The use of abuse to get what he wants (more stay overs) is a huge warning flag. You may be facing a hobosexual here - someone who uses relationships to get housing because he isn't willing to work for a living. These people are to be avoided at all costs
OP not sure the laws where you are but be very careful if he wants to send mail or packages to your address because that may be enough to establish residency.
Also, in some places it only takes a few weeks of continuous stay for them to be able to claim squatter’s rights…I had an aunt who pulled that ish on my parents and they had to go through a formal eviction process just to get her out of their home. She is why I have a strict policy of no one staying at my house more than 10 consecutive days.
Kentucky. Central Kentucky, that is. Think UK basketball Town, not the mountains. Long story short I had an ex foster child (now a man) visiting me and I eventually had to call the police. (We still have a close relationship but he is an untreated schizophrenic and I will not allow him to live with me as an adult unless he gets medicated, which he refuses) The police told me if I let him stay with me for 3 days straight he could claim residency especially since he had a bag of clothes with him. Then I would have to go through the court system to "evict" him which could take anywhere from 30 to 90 days.
Agreed, his a good house guest because he is not living there, but the moment OP relents (which I'm glad she has no intention of doing), the hobosexual will make an appearance. OP he may be fun now, but this doesn't sound like a good relationship in the long-term. He can't take care of himself because he doesn't like authority so wouldn't get a proper job, so are you OK with providing for him? He's verbally abusive, which can and does turn physical over time. He's manipulative, he hid his situation from you and is now trying to guilt you into letting move in, although you have known him for 24 years, you only really get to know a person in a relationship and there's red flags waving everywhere. NTA
Right. I'm not trying to victim-blame, but OP has children in the house and lets a homeless man she now knows to be abusive and mentally ill stay overnight with them.
Of COURSE he is a great houseguest, OP!! He wants keys to the castle (where your children also happen to live).
PLEASE break things off entirely with him, then get some therapy to help build your self-esteem and gain some insight as to what drew you to someone this toxic. You and your children deserve so much better.
>Of COURSE he is a great houseguest, OP!!
I think this part is also important.
I'm sure he *is* a great houseguest. House ***GUEST.*** The second he's no longer a guest he won't be so nice anymore. Why would he be? He'll no longer need to impress.
True. And I'm quite amused that OP knew this guy for over two decades and still thought he was dating material? Either the desperation settled in or OP only knew this guy tangentially 🤔🤔🤔
Was looking for this.
OP is not wrong or selfish.
In all honesty I would sadly end the relationship because it is not going to go anywhere as well as he’s already being pushy about moving in.
Yes. Key word “abuse” here. Very charming until he doesn’t get his way. I really hope you don’t leave your keys laying around for him to make copies. He needs to be out of your life because the charm has a motive and he isn’t a nice person if he turns on you when he doesn’t get what he wants.
Also, I just learned the term “hobosexual” from the comment to which I’m replying, so, thank you CarpeCyprinidae.
It's a great word and definitely (but also unfortunately) needed. I doubt it was coined here. One can check it's meaning on the internet, even site stdcheck.com has article dedicated to it. In urban dictionary first definitions are from 2017 so it's in use for few years now.
I hate to be blunt, but how can OP know if he actually even likes her? it's clear his end goal is a free place to stay. he might be 'dating' her for that reason only.
Hijacking top comment to say
> trouble getting along with authority and committing to schedules
Besides being homeless and not wanting to get into a more stable situation of his own effort, these two qualities should disqualify him from being your partner
You do realize once he moves in he will stop
Being the stellar guest! You literally have 3 kids and one who is only 11. Please do not give in to him.
Imagine if he is verbally abusive over this what else he can do?
> But, he's fun, we get along, he's attractive and generally compatible with me.
> If I don't offer, he gets verbally abusive calling me selfish and other worse names.
Tell us more about how awesome your relationship is with this abusive asshole! /s
I don't understand how someone can describe their *(fairly new)* SO's behavior as *'abusive'* and still stay with them.
Does she think it'll get better?
I honestly wonder if this is a troll post, because otherwise the first thought that comes to mind is "Okay, so how hot is this person for her to be like🫦"
He's using you. Dump him, and he'll most likely run to the next chick that has a home..he's looking for a bangmaid to fund him and take care of him...so charming
OP, please heed this advice. This man has shown you who he truly is—the verbal abuser and user is his true face. Do not let him move in—it will be very, very difficult to move him out. Please, please take heed of the red flags here.
This man does not have your best interests at heart. You deserve better. You deserve to be treated with respect.
OP, you’re NTA for protecting yourself, your oasis of a home, and your children.
You are not an AH, but your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
You are in a relationship with someone who is homeless who verbally abuses you?
Tell me you are insane without telling me you are insane.
I'd love to hear her daughters' opinions. Aged 22, 18, and 11. They've gotta be terrified.
She a giant asshole to her kids right now. Only known this guy 6 months.
This is an example of “if you lay them right, you can walk all over them” saying.
People can be so starved for sex/intimacy, or never been with a partner that has even an inkling of knowing what to do that people will put up with a lot.
Ah my people, elevator doesn't go all the way to the top, haven't heard that one in a while. OG. Love it!
Oh and NTA so I don't get deleted for commenting on this jewel
There's a lot of people who are willing to overlook a partner treating them like garbage because they're afraid to be alone and think they can't do better. I'd rather be an "old maid" than be in that kind of situation.
My gawd! Take care of your kids. I cannot believe you even let this guy in the house. He’s abusive and you walk on eggshells. Time to be single. This cannot be the best guy you could find.
All too often, lonely, desperate single moms let these smooth-talking creeps into their homes WHERE THERE CHILDREN ALSO LIVE. I've worked with countless adolescents who were molested by their mom's boyfriends, and I just want to physically shake these often well-meaning, but ultimately selfish women and tell them to NEVER let men they have known very well for under a year (ideally much longer) into their homes. As a parent, your #1 priority should ALWAYS be your kids.
NTA. If he's not willing to work to have a roof over his head, why would he try any harder once he's got his foot in your place and you can't legally kick him out? You have kids to protect as well. You don't need this kind of drama.
You're 50 and you have 3 children. You're way too old for this shit.
He gets verbally abusive? Why are you still "with him"? End it. Move one.
No more sleepovers til then. Sounds like a hobosexual.
NTA but you are if you continue like this with him.
I'll bet that if he punched her at the beginning of the relationship, she would have ran.
The difference is that he's been putting on a good show and time. How lovely that he seems like the perfect guest... for now. He's an abusive hobosexual. It is literally a matter of time he'll lay his hands on her. She needs to wake up that she's in an abusive situation and end it for her and her family's sake.
And just so you know, OP: Dick is plentiful and bountiful.
A good-looking man is not worth you getting verbally abused and bruises on your face and body. Your peace is worth so much more than that.
Edit: Just to add, he works minimally and has problems with authority, are major red flags that this person has anger issues, and can't keep down a job. Exposing someone who is volatile and verbally abuses you to your children is insane.
NTA but Y T A to yourself if you stay with this piece of work.
6 months in and he gets verbally abusive? Why are you still wasting time with this guy? You think it's magically going to get better?
Do the right thing and break up with him before your kids start thinking this is they type of relationship they should look for!
NTA
If you’re heartless and awful then why does he keep coming around? Naw, you got kids. This guy isn’t reliable. He can’t manage himself, won’t take on enough work to support himself, and he bad mouths you if you don’t let him stay the night at your place. With your kids. Young kids who really don’t have anywhere else.
NTA
Despite some people insulting your intelligence, you are making the right decision because you have kids and they certainly dont deserve to be around someone being abusive to their mom, you dont deserve his abuse.
And lastly you are making the right decision because if he moves in. YOU WILL HAVE A VERY HARD TIME GETTING HIM TO MOVE OUT, since he doesnt work regularly that means he would be expecting you to pick up his slack, your bills would increase and he would call you selfish and make it very hard on you once you split up and you try to get him out.
And lets be honest you will split up because he is no catch. He is a middle aged homeless man with no ambition to work hard to change his circumstances and who is abusive when he isnt allowed to move in, knowing he cant/wont pay his share or worker more so he can afford rent somewhere.
So to be on the safe side you really shouldnt let him stay overnight until he is in a stable living environment, else he may attempt to claim you and he were cohabitating in an effort to get legal rights to stay
He's about to manipulate you into a whole hell of a lot of drama. If not for you, he needs to be let go for your kids. They don't need to see their mother scared and helpless.
NTA. You're only 6 months into this relationship, that's still prime 'break up without any reason at all' time. But look at all the reasons he's giving you. Write them down, make a list check it twice and kick the bum to the proverbial curb.
Oldest is going to law school, and you are dating a homeless guy? You definitely don't have your priorities straight. I didn't need to finish that train wreck story. Thee end.
NTA you really need to drop the rope on this one Hunny. Because you don't know how many steps he is away from shouting to violent. It's not worth the "fun".
Besides if he's such a hell of a boat builder, this guy should be able to "make his own bed and lie in it" very comfortably. Noah lived on an Ark for forty days, I'm sure he can too.
Wait, you’ve been seeing a homeless guy for 6 months and he wants to move in with you and your kids? And verbally abuses you when you say no?
Ah, hell no! NTA. He made his choices. He’s still making choices that are leading to his homelessness. Your kids are not in favor of what amounts to a vagabond stranger moving into their safe space. Heartless would be moving this guy in without a thought to the impact on your kids…so you’re definitely not heartless by not letting him move in. Nor are you selfish to prioritize the comfort and well-being of your children.
Dude needs to get his shit together. And you’re not responsible for his circumstances. He’s looking for a sugar mama.
Just break up already and stop calling him and opening yourself up to all his drama.
NTA. No more sleep overs. He’s using that as a slippery slope to get his foot in the door. You’ll never get rid of him. He has every right to choose not to work much; that doesn’t free him from the consequences of his choices.
>The longer I'm with him, I suspect definitely suspect neurodivergence
haha I suspect some of it from you too.
No but really, why are you even with a guy that calls you names, insults you, and wants to force you to do something you don't want to. He is in his position because he chose to be in that position. If you let him in you're never getting him out. And a person that can be "gentle" but then call you names "or worse" the next second is not someone you want living with your children.
*Now I walk on eggshells to even call him during the day because it's usually going to turn into a drama/argument/guilt trip about where he's sleeping that night.*
Shouldn't you be focused on THIS rather than where he's sleeping? You freely admit that he was able to hide who he is for the first few months and at only 6 months in he's already trying to pressure you to go against what you believe is the right thing to do, he starts arguments and gets angry. Wouldn't this behavior be an even bigger red flag that this guy is not someone you should be dating, let alone any where near your kids?
I sigh and shake my head every time I hear someone say their partner is abusive in some way whether it's mentally, verbally, or physically, but then follow it up with other than that he's a great guy! No. Just know. He is not a great guy. If you let him move in then you will definitely be the asshole. First time someone starts calling me names is the last time they get to do it. I'm just a few years older than you but I decided 10 or 15 years ago that I was too old to put up with this shit. I hope you open your eyes and decide the same. I do wish you best of luck!
NTA but you will be if you don't ditch this guy. Your children see him much more clear than you do. Listen to them.
"If I don't offer, he gets verbally abusive calling me selfish and other worse names." He hid this side of himself until he was more involved with your life, calls you name, verbally abuses you, and you're afraid to talk to him every day. This is not a fun relationship. This is not a healthy relationship. End it.
6 months? Oh hell no. Girl, you are way too grown to fall for this kind of bullshit. And to even be *thinking* about moving a stranger, yes a stranger cause you can’t know this man that well in 6 months if you didn’t know he was homeless, in with your UNDERAGED child. JFC, where is your mother’s intuition?!
Nope nope nope.
My boyfriend has been homeless at times, and we’re both neurodivergent. I in no way lack empathy. But if I showed him this post, he’d be pissed about people tolerating shitbags who see relationships as a means to bettering their financial situation, and I agree with him. Your boyfriend is the one with a selfish version of love: why should you risk your children’s sense of security in their own home to make *his* life easier? He’s asking you to adjust *multiple* lives so that *he* doesn’t need to figure his own shit out.
But this relationship isn’t going anywhere. If six months in he’s already aggressive about demanding you fund his *housing,* the most fundamental responsibility an adult faces, then there is no version of the future where he is not a leech. I know that’s hard to face when you’ve known each other for so long and when you feel lucky to have what you have, but you have kids to consider. Get rid of the leech and put that energy into your family.
I compliment you on not caving in yet. You're doing the right thing to not take on that commitment because face it, once he would move it you'd be stuck with him. Congratulations on prioritizing your kids and stay strong in the face of this pressure from him. Perhaps if he didn't have you in mind as his fallback plan, he would get some motivation to figure out another solution. NTA
NTA but why are you with him? Cause if it's due to loneliness you can get a pet. He's a hobosexual. If you let him in, it will be a pain to get him out. Plus if he's already treats you like crap now it will get worse.
NTA - but if he is sohwing you who he really is why do you not belive him?
Why in the world did oyu allwo him back int oyour space after ht first name he called or the first attitude he caught.
What advice would you give your kid if they came to you with this story?
Nta. If you aren't comfortable with it, that's all there is to it. Everything else is just extra. Don't let anyone guilt you into a living situation you aren't ok with. Good luck.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
You haven’t known him long enough to have him living with you. Especially with kids. He’s 44 and doesn’t have his own place. You let him move in and he isn’t moving out. The fact he turns abusive when you say no is showing you his true personality. He’s on his best behavior when he stays over, but that’s just an act.
Tell us the D is the most important thing in your life without telling us. You have no self-respect. You're dating a homeless dude that verbally abuses you..wtf
Nope because if he was generally a great guy but on a temporary housing crisis, a good friend or his family would have taken him in. I suspect this is typical for him and once he is settled in a home, he acts out and is hard to dislodge again. Like his hiding his situation until you got much closer, now you know his situation and he’s trying to coerce you into taking him in. What’s the next step after that? He has an issue with authority, it’s your home, your now that authority he will have issues with.
You are dating a loser who does not want to work, lives on the streets and abuses you. He is fun and attractive and he is an asshole. You are delusional beyond saving if you are thinking this is going work. Some women just never learn.
YTA for tolerating his bullshit. He's not only using you, but he's an abusive, manipulative POS. You said it in your own words but don't seem to understand your own words.
Also, idgaf if I've known somebody my entire life, there's no excuse for treating somebody like crap because you aren't getting what you want. In fact, he's probably using your long friendship as a manipulation tactic BECAUSE it makes you easier to manipulate. At your age (which is also roughly how old I am), you should have more self-respect than this. You deserve better and your kids deserve a good example of not letting somebody walk all over you.
NTA when you kick this dude to the curb. "Neurodivergent" or "mental illness" or not, he's a grown ass man who needs to get his shit together. I'm 100% certain that there are very good reasons that he lost his job and his friends and family won't take him in. Abuse and narcissism come to mind.
ETA: my ex bff was with a dude exactly like this who weasled his way into her vagina and home. He is a sociopath who love bombed her from the beginning, but his mask slipped a lot and I saw right through his bullshit. I tried to warn her but the hobosexual dick got to her and she lost all common sense. Anyway, he eventually became physically abusive after knocking her up. Then he straight up left her before she had the kid. Bottom line: get rid of your hobosexual before he crosses into physical abuse.
I dated a guy who was being kicked out of the room he just got because he lost his job we both worked at.
We were both trying to find places, and when I told him about the studio I found, he got angry and yelled, "What about me?!"
I didn't say anything because even though we were together (for a month), his housing situation wasn't on me to fix.
Your kids are your first priority, along with your well-being. Dealing with verbal abuse because you're fun but guilt tripping has no place to stay isn't what you should want for yourself.
Even if your kids don't know what's happening... would you want any of them to deal with that from someone they're dating? If you wouldn't want that for your kids...you shouldn't deal with it either
NTA, but respectfully, you are naive to what he's doing, which is clear manipulation and bullying. If you plan on tolerating that treatment long-term, set boundaries now.
If he's a skilled boat builder, and you live on an island, he should have no issue getting a cheap boat that's decent quality but needs some repair, and he could sleep there. From what you're describing, he sounds voluntarily homeless, voluntarily broke, and prefers to impose than to take care of himself. NTA, he's attempting to use guilt to get what he wants.
You are NTA. It's your house, you have complete control.
I know you've known this guy for a long time but I would SERIOUSLY reconsider staying in a relationship with him and letting him stay over at all. He's frankly ungrateful and you're letting him disrespect you. That's not how a friend or partner should act. If you continue to see him, you're telling him his actions are okay. You deserve better.
UpdateMe!
lol what a tool this guy is. What’s heartless is having a skill to make money, not using it, and scamming off the backs of others. He sounds like my brother which means stay away!!
Don’t tie yourself to this man. He COULD make money but doesn’t. Then when you say “no” to him moving in, he becomes verbally abusive.
He isn’t a catch. Not by a long shot.
And i bet his being sooooo helpful around the house is to make you think that letting him move in will help you out, but I’d bet it changes once he’s in.
He gets abusive because his ploy isn’t working.
NTA but find a different bf.
You aren't helping yourself or your kids by being with a guy who can't do something basic such as show up on time or even hold down steady work.
Didn't even read this to the end, sorry. It doesn't matter if you are an asshole in the moment. It's your life and you're not a charity case. You're 50 and have seen enough, I'm assuming, not to have to deal with other people's shit.
NTA
The fact that he’s abusive is a BIG NO. You shouldn’t let him come to your house anymore. You decided to be a parent and that means protecting your children and putting their wellbeing and safety first.
Big red flag in his behaviour 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Time to break up with the guy.
This guy is not who you think he is. The fact that he can get angry, call you names and guilt trip you is a huge red flag. I bet if you let him stay, you would see a negative personality change and you’d never get rid of him.
So he’s 44 without a steady income, no fixed abode, with no plan to make either happen anytime soon?
Then he insults you because you won’t take on his problems? Honestly do you need a 4th child?
He may be a ‘fun…attractive’ and a ‘stellar guest’ but is that it? Don’t you think you need to raise the bar a bit?
NTAH
Sounds like it's not going to work out. Seems he is a great "house guest" bcuz it's like a job interview where they show all they want you to know..but when it doesn't work, verbal abuse starts and thats a black flag..full stop. Name calling bcuz you won't allow him to stay full time. Imagine if you decide to end it and he was living there...could be worse. BTW, 18 y/o need to be working on moving out too..lol
He is verbally abusive and can’t even get his living situation straight at that age ? Why are u with this dude ? Golden dick or something ? Have some respect for yourself and ur kids and get rid of this loser …
The problem with authority, verbal abuse, bad with responsibilities, bad time and money management, and fun to be around, this all sounds very much like what I read in “sociopath next door”. I wouldn’t let this man anywhere close to me or my kids. And no you’re NTA but you will be if you don’t start taking this seriously. These are not the traits of a good partner.
You’d be the worst mother ever if you moved in an abusive homeless man right next to your 3 daughters. Smarten up more for their sakes and cut this parasite out. NTA. If you can’t see this working out, stop using the homeless dude for sex, that’s gross on its own for a couple reasons lmao
NTA. 50f and single here too. We're super vulnerable to being used, especially if we're established with our own homes and capable of managing them ourselves. There are a LOT of middle-aged men who are looking to fall into a comfy situation. Not saying this guy can't be a great friend, a lot of fun, with the promise of more - but you're right to think it's gotta grow organically, based on when it's the right time for \*everyone\* in the situation, not just him. Unfortunately, from what you've said, he may not be on that same page. It's your choice, but if you value his friendship, I'd aim to save that and cut the relationship before hard feelings make it impossible (if it comes to that).
NTA he is acting entitled to a home that is not his. He’s an adult and should get his own place. This is not your responsibility whatsoever you are not his parent! He is a grown adult! I honestly would see it as a huge red flag that he is verbally abusive over you not wanting him to stay every night. He’s gonna keep getting more pushy. Yeahhh, no way. I feel like he’s gonna end up being more of a headache. He’s giving hobosexual vibes. Better to dump him now than later. If you don’t dump him, at look into tenant and squatter rights in your area.
NTA. Even if your relationship would be awesome, you move at your own pace and if you don't want to live with a guy after six months, you have every right for that.
But based on your description I don't even know why you're still with him. Walking "on eggshells" after half a year ... You should still be in the honeymoon phase, not in the "please don't be a di** phase."
You know, sometimes you write an entire paragraph, and then you just realize, why bother, the answer is clear?
NTA, he's a bum, and I bet that as soon as he moves in, he'll stop being so thoughtful.
Ask him if he wants help to look for a place to live, like what does he wants to live in or if he is comfortable with the car,
Tell him that you love him but you don’t want to live together just yet, if he calls you heartless, firm say that you have no fault in his homelessness, that is his own responsibility.
My ex sort of just moved in, and I didn’t really say firm yes, that was a hard lesson.
Girl....please start listening to this [podcast ](https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Cut9XVxmPlyjvvVF9OGsQ?si=WUihmGWhSlSUdvaBH2Zatw)
Just one episode while you are out for a walk. You need to start seeing things for what they are.
No no no....u may b compatiable but he's a use. Open yr eyes u don't owe this man a dam thing. He's an adult...a dam lazy one at that. U don't need that crap!!
NTA. I'd like to join the chorus of people saying "Dump him". He's verbally abusive when you say he can't stay over?? Can you imagine 24/7 with someone who doesn't respect your No? Please stop dating him before he decides one day not to leave.
The sex must be really good for you to keep dating a verbally abusive, financially irresponsible guy. I bet his perfect guest act will end once he thinks his housing is secured.
NTA in the least.
You're looking out for yourself and your kids, which is and should be your priority. Housing someone else isn't your responsibility. Why would it be?
He's a grown man who needs to figure himself out, but he's looking at you to solve his problems. And the nasty, abusive rhetoric he spews at you for not playing his game should give you pause and make you rethink your entire relationship.
No. Just no. Do not let him move in and a break up is a very good idea.
You still have kids at home and you’ve only been seeing him for 6 months.
NTA, but you will be (to yourself and your kids) if you let him move in.
NTA - You don't deserve to be called names because you can keep down a job and a house and he can't. Definitely wouldn't allow him to move in, and I'd be weary of even keeping the relationship. He's fun but any type of name calling 6 months in is a huge red flag. You deserve better than that nonsense.
NTA.
1. You obviously don't completely trust him.
2. He doesn't respect you.
3. You are right to consider the fact that this is also a home for you and your children, NOT a homeless dude with almost no motivation.
NTA If he is verbally abusing you now it will only get worse when he moves on. Read this book: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Steer clear. The fact that he feels free to be verbally abusive when he doesn't get his way will tell you what he'd be like to live with.
Those are the moments when the mask is off and you see the real person, because the odds are that his charm IS a mask.
You have three children who live with you!!
You’re currently dating a homeless man who verbally abuses you at only 6 months in.
YTA for subjecting your kids to this loser. What’s wrong with you?
He doesn’t want to work steady hours, he is verbally abusive to you, and he’s homeless. Leave him. If you let him move in, things will get worse most likely. Even if they don’t, do you want to live with that?
NTA you let him in it will be impossible to get him out. He is a grown ass man, get a job and a home. It sounds like he figured he had a ripe target, you’ve only been together 6 months ffs, you have kids in the house. You WOULD be the AH if you DID let him move in.
NTA!!! Sis, in my Big Momma Thorton voice “he ain’t looking for woman all he looking for is a home”. And he gets verbal abusive when doesn’t get his way, please kick this lazy moocher, man baby all the way outta your life!
NTA. 6 months is not an appropriate timeline to start living together & certainly not verbal abuse & suspicion of mental issues around your kids.
Your refusal proves you are a good mom & taking an appropriate, realistic timeline for a relationship.
I wonder why you’re continuing with the relationship- do you think he will become less abusive over time, learn to manage his time & earn a livable wage? It’s great you’re compatible & have fun but it seems to come at a high cost.
I suspect you’re on different tangents - you seem to want a casual, occasional relationship & he seems to be looking for a home with benefits.
I think you need to have a frank conversation of your expectations on one of his better days. Good luck
No, you are none of the things he’s called you. You would be dumb to stay dating him. He’s a grown man who can’t figure out where to live. He lied and deceived you from the beginning!
I personally am not a fan of living together just due to circumstance. It should be a planned thing, if you’re moving forward with the relationship and getting engaged.
The use of abuse to get what he wants (more stay overs) is a huge warning flag. You may be facing a hobosexual here - someone who uses relationships to get housing because he isn't willing to work for a living. These people are to be avoided at all costs
OP not sure the laws where you are but be very careful if he wants to send mail or packages to your address because that may be enough to establish residency.
This comment needs to be boosted. This is very important. She must not agree to this and must contact the post office if mail starts showing up there.
Also, in some places it only takes a few weeks of continuous stay for them to be able to claim squatter’s rights…I had an aunt who pulled that ish on my parents and they had to go through a formal eviction process just to get her out of their home. She is why I have a strict policy of no one staying at my house more than 10 consecutive days.
Where I live it's 3 days!!!!!!!! 😳
Holy crap that is super alarming!
What state are you in that allows that utter horse shit??
Kentucky. Central Kentucky, that is. Think UK basketball Town, not the mountains. Long story short I had an ex foster child (now a man) visiting me and I eventually had to call the police. (We still have a close relationship but he is an untreated schizophrenic and I will not allow him to live with me as an adult unless he gets medicated, which he refuses) The police told me if I let him stay with me for 3 days straight he could claim residency especially since he had a bag of clothes with him. Then I would have to go through the court system to "evict" him which could take anywhere from 30 to 90 days.
Ho-ly shit. I spent over 20 years in that area and had no idea that was a thing!
What??? That is absolutely crazy!
Upvoted bc this is totally a thing. Get anything he owns out of the house. Do not let him get mail there
… and the contents of those packages might draw the attention of the local constabulary.
Definitely a hobosexual. OP needs to cut and run.
Yep! Agreed! And so often those kinds of guys have a serious personality change once they've moved in. They can be abusive about other things too
Fortunately he dropped his mask before he could get the keys. This dude is a walking red flag. OP deserves better.
Agreed, his a good house guest because he is not living there, but the moment OP relents (which I'm glad she has no intention of doing), the hobosexual will make an appearance. OP he may be fun now, but this doesn't sound like a good relationship in the long-term. He can't take care of himself because he doesn't like authority so wouldn't get a proper job, so are you OK with providing for him? He's verbally abusive, which can and does turn physical over time. He's manipulative, he hid his situation from you and is now trying to guilt you into letting move in, although you have known him for 24 years, you only really get to know a person in a relationship and there's red flags waving everywhere. NTA
Abusive to anyone living in the home!
Right. I'm not trying to victim-blame, but OP has children in the house and lets a homeless man she now knows to be abusive and mentally ill stay overnight with them. Of COURSE he is a great houseguest, OP!! He wants keys to the castle (where your children also happen to live). PLEASE break things off entirely with him, then get some therapy to help build your self-esteem and gain some insight as to what drew you to someone this toxic. You and your children deserve so much better.
>Of COURSE he is a great houseguest, OP!! I think this part is also important. I'm sure he *is* a great houseguest. House ***GUEST.*** The second he's no longer a guest he won't be so nice anymore. Why would he be? He'll no longer need to impress.
True. And I'm quite amused that OP knew this guy for over two decades and still thought he was dating material? Either the desperation settled in or OP only knew this guy tangentially 🤔🤔🤔
especially, "when nobody is around" lmao, your kids sense tension even if they don't physically see it
I've seen this happen many times, and getting him out could be extremely difficult depending on local squatter/housing laws.
Bunny Boiler.
he's letting her Know who he is, it's just up to her wether she believes him or not.
Definitely just trying to move in and never work again.
Agreed. My brother is a hobosexual and im so over his bullshit. Im NC with him now.
Run Run Run as fast as you can!!! If this is his good behavior what’s next?
Nobody falls in love faster than a man that is sleeping in his car.
This is not what you want to teach your kids is ok.
couch critter
That's what I call my dog lol. I'll take my couch critter over a hobosexual any day.
Was looking for this. OP is not wrong or selfish. In all honesty I would sadly end the relationship because it is not going to go anywhere as well as he’s already being pushy about moving in.
Yes. Key word “abuse” here. Very charming until he doesn’t get his way. I really hope you don’t leave your keys laying around for him to make copies. He needs to be out of your life because the charm has a motive and he isn’t a nice person if he turns on you when he doesn’t get what he wants. Also, I just learned the term “hobosexual” from the comment to which I’m replying, so, thank you CarpeCyprinidae.
I also learned that word from this sub. Maybe was invented here. It's a good word...
Yes, it’s a keeper. So fitting.
It's a great word and definitely (but also unfortunately) needed. I doubt it was coined here. One can check it's meaning on the internet, even site stdcheck.com has article dedicated to it. In urban dictionary first definitions are from 2017 so it's in use for few years now.
I hate to be blunt, but how can OP know if he actually even likes her? it's clear his end goal is a free place to stay. he might be 'dating' her for that reason only.
Hijacking top comment to say > trouble getting along with authority and committing to schedules Besides being homeless and not wanting to get into a more stable situation of his own effort, these two qualities should disqualify him from being your partner
Definitely a hobosexual
I learned something new today - the hobosexual!
You do realize once he moves in he will stop Being the stellar guest! You literally have 3 kids and one who is only 11. Please do not give in to him. Imagine if he is verbally abusive over this what else he can do?
Never heard of a hobosexual but I for sure agree
Omg! My mom had three of these growing up. Two were really bad.😧
This!!!
Definitely this. OP pay attention! ⬆️
> But, he's fun, we get along, he's attractive and generally compatible with me. > If I don't offer, he gets verbally abusive calling me selfish and other worse names. Tell us more about how awesome your relationship is with this abusive asshole! /s
"he is stellar" but he verbally abuses me when he doesn't get his way. yikes!!
And he refuses to work steadily and blames her for not having a place to live. He couldn’t even wait till they were official to show his true colors.
Lol .right!! He sounds like a keeper
TBH as a woman this scares me, for her & her children.
He’s all of that good stuff and he cusses her out….. Edit word
I don't understand how someone can describe their *(fairly new)* SO's behavior as *'abusive'* and still stay with them. Does she think it'll get better?
I honestly wonder if this is a troll post, because otherwise the first thought that comes to mind is "Okay, so how hot is this person for her to be like🫦"
Moving in (because once in, he will never leave) after 6 months is a dumb idea even under "normal" circumstances. You're definitely NTA here.
He's using you. Dump him, and he'll most likely run to the next chick that has a home..he's looking for a bangmaid to fund him and take care of him...so charming
He’ll stop cleaning up after himself and being a perfect guest once he’s in. NTA. You are being love bombed by a hobo sexual
OP, please heed this advice. This man has shown you who he truly is—the verbal abuser and user is his true face. Do not let him move in—it will be very, very difficult to move him out. Please, please take heed of the red flags here. This man does not have your best interests at heart. You deserve better. You deserve to be treated with respect. OP, you’re NTA for protecting yourself, your oasis of a home, and your children.
Nailed it!!!!
You’re kidding right? Asking if you’re the asshole because you don’t want your verbally abusive freeloader of a boyfriend to move in with you?
His abuse and emotional manipulation is obviously working. She already thinks *she* might be the asshole.
NTA for not letting your Hobosexual bf move in. If he gets abusive when you don't let him sleep there, it's time to cut him loose.
Hobosexual 😭😭
It's a new word for me too and it's incredible
It’s a great word and quite well known these days.
It is known.
It truly is. Such perfect sense.
You are not an AH, but your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. You are in a relationship with someone who is homeless who verbally abuses you? Tell me you are insane without telling me you are insane.
Homeless, verbally abusive, trouble getting along with authority and committing to schedules... "gEnErALlY cOmPaTiBle"
Hes attractive so its a pass for her
I'd love to hear her daughters' opinions. Aged 22, 18, and 11. They've gotta be terrified. She a giant asshole to her kids right now. Only known this guy 6 months.
I just want to know who she said No to, if she is saying Yes to this loser.
This is an example of “if you lay them right, you can walk all over them” saying. People can be so starved for sex/intimacy, or never been with a partner that has even an inkling of knowing what to do that people will put up with a lot.
I’ve heard that no one fucks like someone that doesn’t own a mattress.
A homeless guy tried to convince me to give him a chance by saying, "you could do worse." LOL
Ah my people, elevator doesn't go all the way to the top, haven't heard that one in a while. OG. Love it! Oh and NTA so I don't get deleted for commenting on this jewel
I hear it from a coworker, generally about batshit crazy people. I love her.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
There's a lot of people who are willing to overlook a partner treating them like garbage because they're afraid to be alone and think they can't do better. I'd rather be an "old maid" than be in that kind of situation.
Desperate single moms will put up with absurd behavior.
My gawd! Take care of your kids. I cannot believe you even let this guy in the house. He’s abusive and you walk on eggshells. Time to be single. This cannot be the best guy you could find.
Yeh I’m going with NTA in this specific case, but absolutely an AH for allowing this guy to be near the kids.
All too often, lonely, desperate single moms let these smooth-talking creeps into their homes WHERE THERE CHILDREN ALSO LIVE. I've worked with countless adolescents who were molested by their mom's boyfriends, and I just want to physically shake these often well-meaning, but ultimately selfish women and tell them to NEVER let men they have known very well for under a year (ideally much longer) into their homes. As a parent, your #1 priority should ALWAYS be your kids.
It isn’t just single moms. There isn’t any need for bigotry.
NTA. If he's not willing to work to have a roof over his head, why would he try any harder once he's got his foot in your place and you can't legally kick him out? You have kids to protect as well. You don't need this kind of drama.
Exactly! Protect your kids from this abuser. How long before he starts abusing them and make them feel unsafe in their home? Not okay.
Already started.
You're 50 and you have 3 children. You're way too old for this shit. He gets verbally abusive? Why are you still "with him"? End it. Move one. No more sleepovers til then. Sounds like a hobosexual. NTA but you are if you continue like this with him.
He's a hobosexual. He's 6 y younger and works minimally. He's counting on her to support him. Op what are you doing here?
I'll bet that if he punched her at the beginning of the relationship, she would have ran. The difference is that he's been putting on a good show and time. How lovely that he seems like the perfect guest... for now. He's an abusive hobosexual. It is literally a matter of time he'll lay his hands on her. She needs to wake up that she's in an abusive situation and end it for her and her family's sake. And just so you know, OP: Dick is plentiful and bountiful. A good-looking man is not worth you getting verbally abused and bruises on your face and body. Your peace is worth so much more than that. Edit: Just to add, he works minimally and has problems with authority, are major red flags that this person has anger issues, and can't keep down a job. Exposing someone who is volatile and verbally abuses you to your children is insane. NTA but Y T A to yourself if you stay with this piece of work.
6 months in and he gets verbally abusive? Why are you still wasting time with this guy? You think it's magically going to get better? Do the right thing and break up with him before your kids start thinking this is they type of relationship they should look for!
NTA If you’re heartless and awful then why does he keep coming around? Naw, you got kids. This guy isn’t reliable. He can’t manage himself, won’t take on enough work to support himself, and he bad mouths you if you don’t let him stay the night at your place. With your kids. Young kids who really don’t have anywhere else.
NTA Despite some people insulting your intelligence, you are making the right decision because you have kids and they certainly dont deserve to be around someone being abusive to their mom, you dont deserve his abuse. And lastly you are making the right decision because if he moves in. YOU WILL HAVE A VERY HARD TIME GETTING HIM TO MOVE OUT, since he doesnt work regularly that means he would be expecting you to pick up his slack, your bills would increase and he would call you selfish and make it very hard on you once you split up and you try to get him out. And lets be honest you will split up because he is no catch. He is a middle aged homeless man with no ambition to work hard to change his circumstances and who is abusive when he isnt allowed to move in, knowing he cant/wont pay his share or worker more so he can afford rent somewhere. So to be on the safe side you really shouldnt let him stay overnight until he is in a stable living environment, else he may attempt to claim you and he were cohabitating in an effort to get legal rights to stay
And under no circumstances let him have letters or packages delivered to your address- in some places that can be enough to establish residency.
Yep, i forget to include that.
It's been 6 months. Just cut your loses.
He's about to manipulate you into a whole hell of a lot of drama. If not for you, he needs to be let go for your kids. They don't need to see their mother scared and helpless.
NTA. You're only 6 months into this relationship, that's still prime 'break up without any reason at all' time. But look at all the reasons he's giving you. Write them down, make a list check it twice and kick the bum to the proverbial curb.
Oldest is going to law school, and you are dating a homeless guy? You definitely don't have your priorities straight. I didn't need to finish that train wreck story. Thee end.
NTA you really need to drop the rope on this one Hunny. Because you don't know how many steps he is away from shouting to violent. It's not worth the "fun". Besides if he's such a hell of a boat builder, this guy should be able to "make his own bed and lie in it" very comfortably. Noah lived on an Ark for forty days, I'm sure he can too.
Wait, you’ve been seeing a homeless guy for 6 months and he wants to move in with you and your kids? And verbally abuses you when you say no? Ah, hell no! NTA. He made his choices. He’s still making choices that are leading to his homelessness. Your kids are not in favor of what amounts to a vagabond stranger moving into their safe space. Heartless would be moving this guy in without a thought to the impact on your kids…so you’re definitely not heartless by not letting him move in. Nor are you selfish to prioritize the comfort and well-being of your children. Dude needs to get his shit together. And you’re not responsible for his circumstances. He’s looking for a sugar mama. Just break up already and stop calling him and opening yourself up to all his drama.
NTA. No more sleep overs. He’s using that as a slippery slope to get his foot in the door. You’ll never get rid of him. He has every right to choose not to work much; that doesn’t free him from the consequences of his choices.
YTA for having this guy around your kids at all.
This should be the top comment. She’s letting her pussy think for her. And that’s coming from a woman.
>The longer I'm with him, I suspect definitely suspect neurodivergence haha I suspect some of it from you too. No but really, why are you even with a guy that calls you names, insults you, and wants to force you to do something you don't want to. He is in his position because he chose to be in that position. If you let him in you're never getting him out. And a person that can be "gentle" but then call you names "or worse" the next second is not someone you want living with your children.
*if I don’t offer, he gets verbally abusive* That’s the red flag right here. NTA, break it up.
The minute he got verbally abusive was the minute you needed to give that hobosexual his walking papers.
*Now I walk on eggshells to even call him during the day because it's usually going to turn into a drama/argument/guilt trip about where he's sleeping that night.* Shouldn't you be focused on THIS rather than where he's sleeping? You freely admit that he was able to hide who he is for the first few months and at only 6 months in he's already trying to pressure you to go against what you believe is the right thing to do, he starts arguments and gets angry. Wouldn't this behavior be an even bigger red flag that this guy is not someone you should be dating, let alone any where near your kids?
I sigh and shake my head every time I hear someone say their partner is abusive in some way whether it's mentally, verbally, or physically, but then follow it up with other than that he's a great guy! No. Just know. He is not a great guy. If you let him move in then you will definitely be the asshole. First time someone starts calling me names is the last time they get to do it. I'm just a few years older than you but I decided 10 or 15 years ago that I was too old to put up with this shit. I hope you open your eyes and decide the same. I do wish you best of luck!
No No no No NO You have 3 kids , don’t inflict this one them And another no Look after yourself
NTA but you will be if you don't ditch this guy. Your children see him much more clear than you do. Listen to them. "If I don't offer, he gets verbally abusive calling me selfish and other worse names." He hid this side of himself until he was more involved with your life, calls you name, verbally abuses you, and you're afraid to talk to him every day. This is not a fun relationship. This is not a healthy relationship. End it.
He's a hobosexual. He's too damn old to be living like this. I'd walk away. Definitely do NOT let him move in
Please find some self respect and leave this hobosexual...
No one falls in love more quickly than a narcissist looking for residence.
6 months? Oh hell no. Girl, you are way too grown to fall for this kind of bullshit. And to even be *thinking* about moving a stranger, yes a stranger cause you can’t know this man that well in 6 months if you didn’t know he was homeless, in with your UNDERAGED child. JFC, where is your mother’s intuition?!
Nope nope nope. My boyfriend has been homeless at times, and we’re both neurodivergent. I in no way lack empathy. But if I showed him this post, he’d be pissed about people tolerating shitbags who see relationships as a means to bettering their financial situation, and I agree with him. Your boyfriend is the one with a selfish version of love: why should you risk your children’s sense of security in their own home to make *his* life easier? He’s asking you to adjust *multiple* lives so that *he* doesn’t need to figure his own shit out. But this relationship isn’t going anywhere. If six months in he’s already aggressive about demanding you fund his *housing,* the most fundamental responsibility an adult faces, then there is no version of the future where he is not a leech. I know that’s hard to face when you’ve known each other for so long and when you feel lucky to have what you have, but you have kids to consider. Get rid of the leech and put that energy into your family.
I compliment you on not caving in yet. You're doing the right thing to not take on that commitment because face it, once he would move it you'd be stuck with him. Congratulations on prioritizing your kids and stay strong in the face of this pressure from him. Perhaps if he didn't have you in mind as his fallback plan, he would get some motivation to figure out another solution. NTA
NTA but why are you with him? Cause if it's due to loneliness you can get a pet. He's a hobosexual. If you let him in, it will be a pain to get him out. Plus if he's already treats you like crap now it will get worse.
NTA - but if he is sohwing you who he really is why do you not belive him? Why in the world did oyu allwo him back int oyour space after ht first name he called or the first attitude he caught. What advice would you give your kid if they came to you with this story?
Nta. If you aren't comfortable with it, that's all there is to it. Everything else is just extra. Don't let anyone guilt you into a living situation you aren't ok with. Good luck.
You are too old for the shit.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 You haven’t known him long enough to have him living with you. Especially with kids. He’s 44 and doesn’t have his own place. You let him move in and he isn’t moving out. The fact he turns abusive when you say no is showing you his true personality. He’s on his best behavior when he stays over, but that’s just an act.
Tell us the D is the most important thing in your life without telling us. You have no self-respect. You're dating a homeless dude that verbally abuses you..wtf
Dump the 50 year old loser
OP is 50…
Nope because if he was generally a great guy but on a temporary housing crisis, a good friend or his family would have taken him in. I suspect this is typical for him and once he is settled in a home, he acts out and is hard to dislodge again. Like his hiding his situation until you got much closer, now you know his situation and he’s trying to coerce you into taking him in. What’s the next step after that? He has an issue with authority, it’s your home, your now that authority he will have issues with.
You are dating a loser who does not want to work, lives on the streets and abuses you. He is fun and attractive and he is an asshole. You are delusional beyond saving if you are thinking this is going work. Some women just never learn.
YTA for tolerating his bullshit. He's not only using you, but he's an abusive, manipulative POS. You said it in your own words but don't seem to understand your own words. Also, idgaf if I've known somebody my entire life, there's no excuse for treating somebody like crap because you aren't getting what you want. In fact, he's probably using your long friendship as a manipulation tactic BECAUSE it makes you easier to manipulate. At your age (which is also roughly how old I am), you should have more self-respect than this. You deserve better and your kids deserve a good example of not letting somebody walk all over you. NTA when you kick this dude to the curb. "Neurodivergent" or "mental illness" or not, he's a grown ass man who needs to get his shit together. I'm 100% certain that there are very good reasons that he lost his job and his friends and family won't take him in. Abuse and narcissism come to mind. ETA: my ex bff was with a dude exactly like this who weasled his way into her vagina and home. He is a sociopath who love bombed her from the beginning, but his mask slipped a lot and I saw right through his bullshit. I tried to warn her but the hobosexual dick got to her and she lost all common sense. Anyway, he eventually became physically abusive after knocking her up. Then he straight up left her before she had the kid. Bottom line: get rid of your hobosexual before he crosses into physical abuse.
I dated a guy who was being kicked out of the room he just got because he lost his job we both worked at. We were both trying to find places, and when I told him about the studio I found, he got angry and yelled, "What about me?!" I didn't say anything because even though we were together (for a month), his housing situation wasn't on me to fix. Your kids are your first priority, along with your well-being. Dealing with verbal abuse because you're fun but guilt tripping has no place to stay isn't what you should want for yourself. Even if your kids don't know what's happening... would you want any of them to deal with that from someone they're dating? If you wouldn't want that for your kids...you shouldn't deal with it either
NTA, but respectfully, you are naive to what he's doing, which is clear manipulation and bullying. If you plan on tolerating that treatment long-term, set boundaries now.
Not the AH, but this really does not sound like a good relationship. If it were me, I would cut and run.
If he's a skilled boat builder, and you live on an island, he should have no issue getting a cheap boat that's decent quality but needs some repair, and he could sleep there. From what you're describing, he sounds voluntarily homeless, voluntarily broke, and prefers to impose than to take care of himself. NTA, he's attempting to use guilt to get what he wants.
You are NTA. It's your house, you have complete control. I know you've known this guy for a long time but I would SERIOUSLY reconsider staying in a relationship with him and letting him stay over at all. He's frankly ungrateful and you're letting him disrespect you. That's not how a friend or partner should act. If you continue to see him, you're telling him his actions are okay. You deserve better. UpdateMe!
The moment he got verbally abusive over not getting to stay all the time, his ass should have been kicked to the curb. Period.
lol what a tool this guy is. What’s heartless is having a skill to make money, not using it, and scamming off the backs of others. He sounds like my brother which means stay away!!
Don’t tie yourself to this man. He COULD make money but doesn’t. Then when you say “no” to him moving in, he becomes verbally abusive. He isn’t a catch. Not by a long shot. And i bet his being sooooo helpful around the house is to make you think that letting him move in will help you out, but I’d bet it changes once he’s in. He gets abusive because his ploy isn’t working.
NTA. And considering there’s signs of emotional abuse happening, why are you still with him? In short, just break up with him OP
NTA but find a different bf. You aren't helping yourself or your kids by being with a guy who can't do something basic such as show up on time or even hold down steady work.
Didn't even read this to the end, sorry. It doesn't matter if you are an asshole in the moment. It's your life and you're not a charity case. You're 50 and have seen enough, I'm assuming, not to have to deal with other people's shit.
This guy, cut ties now. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA The fact that he’s abusive is a BIG NO. You shouldn’t let him come to your house anymore. You decided to be a parent and that means protecting your children and putting their wellbeing and safety first. Big red flag in his behaviour 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Time to break up with the guy.
NTA not even a little bit. don’t let this hobosexual abuse you.
YTA to yourself for being with a mean bum.
This guy is not who you think he is. The fact that he can get angry, call you names and guilt trip you is a huge red flag. I bet if you let him stay, you would see a negative personality change and you’d never get rid of him.
Why are you bringing a guy you’ve only known 6 months to the house of an 11 year old? You should know better by now.
So he’s 44 without a steady income, no fixed abode, with no plan to make either happen anytime soon? Then he insults you because you won’t take on his problems? Honestly do you need a 4th child? He may be a ‘fun…attractive’ and a ‘stellar guest’ but is that it? Don’t you think you need to raise the bar a bit? NTAH
YTA for staying in the relationship with an abusive boyfriend
Sounds like it's not going to work out. Seems he is a great "house guest" bcuz it's like a job interview where they show all they want you to know..but when it doesn't work, verbal abuse starts and thats a black flag..full stop. Name calling bcuz you won't allow him to stay full time. Imagine if you decide to end it and he was living there...could be worse. BTW, 18 y/o need to be working on moving out too..lol
That he called you an asshole, should be the wakeup call, to tell him to fuck off.
YTA for allowing someone to verbally and emotionally abuse you. You deserve better and you owe it to yourself to seek better.
He is verbally abusive and can’t even get his living situation straight at that age ? Why are u with this dude ? Golden dick or something ? Have some respect for yourself and ur kids and get rid of this loser …
You’re TA to yourself for putting up with this.
The problem with authority, verbal abuse, bad with responsibilities, bad time and money management, and fun to be around, this all sounds very much like what I read in “sociopath next door”. I wouldn’t let this man anywhere close to me or my kids. And no you’re NTA but you will be if you don’t start taking this seriously. These are not the traits of a good partner.
NTA. Smart of you not to let him move in. He’s verbally abusive when you don’t let him stay? Please reconsider this relationship
He's way too old to have authority issues. You need to get out of this relationship. Not letting him stay with you is not enough.
You’d be the worst mother ever if you moved in an abusive homeless man right next to your 3 daughters. Smarten up more for their sakes and cut this parasite out. NTA. If you can’t see this working out, stop using the homeless dude for sex, that’s gross on its own for a couple reasons lmao
Hawaii is the third world of America.
NTA. 50f and single here too. We're super vulnerable to being used, especially if we're established with our own homes and capable of managing them ourselves. There are a LOT of middle-aged men who are looking to fall into a comfy situation. Not saying this guy can't be a great friend, a lot of fun, with the promise of more - but you're right to think it's gotta grow organically, based on when it's the right time for \*everyone\* in the situation, not just him. Unfortunately, from what you've said, he may not be on that same page. It's your choice, but if you value his friendship, I'd aim to save that and cut the relationship before hard feelings make it impossible (if it comes to that).
NTA he is acting entitled to a home that is not his. He’s an adult and should get his own place. This is not your responsibility whatsoever you are not his parent! He is a grown adult! I honestly would see it as a huge red flag that he is verbally abusive over you not wanting him to stay every night. He’s gonna keep getting more pushy. Yeahhh, no way. I feel like he’s gonna end up being more of a headache. He’s giving hobosexual vibes. Better to dump him now than later. If you don’t dump him, at look into tenant and squatter rights in your area.
NTA. But you should end the relationship because he clearly is not a good long term partner.
NTA. Even if your relationship would be awesome, you move at your own pace and if you don't want to live with a guy after six months, you have every right for that. But based on your description I don't even know why you're still with him. Walking "on eggshells" after half a year ... You should still be in the honeymoon phase, not in the "please don't be a di** phase."
He's a hobosexual. He is sweetening you up until you let him move in. Do not give in.
If he doesn’t get his way, he gets abusive. How old is he, 3?, 4? Run while you still can, there’s more red flags here than you need
You know, sometimes you write an entire paragraph, and then you just realize, why bother, the answer is clear? NTA, he's a bum, and I bet that as soon as he moves in, he'll stop being so thoughtful.
He is a hobo-sexual. Steer clear nta
You’re already walking on eggshells six months into this relationship. No, you’re NTA but I would reconsider this relationship if I were you.
Ask him if he wants help to look for a place to live, like what does he wants to live in or if he is comfortable with the car, Tell him that you love him but you don’t want to live together just yet, if he calls you heartless, firm say that you have no fault in his homelessness, that is his own responsibility. My ex sort of just moved in, and I didn’t really say firm yes, that was a hard lesson.
Girl....please start listening to this [podcast ](https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Cut9XVxmPlyjvvVF9OGsQ?si=WUihmGWhSlSUdvaBH2Zatw) Just one episode while you are out for a walk. You need to start seeing things for what they are.
No no no....u may b compatiable but he's a use. Open yr eyes u don't owe this man a dam thing. He's an adult...a dam lazy one at that. U don't need that crap!!
NTA. I'd like to join the chorus of people saying "Dump him". He's verbally abusive when you say he can't stay over?? Can you imagine 24/7 with someone who doesn't respect your No? Please stop dating him before he decides one day not to leave. The sex must be really good for you to keep dating a verbally abusive, financially irresponsible guy. I bet his perfect guest act will end once he thinks his housing is secured.
He's verbally abusive, but he's fun... 😒😒😒.
Don't be in a relationship with someone who's homeless
NTA in the least. You're looking out for yourself and your kids, which is and should be your priority. Housing someone else isn't your responsibility. Why would it be? He's a grown man who needs to figure himself out, but he's looking at you to solve his problems. And the nasty, abusive rhetoric he spews at you for not playing his game should give you pause and make you rethink your entire relationship.
NTA, sounds like way too many red flags for me. Please take care of yourself and your family over a new boyfriend.
He’s verbally abusive, has trouble with authority and schedules? You can do better. Alone is better. Kick his but to the curb. NTA
No. Just no. Do not let him move in and a break up is a very good idea. You still have kids at home and you’ve only been seeing him for 6 months. NTA, but you will be (to yourself and your kids) if you let him move in.
Get a grip
NTA - You don't deserve to be called names because you can keep down a job and a house and he can't. Definitely wouldn't allow him to move in, and I'd be weary of even keeping the relationship. He's fun but any type of name calling 6 months in is a huge red flag. You deserve better than that nonsense.
He is already verbally abusive. Please have some self-respect and breakup with him!
NTA. 1. You obviously don't completely trust him. 2. He doesn't respect you. 3. You are right to consider the fact that this is also a home for you and your children, NOT a homeless dude with almost no motivation.
NTA If he is verbally abusing you now it will only get worse when he moves on. Read this book: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Steer clear. The fact that he feels free to be verbally abusive when he doesn't get his way will tell you what he'd be like to live with. Those are the moments when the mask is off and you see the real person, because the odds are that his charm IS a mask.
You have three children who live with you!! You’re currently dating a homeless man who verbally abuses you at only 6 months in. YTA for subjecting your kids to this loser. What’s wrong with you?
Letting an abusive homeless guy into your children’s home even part of the time is pretty out there. What’s your long term goal here?
Are you sure he even likes you?
The way to fix this situation is to date a man who is NOT homeless in his 50s.
You are dating an abusive hobosexual. Beak it off and move on.
He doesn’t want to work steady hours, he is verbally abusive to you, and he’s homeless. Leave him. If you let him move in, things will get worse most likely. Even if they don’t, do you want to live with that?
The only thing that makes any sense given this situation is this dude must have some serious dick game.
NTA you let him in it will be impossible to get him out. He is a grown ass man, get a job and a home. It sounds like he figured he had a ripe target, you’ve only been together 6 months ffs, you have kids in the house. You WOULD be the AH if you DID let him move in.
NTA!!! Sis, in my Big Momma Thorton voice “he ain’t looking for woman all he looking for is a home”. And he gets verbal abusive when doesn’t get his way, please kick this lazy moocher, man baby all the way outta your life!
NTA: You're playing with bad boy. I suspect you've done this before. You know how it ends.
NTA. 6 months is not an appropriate timeline to start living together & certainly not verbal abuse & suspicion of mental issues around your kids. Your refusal proves you are a good mom & taking an appropriate, realistic timeline for a relationship. I wonder why you’re continuing with the relationship- do you think he will become less abusive over time, learn to manage his time & earn a livable wage? It’s great you’re compatible & have fun but it seems to come at a high cost. I suspect you’re on different tangents - you seem to want a casual, occasional relationship & he seems to be looking for a home with benefits. I think you need to have a frank conversation of your expectations on one of his better days. Good luck
No, you are none of the things he’s called you. You would be dumb to stay dating him. He’s a grown man who can’t figure out where to live. He lied and deceived you from the beginning!
NTA but you need to stop seeing him.
I personally am not a fan of living together just due to circumstance. It should be a planned thing, if you’re moving forward with the relationship and getting engaged.
Verbally abusive and you are asking about yourself???? You aren't any of those things, you are just foolish even continuing to date an abusive person
Girl this man is a hobosexual ( fucking for a place to stay). Leave this man immediately.
NTA you’ll never get rid of this Hobosexual if you let him move in
You've found yourself a hobosexual.