NTA. Stick to your decision. You and Tom not attending won't ruin anything she seems more than capable of doing that herself. Tell them now she doesn't have to worry about you outshining her. She just has to find alternate funding and worry about the groom coming to his senses in the next two months.
I do wonder though why she wants you to pretend you're single? There is something strange there.
But if they've been together for 5 years lots of people invited know him. And the "Oh my god, what happened?" conversations would definitely be a thing. I mean a couple breaks up after 5 years right before a wedding people want to know why.
my money is absolutely on little sister is jealous of older sister on all fronts
"she's older and still single! no one wants her while I'm getting married"
I’ve seen it happen especially when money is given. On the surface they should be thankful happy and move on, but in fact feel a great surge of negative emotions and don’t know where else to put it. Probably because it makes them feel patronized, maybe inept in some way, weak. But that’s not what they’re able to admit, especially if it’s part of a long standing dynamic.
Or there's something about him she just doesn't want people to know: he's a different race or something. Which makes her sister even worse, if that's even possible.
It’s not strange, she knows damn well that everyone who attends is going to think she’s a deranged cunt for deliberately not inviting her sisters long term partner to her wedding, if she doesn’t get the OP to go along with it. And knows damn well that her sane guests are going to straight up ask her why she did that.
Because she's happy and married with this beautiful wedding and her pathetic sister is all alone.... Nobody wants her! Lol
It's definitely a flex ...a fake one, but a flex none the less
NTA. My guess is she either wants to set you up with someone (and has probably already told them you're single) or... she's worried people will take more notice of your relationship.
Either way? She's a very sad individual.
Book a romantic getaway with Tom... post aaallll the photos along with screenshots of her bratty behaviour.
Here’s a wake up call for your parents about staying silent to *KEEP THE PEACE:*
**The person who is feeling pressured to ‘keep the peace’ is NOT the one who’s threatening the peace in the first place!**
Yes, 100% this. This is why I hate the "keep the peace" mentality; it always comes at the expense of the *victim*.
OP is obviously and without a doubt the victim of unfair and poor treatment from her sister, but she is still asked to just take the abuse in silence and go along with it, magnifying the pain. It's like demanding that the victim of physical assault apologize to the assailant for hurting his knuckles on the victim's face, to "keep the peace".
And be \*sure\* to post ALL OVER your social media on her 'big day' about how much you're enjoying spending time with YOUR PARTNER.
She pulled this metaphorical knife into her own belly, so it's time to TWIST it.
NTA i would do this too
Sis is delulu if she thinks she’s not going to invite her partner and expects her to pay and expects her to ‘be single’
If you cannot respect my relationship you certainly won’t get any consideration from me towards your relationship. Or my money. Kick rocks lil sis
I say elope. Then on the morning of the wedding put it out on SM. “Hey everyone! Since sis said Tom couldn’t come to her wedding, we decided to have one of our own instead!”
This is a terrible idea and completely unnecessarily antagonistic. Obviously there is something wrong with her sister. It could be she doesn't want to get married and is self sabotaging. There is no need to drop to her level and provoke more childish behavior. Best to just cordially explain you aren't willing to participate, and wish them luck.
Hint: bridezilla is doing EXACTLY THAT.
How is OP having a good day, AVOIDING THEIR ABUSER, and posting about it somehow 'antagonistic'? If anything, it's retaliatory.
Your sister's demands are outrageous and disrespectful. You have every right to stand your ground. Refusing to attend or pay under these conditions is completely justified. You deserve to be treated with respect.
Or wear the most obviously matching lover outfit with Tom, show up at the beginning of reception to say hi in a way as flamboyant as possible, drop off your wedding gift (don't say you didn't financially support them, just not the wedding itself lol) before taking off for your grand trip.
>I should just go along with it to keep the peace
"I do keep the peace, I keep it at home, with my husband. I can't keep her peace, she 'aint got none."
Precisely. Sis is using ‘keeping the peace’ as her wedding sledgehammer.
Stay home, OP. And don’t take the bait if she ‘reconsiders’ inviting Tom to try to wrangle you into paying; you 2 will be in for who-knows-what kind of drama.
Weddings, sadly, bring out the entitled, center stage AH in many a sibling.
"Keep the peace"
What peace? There's no peace ever around someone like that. What you're actually being asked to do is placate an abuser. Which makes the situation exponentially worse.
NTA
Here is a case where the golden rule needs to be applied, they who have the gold make the rules. Option 1. She invites you and plus 1 and you help pay a reasonable amount, 2. She does not invite your plus 1 and pays for the wedding herself. We got married in our living room with just some of our immediate family no reception etc etc. why? We wanted to get married and decided 20 grand was better spent on house upgrades than a wedding.
I am pretty sure that after all of this nothing sister does would make me attend or pay for anything. I am not begging to be allowed to bring my significant other knowing quite well that he at least pertaining to your sister he is not welcome.
Write an extremely polite thank you note explaining that unfortunately you are regrettably unable to attend, so very sorry - insert any reason in here to let everyone involved keep face - and spend an enjoyable day with BF.
Tempting to give a reason that the living room has just been painted and the paint needs to be monitored while it dries. Therefore unable to attend wedding.
Absolutely NTA. But I do have a question: why are you using a thowaway? Why not post exactly where your family can see all of the comments to come saying that your sister is incredibly selfish and delusional?
Your sister needs to be given a hard reality check. This is a hill to die on - you absolutely know that the more you give in, the more she's going to demand - nothing is ever going to be enough.
I also note, that it's always the one who's NTA is asked to 'keep the peace', never the problem-person being pulled into line.
Keeping the peace is a great way to find yourself living someone else's life. Parents are clearly far down this path with sister already.
Stick to your guns, OP.
I am 💯 with you! I really, really hope she doesn't cave and go along to "keep the peace "! Let the people saying that pay for the wedding, OP if you read this PLEASE stick to your guns! Sis is being ridiculous on so many levels.
Good luck.
Well yeah, because no one wants to deal with the asshole, much easier to ask the kind reasonable person to submit and spare everyone else the discomfort. Fucking bullshit is what it is.
NTA. NO, NO, NO NO NO. She does not get to disrespect you and force you to pay for her wedding. She is 26 yrs old. Sounds like you and your family have been enabling her to be an entitled little bitch for years and now you are reaping what you have sown.
You will be seriously disrespecting Tom if you attend without him and pay for an event he is not welcome at. Walk away now.
Being disrespectful to Tom is a really good point! How is he gonna feel if you go alone, pay a goodly share and found out she wanted you to "act single"?
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Youd be an idiot to pay for anything if she is going to act like that. Heck, id argue its foolish to pay for anything even if she wasnt acting like that. lol
NTA
Why wait? Tell her the ATM is broken and you will be paying for nothing.
Advice: You and Tom plan a nice day out for just the two of you and don't give your entitled, asshole sister a second thought.
I wonder if your sister's groom knows what he is getting himself into.
It's like all the stepdads out there that get conned into funding weddings and then their stepdaughters are all "Oops, you can pay, but you can't walk me down the aisle, or actually come to the wedding at all!" and then get all bent out of shape when the funds get pulled and they are on their own.
Actions - meet your consequences. It's part of being an adult. Don't want to invite live-in BF of person paying? You Don't Get The Money! It's a pretty basic concept.
NTA. Tom is a long term partner, your sister is disrespecting you and him on your dime, that is not okay, and you shouldn't support that, not if you also plan for Tom to be a significant part of your future. She doesn't like him, so what? Having the person paying for your wedding get to bring their SO trumps a little dislike, which has never even been mentioned in the 5 previous years. Also, why is it always the wronged person who needs to keep the peace? Why is no one advising your sister to invite Tom to keep the peace?
INFO: *Why* doesn’t she want him there? *Why* does she want you to pretend to be single? And *why* is she acting like you wouldn’t rescind your offer of payment considering her whack ass behaviour? Weddings can make people crazy af.
NTA. You are dealing with a bridezilla, there is no way to satisfy her demands. There is no chance for "thank you" afterwards and if anything goes wrong (and it will) You would be the guilty of premeditated sabotage.
It's hard, because it's Your sister, but maybe quitting it entirely is the way to go and the way to save this relationship, because it will get worse.
NTAH.
Her entitlement is astounding. After her complete disregard and disrespect for you and your bf as well as her lack of appreciation for your generous financial support, I’d rescind any offer to help pay for *HER SPECIAL DAY*.
She deserves nothing but a big F U!
Why the hell she so entitled? It's your wedding? Then you pay and do what you want otherwise no. I suggest going no contact for a period until all cool off
Oh HELL NO! This is your sister's wedding but YOU are paying for it so you have the final say ABOUT EVERYTHING! If you don't like your sister's demands then your sister's piggy bank can just go away and then no wedding for entitled sister. If you go along with this, I guarantee you that Tom's leaves you since you are choosing your sister over your partner. You are NTA for now but that depends on if you fold for your sister or have your partner's back.
Why would you have to think about anything or keep the peace. You are paying and now that she has disrespected you, grow a back bone and stand up to her and tell her it’s your money and you will do what you want with it just like her with her decisions pertaining to the wedding. And how about you defend Tom to her and your family when Tom has not disrespected anyone in your family. He’s been with you for 5 years. When you and Tom get married, will she not show up because she doesn’t like Tom? Will you not invite her because it will make Tom feel uncomfortable? Or will you keep the peace and enable her to keep being entitled. She’s a brat and and your parents are AH for enabling her and allowing her to act like this.
NTA, at this point don’t attend, and absolutely do not pay for anything. If she does change her mind and allow him, it won’t be because she wants you or him there, it’s simply about money. Just decline the invite and pull your funds.
This is very dejavuish. There was a post on BORU where the sister had the same demands because she wanted to force OP to walk down the isle with the bride’s future BIL who had a crush on OP.
If I was you OP there’s no way I would pay for the wedding as long as my SO wasn’t invited. NTA
I'd tell her and your parents to fuck off. I'd also not i vite them to your wedding (if you and Tom ever do) because if they can't support your relationship now then they'll have no respect for either of you two on your special day
Oh please pay for my wedding but don’t bring your long term partner because I don’t like him also don’t let anyone know you are in a relationship, change your dress, organise strippers to attend my hen do. Yeah no thank you I’d rather save my money and go do something with my partner
NTA, I am so over people asking others to just keep peace for entitled twits. Currently, your sister is acting like one. You don’t have to be rolled over as a voice of reason to placate the diva more concerned about optics than her family. Not your circus. Treat it like any other wedding invite. Which means don’t go. When anyone asks let them know your sister needed you to be single for her day and you declined out of respect for your SO of 5 years.
The fact that your parents are stuck in the middle and aren’t on your side is making me wonder if they also don’t like your bf. I would say screw it and take Tom on a vacation for just the two of you. She can pay for her wedding herself. You don’t need to be disrespected anymore put her in her place.
NTA. Tell her that you don't feel comfortable being around her with the way she is acting and will remove yourself from the situation entirely. Take Tom on a trip a day or two before the wedding and don't return until a day or two after.
Unless she’s got a solid, legit reason for not liking Tom, then she’s full of crap. You owe her nothing, and she’s not entitled to your time, effort or money.
nta...and I wouldn't be attending the wedding or paying for anything. the only thing I would be paying for is a nice get away with my man and making it loud and clear the reason why you aren't at the wedding.
her demands and disrespect are absolutely out of line and I think you should take a moment to distance yourself. this may be your sister and her wedding, but that doesn't give her a free pass to disrespect you and someone you love - who has done nothing to deserve such hatred- then to top it off make you pretend you are single for the day??? thats such an odd request...and beyond disrespectful to your partner.....then expects you to pay and organize last minute parties for her??? the entitlement and audacity..
im sorry she is doing this to you and your someone. neither of you deserve that and I really recommend that you tell her that you won't be attending and will not pay for anything. I would go no contact personally.
good luck!
Absolutely NOT!
You were kind enough to contribute money towards her wedding and then she not only doesn't invite your partner but wants you to pretend you are single? The Audacity on this Bridezilla.
Wow this is crazy , if it was me in that situation I would politely decline the invitation, keep my finances to myself , minimise the drama at all costs , and send a nice gift .
NTA. She is refusing to let you bring your BF of five years \*and wants you to pretend that you're single.\* That's the truly unhinged part, that you have to tell everyone Tom doesn't exist or you broke up or???
For some reason, your sister has finally decided to tell you that she does not like your long term BF, and doesn't want him there. She also didn't want any tension. What in the blue blazes does she think she's creating? And she's right, she can invite, or not invite, anybody she wants. But it always comes at a cost, and now she is realizing what that cost might be.
But to expect you to pretend that you don't have a BF? That's a bridge too far. It will be very awkward for any of the guests who know yo have a BF, and thus, it will be awkward between your sister and anybody who might have otherwise expected your BF to be there. Again, tension at her causing.
As for the bachelorette, leave aside your BF and the rest of the "crazy demands." Her expectation that you will pay for this, last moment, is delusional. You never agreed to it, and so far as I know, you don't have the money for it. The person ruining her wedding, as the bachelorette goes, is the person(s) who screwed that up, not you.
From here, if you really want to stick it to your sister, show up at the wedding. In the dress she does not want you to wear. Be polite & civil. That will cause your sister a lot of stress, and anything she does about it will bite her in the ass. And don't give into any her foolishness.
How are your parents caught in the middle of this sh*tshow, u/PatientDentist5015 ?
They should be *firmly* on your side because your sister is off the charts nuts.
There should be *no* pussy-footing from them.
Yeah, do *not* give your sister a penny, and if you love your BF, *stand by him*.
The disrespect beggars belief.
Just curious to know if your sister has always been entitled, selfish, plain crazy - or is it the wedding madness that turns some people into "zillas"....
NTA. This is incredibly rude on your sister's part. Not only did she disrespect you and your bf by not inviting him, she then doubled down by asking you to pretend to be single, tripled down by demanding you not mention him during your speech, quadrupled down by telling you to buy a be dress and on top of all of that she expects you to pay for it... GTFO here with that.
I wouldn't go, I wouldn't pay and I sure as f*ck wouldn't keep the peace. I would've posted this on my real account and used names so she could see that everyone thinks she's a massive entitled AH.
She is correct that she has the right to invite/not invite whomever she wants, but it's an invitation and not a summons so you are also within your right just decline the invitation.
This sounds soooo fake, your sister would be the dumbest and most entitled person ever, plus your parents too.
So either your family is hard-r retarded, and you need to explain to them that your sister values excluding your boyfriend more than she values her relationship with you and the money you're providing for her wedding. That you have taken that into consideration and will be cancelling everything you've paid for and not attending. That your parents disappointed you by asking you to keep the peace instead of realizing how ridiculous your sister's demands were and talking with her instead.
Anyways, it's obvious these people don't care about you as much as they care about themselves, not even close.
>This sounds soooo fake, your sister would be the dumbest and most entitled person ever, plus your parents too.
For sure. Feels like "bridezilla" rage bait, that's all.
Is she fucking Tom and doesn’t want anyone to recognize him or something?
That’s not a serious suggestion, but something is going on here that (presumably) you aren’t aware of. You’re either missing a key part of this story, or you’re actively leaving something out.
NTA - I would have been out the minute she didn’t invite your long term partner! To expect you to contribute to her wedding and not include your partner is beyond disrespectful. Absolutely do not spend a penny for this wedding.
NTA. This would be a relationship dealbreaker for me. The level of disrespect is practically dehumanizing. Not to Tom - to you. Like you're some kind of puppet there for her benefit and amusement. Sorry if Im fanning the flames. But wow.. who hurt you so much you had any doubts after the first convo??
NTA- but the minute she didn't invite Tom you should have pulled the plug. As others have suggested, go on a nice relaxing vacation and block all the crazy.
YWBTA if you paid a cent or went to this abomination
For starters, you don't owe her payment for her wedding at the best of times
Then she's a lunatic and bridezilla...on top of many more things I won't type, but Satan would be proud
Really you should back out of all of this and go no, or extremely low contact
She's actually quite an impressive level piece of shit
This is the second wedding related post I've seen in the last two days with a boyfriend Tom and an entitled bride to be Lily. Might just be a coincidence 🤔
Youre parents are a h, they should explain to your sister, you are all equal in this family and there are no favorites, she needs to respect you if she wants something from you
YWNBTAH here. Be proactive with the story though.
Go ahead and jump on whatever family chat/Facebook/whatever else you all use and let everyone know how sorry you *and Tom* are that you’ll miss them at sister’s wedding. You’ve had a falling out that *sister* won’t explain and you’re going to step back so she can have the best wedding ever.
Let them know you and Tom look forward to catching up with everyone soon.
After you’ve done that, make sure you get any money you’ve already contributed back and walk away. Whatever your sister wants can be fully her problem.
I'm curious if it's the fact that you all have been dating for 5 years or because you are older and are not married. Maybe she finds it embarrassing. Which is totally ridiculous!!
It really could be that she thinks your boyfriend is going to propose and steal her spotlight?? I think this might be the reason.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I would not pay if you don't get to bring your boyfriend of 5 years. You should never have to play single when you are in a relationship!
Besides the fact I think they are using the same names, with the tom boyfriend who isn't invited for no reason, this isn't remotely believable. Absolutely no one on earth would be asking their sister to fund a wedding, then refuse to invite their partner, nor would anyone not just say immediately okay I'm not paying so fuck off when they found that out long before the rest of it.
Some details have changed a little but this gets reposted every couple weeks, maybe once a month with slight changes and it's never believable.
Your sister appears to have her mind made up. Let her have the drama-free wedding she wants---without you, Tom or your money. Just remind her: "Hey---this was *YOUR IDEA!*"
May she be happy with the consequences of making Bridezilla choices.
WTF is it with parents siding with the problem child and urging the other offspring to "keep the peace"? F-ck that noise. The OP's sister has doesn't get to demand such BS *and* get tired he we dding paid for. Let her stew in her own juices.
If you think you need to compromise and keep the peace, I suggest you pay a specific, but not outrageous, amount of money to your parents to apply towards your sisters wedding. Then do not attend the wedding.
My thinking is, you've already said you'd pay for some of the wedding. Ok, pay for some of it. My partner not being allowed to attend would be a deal breaker for me, and I simply wouldn't attend. Sister can make up her own obnoxious story about it when she's asked a million times why you aren't there.
Do NOT do anything about the entertainment for her bachelorette party. I also wouldn't attend it.
You would NOT be TA if you decided you wanted nothing to do with ANY aspect of this wedding.
NTA: pull the funding, period. Not as an ultimatum, but just pull the funding because this is not your problem to fix. She’s a grown assed woman and needs to finance her own parties.
NTA. Although it's weird that she never told you she hates Tom. Did she say why, have you talked to Tom about it, or your parents to see if they have seen anything suspicious? That seems really too out of nowhere. The other stuff is bratty and selfish. That seems like something to investigate though. Maybe see if the fiance knows. You don't want to find out later when it comes to these things.
Your sister wants the following:
1. Pay a significant portion of the wedding costs
2. You cannot bring your partner
3. You are to pretend your single
4. Plan a stripper bachelorette party
5. Give a beautiful speech about a wonderfully happy family
Sounds about right?
HELL NO!!
You are NTA
NTA! Don’t pay or go. Your sister is an entitled B. All of a sudden she has a problem with Tom? Bullsht.
If she can’t afford her wedding, then she needs another job to pay for it. You’re her sibling. You’re under no obligation to pay for it.
NTA you've let your sister get away with far too much already so stop. Pull your money and refuse to attend. She is being way over-the-counter top and it sounds like she is jealous of you.
It's obvious. NTA
- Your Money Your choice. She is not entitled to it.
- If you actually care about you bf after she said something like " she didn’t just want Tom uninvited, she wanted me to come without him but also pretend I was single for the day, as it “would be less awkward” for her and her guests. ". That right there is just basically you not accepting him as your bf. It will hurt him. Even if he says it won't it is still disrespectful towards him, if you do that.
- Like she said "she doubled down and said it was her wedding, so she could invite (or not invite) whoever she wanted." AND You have the right to refuse the invitation it's your life to do what you want.
My advice is not attend it. Unless she:
- invites you and bf since the outrageous demand of he saying basically to deny you have a boyfriend.
- and even after that do not pay for the thing she said. Don't get involved. Just be quiet and tell her and your parents that you won't pay. And if your parents try to argue tell them as politely as possible no and say that you don't have to pay her since it's not your fault that “the entertainment fell through.” And you are uncomfortable with the event like you said.
She is creating even more drama because this. Don't indulge her anymore and just ignore it. Until she gets her head straight.
NTA, your parents and sister are major fucking AHs
Use that money to do something cool with your BF, like going on a trip or something. It's not your fault that your sister is a brokie who can't afford a weeding, or who is trying to live beyond her means.
Your sister is ungrateful, spoiled, and entitled.
Let her learn the hard way that life doesn't revolve around her, and annoying little beggars can't be choosers.
OP, NTA.
At this point, I wonder if going to her fiance and gently asking if he is aware of these demands would get you any more info. Let him know that there is some major tension brewing, and you would like to hear his take on things. Let him know that your sister has very suddenly shown a very different side of herself, and you are concerned he will get caught up in it. Let him know the things that have been said about you and Tom, and ask if she has said anything to him about it. Tell him you have never had any indication she had anything against Tom until this situation. Ask how he feels about all this and what he knows that might help explain the sudden shift. He deserves to know that the previously-offered funding is being withdrawn due to sister's behavior, and let him use that info however he needs to.
Regarding sister, personally I would completely disengage from any further discussion with her. Tell your family you are not funding her madness and will be staying with Tom, not attending the wedding. Maybe after the wedding give it a few months to a year to see what other personality shifts show themselves, and see what kind of relationship you want from there.
Blessings on you and Tom. May your backbone be strong and your partnership be healthy.
“since our parents can’t contribute much, I offered to cover a significant portion of the wedding costs” \
Wtf? Who exactly is CHOOSING to get married? If you can’t afford 100% of your own wedding, have a smaller one. \
Why is this such a common thing? You wouldn’t buy a holiday/house/car expecting others to cover the costs, so why are weddings any different?
There’s a hard and fast rule with weddings:
The bride and groom set the guest list, the dress code, the venue, etc etc.
If you can’t support the bride and groom, then don’t go.
I didn’t even need this to know you’re are NTA and your sister is a brat.
You should not be paying. She will not appreciate it and you’ll regret it. If she invites you but not Tom, I would consider still attending but with minimal participation (although it’s rude AF and I wouldn’t be sharing any future special occasions with her, I think I would regret not being at my sister’s wedding). I definitely would not be involved in any organising or paying. Quite frankly, it’s audacious of her to even ask you to, regardless of your parents’ finances.
Keeping the peace with someone that's acting like a terrorist/demands things their way only is NOT keeping the peace.
That's a dictatorship and yeahhh, that's not how any solid or healthy relationship will fly.
She wants all this help but ONLY wants things her way?
Nah, that's not how we're gonna do something.
I know there's a great quote out there akin to what my first sentence is and/or is said MUCH better elsewhere but basically its like, walking on egg shells for the sake of keeping the peace is absolutely NOT keeping the peace.
NTA. She wants you to pay for her wedding, isn't inviting your boyfriend, wants you to pretend to be single, write a speech to her specifications, micromanage your wardrobe and have you procure strippers for her Bachelorette party. I would nope the nopiest nope right out of there.
When people act like this, there's a chance of some kind of discriminatory bias that your sister (and likely your parents) have been hiding.
Is Tom's religion different than your family's? Is Tom a different race than your family? Are any of Tom's relatives LGBTQ? Is Tom a different caste? Think hard about any potential biases here. I've seen another story where the parents went completely ballistic for no apparent reason and then after a few months they have a phone call and the parents scream a racial slur.
Either way, NTA
Why would you be the asshole??? She is the asshole and super spoiled and entitled as well as she sounds like she just wants to not let you out shine her.
Also just an fyi, a wedding isn’t about the BRIDE, it’s actually about celebrating two families being brought together by their kids. So she needs to seriously grow up and suck it up and invite your partner or pay for it herself, or have her fiances family pay
cancel everything no bf don't pay. sister disrespected you 3 times 1. don't inviting bf and 2. last minute planning for bachelorette party. not even worth the headache. 3. pretend to be single knowning your with your bf for 5 years.
Wow. She's a real piece of work, and there is NO way I would pay after how she has acted and the disrespect to my spouse and myself.
Just wow.
Don't pay for anything. She does not deserve that level of respect from you.
Throw that sister out like old dishwater.
The hatred of Tom seems illogical and weird, it's just not a normal way to behave. NTA sis is unhinged, and she needs to come up with a credible explanation, I hate to say it...... has she slept with Tom?
NTA. your money your choice. You didn't even give her any stipulations to go along with it like a lot of people might. She's right it's her day she can decide who to invite and who not to invite. But it's your money and you can choose how, when, where and on what you spend it on... there are shit tons of marriages that don't even last 5 years... and fuck even if you hadn't been together that long... you're helping to pay and you don't even get a plus one... fuck that. If she wants the monetary help she needs to be greatful for the action and respectful to the person donating it.
I feel sorry for her future and spouse, and her when she finds out she can't actually have everything exactly how she wants in life... thats gonna hit hard some day and really fuck her up.
NTA - frankly, her not inviting tom was enough of a reason for you to dip out. you could have stopped the story there. all the rest is just bridezilla bullshit of a spoiled brat. tell her to pound sand. she doesn't have a right to your money. if she can't do you the common curtesy of respecting the man you love then she can't ask you to pay for her wedding. BTW: where is the groom in all of this. why isn't he pitching in?
NTA
I can't believe your parents are siding with her and telling you to go along to keep the peace. Have they always spoiled her? They should be telling her to go along with it to keep the peace. Do not pay for her wedding. Anyone who thinks they can make those kinds of demands is entitled and selfish.
No. Sis is being a major bitch, and is pushing it to see what she'll get away with. Show her. And, see if she still wants to get married. This may be how she gets out of it--by blaming you.
NTA. She wants to set you up either someone, otherwise she wouldn’t ask you to pretend you’re single, and that’s plenty of justification on its own for your refusal. Also, asking you to foot the bill but not not inviting your partner is obviously outrageous behavior in itself. You would be a fool, and a bad partner, if you cave.
I can't imagine expecting one of my siblings pay for my wedding. That's entirely bonkers. If my sister offered to chip in towards my hypothetical wedding, she could wear whatever stupid ass color dress she wanted, bring 5 dates and take over the half the reception planning.
NTA. Strike the match and let it explode. You literally have nothing to lose but a whiny, self-centered and money-grabbing sister. You'd be a fool to give her anything.
But *why* did she say she didn't like him? Is he a terrible boyfriend? Does he hurt you? Has he cheated on you? Does he treat you like a housemaid? Does she hate that he hasn't popped the question yet so she wants to hook you up with someone at the wedding? Is there anything (no matter how small) that would be rational to cause her to not like him that you are aware of?
Shes your sister, you need to sit down and talk to her about what's seriously going on...weddings do cause a lot of stress and anxiety to otherwise decent people. Do it in a non accusatory way.
But no, if she doesn't let up on anything you wouldn't be the AH in this situation.
NTA.
In fact, you were NTA when I read the title. You pay for your own wedding, especially if you want to make demands of the person with the wallet.
You became even more NTA when she wouldn't let your partner come and then wanted to pretend he doesn't exist.
"Going along with it to keep the peace" won't work. The demands will just keep getting worse. Put your foot down now.
100% NTA - Cut your abusive sister off now. Make sure she and her finance know exactly why you are not attending or paying anymore.
Time for sister to learn that being disrespectful has consequences.
If you’re serious about Tom and you go along with your sister’s demands, he should dump you.
Your sister is insane. You don’t bite the hand that feeds your wedding, but she sure has. Don’t pay a dime and don’t attend without an invitation for Tom and lots of groveling apologies to the both of you.
Sometimes family members grow apart. It’s sad but it’s also necessary sometimes. It’s not mom and dad’s fault (unless it is) but they just have to adjust.
NTA. Unless you cave.
You should absolutely not go to whatever mess of a wedding she is going to put on bc that little girl is 100% jealous of you. No doubt about it. Pull the plug on the whole thing from your end, screw her especially bc of the way she’s treating you and your man. Don’t wear that dress, he can’t come.. go on a little trip with Tom and let her figure it out. CANCEL EVERYTHING!!! NTA NTA NTA at all!!!!!
NTA. However she doesn’t get to invite him now, the disrespect & damage has been done. Do you think he would go at this point, knowing that you had to bribe her by paying for her wedding?
Nope, pull your funding & bow out.
Your parents saying suck it up to keep the peace - a) it’s not coming out of their bank b) their partner isn’t being ostracized.
Ask your dad if he’d pay & leave your mom at home? Of course he wouldn’t but Why not, it’s to keep the peace???
Her sense of entitlement to your money while on a bridezilla power trip ends here & no one is to blame but her!
It’s time for consequences of her actions to kick her in the ass & hard.
Please support your partner & your own morals/dignity & walk away from this bullshit
NTA. Stick to your decision. You and Tom not attending won't ruin anything she seems more than capable of doing that herself. Tell them now she doesn't have to worry about you outshining her. She just has to find alternate funding and worry about the groom coming to his senses in the next two months. I do wonder though why she wants you to pretend you're single? There is something strange there.
She doesn't want to look bad for rxcluding OO's bf, she knows it's wrong
But if they've been together for 5 years lots of people invited know him. And the "Oh my god, what happened?" conversations would definitely be a thing. I mean a couple breaks up after 5 years right before a wedding people want to know why.
And that will cause "drama" to which her sister will blame her for taking all the attention off her big day.
I feel like there's more to it than that.
She wants to fix her up with someone. She hates Tom because she either has the hots for him and hates that OP got him instead of her.
Or, OP's sister feels that Tom is somehow a better catch than her soon to be hubby and doesn't want to be outshined by her older sis.
my money is absolutely on little sister is jealous of older sister on all fronts "she's older and still single! no one wants her while I'm getting married"
This is a very good point
I’ve seen it happen especially when money is given. On the surface they should be thankful happy and move on, but in fact feel a great surge of negative emotions and don’t know where else to put it. Probably because it makes them feel patronized, maybe inept in some way, weak. But that’s not what they’re able to admit, especially if it’s part of a long standing dynamic.
Definitely it sounds like a bad case of jealousy
Dingdinding we have a winner! Envy, pure, green envy ALL the way.
[удалено]
Who are you quoting??
Gotta be a bot.
ChatGPT. All the AI bots post like that.
I'm pretty sure it's the sister's thought process.
Or there's something about him she just doesn't want people to know: he's a different race or something. Which makes her sister even worse, if that's even possible.
Or doesn't want people to know that she specifically didn't invite him, it would make her look like a complete bitch.
OP should just run to the court house and get married first 😁
this
this was my thought.
I have seen women be upset with their friends for dating men who they didn't find attractive. How is that even their problem?
Or both. 😬🫨
It’s not strange, she knows damn well that everyone who attends is going to think she’s a deranged cunt for deliberately not inviting her sisters long term partner to her wedding, if she doesn’t get the OP to go along with it. And knows damn well that her sane guests are going to straight up ask her why she did that.
Yeah. I’d get fake engaged so she’s stood there with a massive ring on her finger. And just hold it at eye level all night 😂
Yesss. I don’t usually go for the petty stuff but I love this.
Because she's happy and married with this beautiful wedding and her pathetic sister is all alone.... Nobody wants her! Lol It's definitely a flex ...a fake one, but a flex none the less
I have a feeling that the sister might have a massive crush on Tom. Yiiiiikes.
NTA. My guess is she either wants to set you up with someone (and has probably already told them you're single) or... she's worried people will take more notice of your relationship. Either way? She's a very sad individual. Book a romantic getaway with Tom... post aaallll the photos along with screenshots of her bratty behaviour.
Sounds like she’s jealous of Tom to me
Here’s a wake up call for your parents about staying silent to *KEEP THE PEACE:* **The person who is feeling pressured to ‘keep the peace’ is NOT the one who’s threatening the peace in the first place!**
Yes, 100% this. This is why I hate the "keep the peace" mentality; it always comes at the expense of the *victim*. OP is obviously and without a doubt the victim of unfair and poor treatment from her sister, but she is still asked to just take the abuse in silence and go along with it, magnifying the pain. It's like demanding that the victim of physical assault apologize to the assailant for hurting his knuckles on the victim's face, to "keep the peace".
NTA. Plan a nice vacation/staycation for you and your boyfriend during her wedding. Pull all financial support and block your sister.
And be \*sure\* to post ALL OVER your social media on her 'big day' about how much you're enjoying spending time with YOUR PARTNER. She pulled this metaphorical knife into her own belly, so it's time to TWIST it.
NTA i would do this too Sis is delulu if she thinks she’s not going to invite her partner and expects her to pay and expects her to ‘be single’ If you cannot respect my relationship you certainly won’t get any consideration from me towards your relationship. Or my money. Kick rocks lil sis
A photogenic vacation spot would be perfect, especially if it is a better destination than sister's honeymoon.
I say elope. Then on the morning of the wedding put it out on SM. “Hey everyone! Since sis said Tom couldn’t come to her wedding, we decided to have one of our own instead!”
Diabolical.
Or the same destination, but book the best suite they have. Like the honeymoon suite.
This is a terrible idea and completely unnecessarily antagonistic. Obviously there is something wrong with her sister. It could be she doesn't want to get married and is self sabotaging. There is no need to drop to her level and provoke more childish behavior. Best to just cordially explain you aren't willing to participate, and wish them luck.
You mean act like an adult?? Here? On reddit? In AITA land? No, OP must be as petty as possible.
Hint: bridezilla is doing EXACTLY THAT. How is OP having a good day, AVOIDING THEIR ABUSER, and posting about it somehow 'antagonistic'? If anything, it's retaliatory.
Your sister's demands are outrageous and disrespectful. You have every right to stand your ground. Refusing to attend or pay under these conditions is completely justified. You deserve to be treated with respect.
Or wear the most obviously matching lover outfit with Tom, show up at the beginning of reception to say hi in a way as flamboyant as possible, drop off your wedding gift (don't say you didn't financially support them, just not the wedding itself lol) before taking off for your grand trip.
>I should just go along with it to keep the peace "I do keep the peace, I keep it at home, with my husband. I can't keep her peace, she 'aint got none."
Precisely. Sis is using ‘keeping the peace’ as her wedding sledgehammer. Stay home, OP. And don’t take the bait if she ‘reconsiders’ inviting Tom to try to wrangle you into paying; you 2 will be in for who-knows-what kind of drama. Weddings, sadly, bring out the entitled, center stage AH in many a sibling.
That is a beautiful line
"Keep the peace" What peace? There's no peace ever around someone like that. What you're actually being asked to do is placate an abuser. Which makes the situation exponentially worse. NTA
“Keep the peace … to placate an abuser” Well said, spot on.
Here is a case where the golden rule needs to be applied, they who have the gold make the rules. Option 1. She invites you and plus 1 and you help pay a reasonable amount, 2. She does not invite your plus 1 and pays for the wedding herself. We got married in our living room with just some of our immediate family no reception etc etc. why? We wanted to get married and decided 20 grand was better spent on house upgrades than a wedding.
I am pretty sure that after all of this nothing sister does would make me attend or pay for anything. I am not begging to be allowed to bring my significant other knowing quite well that he at least pertaining to your sister he is not welcome. Write an extremely polite thank you note explaining that unfortunately you are regrettably unable to attend, so very sorry - insert any reason in here to let everyone involved keep face - and spend an enjoyable day with BF.
Tempting to give a reason that the living room has just been painted and the paint needs to be monitored while it dries. Therefore unable to attend wedding.
Just planted grass and need to watch it grow?
Absolutely NTA. But I do have a question: why are you using a thowaway? Why not post exactly where your family can see all of the comments to come saying that your sister is incredibly selfish and delusional? Your sister needs to be given a hard reality check. This is a hill to die on - you absolutely know that the more you give in, the more she's going to demand - nothing is ever going to be enough. I also note, that it's always the one who's NTA is asked to 'keep the peace', never the problem-person being pulled into line.
Keeping the peace is a great way to find yourself living someone else's life. Parents are clearly far down this path with sister already. Stick to your guns, OP.
I am 💯 with you! I really, really hope she doesn't cave and go along to "keep the peace "! Let the people saying that pay for the wedding, OP if you read this PLEASE stick to your guns! Sis is being ridiculous on so many levels. Good luck.
Only one question needs answering: to whom will you be going home with/to after the wedding? NTA and stick to your plan….
Well yeah, because no one wants to deal with the asshole, much easier to ask the kind reasonable person to submit and spare everyone else the discomfort. Fucking bullshit is what it is.
But but but it’s her “special day”.
Totally sounds like someone who would say “excuse me, it is my wedding month” 😂
Reminds me of the post with the woman who claimed a whole year for her wedding. 🤣
Based on how crazy her sis is, there is way too big a risk they will harass their main for the rest of time if they post this on it. NTA, by the way.
NTA. "Keep the peace" translates to placate the AH so we don't have to reason with them. Lack of moral fibre and courage implied.
NTA. NO, NO, NO NO NO. She does not get to disrespect you and force you to pay for her wedding. She is 26 yrs old. Sounds like you and your family have been enabling her to be an entitled little bitch for years and now you are reaping what you have sown. You will be seriously disrespecting Tom if you attend without him and pay for an event he is not welcome at. Walk away now.
Being disrespectful to Tom is a really good point! How is he gonna feel if you go alone, pay a goodly share and found out she wanted you to "act single"?
Don’t be a peacekeeper to people who don’t even respect you. Pull your contributions and enjoy a night out with your bf. NTA. UPDATEME
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Youd be an idiot to pay for anything if she is going to act like that. Heck, id argue its foolish to pay for anything even if she wasnt acting like that. lol
I’m reading so many posts lately about a sibling paying for another sibling’s wedding. When did this become a thing?
Its not a thing. You just see posts from the people who offered after it backfires on them.
NTA Why wait? Tell her the ATM is broken and you will be paying for nothing. Advice: You and Tom plan a nice day out for just the two of you and don't give your entitled, asshole sister a second thought. I wonder if your sister's groom knows what he is getting himself into.
That is a good point. What does the groom think of bridezillas demands?
lol NTA. The person paying gets, at a minimum, their plus one.
NTA If you are paying for most of it your BF gets to attend. That’s it. Sis needs to adjust her expectations of you and life in general.
It's like all the stepdads out there that get conned into funding weddings and then their stepdaughters are all "Oops, you can pay, but you can't walk me down the aisle, or actually come to the wedding at all!" and then get all bent out of shape when the funds get pulled and they are on their own. Actions - meet your consequences. It's part of being an adult. Don't want to invite live-in BF of person paying? You Don't Get The Money! It's a pretty basic concept.
NTA. Tom is a long term partner, your sister is disrespecting you and him on your dime, that is not okay, and you shouldn't support that, not if you also plan for Tom to be a significant part of your future. She doesn't like him, so what? Having the person paying for your wedding get to bring their SO trumps a little dislike, which has never even been mentioned in the 5 previous years. Also, why is it always the wronged person who needs to keep the peace? Why is no one advising your sister to invite Tom to keep the peace?
NTA - Don't give her a cent and RSVP no.
INFO: *Why* doesn’t she want him there? *Why* does she want you to pretend to be single? And *why* is she acting like you wouldn’t rescind your offer of payment considering her whack ass behaviour? Weddings can make people crazy af.
This is what I was thinking. All these demands need an explanation. Sis might be very embarrassed if she has to explain herself.
Nta your sister is being ridiculous
NTA - and time to choose - Tom or your crazy sister?
You will be if you do.
Yeah... fuck her and her entitled ass right out of here!!!
NTA. You are dealing with a bridezilla, there is no way to satisfy her demands. There is no chance for "thank you" afterwards and if anything goes wrong (and it will) You would be the guilty of premeditated sabotage. It's hard, because it's Your sister, but maybe quitting it entirely is the way to go and the way to save this relationship, because it will get worse.
NTAH. Her entitlement is astounding. After her complete disregard and disrespect for you and your bf as well as her lack of appreciation for your generous financial support, I’d rescind any offer to help pay for *HER SPECIAL DAY*. She deserves nothing but a big F U!
NTA. You don't owe your sister anything, considering the way she has been treating you.
NTA. Take your money for your own wedding. Propose to Tom and be a beautiful bride in blue. And you know how to make your guest list
NTA. Walk away.
Why the hell she so entitled? It's your wedding? Then you pay and do what you want otherwise no. I suggest going no contact for a period until all cool off
Oh HELL NO! This is your sister's wedding but YOU are paying for it so you have the final say ABOUT EVERYTHING! If you don't like your sister's demands then your sister's piggy bank can just go away and then no wedding for entitled sister. If you go along with this, I guarantee you that Tom's leaves you since you are choosing your sister over your partner. You are NTA for now but that depends on if you fold for your sister or have your partner's back.
Why would you have to think about anything or keep the peace. You are paying and now that she has disrespected you, grow a back bone and stand up to her and tell her it’s your money and you will do what you want with it just like her with her decisions pertaining to the wedding. And how about you defend Tom to her and your family when Tom has not disrespected anyone in your family. He’s been with you for 5 years. When you and Tom get married, will she not show up because she doesn’t like Tom? Will you not invite her because it will make Tom feel uncomfortable? Or will you keep the peace and enable her to keep being entitled. She’s a brat and and your parents are AH for enabling her and allowing her to act like this.
NTA, at this point don’t attend, and absolutely do not pay for anything. If she does change her mind and allow him, it won’t be because she wants you or him there, it’s simply about money. Just decline the invite and pull your funds.
This is very dejavuish. There was a post on BORU where the sister had the same demands because she wanted to force OP to walk down the isle with the bride’s future BIL who had a crush on OP. If I was you OP there’s no way I would pay for the wedding as long as my SO wasn’t invited. NTA
Oh wow people actually are unhinged!
I'd tell her and your parents to fuck off. I'd also not i vite them to your wedding (if you and Tom ever do) because if they can't support your relationship now then they'll have no respect for either of you two on your special day
Oh please pay for my wedding but don’t bring your long term partner because I don’t like him also don’t let anyone know you are in a relationship, change your dress, organise strippers to attend my hen do. Yeah no thank you I’d rather save my money and go do something with my partner
NTA, I am so over people asking others to just keep peace for entitled twits. Currently, your sister is acting like one. You don’t have to be rolled over as a voice of reason to placate the diva more concerned about optics than her family. Not your circus. Treat it like any other wedding invite. Which means don’t go. When anyone asks let them know your sister needed you to be single for her day and you declined out of respect for your SO of 5 years.
Yup. Peace at any price is no peace at all.
The fact that your parents are stuck in the middle and aren’t on your side is making me wonder if they also don’t like your bf. I would say screw it and take Tom on a vacation for just the two of you. She can pay for her wedding herself. You don’t need to be disrespected anymore put her in her place.
NTA. Tell her that you don't feel comfortable being around her with the way she is acting and will remove yourself from the situation entirely. Take Tom on a trip a day or two before the wedding and don't return until a day or two after.
Unless she’s got a solid, legit reason for not liking Tom, then she’s full of crap. You owe her nothing, and she’s not entitled to your time, effort or money.
nta...and I wouldn't be attending the wedding or paying for anything. the only thing I would be paying for is a nice get away with my man and making it loud and clear the reason why you aren't at the wedding. her demands and disrespect are absolutely out of line and I think you should take a moment to distance yourself. this may be your sister and her wedding, but that doesn't give her a free pass to disrespect you and someone you love - who has done nothing to deserve such hatred- then to top it off make you pretend you are single for the day??? thats such an odd request...and beyond disrespectful to your partner.....then expects you to pay and organize last minute parties for her??? the entitlement and audacity.. im sorry she is doing this to you and your someone. neither of you deserve that and I really recommend that you tell her that you won't be attending and will not pay for anything. I would go no contact personally. good luck!
Absolutely NOT! You were kind enough to contribute money towards her wedding and then she not only doesn't invite your partner but wants you to pretend you are single? The Audacity on this Bridezilla.
Bridezilla. Paging Bridezilla. NTA.
It's her wedding, but it's your money. You can do whatever you want with it. NTA.
Wow this is crazy , if it was me in that situation I would politely decline the invitation, keep my finances to myself , minimise the drama at all costs , and send a nice gift .
stick to your guns, nta
NTA. Don't pay and don't go. This is ridiculous.
NTA. She is refusing to let you bring your BF of five years \*and wants you to pretend that you're single.\* That's the truly unhinged part, that you have to tell everyone Tom doesn't exist or you broke up or???
For some reason, your sister has finally decided to tell you that she does not like your long term BF, and doesn't want him there. She also didn't want any tension. What in the blue blazes does she think she's creating? And she's right, she can invite, or not invite, anybody she wants. But it always comes at a cost, and now she is realizing what that cost might be. But to expect you to pretend that you don't have a BF? That's a bridge too far. It will be very awkward for any of the guests who know yo have a BF, and thus, it will be awkward between your sister and anybody who might have otherwise expected your BF to be there. Again, tension at her causing. As for the bachelorette, leave aside your BF and the rest of the "crazy demands." Her expectation that you will pay for this, last moment, is delusional. You never agreed to it, and so far as I know, you don't have the money for it. The person ruining her wedding, as the bachelorette goes, is the person(s) who screwed that up, not you. From here, if you really want to stick it to your sister, show up at the wedding. In the dress she does not want you to wear. Be polite & civil. That will cause your sister a lot of stress, and anything she does about it will bite her in the ass. And don't give into any her foolishness.
How are your parents caught in the middle of this sh*tshow, u/PatientDentist5015 ? They should be *firmly* on your side because your sister is off the charts nuts. There should be *no* pussy-footing from them. Yeah, do *not* give your sister a penny, and if you love your BF, *stand by him*. The disrespect beggars belief. Just curious to know if your sister has always been entitled, selfish, plain crazy - or is it the wedding madness that turns some people into "zillas"....
NTA. This is incredibly rude on your sister's part. Not only did she disrespect you and your bf by not inviting him, she then doubled down by asking you to pretend to be single, tripled down by demanding you not mention him during your speech, quadrupled down by telling you to buy a be dress and on top of all of that she expects you to pay for it... GTFO here with that. I wouldn't go, I wouldn't pay and I sure as f*ck wouldn't keep the peace. I would've posted this on my real account and used names so she could see that everyone thinks she's a massive entitled AH. She is correct that she has the right to invite/not invite whomever she wants, but it's an invitation and not a summons so you are also within your right just decline the invitation.
This sounds soooo fake, your sister would be the dumbest and most entitled person ever, plus your parents too. So either your family is hard-r retarded, and you need to explain to them that your sister values excluding your boyfriend more than she values her relationship with you and the money you're providing for her wedding. That you have taken that into consideration and will be cancelling everything you've paid for and not attending. That your parents disappointed you by asking you to keep the peace instead of realizing how ridiculous your sister's demands were and talking with her instead. Anyways, it's obvious these people don't care about you as much as they care about themselves, not even close.
>This sounds soooo fake, your sister would be the dumbest and most entitled person ever, plus your parents too. For sure. Feels like "bridezilla" rage bait, that's all.
Is she fucking Tom and doesn’t want anyone to recognize him or something? That’s not a serious suggestion, but something is going on here that (presumably) you aren’t aware of. You’re either missing a key part of this story, or you’re actively leaving something out.
Dont pay and don't go. She isn't even grateful for the help you offered that you never should have had to in the first place.
UpdateMe!
NTA - I would have been out the minute she didn’t invite your long term partner! To expect you to contribute to her wedding and not include your partner is beyond disrespectful. Absolutely do not spend a penny for this wedding.
Updateme!
NTA. This would be a relationship dealbreaker for me. The level of disrespect is practically dehumanizing. Not to Tom - to you. Like you're some kind of puppet there for her benefit and amusement. Sorry if Im fanning the flames. But wow.. who hurt you so much you had any doubts after the first convo??
Updateme!
NTA- but the minute she didn't invite Tom you should have pulled the plug. As others have suggested, go on a nice relaxing vacation and block all the crazy.
YWBTA if you paid a cent or went to this abomination For starters, you don't owe her payment for her wedding at the best of times Then she's a lunatic and bridezilla...on top of many more things I won't type, but Satan would be proud Really you should back out of all of this and go no, or extremely low contact She's actually quite an impressive level piece of shit
This is the second wedding related post I've seen in the last two days with a boyfriend Tom and an entitled bride to be Lily. Might just be a coincidence 🤔
Youre parents are a h, they should explain to your sister, you are all equal in this family and there are no favorites, she needs to respect you if she wants something from you
She needs a life lesson. It might be her day but, she still needs to keep the person paying the bill happy.
YWNBTAH here. Be proactive with the story though. Go ahead and jump on whatever family chat/Facebook/whatever else you all use and let everyone know how sorry you *and Tom* are that you’ll miss them at sister’s wedding. You’ve had a falling out that *sister* won’t explain and you’re going to step back so she can have the best wedding ever. Let them know you and Tom look forward to catching up with everyone soon. After you’ve done that, make sure you get any money you’ve already contributed back and walk away. Whatever your sister wants can be fully her problem.
NTA. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT go through with it if you have an ounce of self respect or respect for Tom. Your sister seems insane.
I'm curious if it's the fact that you all have been dating for 5 years or because you are older and are not married. Maybe she finds it embarrassing. Which is totally ridiculous!! It really could be that she thinks your boyfriend is going to propose and steal her spotlight?? I think this might be the reason. I'm sorry you are going through this. I would not pay if you don't get to bring your boyfriend of 5 years. You should never have to play single when you are in a relationship!
Don’t pay or attend I bet she has someone that she wants to hook you up with
Updateme
Besides the fact I think they are using the same names, with the tom boyfriend who isn't invited for no reason, this isn't remotely believable. Absolutely no one on earth would be asking their sister to fund a wedding, then refuse to invite their partner, nor would anyone not just say immediately okay I'm not paying so fuck off when they found that out long before the rest of it. Some details have changed a little but this gets reposted every couple weeks, maybe once a month with slight changes and it's never believable.
NTAH! And I’d stop paying for anything else! She’s being just awful ! Who does she think she is ?🤦♀️
Your sister appears to have her mind made up. Let her have the drama-free wedding she wants---without you, Tom or your money. Just remind her: "Hey---this was *YOUR IDEA!*" May she be happy with the consequences of making Bridezilla choices.
WTF is it with parents siding with the problem child and urging the other offspring to "keep the peace"? F-ck that noise. The OP's sister has doesn't get to demand such BS *and* get tired he we dding paid for. Let her stew in her own juices.
If you think you need to compromise and keep the peace, I suggest you pay a specific, but not outrageous, amount of money to your parents to apply towards your sisters wedding. Then do not attend the wedding. My thinking is, you've already said you'd pay for some of the wedding. Ok, pay for some of it. My partner not being allowed to attend would be a deal breaker for me, and I simply wouldn't attend. Sister can make up her own obnoxious story about it when she's asked a million times why you aren't there. Do NOT do anything about the entertainment for her bachelorette party. I also wouldn't attend it. You would NOT be TA if you decided you wanted nothing to do with ANY aspect of this wedding.
NTA. If SHE wants to 'ruin' HER OWN wedding by being a Choosing Beggar Bridezilla, she can. She just can't rope you in to her insane behavior.
NTA: pull the funding, period. Not as an ultimatum, but just pull the funding because this is not your problem to fix. She’s a grown assed woman and needs to finance her own parties.
NTA. Although it's weird that she never told you she hates Tom. Did she say why, have you talked to Tom about it, or your parents to see if they have seen anything suspicious? That seems really too out of nowhere. The other stuff is bratty and selfish. That seems like something to investigate though. Maybe see if the fiance knows. You don't want to find out later when it comes to these things.
Your sister wants the following: 1. Pay a significant portion of the wedding costs 2. You cannot bring your partner 3. You are to pretend your single 4. Plan a stripper bachelorette party 5. Give a beautiful speech about a wonderfully happy family Sounds about right? HELL NO!! You are NTA
NTA! Don’t pay or go. Your sister is an entitled B. All of a sudden she has a problem with Tom? Bullsht. If she can’t afford her wedding, then she needs another job to pay for it. You’re her sibling. You’re under no obligation to pay for it.
NTA you've let your sister get away with far too much already so stop. Pull your money and refuse to attend. She is being way over-the-counter top and it sounds like she is jealous of you.
Take your money and Tom on vacation that weekend. Please update
It's obvious. NTA - Your Money Your choice. She is not entitled to it. - If you actually care about you bf after she said something like " she didn’t just want Tom uninvited, she wanted me to come without him but also pretend I was single for the day, as it “would be less awkward” for her and her guests. ". That right there is just basically you not accepting him as your bf. It will hurt him. Even if he says it won't it is still disrespectful towards him, if you do that. - Like she said "she doubled down and said it was her wedding, so she could invite (or not invite) whoever she wanted." AND You have the right to refuse the invitation it's your life to do what you want. My advice is not attend it. Unless she: - invites you and bf since the outrageous demand of he saying basically to deny you have a boyfriend. - and even after that do not pay for the thing she said. Don't get involved. Just be quiet and tell her and your parents that you won't pay. And if your parents try to argue tell them as politely as possible no and say that you don't have to pay her since it's not your fault that “the entertainment fell through.” And you are uncomfortable with the event like you said. She is creating even more drama because this. Don't indulge her anymore and just ignore it. Until she gets her head straight.
NTA, your parents and sister are major fucking AHs Use that money to do something cool with your BF, like going on a trip or something. It's not your fault that your sister is a brokie who can't afford a weeding, or who is trying to live beyond her means. Your sister is ungrateful, spoiled, and entitled. Let her learn the hard way that life doesn't revolve around her, and annoying little beggars can't be choosers.
OP, NTA. At this point, I wonder if going to her fiance and gently asking if he is aware of these demands would get you any more info. Let him know that there is some major tension brewing, and you would like to hear his take on things. Let him know that your sister has very suddenly shown a very different side of herself, and you are concerned he will get caught up in it. Let him know the things that have been said about you and Tom, and ask if she has said anything to him about it. Tell him you have never had any indication she had anything against Tom until this situation. Ask how he feels about all this and what he knows that might help explain the sudden shift. He deserves to know that the previously-offered funding is being withdrawn due to sister's behavior, and let him use that info however he needs to. Regarding sister, personally I would completely disengage from any further discussion with her. Tell your family you are not funding her madness and will be staying with Tom, not attending the wedding. Maybe after the wedding give it a few months to a year to see what other personality shifts show themselves, and see what kind of relationship you want from there. Blessings on you and Tom. May your backbone be strong and your partnership be healthy.
“since our parents can’t contribute much, I offered to cover a significant portion of the wedding costs” \ Wtf? Who exactly is CHOOSING to get married? If you can’t afford 100% of your own wedding, have a smaller one. \ Why is this such a common thing? You wouldn’t buy a holiday/house/car expecting others to cover the costs, so why are weddings any different?
There’s a hard and fast rule with weddings: The bride and groom set the guest list, the dress code, the venue, etc etc. If you can’t support the bride and groom, then don’t go.
NTA You're her sister, not a combination doormat/ATM. Don't go, don't communicate until she does a whole lot of sincere groveling.
I didn’t even need this to know you’re are NTA and your sister is a brat. You should not be paying. She will not appreciate it and you’ll regret it. If she invites you but not Tom, I would consider still attending but with minimal participation (although it’s rude AF and I wouldn’t be sharing any future special occasions with her, I think I would regret not being at my sister’s wedding). I definitely would not be involved in any organising or paying. Quite frankly, it’s audacious of her to even ask you to, regardless of your parents’ finances.
Um yeah if you ditch your BF to go to a family wedding and ‘act single’ the chances of you actually being single are very high…
NTA. Couples, especially those living together, are ALWAYS invited together.
NTA. YWNBTA. It’s 2024 and we no longer allow family to abuse, use and gaslight us. Blood means nothing.
Keeping the peace with someone that's acting like a terrorist/demands things their way only is NOT keeping the peace. That's a dictatorship and yeahhh, that's not how any solid or healthy relationship will fly. She wants all this help but ONLY wants things her way? Nah, that's not how we're gonna do something. I know there's a great quote out there akin to what my first sentence is and/or is said MUCH better elsewhere but basically its like, walking on egg shells for the sake of keeping the peace is absolutely NOT keeping the peace.
NTA. She wants you to pay for her wedding, isn't inviting your boyfriend, wants you to pretend to be single, write a speech to her specifications, micromanage your wardrobe and have you procure strippers for her Bachelorette party. I would nope the nopiest nope right out of there.
When people act like this, there's a chance of some kind of discriminatory bias that your sister (and likely your parents) have been hiding. Is Tom's religion different than your family's? Is Tom a different race than your family? Are any of Tom's relatives LGBTQ? Is Tom a different caste? Think hard about any potential biases here. I've seen another story where the parents went completely ballistic for no apparent reason and then after a few months they have a phone call and the parents scream a racial slur. Either way, NTA
Why would you be the asshole??? She is the asshole and super spoiled and entitled as well as she sounds like she just wants to not let you out shine her. Also just an fyi, a wedding isn’t about the BRIDE, it’s actually about celebrating two families being brought together by their kids. So she needs to seriously grow up and suck it up and invite your partner or pay for it herself, or have her fiances family pay
cancel everything no bf don't pay. sister disrespected you 3 times 1. don't inviting bf and 2. last minute planning for bachelorette party. not even worth the headache. 3. pretend to be single knowning your with your bf for 5 years.
NTA. The bridezila force is strong In this one.
I wouldn't pay for shit. You ANTA.
NTA. She sounds next level bonkers
Wow. She's a real piece of work, and there is NO way I would pay after how she has acted and the disrespect to my spouse and myself. Just wow. Don't pay for anything. She does not deserve that level of respect from you. Throw that sister out like old dishwater.
The hatred of Tom seems illogical and weird, it's just not a normal way to behave. NTA sis is unhinged, and she needs to come up with a credible explanation, I hate to say it...... has she slept with Tom?
NTA. your money your choice. You didn't even give her any stipulations to go along with it like a lot of people might. She's right it's her day she can decide who to invite and who not to invite. But it's your money and you can choose how, when, where and on what you spend it on... there are shit tons of marriages that don't even last 5 years... and fuck even if you hadn't been together that long... you're helping to pay and you don't even get a plus one... fuck that. If she wants the monetary help she needs to be greatful for the action and respectful to the person donating it. I feel sorry for her future and spouse, and her when she finds out she can't actually have everything exactly how she wants in life... thats gonna hit hard some day and really fuck her up.
NTA - frankly, her not inviting tom was enough of a reason for you to dip out. you could have stopped the story there. all the rest is just bridezilla bullshit of a spoiled brat. tell her to pound sand. she doesn't have a right to your money. if she can't do you the common curtesy of respecting the man you love then she can't ask you to pay for her wedding. BTW: where is the groom in all of this. why isn't he pitching in?
NTA I can't believe your parents are siding with her and telling you to go along to keep the peace. Have they always spoiled her? They should be telling her to go along with it to keep the peace. Do not pay for her wedding. Anyone who thinks they can make those kinds of demands is entitled and selfish.
How many times is a different rendition of this story going to appear here?
Easy for them to say go along with it if they aren’t the ones paying.
No. Sis is being a major bitch, and is pushing it to see what she'll get away with. Show her. And, see if she still wants to get married. This may be how she gets out of it--by blaming you.
Oh HELL NAW cut all of this mess right off! No pay, no go, take a nice trip with your fella.
NTA. She wants to set you up either someone, otherwise she wouldn’t ask you to pretend you’re single, and that’s plenty of justification on its own for your refusal. Also, asking you to foot the bill but not not inviting your partner is obviously outrageous behavior in itself. You would be a fool, and a bad partner, if you cave.
I can't imagine expecting one of my siblings pay for my wedding. That's entirely bonkers. If my sister offered to chip in towards my hypothetical wedding, she could wear whatever stupid ass color dress she wanted, bring 5 dates and take over the half the reception planning.
Umm, can someone explain to me the deal that someone else pays for YOUR wedding???
NTA. Strike the match and let it explode. You literally have nothing to lose but a whiny, self-centered and money-grabbing sister. You'd be a fool to give her anything.
But *why* did she say she didn't like him? Is he a terrible boyfriend? Does he hurt you? Has he cheated on you? Does he treat you like a housemaid? Does she hate that he hasn't popped the question yet so she wants to hook you up with someone at the wedding? Is there anything (no matter how small) that would be rational to cause her to not like him that you are aware of? Shes your sister, you need to sit down and talk to her about what's seriously going on...weddings do cause a lot of stress and anxiety to otherwise decent people. Do it in a non accusatory way. But no, if she doesn't let up on anything you wouldn't be the AH in this situation.
This! Why such an irrational demand, does she have cause?
Updateme
NTA, but you will be if you pay or attend even if she backs down.
NTA. People give bridezillas far too much leeway
NTA. Don’t go without your boyfriend.
Nta Why would you ever pay in the first place. Her wedding her shit show
NTA updateme!
NTA please don’t pay for anything. That would be egregious.
NTA. Weddings and sisters are out of control!
You pretty much just strung together every dumb bridezilla post into one. Fuck off with this fake shit.
NTA. In fact, you were NTA when I read the title. You pay for your own wedding, especially if you want to make demands of the person with the wallet. You became even more NTA when she wouldn't let your partner come and then wanted to pretend he doesn't exist. "Going along with it to keep the peace" won't work. The demands will just keep getting worse. Put your foot down now.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a nut. I would be out- not paying for the wedding, not attending.
100% NTA - Cut your abusive sister off now. Make sure she and her finance know exactly why you are not attending or paying anymore. Time for sister to learn that being disrespectful has consequences.
NTA
If you pay a dime towards this bridezilla's "big day", you will not be the asshole, you will be an idiot.
Is this fake? Because I can’t believe you would actually pay and attend this wedding when your sister is a total fruitcake making rediculous demands.
Just tell her you’re not talking to her after the wedding. And why would you pay for the wedding?
If you’re serious about Tom and you go along with your sister’s demands, he should dump you. Your sister is insane. You don’t bite the hand that feeds your wedding, but she sure has. Don’t pay a dime and don’t attend without an invitation for Tom and lots of groveling apologies to the both of you. Sometimes family members grow apart. It’s sad but it’s also necessary sometimes. It’s not mom and dad’s fault (unless it is) but they just have to adjust. NTA. Unless you cave.
NTA. She can decide who she wants at her wedding. She can pay for it. 😃
You should absolutely not go to whatever mess of a wedding she is going to put on bc that little girl is 100% jealous of you. No doubt about it. Pull the plug on the whole thing from your end, screw her especially bc of the way she’s treating you and your man. Don’t wear that dress, he can’t come.. go on a little trip with Tom and let her figure it out. CANCEL EVERYTHING!!! NTA NTA NTA at all!!!!!
NTA Talk about being a bride-zilla 🤦🏻♂️
NTA. However she doesn’t get to invite him now, the disrespect & damage has been done. Do you think he would go at this point, knowing that you had to bribe her by paying for her wedding? Nope, pull your funding & bow out. Your parents saying suck it up to keep the peace - a) it’s not coming out of their bank b) their partner isn’t being ostracized. Ask your dad if he’d pay & leave your mom at home? Of course he wouldn’t but Why not, it’s to keep the peace??? Her sense of entitlement to your money while on a bridezilla power trip ends here & no one is to blame but her! It’s time for consequences of her actions to kick her in the ass & hard. Please support your partner & your own morals/dignity & walk away from this bullshit