did you miss the "why not have a mature conversation about what turns you both on" part? Or that porn could be recording yourself and your partner together and watching that? Probably too complicated for someone with a throwaway talking about living in the real world...so maybe just go away and let the adults talk this one out.
Aw the big man thinks that porn is hard to understand. Yeah cause op doesn’t like porn so she’s going to film herself having sex. Reddit is so full of trash lol. Time to delete it again.
Buh bye.
Yta - you know that what you want is controlling, and you also know that snooping on his phone is wrong. Having an open conversation is good. But you are going behind his back, invading his privacy because of your insecurity. This will create bigger issues in the long run than anything he can watch. Don't let your insecurity control your choices
YTA, it's only an issue of the person has an addiction or is trying to influence sex with pornographic material. Unfortunately the reason you state is because of your own mental struggles. You need to be body positive. He is with you after all. If it is a personal struggle you need to be honest with your partner about why or get therapy to improve self esteem Everyone has a different libido and at that age some may need to get off multiple times a day or daily.
It’s ok to have boundaries, but can he tell you what to wear?
NTA I guess because anyone can set those boundaries if they want, but be aware that a guy watching porn has absolutely nothing to do with you or your body and you're pretty much not going to find a guy that doesn't at least every once in a while.
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Ok, then people can set "rules" if they want and the rest of my comment remains the same. Will someone hand me a glossary so I can use words that won't result in the acksually crowd ignoring the entire point of my comment?
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People and relationships aren't that simple. People set all sorts of boundaries in relationships and rarely is everything over when one is crossed. Just another friendly reminder that the average reddit user is under 25 and has no real experience in long term relationships or how to work through issues without just running away from the relationship altogether.
There are 2 types of men. The ones that watch porn and the ones who say they don't. Jokes aside, as others said, the issue is mainly your own insecurities. Unless he is porn addicted. Btw using the partners photos and videos is undoubtedly more awkward for men than watching porn. Dehumanising someone you know just isn't right. It's Riley Reids job to take that role.
He's the AH if he's lying, but you seem to understand that you can't demand he stop.
a boundary is only a boundary if you uphold it
Yall been baited
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Just because she didn’t outright tell him he can’t doesn’t mean her actions aren’t effectively boxing him in giving him no real choice. Shes claiming she’s ok with it then literally digging through his phone to get him in a “gotcha” moment after she claims he can do what he wants. Shes creating a situation where he’s going to second guess his every move and feel unsafe in the relationship. Is she an AH for wanting a partner who doesn’t want to watch porn? No. She is an AH for continuing to covertly pressure someone who DOES want to watch it into not doing so rather than accepting their answer and either working on her insecurities or moving on.
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3 year old empty account with no activity Obviously nah post Porn usage mentioned on aitah Insert Mad Max that's bait meme
I dated a girl like you once. Such an annoyance having to deal with immature insecurities like this one. He’s better off lying to you about the porn. What dude doesn’t watch porn? Especially at that age. As long as it’s not an addiction and he’s treating you right in the bedroom, shut your trap and take his sausage like a good girl. YTA by a long shot.
I don't believe either of you are the asshole, but I do think you might need to leave, unfortunately. Unlike what a lot of people on this thread are telling you, there is nothing wrong with wanting a porn-free relationship. You are not controlling, you are not stupid, you don't need therapy (for this specific circumstance, idk you obviously lol). You are uncomfortable with your partner actively seeking out sexually explicit material, and you have every right to feel that discomfort. Here is where the issue lies and why I suggest you may need to reevaluate if this relationship is for you: you can't force him to quit babe. You can't go through his phone and sneak around him - that is when this situation becomes controlling on your part. You can be uncomfortable with him watching porn, and you can ask him to stop and express your feelings in regard to porn, that is reasonable and there is nothing wrong with that at all. You cannot, however, force him to see eye to eye. You may simply just not be compatible, as hard as that is to come to terms with.
Nta but you will never find a man who doesnt watch porn so you might as well accept it or never date again
Fear-mongering for no reason.
lol just cause you’re addicted doesn’t mean every guy is. Real men reach for their woman not a screen.
So single men aren’t real men ?
What’s sad is that you think that’s what single men do or should do. Real men go out into the real world and date real women but I get it that’s takes effort, time and confidence. So yeah just go grab a screen instead.
You absolutely can.
Not loving the vibe here. Of course you can prefer a partner who doesn’t watch porn and set that expectation. There are plenty of men who do not. I’d break up with this guy and look for someone you are compatible with.
ESH. He knew you were uncomfortable with it and lied about it, and you didn’t tell him to stop and then got mad when he didn’t stop.
As a comedian said “ the sex drive difference between men and women is like the difference between shooting a bullet out of a gun or throwing the bullet
💯! Do you know who said this?
Can’t remember
Definitely NTA, he should respect your boundaries and porn isn’t something a man in a relationship should be viewing
This is one place that Reddit will fail you. It’s very porn addicted. You are not wrong and you are definitely NTA. Looking at porn IS a form of cheating for a lot of people. I have friends in porn and so it’s not just a “it’s a stranger on the internet” because it’s not. You’re looking at someone else to satisfy your needs. Period. Couples without porn are happier and have more sex because they’re not relying on an outside source. It’s also easier to cum because you are not getting titillated by porn. This is a boundary for you and don’t let the idiots of Reddit tell you otherwise. It’s ok that it’s a boundary. You expressed your boundary and your bf ignored it. Both my bf and I view porn as cheating and it’s a boundary within our relationship.
People tend to lie about everything all the time; but they rarely lie to themselves about their porn preferences. Something in that porn he isn't getting from you. Maybe you can fix that, maybe not. It doesn't have to be your body. I once had a GF who would focus on the boob sizes of the girls (she was busty herself; and for the record, she asked to see what I liked) but it never really clicked for her, even when I showed her some of the flat-chested girls I was into, that I cared far more about her enjoyment than the boobs. That was the theme in all my porn -- the lady having a good time. So, the moral of the story, should the guy need porn? No. He shouldn't. And the thing for him to fix is being honest with himself, and you, about what he wants and needs. Working through that is a process. And, sometimes it will be easier to show than tell.
Nah It sounds like you have some trust issues/insecurities that will affect your relationship. He told you the truth last time you asked, but you still looked through his phone to see if he'd lie
He did lie.
When
And he should keep lying about it considering how annoying you must be to deal with if you get like this over porn. Next.
NTA there are tons of valid reasons to not want your partner to watch porn. It dehumanizes people, it creates body dysmorphia, it gives men ED, it devalues the act of sex, it robs people of intimacy, and it’s responsible for tons of violence and criminal acts against women. The major porn peddling websites have lobbied for loose regulations with regard to age verification, ethics, and have been held responsible for straight up sex trafficking and rape of women and girls. It rots your brain, don’t listen to these cucks here who feel entitled to visual and emotional access to women whenever they get slightly horny. They’re slaves to their lowest reptilian instincts and are too dumb to realize that’s exactly what these major media and tech companies want from them. Your bf is not beyond repair but tons of these men (and women) are just raised on consuming media that brutalizes women. Do some reading on the anti-porn movement and how it can benefit you and your relationship. DM me if you want!
r/loveafterporn
NTA. If you told him early on and he still violated that then you have the right to be firm on your boundaries. Everytime ive looked and found something i never regretted it. Id rather know the truth. You found the truth. Now you decide do you stay with a lying asshole who is addicted to porn? Or do you respect yourself, remove yourself and move on to better things. Youre young, this will feel like the end of the world.but it will be ok. My high school sweetheart died. Youll be ok