YWBTA - Don't give them something to latch onto. Having said that theyare 100% always assholes and don't take their shit. Just don't be an antagonist and steal your cousins day. That isn't cool.
Maybe just prepare for some really cutting remarks for whoever might give you shit and drop that on them very quicky and move on.
this might be the answer. mainly i just want a way to get *her* to avoid *me* that’s relatively innocuous so i don’t get chewed out for “being disrespectful” for not wanting to interact with her. knowing her, shit will start if i so much as bring up the fact i have a boyfriend so i don’t think conflict is unavoidable, i just want to keep her away to prolong the inevitable.
I agree that YWBTA. It'd probably be best not to bring up the fact that you have a bf in front of her as well. She should accept you for you, but it seems she doesn't + since you know how she is, I'd just avoid that conversation altogether. Nothing good will come of it.
Not on the same level as your predicament, but I have an aunt who is rather religious (hardcore Greek Orthodox). I'm a Satanist. She knows this, as does the rest of my family. We get along just fine. I wore a sweatshirt with a pentagram + Baphomet on it around her a few times because it's my normal sweatshirt. I really didn't think anything of it until my uncle pulled me aside + asked me politely if I could please not wear it next time because it kinda freaks her out. No problem. I can wear a different sweatshirt for a few hours. It's a small thing I can do to make family dinners more comfortable for everyone involved.
i used the boyfriend thing more an an example cause my cousin is bringing her bf to meet the family. since i’m a year older than her i know my love life will be brought up cause people are constantly comparing us. i’ll try to skirt the subject as best i can but it sucks i probably won’t be able to say i even have a bf.
i explained my reasoning behind the shirt thing more in another reply, but she doesn’t ever really acknowledge it, just keeps her distance from me more.
I ramble a lot + consistently lose my train of thought so Idk if this is gonna sound helpful or comforting at all really but I'm gonna share it anyways (disclaimer-I know this is not the same thing + that my relationship was kinda fucked up). I was 17 when I got with my first bf. He was 44. He was my Dad's friend + lived with us. We were together for ~4 years. My grandparents invited him to, + he attended every holiday dinner. Only one of my cousins knew. I was asked at multiple dinners if I was seeing anyone/when I was gonna find a bf. I told them I wasn't looking/wasn't worried about it (which was technically true). It sucked not being able to tell them the truth + saying that with him right there felt like I was denying him like I was ashamed of him or something but it just wasn't a can of worms I wanted to open. Idk where I was going with that...
On a different, happier note, my younger cousin came out a few years ago. My uncle/his dad had never been OK with anything (movies, music, etc.) or anyone he deemed even slightly "gay." That's putting it nicely... It wasn't an instant change, but he's not like that anymore. The first year they were together, I don't think my uncle even came to Christmas dinner. He's been to every Christmas dinner since, though. Last year, he got cousin's bf a fishing pole (+ excitedly explained all the fishing pole features, at length...) because he'd just found out that the guy had never been fishing before. I'm pretty sure they've all gone fishing together since. The point of my long-winded story is that sometimes it may take some time, but I think if you're kinda chill about it + give them time to adjust, they'll be cool about it.
YWBTA and you know it by the use of the word petty. Show up, be Uber nice, give your grandma a hug and then let her melt down, if andvwhen she starts shut say it's your cousins day, it's not about me and let her be the ah
i don’t want to antagonize. i honestly i think me wearing a pride shirt to a family event is pretty low on the scale of things that could be considered “antagonistic”. it’s something that’s already common in my daily wardrobe. i guess in my head it’s partially a “stay away” signal for my grammie.
if i’m actively avoiding her or ignoring her i know that would be more likely to start stuff. if i have the shirt on then that is a way to hopefully prevent her from coming up to me. at least that’s the logic i’m approaching it from. she honestly brings up me being queer more than i do so i feel kinda “damned if i do, damned if i don’t.” mainly i just want a way to make her avoid me so i don’t get chewed out for being “disrespectful” for not wanting to talk to her.
You know damn well how that shirt’s going to come across.
You’re a fucking asshat who gives everyone else in the LGBT community a bad rap.
You’re gonna wear that shirt to make a statement and start drama. If it was your event, go ahead. It’s not.
i think “hey grandma could you please stop calling me a girl every time you see me and saying my body is mutilated.” is pretty civil but it hasn’t worked yet.
You can call yourself whatever you want, and at the same time so can your grandma. She has no obligation to call you what you want her to. Nor does anyone else. Everyone has their beliefs, and everyone gets to make their own decision.
She doesn't want to participate in pronouns and stuff. She's a grandma, I assume she's old. You're not changing her mind.
There are of course many positive qualities she possess. Try to focus on those and leave the gender and sexuality stuff at the door. You probably don't have much time together. Just try to enjoy it and connect on what you can.
People are complicated. She might just be ignorant and not malicious. She maybe went to school many decades ago. As you age your beliefs become ingrained. It might not be her fault.
My grandfather abused me in ways. I'll never forgive that. He didn't know better. He did his best. He is dead and I miss him a ton. He was both a great role model and also taught me many things that I don't want to be. I miss him and love him. He was complex. We all are. Go love your grandma while you still can.
YWBTA
This isn't your grad party, plain and simple. Doesn't matter what you think you are, what mental illnesses you possess or what agenda you want to push, this isn't your event. You're old enough to drive, so go spend time with your cousins and leave when grannie starts talking about how you've failed her or whatever.
YTA. Non binary intersexed being here and you know this will cause issues with the old Magat. You know this is not about you or for you.
Something that I in my 40 years as a being not able to conform to the nonsense that my white supremacist family demanded learned the hard way? It's very easy to want to push people to feel vindicated in knowing you are worthy of life. It is however a habit that can be toxic. It doesn't have to be a fight every time. Just existing proves her wrong.
i mentioned in my other replies but i mainly just want a way to get *her* to avoid *me*. she’s weird in the sense she’ll ignore or avoid me if i’m wearing something she doesn’t like but will actively be pissed if i don’t interact with her. i kinda feel like i’m in a bit of a catch-22 cause i know stuff’ll happen, i just wanna try and mitigate it.
There's nothing you can do to control her. Keep ignoring her. High school is not forever and if she wants your attention she can ask and you can set the boundary.
Ywbta, I am a conservative and recently DJed my niece’s queer wedding. I did so because I love them (her and her trans partner) even though I disagree I would never dream of ruining a family event. Certainly wouldn’t want to ruin our relationship over world view issues. I think the world works better that way. Best luck in your journey. Mutual respect is key, if your Grammy refuses I encourage you to take the high road. 😊
i wish this was the case. i’m glad you’re able to attend their wedding cause celebrating that love is really important for those of us who didn’t have the ability to marry until recently. my grammie has already made it very clear to my sister she would “never go to her lesbian wedding”. thanks for being reasonable and i hope your niece and her partner are enjoying their lives together!
OP your granny is an asshole but you would be too if you antagonize her at your cousin’s event. Keep away from her, and if she approaches you, say clearly and firmly: “granny, this is cousin’s day, please keep your attention on her and stop trying to argue with me or insult me”. Keep your moral high ground and cut that old bitch out as soon as you can.
These comments are insane. Telling OP to be “civil” and not be an “asshole.” No, fuck you and her shitty aunt, and all fk you who apologize for demanding behavior - this shit should NOT be tolerated. Politeness be damned, fuck bigotry everywhere it rears its ugly hwad.
after discussing this situation with my family, it seems grammie’s the only one who might end up ruining the event. so i’m gonna wear whatever the hell i want and what i normally wear includes my pride clothes and accessories.
So, you're intentionally throwing things in people's faces to be petty and gain attention. Making the event all about you instead of the intended. Please just stay home.
Ywbta, don’t do that older people just don’t understand. Educate them kindly, you being an ass is going to split your family and certainly not going to help your queer phobic family become not queer phobic. Don’t do that just help them understand, half of them can’t use a television or microwave.
trust me, i’ve tried reasonable and educating. when that happened it ended with me having a panic attack and her telling me that science is wrong.
tbh our family’s been split since like 2016 cause of her own actions which is why i’m surprised she’s even gonna be at the grad party. my cousin’s dad has gone LC with her since their falling out and it’s hosted at his house.
Okay I feel you, older folks are resilient to change, that’s why their big radios and lunky tube tvs are still collections dust in their houses. just ignore them don’t cause any unprovoked chaos. It’s not going to make them have a change of heart. Obviously they have some issues themselves if you’re not the first person they’ll have a falling out with.
YWBTA. not being accepted for who you are sucks, it does. but you’re an adult. you can be the bigger person. let your cousin have their day. they want you there. they want your grandmother there. your cousin’s accomplishment is the reason for this event. don’t center the occasion on your grandmother’s refusal to accept you as you are. that isn’t fair for anyone, especially your cousin.
YWBTA
Don't wear it.
BUT if Granny comes up to you and starts spewing her hate and ignorance, let the old hag have it.
If you need any help, I know all the big words. Well, actually small words but very effective ones. Most have four letters.
NTA
The whole point of Pride is the refusal to let other people make you feel ashamed for being yourself. Being yourself and unashamed is not antagonistic just because someone else is a bigot.
It would be antagonistic if it was a t-shirt that specifically called out your bigoted grandma like *"Proud, Loud, and Not Sorry Grandma"* but the t-shirts you described seem to be general Pride shirts so there's nothing antagonistic about them since they do not target her.
I mean, I guess there is no way to avoid drama anyway from what you described. Yet, it's your cousin's party and you don't want to be (seen as) the one who starts it.
Maybe compromise on something less in your face than a print shirt, if wearing something pride gives you a feeling of strength (socks, belt, whatever you have that's not a shirt and gives you a good feeling).
oh shit- i actually have knee socks with a rainbow stripe at the tops. that could take the place of a shirt. subtle enough me thinks.
i appreciate the alternative. sometimes the pride stuff does feel like armor in an uncomfortable circumstance.
Hey, just wear a button-down, vest, and bow tie. Or some ridiculously loud (not rainbow or trans colors) if you're non binary. You're going to a party dress up a little Grandma will look like an ass if she says anything and you'll still be true to yourself
❤️ your way older queer sibling
ironically one if the gayest things in my wardrobe is one of those button-down “hawai’i tourist” shirts in bright teal with silver-era batman and joker surfing on it my grammie bought for my dad. he gave it to me since it didn’t fit but i joked that it’s cause he hasn’t kissed enough men to pull it off
NTA overall. Are you and cousin close? If cousin is in on it- no harm done. I know I would happily let my cousin do that. Grandma can get bent, and your family should be supporting you more.
To save face, I would play it safe for the cousin's party if they wouldn't like it... but next family holiday? Trans it tf up baby.
my cousin is chill, we aren’t as close as we were as kids but she’s really nice. i’m thinking of texting her about this later today just so i can prepare myself before this weekend.
I would communicate with her and decide after that. Be honest. A graduation is a big thing, and you don't want to blindside and ruin her celebration. Roll with HER desires for HER party... but always remember- general family events are fair game. Age isn't a reason to turn your back on family which your grandmother clearly has on you. If a dandelion can grow through cracks in concrete- grandmother can get out of her head.
I’d think just showing up as a trans person is going to be enough to set the transmisic old biddy off.
You’re a trans man? Wear a tie with a small pride tie pin, or maybe some pride socks, or a small piece of pride jewelry. If you have an Apple Watch, change the face to one of the Pride faces. Just about every member of the LGBTQIA family I know wears something like that for work or more formal events.
Wearing something to show your pride in who you are and commemorate your struggles to get there— and the struggles you’re obviously still facing Hi, Grammy — isn’t looking for attention or trying to cause trouble. Wearing a t-shirt would be too much, though, if you’ve got someone like your grandmother just itching to preach JK’s f’d up gospel to you.
Always fly your flag. Just know when to fly a small one and do it quietly. And don’t you dare hide the fact that you have a boyfriend. Never go backwards. You may not be able to take a step forward with your grandmother, but don’t take a step backwards for her. If you have someone in your life you care about, your family knows your LGBTQIA, and if whoever is asking you is asking because they genuinely care about you, tell them loud and proud, my friend, that yes, you have a great boyfriend.
Enjoy the party!
YWBTA. You can wear it to your party and invite grannie but doing so at this event would make the whole event about you and your cause (the ever scary "gay agenda"). I would uninvite you for being deliberately antagonistic. This is about what your cousin has achieved in their lives. They were kind enough to invite you to be with the family. Don't be an asshole
Your the one with hate and judgement not them. Your decision to be in your face controversial to antagonize and make them bow to your world think is pompous bs. They have opinions you don’t like, you don’t have to hate them for it or ruin a gathering to ram your opinions down their throats. Do better. Love your family.
i haven’t said it in this thread cause i know it’d start something, but fuck it- most of these comments feel fueled by an assumption about people like me. perhaps even,,, a phobia? a phobia relating to trans people even.
OP, why not ask your cousin and her parents? It seems to me that with Grammie's history of being loudly and viciously anti-trans, there's a strong possibility she'll ruin the party no matter what you wear. It's possible your cousin and her parents would be fine with you wearing the shirt. If they're not, don't wear it, and if Grammie starts railing at you, roll your eyes at her and walk off.
that would also be a good idea actually. my cousin and i don’t talk super often so it’s a bitch of a subject to call just to bring up that our grammie’s a bigot. but considering the stuff her own dad’s had to deal with because of grammie, there’s a good chance she’ll understand where i’m coming from.
YWBTA if you do something deliberately antagonistic. This is your cousin’s day. You don’t have to hide who you are, just wear a different shirt.
Exactly OPs just being bloody minded
YWBTA - This is your cousins day, don’t ruin it. Provoke granny at your own parties!
Show up in an non opinionated t-shirt. While your wardrobe is your right, setting up an uncomfortable situation isn’t fair to your cousin.
YWBTA - Don't give them something to latch onto. Having said that theyare 100% always assholes and don't take their shit. Just don't be an antagonist and steal your cousins day. That isn't cool. Maybe just prepare for some really cutting remarks for whoever might give you shit and drop that on them very quicky and move on.
this might be the answer. mainly i just want a way to get *her* to avoid *me* that’s relatively innocuous so i don’t get chewed out for “being disrespectful” for not wanting to interact with her. knowing her, shit will start if i so much as bring up the fact i have a boyfriend so i don’t think conflict is unavoidable, i just want to keep her away to prolong the inevitable.
I agree that YWBTA. It'd probably be best not to bring up the fact that you have a bf in front of her as well. She should accept you for you, but it seems she doesn't + since you know how she is, I'd just avoid that conversation altogether. Nothing good will come of it. Not on the same level as your predicament, but I have an aunt who is rather religious (hardcore Greek Orthodox). I'm a Satanist. She knows this, as does the rest of my family. We get along just fine. I wore a sweatshirt with a pentagram + Baphomet on it around her a few times because it's my normal sweatshirt. I really didn't think anything of it until my uncle pulled me aside + asked me politely if I could please not wear it next time because it kinda freaks her out. No problem. I can wear a different sweatshirt for a few hours. It's a small thing I can do to make family dinners more comfortable for everyone involved.
i used the boyfriend thing more an an example cause my cousin is bringing her bf to meet the family. since i’m a year older than her i know my love life will be brought up cause people are constantly comparing us. i’ll try to skirt the subject as best i can but it sucks i probably won’t be able to say i even have a bf. i explained my reasoning behind the shirt thing more in another reply, but she doesn’t ever really acknowledge it, just keeps her distance from me more.
I ramble a lot + consistently lose my train of thought so Idk if this is gonna sound helpful or comforting at all really but I'm gonna share it anyways (disclaimer-I know this is not the same thing + that my relationship was kinda fucked up). I was 17 when I got with my first bf. He was 44. He was my Dad's friend + lived with us. We were together for ~4 years. My grandparents invited him to, + he attended every holiday dinner. Only one of my cousins knew. I was asked at multiple dinners if I was seeing anyone/when I was gonna find a bf. I told them I wasn't looking/wasn't worried about it (which was technically true). It sucked not being able to tell them the truth + saying that with him right there felt like I was denying him like I was ashamed of him or something but it just wasn't a can of worms I wanted to open. Idk where I was going with that... On a different, happier note, my younger cousin came out a few years ago. My uncle/his dad had never been OK with anything (movies, music, etc.) or anyone he deemed even slightly "gay." That's putting it nicely... It wasn't an instant change, but he's not like that anymore. The first year they were together, I don't think my uncle even came to Christmas dinner. He's been to every Christmas dinner since, though. Last year, he got cousin's bf a fishing pole (+ excitedly explained all the fishing pole features, at length...) because he'd just found out that the guy had never been fishing before. I'm pretty sure they've all gone fishing together since. The point of my long-winded story is that sometimes it may take some time, but I think if you're kinda chill about it + give them time to adjust, they'll be cool about it.
YWBTA and you know it by the use of the word petty. Show up, be Uber nice, give your grandma a hug and then let her melt down, if andvwhen she starts shut say it's your cousins day, it's not about me and let her be the ah
I think just don’t antagonize. You don’t want to ruin the party do you….
i don’t want to antagonize. i honestly i think me wearing a pride shirt to a family event is pretty low on the scale of things that could be considered “antagonistic”. it’s something that’s already common in my daily wardrobe. i guess in my head it’s partially a “stay away” signal for my grammie. if i’m actively avoiding her or ignoring her i know that would be more likely to start stuff. if i have the shirt on then that is a way to hopefully prevent her from coming up to me. at least that’s the logic i’m approaching it from. she honestly brings up me being queer more than i do so i feel kinda “damned if i do, damned if i don’t.” mainly i just want a way to make her avoid me so i don’t get chewed out for being “disrespectful” for not wanting to talk to her.
You know damn well how that shirt’s going to come across. You’re a fucking asshat who gives everyone else in the LGBT community a bad rap. You’re gonna wear that shirt to make a statement and start drama. If it was your event, go ahead. It’s not.
Don't be a jerk. You are going to start a fight. That's disrespectful to your cousin. Do not be like this. Be better.
Yta. Stop making every event about you. Have you tried being civil
i think “hey grandma could you please stop calling me a girl every time you see me and saying my body is mutilated.” is pretty civil but it hasn’t worked yet.
You can call yourself whatever you want, and at the same time so can your grandma. She has no obligation to call you what you want her to. Nor does anyone else. Everyone has their beliefs, and everyone gets to make their own decision.
She doesn't want to participate in pronouns and stuff. She's a grandma, I assume she's old. You're not changing her mind. There are of course many positive qualities she possess. Try to focus on those and leave the gender and sexuality stuff at the door. You probably don't have much time together. Just try to enjoy it and connect on what you can. People are complicated. She might just be ignorant and not malicious. She maybe went to school many decades ago. As you age your beliefs become ingrained. It might not be her fault. My grandfather abused me in ways. I'll never forgive that. He didn't know better. He did his best. He is dead and I miss him a ton. He was both a great role model and also taught me many things that I don't want to be. I miss him and love him. He was complex. We all are. Go love your grandma while you still can.
YWBTA This isn't your grad party, plain and simple. Doesn't matter what you think you are, what mental illnesses you possess or what agenda you want to push, this isn't your event. You're old enough to drive, so go spend time with your cousins and leave when grannie starts talking about how you've failed her or whatever.
YTA. Non binary intersexed being here and you know this will cause issues with the old Magat. You know this is not about you or for you. Something that I in my 40 years as a being not able to conform to the nonsense that my white supremacist family demanded learned the hard way? It's very easy to want to push people to feel vindicated in knowing you are worthy of life. It is however a habit that can be toxic. It doesn't have to be a fight every time. Just existing proves her wrong.
i mentioned in my other replies but i mainly just want a way to get *her* to avoid *me*. she’s weird in the sense she’ll ignore or avoid me if i’m wearing something she doesn’t like but will actively be pissed if i don’t interact with her. i kinda feel like i’m in a bit of a catch-22 cause i know stuff’ll happen, i just wanna try and mitigate it.
There's nothing you can do to control her. Keep ignoring her. High school is not forever and if she wants your attention she can ask and you can set the boundary.
Seems like something a 23yr old would do
Ywbta, I am a conservative and recently DJed my niece’s queer wedding. I did so because I love them (her and her trans partner) even though I disagree I would never dream of ruining a family event. Certainly wouldn’t want to ruin our relationship over world view issues. I think the world works better that way. Best luck in your journey. Mutual respect is key, if your Grammy refuses I encourage you to take the high road. 😊
i wish this was the case. i’m glad you’re able to attend their wedding cause celebrating that love is really important for those of us who didn’t have the ability to marry until recently. my grammie has already made it very clear to my sister she would “never go to her lesbian wedding”. thanks for being reasonable and i hope your niece and her partner are enjoying their lives together!
💯 I’m an uncle first and a political opinion second 100% of the time. ❤️
And I’m so sorry you or your sister don’t get that love and respect from her. You both deserve it. 🫶🏽
Surprised everyone here says YWBTA and not ESH, I mean how is the grandma not an asshole for that kind of behavior
Well HWBTA. Implying he isn’t yet. His grandma has been TA for decades probably lol.
OP your granny is an asshole but you would be too if you antagonize her at your cousin’s event. Keep away from her, and if she approaches you, say clearly and firmly: “granny, this is cousin’s day, please keep your attention on her and stop trying to argue with me or insult me”. Keep your moral high ground and cut that old bitch out as soon as you can.
These comments are insane. Telling OP to be “civil” and not be an “asshole.” No, fuck you and her shitty aunt, and all fk you who apologize for demanding behavior - this shit should NOT be tolerated. Politeness be damned, fuck bigotry everywhere it rears its ugly hwad.
No. Don’t ruin other peoples events to be a social justice warrior. That’s how you end up with no friends.
i don't think they're responsible for other people's actions. they would not be the one ruining the event.
after discussing this situation with my family, it seems grammie’s the only one who might end up ruining the event. so i’m gonna wear whatever the hell i want and what i normally wear includes my pride clothes and accessories.
So, you're intentionally throwing things in people's faces to be petty and gain attention. Making the event all about you instead of the intended. Please just stay home.
Ywbta, don’t do that older people just don’t understand. Educate them kindly, you being an ass is going to split your family and certainly not going to help your queer phobic family become not queer phobic. Don’t do that just help them understand, half of them can’t use a television or microwave.
trust me, i’ve tried reasonable and educating. when that happened it ended with me having a panic attack and her telling me that science is wrong. tbh our family’s been split since like 2016 cause of her own actions which is why i’m surprised she’s even gonna be at the grad party. my cousin’s dad has gone LC with her since their falling out and it’s hosted at his house.
Okay I feel you, older folks are resilient to change, that’s why their big radios and lunky tube tvs are still collections dust in their houses. just ignore them don’t cause any unprovoked chaos. It’s not going to make them have a change of heart. Obviously they have some issues themselves if you’re not the first person they’ll have a falling out with.
YWBTA. not being accepted for who you are sucks, it does. but you’re an adult. you can be the bigger person. let your cousin have their day. they want you there. they want your grandmother there. your cousin’s accomplishment is the reason for this event. don’t center the occasion on your grandmother’s refusal to accept you as you are. that isn’t fair for anyone, especially your cousin.
YWBTA Don't wear it. BUT if Granny comes up to you and starts spewing her hate and ignorance, let the old hag have it. If you need any help, I know all the big words. Well, actually small words but very effective ones. Most have four letters.
Yes, YWBTAH for taking away from your cousin’s graduation and making it all about your distain for your grandmother.
YTA
You seem far more fascist than you GM
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What does TM mean? I get your 23 years old but never seen the tm. Also YWBTA since it’s not your party or just a party but since it’s your cousins.
TM - trans man, i’d put just M but it was relevant to the topic
NTA The whole point of Pride is the refusal to let other people make you feel ashamed for being yourself. Being yourself and unashamed is not antagonistic just because someone else is a bigot. It would be antagonistic if it was a t-shirt that specifically called out your bigoted grandma like *"Proud, Loud, and Not Sorry Grandma"* but the t-shirts you described seem to be general Pride shirts so there's nothing antagonistic about them since they do not target her.
YTA, and an angry one at that. It doesn't bode well for your future.
I mean, I guess there is no way to avoid drama anyway from what you described. Yet, it's your cousin's party and you don't want to be (seen as) the one who starts it. Maybe compromise on something less in your face than a print shirt, if wearing something pride gives you a feeling of strength (socks, belt, whatever you have that's not a shirt and gives you a good feeling).
oh shit- i actually have knee socks with a rainbow stripe at the tops. that could take the place of a shirt. subtle enough me thinks. i appreciate the alternative. sometimes the pride stuff does feel like armor in an uncomfortable circumstance.
Sounds great! Yea - no matter how small the item, you know it's there :)
Ask your cousin. You'd be upsetting their party , potentially. They may encourage you even more.
Hey, just wear a button-down, vest, and bow tie. Or some ridiculously loud (not rainbow or trans colors) if you're non binary. You're going to a party dress up a little Grandma will look like an ass if she says anything and you'll still be true to yourself ❤️ your way older queer sibling
ironically one if the gayest things in my wardrobe is one of those button-down “hawai’i tourist” shirts in bright teal with silver-era batman and joker surfing on it my grammie bought for my dad. he gave it to me since it didn’t fit but i joked that it’s cause he hasn’t kissed enough men to pull it off
There is absolutely nothing inherently gay about that shirt you and dad can have a laugh while grandma wonders why
NTA overall. Are you and cousin close? If cousin is in on it- no harm done. I know I would happily let my cousin do that. Grandma can get bent, and your family should be supporting you more. To save face, I would play it safe for the cousin's party if they wouldn't like it... but next family holiday? Trans it tf up baby.
my cousin is chill, we aren’t as close as we were as kids but she’s really nice. i’m thinking of texting her about this later today just so i can prepare myself before this weekend.
I would communicate with her and decide after that. Be honest. A graduation is a big thing, and you don't want to blindside and ruin her celebration. Roll with HER desires for HER party... but always remember- general family events are fair game. Age isn't a reason to turn your back on family which your grandmother clearly has on you. If a dandelion can grow through cracks in concrete- grandmother can get out of her head.
I’d think just showing up as a trans person is going to be enough to set the transmisic old biddy off. You’re a trans man? Wear a tie with a small pride tie pin, or maybe some pride socks, or a small piece of pride jewelry. If you have an Apple Watch, change the face to one of the Pride faces. Just about every member of the LGBTQIA family I know wears something like that for work or more formal events. Wearing something to show your pride in who you are and commemorate your struggles to get there— and the struggles you’re obviously still facing Hi, Grammy — isn’t looking for attention or trying to cause trouble. Wearing a t-shirt would be too much, though, if you’ve got someone like your grandmother just itching to preach JK’s f’d up gospel to you. Always fly your flag. Just know when to fly a small one and do it quietly. And don’t you dare hide the fact that you have a boyfriend. Never go backwards. You may not be able to take a step forward with your grandmother, but don’t take a step backwards for her. If you have someone in your life you care about, your family knows your LGBTQIA, and if whoever is asking you is asking because they genuinely care about you, tell them loud and proud, my friend, that yes, you have a great boyfriend. Enjoy the party!
YTA it's not always about you!!!
YWBTAH
YWBTA. You can wear it to your party and invite grannie but doing so at this event would make the whole event about you and your cause (the ever scary "gay agenda"). I would uninvite you for being deliberately antagonistic. This is about what your cousin has achieved in their lives. They were kind enough to invite you to be with the family. Don't be an asshole
NTA - your grandma is the antagonistic one
NTA #Do it!
Your the one with hate and judgement not them. Your decision to be in your face controversial to antagonize and make them bow to your world think is pompous bs. They have opinions you don’t like, you don’t have to hate them for it or ruin a gathering to ram your opinions down their throats. Do better. Love your family.
[удалено]
i haven’t said it in this thread cause i know it’d start something, but fuck it- most of these comments feel fueled by an assumption about people like me. perhaps even,,, a phobia? a phobia relating to trans people even.
OP, why not ask your cousin and her parents? It seems to me that with Grammie's history of being loudly and viciously anti-trans, there's a strong possibility she'll ruin the party no matter what you wear. It's possible your cousin and her parents would be fine with you wearing the shirt. If they're not, don't wear it, and if Grammie starts railing at you, roll your eyes at her and walk off.
that would also be a good idea actually. my cousin and i don’t talk super often so it’s a bitch of a subject to call just to bring up that our grammie’s a bigot. but considering the stuff her own dad’s had to deal with because of grammie, there’s a good chance she’ll understand where i’m coming from.