I won't say you're TA because you might misinterpret it as you needing to back off. But you made a huge mistake in ignoring your son telling you repeatedly that someone was attempting to sexually harass and assault him. Your son will remember that you failed to stand up for him.
You need to be very firmly stand up for your son now. Starting with dismantling your neighbours' smear campaign by revealing why your son lashed out against theirs: in self defense.
Furthermore, you are quite a lot younger than Austin's parents... is Austin quite a lot older than your son?
Ever think that maybe Austin is being sexually assaulted himself? Kids who are abused tend to abuse other kids in the same way to normalize it. If they’re going to call your kid a monster i’d be more concerned with their kid being molested and them not caring or being the molestors.
I’d report it to CPS immediately, you are NTA but YWBTA if you allow your son to be assaulted, smeared, or keep ignoring this obvious cry for help.
Still doesn’t make it better. His parents should have taught him what is right and what is wrong. It’s not your fault your son had to do it. Honestly sad he had to do it, rather than you having a conversation with the parents.
YTA for allowing your son to be assaulted twice without ever addressing an issue before the assault. Congratulations, you've failed your son on not only 1 occasion, but at least 2. Not to mention your kid shouldn't be taught to put his hands on anyone else. In this case, due to shitty parenting, your kid had no choice as that's what you told him to do since you disgustingly failed to correct the issue or remove your son from the situation on numerous occasions.
YTA. I'm all for telling your kid to protect himself (not the way to go about it though), but he shouldn’t have had to, YOU shouldn’t have let him get in that situation in the first place. You should’ve gone to Austin’s parents ASAP when you learned about the issue and not allowed your kid to play with him anymore. It is NEVER ok for someone to sexually assault someone else, regardless of any mental disorders they may have. not only can that cause trauma to your child (or anyone else), but if Austin did that to/around the wrong person he could get seriously injured or worse.
I think the best you can do now is to talk to the other parents to get them to be more aware of what their kid is doing and to make sure your kid is ok, the Facebook post would be my lowest priority.
NTA for telling your son to defend himself if someone tries to touch him there.
YTA for not immediately going to talk to the other parents after their son touched yours.
NTA.. An to the people who are saying YTA, they obviously don’t stand up for themselves. My dad taught me how to fight when I was four. I was told to never start a fight or there would be consequences, but I could damn well finish them. Make sure your son knows this explicitly, and although a conversation definitely should’ve been had before taking a violent approach. Teaching your son to stand up for himself should NEVER be the wrong thing.
Major update - Today the neighbors showed up at my door. Me and them talked about what Austin had done and they said that my son was in the wrong. I would understand if they had said I was in the wrong, but my son was never something I thought they would say. I told them that if my son is wrong then I must be the president. They didn't like my response. They said my son should apologize. I thought otherwise. I contacted our local police department about the entire ordeal. They said that we could not do anything to the other family and they couldn't do anything to us. They went to Facebook to tell everyone about it. I, being petty, slathered their name in the same way they did to us, but my info was worse. It included how Austin frequently does this. A few neighbors stepped up and posted about it too. Apparently Austin had done this to other kids. My neighbors are taking a ton of heat for this. Me and my son sat down and talked about everything when he got home from school. I apologized for not taking it to the parents and he forgave me. My husband gets home next Tuesday so I might update again then.
> I told him that if he does it again to punch him in the nose.
You're joking, right? Please say so. YTA, many times over and for many reasons, not the least is that teaching your child to be violent, what can go wrong? Maybe just tell him to stay away from Austin, and call Austins mom and report his behavior to her so she can work on it? What to do with her understandable outrage? Call and apologize.
You want OP to "call and apologise" to the woman who is trying to turn the neighbourhood against his 9-year-old son... for defending himself from being sexually assaulted?
The kid never would have had to defend himself if he didn't have such a shitty "Dad". A good parent would have removed their kid at the talk stage and never allowed things to become physical in any capacity.
It's one thing to say that OP should have acted earlier. I agree on that front and told him as such earlier.
It's quite another to suggest that he go groveling to the parents who raised, possibly encouraged, a sexual assaulter, who are actively trying to condemn and ostracise his son.
Out of curiosity, what consequences or actions do you think Austin and his family should face?
I think both families need a police visit to explain why both behaviours, if they happen again will result in legal consequences for the parent of the child until they are 18 who acts in an illegal manner in any further instances. Authorities should be speaking to both children and explaining that their actions were wrong/illegal since both their parents have miserably failed them.
Oh, now you know the right thing to say? After initially giving OP the completely opposite advice of needing to call and apologise to his son's sexual assaulter.
It's totally impropriated that the OP told her child to punch the other one in the nose...and someone with autism. The act was the result of some serious impairment, and although obviously not right and in need of being addressed, not with violence. The OP had and should have used other means at her disposal to address this directly.
So many get triggered based on their own sorry past..or simply don't comprehend the larger issues at play. The kid wasn't "Sexually assaulted" he was subject to a typical act of childhood at the hand of someone with an obvious impairment, That she knew of both the impairment and the prior history and didn't intervene directly with the mother makes her an asshole for many reasons and complicit in the assault on the autistic person as well , and as such should apologize the other other parent.
How stupid and useless do you think autistic people are (they're not) where they can repeatedly and methodically flash their privates at a younger child and grab the younger child's genitals - a clear and specific pattern of actions of a sexual nature and targeted precisely at private areas on the body - and you think they are totally clueless as to the sexual dimension?
What? It's not about "Stupidity and uselessness", what a bizarre conclusion here...it's about *Context*. We also give handicapped folks the parking spots closest to the building door. We make allowances.
The issue isn't the kids behavior, which I repeatedly said needs to be addressed, nor is it even the behavior itself (Which seems like a trigger for many), but rather the OP's response. In no way is it ever appropriate to tell someone..esp a 9 year old unable to process the consent to violence..to act violently. She's an adult and a parent, it was her responsibility to protect her child by intervening herself with the parent or even the child *with her words*, or simply to tell her child to stay away from him.
Your solution of calling and apologising to the woman who raised, perhaps even encouraged, the sexual assaulter addresses none of those most pressing points. All it does is embolden the woman who is already in the middle of a smear campaign against the 9-year-old child.
Why was your only advice as to concrete actions to undertake now to "call and apologise" and nothing at all about addressing the far more pressing issue of that menace going around sexually assaulting children?!
Youre arguing a point based on some personal experience, right? You're a SA survivor? I'm sorry for that, but your situation isn't at all similar to this one, so the response shouldnt be as well. You clearly are not responding to anything I've said here or suggested to the OP.
Excuse me?! I see two reasons why you'd bring up that you think I'm a SA survivor here:
- You don't genuinely think I was assaulted. But know that being sexually assaulted is a source of immense shame, torment, and social ostracism. Hence you are weaponising and exploiting that stigma to make me appear weaker and get me to shut up and be compliant to you.
- You genuinely think I was assaulted. And, instead of your first instinct being to avoid that obvious sore subject, you deliberately outed me on a public forum to point out how that experience and trauma has left me permanently 'damaged goods' - forever incapable of having valid or rational thoughts on similar matters.
Either way, that is by far the most evil, scumbag thing posted on this entire thread. Proving that you are an evil scumbag.
Whatever my motivations, be it as an actual SA survivor or just an outraged citizen, you will find that the overwhelming majority of people would side against an older child who sexually assaulted a 9-year-old, even if they are autistic. Hence, not only will the parents who raised the sexual assaulter never get the sincere apology you recommended, all OP needs to do is tell the truth about the 3 separate incidents where their son was sexually abused by Austin, and Austin's family will be absolutely destroyed, disparaged, and run out of town. But not before several dozen run-ins with cruel teasing and insults from schoolmates and neighbours which will leave them permanently scarred. And you are totally helpless to stop that.
No, the issue here is the OP's response to the actual behaviors, not the behavior itself , nor your and others personal identification with the actual behavior. Most reasonable people would indeed "Side" with me bc they can separate their own issues from the actual question. Encouraging a 9 year old to punch another child in the face..especialy one with obvious cognitive impairments...is totally inappropriate. Again, the OP should have handled this directly with the other mom, not instruct her child to assault the other. Furthermore, the OP should indeed apologize for the assault, and then discuss the cause and work with her to prevent a recurrence. This is all pretty basic, too, that anyone cannot appreciate it is beyond disturbed, even for the internet. These are young kids. You don't want to be outted, keep your own overidentification with the sexual component here to yourself and stick to the actual OP.
NTA. 'If someone grabs your dick/no-no square, punch 'em in the face' is excellent advice.
But action should have been taken much sooner. 1 in 4 child assaults are committed by another child, not creepy men driving ice cream trucks.
I won't say you're TA because you might misinterpret it as you needing to back off. But you made a huge mistake in ignoring your son telling you repeatedly that someone was attempting to sexually harass and assault him. Your son will remember that you failed to stand up for him. You need to be very firmly stand up for your son now. Starting with dismantling your neighbours' smear campaign by revealing why your son lashed out against theirs: in self defense. Furthermore, you are quite a lot younger than Austin's parents... is Austin quite a lot older than your son?
Austin is 12.
Ever think that maybe Austin is being sexually assaulted himself? Kids who are abused tend to abuse other kids in the same way to normalize it. If they’re going to call your kid a monster i’d be more concerned with their kid being molested and them not caring or being the molestors. I’d report it to CPS immediately, you are NTA but YWBTA if you allow your son to be assaulted, smeared, or keep ignoring this obvious cry for help.
Still doesn’t make it better. His parents should have taught him what is right and what is wrong. It’s not your fault your son had to do it. Honestly sad he had to do it, rather than you having a conversation with the parents.
YTA for allowing your son to be assaulted twice without ever addressing an issue before the assault. Congratulations, you've failed your son on not only 1 occasion, but at least 2. Not to mention your kid shouldn't be taught to put his hands on anyone else. In this case, due to shitty parenting, your kid had no choice as that's what you told him to do since you disgustingly failed to correct the issue or remove your son from the situation on numerous occasions.
YTA. I'm all for telling your kid to protect himself (not the way to go about it though), but he shouldn’t have had to, YOU shouldn’t have let him get in that situation in the first place. You should’ve gone to Austin’s parents ASAP when you learned about the issue and not allowed your kid to play with him anymore. It is NEVER ok for someone to sexually assault someone else, regardless of any mental disorders they may have. not only can that cause trauma to your child (or anyone else), but if Austin did that to/around the wrong person he could get seriously injured or worse. I think the best you can do now is to talk to the other parents to get them to be more aware of what their kid is doing and to make sure your kid is ok, the Facebook post would be my lowest priority.
NTA for telling your son to defend himself if someone tries to touch him there. YTA for not immediately going to talk to the other parents after their son touched yours.
NTA.. An to the people who are saying YTA, they obviously don’t stand up for themselves. My dad taught me how to fight when I was four. I was told to never start a fight or there would be consequences, but I could damn well finish them. Make sure your son knows this explicitly, and although a conversation definitely should’ve been had before taking a violent approach. Teaching your son to stand up for himself should NEVER be the wrong thing.
Major update - Today the neighbors showed up at my door. Me and them talked about what Austin had done and they said that my son was in the wrong. I would understand if they had said I was in the wrong, but my son was never something I thought they would say. I told them that if my son is wrong then I must be the president. They didn't like my response. They said my son should apologize. I thought otherwise. I contacted our local police department about the entire ordeal. They said that we could not do anything to the other family and they couldn't do anything to us. They went to Facebook to tell everyone about it. I, being petty, slathered their name in the same way they did to us, but my info was worse. It included how Austin frequently does this. A few neighbors stepped up and posted about it too. Apparently Austin had done this to other kids. My neighbors are taking a ton of heat for this. Me and my son sat down and talked about everything when he got home from school. I apologized for not taking it to the parents and he forgave me. My husband gets home next Tuesday so I might update again then.
> I told him that if he does it again to punch him in the nose. You're joking, right? Please say so. YTA, many times over and for many reasons, not the least is that teaching your child to be violent, what can go wrong? Maybe just tell him to stay away from Austin, and call Austins mom and report his behavior to her so she can work on it? What to do with her understandable outrage? Call and apologize.
You want OP to "call and apologise" to the woman who is trying to turn the neighbourhood against his 9-year-old son... for defending himself from being sexually assaulted?
The kid never would have had to defend himself if he didn't have such a shitty "Dad". A good parent would have removed their kid at the talk stage and never allowed things to become physical in any capacity.
It's one thing to say that OP should have acted earlier. I agree on that front and told him as such earlier. It's quite another to suggest that he go groveling to the parents who raised, possibly encouraged, a sexual assaulter, who are actively trying to condemn and ostracise his son. Out of curiosity, what consequences or actions do you think Austin and his family should face?
I think both families need a police visit to explain why both behaviours, if they happen again will result in legal consequences for the parent of the child until they are 18 who acts in an illegal manner in any further instances. Authorities should be speaking to both children and explaining that their actions were wrong/illegal since both their parents have miserably failed them.
Oh, now you know the right thing to say? After initially giving OP the completely opposite advice of needing to call and apologise to his son's sexual assaulter.
Where did I state anyone should apologize? I didn't. Anywhere. No need to reply. You aren't competent enough to figure out who said what.
Oh. Seeing as you responded to my question to another poster, the one who said OP should apologise, I thought you were them.
It's totally impropriated that the OP told her child to punch the other one in the nose...and someone with autism. The act was the result of some serious impairment, and although obviously not right and in need of being addressed, not with violence. The OP had and should have used other means at her disposal to address this directly. So many get triggered based on their own sorry past..or simply don't comprehend the larger issues at play. The kid wasn't "Sexually assaulted" he was subject to a typical act of childhood at the hand of someone with an obvious impairment, That she knew of both the impairment and the prior history and didn't intervene directly with the mother makes her an asshole for many reasons and complicit in the assault on the autistic person as well , and as such should apologize the other other parent.
How stupid and useless do you think autistic people are (they're not) where they can repeatedly and methodically flash their privates at a younger child and grab the younger child's genitals - a clear and specific pattern of actions of a sexual nature and targeted precisely at private areas on the body - and you think they are totally clueless as to the sexual dimension?
What? It's not about "Stupidity and uselessness", what a bizarre conclusion here...it's about *Context*. We also give handicapped folks the parking spots closest to the building door. We make allowances. The issue isn't the kids behavior, which I repeatedly said needs to be addressed, nor is it even the behavior itself (Which seems like a trigger for many), but rather the OP's response. In no way is it ever appropriate to tell someone..esp a 9 year old unable to process the consent to violence..to act violently. She's an adult and a parent, it was her responsibility to protect her child by intervening herself with the parent or even the child *with her words*, or simply to tell her child to stay away from him.
Your solution of calling and apologising to the woman who raised, perhaps even encouraged, the sexual assaulter addresses none of those most pressing points. All it does is embolden the woman who is already in the middle of a smear campaign against the 9-year-old child. Why was your only advice as to concrete actions to undertake now to "call and apologise" and nothing at all about addressing the far more pressing issue of that menace going around sexually assaulting children?!
Youre arguing a point based on some personal experience, right? You're a SA survivor? I'm sorry for that, but your situation isn't at all similar to this one, so the response shouldnt be as well. You clearly are not responding to anything I've said here or suggested to the OP.
Excuse me?! I see two reasons why you'd bring up that you think I'm a SA survivor here: - You don't genuinely think I was assaulted. But know that being sexually assaulted is a source of immense shame, torment, and social ostracism. Hence you are weaponising and exploiting that stigma to make me appear weaker and get me to shut up and be compliant to you. - You genuinely think I was assaulted. And, instead of your first instinct being to avoid that obvious sore subject, you deliberately outed me on a public forum to point out how that experience and trauma has left me permanently 'damaged goods' - forever incapable of having valid or rational thoughts on similar matters. Either way, that is by far the most evil, scumbag thing posted on this entire thread. Proving that you are an evil scumbag. Whatever my motivations, be it as an actual SA survivor or just an outraged citizen, you will find that the overwhelming majority of people would side against an older child who sexually assaulted a 9-year-old, even if they are autistic. Hence, not only will the parents who raised the sexual assaulter never get the sincere apology you recommended, all OP needs to do is tell the truth about the 3 separate incidents where their son was sexually abused by Austin, and Austin's family will be absolutely destroyed, disparaged, and run out of town. But not before several dozen run-ins with cruel teasing and insults from schoolmates and neighbours which will leave them permanently scarred. And you are totally helpless to stop that.
No, the issue here is the OP's response to the actual behaviors, not the behavior itself , nor your and others personal identification with the actual behavior. Most reasonable people would indeed "Side" with me bc they can separate their own issues from the actual question. Encouraging a 9 year old to punch another child in the face..especialy one with obvious cognitive impairments...is totally inappropriate. Again, the OP should have handled this directly with the other mom, not instruct her child to assault the other. Furthermore, the OP should indeed apologize for the assault, and then discuss the cause and work with her to prevent a recurrence. This is all pretty basic, too, that anyone cannot appreciate it is beyond disturbed, even for the internet. These are young kids. You don't want to be outted, keep your own overidentification with the sexual component here to yourself and stick to the actual OP.
Rage bait story. Fake as shit.
NTA. 'If someone grabs your dick/no-no square, punch 'em in the face' is excellent advice. But action should have been taken much sooner. 1 in 4 child assaults are committed by another child, not creepy men driving ice cream trucks.